The Rich Roll Podcast - Why You Should Love Louder

Episode Date: March 9, 2015

From a young, troubled gang member facing an almost certain future of jails and institutions to becoming one of today's freshest voices in the conscious media movement, the life arc of Preston Smiles is something to behold. So it's a pleasure to welcome my friend back to the podcast. Inspirational speaker. Motivational messenger. Fount of creative positivity. All around solid, loving dude. If you are relatively new to the RRP, I strongly suggest rewinding the podcast back to my first sit down with today's guest (RRP #103) for the full Preston Smiles lowdown and origin story — a conversation that ranks right up there amongst some of the most popular and downloaded episodes in the history of the show. I am proud to share this powerful conversation with you today. A conversation that traverses a tapestry of mental, emotional and spiritual topics and truisms, including healthy strategies for: * navigating relationship pitfalls; * overcoming the scarcity mentality; * learning how to access, attract and accept abundance into your life; and * why none of us should be afraid to love loudly in our quest to embrace our highest self. I'm a better dude for having Preston in my life. I truly enjoyed this conversation and sincerely hope you do too. Peace + Plants, Rich

Transformation is not a destination, it's a journey, and we're always on a journey home to the self. And my biggest reminder for people is that your history does not determine your destiny. Your destiny is determined by how you choose to be with what has happened. That is Preston Smiles, and this is the Rich Roll podcast. Hey guys, my name is Rich Roll and I'm on a mission. The mission is simple, to help you live and be better. So to serve this end, each week I offer up long-form, in-depth conversations with some of the best and the brightest, the most forward-thinking, paradigm-busting minds across all categories of life and excellence to help you discover, uncover, unlock, and unleash your best,

most authentic self. Thank you so much for subscribing to the show, for spreading the word to your friends and your family members and your colleagues and for sharing on social media. Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter. Thank you especially for clicking through the Amazon banner ad at richroll.com for all your Amazon purchases. We're brought to you today by recovery.com.

I've been in recovery for a long time. It's not hyperbolic to say that I owe everything good in my life to sobriety. And it all began with treatment and experience that I had that quite literally saved my life. And in the many years since, I've in turn helped many suffering addicts and their loved ones find treatment. And with that, I know all too well just how confusing and how overwhelming and how challenging it can be to find the right place and the right level of care, especially because unfortunately, not all treatment resources adhere to ethical practices. It's a real problem. A problem I'm now happy and proud to share has been solved by the people at recovery.com who created an online support portal designed to guide, to support, and empower you to find the ideal level

of care tailored to your personal needs. They've partnered with the best global behavioral health providers to cover the full spectrum of behavioral health disorders, including substance use disorders, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, gambling addictions, and more. Navigating their site is simple. Search by insurance coverage, location, treatment type, you name it. Plus, you can read reviews from former patients to help you decide. Whether you're a busy exec, a parent of a struggling teen, or battling addiction yourself, I feel you. I empathize with you.

I really do. And they have treatment options for you. Life in recovery is wonderful. And recovery.com is your partner in starting that journey. When you or a loved one need help, go to recovery.com and take the first step towards recovery. To find the best treatment option for you or a loved one, again, go to recovery.com. We're brought to you today by recovery.com. I've been in recovery for a long time.

It's not hyperbolic to say that I owe everything good in my life to sobriety. And it all began with treatment, an experience that I had that quite literally saved my life. And in the many years since, I've in turn helped many suffering addicts and their loved ones find treatment. And with that, I know all too well just how confusing and how overwhelming and how challenging it can be to find the right place and the right level of care, especially because unfortunately, not all treatment resources adhere to ethical practices. It's a real problem. A problem I'm now happy and proud to share has been solved by the people at recovery.com who created an online support portal designed to guide, to support, and empower you to find the full spectrum of behavioral health disorders, including substance use disorders, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, gambling addictions, and more. Navigating their site is simple. Search by insurance coverage, location, treatment type,

you name it. Plus, you can read reviews from former patients to help you decide. Whether you're a busy exec, a parent of a struggling teen, or battling addiction yourself, I feel you. I empathize with you. I really do. And they have treatment options for you. Life in recovery is wonderful, and recovery.com is your partner in starting that journey. When you or a loved one need help, go to recovery.com and take

the first step towards recovery. To find the best treatment option for you or a loved one, again, go to recovery.com. Okay, on to this week's guest, Preston Smiles. I love this guy. Preston is both a friend, he's an inspiration, he's a guy who went from gang member on a crash course with jails and institutions all the way to what he is now, which is a fresh, inspirational voice in this conscious media movement. He's a motivational messenger, he's an inspirational speaker, he is a font of creative positivity, and just an all-around solid, loving dude and good friend. So if you're relatively new to the show, you want more background on Preston, what he does, maybe go

back and listen to episode 103 if you haven't already. That's my first sit down with him and to date it's up there amongst some of my most popular episodes. I'm really proud to share this powerful conversation with you guys today. It's a conversation that traverses all kinds of topics, everything from how to properly navigate relationships to overcoming a mentality of scarcity to access, accept, and embrace abundance into your life. And who doesn't want that? So let's tap this nerve and see what happens. Certainly, the feedback from the last time that we talked was so strong. And even like, I mean, when was that?

That was like a year and a half ago. Yeah, maybe a year. No, maybe a year. Yeah, it was a while ago. Yeah. But literally almost every day somebody tweets or I get some kind of message that, you know, that episode is still getting listened to, which is pretty cool. Yeah, man. It's really beautiful. You know, I'm grateful for what you do and for what you've called forth in people.

And pretty much that was a space for us, you know, to go for it. And the beautiful thing about humans are that we all are going through the same stuff. We all have the same issues. And when somebody chooses to, you know, shine a light on it and say like, yo, we're all in this together, then it resonates with people. And I think that's what happened with our peers, with the Rich Roll like fan club, because I love you guys, by the way. Richer people are ridiculous.

You guys get it in. It's so beautiful because, obviously, what you can do. I have a talk that I'm doing in a couple days in Australia, and I'm going to talk about this. This is a big Australia audience for this show. Yo, yo, yo, Australia. Yo, Aussie Oz! I love Australia. How long are you going to be down there for? I'm going to stay a month. I'm going to stay a month and I'm going to

go for it. I'm going to, like, travel and, like, really dig in. Right. Alright, so Australia listeners out there, hit them up. Yeah. Show them a good time. Are you going to be in Sydney area? I'll be in Sydney, I'll be in Byron Bay, I'll be in... I'll be everywhere. Right. Yeah. That's exciting. I'm going for it. But I interrupted you. You were sharing a thought about- Oh, yes. About what happens when we come together,

right? So have you ever noticed birds flying in a V formation or particularly geese? Do you know why they do that? I have noticed that. Other than it's aerodynamic. Yeah. It's efficient. So the answer is yes. This is how efficient it is. Geese can fly 71% further as a flock than they can as an individual.

And it's the same thing with us, you know? And like what they do is, it's awesome. Geese are ridiculously like amazing when you really look at like how they operate. So each flap creates like an uplift for the bird behind it. And while they're going, if you notice, just listen, they bark at each other. They like quack, quack, and they quack at each other. And that's all encouragement. They're encouraging the one in the front to keep going, to go faster.

We got you. We got you. You're doing great. And what happens is whoever's in the front, as soon as they get tired, they drop back to the back, and then the next one comes up. And they share leadership. And because of that, they're able to go 71% further. That's ridiculous. And think about that as far as like what we're doing and what

you're doing in the health industry, you know, like what you're bringing and what all of your, your, uh, community, your family, your tribe, I wouldn't even call them fans or your people, you know, what you guys are doing together is, is, is going 71% further or a hundred or whatever. Well, certainly you can. Yeah. I mean, it makes perfect sense. Thank you for that statement. And it's exactly the way bicycle racing operates. Have you ever watched the Tour de France? I've never watched it.

The peloton operates on the same principle, which is that when you see the big group of people all riding together, it looks like a beehive going down the road. It's the same idea. The people at the front are doing all the work. And if you're sitting in the middle of that group, you barely have to pedal. Like the amount of energy that you have to exert to just stay in the pack that's moving along at a really rapid clip is exponentially reduced by just all the resistance, the air resistance being broken by the people in front of you.

That's amazing. And then they just rotate. It's the same thing. You know, like the people at the air resistance being broken by the people in front of you. That's amazing. And then they just rotate. It's the same thing. You know, like the people at the front, it's called pulling. Like they'll pull for a while and then they drop back to the back and then, you know, they take turns. And as a group, they can then, you know, move so much more quickly than the individuals can. So occasionally there will be a breakaway. Like a couple people will try to ride off the front.

Yeah. And if it's just two or three, then they have to rotate between themselves. But they're operating as a very tiny microcosm of that larger macrocosm. And usually they can't sustain enough energy to really stay away for very long before the Peloton just catches up to them and gobbles them up again. It's an experiment in exactly what you're referring to, which is this idea of the power of the unit that's a well-oiled machine working together to accomplish things that the individual on its own can't possibly do. And that's totally hardwired into their DNA. You know what I mean? For sure. This tiny, tiny little brain, and they understand that, and they're doing that.

That's pretty cool. I've been researching a particular animal because it's just, it's just fascinating me. I'm a nature guy through and through, like take me, put me in the woods somewhere and I'm happy or in the ocean. But I have a question for you. What would you say, and this is to your listeners out there too, what would you say is the most cooperative, relentless, successful pack hunter in the wild that gets their prey 80% of the time? Wolves?

That's a good guess. Because they work as a pack, right? True. Right. Any other guesses? Because it's not wolves. It's not wolves. It's probably some tiny little ants or something like that.

No, it's not ants because they're not hunters. Most people would guess lions, but it's not lions. Lions get their prey 30% of the time. Lions starve all the time. Most people would guess hyenas. It's not hyenas. Cheetahs, not cheetahs, not leopards. What I'm talking about is, and nobody, most people don't even know that this animal exists.

It is called the African wild dog or the spotted dog. Have you ever seen these? No, no. They're literally like the size of a small German shepherd. And they're in packs of 20 or more or sometimes less. They're on the endangered list right now because humans are killing them and they have less and less space to do what they do. But the African wild dogs, and look this up,

you will be blown away on YouTube. You go on YouTube and type in African wild dogs, you'll sit there for days like I did. Because there's all these videos, they have strategies on how they do this. 80% of the time, National Geographic says 90% of the time that they get their prey. It means every single time they go out, they catch what they're going for. Because they're working as a unit.

Exactly. And wolves are like that too, though. I mean, they're super smart in how they kind of, you know, strategize how they're going to kind of close in on their prey. For sure. And kind of shut down all the exit options and all that kind of stuff. Exactly. That's exactly what they do. They like, you know, they'll send, you know, an impala this way, knowing that they have

like 10 dudes here, another five there. And like what they do is the first group will bite at the impala's legs and just pace them. Right. Just, just nip at them. Whatever they're going after, they just nip. Then what happens is as soon as they get after, they just nip. Then what happens is as soon as they get tired, they send a signal with their tail and then the next group comes up and they replaces them. And then these guys rest, which is why they always get their

prey because the prey cannot outrun them and they can't outsmart them. And here's the craziest thing that I found out. After they hunt, first of all, they always leave one babysitter back at the nest to take care of the pups and whoever's sick or whoever's too weak to go on the hunt. So they go out on this hunt. They kill, let's say, an impala

or a buffalo. They eat the buffalo completely, like leave nothing. Right then and there. Right then and there. They eat the entire thing. Because they chase them for miles. It's like a persistent hunt. Exactly. Then they come back to the den and every single person that was on the hunt regurgitates their food and they all eat together. Wow.

Game changer. How many are in these packs? Up to 20, usually around 10. Right. Yeah. So what's your point? My point is, like, once again, nature is showing us all the time. And I think that we're in that stage of our evolution right now.

Like, I was talking to somebody the other day just about, like, what happened to my ancestors and, like, how, you know, terrible it was, but how awesome it was that these, these gentlemen, these people decided that people that look like me were less than, and we weren't men. And therefore we did, they could rape our women and burn us and kill us and do all of those things. But the thing about it was, was that they came together. They had a, a, a single one, one pointed focus well the nazis came together too boom they're very well organized super organized and that is to me that is what's happening in our world right now when it comes to um the consciousness uh around what we put into our bodies i think that people are waking up and all of these different factions and groups are coming together and it hasn't happened yet, but it's happening. Like we're on the verge of

something and I'm just super amped about the whole thing. I feel like we're living in, there's two different worlds going on. Like I see what you're saying. Like I see in the one hand, like the people that I associate, like I'm hanging out with guys like you all the time, right? So I tend to see the world through this prism or this lens of like really forward thinking, really kind of like thought leader people who are very optimistic and are movers and shakers and doing cool stuff. And there is this definite trend of conscious media that is expanding. And I think with the sort of availability, instant availability of information via the internet, people are gravitating towards that. They want a positive message. It's sort of like the idea of television,

like a sitcom on TV just seems silly right now, even in comparison to how that felt maybe two years ago. When you look at young people, the idea of sitting down and watching a television show, like when it's on TV, unless it's like a sports event or some kind of – you know, like the Oscars or something like that, just seems preposterous to somebody who's like young, you know? So it is changing and that's very exciting and it's cool to see, you know, amazing talent out there propagating like a positive message and getting a favorable response out of that. You know what I mean?

Because the distribution channels are so open and democratic now. And then on the other hand, you travel all the time. Like what do you see when you're in an airport? You know, what do you like, what, what is the America that's, you know, that is also functioning, you know, at the same time that's, that's hypnotized by, you know, sort of mainstream culture and television and, and all of that, like to the point of just being completely checked out and really not even, you know, thinking about how they're exerting their energy or the food that they're eating or, you know, how they're behaving or any of those kinds of things. Like it's a, like they're just in a sleep mode. For sure.

So how do you reconcile these two worlds? Like how do we bridge that gap? Yeah. I mean, off top, I have to consciously in myself know that it isn't two worlds. to consciously in myself know that it isn't two worlds. And I know that because even, you know, and I was looking at the World Organization's statistics the other day. World Health Organization? Exactly.

WHO? And where does it have it actually? We have 1.9 billion adults in 2014 were considered overweight and over 600 million of them were considered obese. Crazier number, 42 million children under the age of five were considered obese in 2013. So it's clear numbers wise where, where America is still ruminating in. You want to blow your mind? Do it. One out of every three Americans will die of a heart attack. One out of every two Americans will suffer some form of coronary artery disease.

And by 2030, 50% of Americans will be diabetic or pre-diabetic. Like that's crazy, right? That's crazy talk. It's ridiculous. So the stats you're iterating are global. And this is a problem that is born in America and that is being exported all over the world. Yes, indeed. So you were in Africa recently. I mean I've never been to Africa, but I was in the Middle East.

And to see like TGI Fridays in like Saudi Arabia is like kind of a mind blower. Yep. See, like TGI Fridays in like Saudi Arabia is like kind of a mind blower. Yep. And so we're exporting this lifestyle and this diet to populations that have never experienced food like this or lifestyle modalities like this. And they're having health problems that are unprecedented in the history of humankind. Absolutely. And that's tragic. It's super tragic.

Right. Here's the crazy part. The other day, I ran out of my alkaline water and I had this thought, it wouldn't be safe for me to go take my cup over to the sink and have the water go in there and drink that. Like that's the society we're living in right now. Like it's not okay for me to actually drink what's coming out of that faucet because it is 100% not healthy. And to think about that we have a society set up like that where most people don't know, and I talk about this all the time, I was that dude. I was eating McDonald's, Burger King.

The Sloppy Joes that we got at school were my favorite time. Yeah, of course. The chicken McNuggets, all of that stuff. And so many people have these crazy diseases and they don't understand where it's coming from. And for me, I have to, in order to do the work that I do, believe that there is no two sides and that it's just a matter of being aware and having easier options. And my part in that is not to make easier options because that's not, you know, that's not what I do. But my part is to bring awareness to it the best way I know how, which is by doing YouTube videos,

by doing love mobs and by featuring and coming on anything and being around people who are raising the flag of awareness and health and love and peace. And like, you know, it's the Buckminster Fuller thing. It's like you either talk about what's not working or you create a lane that's so freaking powerful, that's so amazing that people stop looking over there and they just start looking over here. And I believe,

even though we're small right now, our crew, our bubble that we sort of live in are now the cool kids. Like people are looking and going, what's that? Even the Oscars the other day when, what's her name? And I wasn't watching it. I just saw the like feed later, Patricia Arquette got up and said, and talked about women's, women's rate, women's being paid, women being paid the same as men. Like people are taking their time in the spotlight to talk about stuff that's not working in our world. And like, I think that's awesome. Right. I think what, where my eyes kind of always kind of gravitate towards is the gap between the inspiration and the action, right?

Because you can inspire people and people like to be inspired. And on some level, like somebody who can inspire somebody is a valuable asset. But in some level, it's also kind of easy. But in some level, it's also kind of easy. It's like the trick, the hard part, the work is in translating that inspiration into sustainable action and change. And when you talk about – you were talking about people that are sick and they don't want to like look at like why they're sick. We're in a culture right now that it's very entitled and it's like nobody wants to be told that they have to change their behavior or take responsibility for their actions, which I think is like maybe that's a

millennial thing. It seems like a new thing. So it's easier to say you don't have to worry about all the behaviors, the foods you're eating and the behaviors, your lifestyle behaviors that have contributed to your high blood pressure. Just take this pill and then you don't have to worry about all the behaviors, the foods you're eating and the behaviors that your lifestyle behaviors that have contributed to your high blood pressure, just take this pill and then you don't have to worry about it. And you can just say like, everything's fine, but you haven't really addressed the problem. You're just dealing with a symptom. And that's emblematic, I think, of other kind of aspects of our culture that I think weren't looking at in terms of, you know, problems that we need to face and deal with. And the truth is, like, you know, if you want to change, then you do have to, like, look in the mirror and take responsibility for your behaviors and get honest with yourself. And I think that's very difficult.

It's difficult for me to do. It's still difficult for me to do. I don't want to, like, look at stuff that I'm not proud of or admit that I'm behaving in a certain way that I could do better at. But in my experience, the only time that I've ever been able to progress or take what I'm doing to the next level is when I'm willing to grapple with that and do the work that's required to get to the other side. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm completely in alignment with that. The only thing I would add to or just leave a caveat for is that the difference between what you're talking about and what i experience is that people don't even know it's not that they know and then they're going okay well just give me a pill they don't even

know like my my grandmother with her tumors and all of the stuff she's she's you know being with right now she has no clue even though i do my best to explain it to her, that the years of like fried chicken and all of the stuff she put in her body could be the reason why her body is breaking down. She has no clue that those pills that she takes, the like 35 of them a day, are for each other. Like she takes one to stop the tremors and then another one to be with the side effects of the pill that stops the tremors. And like the whole thing is like, and she's on

the back end of that. What about all those people like myself back in the day when that doctor asked me that poignant question that changed my life forever, what do you eat? And I said, I eat food. Like my answer was food. And he was like, explain more. Okay. I eat food. I eat Burger King. I eat a chicken McNuggets. I eat McDonald's. I like, he's like, that's not food. Most people have not been told. And, and so back to the inspiration part, right? So let's jump back to that. jump back to that. It's layered, right? For instance, my job, one of my jobs is to be that inspiration for people. Not the choir though. My job is to be the inspiration for the people who have no clue. And that's what I find is my sort of audience. It's the people right on the edge who are like, okay, something's not working here.

And everybody's doing that. Everybody's in that space like, okay, so we got to figure something out. But we have no clue what the something is. And like a lot of the people who come through my YouTube channel and stuff like that, they're right on the edge. And what I do purposely is I get in their face. I purposely talk about stuff in a very raw way. I don't try to sugarcoat it. I do my best not to be, you know,

how the, nothing against them, but how the old motivational speakers would be where they use these keywords and stuff like that. I'm like, yo, get nasty. Like, figure it out. Get up. And that's what it's about for me. Right, so when you say on the edge, these are people you're finding that, that are,

that are sort of kind of tiptoeing around the edge of like, maybe something's not working in my life and I need to look in a new direction, but I'm, I'm brand new to this. I don't really know much about how to do that. Yep. It's, it's like ridiculously that, that market for me, like they are everywhere. And when I do these sessions, I watch it happen. I watch people light up and go, whoa, wait a minute. I have my life back. Like I did a session with a woman in Chicago maybe two weeks ago.

And she like within 10 minutes was breaking down. She was like, I can't even believe what you're telling me right now, but I can. And then she said, what were you telling her? What we were talking about the higher self versus the wounded self. And like, I was getting her to understand and take responsibility for what was speaking

her. And, and for her, she had all these awakenings. I was watching her face, like go, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait. So that means, and I'm like, yes, that does mean that.

So what what with her father what she explained was that her dad was a very negative man and and he coming from a space of what he thought was love would always tell these kids like you get a job you keep it no matter what you keep it you get a husband you keep him no matter what you figure it out and you know any he's coming from fear scarcity scarcity so this woman her whole life she's 50 something years old has been operating from scarcity not understanding that that's her father's paradigm that she's carried over and given to her children and and you know what i told her is like you don't know when you're going to die it could be it could

be 80 you know you could be 80 years old you could have another 30 years on this planet. And you have a chance, you have an opportunity, now that you've recognized that it's you and what part of you that's been speaking, to live an awesome life. You can go back to that same job that you've hated your whole life and now be reawakened and choose the job. To me, that's that crowd. and now be reawakened and choose the job, you know? And like, to me, that's that crowd.

And this is the- Like just the idea that she actually could have a choice in what her career would be as opposed to like, I just have to hold onto this because if I let go, then, you know, I might be homeless or something like that, right? All the lack and limitation, the scarcity thinking mentality that's, you know, given to us by constant negative news, CNN, and all of those different stations that are pumping us all the time.

And she said one of the funniest things. She said, oh, my God, I feel like this is like that Super Soul Sunday thing. I feel like I could go on there now. And I was like, yes, yes, mama, you could. That's as close to consciousness. When are you going to get the Oprah hookup? Seriously, Oprah, where you at? Somebody out there knows Oprah.

I think she would enjoy meeting you. Oh, I would mess with her. How's that going to happen? I know. You know Mastin Kipp probably, don't you? I kind of know him. We're not connected. But Dr. Michael Beckwith, he's your guy, right?

Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. He's amazing. So let's talk about that for a little bit because I think mentorship is important and to have people that are guiding forces in your life to kind of – even if they're not people you talk to every day or whatnot, but people you kind of aspire to model your life after. And he seems to be kind of one of those guys for you. Is that accurate?

For sure. Yeah. For sure. I mean, first of all, explain who he is for people that don't know. He's an extraordinary guy. I mean, I think we talked about it on the podcast before, but that was a long time ago. Yeah. Dr. Michael Beckwith is the senior spiritual advisor speaker at Agape International.

He's also one of the people who was the like, people that really broke things open in the movie The Secret about nine years ago. Oh yeah, I forgot that he was one of the guys. Oh yeah, he was like, he was the one that changed the game for me, like in The Secret. Was that your first exposure to him, seeing him in that movie? Yes, it was. It was. Were you living in LA at that time when that came out? Oh, you are, but you hadn't gone to Agape yet?

Nope. Yeah, that was a game changer. And he speaks all over the country, and he's written various books. And, you know, yeah, to have mentors, you know, I say Einstein's my mentor. I say that Jim Rome is my mentor, you know, yeah, to have mentors, you know, I say Einstein's my mentor. I say that Jim Rome is my mentor, you know. Jim Rome, that's one I would not have predicted.

Jim Rome is awesome. Why Jim Rome? He is dope, dude. Like, because he's funny. He, like, took this thing, and Tony Robbins copied Jim Rome. Like, everything that is Tony Robbins is Jim Rome. Like, everybody copied this dude. And Zig Ziglar and Jim Rohn

were amazing. I like that he used humor and he made it real for people. He has this, and I'm going to talk about it in my speech, he has this thing called, he says, how long would you give your average baby to walk? Everybody's like, what?

How long before you say, alright, you little son of a... That know, that's enough, you know. And he talks about the power of until. And like, you know, any mother would say my baby's going to keep trying until. Until she figures it out. She's going to keep trying to talk until she talks. And that's the grace that we have to give ourselves, which is, you know, I'm going to keep reading these books. I'm going to keep, you know, juicing. I'm going to keep doing whatever I need to do until I create a new normal where I'm

vibrating so high that people think I'm on drugs. And all I say is I'm on love, you know, like that, that thing is amazing. Mentorship though, because I know I'm getting off track. No, that's all right. We're just going wherever we're going today. Truth. Okay. Yeah, man. It's so important to have people that you model. And the thing is, is like, I don't want to be like Beckwith. I don't want to be like anybody because I am me. And I know that I'm a unique emanation of the most high. But I appreciate his come from. Like you've experienced

him before. He's a huge consciousness and he's a very powerful personality and speaker and his message is profound. Like he's an extraordinary human being. Seriously. Straight up. Like no matter who, where you're coming from religiously, from whatever religion you're, you're, you ascribe to or, or spiritual perspective or what have you, anybody who has sort of heard him speak or been in his presence will attest to the fact that he's a heavy cat. For sure. You know, last night I was in a class because I'm always studying. I was in a class, a prayer meditation class.

And somebody brought up, somebody said, you know, well, what is it? You know, how do I deal with, in my consciousness, where some people have lots of money, and like, I, where am I not going in order to not have lots of money? And, you know, everybody started discussion about it. And one of the things that I offered was like, when I see someone doing great, like you, Rich, for example, When I see someone doing great, like you, Rich, for example, I'm not in the position yet where I'm speaking all over the country on a consistent basis. I don't have a ridiculously popular podcast yet. You should have a podcast, dude.

I'm going to make that happen for you. Thank you. All of those things are on their way. But when I see you, I get inspired by you. It's not, oh, Rich has that. There's only so much good in the world. So Rich has a podcast. That's it. You know, I get inspired by what people like yourself are doing and go, wow, you know, what's to come from me. Like, and I celebrate your good. I actually am grateful for what you're bringing forth and what's coming through you. And like, that's the place to go for anybody out there who has been dealing with, you know, feeling less than because you're looking in your neighbor's yard. Celebrate what's in your neighbor's yard. And I promise you, yours will be on its way. celebrate what's in your neighbor's yard. And I promise you, yours will be on its way.

Because when you focus out, when you focus on, you know, when you focus out and it's coming from a space of gratitude, it opens up that same space in you because of our mirror neurons. We are experiencing, you know, if you were to get up and dance right now, I would smile, I would laugh because you probably would suck at dancing. Yeah, you would laugh. But I would also. This white man can't jump. I would be.

Exactly. Exactly. That would be experiencing it with you, you know? Well, I mean, I think there are certain immutable spiritual laws that make no sense in the logical world, in the rational world in which we're raised to believe kind of guides how we should make decisions. But in my experience, when you can divorce yourself from this idea of lack and understand that it's not a zero-sum game and that there is more than enough for everybody because it's all infinite. Yeah. And when you focus on – when you give of yourself freely without expectation in service to other people, you will receive tenfold. And that law is never wrong. The law of circulation.

It's very difficult for the human brain to wrap their head around that and to actually put that into practice. But that's the way put that into practice. But that's the way it works, man. That is the way it works. I'm telling you. And so look at people that are in service and look at their happiness quotient. Look at their health quotient. I mean it's – you cannot take issue with that. You know what I mean?

Like people that can get out of themselves and their own head and their own problems and focus on helping other people, those are the people that are leading magical lives. Absolutely. I call it the double boomerang effect where you throw a boomerang. Let's say you throw it with your right hand and you receive someone else's throw with your left hand because, you know, maybe you're giving here. And this is a little back story for anybody who has been on my YouTube channel. One of the reasons, and there's a lot of beautiful stuff happening in my life right now.

Like, it's amazing, including the Simon & Schuster deal that I got to write my first book. Yeah, like, what's going on with the book? Well, finish your thought here. We'll talk about that in a minute. I'm going to lead to it. So double boomerang effect, right? So four years ago, I was still pursuing an acting career while simultaneously reading every book I could on consciousness and spirituality and meditating and praying and surfing and just like engulfing myself. And like how I wanted to see how good I could be like like how amazing could I be

and in the process people would come over my friends and people on Facebook would write me and and they would ask me these questions and I would give them these like I would give my heart like I do with everything and what happened was was there was one day where I was like I should record these I should like put these on some type of internet station or something. Because I find myself saying some of the same things over and over again. A lot of us all have the same issues. And I should do that. Yeah, I'm going to call it questions with Preston or something like that.

Because people are always coming over to ask me questions. So I decided in that moment to give my gift away right i looked for a way that i could support humanity without expecting anything in return all i did was start putting these videos up and they were terrible in some sense they're not they don't have the same quality that they have now. And I started putting them up on YouTube. And fast forward four years to seven months ago. Seven months ago, I got nominated into ATL. I got accepted.

What's ATL? ATL is Association of Transformational Leaders. It was started by Jack Canfield from Chicken Soup for the Soul. Cool. So I'm in ATL and I get accepted and I get a call from Freeman Michaels, who's the host of Cutting Edge Consciousness. He calls me because he nominated me. And he said, you know, I told you when I nominated you,

you may or may not get in. I nominated three people. You're the only one that got in. But I want to tell you this. He said, Preston, look no further. Everything you need, all the connections you need will be within ATL, look no further. Everything you need, all the connections you need will be within ATL. Look no further.

And it was this sort of, this statement sort of like stood out for me in some sense. So fast forward to a couple weeks later, I go to the conference. We're out in the woods and, you know, all the big. All these leaders are there. Everybody's there. Some secret meeting in the woods. Yep, totally. That's exactly what it is.

I want to go to that meeting. Yeah, I'll nominate you. So I'm there. It's the last day. It's Sunday. Everybody, and it's like junior high school all over again. Where is this happening? Some like undisclosed location?

Yeah, it's like in Lake Arrowhead. It's hilarious, I know. But it's awesome. And it should happen like that. People should get together who are doing powerful things and support each other. So I walk into the dining area Sunday morning, the morning we're all supposed to leave. And there's like all these like who's who's, everybody's like sitting at different tables laughing and talking. And I walk in and it's like junior high school all over again.

Because it's like that moment where you're like, which table do I sit at? Is someone going to invite me to the cool kids table? And then I dropped in and remembered what I always tell people, which is look for ways to support. Just be you. So I dropped in and I was like, oh, there's a guy back there sitting by himself. So I walked back there and I introduced myself. His name is Bruce Cryer.

He's a former CEO. I find all this out later. Former CEO of the Institute of HeartMath. What is that? They do amazing science behind the heart and all of that stuff. It started in the 70s. Really amazing. He's a former CEO of that and now the new CEO of Alyssa Rankin, who is a best-selling author.

He's the CEO of her company right now. We have a conversation. I'm just a dude having a conversation like I do with you, cracking jokes, being whatever. I don't know his story, and I don't care per se. I just care that he's a human. We connect. We laugh. At the end of it, he says,

RIP, we got to hang. I'm like, of course we do. Here's my email. Here's my number. Cool. So I go back to LA, plugging away, making YouTube videos, figuring out how I can take this message to the mainstream. I have one mission. Take this whole thing and put it on the mainstream. I want to have a slot at Coachella. I want to have a slot like Drake goes and then Preston goes.

It's just to speak. You and NQ. Exactly. Exactly. slot like Drake goes and then Preston goes like you know it's just to speak um so you and in queue exactly exactly so I'm I'm doing my thing and I get this email one day and I'm like huh Bruce Cryer open it up he cc'd me in a conversation that he's been having with a woman by the name of Michelle Martin who is Gabrielle Bernstein's agent and Lissa Rankin's agent. Unbeknownst to me, Bruce had been setting up, he had been speaking for me, telling this huge agent that she needed to sign me because I was going to blow up and that I was, you know, a powerful kid. Unbeknownst to Bruce, Michelle had just signed a contract with Simon & Schuster

to do this whole new To not be an agent anymore, but to actually work for the publishing company? Yeah, to be both. So she's going to keep her clients, but then she's starting a whole new thing. Like an imprint, you mean? Yep. Where they're going to

take speaking and a lot of different stuff. Because they're getting that people aren't buying as many books anymore. So, you know, they're figuring it out. Perversifying. Yeah. So, long story short, I get on call with Michelle. We talk. I thought it was going to be like five minutes.

An hour goes by. She says, all right, kid, get me a proposal in three days. I'm going to send it to somebody. Three days? Exactly. I have no proposal, right? But you've been working on your book for a while. I have, but I didn't have a proposal. Right. And you were just going to do it yourself. Yeah, exactly. We talked about your book. So this is

new news to me. Totally. So, all right. So you, I mean, dude, I spent three months on my first book proposal. I got some of the best people in the games proposal. Like I got Lewis Howes proposal and I got like, you know, Jake Toosey, I got his proposal. Like, I got Lewis Howes' proposal, and I got, like, you know, Jake Doocy. I got his proposal. Like, I was looking at different people's. Christine Hasler, I looked at hers, and I was just like, okay, seeing what worked, what didn't work. And then I created something that's not even a regular proposal.

Like, mine is, like, pictures and screenshots and, like, videos. And, like, but either way, it's a side note. So my girlfriend, Alexi, does this whole proposal for me because I'm not that computer savvy. And one day, we knock it out, like 16 hours just working. I send it to her. A week goes by. She calls me, and she says, you're a star, and we want to offer you a book deal. And I say all of that not to impress,

but to impress upon that that's the double boomerang effect. I looked for ways I could support humanity. I gave the gift that I have, which is insight and being able to speak in a certain way. And I put it on YouTube and I just kept looking for ways how I could support. I threw my boomerang here and I received from here. You see what I'm saying?

So like anybody out there listening, like stay out of the how, because the how is none of your business. Your job is to, is to come into alignment with the dream and, and put action behind it and stay out of the how, because I'm sure, um,

uh, rich can attest to this, that like, who would have thunk like even where we're recording right now like 10 years ago would you have guessed that this is what would have happened like no there's no freaking way yeah I mean 10 years ago like no

it's it would be preposterous absolutely preposterous but I think that that yeah the principle rings true I would say that that in general you're not always going to have like the immediate kind of like karmic reaction. You know, that's not – that's like an extreme example. That was four years later though, dude.

Think about it. From questions with Preston to like – Right, right, right. But the idea of like meeting that guy at that event and then turning into – So it's not always like that, but it is – I mean I've had almost exactly the same experience, you know, like similar kinds of things. But in general, when you're just in the practice of always like, what can I, what can I bring to this? What can I offer? How can I contribute? As opposed to what am I going to get from this experience? Then your life becomes enriched. And look, it's not my

default. I'm not waking up in the morning going, I can't wait to contribute to society. You know, like I'm like, where's mine? So you have to train yourself. It's a practice. And it's a moment-to-moment thing. And it's like when I start to feel angry and irritable and resentful and all those sorts of things, For me, to that, is not to sit in my woe, but to pick up the phone and find somebody who maybe is in a lesser place than I am that maybe I can talk to. Not to ask them how they're doing. How can I help them?

You know what I mean? That's how I – you can't think your way out of that. You have to act your way out of it. Totally. You have to take action, I think. That's why you're a better human being than everybody. Thanks, Chris. Believe me. Thanks, Rich I think. That's why you're a better human being than everybody. Thanks, Chris. Believe me.

Thanks, Rich. Yeah. Far from the case. You see how he's flexing on his guys? No, no. What I'm telling you is left to my own devices, I'm making all the wrong choices. These are things that I have to work very hard on. For sure.

I mean, what do you struggle with? Yeah. You're making these inspirational videos, and you have this super positive message and you have all this, these amazing things that are now happening in your life, a culmination of a lot of hard work. It's not an overnight thing, but like, what are the things in your dark moments that, that like are hard for you? Like, where are your Achilles heels? Like, what do you struggle with? Dude, that's one of my favorite things. I love it. I embrace all of that.

We'll get to this because I told you about one of your listeners that I'm going to call out here in some sense. What happened? I'll say this. My shadow side, which is awesome, all of it's awesome because I'm just glad I have a cup. I'm glad I have a cup. It's not half empty or's awesome because I'm just glad I have a cup. I'm glad I have a cup. It's not half empty or half full.

I'm really glad I have a cup. I'm glad I'm in the dance and I'm forever becoming. We're always in a process, everybody. And anybody who tries to act perfect or do the sage from the stage thing gets a boo from me. Like, boo, get out of here. I love you, but get out of here. I don't think you can get away with that anymore. No.

We live in a, in a, in especially young people. There are, I say this all the time, but their intent, their intent is so attuned to anything that's not authentic. They're like, they're not buying it, you know, cause they can see right through the BS. Yep. So you gotta be, you gotta bring it real. Yep. Or it ain't working anymore.

Exactly. I love it.'t working anymore. Exactly. I love it. I love it. I appreciate that this is the time because, you know, like I'm a fiery dude. The same reason why people love me could be the same reason why people dislike me. And like even in relation, in relationship, you know, like I get fired up sometimes and I get to, you know. That cause issues with Alexi? Like, how does she function?

Yeah. I mean, no one likes for someone to be in their passion. Like, you know, and, you know, yes, of course. Well, you're a lot of energy, dude. I am. You must be a handful to live with. You know, I'm really easy to live with. That's what we were talking about that.

Like, I wear the same stuff. She has to, like, force me to, like, take showers. Well, I don't believe to live with. That's what we were talking about that. Like I wear the same stuff. She has to like force me to like take showers. Cause I'm like, I don't believe that. Come on, dude. You're putting on like some crazy outfit like every day. Rich, I just have that stuff. I have a rule. I told you about my rule.

My rule is I only buy stuff that makes me go like, O M G. So if, if the only things in my closet are things that I have been like, I can't walk out of here without that, then I'm just going to have dope stuff. But like the reality is, like we said, these are $10 shoes. These are $20 pants. And this is a shirt from Ross. Right. But all of this looks different because of who I be in it.

You know? Like, but what were we saying? We're talking about the shadow side. Yeah. Stuff that you struggle with and talking about like there was a, there was, you know, like, what? Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. And this is to all you vegans out there.

Oh, no. I'm calling you guys out. And I'm on my way. Like, I'm vegetarian and I eat vegan most of the time, but I am not all the way there. I'm in my evolution just like you are and just like you were. So there was a guy recently, and I know that most of you guys don't represent this, but like any of you who have been in this space, let me just let you know, as somebody who's a grown man, this doesn't work. So I had one of the guys reach out. He went through all my videos, which is awesome, and I appreciate it, right? He went through all my videos, which is awesome, and I appreciate it.

He went through all my videos, and he got to a particular one with Troy Casey, the health nut. And this was literally four years ago. This is one of the—I think this is one of the first three videos I ever shot. And I'm interviewing Troy, and Troy asked me a question because Troy is a super vegan, and I said, I'm a flexitarian right now, and at this point I'm just listening to my body. For the most part, I don't eat meat, but every once in a while I eat grass-fed, organic, etc. And I said, I'm in a process, etc. One of the listeners goes, he writes a comment, and it's pure fire out the gate.

Oh, I can't believe you, man. Like I liked some of your videos and I heard you on, on Rich Rolls podcast, but like, man, I'm not never listening to you again because you know, you're this and you're that. And like, how could you talk about love and you kill animals? And like, he just went in. And the thing about it is guys is like, I'm with you, right? I'm with you. And this is not to everybody because I get that some of you guys get this. But like, when you come at somebody making them wrong and judging them, that's the last thing they want to do is do what you're telling them to do. He never even stopped to ask, hey, Preston, I see this video was put up three or four years ago. Do you still have the

same views? No, he didn't ask that. He just judged me immediately. And like that stuff is a detriment to what we're all up to. Guys, we're up to something huge. There is nothing more important in this world than how you feel in your body. Like health is everything. And I know you guys get that. And I know that you struggle with, because I do. My dad still smokes cigarettes. He still eats McDonald's. He still drinks alcohol. I'm still in the process, the same process you're in of awakening people. But the last thing that is going to work for them is telling them that they're wrong and judging them. So from the bottom of my heart, drop into your heart when you are around people and, and, and like be empathetic because there was a time when you weren't, not all of us. And, and, you know, and I said this to the guy, like,

if you better not have ever even swatted a fly, you better not have even like flicked a mosquito or a gnat in your entire life. If you're going to come on my channel, because this is like my journal, and disrespect me. And I come hard when it comes to stuff like that. I am not a pushover. Well, I mean, a couple observations. I mean, first of all, when somebody makes a comment like that, it says a lot more about them than you. Totally.

So, you know, who knows what's going on with that person, A. B, comments on YouTube, that's the worst, right? So don't even like sweat it, you know what I mean? Like YouTube is like the gutter of like comments. Yeah, people go for it for sure. And then thirdly, you know, to this point about judgmentalism and sort of taking other people's inventory, yeah, I think it's important to just stay out of other people's inventory. And I think the vegan thing becomes very heated. People are very emotional about this subject

and people that are passionate vegans have a certain perspective on the world. And I think, I have a theory on that and I've said this many times, but I think certain people are born with, like right out of the gate, with like a level of sensitivity that maybe is more extreme

than the average human being. And so at a very young age, they create that equation in their mind between, you know, how animals are treated and this idea that we're using these animals for food, and it doesn't make sense to them. But the world is operating differently. And so over the years, as they grow older, they get more and more frustrated that people are not sharing their worldview. And eventually it's no surprise that that frustration will at some point morph into anger. And then that anger comes out, you know, sideways towards somebody else. And I think that, you know, maybe I'm wrong about that, but I think that that's what's going on. And it helps me, you know, I'm not a, you know, a judgmental person. Like my whole thing is I want to meet people where they're at.

Exactly. And that's what we always say. It's like especially if you're an agent of transformation, which you are and which hopefully I am for certain people, you have to carry yourself with compassion for your fellow human and their perspective on the world. And until you can kind of step into someone else's perspective and try to embrace that or at least understand it, if you can't do that, then you're not going to be very effective, I think, at trying to share maybe a different perspective. Absolutely.

And I think that you have to allow people to be human beings. It's like if you're not behaving like this, like this way, whether it's vegan or anything else, it can be a political affiliation. It can be a religious perspective. It doesn't really matter. That is a source of dissonance that is an agent not of transformation but of separation. Separation. And that is the root of of transformation but of separation. Separation. And that is the root of why we have difficulties on our planet.

It's what divides nations and leads to wars and all these sorts of things. So how do we – and I think the solution also is how you – you have no control over the comment that somebody puts on your YouTube page. They attack you for your dietary proclivities or your spiritual perspective or whatever it is. The only thing you have control over is how you're going to react to that. So if you in kind return his favor with a similar favor, that is not the high vibration thing. And I understand. It's like, well, you cannot respond, but is not the high vibration thing. Not at all. And I understand. It's like, well, you cannot respond, but is that the right thing?

Or is there a more compassionate way to respond? It's a teaching moment. Yeah. And I don't know. Every situation is unique. I certainly plead guilty to – I'm not on the receiving end of a lot of vitriol, but I put up a couple pretty controversial podcasts lately. And so I, you know, especially like Fani Hari, the food babe, and Jason Hall, the American sniper screenwriter, like, you know, these are hot button. These are people that are, that are, that are kind of, you know, shaking things up and not everyone's happy about that. That makes for interesting conversations on the podcast, but hand in hand with that,

I have to be prepared to be on the receiving end of some tweets that maybe, you know, kind of keep me awake at night, you know, wondering, am I going to respond to this or ignore it? And I would like to tell you that I take the high ground and it doesn't affect me, but it does. You know, it's like, you know, you're a sensitive, sentient human being, as am I. And finding the right approach to navigating that is a minefield. Yes. So the original question was, what do you struggle with? So I gather from this story, this anecdote, what you struggle with is like how to respond to negative energy that's being directed in your direction. Is that what we're getting at? Yes. That's because it's my

old paradigm. It's what I used to be, you know, growing up as some of you guys know, you know, when I was in a gang and just as a kid in general, take all of that away, how you're taught as, as like a young American boy boy for the most part is like somebody hits you you hit him back 10 times harder and like i watch myself in those positions sometimes where i'm like what like you know don't get don't get the the hats and the skinny jeans you know don't let that fool you i'm i'm not to be messed with in that sense. But here's the beautiful part, Rich. It's like it's not about us

being, it's not about the thing coming up, right? Because the thing came up. When I read that comment, I was like, how dare you? Yeah, push your button. So what is it about your history, your life experience that that activated? Exactly. Because it was already there. It was already there to be, to be pushed.

So like, like I said, this is for everybody. It's not about like the thing. It's about how you react to the thing and then how you react once you are aware of what you did. So if you go, if any of you guys go there right now, unless he deleted the comment, if you go to that particular video, you'll see that I responded first, and it was kind of nice, but also kind of a slap. Like a little passive-aggressive. Yeah, and then you'll see the second comment, which was me like, hey, bud, I get it.

Nothing but love, but maybe next time, ask. Maybe next time, don't judge, because we're all on the same team. We're all doing this together. We're on different vibrations because we're all on the same team. We're all, we're all doing this together. We're on different, you know, vibrations, but it's all the same thing. And like that to me, even in relationship and with roommates, et cetera, is like, okay, yes, stuff's going to happen. You're going to spill milk. You're going to fall. You're going to like, stuff's going to happen. It's how you be once you realize that you have been. It's like how you be once you realize you have been.

I've never said that before, but I hope you get it. It's like, you know, yes, I reacted that way. Now how fast can I catch it and like take care of it and be with it? Because the faster you do that, you start creating a new normal where you fall, but you don't fall as far. And you don't fall as fast, you know. And then eventually what will happen is it'll come up. You'll notice it and you go, ah, there you are, you little tricky, you little wounded self trying to speak for me. I'm going to move back into my higher self,

back into love. The most powerful tool for expediting that journey is meditation because the more you meditate, the more you can have awareness between the difference between your higher consciousness and your thinking mind. And it's your like emotional body that gets triggered and wants to react, you know, and if you're not kind of like being mindful, then you're going to just react without thinking. And if you are able to be more mindful and be the observer, then you have that moment. It might even be just a microsecond, but it's enough to say, oh, maybe I have a choice over how I'm going to respond here. And it doesn't have to be the way that I always do. That always gets me in trouble. I can make a different choice. It's powerful. But again, it goes back to this

idea of practice, man. It's like, you know, if you want to change your behavior, then that's not easy and it's not overnight and it's not going to be linear or perfect. Like you're going to make a lot of mistakes before you start to develop some level of mastery over it, even over the tiniest little things. Like when so-and-so says this, I don't have to say that, you know? Totally. That makes me laugh because it's so true. Like sometimes it's the smallest thing that you're like. Oh, it's usually stupid. Yeah.

You know what I mean? But like that's the root of so much that like leads you astray. It starts with a kernel of nonsense, you know? It turns into something big and nasty and dark. But the original spark is usually like, you know, if you can figure out how to not fan that flame and it will just dissipate on its own quickly before it picks up steam and energy. You have to get it at the source. and forces of negativity in your life will stop showing up and die a natural death when we start practicing the habit of being disinterested in them. You know, like how hard is it to argue with somebody who literally just isn't interested in arguing? They're just like, nope. Yeah. Well, they're not, yeah. Like they, they have enough self-mastery where they're not getting

activated. So some negative entity is trying to like push but like where's that button i'm gonna find that button and the person's not buying in yeah like i love you it's okay i love you i still love you like no you need to pick up their socks no i love you but there's a distinction and this is important i think there's a distinction between pretending to be that and being that. Like to say, like, it's not bothering me while you're grinding your teeth. Oh, yeah, of course. You're like, ah. Like, it's not – I'm fine.

I'm fine. That's very different than actually feeling like I'm okay. This guy can be saying all this stuff and I'm cool. Yeah. Like, so how do you get from one to the other? Yeah, it's – that's a practice. It's definitely, you know, I always say transformation is not a destination. It's a journey.

And we're always, you know, always on a journey home to the self. And we're always becoming, becoming more of the self, the capital S of the self, the higher self, the true self, the real self, the one that has never been hurt, harmed, or endangered. That self is like, you know, the essence of all that is good. It's like pure. And like, we're always on a journey home to that. And my biggest reminder for people is that your history does not determine your destiny. that your history does not determine your destiny. Your destiny is determined by how you choose to be with what has happened. And most people have something happen,

and then they just keep dragging it into the now over and over and over again. And that is how you look up 20, 30, 40 years from now, and you're like, when I was playing football, I was spraying my knee. It's like, dude, what about now? That was 40 years ago. They're cutting and pasting from the past, pushing control V and copying it into the present. Over and over. So, yeah, that goes to the power of story. And I think we talked about this last time, just this idea that we construct these stories about who we are that form the basis of our identity or at least our supposed conjured identity in our minds.

And those stories are oriented around not very many stories of our past. Like we make this macro story about who we are, our identity, based upon some instances, occurrences in our life, events in our past. First of all, memory is terrible. So your memory of whatever happened probably isn't really what happened. And it's attached to all these emotions and associations that are emotional and thus not reliable. And then when you're reaffirming them year after year after year, it's like that game of telephone where they become further and further from what actually happened. And why are you choosing that event as the defining thing that you're going to continually call back? So this process, whether you call it transformation or just evolution, growth, whatever you want to call it, I think requires taking a look at those stories.

Like even writing down what are the things that you're always calling back and then saying, I'm going to not tell that story about that thing anymore. I'm going to think about some other thing that happened to me and tell that – like to exercise control and power over that to reframe what that story is, which can then over time begin to construct a new sense of identity. Amazing. Absolutely.

Rich, you should have a podcast. You're like really, you're really good at this stuff. Give me a microphone. Yeah. In terms of like reacting to other people though, like, listen, man, I'm, you know, like I can't tell you, you know, how much of my default state, my disposition is irritable and discontent. And it requires like a tremendous amount of work for me just to feel normal. You know, like it's very hard.

And that's fueled by, you know, alcoholism and all these other things that I struggle with. And it's not easy. You know what I mean? Like I have to really like – and Julie, my wife, is amazing because she's such a great um foil like she can just see it you know what's going on here's what you're doing you know like she knows and she's very patient with me but and because i'm difficult to be around something a lot you know like i'm like not easy dude you know like so you know i i can get on the podcast and say this all this stuff but just to be honest and clear and transparent, this is a struggle for me.

To speak to you about it helps me. It helps remind me how important it is and how crucial it is if I want to continue to grow that I need to have this in the forefront of my mind and make it a priority part of my daily practice. Absolutely. Julie always says, uh, practice, uh, neutral compassion, you know, like in terms of reacting to other people. Yeah. Like how can you be compassionate, but neutral? Yeah.

And I think that goes to self-sovereignty, you know, like having, um, having this, like having this idea that you – the energy of other people can only impact you if you allow it to. Yeah. So you can go into a crowd of people and you're protected. Like she actually visualizes like a protective shield around her. Like if she's going to go to a concert or go to some party or something like that where you're going to be exposed to a lot of different kinds of people and energies, how can you protect yourself? How can you insulate yourself from negativity or whatever? And then so then when something gets thrown at you, like your boss is mad at you, you get a phone call from a bill collector,

like whatever it is, you don't get destabilized. You can be neutral about it. And the most like amazing example of this that she does all the time is one of the things that activates me that just makes me insane is like when I have to call AT&T and like talk about my cell bill, you know, like anytime I have to deal with like, you know, dial 1-800 and like, you know, push one for this, like whether it's like changing an airline reservation or like whatever it is, service personnel makes me insane because you're dealing with – and I get activated and then I get angry. And, of course, I never get the result that I want.

And so I'm like, Julie, you're in charge of doing this. Talk to her. And she'll get on. Yeah, and I'm like – she's not putting on an act, but she's just really neutral and patient and compassionate and she'll ask a couple questions of the people. And then the result is always extraordinary and i was like i could never do that yeah i would never do that i would have like i would have like been pulling my hair out after you know 10 minutes being on the phone and getting connected to the wrong person or you know what like going to the bank like stuff like

that yeah no i get it dude i get it i totally get it I definitely have Alexi do most of those things because she's just so she's awesome and yeah I'm not such a fan of those either but when I do get on those calls I always make a nickname up for the person

so if they're like hi my name is Tammy and I'll be helping you here on AT&T. And I'm like, terrible Tammy. How's it going? I'll just make up something silly. And she's like, uh-huh.

Things are good. Well, I mean, that's probably the highlight of their day. Exactly. Terrible job. And I would be well-served by being compassionate for that. But for some reason, man, I get my buttons. by being compassionate for that, you know, but like for something, some reason, man, I get my buttons. Oh, you guys want to hear something awesome.

Rich, you can do this too. Next time you do make one of those calls, I do this all the time. Right before we go into whatever we're going into, I say, hey, listen, what's your name again? My name is Joseph, sir. I'm like, Joseph. Okay. I know you can't tell me where you are, but it's top secret.

Joseph, this is what I need you to do. Okay, sir, what do you need? I need you to treat me as if I'm one of your cousins or like your brother. Okay, sir, you got it. Okay. And like, Joseph, what I mean by that is like, you know, like be with me. Like do your best to serve me. Of course, sir.

You know, anything, you know. Treat me like family, Joe. Okay, gotcha. And then we go into the thing. I've already set up a context for them that sees me as family. So I just was in Mexico. Does that work? It totally works. I'm going to tell you a story. I was just in Mexico, right? You know about this because we were going to shoot. We were going to do this, but we had to change

the date because I was in Mexico. So I'm in Mexico. I drive into Tijuana and I had Spotify playing in San Diego. So I'm listening to Spotify, driving to Tijuana, driving to Rosarito. 45 minutes goes by. Spotify is a gigantic app that takes up a lot, right? And I crossed an international border. So I got a text message. Oh, so suddenly you're getting crazy, like roaming charges. $400 in one hour. $400. I got a text that said, you have just exceeded $400 with your roaming.

Please contact AT&T. I almost fainted. Do you know, like 45 minutes into a trip, I've already spent $400. I wanted to annihilate my phone. I turned all the apps off really quickly. And wanted to like annihilate my phone. I turned all the apps off really quickly. And I was like, okay, breathe. Just be here. Be here.

It'll get worked out. So I called the dude. I forget his name. But I was like, I know you can't tell me where you are, but I just want you to know that like, you know, everything is perfect. I just got into Mexico and it seems as if like something crazy just happened. And like, you know,

treat me like you're like, I'm your cousin. Like take care of me like your family. Okay. And he's like, okay, let me see what I can do, sir.

So he goes over, it's all quiet. And he comes back and he says, listen, you know, uh, you know, yes,

you went over and, you know, typically we would have to charge you this, but how about this? How about I charge you $30 for an international package that you can take off in like, let's say a week, and we take that whole $400 off. And I'm like, dude, that's perfect. Thank you so much.

So of course, you know, it's like I set the context for him to take care of me. Right, right, right. Yeah, I love it. That's great, man. Yeah, I would have gone insane. Are you kidding me? I've only been here for... Well, the flip side of that is getting way off track. But like I was – I called and set up that international data roaming thing and then I'm in the foreign country and it doesn't work.

And so I can't use my – whatever. All right. We can talk about that later. This is like a commercial for why they shouldn't be. Anyway. Well, so how do you – but I'm interested in how you kind of communicate with Alexi, like how you navigate relationship pitfalls and how you kind of stay on a higher plane to keep your relationship moving in the right direction. You guys have been together a little while. A year and a half.

How long has it been? A year and a half? So like not like 10 years or anything like that, but long enough to know each other. In L.A. time? Yeah, for L.A., that's like you've been married forever. Exactly. And not even like L.A., just like the world right now. Because of technology, people have choices and they have these little apps called Tinder and things like that. And because of that, people are quick to leave and run.

They're always looking for the better option all the time. And I think that makes it difficult to trust people. I've been married for a long time, so I've never been on Tinder or these things. But my friends are on it, and some of them it's great, and some of them struggle. And I've seen them go in and out of relationships. I've seen them go in and out of relationships. So I'm just curious how you set parameters about how you kind of communicate and cultivate that intimacy so you're always growing. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, it's a process for sure. And relationships definitely take work. It's one of the most beautiful transformative things in the world. And we're going on a year and a half and we'll be going on a million years. world and we're going on a year and a half and we'll be going on a million years like um and you know the beautiful thing about us because we both do the same work is we have this language that we use like you know one of us is going through something we'll say okay listen this is my wounded self talking but like when you did a b and c it really pissed me off and like i'm really mad at you right now my higher self knows that you didn't try to actually hurt my feelings,

that you care about me, that you love me, and that at the end of the day, none of this will matter in five years. But like right now, I'm mad at you. And like that in itself is amazing. Because we'll get off on some tangents sometimes. And then we'll both just drop back in. Okay, so what's here? What's actually here right now?

Right now, you feel hurt. You feel hurt and you feel unseen. And I feel the same way. So what can we do and be in the process of this to further this? Because neither one of us wants an out. You know, we're in this.

And like, just having those conversations. We have this other thing we do, which we have only done a couple times. It's really, really, really a game changer. But I could see how it's difficult because it's difficult for us. Is in the middle of an argument, we have an agreement and we will hug and argue. Do you know how hard that is? Rich? Like literally hugging while you're in the middle of like talking. Yes. Yes. Like who taught you that?

We just made it up. I just thought, yeah, because we both of us lead these workshops and we're like, oh, that'd be awesome to do in the midst of like it going down. And like, it's such a powerful thing because, you know, the thing we want to do and it's usually protecting the ego mind is when one of somebody feels right they feel right about their thing and they want to separate and get away because this will be we've been taught for years and like to go heart to heart with somebody and then say those same things you know i sat with this gentleman on the airplane the other day and he said he'd been married for 30 years. And I said, you know, what are the secrets? And he said, you know, I don't have a lot of them, but I have three for sure. And I don't remember

all of them, but I do remember this in particular. He said, when you're arguing, because it's going to happen, it'll be about the kids. It'll be about the taxes. It'll be, it's going to happen. You're going to disagree. He's like, say less because usually what you say, you don't really mean you're just trying to hurt. You're just trying to make them feel how you feel. So he said, you know, my wife and I have a rule that when we're in that, just, just say less, say less. And, and, and what you'll find is like, you don't have the remnants of like that mean thing you said still hovering over somebody. But you didn't really mean that. You didn't mean that like, you know, whatever.

Right, right, right. Yeah, I mean, I think that's interesting. But I also find, I mean, just in my own personal experience, like when Julie and I are in it, the way to the other side is through it. And so sometimes when I'm acting, when I'm like getting angry or whatever, you know, whatever, I have to like talk it out to get to the place to understand why it is that I'm behaving that way so that I can articulate to her in a more productive way. Even if it's about her? The emotions behind it. No, well, I mean, like I'm trying to think of something. Because if it's about her. But I just know like, like, you know, like I think the idea that you're not going to argue is silly, of course.

No, he's not. Anybody, any people that are in relationships are going to get, they're going to have conflict, right? So it's not about avoiding that. It's about tools for kind of navigating it to get to the other side of it, right? And so we always get to the other side of it and it has its peaks and valleys. But, you know, articulating, like communicating is how I generally always do it. So I think if I was not talking, like it would be harder for me to get to that other side. Like maybe it would be less – like, oh, yeah, well, I can just shut down and stop talking.

Maybe that will end the argument sooner, but I'll still have unresolved emotions that need to be addressed as would she. But he wasn't saying not to talk. Right. He was just saying careful of your words. Exactly. Don't spit fire at somebody when you know that has nothing to do with him. I got that. And I think what, one of the most beautiful things, and we're still in this, and I always remind her and she reminds me is like, And I always remind her and she reminds me is like, you're not just being with Julie.

You're being with Julie, her parents, her parents, their parents. You're being with Julie, all of her wounds, all of the stuff she's been through. You're being with, like there's an entire person behind this. Like there's a whole army of scenarios and things that have come to play and you put two people together that have thousands of different stories that have been operated with and you bring them together. If they don't understand

how the other one operates, it's a recipe for disaster. I know with Alexi now that she's a words of affirmation. She likes to be, you know, she likes to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out. Tell me I'm beautiful. Tell me, you know, so like that's her love language.

For me, I'm a touch person. Like just hug me. I don't need to talk about it. Like I'll go in my closet and work all of it out because it's, for me, it's never the other person. No matter if she could even, she could shoot my toe off and I'd be like, okay, how did I cause that? How did I cause it? How did I allow it?

You know? So, but she's completely different and that's awesome and it's perfect. It takes some compromise and some like working with for me because I grew up, and here's the key, I grew up in a family that wasn't very talkative like that. We didn't talk our problems out. We didn't sit at the table and say, well, Billy punched me, and then I felt like this, and then this happened. We didn't talk at all. Like we, the Cosby show was on.

And like, you know, whatever. We didn't sit at a table and eat. And when my parents talked, they didn't, they argued. They screamed at each other. parents talked, they didn't, they argued, they screamed at each other. So I've had to learn how to get that out of the way already and then start create from a new palette, learning with somebody who had a whole different set of circumstances, you know? And she's coming from a history of always talking, always talking, but maybe not so much passion, maybe not so much touch, maybe not so much just like understanding.

And then we got to think about all the boyfriends she had before me, all the dudes she dated that had their way. And you don't want to think about that too much. No, not at all. I will jump through this microphone. We were talking about that the other day, because she was saying that girls are the same way, that girls don't want to think about, you know, another woman.

Of course not. But I think it's worse for dudes. actually do like dude so oh yeah because we have outer yeah parts well there's that protective yeah I mean I probably exactly we're both gonna get new we're on slippery slopes right now um but yeah yeah it's try hugging that's that to me is like the ultimate form of like being with somebody just get to the other side of it yep yeah not just get to it but like there's no way to have a conversation if both people just think they're right if both are in their ego mind there's no there's not even a point. Now you're just screaming hot air at each other or doing it in a passive aggressive way, but it's still the same

thing. It's like a political talk show on Sunday morning where just there's, this is the Republican talking head and this is the Democrat and they're spewing their opinion and neither one is going to convince the other one of anything because they're not're not there to learn they're not they're not there to be open or learn they're there to to share their perspective and that's it exactly which is why um you know getting in the body and just like feeling the heartbeat and like getting to those intimate moments changes that it changes the physiology we know it in science like the endorphins and all that stuff really when you hug somebody for more than 30 seconds, a lot of stuff happens in the brain, you know, and all these chemicals get released. So like, it opens up the space for you to even have the conversation. And that for me, you know, for me, and this is another tool I have, and this is for fellas, because I get you guys.

If you have a short fuse, you know, and we, statistically, we look at all the marital abuse, it's all, it's usually men hitting women. So like, if you have a short fuse, this is something I do. I've never hit a woman in my life and I never will. But I do have a, you know, a fireside to me.

And what I do is I ask for a timeout. You know, like, you know, Because I get it, fellas. You guys haven't been taught to use your words and to be fast with your words. And like, listen, this is what you did. You know, like, guys are slow. Like, we're simple. It's like, bro, I didn't even do anything. You know, it's like, so, call a timeout.

If she's coming at you with the, you know, mouth. You sound like a kindergarten teacher. Thanks. Nice. No, you know what I mean? Like, now we know that you're not good with your words. So let's take a time out.

But seriously, think about it. Like, fellas out there, I know you agree. And you're the same way. Like, look how you talk even now. Like, I can imagine someone coming at you with like 100 words per minute. And you're like, yeah, but what I would really like to say. And then they add like a temper to that or like you think you're really right about something. That's a hard thing to deal with because women are taught to use their words and talk about their feelings.

And they get rubbed. And, you know, when they fall or they get hurt when they're kids, we say, Oh mama, what happened to you? And we, we take care of them. And when little boys fall, we say, big boys, don't cry, get up, man up. And you take that same little kid and you make them, you know, 10, 15, 20 years later, he doesn't even know how to be with his feelings. All he does is get angry, shut down, or like go into rage. So fellas, listen to me. Take a time out.

If you get in a position where you feel like you're being bombarded with all of this stuff and you're getting emotional, I do this all the time. I say, you know what? Just give me five minutes. Like the issues will still be there in five minutes. Let me just breathe for a second. Let me just be in my body and like get back to what's real and then speak to you. Because right now I'm fired up right now. I'm emotional because I feel like you're judging me or blaming me for something that I had no, you know, really clue about, you know, and that's a big thing.

I think that is, but I think that that should be not mistaken with withdrawing, you know, like a lot of dudes will go like, okay, I can with this now oh yeah like just go like and go into their their private space alone or whatever and like repress those feelings and just and then come back an hour later and say it's fine yeah i mean like that's those are two different things yes absolutely great distinction because men do that as well that That's a huge, you know. Big time. Big time. So it's about like taking that moment to recalibrate, but then coming back to the equation and working through it in like a less passionate, I guess, or like emotionally charged way. Exactly. Because, and guys, when you do that, when you shut down, it doesn't go anywhere. Like that same issue is coming back.

It'll come back tenfold probably. You know, it doesn't go anywhere. Like that same issue is coming back. It'll come back tenfold, probably, you know, it's not fine. Like you get to work through it with your partner, but you get to do that from a space of love and from empathy and from compassion and being open. And, and I, what I was suggesting, and I'm glad Rich, you know, brought that distinction in, what I was suggesting is about actually being present. Because a lot of times we're not present, and those moments is like, are you kidding me? It's hard to be present. You're running that scenario in your head,

and you've got some story, right? Like, I can't believe that this person is telling me this, because don't they remember this thing that they did? Whatever, and then you're just off to the races. Yep. For somebody who's listening who, you know, maybe idea, the idea of like having a really open, intimate, you know, relationship with somebody or just being forthright with their feelings, these are, this is scary stuff, you know, scary for most people. It's scary for me.

You know, I've done some work, so it's not as scary, but it's intimidating. And I think that for a lot of people, it's like, well, I don't even know, how do I even begin with that? Like, I don't even, I'm not even sure I really understand what you're talking about. It's so different from how I kind of go through my day or the relationship that I have with my boyfriend or girlfriend. How can I start to, you know, maybe approach these issues from a fresh perspective? Like what's the first, what's the initiation? You know, you said a lot just now. I mean, that was loaded.

Yeah. Yeah, you got the answer. It was already in there. The bottom line for me is like, what is it that you actually desire? Like if you, if the intention and the desire is to have a healthy, happy relationship, like I would always come to that first.

Like what is it that I actually want? It's the begin with the end in mind thing. Like what is it that I want out of this? Do I want to walk away mad, slamming doors? Or do I want to create a loving space and relationship where somebody who I love, who doesn't feel seen by me or heard by me, feel seen and heard by me? So that's the first place I would start

when it comes to anything. It's just like, okay, what do I want out of this? Then once I'm clear on what I want, then I would ask myself another question. Who do I need to be in order to have that happen? Okay, I need to be love. I need to be a space for this person to feel safe enough because that's a lot of times, that's what happens.

You know, men and women get in a situation, their first argument comes up, the guy flips out or whatever it looks like. The woman feels unsafe at that point. You know, I don't feel like I can talk to you because when I talk to you, you flip out on me. Boom. She's letting you know right away

that she doesn't feel safe. So who do you need to be in order to have that space feel safe? Oh, you need to have a conversation where you say, Hey, I know what I did last time, but just so you know, you're my best friend. Just so you know, I wouldn't want to be with anybody else in this world other than you. And just drop them back into the truth of what you guys are creating. And, like, there's a lot of steps from there, and I'm sure you have a bunch.

But, yeah, that's what I would start with. Yeah, I think that's great advice. I think that, you know, when you're talking about, like, people, their first fight or they're new together, I mean, generally what you see is a lot of projection, especially in new relationships. It's like you project onto this person who you think they are, who you want them to be. And implicit in that is this idea that because of who they are and the potentiality of this relationship, you could suddenly be someone else who's going to be happier. So it's like super loaded, right? And there are a lot of people who think that getting into a relationship is going to be the solution to whatever ails them emotionally. Like they're depressed or they're not happy in their life or all these sorts of things,

and they're looking for the relationship to fix that. And they're looking for the relationship to fix that. And most people are not cognizant enough to understand that that's not the solution. Like you have to be the person that you want to be with. For sure. Before you're going to attract the person that internal work to be the person, you know, that is going to be the person who's desirable by the person that you would like to be with. For sure. You know, it doesn't work the other way around. I tried. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And the thing is like, you're always attracting from where you are

vibrationally. And a lot of times what happens is, is one of the partners has a wake up moment. And this is, I'm going into it, this is a tangent, but this is like, this is like, I love this stuff. So yeah, go ahead. What I've noticed with some of my clients and people I coach is like, you know, let's say the, the girl has a wake up, an awakening where she goes, oh, okay. You know, we're doing the work. We're figuring out, oh, I've been operating from, let's say, and I've seen this scenario before. The little girl who's singing in the back of the car on the day that her mother gets fired. And she's singing at the top of her lungs and her mom turns around

and snaps and says, shut up. Nobody wants to hear your little voice. And she makes a decision at that moment, unconsciously as a seven-year-old that nobody wants to hear her little voice. So she stopped singing. Then she's, let's say, fast forward to this 20-year-old woman who's identifying herself as just a quiet person. I'm just quiet, just quiet. I'm just a quiet person. And then she comes and works quiet. I'm just a quiet person. And then she comes and works with someone like myself or like you and realizes that the wounded self has been speaking her. That she's been operating from the wounded self from that point when her mother told her that she couldn't sing. She's attracted.

She's protected. She's gotten boyfriends from the wounded self. She's at a particular energy level when she's attracting these guys. And then what happens is she starts to do the work and she realizes and recognizes the higher self. And she is lifted up. Her vibration is lifted. But she's already attracted a boyfriend who's at a particular place. And what happens is...

Yeah, she's raised her vibration. The vibration that attracted that particular boyfriend is no longer, it's going to be a different vibration now. Exactly. And then he's fighting to have her be who she used to be. And she's fighting to have him come where she is now. And they're both fighting. And that produces nothing but more of that. That shit's broke.

Oh yeah. It's a done deal. Yeah. So, like, you know, Jesus has a statement about this. As I am lifted up, everything else comes. You know, Einstein also says this as well. But the bottom line is, like, you know what? I'm lost.

I don't know what the question was. The question was. No, the question really had to do with personal growth and the vibration that you're putting out there. So the idea of like to attract the person into your life that you really, you know, is maybe the person you're meant to be with, you have to be the person that you aspire in your spouse to be. Absolutely. That was bad grammar, but. No, I totally get it. And that's exactly where I was going on that tangent, which is like, you know, a lot of people have that scenario and then they end up getting a divorce or, you know, some people just run and they just get divorced because they get divorces. But like, I've also

seen, you know, that, that happened and like, you know. And you can't, you can't go hunt down that person. Like you have to stand in the light and attract that person. So it does go back to that vibrational thing, like that invisible vibration. Like if you're vibrating at a lower energy, you're just not going to, that person that you want to be with is not going to be with you. You're not the space for them. Yeah, that going to be. That's not going to happen. So it always goes back to the self and it goes back to how we kicked off this whole thing, which is talking about personal responsibility and having the courage and the willingness to surrender to the process of wrestling with issues of your consciousness and your, your, uh, negative habits and positive habits

and trying to figure out how you can grow. Really. I mean, that's where it gets really scary, but also awesome, you know? Yep. Yep. It's, it's my favorite place to be on, right? Right in that, that pocket where I'm afraid and I'm, you know, I recognize the fear

and I'm like, oh, this is right outside my comfort zone right here. And that's when I jump. That's when I jump anyway. And I would suggest anybody who's in that place or who's calling for more, you know, to becoming more of themselves to jump. I promise you the parachute will appear. There's always room, you know, to becoming more of themselves to jump. I promise you the parachute will appear.

There's always room, you know. There always is. I always go back to this idea of investing in experience, you know, and that's been a real consistent theme with all the sort of people that I've had on the podcast that really are living extraordinary lives. They'll always come back to saying you can't be afraid to invest in experience. Above all, invest in experience. Like be courageous to not settle into the secure life and continue to challenge yourself and put yourself out there and do the thing that scares you.

Or take the trip when maybe you think like I don't know why I'm going here, like all those sorts of, you know, kind of scary things. That's the, that's where the magic happens. Absolutely. You know, absolutely. What are some of the things that with the people that you work with, like the common struggles that people have when they come in and they're like, they seek you out? Uh, you know, a lot, a lot of times it's people who are lost, who they know there's more and they know it's time. They're not lost enough. I mean, people who are really lost wouldn't even come.

It wouldn't occur to them to be, yeah, so they're less lost than maybe they're giving themselves credit for. Exactly. That's the first thing I always bring to them is like, well, you're here. You've already taken a step. You've already, you know, put the first, you know, pebble into the ocean. And like there's more to go always, obviously. But like you're not that lost.

And like a lot of people don't know why they've come to me, but we figure it out. That's one of the biggest things. And I say this, people write me all the time. They ask me, you know, that irresistible vibration. I know. That's not it. I just have a particular way. And like, you know, some people don't do me and I get it.

But like one of the things I always tell people when they're going to work with me, they're like, you know, so can you tell me your structure and like how this is going to go? And I'm like, they're trying to control the process. That's not how it works for me. You know, like I get, I have a client right now in New York who does copywriting for like some big people for their speeches and stuff like that. And like, you know, when we first sort of had our first session, I said, you know, I'm just going to be with you. I'll know what comes through and what to be with you. I'll know what comes through and what to be, where to go based on what you say. We'll talk, we'll talk,

and then we'll go from there. And like, sure enough, you know, somebody will come and they'll talk about business. Well, you know, everybody wants to put their, you know, their best face forward. So, you know, I'm crushing it in business and making all this money. And like, you know, really, I just came to you because I want to learn more about business. And the first thing I go to is relationship. You get it? Because what they're, what they're, what they're,

uh, compensating with the business thing. It's like, Oh look, look how good I'm doing over here. But like, none of that means anything. You don't have anybody to share it with,

you know? So I always go like, so tell me about what is that what is that like sort of boasting what is that what is the math that's a mask right yeah so what's behind the mask that they're that they're afraid to share like they're coming to you because there's some something inside of them is pulling them towards you totally something they're afraid of they're even they're too scared to even take the mask off so they come in and they start showing you the mask and your job is to dismantle the mask off. So they come in and they start showing you the mask.

And your job is to dismantle the mask. They may not even be aware that they're wearing that mask. Totally. It happens all the time. That's what I said with that 52-year-old woman in Chicago. We were in a Skype session and I watched her come alive. And I was like, oh, wow. And by the end of it, she was like, I can be Super Soul Sunday.

And I'm like, no, you got some work to do, mama. But like, you know, yes, you're in the process and will always be in a process. But like, yeah, most people come and whatever they're boasting about, I go to the opposite side of that and check in with what that is. And how do you help people, you know, create habits that are sustainable? You know what I mean? Because it's easy. Like you're good at firing people up. It's like for you, you're just lighting the match.

You know what I mean? But then what's the follow-up? How do you catalyze the behavior change and get them to practice that so that it becomes a new habit? Dude, I'm trying to tell you. I'm better at that than I am in firing people up. The follow through is everything. It's one of the reasons why I can fire people up because I'm not pretending. Like I've been all, most of the time, anybody who comes to me with something, I've been that thing too.

And like, so like this particular girl yesterday in New York, what I have her doing for a week, because I do a three-month program, so for a week, she has two assignments, but really one big one, which is to become a scientist in her life, to start recognizing all the, because she talks about, and she's not alone in this, and I'm sure she's okay with me sharing it,

because I didn't share her name, and we all have the same issues. She talks about how she spirals sometimes, and I'm sure there's somebody out here who's experienced the same thing. She's a freelance entrepreneur. One of the people she works with called her on a Saturday and said, hey, I need this written by Sunday. This is her day off.

But the people pleaser in her said, sure, and did it. And I caught that. She just told me the story. This is not how she told it. I caught all of it. She told me, I said, when's the last time you spiraled? Well, the other day, you know, like I did this and then did that. And then like on Sunday night, I just like spiraled. And I was like, okay, so what do you mean by spiral?

Like negative thoughts, like one thought builds on another, builds on another. And then all of a sudden she's just crying and depressed. So what I had her do was like track back. Okay. So, so what happened the day before? So what I have her doing even now is becoming, becoming a scientist of that. So I said, okay, we have, Shirdi has. Unpack the forensics. Over and over again. Forensic analysis of what led to that. She texted me today.

She said, oh my God, most of the music I listen to is super low vibration. And I was like, of course, it's because you're becoming a, you're, you're, you're in the practice of becoming mindful of everything in your life and what i have her doing and i have my clients doing is like be present one of her assignments is to dance every day like dance like frenzy dancing and like what i have her doing is like notice when you're when you're at the top notice Notice when you're fired up. Notice when you're in that space of love and you're like super in the flow. And the moment you notice

that you're, like the moment you notice that thing, A, you're out of it because you've noticed it. The flow doesn't notice things. The flow is in the flow. But the moment you notice the flow, ask yourself, what was attached to this? Oh, I meditated this morning.

Oh, I called my mom this morning. Oh, I said no when I really meant no this morning instead of saying yes to something that I did not want to do. And like when you can catch those things, then it can become a new practice. So for me, my work is all about that. That's what I do in my life all the time, Rich, like all the time. A second ago, I looked at this clock because I know that I have a bunch of stuff and I'm going to Australia and I caught myself in the midst of it. I'm trying to tell you, Rich, I do this all the time. I said, P, presence, now, here, right now, you're going to be here with Rich,

presence now, here, right now. You're going to be here with Rich, right? And I'm recognizing that that thing came up. Oh, what are you doing here? What is that? You know, back here. And like when you can start to catch those things, then like I said, it becomes your new normal. And then those moments stick out as opposed to all the negativity and then the couple things that are awesome stick out my life is like that i have an awesome life and the negative things pop out and oh look at you right right right right yeah developing awareness and consciousness and mindfulness around like the negative and the positive so you're aware when they crop up and you have enough experience doing that you can track it back to its origin point and say oh this this happened because i was doing

this maybe i should rethink that yeah you know and in terms of like shifting it um i think uh you know one of the things i always say is self-esteem comes from practicing esteemable acts. And those acts can be in the form of, you know, doing things for yourself that demonstrate that you love yourself. Like, I know you talk about that a lot. Like, what can I do to exercise a little self-care, you know, to show myself that I appreciate myself? Yep. And I think that a lot of people avoid that because it seems indulgent or selfish, but

you can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself and appreciate yourself. Absolutely. Just because you're... Yeah, go ahead. I mean, and then self-esteem, esteemable acts in the form of helping other people. And if you're doing those two things, you can generally alleviate that spiral. Totally. That might be coming down the pike. Totally. And change your physiology. There's like a lot of ways to do that. That's, I am 100% in alignment with that. One of the things I wanted to add for anybody out there,

and this is for myself as well, I'm speaking to me, mainly speaking to me, just because, just because you're not busy, doesn't mean you're available. Like that's huge. That is huge. I think that's really important also in this world of being able to get in touch with somebody however, whenever, at any moment. Seconds. Yeah, just the text messages and the notifications, bing, bing, bing, just makes me crazy. the notifications, bing, bing, bing,

like just makes me crazy, you know, like, and I'm like, just because you're sending me a text does not mean that I have to respond right now, you know, or at all, you know, but there's that implicit expectation built into that. Like I texted you and you didn't get back to me.

So I'm the bad guy, but it's like, dude, I didn't ask for that text. You don't need to push into my life and just like, stop what you're doing right now. I'm important. But this is a, I think this is an important thing and it's not going away.

It's getting more and more and more and more. And it's like, how many more social networks are there going to be? And it's like, oh, there's Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and text messaging and WhatsApp and Snapchat. And it's like your whole life can be just upended by like, you know. Yeah. So how do you like become the master of those tools rather than the victim? And as somebody who is a conscious media creator who by profession sort of has to leverage these tools to get your message out there, it requires a tightrope act of balance, I think,

that becomes tricky. Yep, that's right. I'm going to say it again. Just because you're not busy doesn't mean you're available. It's huge. It's gigantic. It's one of the main things I have to nail home with my clients. For her, from now on for a month, Sundays are hers. Like literally

from 9am to 7pm, no phone. Sundays, she does what makes her heart smile. She takes a walk, she goes dancing. Like that's it. Because you have to have time for yourself. Another thing you can do just on a technical aspect, and I do this, I have no notifications on any part of my phone. Nothing bings, nothing tells me that I have a new subscriber, nothing, nothing. And the only way I find those out is if I actually hit the app. It's the only way. And I have a challenge for my clients. I have a challenge for you guys. Every single time for the next week, and this is to you too, Rich, every time you open your phone to check any type of social media or emails, also open your heart. Like just have that same thought process.

Like, okay, checking my, checking Facebook. Just put your finger on your heart. And now I'm going to check my heart. Yeah. The app of your heart. Just go somewhere and go to a beautiful place. Like, okay, checking Instagram, checking where I am right now, you know, because we do those things unconsciously. Right. I watch people all the time and myself. That's an interesting practice. What I like about that is you're acknowledging the reality that, you know, we live with these apps and these devices and they're not going away. Like I had, do you know Josh Shipp? Yeah, I've heard of him. He's cool. He's great. I had him on the podcast. He's amazing. And he, we were had him on the podcast. He's amazing.

And we were talking about this very issue, and he challenged me to like – he's like, I took all these apps off my phone. He's like, I removed mail from my phone, Twitter, Facebook, all this kind of stuff. And so he challenged me to do it for 30 days, which I did, which was tricky and interesting and revelatory and like amazing and painful and, you know, all that kind of stuff. It was great. And I learned a lot about myself and my behavior patterns. And as someone who struggles with addiction, you know, that really raised a lot of stuff about myself and helped me kind of really learn more about how I relate to these devices

that are part of our lives. But of course, when the 30 days was over, I put them all back on my phone. And I have better habits around it. Like I don't wake up in the morning and immediately check stuff. Like I'm more mindful of my behaviors around them and all of that kind of stuff. But it's a part of my life. So how can I keep them on my phone? Like do I need to really remove them from my phone? Maybe. I don't know. But short of that, how can I develop a better, healthier practice and awareness around it? And I like the idea of like, okay, it's like for every app you open, you do a self-check-in. Exactly.

Or you do a counterbalancing kind of act. Yep. Which is cool. Well, dude, we got to get you on a plane to Australia. Yes, we do. I know. So thanks for coming by today. You are an inspiration, and this was awesome.

For sure. How do you feel? Fantastic. We did it, right? Air high fives, bang! It was cool. Rich is a gangster. All right.

Thanks, Preston. You want to check out Preston? He's pretty easy to find. It's at Preston Smiles on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and all those places and on the YouTube channel

it's Preston Smiles it's just the YouTube channel right and PrestonSmiles.com yep go for it dude amen have a good flight

thank you you come back and tell me about it when you get back I shall indeed alright peace peace

all right you guys. Good stuff, right? Hopefully Preston gave you more than a few things to ponder until we meet again next week. Send me your questions for future Q&A podcasts. And to find all the information, the education, the products, the tools, the resources, and the inspiration you need to take your health, your wellness, your fitness, and your self-actualization to the next level, go to richroll.com. Peruse our products, our nutrition products, our education products, our meditation program, all kinds of good stuff.

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