The Rewatchables - ‘Under Siege’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons hires Kyle Brandt, an ex-Navy SEAL turned podcaster, to rewatch the 1992 action thriller ‘Under Siege,’ starring Steven Seagal, Tommy Lee Jones, and Gary Busey. Producer: Craig Horlbeck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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there's no turning back. Don't miss the third season of Euphoria, starring two-time Emmy winners in data. Now streaming on HBO and HBO Max, with new episodes every Sunday. The rewatchables is brought to you by the Ringer podcast Network, where every once in a while we bring on Kyle Brandt to talk about a crucial action movie from the 80s and 90s.

You can see Kyle Brandt on Good Morning Football on the NFL Network. You can see him on CBS. You're doing playoffs this year? Any pop-ins, pre-games? Oh, yeah, we got a long, they called a one-er. One-shot, no cuts like the Copa. We'll have it. All right.

Well, as a Christmas gift to all of you, We're going to break down. One of the greatest movies of all time. Under Siege is next. A terrorist controls the most dangerous weapons known to man. Bang, you're dead. Wake up the president. But there's one weapon he doesn't control.

Steven Seagall. Maybe some special forces guy or something. I'm just a cook. Tommy Lee Jones. This is not the work of a cook. Happy trails. I'll see your hell, Seder boy. Undersea.

Redguard starts Friday October 9th at a theater near you. All right, Kyle Brandt, we've done some good ones over the years. We've done some Stallone, some Schwarzenegger, some Van Dam, Van Dam, Van Dam, Van Dam. Van Dam. Van Dam. We've done some Wheaton. Yep. And now our second Seagal film. And this is the best one he ever did.

I'm just going to read you the Amazon description. A band of ruthless mercenaries plots that. hijack a ship and hold the world at ransom. They've thought of everything except the ship's cook, former Navy SEAL Casey Rybeck, and we're off. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad we're off too, Bill, because we got to do this snappy today.

I got some pies in the oven and I got to make a 50 gallons of Bula base. So let's get cracking. We did do Hard to Kill. And Hard to Kill is a. stupid, ridiculous movie that we love. Under Siege is a real movie with a real director, real production value, a real supporting cast. I think it's the best shape that Seagall was ever in physically for a movie.

You have these, like... And he's still a C minus for being in shape. It's a G-minus. It's a gut, but he has at least arms. It's a C-minus, but it's like an A for him. And, like, the movie ends with one of our greatest acts. a Harvard-educated Thespian having a knife fight with the guy who played Mason's Storm. It's nuts and it's awesome.

I wrote down, well, first of all, Seagall's in this movie for 41 minutes total. And the director, Andrew Davis, who had a really nice career. And we'll go through that later. But this ends up with him getting the fugitive where he pulls Tommy Lee Jones back. And he basically admits after, like, it really wasn't about Seagall for me. I had already worked with Seagal. I really wanted to work with Tommy Lee Jones. He's unabashed about it.

With that said, Sagal's on a heater right now. Above the law, hard to kill, Mark for Death, and Out for Justice. The quadrilogy of three-word titles, which we covered in the last one. And then under siege. He's five for five at this point. I don't even know what football player is he?

You see, this is like Earl Campbell? Like, who is this? Just coming out of the gates with all pro seasons. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's that or it's just like it's Mahomes. Like you had the one year kind of sitting on the bench for Alex Smith, and that was above the law. I was fine. But then you get the field and you're like, damn, this guy just has it.

Why didn't we start him from the get-go? And I'm looking at it too, Bill, because this is, you talked about this for years. In this year, 92, it's a real interesting year for action stars. And it almost feels like for a second that Seagall has the belt. because the other heavy hitters I have the breakdown so Arnold in 91 he does Terminator 2 and owns the world

right? But Arnold takes off for 92, off for 93 and he doesn't come back to 94 with Last Action Hero Sly is scraping badly it's Oscar which is the worst movie ever made is throw a mama from the train or stop her mom will shoot and then Van Dam

is doing some stuff that's just fine but nothing like this I feel like for 92 for a hot minute Sagaul was the guy among guys and it's amazing. It's a great point. I'm looking at my, my Grantland. I did the action championship belt.

And you're right. I gave it to Clint Eastwood for Unforgiven in 92. The senior tour. It was kind of like the George Foreman coming back and winning the heavyweight title again. But I did write, and I didn't even know you're new to this. I wrote, biggest challenger, the Segal era crested with the delightfully bindless under siege,

or isn't better known, die hard on a boat, blah, blah, blah. You can't deny Seagall's 1990 to 92 run. This is as close as he got. And really, like, he probably is telling people that he did have the belt. I don't think he probably took unforgiven seriously. You mentioned the Mahomes piece. Yeah. I would argue the sitting on the bench for the season was when he was like Mike Ovitz's

jujitsu instructor or whatever the hell he was before he made movies. Because that was the year he learned the offense and he got everything going. There's so much to love about Segal on this. I wrote, first of all, they're trying to make it like he's kind of funny and wisecracking. I don't know, this is like we're in kind of a Seinfeld era right now. We're in the, Stallone has been trying to do this a few times. I wrote that he's basically like Anthony Bore von Dom. Anthony Boredom.

I don't know what. That's good. We would want to, it's a gregarious, Seagal, and yet, every time he tells a joke, there's no joke. I know. It's just like if he was on this pod right now and Craig, the producer came in, and you'd be like, Hey, Craig, look at this guy, it's at a Zoom. And everybody's just laughing hysterically. It's a cut to 20 people, like almost killed over.

But he never actually tells a joke. Did you notice that? I did. And I think you're tapping into something that in all of his movies, this is Seagal, really trying to be a character. He's not just a cop who's cleaning up the streets in Brooklyn. He's a backstory. He has a trade. He's a chef. And also they try really hard in the first 10 minutes of the movie with all the nonsense you're talking about to make it seem like everyone likes Segal. And it's funny to watch now because you know everyone on the set hates them, including the director

and the crew. But they're like, hey, ride back. You show us a move. Let's dance. But he never actually like, when he bust people's balls, the closest he comes to making a joke is the worst joke ever. When he's like, we were with you another week right back. He's like, well, I guess I'll get to see it hit puberty. And they're like, ma. It's really bad. He's like Bertie Mac at the Apollo. Yeah, they have, he says that.

And then I wrote basically that first scene when he's cooking for everyone. It's basically the premise for season one of the bear. It's the guy in the middle of everything who's just this crazy talent. I sent you. there's this scene when Tommy Lee goes over the, when the microwave blows up. Tommy Lee goes over the counter. And for a split second, we see this whole menu.

And there's like 19 things in the menu. And it's all these goofy, like these names that are tied to Casey or Ryback. Number one is Casey's Kim Chi. There's Kung Powh Chase, Casey, senior Ryback's green chili. There's pasta Rabakiano. They're just,

doing everything they can to make him a personality, yet Seagal has no personality. And doesn't it work in the sense that that's exactly what Seagal would do if he was a chef? He'd name every dish after himself. He's not a battleship. Why don't name it after some of the great admirals and generals or soldiers?

Every recipe is about him. It's, again, like George Foreman, who named every one of his son, George, just so they get up the same name. Casey, why don't you show respect to some of the great leaders? No, they're all about me. terrible. There's some of the stuff that he made,

first of all, there's El Paso chili. Can't think anything worse on a boat than chili. There's Cajun gumbo and Boston clam chowder. He's got oysters for some reason and says pomfas oysters. There's suckling pig from New Guinea and pad tie. It's like, I don't know what kind of shit. How about burgers and fries, Casey? Yeah.

How about chicken fingers? And enough with the gumbo and the cheese. chili and the thing that has self-contained plumbing. We're out at seeing my friends. Yeah, that's a lot. I do think if he had stayed this likable or as likable as he could get, he's probably the best action movie star of the 90s. It's just like it goes sideways after this because this movie is successful.

It eventually leads to him wanting to do on deadly ground, which is one of the funniest action movies anyone's ever made where he's trying to make social statements because he's Stephen Segal, but then agrees to do under siege two if they let him direct on deadly ground. This guy was doing jiu-jitsu with Mike Ovitz, like nine years earlier, and I was going to direct movies. And that's when it goes sideways. But I still really appreciate this 90 to 92 run.

I always wonder, for people, like for our guy Craig or everybody listening who's younger, like, do they listen to this? And they're like, Seagall, he's that dipshit clown on the internet who's fat with a beard. I think we have to remind people. Right. So the Seagall deal, let's just have the disclaimer. Like his reputation at this point is at best, highly troubling, and at worst, he's a reprehensible human being. But in the 90s, I'm telling you, he was different, he talked different, he looked different, he was built different. And it was all these meatheads like Schwarzenegger

and Stallon that we love. But like, Seagal was very cool. And you couldn't take your eyes off him. And it was just, it was a thing for like five or six years that I promised was cool before it went dark. It's kind of like how the Red Sacks. Phil about two red sex fans about 2004 and kirt shilling like i swear to god man you had to be there the bloody sock was amazing guy was awesome um it was a big enough deal when seagal like for this movie he shaved he cut his ponytail huge because in the military somehow didn't have to shave his head but they did have to cut the ponytail there's a lot of weird haircut stuff in this movie for you know for for for the military you would never know it from half the actors we have some picking

knits on that for sure. But there's two things that he doesn't do in this movie that at this point, Bill, this is his signature. If you go to Segal movie, he's going to have the ponytail, and at some point he's going to snap someone's arm over his shoulder. It's just what he did. And it's like, it's like when Van Dam would do the splits. That's why you're there. He doesn't do it. And I feel like it was a little bit like Arnold, not saying I'll be back in a movie. Like, I've moved past that now. I'm not going to be the catchphrase. Yeah, he zagged. He didn't zagged from this thing, though, Kyle Brent. Go on.

Nobody lands a punch on him the whole movie. Let's go. It's just part of the Seagall thing, I think, was like, I have to be way more dominant and way more alpha than everybody else. So nobody's even allowed to graze me with a right hook, much less kick me, much less me fall backwards, nothing. Each fight, it's just a 10-7 round. But this is the Seagal trademark.

Do you think he went into these movies? He's like, I'm not just so, you know, I have to win every fight convincingly. Even Tommy Lee can't land anything on him. No. And listen, I've felt this way for years. This makes my blood boil. I think it's contractual.

I think it is written expressly that Mr. Seagall will not only win every fight, he will not take damage. And it's important to remember the context. Sloan's fights, he gets the shit kicked out of him by Drago by the guy. John Lithgow's beating him up in Cliffhanger. It doesn't mean it makes sense.

Van Dam. destroyed, and then they make the comeback. Seagal, Nali's not lose, he doesn't take one blow, and Bill, he's usually fighting four people at one time, and it's almost like the only way to fight Seagal is, we're going to surround him, and then one at a time only, we're going to have a dead sprint at him, and he's going to just dodge us and break our wrist.

It's so stupid. They never just jump them. I hate it. Well, do you think part of it is he figured out that hand thing he does when he's about to really fight with somebody where he just, he puts his hand over each other and does this weird hand, tries to low you to sleep move that people do when they're like in comedies or on TikTok or something where people are doing a parody of a parody of somebody doing karate

or kung fu. But this was his move for five straight movies. Just deceitfulness with his hands and people are like low to sleep by, oh, what's he doing? It's a little like the crane kick, but like he took it to another level, I feel. Yeah, it's like the crane kick meets a. card trick. Like he's doing that sleight of hand. Like, you know how they do this stupid thing? We're like, oh, I can pull my thumb apart.

Like, he's doing that nonsense for kids. And people just buy it. And also, like, there's still videos of him in the last five years at some sort of martial arts clinics. And they got guys with 12th degree black belts running at him. And he just drops them left and right effortlessly. And it's all like, is this a work? What is going on? There, we talked about this in the last ago pod. There's a lot of bad stuff about him working rough with stuntmen and actors.

A little like Bill Goldberg, who in wrestling was famous for just everybody hated wrestling him. He worked way too rough. And Seagall, like multiple people were suing him at some point. There were actors that were still pissed off 25 years later. So not only could you not land a punch on him, he was actually going to punch you for real. Seagal might have been a psycho. He might have been a sociopath.

It's unclear. Yeah, no one can land a movie punch on me, but I'm actually going to break your nose, and I'm just going to do it. Listen, there's so many myths about Seagall and the treatment of crew and the treatment of the ladies, which is totally different. You know the greatest one. And I don't, I don't, did we get into this on the hard to kill? Doesn't matter.

We'll do it again. All right. The myth goes that there's this veteran stunt performer, this guy who's out there doing interviews since he's talked about. He's out for justice. And Seagal's popping off during shooting. He's on set. and he's saying, any move you put me in, any choke, any submission I can get out of.

Who wants to try it? So they all want to try it. This one guy puts him in a choke. And the legend goes that he choked him so hard that Segal shit his pants right there on the set and had to clear out the set. And that's the story. And he tells it to this day that that is real. And I want to believe it. It's a great story. It would be incredible if it was true. is is Segal like when he goes in these movies

like Casey Ryback not Italian but behaves Italian all of his characters are basically the same character but you're from Chicago yeah like Chicago Italian

like they could you could see him at Gino's East and they're upset that they're pies five minutes late and they're like hey what's going on here that's kind of his thing but I don't feel like he's Italian, and I'm not sure he's from Chicago.

So who influenced him? What's your psychological take on this? Well, basically, if Seagal was around right now, he would just want to be Tommy DeVito. Like, that's the guy he wants to be. So he would just warm to Jersey. Yeah, he'd wear the jersey. He'd do the little gesture, and then he'd break your wrist.

It's out for justice, he goes all the way, and his character's name is Gino Filino. And like then he's in Brooklyn. And that's like, that's even more Italian than Tommy DeVito. So I don't even know what his inspiration is because it's not south side Chicago. It's not Brooklyn. He's more of a California guy. But then also, Bill, there's always that weird Far East influence on him.

So I don't really know where he's like this sort of wannabe mutt. And I don't really know who he actually is. I wonder what state would want to claim him. I feel like Jersey would take him. Why Jersey? They just feels like this. I don't know. Like, I'd feel like Chicago.

would be maybe interested in talking about an acquisition? Maybe not now. Maybe with not all the stuff that's happening. And what's crazy about this, we just spent 10 minutes talking about Sagan, and I'm not even sure this is a SIGAL movie. You're right? I actually think you could make a real case

that this is a Tommy Lee Jones movie, and in fact, I'm going to make it right now. I think this is a Tommy Lee Jones movie that SIGAL happens to be in. You agree or disagree? I agree, and it's an interesting thing because the movie, under siege, it is all his face on the post

It is all Seagall. There's nobody else. And yet he's out for a lot of the movie. Tommy Lee is amazing. And Bill, for me, this was really important because I'd never seen Tommy Lee Jones before this movie. I had no idea who he was. I didn't see any of the projects or movies beforehand. So when I see this theater, I'm 13 years old and I'm here to see Seagal crack skulls. And meanwhile, this guy who's just on so much blow and a rock star, I thought he was amazing. And he doesn't, it's sad that he steals the movie. He just takes it from the beginning and it's never stolen back. Yeah, you can't even say it's a steel. It's an ownership thing. It's weird because there's this crazy Tommy Lee Jones run that happens right around now. It starts with JFK at 91. It goes to under siege. It blows up for good in the fugitive. And then he becomes a guy you can put on a poster because in 94, he's blown away. Then he's in the client. Then he's a natural burn killer's in the cop. And he just becomes Tommy Lee Jones. culminating in Batman and forever, he plays Harvey Two-Face. But when you go back to you.

to the 80s, and I was there because I'm old, I couldn't tell the difference to him and Scott Glenn for like 12 years. I didn't know who was who. Like, I didn't know. Was Tommy Lee Jones an urban cowboy or was it Scott Glenn? When Silence of the Lambs, is that Tommy Lee Jones or Scott Glenn? I just didn't know. And then all of a sudden he blew up his Tommy Lee Jones. But I think it was this movie that did it. Well, yeah, because, you know, we got to get into this. What's fun about under siege, It's the de facto origin story for the fugitive. It's Andrew Davis who gets the movie because of this. And like the that guys in this movie are so fun because there's like five people who go on to be in the fugitive.

So Tommy Lee gets the Oscar for the fugitive and then the rest of his life he has just set. But as a 13 year old kid, I saw Tommy Lee Jones. And I just, I think of Tommy Lee. I was like the drummer for Motley crew. Like, who is this? Like that's the only Tommy Leanna who also went on to make successful movies. But I loved them, and I never seen them before. I don't know any of that stuff with the Scott Glenn.

I just didn't, it wasn't on my radar. Yeah, if you go backwards, so in 87, he's in the big town with Matt Dillon and Diane Lane, which is an important movie for the Diane Lane fans out there, and I count myself as one of them. But then TV movie, Stranger on My Land, he's in something called Stormy Monday. He's in April morning, another TV movie. He's in Gotham, a TV movie. He's in Lonesome Dove, a TV miniseries. then he's in the package, which was directed.

That's a good Gene Hackman movie, directed by Andrew Davis, Firebirds in 1990. So that's four years of Tommy Lee Jones. Like, nothing's going on. So when you say, like, how did he end up in this movie? He's the most over, maybe other than Lithgow, the most overqualified actor we've had in one of these movies. For him, it was like a job.

And he's like, if I kill this, maybe this will lead to other stuff. So it makes more sense when you see the context. but I don't know what took Hollywood so long to discover Tommy Lee Jones. It does make a lot of sense. To me, he's just always this old guy. Like, I don't know it. I can't picture 25-year-old Tommy Lee Jones. He's always this cantankerous old guy.

He's like Gene Hackman. Yeah. Or like Michael Kane or Morgan Freeman. Like, I don't know them in their 20s. They've been the same age in my entire life. But, like, I knew Busey. You better believe I knew Bucy. Like, the Bucy piece of this is big because it's a real awesome tandem.

of bad guys in this. Yeah, Busey's coming off point break, which was a very, very, very important early 90s movie. One of the first ones we did on the rewatchable was actually, Tommy Lee's off after this, because by 97 he's doing Men in Black. In 98, they're doing the fugitive again as U.S. Marshals with no Harrison Ford,

which is a complicated movie for the fugitive fans. I kind of like it, but I'm also like super disappointed. Where do you stand on that one? I'm just super disappointed by that movie, but I also like it. Yeah, it's disappointing. I like that Newman, the guy with the ponytail gets killed because I don't like that character. It's also a weird Robert Downey in the middle of all his shit piece is in that movie.

And that's nuts. It's a very strange way. I've only seen it one time. It's not really rewatchable. And then he just keeps going and then it culminates with No Country for Old Men, which was the best movie that he's been in. Andrew Davis really interested. So he's the director of this, but I didn't even realize how many things that he was involved with before this. What's he got? That I really like, starting with Code of Silence in 1985, which is in the running

for best Chuck Norris movie. It's either Chuck, it's either that or Silent Rage, but it's a big Chicago movie. It is. It's like, it's a heart of Chicago. We're in there. We're filming everything there, and he actually pulls out a semi-decent Chuck performance, which is basically impossible because Chuck can't act. Very difficult. Then he does above the law. Then he does the package under siege, and then it culminates in the fugitive. And that's, you know, probably in the running for the best action movie of all time. Nice run for him. There's other stuff going on, though.

Because, oh, by the way, I forgot to mention Tommy Lee plays a disillusioned former CIA operative. I don't know if there's a better four words for an action movie. Disillusioned, great, you got me right away. Former solid CIA. Okay. Operative. Jesus. Fantastic.

What are you capable of? How much information do you have? Erica Leniac is in this. Let's talk about it. This was a big thing that she was in this because she was in the real July 9th and 8th and I played by magazine. Playboy magazine like legitimately mattered in the 80s. I know we'll try to explain that.

Craig, do you want to come on for one second here? Yeah, let's do this. Sure. Yeah, because Craig every once in a while is confused by nudity and whatever from the 80s. Elite gratuitous nudity in this movie. Playboy magazine and the SI swimsuit issue were probably the two most important pieces of media in the 80s related to ladies. So her being a July 1989 playboy cover person meant that somebody my age actually knew who she was from the magazine.

So it starts there. She had a recurring role on Charles in Charge, which was a very important, terrible. TV show with Scott Bayo and Willie Ames. And then she was one of the female leads in Baywatch for the first three years, which became kind of would you say it replaced Playboy magazine

Kyle? Yeah, it certainly took a lot of steam out. And when she left, then Pamela came in, then it went to the stratosphere. He would watch it and he got a lot of the same experience. And there's nothing like that now. There's no version of her that can be in a movie, right? There's no Playboy model that could be in a movie. No.

She also was John Stamos's girlfriend and an episode of Full House. Incredible. And then she was in this. And it's an arc of like really good looking woman that's not afraid maybe to go topless and pops around for five, six years

that I don't know how this happens now. I guess like reality TV maybe, I don't even know. And she's not great in this movie, but she's also not bad. She actually kind of fits with Seagall quite nicely. Like they're both the same level of actor and it actually kind of works

between the two of them. Craig, first of all, how dare you? She is great in this movie. She's not bad. She's not bad. I think it's a terrific performance by Erica. She's working with Saga, who's the most loathsome person to work with in the 90s.

And actually, Kyle, she seems like she likes them by the end of the movie. I don't know. Maybe she was hypnotized. Listen, the fact that she could be in the same room on a battleship with him and not be vomiting, it makes her Merrill Streep, as far as I'm concerned. It's a tough hang. But I think Craig, like what you represent. So last time we did one of these, we did Toy Soldiers.

And I remember Craig was really confused why the bunch of guys is sitting around together listening to phone sex. It was like, what the hell? You guys watch porn together. And Bill and I were trying to explain to you, Craig. It was just different. It was different. So why I bring this up is the topless scene in this movie. It's like five seconds long.

It's 1992. I almost had it for which age the best slash worst because it made me nostalgic. Those scenes were so important to someone who was a 13-year-old kid who had no internet, no phone, no playboys, like you get his hands on, and no porn, you would rewind it 50 times and then you would pause the VHIS as tape just to look at it. And it was like, it was so critical to us as teenagers to survive with that stuff. Yeah, it was like discovering like gold on the bottom of a river or something. Like, oh my God. Like even in college, same thing.

Like this was, she's in this. It's like, oh, I wonder, who knows? And then when she hops out of the birthday cake, which is, it is a what's age the worst, but also a what's age the best because of that era of using, using a scene like that as kind of a weapon. And it went away, and then Hallie Berry tried to bring it back with swordfish. And it just didn't really laugh.

I think the internet's just ruined it, correct. You make a great point. I'm honestly nostalgic for that time. It's too easy now. I can't imagine what it's going to be like 40 years from now. Like, am I going to be telling my, my grandkids about the old days of nudity. Like, I don't even know what my grandkids are going to be watching.

Well, she peaked with this movie, and then she was in, she was Ellie Mae Clampett and the Beverly Hill bill is. How long was she in that cake? Long time. Well, it's coming out. Ready to go. All right. I'll get out of here.

The film was based on an original spec script by J.F. Lawton called Dreadnought. Hell yeah. one of the worst titles ever, which sold for a million dollars and then became a thing shopped around. And, you know, I'm sure when you have a script like Dreadnought, which is diehard on a ship,

you go to the usual suspects, right? Can we get still loan? Come on, let's do it. Can we get Arnold? Bruce isn't going to want to do this. Bond, um, maybe, no, he's, he's out. Should we try Seagall? Sure.

Oh, Seagal's interested. Got a meeting with them, had the meeting go. Ah, it went kind of terrible. Like, Sgal's a dick, but it seems like he wants to do it. Well, wherever another. And then all of a sudden they're making Dreadnought, and they changed the name and were up. This movie got two Oscar nominations for Sound.

I thought it was for Erica Leniak, no? It was just for Sound. This movie had a $35 million budget and made $156.6 million. Jesus. I can't believe it only costs $35 to make that movie. now it would be $180 million movie. It's nuts. Yeah, you would think, like, with the explosions they had,

that was like $20 million right there. Yeah. This movie, at the time, was the most successful film that had not been screened for critics prior to release, which is usually a horrible sign. I wonder why.

Like, they had great performances. It's a cool-looking movie. The critics would have liked it. So we have no, you bet review of this or no? Oh, we sure do. I wonder if maybe people were getting a little bored of the die-hard on a blank

at this point. And we've taught, I don't even need to go over the diehard on a blank because we've, we've hit it so many times. But this is the height of it. And they're just like, what about a boat? What, you know, they're just trying, what about a mountain? And they're just trying to do all of it. But I actually do think this is probably the best scenario of a diehard on a blank other than diehard. I think it's a good take. And I would echo it and say, I think this is the closest representation of diehard that all the ones that did it. And I'll quickly, I'll tell you why. The boat is kind of like a skyscraper.

It's set up the same way. It's like a skyscraper in the sea. You have this brilliant actor as the villain. You got his blonde-haired heavy as the second who has personal beef with the hero. There's a girl who gets involved towards the end. And it just kind of feels the most like diehard in a sense. I think they do a good job.

Yeah, I agree with him. Ebert, three stars. Come on. Hell yes. He said the formula is obvious. Die Hard goes to see. I walked into the screening in a cynical frame of mind, but then a funny thing happened.

The movie started working for me. Raj. And then there's a Sisko and Ibert review where they give it two enthusiastic thumbs up. And Siskel says, Cisco who's, let's be honest, was kind of a dick to the action genre over the years. He said, it's one of the best times

you're going to have at a movie this year. under siege. And it became a huge success and was the peak of Segal. All right, we're going to take a break, come back with the categories. This episode is brought to you by Apple and AT&T. Scroll long enough and you'll hear it all. Miracle diets, fitness trends, you name it. But with iPhone and Apple Watch, you get meaningful insights from a very trusted source. Your body. You can track sleep quality, cardio fitness and more than unpack all the information in the health app on iPhone to get a picture of your overall health. These health insights are developed with clinical experts from start to finish. Find out more at apple.com slash health. Apple Watch is not a medical device and should not be used

as a substitute for professional medical advice. This episode is brought to by Brooks Running. Sometimes in the film world, we see performances. on screen that are so mind-blowing you think someone somewhere is bending the rules. Like when one actor plays twins or nails a really difficult accent, the glycerin flex from Brooks is that phenomenon in shoe form. It provides a flexible cushion ride that's made to move with you. With the breathable upper, your shoe feels like a distraction-free second skin. It's the ultimate blend between human movement and tech.

So if you want to experience the best parts of your performance, flex the rules. In the new glycerin flex, shop the glycerin flex. shop the glistory and flex at brooks running.com. Most rewatchable scene. I'm in for any moment where Segal, like we discussed earlier, is moving through the ship with all of these people who are hanging on his every word,

even though he's not that interesting. It just really makes me laugh. But the red-headed guy comes in and he does die. I guess that means it won't get to see you go through puberty. People are dying. Like he's doing Eddie Murphy and Delirious, like that level of comedy. he makes fun of the guy at one point.

It is the Southern accent. Then he keeps it going for some reason. Then Bucce comes in and does the, this smells like a Lard Amlet, spits in his bouleya base and Sagao punches Bucie. He punches two other guys and he goes, okay, all right, okay, all right, okay, all right. It's just, everything's great.

It's just a great start. I don't know what he's doing. Seagal's trying this Cajun deal where he talks like he's from New Orleans and then the menu you revealed is a lot of Cajun-inspired food and Boulouse. They're coming from Hawaii. They're not even close to Louisiana. It doesn't make sense, but it does set the scene, and I like when he punches Bucce.

The whole thing works. Every time Bucce is on screen, I can't take my eyes off. Yeah, it's weird. I mean, Bucce is obviously nuts because he was becoming a Howard Stern guest within probably eight years of this, but he really did have a nice run as the crazy guy. And then Dennis Hopper, I felt like in Speed, was a little on Bucie's corner with that character. That felt like a Bucie part where they were like,

ah, we can't get Bucy again. He's been into many of these. We'll get Dennis Hopper and tell him to do Bucy. It does, it takes my breath away when he hawks that Lugie in that pot. Like that is such a ruthless thing to do to anyone who cooks or anyone who appreciates food. It's a perfect villain move. Yeah. Disgusting.

Next one, the big shootout, where we have Tommy Lee with a little. leather jacket, banden and sunglasses. We, Busey in drag, for reasons that remain unclear. I don't know if you want to do this now or later, but I still don't know with the whole plan why Bucie had to be in drag what the point of that was. Like, this guy's one of the most high, he's one of the highest ranking officers in the ship.

There's, you know, a whole hierarchy and a respect thing. And I just don't know what the point of that was. It's bizarre. It's very bizarre. They're just trying to make him seem crazy and fun. But also, like, back then, it was, people thought it was funny, I guess, for men to dress and drag. Like, it was a classic SNL mechanism for a long time. Totally.

You can see Derek Jeter host at SNL and they're like, dress them up like a woman. It's funny. It's idiotic. And watching the movie back now, it's very strange. Because if you haven't seen it in a while and you're listening, you forgot that Bucie comes out dressed like a woman with boobs and all that stuff. Like, it's very strange. For five minutes, he wears it. Probably could have done without that.

I think the weirdest part is that a couple people in the movie, some of the other characters in the ship were like kind of into them. Well, they've been at sea for a long time, I guess. I'm going to say it was weird in 1992. It was. It was like, what are they doing? Why? Because you do it if he's like the comic relief sidekick guy,

but they're also trying to present him as an authority figure. And that was the part I didn't get. Like you would have thought he would have asked some lowly private to do it. Also, here's an idea. You paid money for a stripper who's in the other room. Like, why don't you bring her in? Like, what is she doing at this point? Why is he dressing up?

It doesn't make sense. Eric is right there. The only thing I can think is they, it's like kind of a red herring because then it gets to Tommy Lee asking who's the highest ranking officer in the room, followed by the shot to the head. And then just people start dying left and right. And we're off. So it's a good scene. Not as good as a scene when Segal escapes. finally he's trapped in the locker for a while

Jack Torrance, the Shining Style, finally gets out. A couple things I love here. I love when our action hero has to hide in the ceiling and then lowers himself down. I don't think it's ever not worked for me. I also think it's kind of, I mean,

you're a guy who's, you know, you're in pretty good shape. You love to lift. That's not an easy one to lower yourself down. Very difficult. Yeah, very difficult. It always works. It always looks cinematic. And then it puts you at the perfect height to kick someone in the face who's standing. It even works in Jurassic Park when those kids are running from the Raptors and they go up in there. It always works. It should be in every movie. The firm has probably my favorite version of it. He's sweating on Wilford Brimley and then

finally jumps down and hits him. I'm not positive that Seagall that lowers himself down. I don't know either. It's like 50% chance. It's a stuntman. Yeah. I don't know if he had the upper body to pull it off. Also, great knife to the neck. Seagal has some good kills in here. Like, he has some later on in the movie.

He has like the prison, the quick three stabbers that they'll have in prison movies. We're like, oh, Seagal knows some things. Never gets punched. Just decisive wins all the way around. We're up. The next one's very short for rewatchable, but it fucking kills me. I mailed it to you. When he goes in, he sees the captain, the guy who's been protected.

him. Seagal's on the ship. Basically, we find out later the reasons, but this captain's been protecting him. So he sees the captain. He decides to put the white jacket over him to cover the captain's dead body because Gary Busey's killed him. And then he's like, what if I take like four more, five, four or five more seconds here and I'll have a moment as an actor. Just keep rolling, guys. And he does.

It's really great. There's supposed to be this real feeling there. And you can tell the director worked hard with Steve there. Like, you know, Steve, this guy meant a lot to you. He brought you on as a personal cook. And like, this is a sense of loss and just really let the audience feel it. And he just sits there and puts the blanket over me. You don't feel really much of anything.

But he's trying to act really hard then. It's definitely not the first take either. But take four. Steve, that was great. That was great. Let's just do one more for safety. Let's go again. Yeah, let's just go one more and maybe stare at it.

off in the distance for one more second. Well, remember when we did Hard to Kill and there's the moment where he's having that, he's thinking about like, Senator Trent said a blood bank and I'm gonna sell off the puzzle. He's acting his ass off there. He always got one moment for Steve where like, sorry, dude, there's no one to punch

and no woman to ogle. You just have to be an actor for two seconds. Can you please? Just look intense. Can you do it? Can you pull it off? Next one, I just wrote down, Tommy Lee is cooking. This is when he's explaining his motives to the

the people in the war room, he does the welcome to the revolution, cut to the obligatory, one of the people in the war room going, he's flipped. He's completely flipped. The movement is dead. Yes, of course, hence the name. Movement, it moves a certain distance. Then it stops, you see?

A revolution gets its name by always coming back around in your face. You tried to kill me, you son of a bitch. So welcome to the revolution. There's more to follow. I'll stay in touch. Inventory, everything on that ship now. You need somebody to flip, and then you need somebody to recognize the flipping.

So basically what's happening here for people who didn't really understand the plot. Timingly plays Stranx. Weird name, by the way, Stranx. I don't get it. It makes me also think maybe Schwarzenegger, they're trying to lure him in and be like, so you get to say, histronics.

But they're trying to seize control, the ship and the weapons on it. And what they want to do is obliterate all the tracking systems in Pearl Harbor because it's the 50th anniversary of Pearl Harbor. So it's some sort of weird Pearl Harbor and then they're going to sell some Tomahawks to North Korea. Basically, they're on the ship. They're going to get all this stuff.

They're going to blow up Pearl Harbor. That's what's trying to happen here. But how many times did you have to watch this movie to fully understand it? Like 14, 12, 8? It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. And then his speech is so unintelligible to the, the people and he does the topsoil and the UV rays and something about venereal diseases.

But I will say, like, this is why you hire Tommy Lee. The writing is so bad and so weird, but he just does it like, fuck it. I'm a rock star and I'm crazy. And you buy it. And his acting really saves that scene. Did we have him, when we did the scale where Alan Rickman was a 10, did we, should we had Tommy Lee as like a nine and a half in this movie or? I think we forgot him, right? Yeah. I had, I had the guy from, it's Gary Oldman in Air Force One as the nine. Tommy Lee is way up there. And we had, we had Toy Soldiers as the one. I think he had Passenger 57 as the one, which you might have been right about that one. But Tommy Lee is up there. He might be the nine with Gary Oldman right there, the 95. Would you sneak him to a 9.9.5 or no?

He's just so funny and he's charismatic. And I have Gary Oldman at the 9 and there's nothing funny whatsoever. So maybe I would. And he carries the movie. Gary Oldham does not carry Air Force One. Tommy Lee carries under siege. She's the 95. We will do Air Force One in 2024 because I watched it when I had COVID. And it's just, let's say I had some nitpicks. There's some nits in that movie. But I loved it. I had a great time. You know when you do it next year in November, election year, 2024,

resident James Marshall, kicking ass on Air Force One. That's when you do it. Next one, just a quickie, the microwave blowing up. I love that. So the microwave's going off for like an hour and a half, but it only needed, we needed the five-second beep, beep, beep, countdown before it blew up? Like, wouldn't it have blown up? What was he microwaving?

It wouldn't have blown up way sooner? How did he time it so perfectly? This is why the picking nits section exists. I think you and I both have a lot of questions about the microwave. I will just say this. This made such an impression on me at the time at 13 that you can make a bomb out of a microwave. A lot of us fantasize when the microwave is ticking down

that it's going to be a bomb. I use a microwave in my house like three times the day. I got little kids. I always think of this scene from under siege. Every time I use a microwave and no microwave in history has ever been made to have an audible tick for the last five seconds.

It doesn't make sense. That's great. I wish you could buy it. I wish we could get at a target. The big reveal that Ryback is actually a real guy. Yeah. Which we wait. We're past the hour mark at this point, and we find out that he had an extremely distinguished

career until Panama, when most of his seal team was killed due to poor intelligence at the airport. And then we have that guy who's like, every time there's always somebody in another, we talked about this in Toll Soldiers, there's somebody in another location who's just like, no, no, we're fine. We got Ryback or we got Sean Aston. And this guy, the older guy says, by the way, he could offer this information a lot sooner. He says, Ryback's a warrior.

He's the best there is. When he got back from Panama, he punched out the officer in charge. Captain Adams took him aboard as his personal cook so he could finish out his 20. Could you tell us that five hours ago? Would it help? And I liked it when he says,

punched out his officer in charge, a whole room of military people are like, oh, fuck, yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. Like, they actually liked it. None of them shake their heads. And it's that Silver Fox who's saying it, who's in like every military movie,

and he has a real military background. Like, he just delivers it perfectly. But there is always one guy who says, now, hold on, there's a secret file. This guy can kick some ass. Even in Air Force One, when the president's up there, there's one guy who's like, remember, our president was fought

and did such and such tours of duty, and he can fight. There was somebody who sticks up from him and says, I think we're in good hands with this guy. Also, Panama is a great location to just throw around in movies like this because it sounds like, oh, he had some, I didn't realize he had something in Panama.

Cuba's another one. Oh, yeah, there's this thing in Cuba that happened and you don't even really need to elaborate. It's just, oh, it's Panama. Must have been a big thing. Next I have written down for rewatchable scenes. Segal plans an attack and does it with a makeshift crew in three seconds.

Come on. It starts with him trying to get the guy from blood in and blood out, whatever that guy's name is. I don't know. He's like, hey, get it. And he's like, I do it. I do laundry. He's just like, hey, you know what I say in the Navy?

And then the commander says, well, if I can't control you, I might as well support you, the guy in the war room. And Segal just goes for it. And things blow up. He wipes out four guys with a knife. There's a dangling over the boat moment for really no reason. I don't even know what it accomplished.

He dangles over the boat, then just comes back. Everyone still knows he's on the boat. A little bit later, this is another rewatchable scene. He makes a bomb using a grenade, a condom, a wire, oil, a recorder, and a knapsack as the playmate of July 89 just stares lovingly at him. I look at that scene, Bill, and I'm just like, you got Segal on set with a playmate and there's a condom involved. I don't even, it's disgusting.

I can already feel the tension and the jokes that he was making. I just want that scene to end. That should have been a magnum, honey. Like, ugh. I don't want to count him anywhere near Segal. It is pretty. They make a point of him tearing it and opening it. And then she kind of looks at him like,

what's going on? And you're like, she's like, get me the hell out of here. I'm going to jump overboard. Well, it gets worse because then he climbs into a scuba suit. We get to see Seagal in a scuba suit. We get seen swimming to a different sub. He gets hurt. Then he's fine.

She has to, like, help him walk. but then he's okay. And then later on, the same crew, they just kill everybody with a bunch of missiles. And we get to see him say stuff like, all right, close the breach,

fire in the hole, direct hit. And then I mailed you this clip. It's one of the funniest clips of any Segal movie. He high-fives somebody and then she comes in for like a hug. And he doesn't really hug her,

but it's a full body hug. And he just kind of stares past her and it's the weirdest 10 minutes of this movie other than the ending. It's a terrible, terrible hug. It's like a grandmother hug and she doesn't want to do it. And just take our word for it. I'm going to put it on my Instagram.

Yeah, I'll put it on my Instagram after we post the movie. There's a tandem clip to that bill that we're going to get to that happens at the end of the movie. That is, there's two that go together. Fire in the hole. These guys were like doing laundry and they're putting torpedoes together. It's amazing. So then we have the fight scene with Tommy Lee. Yeah.

One of my favorite action movie things is when the good guy and the bad guy, right before the fight, recognize each other from the past. I like that moment. It's like, oh, it's good to see you again. Yeah. And then we get the, you are good. You're really good. It's going to be a shame to kill you.

I feel like we've had that in nine different movies, variation in that. But then we get the, these guys are more alike than you think part. All of your ridiculous, pitiful antics aren't going to. change the thing. You and I were puppets in the same sick play. We serve the same

master. And he's a lunatic and he's ungrateful. There's nothing we can do about it. You and I were the same. Oh no. No, no, no, no. There's a difference, my man. You have faith. You and I are puppets in the same play.

He's trying to forge some sort of I don't know why I just didn't shoot him in the first second. Never. It's a whole. but I don't know if were you buying that that these guys are more alike than maybe SIGAL wanted to admit Yeah, I mean maybe The moment where they recognize each other

It's a pretty cool moment And Sagan holds his owner It's good acting by both of them But Tommy Lee makes that mistake They all do, they all say First you're going to watch the end of the world Like witness what I do And then they always come back

And then they have the knife fight And we got to get into that too Because you mentioned that So you mentioned that's how Sagan even in the fight with Tommy Lee doesn't get hurt and he never gets hurt with anybody. If you watch this fight really closely, this is crazy.

He does get a slight cut. Seagal does. On his cheek. And then when you go back, the cut is gone. So like, it's almost like Seagall's like, no, that shit's in my contract. Take that out.

Like, Steve, it doesn't track. I don't care. Take it out. He still can't be injured. It's maddened. That's such a good. I don't know how I didn't have that in picking nits.

Yeah, it's in his contract. It wouldn't even put like the fake scratch over his eye. Terrible. Really bad end of the fight when he kills him. He puts his finger through the guy's eye. Then we get the knife, but it's the obvious that's not Tommy Lee Jones anymore. It's some body double because they don't realize

that we're going to have HD TVs and pause buttons. Then he puts him to the microwave. There should have been an awesome joke here. And he just says, keep the faith, Stranix and he walks away. It's like, really, writers on the set? Nobody could have top that? I had the exact same thing written down,

Keep the Faith Stratics, which is a terrible line. Also, at that exact time in history, Bon Jovi had an album out called Keep the Faith. It's distracting. It's stupid. You got a million nautical references. You could have said, look, you're dead in the water, strengths, anything at all.

Or just go with the one he says in Hard to Kill, which is, that's for my wife. Fuck you and die. He doesn't even have a wife. It would work better than keep the tape. It would have been funny if he just said that again. That's his, I'll be back. That's for my wife.

Fuck you and die. It's an awesome line. Should have said that. How about this? He could have just said, I'm going to defrost you for a few minutes, Stranix. Like, something tied to the microwave. So the culinary thing.

Yeah. I don't know. Oh, that's good. Order off, stranics. The ending is unbelievable. Let's go. Comes on the boat. They basically rip off the end of Top Gun

Everybody's on the deck cheering. I'm just going to read you the actual dialogue. This is what's on the page. Hey, what did I miss chief? That's Seagall. Everyone laughs. And then somebody says to him, you still got a date?

And Segal responds. That's right. Everybody breaks up laughing again. Somebody says, it looks like you're going to need three or four stitches, so I want to see you down in the infirmary. and Saga goes So I want to see you down in the infirmament

Yeah, I'm afraid of needles, you know Everyone, uproarious laughter at that one. Yeah, I'm afraid of needles. Hilarious, you did it again, Sigal. They're all laughing like Jason Garrett laughing at everything Toreko says. Just dying. And then somebody says, hey, Case, what's for breakfast?

And he goes, subs, Tachman, subs. Yeah. Uprorious laughter again. He's at this point. just hit the zone. And then the last person says, hey, Kay, show me a move. And what happens next?

Here's one move. Hey, Case, show me a move. Here's one move. And his move is grabbing the woman by the back of the head and going in for this Jabba the hut to Princess Leia, terrifying kiss. I watch that movie. And I feel like that's the only time I'm watching a movie

and I'm seeing a crime occur on camera. Not a fictional one. a real one. It has all the vibes of that was some sort of Seagal adlib. Like they're just sitting around and Seagal's like, hey, give me one more take. I'm going to try something. And he just plants one on her. She looks terrified. It makes me so uncomfortable, man. It's, here's one move. That's not a move, Steve. That's a salt. That's not a move. What are you doing? Well, here's the thing. I watched it a few times because I knew we'd have to break this down. She seems weirdly happy about it.

And I don't know if she's happy because thank God it's over or if she's happy about it because she's thinking thank God it's over or she's thinking thanks God it's over. But there's it's like relief caused with I knew that I've been dreading this for three days and now it happened. There's like a 10% chance

she, it was an ad lib and she just thought it was funny. She doesn't seem horrified by though. Either her acting is really good and she sells it. I like your theory that all right so it's you know day 105 and on the shot chart we got the Ryback and Jordan kiss and she's like god damn it I have to do this all day and so she when she was done she's like oh thank God the rest of it I can do I just had to kiss Java the hut and he'd slip the tongue which don't even see by the way because you don't see their mouths it's just that I really remember me as a kid being like wow was he supposed to do that? Because don't you feel like it has that air of

they're just sitting around, like, being loose. It's not something that's scripted. And like, maybe the actors are ad-libbing a little bit, and that was his ad-lib. Well, there's a couple uncomfortable moments of where she's just the only woman in the boat, right? So you have that piece, too.

So you got that there, but maybe the reaction is you're at a long dinner table and somebody hates oysters, and you're like, I bet you won't shoot that giant oyster. And someone's like, all right, how much? $20.

I'll do it. And they throw it down and then they're kind of happy after. That's the vibe she has. Like she just threw down a gross oyster. And she's done and the work is over and you have to pay me. I just, here's one move. Think of like, let's start to think like the great pisses in film history. If it was like a.

That's, it's last. Like gone with the wind. If they were like, hey, Rhett, show us a move. And he dips Scarlet and he's like, here's one move. And he just plants it on. or Jack and Rose. Hey, Jack, show us a move. Here's one move, guys.

It's so bad, and it makes me uncomfortable. But I think you might have been onto something. It's like she finished the one ship challenge, and now she's happy and relieved. So, God bless her. Also, no hint at all, really, of sexual attention with them until he's in the scuba suit. Maybe she has a thing for scuba suit guys. I don't know. Bill, do you have the ages in front of you?

I'm talking about those two actors. I don't know. I'm going to just guess. I'm going to say 23 and 42. for Erica Laniac and Stephen Seagall, which I don't love. Let's see. All right.

It's 40 and 23, so you're pretty close. Craig, you'd never seen this movie, which we're going to talk about later. But when Segal plants one on her at the end, what was your reaction? I have the exact same thought as Kyle, and I was like, this is 100% improvised. It's either that bill or someone from on high says,

listen, we got to have a kiss. I know you guys didn't get one, but it's our male lead and this woman who hired, we got to have a kiss. So they just threw it together last second. And they're like, Steve, just ad lib something. It's clearly not a scripted thing.

It's what makes it uncomfortably. I feel like you're witnessing something real. What that says, she does, like, I don't know, maybe she's a better actress that I'm giving her credit for, because she does got to see him into him in this movie, which is what her role calls for. So, for her.

He is a Chicago, New Orleans, maybe Italian, maybe not chef, who used to be a Navy SEAL. How big is he? Is he like six, four? I don't know. I say 6-2. Okay. He seems giant.

Yeah. He is 6-4. I just Googled it. Six-four, Seagal. All right. Big guy. All right, so what did you have, Kyle? What was your most rewatchable scene? Listen, I'm supposed to say it's Tommy Lee fighting Ryback at the end.

But it's the last five seconds. Here's one move. I can't stop watching it. Phil, it's like an 8mm. The film is real. I feel like Machine gave that clip from the day. I can't stop watching it. I love that scene just because it's so bizarre.

My most rewatchable is when they're launching the missiles and she goes in for the hug. The hug kills me every time. All right, we're going to take a break and do what stage the best. The playoffs are here, and you can predict the action all the way to the finals with Fandul Predicts. Follow all the playoff dishes, swishes, wishes,

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Well, it's aged the best. Really good entrances in this movie. I think we've discussed in past the action movies we've done. The entrances are crucial. the first time we see Seagal and it becomes established that he's probably the funniest person of the early 90s and they did the rideback, where's your rights?

I got the dress, I forgot the pumps. Tommy Lee and Erica Liniacs entrance, both of them have really good ones. It just feels like when people show up, they show up. You see he shows up. It's an arrival. The first time you see Tommy Lee,

he's on the helicopter with his head on a linex shoulder looking down her chest. And it's like, okay, this guy's not messing around. And he does that thing. He does make this sound effect like he's a train walking onto the boat. It's just, he goes for it the whole time.

We mentioned already Seagall's non-funny jokes as age the best, as whenever this is on, it fucking kills me. As does the wavy hands fight technique. I love when she, I actually think the Erica Linniac character is really good in this movie, like how they set her up where she's this fledgling actress, but it's clearly not going well

because she says at one point, I did a Hunter episode in a wet and wild video, which is like fucking perfect, like a Hunter episode. Hunter was this show. Love it. Fred Dreyer, crime show.

There was always a prostitute. And it just made sense. It was perfect. Another one's age of best. The cheering war room of military people after we've completed whatever, it just gets me every time.

What's your favorite cheering war room of all time? I'm going to go war games for me. I'm going to say, probably Armageddon when they finally blow off the thing. And you got the Billy Bob. I love it. There's so many.

So many. Always works. I like, for Woodsage the best, actually mean villains. Like these people are like, let's just drown everyone at the bottom of the ship. Maybe that will get their attention. And then they start drowning everyone in the bottom of the ship. It's like, there's no worse way to die than just to drown in the bottom of a ship. They're like, maybe that'll, maybe that'll work.

These guys are awful people. There's some good history lesson stuff in here. You know a little more about the USS Missouri, Pearl Harbor. Desert Storm, too. It's this right after Desert Storm, and they talk about that and Iraq and all that. That's a big deal. Bushes are here. Sure.

No Segal Ponytail is, I think this is the only movie where he doesn't have it. It's his trademark. Any movie where someone says grimly, wake up the president. Oh, that's a great line. That's so good. Like when AI is writing all of these action movies and just recreating early 90s action movies, wake up to the president. We'll be in there. I like when Busey's still in drag and he goes, do I look like I need a psychological evaluation?

It's a funny joke. He goes, not at all. I actually have two rules. One, I don't date musicians. And two, I don't kill people. It's great. Bernie Casey's in this for what's age the best. He's the guy.

He was the, uh, he was the, uh, Lambda, Lambda. Always good to see him. Legendary 70s black exploitation actor. You're a maniac drowning your own crew. They never liked me anyway. Just to get back and forth. I bet they love you now, eh?

They all just laugh. Seagall got interviewed as this movie was blowing up in 1992 in the LA Times. So the movie's a hit. They interview him. What's he got? I'll read it in the Seagal voice, a couple of the quotes. Go ahead. I take the Zen philosophy about the success of the movie.

I'm very grateful. I don't wallow and joy. That's one. Sounds like a lot of fun of parties. He said his resistance to do the film initially because he turned it down. Had to do with the role of a character, quote, who is at first a bimbo jumping out of a cake and gets paired up with me. But then they did some revisions to the script.

And he said the character, quote, gradually reveals her intelligence. Thanks, Stephen. And then it says later, he said human-oriented scripts are the direction he wants to take his career with films that will not be regarded as slock action.

Big mistake. His next film, quote, a man of honor is a more serious drama about the mafia, which he wrote, will star in and will direct for 20th century Fox. Never saw a man of honor.

I don't think it got to the starting line. But this goes to how he wanted to be Italian, Stephen Seagall. I'm going to make a mafia movie. You're not Italian, Stephen Seagall. Where do you stand for what stage the best on Segal, putting the blowtorch outfit on and blow torching through a door? I stand well. I like any time these guys DIY, and he does a lot of that on this.

I think it goes well. I like that part. I like his blowtorch outfit. What else do you have for what stage the best? I like that this crew of terrorists decides, like, if we're going to hijack this nuclear battleship, like, we're going to have some fucking fun doing it. They got food. They got booze.

They're playing rock and roll. I've never seen terrorists having more fun. They're cracking champagne and thrown around like some sort of ham or beef and playing rock and roll music. It looks like they're genuinely having a good time. And I feel like if you're going to do it, at least enjoy doing it. They're not all super serious, like the diehard terrorist. It's fun to watch. Wait, hold on that point.

There is a lot of laughs. Like, there's one part when they call the war room and then they hang up and they're all just like, it seemed like if you're going to join an action movie terrorist group, I think I would pick these guys probably. They party. I think to your point, when Tommy Lee's talking to the war room, the other guys are next to him, like Beavis and Butthead, I feel like I'm watching like a jerky boys sketch or something like that or like crank yankers. It's like, yeah, I'm looking for a Mr. Oliver, a close. off. Like, it's, they're so, like, I think they're on a lot of cocaine, the characters. It seems that way. And it feels that way through the screen. I think they party. They party hard, even all down to the end.

I also have, um, the Navy whites, do men ever look more handsome than in the Navy whites? Yeah. Gary Busey looks like Richard Geer in that shit. And I think it's interesting, because think about this, Bill, three months later, you get a few good men, which the Navy whites are disparaged in, both by Cruz and Nicholson, and I feel like those lines kind of stick to the Navy whites, like Giumati talking about Merlot and sideways. Like that's what you always think of. But they just pop in this movie. Even Seagall at the end looks great. Costa are no way out.

It's another one. Oh, yeah. Pops on the Navy whites looking great. Maybe you should just wear Navy whites on Good Morning Football. Just like for a big Friday before a playoff game. Just come in with the Navy whites, just start saluting people. Nobody will know what's going on. I have this last one for you.

This is just from Wikipedia. It's about under siege, how successful it was. And they write, it is often considered Stephen Segal's best film to date. It was followed in 1995 by a sequel, under siege to dark territory, which was not as well received. Wikipedia just cuts to the heart.

That's on the wiki. Editorial. Interesting. Yeah. Not as well received. That understatement. I've never seen the sequel. I never will. I've never watched it. when I was working for Jimmy's show,

the whatever, 18, 20 months, I was hanging out with Corolla a lot. We both loved Under Siege, but only Underseege 2 was ever on cable. And it was the number one thing that drove Carolla crazy other than that the goalposts weren't high enough. Anytime somebody would bring up Underseech 2

is on all the time. Where's Undersege 1? Under siege 2 isn't terrible. I will say, it's not, it's functional. It's on a train and Catherine Heigle's in it, And that's all I know. Was there anybody else famous?

No, it's functional. You might want to give it a whirl at some point. It's not bad. The Kid Cuddy Pursuit a Happiness Award for Best Needle Drop. Might have to change the name to Jimmy Hendrix, Voodoo Chow. Yeah. Revolution. Better call the office.

It's fucking unbelievable. It's so good. And it's unexpected. It's not the song you would have expected. I also, it was... I'm impressed they paid for it, you know? Like, that was what shocked me the most is that they actually were like, we're going to spend money and license this song.

But this was pre-WCW that, like, Hulk Hogan and the NWO, that's not until like 96. So there was still some... Some, whoa, Jimmy. Jesus, we're going for it. And the context is cool. So it's the first time the ship is coming... A plane, a jet is coming close to the battleship, and they target it and lock in it and they blow it up.

And then it's like, bern, down, d'n, d'n, d'n, d'n, d'n, and they pop shaleigh, and Tom Lee's like, let's start the revolution. You're like, shit, this movie's good. It's really good. Big Cahooner Burger Word, best use of food and drink. Just a clarification question. Does the fake birthday cake count as food and drink here? It does not.

I don't believe it has made, it is not cake, as the show would say. No. All right. So then we're going to go with Buibe's, and the Busey Lugie or the menu, the Easter egg menu of all the ryebeck, the pasta ryebechio and all that stuff. I would go with that unless,

unless, I don't know if cocaine counts as food, but I would go with the Ryback menu. Whatever's on that is good. Denna Thieves Benny Hanna Award for scene stealing location, The Ocean? Yeah. My beef with the ocean in this movie, you mentioned the Seagal gets in the water.

I wish we could see him freely swim in the ocean because I wonder if he swims like he runs. I would like to see that. What if he swims ridiculously? So there's one part when he, right after he's swinging from the rope and he climbs back on the boat, but they get Erica Alignac

and then he's got to basically kill three guys at once and another two. He kills five people in a second. And then he runs toward Erica Alignac, but they cut away. But for a split second, you could see him running. I'm like, oh, where's the math?

master cut. Can we have a wide shot of that? I know. Him swimming, I think, would have been equally delightful. Fantastic. I'm almost positive he doesn't know how to swim, would be my guess. You think maybe he has no idea. Maybe not. I would not surprise me. You know that the NFL always does these like next-gen stats and they'll say that DK Metcalf ran like 22 miles per hour. They should go back and watch Mark for death and hard to kill and put next-gen stats on Seagall.

It'd be so big. 2.7 miles an hour. Yeah, right? It's just weird because his arms are going down and his shoulders come in and he just kind of looks like a fish on a fish hook. I know. Just kind of flailing.

Great shot, Gorder Award, most cinematic shot. An emotional ending. Salute us, Stephen. Oh, come on. Give us one. Give us one for America. And then it cuts to Erica Lineak. And she's upset.

And you don't know if she's upset because it's a funeral for somebody. that she's never met or the trauma of the kiss on the boat is just starting to come in. I shouldn't have done that. He's so gross. He had bad breath. Why does she dress like Popeye in that scene? Like, she's not a sailor. She's not in the Navy. She's a stripper. She's been in a Navy outfit. And also, how did they find outfits for her on the boat? Because she changes outfits a couple times. But she was like five, five two with different measurements than everyone else on the boat. I was always concerned about that.

the Vincent Chase Award for Are We Sure This Character was actually good at his job? Gary Busey, aka what's his name, Lieutenant Krill? Krill, great name. Maybe just take Seagall out if you're going to kill all these people with the fake rock concert

and you're just going to murder 10 people, including the captain. Maybe have somebody down there just to open the door to shoot Seagal. You know he's a Navy SEAL. Why are you letting him hang around? I would also put, are we good at their sure, they're good at their job. Can Ryback cook? Like, is he any good? And I had this under unanswerable

questions, Bill. Do you think Steven Seagal can cook? Because, like, I know he can eat. It's so funny. I had the same exact thing written down. So De Niro gets this part. He studies for six months. We don't ever actually see him cooking. He's talking about it. He made this buoy base. By the way, like, if you came over for football on Sunday and you're like, what are you making? I'd be like, been working on this bullia base. You'd be like, what's going on? If you lost your bud? Yeah, the sailors are like, hey, Case, what's for dinner tonight? Chicken wings, steak, ribs, burgers?

I've got 50 gallons of Bula base. What? How about just go to the grill, buddy? Can you just make pasta by the tons? The Butch's Girlfriend Award for Weeklink of the film. I mean, we just got to address it. It's a June 1989 play-by-playmate who jumps out of a cake and who also accidentally drugged herself, it seems like. And within a half hour, she's part of a counter-military,

coup and really pulling it off. I feel like better than I would in the same situation. Definitely pulls it off, very clutch for a playboy playmate. A couple of things on that. One, it's Christmas time right now. A lot of people are watching Home Alone. The magazine that they have on deck of her that's in it, it's the same issue of Playboy that Kevin finds in his little chest. Same exact issue. That's my catalog of it. But here's the weak link of the film. All right. So we've talked about this a little bit. Bill, in the basketball sense. Seagall starts, he hits two or three from the field,

and then they sit him down for the rest of the first quarter, for the entire second quarter, and he doesn't come back in until after halftime. It really bothered me on the rewatch how long he was in that refrigerator. You watch the movie, want to see Seagal kick some ass. He is on the bench for a long time in this movie, and I think it hurts the movie a little bit. That's a good one, because in Air Force One, Harrison Ford,

they don't realize he's in like the cargo section or whatever but we we're still with harrison ford and it's like hey go down there and then he kills that guy and it's in five minutes like hey go down there and does it again so he's he stays in he gets his shots up i like that that's good danny mcbride award we never get to give this out the danny mcbride award for playing yourself george and barbara bush great to see them yeah just out of nowhere the press from 92 uh i don't know how they got the footage. I don't know why the White House was like, sure. You used the footage of George Barber.

What's the movie about? Well, it's Steven Seagall and a playmate, and they're going to shoot nukes at Hawaii. I love it. That's good. You want Dick Cheney, too, because he's in it. Why not? What's age the worst?

You mentioned all the Seagal stuff. The era of gratuitous action movie nudity, I would say he's probably aged badly. It was very important to the 80s and early 90s. where do you stay down the name Casey Rybeck for our hero? Like Casey Ryback sounds like, let's go down on the sidelines where Casey Ryback's with Doug Peterson. It sounds like a sideline reporter?

Yeah. Is that the name of somebody who's like our Navy Sill chef? Yes. Casey Ryback works with Evan Washburn and Melanie Collins, and they're going to get Pete Carroll on the run game before they go to halftime and do great work on it send it back to the booth. That's so funny. Casey Ryback. It's a sideline reporter and they're great. Captain Adams, the guy who plays him at the beginning, who's Segal's protector,

when he's actually dead after Bucce kills him versus when he's alive, can't really tell the difference. Not sure what was going on with that actor, but he died of natural causes two years later. He died in 1994. I had it for the underacting award for being worst dead guy acting ever, Not good. If you look closely, you can see him breathe. You can see him blink. And you had to feel for the director. We got this old guy on the floor.

He's uncomfortable. It's a liability. Like the deep, he's like, he's still blinking. We can see it. Yeah. Can we get one? Can you stop blinking? It must be frustrated.

You can see him move. They shot him twice in the chest. He pulls out a cigarette at one point. More would stage the worst. High-ranking government officials smoking indoors during big meetings. Oh, yeah. big that oily kind of villain in this semi-villain he's always has the cigarette gone we mentioned the obvious Tommy Lee body double right before he dies what else they have for what's age the worst

listen we cover most of mine the here's one move on the deck seagall's age terribly you know you did a drive-by in Bucie which is kind of what it deserves I just for us my age your age whatever Bucie was really a thing and it started for me in lethal weapon with the mr. Joshua character and how he fights Mel Gibson on the lawn. And he was just like when Buster was in a movie, you didn't fuck around, and you paid attention to him. And he's Angelo Pappas and Point Break, and he's charismatic as hell.

And now, like, for the Instagram and the TikTokers, he's just like this, I don't know, weird old guy who's lost his marbles and says dumb stuff. I liked him in the day a lot. Me too. It's a great one. Was there a better title for this movie? We mentioned Dreadnought.

There's a lot of weird research about this where the marketing department wanted a three-word title because that had worked with the other fours. Seagal movies. So they came up with Last to Surrender. That sucks. And in the research, Seagal was furious and fired off a harshly worded letter to the executives saying he wouldn't stand for another three-word title and they eventually settled on under siege. Last to surrender, I'm not against maybe later in the Segal catalog, but not for this movie. The Segal titles, as long as they abide by one rule, which is,

In the trailer, as the guy's doing the voiceover, it has to end with Stephen Segal is under siege. Right. Right for death. Out for just. As long as it does that, I'm fine with it. It doesn't need to be three words. So last to surrender kind of qualifies. It's not bad.

It has to be the last to surrender. So now we're split. It's all right. The last to surrender. The last to surrender. It works. Best quote, I do have 50 galleons of bullia base that I could prepare for tomorrow. just out of nowhere.

50 gallons of Bully base? You know how much that is? That's like an incredible amount of bullia base. A lot of sailors on that ship. Anytime you describe food by gallons, it sounds disgusting. I'm thinking of mandates or something. Disgusting.

All right, the Stephen A. Smith had us take a word. Do you have one? Because I have one. I certainly do. Who should go first? You go. You have the floor. So we got all this collection of actors

who are in this work. movie who went on to go and be in the fugitive, including the director. And bearing in mind that the Stephen A. Smith's hottest take is not just a clever take. It's something completely fucking outlandish. You don't even know if the guy believes. There's one person missing from the under siege fugitive pipeline. Yeah. And my take is, the fugitive would have been a better movie if Stephen Segal played Dr. Richard Kimball. That's my take. If you bring everybody back, And let me sell it. Let me sell it, Simmons. Listen, you're going to have to dial up the action a little bit.

The fugitive has two fight scenes with fist fighting that Seagall would kill. And who better it to fight the guy who breaks people's arms than a one-arm man who lost it in a line of duty? And can you just imagine, Bill, when Seagull walks in as Dr. Richard Kimball in the middle of Charles Nichols' presentation, and he sits there and he goes, anybody's seeing Richie switch the samples? Anybody know why Devin McGregor did Lentz? I'm going to keep coming back here so somebody remembers Nichols falsifying his research. And then they fight, and I think it works, and I love it.

I want Seagull as Dr. Richard Kimball. That's my tape. They should have made The Fugitive with Harrison Ford, but then simultaneously snuck some Seagull scenes in as a different movie. That's a great one. You know, I thought you were going to say Joey Pant should have played the third guy

who was played by Colmini. Yeah, yep. And you could add, because Joey, Pan's big fugitive thing, but you could have had him, and then that would have had the pipeline, too. I have a much simpler, hottest take. Let's go. Not as good as yours. I think Tommy Lee plays the exact same guy in Undercision, the Fugitive.

I think it's the exact same character. There's no difference between them. He's doing all of the same things. It's just one guy has good intentions and the other guy has bad intentions. So he wins the Oscar for the fugitive, and you think the performance is just as good or just the same? in understitch. I think it's the same everything. He just, his hair is different and he's got malicious intent. The fugitives, same thing. The way he like tries to have charisma and him lowers his voice and rises it again. And the way he uses his physicality,

the way he has like people around that he's like connected to at all times, even, I just think it's it's the same. If you would have put deputy Samuel Gerard in the aviators and the bandana and the leather jacket and a donut with some of little sprinkles on top, it really does look the same way. It's true. It's the same cadence and the same tone. It's true. No casting what ifs for this,

other than Segal almost wasn't in it. The Ruffalo Hannah Rubinac Partridge overacting word. They knew and they let it happen. Don't you call me, lady. I come in here. I give these things to you. Give it all you got. Give it all you got.

I treated you like a son. You fucking stab me in the heart. Fuck you. Gary Busey just lock it down. It's done. Over and over again, he's dialing it up. Best, that guy is the hardest we've had in a while. It's a lot.

You mentioned the people from the fugitive, including Private Nash, who is ponytail guy in the fugitive, who's, I'm not going to say he's a strong actor. I don't know if he goes in what stage the worst or picking nits, but that guy is not Pacino. in Godfather 1. You have the redheaded guy from 24.

Yep. Glenn Moorshauer. Love him. He's in this. Nick Mancuso's that guy. Cole, Komeni's basically that guy. And then from the fugitive standpoint,

the guy who escapes the train crash, he's in this. Yeah. And then who else was in there from the fugitive? All right, so you got one of my favorite guys. And the fugitive, he's Rosetti. And he's the guy who's interrogating,

Dr. Kimball about, what color were his eyes? Are you the sole beneficiary? He's like the most Chicago guy ever. He's played by Joe Casala, and he gets shot in the thigh by the guy's serving hors d'oeuvres. Oh, that's a good one.

Well, there's one more, and I think he's the winner. I hope you have the same one as me because I have a definite winner. Oh, there's a definite winner. I forgot to mention blood in, blood out guy who was played by Damien Chapa,

who also went on to be a bad guy in Melrose place. Enjoy that guy. But I love blood in, blood out, so to me, he's Damian Chapa. that guy from the program. Yes. We got it.

Alvin Mack, played by Dwayne Davis. This was Dwayne Davis season with the fugitive. I mean, I'm sorry, under siege and the program. I don't know what else he was in, but Alvin Mack, one of the first ones you ever did with us was the program. Yep, you and me and Rassillo and we're just Alvin Mack watching film. Eagle Zipp a Hero, unless the setback shifts into the eye. So he's in that as Alvin Mack.

He's in the movie Necessary Roughness as Featherstone. And then in Beetlejuice, he has a small part in the underworld as a football player. Dwayne Davis as one of the great football characters, the most heartbreaking stories, Alvin Mack. That's definitely the guy. I'm so happy. Who do you have for Dan Waiters for Best He Check? All right. So there's the usual suspects for this.

Do you know the guy in the war room? I laugh out loud when this part happens when they're freaking out and the nervous guy goes what's going to happen if these missiles hit Honolulu? And this one soldier goes, approximately one million people will reach 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit in less than a second. And it's like, Jesus, lighten up, Francis.

It is a crazy line read. And on the strength of that one line alone, I want to submit that guy for Dion Waiters, which is one shot. I like it. The opposite of Deon Waiters is the old, guy who died and then couldn't even stay dead as he was dying. Yeah, that's good.

I kind of like the guy who doesn't tell us for an hour that Segal is a real badass, but I don't, like, does Erica Lineak? She's in this too much. Too much. I don't even know who Deon Waiters is for this. This is a tough one. Hey, let's go with your guy. I'm fine with it.

That guy nails it. Recasting couch. Yeah. I already did mine Joey Pants as that third party, and then we have more fugitive DNA. I'm just going to thought experiment. You made the case for Busey. We talked about him. He's great.

Yeah, give me something. It's a pretty white movie. It is. We are in early, he's available kind of underrated mode. You're going with a big dog? Samuel L. Jackson. Ah. Okay.

In the Bucy part. it's a slightly different movie, but I might like it more because we're getting like a really, we're buying, we're buying young on Sam Jackson. We're going super early with him. We're a little like James Cook's,

James Cook on the Buffalo Bills right now, kind of version of Sam Jackson. Like, holy shit, he's third in all purpose yards. Sam Jackson? I had no idea. So I, I don't know.

I don't mind it. He's just a cook. Motherfucker. It would work. And you know what? I guarantee we're not getting that scene where he dresses up like a woman. I don't think Sam Jackson.

He's telling somebody else to do that. There's no question. I like Sam Jackson for sure in that role. Halfass internet research, we'll go quick. Erica Lennox's first feature film role was at age 12. She was the girl Elliot kissed and ET, the extraterrestrial.

It's amazing. They did not shoot on the real US Missouri. They used USS Alabama and a lot of, lot of this was shot at a in mobile alabama and they made the ocean seem like it was way more vast than what they were actually working with and that was how they saved some money um the writer who wrote the movie lawton said said uh we're trying to make seagal more mainstream getting him out of the pure action genre into an acting role and said that originally everything was getting

blown up and it was going to be a hundred million dollars to make and now it's 30 million and then he says, it was Stephen's idea to fit the Pearl Harbor Memorial into the film because all these incredible ships would be there, a spectacular sight. I love, Seagal's so powerful at this point

that people are like trying to kiss his ass with quotes from that era. It's really amazing. All right, so here's why this movie is even more important than I realized before I did the research. Harrison Ford was on the fence with taking the fugitive.

Okay. They sent him a rough cut of underst or siege to see if he wanted to work with Andrew Davis, because they're already giving it to Andrew Davis. Ford was so impressed. He's like, I'm in, Richard Kimball. No kidding.

Yeah. I wonder how long he watched the rough cut. Did he make it through the whole thing? Did he make it till our grill jumps out of the cake and say, I'm in? I don't know. All Harry Ford rolls. The cake. He was probably high.

He probably didn't know what was going on. Yeah, maybe so. And then they had a blackout barge with, with Alabama that you can read the research if you want. But they had to basically block out Alabama in all these different ways with the green screen so that you couldn't see it in some of the shots. So there you go.

Apex Mountain. I think this is it for Segal. I think Undersea is the one. Well, it's a true apex in that he definitely goes down after. It's a steady climb and he reached the top of the mountain and has a $100 million movie and he's the lead and he's real and he's respected. And then he just blew it.

And it was hubris of, I'm going to do on deadly ground, and then he did some other nonsense. And it was over quickly, wasn't it? Once he got there? I think we know this was Apex Mountain because they were like, we're so desperate for you to do under siege too. We'll let you direct on deadly ground, even though you have no directing credentials whatsoever,

like none. Tommy Lee Jones, no, but we're getting closer. Bucie, what is the Bucie Apex Mountain? Is it point break? Well, Or would you go back to Buddy Holly's story when he gets nominated for the Oscar? I think that's the rock star moment.

But in terms of banking him in huge movies and probably paying him a good salary, look, he has like two scenes in the firm, but he's really good in those scenes. Yeah. So he had the firm, he had point break, he had this. We're right there. It's 91, 92.

Lethal weapon, 87. It's hit a five-year run, and then it was, this went to jokes. Bernie Casey, no way. It's revenge in there. It's... Lambda, Lambda, Lambda. boat movies

Titanic probably Titanic and 97 yes Erica Linniak I'm gonna say yes hell yes Erica Liniac this is the one that kept her going forever if we checked in on Erica O'Laniac she got everything together

is she all right I saw a video where she appeared to have a lot of tattoos which is fine but I just wonder how she's doing these days I worry I see those pictures of like Yasmin Bleath these days and I don't know, a lot's changed. I hope she's doing okay. I like her work. I'm just going to say that I intentionally avoided this subject. But she resurfaced in the 2000s after some issues and she was in Celebrity Fit Club and

during that reality, like let's bring people from the 80s, 90s. And I don't think it's gone awesome. This was the feeling I was getting. Usually doesn't. 1989 Playboy issues. I'm going to say this was a pay. Mountain. Well, I mean, other than the home alone thing, home alone is every single Christmas. That issue, it may be one of the most famous issues ever now. So

Voodoo Chow, I think it's NWO. I don't think it's under siege, even though it's such an important part of under siege and this movie made a shitload of money, but I mean, it carried wrestling for two years. It's hard for me to believe that it's not the answer. I'm thinking of Jimmy Hendricks' music

in movies, because we had Foxy Lady in Wayne's World right around the same era and it showed up a few places. Oh, I like that. Any other Apex Mountain for you? What about movie cooks, Bill? Like movie cooks.

Like fictional cooks. So we got Casey Ryback and you got Ratatoui that the kids are into. I got to throw out our guy, Pauli, slicing the garlic very thin and liquefied in the pan with just a little oil. It's a very good system. I think that's my favorite one. But Polly can't kick

ass like Ryback. Is anybody else, am I missing anybody else? I mean, the Julia Childs, but that's a real person. You talk about Clemenza? Who? Polly, Polly from... No, Polly from Goodfellas. Oh, Polly from Goodfellas. Yeah, I was thinking Clemenza in The Godfather making the meatballs. No, I mean they're slicing the garlic. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I got my Italian movies confused. That's pretty good. It's a good list. And Rybacker's a lot. And Ryback's, up there with his Bula base and his knives. So we wouldn't go Favreau and Chef

or Bradley Cooper and Burt. All those are out because I don't think any of those people could fight. Yeah, I've never seen that Aaron Eckhart, Zeta Jones movie, no reservations. They ain't lasting on the battleship either. I need someone who can cook and fight. I'll go Ryeback. I love Colmenza. I might go Comenza.

Okay. Why don't you tell that girl you love her? Pick and Nits. Yeah. I mean, had it an armed group of disgruntled military people have firepower and just get on a boat, 20 strong, with that had all these missiles and torpedoes on it? What's going on here? I don't have anything else to add. There's a lot of things. First of all, a surprise party is the corneous, flimsiest nonsense cover.

Like, that's something that you do at like Dunder Mifflin. Yeah. They have a battleship that has nuclear war. heads on it and they're out at sea and they're saying it's a surprise party don't tell anyone right don't tell the captain well also one girl you're bringing yeah you spend all this money you're flying people and on a plane like how about six girls like are we party or not why one that doesn't make sense the military haircuts i don't understand at all go on are we in the military or we not like yeah we are i always thought people had shaved heads and crew cuts and not not seeing that that

there. Cole Meaney, who I've never been a huge fan of, but he's an Irish actor. He makes a role at the American accent early and then gives up and he's Irish for his last like five scenes. I don't know what's going on. It's a little costnery. I think of Cole Meany. I think of him in Conair and this.

He has a very small part and die hard to, mystery Alaska. But the accent comes and goes, it is the Prince of Thieves, Costner, and other rewatchables I enjoy. If you're going to do it, just do it the whole time. God damn. I know the shoot's warm. You got to stick with it. We mentioned Erica Lineak jumping out of a cake.

The whole thing was weird, the cake, like she's asleep in the cake, but he pushes the cake, and then the lights go on, so she just jumps out and doesn't realize anybody's there. She just didn't hear any gunfire. I'm just not sure what's going on with that. I don't know why she's there or how she got there. Here's a point of question, Bill. I saw this differently when I was younger. Does Busey Ruffy her?

What is going on with the pills? Because she comes on and she says, I'm seasick, and he goes, here, take these pills, they're good for seasickness. And then she, like, takes a bunch and sleeps. But then I'm like... I think she takes too many. I think the... Because she takes, like, five of them.

He tells her to take two, and she takes, like, six. So Bucie does not do anything underhanded, because he's a sociopath. Like, he doesn't give her something to knock her out, like, intentionally. I hope not, but... I mean, he did try to drown... 300 people in the bottom of the boat. So it can't be ruled out. Yeah, and Busey's like really handsy with her on the way in.

He's holding her hand, his hands on her back. I just don't like it. So I thought maybe he would have gone for it, but I'm glad to hear not. Seagal gets hurt in the water, and then it seems like he's really hurt, and then he's fine, like the next scene. I don't know if they abandoned it or they forgot. I thought that was weird.

And then this is a super nitpick. This came up in the research. He's taking pies in the oven. The pies burn. He tells the idiot who's protecting the thing. Right. You got to take my pies out of the oven. The U.S. Navy does not use propane natural gas ovens because they have weapons on the boat.

So they use electric appliances. I love that stuff. Great nitpick. There you go. What else do you have? Great nitpick. We talked about the final line is terrible. Surprise Party microwave.

That's pretty much it. I don't know what role the stripper played. Bill, let me ask you a question. Unatribal. She says her agents set her up for that. How much you think Jordan got paid to go and jump out of the cake? Oh, I think a lot.

I think it's like when people get like Fleetwood Mac to play rich guys like for their birthday party. I think she probably got like 20K. Yeah. That's a good check. Yeah, I think or 10K, maybe 10K back then.

I think she got overpaid. I wonder if she ever got paid. Probably not. I think they had 10K to spend and they're like, should we get 10 girls for 1,000? Or should we get June 1988 for 10? It's a great one. Wouldn't you go two for 5,000?

No, they said, no. Let's get Jordan to go all in. Great. Sequel, prequel, prestige TV all-buckaster, untouchable. This isn't untouchable. It's good. I don't know what this would look like

as a prestige TV show, and I don't want to find out. Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trail, Catherine Hahn, Steve Bishmi, Sam Jackson, J.T. Welsh, Byron May, or Philip Baker Hall. I already mentioned Sam Jackson. I think Philip Baker Hall as the captain would have been a huge improvement, right? It would have been a huge improvement.

And I answered this question the same way, every way. Philip Baker Hall and the role of Floyd in the role of Floyd gondoli, just say, listen, I know you don't like Ryback, but I like butter in my ass. I like people on film fucking. That's just me. I like Lada Pops in my mouth. I think he's a great captain. Jack, Booiebiz is the future.

We got the talent. Oh, I love Floyd. just want to ask her who gets it's got to be Tommy Lee. Yeah. Was Casey Radbeck actually a good cook for probably in-answerable questions? We tried to answer this. I still don't know. Did Segal need a ponytail I have for unanswerable?

I like him in the ponytail. He leaned on it, but did he need it? Because he didn't have it in this movie and he's fine. I look at it like this. Tom Selleck doesn't always have to have the mustache, but when he doesn't, you're like, what the fuck, Tom? Like, we're here for a mustache. Good point.

Give us the ponytail. That's what we're here for. for. Good point. Saga, worst body of any action here or ever. We didn't really hit this hard. It looked like he had worked out, but his arms were about as big as mine anyway. And he has a weird, he's tall and he's got this weird below the nipples torso situation. He's got like a thick torso, but no arms. So there's really, they put him in a tank top for a while to try to like to see. It's like a baggy tag top too. I know. I don't really know what the right outfit is for him. It's something big and baggy.

And it's black. When he's in his ass kicking out for just the stuff, he's wearing sort of loose baggy stuff. He has a square-like torso, which means he has no V shape at all, like the classic Schwarzenegger. But I got to give him credit. We started this show by saying C-minus. He obviously had been lifting weights with his arms, but the rest of his body, it's just not, he's never going to have it. It's all about the face for him. He just doesn't have it.

Which makes it so funny that he is 120 and O in fights and five action movies. With no punches, His copy box punch stats are just, he's completely demolished you anyone. Yeah, I think my wife and I always have a joke about weird bodies.

Yeah. And I think Segal had a weird body. You did. It's just like a one-of-a-kind weirdo body. Best double-feature choice of this movie, probably the fugitive, right? Yeah, you would watch one before the other

and it's like this is how the fugitive came to be. Yeah. I wrote down a movie that I refuse to not stand up for. I like you 5-7-1. I like it. It's McConaughey. It's a nice Bill Paxton performance and we're out at C again. U571. Interesting. I also would vote the package too if you want to see kind of the prequel to this with Andrew Davis. But that it's a strong one. In Code of Silence, I don't feel like you're on it enough with Code of Silence. I can kind of tell.

Chicago, 1985, no interest? No, I know the other one you mentioned. The other Chuck Norris is Silent Rage. That's the one where the villain doesn't tell. I love that movie. Yeah, that's a great one. Go to silence. Give it a whirl. All right. What do you have for the Indian Red Zawane Award for what happened the next day? Nothing good. I think Casey and Jordan probably went to Hawaii, and they went to a bar and had a few mitis,

and he did some dipshit guitar plane, and then they went back to a hotel, and he forced himself on her. It's probably not good at all. I'm going to a different direction. What do you got? I think they kind of, she goes to L.A., loses touch with Casey. but the acting career doesn't go great.

And at some point she needs money and circles back with Casey. And it's like, hey, do you guys want to get, do you want to get together? I'm going to be, you know, where, and he's like, I'm in Panama right now. I can't. And then she ends up basically getting all the roles that Shannon Tweed turns down in all the Skin of Max movies for the mid-late 90s. I think that's where it ends up for her. And that would be perfect because she doesn't date musicians, but she would end up with Gene

Simmons instead of Shannon Tweet. So that'd be perfect. I like it. I actually, I had this in unanswerables and I forgot to ask. I actually thought she was a pretty good actress. Get into it. How that role goes in movies like this? Yeah. I think she, like compared to the lady in Bloodsport, for instance. The reporter in Bloodsport or in Kelly LeBrock and Hard to Kill. Terrible. I think she's like at least a seven or an eight as like the eye candy. I have to have some chemistry with the hero. I have to do some stuff. She's pretty good. She has a legitimate crying scene that is believable when he's first explaining to her. And like, I think she's good. Any problems with the movie aren't really about her. She's just fine.

She's good. What piece of memorabilia would you want from this movie? I mailed it to. I would want that, I would want the under siege menu, the bribeck menu. And I would just want the ability to just put that on a wall somewhere in my house. Well, I'm looking at you right now and you got the White Shadow and Patriots Helmets, basketball Hall of Fame. Imagine if you could pod with the Ryback menu from under siege behind you.

God, that'd be so cool. I'm going to look for it online. I'm going to get it for you for Christmas. I'll find it. It definitely blew up on the boat. What do you have? What was your memory really? You didn't say.

I would just go with like the, the aviators sunglasses, the Tommy Lee wears, and the jacket, the whole thing. If you did a tandem Halloween costume were you dressed up like that and your friend dressed up in a stupid chef's hat

and you were like, we're from under siege. There's like one guy at the party who would get it. But they would take a picture. Yeah. You guys are awesome. Yeah. That's like when I went as Billy Hicks from St.

Elmo's fire. My wife went as the Demi Moore character one year. And I would say like seven or eight people got it. And everyone else blank stairs. Oh my God. I had a fake saxophone. I had a wig on. It was great.

Can I tell you, Billy, this is perfect. This Halloween, you know what my wife and I were for Halloween? We were Todd and Margo. from Christmas vacation. And we had the silver suits and the slicked hair

and we both had huge bottles of Evian and people lost their mind. People love that movie. We just nailed it. When you nail the movie costume it's unlike any other. You think that's the number one Christmas movie or are you going somewhere else?

Number one, that's my movie. I watch it only on Christmas Eve and I'm such a nerd for rewatchables. That episode dropped and I'm saving it to listen to like as I drink on Christmas Eve on my couch. And how did it go? It went great.

It went great. Yeah, we had four. It was great. Okay, good. Coach Finstock wore for Best Life lesson. What do you got? Don't underestimate the cook. It's a great call.

Especially on some sort of military. The cook's going to have a background. Just don't think he's a pushover. It's not the 5-7 guy from the bear who's now playing Carreybony. For some reason. Yeah, it's not that guy. It's the guy might have, might know how to do some stuff. Don't just put him in a locker.

and think you're just going to get away with it. You know, in the season finale of the Bear season two, Karmie gets locked in the fridge. Oh, that's true, he does, right? And everyone's probably like, oh, they're taking it from Kubrick. I'm like, no, no, no. They're taking it from under siege, you guys. They know what time it is.

That's fantastic. Who won the movie? I got Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones got his role in the fugitive from this. He got the Oscar, and he is still to this day, I think doing insurance commercials where he probably gets $2 million for an hour's work. So I think we'd be Tommy Lee Jones.

And he played the same character in both movies. Well, this part's exciting. I'm going to tell a little story as we bring Craig on for his take. So I told Craig we're going to run this on Sunday Christmas Eve because Sal and I are going to do our podcast on Monday. And I said, we're going to go with a big one. And I think Craig got excited and thought we're actually going with a big one in his mind. And he's like, oh, what is it?

And I was like, under siege. And Craig was like, what? And I was like, under siege. It's the best Segal movie. And he was like, that's a big one? And I was like, you haven't seen Under Siege? And he said, no. And I'm like, Craig, you're going to see it.

And you will understand why it's a big one. So, Craig, what was your take? I do understand. I love this movie. I just got to say, you guys are really, you guys keep delivering. You guys really do. The last four movies, I genuinely have never heard of. Cliffhanger, Sudden Death, Toy Soldiers, and Under Siege.

All of them hit. Remarkable that these movies are pulling through. And what's great about them is all these movies, they're always like the premise that all the major actors and directors passed on because it's too ridiculous. And that's why they're so good. It's like a group of children take down a terrorist organization at a boarding school. Everyone's like, yeah, pass.

A terrorist holding the vice president hostage at the Stanley Cup, it's like, all right, pass. A chef and a stripper taking down terrace on a boat. It's like, all right, pass. But I love it. And it's, you know, it's a bummer now, is that we don't have the, like, we don't have the, like, cheesy, weird actors anymore that, like, you want to go see because they're super weird. Like, we were just talking about National Lampoons, like the Randy Quades, Seagall, Gary Busey. Like, that stuff doesn't exist anymore. Like, if you make a silly action movie, it still just has, like, The Rock or Jason Statham in a minute now.

I think we've all gotten too self-aware, but I'll be honest. I think there's possibilities of Travis Kelsey here. Oh. Tommy Alter, my friend Tommy Alter, who used to work with us at The Ringer, was the first person who mentioned me after Travis hosted S&L. And Tommy went.

Okay. And he texted me the next day and he's like, Travis is going to be the next big action movie star. And I'm like, whoa. Like, I didn't realize it was hottest take Sunday. But the more I look at it and like the kind of fame he has.

Yeah. It's a little like what happened on Howie Long when Howie Long was in Broken Arrow as one of the bad guys. And it made sense because Howie Long, but Travis is way more famous than how he would long was. But maybe Travis brings it back. He definitely has the perfect level of really not being that great of an actor,

but he has charisma. And that's kind of like the sweet spot. And he's kind of fun to make fun of a little bit too. Like every picture or video with him and Travis with Taylor Swift is hilarious for some reason. Any movie that he puts out is going to make a ton of money because all the Taylor Swift fans will see it. And that's all the studios care about that it makes money. I'm just trying to see if we can get a role for Jason Kelsey in there somewhere

if he could be like the villain or the funny best friend or something because that'd be even better. Funny best friend would be amazing. See, Craig, these action heroes that we grew up with, they weren't really actors. Like Arnold was a bodybuilder. Like Stephen Seagall was a freaking karate coach. You know, Von Dam was...

He was just a martial artist who had no idea to act. I think we're looking at it the wrong way. We keep putting like Chris Evans and a Helmsworth brother. I know. And all these people who are these... these actors that we have history with, and we should be going outside the box. And like,

Ron Artax should be in an action movie. Like, let's just go nuts. Dremont Green. Maybe this is the Dreamon Green future. Well, the ones that are sitting right there with Dremont, I mean, how long until Logan Paul is in an action movie or Jake Paul, those two guys? I mean, they can do it.

By the way, if Netflix was like the new Logan Paul movie, and it's basically diehard and a tick talk hype house. Like, okay. Twist my arm. I'm watching. Shit, they're going to make that now. Give me royalties.

But yeah, I think that's part of the problem is we're just asked backwards with how we find our action heroes, Craig. I'm glad, Craig, I'm glad if I've had any role in your life, it's to make you appreciate terrible action movies from the 80s and 90s. And this movie isn't even terrible. No. No, and all the other Seagal movies kind of blend together for me, but this one will now forever stand out.

Well, I remember when we did Hard to Kill, a lot of the reaction I got online was great, now do Under Siege or we riot. Like they wanted it. Yeah. They wanted and they got it. Yeah. The other thing from a rewatchable standpoint, this movie was on, I think, for the next seven years after it came out. That's the other thing is like movies now are just not in our face as much as they used to be. Like you guys didn't have much of a choice. Underseed was just on cable and there wasn't a ton of movies in theaters that were awesome action movies. Now it's like it's just hidden on a streaming platform amongst a million other options, even if there is an under siege out there,

we probably don't know it. Maybe it's like Pacific Rim and those types of movies. Extraction. Yeah. We talked about this with Denna Thieves, because we did Denna Thieves pretty early on the rewatchables. It only been out for a couple years, but we just felt like it was a rewatchable.

But the rewatchable mechanisms aren't the same because now people go to the streamers and you're just choosing to click on movies and starting from the beginning versus like just hopping in halfway through, which I think, so for action movies, that's been tough because I think Triple Frontier would have been one

that would have in the 90s would have had this awesome TNT run. Totally. Right? You would never rewatch some Chris Hemsworth shoot them up on Netflix. You'd just watch it once. But with Under Siege,

you bought it for 12 bucks, so it was on your shelf. So you would put it in over and over again. You don't re-watch stuff that you stream. You just watch it once and you've seen it. And you didn't have a choice. Like if you went on Netflix and there was only 10 things you were allowed to watch

and they chose it for you? Yeah. I mean, you would end up watching whatever. they gave you. Craig, do you think Seagal thought he was Italian? He kind of shifted into different personas throughout the movie. I don't know, though. Him, the Italian, do Italians have ponytail tails? I'm half Italian. I feel like I don't see a lot of Italians. Well, the guy from the Sopranos did that Carmelo fell in love with, Furio.

Yeah, like a real, like from Italy Italians have those. And maybe that's what he thought he was. My roommate in Charlestown, the mid-90s, Richard Girardi, aka Ricky, who knew the guy named Big Al, who got us the illegal cable box, which was a huge, huge boon for the rewatchables. But he had the ponytail for a little while there. So it's a, you really have to pull it off. You need a certain face. You can't have a big head. You can't have a big head with the ponytail.

I feel like he would have gone with Italian dishes, though, for his character, right? He would have been serving Carbonara and Bolognese. No, there was nothing like that. But Rybeck is like, what ethnicity is Rybeck? Sideline reporter. Sideline reporter. All right. Kyle Brandt, what do you got playing for the holidays?

On Christmas, I'm going to do our show on NFL Network, the Good Morning Football Show with Shreger and Jamie and McCordy. And then I'm going to be appearing on CBS, NFL Sunday, doing our one-shot deals that we've been doing for a few years now, which are a lot of work and really fun. And I'll be listening to a lot of rewatchables, as I always do, Bill. Awesome. Well, thanks to everybody for listening. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. I think we're going to squeeze in one more before the end of the year. But Kyle Brandt, always a blast to have you on. Good to see, my friend. And happy holidays. Craig.