The Rich Roll Podcast - Chelsea Sodaro’s Biggest Victory Isn’t Kona—It’s Her Well-Being

Episode Date: December 14, 2023

We love to celebrate professional athletes as superheroes. But even world champions are human. Just 18 months after giving birth, in 2022 Chelsea Sodaro became the first American woman in 25 years ...to win the Ironman World Championship and the first Kona-crowned rookie since Chrissie Wellington’s victory in 2007. It was a new-mom-Cinderella story that travelled beyond the endurance press to the mainstream, positioning her as a powerful and inspiring voice for female athletes and young moms all across the world. But just as she reached the highest echelon of success, Chelsea began to face a challenge far more difficult than Kona. The periodic bouts with mental health that had visited her in the past came roaring back in the form of an acute anxiety disorder that made it difficult for her to leave the house, left her bereft, unable to train, and prone to suicidal ideation. Refusing to accept debilitation, Chelsea sought help for a problem her champion mindset alone simply couldn't solve. Today Chelsea shares her story with laudable openness and vulnerability. In this conversation we discuss the tools Chelsea relies upon to confront and manage her mental health struggles, why she decided to reach out for help, and why sharing her experience publicly has been and continues to be integral to her recovery.  In addition, we discuss Chelsea’s journey to triathlon, the current state of gender equity in the sport, and how we can better support female athletes and make sport more accessible to all. Chelsea also shares the mindset that has propelled her success and why she actively makes decisions based on love, joy, and possibility rather than fear. Note: Today we discuss mental health issues some might find confronting. If you are struggling, please raise your hand and reach out for help. You can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP and if you are experiencing suicidal ideation, know you’re not alone. I encourage you to call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1(800) 273-TALK. I have so much respect for Chelsea’s strength, courage, and vulnerability. Chelsea’s story is powerful. I’m proud to help amplify it. And our shared hope is that it helps those in need and serves to further normalize the discourse around mental health. Show notes + MORE Watch on YouTube Newsletter Sign-Up Today’s Sponsors: Peak Design: PeakDesign.com/RICHROLL AG1: DrinkAg1.com/RICHROLL On: On.com/RICHROLL Momentous: LiveMomentous.com/RICHROLL Seed: Seed.com/RICHROLL Peace + Plants, Rich

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 The reason I got into this sport is to find out what is possible for my mind and my body. I had no clue what I was doing, but I enjoyed the process of improving. This coach pulled me aside. He has me grab onto his paddleboard and he goes, you could win this race one day. This, my friends, is incredible Chelsea Sedaro. You become this sort of role model and inspiration to not just female athletes, but like young moms across the world.
Starting point is 00:00:30 Like this notion, like you can do both. You can do it all. You think that when you have this big success, it's like you kind of have unlocked the recipe and now you know how to win and you'll just keep on winning. I'm supposed to be super mom, right? I just won the Ironman World Championships. You're the Ironman World Champion, you know how to win, and you'll just keep on winning. I'm supposed to be super mom, right? I just won the Ironman World Championships.
Starting point is 00:00:46 You're the Ironman World Champion, you know, super mom, and you can't leave your house. I thought, like, this isn't right. It's, like, affecting my day-to-day life. I'm not as happy as I expected to be. When you can't enjoy the special moments of your life, it's not good. A lot of the time I still struggle.
Starting point is 00:01:11 I'm still figuring it out. But, you know, I want my daughter to see what it looks like to, you know, follow your dreams and go all in on what makes you feel alive. Hi, Chelsea. Thank you for doing this. Thank you so much for having me. It's a little bit surreal, I'll be honest with you. Oh, come on.
Starting point is 00:01:32 Well, I have to tell you a funny story. Maybe not that funny. But I got into triathlon kind of in my late 20s, sort of later in life. And when I was first exploring the idea, I like found some books to like see what triathlon was all about. And I read two books. I read Siri Lindley's book and I read Finding Ultra. And that was kind of one of my initiations into this crazy sport that we do. So it's really, yeah, wonderful to be here. That makes me very happy. I'm glad to hear that. Well, you didn't need any of my input to do what you do. You've made quite an impact on the sport in a relatively short period of time. I mean, you got into triathlon in 2017 on the heels of a track and field and cross country career, very storied in that regard
Starting point is 00:02:24 as a runner, but really I should just contextualize for people who are watching or listening who aren't immersed in the sport of triathlon. So they understand, you know, who is the guest today. In 2022, you were the first rookie to become world champion at Ironman in Kona since Chrissy Wellington, the first American since 1996.
Starting point is 00:02:47 That was Paula Newby Frazier. And this was only the second Ironman of your career. You were 33 years old and you were the first American to win since Tim DeBoom in 2002. And this occurred only 18 months after giving birth to Skye. You didn't think you were going to win. You ended up winning. And interestingly, this victory created a major
Starting point is 00:03:16 news story that transcended the sport of triathlon and kind of put you under the spotlight in a mainstream way that probably was disorienting and might've surprised you, but it was a really remarkable story. And yet at the same time, there was a lot going on behind the scenes and a lot has happened since then, which is one of the more interesting things about you and why I wanted to talk to you today.
Starting point is 00:03:42 So first of all, like congrats on this, you know, amazing career and this arc that you're on. And I just wanted to check in with you, see how you're feeling and, you know, how you feel about kind of talking about the mental health aspect of what has been transpiring with you for the last couple of years. Yeah, well, that's all very kind. I'm in a really good spot. It's so interesting because I was not in a good place after I won Kona last year. And this season has been so up and down for me. You know, you think, I've been in this game long enough that I should have known better. But you think that when you have this big success, it's like all up from here. And you kind of have unlocked the recipe. And now you know how to win.
Starting point is 00:04:30 And you'll just keep on winning. And that hasn't been my experience this year. It's been kind of a rocky road with many mistakes. And I think there's an element of luck in sport where the pendulum has to swing your way. And it hasn't really for me this year. But ironically, even after a disappointing race in Kona this season, I'm in a much better headspace than I was last year. Yeah. So this year at Kona, you placed sixth, correct? But you also said that it's your
Starting point is 00:05:03 proudest finish. correct. But you also said that it's your proudest finish. Like I was saying, this year has been really hard from a performance athletic standpoint. It took me a long time to find my mojo again with some of the mental health struggles I faced earlier in the year. And I would have, you know, a training block or a performance where I thought, okay, I'm back. I'm feeling like myself again. And then I would have some sickness or an injury or some obstacle. And I would think, it's fine. Like, the only thing that matters is Kona.
Starting point is 00:05:36 And you just need to get to that training block ready to go. And kind of miraculously, I did that. I had the best training block of my life and then picked up an injury two weeks out from Kona. And, you know, that's not to make excuses. Like part of this game is staying healthy. That's a talent and a skill. And I wasn't able to pull that off this year. But even as I kind of saw the race slipping away from me, I didn't quit on myself. And someone said to me after the race, the kind of signs of a true champion is when you give everything, even when you see the wind slipping out of your grasp. And I think I did that this year. So I'm not happy with the result, but I'm really proud that I gave it everything. And it's hard to do that for eight and a half hours. Well, you also punctuated it with a 2.53 run, which was the second fastest of the day. So clearly you didn't give up. You basically laid it all out there. I did. It's funny, the games you play with yourself when you're racing, I knew at a certain point that I wasn't going to win, but I created my own
Starting point is 00:06:53 challenges in the race and I have never fought so hard for sixth place in my life. I passed, I ran into sixth place with 2K left to go. And I was like using all these tactics I used to do when I was running and buried myself. And I think that it will be a career defining moment for me. I don't think that I would have done that six months ago. I don't think I would have had like the mental strength and headspace to do that. I think it would have pulled the plug. And that's encouraging and exciting for me moving forward. So you're an internally motivated person.
Starting point is 00:07:27 In other words, it's not who you're racing against that gets you excited. It's more coming from a place of curiosity around your own capacity. Is that accurate? I think so. I'm not a perfect person and I'm hyper competitive and I hate losing. But the reason I got into this sport
Starting point is 00:07:48 is to find out what is possible for my mind and my body. And I really see it as this second chance at a pro sports career, which is very rare. And I feel a lot of gratitude that I get to do this at this level, at this stage in my life. That's a healthy perspective. It's taken a while to get. Oh, we're going to get into it, Chelsea. Don't worry. I'm going to poke the bear. But let's take it back a little bit first.
Starting point is 00:08:18 You came up as a runner. You grew up in Davis. You had success in track and field and cross country, some stellar success. But at some point, you make the decision to transition into triathlon. So, what was that thought process all about for you? I had a couple of moments of brilliance in my professional running career. I won a couple of national titles and then I proceeded to get injured and I couldn't stay healthy. I couldn't really find the right training setup. And I had the worst day on the most important day at the Olympic trials in 2016. And my husband and I were
Starting point is 00:08:55 watching the Olympics from our couch. I was banged up again and we tuned into the triathlon. And I had kind of become a fan of the women because they were all medal favorites. And especially with Gwen Jorgensen coming from a running background. And my husband looked at me and he said, I think you could do that. You are always cross-training, so you know how to swim and bike. And you just put it together and you'll be great. And I laughed at him and I thought it was the dumbest idea. But like most triathletes, I got obsessed and he got
Starting point is 00:09:27 me a bike and we were living in Flagstaff at the time actually. And he's a very talented athlete himself. He ran a sub four miler, all American and the steeplechase. He is like surely the most talented athlete in our family. I just happened to have like a great work ethic, but I would sit on his wheel for as long as I could. And I'd be like tasting blood at the end of our rides. And I joined a master's group and ultimately got put in touch with this ITU coach. And he said, come like try out for my squad. I think he saw my 10K time.
Starting point is 00:09:59 And I went and trained with his squad for a week. And he was like, can you be here in December? And yeah, like within a month we had upgraded our life. Wow, that's fast. I know, in retrospect, like I hadn't done a triathlon yet. And I blew up. You're already like plugged into this world that you don't have any experience in.
Starting point is 00:10:18 I mean, I looked back at photos and I mean, I had no clue what I was doing. Like there's certain, etiquette to cycling that you learn about. And, like, I mean, I just looked ridiculous. I was still, like, occasionally falling over at stoplights, like, clipping out of the pedals. But I loved it. And I think my running ability transferred to the bike really quickly. And I enjoyed the process of improving and I was kind of thrown into the deep end and with running to
Starting point is 00:10:55 improve my 5k time by a couple seconds, that's maybe years of work and it may or may not happen depending on getting into the, like if you get into the right race and the conditions, whereas I was seeing big gains in the pool and on the bike every single week. Yeah, that's fun. That ITU world, though, is a whole thing. You know, it's very different for people that don't know, you know, in terms of how it measures up to something like Ironman. It's all about bike handling skills and staying in the pack and, you know, being a runner of your caliber, I'm sure, is like a secret weapon in that world. But that is a, you know, different type of sport almost
Starting point is 00:11:32 altogether versus long course. It sure is. And I quickly realized that I was going to have to live this sort of nomadic lifestyle of going to training camp to training camp. And the races were all over the world. And I was kind of trying to make the start list. So I would have to just go wherever I could get in. And about 18 months in, I won a World Cup. And at this point, my husband and I were living apart because he had to work. I was making no money. And so I'm at this race. I win. It's supposed to be really exciting and kind of the launch pad for my career. And I'm by myself. I'm not having any fun. And I decided to quit triathlon. And this lasts for about two weeks until I'm talked into doing a 70.3. Who talked you into that?
Starting point is 00:12:27 I think my husband, Steve, like definitely encouraged the idea because he had seen the progress that I was making. And then I moved back from San Diego to the Bay Area to be with Steve. And I got connected with a coach there, Matt Dixon, and he, he saw what I had accomplished so far and thought like this girl could do some damage. So you became part of the whole purple patch situation. I was for, yeah, for a little while there, which was at the time the right thing for me because I, I had been like pretty lonely and isolated following this Olympic track. And I immediately had this community. I had training partners
Starting point is 00:13:09 and it was initially just really fun. At some point though, doesn't Dave Scott end up giving you some advice? Like your mom went to high school with Dave Scott? Yeah, so my mom grew up on the same street as Dave Scott and Dave apparently would come train in her backyard pool, swim laps. And I think he played water polo. So they had a net set up there and she's remained in touch with him for forever. And when I was first thinking
Starting point is 00:13:38 about getting into triathlon, I called him and I said, Dave, I'm thinking of trying triathlon. What do you think? And he goes, what can you swim for 10 by a hundred? And I said, Dave, I'm thinking of trying triathlon. What do you think? And he goes, what can you swim for 10 by 100? And I said, I have no idea. And he said, I think you should go for it. If you're excited about it, just try. He's like, forget about that question. Anyway, you seem excited. He's like, call me back if you ever like figure out what you can swim for 10 by 100. But if you feel good about it, then sure, why not? And then weren't you like, didn't you rent like a room in his old house or something? Like there's just a weird, it's almost, I'm asking that only because like, there's like some kind of universal synchronicity happening that was ushering you towards this life that you now have. I know it's pretty wild. But when I was seven or eight months pregnant, my husband started Fire Academy. And that was, I don't know, 45 minutes away from where my parents lived. So,
Starting point is 00:14:33 we decided to rent this little garage apartment two doors down from my parents so that I could have some help when the baby came because he was in this full-time school thing. And it happened to be Dave Scott's old house. And you didn't know that going in? No, I knew that. I knew that. His family doesn't live there anymore, but I knew that that was his house and we definitely have a special connection.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Interesting. So how long before, from the moment that you decide, okay, I'm gonna get into this longer course world, how long before you're seeing results there? My first 70.3 was, well, before I did my first 70.3, I went to a training camp in Kona with this woman named Sarah Pian Piano, who is a successful former long distance athlete. And I had no money. And when I quit ITU, I was like, I'm not going on
Starting point is 00:15:26 training camps anymore. Like, I don't want to do that. I just want to be home. And Matt talked me into going to this thing. He was like, I think you'll have a good time. It'll be really fun. You'll get like a taste of what long distance training is like. And so I went to Kona with Sarah for her prep and I loved it. And the coach who was there, I think, kept on expecting me to get dropped. And I did. And I would just like hang on for dear life for all of her rides. And I acclimated the heat really well. So the running was fine and I was swimming well. And this coach pulled me aside during one of the open water swim sessions. And he said, Chelsea, come here. And I was like, am I in trouble? What did I he's like come over here and he has
Starting point is 00:16:05 me grab onto his uh paddleboard and he goes you could win this race one day wow and I guess like from that moment I thought okay you know when someone like believes in you in that phase of your career where I was kind of coming off this challenging situation that I'd been in with ITU experience and exploring this new sport. When someone believes in you in that way, it's pretty empowering. And my first proper 70.3 was Indian Wells in 2018. And I won. And I thought like, sweet. The first one right out of the gate. That's unbelievable. You had some swimming background though, right? When you were a kid? I did. I grew up in Davis, like we talked about, and every kid does summer swim league. We have this program called Summer Darts,
Starting point is 00:16:57 and my brother and I were both thrown in it. I think my parents wanted us to be like proficient swimmers. And my brother is a very talented swimmer. He ended up playing water polo at the Air Force Academy. I did not enjoy the swimming. I was not good at it. But I at least had that sort of feel for the water. Just knowing how to do it. I think so.
Starting point is 00:17:15 It's huge. It's really hard to learn that later in life. Yes. Yes, absolutely. But I think I am lucky in the sense that I still really enjoy swimming you know like a lot of my peers who come from a swimming background totally dread getting in the water like they've put in so many hours in the pool that it's a necessary evil of participating in triathlon whereas I still enjoy it I still feel young in that aspect.
Starting point is 00:17:49 So 2018, your first 70.3, you win, basically. It's still four years before you win Kona, but in that period of time, you only do one Ironman, I assume in the season leading up to the 20, during the 2022 season, right? So you spend a little bit of time in that 70.3 arena and then decide to take it up a notch to Ironman. Yeah. So I had this breakthrough season in 2019 where I won a bunch of 70.3s and I was fourth at the world championships in Nice and thought the world was my oyster. Like, this is my thing. If I can get
Starting point is 00:18:25 fourth in my first one, like next time I'm going to crush. And I was like kind of making decent money. I would like pay off the credit card bill that I'd accumulated when I was, you know, chasing the Olympic dream. But of course in 2020, as we all know, COVID hit. And I was chasing Strava QOMs like everyone else was doing and was not that excited about it and decided to get pregnant instead of doing that. So that definitely, yeah, was a big pivot. If there was ever a time though, right? There's no races.
Starting point is 00:19:03 This is the moment. You wanted to be a mom. You became a mom. But the idea was always that you were going to return to training and being a good hyper-competitive control freak, right? You're like, I'm gonna squirt this kid out and be back on the bike imminently. But life had another plan.
Starting point is 00:19:22 Yeah, absolutely. I started working with my current coach, Dan Plews, when I was six weeks pregnant, actually. Right. But life said, no, this is the best news. Congratulations. How can I support you? to say that to a person. And I think it immediately established this level of trust. And he kind of coached me for the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy. And I ended up having morning sickness for 35 weeks. So it was really kind of up and down. We never like got much momentum. And of course, as I progressed through my pregnancy, I got more uncomfortable and I was able to do less and less and finally was like, I think I just need to do what I feel like and I'll call you when she's born or whatever. Well, I have a lot of questions about that. But my first question is what lured you towards Dan to begin with? Like, what were you looking for
Starting point is 00:20:39 in a coach? What were the needs that you, you know, were trying to identify that he could fill for you? I really wanted a data-driven approach. And Dan is a world-class coach. He's worked with all types of different athletes, including cyclists, triathletes, rowers, kayakers, but he's a physiologist. And when we chatted, I really felt excited about his approach and program. And he also said to me, look, Chelsea, I went the same time,
Starting point is 00:21:17 basically went the same time as Daniela Riff when she set the course record in Kona in 2018. So I know exactly what you need to do to win that race. And that of course made me really excited. Yeah. Well, you seem like somebody who really like kind of, you know, on this subject of control, like data is like your music, right? Like controlling, like I'm going to control not just the controllables, but the uncontrollables too. Like this, I'm gleaning from you in the research that I did, you know, kind of to get ready to speak to you that that's sort of your operating system, your default operating system. Yeah. You know, I'm a perfectionist
Starting point is 00:21:57 and I'm quite obsessive, which I'm sure we'll get into. But I actually- So you're like Ironman perfect. Yeah. This is the perfect life for me. Yeah, exactly. But I'm actually, I'm personally not that interested in the data. And Dan will send me articles and different research papers kind of related to what we're doing. And I would say, sorry, Dan, but I don't read most of them because I don't want to be a coach when I grow up. I'm like not that interested in the physiology. I want to be able to have so much trust in my coach that I can just execute the plan and sort of check out. Because I think that if I obsess too much about the data and the numbers, then that will just take me down a rabbit hole that's not productive. And I need to have space outside of training.
Starting point is 00:22:48 So I am involved in my program and what I do, but I have so much trust in Dan that he's leading me down the right path that I can kind of execute the training and then move on. It almost sounds like a level of self-awareness. Like, I know I'm a control freak Like I know I'm a control freak. I know I'm a perfectionist. So I'm actually not gonna read the data
Starting point is 00:23:10 because that will just like, my brain will light up like a Christmas tree because that's, you know what I mean? Like it's like a self-preservation thing. Like I don't wanna read the data. You take care of that because that's like a danger zone for my kind of proclivity to want to control everything and understand everything. Yeah, that's probably fair. And,
Starting point is 00:23:31 you know, I'm pretty good at swimming and biking and running, but I think one of my greatest talents is kind of working or finding these amazing people to work with and delegating well. And especially this season coming off the Kona win, I've had more opportunity and more resources to kind of build my team, which has been super fun. So you start working with Dan 35 weeks. It was rough. Morning sickness.
Starting point is 00:24:08 I think I was really cocky going into pregnancy. I remember saying to my mom, who is a family doctor and practiced OB for 20 years, I said, mom, this is going to be like vacation. I'm used to training 30 hours a week. Pregnancy is going to be like a break for me. And it was not a break. It's really, it's, yeah, a physical feat. And I also thought that I would be able to check out from my sport and not really worry about getting behind. But that was more difficult than I expected as you see, yeah, your body change in such dramatic ways so quickly. Everybody's different. I can remember being in master swimming, you know, over many, many, many years.
Starting point is 00:24:52 And there'd be women who would come in, they'd get pregnant, pregnant, and then literally like they're gonna pop, but they're at master swim practice and then they're gone for like a week and then they're back, you know, like, so for some people, maybe it is a lot easier, but that was not your experience. Yeah. I just so individual and I get a lot of women
Starting point is 00:25:11 reaching out to me asking for advice on how to train through pregnancy and how to train after pregnancy. And it's, it's not a one size fits all approach. You have to learn to listen to your body. And, you know, I, I remember Dan trying to give me some sessions in my first trimester. I would like have to get off the bike to go puke in the yard, like in between intervals. And you're like, what are we really accomplishing here? But of course, training makes me feel like myself. And I think we are learning more about what's possible for women and that we should be moving our bodies and we can exercise through pregnancy. We just have to like figure out what feels good. Right. But there's a different playing
Starting point is 00:25:56 field to understand. There's not a template that applies to everybody and certainly not the template that would apply to the male athlete that can't be just transferred to the pregnant woman who's, you know, in the same sport. Yeah. Through this experience, I really learned how the healthcare system is not set up for us, how there isn't really research done on female athletes on the postpartum athlete. And I feel lucky to have connected with some experts who can sort of guide me, but it's really, it's really tough. And I was surprised how much I had to advocate for myself, much I had to advocate for myself, how like I really had to like seek out help both kind of physically in the postpartum return to competition and also like on the mental health side.
Starting point is 00:26:56 Postpartum, it wasn't just a difficult pregnancy. Postpartum, it even became more challenging with this lactation issue and many, many visits to the pediatrician trying to figure out, you know, what the latching issue was. Like you went through a whole thing with that as well. Yeah. There's this great little clip of me walking around the block with my dog when I'm nine and a half months pregnant. And I'm saying, so here's what's going to happen. I'm going to like push this baby out. And then I'm going to get back to training in three or four weeks once, you know, I'm healed. And then I'm going to do 70.3 boulder at four months postpartum. And that's going to qualify me for the Collins cup, which was this new team race that was happening. And I was going to be five months postpartum. And to be frank, like I really needed to race because my husband was in school and we needed to pay our bills. And I felt like
Starting point is 00:27:49 I was missing the 2020 season and I couldn't miss the 20, like all of the 2021 season. And so there was already this level of pressure on there that I needed to get back to work. And things were challenging from the beginning. We spent less than 24 hours in the hospital. My daughter hadn't latched properly by the time we were discharged, and I felt like we were kind of just being like kicked out of the hospital. Like everything seemed fine and everything was not fine. And within a couple of days of my daughter's birth, she was below the 10th percentile for weight, which is very scary. We couldn't figure out how to breastfeed. And I think a lot of mothers experience this. You have this idea of what parenting is going to look like,
Starting point is 00:28:40 what breastfeeding is going to look like, what kind of raising a child is going to look like. like, what breastfeeding is going to look like, what kind of raising a child is going to look like. And it becomes apparent very quickly that it's not about what you want. Like it's, there's two of you that have to work together. And it was, it was so gnarly. I mean, like we were feeding her with a syringe. My husband would leave at four in the morning for fire academy and get home at 7 p.m our kid wasn't eating like I was in yeah with the lactation therapist every other day I'm starting to develop this pretty severe anxiety probably related to the sleep deprivation and the stress of like trying to feed my kid and um it was kind of like, yeah, a spiral from there. And I think I felt a lot of pressure to be excellent. Like, that's what I do.
Starting point is 00:29:32 I work hard and I set goals and whatever I put my mind to, I can accomplish. And like, I'm an Ironman athlete. I can tell you with full confidence that I have never worked harder at anything in my life than trying to breastfeed my child. Wow. That's humbling to hear. And it took a long time to kind of solve that problem and find somebody who understood what was actually happening. Yeah. Well, we didn't solve, I mean, we didn't solve like the breastfeeding problem. We learned that she had a posterior tongue tie and we found this pediatric dentist. It very expensive we had to pay for all the stuff out of pocket and that ended up being a really traumatic experience because he he like
Starting point is 00:30:12 did this laser procedure where they like open up the tongue tie and when we went back to do her follow-up he just reached into her mouth and ripped up her tongue and reopened the wound on a you know 10 day old baby and um that was like quite upsetting for me and the state that I was in this is the first time I actually remember this fear that was developing of mass shootings. And I was in this dentist's office, like so afraid about something going down. And yeah, that like evolved into this whole anxiety situation for me. How long of a period of time did that unfold in? Like you said, like you've always been sort of an anxious person, but there's a difference between, you know, some level of low grade anxiety
Starting point is 00:31:12 and something that is severe and chronic that's escalating into a lot of kind of irrational fears that are debilitating you. Yeah, I used to just call it being stressed out. And as I reflect on my life, like some of the things I've learned over the past year or so make more sense. But the, yeah, the anxiety, the postpartum anxiety was certainly affecting how I was living my life. I didn't want to go into like a grocery store, had a really hard time being in enclosed spaces, which became tough since I had to go to the doctor's office so often. So I would just be in the waiting room with Sky, like crying, waiting for them to let us in the, like the room. And I would always be checking for
Starting point is 00:32:09 exits and how I was going to get out of places. So I was having to confront this a lot because I was always in the doctor's office and I realized that I needed to get some help. So I- And this is before the 2022 Ironman World Championships? Yeah, I was probably six weeks postpartum at this point when I thought like, this isn't right. It's like affecting my day-to-day life. I'm not as happy as I expected to be. Like having just brought my daughter into the world,
Starting point is 00:32:43 you know, you think like you have this new baby and you're so in love and you should be so joyful but I wasn't I was super anxious and I tried to get like some sort of mental health help through my insurance and this proved to be virtually impossible to get everyone on the phone anyone on the phone it was a nightmare yeah and this is in 2021 in 2021. So kind of peak pandemic. So many people are in mental health crisis and I wasn't able to get anyone on the phone. So I seek out an EMDR therapist who was close to where I lived at the time. And it was very expensive. I was paying out of pocket, but I was really desperate. And someone had told me like EMDR will be a great option for you
Starting point is 00:33:31 because obviously there's some like trauma there and they can teach you to like retrain your brain, rewire your brain. So I thought, great. And this lady, you know, agreed to take me on. your brain. So I thought, great. And this lady, you know, agreed to take me on. And I felt like optimistic when I first went in that I finally was able to get some help. But once we got into things, I felt a lot of judgment, like my, you know, my issues weren't valid. And that, yeah, I was just being totally unreasonable, which isn't something-
Starting point is 00:34:09 That's like the antithesis of how you should be welcomed into the office of a mental health practitioner, right? It's about non-judgment and understanding and creating an environment where you feel safe. Right. How are you supposed to heal if you're- Yeah. And I almost got-
Starting point is 00:34:27 You're feeling threatened when you go there. Right. I almost got this sense that like my issues weren't bad enough. Like it wasn't like traumatic enough. And of course, like I don't know what other kind of patients- Or you're lying and you're not telling the truth about the real trauma that you're hiding. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:43 I don't know what place she was coming from, but I did a couple of sessions with her and then I had to go to training camp and I was like, thanks for the help. This has been good, but like, I gotta go work. And so- You got no relief from that modality. No, and I kind of thought like I've tried,
Starting point is 00:35:04 I guess like, yeah, my issues aren't serious enough. I just need to like figure this out and I'll, you know, do some meditation and hopefully it gets better. Yeah. You tapped into some Vedic meditation, right? I did. You got your mantra and the whole thing? I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I was connected with this amazing teacher in Marin County, like right before the pandemic, which was certainly a gift. But I think you can't always exercise and meditate your way out of a mental health crisis. We're brought to you today by recovery.com. I've been in recovery for a long time.
Starting point is 00:35:46 It's not hyperbolic to say that I owe everything good in my life to sobriety. And it all began with treatment, an experience that I had that quite literally saved my life. And in the many years since, I've in turn helped many suffering addicts and their loved ones find treatment. I've in turn helped many suffering addicts and their loved ones find treatment. And with that, I know all too well just how confusing and how overwhelming and how challenging it can be to find the right place and the right level of care. Especially because, unfortunately, not all treatment resources adhere to ethical practices. It's a real problem. problem. A problem I'm now happy and proud to share has been solved by the people at recovery.com who created an online support portal designed to guide, to support, and empower you to find the ideal level of care tailored to your personal needs. They've partnered with the best global
Starting point is 00:36:39 behavioral health providers to cover the full spectrum of behavioral health disorders, including substance use disorders, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, gambling addictions, and more. Navigating their site is simple. Search by insurance coverage, location, treatment type, you name it. Plus, you can read reviews from former patients to help you decide. Whether you're a busy exec, a parent of a struggling teen, or battling addiction yourself, I feel you. I empathize with you. I really do. And they have treatment options for you. Life in recovery is wonderful, and recovery.com is your partner in starting that journey. When you or a loved one need help, go to recovery.com and take the first
Starting point is 00:37:27 step towards recovery. To find the best treatment option for you or a loved one, again, go to recovery.com. I'm curious around the training piece because I would presume as a competitive athlete like yourself on some level, you're harboring this belief that you can just train your way out of that. Knowing that, like you said, like I need to train to feel like myself. Like I understand that.
Starting point is 00:37:58 I like we were sharing before the podcast and I was telling you about my lower back that has me sidelined more than I'd like right now. And when I'm not able to go out and push myself, I don't feel like the best version of who I am. My brain doesn't function the same way, et cetera. But play that out to the extreme, this idea that, well, if I just get back to doing what I love
Starting point is 00:38:23 and I can kind of control that environment, that all these other things will get resolved that way. Yeah, yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head. I hadn't been able to do my job for a year, basically, and I felt a real pressure to get back to work and to racing, but I also felt like I needed to prove to myself that I could still do it. And if I could still compete, if I could still train like I wanted to, then things would get better and I would feel like myself again and everything would be fine. And there were certain stages between that initial postpartum period until the Kona win where I convinced myself that it was fine.
Starting point is 00:39:06 But at some point you realize you're going to need something more. Yeah. When I was at the awards ceremony at Kona in 2022, I turned to my husband and I said, how are we going to get out of here if someone starts shooting up this banquet? Get out. Honest, yeah. And that's a problem, I think. When you can't enjoy the special moments of your life, it's not good. When you can't be present enough to appreciate the experiences and people around you, it's a problem.
Starting point is 00:39:46 I'm so sorry. Like that's so painful to hear. Thanks. I feel that, and this is why I'm so transparent about these things. why I'm so transparent about these things. I feel like so much of this could have been prevented if I had had access to help initially. And I don't want other women to experience what I did. And like I have, I'm a middle-class white woman woman like I have a lot of access and resources and I still like couldn't get a therapist on the phone and like I had to advocate so hard to get like treatment for my kid you know and it shouldn't be that way especially when you're in such a vulnerable like postpartum state when like you should just be enjoying your baby and it doesn't seem like that big of a problem to solve and yet our health care
Starting point is 00:40:51 system is so upside down and byzantine um and disorienting and all the help that you need is on is on you know the other side of your premiums like it's. Like it's like when you really need help, it's always the thing that's not covered by your insurance, you know? I can't imagine how challenging that's been for you. And it's actually, you know, reflecting on it and understanding it a little bit better, you know, beyond kind of like the articles
Starting point is 00:41:22 that are on the internet about this. It's absolutely mind-blowing that you won that race in 2022, that you were Ironman world champion given everything that was going on. It's not like you had some kind of perfect season leading up to this. Like you were going through a tremendous amount
Starting point is 00:41:39 that would have derailed the strongest person in the field. Like, it's really quite stunning. Thanks. I, like, I don't feel like a victim in this situation. I don't mean to portray you. Yeah, no, no, I know. But I like, I think that there's, you know, there is a really, like, happy ending to this story.
Starting point is 00:42:03 And I am in a good place and I was able to get help. But I think that, you know, like I won that title in spite of a lot of obstacles that I faced and I am like empowered by that, certainly. But I also think like, wow, I wonder what I could have done if I was in, you know, a really like positive, happy space. Right. You make this decision to not only seek help, but as you mentioned earlier, to be public about it, to be transparent about it, to share what you were experiencing, which is a pretty bold move for somebody who's still in the sport, and the sport is a mental game as much as anything else. Like to be that vulnerable,
Starting point is 00:42:54 you're letting your competitors know that you have chinks in your armor. So obviously there's a broader intentionality behind this, but when that article in the New York Times came out by Matt Futterman, who's a friend, he's been on the podcast, shout out to Matt, that was really powerful. Like that's you, like in the largest newspaper in the world,
Starting point is 00:43:20 like being really open about private matters. So walk me through why you made the decision to do that and what your kind of hopes were for telling your story in such a vulnerable way. I oftentimes train in my parents' garage in Davis when I wanna get out of the winter in Reno where I live. And my dad sets up all of my second and third place trophies right in front of where I can see, I think, to piss me off a little bit.
Starting point is 00:43:53 But right on the wall behind these second and third place trophies is a quote, and it says, we make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give. And I come from a very service-minded family. My mom is a family doctor. She went to med school when I was one. And so I've gone to front row seat to this incredible woman who chose this career and motherhood simultaneously and had to navigate all of those challenges that come along with like that pursuit at such a high level. My dad is a high school teacher or was a high school teacher
Starting point is 00:44:31 before he retired. My brother is a special tactics officer in the Air Force and my husband is a trained firefighter. So I'm- Everybody's in public service. And you're in the most selfish pursuit of all time. Exactly. Like the most selfish. You have to balance this equation somehow. Exactly. And so this has really bothered me, like this selfish pursuit. I mean, it's all about me and optimizing my training and my life and my performance. And I've had a hard time wrapping my head around that. And so now that I have this, now that I kind of earned this platform, for lack of a better word, after the Kona win, I thought like I need to do something really good with this.
Starting point is 00:45:11 And Matt Futterman, who's just a really wonderful person, reached out to me after the race because he wanted to do this story about my coach, Dan, and our international, intercontinental relationship, because my coach lives in New Zealand and I'm based in the US. And we had a chat about Kona and how the race went down and my training set up. And he said, I'll call you in a while to check in and see where the story's at. And he called me in January of 2023 and he said, hey, Chelsea, how's it going? What are you up to? And I was like, things are okay. I kind of had a rocky road after Kona, but I'm good now and excited about the season. And he was like, what do you mean things are okay? And I said, well, if I talk to you about it, are you going to write about it? And he said, maybe that's
Starting point is 00:46:05 what I do. And for whatever reason, I just was super honest and kind of told him this story about my postpartum anxiety and depression and this path that I traveled towards getting help with the psychiatrist that I found in Reno. And that's what the story was about. And I was quite nervous for, for it to come out because like people, some people who are like, you know, good friends or family didn't even like know what was going on. And it was, it was very public, but I think from my perspective, you know, if it like empowered one person to reach out for help, like job done was worth it. And it was also really freeing for me in some ways because there's so much shame around mental health. There's a lot of stigma. And
Starting point is 00:47:03 I was able to sort of let go of that in some ways because I had nothing to hide. I didn't have to perform anymore. And around this like Kona time period and right after the win, you know, I was getting a lot of media attention and I felt this real dissonance between my public life and what I felt inside. Yeah. And I think that just perpetuates the cycle. Right. And so when I was able to just like say, lay it on the table, this is what it is. Like there's a catharsis and then suddenly that dissonance dissipates because you're integrated.
Starting point is 00:47:43 Like how you're holding yourself out publicly is actually who you are. And I would imagine lightens your load a little bit. I think so. And I really feel like we're here to help each other out and make things a little bit better for each other, a little bit easier. And I don't think I do that by swimming and biking and running, but I can do that by like being open about some of these things.
Starting point is 00:48:12 And it's been really amazing to connect with other women and moms and parents and feel like I'm maybe like part of something that's bigger than myself. The press onslaught in the aftermath of 2022 was this kind of incessant celebration of you as the new mom, right? You become this sort of role model and inspiration to not just female athletes, but like young moms across the world, like this notion, like you can do both, you can do it all. And to internally feel that you're struggling and then to look at that must be strange,
Starting point is 00:48:52 but also this call to service, like this idea that suddenly you have this platform and this microphone because of this win, it's put you in a position where you have leverage to, you know, kind of lean into that service piece, which looks to me like it has two avenues. On the one hand, it's about equity in sport and, you know, how can we create a more welcome on-ramp
Starting point is 00:49:21 for girls, women, females in sport, in triathlon, et cetera, equity with respect to the professional aspect of it. And we can get into the business aspect of what that looks like. And this is all on the heels of kind of what happened with Nike and their pregnant athletes, et cetera. Like it's a new era. There is a lot of education and awareness around this.
Starting point is 00:49:46 And with that opportunity to kind of write a new script. But the second piece being this whole idea around mental health that for you has its origins in your motherhood and in your pregnancy, but actually has a much broader conversation around how we normalize, you know, what goes on inside of us internally. But to come out and say, you know,
Starting point is 00:50:11 you were scared of going to public places because there might be a mass shooting, like that's a heavy, that's heavy. Yeah, I think not to get political, but like we have some serious issues in this country. And yeah, like I won't get into gun control here, but we are not, like this country is not set up for moms. There like is still a massive gender pay gap,
Starting point is 00:50:48 which is, you know, like that gets worse when you have a baby because you're out of the workforce for a period of time, you miss out on experiences, promotional opportunities, and we have a huge maternal mortality crisis access to child care is horrific um and and i really think that sport is a microcosm of society as a whole and that's why i do think it's important for me to talk about my experiences and what could have made my experiences better. Because if we can do that in like the arena of
Starting point is 00:51:33 pro sports, when our bodies are our commodity, what could be possible outside of sport in other industries? The Alison Felix and Kara Goucher situations with Nike created massive awareness around this. And I think a lot of companies now understand that they have to address these concerns from a place of greater equity. But what is your sense of how progressive it is right now? What has changed for the better and what still remains to be done? A lot of people talk about how equitable triathlon is because we have equal prize money at most races. But I think if you peel back the curtain a little farther, If you peel back the curtain a little farther, it's not as equitable as one may think.
Starting point is 00:52:30 We're under NDAs with all of our contracts. It's hard to know what maternity leave policies look like from company to company. If you do choose motherhood, you may or may not get paid. Of course, like you do miss out on prize money and race bonuses while you're pregnant and on leave. And I have felt so fortunate with the people that I do work with, how they have embraced me as a mother, how, you know, we have worked together to form like fair maternity policies, but I still don't think that is like standard practice across the industry. It's so important though, because as female athletes, like we peak in our mid to late 30s and we're so valuable. Like the spending power of, you know,
Starting point is 00:53:31 moms in this country is massive. So around the world is massive. So it just like makes sense from an economic standpoint. It's a matter of the decision makers deciding that they want to invest in that. Well, you're almost like a case study in that, right? Because you being this new mom who wins the Ironman World Championship makes you an extremely valuable commodity because your story transcended the sport. It's one thing to win that race. It's another thing for normal people who don't care about triathlon to care
Starting point is 00:54:03 about that athlete and that story. And that was something that you succeeded in doing. And I think that speaks to the possibilities of, you know, motherhood and competitive, you know, women athletes at the elite highest level of sport. And we should just call out like your partners because they're great. And I share a couple of them. Ahn, of course, amazing. We're teammates, Rich. That's right. Yeah, I'm running way behind you.
Starting point is 00:54:32 But Ahn and also Canyon, you know, your bike partner. I mean, they're both really cool, amazing companies that are very progressive and are comprised of extremely talented people. Absolutely. And they've both really been along on the ride with me this year. It's been, I feel so supported as a person and it's been kind of an up and down season, but I felt like, yeah, really empowered and supported through it all. And I think we are in it together and there's a story to tell beyond just, you know, the race results. And we all believe that my best performances are ahead of me. But in order for, you know, fans to get attached to athletes, you have to tell the story along the way. And
Starting point is 00:55:26 that's been a fun journey. It's just as important, if not more important than where you finish a race, like where on the podium you stand. I think that people want to see themselves and, you know, their sports heroes are in professional athletes. And triathlon is so cool because of our like proximity, long distance triathlon is so cool because of our proximity to the amateur field. Like we're all out there racing together, experiencing the same things, maybe at different speeds,
Starting point is 00:55:56 but like the pain is the same across the board. And it's interesting. I think that sometimes women, like we feel like we need permission to carve out time for ourselves, especially when we're moms, like the mom guilt thing is real. And in a small way, I think that I've been able to help someone understand that like they deserve this time for themselves and that like doing things outside of parenting, doing things that like light you up as a person, it makes you a better mom, makes you a happier person. Yeah. So that you're not, like when you're out training, you're not guilt ridden because you're not with your child and
Starting point is 00:56:43 being the best mom that you can. And when you're with your child, you're not guilt-ridden because you're not with your child and being the best mom that you can. And when you're with your child, you're not guilt-ridden about not pursuing your sport because that's your job. Yeah, exactly. And I still struggle with these things. Yeah. A lot of the time I still struggle. I'm still figuring it out. But, you know, I want my daughter to see what it looks like to follow your dreams and go all in on what makes you feel alive. someone like yourself, like a mother of a young child who also happens to be an extraordinary athlete, where someone like myself or a member of the press, the first question is always going to be like, how do you balance, you know, how do you do both? How do you be a mom and an elite athlete? And on the one hand, that's super annoying because no one asks the males like how they,
Starting point is 00:57:43 how they're a dad and, you know, do it. It's just not, but there, on the one hand, that's super annoying because no one asked the males, like how they're a dad and do it. It's just not, but on the other hand, there is something really different and unique about motherhood, especially in those early years, like that bond and it's different for you than it is for the men. And that is worthy of a conversation, but the treatment or the, I guess the way the, the way in which, you know, that kind of inquiry is, is dispatched towards someone like yourself probably isn't handled as, as delicately or as deftly as it should be.
Starting point is 00:58:14 Yeah, there's certainly a nuance, but I'm not necessarily offended because I think that a lot of women want to know how to do all of the things. And I don't believe in balance. I don't really have a life outside of my family and training. You know, I train 30 hours a week and I have a toddler who goes to bed at eight and who takes a nap in the middle of the day. So there's not a lot of, yeah, space for much else besides those two things. And that's the phase of life that I'm in. And that's what I've chosen to do. But the way this all happens is my amazing co-parent and my husband, Steve. And he's just like the most selfless person and has really gone all in on this with me.
Starting point is 00:59:06 And I would have quit triathlon so many times or I did quit triathlon so many times. But he's always encouraged me and said, like, you just need to keep on, give it one more try. And like, you're going to be amazing and just hang in there. you're going to be amazing and just hang in there. But he actually left his job this summer because I'm competing internationally. I have to go to all these training camps. And I was traveling with Sky. And he's a firefighter, so he has this very bizarre schedule.
Starting point is 00:59:40 And we had a really hard time finding childcare. So yeah, he's committed to working with me on a day-to-day basis in my career, but also as a parent. So he's a really, really unique and special guy. That's pretty cool. Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah, very cool. Well, you seem like you're in a really good place right now. And I'm reflecting on Matt's article in the New York Times, which paints a pretty, it gets pretty low and dark, like some suicidal ideation, your experience, kind of flirting with SSRIs and not getting any kind of results.
Starting point is 01:00:21 Sure, Vedic meditation, great, like getting back into training, that's all good. But how did you find your way forward and begin to kind of crawl out of that darkness? Yeah, I had gone to see this physio that I worked with for many years after Kona because I wanted to check in on my body post, my like body post Ironman and make sure things are firing well. And he did some like biometric testing on me where I laid on the table and he hooked me up to, I think, a hurry monder and a sweat test. A hurry monder? A heart rate monder. Oh, a hurry monder. Yeah, a hurry monder and a sweat test. And he was kind of taking me through these scenarios. And I was asked to visualize like a really stressful situation. And you would expect my heart rate to skyrocket and like my sweat rate to increase.
Starting point is 01:01:17 But my heart rate just stabilized. And he said, that's really weird. Like you shouldn't be so, like that shouldn't be so normal for you. And he said, I think you need to like, and I had told him about some of the anxiety stuff and he was like, I think you really need to get some help. Like, it's not normal that you are having a hard time going to the grocery store. You shouldn't have to live this way. And so he found me a psychiatrist in Reno where I live. And so it kind of took somebody else finding this person for me.
Starting point is 01:01:49 And again, it was like really expensive. I paid for it all out of pocket. And I only say that because I think it's important for people to know like how hard it is to get like mental health treatment. And like we talked about, when you're at your kind of lowest low, it shouldn't be so difficult to like get an appointment or get some of your phone.
Starting point is 01:02:10 And when you're in that state, you don't have the facility or the capacity to go on this like diligent hunt for the right person. Exactly. Exactly. So luckily this woman who I found was an amazing fit for me. And she's actually worked with a number of Paralympic athletes, which is a little bit different from what I do, but she still has understanding of what I had accomplished and what I was trying to achieve. And so she didn't just say like, stop training and like work on your mental health and go from there. She understood what I was doing for work. And I was talking through her about my symptoms in our first appointment. And she said, I think I know what's going on. And I was like, yeah, I'm anxious. What do you mean? What's going on? She's
Starting point is 01:02:56 like, I think you have OCD. And that was very alarming for me initially. I think it's scary when you have sort of a label to an illness. But as I reflected more, I thought, okay, this makes a lot of sense. And with OCD, we often think of like incessant hand washing or, you know, like tapping on doorknobs or these little like ticks. But for me, it was, you know know an inability to like control these obsessive thoughts that were happening in in my mind like the mass shooting thing and and the thing about OCD is that if you don't treat it it just kind of like permeates into all these different areas of your life so I was having a really hard time getting on an airplane. And I was really like starting to get paranoid about certain things. And so it was like going beyond just this one initial thing. And so she taught me some like strategies that I could use to like help and also put me on a really low dose of of an anti-anxiety
Starting point is 01:04:09 medication which terrified me there is like so much stigma around um medication and I had all of these ideas of what it could do to me and how like I might gain weight and that would affect my performance and um I might like be really I don't know I might like change and that would affect my performance. And I might like be really, I don't know, I might like change my personality. And she said to me at one point, like, what you're doing right now is not working for you. So I think you need to figure out some other strategies. And like, I don't care how much of this pill you take, like cut it into quarters if you need to. But this is part of the treatment. Like now this is becoming like an obsession. Just take like whatever, like take a quarter of the pill. This is part of the
Starting point is 01:04:52 treatment. And so ultimately I was, you know, it's like, you have to, you almost like have to decide for yourself, like, I don't want to live this way anymore. And yeah, like what other option do I have? Right. Also, what does it say about you if you have to take this pill in order to deal with this problem as somebody who, you know, I'm sure thinks of yourself as a very strong person who can will their way through anything? Yeah, exactly. And I had been kind of white knuckling it for so long at that point, I think over a year and a half. And I really had this kind of like ultimate low for me where I had no joy in my day-to-day life. I was getting suicidal ideations. I couldn't really go into public places. And like, I'm supposed to be super mom, right? I just won Ironman World Championships.
Starting point is 01:05:45 You're the Ironman World Champion, you know, super mom, you know, in People Magazine. And you can't leave your house. Right. Wow. So what was the efficacy of this? Like, I assume it worked. Yeah, I can pinpoint the day in my training calendar when I, when, you know, the meds kicked in. It has to like titrate up for a while before you feel.
Starting point is 01:06:11 I think it takes 10 days or two weeks or something. And I was telling someone the other day, I was like, I'm on a really low dose, like five, I take five milligrams of Lexapro every day. And I said to someone, I don't know if it actually is doing anything because it's such a small dose. And they said that's kind of like besides the point. If you feel better and your symptoms are better, then it's doing something, even if that's just a placebo. But, yeah, it's pretty wild. I can I wasn't able to like I was having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I like couldn't go. I couldn't train like I was so low. I was not I could not getting out of bed in the morning. I like couldn't go, I couldn't train.
Starting point is 01:06:46 Like I was so low. I was not, I could not get out for a run. And then I can see, you know, in the calendar where like, oh yeah, I'm, I can train again. Wow. Lexa pro. Lexa pro. That's all it took. I know.
Starting point is 01:07:01 No. It shouldn't have been that hard to figure that out. I know, right? But that's like, oh man. I mean, I also learned like a lot of other strategies to deal with this. I mean, does it still flare up or do you have like moments of ebbs and flows with it?
Starting point is 01:07:21 I do. And I think it will be something that I deal with for the rest of my life. Like on one hand, it's my superpower. It's this obsessiveness makes me really excellent. What I do, like, you know, all the... Was there a fear? Like if I take this and it reduces that obsessive nature, then that's going to undercut like what makes me great at the thing that I'm best at. I think what's really sick is I had this fear that this kind of darkness was part of why I was so driven. And I thought that if I lose that, I might not have the desire anymore. That's the great fear of every person that wanders into an AA meeting or an NA meeting, especially creative people and artists, because they believe that it is, you know,
Starting point is 01:08:07 the darkness or the altered state of mind that is what is producing, what makes them unique and successful. And of course, that's the great lie. Like you have to disabuse yourself of that idea and realize that it's not that. Maybe there was some kind of short-term, you know, positive effect of leveraging that and kind of deploying it in a certain direction,
Starting point is 01:08:32 but ultimately it becomes your enemy. And to find a more sustainable, healthy source of fuel is a pretty, it's like an awakening, right? And it sounds like you've had your version of that. I think so. And ultimately it was about more than just sport. It was really about my daughter because I wasn't enjoying her. And I wanted to be present
Starting point is 01:09:01 and I wanted her to feel that joy kind of emanating from me. And I was really afraid that if I didn't choose a different path, I would just, I would not be what she deserved. And that was like my real motivation. It wasn't about like being able to continue on in triathlon. It was about showing up for her. Yeah. All the other people that are affected, you know, the ripple effect of somebody who has loved ones in their lives who is suffering. And it just makes me wonder or think about all the people that are walking around with some version of your condition untreated when there's a solution available, but for whatever reason, they can't access that solution
Starting point is 01:09:51 or it's not available to them or they're unaware that it exists. Yeah, I mean, I didn't get diagnosed with this until I was 33 and I'm pretty sure that I've dealt with it for my whole life. Well, it had to be so acute and severe because from the outside looking in,
Starting point is 01:10:08 you were excelling and succeeding. And perhaps on some level, that was a strategy that you developed to kind of keep it at bay or minimize your need to kind of confront it. Certainly in some ways it was working you know, it was working for me until it really wasn't working for me. And I had to hit this ultimate low until I could, or until I, yeah, sought out help. Yeah. Well, it's really powerful for you to
Starting point is 01:10:36 share it like this and to use your platform to talk about these things. and it is like a testament to that service-minded aspect of who you are and rather courageous because you are competing against these people and you must think like well are they gonna are people gonna try to weaponize this against me in the in the kind of you know mental warfare of elite you know athletics yeah I you know I never really thought about it in that way. I never thought like, oh, this might give my competitors an edge over me. I have this really kind of profound confidence in my ability, my athletic abilities. And sometimes I struggle with like confidence on a day-to-day basis, but like intrinsically, I have this deep belief that I am excellent at what I do. And if I am on my day kind of doing what I know how to do, I'm really hard to beat.
Starting point is 01:11:34 And it'll be really hard for somebody else to get in the way of that. So I, yeah, I never, it never really occurred to me that this could be like used against me on the race course. I was, I was maybe more afraid of like being judged by my peers, but, but not in a performance sense. I mean, it's not like a random blog or like the truckie local newspaper, like it's the New York Times. You must have been inundated with emails or people calling you. Like what was the response, you know, from your perspective? My poor husband, I always have these crazy ideas and he's really supportive, but sometimes he has to tell me like, Chelsea, I think you don't need to do this to yourself. Do we really need this in our life right now? It's complicated enough, right? So about, so I mean, I was really struggling like all through the winter off season and didn't really get my shit together until about four weeks out from my first race last year, which was Oceanside.
Starting point is 01:12:43 That's when I was really able to start training properly. And the article came out on the Thursday before the race. And that week, I also, there had been another mass shooting in Tennessee at a school, and I decided to donate all of my prize money from Oceanside to this organization called Moms Demand Action, which is really amazing. Like, they work on legislation to improve gun laws in this country to make things safer for kids and families.
Starting point is 01:13:14 So I, you know, did this public announcement kind of encouraging people to rally behind this organization. And I was going to donate my prize money from Oceanside. And then the New York Times article came out the next day. And I think I mostly just, you know, turned social media off for a couple of days. But for the most part, it was received really well. And I got a lot of positive feedback. And social media is such an amazing way to connect with other people. But it was alarming also how many people reached out
Starting point is 01:13:49 and told me their own stories with some of the things that they were struggling with. So I know that I am not alone and there's a lot of other people out there like me. Yeah, you're definitely not. So how do you kind of up-level this now and really kind of institutionalize this desire you have to advance the conversation around mental health and also female equity in sport? Yeah, I mean, it's an evolving process. There are some really great organizations out there doing awesome work. We spoke about my
Starting point is 01:14:28 partner Canyon a bit earlier, but they're a German bike brand and they're very progressive. They've been incredibly supportive as me as a mom. And we partnered together on this amazing bike, my Kona race bike. It's called the Rainbow Explosion. this amazing bike, my Kona race bike. It's called the Rainbow Explosion. Yeah. It's really quite something. I'll like find, and there's, you know, like bike geeks, there's always pictures of, you know, people like yourself and their bikes. And there's lots of, you know, images out there of this spectacular bike. So there's so much attention on our race bikes at the World Championships. There's all these articles written about, you know, what we're running. And I thought,ian, multiple-time national champion in the 800 meters. And she did this New York Times op-ed in 2019,
Starting point is 01:15:32 I think called Dream Maternity, talking about her experiences as an athlete and what that looked like when she became pregnant. And it was not pretty. She didn't get great support. And so this organization, they give grants to postpartum female athletes. They work to set up lactation stations and free child care
Starting point is 01:15:53 at races and events. And they also consult with companies on how to integrate effective and fair maternity policies. So Canyon made me this beautiful race bike. It took 60 hours to paint, I believe. And they made a replica that we're kind of auctioning off through the sweepstakes where people can enter and win my bike. Yeah, that's pretty cool. So it was hand painted. It took that long to hand paint it. Yeah. And the best part, of course, in all of this is the people. And I've gotten to be good friends with the woman who painted my bike. Her name is Sina. And she is an incredible artist.
Starting point is 01:16:35 It's all hand marbled. And we worked a lot together on the design. She would text me different swatches of carbon. And it really like came to life in this beautiful project. It has these epic DT Swiss wheels with like special pink logos and ceramic speed and a hibiscus derailleur. So it has all of the fancy things on there, but just a little bit fancier. Yeah. that's so cool. So lactation stations and childcare at races for women. Yeah, so-
Starting point is 01:17:10 Seems like a no brainer. I think so too. I had this crazy experience a week out from Kona. I was going out for a swim, at the pier on the race start. And there's this woman standing in the shallow part, breastfeeding her kid. As you do when you have a baby and you're
Starting point is 01:17:26 at the beach and they need to eat, they're hungry. And I go up to her and go, are you racing next weekend? She says, I am racing actually. I qualified for Kona when my kid was four months old and I attached my breast pump to my bike and I pumped in transition so that I could like get on with the run. And the crazy, this is spooky. This is really spooky. And I don't think she'll mind me sharing this, but she goes, I just need you to know my name is Chelsea and my daughter's name is Skye. And I was like, if that's not some weird, like, cosmic connection, I don't know what is. So, yeah, the whole, like, universal synchronicity Dave Scott thing, you know, just got, you know, escalated. Right, yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:13 So I feel that it's a no-brainer. I don't know. In triathlon, we do have an equity problem. At a lot of these races, you know, it's 75% men and 25% women. And I don't think that's because women don't want to do triathlon. I think that it's because they don't have access or they don't feel welcomed. And things like lactation stations or things like childcare could make a really big difference just to say to mothers, you matter and we want you here and you are accepted as part
Starting point is 01:18:45 of our community. Those sort of things are barriers to entry. And, you know, like I remember pumping at the start of my, you know, first triathlon postpartum and it was gnarly and like, you don't really know how to handle yourself in that situation. And, you know, I would have used that sort of service. Right. These, you know, races, these organizations, their governing bodies, it's pretty much mostly men, right? Like it doesn't occur to a man like,
Starting point is 01:19:10 oh, we should have that, right? Right. And that's why we- This is part of why we- Exactly. And that's of course why, you know, we need more women in leadership positions and women need-
Starting point is 01:19:21 There are changes, like the PTO is done, you know, like they've made strides, right? They have maternity leave and you took advantage of that, right? Like, so some progress has been made, but obviously there's a lot more that could be done. Absolutely. And it's amazing what the PTO has done with the paternity leave policy, but it's also 2023. And I think that's like the tip of the iceberg. There's so much more. it's also 2023. And I think that's like the tip of the iceberg. There's so much more.
Starting point is 01:19:51 What about at the elite level in terms of how it all goes down qualifying for a race like Kona? Has it been a good thing to separate the men's and the women's races to kind of better highlight the women's field? And is the qualification process of getting into the world championships the same as it is for men? Because it seems so Byzantine to me, and I'm not paying super close attention, but I know obviously you have to have a certain number of wins and points and whatever to qualify. And I remember, maybe it was a couple years ago, that it did seem to be out of balance in terms of how that operated for women versus the men's field? Yeah, so we have, it's a slot kind of qualifying system where you need to place, it depends on the race and how many slots they're offering at that event, but you need to place first through third, let's say,
Starting point is 01:20:37 at an Ironman and that qualifies you for Kona. There's not a point system anymore. And I believe that we are getting kind of equal numbers of qualifiers now the whole you know separation of the men and women's days and locations has been controversial but I I believe it's really important because we deserve to have the stage at the highest level of racing I think it's antiquated to think that we all need to be out there racing together. You see every other professional sport, and the women have their own world championships.
Starting point is 01:21:12 I think the Women's U.S. Open in tennis got better viewership than the Men's U.S. Open. We see what happened with the Women's World Cup in Australia this year. I mean, stadiums were packed and sold out. And this year, more people tuned into the women's stream than the men's stream for the Ironman World Championships. Oh, is that right? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:31 Wow. So, you know, the women really turned up this year and put on a show. I think 97% of the athletes finished, which is super rare. And the demand is there. I think that when we are on the course by ourselves, we don't have interference from the back end of the men's professional field and the front end of the amateur field. And then we also get all of the media attention on us. We get proper officiating, like officiating of the race. So, so I think that in this next phase of growing the sport and trying to make it like a truly professional sport, we really need the spotlight. What are some of the other changes that if you had your druthers or you were the big boss in
Starting point is 01:22:20 charge that you would make? I think that there is some low-hanging fruit, like we talked about with lactation stations and childcare. I think that maternity policy should be standard practice across industry-wide. I think that there should be, I don't know the exact details of race deferral options right now, but I think that there needs to be fair race deferral opportunities for people who get pregnant. They shouldn't have to feel like they need to like rush back in order to qualify for races. So in other words, you qualify for the world championships, you get pregnant, you can say, well, I'm going to set this aside and I have like an automatic in like next year or the year after. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:23:11 I think that there, there's just too much pressure to have to get back quickly. Right. And, um, there is, there is more support right now, but I think that, I think that it needs to be kind of taken up a level. Is there another sport out there outside of triathlon that you think is doing a good job or leading the charge when it comes to these types of issues that could be a model? Or is it an across-the-board kind of thing? I think it's across-the-board. I think that the WNBA does have amazing, like, has a maternity leave policy. They do things like they have an egg freezing program. The hard part about triathlon is that long distance triathlon is that we're not governed by a national body. So it's difficult just to decide, like, these things are not free, right? It's hard to decide who is going to, fund these programs. But, but yeah, in my perfect world, we have an egg freezing program so that we can choose motherhood and have that option whenever we want,
Starting point is 01:24:12 whether it's in the middle of our careers or afterwards, you know, we have robust maternity leave policies so that people like me don't feel like they need to race when they're four months postpartum. Like I would not, I'm not, I don't have regrets, but like, I don't remember a lot of the first year of my daughter's life because I was training so much and so tired and all of these things. So we have work to do. I have a couple of questions about training. The physical part of training, very data-driven with your coach. I'm interested in the mindset piece. Like, do you have specific things that you do to hone the mental game or mantras or tricks or a practice that you think gives you an advantage or keeps you on that fine edge of competitiveness? or keeps you on that fine edge of competitiveness?
Starting point is 01:25:12 I do have some specific practices that are more kind of performance-based. This past year, I actually got into a diaphragmatic breathing meditation instead of the Vedic meditation because I did some testing on myself about what would raise my HRV the most. And it was better with a diaphragmatic breathing versus the Vedic meditation. But I almost think that that was a little bit of a mistake. I have a hard time checking out from my work. And I think it's hard to recover when your mind is always on. And it's important for me to create space between like my job and my life. And so
Starting point is 01:25:56 that was maybe a misstep. The whole idea of like Vedic meditation is that it's not about like self-improvement and bettering yourself. It's about like bettering your community and the world. And it's almost like a selfless act. Whereas mine was like very performance-oriented meditation. Yeah. It's an agenda-driven meditation. Yeah. Which speaks to, you know, the type A hyper-vigilant athlete, but is sort of at cross purposes with the whole idea of meditation to begin with. Right. And I talked to this, yeah, I know. I talked to this mental coach and he said, I was like explaining to him that kind of my protocols and the things that I do. And he's like, so what do you do like for yourself just to relax? And I couldn't really come up with anything. Yeah, that's not good.
Starting point is 01:26:44 yourself just to relax and I couldn't really come up with anything. Yeah, that's not good. And he was like, when is the last time you went on vacation? And I couldn't remember. So I am very much a work in progress. Are you on vacation right now? Kind of. Sort of actually. Sort of. Yeah. I had 90 minutes to just kind of do whatever I wanted. We are going on vacation. We're going on vacation this weekend with our very dear friends, the Boulets, Magdalena Boulets. She was my coach. She coached me my first couple of years at Cal. She was the assistant coach there. And talk about luck to have someone like that come into my life. She's just the most remarkable person and has like changed the whole trajectory of my life, I think. But I got to see her qualify for the Olympics when her child was two years old. And so I had this model of what it could look like to choose motherhood and professional sport. And then she coached me when I graduated from Cal
Starting point is 01:27:47 for a couple of years. And I would tag along with her at all of her training sessions. And I really got to watch up close, like how she operated and how professional she was. And she's continued to be, you know, a mentor to me. And I feel really lucky yeah to have in my life quite something in addition to all of that she won western states like she's quite accomplished yeah and what's always like so amazing to me is that she's the most like generous selfless person and yeah we've talked about how selfish like endurance sport can be. And it's the opposite for her. She's so, yeah, so like giving and-
Starting point is 01:28:31 So she continues to be a model, not just as a mom and an athlete, but with that service kind of orientation. Yeah, yeah, she really does. And yeah, whenever I have like a big life decision, she's one of the first people that I call. Do you still tape your goals to your bathroom mirror? Yeah, I use a like dry erase marker
Starting point is 01:28:54 and I have this quote that just always stays on there that my coach actually said to me when I was kind of in the later stages of my pregnancy and it was sort of an off-the-cuff thing that he didn't think much about it but it really resonated with me and it says make the most important thing the most important thing and and what he was trying to say was like you're going to be getting back into training it's going to be really tempting to go all in on this but like you're a parent and like your family is the most important thing and like you
Starting point is 01:29:26 need to stay true to your values and what really matters even when things start to get like serious with training and racing and so that's really stuck with me and then um I write sky right underneath that as a reminder not that I need a reminder I see her every day but like I like just have it there just in case you forget yeah and then I um it says true grit underneath that which was my mantra with Magda and um and then I write whatever race is kind of coming up it's silly on one level but I think you know as you're brushing your teeth in the morning and you look at those things it really grounds you into like what matters and there are so many distractions in our in our world and I oftentimes feel feel so pulled in so many directions that it reminds me like I've chosen these things that
Starting point is 01:30:15 really matter to me and they're hard and it doesn't leave a lot of time and space for other things but this is what fills my cup and this is is what, yeah, makes me feel really fulfilled as a person. Beautiful. The mantra, make the most important thing, the most important thing. What's great about that is that can mean whatever you want it to mean. And that definition can change with the various seasons of life. And that definition can change with the various seasons of life. Absolutely. And for me, it even changes throughout a year.
Starting point is 01:30:53 Of course, my family is like always my priority. But when I'm getting ready for a race like the World Championships, I go all in. And I'm not as present of a parent as I am during other seasons of the year. And I go to training camp without my daughter. And I really like focus in on this one thing that I want to achieve. And when the race is over, like I'm a full-time mom for a while and my focus is back on my family.
Starting point is 01:31:16 So I think it's important for us, like as busy as we all are, to like give ourselves permission to go all in on the things that matter to us and and to not feel so much guilt and and to be okay with you know to be okay with those choices more than okay i mean it's it's powerful counter-programming to this social narrative or social imperative that we're all supposed to be living and pursuing this balanced life. And that is where our aspiration should lie. Like every day, every bucket should be filled
Starting point is 01:31:52 and you should be able to do that effortlessly and everybody's happy and your attention is, you know, diffused adequately so that, you know, all your values are satisfied. that all your values are satisfied. And it's not reality for anyone. And it's particularly not helpful to somebody who's prone to the extremes, who actually does their best work as a result of indulging in those extremes. And as somebody like yourself,
Starting point is 01:32:16 whose job and whose goals and whose dreams are deeply vested in your ability to go all in, in this very unbalanced way, there's an unconscious kind of guilt that you end up like shouldering because you feel like you're not supposed to be doing that or that it's somehow indulgent or irresponsible. And it's really, it's violent and it's pernicious.
Starting point is 01:32:45 And so I think it's important and it's pernicious. And so I think it's important to not just say it's okay for you to do that, but like to be boldly, say the opposite, which is like, this is what I do. And I like refuse to be kind of corralled into feeling bad about it. Yes, I have other things that are important in my life, but right now this is what I'm doing. Like, are you, instead of like things that are important in my life, but right now this is
Starting point is 01:33:05 what I'm doing. Like, are you, instead of like, are you living a balanced life? Your life is balanced in the macro, like the pendulum swinging. It's just on a day-to-day or even a week-to-week basis. It may not look balanced to an outside observer. But I think the point is that it's not about balance as much as it is presence with what is important to you, right? Are you super present with what you're doing? And when that's the most important thing, giving it your all, and then you flick the switch
Starting point is 01:33:36 and then you're doing the same thing as a mom or to the other things in your life that are important. Right, like I struggle with all of these things so much because the life that my little family lives is like very different than a lot of people in some ways because it's super extreme. And we're on the razor's edge of trying to achieve these things.
Starting point is 01:34:00 But so much of it is like who you surround yourself with and like them accepting you as you are. Right. They're all happy for you when you win, but there's a lot of judgment about how you're living your life in the meantime on the day to day. Totally. And, you know, like we've certainly felt that from our parents, like our families and they, you know, love us, right? But I think it's different. It's like a different kind of life path that we've chosen. And we're not risk averse. Like we're not afraid to make bold choices and go all in on these kind of crazy dreams.
Starting point is 01:34:36 And I think— Exceptionalism demands it. Yeah. No, absolutely. But I think why I do feel so lucky is that there is no guarantee that it will work out. Right. And in so many ways, like this win last year in Kona, like validated all of these choices. like Steve and I have been on, but we have been really lucky to have, you know, people in our lives like Magda and like my coach, Dan Plews,
Starting point is 01:35:08 who've like accepted us as we are and really championed this approach and gone all in on it with us. It's more complicated now than it was a year or a year and a half ago because there's a whole business side now that you're managing on top of just the performance aspect of being an athlete.
Starting point is 01:35:29 So with the win and the success comes responsibilities and obligations and contracts and all of that, that also interfere with the day-to-day kind of focus on the thing that got you there in the first place. So how do you approach that, navigate that, and also keep your kind of focus on the thing that got you there in the first place. So how do you approach that, navigate that, and also keep your kind of balance and your mental health in check? Yeah. I mean, I work with really, really amazing people in Santara group who helped me manage that. And like, I just have to give a huge shout out to them because they have been along on this ride with me. They're great adam's
Starting point is 01:36:06 amazing yeah i mean they've really like championed maternity policies like they're the ones who are having those conversations saying like this is how it is and how it needs to be and so i'm super super grateful but certainly like the job has gotten a lot bigger. And to have this sort of success, like, in your 30s is much different than, you know, when you're, like, 22. And so in that sense, I'm, like, grateful that I maybe have this level of appreciation for the opportunities that I have. What's been challenging is I have a decade of a career where I felt like I had to say yes to everything because I was just trying to kind of scrape by. And I think when you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else. And for me, when I'm saying yes to things, that means I'm saying no to time with my kid. And I'm really aware that this guy is two and a half. It's super precious time with her. And so, yeah, like I'm torn. I'm torn all of the time between my career and my
Starting point is 01:37:14 kid, which is not unique to me. It's like all parents deal with these things. So it's about, of course, like sticking to my values and what matters to me and what gets me fired up. I shared with you before we started that yesterday we hosted Mark Cavendish on the podcast. So it's interesting, back-to-back kind of elite athletes with really powerful mental health stories. Mark's documentary on Netflix portrays, you know, the high highs of his career, but this really dark kind of dip that he took and his decision to kind of transparently and publicly talk about his mental health journey
Starting point is 01:37:57 while also still being in the sport and pursuing very lofty goals. And my experience of spending time with him yesterday, you know, the biggest takeaway from that is that he just feels really happy in his life and he understands what's important to him and that what he's getting to experience now is really just gravy.
Starting point is 01:38:19 Like he loves his kids, he's had this amazing career, he's very grateful for that, he just loves riding his bike and he's excited about the season, but his relationship to outcomes and the distance that he has put between himself and like external expectations, because there's this looming thing
Starting point is 01:38:39 about like breaking the record and all of that for most Tour de France wins, he seems really at peace with and right-sized about. And so as I'm hearing you sharing, I'm kind of identifying a similar sensibility in that you just are coming across like you're really happy in your life. Like you have big goals, you have ambitions.
Starting point is 01:39:03 There's a lot of things for you still to do. You're early in your career, right? A lot of things that you are intent on succeeding at and expressing. But I feel like you're grounded and you have a good understanding of like what's important. Yeah, I think I am still very ambitious and i feel like i'm just getting started in this triathlon thing and winning is really fun and i want to have another big day like i did in kona last year because i like that you admit that it's the best honestly it's so it's so fun and it's also the best way to say thank you to the people who are along for this ride.
Starting point is 01:39:46 And I want another moment like that. On the other hand, I think that that win in Kona, it, like, made this whole project a success. So there is this level of freedom. You know, on my good days, there's this level of freedom where I feel like I kind of did the thing that I wanted to do. And now I just get to have fun and see what's possible. I say to Steve sometimes, all I really want is I want the freedom when I retire to take a year off and have another baby and not have to worry about like training or work. So I can really like have that experience again of being a fully present mom with my baby.
Starting point is 01:40:33 And I think that, you know, I'm like in a position now where like that's a reality. That's super cool. What is it that you're working on? Like, what is the obstacle that's recurring for you that you know you need to work on? Like, what is next to kind of master in this equation? Yeah, I have a big bike project ahead of me
Starting point is 01:40:55 going into 2024. Our world championships is in Nice. Does it involve somebody hand painting something for like an ungodly number of hours? I think quite- Or does it involve you pedaling it? I think more of me pedaling it. Our world championships are in Nice,
Starting point is 01:41:11 so it's going to be a very different kind of race than Kona. It's a super technical course with big climbs and descents. And I'm excited about that project. I get some criticism about my bike. Like I have not ridden my bike very well this year and, but I feel, I know that I'm a really good cyclist. So I'm excited to keep on working on that and show it on race day. Cause I haven't been able to like produce. Are you a good climber? I am. I have a good rider. Cause Nice will, will, you know, be good for that. Yeah. No,
Starting point is 01:41:41 I think it really suits me, but it will require some very specific preparation, but that'll be fun. All right. Yeah. Any choice words for Lucy Charles Barkley? About next year? I just hope, you know, I just hope that everybody shows up because I love racing the best people on the biggest stages
Starting point is 01:42:03 and there's nothing more satisfying than breaking the tape when everybody is there bringing their A game. What, to your mind, is the differentiator between good and great? In triathlon or just generally? Well, both maybe. You can start with triathlon. I think what's so amazing about the women's side of the sport right now is that it's like deeper than it's ever been before. You cannot have a weakness.
Starting point is 01:42:32 I think maybe a decade ago, you could have, you only had to be really good at two of the sports. You could maybe be like a little mediocre at one thing, but now you have to deliver across all three. You can't have a glaring... If you were a great track and field runner, you could immediately stand out, which is what you did. But that's more rare these days. You have to be able to be the best in all three. Right. You could be a good swim biker or a good bike runner, but now you have to be a really good swim bike runner. And so it's amazing to see like the, all of these women rising to the occasion and the competition is so fierce. I think, you know, there's 10 women that could win on any given day.
Starting point is 01:43:18 And so what is the differentiator there? Assuming everybody's great at everything, you know, what is that? Who's the person who only one person can win? Yeah. I mean, I think that we all work really hard. It's about your belief in yourself and the mental game that you bring. On that day, one of my coaches talked about how when you show up to a world championship, like a third of the field doesn't think they can win. A third of the field has like messed up their training and a third of the field actually is there to race. And at this level now, you have to be the full package, both mind, body, spirit, and you can't have a weakness. And so where are you finding that extra edge then? I think that I have so much belief in my physical ability.
Starting point is 01:44:16 Whether that's true or not, I don't know. Where does that come from? I think from my training, what I see on the day-to-day, how relentless I am, that kind of obsessive perfectionism that goes into the small details, you know, like all of the little rehab exercises that people hate doing. Like, I love doing that stuff. Yeah, you're weird. Nobody likes doing that. No one likes doing that stuff. So I just like love the day-to-day process of improving and pushing myself.
Starting point is 01:44:52 I think that I have work to do on the mental game. That's where I always feel like there's something more to unlock. So what are we doing about that? Yeah. Yeah, I was recently connected with this amazing person. His name is Dr. David Spindler. And I think that you'll be speaking with him pretty soon. Yeah, we have, I don't know if he's scheduled yet.
Starting point is 01:45:19 We've been speaking to him. So he's the sports psychologist that shows up in the Mark Cavendish documentary and was instrumental in helping Mark. That could be a good team member for you. Yeah, I'm really excited about what we might be able to do together. So I had an awesome first chat with him. But then, of course, he had to go through the different team members. So he talked to Steve and then he talked to my coach, Dan, and I think we're all excited about what we could do together. That's exciting. Yeah. The last thing I want to ask you about has to do with change, like the nature of change,
Starting point is 01:46:00 because that's sort of probably the most prominent kind of recurring theme of this show. Like how do you go from becoming one person to the more aspirational version of yourself? How do you let go of bad habits and adopt better habits? What are the things that get in people's way in terms of trying to transition or elevate themselves? And as someone like yourself, you spoke today about going from track and field to triathlon, going from short course to long course,
Starting point is 01:46:31 but more importantly, weathering this mental health situation that you've had to deal with to come out the other side, a champion, healthy, you've earned a certain, you've earned your transformation. Like you understand the discomfort in the process of what's demanded upon you or required in order to elevate yourself out of one situation and place yourself on a trajectory that's putting you towards your dreams. Do you think about the nature of that itself or do you have any thoughts that you could share
Starting point is 01:47:09 as we kind of close this up with somebody who's listening or watching who knows that maybe they need to change or they should change or they have an ambition or a goal, but have trouble trying to figure out how to kind of kickstart themselves into engaging with that process. Yeah, by nature, I, like we talked about, I'm a pretty anxious person.
Starting point is 01:47:31 I obsess and I overthink about things. And when I'm making a big decision or my husband and I are making a big kind of life decision, he will always say to me, we don't make choices out of fear. will always say to me, we don't make choices out of fear. Even when things are scary or hard, like we, you and me, we are not going to make these like we we are able to kind of transcend that and and not make big decisions based on fear and basing them instead on joy and love and optimism and possibility, we're not risk averse, and that's probably to a fault. Sometimes our choices have not worked out. things, we're living this, you know, really purpose-driven, fulfilling life. And it looks a little different than maybe some of the people that we grew up with or our families. But
Starting point is 01:48:53 yeah, I mean, it's such an exciting, fulfilling way to live. And I think that I feel so alive in the things that I pursue, even though it's not always easy. That's a pretty great place to live. Yeah. I mean, I think... Like win or lose, right? To know that that's the alignment that you're always kind of striving for in your life. It's inspirational. Thanks. And I'm not always perfect, right? And I fail all the time. But I think that my coach says to me,
Starting point is 01:49:37 actually, it's like Winston Churchill quote. It's like, it's something to the effect of success is when you are able to go from one failure to the next without losing enthusiasm. I mean, most athletes, right, we lose way more than we win, but we keep on coming back for more because the journey is so fulfilling and it's so much curiosity about what's possible. And sometimes that surprises me because like I'm 34, which is, it's not like young in professional sports, but I still feel like I'm just getting started and there's so much to look forward to and so much ahead. Super cool.
Starting point is 01:50:20 And if it doesn't work out with Spindler, your husband, you know, for him to say, we don't make decisions based on fear. I'm like, well, he can be your sports psychologist. He seems more than qualified. He's a really smart guy. Oftentimes, he'll be chatting through something with him and I'll say,
Starting point is 01:50:35 I think that this is what you should do and he'll be like, I don't know about that. And then I'll talk to Dan, my coach, and I'll say the exact same thing. I'm like, you're right, Dan. Exactly. That's exactly what I need to do. That's great.
Starting point is 01:50:50 Such a delight to talk to you today. I'm a huge fan. I can't wait to see what is in store for you in the year and in the years ahead. So it was really cool getting to know you a little bit and thank you for sharing. I think your message is really powerful. I think your instinct and your inclination to lean into the mental health discussion and really leverage your platform for good in that area and in terms of greater equity and support is laudable and beautiful. And I'm at your service if there's anything I can do to help you. So thank you. Thank you. All right. Until next time, go out there and win and come back and tell me all about it. Sounds like a good plan. Peace. That's it for today. Thank you for listening. I truly
Starting point is 01:51:37 hope you enjoyed the conversation. To learn more about today's guest, including links and resources related to everything discussed today, visit the episode page at richroll.com, where you can find the entire podcast archive, as well as podcast merch, my books, Finding Ultra, Voicing Change in the Plant Power Way, as well as the Plant Power Meal Planner at meals.richroll.com. PlantPowerMealPlanner at meals.richroll.com. If you'd like to support the podcast, the easiest and most impactful thing you can do is to subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, on Spotify, and on YouTube, and leave a review and or comment. Supporting the sponsors who support the show
Starting point is 01:52:20 is also important and appreciated. And sharing the show or your favorite episode with friends or on social media is, of course, awesome and very helpful. the show is also important and appreciated. And sharing the show or your favorite episode with friends or on social media is, of course, awesome and very helpful. And finally, for podcast updates, special offers on books, the meal planner, and other subjects, please subscribe to our newsletter, which you can find on the footer of any page at richroll.com. Today's show was produced and engineered by Jason Camiolo. The video edition of the podcast
Starting point is 01:52:47 was created by Blake Curtis with assistance by our creative director, Dan Drake. Portraits by Davey Greenberg. Graphic and social media assets courtesy of Daniel Solis. Thank you, Georgia Whaley, for copywriting and website management.
Starting point is 01:53:02 And of course, our theme music was created by Tyler Pyatt, Trapper Pyatt, and Harry Mathis. Appreciate the love, love the support. See you back here soon. Peace. Plants. Namaste. Thank you.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.