The Rewatchables - ‘Tango and Cash’ With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano have an aversion to getting FUBAR after rewatching the 1989 action classic ‘Tango and Cash’ starring Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell. Producer: Craig Horlbeck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, do you know you can watch some of the old rewatchables episodes on YouTube.com slash Bill Simmons? Yeah, including Riscilla's award-winning performance on The Town. We have complete episodes on there. We also just put up a 13-minute, 250 movie, classic clip montage thing that you should go check out. Go check it out at YouTube.com slash Bill Simmons. This episode is brought to you by Adobe Firefly, the all-in-one creative studio with AI-powered image and video-generations. Build for today's creative process, Firefly helps you generate, edit, and experiment fast. Because the asks aren't getting smaller. And the timelines?

Ooh, yeah, still tight. With all the best creative AI models in one place, Firefly brings your ideas to life. Learn more at adobe.com slash Firefly. I sold my car in Carvana last night. Well, that's cool. No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer, down to the penny. They're picking it up tomorrow. went wrong. So what's the problem? That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes to

smoothie. I'm waiting for the catch. Maybe there's no catch. That's exactly what a catch would want me to think. Wow, you need to relax. I need to knock on wood. Do we have wood? Is this tablewood? I think it's laminated. Okay, yeah, that's good. That's close enough. Car selling without a catch. So your car today on. Pick up fees may apply. We're also brought to you by the Ringer podcast network where we have put up 250 movies of the rewatchables. This is 251. Can we get to 500?

I feel like we can. I feel like it can happen. Go check out that YouTube clip you put up because it was all 250 movie posters and a lot of clips from over the years. A couple things that I had forgotten about. Man, it was so much more phone. We used to tape these in person.

So movie 251. Tango. Cash. Cash. Tango. Oh, yeah. It's Tango and Cash with Shea Toronto, it's all next.

When two of L.A.'s talk rival cops. You know, man? Yeah, I hear you the second best cop in all right. That's funny. I hear the same thing about you. Go gunning for trouble. They drive each other crazy. Tangle and Cash.

Did you stick with my sister? I was so drunk. I honestly, I don't remember, okay? Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell are Tango and Cash. Redid R. Starts Friday, December 26. second at a theater near you. Okay, Shea Serrano is here.

It's been a while. It's been doing stuff. Making TV shows flying around the country. Now he's back. And we're throwing him back in the fire with the final film of the 1980s. Tango and Cash was the last film released in the theaters. I think they just, they decided after this, there's no reason to release any more films than the 80s.

This did it. You've got to start a whole new decade after this movie comes out. Start over. Reset button. Let's go again. Ray Tango and Gabe Cash, the names are hilarious. This is an amalgam, a mismash of like eight different 80s action movies. Where they're just like, we're going to rip off this, we're taking this, we got this.

And it was not critically well reviewed, but after 33 years, it lives on in our hearts. It is ridiculous. I love it. It's entertaining. What do you love about this movie the most? I love every single thing about this movie than most. So I rewatched this. I rewatched it a couple of times in 2018 or so when I was working on the movie book.

And I was like, I'm just rewatching every single thing. And then this one came. And I'm like, let me see it again. Let me see it again. And so I hadn't seen it since then. I rewatch it last night and then this morning. And every single time I watch it, a thing happens. And I say to myself, that's my favorite part of this movie.

And then 10 seconds later. another thing happens. That's my favorite part of this movie. It's fucking perfect. It's so deliciously perfect. So I would say, I mean, the movie at most probably tries to rip off his lethal weapon because you even have Kurt Russell with the Bill Gibson hairdo. And he's like the little, he's a little dangerous.

He's on the edge. He's playing against the rules. So you have that. Stallone, they're going in a whole other direction where I think he's like, I don't know, is he like Gordon Gecko and Wall Street crossed with a cop? Like he's taking stock calls. There's earnings calls. He's taken in the police office.

It's like this. It's this new version of Stallone. He's got like the really tight haircut. He's got glasses. He's wearing a nice clothes. So I guess that's how they spun the buddy cop gimmick. There's some 48 hours in here where these guys don't like each other, but they get thrown together.

And it's just all over the place. It has one of the most improbable plot twists. I think we've ever had in one of these action movies where these guys just get framed for murder. Everyone's like, oh yeah, they did it. And they're just in jail. It's the best shit, man. It's so, it's so fun.

Somebody says to Sylvester Stallone, what's a margin call? Somebody says that to it just in the... After he just fucking... I had completely forgotten that they call out exactly how much, how big of a bust his cocaine bust was to start the movie.

Yeah. Like with the truck, one billion dollars. He does a $1 billion cocaine bust by himself in the first four minutes of the movie. I went through one of those like inflation calculators to see if it's worth a billion dollars in 1989, it's $2.3 billion today. He did a $2.3 billion. The biggest cocaine bust ever was like 20,000 tons, 40,000 pounds or so. He himself found 80,000 pounds of cocaine and just took it off the street.

And it's an aside. It's just like, hey, he did that, by the way. And then they just keep it rolling. That's how it starts, Bill. With no help, with no additional cops involved. Yeah. They tell them, good luck. Good luck.

Tango and Cash are being covered like their LeBron James and Kevin Durant. They're just on the front page of the other guy. They did it again. It's like, I don't know the names of one cop. Like in my entire life, I don't think I've done the name of a cop, but these guys are just household names. They're talking about them on first take. The other funny thing they ripped off is they have a Harold Faltermeyer soundtrack,

a synth soundtrack. He was the guy that did Fletch and Beverly Hills cop and a bunch of like the iconic 80s synthesizer things. And obviously they went to him at the 11th hour and like, hey, do you have anything else? Is there like a, you know, anything you didn't use for me? He's like, yeah, I got this one thing I made five years ago. you want this. And so that's in there. So everything is a discount version of probably a better 80s action movie.

And yet this movie's elite. This movie, it's one of the last self-aware, non-self-aware movies. I think that's happened where they're trying to be glib and stuff. But by like 1992, I just feel like there's been too many of these. And now we're more self-aware with how we're making these. But this is the year of Roadhouse comes out this year, 1989. Lethal Weapon 2, I think, came out this year. This is one of the great action movies ever.

Von Dom had it wasn't Bloodsport. It was the one after Bloodsport, Kickboxer? Kickboxer. Yeah, 89's just a murderer's role of action movies, and none of them are self-aware, which is why we love them, correct? Yeah, definitely. And what's interesting to me about this one

is that it begins to approach being self-aware. They do the whole Rambo bit in there at the start, and they're like, hey, we're going to kind of make fun of ourselves a little bit in here. But they give you just a piece of that and they're like, but also take this completely seriously. We're 100% serious. There's a joke, but take it serious.

You know what I mean? It's so good. I think when Last Action Hero came out is when everything sort of started shooting the other direction because they were very clearly making fun of themselves. But this, I think this is like, it beats that by a couple of years. So Stallone's at a weird point of his career here where he's the hottest, biggest star. in the world in 1985, Rocky 4, Rambo 2, there's nobody bigger. Cobra's in 86.

He does over the top in 87, which we somehow have not done on the rewatchable. I don't know. I blame myself the greatest, our most divorce movie of all time. It starts to fall apart in 88, Rambo 3. I don't think any of us were totally happy with Rambo 3. And then in 89, two prison movies, basically. He does Tango and Cash, but then lockup, which is really good, Bill. Really good.

I'm in a lockup. Donald Sutherland is the evil warden, but he just goes to prison twice. Rocky Five, which never happened in 1990. They should ban that for my MDB. And then he makes Oscar in 91, which was like kind of a mafia comedy. He plays Angelo Snaps Provolone. And then Stopper, my mom will shoot, which is a legendary bust in 92. So this is kind of the.

tail end before it really falls apart for him and then he regains it with cliffhanger. But he's officially kind of in a drought. This movie was not real received. I think belatedly, it became a rewatchable. But in the moment, I think people were like, what that is, is there's famous stuff about three directors in this film, Shea. They fired the original director two thirds away through the movie and two other people finished it.

So in the business, there was a lot of buzz like, oh, my God, this movie's going to be a train wreck. but it made more money, I think, than they spent. So when this movie came out, I was eight years old as when it's in theaters. I definitely didn't see it in a theater. I saw it was one of those ones when it comes on TV. So maybe like by 1991, 92, I've seen it. So I'm 10 or 11 years old. And I thought this was the best shit I had ever seen in my life.

In my life. I had never before seen a thing where they talk about a movie that another, that the actor was in previously. I'd never seen that before. And I remember just being, my fucking brain was scramble. I'm like, I'm so confused right now. That's what's happening.

Is he ramble? What's going on here? But it's funny to hear you mention, like they rip off a bunch of stuff that other buddy cop action movies did that decade. So it shouldn't be better than them. But I think it's better than almost every single one. Like just watching it now?

Give me fucking tango and cash. Basically over everyone. Well, they tried really hard. hard to make this like a glib funny ball busting back and forth thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I think lethal weapon had a little bit, but not as much as this. 48 hours, there was way more animosity with the guys, but same kind of thing where they're just busting each other's balls.

And in this one, it's clear Stallone wanted to be in a movie like this. Because you go through his IMDB, he's in no movies where he's getting off jokes. You know, there's some Rocky 3. None. Some Rocky 3 maybe with him and Apollo, like busted each other's the chops a little bit. But other than that, pretty serious career. Like, he's in Nighthawks. He's in Victory.

He's in the Rambo movies. Not a lot of laughs. So he's clearly, he's clearly making a career decision. Yeah, and he's making a career decision. I have this really funny side to me that people don't know about. So I love that part because that's the, I would never call Stallone like a hilarious guy. But in this, he's kind of funny. I got to say, he pulls it off.

He's really, he's really fun here. What was it like when you saw this And you already had this history with him Like you mentioned of seeing the other ones And then he shows up Like in a whole completely different person You just bought it immediately? You were in?

Stallone was the season tickets guy for me. Was he? Okay. It's just like Stallone has a movie coming out. We're going. They would show the trailer in the movie It's like done in. And you know, I saw all of these in the theater.

I saw Rainbow 3 lockup tango cash. Rocky 5, which I saw with my book. buddy, Jim Grady. I drove to Colgate. He was going to Colgate. We drove. Part of the reason I went was so we could go see Rocky 5 in the theater, which we saw, I think in the Sanger Town Mall.

And it was like a quiet drive home. We were just like, it's over. Stallone's over. Rockies over. But Cliffhanger was like the season tickets came back with Cliffhanger, I feel like. And then he kind of rips off, you know, the demolition man and daylight and all movies that I really liked that, I don't feel like. When we did-assons.

Right, assassins. But when we did the copy and rewatchables, in part of the research, it was like Stallone felt like he was in a slump. And I just wish I could have told him in 1996, like, you're not in a slump, sly. Hey, you're fucking killing it right now, bro. Don't you feel bad about what you were doing? Because daylight coupfanger, to me, and like, we're going to be doing those other rewatchables at some point.

As you should. Anyway, so Stallone. It feels like he's trying to reinvent himself a little bit because he's in sequel hell here with the Rambo's and the Rockies. Russell, he's, I wouldn't say he's red hot here. He did from 86 to 89, best of times. Big trouble in Little China, which I became a thing. I don't know how well it did in the theaters, but became a thing. Overboard didn't do well.

Tequila sunrise. Was a thing, even though I think everybody was disappointed by it, but it was. was, you know, Robert Town. But Tanko and Cash, I feel like he's amazing in this movie. I actually, I'm really, we'll talk about why there was never a sequel to this movie later, but I actually wish he had played more, like, sarcastic cops and movies. I think he could have done it as well as, like, he easily could have been in Die Hard. He could have played the Bruce Willis character.

He could have played the Mel Gibson character. I feel like he could have done all this stuff. but he just didn't want it, don't you think? Yeah, so I always have like a soft spot in my heart for a talent, like a genuinely talented, top level Oscar caliber actor, like a Kurt Russell, like a Denzel Washington, like a Charlize their own, who decides to make an action movie. Right.

And like, and so he just shows up and he starts doing all this other shit. Very clearly, obviously a brilliant actor. and he's like, you know what, I'm going to make big trouble in Little China where I fight some fucking mystic enemies or whatever. I'm going to make tango and cash. I'm going to make fucking, like, he does all of that. And then he jumps back and he's like, now I'm going to do Tombstone

and show it back off again. You know what I mean? I love when a guy does that. I really, really like him in this movie. I think Kurt Russell is as cool as it gets. Just like as a person, as an actor, like you put him on the screen and he just looks great. He sounds great.

He moves great. He does every single thing. Yeah, you want to hang out with them. I want to hang out with him so bad. So fucking bad. I think I've told this story before on the rewatcher was about to tell it again. He came in to do a podcast once

when we were in the old offices. And it was like a 10 a.m. podcast. And he showed up by himself. He's wearing a leather jacket and he stunk of cigarettes. And I was like, this is amazing. Fuck, yes. He had the black coffee.

He was holding in a cup. He showed up as Snake Pliskin. Right. He basically did. He's only missing the iPatch. It was great. So this film was directed, Tango and Cash, by Andre Kohlowski, who then got fired with about a third to go.

And they took Albert Magnoli, who directed Purple Rain, and then another guy, Peter McDonald, who basically took over the filming. John Peters, the famous producer who gets parodied in licorice pizza, he's at the height of his crazy powers now. He's about to go to so much. with Peter Gruber, and he's just like running a mock. So he runs a mock over this movie. He decides, I don't like where this movie's going. They have all these creative, creative issues. And so, Conchalovsky apparently wrote a memoir in 1999 called Elevating Deception.

And he said part of the problem was Stallone wanted the film to be more serious, and Peters wanted it to be goofier and campier. I think Peters was in the right. He was 100% in the right. Sly, why are you making a serious movie? The whole point of this is you're flexing the other side. Yeah. So anyway, they're making basically two different movies. They're way beyond schedule. And they're, I think, 11 weeks behind when the movie is supposed to be done.

It's got a December 15th release. Uh-oh. They're racing to finish it with different directors. You've heard the term wet prints, right? I think we've only mentioned that term like in two other rewatchables movies where I have not. What does that mean? So a wetprint means they're so close to the deadline of when it's in the theater that they're basically just putting out the finished edit. And they haven't even like cut copies, sent it to critics, anything.

It's just like it's basically like postmatesing it to the movie theater. So it's a wet print. It missed its budget by $20 million. It ended up being a $54 million budget. It was supposed to be 35. But it made $120.4 million. our guy Roger Ebert refused to review it. I had to go to his,

yeah, I had to go to a Siskel and Ebert TV show clip where him and Siskel kill it. And Ebert says, Tango and Cash is a waste of valuable electricity. We're going to have Craig play the clip. It's not that I don't like movies about two cops and lots of special effects. It's just that I don't like bad movies

about two cops and lots of special effects. And Tango and Cash is a waste of valuable electricity. I mean, I think they should have just not made this movie. There is nothing there that is worth anybody's time to see. It's a no-brainer movie. It doesn't even make the slightest difference when you walk in. You can start this movie at any time. If you happen to have it at home on videotape, you know, you can just start at a random and then rewind it and come in from the beginning. It's a loop. It's a loop of very few ice cracks, lots of explosions, lots of guns. Jack Powell is playing with his mice, which is supposed

to make him into some kind of a character, plus his obsolete TV screens that were out about 10 years ago that you so proud of. Come on. So yeah, Ebert hated this. I don't think the reviews were kind and yet 33 years later. The movie's amazing. Here we are.

And we got to do the category, so we're going to take a break. Are you looking for support in your weight management journey? Zepbound terseptide may be able to help. Zepbound is a prescription medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity

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in the mid-80s. I can't remember what movie where he stands in the highway with the gun and he's just shooting into the windshield trying to get the gun to jam on its brakes. They just rip it off. It's fine. They were taking just every, hey, they did that cool thing. Let's do that too. Every single thing.

The guys go through the windshield. He's got the shooting. And then after we have the, you need the staple in the 80s movies where the guy goes, goes, I want your badge. Yeah. You always got to get that. And Stallone's like playing it cool. Shoots a bullet in the gas tank.

Cocaine comes out. But that's when we get the, he thinks he's Rambo. And Stallone says Rambo is a pussy. Did you check the first panel? It's full of gas, sir. We checked the whole truck, asshole. There's nothing in it. And you're out of your neighborhood, big city boy.

I want your badge. I want your weapon. I want your ass. Who in the fuck you think you are? He thinks he's Rambo. Rambo is a pussy. I think you're right. I think this was the first cross-the-beam moment with movie characters.

I can't remember one before it. There's probably been one, but this is, for me, it was 100% the first time I saw anything like that. And the first time that happens in your life, this was on par with seeing fucking vanilla eyes show up in Ninja Turtles 2. or when boys to men showed up on Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Yeah. Like, what is happening?

Right. Just such an important moment in my life. It's a cross the beams moment. Yeah. Yeah, so we also in this scene, in the opening scene, I mean, a lot happens in five minutes. So much. Jack Palance, the famous actor from the bad guy and Shane,

who's having a bad guy run. They drive by with the little. And it cuts to him and he does the tango cash. Yeah. Cash. Tango. Tango. He's done it to us again.

Tango, it's cash. Tango. These two cops are driving it crazy. We have to do something about this. I agree. With the two evil guys in the limo with them and it's just like, all right, this movie's off. This is really the peak year of just insane. action movie villains because we also have Brad Wesley in Roadhouse same year,

who is the single create, we haven't done Roadhouse yet, the rewatchables. But Brad Wesley, he's a 10. Pallens is like a 9 and a half. But Brad Wesley is a 10. Let's be clear. We'll never top Brad Wesley. Never. But this is like, I don't know what he's doing.

He's this massive, massive, I guess, drug kingpin who has these, what did you say, the bust was? $100 million. No, a billion dollars. A billion dollar bus. A billion dollars. Moving that kind of money out. But then he's got this weird layer

with just a bunch of TVs that's dark. There's no lights. And like three henchmen. He's doing a billion dollars in drugs. I couldn't. There's no... 80% of this movie doesn't make any sense, like at all. Like, why is he driving by the...

seen as it's happening. They're out in the fucking desert somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, why is he happened to cruise by? With the other two, like nobody noticed. Nobody took, nobody glanced over and saw the three most powerful drug dealers on the planet hanging out, cruising by nobody. That's not weird to anybody else. Ridiculous. Well, there was this weird desert era too with these action movies where, because 48 hours too has a big desert scene when Reggie Hammond's bus flips over in the desert, but there's a lot of, like, they love, like, the long, which one of the lethal weapons, either one or two has same kind of scenery, but they loved, like, being out in the middle of

nowhere, but meanwhile, there's police cars everywhere. Yeah, it looks great. Next scene. I mean, it's really hard to top that first five minutes, but we're going to do it. Tango and Cash, um, well, I mean, shit, the whole first half hour is rewatched. I'm going for the big ones. when they go to prison. Now, you can be the trial for a rewatchable scene because I like when Kurt Russell gets mad. But they go to prison, the guys pull them out of their rooms.

They go down that laundry room shoot, which I thought was really cool. And there's Jack Pounce down there in the thing, and they electrocute these dudes. Like, that fucker is everywhere. And it has to be the best of execution scene. Oh, my God. It looks like it hurts so bad.

It looked like it hurts so bad. When Kurt Russell just starts shaking in the, Oh my God, what is going on? And then they start doing Stallone and Kurt, right? They cut to Kurt Russell and he's like, tango. Yeah, yeah. But they go to Stallone because by rule with any Stallone movie from 1982 to 1996, there has to be a scene where he vibrates in some way and goes,

there needs to be something. So they're able to get that out. They got that out in the first half hour. This also has cash with the classic You want to come? I don't go ahead. You fucking winker. Put it away for now.

Yeah. Hilarious. Incredible work. Next one I have is the prison escape. Nothing better than the prison escape with the double cross where it was like, he told us to go this way. Yeah. A prison escape with a double cross

that turns out not to be a double cross. He was generally trying to help him. He got murdered while trying to help him. Also, the villain, or not the, like, the main villain is sort of orchestrating everything. He made crazy face guy. His name in the movie is literally face. Like, that's what he's listed as. He shows up.

He's fucking bossing guards around. Like, I don't know what's going on. It's happening at night in the rain. And they got a fucking zip line to get, like, It's every single thing, Bill, again, my favorite part. It's my favorite part. I think that scene is in the running for me, though. That scene is elite.

Everything about it, you got Stallone, like, putting the stick through the fans so Kurt Russell can get back through. And he gets to do it. He gets to do it again. He gets to do it again. Also, the jumping toward the electric cable where they're jumping in the air, but then they cut and all of a sudden they're, like, like, Randy Macho Man Savage sideways, even though from the wide shot, their legs are pointing down

with the belt in the mouth. Great stuff all the way around. And these guys drop multiple times by like 25 feet in this movie. They fall a lot up from five. He's doing 40 miles an hour down the zip line. And he just drops straight. He drops 75 feet.

And it's just nothing. He's like, all right, you go that way. I'll go this way. And everything's great. The strip joint scene is one of, the most 80s scenes possible. I don't know what's going on. There's never been a nicer strip joint than that strip joint, especially in the 80s. It's basically like the fanciest nightclub you've ever been in. There's gimmicks. Terry Hatcher comes out. Give her some drumstick. She's like

all of a sudden turning into vanity or Sheila E. She'll E in the drums doing some sort of stripping. Cash is there with 40 cops looking for him. None of them see him. And then he puts on a wig and some makeup and fools everybody. slides right on out of there. It's really something. I really like the... So the ponytail guy with the crazy cockney accent... Yeah.

...is also the Ice Man in 48 Hours 2. Mm-hmm. Who is also in 48 hours, the flaw with the second 48 hours is that if you watch the first 48 hours, there's no way this guy is the Iceman, but in the 48-hour sequel, all of a sudden he is.

And it's like, well, I can't unsee what I saw in 48 hours one. Because he had nine different ways to just screw these guys over. So that makes no sense. Anyway, Brian James is his name. They have the scene where they're hanging them upside down off a building, which I love. That was another 80s staple, right? They stole that from Lethal Weapon.

Yeah. And maybe a Schwarzenegger movie, too? How many times did we have somebody being dangled over a building in the 80s? At least like five. I mean, Schwarzenegger definitely does it in Commando. Yeah. with the one guy when he drops them. Remember I told you I'd kill you last, Sully?

Yeah, yeah. Lethal weapon to have it. It's a ton. So they have that and then the grenades thing. I like that. And then the ending, there's a double fight scene, which you're the expert on this. How many times have we had two heroes in a simultaneous fight scene where we can cut back and forth between the fights when they're near each other?

It's a great device. It's a great device. They do it here. they do it double impact Jean-Claude Van Damme who's doing it twice himself like it's yeah whenever you can orchestrate the double fight you got to do it

you got to do it double fight was great any what any other I mean the whole movie's rewatchable but any other rewatchable scenes that have to be in there I think those are the one you definitely mentioned the one I was going to

I was hoping for which was I don't know if you have to break up the prison section just because it's so long I specifically like when they're walking into the prison for the first time, and they got their stuff, their supplies. Beat the Rubin's fucking raining litter and fire. And they're just having a chat.

I'm wearing you on my shirt like my bitch. You know I really hate? What? Litter. God damn it. What? Forgot to bring the marshmallows. I don't think rehabilitation's worked in here, do you?

Oh, they're just misunderstood, really. What's funny to me is that they mentioned being afraid. They're like, I'm fucking terrified right now to each other. But they still just keep on making their jokes. Kurt Russell has this great, as they're walking, they walk past the fire. And he's like, oh, shit, I forgot the marshmallows or whatever. And he's like, this is incredible. Like, I love it.

That's my favorite part. I have the prison escape for most rewatchable. We'll go to what age the best. What stage the best? One of the things is what you just mentioned. they're putting these guys in situations where they should be way more scared and they're reacting

which is jokes and making fun of each other and I actually believe it because these guys go into prison they should be dead in like 12 hours and these guys are like, oh cool, I can't wait to meet my roommate and they're just like wrapping up but that was the 80s.

I mentioned how much I love I want your badge. So here's another what's age of best. Jack Palance ends up winning the Oscar for City Slickers. like a year later. And if you watched him in this movie,

I can't say it's one of the finest performances of his career, but it's hilarious in the context of 80s action movies. I would have said after this movie, the odds of Jack Pounce winning an Oscar with a movie after this movie, I would have said it was 70,000 to one. It was just completely inconceivable. The guy we're watching this movie,

the ship has sailed on him ever winning an Oscar. And then, like, a year later it happens. That's what happened. That's exactly what I was talking about before. Oscar level actor decides to just be this person for a movie. Like, it's the best because they do, they do shit that you just, that a lesser actor couldn't do. His whole run in this movie, every time you see him on screen, he's doing or saying just the most, the most like, this doesn't make any sense. Yeah, he's incoherent.

The other two guys are like, let's just fucking kill him. And he's like, no, that'd be too easy. We don't want to do it easy. We're going to put him in prison. And then they're like, what about when they get out of prison? We're going to kill him in prison. You just said not to kill him. What the fuck is going on right now, sir?

But it's perfect. It's so good. When did that start, the Bond movies? Where they could have just killed James Bond, but they don't. They have to come up with some sort of crazy way to get out of it. And Austin Powers made fun of it. But yeah, it's just like they're in prison. Just fucking kill them right there.

Why are they alive for more than one minute? Just have their roommates kill him. Also, like, how do they end up going from a minimum security prison to, like, the worst prison in the world? It's just, it's, oh, the bus got rerouted. What? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like nothing.

Oh, by the way, these two guys. Yeah, it just, it's crazy. Like, when the guy shows up to try to kill Kurt Russell in the apartment, Kurt Russell's looking at himself in the mirror, and the guy busts out and shoots him in the chest a couple of times. Then it turns out he wasn't really trying to kill him. He was trying to get him to the back. bad guy to get captured so that the bad guy could feed Kurt Russell false information so he could show up to another thing so that he could then go to another thing so that he could then get killed in the other other like what the fuck is going on right now? Yeah. Jack Palance. What a hero.

Plan B was just kill Kurt Russell the first time with the Chinese guy. He's right there. He's right there. Shoot him in the head and Cash is gone. It's over. You know, we should have mentioned that as a rewatchable scene. I really like that scene when he gets shot twice by the guy and then they have the chase and then he circles back and fucks him up in the police station. I enjoy that. Morewood's age the best. I think this movie created Fubar. Yeah, this is the first recorded usage of Fubar. It has to be, right? I was going to say it's true. No, I think it is because I remember seeing the theater going Fubar, what the, that's a reach. But then it became a thing in the 90s. And I think from this movie because it was on T&T all the time. And also it's a way to get swear without actually

swearing. Yeah. Yeah. So I do feel like that that started here. Young Terry Hatcher. I think this was probably her, probably her first like bigger movie. Then she has the Seinfeld, I'm going to say two, three years later. And then the Lois and Clark show. And she's, and she's kind of off and famous. But she was great. I actually wish she had been in more stuff, especially the younger version of her. But I do think this was a breakout performance for her.

Yeah. So all the derisive Stallone nicknames for his character, I enjoyed, like Beverly Hills Wap, Armani with a badge. You can see the screenwriter like, hey, like Stallone, like, hey, we need like an insult thing for Ray here, for Ray Tango. He's just like, all right, I wrote down here, seven choices. I've got Armani with a badge.

I've got the Italian stupid stallion. All right, do a Marty with a badge. That's good. Put that in there. That's a funny way. And they go the other way, too. Tango does it to cash when he's talking with his sister. Like three times in a row, he's like, what were you doing with the elephant man?

What were you doing with Queen for a day? What were you doing? I know. All right. We get it. So glib. Just right off the bat. It is coming up with these great jokes.

I love this movie's commitment to the guys making dick jokes about each other. Yeah. Because they do it in the shower and they're like, you know, it's like, all right, we kind of overdid in the showers. But let's let that one go. Nope, it's coming back. Running back. Running back. Another thing I love for What's Age the Best, this was the era of weird gadget guys in movies.

To have this gadget guy who's got the big microscope. Owen, shout out Owen. big one monocle. And it's just like, yeah, I have this $200,000 dollar SUV I've been working on. You guys should take it. Even though you're on the run, take my SUV that I've spent two years of my life.

They tell them we're fully insured. Oh, you are? Okay, cool. Here you go. Take my one of one. That was another 80s thing, these crazy cop cars. Because Stripes had one.

This movie had them. There's a couple more. I'm blanking on the third one. But these, it's kind of super cars that I think people for some reason felt like in the 80s this was the future. But now when you see a car like that, I don't know, it looks kind of like a Hummer. Yeah, because they weren't as advanced as we thought. Right.

The advancements were it as crazy as maybe we believe. What else do you have for what stage is the best? I think Kurt Russell just as an action star, I think that's my winner here. Just going back and rewatching this. Stallone, you know. Stallone's pedigree is untouchable as an action guy. Like he belongs in that whatever the top top level is, he's up there already. But you watch something like this and you forget that Kurt Russell belongs in that conversation too.

You know what I mean? Were you watching this? I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I think he's the best part of the movie. Yeah, I was thinking when we talk about how we don't have action stars anymore, like in the same way that we did in the 80s and 90s. And people like me, they always default to Stallone and Schwartz. Nager and Bruce Willis. But the thing we're really missing are the Kurt Russell Swayze type of action stars.

Like the handsome kind of everyman guys who have like a little bit of a little quick wit. You believe that in a fight, maybe they'll take a few hits, but they'll probably win the fight. They're resilient. They're funny. They're likable. They're handsome. They can get any girl in the movie.

We don't have those guys anymore either. And I don't even know, you know, you think like the candidates we would have had were like the Chris Evans. gosling, you know, from the current air, Michael B. Jordan. But none of them really got there. To me, Michael B. Jordan, if I was his agent, I would have told him to watch 20 of these 80s, early 90s action movies and be like, you just, you need one of these. This needs to be you.

Like, build a franchise. Stop fucking, don't do Creed 3. Like, be a cop, find a partner, and just like rip off some lines. chase some bad guys and do that lane is wide open did you watch without remorse that he the the that action movie that michael b jordan was in without remorse did i miss it yeah yeah was it good it's not great but it has two really cool like action movie moments in it he's great in it i really like michael b jordan but there's one where some people break into his house to like kill everybody or whatever. And Michael B. Jordan hears them. So he's going around killing them as they're trying

to kill people. And it ends with like these two guys, Michael B. Jordan and one bad guy, walking toward each other while they're shooting each other. Like they're hitting the other person and they're getting hit, but they just keep going toward each other and get in a few. There's that part. And then there's one where he's like trying to get information out of a guy. And he fucking stops the car, sets the car on fire and then gets in the back seat with them and interrogates them while they're fucking in this oven cooking. I definitely haven't seen it. How did I miss this movie?

I'm watching it this weekend. All that to say, I think you're right about Michael B. Jordan. He could be that. He could easily be that guy if he chose to, you know? Jamie Fox made a couple action movies, right? Like he made the one, what was that one? Unstoppable in Las Vegas where he has to find his son or whatever. And anytime he made a movie like that, he always made it super serious

instead of like the wisecracking 80s version of that. I just feel like. Yeah. Every time these guys try to make these movies now, they try to make them these kind of more serious, extravagant, like man-on-fire type of movies. Yeah. The Tango and Cash Lane, I just think it's sitting there.

It's coming back. It will be back. All right. More awards. The Kid Cuddy Pursuit a Happiness Award for Best Needle Drop. So when Terry Hatcher gets introduced in the strip joint, they're playing Yaz's Don't Go, A classic early 80s movie.

I like that movie. It was a good one. The Denna Thieves Benihana Award for scene stealing location. The prison's great, but I'd really like the bad guy layer. I like palaces, whatever's going on there. Yeah. It's like a giant warehouse. I may offer one for Best Needle Draw.

I don't know if this counts because I don't know what the name of this song is. But when Terry Hatcher leaves the club and she's dressed up in the guys off. The biker, yeah. And then she calls it, hey, Lynn, let's go. And then that's when Kurt Russell steps out dressed as a woman. And they play that saxophone. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, that.

As they move up from his feet up is really, really charming. Yeah, I think that I had the same thing. I wrote down the prison first for scene stealing location. And then you get in that bad guy layer, which I don't, like, maybe this belongs in unanswerable questions, but like, did he build the mouse? maze specifically to do this metaphor with tango and cash as the mice, when he puts them in there. And I got a bunch of questions about that,

but fucking Jack, that's my boy Jack right there, just whiling out for no reason. You're asking if there was real purpose in a movie that went 11 weeks over budget and had three directors. I'm guessing the vast thing was that it was a happy accident. The Butch's girlfriend award for Weeklink of the film, It's not a character.

I just... What is it? So Tango and Cash, they're these super cops. All they're doing is good stuff for the city of L.A. So they obviously get framed for this one thing

and everybody just believes they were dirty the whole time. Nobody's pushing back on this, on this narrative, these super cops, these guys who have just crushed it that they've just decided to be dirty together.

Nobody thinks this is weird. They have no lawyers that can get them out of this. Yeah, there's like two or three guys who are like, maybe they didn't do it. Everybody else is like, fuck these cops immediately, immediately. And it's awesome. It's that classic 80s, 90s trope where the guy keeps hitting home runs and everybody's continued to doubt him.

Like, Bruce Wilson diehard. How many times do we have to doubt Bruce Wilson diehard? You guys come through over and over again and saved hundreds of people, thousands of people. What's age the worst? The fake newspaper game in this movie is really bad. Oh, my God. The LA Chronicle headlights. They clearly had no idea

how to go from scene to scenes. They're like, hey, we'll use the newspaper gimmick. And then they just ride that fucking thing. There's 12 newspapers in this. So many newspapers, just right into the ground. Just keep doing it. Keep doing it. And you know what, Bill?

I wish they would have done it more. I wish they would have done it after every scene. I wish we would have got one that says, ashamed former hero cops, fake out bad guy with fake grenade. I wish we would have got that fucking title. You probably did get it. They probably cut it out.

So a spinoff of this what's age of words for fake newspapers. What is just the concept of newspapers? What would be the fake newspaper in 2022? Would it just be like tweets? Would it be a website? They do that thing when like a bunch of shit starts popping up on the screen. Blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu-blu.

Or like- tweeting about tango and cash. TikToks? Yeah. Just be taking to the toxic... Yeah. Why they're talking about it? So, more what's age the worst?

We mentioned the concept of superstar L.A. cops, which is funny in its own rank that there would be superstar cops. But then this is right at the tail end of where L.A. cops, it turns for them in movies. Yeah. Where, you know, I think this movie colors with Duval and Sean Penn, that late 80s where they could still have the L. L'A cops as the good guys in movies. And then by the time we get into, I don't know, the 91 to 93 range, that is flipped.

And we're not making Tango and Cash. Maybe that's why they never had a sequel. So I never noticed this until I did the research. But remember I told you about those wet prints? Yeah. That they had to rush it into the theater. So they were really worried. Warner Brothers was really worried about what happened with Cobra, where they wanted

give Coburn X rating before they finally made like the last minute edits to take some of the violence out so it was rated R. So in this movie to to remove that worry, they use jump cuts when people die. So if you watch this carefully when people die, it like cuts away from them quickly. Like they're about to die and it cuts away when people are like blowing up or when they're shooting people. They're really careful with the violence. This movie could have been way more violent. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I don't know. But they're they're literally making that decision because they're worried about an X rating, which is ludicrous.

So you have that. Producer Craig, before we came on, mentioned the unnecessary nude scenes crammed in to the movie, which to me is like an 80s staple. They were always, from the early 80s to the late 80s, they were just always figuring out, it's like, well, this movie's

going to be rated R. I might as well have some nudity. So you have like the parking garage. There's just random nudity there for no reason. The strip joe and he walks in this see Terry Hatcher and just everybody's naked. But I just don't know if they would do that anymore. What other What's Age the Worst do you have?

Those were those are the, I wrote down Hero Cops for what's ages of worst. You mentioned how it changed between 91 and 93 and because right there in the middle was the Rodney King being and the filming of that and like everything. And all the Derrick Gates stuff even before that, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what that's what I had. You got mine. I didn't even think about newspapers.

I think that's hilarious. Those are the top two right there, Hero Cops, newspapers. The Ron Burgundy flew to work for best time for a pee break. I mean, don't get up there in this movie for any reason. There's like a moment right after they escape before Cash meets Terry Hatcher's character, that you might be able to sneak in like a one-minute pee.

If you're really fast, like, I don't know how much. You got to run. You got to run. You're not missed that much. next category is was there a better title for this movie um my answer is no fucking way no no chance this title is great nope tango and cash tango cash you could have maybe gone cash and tango but tango and cash is just perfect there's a part in there where jack parlance calls them cash and tango and it sounds so weird in your ears when he says

it doesn't work it's like yeah it just doesn't work um best quote we mentioned the i want to get killed by an American jerk off. The Stephen A. Smith hottest take award. Here's my take. Okay. I have to be the first person who's ever had this take. All right. The fact that there was no sequel for this movie

is actually an outrage. The fact that there was no roadhouse sequel and there was no Tangle and Cash sequel, two movies that were dying for sequels in the 80s and 90s when they would go out of their way to make sequels for movies that never deserved the sequel in a million years.

And here are two movies that clearly should have had sequels, Roadhouse and Tangone Cash, especially Tangone Cash. They set it up. These guys were rivals, and now they're working together. So where does this go? They obviously, they leave the LAPD, right? So now do they become detectives? Like, what's the next step for them?

Do they move to a different city? Do they leave the country? Where do they go? But give me more Tangone cash. How do they, Stallone, he made, how many Rockies? Like 10? He made like six Rambos. Like Stallone's never turned out a sequel. And Kurt Russell, he did escape from L.A. He wasn't averse to sequels. So Tangle and Cash, I just don't get it. Explain it to me.

I was hoping you had the answer. I thought that's where we were headed. You were going to explain, this is why they didn't do it and you were going to know. You didn't ask Kurt when he was there? That should have been a first question you asked. Why the fuck was there? That should have been my first question. Hey, Kurt, before it begin, where the fuck is Tango and Cash 2? Like, Stallone even made three expendables. People didn't even really like the expendables that much. Tango and Cash 2. Come on.

That's a winner. That's a guaranteed winner. Do you have a hottest take or should we move on? I do have a hottest take. And I short a hat tipped or tipped it earlier. I think this is the second best buddy cop movie of the 80s. Wow. The only one that beats it is Beverly Hills cop.

and nothing else that you can list, not lethal weapon, not let me, hold on, I put my list together. Do you count 48 hours? Because Reggie Hammond is technically not a cop. He's not technically a cop, so you can't include that one. So Beverly Hills Cop, you're going with Axel with,

with Rosewood and the other guy? Yeah. The three of them. Yeah. Yeah. Turner and Hooch, lethal weapon, Red Heat, Running Scared. Midnight, right, midnight run.

I don't remember. they were both cops in there. No, only one of them was cop. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dragnet, Alienation. Like, this is the second best one out of that. For the decade, that's my hottest take, tango and cash, which ripped off all of the other ones,

ended up being the second best one. I mean, where do we land on lethal weapon two versus lethal weapon one? I think two is probably better, right? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. It's better. It's faster. The best one, though, is still, was that four when Jet Lee shows up?

That's the fucking one right there. That's the one. Well, if you're talking 80s, I think I have, I'm throwing in 48 hours because Reggie Hammond pretends to be a cop. Yeah. So I would have that in there and lethal too. I'm higher on running scared than you, I think. I think I would have running scared above Tango and Cash.

Oh, I can't do that. I can't do that. I fucking love running scared. When they decide to leave Chicago and they go to Key West, it's an incredible 10 minutes. Really good. Also, really early, excellent Jimmy Smith's in that movie. Yeah.

The Jimmy Smith's foundation is being laid. Because then that leads to LA law and Jimmy Smith's era is upon us. But I really, running scared is another one. Like, how did they not have, Billy Crystal did city slickers too. He couldn't have done running scared too? Man, it's right there. Give it to us. Give it to us.

You've had the pieces. The movie made money. All right, that was a good one. We'll take one more break and then we'll rip through the rest of the categories. All right, Shay, I'm glad you're sitting down for casting what ifs. Yes. This film was originally known as the setup. It was based on a script by Randy Feldman from an idea from Peters and Goober.

The stars of the original movies, Sylvester Stallone, Patrick Swayze. Oh, fuck. I mean, that's the only name you could say right there. That would give, uh, oh, there's more. You really better be sitting down. Like keep your butt cheeks firmly on the chair. Uh, they're, they're on the chair. Let's go.

I'm ready. I'm holding on. Swayzy drops out to do Roadhouse. Great call. They say, who do we get to get to replace Swayze? Kurt Russell. So if Swayze stays in the movie, we don't get Kurt Russell and Tango and Cash. And we don't get Swayzee and Roadhouse.

God bless Patrick Swayze. As always. Yeah. One of the most important casting decisions ever by an action star. Dude. If they could have done them separately, I don't hate the idea of sliding Patrick Swayze in there. I think him and Kurt Russell, similar sort of energy, the fucking Bodhis Stapha slide them in. But I'm very happy the way that it worked out.

I think it's perfect. Well, can I thought exercises for your first? second. Let's do it. Swayze stays in the movie with Stallone. Roadhouse now needs somebody to be the cooler and to be Dalton. They go get Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell is now in Roadhouse instead of Patrick Swayze. Do you like that movie more or less? I probably like it less, but I don't think it's bad. I think Roadhouse is as good as it gets. I think Roadhouse with Kurt Russell, probably in 98. I can hear him right now doing the

Be Nice. That speech, I can hear it in my head. And it doesn't sound terrible. It sounds pretty great. I don't think he pulls off the fight scenes as well. Because Swayze, like, kind of underrated you could believe him in different, you know, he was a fist and a legs fighter

in movies. Yeah, yeah. And Russell was fists only. So I don't think the fight scenes are as good. But I think it's a good, it's a good what if. You could argue Swayze would have been slightly worse in Tango and Cash, and then Russell would have been slightly worse in Roadhouse. So this worked out perfectly.

I think that's exactly right. Swayze leaving this to go do that is comparable to Jean-Claude Van Damme leaving Predator. I mean, here's the original predator. Yeah. And goes to bloodsport. Yeah. Perfect. The only other, there's a couple casting stuff with the guy who played face and the ponytail guy are only supposed to be in the movie for like one or two scenes, but because they were basically rewriting this movie on the fly

and creating new scenes, Stallone specifically was like, we need more of these guys than the movie. So that's why face keeps pop. Face like is not supposed to be in the prison break scene. You can tell. They just kind of yanked him in. It's like, why is he leading the cops?

What's going on? Is he in jail? He's not in jail? A part that I had never noticed until I rewatched it. this most recent time is that. So the movie starts with Stallone shooting face at face while he's in the truck

and busting him and he tells him and he puts the handcuffs on. You like jewelry? Here you go. Do the honors. And then he's in jail in prison. And when they they're talking to him in prison, the face mentions to Stallone and Russell. He's like, yeah, him and his conference

broke my jaw. And Russell has that great. You broke that jaw? Joke. Yeah. But the implication there is then this was not the first time that Stallone busted face at the start of the movie. They've had multiple running. It's fucking Batman and Joker, apparently. Right. Because he didn't break his jaw right there, so it had to

been another time. It's just every part of this bill. My favorite part. Ridiculous. Stallone got the original director of photography fired. Barry Sondonfeldt, who went on to direct a bunch of movies. I thought that that's funny. All right. Some quick actor awards. Jack Pounce wins the next three. he wins the Teddy KGB

actor doing his own thing award he wins to Jalen Rose keep getting them checks award which I threw in just for fun and obviously he wins the Ruffalo Hannah Rubeneck Partridge overacting award

They knew and they let it happen Don't you call me lady I come in here I give these things to you Give it all you got Give it all you got I treated you like a son You fucking stand me in the heart

Fuck you. He was doing it. I don't know what his motivation is for this movie. And I wonder, like, if the director and the producers, they must have had a phone call two days in and, like, boy, Jack is really going for it. Should we scale it back? No, you can.

It's Jack Pounce. You got to let him go. Just let him. Let him go. It's a great actor. Just let him do this thing. And he sticks to it the whole movie. He never veers from whatever crazy character he decided to create for this.

Never. even at the end, even when he's staring down inevitable death, he's still throwing out fucking riddles and jokes. There's mirrors. What's going on here, sir? What's happening right now? He's the only thing we have in 2022 that's remotely close is Kendrick Perkins's Twitter feed when he does stuff like,

and like he had a tweet, we're taping this on a Friday, a tweet today where it's like Patrick Beverly and Russell Westbrook can be the most dangerous defensive duo in the league. Yeah, yeah. And that was like a total Jack Palance and Tango and Cash thing. I'm like, is he serious? Is this a bit? What's happening here?

Is that sarcasm? All right, best that guy award. So three of the that guys in this movie are not actually that guys because I feel like they graduated for being that guys. But Brian James, we mentioned. James Hong, one of the Asian guy in the limo of Jack Palance, he was in just a shitload of stuff in the 80s and 90s. And then Clint Howard's in this movie, who eventually became Clint Howard. We do have the face guy. Yeah.

I don't know where else I've seen him. I know I've seen him in other things, but he's like that guy with the face from Pengal Cash. Maniac cop. Great one. That's it. Yeah. But the winner to me is the sweating guy from Total Recall. Oh, that's a good call.

I have a different winner there. You know who I have? Who? I have Adolfo Kignonis. That's the guy who, hey, Elvis, what size do you wear? Would they take the biker clothes? that's the guy from Electric Boogaloo breaking those movies that's him right there

that's him right there I'm so happy to see him pop up great category Deanne Waiter's the word we could go with face hair or Terry Hatcher I actually like Terry Hatcher in this movie she does a lot with a little

I still don't know what her character was so she's Stallone's sister she's a stripper but she's a stripper with a heart of gold but she likes cash doesn't strip. Stripper who doesn't strip. She dances in a bikini.

Who's a stripper drummer and she's a masseuse? She's the best actor. Like she's doing the real movie. Everybody else is playing around. She's doing like a like she, you slide her, I think, in any movie you want. She's so good.

Yeah, let's go with, let's go with let's go with her. And I'm just, I guess like being a masseuse is her eventual love. She's at the strip joint to pay for her grad school degree as a masseuse. I didn't really understand. Not a lot of backstory.

Who knows what's going on? Recasting couch. We're going to bring producer Craig in here. Uh-oh. Producer Craig, can you come in? Yep. She doesn't know this, but give Shea your take on Stallone in this movie. Shea's going to hate me, but this is the, and I don't want to be negative guy.

I don't want that to be my thing, but. this this was the first time i was like oh stalone's just bad in this like he's not bad in all the other movies like even like cobra i'm like i'm in but this one i was like oh stilones this is a miss for the comedy in stalone don't mix well there's a reason why he doesn't do comedy i think you're out of your mind craig i've never liked anyone less than i like you right now let's let's the This is like, I remember when Shea turned on Tate Frazier and it almost tore the ringer apart. I don't know. What was the impetus of you turning on Tate?

I don't even remember what he said. Shea is a thought experiment, though. Let's talk this out. Because Craig makes a key point. Stallone, not great at comedy. On the other hand, one of the great things about Tango and Cash is that Stallone's not great at comedy, which is what makes it so entertaining. Unintentionally.

Trying to be funny. Yeah, he's, so he's bringing unintentional comedy. But if you just had Bruce Willis in this part, what is Tango and Cash? If it's Bruce Willis and Kurt Russell in Tango and Cash with a better director, is there a higher ceiling for this movie? Yeah, because Bruce Willis doesn't do Tango. Bruce Willis does cash. You can't have two cashes.

You know what I mean? But what if he's doing basically, he's playing that stockbroker, tight hair. He's basically playing the rich prick. Like he did this in Miami Vice. He played like an arms dealer. or a bad guy wearing suits, armed dealer person. I felt like he pulled it off.

So I don't know. Him, I was trying to think, could there be a better Stallone? I wouldn't touch this movie personally, but I just wanted a thought experiment it. Here you go. Harrison Ford. Oh, interesting.

Slide Harrison Ford in as Tango. And maybe. It's definitely different. So Harrison Ford, like as a regarding Henry Harrison Ford, first 20 minutes of regarding Henry? Yeah. where he's like, he's like a Wall Street guy.

How about Michael Douglas? Michael Douglas can do it too. Just fucking just, you just call him Gordon Gecko the whole time. Do that. Douglas isn't big enough. Harrison Ford has a physicality to him. Yeah. Schwarzenegger?

You could, he's never been funny. So it might work out perfect. What are you talking about? He's funny in Terminator. He's unintentionally funny. Yeah. Now, I'm keeping Stallone. I just want to talk it around.

All right, thanks, producer Craig. Yep, sorry, Shay. So, half-assern, half-sernet research, hot off the press, Shea, September 2019, Stallone, who's really lost his mind over the last year in a bunch of different ways. But he revealed that he has a story written for a potential sequel. And that he's been talking to Kurt Russell about signing on. Would you watch Tango and Cash right now? So I would quit my job to watch that movie.

I would watch it so fast. Do you still have Stallone season tickets? No. No? I don't. You haven't seen Samaritan? No, there's some Stallones I've missed. But late 90s kind of fell by the wayside with the season tickets.

I had it for a long time, though. One of my longest season ticket guys. I was thinking about Tank on Cash 2 with Stallone now and Kurt Russell now. Netflix, what are you doing? Just cut a check. What is that? 30 million for two of them? Like just, what are you doing?

Who's not clicking on Tangon Cash 2 on Netflix on the main screen? I'm watching that right now. We mentioned the face was played by Robert Zadar and then Brian James played the Cockney guy and they ended up writing way more lines for them. The climactic battle in the quarry

was shot in a real quarry in Irwindale, California, east of Los Angeles. every shot was filmed by 11 cameras at least. And some of the setups were so dangerous, the stuntmen were only allowed to do them one time. Said one crack, that's it. We're not doing this twice. These are too dangerous.

And you can feel it. I actually am surprised nobody died as they were filming this. I love all the stuff you're saying right now. Right after the film was released, a extremely dangerous batch of heroin was sold in the Bronx and had Tangon Cash stamped on the bag. And all these people were overdosing, sometimes fatally. And NYPD was driving around the neighborhood on speakers, telling people not to use the tango and cash heroin.

So kind of a weird legacy there. The Danish part where Cash turns to tango and he says, have you stopped for coffee in a Danish? And tango says, I hate Danish. He was getting divorced from Brigitte Nielsen, who is Danish. That was a Brigitte Nielsen dig. Oh, wow. I hate Danish. was right. It was a little

shot. Wow. That's all I have for half-assinerary research. I've never been a like taking drugs kind of guy. I tried weed. Once, twice.

And I was like, this is not for me. I don't drink or even smoke cigarettes. But if you gave me a drug and it was like, this is the tango and cash heroin. Tango and cash crack, I would have tried it. I would have tried it. Well, you try it every time

it's on TNT. Apex Mountain, Stallone, no. Kurt Russell. So I was thinking about it because Tequila Sunrise Talk yourself into it. Talk yourself into it. Well, late 80s, Kurt Russell, I do feel like he had a lot of sway at that point

for whatever reason. But I don't feel like it's there yet. I do think Tombstone was probably after Tombstone, I feel like he had the most juice because we know this because they did Escape from L.A. as a sequel in 96. Tombstone is so good. I feel like it's probably mid-90s for him.

I think part of the reason this movie is so much fun, Tangu and Cash, I mean, is because it's not Apex Mountain for anybody in it, not one single person. Except for Face. Oh, yeah. Even his is maniac cop. Right. Yeah, Brian James, it's got to be 48 hours. Buddy cop movies, in the 80s buddy cop movies, you have this second.

I have it a little lower, but for unintentional buddy cop movies, it might be, unintentional comedy buddy cop movies that might be up there. Apex Mountain for the Los Angeles Chronicle. There it is. 12.

You did it. You did it. 12 from pages. All right, this is a tough one. I'm going to let you decide. Stallone prison movies. Apex Mountain,

would you go this or lockup? No, lockup. Lockup is too good. Lockup has a, Lockup has a prison football game in it. In the mud. This is your audition for the Locker Pre-Watchables

and your application has been accepted because the prison football game is one of the best sports scenes of like the last 35 years that's not in a sports movie. I love that scene. They're running the fucking power eye to perfection. That's what they're doing.

Also, like, until Cliffhanger, the most grunts and that Stallone's ever done in a movie. It's like seven different times. He's just either hanging from something or breaking through something or fighting off something. I love, I fucking love

when Eclipse comes in and he just grabs the lineman and he's like, or whoever, get on the other team, you're already playing for them and he's just doing it himself. Now he fucking takes two positions. Eclipse just comes in.

He's like, just run behind me, baby. Yeah, that's when you talk about like when crew, trying to do sports movies versus like Stallone and lockup stolen a whole it's just a whole other level of believable athlete um

lethal weapon rip-reepofs clearly Apex Mountain. Cross the beam moments. I was trying to think of meta moments where a character acknowledges that they've been another character to another movie even though they're playing the character in the movie. This is way up there. I don't know what the apex mountain is for that.

But I think it might be this. I think it Maybe you can argue. I don't know if this exactly applies, but they make that joke in Last Action Hero, where Stallone is Terminator, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is looking at the poster, like that sort of stuff.

But yeah, just because it's Stallone, making fun of one of his most iconic creations ever, it's really high up there. Best Racehorse name is the next category. would you so you're at you're at the Kentucky Derby and there's three horses

one is called Ray Tango one is called Tango and Cash and one is just called Tango which one would you bet on I would I would bet on Tango I love the name Tango just Tango it's so good

Ray Tango we didn't talk about like Tango obviously an Italian name did they shorten it when his ancestors got off the boat in 1918 was it tangioletti and they just like now we're shopping that tango don't see tan i haven't seen tango a lot in real life it's definitely his full name was raymond tangalini right and he was like i'm never going to make it

in america with his name uh pickinitz so why would tango and cash cop a plea were you okay with that yeah they're just going to be felons and they don't get to be cops anymore what happened Man, who knows. Who knows? They plead no contest. No contest. That basically means you can't be a cop again, right? I'm certain.

Pretty sure. 18 months for murder. It's like... They're admitting guilt? There's a lot going on. They get transferred to maximum security prison, and none of this is weird at all. Nobody's monitoring where they went.

Nobody comes to look for them. Yeah, nobody's like, where are these guys? What happened to that? at the other prison who's waiting for them, they just don't show up. That's kind of skipped over. We mentioned this earlier. How fast do they get killed in prison?

It's at least five minutes. They're just both dead. Nobody, so they escape from prison, nobody stakes out the apartment that Tango's stripper sister lives in. Nobody's like, let's send one person there just in case he goes there. He's got one family member.

They know nothing about his background. And then another picking date, you mentioned before, the Terry Hatcher, the stripper that doesn't strip. Pretty sure in a strip joint, you're supposed to take off your clothes. I don't know if people were there to watch her play the drums. Yeah, I think she's just a drummer. It's just a drummer. It's just a drummer.

We've mentioned a bunch of other nitpicks already. Any other picking nits that we missed? Man, this whole movie is like one long picking knit, which is my favorite part. Bill. It's my favorite part. Well, what about Jack Pounce's office is in this quarry in the middle of nowhere? That's where he drives to work every day. It's like, honey, I'm going to work

35 minute ride and then 10 minutes just in the quarry getting to his secretly leaving warehouse. I think a quarry is an underutilized location for an action movie sequence. It happens in this one, Taken, when he goes and when he's driving that Jeep, reacher when they have the shootout

and they're like great core thing you're right a bunch of rocks yeah you're right yeah city of industry in LA which doesn't I don't think have any real people living it but I always feel like that anytime I've ever driven by it I've always

felt like they could film 10 movie scenes like the Tango and Cash inning next category is sequel prequel prestige TV all black cast or untouchable I was trying to think if they what the prestige TV version of this would be and then my brain broke and I don't think it's possible.

I think this movie's untouchable. I wouldn't remake it. I don't know if it can be remade. I don't think you can remake it. You don't touch it. I think you have to do Stallone's sequel is the only thing. I will say though,

I was doing the same thing you were when I was trying to figure out what's the prestige TV version of this. I think maybe, because he's out there and you know he's looking for stuff to do, is you call up Michael Mann and you're like,

Mike, can you give us eight episodes of Tango and Cash prestige heat style, like a heat version of Tango and Cash? I'm in, I'm in. I mean, he did the Tokyo Vice thing for HBO Max. It seems like he's available. He's doing a Heat 2 book.

Did you read that? Chris Ryan read it. I haven't read it yet. Chris Ryan loved it. It's fucking good. You read it? Yeah, we went on a little vacation. I watched Heat. I re-watched it and then read the book immediately after.

And the book starts right, like the day after the movie ends. So you're with, you're with Pacino, Chasin Val Kilmer. And it's really good. You're going to love it. I remember the first like six years I knew you trying to get you to watch Heat. Yeah, I was dodging it. I didn't understand it. It was like, nobody loves bank heist movies more than you, like on the planet.

And you're just like, it's like you were saving it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like everybody was telling me it was a, greatest hikes movie ever and I was like well I'm kind of nervous to watch it because for a lot of reasons and then I was just gonna mess with you a little bit about it it seemed like a fun thing to do you and Chris I'm not gonna watch that guys when I would say that you would fucking wasp it around my head fucking hornet's nest and it was cool and there we are but think you lost like four years of your life where heat could have been in your life like

the only loser was you yeah that's true you had four years where you could have been watching heat. That is just nothing. No heat, no heat runs at all. Instead of you replaced it with Dana Thieves. My book title of my memoir is the only loser is me. That's a good title. Next category, better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Treo, Catherine Hahn, Steve Bouchemy, Sam Jackson, J.T. Walsher, Phil Baker Hall.

Young Bouchemey would have been really good in this movie and made sense. He would have been really funny. I don't know who he plays, but I think he's additive. Maybe he's faces sidekick. He plays Clinton Howard's character. Right. And you give him a few more lines. He's the prisoner, man.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Great call. Next category is just one Oscar who gets it. So obviously nobody. But I would vote for the director just because three different directors accepting the best director for a movie would have been hilarious. There you go.

Let's go up there. Andre, you go first. You directed the first two-thirds of the movie. Unanswerable questions. We mentioned did the movie invent Fubar. I think it did. Any other unanswerables for you? I want to know if the relationship between Cash and Kiki worked out.

I would like to know how that went, because they definitely dated afterward. I mean, that could have been part of that Tangon Cash 2 sequel, right? They're married. Yeah. They starts with the wedding. Obviously, she gets kidnapped within the first half hour of the movie, and then Tango and Cash have to team up.

Maybe Tango's mad about the wedding. Yeah, I want to know what the day, when they get to work the next day, do they just let them back? Or like, oh, you're cool. Like, where was the proof that they had been wronged? You know what I mean?

So I had that. That was the next category, the Andy and Red Zawantanae Award for what happened the next day. So do they, did the charges eventually get dropped? I mean, they were convicted of no contest. So I guess that gets.

dropped, right? And then they get to be cops again? So they just go back to the office? Well, but that's the thing. They don't collect any evidence that they were innocent. Like, I guess they kind of talked to the one guy who has, who like forged the video. I mean, the audio, Michael Jeter's character. Yeah. They talk to him, but like, I don't know. They just got out, they broke out of prison and then they killed like 40 more people. Yeah, our evidence is everybody's now dead. So you have nobody to interview. Here's our evidence. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know what happens to Tango Cash. That could have been good for the sequel. Best double-feature choice for this movie. I had lockup. Like, if we're going in 1989, Stallone, prison, let's just double it up. What would you watch first? Tango and Cash or lockup? I would watch Tango and Cash first.

And then go into lockup. Then it gets darker. And then I'd pretend this is Tango in prison now. He didn't get off. He didn't get off. What piece of memorabilia would you want? from this movie. I want the guard dog with a gun in his mouth that explodes.

Owens' prototype. I want that. That's what I want. That's a good one. I'd probably take the two belts that Tango and Cash used to slide down the thing. Just have them like hanging in an office somewhere. That's really good. Coach Finstock Award for Best Life Lesson.

I don't really know if there's a lot of life lessons from Tango and Cash. Do you have any? I certainly couldn't come up with any. I was going to ask. I was going to ask you, there's the part when they decide they're going to jump to the power line and grab a hold of it.

And Tango is like, oh, great, we're going to get electrocuted. And Cash is like, it doesn't work like that. If your feet aren't touching the ground, you won't get electrocuted. So that's the life lesson. I think it's true. Okay.

So we can grab a power line. We're good. Grab power lines. Is that why birds don't get shocked? Yeah. And squirrels. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Well, there you go. We learned. Let's try it. I think we both agree who won the movie. Yeah. Wait. You're going to say Kurt?

Kurt Russell? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We agree, we agree. Too good. We know producer Craig did the thoughts Stallone didn't win it. Tell you that much. Producer Craig can, we should put producer Greg in prison for 25 years.

That's what I feel right now. He's going to plead no contest, think he's going to minimum security prison and end up going to backslip. Security prison. Craig, come back. Because we've made Craig watch a lot of 80s movies and the rewatchables. Not his generation.

He texted me last night. He's just all completely in on the genre. He's so glad it's in his life. Thank God they made these. What else did you say, Craig? It's just so different. There's nothing like 80s action movies now. And I think that's why it's so refreshing.

There's nothing like lethal weapon or Tango and Cash or like Predator, Cobra. They're all just like, it's almost like a new genre. Like watching The Grey Man is nothing like watching Tango and Cash. So I like how simple and cheesy and filled with megastars they are. I think they're great. Leave the weapon is like one of my all-time favorites. I think the real problem is that we don't have the stars like we mentioned before.

And it's not just the Stolen Schwarzenegger. It's that next level of like the people who are great actors who could also be in these movies like Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis and Kurt Russell. And for whatever reason, like the Chris Evans generation doesn't seem like it translates the same way. I thought Great Man was boring. They don't feel unique to me. Like, Chris Evans is faceless almost.

Like, Kurt Russell is only Kurt Russell. Chris Evans, you could swap in anybody to be Chris Evans. And it would be the same movie. I don't feel that same way about Stallone and Schwarzenegger and Kurt Russell. They're all very unique to me. Everything got inverted. and that it used to be there's a movie star

making the movie and now it's there's the movie and then some people in it you know what I mean? The IP drives Right and it kind of doesn't matter who the actors are

the only one I mean Denzel who's got to be what in his mid late 60s at this point and he's the only one who can put out stuff like the equalizer

where it's like cool I'm going to go get to see Denzel in some sort of situation where he's got to blow away a bunch of people or it's like Brad Pitt and Bullet train

it because Brad Pitt was in Bullet Train, but that doesn't happen too often anymore. Yeah, I didn't, uh, Bullet Train wasn't on my list. Should I see Bullet Train? Was it good? Yeah, I thought it was pretty good. It's like knives out, but actiony on a train. Interesting. All right. This was fun. Tango and Cash. Shea Serrano, good to see you. I feel like we're pulling you into a couple more rewatchable. So be ready. We, we get a little more of you lately now that, uh, your life settled down a little bit. I feel like we should end this with a high five. They fucking end the movie with a high five, Bill.

We forgot to mention that. They end up, they end up with cash. It's not even a high five. It's like kind of their fingers are intertwined. And I don't know what's going on with it. Eye contact and smiles. This was produced by our guy, Craig Horrell back.

We'll see you next week on the rewatchings. Peace.