The Rewatchables - ‘The War of the Roses’ With Bill Simmons, Mallory Rubin, and Amanda Dobbins

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons, Mallory Rubin, and Amanda Dobbins definitely advise skipping the fish after rewatching the 1989 black comedy ‘The War of the Roses,’ starring Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, and Danny DeVito and directed by Danny DeVito. Producer: Craig Horlbeck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Mallory Rubin. You can find the Bill Simmons podcast. You can find Rock Bottom Month on the rewatchables, which I think people thought was going to just be this sad, depressing month where we'd do like Requiem for a Dream and Million Dollar Baby. There's certain movies that aren't rewatchable. I would say Requiem for a Dream, like great movie. I wouldn't want to sit through it again.

I don't know why I wanted to sit through Manchester by the C three times, but that movie is an amazing movie. Beautiful movie. I joined the chorus of people who went. Oh, my God, as soon as it showed up on my feed. And I listened to it. And it was a great podcast. Yeah, listen.

We're just trying to have good podcasts here. But I'll never rewatch that movie. Well, here's a movie we've all rewatched many times. War of the Roses. There's no winning in this movie. There's only degrees of losing. War of the Roses is next. I just want to smash your face in.

Come on. Guess what Michael Douglas. Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito are doing for Christmas. We're making a love story. When trouble begins, it comes at you from directions you'd never expect. The yellow areas are mine. The red areas for hers. This seems rational to you both.

I got more square footage. The War of the Roses, rated off. All right. The children of divorce are here. This is so real. We're back, baby. This is big. I miss Kramer versus Kramer.

This is our first rewatchables together, ever. No, that's not true. I think so. That can't be true. I guess. I think so. Yeah. So first of all,

just test run for witness right here, right now. Yeah. That's really our year anniversary. Yeah. Great. Get witness on the books.

Sure. We got Harrison right here. There you go. There is. Exactly. So I miss Kramer versus Kramer. Sorry. No,

it's all right. It was a great month and I listened to that podcast at home and had a lot of feelings. But this might actually be the more on-point child divorce movie for me. Wow. Interesting.

It's, It's an important cinematic pantheon for all of us. And I think that your mood of the moment probably dictates what divorce movie is on your personal Mount Rushmore at any given moment in time. Because the tone shifts so supremely. Now, I am always personally inclined toward the ones that introduce a deep and like abiding level of despair. But every now and then it's nice to laugh. Like a squid in the whale type of just. Love squid in the whale.

Yeah. Love squid in the whale. Marriage story. Marrish story is my number one of the boundback divorce odes, but you know, which there are several. I only watched that once. I didn't, I just can't do that one again. It's made me weep every single time. And so that's different.

They're the divorce films that give the emotional response. And then the films that just set up rage and bitterness. Well, the divorce movie Pantheon, if we were just going to pick four. What's interesting is, I think Kramer versus Kramer and War of the Rose have to be. be on it no matter who's listed is. Yes. And then the other two are kind of up to the person. And I don't think there's a right answer. Like you could put Harpern, which I know is probably in yours, right?

Well, no? It's not about the divorce as much. It happens pretty quickly at the end that she leaves him. Yeah. So that's more about infidelity and. So it's like a prison movie where we're not in prison enough. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

I have, for me, it's a reconcilable differences would be in my top four. Incredible movie. Which you can't find. Yeah. It's just gone. I don't know if there's something illegal that happening in it or what, but it's just gone. Great pick. And then probably Squid and the Whale is number four.

Yeah. I think so for me too. I love that movie. I think mine is Mrs. Doubtfire for the child perspective. That's a good call. Yeah. And it came out at the right time. That's really smart.

You know, when I was going through that. You know, that's really smart. Thank you so much. You think of it as a Robin Williams movie, but it's really a divorce movie. Also, like, for people our age, the experience of watching that with each of your parents as a child of divorce and, like, did the experience differ? That speaks to a healing process with both of your parents that I never had. I was alone in my third room watching this movie and not talking about it with them, but that's beautiful. We were a very media-inclined family, you know?

It is weird that there haven't been more, like, I call it. divorce movies. Should we make one? You think like, what do they say, like 50% of marriages end in divorce? Yeah.

And we only, we barely have enough for a divorce movie pantheon. They say two things. They say 50% of marriages end in divorce and they say a civilized divorce is a contradiction in terms.

Thank you, Gavin. Well, there's a whole 80s piece in this that somebody, I can't wait for producer Craig's take on this movie later. He did not know what it was, cannot wait. But there's this 80s piece of it

that's hard to explain now these years later where Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner were the Hepburn and Tracy of the 80s and seem like they are going to make 20 movies together and somehow this was the last one. I think part of the shock value of this movie was that people loved romance in the stone. They didn't like Jewel the Dow as much, but they just like them together. You're glad that they're back. Yeah, it's just like I just like these two in a movie. So it's like, oh, but they're making more of the roses.

That'll be fun. It's a black comedy. Ah, how bad can it be? And then the last hour they try to kill each other and they end up. both dead in the chandelier. And people were shocked. Yeah. And it was really effective.

And I'm glad the studio didn't say, you got to change the ending. They got to live and have them get up. And he broke some ribs and she broke her arm, but they're fine. No, they died. In the movie ended. They're dead. They're dead. But do you remember the shock value of that as you were growing up?

Like, oh, my God, I can't believe they actually died. Well, I don't think Mal and I wouldn't have seen it when it came out. But you've seen that cable the first time you saw it. And this was also part of just like a larger. Michael Douglas goes dark discovery for me because because of my age, the first Michael Douglas movie I saw was the American president. Yeah. And I saw it about a hundred times.

And it's still the most important movie in your life. And I mean, it's really, he's one of our great movie presidents. And then I discovered basic instinct. And what's the rabbit movie that I, the title? Fatal traction. I just couldn't remember the title. The rabbit movie. Yeah.

He was the president before you watched his ball swing on the way to. the bathroom. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. And you're just like, oh, Michael Douglas, you were not up to good things. And so everything that he did to me from like 87 to 94. Disclosure.

There's another one. Disclosure. This is bad. Top three. I don't really want this blow job, but I also kind of want it. Reaction by an actor. Single-way female. Top three just for Michael Douglas.

Just for Michael Douglas. Just for Michael Douglas. Oh, baby. Oh, okay. I don't know. Yeah. That's a genre he excels in. Yeah.

Right. I love that you brought up his balls swinging in basic instinct because we broke it down when we did the rewatchables about it. A memorable segment. For some reason, did really well on YouTube that episode. And I don't know if people just search for basic instinct on YouTube. Also like early COVID days. You know, we were all trying to figure out how to pass the time.

What our place was. Yeah. And it turned out to be Michael Douglas's balls. Thinking about ice picks and swinging balls. Hey, Roxy. Let's have a talk. So Douglas and Turner, this was it. And the biggest reason this was it was because Turner, she started to have a ton of health problems.

And her career went in a different direction. But man, when I was growing up in the 80s, she was like my platonic ideal for like someday I hope I get to marry somebody. Like Kathleen Turner. She was Julie Roberts for Julia Roberts making more interesting choices. Yes, but also just the sex appeal on 11 from the very beginning. Because body... Cross with comedy. Yeah.

And she's very funny, but she's also just out there, the voice, the way that she's playing the roles. The legs. It's very different from America's sweetheart. The combination of those two factors, the sex appeal and the humor in this movie is calibrated to perfection from the word go. The handstand. We just know exactly the movie that we're going to watch. The handstand and the bralessness, which is also just right there. Good for them.

I love it too as I stare at your very present nipples. Right. Completely transparent. Yeah, she's going wet shirt within 10 minutes of the movie. Wonderful. Yeah, she had, because she's in Man with Two Brains, which is not a great movie, but, you know, if you love Steve Martin, and if you love Steve Martin, I'm probably still a documentary. It's so, it's wonderful. But I like that movie because I liked every Steve Martin movie, and she comes in, coming off body heat, throwing like 119 miles an hour and basically kept that going for the entire decade.

Yeah. And made some bad ones. There's some stinkers. She made that Burt Reynolds movie that was atrocious. Yes. She made that really weird

Ken Russell movie where she was at like a housewife by day and a hooker by night. Crimes of Passion. Oh, right. That movie's insane. I mean, that's like,

that's probably not even allowed on streamers. She famously wanted, she wanted nine and a half weeks and they didn't cast her and she was like devastated. She lobbied for it. Do you think that's how they pitched it at the studios?

What? Housewide by day, hooker by night. By the way, great idea for a prestige show. Sure. I mean, in the Tinder era? Specifically for a prestige show on Showtime that only we watch. And Showtime doesn't even exist anymore. Yeah, where would that go now?

I mean, it would go on Showtime on Paramount Plus, I think. I feel like it would go on that weird part of Netflix where every once in a while. Oh, Stars is a inspired call. quite have enough sex. No. Yeah. Anyway, she was, it felt like she was,

if not the biggest actress of the 80s, she was, at least in the conversation. I would, the way I would compare her to somebody now would probably be, like with less Oscars, but like kind of Emma Stone, how Emma Stone takes weird chances.

And it's just like, you're prepared for anything from her from an IMDB standpoint. Because Emma Stone could have been in Romance in the Stone. She also reasonably could have been in War II. the roses. And I feel like she also would have

made crimes of passion. Just said, fuck it. Yes. I don't know whether she would be in body heat. Yeah, that's the only a few actions could have pulled about body heat. And listen, poor things has a lot of sexual content. True. It's in a different tone. It's a very funny tone. I think she's great in that movie. But she's sort of like Kathleen Turner and Julia Roberts combined. Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know who Kathleen Turner is now. Wow. I don't know if it exists.

Scarlett was kind of dancing around it there for a few years. Like Match Point was a Kathleen Turner role. Margot Robbie started that way and then became Barbie. It could be Jennifer Lawrence if she wanted it. Oh, if she wanted it. Look at Craig's, Craig's challenging Jennifer Lawrence. But she also has a screwball side to her that she's very good at. Yeah, I guess that's true.

Lawrence has the physicality. Yeah, okay. Canis Everdean. Because Lawrence, we should talk about this now. weirdly, we'd already decide we were doing this, and they announced this week. What a new song. I know. It's incredible.

Remaking War of the Roses with Benedict Cumberbatch. And Olivia Coleman. And I don't know if I like it. What do you think of this casting choice? I don't like it. Two of our great actors. I go where Olivia Coleman goes. Yeah.

This is how I felt. I get it. That's where I am. It's not my choice for her, I guess. Sure. But I think that she can do nasty really well. Yeah. And she is sort of fearless in that she'll just be really, really weird.

on screen. Benedict Cumberbatch seems like a more surprising one. Yeah. I don't see them married. Right. That's a weird couple.

Well, I guess the key, right, the thing that you have to be able to nail in the pairing inside of the roses is like you have to believe they would be attracted to each other almost like recklessly initially. Yeah.

But utterly incompatible. Both of those things have to be true. They need to be hot. And Coleman and Cumberbatch are not hot. They're more adult. That's right. This starts... They're supposed to be in their 20s and now they're...

Maybe it's a different war... Maybe it's a different war of the roses. I mean, sure. This is a question, too, because, like, not to jump ahead to discussing the details of the film, but what level of ferocity from the final 45 minutes of this movie will be present in a modern-day version of it? Right.

Yeah, it's like either of them could kill the other. Like, how do you dance around that line in 2024? I don't know. Yeah. It's an interesting... Because this is a beloved, like, classic movie that is harder to make in 2024 than it was in 89. Yes, absolutely. I mean, there is like a blowjob attack.

There is a full... That was the original name of the movie. Blow job attack. They tested it. I mean, Kathleen Dernar just, like, absolutely rocks him in the face. Yeah. You know, which you don't see that much in domestic circumstances anymore. Well, then he says next time I'll hit back.

Yeah. Pushing each other down the stairs. Right. She has a lot of bruises after she does the cartwheels down there, which you know what? That doesn't totally line up for me, but just, but she has them. So that's ugly. Yeah. So she's body heat.

I'm just these are the highlights. Body Heat, romance in the stone, Pritzie's honor. Pegasoo got married. She was the voice in Who Frame Roger Rabbit, which was a massive deal. Yes. That was a huge influential movie. And then War of the Roses. And this is all in the 80s.

I mean, she made 12 movies. Douglas, we've talked about the Douglas Sons many times. It really starts with Romance in Stone in 84. And then from 87 on, when he rips off fatal attraction, Wall Street, Black Rain, War of the Roses shining through. Basic instinct, falling down disclosure, American president goes to the darkness in the game. It's just like hit after hit. What a guy. The best batting average.

The best batting of Wall Street in the same years. Yeah. It's brilliant. Like, if he was baseball, the batting, his stats would have just been crazy. Crazy. He'd be a member of the Norfolk tides this year. He'd be one of the Orioles prospects at AAA. He hits 600.

We're getting into that. You lost the audience. We're getting into baseball on the big pick right now because the Mets are just absolutely a shambles. So I'm more up to date than you would think. Yeah. Fair. But this, out of all those movies, this and like only the stuff he did with Kathleen Turner was the comedy stuff. And I actually think he was really good at the comedy and the back and forth.

And I just wonder why he didn't do more of it. I would like to ask you if you are familiar with a character called Hank Pim. Oh, God. Hank Pim. I knew that we were going to do this, Bill. Because, but I'm excited to tell you that more Michael Douglas comedy awaits in the MCU. Oh, we're doing this. Oh, my God.

So here's, I am delighted to tell you that Michael. And then Michael Douglas is funny as Hank Pim in the MCA. Don't say anything else. In the Ant Man movies. And let me, who has seen two of the three Ant Man movies. But honestly, I don't remember whether I saw one and two. Yeah. Or two.

I saw three. You definitely saw Quantumania because we podcasted about it together. And you tried to explain the science. I remember it vividly. But he's like a, he's an elderly scientist who was married to Michelle Pfeiffer. Oh. But then she got trapped in a different. My girl.

Yeah. She got trapped in a different universe. So they don't really, yeah. And his power is that he can, can he make, what's with the ants? He was, he was Ant Man before Scott became Ant Man. Scott inherits. And what is Ant Man's power? Well, it's the PIM particles.

You know, you can get smaller. I don't know. You can get smaller. I don't know. He gets bigger. But also he's a scientific genius. Oh. The ties to.

But he's just like grandpa in the corner being like, why don't you make it smaller, son? It's quite amusing. That's what he's doing in this movie? It's so sad. No, it's not sad. It's wonderful. He is incredibly charismatic when he's on screen in these otherwise just computer nightmares. Right.

And Evangeline Lilly and Michelle Fife right now just have reached the age where they look the same age and will forever. So that's like another. And then Michael Douglas is aging very well, but looks about 30 years older than both of them. He's very charming. And then he has to go away and there are lots of ants. Check it out. We had a lot of. We had a lot of A-plus list male stars in the 80s.

And we always talk about this, but Costner's on the rise. Douglas is at his peak. Harrison Ford, your guy. I mean, untouched. Denzel's coming. Cruise is here. There's just a, you know, I wonder, like, who gets pushed out. Great moment for movie stars.

Michael Douglas, because he thought like a producer and had this whole producer background as he was an actor and just knew what was commercial over and over and over and. again. You don't see that many hits that's 30 years later or 40 years later. We're like, oh, that was a classic. That was a classic. That was a classic. The taste was spot on. Yeah. And he's one of the most, I mean, his taste was some of the most rewatchable that we've had in this podcast. I don't know where he ranks in the all-time leaders, but it's got to be pretty high up there. So yeah, these two together, this was about as Markner was going to get. And also we had Danny DeVito directing. I have some complicated thoughts about that.

Sure. Don't we all? I'm excited to hear that. Yeah, we can save that for later. But Danny DeVito was also a really big star in the 80s. I mean, this is, he's doing the Schwarzenegger movies. He's always the third wheel with these two and was on a really great run. So, yeah, that.

$26 million budget made $160 million. Not bad. 13th highest grossing movie in 1989. Our guy, Raj. Yeah. Three stars. Okay. Hey, yeah.

The War of the Roses is a black, angry, bitter, unrelenting comedy. A war between the sexes that makes James Thurber's work on the same subject almost resigned by comparison. But Raj liked story. He sure does. This movie had some story. I wanted to save a lot for the categories because there's a lot of ways to go. When is the rewatchable scenes part?

Should Danny DeVito even really be in this movie? Right. How do we feel about the directing? How do we feel about the ending? we'll get to it all when we get to the categories right after this break. This episode is brought to by the Active Cash Credit Card from Wells Fargo. That's a mouthful, but that's because it packs a lot in. Earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases with it, big or small.

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24-7 US-based support. Millions of business owners already trust Spectrum business. So visit Spectrum.com slash business to learn more. Restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas. Okay. Most rewatchable scene. So this, it's not really a rewatchable scene, but I do like when they're young in Nantucket, which is in Nantucket, they're like in Washington, pretend it was Nantucket. Can I just do my nitpick now? Go. That's just absolutely not Lantucket.

It's not even close. That's your nitpick of that sequence? Oh, my God. Not that Michael Douglas is 45. There's that too. There's that too. Hard for law. He's a law student, okay, except people at all ages.

She's in Madison. They are college students. I'm sorry this is She's an undergraduate gymnast is actually way harder to believe that he is just age-wise than him being lost to do that. I think all this makes it re-watchable though

because it's so ridiculous. Re-watching this, a thing that I realized was now a new sacred belief of mine is that from here on when people have a debate about whether de-aging has a place in movies.

In movies, I will point to this and say this is why it is okay to deage Harrison Ford in Dial of Destiny or to deage actually Michael Douglas in the XU as Hank Vim. There's a worst one. The natural with Roy Hobbs. Redford's like 16 or 17 going in and they have to like light it in a dark way for him

in Glencoast. He's like 48. He's 48 playing a 16 or 17 year old or how old he is. That's tough. Anyway, this was. It's not Nantucket. the ferry is not just like a rowboat that they pull up to the island in Nantucket. Nantucket is the capital of all of the buildings.

Also, just filming Nantucket. Well, yeah. It would have been like, we're happy to have them. Yeah. I don't understand that. Yeah, I don't either. This sequence...

I got to catch the ferry. It's like, whoa, you're not in Nantucket. What part of the Cape are you in? Run down a hill to the ferry. They had to get as quickly as quickly as possible under that like satine bedding for their first fuck. So I don't know if this is... a rewatchable scene, but it probably is

just that whole part because it's so ridiculous. There's sex. Probably? No, no, just like wigs. Oh, I'm not saying it's a good scene, but I think it's really fun to watch. Never, never, never apologize. For being multi-agab orgasmic? Yeah. I honestly didn't know I was.

Yeah, but you knew she's lying. That's the first lie. Just exceptional. Exceptional stuff. It's the return of the Bald Avenger. Fantastic movie moment. I have no notes. None. I have the first big dinner scene leading to the bedroom argument. Right.

Ah, man. Yeah. DeVito and the foot fetish. Although, I will say for her, I like when she finds the house and walks in and it's a funeral and she's like, oh, my God. It's my destiny and life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Destiny in life, that's sound. Also great.

And just like the writing notes everywhere at various houses. Yeah. And the kids being like, this has never worked. Yeah. She's been doing it for a year. Yeah. The dinner scene on the divido front, the fact that he's directing the movie, he's one of the, like, ultimately leads of the movie, is certainly given the framing device, he has, like, an astonishing amount of the runtime. And part of the story that he gives himself is, I'm going to get a foot job at the table.

Yeah. This is just astonishing stuff. Yeah, it's remarkable. Why didn't you cut this out of your own movie? I really like, though, because it's all going good and we know it's going to go badly. But when she tries to tell the story and he's, like, coaching. and then he takes over and and correcting her French and

you're just going to all the times you've gone to dinner with friends or whatever and you're like oh no I've seen moments like You've been sitting there next to your spouse who's telling a story and you're just like no I'm not I'm not going to take over but that's not how it goes Right but that's not yeah

Well I looked at Oliver and Oliver looked at me and then oh no well before that there was this big black limousine out on the street Now that's important well actually before the limousine. To make a long story short, a wealthy French couple in order to special design for their anniversary and by the time it was ready, they were getting a divorce.

The woman had smashed her half, and I convinced the man to sell us his half cheap, just to spite her. And that's our backerat story. The best part of it is, in fact, I think, the debrief in their bedroom after the fact. Like, which part is actually more relatable the cringe-worthy nature of like watching your partner struggle through something that you teed them up for and then immediately regret?

Yeah. Or that moment after where you are just eviscerating each other, not for like the substance of the thing you said, but ultimately who you are. Like when she mocks his laugh. And that phony laugh. That was a genuine laugh. Okay. All right. All right.

Maybe over did it. It's just unbelievable. I also love when she says, you care so desperately what everyone thinks. Fuck face. Just like tax on that fuck face for good measure. It's great. Oh, I guess I had this out of line or out of order because I had Barb finds her dream house

as one of the rewatchable sense. Oh, yeah. Great. Barb talking to the live-in' nanny about whether she should hire. her or not and then she ends up hiring her as she's laying out like what her life is like. Her fake women's lib speech and just being like I need that but you know

she's full of shit but like trying to go through it it's really good. This is real like I saw the monologue and Barbie once you know I time travel. Yeah. It's really true. I gotta say I really feel like she was a great actress Kathleen Turner. I don't I don't even know if she

I don't think she ever won an Oscar or anything like that but I just feel like I think she's doing a high-end stuff in this. She's funny as hell. She's sexy as hell. She's like kind of making fun of herself, spoofing herself. She's playing off Douglas in all the right ways. I'm just a huge fan.

I near heart attack but then him snoring in bed and her sitting there and then finally just getting mad and flunging fingers up the nose. Really good. I mean really

this is when the movie becomes the movie. This is the moment right here. It's very brief, but the gymnastics sexual assault, basically. It's not assault. They're having sex. But when she does, in fact, give him the tear, like via the gymnastics callback. The official medical stance is it could not be possible, but that's a good bit. It's not from that.

Before the fingers in the nose, though, the preceding scene, which is him dramatically reading his letter to her. Yeah. I think this is, like, art of the highest order. I cherish you. I thank merciful God for you. I didn't have a strength to sign it now. I'm sure they would have told me who it was from.

This is astonishing to me this scene. Like, I just think this is unbelievable. The way that he is like recounting what happened, right, he needs to get through a line where he also can't rate his hand or anything, he's like, this is right at his spasm. Yeah. But the best part, I think, is when he says that he didn't have the strength to sign it because he wants to earn her pity.

And she says, I'm sure they would have told me who it was from. And like the look on this face. So good. It's really, really good. And this is before she says, basically, like, I just, I don't want to be with you anymore. But you can feel obviously everything in that moment. Like, it is just perfection. Well, that leads to you.

I'm very upset. I got scared because I felt happy. Because I was dead. I was happy to be free. Like a weight had been lifted. Like a weight had been lifted. Yeah. So how am I supposed to respond?

You tell me you wished I was dead? I thought it was important. I was happy to be free, like a wait and been lifted. He's like, what's going on? And the divorce request. And then finally, Mad, is this the part you like the most when he says, you'll me a reason that makes sense, let's hear it. And she goes, because.

Because. When I watch you eat. When I see you asleep, when I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in. Yeah, that's also really relatable content, you know? Like, you've been with someone for a long time, and it's just like, what if we ate meals in separate rooms so that I didn't have to hear you? Let's just, as Jacoby says, no bad ideas in a brainstorm. Yeah. The way that Barbara is watching Oliver cut his steak.

Yeah. the absolute disdain on her face watching him. Yeah. It's just, it's wonderful. I don't know if another movie has ever captured this specifically in like a funnier way. Right. Where he's cutting steak and she's just, and you could just, you read everything she's thinking. And she's like, if I could just make the chindrood fall in him now I would.

Because for her in this movie, there is no counteracting emotion attached to it. And in all of the divorce movies, it's like someone is already. mourning what they had and don't you remember this like lovely time that we spent in Antarctica or whatever and she is just like I absolutely hate you and hate this I have outgrown you and yeah and exclusively resent the fact that you're a part of my life yeah there is no regret and he's trying to do that everything I did is you were a part of and she just hates his guts yeah and then that seems that ends with her with him saying uh you better get yourself a good lawyer and she says best your money come by yeah just that's just and that's that

That seems unbelievable. That's one of the better scenes of the late 80s. We get the divorce mediation. Oh, yeah. When she says, I want the house. She uses the letter against him. You need something like that where it's like, oh, you're going to do that. Real.

This is getting, we're rolling the sleeves up already. Yeah. That's when he says, excuse me, Mr. Wormont, you tiny, worm-like, infinitesimal prick. He has some great lines in that scene. By showing him my letter, you have sunk below the deepest layer of prehistoric frog shit at the bottom of the New Jersey scum swamp. The specificity of New Jersey there is an excellent touch, I think. There's a short scene when they're fighting and the multi-orgasmic part, and she says,

you really expect me to keep reassuring you sexually even though now we discuss each other. And he pulls away and the kids are right there. Unbelievable. They're doing like the George Michael slow satirist in development wall. That part's great. Really good. My personal favorite scene in the movie When Oliver runs over the cat is great

This made me so happy that we're doing this with now Resent the fact that you asked me to participate in this podcast for this reason For when there was a cat murder This is terrible Murder or Manslaughter I think it was involuntary manslaughter He didn't see the cat Exactly

But he also didn't care This is just devastating also like Well he did care there's no intent He did care there There's no premedited There was cat guts on his car to wash the cat off the car He had to quickly spritz the wheel and ask Susan to go get a Ziploc.

This is horrific. Big Ziploc. Get that cat out of there. Poor Benny watching what happens to Kitty. Yeah. The weeping in the grass? I mean, this is awful. I have some more thoughts coming on the pets.

Barbara goes to visit Gavin, Danny DeVito's character. Yeah. To try to seduce him. Yep. Have you ever made angry love? This is just Turner. Just cooking. Any other kind?

I haven't been into footstuff since. 82. That line kills me. And then we go off the rails. We have a dinner for the clients. I think this is my favorite scene. I'm just going to tell you now. Where he pees in the fish.

Sure, yeah. Yep. Leaving so soon, baby doll. A family Tiff seems to be developing. I don't know if we should leave. But I definitely advise skipping the fish course. I mean, and then it escalates immediately to the car.

The car. The monster truck drives over the car. They start throwing statues and shine at each other. I do like when the guy says, I definitely advise skipping the fish course. He's a great line. Yeah, before we build toward Oliver actually just like literally pissing on the fish, the subtlety, it's all relative, right?

The subtlety of just like pretending to have a cold. Yeah. You enter, you sneeze in front of the guests. Put your tissue in the suit. It's not exactly a subtle sneeze. Yeah, the tissue in the soup was not subtle. over the table. But he's all relative.

I mean, when the point of comparison is pissing on the fish. But he's in the top hat and tails and then an untouched t-shirt, which is really funny. Yeah. It's good. They have a dinner. She makes doggy paté. Yeah. Wow.

A good dog to the last bite. Thankfully, we get that cut to Benny. Yeah. Thank God. I have some thoughts on that later. Okay. The movie goes off the rails again. And I don't even know how to describe the last 10 minutes, but it leads to the chandelier swing and the ending.

Sure. Yeah. Which I would give the Great Chalk Order Award for most cinematic shot as the things coming down. It's just really well done. It feels like it's like a hundred foot drop. It's like probably 20. How about another moment though? Like the harbinger that leads to that point when Oliver is like using his Baccarat crystals for his little personal symphony and we pan up past his face to the chandelier.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. And then the very end when she moves his hand is just such a great ending. Yeah. Using your final breath to say, fuck you one more time is just unbelievable. So what do you got? What's your favorite scene?

I just wanted to add in one quick thing, which is when... Is it him calculating what her equivalent to Susan's salary would be? No, that's really good. Well, she goes to classes, too. It's when the Christmas tree is lit on fire and he brings the fire extinguisher. And then he has to read the instructions. No, he has to read the instructions. and he's like, part one, take off the nozzle, part two.

And that is genuinely, really funny. And every time I see a fire extinguisher. Great physical comedy is that scene too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what do you have for most of Rosh? My pick is, if it is eligible as a, it's technically two scenes but one sequence, it's Oliver reading his letter into Barbara plugging the nostrils saying she wants the course. I think that's just unmatched.

I think mine has to be the dinner party into the car, into the Stafford shirt. Yeah. And also, like, when they start throwing at each other, it's like just a good action scene. The DeVito, who I have complicated feelings on with the direction, but that scenes like good. It's fun to watch this stuff flying around. What stage the best? The rose, the house is incredible. They did a great job.

It's like as a prop for when this becomes like an action thriller basically inside the house, it's just really good. Creepy attic, big thing. For sure. Like there's a balcony. There's good stairs to go down. They can kind of use it and run around. The kitchen's cool. Sauna in the basement.

The layout is good. I do have some discussion points on the house later on. Okay. Hold them. But it sets up the action. So you're right. As a plot piece, it's serving the film well. Matt, what do you got for what stage is the best?

I'll save mine. You know, we already covered this, but I do think the ultimate pick here has to just be Douglas and Turner, not just as sex symbols, but as comedic geniuses. Like that, both of them used in that way, but then the particular chemistry and rhythm that they have together is just incredible. Wait, hold that thought. Okay. Does it make you sad that we don't really have that anymore? Oh.

You mean, like, could Gosling and Emma Stone do this particular? It would be just to have a run where they do like seven movies together? They could. They've done three. I don't feel like anybody would do that because in the old days, like when this started in the 40s and 50s, the studio would just be like, you're doing this. You're doing this. You had like no agency over your own career. And now I think it would be much harder to just align.

Because even like they were supposed to make a, these, Turner and Douglas, because I read the, there was a 91 premiere magazine interview with her, which was she's throwing grenades everywhere. I bet. But she said there was a fourth movie that they were talking about doing it, but they never. Right. So they did three, but they probably could have done seven. Particularly like a romantic pair, whether it's like, you know, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. or Julie Roberts and Richard Gere

So how many did Tom Hacks and Meg Ryan? They just did two. No, they did three because Joe and the volcano, right? Oh, yeah. And then, yeah, I mean, it does. It's not hallowed in the same way, but it counts. So. Cruise of Valcomer, too.

Sure. That's very beautiful. Yeah, they had a great love. But I guess some of it is just because you don't get that many movies centered around a man and a woman anymore. They just aren't interested in that in the same way. They've kind of run out of ideas. for how to do relationship movies?

I guess so. And also, people don't seem to want to go see them. What's your dream? What's your dream couple? I feel like Gosling could have done this. I mean, he did with Emma Stone for a while. The Barbie movie made me wonder, like, if he could have just had this weird 2020s version

of Omechle-Douglas career as he hit his 40s. I think he could have. What about Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence? How many did they make together? Well, he just done one. No, they did three. Because they were all with an American Hustle the next year, and then they were in,

Yeah. It's not called Sabrina, but it's something here. Let me look at this right now. There was another movie that basically got buried that they were in together. We got some great energy from Gosling and Crazy Stupid Love. Great. I like that career is put together, Sabrina. Yeah.

What was what were you, what did you have for your next? What stage is the best? Let's see. Okay. We already talked about the depiction of the stage of marriage where every single thing a person does annoys you to. your, like the fiber of your being. Here's what I'm going to put this one out there. I mean, that's just, to be fair, that's just marriage.

It's just marriage. Yeah. It's just marriage. Get ready, Craig. Craig's done the honeymoon face. I'm going to throw this out there. I think it could go in what's age the best or it could go on what's age the worst. I'm curious for everybody to cast a vote.

The framing device. The fact that we are accessing this story, this great saga of the roses, through Gavin's legal practice. Is this a worse or a best? Let's hold this. Hold it. Okay. I have a different spot for that. How about the very specific, it's not just that Barbara's interested in pursuing a catering career.

Yeah. Pursuing economic freedom, pursuing her purpose and her own sense of self, her individuality. It's liver paté. It's the very specific presence of liver paté in dozens of scenes in this movie. And are you? It doesn't look very nice. Are you pro or anti? patte.

Yeah. I will eat it. I don't like to know what type of liver. The less I know, the better it is. I'm out. In fact that this choice in this movie allows for a line, like Oliver saying, you sold liver to our friends. It is very funny. Is an inspired choice that I enjoy?

You mentioned the house. I'm interested to hear more of your house thoughts. But I think specifically, like, the house as the one thing. Like, alimony. she's going to let it go, right? They're not really, I mean, their kids are, you know, they've both been accepted to Harvard, not sure if you've heard.

But there aren't a lot of other aspects of the divorce that they're haggling over. It is about one thing. And then that one thing represents everything. The dream house that becomes the nightmare house. What do you have? For what's age the best? Yeah, you have anything?

Sitting at opposite ends of the dinner table to prove you hate each other, just all time. It's really good. I don't think there's a single situation. of my life where I would have sat on the opposite ends of a long dinner table like that. Why wouldn't you just sit like in the seat right next? Perfect visual language.

Oh, this isn't going well. They're sitting across from each other. The leaving all the appliances on trick is really good. And I might try to incorporate that in my life. I didn't like that because it makes it harder for me to believe that she's an animal lover. It's too risky with pets. Okay. That's fair.

And I guess I didn't think also about that child stuff. And I would also probably, like I don't have one of those countertop mixers. so I'd have to bring more things into the counter to really get the volume that I'm achieving. But it's just, it's creativity. Lacking someone in the sauna, pretty good as a revenge thing. The cut. It's never not worked. Yeah.

And then sawing the heels off every pair of shoes. Yeah, that was good. Listen, the creativity. On the, on the housefront, the floor mat, like, seeing the floor plan with the color-coded grids. Yeah. The red and the green, the yellow. The timeshare in the kitchen. They're really committing to the bit.

I had, for what's age the best? I like when kids get super chubby in a movie that's moving just to like advance some sort of story in the fastest possible way. Yeah. Where they're like, these parents, they've just lost the narrative. They're in whatever. The former gymnast as a character trait when it's used as a weapon in movies.

It is very good. It's always like they'll throw it in there when they're trying to show like this one keep an eye i do think she should have just i know she knows she loosened the bolt and the chandelier is not structurally sound but because of how much of the plot hinges on her prowess obviously she should just she should be able to get there she should be able to act that's a good nitpick for later yeah um when you work that hard you have to face the faithful decision what is there left to do profound profound stuff from gavin yeah he also he had another couple quotes he's got some good quotes women can be a lot mean

than we give them credit for. This is like the towel gabin. There's no winning in this. There's only degrees of losing. A man can never outdo a woman when it comes to love or revenge. There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull. How do you hold down to someone who won't stay?

And how do you get rid of someone who won't go? That's pretty good. Yeah. Those are two of the best dilemmas. The poetry of my sinuses are very sensitive to irritants. You know, those cherry blossoms and blue him and D.C. It's very strange that the movie opens up with him, like, sneezing, and then lighting a cigarette and talking about his sinuses. However you feel about the framing device overall, it takes a while.

Incredible choice. So another would stage the best, this movie is, like, incredibly popular in Germany. Oh, yeah. It's like had this. Yeah. Had this amazing, it was such a big success. The German title is Der Rosencrig. Well, that's also a better title.

German. The Rosencrig. Convincing. And it became synonymous with high-profile divorce and is now just a word

that's used in German pop culture. The Rosencricing. But it was also the Germans loved it. Right? Germans loved it. Of course they did.

It's fascinating. Who doesn't love a black comedy more than the Germans? I like the line if we end up together, this would be the most romantic day of my whole life. And if we don't,

I'm a complete slut. It was just really funny. That is funny. How do we feel about Homer Simpson just wordlessly listening to Gavin's story for two hours? Dan Castellanata. That's not my favorite part of it.

No, but it's just weird that that became Homer Simpson. I don't know how to... I don't know if that's a what stage the best, what stage sideways. I like stinking bitch, dumb bastard, slut, scum, filth, like that whole back and forth to head. Anything else you have, Mal? Just Sean asked him.

Here's Josh. I always love You could have one Notre Dame jersey on, right? I mean, of course, that's a wonderful reference. To me, I'm now always forever going to say Samwise Gamgee, here he is. It's like, we're back in Middle Earth. I thought you said toy soldiers.

What a run for that, dude. The Denny Thieves Benihanna Award for Seenstaling location. Well, it's not Nantucket. I had Nantucket written down ironically. But it's probably the house, right? I think it has to be. I mean, it's really mostly set in the house. That's the thing.

It almost becomes like a... That house has to work. Yeah. It's almost like the set of a play. Yeah. Like the entire thing is on stage in this one location. We do get a couple diversions and some very nice legal libraries, which is appealing. Right.

We're mostly in the house. Yeah, there's that one library that Gavin's in that looks really cool with all those books and he's got the latter. It's a great room. The Big Hoon and Burger were best use of food and drink, obviously, the doggy tartars. Oh, I was going to say the piss fish. It's a real... Oh, piss fish fish fish. I actually think this is a shockingly in a movie where patte is this central and we get the good dog moment, a three-way race.

Okay. His fish? Sure. It pains me to say, but the Benny fake out paté. And the entire conversation about the sauce during the first dinner party, fresh fig and cognac, which Gavin then uses as lubricant for the shop. Sure. Yeah. Oh, that's good.

This movie used food really well. The Mallory Rubin Award. Did this movie need a better sex scene? Oh, man. We always have to do it, which is on the pod. I think I'm prepared to shock you. This might be the first time I answer this question has ever been no. I think that this is an incredibly horny but perfectly calibrated movie.

Perfectly horny movie. I'm surprised. What I'm going to say is if she's going to be a gymnast, we need a little more. You know what I mean? They're not, they use it once, but they mention the multiple orgasms. Do we see any of them? No, we do not. We don't even see one, let alone three or four.

But this movie was R, right? I think it was. Probably. I mean, it would have to be. So, could I really earn the R. The reason that I, that works, because it becomes a part of the text. We build toward, you mentioned the like, you still need me to sexually reassure you, right? Even though we discussed each other scene.

And the fact that this like probably fake orgasm that like wasn't even this very convincing theatrical performance is the thing that after like. many sequences of trying to kill each other, he's still like, absolutely let's fuck surrounded by mouse traps in the attic, leading to the bald Avenger becoming the bloody Avenger, the bitten Avenger. I mean, like, we have to believe that Oliver is a character who would make these decisions. That's true. So, I don't know. I think we also get, you know, we get the foot thing with Gavin.

We get, like, their daughter hooking up in the car before she realizes. My house is on fire. The house on fire. Mine too, babe. All right. First time. We've made history here. First time ever.

The boa constrictor leg move, you know, it's sprinkled throughout. It's sprinkled throughout. The Bald Avenger really spoke to Mal. It's astonishing stuff. Oliver asking Gavin if he banged her and then she was great. She was a gymnast. We're like, the sex is present even like it's not present. The Butch's girlfriend award for weak link of the phone.

I'm interested to see what you pick here. this has always been my issue with the film, the Danny DeVito scenes. Even though there's good wisdom in them, I think you could make this same movie, and he's not in it talking to that guy at all. And we probably have two more scenes with our heroes, the roses, our villains, whatever you want to call him. And it's probably a better movie. You could have the narration of Danny DeVito. We don't even have to see him.

And I really feel like he put himself in the movie because he was a big star. Yeah. And he was like, I'm going to just, he kind of heat checked it. I have him elsewhere. I do too. And I went back and forth on the framing device. At the beginning, I was like, oh, what are you doing? And why are we hearing about your sinuses and this is going on and on?

And then there is something about it that emphasizes this sort of the fantastical, like, assertivity. He's telling a giant long story. Yeah, I get it. Like, so you don't, you can be a little more removed from them. And so some of the nasty things that they do to each other feel like a little less painful. I get it. I just don't think it worked.

That's why I landed ultimately after also much dissonance and debate on putting the framing device in what stage is the best because it gives it that kind of like fable, like hideous fable, like, quality. By the way, I'm just going to say, I don't know if I'm right. I'm just saying out hit me personally. I wonder if we have the same. But I don't know if there's a right answer. Well, but we, I think we have the same material, maybe just in a different category. I have, I don't want to jump, but I have them as the Ruffalo. So do I.

Yeah, that's where I have. Because, like, all of those scenes in the framing device lead to these really dramatic, like, gazing up into the sky. Oh, yeah. I should have seen her toes in the pit of my crotch. It's not good. Yeah. No, it's a great call.

I had, I had them there, too, but. Yeah. First of all, this movie, it takes five minutes to even start because the credits are super long and then we're in Dana DeVito's office. And I actually, when I watched it this time, I was like, when do we actually get to see Kathleen Turner? It's at the five-minute mark. It takes very long time. You could have gotten rid of the first five minutes and we could have been off and she's young and we're in Nantucket, not really Nantucket. She's young-ish, yeah. But then DeVito keeps coming back. Did you have a different week link?

It's ultimately, I think, the same thing. Okay. But for the pacing. Yeah. Like, I think when we get to the divorce moment and then, like, part of the fun in the movie is, that the halves are so tonally distinct. But it's also a little, like, the final stretch is just, you're in a completely different movie. The last hour of this movie is better than the first hour, I think. I would flip it. I would say the first hour is better. Are you, really?

Yeah. I like that, like, we're watching it fall apart. Oh, you like watching it fall apart. Yeah. Once we get into the, like, full-on, we're in, like, psycho territory. It's just, I like, did we get here quickly? I like, from the moment he has the heart attack, that's when I'm in. But that's when it turns.

That's right. I like when it turns. And you know that it's turning from the very beginning because, you know, they're not in Tucket and they're not really having sex. But I don't know, there is something like pretty majestic about the last third. And they're just absolutely going for it. It really is. Did you have a weak link? Yeah, I did the Tarotso floor in the foyer.

I don't care for it. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Okay. It's bringing the heat. Okay. I'm just saying. So she repinnes the tables.

This is not the last Amanda Dobbins opinion that we will have on the big poor scheme in this home. Wow. It's very late 80s. It is very late 80s. And maybe some of this is personal. Late 80s were a little gaudy. Like my parents were 80s, yepy lawyers, and they didn't have Staffordshire figurines. But like there were so many little porcelain figurines around our home for no reason at all.

Yeah, those don't really happen. Like what were we doing? Let's take a break and we'll do what's age the worst. Are you looking for support in your work? weight management journey, Zepbound, Terseptitide, may be able to help. Zepbound is a prescription medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity, or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off. Zepbound is approved as a 2.5, 5, 7.5, 10, 12.5, or 15 milligram injection.

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365 brand items. Enjoy the fresh flavors of spring. Save at Whole Foods Market. What's age the worst? I mean, young Michael Douglas's wig, I just don't understand. It's shocking. I don't understand. This was a major movie with a real budget and two super famous A plus list actors. It's astonishing. And it was like they lost the wig, but they still had to shoot the scenes and they just went to the store and just grabbed one. It's unbelievable. And it's lighter than his hair. It's just so bad. I'm trying to remember his romancing the stone hair. But I think he might have grown that out. He had the hat on, maybe at extensions. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. It's bad. I didn't have the budget. Um, this is one of the rare movies I

watched in thinking about how different it would have been if they had cell phones. Oh. It just feels like a different pre-internet pre-cell phone movie. He'd be like, I'm at the hospital. Where are you? Totally. Just little things like that where when you talk about the remake with Olivia Coleman, I feel like cell phones will actually be an interesting wrinkle for this.

Or then you're setting up to the cameras. And cameras in the house. So there's not an exterminator and all sorts of people. Yeah. Yeah. And ugly in a different way. What do you have for? What stage you're saying?

I just would like to talk for another moment if we can about the animals and the crosshairs because it's, we tell you, we already, it pains me, but it's necessary.

Before Kitty's really unfortunate untimely demise, before the Beni Pate sequence, Oliver, like, tosses the cat off the stool in the kitchen. It's cruel, it's foul. Barbara,

making the, Making the liver patte is tormenting the dog by pretending to throw pieces of... But isn't the whole point? Yeah, it's a matter. It is. It is character development. Sure. That it is an effective way to show us that these people are monsters.

But it is, I actually find it like painful to watch. It just makes me want them both to die. I would say it was effective. I would say it was like a happy movie about nice people. But yeah, sure, they're not nice to the animals. It's terrible. I don't, I just, I, yeah, why? Why couldn't we just have the animals run away and escape and be free of these monsters?

Listen, I'm sure in the, uh, the safe 2025 remake, it'll, none of that will be in there. Did you, uh, did you have any? I did. Spending Christmas together as a family after you've split. It's real tough. We tried that one year. It's just, I know it's in vogue. It's just not.

Let's, we shouldn't have done it then. We shouldn't do it now. It's one of the things that parents think. I was just like, everyone's just sitting around being like, I regret. all of these decisions. The parents think it's good for the kids, and it's the exact opposite. It's horrible for them.

The kids are torture the whole time. But by the time they become older adults, they can come to a live rewatchable show and I'll get along. Oh, that's beautiful. And take photos with the host. That is beautiful. And then it's all great. It's beautiful.

Does it change your opinion on it all, though, that like it is not what Barbara wants that Oliver is inserting himself tactically to establish, to re-establish residence in the home? I think that if you surveyed all families and all divorced couples, spending a holiday together for the sake of the kids, it is not what both parents want. Don't do it. Actually, Craig, I'm not worried about Craig's marriage, but just in case. I have for what stage is the worst, the foot job is just kind of lame. But it sets up that I'm not a defeat anymore.

I get why they do it, but it's just, I don't know. It goes on for a while. It goes, it could have, it's not subtle. Yeah. Do you think they foot fuck to fruition? You think he... Oh, I'm asking. What do you think? I don't think so.

I certainly hope that. Any other words stage the worst? Oh, man. I'll move on to the Ruffalo Award, which we already gave to DeVito. You know, there's an underacting award that I don't know. We talked about a couple times for pods. I forget who was about. I think the...

I don't know why the client has to be just a corpse, the Mew-Clau. I agree. He was my runner-up for weakling. I don't know why he doesn't have any. He's just kind of like... I wish I could do a Homer Simpson impression. It's bizarre. It's really weird. You can make it a nitpig.

You can make it an unanswerable question. Like, is he actually mute? Very strange. Possibly. Was there a better title for this movie? No way. Of course not. Historical reference.

You know the actual War of the Roses. Big inspiration for Game of Thrones. Oh, yeah. George R. Martin, huge... I did know that. Yeah. The Ken You Digget a word for most memorable quote. probably never apologize for being multi-orgasmic is pretty hilarious.

Tough to top. So the CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford, hottest take award. Do you like that we renamed the hottest take after CR? I do. Saying Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford. Were you on that podcast? I would have left in protest.

You would have remembered. Would you have shorned off? Yeah, it's the most shocking opinion ever uttered in the history of rewatchables. Or any podcast. Did you have a hottest take? All right. I'm going to throw out a. conspiracy theory as a hottest take and I want to see if you're receptive.

Part of the reason that Gavin is the framing device for this movie is because this is actually all a Gavin Longcon, the entire thing. He incepts them toward this outcome. We have the moment earlier in the movie, move up in the firm. He stands to benefit in every way. The fact that Oliver actually says to Barbara earlier, like, Oliver's not interested. He doesn't want to, excuse me, Gavin's not interested. He doesn't want to make partner. He doesn't need to provide. Isn't that what you'd want the person that you're trying to move past to think? He seems quite calm, unlike Susan, when he arrives at the scene of the crime at the end. He's the one, by the way, who encourages Oliver to move back in. Yeah. Oh, good point. This is his

maneuver. So you think it should have been a usual suspects kind of reveal? But the only counter argument is that he is telling this whole story. No, he ultimately loses business. He loses business as a result. Do we buy that? Do we buy that at the end when he's like, so or, you know, go home and rethink your life and try to rediscover why you love this person so much? If you've made Homer sit there and listen to your diatribe on divorce, then ultimately you are invested in duping this person into giving you their business, right? I guess so. I mean, it's a novel client relations strategy.

Yeah. I like it about it. I don't like pretends to hold the elevator, you know? Right. And they're like, oh, sorry. What if you just let the house go? What if you just let the house go? I don't know.

I don't buy it. What'd you have, Amanda? You ready? Yeah. This is not even a. a top 20 movie house. Okay. This is not even, and I have a list.

I made it to 17, and you can add the final three if you'd like to. So we're not talking about location as an act for what the movie needed. You're saying for dream houses I would want to live in. And because this, I mean, it does become, it is a great. Do you have the house from Ex Machina on here? No, that can be one of them. Are you really going to rip through all your favorite movie houses right? Yeah, I wrote down to 17.

It's the most exciting moment in my way. I wrote down 17. There are some for you on it. We should have been at the whole time. Three. Are you ready? Here we go. My number one, and you know this one, Father of the Bridehouse.

Number two, home alone house. Number three, Royal Tennebaum's House. Okay. Number four, something's got to give Beach House, obviously. Number five, House and Parasite. New Entrant. Fantastic. Yeah.

Number six, Thomas Crown Affair, 1999 vacation house. Yeah. Number seven, Thomas Crown Affair, 1999 Brownstone. This is just remarkable. The house from the game. Really, really good kitchen in that one. I would have had that higher. The holiday, these aren't ranked.

Okay. Okay, good. Yeah. I like that you didn't rank them. The holiday cottage. I actually have some notes on Cameron Diaz's house in California. It's not my favorite. And I was also trying to not do every single Nancy Meyer's house.

I mean, she was the goat of picking house. And is forevermore. John Hughes also really good. The call me by your name, Italian Villa. Fantastic. Great one. Phantom Thread Townhouse in London. Oh, yeah.

Great one. Cameron's house and Ferris Bueller. Great one. The Mr. Mrs. Smith house before they wreck it. I like the house. The decor choices could use some work. It was the mid-2000s. We were going through it.

For you, Bill Simmons, the Boogie Nights House. The notebook house, once he restores it. Yeah. Lake Tahoe House in Godfather, too. Great. I was waiting for it. We've had singing in the rain on repeating my house a lot. And Gene Kelly's house in that is like a really classic, like, California, a Spanish-style villa.

So that's 17. What did you want, X-Mock in a house? I think we have to add Oscar. Isaac's tech billionaire. Ex Machina. Ex Machina House. I'm writing it down. First of all, I'm genuinely upset

you didn't tip me off because I would have thought about this for three days. Although I did like being surprised. Okay. I didn't really like this movie, but I thought the Salt Burn House was pretty great. Oh, sure.

I didn't even really get into like manor houses, you know? Like, Down Abbey also pretty good. But a Salt Burn House, that's very good. The visuals of that movie were great. How about the ordinary people?

Now I'm out of the pot. I'm just going to be thinking about this for the rest of the pod. I can't even... I'm sorry. I spent so much of my watching this, just being like, okay, but I don't like this part of the house. I don't like this part of the house. It's not...

I mean, what are those topiaries doing? I understand that it's supposed to be ridiculous because they're ridiculous, yuppie people. You wouldn't put the Amityville Horror House in this? That's good one. Yeah. Okay. That's 20.

That's really good. Boy. All right. I'm going to have... We might have to... That's a living document. That's a living. Yeah, we can readjust it.

You can agree on any point. Now we have to do a Nancy Myers movie just so we can just do. Yeah, I want to do like a pyramid. I want like levels and tears. Self restraint. I did not put the It's Complicated House, which is the Merrill Streep, Santa Barbara House, which probably, well, no, I would pick the father of the Bride House to live in of all Nancy's houses. But the It's Complicated House is incredible. What about the Beach House in American Gigolo?

Oh, yeah. That's a good one. That's a great one. That's a great one. I'm trying to think about... Not enough beach houses on here also, so... Gecko's house and the Hamptons, Wall Street. I'm trying to think of that Hampton's Nantucket.

Tony's Malibu Mansion. Mm-hmm. An Iron Man. What about... It's a new one, but anatomy of a fall house. It's pretty nice. Oh, that's a good one. You're right.

Yeah, but it's not done yet, you know? And when is he going to get it done? Never, because he's dead. So... What about to Jillian and her 37th birthday that the Antucket House that were at? I got to go through this. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's such a better Hotest take than my hottest take Oh, man. Boy.

The dog should have died in the patte. Talk to her. Do you mean this? No, listen to me. How many dogs have I had? Like six? My screensaver

right now on my phone is a picture of Rufus who died 10 years ago and I still really miss them. With that said, it's a way better movie. if she actually did use the dog. And actually in the research,

the test audiences were so horrified that she killed the dog and made dog Pate that they cut in the shot of the dog. Yeah. Who, by the way, is never seen again in the movie. It's an unanswerable question. And whatever. And it's like, if we leave our house for 30 minutes,

Murph loses his fucking mind and runs around and we come home and he acts like, there's just no way the dog, they're just locked in the house for two weeks. So I think they killed that dog off. and the test audiences spooked them. But if we're really going for it with a dark movie, that dog has to die.

She has to make pet tail out of that dog. It's too much. You have to be like, this is how crazy this got. She killed the dog and made pet peeve. You need to keep them on a level playing field, though. They need to be equally insane. And he didn't kill the cat on purpose. She can't kill the dog on purpose.

Well, I think the counterpoint to that is it's actually always about who levels up next. So in that sense, I would buy it. But counterpoint, I think that it's more about what they think the other person. is capable of than what they actually are capable of, right? It's just too much. It's like they weren't afraid pie territory. It leads to them trying to actually literally murder each other. Right.

So I would say the dog is the gateway. I do also wonder that in terms of studio notes, they give you the dog insert shot or they give the studio the dog insert shot so they can keep the ending. Maybe that maybe that was the trade. That's important. I think it's more important that they both actually die than that you know for sure that the dog die.

That's what I used to do with me. He just can't calm. They'd be like, you've got to cut the Chris Berman joke, but we'll let you keep Tim McCarver and Dan Dutner. Right. Casting what ifs. I couldn't really find any other than that Cher was in the mix for Barbara Rosa for a little while. That was the Sherissants.

Ooh. That was like for, uh, interesting. Like late 80s. That's when she was a hot movie. Mask, Moonstruck. Yeah, she was, she had her picks. Hmm. Best that guy.

So there's two versions of that guy in this. It's a Joey Pants Award. One is the guy from Total Recall, the Schwarzenegger Total Recall, who Schwarzenegger's trying to figure out if it's actually a person sent from the future or not and the small beat of sweat goes down his face then Schwarzenegger kills him.

He's in the dinner scene. He's the one who says, I would skip the fish. That's a good one. But the real that guy is J.D. Spradlin, who I think is J.D. Bradlin, but he's the senator and godfather, too. Yes.

Yeah, that guy. He's the basketball, Robbie Benson's basketball coach in one-on-one. He was Nick Nalti's football coach in North Dallas 40. He was an apocalypse now. He's just been in a shitload of stuff. And he's that guy, but he's also probably J.D. Spradlin at this point. This literally just incited an actual genuine that guy from Amanda when you said it. Yeah.

But I think that's right. I mean, you think of them as the senator first. I do. Yeah. And Michael Corleone. Then by the end, all of a sudden, he's in the Bronx. With a prostitute covered in blood. Oh, man.

The Dion Waders Award. Yeah. I really like the guy when Oliver's in the hospital and there's the guy there his wife stabbed him. The guy's cooking for like 40 seconds. They make a lot of money. I wanted like three minutes with that guy. They're always sorry after.

I love that guy. I liked Susan. Susan was. Susan is the housekeeper. The living. Yeah. She did two. much.

I mean, she's like... Technically, there are only four people with extended speaking roles. But she doesn't get that much to do. The house on fire guys in there? That's my pick. There's not a lot of DMITERS. Mine too, babe.

All right, recasting couch director of city. What's this movie of Jonathan Demi's directing it? Oh, Rachel getting married vibes. Yeah. But a little something wild, a little crazy, black comedy. A lot of like characters talking

right into the camera. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. It's a Demi peak. All right. You wouldn't change the city?

I would change the city. Yeah. What city did we end? I don't even know where we are. Because they have like the capital, like cloth backdrop outside of Danny Dunedos. Yeah. They should have done in Tucket just should have been Washington and the city just should have been Seattle. And we could have gotten some Seattle.

No, but Seattle's a community property state. What Washington is, I googled this last night because I was like, you know, I would love a nice California house. But that really changes God. Dominance. Incredible job by here. So Washington is. It can't be Washington or California for community property reasons because it would just, it would change the nature of the case. I assume. So they couldn't on Massachusetts then. I don't know what was going on in the 80s. So I thought, I thought Westchester outside of New York and then he's going to New York. Yeah.

That's another great house. The fatal attraction house. Oh yeah. Oh my God. That is a great house. That is a great house. That's a great one. That should be on the list. Yeah. Okay. I'm writing it down. You've ruined my weekend. I'm going to have some sort of fucking list for you on Saturday night with 130. houses. Yeah, 20 is not nearly enough. That's going to be a list of like 500. Big chill house, great house. Oh, that's a rather good one. Jesus. I love this.

That's good. What about the sleeping with the enemy house that she ended up staying in? Oh, really, really great beach house. That was a really good one. Really good one. Okay, sleeping with the enemy house. But then the one when she's in hiding, when she's in like East Bumpfuck wherever. But she had that awesome house with the apple trees. When you said fatal attraction, I thought that you were going to say, um,

unfaithful, which is another Adrian line, but that house is, well, the apartment's good, but their house, the Richard Gear House is a really nice, the unfaithful house. What about the Gump House? Oh, Gump House is really great. We have to have the Gump House. I mean, we have to have the Gump House. I'm writing this all down.

I mean, this is just proving my point that this house is not, I think we're almost up to 30, so. Do you think Sean would let us do a special big picture episode about movie houses? If you came on, yes. That sounds great. Wonderful. Let's book it. Okay.

For this movie, Tony Romo or Chris Collinsworth The director's commentary Please do it This is my favorite new thing You guys said You weren't gonna do it anymore And I laughed really hard

Oh I still want to do it Okay good The best I think it's Romo Yeah I think she killed the dog Jim Jim I think he's in the pat day

I think that's it for Betty Jim When he swiveled While pissing on the fish The hip swivel I think it should be both of them Together Wow

Put him both in the booth He's just ruining this dinner right now. Oliver's just ruining the whole thing. I love this. It's really good. You know, Mallory was there when the Tony Romo started because we watched the Baltimore Ravens playoff game together the day before we did a live show in Chicago.

She Ravens lost. And Mallory immediately went into a dark, just horrible despair. And Chris and I started doing Tony Romo invitations to try to make her laugh, which worked. We pulled her back out of it. Got to watch Genius in real time. Yeah. Half a Saturday Research Phil Collins wrote a song

called Something Happened on the Way to Heaven That was supposed to be in this But took too long And by the time he finished The offer was taken back What is... Why are they taking back an offer for a Phil Collins song? The ship has sailed

In 1989 You know? That's like throwing down the Beatles He put it on his album But seriously It's on there Love Phil Collins So 20 minutes

The deleted scenes are on YouTube I watched all of them. There's two I think they should have kept. Okay. One is the scene before he saws off the high heels, there's this whole three minutes where he's got this indoor garden with all these plants. And him and the nanny are all excited about how the plants are doing. And he goes in and she's killed all the plants.

Oh, that's a good one. And that leads to the high heels. I don't know why they cut that. And then the reason, like, she's so sweaty in the end, like the last 25 minutes, like, It's like, becomes really sweaty for it. We're like, why is she so sweaty what's going on? There's a scene where he like does something to like basically blow heat into her bedroom. Oh, okay.

He's trying to like heat her out or like he sets a transformer on fire. Okay. Right. So that's why that way. I don't know why they cut that. Interesting. I like that one in particular because it shows the desperation of like he's also inhabiting this home. So he's willing to make himself uncomfortable just to hurt the other person.

That's a good one. So there's another one. Sometimes I'll do this on the pod and as I'm doing it for half-ass and I'm like, this is going to bring the pod down. There's a real-life guy who got inspired by this movie and it gets super dark. Okay. If people want to Google that, they can Google it. Now, I'll tell you later. I'm content to not know.

Only I'm content to not know. Which is say he got a 70-year prison sentence. This is how to end it. So you can Google that. Apex Mountain. Michael Douglas. I'm going to say no because he had fatal traction. on Wall Street in this same year.

I think it has to be the 87. That's ridiculous. Turner, probably not. This is the tail end. Yeah, I think it's got to be mid-80s. Yeah, it's probably remains in the same. The 1960 British Morgan Roadster plus four. Oh, interesting.

You tell us. You tell us. There's only four. In the world? Yeah. Oh, okay. The car that they had, I think there was only four of the exact car, which they made it seemed like it was a more common car, but that specific car was.

And didn't they actually wreck that car? I think they did. That's really irresponsible. I might be wrong. I might have the wrong info, but I think that's how rare that version of that car was. Is that a car that you would like to drive? No, those cars are awful. I don't know.

Just like to know what you think about cars. So 1960, but it was designed to look like a 1929 car. Right. But now in 2024, like can you imagine driving that in L.A.? But he just sticks with it. that. Like, he gets the first one. Well, I think the point is, like, he's a douche. Yeah. He, like, quickly becomes a huge douchebeck.

Which she should have known when she saw his hair when they were in fake Nantucket. Right. Like, look at this guy's hair. Just put a hat on him. Put like a baseball cap turned backwards on him. If you want to see him wear a baseball cap, I'll refer you once again to his work as Hank Pym. Oh, boy. Danny DeVito. Dany DeVito had this and, like, twins.

right around the same time. So I think we are like around the DeVito apex. Interesting. Twins was a massive, massive movie that everyone saw. Pate? Hmm. At least for movies. Revenge patte.

Okay. But not the apex for like I am either pretending to or really did put somebody important to you in a thing that you then ate. That'll be. That's free pie. It's got to be. divorce movies No No

It's got it's Kramer versus Kramer It's got to be Kramer Right I think that you guys should both Watch marriage story But that's just No that is like That absolutely one of my favorites

That's in my top four for sure Unreal, mine too Yeah The joke What do you call 500 lawyers At the bottom of the ocean A Good Star It's either this or Philadelphia

Or other movies Houses that can ruin a marriage Is this the best We got this house It ruined our lives movie or would you go with the money pit? Money pit? Yeah. They should remake Money pit.

It's time. Money pit's good now. It's very good now. But, you know, we could also update it. You know money pit, Craig? No. Yep. Title 16-904 section C.

Great stuff. Yeah, really good. Definitely. The piss fish. Without question. Yes. Best piss ever on a fish? Absolutely.

I can't think of another piss on a fish. itself. Sean asked him no. Certainly not. That's all I got. A new category. Neither of you have been here for this one. This is the best category of come up in a while. Cruz or Hanks? Who could have played the lead part? Cruise or Hanks? Cruz. I don't. Really? Yes. Oh, I think this is clearly Hanks.

I think without question, Hanks. This was the first category I filled out. Because you have to not like this person. And I don't think that Hanks can, turn that on, turn that on. I think that's why it would be so compelling. He would have done like... But listen, you could do either like true, you know, cocky dickhead, late 80s Tom Cruise. Like he could have done it at this time. He's a little young, I guess.

I don't think Tom Cruise can do comedy like this. Or eyes wide shut era Tom Cruise, you know? No, you're outvoted. I don't think that Cruz is... Sadly, there's three people and you have a minority vote. That is true. You believe that Cruz would find himself in a position where he thought he had an esophageal tear caused by his wife, smushing him between her legs. You believe that Tom Hanks would find himself in that situation?

I actually think this is the kind of movie Tom Hanks needed to make and tried to make a couple times in the 80s. Yeah, but it didn't work. Right. Because he's Tom Hanks. I know. But maybe he was just on the wrong living. Protect Tom Hanks, you know. Some things can just stay good.

I could definitely see Tom Hanks in the sauna. I could see Tom Hanks chugging the Gatorade, and his boss comes in, and he's like, you look really haggard, and he's like, I feel great. I could see it. I can see it. Craig, what's your take? I think it's Cruz. Thank you. Whoa.

Oh, Jesus. Come on. I really do. Hank's is way too lovable and soft. Even when he's the meme guy, like in the league of their own, he's still a lovable guy. You can't. That's another reason that we know it could be Hanks, because think of how long that piss is. I did, I was going to go there too.

Think of how long that piss is. That fish wouldn't do it in the chair. Oh, no. No, I'm just like, I'm thinking like collateral cruise crossed with Jerry McGuire Cruz. Yes. Like first 30 minutes of Jerry McGuire cruise with Kelly Preston. And Kelly Preston's beating the shit out of him. Yeah.

Fuck, Amanda's right. Yeah. Because we kind of saw him do this and Jerry McGuire. It's what you actually want crews to have done at some point is to get weird or in media. He's kind of dated and Jerry McGuire, though. That's true, but you want, he can go to the evil side. And we believe, we believe him as a lawyer too. And instead, you might be onto something here.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. By the way, we don't want Ethan Hunt. We want. I was in Boston. Yeah. And I was with Zoe and her boyfriend. He's a great guy, Tommy. Oh, good.

I really liked that kid. Wow. And they wanted to, uh, he's like a young Craig Coral Beck. They wanted to watch a movie and we were looking and, uh, settled on Jerry McGuire, neither of which they had seen. Oh, no. And I had to watch them like. And then you're sitting.

I saw. this with my mother in the theater and the Kelly Preston sex scene? No, I knew it's coming, so I went to go get a drink. But I hadn't watched that movie since Chris and I did the podcast, which was one of the first one of the watchables ever. Part of the origin story, yeah. I've probably seen it, but from

start to finish, that movie's amazing. Like Cruz is so good in that movie. Unbelievable. It's almost like it's, I can't believe he didn't win the Oscar. I got all mad. I'm just on my iPad. Like, you know, he lost to Jeffrey Rush and Shine, and they're just like, hey, can we watch?

unconscionable. I agree. But anyway, that made me think Cruz maybe could have been in this movie. I think Amanda's right. I'm switching my vote. Sorry, Mal. All right. All right. So is that 2-2 now for Cruz? I'll have to check. I think it might be 3-1. I think it is 3-1 Cruz.

I think it is 3-1 Cruz. I'm trying to think of the one Hank's won. Oh, because Cruz won for Shotcaller. Certainly. I think Hank's won Manchester because it's the lead role. Yeah, Hank's won Manchester. And that was the That was the debate

This is only the third movie We've done it Oh so it's 2-1 Cruz That's our third one Oh okay All right Because it started with Internal Affairs

We came up with that After that movie right In between Internal Affairs and Manchester By the season Right Right Okay

Racehorse name The Bald Avenger Would be the funniest Fucking Horse Absolutely bald avenger Here comes the bald avenger No doubt Picky Nitz

This is my big one I already said About the show And the dog During the potte scene Which clearly they put in later. So you could have taken out all the Danny DeVito scenes for me, and we would have had another

10 minutes to play with. Barbara has to have a scene where she dates somebody for revenge, and then maybe we get the sex scene. We were saying the gymnast, craziness. She brings a guy home because all of us living in the house and brings a guy home, and they just have crazy sex, and he's like losing his mind. That just seems like a layup. In the Morgan?

In the car, maybe? Or something. Some sort of guy that he would have been jealous of. terms of the divorce, though, in the 80s. Oh, good point. Is, like, is D.C., I don't know what D.C. is no fault. They're getting divorced? Yeah.

Are you not allowed to have sex with somebody for getting divorced? No, but then, I don't know whether it would affect the settlement. Yeah. He is looking for an edge anywhere he can, right? He's like, she lied about the dinner party. Hmm. Hmm. Or she should have flirted with somebody or some sort of, she needed to use the sex appeal to drive him crazy in some way.

She did try to fuck Gavin in his office. Right, but he didn't see that, though. And yet he sensed it. It was on tape. What do you have for picking knits? It was on tape. We've hit a lot of picket nits already. We have hit a bunch of them.

Gavin tells his silent client that he would have heard of the roses, quote, except I kept what happened out of the papers. You mean when two people were found dead in their mansion? There is not a universe in which this is kept out of the papers. It's a great point. universe. Especially since the post food critic is at the home. Right. Journalists, just present in their lives.

I think the question of would the fall have killed them is a valid one. Sure. It's like we've steadily lowered how close there. I know it's a very hard floor that Amanda does not like the style of that they are falling toward, but I don't know. There's a wide shot of the house. Yeah. I'm glad you brought this up.

There's a wide shot of the inside of the house when you can actually get a feel for how high it's up. It's high. Yeah. It's high, but it's not. That's not that high. They're being lowered steadily because of the creeping of the wire. I think it's 20 feet max.

Some shattered bones for sure. I mean, it's just also like how do you die 45 seconds after impact, but not immediately at impact? Like they both fall, then they have enough time to wake up. Yeah, I need like a leaking cranium. Exactly one of their limbs, but so they at least have motion over the upper half of their bodies and then they both immediately die. Yeah.

Like, there would be internal bleeding? It didn't bother me, because it's the perfect way to die in the movie, I think. It is. It is. I have a follow-up. I don't know. I'm going to have a related nitpick, which is just what is the chandelier made of that they can both just hang out on it for as long as they can. And then it turns into, like, powdered sugar, like rock candy dust.

That thing's coming down the moment she swings on it. Yeah. I also, another nitpick is just him somehow getting caught. She's like, don't, I'm going to pull it over and all this. sudden, like you're dropping the thing before you get pulled over. On the, like, home front here, this might be my biggest nitpick, actually. None of their neighbors at any point called the authorities. Yeah.

This is shocking to me. There's like the multi-car. We go into a full monster truck spectacular in the front yard where she drives her vehicle over his Morgan. And he says, look, I don't want to create a scene. It's like, it's too late. Their house is on fire. multiple times in this movie.

The Christmas tree catches fire. He destroys the beautiful stove and it's just like permanently lit. Yeah, I would think like the various gas burners are just, you know, are writing high. Windows and doors visibly boarded up. Right. Nobody checks in.

This is, this is, I mean, no. It's a valid point. I think you're supposed to think it's not like A street haven't self-involved people. Yeah, self-involved people. They're all, you know, keeping up appearances. It's not like, you know, these are pro bono lawyers, like, saving the world one case. You know, they're like confirming a corrupt senator or whatever is like his actual professional work.

So I don't think you're meant to think very highly of anyone. She drove over his car with him in it in the front yard. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Are you calling someone or are you assuming someone else is going to get to that? I don't, I mean, it could be the observer effect. I don't know whether I'm picking up the phone. I'll just be like, well, someone's going to figure that out.

I'm probably too busy like watching the O's to even notice, honestly, personally. I wouldn't need another picket. I wanted one more scene when they were happy together. I think this is a great point. We are one scene short on like, do we believe that they would have built a life together? because you're watching them for 18 years. They bought me in early or bought us in early with the whole, oh yeah, I can see this passionate great night was unbelievable.

Bless you, bless you. And then all of a sudden she's giving them the car. Right. It's Christmas and she's paying his way through law school. Yeah, we didn't earn enough of the, I can see where this relationship was cool. Well, I do wonder how much you're supposed to believe in the relationship. Yeah, it's like two people who didn't really think that much about it. And then this is the...

That's usually what leads to divorce. Yeah. Another nitpick. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Where the fuck? Who had that monster truck in 1989? Like, why did she have that?

Traded the Volvo in. Was it a very, very... She's making paté and she's... She got 35 bucks for one load of paté and immediately traded in the Volvo for the, for that. This was a... Insane? The car of choice for floppy-haired boys I went to high school with. That car.

Yeah. like late 90s. Yeah. This is great to me. It's a little over the top. It is. I would have maybe a Ford Explorer, something like that. I love what their respective cars say about each of them and what the relationship to the house says about each of them and how they think about money and power.

It's, the car is perfect. I have another nitpick. This is really hardcore. Okay. I don't like the dog choice for Oliver. What kind of dog is it? I just felt like Oliver was like a white lab kind of guy. Okay.

Because white labs are kind of boring. Let's be honest. They're like the inferior golden retriever. So you don't think Oliver is worthy of having. Like he wouldn't have a golden retriever. It's a much personality. It's more like a white lab who's just kind of put on some weight over the last couple years and he's just kind of sitting sadly in front of the house.

That would have been my dog choice. Or like a poodle, like one of those poodles are like, why does that guy have that dog? Poodles are trying hard. Yeah, like a mean poodle. That would have been a good. I just think the dog choice. I had a run in with a poodle named Merlin once. That was not.

Merlin. Not fun. Yeah. And they like, they warned you before you went into the house. They were like, do not put fingers. Yeah, they're irrational confidence dogs. They're like Napoleon complex dogs. Uh-uh.

And in their nipicks? That was it. Sequel. Prestige TV. All black cast or untouchable. You could honestly talk me in all five. So, yeah. They almost made a sequel about the.

kids because there's a literary sequel about the kids. There's kind of a bad book. Would you have wanted the film version of this? No. Of the children? Yeah. The film, this film is not interested in the children, which is fine. We have other.

But should we as the viewing public be? We have other movies about children of divorce, you know? And Boy, do we. And they've affected us all in profound ways. And what I like about this is that I don't have to bring my child of divorce feelings to this. I go the other way. If two children of divorce have heard their father shout in the open front yard where all neighbors and passers-by could hear that you weren't multi-orgasmic until you met me, I want to know what the rest of their lives are like.

I need to know what the rest of their lives are like. I'm actually like semi-excited for a remake. And I don't really ever say that. But I think a remake in the technology era is, I'd be interested to say how they handle it. And, you know, I assume there will be some reflection of, like, the, like, I don't think that, yeah, changing codes. Exactly. I don't think Olivia Coleman will give the exact same type of speech to the potential live in. You know, she'll do something weirder.

Yeah. Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Traos, Sam Jackson, J.T. Walsh, Byron Mayo, Harling, Mays, evil laughing, Ramon Raymond, or Philip Baker Hall. I got to say, this movie actually needs Sam Jackson. It's one of the whitest movies probably ever made. And even if Sam Jackson was playing the guy Danny DeVito's talking to the whole time and it's just like dressed up Sam Jackson and maybe he throws a couple lines in. Yeah, you have to let him be a character. Yeah, let him Sam Jackson those scenes up a little bit. I was going to say, I think Philip Baker Hall could pull off the framing device.

Oh. I would buy that, him as the lawyer that brings a different. But as Floyd Gandoly. Yeah, exactly. Guys, this is a Beltway movie. We might not want it to be set in D.C., but it is. Okay. So you think Wayne shows up after the death?

Wayne has to be here. I didn't know we were dealing with Super Chef. A fish so crispy, the piss sizzles right off. So you think he belongs at the dinner party. I think maybe Wayne is actually somebody like who's in the hospital scene and then somehow inserts himself into Oliver's life from there. Or perhaps Wayne is involved in a case at some point. Oh, interesting. A case that the law firm is involved in.

Oliver's paying off Wayne the dirty cop. Yeah. Okay. Just one Oscar who gets it. This is hard, actually. For me, it's Turner. I think she's awesome in this movie. But Douglas is great.

He's great in it. He's doing Michael Douglas, and he already has an Oscar. Yeah. Yeah. I give the edge to Turner, too, but it's, it's, it's, Douglas is wonderful. The, the 1989 Oscars, just for best actress. Jessica Tandy one for driving Miss Daisy

robbed it from our queen Michelle Pfeiffer, fabulous Baker boys. Just took her Oscar. I mean, this was a travesty year all around. Jessica Lang for Music Box. Pauline Collins for Shirley Valentine as Shirley Valentine Bradshaw.

Okay. What the fuck is that movie? And Isabel Ajani as Camille Claudel. I feel like we could have squeezed Kathleen into one of those spots. I don't know. She's great in this movie.

Probably an answerable questions. And I guess this really ties into the Andy and Red Zawandei word right up the next day. Like, the kids. Like, what's that next week like for the kids? Like, they come home from school.

What's the will like? Mom and dad are dead. There's no will. They're getting divorced, but they're not divorced yet. Do we think there's no will? Do they keep the house? There's a will. There's got to be a real.

No, I think I think the house. The house is a disaster. They just knock it down. Well, is this the second time that the house is sold at a discount rate because something tragic has unfolded inside? Maybe that's the sequel. It's just somebody else moves in the house. It's like Amityville Horror. It's domestic Amityville Horror.

That's good. Yeah. The Shining House. Yeah. The Shining Hotel for divorce. Yeah. Any other in Ansibles? I think we hit a lot of them.

Okay. I think we hit almost all of them already. What do you have for double feature choice? I would like to pitch a triple feature, a thruple, if we can. I do think we should be pairing this with both body heat and fatal attraction. I think that should be, like, we get an erotic thriller with both of them, and then we watch this. And it's just I can't really think of a better way to spend a day, to be honest.

I was going to say Romance in the Stone just to get the other end of the spectrum. That's a good one. Which is, Remains in Stone, by the way, is an awesome movie. It's wonderful. It's a year. It was on HBO for nine years straight just constantly. I love it. She looks great in it.

He looks great in it. It's fun to watch. It's very 80s. I want a different direction if you want to feel slightly better about your life after Rock Bottom Month. Mr. Mr. Mrs. Smith? That's a great one.

Because they tear up the house in the same way, but then it kind of works out, at least in the movie. Do you think Benny found a new home? No, because he was dead and they inserted it after. He's alive and hopefully found a loving home. No? What piece of memorabilia would you want from this movie? Clearly, I would want the wig because I would just put this on every time I did a podcast with either of you. For my Michael Douglas, I'm really much younger than I look wig.

You can pull it off, I think, that wig. A lot of choices. You know, this always gets into the question of practicality. Like, I think the pick is the chandelier. But, you know, I love merch. Am I going to display that in my home? Probably not. So then I'm inclined toward, like, one of the figurines, perhaps.

Do I want the Morgan, either the first or the second? Right. Put it in the driveway. Oh, we passed the new row. It has to fit through the front door of the house so nobody can take the car. The Morgan's pretty small. It's low to the ground, but it's not small. It has a big rear end.

I'm going to go with the chandelier then. I guess it has to be that for me. I would like the car PA system on Kathleen Turner's car so that I can just imagine what I could do. Yeah. Why does it happen? Why is it driving around Los Angeles? A lot of questions about that car. Just being like, excuse me, sir.

Coach Finstock. Coach Finstock of work for best life lesson. My father used to say there are four things that told you what a man is. His house, his car, his wife, and his shoes. Great one. Is that true? No, probably not. I mean, I do think the shoe part is true, I think.

Definitely. Yeah. Maybe the real lesson is don't get divorced. Yeah. I think the real lesson is when a man who makes $400. $15 an hour wants to tell you something for free, you should listen. That's good. I like it.

He's just doing a podcast. Before Sean Austin has to go back to college, they're trying to have a heart-to-heart. And he's like, we already had this talk. Drugs don't do them and sex don't catch anything. Two just really good general pieces of advice. Who won the movie? The combo? You're going combo?

I think it's really hard to pick between the two of them. Like it works because of them together. I would go combo just because I think it's an important. exclamation point for the Douglas Turner, the three movies and the fact that this doesn't happen anymore, but at gunpoint I would pick Turner. Yeah, I think that's right. I would do. Because I think she has a more fun part.

Like, Douglas, his part for an hour, he's just kind of the, you know, he only really takes off for the last half hour. She has the part. She's doing the most in the movie. And she gets to be funny and she gets to be sexy. And he's just kind of befuddled for a while. And he's good at being befuddled. Well, can't wait for Craig's take here.

Craig, you didn't know what this movie was. Didn't give you a heads up. Have you seen romancing the Stone? No, no. No, that's a big blind spot. All right. That's okay. You were not born.

This is in the we don't make movies like this anymore, Hall of Fame. Yeah. It's in the top four. It's not even close. Yeah. I had so much fun watching this movie. This movie truly made me think, like, we don't need any more new movies. We have enough good old ones.

Like, we just keep looking backwards, people, you know? Yeah. All the new ones now, stop with that and turn on 1989 movies and just like have them black. Welcome to my island, Craig. Thank you so much. I just love, this movie is genuinely perfect because it's so imperfect. Like, it's so much would be cut now and changed. The DeVito thing is weird.

There's also, like, in DeVito's office, like, the sky outside of his office is, like, a dark red. It looks like you're, like, in poor things for, like, a second. Right. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. It's like a... Fairy tale, I love that these movies back then were just like producer gut calls. And they were like, you know what, I like it this way.

I don't care. They're going to die at the end. And everything would be too like market tested now. I found it to be so deranged and weird and genuinely fun to watch. It's a good point about like things that just would never happen now. No way. They have the perfect ending in this. They die.

She takes his arm and moves it off her. Right. And the movie should have just ended. And instead, DeVito's like, what if we ended with me in my office? And then a long camera shot coming out of the thing, and it'll end out me instead. It's like, who wanted that? Yeah, I was watching it alone, and it started to get so insane. After the monster truck scene, I literally paused the movie.

I went into the other room, and I was like, Liz, you have to come watch this movie. I was like, I'll restart the movie if you want. No, she didn't do it. It didn't take. But I'm going to get her to watch it. But I literally was willing to restart the first hour and watch it again. I also asked my husband to watch it. with me and he's like, no, thanks.

I saw that 45 times in the 90s on cable. I'm good. Adam watched it with me and we had a great time. That's beautiful. He missed out. He did. This movie's kind of a prequel to Gone Girl. Yeah.

You know? Like, it could have easily pivoted to Kathleen Turner killing him and going on the run. That's good. Alternate. I love that take. I didn't mention this earlier, but this is like a top six or seven favorite movie of my wife's, like ever since I knew her.

Oh, really? Yeah. Six or seven. Like, absolutely loves this movie. Whoa. Loves it. I mean, just thinks it's really funny,

loves them together. It's like everything she wants from these kind of movies. And also really hasn't aged that poorly, like at all. For a movie that takes so many risks and is so out of control and is about men versus women,

there are like little nits you can pick, but it's really not that bad at all. Yeah, it's because they're good together. A few bruises, some broken dishes, some pissed on fish. It's perfect. War of the Roses

produced by Craig Coralbeck. As always, you can watch this entire episode on YouTube.com slash Bill Simmons. Who knows? Maybe we'll have a different home for the rewatchables at some point. Amanda, a pleasure. I can't believe you did that

house this thing. Listen, it's a living document. I'll come back anytime. We'll do it. We'll do it on the big page. Okay, beautiful. Mallory. William. 13 years together, 12 years. I don't even know. I'd never humiliate you like this.

See you next week.