The Resilient Mind - The Power of Being Present - Mel Robbins

Episode Date: August 10, 2025

Mel Robbins is an accomplished author, motivational speaker, former lawyer, and one of the most sought-after self-help experts in America. Her TEDx talk, "How to Stop Yourself Over," has been viewed over 25 million times and has helped millions of people around the world change their lives for the better.Take action and strengthen your mind with The Resilient Mind Journal. Get your free digital copy today: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download Now⁠⁠Special thanks to Lewis Howes, subscribe to his channel here: https://www.youtube.com/c/lewishowes. Watch the full interview on Lewis's page: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvG7guqqa9M Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Resilient Mind podcast. In this episode, you will be listening to The Power of Being Present with Mel Robbins. Get access to the Resilient Mind Journal by clicking the link in the show notes. Enjoy. You stressed yourself out when you focus on things that are outside your control. Victor Frankl's Man Search for Meaning, Stoicism, Buddhism, the Serenity Prayer. You know, as you start to use this in your life, you probably remember things your grandparents said to you or things that your parents said around the kitchen table

or that you heard at a sermon or at synagogue. And so it's sort of powerful because it's not, it's reminding you of something you already know. And so as this started to take off and resonate, and I'm realizing this is one of those moments. I have missed out on so much of my life because I was anxious or afraid or felt like I was undeserving. I was not able to be present and allow it in.

That I was like, I am not missing this. And so I asked somebody for some advice, and they gave me this kind of visual where they said, I want you to just imagine that you're on a plane, and the plane is moving 500 miles an hour at velocity, and you're gonna feel like this at times in your life. And what's weird about these moments

is that there's this sense of acceleration, but there's also this real slowing down if you can allow yourself to be present. Like if you've ever been present for a time, child being born, if you've ever stood at the end of a Nile as your partner is about to walk in. It's a moment. It's a moment. And so I have just visualized myself kind of in an airplane that's moving 500 miles an hour,

but my job is to sit in the seat and to have my water for something a little harder and look out the window and occasionally. Check out the view. Enjoy the view. Yes. And I think that it's a useful thing because I've also, in the middle of this, you know, things are going on in life and things are going on, you know, with my kids and with my husband. And everything's not perfect.

But I've even noticed that when stuff feels like it's flying sideways, just having this meditation to say, okay, my life can feel like it's moving super fast. but if I just take a breath and remind myself that I don't need to get caught up in this, I can really just stay present in the moment, and that's what's helped me to kind of allow it in and also just realize it's just so much bigger than me. Like this is tapped into something. Like I think there are times in life where there's a lot of negativity, whether it's in your relationship or your family or your community or the world at large.

and if you pay attention, there are corresponding positive messages. And I feel that right now in particular, I mean, you all showed up. What night is it tonight? Is it a Monday? I think it's Monday. Oh, my God, on a Monday night. Tuesday night, I don't know. See, I'm not that present.

A Tuesday night to be at an inspiring event, because you're the kind of person that wants to grow and learn and surround yourself with other people who do. that is a big deal. Like there are millions of people 20 miles from here, millions and millions, but you chose to be here. That says something about you. And so I also feel that, you know, in moments where things feel overwhelming in life, that being somebody that is putting something positive out and showing up for people is more important than ever. And you're doing that by being here, and you're doing that by what you do.

And so I think kind of you receive, you're able to receive it if you're present and if you realize it's almost never about you. But how did you really emotionally prepare yourself for what was really to come? I don't think you do. I really don't. No, I'll tell you why, because that question presumes that I, like, somehow was self-aware enough in the middle of the stuff that you're doing to actually think that I need to prepare. myself for something else. Now, it's going to sound like I'm contradicting myself. So you knew this was going to be big, though. You had a, there was like an energy before law. Let's go. Like, so if you go back in time, right, like one of my favorite things to do,

because personally, I personally believe, whether we're talking business or you're talking building a social media following, or you're talking any kind of art that you want to take off, any kind of money you want to make, I literally believe, Lewis, that success is a matter. of not quitting. Like, that's what it comes down to. It really does. And, you know, more than anything else, like, I just was, like, a tenacious person. I'm just like, I'm not going to stop here. And there were so many things that I did not do well. Not at all. I mean, like, in terms of, like, just the talk show that literally got canceled because it sucked. Oh, my God, I love you. Thank you for you for being there.

I'll blame the fact that it was canceled on me and not on you, okay? Here's the thing. It didn't suck, though. I mean, how many episodes did you do? Well, we taped like 174. So it can't suck if you do 174 episodes. That's true, but they were airing it. Well, it can really stay.

But also, there was COVID, right? It stopped because of COVID. Here's the thing, you're discounting yourself, though. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to stop Mel for a second because you're discounting yourself. No, you got to look at the ratings. People were not watching. And when they don't watch, you don't make money.

And then they can't show. Just because people don't watch doesn't mean it sucks. Okay, now, so hold on. Let's build on this, right? So here's the thing that I developed out of survival. So there are the things that you do out of survival that turn out to be brilliant. And when I was creating some of the things that I'm about to share with you, they were not because I was brilliant. It was because I was trying to keep myself going, especially in times when I was.

needed to pay bills and I needed to get out of debt. And so whenever I felt like quitting, I would literally have a pep talk with myself. And I would say, this is not how my story is going to end. I just refused to believe that. And I refuse to believe that this is how it ends. And so I would say those kinds of things to myself, even though I felt like this is the end. And I just made the stupidest decision I could have ever made or I just lost more money or that didn't work out, just another twist.

And so that's one thing that I would do. The second thing that I would do, Lewis, is there's this thing that I do with time traveling, where I go to the past and I go to the future. So it's easy in this moment. I don't know where you are in your business. I don't know where you are in your career or your life. But it is easy to sit in this moment and to look backwards and to make sense of all of the twists and turns that have happened to you, right? And to say to yourself, okay, I can see the lessons. I can see how I grew. I can see how that made me stronger. It is a very important skill to take that ability of making sense of the past and actually project it forward. And this is how you develop faith in yourself and your capable of. And your capability.

ability to see yourself through the twists and turns that life is going to demand of you. And so as you sit in this moment, the skill to develop from this point forward is to look ahead and tell yourself that I have faith that this moment too, just like every moment I can see in the past, is but a brick on the path of my life that is leading me towards something I cannot see yet. And I have faith that whatever this experience is delivering, no matter how much it blows, no matter how painful it is, no matter how much I don't deserve this, that this too will be part of the thing that gets me to something even greater. And that is how I built what you're talking about, but never in a million years.

Like I am, I have big aspirations and goals, just like everybody here. That's why you're here on a Tuesday night. Right? You're investing in yourself. You're learning. You're surrounding yourself with incredible people that want to do the same. And so even though I had amazing goals, like this is completely just blown apart what I ever thought was possible for myself. It's crazy.

In a good way. It's amazing. Completely shocked and humbled by it all. Yep. 19 miles 2008 $800,000 in debt My husband had restaurants in the Boston area So how do you build belief after having big financial failures

How do you continue to show up again and again And not to say I am a failure Not this was a failure Right Everybody hates this answer Yeah Because it's not a pill No it's serious and it's not like a quick fix

and it's not one thing. Like, I literally will tell you what changed my life was getting out of bed when I didn't feel like it. And the reason why that's important and it's the same thing that you talk about and nobody wants to hear, I don't even want to hear this.

Is that there is a skill in life that I didn't learn until I was 41 years old and I was about to lose everything and the skill is can you do the things you need to do when you don't feel like to do it? It's that simple. everything that you want to create in business and in life

is possible through action and patience. That's it. And if you only did the things you don't feel like doing, you would have everything you wanted. It's true. Being a champion is not a sexy life. No. Being an athlete from the sports world,

even the greatest athletes in the world, they live a very boring life because they get up and they do ground homes day over and over. They get up at 5 a.m. when they don't want to wake up, They eat whatever, the same food every morning. They go to the gym the same way, and they just do the same repetition, win or lose. Until they get to what they want. It's not sexy.

It's boring. Actually, it's grueling. It's boring. It's the reason why it's a game of not quitting. Because you've got to be willing to do all of the things you don't want to do. You've got to be willing to do all of the stuff that's boring and grueling on the days no one's watching. nobody cares, nobody's there to help you, is just you against you.

And that's why I'm going to go back and say, if you can't haul your house out of bed on those mornings on time, when you don't feel like it, you're not going to achieve your goals. Because you're not going to make the cold call that you need to because you're not going to feel like it. You're not going to say no to a deal that's a bad deal for you because you feel like you need it.

Like you're going to get your emotions all jacked up and they're going to run you over. And so when I say, how did I build belief in myself? I did it the only way I know how. It's in proving that I believed in myself and that I could keep my word to myself no matter how I felt.

And that begins every morning when the alarm rings. It's a daily battle. Like even though I invented this thing, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 to get you out of bed, I still have to use it. Like, I think it's a mistake. Like, every time you and I interview an expert that studies habits and they say,

well, it's 21 days or it's 63 days I'm like baloney. That's only if you like it. Because there are things that have never become a habit for me, Lewis. Like, I hate unloading the dishwasher. I have to force myself to do it. I hate folding laundry. I have to force myself to do it.

There are going to be things in your life that you always hate doing. Do it anyway. And get over yourself. Because that's actually what's standing in the way of what you want. You know, it's easy to look at, Lewis or me and be like, oh, well, it's so easy. And that, nah. Are you, it's boring. You get up at 5.30 in the morning.

You go to the gym. I got her to the studio. We had her first meeting at 7.40. Where's Cameron? Is Cameron still here? Cameron. There she is. One of our senior producers right there for the Mel Robbins podcast. Cameron was there. 745.

She'll tell you I'm just as cranky at that point. You're like running this thing. I was there until 8.30 tonight. We'll be back up tomorrow at 540 in the morning. Like, this is what it looks. looks like. And so for me, how you believe in yourself is that if you can get out of bed enough days in a row, and all you need, in my opinion, is 70%. I'll even give you 60%. If you can get 51%, like let's shoot low, everybody. If you can get out of bed more days than not, when you don't feel like it, you're proving to yourself that you can rely on yourself

to be bigger than the emotions in the moment. And that's what you need in life to keep going. And so it didn't come overnight. It came over time. And there are plenty of times where you're not going to believe in yourself. And that's when I use those tools that I shared, which are saying, like, I refuse to believe that things end here. And then that's when I remind myself everything

that has been really awful or good or anything has led me here, which means this awful thing, is actually going to leave me there. And, you know, the other thing that I have recently started to think a lot about, I really feel like there are only two things that hold people back. And I'm not talking about the big external factors, because there are very real factors. that limit what's possible for you to achieve in a day.

And I think it's very important to say that. Like, the amount that I can get done in a 24-hour window today is very different than what I could get done 14 years ago when I have three kids who are home, and I can't pay my bills, and I have no help. And so don't be beating yourself up when you see that quote, like, yeah, everybody's got the same 24 hours. No, we don't.

That is a lie. but you can do a lot with the time that you have. And one of the things, though, that I think I've come to believe is that there's only two things that are actually stopping you from getting the results that you want over time. And what keeps people, I think, from really achieving what you're capable of are two things. The first one is discouragement.

I think this is the single biggest obstacle. Discouraging yourself? Yeah, just pure discouragement because, you know, let's just, like, admit to ourselves. We live in this crazy, amazing moment of time where you could never, ever, ever say with a straight face or use an excuse, I don't know how. Go to chat, GTP. Go to Google. No, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.

Literally, go to chat GTP and say, act like the world's best life coach or business consultant. Here's the thing I want to create. Give me a 60-day plan. Tell me what to do every day for. 15 minutes that will actually create that. Your jaw will hit the floor. And we literally had this thing happen with our

podcast where we were having trouble with upload speeds in terms of getting files thing. And the team's been working on it, working out, and I finally said, will you just put our equipment in chat GTP and ask it how to solve this? Honest to God, you guys. 30 seconds later. Done.

I've been struggling with this for a year. So, here's the thing, though. information only makes you smart it doesn't make you do it and so you can be holding the answering your hand you can read lewis's book which is fantastic and you can learn everything that you need to know in terms of the blueprint but if you are discouraged you won't do it because you will believe it's not going to work for you so how do we overcome discouragement that's a great question i don't No. But that's the first thing.

So there's two things. Discouragement. And what do you think are some ways that can help us get out of that? Obviously, your method, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 gets you moving. Right. But even if you're moving, you could still be doubting or discouraging yourself. Yes. Yes.

Well, so the thing about using 5, 4, 3,21, to push through is I felt so discouraged. That's why I wasn't getting out of bed back then. Because I believe there was nothing I could do to get out. to get out of the financial mess that we were in. I believed that getting out of bed or looking for a job or laying off the drinking or not screaming at my husband, why would I do it? Like, it's not going to work.

It's not going to matter. And if you can get, if you get yourself in that rut, it's not going to matter, then why would you do it? And so the interesting thing about that moment in time is that I don't know that anybody could have necessarily gotten through to me because I was so convinced. And you know how you can get so right about how stuck you are? Yeah, very righteous. Yes, yeah.

It's kind of a way to stay in control as weird as that is. And so I believe that the best way, for me anyway, was simply that countdown thing, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, move. and what happened for me is that the action started to prove that there were little things that didn't fix the big problems but they at least shifted a small thing in me and again it doesn't change overnight it changes over time so that's one thing I think the other thing that's really important honestly and you're actually already doing it which is pay attention to input

if you feel discouraged in your life listening to Lewis being here on a Tuesday night where you know you know he's not going to come here and be like you're all are losers and you never going to achieve your stuff and this book is not for you because you're going to be broke no you knew you were going to get encouragement and so seeking it out is a really important thing to do when you recognize you can't do it for yourself and so you can't catch that you can't that from other people and you're doing that and so I think those are two things and then there's another exercise that I love that I typically do around happiness but I think you could do this in your life right now take out a piece of paper this was something that that I just stumbled

upon with my daughter I'm not sure I've told you this story not sure I don't know okay we'll see we'll see we'll see we share a lot so I don't know our daughter after college graduated completely just depressed. Which one? Sawyer. Okay. The one that I wrote the book with. Yeah, okay.

So she graduates from college, completely depressed. Why was she depressed? Oh my God, because COVID had blown up two years of college. You know, and when you're all disappointed because you feel like you missed out on graduation and you missed out on senior year and you missed out on this and she had put on weight and she had been drinking too much and all of a sudden the friends have scattered and she is home and she's going to a job in cybersecurity, which she was not excited about. And so she's just, like, bummed.

Yeah. And so she had this breakdown. She was crying like crazy. And when she was finally done crying, we sat down and I said, here's what I, I said, well, what do you think is going to make you happen? She's like, I don't know. I don't know what's going to make me happen. And I'm like, okay, here's the thing, hon, I think you do.

Take out a piece of paper. And you can do this at any moment in your life. It's the greatest exercise. Draw a line down the center. I want you to now think about a moment in your life where you just felt happier. You don't even be like, this is the happiest moment. When were you happier? When did you feel a little bit better?

And the first thing that popped out of her mouth was senior year in high school. And first thought of mine was, well, that's kind of sad because that was like four years ago. But okay. Didn't say that. Because you don't want to hit somebody on the first. down. So I said, great, I want you to describe a day in the life. What time did you get up? What did you eat for breakfast? What did you do during the day? Who did you see? What did you do after? And she said, I, you know, got up at 6.30. I ate breakfast. I went off to school. I was with my

friends all day. You know, we then hung out because we had lacrosse practice. I was dating somebody. You know, I would party on the weekends. I was looking forward to going to college. I'm like, great, okay, that looks like I can see why you felt better. All right, let's describe your life now. Sleep till one. I wake up hungover. I don't know what to do all day. I feel terrible. I'm out of shape. I'm not exercise. I don't see my friends. I'm not looking forward to everything. I'm like, okay, compare. Your life provides a map to the things that actually make you feel good. You just forgot. And so if you do that exercise, what you are going to see is a roadmap for what you have done at times in your life that actually make you feel like you and make you like lift you up. And I don't remember who said this.

It might have been you. I once heard somebody say that if you ever feel stuck and you don't know what to do, the single most important project to take on is yourself. and taking on improving yourself, whether that's your health, or whether that's learning something new, or whether that's finally facing your finances, or whether that's to claw back more time on the weekends and take on a project that you've been pushing aside, whether it's launching your YouTube channel

or figuring out affiliate marketing or starting a podcast or getting your real estate license or going back to school. when you take on yourself as a project, you now create a sense of direction that gives your life meaning. And that's always going to lift you up. Thank you for tuning in. Continue strengthening your mind by listening to our other episodes.