The Rewatchables - ‘The Replacements’ With Bill Simmons and Van Lathan

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

Pain heals, chicks dig scars, and 'The Rewatchables' lasts forever. The Ringer’s Bill Simmons and Van Lathan revisit the debatable cult classic 2000 sports movie ‘The Replacements,’ starring Keanu Reeves, Gene Hackman, and Brooke Langton. Watch this episode on our Ringer Movies YouTube channel! Producer: Craig Horlbeck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's happening? It's Todd McShay and I'm back with a new home and a new show at the Ringer and Spotify. The McShay Show. It's a video and audio podcast coming to you year round with all my NFL draft information, big boards, mock drafts and player movement. Plus, I'll be chatting with some of my best friends in football, including some of your favorite football analysts. During the week, we'll have episodes on Tuesdays and Thursdays that'll include discussions about my player rankings, who's rising, who's falling, and who your NFL team should be keeping an eye on. Plus, we'll be reacting each week to the college football playoff polls and giving you previews and picks for each Saturday slate. In addition, I'll have episodes on Saturday nights

with my immediate reaction to the full day in college football every week. So if you love the college game, the NFL, the draft, or all of it like me, make sure to like, follow, subscribe, and get ready for the McShay show on the ringer, Spotify, and wherever you watch or listen to podcasts. This episode is brought to you by Adobe Firefly, the all-in-one creative studio with AI-powered image and video generation. Built for today's creative process, Firefly helps you generate, edit, and experiment fast, because the asks aren't getting smaller, and the timelines, ooh, yeah, still tight. With all the best creative AI models in one place, Firefly brings your ideas to Life. Learn more at Adobe.com slash Firefly.

This episode is brought to you by Apple and AT&T. Scroll long enough and you'll hear it all. Miracle diets, fitness trends, you name it. But with iPhone and Apple Watch, you get meaningful insights from a very trusted source, your body. You can track sleep quality, cardio fitness, and more than unpack all the information in the health app on iPhone to get a picture of your overall health. health. These health insights are developed with clinical experts from start to finish. Find out more at apple.com slash health. Apple Watch is not a medical device and should not be used as a substitute

for professional medical advice. The rewatchables is brought to you by the Ringer podcast network where you can find higher learning with Van Lathen. Yep. The Midnight Boys with Van Lathen. You still doing that? Are there still Marvel and DC comic movies coming out or now? You know what? So this is what- What's going on in that universe? I think Star Wars?

I can't wait for 2025. First of all, skeleton grew is coming out. Are you back? 2025 is going to be the most consequential year in the history of superhero movies. Really? Superman?

Fantastic Four. Superman? Wow, they've never made a Superman movie. Why are you- What's the angle gonna be? Let me guess. He comes from another planet and has superpowers. and then bad people try it.

Oh, wait, I've seen that nine times. You know what? I love it because this is your product, the podcast, so making people uninterested in what it is. Why don't they create new superheroes? We can't get a plastic man movie? There's a lot of the... But this is, but see, okay, let me...

It's seven supermans. We can't get one plastic band? This Superman is the beginning of the revamped DC universe, so you'll have access to all types of new and different. They got Mr. Terrific in this one. Black superhero. guy's smartest guy in the world. Mr. Terrific, I like that.

Mr. Terrific is his name. So there are some new superheroes that are going to be in the 80s. So Superman Fantastic Four comes out next year. The Thunderbolts. Well, the penguin was good. The penguin was fantastic.

Look at you. So maybe we're getting better. 2025, gigantic year. I can't wait. We'll cover it in the Ringerverse. You can follow all of the videos and clips from this podcast on the Ringer Movies YouTube channel.

We're about to do a movie that has wore me down over the ears. I can't believe we're doing it. The Replacements is next. commitments and other careers. So that style of dancer would be. Is lap dancing a style? But on the field.

Not bad, Falco. They were out to prove. They belong to each other. You're unbelievable. Keanu Reeves, Gene Hackman. That's going to leave a mark. The replacements, rated PG-13. Sneak preview this Saturday starts Friday, August 11.

All right, Ben. The Wear You Down, rewatchable movies. Movies that you never considered would be in your life when you saw them the first time. I was like, eh. I wrote about this movie for yearspin in 2001. I made fun of it for 3,000 words, but still enjoyed it. What was your take then on your first viewing? This is what I wrote in 2001.

You know what you're getting even before it begins. Kianu, Hackman, a cast of motley, cliched characters, some football scenes. and a happy ending. It reminds me the summer when my old roommate Birdman grew a ghastly goatee

which was best described by our buddy Nick's father as quote delightfully unappealing that's the replacements. That's what I wrote in 2001 and since then it's been on.

It's like by about 2007 I was like I think I like this movie. 2012 I texted you about a month ago because it came on after an NBA game and they just went right into their replacements and of course I started watching it

and I was like the replacement on and you're like, oh, I know. I'm watching with Kalika. How did this happen? How did this become a rewatchable? Sports culture changed. And so now the replacements as a movie is actually a relic to how we used to look at sports. Oh.

When the movie first starts. When we love scabs. Kind of. I'm serious. That's true. This movie cast the players as the greedy bad guys, the genteel old owner as kind of, at in the beginning as the nice guy.

Who's being screwed over by these greedy millionaire players. That's completely changed. You're right. So you look at it now. The players are labor. They're the good guys. The owners are these ridiculous capitalist titans. They're the bad guys. So when you look at this movie, there's

a quaintness about it because we really do not look at sports, particularly football, like we looked at that stuff when the movie first came out. I thought we were do this later, but I'm glad we're doing it now. So this movie comes out in 2000. This is a year after the NBA lockout, which

piss people off. It's six years after the baseball strike, which piss people off. And the theme was, these guys are so lucky to play sports, how dare they? How dare they think they should be paid whatever? Like, come just play your games

and entertain us. And you're right. In 2024, that's like an impossible thing. Would be the, like, if you made this movie now, you could argue the owner's evil, the replacement players are evil, and the good guys would be these guys trying to basically break up their replacement so they can come back and play the Cowboys and cross the line and settle the strike. The version of this movie now is the actual players go and start playing in like a flag football league or something like that. It's a different sport. Oh, like a billionaire funds of flag football games. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. It's like they,

They actually go play something different, but it's literally about how they can't get what they want from their owners, and so they have to go do something else. It's definitely not a situation where someone crosses a picket line and becomes a hero. No fucking way. They flip his car, they throw eggs at the bus. You're like, look at these guys.

What jerks? Throwing eggs at the bus. The nice players who are striking for more money. Right. Or locked out or whatever. Well, think about the Eddie Martel character, the villain in this. movie, the old quarterback.

I don't even know, like, we don't, we'd never have a character like that now. We don't even have a person like that in sports. Well, we do. Who is it? Aaron Rogers. Oh, that's a great point. Yeah. I'm trying to think Eddie Markow as Aaron Rogers.

Just a deeply unlikable. And look, you guys, I'm not talking about his political or social beliefs. Aaron Rogers is an entitled arrogant asshole. Yeah. Like, so he's kind of that character. Yeah. this year, backside up. He threw him under the bus.

Mike Williams catches a touchdown pass for the Steelers, take shots back at him on Instagram. Yeah, so that's kind of that guy, but it would take a long time for us to get to the point where we don't like that guy. At the end of the movie where Martel says, hey, I'm an all-pro two-time Super Bowl champ. I was like, this guy's pretty impressive, man.

Right. He's kind of the man. They said he was the best quarterback in the league and he was an arrogant prick. Yeah, you're right. I can't believe that I make the Rogers connection. Yeah. Rogers is Eddie Martel.

It's a good one. Well, the plot was loosely based on the 1987 NFL strike when teams hired scab players. There was the Washington Redskins at the time. They actually got a boost from their strike players, and that helped them, I think, eventually, win the Super Bowl. People still came to the games, really kind of destroyed labor in the NFL for all intents and purposes. Well, they had another strike in 82, which I forgot because I was reading up on this, and I was like, I might have blot, this might have been so traumatic, like when something terrible happens to you as a kid and you block it out of your mind and usually it's something horrible. I think for me it was the 82 NFL strike.

I think it was so traumatic, I blocked it out of my mind. They didn't play football for eight weeks. And I don't even, in 1982, I'm 13. I don't really remember it because I think I must have been so upset. I just, like, shelved it in my head. Can you imagine not having football for eight weeks? Can you imagine the cataclysm? if it happened now with the gambling fantasy infrastructure

with the gambling fantasy thing if week two they just say fuck it we're on strike and they don't come back to like week 10 Craig what would happen if we had a strike this season starting week two would that be the most traumatic American event of the 21st century yeah what it would do to fantasy

I mean it would be the biggest thing since Damar Hamlin ended the Chiefs Bill's game and nobody knew what to do when they had like Jamar Chaser It would be that times 12. It'd be that for 10 straight weeks. I don't feel like they could be on strike for more than a week because I think people would be so mad.

Like so many, tens of millions of people would be like, you guys are ending this now. Like you better get, like, we are so football-oriented. People would lose their mind. But imagine if you could have a new fantasy draft with all the replacement players, that would be actually kind of fun. Now, but see, but here's something else though.

Like Shane Falco, second one. Here's the thing about the replacement players now. We get a taste of the replacement players. players. We see it. We see it in the XFL. Oh, true. We see it in the USFL.

We see it. We see it with the Panthers. It's the quarterback playing. The quarterback playing the blocking are the two. Yeah, we see with the Panthers. Right. So, Keanu Reeves, this kicks off just a bizarre stretch of his career. He's got the Matrix the year before.

Yeah. So he's got point break. He does a bunch of good movies in the 90s. It's speed. Speed, he becomes an A-lister. Mm-hmm. He's in a devil's advocate. He's hitting a bunch of them.

Matrix kind of goats him for the 90s as like a real A-Lister that we remember. He becomes a poster boy of a whole type of movie. You would have bought a ton of stock for him in the 2000s. Like, what's next for this guy? This guy's an A-lister. And then he gives us the replacements, the watcher, the gift, sweet November, Hardball, a movie we've done on the rewatchables that we have strong feelings about. Something's got to give Constantine Echo a scanner darkly.

By 2006, the Lakehouse. And he's just, that's it. And it kind of starts with this movie where he loses the A-list doesn't really get it back until John Wick, 2014. This starts a 14-year sabbatical from being an A-lister. Yeah.

But in 2000, I went to the theater to see the replacements because Keanu was in it. Smoking hot. He was just, the Matrix was a game-changer in film. He's Draymond Green. What does that mean? meaning has a plethora of tools, but you got to have him in the right situation.

Right. You can't have him. You can't be like, Draymond, we need 35 for me tonight. No, he's got to be in the right situation. John Wick is perfect. Speed is perfect. Probably the less words, the better for Keanu.

But when you let him do his thing. And Drayman. When you let him do his thing, he can give you Hall of Fame characters. But he's not the type of guy. that you could put them in Washington, Orlando, or New York, Houston, and he's going to be a Hall of Fame or wherever.

He's got to be put in the right position. And he learned that throughout the 2000s because all of those roles... Speed is the perfect role for him. Kind of speed. There's a Speed Matrix, John Wick, triumph... I throw point break in, too. Point break as well.

Although it's a little of some overacting in there that makes us love point break. But when he's... I am an F.P. But that works, though. I. M. F. B.I.A.D. That works, though. It did.

That works. But, and the rest of the 2000s show me that. He likes to do the occasional weird movie. He fucks around a little bit. He did. Yeah, I would say you could even argue he might not have the best taste in scripts. He's been 20 bad movies. Like bad.

I know, but I also do think that there's a part of him. He seems like one of those guys who almost doesn't, know what the limits of his actual wheelhouse are. Because there are other times where he's in films where you go, huh, like a fantastic performance in, say, parenthood. I was going to say parenthood. Or a fantastic performance in, what's the Gus Van Zandt movie, my own private Idaho.

Right. A fantastic performance in Gilbert Grape. You know what I mean? He's in that one, right? Maybe. He's in one of those around that era. Whatever. But in these films, he tries it a little bit, and it works,

but in other ones, he tries to get us there and it just doesn't come together. There's something else he brought to the table. What? Unintentional comedy. Right. It was a huge part of the Keanu package. It's something that Matt Damon doesn't have. Somebody who I like him, I'm rooting for him,

but it's also really funny sometimes when he delivers lines, when he has reactions. Arnold Schwarzenegger was 100 out of 100 on the unintentional comedy scale. Kianu was in the 90s and has some scenes in this where I don't think he knew who this character was. He kind of plays him as almost like he's had too many concussions. Yeah. Which he says, yeah. And he's just kind of like says his lines like this. Right.

But it works, but it's also funny. It's his attempt at a burnout. Yeah. People don't know how hard it is to play a burnout. To play a burnout and like someone with a light has come out of their eyes, he's got the light in his eyes. I could see he's down at the bottom of the fucking ocean in the first scene running place. Right, with a metal trophy.

With a metal trophy. He's still got the fire in him, you know? There's that scene when she goes to visit him, and she's like, what are you doing? And he goes, oh, my job. You're a professional football player, the girl says. Sure, this week. But when that's all over, you know. I'll be back here.

I don't want to lose my customers. Like, he's just delivering, he's not, it's almost like a, like a work in wrestling. You're shitting on this man so bad right now. This is how he acts in the movie, but this is what I like about the movie. I guarantee Keanu is not like, man, I nailed the replacements. But, you know.

He has multiple scenes where you're like, why didn't they do another take of this? I will say this, though. That same type of attitude works Wednesday the guys flip his car over. Because he's supposed to be so nonchalant about it, so, like, virtuous in a way that you can't get a rise out of him. And so it works there the fact that it doesn't seem like anything sticks to shape.

He stays with it the whole movie. Like, even when he loses his job, he goes to the bar, and he's like, I'm not going to be there on Thursday. And they're like, what? They stop it. And he tells the team and you think it's going to be this big speech. and it's just He never has it.

He doesn't do it. His quicksand speech is good though. I like Keanu in this movie. I think one of the reasons it's rewatchable is now we have this whole John Wick history with him too where he's so fucking cool in John Wick. He hasn't really figured out the cool part how to do in this movie, but I still like it.

Gene Hackman's also in this movie, which I was outraged by in 2000 because he was Norman Daly and Hoosiers, one of the great coach performances. It's like, why are you being a coach again? Well, now you know why. Why? This was, we only have four more years, so this was part of his retirement package.

Right. So we have this. He's in the Mexican in 01. He's in Heartbreakers. We get horny Hackman. I love heartbreakers. We've never talked about my love for heartbreakers. He's Sogorney and a prime Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Jay Love. Who at that point is seductress. Fighting for the title of number one white girl. Oh, yeah. It's like really, they're going, because in the 2000s, the title, the number one white girl crowned. was really being pulled back and forth. A lot of contenders.

A lot of contenders. And Jay-Lough gets in there right there, Jay-Lo. That was when you were cataloging your Maxim magazines. F-H-M, Maxim, the whole deal. You were getting different takes on it, all different types. Terriads, like, just a brief two-month run and just faded out. She flirted with it. And then I saw this thing on-

Charlize came off the top rope with it. Where'd she come from? When Charlize came, she was doing her thing. The thing with Tara Reid was I saw her one time on this MTV ludicrous did this like MTV video, making

of the video, a ludicrous type of situation and he went to lunch and Tara Reid was at the lunch and I was like I already know what's up. What does that mean? Figure it out. Okay. Heist 2001 for Gene. Royal Tannen bombs

behind enemy lines runaway jury And can you guess the last movie he did, 2004? Last Gene Hackman movie. So you did, you say, Roll Tenderbombs. Yeah. Oh, I know they re-released the Donner Cut of Superman, 2007 doesn't count. Okay.

Welcome to Mooseport. Oh, welcome to Mooseport, where he plays, it's like the president. So Gene could have had this whole late 70s, early 80s run as like the old guy and been like a judge and he was like, I'm out. Yeah. I've made enough money. That's Ray Romano, right? who becomes the president of the United States or something? No.

I forget what. Whatever. Whatever. Yeah, but then after that, so Gene Hackman's done. So when you look at some of those movies, he's fadding up the wallet a little bit before it's time to get out of here. I wrote down in my notes. He's basically Norman Dale with a fedora and a mustache and three drinks in him.

Yeah. That's his. He has quotes like, winners always want the ball when the game's on the line. Yeah. A lot of cliche quotes. I look at you and I see two men. The man you are and the man you ought to be.

These are actual lines for the script. By the way, he's the Judd Nelson Award. He's in a completely different move. 100%. He's in a very serious football. Yeah, let's just give him Judd Nelson now. A real man admits his fears. There can only be one leader out there.

You be it. Right. It's like, did you guys work on these lines at all? Or you just decided to just have Gene say them? He's like a, what's the old, he's like Tom Landry out there kind of coaching up the guys. Here's the thing about him. When I watched this movie, I remember that he also automatically gave the movie credibility because a lot of these actors that are in the film beyond Keanu Reeves. Yeah, there are a lot of bit.

It's a motley crew of guys who we would know better going on, but we didn't really know well then. And Gene Hackman was in his final form when I came to know who he was. Yeah. So anytime you put him in a movie, the movie has automatic credibility with me. I completely agree. I didn't feel that way in 2000. I wrote, I kept hoping Barbara Hurst. she would emerge from the stands, dressed in all black,

and shoot him in the chest. Remember she was the bad of the lady and black of the natural? But now I've come around. Also, he gets to be in scenes with Jack Warden. This was Jack Warden's last movie. Passed away after, yeah. He has lines like, I've seen monkey shit fights in the zoo that were more or not as this.

He played the Sentinel's owner, Edward O'Neill. He was also in two other football movies. Can you name them? Jack Warden. Secret Sports Movie Hall of Famer. Like, maybe not elected the same way, like a Keanu would be, but... He was not... Was he in Houskian-N-Wa?

What did the Oscars do? The Lifetime Achievement when the old guy gets in... I think he might get in late. Was he in Heaven Can-Wate? He was crucial role in Heaven Can-Wade. He played Max. And then he played the coach of the Bears, George Hallis, and Brian'song. The saddest sports movie of all time.

Yeah. You've seen Brian Song, right? Nah. I don't fuck with it. TV movie. What do you don't fuck with it? It's about... I know it's about...

Brian Piccolo. I get it. But I've seen, once you see like the one scene in it, I feel like that's like the whole movie. I'm not trying to be like, I've seen like really grown guys get super emotional about the shit. I'm not trying to do that whole shit, man. It means a lot to you, doesn't it?

I think it's an important football movie. Okay. I just thought differently. That I will, look first. I just thought you knew your football movies. Well, I know the movie. I'm sorry. And I know the scene.

But some... Not the scene. It's the whole thing. Okay. What else about, by the way, before you guys get super pissed off, I'm not pissing on Brian's No, the movie came out in 1970. They remade it. They remade it.

They remade it. No, I didn't watch remake. Who did they have? The hell, Omar Epps in that joint? It's bullshit. They remade it. Be Kai Pfeiffer? Anyway.

There's a bunch of sports movie cliche characters that you've definitely seen before that they brought together in this movie, including the floundering QB who needs to turn his life around. Shane footsteps, Falco. Yeah. We'll get to his footsteps thing later. Right. The token psychopath, a SWAT team officer, crazy linebacker, played by John Favro. This has to be the weirdest thing about this movie 24 years later, that John Favro is the Brian Bosworth, Ray Lewis, I don't know whoever, crazy middle linebacker character.

It's dumbfounding. This is the stuff that makes a movie rewatchable. Yes. You have Orlando Jones, who's going on to have a great. career, but who also... He plays the comic relief, black guy, the Billy Mays Hayes role. He achieved cultural ubiquity

as the seven-up guy. But now has gone on to have a great career. You have John Favreau while he was still trying to be an actor. And by the way, it felt like it was going badly. For him trying to be an actor? Well, because now he's in this movie. It felt like he's

kind of... He had been on Friends. He was hosting that IFC show that I that I really liked, actually, that part dinner for five, whatever. But it felt like the moment it kind of passed him and Vince Vaughn was going to be a bigger star. Well, yeah. And then he flipped the script.

Well, Vince Vaughn, well, he flipped the script because he got back to his roots. I mean, remember. Well, he does Iron Man in 08. Iron Man in 08, but he really came into the game as more of a creator as an actor as well because he wrote Swingers, right? But during this time, you still were used to seeing him on screen.

Now, we still see him on screen. We just thought he was going to be an actor. We didn't know he was going to be like a director person. Right. And then that completely changed. So when you see it now, that also gives the movie a little novelty. He was in Rocky Marciano, the Showtime movie. He was in, um, uh, I mean, he's ripped in this movie.

No, he is in great shape. And that's another thing. Craig, were you surprised? Yeah, I'm curious what he was taking behind the scenes. Hmm. Something going on perhaps. I don't think there was testing on the set that. Probably not.

All of these guys take something, though. He was a believable, like Bill Romanowski type middle eyepacker. You forget that he is actually a really. great actor. He still acts, by the way. He still in the MCU stuff, chef, all that that stuff. But we have the token crazy foreigner, the drunk chain smoking Welsh field goal kicker. Yeah.

Played by the guy from Notting Hill. Yeah. He says things like, you just hold it and I'll kick the bloody piss out of it. Yeah. I kind of liked him. He smokes during scenes in games. His bookies travel.

Yeah, his bookies travel. Across. Unrealistic. You have to owe a lot of money, I think. You're flying in from England From England to watch the game and intimidate from the stands. They travel across the sea to get to him.

In the epilogue of this movie, that guy just gets shot behind the stadium after the game. He's done. We have... So, fast black guy who can't catch, which they do in every motley crew football movie.

Like, they even did it in the little movie was like the little giants or whatever, the kid can't catch. Like, fast black guy, you like that one. Well, it's like Billy Mays Hayes. Billy Mays Hayes. You look like you see Craig, Craig. I just saw that movie,

growing up. Like Craig Greg likes that one. Billy Mays Hayes and baseball too is done. Can't hit for power. Can't hit for power. Super athletic.

Can't do the skill thing. We see what y'all do. The two bouncers turned offensive linemen. Yep. The intimidating black guys with the heart of gold, which we also had in

Blue Crush a couple years later with Kate Bosworth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They might even been the same guys or they stole those guys from this movie or stole the characters. One of those guys face on love,

y'all face on love. The menacing ex-convict. Orl Wilkinson. We have some stuff for him later, but he's the Joe Boo. Oh, no. He's Joe boo for Major League. But the men's in ex-convict?

Yeah, well, you save it. Oh, you know. Yeah, I know. Okay, okay, okay. We have likable handicap guy, deaf tight end. Yeah. And we have the obscenely obese offensive line of guy who in this movie is Japanese. So they just check a ton of boxes.

Do you know why? Because this movie is essentially a remake. of necessary roughness. Yeah, it is. It's not essentially a remade. It's kind of the same movie. Yeah, it is. It really is.

Literally, when they copied almost all the characters, the only one missing is kind of your Sinbad character, but it's like legitimately the same movie. The female field goal kicker was the line they wouldn't cross. Yeah. They didn't want people to realize how badly they were. By the way, I'm off for ripping off unnecessary roughness. I like that movie too.

Yeah, it's great. We're missing a couple of token characters. We don't have the semi-racist dumb guy from the South. Maybe they couldn't find the casting for it. They kind of get you there with the cop, but I get what you're saying. Remember the Titans guy? The guy then when Gary finds like, hey, man, you got to leave the team. I don't know if we need to go that far, but we definitely needed somebody who was...

That guy wasn't a semi-racist. Well, he was a full race. So I'm saying, could we have dipped in that pool? That guy went on to be Grand Dragon. That guy was... That Bertier had to get him off the team. Yeah, Bertier's like even, look, man, it's 1970, you have to go.

That's a bridge too far. What do you want to be with one of them? You're off the team. We were missing the token washed up weight safety, like Scott Bacula coming back. Scott Bacula was a QB. Oh, no, you could have played back. I'm saying having Scott Bacula come back.

Yeah. As like the White Safety who retired two years ago, but misses it and he comes back. The Don Beebe. And we're really, I can't believe they missed this. The ladies man who's just hooking up with multiple girls at a time. I don't know how they didn't have that in this.

The person who was like, he basically fucked himself out of football because he's having so much sex and now he's back, but it's like, might have been a mistake. He's just going too hard. He loves the cheerleaders the most. The cheerleaders, we got to talk about them.

We also have, I think, a new record of seven cliche sports scenes. The bar brawl. The dance? Puking on the field. The teammate dance sequence, which happens in jail. The opponent's getting destroyed.

by the cheerleaders, which I don't think has ever happened in real life, not once. No. The big fat lineman catching a pass and running. The QB throwing the ball at a defensive lineman's head, body somewhere trying to knock him out of the game,

just ripped off from Longish Yard, yeah. Ripped off. And then the injured veteran with the You Gotta Do It speech, to have the guy who scores the touchdown in the big game, and he, like, blows out his knees sideways. Kiana comes over, he's like, Shane, you got to do it. It's like.

You got to do it. I scored my one touchdown. So those are the seven, right? Were there any more? Those were the seven cliche scenes. No, not, I mean, obviously some of the romantic stuff, but in terms of sports movies stuff, that those are the big ones.

I guess maybe that... No, no, no, no, no. Did you do Quicksand speech? Oh, the locker room speech. Locker room speech. Well, that's like a... You have to have that in every sports movie. Right.

They double back, though. Yeah. They do... I'm afraid to be great quicksand speech. But then they also come back. Back to Chicks dig scars. Guy comes in at halftime

to win games. Save your hero dog. Same thing. I don't know if this counts as a cliche thing, but we think they got the winning score, but it turns out there's a flag on the play and we got to redo the winning moment. I don't know if this movie invented that,

but it's a good one. It's effective. That's, I thought you scored. Oh, wait, you didn't. That's the best shot in the whole movie. Yeah. $50 million budget made $50.1 million.

So it lost money. No, it literally broke even. No, no. I mean, after the marketing, it lost money. Roger Ebert, two stars. And honestly, words hurt because he wrote Slap Happy Entertainment, Painted in Broadstrokes,

two coats thick. It's like a standard sports movie, but with every point made twice or three times. If you think the replacement says the nerve to surprise you, you've got the wrong movie. Right. He's right.

He's right. He's right. Yeah. That way he didn't know that it was going to be on T&T for the next 23 years. We missed a cliche. What is it? Maybe you brought it up.

Maybe I'll just miss it. Winy baby athletes bad. Winy, rich, bad athletes. Anybody that wants to make money playing sports bad. Like when someone, it's funny because at the beginning of the movie, a guy goes... Because that's Corbyn-Burban-Burton and Major League, too. That's Corbin-Burton and Major League. At the beginning of the movie, a guy goes, I'm telling you, five,

million ain't what you think it is when you do tax it. Yeah, Eddie Martel says that. My manager gets it. And I'm thinking to myself, now I'm thinking, I mean, he kind of spitting a little bit. He's got a point. Like, he makes $5 million, but it's not a real $5 million. Remember the lockout? He needs to go for more.

Remember the NBA lockout in 99 when Kenny Anderson and came out? He had eight cars. And everyone lost their fucking minds. See, that's different. But I'm just saying, like, that the whole concept of the 90s and early 2000s was I can't believe this guy's complaining about blank. Well, feed my family, all of that stuff. People were getting sick of it now.

Now the money is so fucking crazy. But also what happens now is this movie is a low information sports fans movie. Because we don't know at this point how much the league is making. We don't know what the TV deals are. We don't know any of that. So when we see these numbers, we go, how could they be making that much money? Now when we see how much money they're making, we go, how could they not be making that much money? money.

Today is the most rewatchable scene brought to by Paramount Plus. A mountain of movies awaits on Paramount Plus. That means a mountain

of heart-pounding action, blockbusters like Top Gun Maverick, Mission Impossible Fall, and Gladiator. You saw Gladiator too, right? I did see it. Denzel?

I just want Denzel to be good. I don't care if the movie's good. Denzel's good. Okay. A mountain of jump scares with thrillers like scream, six, smile on a quiet place,

Day one. Did you see Smile, too? I did see it. Heard was good. I'll never watch a scary movie that you've recommended ever again. Okay.

A mountain of fun for the kiddos. Family favorites, like, if Paw Patrol the movie Indora and the Lost City of Gold. Family favorites like, what? If? Oh, I thought you said it. No.

Oh, I was about to say, my God. That's not a family favorite. No, that's definitely not. Yeah. Discover something new every week on Paramount Plus. So, most of watchable scene,

Jimmy goes to see Shane, Jimmy McGinty, goes to see Shane to talk him into it, it, we find out Shane lost the 96 Super Bowl by 45. I have a lot of Super Bowl questions later. The Sugar Bowl, yeah. Lost by 45.

I have more questions about that later. Jimmy says, you know what separates the winners from the losers kid? And Shane goes, the score. And we know we're off at this point. Right. And Shane says, I don't want to be remembered at all. It's a dark place, cleaning boats, embarrassed in the Sugar Bowl. What real life college football character is Shane Falco?

What college start from the last 25 years? Is there a Shane Falco? Oh, you know what he could be? Uh-oh. He could be Troy Smith from Ohio State. Oh. Ohio State's cruising. Yeah.

On their way to an undefeated season and a national championship. And they run into the Florida Gators and somebody helped me, but I think the score of the game was something like 40 to 14. Yeah. Very unexpected. 41.14.

4114. Very unexpected. Troy Smith went on to, like, not really have very much of a career in the NFL. Not sure how much of a career was going to have before that, but it was a game that really, really injured the perception of him, if you asked me. It would have been the Georgia quarterback this year, but they're not going to be good enough to be in, Troy Smith is a great comp.

In that game, he threw for 35 yards. Jesus. Really? Who's your LSU, Shane Flouco? We've had a lot of Shane Falco. We couldn't. Seven Shane Falco? We couldn't have a quarterback.

We didn't have a quarterback for like 10 or 11 years. So we've got Shane Falcos in Spades, man. I don't want to name any of the guys because I love LSU too much. Next scene, Annabelle, the hot cheerleader who we'll talk about later. give Shane a ride home and drives like a fucking maniac for a minute for no reason. A lot of the stuff of this movie happens for no reason. And then says nothing personal shame, but I don't take quarterbacks. Like, all right, you'll be back.

Yeah, what are you talking about? Come on. He's fucking killed her car. Very, like, 90s, early 2000s, like driving that car. You know it was like 40 degrees in Washington. They don't care. Jimmy and Shane before the first big game. I look at you and I see two men.

The man you are, the man you ought to be. someday those two will meet should make for a hell of a football player I remember when I said that to you in 2020 when we decided to work together that pushed it over right before the higher learning was launched yeah

um go fuck yourself but but but but but like we haven't talked about how much of a cliche she is can you hold that because I have a great spot for it we have the puking the huddle to

I need that ball and Fabro going to get the ball and coming back I got you the ball! Right, yeah, yeah. Which was ridiculous in 2000, but now I kind of like that scene. Falco's almost game winner.

And then the highlight of this whole scene was Pat Summerall and John Madden who we also haven't talked about yet and they're in this movie a lot. And they're doing the notes in Somerrell was talking about the running back, the ex-con, doesn't realize this is an ex-con

and says, it says here that he likes embroidery. They just slid that in. So we get that, we get the bar fight. That's fun. I like bar fights. Always like a bar fight in a sports movie.

We get her circling back and how he got his truck back with the girl and Keanu. We get the, I needed you to get me the ball. I got you the ball exchange, which was, I think, and I think I got that out of order. Keanu's quicksand speech. Fantastic. Which I'll have Craig play, the clip of, because he'll do it better me, but I also want to do an imitation of it. You're playing. And you think everything is going fine, but then one thing goes wrong.

And then another. And another. And you try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move. You can't breathe. Because you're in over your head, like quicksand. You're playing. You think everything's going fine.

But then one thing goes wrong, and another and another. And you try to fight back. But the harder you fight. the deeper you sink until you can't move. You can't breathe because you're in over your head, a quicksand. Right. That's how he delivers it.

That's the way it is. Garrett Nuss Myr versus Texas A&M. Our guy Orlando Jones comes in and goes, that's some deep shit, Shane. This movie's great. And then it goes to each one of their faces. Yeah. It's like he's giving the greatest,

he's like Martin Luther King and giving like the greatest speech of all time. Be careful. But he, but, but, but, but, He, he, but he's talking about not just football, but he's also talking about failure. Their lives as well. So when it flashes to each one of them, we've learned a little bit about their backstories

and why they didn't make it. And everybody's like, I don't want to go back to the mini mark. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do that. So it works. It works. Fiverro's character seems like I'm actually fine going back to- I want to bust some ass.

Killing criminals again. Next scene, I just, this is self-explanatory. The stripper cheerleaders cause an offside and lead a comeback. Really fun. The coaching that scene is hilarious. He slapped her on the ass, ref.

Right, the ref, she slapped her on the ass. Like, that guy is really funny in that scene. I mean, the last 25 minutes of the movie is probably the pick. Right. Because we get the first half of the big game with Eddie Martel crossing the picket line and just going full Aaron Rogers jets

on the entire team. We get Falco coming back as Eddie Martel says in the locker, I'm at halftime. Nobody can beat Dallas with these losers. I can't. Who do you think O'Neill's going to side with, huh? Some burnout old coach or someone who puts fans in the stands.

Son of my bitch. Hey, what the hell are you thinking about? We got a game to play. Nobody can be Dallas with these losers. I can't. Yeah, Falco, it's great to see you. Now get the hell out of my locker room. Coach, what the hell took you so long?

Trevor. suit up now get the hell out of my locker room which is just an immediate overacting award winner so what took you so long traffic it's kind of a Jerry McGuire type of situation

there oh we're getting into it in nipicks yeah yeah um I have okay so the opening scene sets the cultural stakes of the movie it tells you all about where sports culture is and how you're supposed to look at the good guys it like literally

defines the good guys and the bad guys the first sequence of the movie, right? But then like the first practice slash training camp as a little montage. The little montage of everybody going through their thing because you get to see the deficiencies of all the characters. Hey, one guy can catch

his ass off, but he's deaf. One guy is fast, but he can't catch. One guy has all the intensity, but no discipline. One guy is huge as fuck, but he has an eating, disorder. Yeah.

So, like, you go through all of the different things. And in movies like that, in movies like this, and I say, that's the one thing you have to have, like, because it really gives you a lot of exposition in one little scene. We didn't mention the ending. One more thing I want to say. The Wild Yam scene. Yeah. Wild Yam, that's the, hey, love matter scene.

He's not going to be the coach of the, the, or he's not going to be the quarterback of the team for a long time, but he's going to have her forever. she's rubbing her wild yam on his shoulders. Did mention the ending. I know you're tired. I know you're hurting. And I wish I could say something that was classy and inspirational. But that just wouldn't be our style.

Pain heels. Chick-stig scars. Glory. Last forever. Would that have been your yearbook quote, Craig, if you do that? I actually think that is like an objectively great sports movie quote. It's the highlight of the movie. That would work.

If I was on his team, that would fire me up. You ready to run through a fucking wall? We get the fake field goal, which I think is a really well-written smart wrinkle. The kicker's like, I'm going to have to miss this. And Keanu snips it out, runs for the touchdown, called back. And then we get the game winner, which I have some questions about. I have a question before we move on. That's my pick for most rewatchable.

Most rewatchable is the last in the movie for sure, right? But back to Craig's point, of all the sports movie speeches that you've heard, I'm not going to ask you for a top five. What are the most effective sports movie speeches ever? First of all, you came to the right place. Okay. Probably the best person on the planet to answer this question. Humble.

The longest yard with Paul Crew is the best speech ever when he calls time out when it's fourth down and brings everybody over to the sidelines and does the, who come to start far to stop now. Yeah. For granny. For Nate. For caretaker who just died.

The best. The best one. Can I give you? you one that means something to me. I think there's been a lot of good ones. There's a lot of great ones. Billy Bob Thornton. Oh.

Friday Night Lights. Good one. My God. And I know that they're about to go out there. You know they're probably going to look, but my God. That's a great one. Billy Bob Thorne, Friday Night Lights, he's like impartedness upon these young men. And he's letting you know, look, my heart is full.

I'm here with you. Like, that movie to me is, it's kind of actually, I'll look at that film as actually the time that sports movies changed a little bit. Sports movies are a little bit, they're a little bit more meta and how they do their thing now than they used to be. That started with like Moneyball, late 2000s.

Yeah, yeah, they're kind of a little bit more meta now. The sports movie now almost always rise the line between sports movie and documentary. Yeah. Because documentary has changed how we saw sports just in general. Yeah, but like, I love that fucking speech. That's the speech that makes me want to run.

Any given Sunday with Pacino is an all-timer. Yeah. The inches are all around. The inches are all around. The inches are all around in that movie, too, in the locker room. These people was like, what that fuck is going on? Jerry McGuire's speech to Tidwell's good. Yep.

Remember the Titans for me has some good ones. Will Patton and Denzel, both. Yeah, Denzel was great, like, fantastic in that one. You know what? Hoosiers. I know you have some issues with Hoosiers. I don't. Great speech that leads to the slow clap.

The slow clap is just crazy in every movie that they do it. It seems like these movies, they're not as many great sports movie speeches in basketball movies, though. The best one's probably he got game. Which one? The speech that when they're walking on the boardwalk and Denzel's talking to Ray Allen. Yeah. That's near the end of the movie

when he's talking about how he has to get the hate out of his heart. It's not necessarily a sports speech. But that's an unbelievable scene. When he's basically telling him, like, I'm your dad. Yeah. This is what I want. And I'm telling you, even if you don't give me this, then what you have to do is be able to move on from everything that's happy

or you're never going to reach your fault. Get rid of this hate in your heart. Get rid of the hate out your heart, son. It's a good one. Yeah. There's been a lot of good sports movie speeches. And I think we hit a point. Miracle, there's some good ones with Kurt Russell.

We hit a point in the late. 90s when people, we had enough of a sports movie library that people knew that they had to have some sort of speech in it. Right? So that's what they're trying to do. They also do you that shit in real life, though. That's another thing is the sports movie speech is accurate to the way they try to motivate you when you're actually playing sports. Yeah. I remember watching Doc Rivers. Doc Rivers is on the sideline with the Celtics, which you guys, Doc Rivers is a good coach in Boston.

And he says something to them. He goes, listen. He doesn't like draw up a player or anything like that. He says something, he goes, listen, listen, if you play together and you believe in each other, you're unbeatable. They can't beat you if you play together and execute together and look out for one another. I'm like, God, damn. If we play together, we can't be beat, it actually was inspiring. Pretty great.

Yeah. Supposedly, and I think all videos have been destroyed. but in 2006, Pat Riley in the Heat when they were in Dallas trying to finish off Durk and those guys. And supposedly him in the second half, the cameras that were there recording those stuff that he was saying was like all time.

So he had like no quipboard. And he was just like, you guys are tougher than these guys. You guys have to rip their heart out right now and was doing like crazy sports movie shit, but it was working and those guys came out and they just killed Dallas. Took it from Durk in him, yeah.

All right. So what's your most? rewatchable? My role's rewatchable is it's like you. It's the last one. It's the final scene, but the opening scene is up there too. Today's most rewatchable scene was brought to by Paramount Plus, from action blockbusters to

thrillers to favorites for the little family, find something new to watch every week. A mountain of movies awaits on Paramount Plus. Plan started at 799 a month, start streaming. Now we are going to take a break. This episode is brought to by Pure Michigan. In Grand Rapids, every moment feels like a

scene worth replaying. Every riverside stroll, every slow afternoon sipping small batch brews, every guitar riff drifting out of the city's brand new amphitheater, this is a place where everything feels cinematic. Like you've stepped into a highlight reel that's yours to explore. Ranked as the number one city on the rise from LinkedIn, Grand Rapids invites you to find a rhythm all your own. Season after season in pure Michigan. Find your season at experience gr.com. This episode is brought to you by McDonald's. Right now at McDonald's, you can get great deals all day with McValue. Jumpstart your day with the under $3 menu featuring a sausage McMuffin for just $1.50.

Or grab the perfect lunch with the McDouble for just $250. Honestly, nothing pairs with a movie marathon like a McDouble in hand. Get even more value with McValue. Only McDonald's. Bada, buta, but bupap, limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery. what's the most 2001 thing about this movie?

I'll give you some options. All right. Give you to me. Intentionally attacking football opponents. Using good vibrations by Marky, Mark, in a sports celebration sequence. Way up there. Stick them? That's more like the 70s, though.

No concussion protocol for the deaf tight end in the final game. Just comes right back. Yeah. Or stripper cheerleaders. Okay, so I'm going to make a case for stripper cheerleaders later. That was my number one pick as well. Really? No, that wasn't my number one pick, though.

I'm going to make a case as to why that should happen. But my number one pick is the concussion protocol. Brough, we've talked about it on the pod before. There is legitimately, like, you made a joke about it, but there's actually one. There's actually a ESPN jacked-up segment where the dude gets hit by NAMD. Awesome walk.

Yeah. And he's doing the fencing pose. He's like this. He's like this. And Tom Jackson goes, uh, you, you know, when you see the hands like that, that's when you know you got jacked up. I'm like, what the fuck? He literally is doing, Tom Jackson's voice goes down.

Yeah. And he goes, you know. You think he's getting serious for a second. He comes back with the jacked up. So that. Those segments, those ESPN jacked up segments, look like their S&L segments of them parroting ESPN,

but they're actually the actual ISPN segments. They're the real thing. It's like, you got, look at him. Look at him. He's not moving. He's not moving. He got jacked up. The guy's like dead.

He's like fucking out. He's unconscious on the football field. It's so funny. Jacked up. Remember there was that, there was a Madden game one year when the whole, it was like a 30 second intro

before he started playing. And each hit was just somebody getting decapitated or annihilated. Yeah, right. Different times. So the, obviously the The death tight end is. But him getting fucked up

and then coming right back in the game, it's just a different sport back then. A category we don't get to give out very often. The Elizabeth Shoe is an Oxford Electrochemist Award. Goes to Washington's cute and bubbly head cheerleader Annabel who also owns a bar in downtown Washington.

Yeah. And she's single. Yeah. Because this person exists. She is breathtakingly beautiful. Yeah. She's saying. No, she's a, she's breathtakingly beautiful, financially independent.

Yeah, hard worker. Cheerleads basically as a hobby. Yeah. Because she only makes 50 bucks a game. Right. Has to shut down the bar. Probably costs her money. Costs her money to do it, right?

And just striking out. Either that or the sequel to this movie is her carving up his back or doing something crazy because there's got to be a reason why she's not married. Or a backstory with her. and some football player. Maybe there's a reason why. The second one's an erotic thriller. She starts stalking Shane.

Shane, why don't you come by the bar? They hint at it near the end of their placements when he no-shows the date. And she's like basically turning the light on and off. Right. Like Fader Factorily. I told you, I don't date quarterbacks. I will not be ignored.

Right, exactly. She was played by former Melrose play star, Brooke Langton, who ended up getting involved with Billy Campbell on that show, Andrew Shue, who is kind of the homeless man's Keanu from an acting standpoint. What a call. Yeah.

Same kind of blank faces and unenergetic unenergetic line delivers. It's funny that he would be brought up when his sister is the Elizabeth Shoe. He was the thing for a while. He is one of the all-time. Andrew Shoe.

What the fuck happened to that guy? Season 1 of Melrose Place. He felt like he was going to be one of the biggest stars in the world. He had like commercials on TV and stuff. and then gone. What's age the best? I have a bunch of stuff. You can give me your best one.

All right. Now? Yeah. Okay. So Keanu Reeves just age super the best sex workers. The way that sex workers are portrayed in this movie, the strippers, age the best. It's totally different now.

I have them in this as well as what's age the best. I love those characters. I think they're hilarious. And they're kind of, They give the movie some spice, and it's like a T&T spice, because it's not too dirty, but it's okay enough for T&T,

but it still feels like in the bar, she's giving the deaf guy like the fake blowjob thing, and it's like... What'd you do? Right? That's for video. You guys got to see that.

I do the trunk where Trump's like... Yeah, they... It's like, oh, they're weakin at you. They're not showing you that that's very 90s, too. Because now there'd be some bit where they come out there with no underwear on it would be forever. That was that era though. That was that was 1999, 2000, 2001.

A lot of stuff that was going on on MTV. That was the Woodstock 99 that we did the documentary about where everybody's taking their tops off. It got a little crazy there. It did. But they're winking at you here. The strippers dance, the ladies, they dance a little bit different. They do a little bit different. They're a little bit more out there.

That is the best. And just like sports labor discussions. have aged the best because we do not have them now the way we used to... There's too much money at stake now. Now they're just like, let's put this up. Let's not argue about this.

The baseball, the strike of 1994 is... The NBA strikes and the football strikes, all of that. The strike of 1994 was a watershed moment in the way that I view sports. Yeah. Because the season, leading up to that, was so fucking special. Tony Gwynne was hitting like, what, 390?

Expos. Montreal. The season was so fucking amazing. And there was this collective grief over the fact that we weren't going to see if he could hit for 100. We weren't going to see if Montreal could get to the World Series.

I think the home run record might have been it really cost people something. I think after that, that really kind of changed, at least me as being a sports fan around that age, kind of changed the way I looked at sports. It was bullshit. The 99 NBA Lockout,

wasn't great. The hockey lost an entire season. A whole season, yeah. I have some smaller Woodsage the best. Keith David as head of the players union. Always like Keith David. Doesn't come back in the movie, though. Doesn't come back. It feels like he probably had some deleted scenes. Got some shit cut out, yeah.

The TD celebration where Orlando Jones shoots the guys with the football. And in himself? Yeah. I think they were making fun of any given, not any given Sunday, the last boy scout. It's funny. Yeah. I like the blue Washington Sentinel's hats, the blue with the Washington? I would buy one of those on eBay.

So this is a what's age the best in real life. Kianu took less money so they could afford Gene Hackman. Oh. Team player, Keanu. Yeah. Like a Tim Duncan. Is he? So, people fall from grace. Kobe wouldn't have taken less money for

Gene Hackman, but Tim Duncan would have. I'm just telling you. People fall from grace. Another Tim Duncan win. I'm, it's just, your agenda is crazy. I'm begging Keanu Reeves. Just don't let us down, Keanu. Because he is like the guy when you think about, hey, you can still be decent.

You can still not care. You can still be, if we find out Keanu got three holes locked in a bracelet somewhere, it's going to be such a dark day. The Matt Lauer buzzer. Yeah, it's like just, Keanu, like for us, bro, just keep it above board. Always your hair something good about him. what's age the best? Hey Falco, you're not even a has-been. You're a never-was.

Great insult. Yeah. Really cuts deep. Madden and Summerall. So we have Vince Gulli and for Love of the Game in 1999. And it turns out, like, these guys, they do these games, they disappear, they end up on YouTube. But Vince Kelly is like a key character in for love of the game, and he's really good. Madden and Summerall, this felt like a money grab in 2001.

And we had a lot of Madden & Summerall in our lives because they were the announcers for the video game, which everyone played. Like, Madden in 2001, it's like, everyone's playing it. But now I'm, like, really glad they're in this movie. It's actually nice to see them. Because I miss Madden and Summerall. Missing big time. I miss them doing lines.

Like, Summerall's kind of awkward. Madden at one point does this thing, like, it looks like they're neckin. Where they're kissing. Like, the Madden and Summerall team is just, like, the golden age of football watching for me. Yeah. It made me super nostalgic.

Absolutely. And I think putting them in the movie, probably gave the movie a little bit of credibility because they didn't have Hackman as well they didn't have like licensing so it's like real football of John Madden and some are all calling it I like the kicker's smoking butts during the game

even in the game I just thought it was like they really went for it with that one Cusers jokes during the Gene Hackman parts not afraid to make a couple of like I want four handoffs before every pass like just we've nosin I like the cheerleader with the deaf guy. My favorite two things, though, for what stage is the best. Shane footsteps, Falco. What a great nickname. Cudos to the screenwriter for that. Did we ever get a reason as to why they call him that? I think because in the sugar

bowl, he got hit so many times. He just started like taking self sacks. Hearing footsteps or feeling footsteps. Jim Everett. That was the famous Jim Everett in the 80s when he thought he was going to get sacked and fell down, but there was nobody there. And they're like haunted him forever. Careful speaking on him. Well, that's why. You think he's going to jump out? He likes to get busy. I watch that shit live when it happened.

Can we call Derek Carr, Derek Footsteps Car? Yeah, you definitely call me anything you want. Let's bring it back. All right, here's my big one, though. Keanu looks good as a QB. Bro, I'm ready to have this combo right now. He, I do this a lot where someone makes another point and I go, wow. But realistically,

He looks like he could get it done. He's athletic. He looks like he has, he's got the kind of build to where he's lean but still sturdy. Kind of looks like Tua. I got to be honest. Like watching it, I don't really know the difference. Like even in point break. Yeah.

Which, by the way, I'm going to get to my multiversal theory a little later. But like point break, when he's Johnny Utah, he looks like a guy who could have played football. A lot of times they put people in these. And obviously there's the guy from the Amanda Binds movie when you see him throw it. Have you ever seen that clip? You ever see the guy in the Amanda Binds movie? Which movie was it? Was it Freddie Prince Jr.?

No, it wasn't him. Freddy could get busy. But it was, I don't know why, I just big up to Freddy like that. I just like him. I like to think he could throw a football. But there's a guy he's throwing the ball. Is he doing like one of those? You have to see this.

I'm going to show it to you. I'll check that. But Keanu is very athletic. He looks at. athletic and he's got a good full ball motion and like a good constitution. At the time, I would, I wrote that he was very Scott Mitchellie, which was a compliment because I think Scott Mitchell from the Lions. Yeah, he made money in the Lions, but he had that kind of lefty, kind of lumbering,

but athletic. And you felt like it made sense if he scrambled for 15 yards. Two is probably the comp now. I'm ready to do it, the best quarterbacks in a sports movie. I think Bert Reynolds is still one longest yard. He's like amazing. Like he's like, he's like Lamar Jackson in the longest yard. Kind of shouldn't count, but I get it.

It counts. He's star of the movie. I'm not just saying he played college football. It's a real football player. I got to hand it to Jamie as Willie Beeman. That's one way up there. Once again, high school football player, good one, but way up there. Like felt Kaepernic-y 10 years before Kaepernick, like the same kind of slasher, you know, like quick throws but also could run, athletic.

At the time, it was Aaron Brooks was the comp for him. Fun fact. Jamie did most of that. But the guy who filled in for Jamie and some of the football stuff was a gentleman by the name of Sam George who played quarterback for Southern University in Baton Rouge. Interesting. HBCU.

I thought Jamie did all that shit himself. He did most of it, but there were some things that he didn't do. I got Ronnie Sunshine Bass up there. Way up there. once again real football player rifleman in all the right moves is my dark horse

for this category because he's never mentioned but go watch all the right moves watch some of the things he's doing in that movie it's really impressive ahead of its time even some people say

I got Keanu in here anybody else for you James Vanderbeak Washington movies yeah make the case okay so I thought he's

I didn't think he was good or bad I thought he was passable. I think he did a good job. I think he did a good job. Paul Walker did a decent job as well. I know a little bit of the inside of this. We did a movie where we did back in the day in Baton Rouge

and one of the producers on the film was a lady named Sarah Flam and she was coming out there and she was like throwing the football. Yeah. And she was like rifling the football. And I asked her like, you know, I mean, are you quarterback princess or something like that? By the way, you didn't mention Helen Hunt. Are you quarterback princess?

And she goes, well, no, I did. did a movie called Varsity Blues. And on this movie, there was a quarterback coach that gave all the people there intensive instructions on, like, how to be a quarterback. Like, they really put it into it. I think when you watch the movie,

James Vanderbeek, it shows. It shows to me him. Good tutelage. That he really took it seriously. I think he could be able to do it. He's okay. He's okay. He, I bought it, though.

I bought it. I wouldn't put him up with the rest of the guy. A lot of the guys you named are actually football. Craig Sheffer and the program, he's fine. They didn't really, they didn't really unleash him. Put too much on them as the QB there. What about your,

what about your Friday Night Lights television show? Was anybody from there? Well, MBJ was on that. He was good. Yeah. You know what we found out this week? It's reboot. You know who's never seen one episode

of Friday Night Lights? Who? Craig. Explain yourself. Craig's defense was, it came out when I was 12. I was like, well, fucking cheeseburgers came out

in 1910 so you can't eat them? That is not a similar argument. It's outrageous. You haven't seen that. It hits every interest you have. I know. You actually care about content. You care about well done content.

You like serialized shows. What channel was it on? It was NBC, like barely making it because we didn't have streamers yet. I haven't seen the show. Oh. What? Friday Night Lights? Yeah.

What do you mean? I haven't seen it. I've seen an episode of it. What? But I didn't watch it. There are dozens of us. I didn't watch it. What the hell?

I've seen an episode of it. I remember I watched one episode where Michael B. Jordan was running wind sprints. And I was like, outrageous. Haven't seen that Joe, this is the Joanna podcast. If I can seen all seven Superman remakes and you haven't watched Friday Lights. Stop coming at my culture. You've seen Superman 4 and you haven't seen Friday Night?

I've seen Superman 4 dozens of times. That's terrible. But I haven't seen that. seen the Friday Night's Friday Night Lights show. I've seen episodes of it, but I haven't watched a show in this entire. It's an amazing show.

Incredibly important show. The Fortune 3 Clap Award for most giffable moment is any crazy John Favreau clip, I feel like. Right? Great shot Gordor Award. This movie wasn't good enough to qualify. Oh, no, I got one. What do you got?

There's one, there's one one I think is a good shot. In the last play where Calco takes the, he pulls the kick and he scores. Yeah. There's a great shot of him running and the flag coming in at the bottom.

Oh. The flag. Yeah, I did notice that. They don't just cut to the flag. Yeah. The flag flashes in on the bottom of the camera almost in real game style. So do this solo cut. Yeah.

That's smart. Then they come back to it. Good call. Yeah. Denethe's Benihana Award for a scene-silling location. Probably the bar. I like the bar. I think DC has strong bars.

DC, but also just RFK, right? Weren't they in RFK? Oh, yeah. Well, but now they were actually in Baltimore. Oh, were they so now? Yeah. Yeah. Before we do Kid Cuddy,

we got to take a break because it's an important category. This episode is brought to by Brooks running. Sometimes in the film world, we see performances on screen that are so mind-blowing you think someone somewhere is bending the rules. Like when one actor plays twins

or nails a really difficult accent. The glycerin flex from Brooks is that phenomenon in shoe form. It provides a flexible cushion ride that's made to move with you. With the breathable upper, your shoe feels like a distraction-free second skin. It's the ultimate blend between human movement and tech.

So if you want to experience the best parts of your performance, flex the new glycerin flex, shop the glycerin flex at brooksrunning.com. All right, Kid Cuddy Pursuit a Happenance Award for Best Needle Drop. Craig theorized that 90% of the budget was spent on the music in this movie. I don't know if it was that high, but it might have been 80. Yeah.

But I really like the stones blinded by rainbows. So there's two songs from Voodoo Lounge, the 1994 Rolling Stones album that I would say is not considered a classic. That then featured prominently in two pop culture things that you love. One is blinded by rainbows. Can you think of the other? I can't. I can't try. Sopranos.

Oh. Last episode, season two. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Rolling, the Keith Richards song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll give you that. I'll give you I will survive in jail or I will give you

the We Can Be Heroes ending. So it's probably I Will Survive. We Can Be Heroes is also great. But just a little shout out to lit Ziploc the way the movie starts. The movie starts literally, I thought about Craig, because he put that in the chat,

but I thought about Craig when the movie, it starts off right on. With one of those happy early 2000s. Early 2000s, late 90s kind of years. But I'm going to go out with, I will survive because it's like thematic to the movie.

There's also, it's just the pure volumin. volume of music. There are so many songs. They're just like ripping banger song after banger song. It's like a 40-song playlist on this soundtrack. It feels like a very era-specific movie. This movie feels like it came out between 1999 and 2001, and there's the only three years that could have come out with how they do it. And don't they have the police, the police play. Every breath you take. I want to get into that later because it's important.

The Big Gahooner Burger War, best use of food and drink, probably the Japanese guy eating the hard-boiled eggs. Yeah, that of them throwing the eggs at their car. The act millionaires are egging them, but it's definitely eggs. The Butch's Girlfriend Award, Weeklink of the film, probably the premise of the scabs or the heroes is an interesting one in 2024. That is by far the weakling of the movie. They just are like, you know what? We're doing it this way. You're either with us or against us.

Yeah. We rarely get to give this a word out. I think we've given her out three times. The Seth Rogen Catherine Hagel Award for Worst Chemistry. Keanu and Brooke Langton. Can we talk about it? Yeah. I can't say it was electric between the two of them.

It doesn't. She's trying hard. She's getting cleavage going and big smiles and wink-winks. And I never felt like he totally likes her. Two great, look. Wait a minute. You never felt like he totally likes her? I never felt like he was like I would risk everything for this lady.

I feel like she just. Which is, I think she deserved that. I feel like at the end of it, she was just kind of, I felt like it was the opposite. She was kind of like, I ain't niggie. It would have been controversial. You know what I'm saying? Like it would have been. But she was just kind of like, okay, whatever.

Oh, I think she... But he kept coming at her. He didn't show up for the date. I think you're going to break up after that. She's never forgiving that. They're going well for three months, and then she has two drinks. And she's like, well, it's like, when you didn't show up for the date that time, you motherfucker? Yeah.

It's over. What stage is the worst? Ebert on Madden and Summerall. This is what he wrote. stashes them in a booth with a couple of TV monitors, has them stand around awkwardly as if looking at a game. Sometimes they're not even looking in the same direction. I rarely get to say this, but fuck you, Raj.

Oh, no. Yeah, set it down. Don't go after Madden and Summer. You can't do, Ross. American treasures can't go after other American treasures. I didn't like that at all. Just stop it, Raj. And then I wrote this about John Favro in 2001,

and I recant it because I actually like him in this movie now. I wrote how the mighty have fallen. It's impossible to overstate how dreadful Favro is here. He makes you wince in pain during certain scenes. A career-ending performance. Bad take. It's a not a good take. It's a freezing-cold take.

It's like literally one of the five most powerful guys in the whole fucking town. I take it back. The Gary Glitter song always ages the worst when you hear it in a movie because he had one of the darkest wikipedias you'll ever look at. Yeah. All right. So tell me, this is a wood sage the best or what stage is the worst.

Keanu finally makes a move on Annabelle. And they're playing the every breath you take song from the police. And then they use Madden and Somerall commentary. Okay. But it bleeds it in the football game, which is why they're doing it. But it makes it seem like the commentary is about Shane making a move on Annabelle. Does it work or does it not work? I fucking love it. Okay. Good. Okay. I have it in what stage is the best, that in the worst.

I have it. It's like legitimately one of the more inventive things. doing the movie because the movie is pretty paint by numbers pretty predictable but that's actually like pretty cool that's like one of the that's one of the more unique things about you know in the deleted scenes they cut to those guys and they're just in their underwear like watching them on monitors yeah that's the erotic theater thriller it's about them they they madden with john madden and then the last what's aged the worst i can't think of a paragraph that's more in your wheelhouse willkins played by Michael Jace was afraid to go back to prison

in the quicksand scene and in 2016 was convicted of second-degree murder in real life for murdering his wife and went to prison for 40 years. This guy went to my church. This was going to be

Van Lathen, fun fact. There was a church and I don't know if it's still going it's called Oasis. It was on Wilshire. I was embarrassed by a friend of mine that was visiting in town because Common showed up at the church one day and he went up to take a picture with Common during the service.

Oh, no. But one time I see this guy there, and he's ushering people, and it's Michael Jace. I'm like, oh, my God, I know this guy. I know him from a movie. He's in a horror movie, right? He's been in a bunch of movies, but there was one specific movie, and this is like an underrated classic that knows. It's called Thickest Thieves.

The movie is with Alec Baldwin, Michael Jai White. Wow, I don't know this movie. And, um... Can't believe I don't know this movie. It's Michael, Michael, Michael Baldwin. That sounds like something got stolen and then the guys escaped, just knowing nothing. It's a movie about, uh... I'm gonna look this up.

Alec Baldwin is, plays, I haven't seen it in a long time, but there's the mobs involved and Michael Jai White runs one part of the, um, uh, the underworld. And these two people are like up against each other. But it's very funny. It's very cool. think Janine Garofalo's in it just like for a little while. She played like Alec Baldwin's X or something like that. The IMDB is a thief is betrayed after a well-done job in Detroit.

Returning to Chicago, he decides on revenge, things escalate. How the fuck have I not seen this? It's really good. I'm outraged at myself. Like, it's really good. It's a smaller movie. I don't know if it got theatrical relief. It release is really good.

It's like Michael, Alec Baldwin is like trying to get revenge and all that stuff, whatever. Andre Brower's in it. Andre Brower plays Michael Jai White's number one in the movie. Sounds great. Michael Jays is in that movie, so I recognize him from that. And everybody was like, oh, Michael Jays. But he was like serving at the church, like ushering people and helping out and all of that stuff like that. And then one day, he got arrested for murder.

It was like a thing. Talk to the guy, been around the guy, a whole nine. Can we workshop the title of this bit? What? It may be not call it Van Lathen's Fun Fact. I don't know if we can get that one spot. Van Lathen's unfun fact. Fan Lathen's fun fact

presented by Arby's I remember it was like Deep fried turkey sandwich And do you know And the way that I learned about this This was one of the early TMZ moments This was somebody that I knew And then all of a sudden it comes into TMZ

And I'm standing up I'm going to fucking know that guy But yeah 40 years Murder in the second right Van Lathens Maybe not that fun fact Maybe not that fun fact

Was there a better title for this movie Scabs no no no probably not what do you think correct scabs I like the replacements that's fine the only problem is there was another movie called the replacements right it's confusing oh the uh... oh and I don't know

I don't know the movie about the replacements Ruffalo Hannah Rubinac Partridge overacting word it's either Favreau would give me the I got you the ball I got the ball but I really think it's Martel Falco it's great to see it now get the hell out of my locker room he goes Pacino for a split second

yeah I got Orlando. I got Orlando Jones a little bit as well. I love you Orlando, but he was handing it up in this one and Favreau to get me the ball thing. Can you dig it award? Most memorable quote, pain heels, chicks, dig scars, glory lasts forever. Great job.

The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford Hottest take award. What do you got? That they should actually have strippers in real NFL stadiums. Okay. Okay. We're gearing this stuff for kids.

All right. And the reaction. is, is that, let's face it, we've passed the point where it's for kids. It's just not for kids anymore. It's not, it's not for kids. Didn't the XFL try to do this, basically? Perhaps, but maybe it used to be, you guys can't, we know too much about the game now. Yeah. For you to, the game, the game is a bunch of people, fuck literally poisoning their brains.

Right. Right. Yeah, it's just own it. Like, yeah, it's not for, it's not for kids. If the game isn't for kids, whatever, kids look, if kids can enjoy it, I'm not saying that we put the strippers out there in front of the kids. But there should be an adult part of the stadium where you can get a little, you know what I'm saying to you? And I'm with that. Gambling, all of this stuff, all of this stuff is for adults.

We're grownups. All it is, we're grownups. We're grownups watching this grown-up sport that we like. Where guys are literally short and in the lives. Bring some ladies out there. Let them make some money off the NFL. The strippers are making money after the games. Let them make money during the games.

Yeah, it's a first of a two-part day for them. That's what I'm talking about. here's mine it's not even this isn't a typical hot take I had a friend who was really upset that I mentioned how I wanted to do a hot take for body double that Frankie goes to Hollywood could have been queen

but I backed off I was like I can't do it I can't because that's the whole point of the hottest take is to say something crazy and try to offend it I don't think this is crazy I just don't think we've made enough football movies and I don't know if you know new president maybe

I know he's got some initiatives. He's naming a cabinet, but maybe this could be part of it. What fuck are you talking about? More football movies. Maybe a four-year commitment to more football movies. There are guys in this movie that could be like actually named to his cabinet. You never know. Maybe Trump needs a sports movie consultant or sports movies are.

Michael Jace on his cabinet with some of the appointments he's doing. Do we have enough football movies? No. The answer is no. We're like one-third where we need to be. Bill. I would watch 20 versions of the replacements. The sports movie itself is in peril because we know too much about sports.

The sports movies now. So documentaries have ruined sports movies. Because like, okay, so the sports movie now, remember like the movie that Adam Sandler had a couple of years ago with the big guy from Spain and Anthony Edwards Hustle? Yeah. Movies like that. But movies about teams in sports leagues and stuff like that, they don't work as good anymore because the archetypes of these athletes and stuff, they've been destroyed by what we actually know about them.

Can I pitch you a movie? Give it to me. You know how sometimes the rich guys can have their son is on like North Carolina as like the 15th man and they basically give money to the team and the guys on the team, but he never plays? Certainly. A lot of injuries. that kid becomes, gets into a game, does really well,

has to like play minutes and then it turns into a whole nepotism argument. That's all I have so far. So that's the whole movie. No, that's half the movie. Like Dan Hurley's kid on Yukon. Yeah, it's a sports movie. I was thinking about that Gonzaga kid who got dunked on

who was the coach's son and the kid got violently dunked on. And I was thinking, what if there was a scenario where this kid actually came into play during March Madness and was like, Ollie from Hoosiers. That's all I have so much. And he starts cooking.

Yeah. That's interesting. So it's all the Nepo babies maybe combined for one team. Right. Maybe Brony James plays the son. Well, because he's, you want a skilled basketball player. Right. And then you have like a whole meta element to it.

I'm with it. Nepo ball. Nepo ball. I said the word brownie James and Vance lip just curled. You didn't even know where it was going. Not sure. The agendas. Casting what ifs.

Uh-huh. Couldn't find any. Not a lot of info in this movie. I can't say. There was no oral history. There was no like 20 years later feature. But the deaf guy became Roy from the office, which is apparently a big deal to people who watch the office. And then I like to think Andy Reid is the Cowboys coach.

I like you disparaging for people who watched the office. I just don't watch the office. You're mad that I haven't seen Friday Night Lights and you're disparaging the office. I like to pretend Andy Reid is the Cowboys coach in the end. They cut to him a couple of them a call. couple times and he looks like Andy Reid. You know what? I forgot something that age the worst.

Oh, what is it? Andy Reid? No. He aged actually the best. Coach is wearing suits. When I watched this, remember Austin was talking about coaches need to wear suits? Everything Austin says, people go fucking nuts. But like coaches wearing suits.

When I saw him on the sideline in the suit, I was like, oh, coaches used to wear suits. For some reason when you say Andy Reed. You know who ruined that? Mike Nolan on the San Francisco 49ers. When he made a big thing about suits and fedores and the team sucked. Right. And he got fired in like two years and people were like, we're done with that. Hey, we don't get to this out that often.

The Van Lathen Award for this movie, need more black people. No. Pretty well represented. Yeah. Best that guy. Michael Jace doesn't qualify. No, he's out. The assistant coach who looks like a chubby Ed O'Neill.

Oh, he's been around a lot. He's one of those guys? Yeah. His name's Art Lafleur. But I think the winner is Eddie Martel. He's played by some guy named Brett Collin. I can't name one other thing I've seen him in. If I see him in anything, I just think he's Eddie Martel.

But he's been in a lot of shit, though. Did you know his name? I didn't. What do I know? What's his, this wouldn't be? You know him as Eddie Martel. You'd be like, oh, my God, that's Eddie Martel. I'm trying to think.

He's a that guy. He's definitely a that guy. But I think he's of that guy from a different movie. I think of him as somebody from a different movie. I can't think of the movie, though. I'm thinking of a Western. that I know him from. He's somewhere.

What about Phazon Love? I think he's Faison Love. Faison Love got too much. Too much? Yeah. I feel like people my age just to see him as the guy from who plays Santa and Elf.

But Faison Love, remember Faison Love. I think his Faison Love. Yeah, he, you know, people from my age think of him as Big Worm from Friday. Friday, yeah. So, you know.

Faison Love is the... Deanne Waiter's a word. I'll give you Madden and Summerall. I'll give you Jack Warden as the owner, and I'll give you the winners, the two stripper cheerleaders. The two stripper cheerleaders are up there. I feel like this is mad.

They're going to be in the bracket, Craig. I feel like they're up there. We're doing a D-on-Wa-Water's bracket, like March Maddenistan. You don't feel like Madden and Somerall are the clear winners here, though? Over the two stripper cheerleaders? I get it. I get it. But Madden and Summerall...

They're pretty great. They're pretty great. Co-winners. First time ever Madden and Summerall get to share something with two stripper cheerleaders. We don't know what happened on the road. Recasting Couch Director of City. We got to get a different Eddie Martel. I feel like we could have done better.

I'll give you a couple choices. Matt Dillon? Oh, that works. Stephen Weber, single-wife female? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who's getting the blowjob at the end? Yeah, guy with, I'm going to tell her from, um, uh, from wings. From wings, yeah, on NBC.

David Dukovny? Doesn't have the football player type. All right, so you like Matt Dillon? Matt Dillon or Stephen Weber works too. Okay. Romo Collinsworth or someone else for the director's commentary. I got to be honest. We don't need other announcements.

Madden Summer are so good in this. I don't know if I would put another announcer in this. Not even Ryan Rucco. No. Manzumar, we're perfect. Those guys are the goats at what they do. Everybody's chasing them, yeah. Half-ass internet research.

So, Shane Falco's meltdown in the 1996 Super Bowl. Sugar Bowl. Sugar Bowl. I literally have sugar ball on my notes and somehow fuck that up anyway. There was no sugar ball in 96. They played on December 31st, 95, and they played on January 2nd, 97. Oh, yeah.

So maybe they used 96 because there was no sugar ball that year. Maybe so. Something else that, you know who he lost to in the game? In the sugar bowl? Oh, is he? Nah, he lost, he, Shane Falco lost to Florida State. Oh. Which you talk about something that.

Has aged the worst? Yeah. Nobody is losing the Florida State right now. Are they going to D3, you think? Florida State is in all time hell right now. Yeah, tough one. Keanu gained 23 pounds for his role as Shane Falco. And then apparently in the I Will Survive dancing,

Keanu is replaced by a stunt double who's hiding his face. I don't know if that means Keanu can't dance or maybe he was sick. I find it hard to believe he can't dance. He does all the John Wick Matrix stuff. He can't dance. I don't know. Like 10-minute fight scenes can't dance. Maybe he couldn't.

There are times when you see, and it looks like he could be struggling a little bit there. Electric slide isn't for the week. Apex Mountain, not a lot of candidates here. Keanu, no. Brooke Langton, no. I still think it's Monroe's place. Madden and Summerall. No.

Jack Warden, no. It's nose around, except for throwing a trophy football underwater. I'd never seen that before. Yeah. Scabs? Scabs. Movies about scabs. Movies about scabs, definitely.

No movies celebrate scabs. If you think about... Any movie about labor celebrates labor. Celebrates, like, Norma Ray. It's Norma, yeah. This is the apex mound of movies about scabs that I can think about. 21st century football movies?

Oh, Frighton lights. Remember the Titans? Well, I'm just getting buried. I'm mentioning it. Yeah. I think it's probably Friday Night Lights. But you could also talk to me to remember the Titans.

Remember the Titans? Which goes back to my original point. All these movies are early 2000s. Yeah. Like we haven't had anything since. All right, one more break, and then we're doing Cruiser, Hanks. The playoffs are here, and you can predict the action all the way to the finals with Fandul predicts. Follow all the playoff dishes, swishes, wishes, wishes, and misses. Predict the spread, the total points, and even the game winner.

Sign up for Fandual Predicts and predict it from the couch. Offered by Fandual Prediction Markets LLC, a registered futures commission, merchant. 18 plus. Trading derivatives involve significant risk and may not be suitable for all investors. Manage your activity with our consumer protection tools. Well, this is one of the best Cruiser Hanks'es we've ever had. I agree.

Cruz of Shane Falco is unbelievable. I also feel like 80s Hank could have played Shane Falco, but I'm going with Cruz, and I think he's the right answer. I think he's the clear answer. Either guy could have done it, but like... This is an amazing cruise base. This is basically cocktail crossed with Cruz. a replacement strike quarterback.

Nothing to Keanu, love him. Yeah. If Cruz is in this movie, it makes $150 million. I think more. You think so? Yeah, $200 million. Yeah, good. I don't think he could have thrown the throwing scenes.

I'm just judging from War of the Worlds when he's trying to throw the baseball. I don't know if he could have done the quarterback stuff. He's also very small. Yeah. He would have to be like a Kyler Murray. Yeah, he's going to scrambling around. It's going to be a whole.

That's why he lost the Sugar Bowl because he just got killed. He didn't get tried. He's too short. He's too small. small for the game. There's Doug Flutty biases. Remember Doug Flutty didn't get a job for a while? I think it's Cruz.

Racehorse, rock band, wrestler, fantasy team name. Wild Yams is pretty good. Yeah, wild yams. Yeah. I just had yams, but... Pickin' Nets. I like yams.

So, Shane's All-American Trophy is just at the bottom of the ocean under a boat? He obviously threw it there. Nothing happened to it. It's just still there? I mean, what do you mean? Nothing happened to it. Why did he throw it there? Was that his boat?

Well, he threw it there? he was, he, he's cleaning boats, but he also lives out there. So I think the... So he got drunk and threw his trophy out? He got drunk or he's moving on for football. Wouldn't have sold the trophy? We have eBay in 2000. He threw his trophy down there.

The only question is him seeing his trophy and then wanting to play with it again after that maybe, but he, it's clear he threw the trophy off the boat into the ocean. So they have a strike. The players go on strike. The cheerleaders also went on strike? Yeah, the cheerleaders quick, too. The cheerleaders are in the national football. Football League players union?

Yeah, solidarity. What? Yeah, they decide to do it, whatever. Nigel Gruff kicks a 65-yard field goal to win the game, which would have been a record by two yards. Like, maybe go 61. Like, settle down. You're not beating Tom Dempsey in 2000.

Shane Falco is recovering onside kicks. He's out there in that formation. Yeah. No, he's on the other side. He's trying to get the on-side kick. Oh, yeah. Well, oh, yeah, no, he's on the receiving. Wait.

He's trying to get it. Oh, he's on the kickoff team. Right, right, right, right. He's the quarterback. They're not doing that. Why wouldn't Shane have stayed on his backup QB for the last game? Why did he leave? They made one QB?

By the way, that's another thing. He's their starting to commute and their holder, which happens sometimes. Yeah. Hadn't happened since Romo, right? Nobody else is. Romo killed it. Romo killed it. But he just decides, okay, I'm too good to be the backup.

And they don't seem to have a back. backup quarterback on the team. They seem to be one deep at quarterback. It's a whole. Again, sports movie consultant agency fixes that pretty quick. Why does Eddie Martel care about Annabel the bartender in that scene where she's like, she's too good for you, Shane? Are there like five scenes missing? Why is he involved?

Did he used to date her? Yeah. And if he did used to date her, why not have that scene? Yeah, something got cut. Something got cut because... But put it back. He just throws that out there as if he can't. cares about who she sees or whatever.

And he also... Well, obviously they dated. I know, but he also knows that they've got something going on, which there's no indication in the movie that anybody knows that, really. Right. It's a whole. My guess is it was another cliche scene and they're like, we're already at eight.

We can also have Eddie Martel dating Keanu's new girlfriend. There could have been like a whole storyline where Keanu doesn't go to meet her because he finds out that she's slept with Eddie Martel. as well. Or maybe Eddie Martel is the reason why she doesn't date football players, especially quarterbacks? That's, I mean, that's clearly the answer.

Yeah. Why did Madden and Summerall announce every Washington game? They didn't move them around. There wasn't a Giants game. Just four straight weeks if they're doing Washington games. Right. I thought it was suspicious. It could have worked in Gus Johnson maybe for a game. All right, here's the big one. Well, do you have other ones?

I have a huge one. It might be the same one. only team with replacements? Well, they say how Dallas's whole team crossed. Right. So we're supposed to think the whole league was using replacement players, right? Well, yeah, except for the fact that they play other guys and they list off their accolades. Yeah.

They say this guy did this. So maybe that was just Dallas. Maybe. Maybe that was just Dallas. But, like, the movie actually, the whole movie is actually. actually a huge knit. But it is. But that was my big one.

My big one was, it was unclear to me how many teams were actually using. Yeah, we're missing a sports center scene where, like, Rich Eisen's telling us how 240 of the 300, whatever, offensive players or scabs or whatever. Right. Here's the big one. One more thing for me. Okay. Shane Falco.

fucks off one college football game. Like what kind of, what kind of prospect was he? He fucks off one college football game. So I have this an unanswerable question. Okay. How bad was his box score in that game? It doesn't matter how bad it was. We know he lost by 45 points.

Yeah. Would you say over or under five and a half turnover as you're going over or under? Well, they lost 45 to nothing, so he had to give them some points. So if I said Two lost fumbles Three picks Plus a pick six Right

Six turnovers Yeah And a fumble touchdown And a pick six Is two of the six Turnovers Yeah And it's so bad

That he literally Can't get drafted So no one drafts Does he take a shit On the field What's He gets hit He just like

Loses his bowels Like What's the worst That could happen To him in this game To where he just To where no one Touches him

Does he start crying? He doesn't even get a Little League World Series person? Does he walk off the field during the game? He'd leave the game? Yeah. Here's my biggest nitpick.

Shane Falco watches the first half of the big game on his boat. And the half ends and Gene Hackman's coming off the field and they're like, what happened in the first half? What are you missing? He's like, heart. And Shane Falco's watch is like,

heart right here. Shane Falco turns out the TV. He's at the dock. Three minutes later, he's in the locker room. A, how close was the dock to the football stadium? B, even if you get there, you got to park in the poorest parking lot, you're running through. It's 25 minutes minimum. Yeah.

Right. He's there in four minutes. And they're like, we hope nobody notices this. Well, it's like, guess what? You're on T&T now for 24 fucking years. It's absurd. He should have left at the end of the first quarter. This is why we need Mallory, because the only question I have is,

if this is Baltimore Well, it's Washington in Baltimore Yeah Washington and Baltimore Pretending to be Washington That fucking changes it then Yeah Because I don't know

I was gonna say maybe If it's Baltimore Then you're around the bay It's 25 minutes minimum Yeah Yeah I tried So the move should have been If we were the sports movie

Consulting agency in this one It'd be like no make it So a Gene Hackman interview At the end of the first quarter Right When it's 17 nothing Then he turns off the TV and leaves But he's listening to the game

On the radio So he could hear it kind of like a money ball. Yeah. Where Brad Pitt is listening to the game. He goes back. Yeah. Sequel, prequel, prestige TV, all black cast are untouchable. Leave it alone. Prestige TV you could talk me into it. Really? Yeah. Like, you know how they do American Sports Story? And it's like this, this season,

it's Aaron Hernandez. Maybe it's just every season's about scab replacement players. We just do it that way. Mm-hmm. Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Traos, Sid Goldberg, Sam Jackson, J.T. Walsh, Nell, Byron Mayo, Harling Mays, Evil Laughan, Ramon, Raymond, Long Legs, or Philip Baker Hall. Can I give you Sam Jackson? I was about to say, go ahead and go for the Sam Jackson. Go for it. The movie needs Sam Jackson. I agree. Give it to us.

Deep Blue Sea cameo, Sam Jackson. He's just four scenes. Sam, here's a million dollars. Just four scenes, two days. Just stand on the sidelines and be like, what the fuck are we doing and do a couple same Jackson things? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What do you want them to do? No. I want you to do something.

It's a new America. Things are different now. Oh, St. Jackson is a happen. No, give us your best Sam Jackson. When this other, when this, when this, when this, when this, when this, when this, when this, when this, when this happens, I normally get my man C.R. CR somewhere. I normally get a voice. You got to give us

a Sam Jackson. So maybe at halftime Shane Falco comes in. And he's like, I got it. And Eddie Martel says, get out of the locker

and we go back and forth and then Sam Jackson turns to Eddie Martel and goes, I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing. I like it. I like it.

That's it. That's it. It's got five lines. Just one Oscar, who gets it. I'm going to go with the rare nobody. There are no Oscars given out for this movie.

I want to go with nobody, but if you had to do it in the spirit, Hackman is the only person taking the movie seriously. Probably in answerable questions. We did Shane Falco's box score. What kind of business was this for Annabel, this bar that she had, that she had to close every time there's a football game? I just worried about her financially. Right.

So I would think the football game would be a big night at the bar. Are we sure that she's the only person that works? They don't. Maybe she has... She's literally the only. They didn't even have, like, barbacks or another bartender or busboys, anything. Yeah. She's closing it herself.

There's no bouncer. I made up a whole backstory. Well, okay. What is it? So Annabelle is the owner's daughter. But not through his marriage. Illigimate. Oh.

Annabelle is the owner's illegitimate daughter. See, we made Annabelle so much interesting just in this podcast. She's dated Eddie Martel. Yep. She's going to be. turn in a fatal attraction. She's the owner's daughter. That's great.

He gave her a bar. She wants to be close to him. So she cheerleads. Also to bother him a little bit. Yeah. So she doesn't really need the money when the bar closes for the games. Best use of every breath you take.

I will give you stranger things. Billions. Risky business. The replacements are Sopranos first episode season three. Sopranos first episode season three by a mile. That's my answer as well. I'll listen to risky business though. Okay.

Best double feature. choice. So you'd go unnecessary roughness right into this so you can compare and contrast. No, I thought about it, but I actually go any given Sunday because these are the last gasps of the NFL football movie. Yeah. You could also talk me in a hardball, the Keanu double, the Keanu double feature.

Sports double feature. Did he do another sports movie after? Did he, these are his only two sports movies, hardball and this one? It's point break count? No. Yeah, it is. It's surfing and football. Yeah. It's kind of, yeah. The Indian Red So Juan Nair word would happen the next day. So what does Shane Falco's next few years of his career look like? He's 26 or 27. Look pretty good in these replacement games. Yeah. Can he catch on as a backup for like in Pittsburgh? He's Cordell Stewart, third string quarterback. Maybe get some time for like a year and a half.

He gets a Matt Flynn like deal. Matt Flynn. Yeah, maybe he starts three games out of the league in three years. Yeah. The lions get excited about him. I think he has at least 10 NFL starts. I have Shane Falco founds Fandul. Interesting. It was a different way. He talks to the guy about gambling,

the kicker. Yeah. They start talking about it. He gets in on the ground floor. His wheels start turning? He's giving the picks right now. It's combined this movie with two-furted money.

That's his future. I like it. What piece of memorabilia would you want from this movie? The Shane Falco jersey would be pretty great. I want the trophy. Trophy's great. Yeah.

I like the hat The hat would be good Yeah But you know what Their merch is cool Yeah Like their merch Coach Finstock wore

For Best Life Lesson Pain heels Hicks, Chicks dig scars Glory lasts forever Who won the movie This is a tough one I had a lot of I didn't

I put question marks This is a tough one I don't feel like Keanu won it I don't feel like he won it This is the most Can we say Brooke Langton won it I think everybody

loves her in this movie And I think the common refrain is like, why didn't, so she was in Swinger, she was in Melrose play. She had like a 10-year run. This is the most, this is the least leady part from a leading man I've ever seen. I don't feel like Keanu won this movie. If anything, Scabs won it. Strip or cheerleaders? Stripper cheerleaders could win it.

I'm into that. Who won the movie, Craig? I finished this movie because of Brooke. I probably would have bailed. Had she not been in this film. Desper to know what you think. Yeah, all right, let's hear it. This one might be only a rewatchable because it's not a watchable.

It's not a first time watch. You can't watch this movie for the first time in 2024. And honestly, it's not even because of like the problematic stuff. Like, there are plenty of movies that have problematic stuff that came out a long time ago that you can still watch now and appreciate. This one, this one's just not good. This one's like, this is like someone else's hand-ed-down. Yeah.

You know? This is my reaction when I saw it in 2000. It's like this movie's not good. They didn't really try that hard. There's no charm for me. It's somebody else giving me a hand me down from their family. And I'm like, this doesn't mean anything to me. What is your favorite older football movie?

This movie came out the same time as it came out a month before I remember the Titans. That's my favorite sports movie. That's like Sandlot probably. So this is why we call it the Wear Me Down rewatchable. Right. It took literally seven, eight years for me to admit that I kind of secretly enjoyed this movie. I think the reason why this movie is weird is because it's like trying to trying to be dodgeball and also a little bit of Remember the Titans and it doesn't pick aside.

I think, I think, remember the Titans and Sandlot and a lot of those movies have like real values you can take from it. This movie doesn't have any of that. But this is what the early 90s sports movies were like. But then they should have just leaned in and like, I think Gene Hackman is miscast. I think it actually, they should have went even sillier and just made it completely slapstick because Hackman tries to reel you back in and make it a real movie and it's not. I agree with that.

This movie doesn't know what it is. It doesn't. It kind of don't know what movie there makes. Because the sandlot is a movie where a lot of funny stuff happens. Totally. But the sandlot is really about something. It's coming of age. Coming of age.

And yet, it came on a month ago after a basketball game, and both of us started watching it. Oh, I like the movie. How did it break us down? You know what the reality? It's the during question of this. You know what the reality is. And, you know, it gets thrown around a lot. A movie just doesn't have to be good for you to like it.

Yeah. You can like a movie for all kinds of reasons. It can be amusing. It can be funny. spots. This movie is not a good movie, but it is incredibly watchable. Most pieces of content are just tied to when you saw it and how it made you feel and what age you were. It's like, people's favorite music is always the music they listened to when they were in high

school or college. It doesn't mean it's the best. But it's, but this is, this movie is funny though. Yeah. It's, I mean, to me, it's funny, it's like she's beautiful. It has stuff to look at. I like Keanu Reeves. I like Gene Hackman. It's not a movie I won't watch. The big sign of me is that TNT, TBS, like, it just, it's still on. Because people still want to watch it. People still watch it because they study this shit. And they're like, every time we put the replacements on, it keeps whatever rating.

Also, I just thought about this when you guys were talking. So I could be wrong. This might not be fully baked. But I think sports movies about professional sports are worse. You know? You mean worse, like in life or just like? No, like the movie's just not as good. I feel like it's harder to work.

Everyone's older. If it's about professional sports, the characters are older. There's like a business element that's not that fun. It's not coming of age. When I think to all the best sports movies, they're always about kids or like college.

High school or college. High school or college, you loved Rudy. Yeah, Rudy. What's the best pro sports movie? None of them have 100% worked. Any given Sunday? Major league?

Oh, major league is by father's more. Oh, you're saying any sport. Any sport? Oh, major league is by far the best thing. Yeah. Major league, but you know what? Slapshot. I'd say,

that like about movies if you're talking about baseball movies though baseball movies might be better when they're about pro baseball well it's because there is no college baseball is not a thing right that people follow the natural or you have to go down to kids

where do you stand on Eddie the fucking movie with the Wolfigelberg coaches the Knicks comes out of the stands movie that's kind of like this movie to me where there was this silly sports movie era that kept going until I don't know early 2000s

where do you stand on Celtic pride. It's terrible. It's really bad. I would say if it was about any team, it's just not a good movie. Yeah. It's not a fun hang. It's a weird one, yeah.

Yeah, I don't really like it. Also, this movie's two hours. Why is this movie two hours long? This movie needs to be $140. Craig. Craig and Iber. Yeah. You know what's funny?

Craig's going to text me like six years from now. I was like, you know what? Replacements was on today? I'm kind of in now. I'm on Pluto and I'm drunk. Replacement. I'm on to Elon's rocket. watching the replacements.

No, I'm talking about the streaming service, not the planet. Eating ice cream pellets. Pluto, the planet. All right, you couldn't tell me either Pluto. All right, that's it for the rewatchables produced by Craig Krollbeck. You can watch this on the Ringer Movies YouTube channel. Thanks to Van Mason. See you next week.

Relax and let Ralph's delivery handle your grocery shopping this week. We start with only the freshest items. Then review your list and carefully choose each one. Then we packet it. all up and deliver it in as little as 30 minutes so you can feel confident it's what you ordered. Fresh groceries, your way with Ralph's delivery and pickup. Get free delivery during online deal days plus $30 off your first online order. Ralph's, fresh for everyone.