The Rewatchables - ‘Cobra’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt are the disease, and this podcast is the cure. We rewatch the 1986 action-horror film ‘Cobra’ starring Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen, and Reni Santoni. Producer: Craig Horlbeck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On R2C2, Cecee Sabathia and Ryan Rucco guide listeners through everything going on in the MLB, NBA, and NFL. They also talk to friends, athletes, and celebrities about the world of sports and much more. Check out R2C2 with Cecee Sabathia and Ryan Rucco on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. This episode is brought to you by Adobe Firefly, the all-in-one creative studio with AI-powered image and video generation. Build for today's creative process, Firefly helps you generate, edit, and experiment fast, because the asks aren't getting smaller, and the timelines? Ooh, yeah, still tight. With all the best creative AI models in one place, Firefly brings your ideas to life.

Learn more at Adobe.com slash Firefly. I sold my car on Carvana last night. Well, that's cool. No, you don't understand. It went perfectly, real offer, down to the penny. They're picking it up tomorrow. nothing went wrong. So what's the problem?

That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes to smoothie. I'm waiting for the catch. Maybe there's no catch. That's exactly what a catch would want me to think. Wow, you need to relax. I need to knock on wood. Do we have wood?

Is this table wood? I think it's lamated it. Okay, yeah, that's good. That's close enough. Car selling without a catch. Sell your car today on. Carvana. Pick up these may apply.

The rewatchables is brought to by Fandoz Sportsbook, as well as the Ringer Podcast Network, where you can find 10 questions with Kyle Brandt. What do we have? Give us a couple episodes that are coming, Kyle. Oh, my gosh. We got Eli Manning. We got Mark Cuban. We got Nate Burleson and a crazy Dennis Quaid who says he's the sports movie King, Bill. I think he has a decent case. I'm not against it. So you can hear all the new episodes on Spotify. We put the entire library everywhere. So if you want to hear, I think you did, what, 32 episodes

in the past, you can just go, go to any other platform that's not Spotify, and you will find them and you could dive into them, including the one that I did, which was, I think I did the worst from the Q&A standpoint at just about anybody who was on there, right? Me and Steve Smith's for the nadir. Steve Smith, Sr. Isup's son is the only one with a shittier score than you, Bill. But you got four out of ten, and Eli Manning dunked on you. Let's just put that.

It wouldn't be the first time. Well, I think it was stacked against me intentionally, and I have a lot of, a lot of bitterness about it. But coming up, Kyle and I. We're going to do a movie that we both love. We're the disease. This movie is the cure. Cobra's next.

Rocky, Rambo. And now, Cobra, all American heroes. Marion Cobra. I always wanted to have a tougher one, my film. Like what? Alice. Stallone is Cobra.

America's son Rated R now playing at a theater near you All right Kyle Brain is here Cobra came out in 1986 it was considered to be kind of an action horror movie It's now a comedy

It's now one of the funniest movies of the 80s It makes me laugh the hardest It is about excess Narcissism It's the tail end of this dirty hairy era That really lasted for a decade of a half and the Amazon description reads as such. Sylvester Stallone plays his toughest character yet

as a police officer dirtier than Harry who must protect a beautiful witness from a cult of serial killers. This movie had a cult of serial killers. Usually serial killers, they act alone. I don't know if you've watched a lot of serial cover documentaries. They're usually loners. Nobody really sees it coming.

No, this one, they were on Craigslist, even though they didn't have the internet in 1986. They formed a cult of serial killers. What is the most ridiculous thing about this movie to you 35 years later? Well, Bill, I want everyone to know just for solidarity, is that character-ax? I'm going to do this entire show with a match in my mouth. And I'm only doing this because I couldn't find two axes to bang together. I think it's that.

I think it is the group of people in what appears to be a drained swimming pool, just inexplicably with no context, banging axes together interminably. And some of them are in suits and some of them are sweating. But I'm with you. It's a hilarious movie. And I have to tell you, Bill,

sometimes I get a kick out of it also makes me laugh. But I know now, because I've done through enough of these, there's going to be a faction of the rewatchables hive that is like, Cobra, seriously, you haven't done Citizen Kane, you're going to do Cobra? God damn right, we're doing Cobra. It's Stallone's funniest movie.

You're all over it. It's hilarious. Well, it's also, we've been celebrating the kind of the growth, the birth and growth of action movies over the 80s. So we've done a lot of this stuff peaking with like lethal weapon one and two and things like that. And Terminator, Terminator 2. This is both, Commando. Commando, like, we've done a million good ones. Yeah.

Predator. This is both the nadir and the apex of action. But I go back, this ties into a lot of stuff going around in the 80s. It's the decade of excess. It's the decade of greed. It's the decade that cocaine just goes into Hollywood and blows everyone's brains out. There's no self-awareness at all. We don't have the Internet making fun of people.

It's still like even the magazine and Premier Magazine and all that stuff, that hasn't really formed yet until the late 80s where we start having real writers going, what's going on here? How did these people not see that? So if Stallone, who's not only probably the biggest star in the world that, that's the same. time, but one of the biggest action stars of all time. And he's on a run. He had Rocky 3 First Blood, kind of stumbles with Ryanstone, comes back, Rambo 2, Rocky 4, right next to each other. And at that point, it's like, Stallone is a money machine. This man can do no wrong. And it turns out he could do wrong. I know. And yet he didn't do wrong because I'm glad he made

this movie. I'm so glad it exists. I think it's a weirdly important Stallone movie. He casts his real-life girlfriend, Brigitte Nielsen, in this, who he does in two movies in a row, just puts her in the movie. And it's just like where Stallone goes off the rails, but at the same time, I'm right there with him, loving it. Oh, the right of our lives. And if no one ever saw this or missed this, I would describe it like this. At this point, at this point, Stallone, he's got his boxer and he's got his soldier.

This is his cop. Like, this is going to be Rocky, Rambo, and Cobra, and we're going to do six movies and sequels, and it's going to kill. And I would say watching this movie, I think the reason I love it so much, Bill, is because Stallone is so drunk on himself and his ego. And he's done some whoppers. But I don't think there's a Stallone movie you watch

where it's more apparent that if you were on the set, there is nobody saying, Sly, no. We can't do that Sly. It's too ridiculous. I have to put my foot down. Everyone just let him do whatever he wanted. And Sly cooks, and it's way over the top. Well, I'm going to do half-fast internet research now because I think it's an important add to your point.

Just some categories. So, Stallone has lost his mind at this point. He writes to Beverly Hills cop script. Right. Which he does a rewrite of it. And it's so over the top and it's so expensive and has so many explosions and there's no humor at all. And they're like, no, no, dude. So like two months before they start filming or two weeks, depending on who you talk to, they get Eddie Murphy.

We talked about that when did the Beverly Hills cop podcast. But Stallone still likes this idea of this renegade cop. He's fixated on it. So they end up making the cobra version. Here are just some tidbits. Go on. At one point, Stallone complains to the cinematographer, Rick Waite. They're falling behind and needs to push the crew harder.

This is in the actual research. Weight responds by telling Stallone, the delays are due to you fooling around and Brigitte Nielsen and showing off for your bodyguards. Stollone doesn't fire him. He's like, okay, solid point. Cleaned up his act a little bit and was good for about two weeks and then fell back. Wait was like the guy was cool. He was just drunk on himself.

They have a director, George P. Cosmodos. All right, go on. Who everyone is basically like, this guy wasn't really director who was like, like Stallone was directing this and this guy was just this figurehead. He apparently, and this is in multiple places. the supporting cast and the extras were forbidden to talk to Slice Stallone on the set. Nobody could interact with him. And you always hear this about the actors like, allegedly that you couldn't make eye contact with them.

This is a real thing that multiple people involved this movie were like we weren't allowed to approach Stone. True or false is Peter Schrager like that in the Good Morning Football set? Can you talk to him? You can speak to him, but you have to look at his feet and you have to spread flower petals like the people from Zimunda. if you touch him, you will be fired. Then it goes badly. It goes really badly and he gets violent. I heard the same thing.

You are allowed to talk to him though if you're sleeping with him on the set. That's it. You have to be his girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. And then the other thing, so Brian Thompson, who plays the killer, the night slasher, who's got that great face. Great face. Really distinctive, scary, evil face.

And he was really into the part. This is like a big break for them. And he talks to, goes up to Stallone over and over again, like, hey, man, what do you think the backstory of this guy is. Stallone wants nothing to do with him. Then finally, Stallone kind of gets mad at him and says, look, the guy's just evil, okay? And walks off. That was his advice that I had to play him. So Stallone is there with his girlfriend, with his bodyguards. He's basically directing the movie. He's got a match toothpick in his mouth for no reason. There's multiple, he's mumbling to the point that I had to put subtitles on just to understand

half of his dialogue in this. And you made the key point. Nobody there to be like, hey sly. Mm-hmm. And then just some sort of piece of advice, nope. It's just sly is running a mock. Have you ever had a moment in your life where you were basically running a mock with nobody to stop you? I guess like my bachelor party.

Yeah. For like two weekends, we were in upstate Wisconsin bill like in an RV and I'm just shot of jack, whiffle ball, bar, everything. But that was like for 48 hours and then it was over. This was for like a probably two-month period in like, 1986 of just running amok. And you got to feel for Thompson, the Night Slasher. So, like, he, he's trying to basically win an Oscar with this role.

And it's almost as if they gave him zero pathology, zero ethos, zero manifesto about what am I about? Like, if you look at it, like, he's a real actor, like, trained theater. And he's like, sly, like, I just, what's my backslers? Look, you're crazy, all right? Let's just kill some people. Just hold the knife. Just make sure the knife reflects the stuff.

So I think personally, I think this is now a horror comedy. I don't know why Amazon doesn't actually... Comedy horror. Comedy horror, however you want to do it. So it's the tail end of the Dirty Harry era. And I think that's an important piece of this. Dirty Harry comes out with Eastwood, beginning of the 70s, ends up having multiple sequels.

It's one of the first movies that they were actually sequels for. Clint becomes this guy. Bronson then looks at it and goes, well, vigilante things kind of interesting he makes death wish death wish which is kind of weirdly still a great movie

even all these years later it's super dated it's inappropriate it's racist but it does capture this weird moment in New York where there's like this lawlessness that's taking place

so they make a bunch of death wishes Eastwood comes back makes another dirty hairy and then you go into the 80s and a lot of the first half of the 80s it's about like lawlessness it's about violence how do we take the streets back?

What do we do? Well, we need, there was only one person who could solve this by himself. And it's usually a guy who, like, doesn't play by the rules. Yeah, sure. Doesn't want to hear about your rules.

It's playing own beat of his own drummer. And it's like, he might punch his sergeant at any point. This then becomes mocked for the next 35 years. It's like there's any sort of comedy, satire, anything. It's basically the Marion Cobretti character, right? It's the Genesis is here.

for all the shit that we would then make fun of for the next 35 years. I feel like probably three Lonely Island videos alone. It is kind of like the patient zero or officer zero for that. And I think the one thing that's missing in the 80s that's injected into Cobretti is there's this sense of like a little bit of a sunny crocket deal where for some reason he's got a badge, but he drives like this crazy, cool, expensive car. He doesn't have to carry the same gun as everybody else. He doesn't have to dress like everybody else.

got the cool blow-dried hair. So it's like that Charles Bronson, I will shoot you in the face in a grocery store, but it's also like, holy shit, I'm Sonny Crockett and hit the cool music. Let me ride in my awesome license plate. It's a little bit of that too. He has the big sunglasses. Yeah. The match toothpick. Yep. His hair, he doesn't really look anything like Rocky and Rocky 4, which is crazy because they're filmed pretty close to each other. He's wearing all black and makes it clear, like, this guy is a true badass. That's what he wants.

He wants to be a badass vigilante cop, basically. Well, it's funny you mentioned the Eastwood thing. When I watch it this time, there's a couple parts of the movie I was getting Western vibes. Like, when he goes into the grocery store, it's kind of like this OK corral thing, up to and including him spinning the gun after he wastes him. And at the end, which we'll get to, when they're in the safe house and everybody comes upon it, it reminds me of like young guns when they're all batted down in like the saloes. and they're surrounded by by outlaws.

Like, there's a little bit of a cowboy thing that he's trying to do, too. It's all over the map. He just chooses everything in this movie. Like, every quirk, every personality. They're like, pick one as an actor. Just, I'm going to pick them all. And that's where the movie goes. Well, I didn't know this.

I love this movie. I didn't really know a lot of other people. Like, Carolla used to love this movie. We used to talk about this all the time. And then I was asking, it was like, we hadn't done a rewatchable as in a while. It's like, what are we doing? And you're like, I send you all these movies. that are way better than Cobra, and you're like, Cobra, that's the one, Cobra.

Let's pull back the fourth wall, Bill. Bill send me five movies. They're all great. And I'm like, these aren't just home runs for me. I send Bill back like 30. And like number 27, and this includes like best pictures, iconic movies. Number 27 was Cobra. I hadn't send the text in two seconds and I get the three dots from Bill.

Cobra, let's do it. And I was so happy. I'm in. And I hadn't seen it in a couple years because for some reason it's not on. I wonder, like, because of the supermarket shooting scene, whether that's like two tents now, considering how many actual, you know, mass shootings we've had like that. And maybe the cable channels won't show that.

And we're going to talk about that later. But I hadn't really done a deep dive. I knew some of those Stallone stuff. I knew, like, when they talk about the excess of the 80s and stars running a mock and how the studios kind of had to try to start resetting that in the late 80s and getting shit like that under control. I knew COBRA was one of the Ground Zero movies for that. But I didn't know the rough cut was well over two hours long.

I didn't know there was a director's cut that's 40 minutes longer than the cut we see that has all different backstory. We find out more about the cult of serial killers. There's more Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen. I didn't know any of this. It was like, where is that? Why is that on YouTube? I didn't know Stallone and Warner Brothers were so worried about Top Gunn and so worried about getting their ass kicked in the box office that at the last second. they go back and they edit the movie.

And they want to get it down under 90 minutes so they can have more screenings of it. So the box office numbers. So it's not that much of an ass kicking. So for years, I've watched this movie and I'm like, this movie's incoherent. I love it, but it's incoherent. I don't understand why what this called is. I don't understand how all of a sudden we're in the safe house. There just feels like there's things missing.

And it turns out what there's missing is 30 to 35 to 4. minutes of scenes that explain all this shit. And I think this movie was way more ambitious. Does that make you like it more or less? I like it in the fast food style. I don't give a shit about it. Listen, when you're a kid watching this movie in the 80s, it's got a cool ass knife, it's got a cool gun. And Stallone, it looks as has cool sunglasses. That's about all I need. I don't know if one of the things that was a turning point for me on this movie, and I don't know if you have this belt, I don't want to step on it, but there's a classic SNL sketch with Stallone.

And he's hosting, and is Norm McDonald, gets in a car accident, the late Norm MacDonald. And Stallone, as himself, comes up to comfort McDonald, who's all bleeding and everything. And Norm just starts making fun of all his dumb-ass movies, and it's great.

And at one point, Stallone's like, don't worry, you're getting better. It's going to be okay. And Norm's like, I don't know. Did you see Cobra? And everybody laughs. And then Stallone goes, that movie had a lot of problems in the edit.

You know, it wasn't what it turned out to be. And that always spoke volumes to me, that it just wasn't his vision and had a lot of problems in the edit. And that's exactly what you're talking about, 40 minutes. There's no director's cut. Now, we're in a world right now where Stallone is making this 40 minutes extra rocky for a director's cut that I'm not sure I feel great about. I mean, Stallone's older than my dad. My dad told me the same story on three different phone calls over the last week. And Stallone's like six, seven years older than him.

And I just like, I'm not, you have grandparents that, you hit a point where it's like, should we let grandpa drive anymore? And you have to have a whole conversation about like, do we literally need to take the car keys from him? Like, he shouldn't drive anymore. I kind of feel that way about director's cuts with old actors and directors. Like, do we have to take the car keys? Well, it's eerily similar. Listen, George Lucas went back and started fucking with all the Star Wars movies.

And he's like, you know these movies that you've loved, these iconic movies, Star Wars episode four, I think we need more shit in the background, like more fake aliens and stuff. And it sucked. And so I get the same thing that you get. Dude, Rocky 4, 40 more minutes. And I'm like, I think it was kind of perfect. Like, I don't need more tapestry behind the Mona Lisa. Like, she's just fine.

You know, leave her. So I don't need the extra cobra. And I think it's beautiful with all its faults, of which there are many. I'm going to take you back to the mid-80s for a second. I'm a little older than you. Mm-hmm. start catching wind of Cobra. Okay.

I'm in high school. I'm actually like a big brother at my school and we have like the little brothers. And we have this period in class where we have to hang out with the little brothers and play sports with them and stuff. And at some point we start talking about Cobra and everybody's excited about Cobra. So we're all like, we'll all go to Cobra together. This is months before the movie came out. But this was one of the first movies I can remember where there was real anticipation for like, this is coming way down the road, get ready for it.

Because I think that shifts in the mid-80s. And even in the early 80s, there wasn't a lot of, you know, the way we have stuff now. And now it's like in 2021, they can put out one picture of a movie that's going to come out a year and a half from now or one little tiny clip. Everybody goes nuts. We didn't have that back then. They would run the advertising, you know, like two, three weeks before the movie came out. But Stallone was such a big star.

and it was like he's going to play a cop, it's like a dirty hairy thing. And everyone was kind of like, when is it? When can we go? And I think it's probably the last time in his career he had that kind of equity with his audience. I'm not saying COBRA ruined it.

I'm just like, I think when you're a movie star like that, you're only going to have that kind of equity for two, three, four, five years max. And this was the last movie for him where it was like, Stallone, cop, I'm in. And then you had the other piece, which we've talked about on past pods, where it's like, now he's in a death match with Arnold. And they're battling for like the heavyweight title of who's a bigger action hero.

And you can see some of the stuff that worked in the Arnold movies trickling into this movie, right? Like, Cobra has a sense of humor. What is it about this human being that would make him have any sort of sense of humor? And yet they sprinkle in these forced jokes. I know. So it's a combo of this is the last time he was that big of a star, but he also is Arnold about to take his corner. And I think that's what ends up being Cobra. I think I can imagine, too, that you're coming off this crazy high of Rocky 4.

When he ends the Cold War. Yeah, you can change. I can change. And he beats Dago. And so now not only is he going to, like, fuck up some street punks. Check this out. He's going to land Dago's wife, who he's doing in real life. And if you're a 15-year-old kid, like, Slice Sloan seems like the coolest guy on the planet now.

And he's going to bring her. And Rocky's got a gun now and sunglasses. Like, I would be lining up at the theater, and that's where I'm sure where you were. It was, and I'll tell you this, left the theater super happy. Really enjoyed Cobra. And as he said, 88 minutes in and out, he killed 40 plus people in it. It was like, great. Really enjoyed myself.

This has got to be one of the few rewatchables, Bill. We are not going to say it's 20 minutes fat, right? I mean, it's 3% body fat. It's lean. Yeah, it's actually probably too little body fat. Too little. I would argue. I would argue maybe they starve themselves.

$25 million budget made $160 million. It's great. So hard to argue, but for Stallone, that was like a little bit of a disappointment. Siskel and Ebert, Ebert didn't review this movie. Our guy, Rosh. He was like, I'm out.

I'm not writing about this one. He won't touch it. He was like, fantasy saying no to this podcast. Right. Phyllis like, I'm done. Chris Ryan's like, you guys have a good time. Siskel wrote about it.

He compared Cobra to Dirty Harry. He said it was filthy Harry. No. And said, maybe that's the difference between the actors. Eastwood can be drawn. Stallone more often crosses the border to prime evil. There's a Siskel and Ebert TV segment about this movie that you can find in YouTube.

Ebert's disgusted. Is it? He's just like, oh, he just did not like this movie at all. I'm not surprised. He's a plot guy. No, Ebert loves plot. There's no plot in this movie. No, there's zero plot, but it made a lot of money.

You love it. I love it. We're a core audience. Why does this have a bad legacy? Like, it was a huge hit, and I think it's a cool movie. I don't think I think the legacy is flipped I think this is now considered a cult movie even though it made a ton of money

There's that weird That weird vortex of You can't be a cult movie If a lot of people saw the movie That just those are at odds with each other But I do feel like this movie got a negative reception It was considered to be too violent It wasn't as successful as Top Gun

He got his ass kicked by Cruz So it was hence like Oh maybe Stallone he's lost a little Then comes out the next year You know a movie was the following year What do you got? Over the top. Oh, yeah.

Lincoln Hawk. Just the load of slow motion. By the way, you say the word and we're doing over the top. It's the greatest arm wrestling divorce movie anyone's ever made. I've said that for years. I stand by it. Arm wrestling divorce movies, nobody, it's Citizen K. I don't think you can do that.

You can't beat it. I'll have you know, Bill, for 15 straight years, my fantasy team name has been Hawk hauling. it is every year. Those are my guys. I don't like that little brat who's his kid. I think he needs what's coming to him, but I like Lincoln Hawk. That little brat who's his kid somehow escapes a mansion with security guards and figures out how to fly from L.A. to Las Vegas and get to the tournament. I don't think I could have done that until I was like 25. No, and you would have used like some sort of modern technology too. Like this is a mid-80s kid,

books his own paper ticket and gets there in Vegas or whatever it is. And Bull Hurley is like the drago of arm wrestlers. It's awesome. Well, it turns out we're going to be doing that for the rewatchables. Coming up, we're going to do the categories for Cobra, a ridiculous movie. This episode is brought to by Whole Foods Market. Spring is here, so celebrate it with fresh, juicy, seasonal produce, and some very tasty, limited time flavors. New Whole Foods, Market Peach, Apricot, Rose, Italian soda.

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Most rewatchable scene. Spoiler alert, this might be my pick, the supermarket. Go on. It's really like one of the scariest people we use. seen in one of these movies, right? This guy who takes over the supermarket, he's just gunning people down. It's like really super violent.

You can see that they slow motion some stuff so they don't get a next rating, which is in all the research. And then Cobra shows up. Stallone comes in. Call the Cobra. He's got the match toothpick where it's like, what's going on here?

And just couldn't be less scared. And now he's navigating the aisles in his giant boots where you're like, don't step on anything, sly. You're wearing five-inch lips. Like, don't fit sure, you don't topple over. I actually, I rented this on Amazon because I couldn't find it anywhere. Same.

Amazon, too. Amazon has the thing where it's, I like their drop-down menu because you can see who the actors are or what songs playing. Yeah. But I dropped it down and I'm like, I got a subtitle this. I can't, I have a good TV. I have good sound. I can't understand Sly.

He's underplayed to the point that he's incoherent. So I went back and I subtitled it and he has lines like the guy's threatening him and he does the go ahead, I don't shop here. And the disease and I'm a cure. He's just like mumbling his way through this incredible action scene that ends with somehow throws a knife at the guy, does the thing, does the cowboy thing and blows him away. And I actually think it's a really good action scene. Do you? Yeah, I find it entertaining as hell. I have a theory on why it's so hard to hear his dialogue.

I think they might have been thinking, if you can hear what Kobredi is saying, that'll take your attention away from the Pepsi free that's over his shoulder and the Pepsi logos and the Coors Light. I don't know if this is an Apex Mountain Bill, but there's in a conversation for product placement. It's one thing to put your Pepsi and everything, but do you really need it in the middle of a horrifying real-life nightmare situation

in which it is a. enough for slide to be next to some Coors banquet. This dude straight up slurps a tall boy Coors banquet dry. It's warm. It's not even out of the fridge before he shoots the bad guy. And the fact that he... What about the Toys R Us commercial? Oh, yeah.

They just show a Toys R Us commercial. He's just watching television because we have to get him to him watching a newscast. But they're like, hold on. We got to work 20 seconds of Toys Rusted here. We need Jeffrey the Giraff to show up first before we get to the night's He walks into this grocery store where there's an active shooter. There's no sense of like body armor or maybe you arm up a little bit. He's wearing Lady Gaga's boots, jeans up to his nipples, and his sunglasses so bright

that if you watch closely, you can see cameramen and gaffers in his sunglasses for the whole scene and they don't give a shit. It's perfect. The other thing, after he finishes these guys off, he goes outside and it does the classic terrible action movie thing. Oh, it's the best. Everyone's furious at him for some reason? Yeah.

It's like, and then there's a TV reporter. Like, why did you have to use brute force? It's like, do you guys want to go inside and let there's just dead people all around the supermarket? What are you talking about? Everybody's furious at Kobredi for foiling this mass murderer in the supermarket. Then finally he has to do, which he's done before. It was in first blood.

It was with Brian Denny. He grabs the TV guy, lifts the dead body blanket. you want to look at that you want to tell us family yeah what's his family yeah what if somebody would have gone up from the LA Times bill to

to Vincent Hanna after the shootout and heat and been like did Seismore really need to die Hannah and he's like well he was using a child as a human shield asshole what was I supposed to do

blow him away yeah he just killed him with a shotgun of course I shot him it's it's just transcend it and you think like this movie can't get any funnier and more ridiculous

the next next scene, he goes back home to his insane part. I guess it's Venice. This insane apartment he has. Yeah. Yeah. Beachfront. Also looks like South Beach, but we know this is in LA. So it's got to be Venice. Makes these four Latinos move who are parked in the wrong thing, scares the guy away, goes upstairs. He's hungry. So what do you do? It's frozen pizza and some scissors and just starts eating that watching a Toys R Us commercial his desk is a mess. He takes the toothpick out.

No toothpick when he eats. I thought I was impressed by that. I just can't believe it. It's like, you're speechless. I have. It's a rewatchable seat for me because every checkpoint of it,

I'm like, what were they doing? What made them think any of this was good? So they shot that and they're like, yeah, print, that's good. We're ready to go. All right, so it's the greatest, one of my favorite parts of this movie is, When he gets in the low life's face who won't move his car, he rips off his little tank top that he's wearing.

And there's a microphone taped onto his chest that's latent and built. It's not even in one shot. They go back to it three times and they're just like, moving on. And then like he goes in, and this is what I'm talking about, where when Sloan, you're building it. You know, I used to be an actor back in the day and you choose quirks and you choose little things to be interesting. He just chose all the fucking quirks. Stallone gets the pizza that's frozen. it's like a child slice of pizza from Chucky Cheese

with the scissors. Yeah. And he cuts off like a Dorito-sized piece. Like, why was no one like, Sly, I don't know what you're doing with the scissors and the pizza, but it's just too weird, man. Like, can we just have a normal one where you have a bite of the pizza? It's so distracting.

But this is why we love Cobra because no one said no. Ripping the T-shirt off. And then he walks away from the guys without any fear that they might, like, throw a knife in his back. He owns the streets. He's barring cobra. He went alpha status. That's how it works.

That's the cobra. He's struck. So then we get some serial killer cult scenes that are rewatchable. The best one, I think, is the Brigitte happens to drive by as there's yet another murder with some poor woman who's driving and some scary part of downtown LA who just decides to stop for people in a van because that always happens. But Brigitte drives by and then they follow her. And that's when our guy, the night crawler.

The night slasher. The night slasher. Yeah. The stocking mask thing. Absolutely terrifying. I am always like I'm, yeah, I'd like to be in the camp of nothing scares me more than the scary guy in a movie who has the stocky mask face. Yeah. You know, if we run down the masks, if you take the Michael Myers, Jason, the scream guy, I will always take a pair of legs panty hose over a guy's face, which by the way, I don't even think really conceals his identity.

Not at all. It serves as purpose, but it's scary as shit. Their nose is kind of scrunched, and I don't know why. It should be totally emasculating, but I'm terrified of that thing. Me as well. Well, that leads to the hospital scene, which is great. That person where they try to kill Brigitte, they do a nice little thing where they drive the van into the elevator where they think she is, but she's not in there, and they

kind of look around and she's hiding, and that scene's pretty effective. A couple people get killed by an axe. Yeah. The guy who's trying to sleep with her, the photographer, that guy. Right. The hospital scene is way better. Great scene. Hospital scene, and this is an 80s thing, and this was basically the entire premise of Halloween, too. These hospitals where there's a serial care on the loose and nobody seems to be working in the hospital at all, there's no pay.

I've been to hospitals at night. I've never been to a hospital where you didn't see people everywhere, but for some reason they just decided hospitals would make a scary location for a horror movie, which I guess they would if the lights are turned off, right? And there's lots of, lots of different places. They did this in Silent Range was another one with hospital horror movies. I know Silent Ridge, yeah. But you need to clear out all the people who work there, and you need to turn all the lights off, and then it becomes a scary location. My question is, what hospital would turn the lights off and have nobody working there?

You got 17 people murdered in the city of Los Angeles. This is the woman who's going to crack the case. She saw the guy, and there is, like, one rent-a-cop who's flirting with a nurse over the desk. And that's all he needs to. All that Night Slash needs to do is get some just for men and swap out janitorial suits with someone who's five heads shorter than him

and he's good. I think the reason the hospital scenes are so scary, Bill, and they use it in this movie, is those cloth partitions are great for the clear and slash or the clear in the body's not their slash. They're great guys,

right places for boogeymen to hide. And that's exactly what the slasher does. Pretty hair. And this movie just is like, hey, has anybody else done the hospital thing? Actually, too. Halloween 2, that was the whole movie in Silent Rage. And it's almost like they went back and watched those movies. Like, all right, we'll steal that.

We'll take that. We'll grab that part. And they just kind of, it becomes like a greatest hits of those movies. The downtown LA car chase is really good. Go on. They have that one part with the, there's like a hill with like where the cars get to go up on each hill. And he's driving that 1950, whatever the fuck it is. and somehow chasing these modern cars.

But I actually think that's a pretty good downtown O.H. I see that one. The chase scene is like a, it's like a Kirkland brand Ronan. Like, it's like dollar store Ronan. It's not bad. And there's like wild continuity of mistakes where like one moment they're on the freeway and next moment they're like by a duck pond.

But it's a chase scene and they're shooting. It works. It plays. I like it. Also, doesn't make sense why he's chasing the bad guys who were just trying to kill them by the bad guys

don't be like, wait a second, turn around, try to kill him. Like, the whole point is you're trying to kill her. Why are you running from her? Yeah, it switches in the middle of the chase. It's kind of like they're playing tag almost. At one point, Sly's chasing them.

It makes zero sense, but I think that's what Sly's talking about. A lot of things in the edit got messed up, and that was it. And Sly clearly said, I need a car chase. You wouldn't have a one car chase in this movie. Two more, the diner scene.

look, this is a terrible scene. It's terribly written, but it's their attempt to form some sort of connection between Brigitte, who's not exactly Meryl Streep in this movie, and Sly, and it's her just pouring, she's a fashion model. We've already established an in-demand fashion model. Oh, yeah.

She's pouring ketchup on her French fries, almost like somebody who made pasta, who's now putting tomato sauce on it. And Sly watches, and he watches, and he goes, Do you have a life preserver? Do you have a life preserver? What?

Your French fries drown in there. And then he makes like that little slice smirk. And it's like, oh, these two are going to fuck. I didn't realize there was some flirting going out here. It's terrible, though. It's one of the worst scenes in any action movie. Horribly written. And it always begs, every time we watch that scene,

my friends and I have the same question, which I will ask you. He shows up with the giant cheeseburger and has this dumb line about, did you order this? Are you hungry? Bill, do you think that sly and writing the screen probably scripted that giant cheeseburger to be there or he just found that on the set and decided to ad lib and make magic?

It's 100% ad lib. He's a one that's cold about food. Should we make a hamburger? Maybe we're doing with the hamburger. Maybe we're doing with the hamburger. Yes, great idea. Maybe you can cut it in half with some scissors. It'd be awesome.

That's great. I wish the date was longer. Maybe that's in the deleted scenes. At least the director's cut, for God's sakes. And then the final shootout, I don't even know where this starts, where this ends, just keeps going and going and going. They never suspect the evil female cop.

Never. She's diming them out left and right. Everybody just can't figure out who the mole is. The evil female cop who's making her calls like six feet away from sly with her hand in her ear to the night slasher. Like zero discretion. These idiots are like, oh, I never did like that bitch. And like, come on, dude, you didn't know.

Right. And she's like, yeah, my phone in my room is where. working Cabretti, who's this alleged amazing cop. Just go to the room, see for phone works, right? Then we have the mole right there. This, it's one of those settings where they end up in some setting that is like, is this a real place that it states? It's basically the fire pits of hell. And there's meat hooks that are just moving around.

But there's also like, I don't know what the, I don't know the combo of meat hooks and fire where we are. Right. What business we're in, what industry. What industry was this? It's like, okay, so first of all, they're right next to like a grove, like an orange grove, 10 seconds earlier. Then they run into it, and it's either steel or something. But there's a coin flip chance.

If you have an action movie between 85 and 98, the final act will be just in some fiery chasm of a factory where there's lava and hooks. Like, that's where they always went. I don't know if it's the same one, but so many of them end up in that exact same location. It's a little similar to where Schwarzenegger fights Bennett with all. the steam and the fire. It's the same deal. And Terminator 2.

At least Terminator 2, they had some ambition with that movie. So in the research, it said, Cobra was supposed to be filmed in Seattle. You're going to, your feelings are going to be heard here. Okay. Climaxing with a motorcycle chase scene on a ferry between the islands. Ooh.

That sounds amazing. Yeah. So they were filming at a night in Stallone, True Story, decided he didn't want to film a night there because the mosquito issue. You don't want to be eaten by mosquitoes during the filming. Cancels it. Okay.

And they end up at this weird warehouse or wherever the fuck they were in St. Ramos. I'm kind of in on the ferry motorcycle chase thing. That sounds amazing. I don't even know how that would have worked. You, a ferry is a large, slow vehicle. You race motorcycles on the ferry or you ferry to the ground? I don't even know how that works either, but it sounds different.

Yeah. Well, we'll never know. Jesus. Sly got rid of it We also We have the final shootout We have this guy Again, no backstory with the night slasher

Do we the future? Future or what? Just murdering everybody? What is your future? I want your eyes, pig We're gonna go to hell with me, pig I want your eyes, pig I think this guy's running for president

in 2024. We are the future. What is it? We're just gonna kill everybody. It's like the strong We'll eliminate the weak And I don't know what that means but that's the whole manifesto.

Yeah. Not great. No. And then Stallone does the... This is where the law stops. And I start. And we end up with a meat hook murder with the guy, the meat hook taking the guy, basically in the hell.

And that's ending. Don't forget, we've also had the... When the guy's doused in gasoline, you have the right to remain silent. And this is why I've had this match in my mouth for two hours or 87 minutes. So I can light it on my gun and then light, you on fire. It's the best. Your most rewatchable scene was? I mean, it's not even close. It's the grocery store scene. It is the grocery store scene in any movie. I will take it. Put it this way,

Bill. It's a nightmarish scene with a live shooter that, like, has all these reverberations to present day. I watched it last night, and I'm like dying laughing as we go through the scene. And a very serious, scary scene. It's amazing. I think my most rewatchable is the first 15 minutes of movie. Yep. I just take everything. I want the supermarket. I want him coming out of the supermarket, and I want him eating frozen pizza with a scissor. If it's coming on as I'm flipping channels, I'm like, this is great. I can't wait. Bill, you want the apartment pizza scene or you want the grocery scene or two different scenes. You have to choose. Grocerer scene's the best scene. Yeah, grocery scene is awesome. How are we doing on time here? Oh, let's do what stage the best?

Okay. Opening monologue, just thrown in. We hear still. Lone's voice. Craig, play the clip. There's a burglary every 11 seconds. And on robbery, every 65 seconds. A violent crime every 25 seconds. A murder every 24 minutes. And 250 rapes a day. Just that's how the movie starts.

Grim. But we're in this dystopian, dirty, hairy, death wish on steroids move. the movie poster, which said crime is the disease, meet the cure. I can't overstate how great this was in the, you know, back in the day, you would go to a movie theater and either they showed a preview before the movie or you just saw the poster. You saw this poster like, oh, yeah. Stallone? I think it's one of the better movie posters the last 40 years. The night crawler, or night slasher, night slasher. I like calling him a night crawler. Yeah, that's a nice man. I thought that the guy did a good job. I thought he was really, scary. I think it's at one stage the best for me.

Isn't he great in this movie? He's absolutely physically imposing and terrifying and his face is scary and his knife is scary. I thought he was excellent in this. Me too. Why didn't more become of Brian Thompson? He was awesome. I think Stallone beat it out of him. He's had such a bad experience with Stallone in the set.

He just decided maybe to go somewhere different. Stallone's matched toothpick, we mentioned. Cobra's car has an awesome 50 license plate because the car was in 1950. Great stuff. Cabretti, do you know you have an attitude problem? Yeah, but it's just a little one. It's like Stallone just... There's scenes in here that are just written for the trailer.

It's not even... They make no sense for the movie. It's just like, we need this for the 75-second trailer. How about his name? Marion Cabretti. Where do you stand on that? Bad-ass name. I wonder if he was deciding between Cabretti and Scorpetti,

and then he'd be the Scorpion. But Marion Cabretti is an awesome name, and that was going to be the whole plan. That's his, you know, Balboa. No sequel. So what position in football is LSU's Marion Cobretti heading into the 2022 draft? It feels like a linebacker, right? I was actually going to do them dirty and say it feels like a kicker.

He got to be a soccer-style kicker in the Justin Tucker variety out of LSU. Born in Italy, but came here when he was eight years old. International Player Pathway program, Bill. It's huge right now. Great job. The zombie squad. I just like the name, the zombie squad. Zero backstory, great name.

The New Order, which just seems they gather together and clang axes. And that seems to be, yeah, meeting adjourned. And they do it for a long time. Like, I think that's why the Night Slashers is so jacked. It's like they're doing like a P90X. It's like P90X. And they just keep doing it. It's hard.

And evil female cop goes over to Night Slashar at one point. he's sharpening his knife, just looking like a psycho. And they engage in a little conversation. And then he just decides to cut his hand for no reason at all. And that's crazy. Basically what we have for what's going on with the new order. We'll never know. And then you mentioned the product placement, which includes a Pepsi machine,

a cores display, a giant Pepsi side right next to Stallone's apartment, the Toys R Us commercial, a Pepsi sign that lights up outside Cobra's apartment and in the background of the fight scenes. the Cores California in a store multiple Coca-Cola machines and then the bar scene has a bill or a high life side in the background so they're just great

I don't know are they just paying them in cash for these are there checks how is the money being transferred well Pepsi free was writing big checks then because they had Marty McFly try to order one at the diner in Hill Valley and the guy goes you want a Pepsi you got to pay for it I understand there's a cutting room scene kind of room floor scene where

Cobretti says crime is a choice and it's the choice of a new generation. And then he drinks Pepsi and shoots him. It's a lot. By the way, if that deleted scene existed, I wouldn't be shocked. I'd be surprised at that shock. Who would I?

All right. What's age of where? Any other what's age the best for you? I think you covered them. Shooting range scenes are always awesome. There's one in lethal weapon. There's one in Narc with Ray Leota. It's always like, wow, this guy's crazy, but he can shoot.

Some bad guys are going to eat lead. I love the shooting range scene. What's age the worst? We mentioned the TV reporter questioning Krebetti's tactics after the supermarket mass murder. Brigitte Nelson's wig. Let's go. Let's go. I just don't get it.

I don't, whose decision was that? Did I think it worked? Like, I just don't understand. I don't understand. I have a theory. She has a, her wig makes her kind of look like Robert Plant. It's a really strange look. I have a theory.

I think it is, Bill, because. They want her to be that differentiated visually from Drago's wife. I think we need a whole new look for her. It's only a footnote, though. Can we talk about in which age? Can we talk about the robot fashion montage? Because, like, that is really, really strange. And it's Brigitte Nielsen modeling amongst robots while Stallone talks to like crackheads and

prostitutes and stuff. And I have a theory on that, too. I think that these robots and that montage are Stallone's. heat check robots because he's coming off Pauley's robot in 85 and robots are everywhere in droids. He's like, we need to find robots in this movie and just that Brigitte, like, dance with them or something. It's laughably out of date and archaic. But again, I enjoy it. I had it written down in what stage the worst as Robert Tepper's montage for a homeless sweep slash fashion show because that's what it is. Yes. We are going back and forth

between Stallone walking through, I guess, Skid Row. Yeah. Cut to Brigitte being taking photos of with robots, which is probably the second most ridiculous fashion shoot of the 80s and 90s behind. What you got? Donna Martin in France, 902 and O. Oh, yeah. Donna Martin's a fashion model for three episodes, but it was Tori Spelling playing.

And it just caused a riot with every female I knew at the time. But the bigger story here is Robert Teper. coming off one of the iconic Rocky Four moments. Sure. There's no easy way out. There's no save way home. Angry gear shifts. And then we go to Angel of the City,

which is his homeless fashion show montage. It's a drop-off. It's not bad for Tepper. Yeah, this is like the follow-up hit to like the one-hit wonder. You know, like when, you know, Chumba Wamba is trying to follow up tub-thumping, and they just whiff on the second one. It's not his best work,

but the fashion show scene is unbelievably strange. Starts that a little slow. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I can't say it's not bad. It's a easy way out. The video is hilarious. I encourage everyone to go online and watch it. This is that.

Angel of the city. It's actually kind of good. Didn't take off. No, but I like it now. I want to listen to that. for the rest of the show. It was good. Another one's aged the worst.

I thought this was cruel. They take the bad guy from Dirty Harry, which is one of the first great modern action movies. And the guy is a psycho in that movie, and he's really good in it. They make him Stallone's foil as a cop in this movie. And at the end of the movie, Stallone punches him in the face.

And it's like this overt, fuck you, Dirty Harry. There's a new sheriff in town. It's like, no, Dirty Harry's still winning. Yeah, it was kind of cross-generational in that sense. and I don't think it was an accident. And that guy's just like, that guy is such a terrible, ridiculous character with the glasses and the dumb lines.

It kind of did him dirty. There's another, for what's age the worst, another terrible song in this movie. It's called Feel the Heat by Jean Bevoir. Uh-huh. Good start, right? This is montage two in the movie. Montage two.

Yeah, going to the safe house. Like, we're off to a good start. Got some synth in there, but then I'll fast forward. Electric drums. then the guy sings and it kind of falls apart. I don't know what he's doing. It's like a white snake, Robert Plant, kind of... There's definitely some David Coverdale going on.

And at this time, Cabretti is feeling the heat from the new order. So, like, it really is on the head. Here's the chorus. Feel the heat! I kind of like this one, too. I should have put this at what takes words. These are what's age the best. This is Apex Mountain from music.

I'm sorry. I apologize. Oh, and then there's an original. ending that when I read I got bummed out. So the original ending, the guy we mentioned, the Dirty Harry guy. Yeah. Stallone rips his shirt off and he finds a satanic tattoo on his chest that reveals he's the real leader of the new order. Oh, shit. And that's the reveal. And that's how they had, they were always, the cops were one step ahead, but they decided that was too big of a twist not to do it. I'm going the other way. They should have, that would have been a great ending.

That's Chaz Palm and Terry dropping the Kobayashi China. Like that was, that's an amazing ending. I'd never heard of that before. That's what's frustrating about this movie is I do feel like if they had just a little more spitballing in the creative room, there really could have been a better version of this movie, as much as we love the movie. I'm shook right now. I feel like you just told me like, dude, like Bruce Willis is a ghost the whole time. I'm like, what that guy's in the X-Bangers?

That's cool. You know what it sounds like, Kyle? It sounds like you're feeling the heat. I am feeling the heat. electric drums. This sounds like Diggler and Reed Rouchard. We're back in the studio.

I can see Reed Rouchard in the studio like dancing, getting fired up. All right, we're going to take a break, come back with the wrestling categories. Got a break. We're feeling the heat.

All right, come back. Casting what ifs? I have none. There's not enough research about this movie. There's no evidence that any cast and decision other than the ones we saw

were the ones. Best that guy, I kid, Joey Pantsworth. Mm-hmm. Is Rennie Santone of that guy to you? Because to me, he's Reni Santone, he has a pivotal role in bad boys with Sean Penn and S.A. Morales, which is, I think, one of the best early 80s action movies for me. I don't know if it's because I saw it when I was 13 and you love every movie when you see

13. But then he was Poppy and Seinfeld. The Seinfeld thing to me right away. Okay. But honestly, like, when I saw him in Seinfeld, I was like, oh, that's the dude from cobra who eats all the candy. So it kind of reverses on itself. I don't think it's, I don't know if it's the winner.

I don't think he's that guy. You have a couple more. The bad guy from Dirty Harry. His name is Andrew Robinson. No, it is name knows. But I think the winner is Slice's boss, played by Art Lafleur, had to look this up. Go on. But he was the guy in Field of Dreams.

He was, I think, the first baseman and just has, he's like this big, recognizable face and head. And he's like, oh, that guy, I think he has to be the winner for this. Yeah, he looks like Fred Flintstone, like a cartoon. And in Field of Dreams, he's like, that was 60 years ago. He plays the first basement. He had the pitcher talk shit. The second you see him, he has this friendly identifiable face and you see him walking

out of the corn. I actually have the same one. Art LaFleur, still with us, I think. Tons of credits, but Field of Dreams first basement, I'm in on that. Father of Matt LaFleur. Is that true? It's incredible. His son went on the coached the Green Bay Packers.

Made that up. Made that up. The Vincent Han. Give me all you got a word for most overacting. Let's go. Really tough, but the supermarket killer really dials it up. I mean, he's like, I'll kill you all, man. It's in a way of the new world.

He's just like, I don't know. What drug is he on? It's like something beyond cocaine. I'll kill them all. The best is when Cabretti goes, I can't do that. And he goes, Hawaii! He screams it with like triple H and then the word Y. Hawaii.

Come on, bring it in. Can't do that. Why? And he's like, he really is, like, he's trying to win, like, a quick, like, best supporting actor in just one scene. And, like, he, he moves it. I mean, it's really good. I think he's the winner, but special honor to Brigitte Nielsen in the hospital scene when she's trapped in the bathroom. And she does that.

Why? I got to give her credit for that. I thought that was good. Can I, you just hit on one thing. Brigitte Nielsen is doing an American accent for the whole movie. and there's two times it breaks. One there. And then at the end, when she's driving

and she's about to go into fire and Stallone is blowing everywhere, she goes, what do I do? And just immediately it comes out. Was she Swedish or Norwegian? I'm going to go with the latter, but I don't know. I don't know. I see her as Soviet after Rocky 4.

Yeah, I'll tell you what she's Danish, says Craig Horrible. Oh, cool. All right. I'll tell you what she wasn't, was Russian. Mm-mm. I have a new category. Oh, sweet. What do you got?

Now, this won't be a new category for every movie. Craig, hold your seat. I know you always get scared when I introduce new categories. This will just be for some movies. Okay. It's the Marion Cobretti underacting award, and it goes to Slice the Lone. It's when somebody dials it back so much, you actually have to put on the subtitles of the movie to understand any of the dialogue they have.

I don't know if we're ever going to have another Marion Crobretti underacting award, but this is our first one. So congrats to Sly. Yeah, Sly barely gives a shit when he speaks. There's a scene he's in the car with Brigitte trying to explain, like, his thoughts on life. And he just keeps saying, like, tell it to the judge. And like, the writing is bad. The acting is terrible.

Bill, can I suggest another new category for the, for Cobretti's gun? Can we do the Plexgo Burris most likely to shoot yourself in the Dick Award and give it to Marion Cabretti for the way he holds his gun? What is that? You don't put it down the front. Right there, there's no holster, no nothing. The Plexiboros word for worst use of a weapon? Yeah. I think it goes to Cobretti for the way he holds his gun down his crotch of his high-wasted jeans.

I like it. Deanne Waiter's a word. It's really Marco Rodriguez is the supermarket killer. Thanks to Amazon, I was able to look up what his name is. Not a lot of other credits for Marco. Or a guy the Night Slasher, which I think he's not in it. I don't know if he's in it too much. much. I mean, you could argue he's the third star

of the movie, so I'm leaning towards supermarket killer, but the case for Thompson is not the end when he's screaming up, pit, pit, it's that scene where he's sharpening the knife. And this dude flexes for 90 seconds, just sharpening the shit

out of it. And my belief is that cutting of his finger was an ad lib, because Stallone wouldn't give him any back story, so I'm going to have to harm myself just to make this guy fucking interesting. She stills the scar. Yeah, screw it. I would have cut my finger off. I just need to have something. And then Meanwhile, the mole cop is like sort of putting her lips all on his shoulder. And you think that they're probably getting after it.

It's a powerful scene. And yet with one scene only, I have to go supermarket killer. That guy went on to have a role as a lieutenant in The Crow with Brandon Lee, that actor. But most of his credits are like, you know, he's in Walker, Texas Ranger. He's in this, he's and that. I would probably go with the, we'll call him the SMK, the supermarket killer. He's kind of a cousin of the killer and ghost. where it looks like if they made a movie together

Willie Lopez. If him and Willie Lopez teamed up, it would have been amazing. I have an important question about the mole cop. Yeah, go ahead. Whose name, I think, was like Stark or something like that? Yeah, I don't know. Can't remember. Could you talk yourself into being attracted to her when you were like in the mid-80s if you were a teenager? Well.

Because there's one thing where she has the makeup on. Yeah. I don't think she's like a naturally like drop-dead gorgeous kind of thing. but the psychoticness of the character, it's, I don't know, it's a little intriguing. I needed your thoughts. My thoughts are this.

While Kobredi and Brigitte are having their little hookup, two bungalows over, those two definitely got it on, for sure. Poppy? Poppy? Yeah, oh yeah, Poppy,

and they definitely had sex in that bunker. They had some lollipops and gummy bears afterwards, and that's part of the way she manipulated him. So the answer to me is, yes, I could be attracted to Poppy when I was a kid.

I just needed something on TV, but I think the two of them hit it. Yes, I do. At the very least, she was serial killer cult hot. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Recasting couch. There's two answers. Answer A is, this movie is perfect, don't touch it.

Answer B is, could we have done better than Brigitte? Now, Brigitte is one of the reasons this movie is so funny to us. She's not Meryl Streep, as discussed earlier. You could have grabbed somebody from the mid-80s. Sure. Who do you got? Well, this is somebody who died recently who I was always a huge fan of

as were my friends who I thought was completely underrated never was in the right movie never really tapped into like the sexy part of her as much it was more of it was kind of stealth which is why we liked her Marky Post

Oh yeah From Night Court. Night court, yeah sure Always thought like she had that very 80s hair kind of like that hockey mullet kind of hair that's like, man, what would you look like if your hair was normal? But it was the times. She's great body.

She's great personality. And I was thinking, like, if she's in this movie, would I be more scared for her versus Brigitte, who I'm never scared for at all? And it's just hilarious every scene she's in. I don't know. I don't know the answer. So what's the sync up with Nightcourt in this? Nightcourt on in 86?

It's not on, but she's in the mix. She was on the fall guy at this point. She's with Heather Thomas, which kind of secret. stealth, ridiculous combination of Marky Post, Heather Thomas was one of the original dream teams. What if we double down and make a bull from Nightcourt the Night Slasher?

We'd call it. We raid the cast of Nightcourt. No, I do have one serious recast well, and this is this dead serious. All right. Why not, Bill? Just get the fucking band back together. And in the role of the Night Slasher,

Dolf Lundgren. Just get them back together. Oh, wow. Screw it. He'd be scarier. be bigger, he'd be stronger. If you want to have Bert Young come and be Stallone's partner, can screw it.

Would that have worked, or is it too stupid to have Dolph as the Night Slasher? I think Dolph overshadows. I think the Night Slashers needs to be a new face, right? I thought you were going to say Carl Weathers as his partner in the Reni Santoni role. He's just his sidekick. I kind of would have enjoyed that. It would have been nice if Adrian played the Brigitte role and actually gets killed by the Night Slashire.

I would have liked that. She says, you can't win and then just gets cut. Oh, sorry. I have beef with Adrian. So, Half Sinter Research, we did a lot of these, but there's this novel called Fair Game by Paula Gosling. Sure. That was the source material for this movie. They ended up changing a lot of it.

They ended up making the movie with Cindy Crawford and William Baldwin. Yeah. And then it gets turned around in Beverly Hills cop, too, because that was originally why they started making that. So it's somehow tied to these three movies. Two, it has nothing in common with. And then the third one, which was they actually had something common with, was a bad movie. Almost got an X rating.

And not for sex, right? I heard X and I was like, oh, maybe Brigitte and Correlli. Just violence. That's what they did. X. Final scene was shot at the Pacific Coast Club in Long Beach,

which I thought was weird. Yeah. The car was a 1950 Mercury. It was actually owned by Slice Stallone. They had to make three other replicas to use for the chase scenes to get fucked up while keeping Slyz car safe.

The knife, used by the night slasher was made by a knife designer named Herman Schneider. Stallone was in the knives, so he asked this guy to create a memorable knife. And that knife was pretty memorable. I would argue it was one of the best weapons of any core action movie, right? Yeah, that guy was like the Hedori Hansu of knives. Like he could make like the greatest knife ever. And listen, we'll get to this later.

I got some strong takes about the knife. Well, we can get to it now. Let's do it. Did it have finger holes? It seems like it was almost like brass. knuckles as a knife. That's exactly it. It's got a, all four of your fingers go in, and then there's spikes on the grip with the slashing knife. And in the final battle, Night Slasher almost puts the spikes into Sly's eyes. It's like, you know, Kylo Ren has the side lightsaber things.

It's two weapons in one. And listen, I had this, I had this in Apex Mountain knives, because right now you got, okay, go for it. What do you got? No, I just had the same thing. When we, I had, You got obviously Crockettel Dundee's knife, Cobra's knife, and there were knife shows going on. Like they were so hot at the time. Like the knife is what you walk away talking from this movie about like, damn, that knife was badass. I used to draw it on my like school folders.

100%. I'm with you. Even O.J. Probably a little jealous. Great. Great. Another one of the knife guys. Yeah.

The movie Drive, which is a cult movie came out 10 years ago. the director, Nicholas Ruffin, was a huge fan, and that's why the main character had a toothpick. It was a cobra homage. There's a lot of people who love this movie. Stallone animated in 2019. There was a remake as a TV series, but it's been two and a half years.

Nothing happened. Body count, 52, 41 killed by Marion Crobretti. Huh. Okay, and that includes the Night Slasher and the partner and all that. Everything. All the murders we see, we get 52 total. It's tight. Apex Mountain.

Sly, no, we already did Sly. What did we say Sly's Apex Mountain was? Rocky four? I think it was. Rocky four, yeah, because that's before the Sleger. The Cobra, yeah. Brigitte, would you go this or Rocky Four? Probably Rocky Four, right? I'm going to go totally different, and I'm going to go Flavor of Love.

She was like a huge reality star with Flavre, like 15 years later. They built shows around her. She had her own show, like she was the lead in it. She was massive for like a two-year period in the 2000s. Like a total comeback. Stocky mask is a serial killer gimmick. Definitely apexman. Hospital horror movie scenes, no.

I would say Halloween, too. Zero killer cults, yes. Because there's only one. Awkward advertising in a movie that's shoehorned in where they're clearly getting paid. Probably no, maybe back to the future. Still is the winner for that. I think back to the future or, uh, The Wizard with Fred Savage, which was a 90-minute Nintendo commercial for the Power Glove and Red Racer.

It's tough to be. Very fair. John Cafferty and Beaver Brown Band, probably no, Eddie in the Cruisers. San Remos. This is apparently a real place in California. Uh-huh. I'm going to say yes only because I can't think of another thing that's happened there. Knives, you say yes.

Yeah. Important Apex Mountain. Sly screaming, get out of them! Would you go here at Rocky 4? Probably Rocky 4, right? Because he yells that to Apollo. I think it has to be Rocky 4. And then he says,

because we get a doctor in here! And there's no doctors at the fight. And he just dies. I think it's Rocky 4. Give some air! How about motorcyclists getting shot? Is this sure he picks bound? I mean, like 20 of them just getting shot

and flying off the bike in slow motion. And if it's not motorcycles getting shot, it's definitely motorcycles getting grenaded, of which he also does. The grenades, it's wildly gratuitous, but they looked cool. If you really watch carefully, it looks like each time

the motorcyclist is going about eight miles an hour. Because they cut to it fast right as they're coming off, but they're clearly not going that fast. Right. Creepy serial killer vans. I'm still going Buffalo Bill

and Sounds the Lams. That's my number one of, but this one, they do a good job of the van super creepy, but I still say sounds like. What are you about a size 15? What?

You're big fat lady. The 1950s. Mercury Monterey, I think this is Apex Mountain. Have to be. And then 80s movie violence? Probably Rambo 2 is still our answer for that one. Rambotous over-the-top violence. Even like a shit.

Commando, terrible, huge body count. Total recall, I think, snuck into the 80s. Is that 89? Maybe 90. But like disgusting violence. I don't think it's, I think it gets more violent than Cobra. The grocery store guy spends a lot of time shooting carts and groceries. instead of people, and that kind of helps.

Picking Nets. Brigitte Nielsen as a fashion model. I mean, she had the height. I don't really, it's a stretch. Yeah, I hear it you're saying. Cobretti takes Brigitte to a safe house, even though he already knows there's a mole in the inside, but then a lot of the police department seems to know where the safe house is.

Doesn't that defeat the purpose of we've got to get her protected? I have this bill in unanswerable questions. Is there anything less safe than a safe house? It is one of the classic genre tropes, whether it's John Connor or Cobretti or an eraser, like Schwarzenegger brings Vanessa Williams to a safe house. And it's always a slaughterhouse. The safe house always gets leaked. And in this case, very quick.

So no. Miami Vice even, same thing. It's called the unsafe house. It's never a safe house. And we did all these. other picking nits. I don't have any others. There's one tiny thing where there's a banter between

the police officers and Kobredi and they go, what's the magic word? And he's like, please. That is a direct rip-off from the Ghostbusters script that Vankman has with Thornburg, like the same line for line that came out two years earlier. So that always kind of bothered me. That's weird. Could this be

made as a 10-episode Netflix show? My initial answer was no, but I don't know if I'm against it. I think Kobretti's son is there. And it's Marian the second. And, like, he's being bogged down by all these restrictions on police officers these days. And they need him to do it his way. I would be into it.

I'd take any more Cobra. I don't care what it is. Bruno Cobraretti, his son? Bruno. Bruno, yeah, he's got his dad's gun. Is it, is the 10-episode Netflix show about Cobra? Are they playing it straight or is it just a flat-out comedy? Is it like Andy Sandberg as Bruno Cobretti?

Because then it wouldn't be funny. We need someone dead serious to play. Just like Stallone did, that's why it's funny. So like Tom Hardy is Bruno Cabretti, but has no idea. Everyone else on the making the movie knows that it's a comedy except him. Yeah, you go to like, you know, Shalamay and be like, dude, this is your greatest character. Just throw everything you can do it. He's got the hair and it just goes and wins the Emmy.

Probably unanswerable questions. I have six. Okay. How did you get to join the axe-clanging series? killer cult. How do they find members? How do you find 20 psychopaths? Did someone like, have this friend who's been talking about this for a while. I'm going to say if he wants to join on Thursday. How does the group grow? Do they start with 20 or is it like three? Are they recruiting? Did a couple people like, whoa, man, this is too intense. I'm out. Well, because the friend

the person once again, they'd be like, I don't know, what are you guys all about? And they'd be like, we don't know either. But you know, like in Fight Club when they're trying to get in, They're like, got two pairs, black boots, two black pairs back pants. They just be like, got two axes. Yeah, well, you're in. Get in there. Let's go. That's all you need is two axes and you want to kill some people.

That's all you need. And a mean look on your face. Yeah. Did this movie invent the nitrous boost in action movies? Like, you could argue the Fast and Furious franchise just completely rips off Cabretti here. I'm so glad you brought that up. I can't believe you haven't mentioned it. It's not only movies, in endless amounts of video games would have the nitrous boost to do it.

And I like that when he hits it. it, the spedometer just goes limp. It just gets to 130 and then just like, I'm out. It taps out. And then two frames later, he's like driving around a duck pond five miles an hour. But the nitrous boost, I would say, the first time I saw it. I think it invented it. Another thing this may have invented, Hero Ball.

Does this movie invent Hero Ball? Slice can do it his own way by his own rules. Yeah, but he still needs that like Steve Kerr to hit a couple of shots. Like his partner does take out a couple of guys. Poppy does take a couple key bucks. from Poppy. Did this movie foreshadow the era of evil Los Angeles cops? Kind of plants its flag first, right?

Mm-hmm. Then we late 80s, early 90s, and it becomes a theme. It's got anti-hero vibes too in it. Like a little bit of that, like the cobra thing and the violence. But you're right. It was early to that game. I mean, she's a high-ranking LA cop who's actually the mastermind of a serial killer cult.

I know. led by the night crawler slasher, whatever his name was. All right, this is a big picture of Stallone, unanswerable question. Has any movie star ever been shot at more by people with terrible Ain than Slice Stallone? Would you go hammer Schwarzenegger? I know they have to be in the finals. Stallone in this movie, there's 38 people shooting at him. There's people with like sniper rifles and he's just whirling around.

This guy's out, that guy's out, and nobody can come close to hitting him. Everyone's shooting at him. Nothing even hits his arm. Here's the advantage he has in this competition. And this is Duke versus Kentucky, the two one seats. When they would shoot at Arnold, often he would get hit and he'd be wounded and he would be bleeding. Stallone doesn't even get grazed. His jacket's not ripped.

His hair isn't blown back. I think the pound for pound champ of getting shot at, because no wounds, no flesh wounds, nothing, has to be sly. I would think it's him. Yeah, because I feel like Rambo, too. he probably clinched the title and then Cobra wasn't sure he totally had it so he ratcheted it up.

The Nightcrawler, Night Slasher. Yep, Night Slasher. Night Slasher. Night Slashers. Nightcrawler's a worm and an X-Men, but it works. I'm not saying best horror movie ever. Villain, horror movie villain ever. Kind of most effective. Does it check the most boxes

of anyone we've had in a movie? What would you change? What's he missing? If you're comparing him just to like Buffalo Bill and Silence of the Lambs and Michael Myers and Halloween won and he's just going down the line, is this guy actually have the best gimmick? If this is like pro wrestling, where it's like who has the best gimmick, does this guy have the best gimmick?

He's got a cult behind him. He's got the fucking awesome brass knuckle with the little stubs on them, the spikes, and then the knife thing. he's a complete psycho, he's got the weird cheekbones, he's got this deep, crazy voice. This guy really is like LeBron in 2003 coming into the draft. We're like, this guy has no holes. What are his holes?

I think the only hole is Buffalo Bill has this really nuanced pathology about how he's nursing these moths to health because the moth equals change and he wants to change himself. It's highbrow stuff. The Knight Slasher does not give that. But I love that it's all physical for the first 99% of the movie. You don't really hear him speak. And then I got to tell you, when he speaks and does that monologue, it's disturbing.

It's scary. And it's almost like that voice he's got, like, walked so Buffalo Bill could run. Like, he's doing the great big fat person. Like, I watch your eyes pig. Like that's that voice. He's awesome in this movie. So you'd say yes. He checks the most boxes.

he just is missing the big one and all those killers whether it be Jason Voorhees with his mom and all that stuff that's why they kill you're like plot you're like Ebert you want a little more you don't just want your muscle too Bill

and I like that goddamn knife like he trust me he's he's the fact that the guy from Cobra is in the conversation with Michael Myers and Jason and James Gum means that he has one punch power I'll tell you this

Brian Thompson wanted more too I know I did too Sly wouldn't give him the time of day. He was busy making out with Brigitte and his trailer and playing with his bodyguards. I don't even know what that means. I don't know either. What is horsing around with his bodyguards being? What were they doing?

Playing pepper. I don't know. This is bullshit. Played horse. Just betting. Yeah. And, you know, we haven't shouted this out. But Brian Thompson, let's remember.

Brian Thompson is in the original Terminator with Schwarzenegger in the early scene when he's naked. And he's like, wash day tomorrow. Nothing clean. Right. nothing clean right. Him and Paxton are doing a scene together. He was going places and then, God damn, I just wish he could have been bigger.

Look and Slav. Maybe Slav was threatened. What piece of memorabilia would you want from this movie? I'm going with the knife. All right. The knife is great. Like, I'm a little, I'm going to hurt myself with that knife. Like, he's sharpen the shit out of it. I don't want that around.

I got kids here. I don't want that knife. I want the license plate. Awesome, 50. And someday, I know you had a big party. Bill, when I have my 50th birthday party, I'm going to blow that shit up and have it just say, awesome 50 in the banner.

And like, I'm going to take the California plate. Great idea. Who won the movie? It's Slice Stallone. Can I just throw a curveball? Can I make it what won the movie? And honestly,

if I'm the kid walking out of the theater and my mom's picking me up, I'm talking about that fucking knife. I mean, that is, I feel like the knife is in a lot of way, the star of the movie. And I know it Stallone's deal and everything. But for me,

the knife is the indelible an image of this movie. I love that. thing. Would you dress up for the Halloween episode of Good Morning Football as Marion Cobretti? All right. It's so funny you say that. Because right now we're playing on the Halloween episode. In the past, I've been Brian Bosworth. I've been Bill Belichick last year. And if I'm Cobretti, yeah, I could do it as long as P. Shreg's was the night slasher. And then K would have to be Brigitte. So I don't know if either of those are going to go over. Nobody knows that movie. Five people would think it was the greatest thing you ever did.

And then everybody else would be like, what's going on here? What movie is this? More likely it's going to be Latimer from the program. But damn, Bill, if I was co-breddy, I know I would get your love, which it would be awesome. Latimer from the program would be incredible. Place at the table. We sit at a table. It works.

We did it on the rewatchables. It was a good one. Kyle Brandt, great to see you as always. Don't forget to check out 10 questions with him. It's back. It's in full swing. You can listen to all them on. every platform. This podcast was produced by Craig Horleback. You can hear him on the Ringer Fantasy

Football Show, which is an excellent show. Kyle, I will see you soon, I hope. This is always the pleasure, Bill. You're the cure. Thank you, my man.