The Resilient Mind - The Speech Therapist Who Lost Her Voice - Vanessa Abraham

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

Watch the full video interview on the new Resilient Mind YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/BhLuRMBbNN8From a thriving speech pathologist to a patient in the ICU, unable to speak or move this is the powerful story of Vanessa Abraham.In this episode of The Resilient Mind, we're joined by Vanessa Abraham, a licensed speech language pathologist who experienced a sudden, life-altering illness that left her paralyzed and fighting for her life. In a cruel twist of irony, the very tools she had created to help her patients communicate became her only lifeline.Take action and strengthen your mind with The Resilient Mind Journal. Get your free digital copy today: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/Download_Journal Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Resilient Mind Podcast. In this episode, you'll be listening to the speech therapist who lost her voice with Vanessa Abraham. This episode is also available in video. Watch it on YouTube by clicking the link in the show notes. Enjoy. I went from this healthy thriving speech pathologist to waking up the next day feeling like I had a really bad flu. Vanessa Abraham is a licensed speech language pathologist, mother, and the founder of

of a new healing therapy. But what makes a story unforgettable is the journey that bought her here. I woke up in the ICU, unable to communicate. All I could do was move my eyes. Talking about acceptance, it sounds like also there's that idea about being aware of your thoughts.

A level of anxiety and depression that I have never experienced in her entire life. I was also too, said I was not able to eat. Some of us, we can't sleep, we have insomnia, we wake up with flashbacks. We are a product of what we went through. Was that always easy for you to ask for help?

Prayer? No, there was a huge grieving process that we go through. And tears flowing down my eyes. If you could go back to the woman you were like in the ICU room or before the ICU, what would you whisper? Welcome back to another powerful episode of the resilient mind, the podcast where we explore the strength of the human spirit, the art of inner resilience, and the journey to reclaiming our personal.

power. Today's guest is someone whose story is a true testament to what it means to not just survive adversity, but to rise, rebuild and reclaim life in a whole new way. Vanessa Abraham is a licensed speech-language pathologist, mother, and the founder of a new healing therapy. But what makes a story unforgettable is the journey that bought her here. After a sudden and mysterious illness landed in the ICU, rubbing her of her voice and nearly her life. Vanessa fought her way back, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Her memoir, speechless, captures that raw and remarkable transformation. And today she's here to share that story with us.

Vanessa, I'm so honored to have you here. Thank you for being here. Oh, thank you for allowing me to be here to share my story with all of your listeners. I am excited to dive in. So are we. So take us back. to the moment where your life shifted. Were you, like, getting a little bit sick?

Was it out of the blue? How was it before you landed in the ICU? So I like to call it the line in the sand moment for me where my life shifted. I was a busy working mom, just living my life to its fullest. I was healthy, thriving, and just had some stressful period of time at work. went to a conference, a lot of just very stressful meetings going on at the time. And I just looked at my family and I said, you know what, let's go camping. Let's get out of town. Let's just get away. And that is literally the line in the sand moment for me where I went from this healthy thriving speech

pathologist to waking up the next day feeling like I had a really bad flu. A little did I know that this flu like symptoms was actually a virus paralyzing migraine center in spinal cord, which within a week's time, I was in the ICU, unable to move my body, hold my head up. At that point, I was on a ventilator, and they were running a lot of tests. I mean, not really sure what was going on. So it was a matter of, like, overnight waking up, not feeling good. And then within a week's time, I transformed into this entire new chapter of my life. It was terrifying.

And so abrupt. And as a speech, but therapist and your job, is to help people communicate, how was it suddenly losing your own ability to speak? That was transformative to me. I woke up in the ICU, and I talk about this heavily in my book Speechless, because I woke up in the ICU unable to communicate. And my husband at that time, all he knew to do was to reach out to my team of speech pathologists that I work with. And he looked at them and just said, she can't talk. I don't know what's wrong with her. I don't know what she's feeling and my team that I work with came to my husband's rescue and brought him an eye gaze device.

The thing that is ironic about the eye gaze device that they brought for me was it was one that I had made for someone else. So for me to wake up in the ICU, unable to move, unable to talk, and my husband is holding in front of him a device that I made with the intention of using on someone else, it was actually being used on me to track my eye gaze movement. This device, you know, like I said, I would look at a word and that's the only way I was able to communicate because I couldn't use my fingers to type. I couldn't point to anything like a word that said pain or, you know, help or anything. I couldn't move. All I could do was move my eyes. So as a speech pathologist, that brought on a level of anxiety and depression that I have never experienced in my entire life.

And as a speech pathologist, too, I was able to then realize what my clients, my patients, go through in terms of losing their ability to communicate. I was also too fed. I was not able to eat. So that's another thing speech pathologists work on. So I experienced it all. Eventually, as I was able to move my fingers again, I was at least able to type and point to letters, point to pictures, to communicate my wants and needs, advocate for myself.

but that was a period of about a month's time where I was completely unable to communicate with anything other than my eyes to the point of being able to at least point to pictures. There was a point two that I finally thought, hey, this is 2019. We have better communication styles out there. We have better technology. Give me my phone. I can download a text to speech app. So I were able to finally get that, and that was progress.

And then that final piece was when I was on a ventilator. and I had a tracheaustomy, they gave me this thing called a passy mirror valve, which redirects the airflow and allows me to vocalize. So I was able to eventually, with a lot of effort, a lot of work, communicate verbally. But as a speech pathologist, when I went to grad school, there was no way I ever thought that these skills that I'm learning in school are going to be skills that I'm going to be meeting as a patient in the bed. Wow. And how long was that all process? And I think like probably thinking about when you went into the ICU to when you're able to be discharged.

How long was that period for? So I was in the ICU for approximately a month. I'll never forget the staff at the ICU telling me, you know, a long term stay in the ICU is like four or five days. Wow. And I remember laying there thinking, whoa, I know I've been here longer than four or five days. Wow, I must be in really bad shape. So I was in the ICU a month. Actually, I take that back. I was in two different ICU. I was in the ICU here locally where I live for about two days, three days. And then they got to the point that they were running so many tests that they just didn't know what was going on.

So they thought, you know what, you need to be sent to another ICU where they can run further tests. So I was taking an ambulance to another ICU about two and a half hours away where I was there about a month. So, you know, after both ICU, it's a little over a month probably. And then I went to a rehabilitation and an LTAQ, long-term acute care for two weeks. And then I came back home to another rehabilitation where you have, sorry, rehabilitation facility where I worked on just swallowing exercises again, you know, trying to learn to move my body again, trying to just do simple tons like shower and get to the toilet by myself. I wasn't eating at the time, but I was doing a lot of swallowing exercises. is just trying to strengthen the muscles for swallowing. So all in all, two months approximately within the hospital setting.

And typical when people think about someone who's been in the ICU and who has recovered, they think that the hardest part is over. They are okay. But there is, and you have spoken about the psychological war that comes after them, how that experience might alter you. Can you tell us a little bit more about that? Oh, I would love to you. this is such a passionate conversation I have because, yeah, a lot of people say, Vanessa,

wow, you survive. Good job. You did it. The worst is over. You can move again. You can, you know, eventually I was, my peg tube was removed. You can swallow again. You can eat again.

You can drive again. You can work again. But that is not the case. ICU survivors and me in particular, there was a huge grieving process that we go through. I walked into, I didn't even walk into the ICU. The week before I got sick, I was a thriving mall. I was able to walk and drive and eat and advocate for myself and cook a meal and shower. And then, like I said, a week's time, I was unable to do all of that.

So there's a huge grieving process that we go through. The depression sets in of, okay, now I'm out of the ICU, but I've got all of these follow-up appointments that I need to go to. And each follow-up appointment brings back a lot of the trauma as you have to relive the story with each new doctor. Each new doctor asks questions and it's producing a whole lot of anxiety and worry. Trying to fit back in into this world as a person with a disability is very difficult. I remember when I came home from rehab and my husband put me in the car to go to Target because I wasn't driving at the time. But I remember walking through Target holding on to the shopping

parks, I was afraid that someone would bump into me or push me over. And I remember just thinking, I don't sit into this world anymore. I am a different person now. I am a person with a complex neurological disability. I don't belong here. Also, everybody else's life goes back to normal. You know, people go back to work. They go back to life. They go back to being working moms or, you know, whatever. And there's Vanessa still laying in bed, unable to drive, unable to eat, calling people trying to ask for rides. It's this massive transformation that we go through, which leads to profound depression, profound anxiety, flashbacks, PTSD. And that brings me to the conversation of post-intensive care syndrome picks. And that is something the world does not know about.

Like I said, we are grateful to be alive. Yes, I have this new vision on life and what to me is important. and I have a whole new perspective on life. But I wrote in three ambulances. For me to go down the street and see an ambulance on the side of the street or an ambulance driving down the street with sirens building, I have to make a quick detour. I can't see that. I can't look at it.

I can't relive that. Going to doctor's appointments and reliving all of those stories and telling the doctor, okay, this is what I have. This is what I'm experiencing. Brings up all that trauma again. And this is just something the word. world doesn't know about. We don't know the ICU survivors. We have brain fog. We're forgetful. The PTSD. And I don't even like to say PTSD because it's not a disorder. It's just PTSD.

We are a product of what we went through. Learning for me, learning how to swallow food again and not be afraid of eating, that's trauma. For me, learning to just go, oh, and vocalize again was extremely traumatic because I had at the time all of these secretive. coming up through my mouth, the doctors and nurses had to suction out of me just to go, ugh. And that trauma lives with me to this day. Some of us, we can't sleep. We have insomnia.

We wake up with flashbacks, panic attacks. People have difficult time going to dentist's appointments because of all the suction devices and the noises. And again, this is not being talked about. And that's what my job is now, is to get this out there. And I'm thinking, again, you graduated, you had SLP, you are successful, and then all of a suddenly that independence is lost. And I think a lot of people, when they're listening to this podcast, when they're going through their lives, they want to be successful, they want to be

independent. And probably part of that shift is that shift in identity from someone who's capable to someone who needs help. Was that always easy for you to ask for help prior to your experience? No, no, it's never easy. And it still to the stay is not easy. I want to prove to the world that I am healthy, vibrant, and normal and can do everything. And I can't. And that brings me to the conversation of just acceptance. I can't do all the things that I once did. But sadly, that also takes you down the path of depression and you've got to fight back. That's where you've got to make that mental shift of, okay, look, this is something that's depressing, a depressing thought for me. And I need to persevere, I need to get through this. And that's not always easy. Not easy at all.

And talking about acceptance, it sounds like also there's that idea about being aware of your thoughts of kind of what's going on in your mind as you're going through the, I'll use the word experience. I don't think it's the right word, but going through the experience. So what sort of tools helped you go through and survive or thrive through that experience? You know, there was, The biggest one for me was support groups, finding community, finding people that you resonate with that understand you. There are picked support groups. There's not a lot of them because this is such a new conversation that we're having in

the world right now. There's probably, I don't know, less than five is going to be my guess, which is really sad for the United States being as big and populated as it is. But that for me was the big one. And in terms of acceptance, I like to think of it as. you know, that post-traumatic, what's the term for it? Post-traumatic growth? There you go.

Post-traumatic growth. But I'm not so much as it is a resilience, because we don't just spring back, but we grow from our new selves, like Vanessa 2.0. Where am I going to take this now? And accepting that. And I'm not going to say it's been like super easy for me, but where am I going to take that? And for me, that was writing my book, speechless, talking about picks, helping other people not feel alone, helping them through this grieving process that they go through, and giving

them that sense of community that there's people out there like them that are going through this. No, you're not crazy. No, having flashbacks in the ICU is real. I woke up in the middle of night in the ICU, unable to talk, and I was scared. I was alone. The panic attacks were hitting me profusely and the anxiety was flowing and I needed medications to bring me down and I couldn't talk. I didn't have my call button. I was trying to find my call button to call the nurses what fell. I couldn't talk. I needed people. And that was so, so scary. So for me to have these conversations with people that have never been in the ICU, they just don't get. But for me, community ICU support groups where I can tell people these stories and these fears that I have in these slashbacks. So I don't feel like

I'm the crazy one. I'm not alone in my feelings. But that post-traumatic growth is, it's huge because now we are who we are and now we need to grow from that. And you mentioned the support groups. I can imagine that some people if there to go through that experience will not write a book, will not maybe seek out those support groups. What do you think makes, what made you shift to a more positive or empowered pathway as opposed to maybe allowing the depression and the anxiety to take over. My book wasn't easy to write. It took me five years. I'll be honest. For me, the big thing was I knew how alone I felt on my journey. And I wanted to give that to other people. I wanted my story as a speech pathologist that now knows both sides of the story. I know what it's like to be the clinician.

but now I have this other viewpoint on it. And I wanted to give other people that story, that hope, because it's a very dark, depressing place to live in and not a lot of people understand it. They don't understand what it's like to just completely lose yourself, lose your identity. So that was my big thing, is just forming community. And I'm still about that. I thought, you know, this book is not going to be easy to get out. It's going to take a lot of reliving the trauma and.

living through that. But I wanted the next person going through any ICU stay. And it doesn't have to be ICU, any medical journey that is scary. I want to let them to know that there is community out there. There is support. There are people out there that understand you that you can lean on at any hour of the day that love you and get you. It's beautiful. And so today, how are you doing today? You know, I still have a lot of weaknesses, a lot of, you know, neuromuscular, my lungs. Because of the nature of the virus that paralyzed me, it attacked a lot of the nerves used. Ironically, for voice and swallowing. So those are still my deficit areas.

As a speech pathologist, it's very frustrating. But mentally better, physically better. I'm obviously able to drive. I'm able to work. I'm able to do most of things that I once did. Yeah, it was some modifications here. here and there, but I am able to be there for my daughter. I'm able to work. I, you know, writing the book, I was able to do that. It took a while to get that out. But it's been an emotional

journey and I have learned a lot about myself. I've learned that I am a lot stronger than I ever imagined I was or have more internal strength than I ever imagined. I've learned a lot about myself and trauma and trauma-informed therapist. That's another thing is the conversation. The conversation of trauma and being a trauma-informed therapist is so heavily talked about today, but I don't believe that we are really the trauma-informed therapist that we should be when we're not aware of post-intensive care syndrome. I can't tell you how many people that I have interviewed, talked to, whether it's social workers, nurses, doctors, PTs, speech therapists, doctor-pational therapist, you name it. I say, do you know what PIX is? And they say, no. You know, once in a

Blue Moon, somebody will say, oh, yeah, I've heard of that. Tell me more. But they don't really. So it frustrates me, but that's my mission now is to hopefully get this conversation going around the world so people are aware that we do live with these traumas still. And we're not the same. Yeah, we're grateful, but we've got all this other stuff. And what daily practices or mental practices do you use or are you using to help you? Because you said mentally are doing better, but what daily practices do you practice? You know, there's a lot of different things. Lately, I've been just trying to pause.

Pause, stop, look around. Before I react, before something sets me off, whether it's an ambulance or a sound or a sight on a TV that causes a flashback, I just pause. Take a deep breath. Pause. Just sit in the moment. Look at the trees. Go outside, ground yourself in the earth. Get some hot, or not hot, but cold water. Cold water on my feet. Just pause, deep breath. I also love listening to podcasts like this. There will be time that I wake up

in the middle of the night. Insomnia hits me. Anxiety starts flowing. And I just put my earbuds on and I turn into a podcast where they're talking about resiliency and medical trauma and stories of hope that are just very uplifted. And it reminds me, okay, I'm not alone. This is going to help me get through this. I do a lot of just sound healing type things, sound baths. Obviously, just some simple things like getting out in nature. Just when the stress gets going, get outside. Go look at nature. Go look out into the horizon. Go look at the mountains. Go put your feet in the ocean if you live near the ocean. Go on a hike. Get out of the house. Those have been some big things. Obviously, I tend a lot. lot of counseling, a lot of support groups, and the community is remarkable. I can go to them

with any concerns and they're right there for me. And because from our perspective, like again, it's like a story of resilience or more post-traumatic growth. Do you believe that's something people are born with or is it something people can build? Oh, great question. You know, I really don't know. I'm grateful that I don't know if it's something that was in me and taught to me by my parents. I know my parents were a type of people where they didn't just sit back and accept life. I was actually talking with a friend recently, and we were talking about suicide and the suicide rate with people that are clinically depressed and experiencing medical trauma. And she says, you know, those people that have attempted or committed suicide at one point

were very resilient people, they were fighting back. And I thought, wow, how true is that? At one point, they were resilient. And then I got to the point where this is just too much. That hit me hard. I don't know about you, but I just really sat back and I thought, wow, yeah. Yeah. And it brings up the question, what was the point that I guess they ended up stopping being resilient?

Like what was kind of that switch, which you may not have an answer for today, but I think something to really consider. Yeah, and for me, I kind of toyed between the two. There were days that the pain was so great. The depression was so great. And I would look at my daughter, she was a big part of this too for me. I would look at her and I would think she deserves more. She needs a mom. What's her life going to be like if I'm not here? So keep fighting, Vanessa. Keep fighting. Keep getting out of bed. She needs you. The world needs to hear your story. You're strong. It's a mental game, though, telling yourself these things every morning, you're strong. You can do this. You're a fighter. People love you because there's times that you doubt yourself. There's times that you think, no, I can't do this. Life would be easier if they just

pulled the plug and let me go when I was in the ICU. But I could not imagine. my daughter growing up without me. And the thought of it today and six years ago just nearly killed me just thinking about her growing up without me. But your question, I was such a good one about, okay, is this nature, nurture? Is this something, this resiliency, something that we're born with, or can you grow into it? I don't know. It's tough for me. It wasn't always there. I wasn't always this resilient person because, like I said before, I felt like I kind of went between it. There were some days that I thought I just can't do this. But it's really helped me having this book out there too because I'm knowing that I'm helping people.

There's people reaching out to me all over from the UK to the United States, Canada, saying, wow, I read your book. I heard your podcast. I read your article. And wow, this is helping me really get through whatever I'm dealing with. So it's worth it now. And as I'm hearing your story, hearing about your daughter, I'm reminded of, I believe it was like, Frederick Nietzsche's quote that he who has a way to live can bear almost anyhow. And it's almost, from what I'm hearing, it's like having that why might be a key ingredient

in having that reason to keep pushing forward. Does that sound accurate? Does it resonate? Yeah, yeah. In my ICU room, my doctors and the whole team, they were remarkable, by the way, but they knew that my daughter was going to get me through this. So in front of my bed was a big white wall, and there's pictures of this in my book, a big white wall, and they printed out pictures of our family together. Her and I, her and my husband and I, my parents, everything with her on it. So whenever I was anxious and I'm getting teary-eyed thinking about this and remembering this, but whenever those anxiety, that anxiety would be flowing and that fear and depression would be setting in,

I knew right in front of me in that big, you know, 10 foot space white wall in front of me, there were pictures of her. And I would look at my staff, or my not my staff, but my team, and I would point to those pictures on the wall when I could obviously point and use my fingers, point at that wall. And that was my way of communicating to them that that's why I'm fighting and here for her. And so they knew that I wasn't the person in the bed giving up. I wanted to fight. That was my way of telling them, like, that's going to get. me through this. And I was appreciative the fact that they could nonverbally understand that with me that, look, she needs her daughter. Her daughter can't physically be here with her because she's

very sick and covered in tubes. But that was their way of bringing her to me. And I remember, like, my doctor's coming into my room and telling me very scary results of tests and going through like, hey, you're going to need a tracheosal. And tears flowing down my eyes, scared to death, and pointing to that wall. So they knew that I was Vanessa the speech therapist. It was fighting for her daughter. And how has this experienced changed your relationship or how you parent with your daughter?

It's changed so much. I try to be more present now and just let things roll off my back. I have a different perspective on life now. What's important and what's not important? Is it really, really, really that important that right now at the age of nine that she has her multiplication facts memorized? No.

Is it more important that she has quality time with me? Absolutely. I time and her knowing me is priceless because there was a point in time that I didn't know if she would know me. She was three. So it's absolutely changed how I parent her. I look at life through a completely different lens. Yeah, it's it's night and day. I often sit back and wonder too if I didn't experience my ICU experience, what kind of parent I would be. I'd be more uptight or I don't know. But a lot of things, I just think there's big problems and little problems right now. And a lot of things are little problems. Health is a big problem. Being able to breathe and eat, that's a big problem. But oh, darn, you broke a glass plate or you spilled the milk or even something like, oh, I backed into a pole and I dented my car.

Ultimately, those are small problems. My car can be replaced. It's a bummer. Yeah. The broken plate can be replaced. Yeah, it's a bummer. But if somebody dies, somebody commits suicide over depression, those are big things. And those are things worth worrying about. And if you could go back to the woman you were in the ICU room or before the ICU room, what would you whisper in a ear? What would you tell them?

The question. You know, don't take life so seriously. Have a little more fun. I've always been the type A driven, motivated work. And that's my parents' mentality and philosophy and the way I was raised. Not but there's anything wrong with it. I am grateful that they instill that work ethic in me. And I observed my dad worked very hard.

My mom persevered. My mom was stay-at-home mom, but working hard, raising three children. They never were ones that really sat back and let life pass them by. And now I'm that way. Now I'm that type A driven and I think I might go back to that person and you say, you know what? Enjoy the ride more because you never know what tomorrow will bring and truly don't. I was a very healthy, ate organic food, worked out at the gym, hyped nine, 10,000 foot mountains with my daughter on my back as a baby, pushed her in a stroller to the grocery store. I was active, healthy, never had anything over than a runny nose my whole life.

And like that, it was gone. So just try to enjoy this journey. You know, that whole saying of, what is it, Y-O-L-O, you only live once. You truly do only live once. And we have one shot at this. And I know there's days that are really dark and depressing for so many people around the world, but they're experiencing financial troubles, marital troubles, you know, difficulties with raising their children, whatever it may be.

But we have one life to live and somehow find. find a joy. I love that. If people want to learn more about your story, if they want to connect with you, where can they find you? So, yeah, my book, Speechless is on Amazon. So you can type in Speechless,

or you can type in my name, Vanessa Abraham, Speechless on Amazon, and the book will be on there. They can also look at my website. There's a bunch of information on PICS and post-trauma ICU syndrome, My website is a new healing, A-N-E-U-Hilling, H-E-A-L-I-N-G.com. I am on Instagram, and that is Speechless underscore SLP, and Facebook, Speechless S-L-P,

different ways for people to reach out and follow me and sign community. That's what I'm all about now. And we are going to include all the links in the description. So if you are interested in connecting with Vanessa, we highly recommend it. you will be able to get access to all the information she shared. If you could leave everyone with one key takeaway or perspective, what would it? My big take home is community. I always go back to that because that's got me through some really, really scary times

where people don't really understand you, but community does. We are coming out of COVID times where community was pretty much squished. We were told not to gather. We were told not to be with people. And we now know four years later, three years later, what damage that has done of not having our people, not having community there to support us. So to me, that is a very important piece of the equation when you're navigating difficult times, whether it's, you know, like I said before, financial, marital, health-wise,

building a community. That's what I'm doing with my Facebook groups now of people that are critically ill and that need people to just lean on when they're really scared. So that's my big piece of advice for people. They can find community support groups for ICU survivors on my website as well. Thank you so much, Vanessa, for sharing your story. I feel inspired, and I know our listeners too. And thank you for spending the time with us. Yeah, thank you for helping me and allowing me to talk about these conversations.

I appreciate you. I appreciate you too. Thank you for tuning in. Continue strengthening your mind by listening to our other episodes.