The Rewatchables - ‘Commando’ With Bill Simmons, Shea Serrano, and Kyle Brandt

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons, Shea Serrano, and Kyle Brandt sneak out of a flight to Val Verde to record the 1985 action classic ‘Commando,’ starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong, and Bill Duke. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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host, guest hosts, and we are reacting to nerd culture, superhero culture, that whole world in real time as the shows and movies keep coming out. Check it out, the ring or verse. Coming up, you're a funny guy, Serrano, I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last. Commando is next. They hunted him down, murdered his friends, and took the only thing he would kill for. You've got to cooperate. Right? Wrong. Now, somewhere, somehow, someone's going to pay. Remember Salary when I promised to kill you last? I lied. Arnold Schwarzenegger, command on.

That's party. All right, Shay Serrano is here. Kyle Brandt is here. We were going to talk about a movie that came out 36 years ago. What if I told you, someone made a cross between die-hard and taken with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Before those movies came out. What if I told you this? This is a thing that happened.

Kyle Brandt, why do you love this movie? Bill, this is a treat. Commando was the first R-rated movie I ever saw ever in my life. It was eight years old. It was at a sleepover at my friend George's house. He had rented it. At that point in my life, I was into Nintendo and I was into sports. Movies kind of boring to me.

Too long. It wasn't into him. And then I saw one man kill another man by throwing a sawblade at his head. And I'm like, I like movies. I'm into it. movies are going to be part of my life. I like Commando because, guys, Commando is just sugar.

It's straight candy. There's no nutritional value, no substantive value. There's no message, no political message. It's 90 minutes. The guy carrying the tree, we're going to take his girl. He's going to crack some skulls. He's going to get the girl back. And then we're going to roll the credits.

It's just candy. And it's fucking beautiful. Shea, you made the key point. We were going to do Predator initially. And you made the key point. We have to do Commando. as kind of the giant appetizer for Predator. It's impossible to discuss Predator

without putting Commando into the context that it deserves. What context does it deserve? You can't eat the steak before you eat the cheese sticks or whatever. Like this is the Cheese Sticks movie. But Predator is Arnold's best movie, his most ambitious movie. I think it's better than the Terminator franchise. but you have to have Commando in place before you get there. You know what I'm saying?

You can't learn to step back three before you learn how to dribble. This is Arnold dribbling right here. He is awful in this movie. And I love every second of it. I love every single second of it. We've been doing action movies. We did 48 hours a couple years ago. But this year in 2021, we've been trying to do a little bit of a history of the action movie and how it evolved.

and we did Terminator 1, we did Terminator 2. We've done a couple. And there's a couple more to come. This one is important for a couple reasons. One, it establishes Arnold as the good guy in a traditional action movie, right? Because in Terminator, he's the bad guy, but clearly he should be the good guy. So it does that. It gets that out of the way.

It sets up the next 10 years of Arnold's career. So there's that. It's also kind of the new version of the one-man army movie that we had seen. you know, you go back to the Bruce Lee movies, Clint Eastwood as the avenging cop, Chuck Norris, eye for an eye, those kind of movies. But they were all kind of low budget, not that great. And this year in 1985, you have Rambo First Blood Part 2, which makes way more money than Commando and Commando.

And Schwarzenegger v. Stallone is off. But now we are now in the one-man, modern action movie. So First Blood versus this movie, Kyle, I think we. all kind of like this movie a tiny bit more? Why? Because First Blood is more of the Thinking Man's movie and also Bill because like, you know, Shea was saying that he thinks that Predators Arnold's favorite movie or best movie, maybe it is. This is far from Arnold's best movie, but in a way, I think it's Arnold's funniest movie. Like I watched it last night and found myself laughing so many times, albeit like

almost all unintentional comedy. But you, if you watch this as an adult now, there is, like rib splitting humor in it that I don't, when you watch First Blood, it's heavy and there's some melodramatic parts, but like, I watch, I watch Commando with a smile. I laugh from the mall to the garden shed, almost nonstop. It's more fun. It's a lighter lift than First Blood. Yeah, it's a way, it's way different energy. Like, okay, here's a good example. Because this happens in both movies. In First Blood, there's like a part where Rambo is hiding in the forest. and he's just like straight up hiding for real and you can see like he's just a broken guy

and he doesn't know what's happening but his instincts are taken over and he's just got to get away from whatever the situation is. There's also a scene in Commando, Kyle just mentioned where he hides. It's in the mall though. And Arnold Schwarzenegger is just the goofiest worst hider. He's a giant and he tries to hide behind a pillar

and like you see half of his whole body because he's just too big and you're like, oh, this is what we're doing? We're doing this for this movie. And it's like that the whole entire movie. And it's great. It's just great. I was thinking First Blood Part 2 comparing this.

Because First Blood is actually a real movie. Rambo 2 is the cartoon version of it's the blown out. Same kind of premise at the ending where it's like the last 20 minutes, we're just killing everybody. Every bad guy has to go. And it doesn't matter if somebody's shooting at our guy from 10 feet away. They're not going to hit him. Yeah.

You can have, he can be in a circle with surrounded by people all shooting on him and he could just calmly do the turn and take out. Make his way around one at a time. I think First Blood, First Blood 2 did better because it had the legacy of the first one. It had Stallone at the peak of his powers, the Rocky 4th thing. And I still feel like it's weird to say this now, but Arnold was a little bit of an unproven commodity as a solo act. But when you watch this, it's all the ingredients of the Arnold omelet, right? The Arnold omelet that we would eat excitedly and happily for the next 10 years, it's all here. I'm Kyle, I'm with you.

It's a really funny movie. I do think sometimes they're trying to be funny, though. So it's like this great mix between unintentional comedy and comedy, which I think only a couple movies have hit. Like Roadhouse hits it. There's been a couple. But I think this one kind of invented that. They did. And I think, Bill, I think the biggest difference between the,

the Rambo, the second movie you're talking about is that they wedge in a love story in that movie. He falls in love with a girl who then kills and she gives him the necklace. Like, Commando said, we only got time for that. We got 90 minutes to kick ass. We're just, and there's like, what I respect to about Commando, there's zero character arc, zero. Like in the first scene, the Matrix tells General Kirby, I'm done with this shit, I'm not doing it anymore. In the last scene, he's like, I told you, I'm done with this shit. I'm not doing it anymore. He's almost Terminator like in the movie. Like he's just almost robotic.

Like I'm only here to get my kid back. There's no sequel, no more missions. Whereas I think again, like John Rambo like always carries that weight and he's tortured by nom and all that. Like Matrix just wants to be in his mountain house and eat sandwiches. Like he's fine. Just give me my daughter. We don't even have to have a movie.

Shay, does this movie set up taken in your opinion? Does it steal, does taken steal from Commando or is, Is it just the only premise is I've got to get my daughter back? No, I think you can make the argument that taken is like a better version of Commando, a better acted version of Commando. I was thinking about that when I was watching this one because there's a part where they, they capture Arnold, they have them tied to the table, they're laying out the plant for him, and he's like, I'm not going to do it.

And then they wheel his daughter in. She's tied to the chair. She's gagged. They've got the guy, Bennett has a knife to her throat. and Arnold has no response at all other than to just like rest his head down he's like dang that's it that's all meanwhile and taken

you can't do a scene like the phone call scene without a real actor like you have to have that vibrating tension for Liam Neeson in the call like you have to see him getting matter and matter without really showing it Arnold can't do all of those all of those tricks right I think that's like the big difference

between that makes sense in The Terminator, we don't need you to have any emotions, anti-emotion for this whole movie. He kind of tries to do the same thing in Commando, but now it's like, I'm a human who does this, and it doesn't quite work, but like Kyle said, it's hilarious almost the whole time. Shea, did you want him to be like, Matrix? I have a very special set of skills to make me a nightmare for people like you, Matrix. I don't know if you pull that off. That's incredible.

Kyle, where does the sentence retired special forces, current? John Matrix, rank for you. Just those credentials right there. It's a great lineup. I mean, it sounds so excellent. It's really like it would jump off

the LinkedIn, you know, like if you were to put that type that in or if that was like, you know, everyone's looking for like a witty Twitter bio about, you know,

I like IPAs and now. What is it again, Bill? Tell me the title because that's my new Twitter bio. It's retired special forces Colonel John Matrix. Every piece of that is best.

It's perfect. Both times when you said that, both times when you said his title, I fucking heard an eagle screech in my ear. I swear to God. I swear to God, I heard it. And the national anthem started playing. Oh, my gosh. What nationality is Matrix, just out of curiosity? What country is, is that like Austria?

Is it shortened? Was it initially like Matrixxan or something? And they just like cut it. They just like, let's end that with the X and we're good. Who knows? I feel like all they did for this whole movie, they were like, hey, what's a cool thing? Someone carrying a log.

All right, we're going to start with that. What's a cool name? John Matrix. Perfect. Where's he from? I don't know. Just write America. Like, that's it.

That's all you get. What are we calling it? I don't know, one word title. No, we don't need two words. Just one. Commando. Done. So one of my favorite things,

normally I would put this in half-ass internet research, but it's too good not to discuss at the top. Basically, the last 25 minutes of the movie has to go to Val Verdi to get his daughter back because it's the disgrace dictator from Val Verdi who's starting all of this. Valverdi, not a country. Made up. They made it up. It's a fictional South American country that's used in other movies because they didn't

want to piss off the actual South American countries and say, you know, Colombia, wherever. They were worried about like liability stuff, tax stuff. So they just made up this country. they filmed everything in California. There you go. So Val Verdi, who I didn't know that, I would watch this movie. I'd be like, Val Verity, where is that? Is that next to Colombia?

Below Mexico, where are we going? Apparently we're going nowhere. This movie, I want to zip through this because we have a lot of categories to get to. $9 million budget made $57.5 million, which is a lot. Let's go. But we're not in First Blood Part 2 territory. and the Arnold versus Sly is on from this point on. Apparently in my research,

they didn't like each other in the mid-80s. I think eventually they kind of came around on each other, but there was a little bit of a rivalry. Kyle, you're only like eight or nine at this point. Did you pick a team? Because for me, I was Team Stallone, and Arnold had to kind of win me over, which he did by the running man.

I was like, you know what, I'm not picking. I love both of these guys. I like having them both of my life. There are no sides. I win both ways. But did you remember being on a team? Yeah, well, I mean, this was easier for me because it's basically which did you see first. Did you see Commando it or did you see Rocky 4 first as far as I'm concerned?

And since I saw Commando first, I was immediately Team Schwarzenegger for life. Like, if I was drafted by team Stallone, I would have done an E-line be like, I refuse to play for you. I have to be on the Commando team. So I think I'm still on the Schwarzenegger team. I remember when it turned, there's a whole running thread by the time it became mainstream and Last Action Hero, where they go to the imaginary world and, you know, Stallone is on the poster as The Terminator.

And then at that point, it was like just open season and they were laughing about it. Shea, who do you have? Where did you side initially and where are you now? I sided initially with Stallone. I'm a Stallone guy. I came across the Rocky franchise first. Stallone still has my heart. I just love him.

I just love that guy. I even when he's doing exceptionally the exceptionally racist last term Rambo movie I was still like that's my guy that's my guy go for it I don't know if I what country was Ian in the exceptionally racist last Rambo movie I don't remember he was fighting the Mexicans it was just straight up kill the Mexicans yeah it was like why what did he have what was his agenda in that one so in this one listen this is how much I love Stallone I read everything about it before I heard how bad it was and I went and saw it the day it came out at the theater. I went and I sat down and watched it. And so in this movie, he is like,

obviously he's an old man. He's living in like a border town with a Mexican woman and her daughter. The daughter ends up going to Mexico to hang out with her friend. Her friend sells her into slavery, basically, like sex trafficking. He goes down there to rescue her on the way back. She dies. He decides, okay, I got to, everybody has to die now. And then, and then it's on. Yeah, I skipped that one. I skip coming to America, too. Sometimes if the buzz is bad on franchises or stars that I love, I'm just out.

Yeah, it was rough. I'm just like, I'm going to pretend it didn't happen. Come on, man, it's never too late. Come to fact. I'll have you. Listen, I love Arnold, but if I got to pick one guy, only one of them was in Demolition, man, and it was still alone. So our guy, Roger Ebert, did not review this movie, which I thought was pretty telling.

I did find a Siskel and Ebert back, five minute back and forth on YouTube. Siskel thumbs down, Ebert, thumbs up. Thought it was silly, a silly enjoyable romp. He was in. But obviously not in enough to actually write about it. Just a thumb. That's all you get. But he definitely, yeah, he was like, thumbs up.

I enjoyed it. It's ridiculous. Arnold's really good in it. And there you go. All right, we're going to take a break. I'm sorry. How did Commando do with the Oscars? Did you skip that in your research?

Was it not nominated? I didn't look at the 86 Oscars. I assumed it was shut out. Yeah. All right, we're going to take a break. Come back and hit the categories. This podcast is brought to you by Carvana. Selling your car should feel like one less thing on your list.

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diarrhea and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and worsen kidney problems. Talk to your doctor. Call 1-800-545-9-9 or visit zepbounce.lily.com. All right, I'm really excited for this. Before we get to the most re-watchable scene, though, I got to say the movie starts out really well with the guy in bed with his wife and it's like, oh, the garbage truck's here today, what? and goes down with the two bags

and then all of a sudden it was like, oh, those two guys don't look like garbage men. Boom. You're afraid you'd miss me. Don't worry. And then we have the next day, and we have three, Bill Dukes involved in three, three massacres

in the first, like, minute and a half of the movie. Like, all right, we're off, here we go. I think they do a good job. I wouldn't say it's necessarily watchable, but it's definitely, this movie does not mess around. It's like Kyle's point. There's no fat, there's no extra scenes. It's a lean, mean, 90,

minutes and we're moving from the get-go. First we watchable scene, the daughter gets kidnapped. There's a lot going on here. First of all, it's set up by an amazing woodchopping montage. How many woodchopping montages have we had in actual movie history? Arnold and five, right? Yeah. Just like, and the shirt's always off.

Something's going on. Then right to the father-daughter montage, which as somebody who loves his daughter about as much as anything in my life. I've never had a montage that good with her. It's never been the one day of like ice cream and a hike and just laughing and it's just kidding for nine hours. You and your daughter never fed a deer out of your hand and gone fishing in the same day? No, we've never had a day like that.

It's the greatest day I've ever seen a father-daughter have. And it's like, oh man, somebody's going to take her. But anyway, she gets kidnapped. Highlights include she goes under the bed. Shea, let's make this clear. go under the bed when the kidnappers show up. That's the first place they look. Never. I don't know who taught the kidnappers, but they know to look under the bed. Go somewhere else, please. Have you told two of the three Serrano kids, the two that you actually want to protect, not the

third wild card, who might come after you someday? Have you told them, don't go under the bed? Yeah. So the thing with the twins is they're already more athletic than I am. Like they just can outrun pretty much anyone. So I tell them, when shit happens, just fucking turn on the big engine. Out the window and go. Yeah. Out the window. Nobody tries to leave.

Everybody's like, hmm, where do I go? I'll go under the bed. There seems to be a standard out, Bill. When your house is being attacked, if they're going to abduct you, you go under the bed. And the other one is if there's going to be shooting, they are like, go get in the bathtub, lie down on the bathtub. Like, they do that in Training Day and a million other movies.

And I want to say the taken thing, you mentioned earlier, they even use the same shot from the point of view of under the bed with the boots approaching. Yeah, the feet. Like, it's shot for shot almost. I still think that Taken ran so that Commando could walk or vice versa, one of them. I think Amanda did it first. I noticed that under the bed thing, which is what I brought taken up earlier. I do feel like they were just like, fuck it. Let's have her go under the bed like in Commando. Do the same thing. A couple other great things about this scene. He goes to get his guns. Yeah. Which takes so long that not a, not a, They have his daughter.

The cars are driving away. It's like maybe put the guns in a better place. The Ford Bronco, he basically freeballs it with the Ford Bronco. My favorite part of the hill. My favorite part. It's going for like a minute and a half. There's no way anyone would be able to do that in real life, right? That's impossible.

With no fucking power steering, he's just going to drive down the side of my... And not only that, but you have to push it to the edge of the mountain. to then go down it. I loved it. Before we get too far away from it, one of the things that jumped out of me when I watched this, I'm so used to all of the modern action movies where everything is super, super efficient and streamlined.

Like John Wick, you get one shot in the head, maybe a bonus one in the chest just to be certain, and then I'm going to keep it moving. And this one, when they show up to kill that first guy, Bill Duke and his buddy, they shoot them 60 times in the first. the chest. And then 10 more times just to be, like they're just

and then like, holy shit. I forgot like just how violent this was. This is incredible. When they get Arnold out of the Ford Bronco and they surround him, there's an incredible booger in Arnold's nose that they didn't have CGIA. You got to look for it next time you watch.

They just, they have the shot over him. It's like, man, could you use the side shot instead of that bat in the cave? I'm almost certain that this is, that is not a Ford Bronco. I'm pretty sure it's a Chevy Blazer. I just want to throw that out. Yeah, you're right.

There's a couple of things about that blazer. Like, first of all, I love that it's just careening down the hill. And Bill Duke keeps looking. He's like, here he comes. He's going to hit us. He's going to hit us. Why doesn't the caravan just stop? Just stop and let him go?

Because the plan that Arnold has works miserably. It's not like there's this heroic ending. He falls off the cliff. It explodes and then he gets abducted. So it's not a cool thing that worked. And if the caravan merely stopped, he would careen into the valley and they'd get away. It's ridiculous.

It's amazing. Second most rewatchable scene, Arnold escaping from the plane. This is everything I want from comedy and unintentional comedy at the same time. Arnold maneuvering around a plane and him just immediately killing the guy next to him. Like immediately. It takes him two seconds. And then he asks for the blanket first,

puts the blanket over him. And then he gets up. She's like, hey, we're about to take a guy. I need to use the restroom or whatever he says. I'm air sick. I'm air sick. I'm air sick. Sir, during takeoff, you must remain seated.

I'm air sick. They're not even in the air yet. They're not even in the air yet. They're just doing nothing. He's air sick. And he does that, don't disturb him. He's dead tired. You know, like Arnold Adler lived?

It was all like, yes, dead tired. Good one. Excuse me. How long is the flight? We land in Valverdi in exactly 11 hours. Thank you. And do me a favor. Don't disturb my friend.

He's dead tired. But then he somehow ends up under the plane, which is this 80s thing that obviously could never happen now. They've been playing so much safer. There's just no way to wander in a cockpit. Go in the cargo. He just effortlessly goes down there.

Ends up hanging from the wheel. The plane takes off. We're now up in the air. Dude. And he does the jump. And he just lands in the Everglades. So wherever he has to read. He falls 400 feet and just lands.

It's like, that's fine. That's fine. I'm Arnold. I just don't think any scenario that he's okay after that jump. Maybe I'm nuts. Immediately goes to the watch. There's so much muscle in that scene. The incredible violence, the one-liners.

There's also something that this is kind of picking nits, but this always drove me crazy. Don't you think that big Hawaiian shirt guy if he's in charge of this muscle man for the whole flight and doesn't want any funny business. Wouldn't he make Matrix be on the window seat? Take the aisle seat. Take the aisle. But maybe he's just the window guy. Like he needed, it's like, shit, this is an 11-hour flight.

Like, I need to look out the window. I get air sick. And because of that, he's dead and Matrix gets away. It's a great point. So if you're abducting somebody, put them on the window seat. Yes. Put them in the middle. And lost this happened.

There's a movie called Red Eye with Rachel McAdams. You got to put the prisoner, the abductee inside, and thus enclosing them. Guy wanted window seat. I almost respect it. Shea, write that down for if you ever have to abduct anybody in an 11-hour flight. I had that one down already. I'm good.

Everything about that scene is hilarious. I love it. I love how they, he jumps from the plane, and it's like almost a skydive. The plane is high enough. He's up there. And then does the quick cut to him landing, like he's been dropped, what, seven feet?

But he did his own stunt, and then he looks at the watch and he's off. It's like, all right, good. I don't know why they didn't just have him land in the water and swim. A lot of great dummy work in this one. When he jumps out of the plane and they show a far shot and it's just plain as day, just a mannequin falling. Like, awesome, awesome.

Yeah, that's good. Next scene I just wrote down as Arnold fights 25 mall cops, throws a phone booth and swings from the ceiling. That's my description of that scene. That's a perfect description. That's probably what the script said, and they just wouldn't shot it. Just do that. Kyle, has any mall in the 80s ever had more security guards, do you think? At least 27, just on hand, all men ready to fight.

All able-bodied, fit men, and I think if there's 27, they all get Arnold down, and then he like hulks out, and 70 of them fly off of them. This is a heavily secure mall, and yet they're all just dropping like flies. There's a drug deal going on, and there's some sort of criminal. In a way, they don't have enough security, because they could. couldn't handle it. So yes, heavily, heavily enforced. There's no like 400 pound security guard just kind of chugging along at the escalator. He's 10 yards behind everybody. It's just, everybody is just a stunt man. Shea, every time someone swings from the ceiling, it seems like

it works. Do you, do you ever have the urge when you see things where you could swing from? 100%. There's a mall in Houston called a Galleria. And it's like a two or three story mall. and they have those are like inflatable balloons almost that they had at the commandal mall but they have things that are hanging at the gallery mall like in Christmas time they've got a big wreath out there

whatever and I always want to just fucking sprint and jump over the edge and grab onto whatever that thing is it seems like it would work out pretty good for me I think it's harder than you think because like in the challenge by one of my favorite shows on MTV sometimes they'll have one where you have to like

run off a ramp and grab onto something and two-thirds of the time that people go flying. They can never actually hold on. But Arnold did it perfectly. I also really loved seeing a mid-80s mall. This was like the kind of... It was jumping. Oh, that mall, it had great stores.

There was a Swenson's ice cream. I was like looking at the stores, starting to figure out, I was looking for a sharper image. Thing was packed, but it was a great mall time. Next one I wrote down was Arnold versus Bill Duke

hotel room brawl. There we go. Let's go. Let's go. It starts with them, what, six inches away from each other? Have you ever seen two guys about to fight who are closer without contact yet? It's like, go ahead, make your move, Matrix, the whole thing. That scene from start to finish, there's so much in it. Ripping the shirt open on her and act like you've been having a good time with Sully. The terrible stage combat, like the fighting is so lame.

the dialogue's so bad that they even make fun of it. You scared, motherfucker? Well, you should be because this green berets going to kick your big ass. I eat green berets for breakfast. And right now I'm very hungry. I can't believe this macho bullshit. And then there's also wedged into the scene like a 10 out of 10 on the gratuitous nudity scale. Like 10 out of 10.

There's absolutely no need for a naked woman in that scene. But you got to get it in in those movies. And sure enough, they did. Yeah, you know the pretty. was flipping out when they were about to start shooting and they, hey, I look through the fucking script. There's no new scene. You put one in.

Well, we couldn't fit one in. You put one in, mister. Everyone's fired. And then they figured it out. They just squeezed it in. By the way, if you look, there's a camera. The couple that they see where we see the topless girl, they're actually filming themselves. So they worked that in, too.

It's a very early. Oh, no kidding. Pam Anderson, Tommy Lee, kind of, you know, paving the way for the future sex tapes. Yeah. Listen, I said that was my first R-rated movie. Like, there was many nights when my friends and I have tried to pause that exact moment. And people listening now wouldn't understand there's no, it's not digital, there's no drag. You have to hit the pause and the tape stops on it and normally gets covered.

It almost goes backwards a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And then you got to wait and then compensate. You would spend an hour trying to pause it because you were nine and wanted to see it. And they delivered it, man. Gratuitous or not. Shay, do you want to have the Bill Duke conversation now or do you want to hold it?

I want to do it now. Okay, go ahead. You have the floor. Wait, just so we're clear, we all love Bill Duke, right? Oh, hell, yeah. I just wanted to make sure. Oh, yes. Because when he pops up in a movie, between this and Predator, like he's been in a ton of stuff, he was great.

He's great as the police detective and minister's society. just every time he shows up in a movie and he starts making that Bill Duke face with those Bill Duke eyes when he just lets them go all the way dead, which is a really hard trick to do. But when he does that, there's the only time I was watching the movie where I was like, Arnold might die right now. This might be the end of the movie. We might only get fucking 10 minutes of Arnold because Bill Duke could absolutely kill Arnold Schwarzenegg. I think in real life, if those two guys fought, Bill Duke walks away the winner.

You got Bill Duke? I got Bill Duke. You have to have Bill Duke right there. It just has that fate. Arnold, you sort of mentioned this a second ago, Kyle, but Arnold has terrible fight confidence. In a movie, when you're watching a fight, it never looks believable.

Another reason now is Team Stallone. He looks like he could fight. Arnold looks like he could never, ever fight ever. Because he probably never had to. Bill Duke can fight. Look at him and I can see he could fight. I think we got the real answer, Shay. You're not Team Stallone or Schwarzenegger.

You're Team Duke. Like, that's your guy. I support it. And he wins Predator. You have a nun Predator? Bill Duke wins the movie. He's unbelievable. That's seen him with the razor blade

and it breaks off on his cheek. It brings a tear to your eye. He has, he rips off. He does, first of all, he doesn't act from 1981 to 1985. He has no IMDB credits. His last thing was Benson in 1981. He played Mad Dogg in Benson

for one episode. Four years off. Commando, Dallas the Early Years TV movie, Starman in the TV series. Then he goes, Predator, No Man's Land, Action Jackson. Then a little bit later, bird on a wire, menace to society,

Sister Act 2, he's in New York undercover as a hitman, and then it kind of falls off again. I don't know what people were doing during that stretch. I would have put Bill Duke in anything with good guys and bad guys. Because he actually could go either, which was the interesting thing about him. Yeah. Yeah. And he's really good at like calibrating the type of intimidating that he wants to be. like when you see him interviewing and um and or interrogating in minnesota society and he's doing the whole like oh you fucked up now thing like god dog to just be to just be like and bill duke's

laser beam of intensity has got to be the most terrifying thing but then you put him in predator where he he adds like 30% fear into the equation like a part when he just runs and starts shooting into the jungle like that's that's a tough thing to do and then In Commando, he's just straight assassin. I loved him. I love him. I love Bill Duke. Shout out Bill Duke.

Kyle, true or false? Bill Duke directed Sister Act 2. You bet your ass, that's true. On the move? Yes. Back in the habit? That's what it's called, right? Back in the habit?

Oh, that's incredible. Directed by Bill Duke. I had no idea. I was just looking at his IMDB to see what else he was in. And who knew he was a... He could do it all, baby? He could do it all. Oh, shit.

He directed a lot of, like, TV. TV shows and stuff. So maybe that's why he wasn't acting. Bill Duke, Renaissance, man. Bill, am I making this opera? Did Bill Duke, didn't he eventually show up in a storyline and lost, like one of the flashback storylines? I think he was in Lost, and it was really cool to see him there.

I think I'm right about that. That sounds familiar. When Lost was running TV, Bill Duke showed up, and we all said a hell yeah. Well, I'm really glad that he met Arnold Schwarzenegger, and I'm glad that continued to work together. Me too. Next thing I have written down is. Arnold driving a forklift into an ammo store, stealing a bunch of stuff, dot, dot, dot, the scuba flippers kill me. I don't know if you notice that.

He's picking up all the ammo and he grabs the two. I need this scuba flippers. Put those in the car. He's a man prepared. He knows where he's going. Bill, about the flippers. I'm so glad you mentioned them. The cart is already teeming with possessions.

They have to put the flippers on the top. And the best part, he doesn't end up using the flippers. Because, you know, even if he had gotten away, he's rowing the boat later. And I also think it's incredible that clearly in that, it's basically doing supermarket sweep with, like, weapons, just putting everything in the cart. He at one point must have grabbed like a black speedo bikini briefs because he has swimwear when he gets off the amphibious plane that I guess he bought that. I love that scene. Love it. He packs better than the three of us would pack if we were going on a family vacation and had four days to prepare and go to do.

different stores and get ready. He's somehow in the middle of night in L.A. as he's being chased by police or hit men or whatever and breaks into an ammo store that has no alarm on. Nope. It's the perfect ammo store. It has everything. It even has missile launchers and shit with that. Somehow, also

has scuba flippers. What ammo store is scuba flippers? I was like an army surplus. Yeah. And then yeah, okay. And then the last one I don't even know what scene we would pick, but it's Arnold blows up everything kills everybody.

I guess if you're going to pick a scene, maybe it's his showdown with Bennett, which is just bizarre. Arnold is shirtless halfway through this whole thing. Kyle, do we figure out why his shirt came off? He just took it off and he got sweaty. He goes to the vest, no shirt. And then when he goes to what I think

is the ultimate moment of the entire movie, the Garden Shed, he's wounded and he takes off the vest. I don't know why, but he does. And it looks badass because he's got the body camo. but I actually I put them I compartmentalize there's the

the Bennett Matrix fight that garden shed scene like when he's killing people with axes and machetes and throwing

saw blades at their head like that's when it reaches like full on 10 out of 10 comedic violence that's the one that I love I love that moment

so when he throws the blade of the guy's head and he's just like I'm just going to take the whole top of your head off and then he comes out and he chops the guy's arm off

like the one with the head I understood because he's killing everybody right here. But the guy with the arm that he cuts off with a machete, he didn't kill him. He just cut his arm off and left him to beat. It's like, incredible. If we're doing a thing, we're like, okay, what other movies took stuff from Commando? We could say that the scene and equalizer at the end when he's in the hardware store, when Denzel's in the hardware store, and now he's using all the hardware equipment,

maybe that began right here. They saw that. We should do a whole thing with just this. Shay, I know you know this, but you're penciled in for the Equalizer podcast. Thank God. Thank God. Because I would have burned this whole shit down. I would have burned it. I said it all on by. It's not a question of if.

It's a question of when. And you say hardware store, it's a fucking Home Depot, and they're there for a half hour. And I'll never understand why Home Depot was like, cool. Because it's Denzel Washington. You let him go. I really need the Home Depot. They're like, okay, Denzel. got it. If I was the CEO, if I was the CEO of Home Depot, and they were like, hey, we want to

have Denzel Washington kill a bunch of people in your store. Even if it was in real life, I'd be like, go for it. It's Denzel. It's Jenzel. Four o'clock Tuesday. That's the day I can spare. What's the most rewatchable scene for you, Kyle? I mean, how do I follow up that? I can watch the garden shed scene over and over. And now every time I go to Home Depot, I'm going to think about doing it. You know, I did God's work last night, and I watched the 91-minute director's cut instead of the standard 90-minute. I didn't know what existed. I saw that. You think, so what the hell went in one minute? It's not a joke. It's 90 versus 91. Guys, I'm thrilled to tell you, a lot of that one minute goes to the garden shed scene. And after he, not decapitates, but he kind of scalps the guy with the first sawblade. There is a second sawblade victim that is worth your money. It's a throw sawblade to the neck area. Very gory. and there's also Shea a second shot of your boy missing his arm down on the ground.

So most of that one minute is allocated to quality, quality shit. So I'm going to go back to the Home Depot Garden Shed, the sort of axe and sawblade hunger games that Arnold plays and wins. That's my scene. I'm so upset because I was going to either rent the 90 or the, I saw the director's cut

and it was one minute longer and I was like, oh, it seems like a money grab. I'm not getting that. I didn't realize I was getting actual stuff. Yeah, and a few of Alyssa Milano's lines Chines change in the director's cut where they're a little saucier. They let her talk a little more vulgar, which I thought worked because you would. Wow.

Yeah. What do you have for most rewatchable, Shea? I have the opening. This is my favorite opening of any action movie that Arnold is in. I think the music is great. I don't know who did the score. But as soon as that music comes on, I feel like I'm a kid again. I feel like I'm seven years old or whatever, five years old watching this.

I laugh every single time when the guy shows up. Herbie shows up and he's like, hey, this thing is happening. We're going to leave some of our guys here with you. And Arnold's like, are they good? And he's like, yeah, they're great. They're not as good as you, but they're great. And then they die immediately. Like so fast.

Like so fast they die. And then Arnold's doing the whole like stay downwind. Oh, you think I could smell them? That's how I could smell it, whatever. It's just great. Yeah, what was that about? Superpowers. He just caught some B.O. from like 100 yards away.

What was that? He definitely smelled something. We didn't talk about her yet, but this is a, I think radon Chong is great in this. Oh, we have, I have it. I have her on what stage of best. Yeah, it's coming. I have for most rewatchable Arnold escaping from the plane. To me, it's everything I want.

It's really good. I just, I love him navigating it. I like the passengers looking at him. He's a fucking unicorn. Like, he's walking around. He's like the 6-3 guy who's just ripped. He's like, going to the bathroom. I love every.

Any carry-on baggage? Just him. And the guy gets through your hiss at it. Open your mouth again, you know? Should have taken the aisle seat. So yesterday I was watching this, and Kyle text me while I was actually watching this, we started messaging back and forth. But I'm sitting on the couch in the living room.

In the middle of the day, mind you, just like, I'm going to watch this movie right now because I'm excited about it. And every time Arnold was about to do something, it didn't matter what it was. It was just me and the baby were watching it together. But I was screaming at the rest of the house, Commandos eating an ice cream. Get out here. commando's about to jump out of

for a fucking 90 minutes straight I'm just screaming at everybody they hated it it was miserable I had a great time I have a new category not a new category but it's just a special category

for this one let's go greatest unintentional comedy moment here are the nominees Arnold chopping wood in a tank top the father-daughter montage

ice cream fishing and swimming I put exclamation points there just that whole section Arnold getting off the witty one-liner as he's going through Creed magazine that you can barely understand they need subtitles he goes Why don't they call him girl George

It would cut down on all the confusion I think It's like what's happening You're editorializing a culture club What did they put this in? Dan Hadeas for an accent He plays the disposed dictator During the era when you have American people Playing people with bad accents

I don't know why he's in this movie. We'll get to him later. Arnold stripping down to a bathing suit and rowing a canoe for no reason. None. No reason at all. He just had a speedo. Yeah, no flippers. There's three different points where they have him shirtless, which seemed gratuitous. It seems like that was a note from the producer. So I have all those three combined. And then finally, this is my pick.

Matrix is challenging Bennett at the end to fight. He really wants us. He knows there's Bennett. There's some sort of connection with them that Bennett, it might be a little more than just we were friends once upon a time. They're definitely kind of going there a little bit. And he plays on it and he does the whole, let's just go, forget the guns.

Let's see who's better. And it cuts to Bennett and he kind of almost has an orgasm. He's like, yeah, you want some Matrix? And it seems like it was take eight where he does the first couple. and they're like, nah, could you actually, like, be a little creepier? Like, we're going for something here. Like, he has kind of maybe a crush on Matrix, but can you really, can you really, like, enjoy relish this?

And he dials it up, dials it up, and we end in that last take. So I'm picking that. What do you have, Kyle? Well, Bill, I don't want to step on anything here, but there's a long-running internet thought that Matrix, or rather that Bennett is in love with Matrix. Oh, I don't think that's a theory. I actually really think that that was what they were going for. The director even said, he was on record as saying his coaching to Bennett was,

you hate this guy, but you love him. And if you watch it through that lens, like, he does show signs of absolute romantic love. Like, he always is reminiscing, you know, like, if Matrix was here, we'd laugh too. And Matrix and I could do this. And Matrix and I, and I just feel like in Matrix's most desperate moment, when he's wounded and he's got the daughter, he turns around and, like, he challenges him. He also kind of sort of like talks dirty to him a little bit. Yeah, they have like a little bit of a moment.

He's like, come on, Bennett, you don't need the girl. You want to stick it in me. Just want to pull a trigger. Put a knife in me. It looked me in the eye and see what's going on in there when you turn it. That's what you want to do, right? He literally says, don't deny yourself the pleasure. And then who's his, let's party.

And it's like it gets very strange. and then Bennett says, I'm going to shoot you in the balls. It all gets very sexually charged very fast. It's odd. Not only Tango and Cash really compares when you're talking about action crossed with weird sexually charged energy that we don't know where it's coming from. Shay, do you buy this theory that Bennett was in love with John Matrix? No, see, I got a different vibe when I was watching the movie. It felt to me, if we're looking for a comparison, more like in John Wick 3 with

Mark DeCos's character, Zero, when he's like after John Wick the whole time, and he finally meets him, and he's like, hey, the one time he breaks character of the toughest ass, and he's like, hey, I'm a really big fan, and like, this has been great. I just want to let you. Oh, interesting. Yeah, that's how it felt when I was watching it this one. It seemed like he just really respected and appreciated how good Matrix was at killing. And he's like, if I'm going to measure myself up against somebody, it's got to be this guy. He had, dude, he had a fucking crazy amount of confidence. Imagine how confident you have to be to know you're in a movie with

Arnold Schwarzenegger and you're like, I want to wear a sleeveless shirt next to the while I fight this guy. He doesn't have any muscle tone at all, like nothing. I think Bennett, I wrote this down in my little notes while I was watching it. I think Bennett is the how we know that they didn't quite know what they had in Arnold just yet. Because if you know, you know 10 years from now what Arnold is going to become, you can position him against a different kind of bad guy. Somebody who's a little more intimidating, I was never afraid of Bennett at all. I never felt like, I never even felt creeped out or weirded out by him and just felt like I was waiting for him to die. I think that's only because they didn't know how great Arnold was

going to be at like being the meat in these kind of movies. Right. How convincing he was. The actor who played Bennett was named Vernon Wells. He described his look as Freddie Mercury on steroids, which I think... That's exactly right. I think he kind of, I think he kind of kind of nailed it. The director, Mark Lester, coming off Firestarter with Drew Barrymore, right to Commander.

He said, Bennett was, quote, in love with Matrix, but he hated him too. He wanted to kill him, but he was in love with him. That was the quote you referenced. Yeah.

So I guess that's what they were going for. What's Age the Best? Actually, let's take a break, and then we'll do What's Age the best. If you're chasing data down, instead of seeing it in one place, you need the Intuit ERP. Intuit Enterprise Suite.

All your data in one place, with built-in AI for real-time insights. Learn more at Intuit.com slash ERP. All right, what's age the best? Bill Duke's first three quick scenes at the top, I love. Mid-80s malls, I love.

Arnold having the secret gun shed in his, whatever, his layer, I just love. Bill Paxton, a little cameo, again. Incredible. Out of nowhere, and it's like a nothing cameo. We lost them, sir.

played by yeah well Bill what's funny about that is that Paxton and Arnold had a scene in Terminator

yeah that's what I was about saying I'm almost certain what happened is they were on set had to be Paxton was doing like his

Paxton thing was making everybody laugh like between shots and Arnold said hey get this guy get him in here somewhere

because I just want to hang out with him again I think that's fair more would say it's the best Arnold's one liners which include

I'll be back Bennett which they just do the Terminator callback You're a funny guy, Sully. I like you that, so I'm going to kill you last. Then the callback for, remember Sully when I told you I killed you last, I lied.

I thought about putting the cliff scene in there. I think the cliff scene is more of a wood stage the best because it's fast. Ray Don Chunk going, would you do to Sully? I let him go. It's good. Yeah. Great. Tell the truth.

He told the truth. We'll take Cook's car. He won't be needing it. Let off some steam Bennett, which apparently he, Arnold has like five ad libs in the deleted scenes before we get there. but his one-liners were top of the game. Another one's age the best. Commando just hijacking the 48-hour theme song.

Oh, yeah. Talk about it. Unapologetically. They just were like, hey, we'll take this. We're just going to put this in our movie. The steel drums. I've seen 48 hours as much as any other movie ever for me. It's like 48 hours of Halloween I've probably seen the most.

It's like just hearing it is jarring. I feel like I'm, and I can never wrap my head around it, but it also aged the best because it reminded me of 40-8 hours. Um, what stage the best? Radon Chung. Go, Shea. That's my pick. She's great in this.

She's super funny. The scene when they're fighting, when Bill Duke and Arnold are fighting and she's doing like fight commentary is hilarious. It's a really smart, like, we know this movie is kind of goofy. Just play along with us. The scene when she's in the car and she's having her freak out and she's screaming at Arnold doing like, you know, are you going to tell me what's going on? and he says no, and she's just like,

like she's just a great balance for him. This is like one of my hottest movie takes is that Justin Long in the diehard franchise when he shows up there was outstanding, just a great addition to it. And I feel like watching this movie, that's where they got that idea from. They put her in here.

And she was just great. Every single time they put the camera on here on her. She was funny and charming and like, cool, we should have more of Ray Don Chon in these movies. Wow. I would double that. What's the age the best, Radon Chong, in the sense that she is there and she kicks some ass in her own way. She fires a rocket.

There's no romance between she and Arnold. She's a woman of color. And if you read about it, the director sits here and says, we saw every woman in town. We auditioned Sharon Stone. We did this. And we liked Radan Chong. And I guess there was, Bill, I don't know if you've read this. There was going to be a romantic scene that they were going to shoot.

And they cut it for really heavy reasons about concerns about how it would be received. by cinemas in the southern United States because she was a black woman and Arnold was a white man and so they cut it for that. So it's awesome that they cast her and I do think the performance actually ages really well too. I like her in this movie.

It's interesting because Golden Child comes out the next year with Eddie and there's this whole love interest thing with Charlotte Lewis who's... I think... I can't remember she was Asian. I can't remember where country she was from but she was beautiful.

Yeah. And they cut the love scene for the same reasons you just mentioned. and they were like, America's not ready for this. They wouldn't show Eddie basically getting on with anybody until coming to America. And even then, it was kind of like hinted at, not whatever, but it was the same thing. And you'd think, like, the Radon Chung casting is actually really inspired that they put her in because they just would have gone normally with the white girl du jour.

There was also, I'm older than you guys, the fact that she was Tommy Chong's daughter was like a thing in the mid-80s. Cheech and Chong were like, they were really, really big for, I don't know, seven, eight years. And the fact that he had a daughter who was now an actress who didn't look like him at all was like a novelty thing. So when she showed up in this, it was like, oh, Cheech and Chong, like really? Is there a Confville? Like, would it be like Kean Peel's daughter now or something like that? No, because those guys, their whole gimmick was they were like crazy stoners, you know? It was like nobody took them seriously.

Yeah. So I don't know. It was just surprising that she was so good in the moment. Now we've seen it a million times. We know she's good. There was a very small period of time where we were trying to argue that Raydon Chong was Mexican. Because we assumed that Chong, part of Cheech and Chong, we thought he was Mexican too because he was hanging out with Cheech. We were just like, oh, they look like my uncles.

And this is his daughter. We get to claim her too. And then in college, I found out that that wasn't the case. It was heartbreaking. But she's still great in the Mexican community. She's an icon. She's a good example of just the way Hollywood worked back then because basically she has this.

She was in Soul Man, which actually was a movie that did well. And now I think people would have a heart attack if they saw it. And then within five years she was doing, she had like a six-episode arc on Melrose Place, and that was it. And then it just kind of never happened for her. But I thought she was really good in this. this movie. I liked her. What's Age the Worst? Commando stealing the 48 hours theme song. I'm putting in

both categories. Kind of makes me mad. I don't know. I don't like that they just took it. Ray Don't Chong, like, pretty quickly is Team Arnold in this movie and just kind of rolling with it. And it's, I don't know if Stockholm syndrome can happen in like 30 minutes, but it seems like it does here. I don't know why she's not running away from this guy. What he does to make her want to be. be a part of this and risk her life and he ruins her car, he pulls the seat out, they crash the car. She's just good with it. Kyle, what happened? Why did she like him so much? By the end of it, they're a family. This is the Matrix family. The three of them are like, they get in that plane and Ray Dawn hugs her. Yeah. This woman, obviously, at Lisa Milano would be heavily scarred psychologically.

There's hugs. There's, come on, we're going to go home. And they become a full-on 80s sitcom family. in the 11 hours it takes to fly from L.A. So what is it again? Via Verde. Val Verde. They're a family. That's it. They live happily after after.

Shea, no scene in here where Alyssa Milana goes, you're not my mom or anything. Just immediately embraces their huge hug. They're ready to go. That's in Commando 2. That's actually my pick for what age is the worst that we didn't get Commando 2. Oh, I had that. Yeah, I had that for you.

I had it probably inensible questions. Let's do it now. Hey, how is there not Commando 2, 3, 4, and 5? How? How? Why? Why? What a disaster that was.

I don't know. It's set up perfect. Commando 2. No chance. You're ready to roll. Let's go. Kirby, put that beret back on. They set up.

He doesn't want to do this. Come on. One last job. Like, hey, that's five movies. Radon Chung shooting a missile launcher. I just have to throw in what stage is the worst. It's so improbable. I disagree.

I disagree. Even for this movie, it's so absurd. It's great. And she shoots it backwards the first time and makes a joke. If I gave you a missile launcher, there's no way you would know how to turn it on. None of us would. She's like, oh, I have it the wrong way. Let me flip it.

She's a genius. Bill, I would just piggyback on that at which age the worst. Whatever police department that is responsible for showing up on the scene, a couple things with that. So earlier in the day There was several killings at the mall And there was a crazed man with a guns Swinging across the mall Hours later they find that man in possession

Of a large pile of machine guns At a gun store He walks out of the store And if he watched the scene again He's not handcuffed He's not handcuffed He walks out and he's not handcuffed And then they put this desperate violent criminal

Like in the back of like Chief Wiggums A police truck This dirtbag who's like Talking like flirting game with the girl That like Couldn't I take making that criminal slightly more serious.

This is a very desperate criminal. These are great points. Dan Hediah, in the Wikipedia, it says he plays a South American former dictator. How many former dictators are there? I thought like you're a dictator

and then you get killed by the guy who wants to be the next dictator. Is there anybody who's like, I'm a former dictator. You know, I've moved, doing more philanthropy now. Like, there are no former dictators, are there? I don't think there's a two-term max. It's not like that where you step down and go to the next dictator now.

The casting of that is awful. Mentioned going under the bed. And then I got to say I wanted more from the last song at the end of the movie, which is, I think it's called We Fight for Love. It's just so horrible. I'm like, couldn't they get Peter Satera? He was out of run that year. He's doing KKKKK2.

Maybe just grab Pete for one more. The end of point break after Johnny and Bodie fight and he tosses, he's not coming back and he tosses his badge. rat kicks in and in 91 and it's like, goddamn right, that's how you end a movie. I would have liked a little more here. But then again, a family sitcom was unfolding, so maybe they went light. That's true.

Any other what's aged worst for you, Shea? I think, so we began to talk about it, but not the act of radon-tron shooting the missiles launcher, but that that's the plan she came up with was to shoot it at the truck that Arnold is in and hope it works out.

That could have gone badly. They could have gone real bad. This guy said, oh shit, I can. killed Arnold. All right, I'm going to go home now. The other what's changed the worst for me. It's just that yellow Porsche that they annihilate in the movie. It just hurt my feelings. It's such a nice

one. Casting what ifs. Apparently, Gene Simmons and Nick Nolte were in the mix for this movie at some point before Arnold got it. Bennett was supposed to be played by Wingshouser, who's had a complicated career, and he got fired on the set in the first day, and they went and they got Vernon Wells.

the director wanted Raul Julia for the role of Arias, the former South American dictator. Which would have made sense since he's actually somebody who could have pretended to be from a country like Val Verde. No, went with Dan Hedaya. And then John McTurne

and was offered the chance to direct, turned it down, ended up doing a movie that you might have heard of called Predator. Hey. He ended up directing that one. So I don't know, maybe he played that correctly. best that guy, aka the Joey Pants Award.

So this is tough. We basically have two winners. I never do this for this category, but we have two. Vernon Wells, who played Bennett, who you also remember from Weird Science and Bad Backs,

he probably didn't know what his name was. So we have him. And then, I think one of the best ever in this category, David Patrick Kelly. That's my guy. Hell yes.

That's my guy. The gang leader from the Warriors. He was Luther in 48 hours. Yes. I don't think anyone knows Do people know he's David Patrick Kelly? Yeah, he's in the crow. Yeah.

I think they know him as that guy. He's in Crooklyn. So we'll give it to him. He's in John Wick. He is in John Wick. He's a long list. I have won that girl. The flight attendant who tells Matrix

the fight will be exactly 11 hours. She is Bruce, Bruce Willis's wife in the last Boy Scout. She plays Tila in the Dolph Lundgren He-Man movie. Like, she was hot for a while. Good catch. Good catch, Kyle. And she wanted, she was trying to go that Demi Moore role and route and that just dried up.

But she was Tila in the He-Man movie. That's a legit role. Do we have a name for her? I wrote it down and then I lost it. We'll find it. Whoever, the flight attendant exactly 11 hours. Great, uh, great that guy candidate then, if none of us know her name and can't even recall it. Uh, the Vincent Hanna, give me all you got a word.

this did the the finalists are radon chung for being flustered in the beginning when she's getting kidnapped and she kind of dials it up there for about a minute and half but I think the winner is Bennett Bennett in that last scene I don't know what more you can do to earn the Vincent Hano word so he didn't win the Joey Pants Award but he wins that one I don't need the gun John I don't need the girl

I don't need the gun John I can beat you I don't need no God! The Judd Nelson Award for This is a new category for This we did after the New Jack City podcast. The guy who's just in a different movie than everybody else.

Whatever movie he's in, it's not the same movie as the other people. I think Dan Hadei is in a completely different movie. I don't know what he's basically in a TV movie playing a South American dictator that he got called in last second. or he's in an episode of family ties where they're like,

we need a dictator for this, we'll get Dan Hedaya. I don't know if he knows he's in an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. He's terrible in this movie. I just look at him. Every time I see him, Shea, I just see,

it's just the dad from Clueless. Like, that's the guy who they picked to play the Bloodthirsty Dictator. Or Carla's husband and cheers. Yeah. Yeah. The torterelleys.

Yeah. So I got a different pick for that category. Okay. I want Enrique's. The guy who Arnold kills on the airport. plane. He was just, yeah, he was just like completely unaware of how dangerous this guy was, that he's supposed to be shepherding across the globe.

Dionne Waiter's Award for Best He Check. Yeah. All due respect to Bennett, great performance, but Bill Duke. Bill Duke plays 12 minutes in this movie. I think he ends up with 20 rebounds. He's unforgettable. He blocks seven shots. He made two threes.

It was just, just put his impression. on this game. This is a great example of to win this award. It's not that you just have to be outrageous and goofy like what Bennett does. Like if you can be good at it, that's how you steal it here. He's great. Yeah, it's like Arnold kills him in your surprise. He's like, wow, he killed Bill dude. Didn't think he'd be able to pull that off. When he says this green beret is going to kick your ass, you actually do believe him. I just have one submission in the Dionne Waiter's world. This would be this guy plays 12 seconds but hits two 35 put three

pointers. The security guard at the mall who's on the mic describing Schwarzenegger six foot two brown hair and one gigantic motherfucker. Attention all units. Emergency on a theater level. Suspect six foot two

brown hair. He's one gigantic motherfucker. Amazing line. And before he reports to the crime, he's talking to some girls and he gets the call and he goes, want to see me kick some ass. And you laugh every time. Two for two with six points in ten seconds floor time.

I love that guard. Big, do you there? Listen. There's a guy over here that may be a wacko. I don't think I can handle him alone. I'll be right there. Want to see me kick some ass. Great guy.

It's like a Taylon Horton Tucker type. Just came in quickly. Why wasn't that Bill Paxton, by the way? I don't know. Bill Paxton, have them in that part. Have him the cop flirting with the, ladies. Recasting couch.

Shea, I'll cede the floor. What Latino actor or somebody who could have pulled off anything in that sphere should have been in the Dan Hedairogg? I don't want to just default to Jimmy Smiths who had 90% of the parts in the mid-80s. But is there anybody else we could have pulled in here? You always have to talk about Edward James almost if you want a real actor in here. I thought about him. He's too good of an actor, though.

I don't know if he can be in this movie. Let's get here. Here's what you do then because they have the guy in there. They just put him in the wrong role. The guy that they leave to talk to Arnold to explain what's going to happen with his daughter who's sitting in the chair holding a little note, that's Gary Cervantes, who I remember him from blood in blood out, smoky. Put him in the role.

Let him get some shots up. He would have been great. He has like a perfect slime ball kind of energy to him. He'd been really, really good here. I was trying to figure out if we could have shoehorned SI Morales into this. He's always great. It would have been a younger deposed dictator who's still somehow alive.

Maybe like he could have been like the dictator's son. It could have been some way to make that work. I like that guy that's a mission, Shay. That guy in his very limited screen time, he comes in, he's holding the I love you note. And Arnold's fucking pissed. And the guy's like, mellow out, man. I can't talk business if you're waving. Wrong.

But that guy does own. the room against like a fully 10 out of 10 pissed off Arnold, and I respect that moment. Okay. Halfass internet research locations include the mall was the Sherman Oaks Mall, which you can if you ever come to L.A., still exists. We had the, when Matrix flies to whatever island, which is in Valverdei, actually that was it's called San Nicholas Island. It's off the coast of Santa Barbara.

So if you're ever looking to find Valverde, go to Santa Barbara. And then the big house, that whole compound where they have the climax is the Harold Lloyd Estate, which is in Beverly Hills. Did you recognize that location? It was in another movie that came out a year earlier. I didn't. Oh, wait, what was it? Was it Rocky Four or no? Beverly Hills Cop.

That was the big shootout in the last 15 minutes when they go to that giant house. That makes sense. Same house. They just ran it back. Yeah, they didn't care that Beverly Hills Cop came out a year before. They're, ah, nobody'll notice. So that happened. I love this tidbit, the director, Mark Lester.

Again, fire starters, Mark Lester. He wanted Arnold to actually dangle David Patrick Kelly over the edge without any help to make it more realistic. And Arnold said, are you crazy? So they used the crane. You mentioned they did want to shoot the love scene. My information was they shot the love scene, and they came. cut it. So I don't know if it actually got filmed or not. It's probably for the best, aside from the racial issue of it, you can't have a love scene when there's a knife to your daughter's throat

and you're making out on a plane. Like, that doesn't make sense in the plot in any way either. Well, my question is, when would the love scene have happened? I think it was supposed to happen on the plane, but wasn't she flying it? Like, on the amphibious plane, I mean, that's what I read. Who knows? Somebody watched Terminator and they're like, they got one in here. We could get one in here. Maybe it was like they joined it. in the other couple in the other hotel room. There we go. Let's go. Two on two.

Here we go. That's the answer. The little red car that Radon Chong owns, which gets wrecked, and it's kind of a bummer. It's called a sunbeam alpine. It's a 1960s British sports car, if you ever want to know what that was. And then, all right, this is going to be great. We have an official body count for this movie. Shea, you go first.

What do you think? 206. Kyle? What were you to come out, Bill? It came out in 86. 185. All right, so I'm going to just go, just for good luck second. I'm going to go with 85.

102. I'm sorry, 109, 102 killed by Arnold, seven others. So we have a 109 total for the body count. That's good. Shea, I'm with you. I thought I would have said like high 100s, like 180, 190. They got a wrong. It's definitely 2006.

Aside from like full-on war movies about the Civil War, like I wonder if there is a record for most deaths like that in a movie and if this is it i think this i know this is the one for this is like the most deaths for arnold how many cobra has to be in the hundreds right oh you know what it's it's got a lot automatically i could think of in 300 300 guys die i know that for sure right true true um all right apex mountain arnold schwartz singer no radon chong yeah this is what she's known for i'm gonna go yeah this is a big movie Sadly.

He should have been huge. Should have been bigger. Alyssa Milano, no. We didn't really talk about her. I mean, she's like eight years old in this movie. Yeah. She's doing who's the boss, right, at the time? So this raises the apex mountain question for her.

She's on who's the boss, which is a major show. She's in and on a short snager movie. Could this have been her apex mountain? There is a, look, I have to enter a third woman in the ring. Like, there is a whole also, like, charmed, army out there? That show is very popular too. For me, it's, it's who's the boss. It's she, Danza, Judith Light at all. I think that's what she is known for aside from politics these days. And she was Melrose Place the last like year and a half of Melrose Place. I also think it's

charm because every night when T&T is on like that Thursday night, you watch T&T game, you see Barkin, those guys turn off TV, go to bed. If you turn on TV the next day, like I'll see what first take or good morning football with Kyle Brandt. Sure. fucking charms on T&T. It's just on all morning. Dory, just chewing us off. That's great.

Three witches with the blonde-haired guy. I don't know. It's 20 years ago. It's the one. Bill Duke for Apex Mountain. I'm going to say no. Nah. We know it is Apex Mountainless.

Yeah. Vernon Wells. So our choices are Mad Max, weird science or this movie. I would say probably this. Yeah. This is the one you remember. Because this is always a situation

where it's like, oh, when you watch this movie, oh, that's the guy. Oh, he was in the other movie. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is the one you reference. And he was in Weird Science same year. Plain basically like a self-parity of this character.

Cream magazine, I'm going to say no for Apex Mountain. Mid-80s yellow porches. I actually think, yes. This is probably the best use of a mid-80s. Dan Hidai definitely not. Missile launchers? Like bazookas? Yeah, bazooka, whatever that was.

I'm for it. I'm for it. This is the first one I think of. The Harold Lloyd Estate, I would say no, Beverly was a cop. And then Val Verity, the deficits. It was a fictional country made in this movie. I'm going to say yes. Any other Apex Mountain candidates for you guys? What do you got, Jay? No, those are the only ones. I would volunteer one bill. I'm sorry. Apex Mountain chain mail. There's a lot. Chainmail is one of the characters in this movie. and I know there's been a lot of night movies and stuff, but Bennett's attire and his chain mail that he's wearing.

I have to be honest, I think we've let Vernon Wells and Bennett skate in this podcast of how ridiculous his appearances. And, let's, guys, this is the guy who showed up to set to have a fist fight with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the mid-80s. That's what I'm talking about. It's preposterous. And Bill, you said he was a late edition casting.

Like, when Vernon Wells showed up to day one in shooting, they were like, uh, where's the guy, from Matt Max with the shoulder pads and the feather. And then they, like, I almost think they put the chain mail on him, maybe to, like, weigh down his physique to make him slimming, like, one of these things, like, that you wear under your clothes. It's a distractingly lacking physique. You think he was wearing slim-fit chain-mail?

Yeah, I think it's like a slim-fit chain mail. We've got to do something. And it's like, Freddie Merk, you're on steroids. It's the only 80s movie you watch where you look at the villain and you're like, I think he needs more steroids. Like, there's no muscle at all. It's distracting to me to this day. So I think chain mail and his physique.

I would say it was the 80s and there was just an incredible amount of cocaine happening in 1985 and stuff just slid under the radar left and right. Nobody looking at each other and going, hey, wait a second. Our audience is never buying this being a fair fight for one second. Can we get ridden some sleeves maybe? He's got arms like these Kevin Durant arms and he's going against Schwarzenegger. It's just, it's distracting in the middle of the fight. I wish they would have made a different wardrobe choice, but they rolled with it.

You know what's crazy is, so we're all just going to take turns like shitting on Bennett for a few minutes. But if you say, hey, name Arnold's enemies that he's fought in movies, Bennett is one of the first two or three that I'm going to say. Right, who really gave it to him. Yeah, he gave him. He could have killed him. He just could have straight up killed him. He, like, misplated a bit.

I got to say, he kind of blew a 10-point lead down the stretch there. Yeah, even after he put the gun down, he had, he had a, Arnold back to him up against the wall, ready to, he should have won. Well, that leads me to our first pick and knit. So Arnold gets shot during that scene in his shoulder, and then he's like, come on, I'll fight you with one arm. And two minutes later, he's just using both arms, he's throwing stuff. Like, what happened to the bullet wounds?

Just gone? It healed. He went straight through? He's like, yeah. Because he wouldn't worry about that abdomen wound anymore either. Like, he's fine. But ends against you're a point, Bill. Like, they had to set it.

up that he was shot before the fight. Because, you know, if Dolph Lungren plays Bennett, okay, then let's just go at it. But we had to wound Matrix in order to make it even feasible that the two of them would fight. It's just a lot of work to go to get Vernon Wells in there. Like the end of Gladiator with Joaquin Phoenix versus Russell Crow. He's not going to fight Comedus unless he's wounded. Shea, perfect.

Did Jenny go to school? What's going on with Jenny here? Jenny the daughter, the setup of... guess they're in hiding? Is this like witness protection program basically? It's, it's this, I don't know where we are. I assume we're in California somewhere. We're surrounded by nothing. We don't know if I, is it the summer? Is she in, is she day off from school? They go swimming. She's gone full virtual, I think, at that point. Yeah. She's doing online school. He's in hiding. He's in in in 1985 school. They're in hiding, but they're also like getting ice cream.

Yeah. I said a lot of questions. I think they're just like in one of those houses that's a little bit up the hill, but not like totally, like it's a 10-minute drive to get to all the little small shops. Well, it certainly was easy to find because we had dudes in the bushes three minutes later. Smelly dudes. And I just, Bill, the opening credit sequence, it makes me uncomfortable, like the father-daughter.

It's just, it's a lot. And it feels like this sweeping sort of harlequin romance thing. and she makes a sign for him that says, I love you, and there's something about the way she says, I've got the sandwiches. Like, that's not how a daughter talks to her father. There's a lot of kisses on the lips. It makes me uncomfortable.

It's too much. I could not agree more. It's shot like somebody, like Arnold had never interacted with anyone under, like, 17 years old before. It's like, how do I interact with little kids? Tell me, I'll live on the fly. Yeah, when you kiss your daughter, you don't tilt your head, Arnold. Like, that's not the way it works.

It just goes on forever. And the last scene of the movie, he's carrying her out, like, even though she's like 13 years old or something. It's just that relationship is forced to me. And Arnold, it's just, you know, Shay, you thought he's terrible in this movie, and I agree. His father's daughter stuff is, I think, problematic. It goes too far. I agree. Also problematic.

Radon Chong is just not upset enough when her British sports car is destroyed. That was a cool car. He just goes right to a telephone pole. Nobody hits their head, nothing. They're going like, what, 40 miles an hour. And then she just shrugs it off. She doesn't have a car anymore. They just find a water plane.

Yeah. The perfect water plane. They just find a water plane. She knows how to fly it. He's found the perfect hostage. Yeah. Who also has all of these skills that he needs, the ability to not be afraid to shoot a missile launcher or a bazooka, whatever it is, to be able to fly this really complicated old-school

water plane and then land it. And then what is she doing during the whole shootout? She's just in there getting a nap? She's just chilling out. Yeah, she's waiting. Not afraid? The bad guys aren't coming to get her, nothing? Well, they took the plane from a place where that if you approach a plane that's not yours,

they open fire with Uzi's on you. And this place is in L.A. somewhere. Like, I don't know what's kind of security that was. I also don't know if flight attendants know how to fly planes, let alone like sea planes. She knew a lot about planes. Yeah. A lot. Was she a pilot or a flight attendant?

Did we ever get an answer on that? I don't know. She has the 80s flight attendant outfit on, I think. I don't think she's a pilot, but she's pretty good at it. It seemed like she was a flight attendant. Yeah. And at one point, she's like, I'm only trained to fly in a Cessna. She's like, are you like fetching drinks on a plane in the mid-80s?

Why are you trained to fly anything? But if the pilot gets knocked out? And then the last one, there's no answer to this, but they know that Arnold got off the plane. They're holding his daughter hostage. Why wouldn't they just kill the daughter at that point? reneged on the deal. These guys are evil, dictator, bad guys. What uses the daughter

anymore? Just get rid of her. So he went to go do that. The guy tells him, okay, he wasn't there, kill her. And then Bennett goes, she's escaped. And he is chasing her, and when he finds her, is when Arnold is there and they're ready to fight. But there's a

lapse between him escaping and them finding out. As soon as the plane lands, that one guy runs and calls the boss. All right. So I watched that incorrectly. All right.

Yeah, they see the corpse. They're like, all right. Oh, he got off the plan. You know what this is? That was for me, that was Tom Brady just not seeing the corner cutting on the out route. Okay. You got blind. It's a subtle sign of little age on my part as a host.

Like that, I just missed that piece. And just like Tom Brady, Bill, you actually did fumble when Charles Woodson hit you. But they called it that you did too, no. Call it back. Next category, could this be remade as a 10 episode Netflix show? No. No, absolutely not. I had one more other picking net. Oh, go. This is a very small thing. But when they're in the very beginning doing their opening sequence and they go fishing, Arnold just carries her across the rocks. And at first I thought, oh, it must be like treacherous terrain. This is why they're doing it. But when he carries her back, she's not wearing any shoes. Like, they're just out on a hike and this girl doesn't have any shoes on at all. He's like, I'll just fucking carry you. Don't worry about putting shoes on. This is a wild windstorm hike. Yeah.

Bill, which will have more rewatchables content. The opening credits of Commando or the end credits of Predator. Which will be more

loaded with takes and observations because they're both the end credits could be a second podcast. I mean, that could be like the deleted scenes.

Maybe that we make that the director's cut with more footage and somebody missing an arm. Probably answerable questions. Why wasn't there Commando 2?

We talked about it before. I'd like to talk about it again. We know sequels work at this point. It's the mid-80s. Rambo 2 has just happened.

We have lethal weapon comes out in 87. They immediately greenlight left lethal weapon 2. That's in motion. Rocky 4, there's been 4. Terminator 1. They're trying to make Terminator 2 for seven years. So my guess is maybe Arnold just was like not interested. Maybe he had bigger fish to fry.

Maybe he didn't want to go back to the Commando universe. That's the only explanation. Maybe he was mad that they didn't, he just got the thumbs up for the review instead of the whole review. And he's like, fuck this franchise. I'll do another one. He's like, Cisco, they like it. We can't bring it back. Well, Bill, it's also, there's no room at the end, right? Like, he's going places. If you read off the movies after Commando, isn't it like, shit, I don't have time to do this sequel. I got, I mean, I imagine in the late days, he's just lining up hit after hit, right?

You would think. You could, my case is you could have squeezed it in. Yeah, this movie takes three weeks to film. Commando 2. He did Raw Deal in 86, Predator and Running Man in 87, Red Heat in 88. I'll swap out raw deal or red heat. Yeah, right heat's out. Immediately. Commando 2.

It's a $300 million movie. So Val Verde was used in more than one movie because the producer, Stephen Edes, DeSuzza just kept using it. What happened to Val Verde? Why didn't this just become the go-to fictional country for us? 35 years later, it should still be in our lives. We spent a lot of time building the Valverdi franchise. Was Valverde before, you know, Wakanda is like one of these legendary, infamous fictional places?

I hear you. Yeah. Or like, what was the country in coming to America? Zamunda. Yeah, Zambunda. And then we were able to go back to Zimunda and coming to America too. Like, we've laid the groundwork for more Valverde. I don't really know what happened.

Any other in answerable questions for you guys? No, I was very curious about why we didn't get Commando, too. I thought maybe you might have an answer for that, because that would just bother me forever. Well, it just plays into that. I just wonder, they're going to get on that flight and they leave and they're the family. And then when they land, like, what is life? Are they facing any charges? She might have killed those two cops with that rocket launcher.

Like, do they just resume their life? Like, they're huge criminals, really. And I know Kirby can clean up a lot of stuff. But Ray Don might be in some serious trouble. I don't know what happens next. Does he drop her off back at her house? Do they go back to his lair? Can he live in his layer anymore?

I don't even know. I think she's kind of falling in love with him. And he's just been so focused. I don't know if there's a future for Ray Dawn and Arnold. But I would like to find out, like, that's the lighter side of the scene. I don't think they fell in love. I think she just stuck through it because she needed to see who this little girl was. And she finally got to see her.

And she's like, all right, that was cool. That was a cool way to spend 12 hours. Last unanswerable question. More indefensible non-sequal. Commando 2, Roadhouse 2 with Swayze, or point break to with Reeves. I'm saying like within three, four years of the first movie. Bigger miss out of those three. Out of those three, it's point break.

There's no question it's point break. That's how I feel as well. Well, can I ask you guys the same in the point break sequel? Do we find out that Bodie actually survived the wave or is there a new villain? No, there's a new guy. You don't bring, you don't bring Bodie back until like Point Break 4. And then Bodey's return. Yeah.

Point Break 2 is built around Johnny Utah. But I agree with Shea. I think they hint at the end, Bodie is still alive setting up. Wow. Fast and Furious. Basically just everything Fast and Furious did for 20 years works. Thank you. And Point Break could have been there earlier.

Yeah. Would you buy a Commando sequel? And if they swapped out Arnold and put in Danny Glover as the lead, would that work for you? Because they tried that shit, too. That's not the formula. I love Danny Glover, but I don't think that's it. What piece of memorabilia would you want from this movie, Shea? The Bazooka Launcher.

Automatically, I already know. I would carry it everywhere I went like a cell phone. That was my answer as well. What do you have, Kyle? You know, I'm going to hit sticky fingers. I'm grabbing the chain mail, and you better believe I'm getting that sawblade and pulling out of that guy's head, and then I'm walking around with it on a chival. on a chain like Flavar Flav showing that thing off.

I love that sobblade. It got me into movies, that thing. I owe it. Who won the movie? It was Arnold Schwarzenegger is our answer. Yeah. I can't even come up with a joke answer, Bill. I think it's Arnold.

I was upset. First of all, I'm upset this movie's not on more. I don't know how it fell out of the rotation on all the cable channels. I was also upset that you had to rent it. We have, what, 10 streamers at this point? Yeah. every company network whatever every streamer

they have every movie ever but somehow we still have to pay $4 for Commando I don't understand it like Paramount Plus where are you where are you guys Peacock

what are you guys doing what do you have to please 91 minute version is superior we discovered that Netflix what are you guys doing your stock's at like 550 you can't afford Commando

I was upset about that all right so this has laid the groundwork I feel like we served a wedge salad with blue cheese, some French onion soup, some oysters. Maybe we brought out a little sushi. There were a lot of there were some cheese. There's a lot of appetizers. It's all setting up for when we do Predator within the next couple weeks. God willing.

I'll see you guys in. I think Commando's like the little one on the Coachella poster. And then Predator is like the giant 72.5 on the top of the poster. It's going to be good. Chris Ryan will be joining us for that one. All right, Shay, Kyle, great to see you guys. Thanks, Bill. Thanks, Shay.

All right, if you love the rewatchables, don't go away because we're coming back in two days. We're breaking down Thief Michael Mann's first real movie. He made the Jericho Mile, the TV movie. But this is his first real movie. It's 40 years old. It's a classic. And it's going to be me and Chris Ryan Shaw, Tennessee, breaking it down. See you.