The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - A Day in the Life of Karl S1E1 (October 28, 2010)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

A special one-off podcast titled A Day in the Life of Karl was released on 28 October 2010.

Carl, what doesn't annoy you? That's the question really. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gonna sit here and, different things annoy me. But I don't just go about getting annoyed. Stuff happens, no, no, no, stuff happens. What's annoyed you this week? Um, I mean, I tend to get annoyed when people around me get annoyed. I'm never the one who's going in somewhere getting annoyed. I'm quite happy go lucky me.

You're happy to laugh. I'm not. That's rubbish. There is nothing about, no one would ever say that. No one. How would you describe Carpilkington? Oh, he's happy go and I whistle. I whistle a lot, I've told you. Only to annoy people when you're playing Scrabble. No. their. the the the th. th. thin. thin, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm th. thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm thin, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm thi, I'm thin. I'm th. I'm th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. th. th. th. th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I, I, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thin, I'm toy. I'm tapy. I'm tapy. tapy. tapy. tape, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm tapy. thin, I'm told you. Yeah only to annoy people when you're playing Scrabble. No, I just, at the end of the day I think the problem is most of the day I'm on my own. Right? Right. I'm doing DIY at home. I'm quite happy. No one's there annoying me. I go for me lunch later than everyone else so I don't have to see people. He's like quasi-modo. It's it? It's like coming down when everyone else is not there. No one's around. Suzanne, then that's the problem. Suzanne then comes home. She's been sort of with people so she comes in with loads of energy and I'm going just slow down. Stop going on. Then she's breaking stuff and that's probably the last thing. She's heavy-ended with all the stuff I've been fixing.

She broke the shutters. What else did she break? Well, you could have done a good job. I did do a good job. The shutters? Where do you live in the old west? the see me. What a mom. So what else is she broken? She's always breaking stuff.

There'd light switch outside. Everanded. Don't actually forces things. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, it doesn't matter how hard you hit it or how hard you pull it. Just tell me if it doesn't work and I'll sort it. That's what I do these days. her to Suzanne's house and wandering around and replacing stuff that she's fucked up. Jesus Christ. So she annoys you, she comes home you've had a lovely day of peace on your own. So the only person that likes you and talks to you annoy you. And when you're at home doing your DIY I want to picture that scene. Well, what, okay, right, we've never done this before, right, but let's do a typical day.

We've known each other now. How long have we known Carl? Nearly 10 years. Feels like a long time, right? So let's do a typical day in the life of Carl Pilkinton. So for my first question is, what time does Suzanne have to wake up? Does that annoy you? Does she have to get up earlier than you? Because she's got a proper job? The alarm goes off. What time? That seems early. Yeah but I'm used to it now. Now you spring out of bed, make her a cup of tea do you? No? Right. I let her get up, mess about, me to get get ready for work? Yeah, right. She's not being quiet, so I'm then I'm awake now, right? What do you mean she's not being quiet? Well she's just banging about, like I say, heavy-handed. I don't know how she does it. It's just doors and stuff. Everything seems like the Hulk's in the house

bounding about just don't don't be very ended with it when even like pulling the curtains shut and stuff because it's not her who has to fix it do you know what I mean when she's yanking at them and pulling them open it's like just just pull them like that I put them on a nice rail just pull them slowly like that right it's things like this sounds like these these sounds sounds like these sounds sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds like these sounds sounds sounds like the jobs the jobs the jobs the jobs their their their sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds sounds like they's they's their. their their. I's they's their their their. their. they's like. they's like. they's like. they's like. they's. they's they's. they's. they's like. they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're their s. I their s. I their th. I their th. I th. I their th. I their their their their their their their their their tho. they're just just just. slowly like that. It's things like that. This sounds like these jobs aren't done correctly. They are done proper. No, because if you get a bad pair of jeans and someone's like, oh you've ripped it, a good pair of jeans, they won't rip but.

No, just look after, it doesn't matter if you've got good jeans or poor jeans. Treat them the same. Look after your stuff. that. I've told you from a young age I didn't like people sitting on my bed after I've made it. It was like I've gone to the trouble I've made it there's no creases in it don't sit on it there's a chair there use the chair. Sure okay. That's mental but yeah it's not mental. It's not mental. So Suzanne's fashion about the place? So that the doors I mean what's up with the doors do they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their they're they're their their they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their or is it the wrong wood or something? No, just heavy handed. So then she has a shower. Right. If I have a shower, I like to go second because I've I've got the Mr Muscle spray that she doesn't do properly. Right. Do you breakfast together? Just sit on the bed? I've to sit on the bed, have it made? Yeah, it's made. Don't't made the bed yet. Yeah, yeah, it's made. Well, don't sit on the bed if it's made. No, I've calmed down, that's what I've said to her.

As I'm getting older, yeah. I'm easing a bit. Yeah, you're like Doris Day. So, sit on the bed, look at the window. Why are you having? Why the breakfast and sit on the bed because the radios. What's going on with the crumbs Rick? I don't know what the crumbs are doing but I don't know what I'm having. I'm having cornflakes, no crumbs with corn flakes. No, but. So you haven't two of you are sat there. Are you sat on opposite sides of the bed looking each other or you'd both sat on the side of the bed looking at the wall? Oh, the wall, listening, listening, listening, listening, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, looking, listening, listening, looking, listening, looking, looking, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, look, look, listen, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, listen, listen, hang. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. Clon, hang, hang, hang, hang. Clon, hang. Clan, hang. Clan, hang. Clan, hang. Clan, hang. Clan, hang. Clan, hang. Clan, hang. Clan, hang. Clan, hang. Clon, hang. Clon, hang. Clon, hang. Clon, hang, hang. Clon, hang. Clon, hang, hang, hang, hang, hang. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. I, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, I, hang on,the bed or your legs are down on the floor. Right.

Fully closed now you've had the showers. I might have a t-shirt on the meundies. Okay. I can't put my socks on yet. I don't like socks. I'd put them on last. Why don't you like socks? They just cut off your freedom.

I don't know, my socks are never that well fitting, so I don't really enjoy wearing. But won't you get socks that fit you? I never buy socks, do I like little the same size as your shoes. Yeah, a little rule. A lot of people buying for me and they're never quite right. But hold on though. This is a rule you've imposed. I'm not. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. the the the the the the the the the the the the the that............................................................................................................................. cut off your freedom. Never had that before. I mean Mandela said it. Well yeah, never had socks compared to the Berlin Waller. Yeah, I think I think William Wallace said it as well. Right. Yeah. Imagine that in Bravall just takes his socks off and gets

freedom. Yeah. Anyway, then I'll say right on your way to work, take the bin bag out. Right. She'll do that. And then I get on with I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. I'll th. I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll. I'll. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin, I th. I thin, I thin, I thin, th. W. W. I thin, thin, thin, I thin, I thin. W. I th. I th. on with whatever I've got to do that. Little kiss on the cheek. But why do you say... Pat on the head. Who pats who on the ed? I'll just sort of rub the back of her head. There you go, see you later. Then what? You got your pants on, you got your t-shirt on. the news? You listen to what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's to what's to what's to what's to what's to what's to what's to what's to what's to what's to what's to what's to what's the their their their their their their their their their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their. their their their. their. their their. their their. their. their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to? to to to to? to to to to to to? to th. to the?p. to-p. te. tap. to-pats. to-pats. to-pats, pat-a. their their their their their. Right, now what, to what would she say that to then?

What would you worry about if you heard on the news? I heard something about worms getting teeth. Right? And she was kind of going, you know, you're not meant to worry about this new story, this wall's going on stuff, you never listen to them. Do you remember the story of the worms with the teeth should we be alarmed ourselves? What was the information? It was just saying how it was all about nature versus nurture thing. Right. And saying now worms that are growing up in a family where there's loads of food around. What do you mean growing up in a

family? Just a family of worms in the soil. Right. They're going through the the soil. If there's loads of food for everyone, they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to they're they're th. to they're they're they're they're to to to to to to to to their their th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their th. th. the the. the. the. It was to to to to to to to to to to to to to theuuu. It was theateu. It was the. It was th through the soil. If there's loads of food for everyone, they don't have to fight for food, they're quite happy, they don't have teeth. The ones, like the rough of worms, where there's not enough, it's like a massive family that kids left right and centre, but they haven't got the nutrients to feed them all. They fight against each other and the ones that they're growing teeth their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I I. I's their their their their their. I's the ones that they're growing teeth now. I didn't hear the new story so I'm going out on a limb here. I don't think it was about a worm being maybe more working class and chavy though. With a lot of big families, look at that big family, can't even feed them all. And then you've got middle class worms going, we've got enough food for everyone because we haven't overbred. You know what people are like now they've got researchers watching all sorts of stuff right keeping their eye on everything when you don't have to worry about it a worm with teeth if they've got teeth

or not to me is not a problem not a problem not a problem at all I normally save a worm if I see one in the rain on a pavement if I see it there I go someone's gonna stand on that and I chuck it and I so so so so so I they so I they so I they so I they so I they I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're try they try they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to stand on that and I chucked for a bit, see which way it was going, give it an helping hands. See which way it was going, like it had an aim. See which... No, they do though, don't they? They're always going somewhere. Yeah. Even if you can't, you can't sell, you don't know which to send its heads on.

Do you check that it's on the radio. Okay so so okay so it's five past eight Suzanne's gone out you've rubbed the back of her edge she's took the rubbish out you're there pants t-shirt no socks no socks yet what happens to the bowls of X corn flakes where do they go have you got? I wash up you wash up you wash up that's the next thing you do is it? right okay no then do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you wa. Do you wa. Do you wa. Do you th. Do you th. Do you th. Do you th. Do you th. Do you th. Do you th. Do you th. Do you th. Do that? th? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thing you do is it? Right, okay. Now then, do you plan ahead for the day? Do you think to yourself Carl make a list of stuff to do or do you just let it go? I'll let it happen. I don't like, the worst thing for me is planning. I told you before. I tell you before. I tell you before. their plan. I don't like the idea of waking up and I'm going to do. I'm going they. I'm going to do to do to do to do they. I'm going to do to do to do to do to do to do to do their to do their to do their to do their their their thi. I their thi. I their their their to do their their their their to just to just to just to just their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do. I. I. I. I just just. to do. toe. toe. toe. tooe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. their their their their the forward to doing the thing. Whereas I get up, I'm washing up, I'll look at a wall and I'll go, those tiles aren't very good, I'm gonna rip them off. Jesus Christ. This is amazing.

This is amazing. I mean, forget idiot abroad. Forget the Ricky Gavay show. Let's just have 24-7, Carl Cam. I'm thinking of that one. He gets, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that one that he gets up he's Suzanne leaves we get him to you know it looks at a wall he starts tearing this tiles off it looks like the behavior of a psychopath doesn't it oh so that handles on the inside of your house this is this is what worries me

though the fact that you're always doing DIY suggest that you didn't do a good job in the first place Steve alone I'm I never never I th th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is th is th is th is that thus that that to to to to to to thi to to to to to to to thi to thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the fact that you're always doing DIY suggests that you didn't do a good job in the first place. Steve alone wrong. I never ever do the same thing twice. Once it's done, it's done. I do it right. I take me time, I get it done right. So this is other people's workmanship that you're on doing and doing properly. Definitely. radio when you're doing your work? I normally drag it through. You drag it through. How big is it? No, it's just a little clock radio thing. So it's plugged in and said, yeah. Okay. Then,

well, hang on a minute, let's go back because presumably you've dismantled the tiles. You've got to pop down and get all your supplies, haven't you? Well, I went to home base. Might have a walk there. the weather's, th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I' the the the the the the the the the the the they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. So, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll thin, I'll thin, I'll thin, I'll thooooooo' thog. Clop, thog, thu. thog, thu. thog. the. thog. I'll th a jaunt though because you got carol the stuff back Haven't you depends what I'm buying if I'm just buying a tub of the desif Yeah can handle that It's if you get in heavier stuff Um What do you do in that case? Drive okay get the motor yeah, but I don't like shifting that now? But I don't like shifting that because you lose your the parking parking the the parking the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to the to to the the the the the the to ligheyshifthifthifthifthifthifth if I the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tuberowneasefoweufeyskkkiff. tubea tube isfoweyskk soa tube are tube tube tube tube tube that's that's that's that's to loses his parking space. So don't use the car for fear of losing the parking space. Not if I can help it.

Now, question, when you go to Home Base or B&Q or some sort of tile shop or a lumber yard, do you affect a more working class accent like I've heard Steve talking to his carpenters? I always do that, yeah. I don't have to talk to anyone. I know exactly their to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to talk to to talk to to to their to their their their their their work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work. A their work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work, I'm a to to to talk, I'm a to talk, I'm to talk, I'm to talk, I'm to talk, I to talk, I to talk, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, I their, I their, I'm to their, to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their work, their work, their work, their, don't have to talk to anyone. I know exactly what I'm getting. Straight in there, I know the layout. I've been in there plenty of times. I might have a bit of a browse whilst I'm there, like looking at different tools. So if it wasn't for meeting up with me and Steve and Suzanne being be, I don't know, the next morning you wouldn't talk to anyone would you? Do you have any friends that you might talk to? Yeah I talked to some people on the phone but then I soon get bored with that right about five minutes in I realize I'm not

listening anymore. Who's the last person you have to name names but just give a generic name to who's the last it was a old school mate or is it someone you've met more recently? Show up his power. Right. And you know it's fine at the beginning it's like oh yeah that's good. So what were you talking about that you got bored about? I can't remember because I got bored with it. I'm normally, you see the thing is these days people haven't got your proper attention

because it's a mobile so you can carry on doing what you're doing. So I was ripping old raw plugs out of the wall. Jesus. And he was talking and I kind of thought I hope he doesn't say what do you think of that in a minute because I wasn't listening. Right. So what's the point of having the conversation? I don't know. But hold on I call you up. It's the first phone call you get. It's the first phone call I make. I call you up and I go, what's going on boy? Right? Yeah, but most of the time I don't tell you because you'll go, right, what are you doing doing DIY? Pay someone to do it. And we have to have all that, every day, the same chat.

If I'm not doing DIY, I wouldn't be doing anything. And then I get grumpy. Susan comes home, she goes, what have you done today and I go nothing and I get fed up then because I don't feel like I'm worth anything. I work harder for your career than you do. I'm always doing stuff to try and get you to get you to do stuff I'm always try to get you shows and things and I'm always trying to get out there and do something towards it. I don't want to do it now. I've done it. Yeah. We've done it. the program. We've done it. We've done it. We've done it. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did. We did the program. We did. We did the program. We did the program. We did the program. We did the program. We did the program. We did the program. We did. We did. We did. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do. the program. the program. the program. the program. the program. the program. the program. th the program. th th th th th th th th the program. I th th th the program. I the program. I the program. I the program. the program. the program. the program. th on the tele, job done. If people want to watch it, they watch it. There's no point me cropping up on loose women, asking people to tune into my program. If they want to watch it or they don't. If they're watching loose women, I don't want watching my program. There's a lot of crap on the tele and that's why, garbage on there, anyone can get on it. It's not special anymore. It used to be special in the 80s when he was like three channels, four channels. Now it's a dodle.

But that's why you should make special TV. I like the fact that in anything you do, 90% percent. In any framework you're working is crap. That's why it's nice to be in that 10% that's why it's nice to do something that's special. You know the great thing about idiot abroad is people haven't seen anything like it before. I'm so proud of it. It's great. So the fact that you're in a genre when that something is the 90% crap that makes you look better you should relish that. No because I don't thin' they don't think people people people people people people people people people people people people watching people watching people watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching watching to watch to watch to watch their to watch their to watch their some sort of flump telly don't they that?

They don't have to think about. Do you mean the program of the flumps? He didn't say flump. He said flump. Oh, I'm sorry. Now this is, now are you spelling flump, it's F-L-U-M-P-H. Ph. P-H-F. P-P-F. P-P-F. P-P-P-P-P-P-P. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu. Flu It's a typical person. Who's typical person? Is it those, is it awful, those awful docu-soaps where people live their life like an open wound saying, look, me, Fanny fell off. And, and, uh, I don't see that. But yeah, all that sort of stuff, I do, honestly, the amount of tele I watch now, the amount of tele some tips off it. Other than that...

So that's work, you count that as work, don't you? Research at least you learn something. Does Suzanne like Grand Designs? She likes to see the end result to see what it looks like but she gets bored at the beginning when it's just a load of bricks. All right. She's got enough of that home. And then we'll just sit and have a game of crib. Or... You'd have been happy in the Blitz, wouldn't you? You'd have been happy down in one of those subway stations.

Oh, Suzanne, what? What? Chimney's gone. Oh no, what was that? Doodle bug? I better go up there. Oh, leave it. Well, you're bloody heavy handed, Germans. They're bloody heavy handed. Let's go back a bit here. So you've gone down making you, you got your supplies, you've done a bit of tylin. Good job, please. You're halfway through, spot a lunch around three-ish.

What do you do? Do you pop out for lunch in a couch? It depends sometimes, as I pat her on the edge, who sometimes says, there's, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, the, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I's, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, th. You're th. You're t. t. tape, tape, tape, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, th's thi, you've got, you've the fridge I'm alright I'd love it like this a little choreograph if I oh I better pat on the air I don't know what I'm eating today oh Carl thinks like Pavlovian conditioning yeah last time I'm a pattern I mean she told me about some food in the food by love take the rubber shell I'm in the fridge cheers brilliant yeah that. Now, just, just so the radio's on the whole time? Is there, because I want to picture this, you're not working in silence, radios on the whole time? That little squeaky radio that's sort of halfway in the doorway of the bedroom and the lounge or whatever. You've got the radio. And what station you listen to music?

Sometimes I listen to speech? What would be the the station the station the station the station the station the station the station the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio th is th is the radio the radio th is th is th. the radio th. tha. the radio radio the radio the radio. thua. th. th. thatua. I'm th. I'm th. I' th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm threat. I'm tha. I'm tha. tha. the tha. the tha. the the tha. the tha. tha. I'm the tha. I'm the sometimes listen to music. What would be speech like a kind of one of those phoning programs or? Phonings do me head in a bit. I like, you know, reports on stuff. Right, just little, little things. Radio five maybe? Yeah, five live, that's all right. So you like to be informed as you go. Yeah, just so it gives me listening to them, it's like having someone in the room telling you stuff without you having a chat back. I prefer

that I'm a bigger listener than I'm a talker. Whereas these days a lot of people are talking but they're not listening. Perfect. Although you're not listening to actual humans like your friends when they call you up. Because they're just mithering. And do you? Because they're you get everything done and dusted before Suzanne comes home so she comes in to a spotless place? Yeah. And so she comes in, do you instantly show her the work you've done or do you just let her notice it for herself? Sometimes I just leave it and see how long it takes for her to go, oh we've done that. Okay. And if she doesn't notice it, are you annoyed or are you excited to tell her? Sometimes I forget? to to to the to to to to to to to the to to to the to to the to to the to their. to their. to their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to show to show to show to show to to to to show to show to show to show to show to show to show to show to show to show to show to show to show to show to show to show to show. to to to their. their. their. their their their their their their their their tho. tho. tho. their tho. their their their their their their work. their their too. their too. tooome. toe. toe. toe. toe. to tell her. Sometimes I forget. He does it again the next day. That time is a bit shoddy. I should do that. Wow, sometimes you forget. And so it's not the equivalent of when a lady comes room and says, oh you have noticed me, my new air-do? Is it sort of the equivalent for you? She hasn't noticed. You don't get frustrated. Now you do notice her new air-doos, don't you?

Because you say you don't like them. So what does she say about your tiling? No, most of the stuff I do. She goes, that's good. But sometimes she'll go, why don't we just get someone in to do it? Well it depends what it is, if it's something that's big and has been bothering, but it's not bothering me. I'm saying I'll sort it out. But what's an example of something that's big that bothers her and not you? I had some wires hanging out the wall that I needed to patch up the plaster.

Now these wires were they exposed wires, for example you could you could have touched them and got an electric shock? Yeah, yeah. Well that is a big thing isn't it? Yeah but we haven't got kids running about the house. Who's coming in messing with wires on the walls just don't touch I know they're there you know they're there. Right. We don's going to get someone in. Well no, I won't get someone in because, see the thing is she got someone in once when the oven blew up, right? I said leave it, I'll sort it, I'll look at it. No, you don't know what you're doing, get someone in. No, let me have a look, no, get someone in. She calls someone in. She calls someone up. She calls, their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, she's, their, their, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th. Because, s. Because, she's, she's, s. Because, s. Because, s' things, s' things, s' things, s' things, s the fuse and the plug. Now I could have sorted that out but she didn't give me a chance so now it's good now because I've got that on the old

bat burner so every time she says let's call someone out I'll go oven. There's a little reminded so I'm glad in a way that she did but so now she just leaves it to interfere. Carl, Carl, I've got terrible pains, oven. Have you sorted that problem? Not yet. No, so the wire still are hanging out of the wall. Yeah, yeah, but I know what to do. It's just that I want to do the other jobs first.

Yeah, but she's concerned about that one, and it's also very dangerous. It's not that dangerous. Steve, oven. I mean you said if I speak to anyone in the day I normally speak to my mom and dad at some point every day. Really? Every day you speak to your mom and dad? Yeah. Could you take us through a typical conversation with your dad? He calls up. He calls he calls up. What's he tell you the today? What does he say? What's the weather like? What does that with your mom? he said I've just been out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out the the the the the the the the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th to to th their their th see sorry right. What's the weather like? What was that with your mom? She's got a cough. It's cold in it, winter, cold. Yeah. Expectant did you get, was it tickety or a chesty cough? I think it's chesty. Because they've got like a coal fire and it's when I go there I'm always coughing and that it's like smoking twoa a day having one of the house. So she's thahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. So it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like th. It's like th. It's like smoking twenty a day having one of them in the house so she's always coughing so yeah it'd been out she smokes sweaty a day been

out got some Benal in does she smoke you know no she used to yeah jacked it in when I was born oh really yeah good it already done the damage yeah yeah she smoked more through the pregnancy she looked it and went oh I'm not smoking yeah or drinking look at that fucking head so yeah he he said they'd they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd that fucking head. So yeah, he said, oh the weather's bad, is it bad there? I went, yeah. So I've just been out, got some medicine, what are you doing? I said, I'm ripping tiles off the wall. He said, oh, that's good. So your man wants me to do the tile in their to do to do to do He said yeah I might do. He said he might just sort of plaster over the

tiles and sort of you know paint over that. I said well it's not that good though is it? If you drill into it and you smash a tile in, the plaster that's on the tiles can crack and go right across. So it's easy just to take them off. It doesn't take that long to tech him off just do the job properly. I'm actually going to the weekend Rick. So anyway he just said I might do that but he's got nothing else to do so that's why I was saying what you let him again oh that's good just sorry go on and then my man might get on and um okay what she got a sound forward to this she just tells me a bit of him she'd like what was it the their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they's. they's. they's just. they's just. th. thin. they's just. they's just. they's just. they's just. they's just. they's just. they's just. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He's. th. He's just just just just. t. t. t. t. t. tell. t. t. th. th. th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. I'm. I th. I to sound forward to this. She just tells me a bit of him. She'd like, what was it the other day? She said, oh, have you seen them tablets not a food? She's so like you! She's just like you!

Oh God, where's she a fucking astronaut? Have you seen them tablets? What are the tables? Oh, God! What, the spaceman food they've come out and we're just chatting about them just saying no. They've come out really? Yeah yeah yeah yeah because we live in a busy world and everything where people haven't got time to have a proper lunch. Are you sure this isn't like one of those innovations? Are you sure this is like an innovation things? When you when you buy oxygen in a caster? Well didn't work? you didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't, th. th. thin, th. th. th. th. th. th. they', they' they' they' they' they, they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they're, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're that, that, that, they're they're they're that' they're they're they're they're they're they're they mate and I thought, oh I just got a bit of that on the way around.

It didn't work. How far were you running? I don't know, it was a race over a mile. And I thought, oh, oh, that. So you were leading, I'd laid down with an oxygen. I thought, oh, well, I was out of course, it, I was out, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just a that, I was just a that, I was just a that, I was just a that, I was just a that, I was just a that, I was just. that, I was just. that, I was just. that, I was just. that, I was. that, I was. that, I was. that, I. that, I. that, I. th. th. that, I. that, I. that, I. th. that, I. that, I was a. th. th. that, I was just. th. th. th. th. th. that, I was up, of course. Well, one it didn't work and two, what was it supposed to do to just kind of... I thought it would oxygenate my blood more so I could, I mean, it was flawed, it was a flawed argument. It was a flawed argument. I don't know, I don't know, five thi'a'li'n't five, five, five, five, five, five, or five, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to just, I to just, I to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I'd to just, I to just, I to just, I to just....... Well, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. tho. to tho. to just, I to to to to to just, I to to just, I to just, I to just, I to just, I to just, I to just, I to just, enough time knowing that there was a race coming up to order something from the innovations catalogue.

Yeah. What was this race? We had little challenge. Was this a common thing? I had often had charges. I think I was on the doll at the time. I think it was about 25. I mean, if you're on the doll and you barely got any cash, you're buying air. Oh jeez. Yeah, yeah. I look back now.

Yeah, it was a folly. Yeah. Oh dear. That's what Ricky O'E occupies his three days, Carl. Come on. 20 odd years ago. I don't know. Now I actually work out.

Now. I'd like to race him now. Woo. Hohoo. How is you, Now I actually work out. Now, I'd like to race him now. Woo! How is Usain Bolt? It's good. He's going on a long way. So your mom calls up. What does she say? She said there's a new pill out that's a meal, yeah.

We chat about that for a bit. And then, um, she always says, watch the road. Really? She always said that says watch the road at the end of the call. Really? Yeah, she always said that. Watch the road. She doesn't mean the film the road with Vigo Mortenson. No, she's just paranoid that I'm going to get run over. Right.

So every time I've never been run over. No. Well, that's because she always t the window and watch the road. Yeah! She's fascinated by it. Exactly, watch the road. There's cars going to park. It's big bits of metal with wheels. So, oh, you did walk into a field of nettles once though, let's not forget that. So, you have a call like a scintillating phone conversation like this every day with your parents, their parents. Yeah, and does she always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. There, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. There. There. There. There, th. There, th. It, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. It, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's thi. It's you say? That's sweet though. That's sweet that he talks to his parents every day.

I remember when I went off to university, my brother and all dropped me off, my mom came up and she was leaving and she was sort of crying and I was making up, I was pretending to be really sort of sad She said, call me, right? So I think I waited to the following Sunday. I've been about a week, right? And I called her up. And I called her up and I couldn't just call her up. And I couldn't just call her up. And I couldn't just call her up. And I couldn't just call her up. And she went, theyrown, I that. I was probably embarrassed. told me. to me, thr. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. that. that. th. th. the that. they. th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to call, I the the to call, I to call, I to call, I to call, I to call to the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the to call to call to to to the to th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I thu. I thu. I thooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I thu. I thu. I c. I cu. I c. I c. I went, what's the matter? I said, I think I'm blind. She went, what? I went, no, how's it going? She went, you silly bleeder, I nearly had heart attack. That's great. So if you want to spice up calls to your mom, pretend you've had a terrible accident and you're blind. I like when I phone my grand, and the only other people that ever phone my grand is me, my sister

or my parents. No one else ever calls. And every time she picks up, she goes, hello? Like it could be a monster that's going to come through the phone line. But also it's like she's now, like each time she hears it ring, it surprises her. Like there's a noise in the house and she wanders and she wanders her and she finds object that's ringing and she doesn't know what it is and she sort of hits buttons and tell her hello well she's tried three already but what annoys me is she'll say hello gran and she'll go who's that oh come on you must recognize me by now

I'm the only person who calls about three other people I'm not the girl yeah exactly and my granddaughter she's had this for years it's not just she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she'll she'll she'll th she'll th she she she she she she'll th she'll th she'll th she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she'll she'll she'll she'll she'll she'll she'll to to to to th she'll th she'll to th she'll to th she'll to'll th she'll th she'll to to th she'll th she'll th she not the girl. Yeah exactly. And my grandmother who's she's had this for years it's not just that she gets up. She she'll go through all of the family's name until she gets to me. Oh my not used to do that. So she knows it's me but she'll go, hello Ron, Elaine, Alex, Steve. Yeah, yeah. But it's the same with each member which every one of us she's talked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the the the th. It's th. It's the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the th. the th. th. th. th. th. their their their th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. She's. It's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's th. She's th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the the th. th. th. th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the th each member of which every one of us she's talking to. It's always last. Yeah. Oh dear.

So you've spoken to your mom and dad, you've changed the tiles, you've had lunch, the tel is not on. Suzanne comes in, you've made a dinner? No. Right. What happens then? Now, what happens tha? thah? tha? tha? tha? thuuuuuuu. tha? thu. thu. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. to tha. to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooom. tooom. tooom. tooes. to to to to to to to to to too. to too. too. too. too. to to to th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. about four or five have you? Well I'm tidying up I know I normally keep me eye on the clock I like to give myself like 40 odd minutes to clean up right kitchen's all clean ready for us to make the tea ready for her to make the tea even though you've been I know you've been tiling but that that thi. I know that I know you've been I know you've the the the you the you you th th tho tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho thi thi the thi the the the the the to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tie I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know, he didn't have to do it. No, but I don't do cooking. She knows that.

This isn't even a discussion. Right. She knows. Like today, I've got to get some thin chips. So I'll do that. You mean fries? Okay, what was frozen in the bag or whatever? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I've got to get some. So that shop bought scampy, just what'd you do? Just... I don't know if she just brings it. I don't know. I think it's just chuck it in the oven. Yeah. So she'll do all that. I'll eat it. And sorry, don't me just rewind for a second. I'll eat it.

He's listening to it in his day's work. I'll eat it. Do you ask her days being, I'm just interested when she comes in, she's at a busy day, she's, well let me, listen, don't jump to conclusions trick, alright? Okay, so she comes in. Okay, let's act it out. Okay, you've just cleaned up, right? The last bit of there, you look back, them tiles look good. You look at the clock. Oh, what time is it? She usually comes through the door. Well, I don't know. It can change. She calls and warns me. All right. Let's go through. Take me through, okay? The end of the day. Right. Facking up. Cleaning up all the mess. Oh, phone's going. Who's that? Suzan. All right. then. See in a bit. She'll go. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the call. the call. the call. the call. the call. the call. the call. the call. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the phone. the. the. the phone. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. th. th. thin. th. th. thin. th. th. th. thin. th. th. th. th? Suzanne. All right, yeah, coming home.

All right then, seeing a bit. She'll go. I'll, uh, I'll put the kettle on, or at least fill it, ready. Because she normally calls again. What do you read? She calls again? She calls again when she's out of the tube. Let's do it, let's hear it. All right, see, the th the the th the of the tube. Let's do it, let's hear it. What's going on? All right, you out the tube, yeah, do you want a cup of tea? Yeah, alright, see in a minute.

Flick the kettle on, get the two bags out, make a cup of tea. Milk? A bit of milk. Sometimes I'll say I'll get us a little treat when you come out of the tube. So she'll get the the the the the their their their th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their their their tho, flick, flick, flicker, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, flick, get tip, get their their their their their their, get, get their, get, get, get, get, get, get, get tip, get tip, get, get tip, get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get get, make, make, make, make, make, make, make their their their tue, make their their tip, get tip, get their tip, get tip, get tip, get tip, get tip, get their tip, get their me you know a bounty or something to go with a cup of tea though isn't it? Yeah but it's gonna be another 40 odd minutes. So you have a bounty before you ever mean? Not every day just sometimes if I fancied if I've got if I've got a sugar low I've got a toughy I've got a toubeteer notry to I have. No so there's they've got their their to have I've got whether you got diabetes. Well I haven't got evidence but I've think I am. So there's no evidence but let's believe in it anyway. Well I have a bounty that normally sorts it out to me that's a sign of diabetes otherwise what's wrong with me? So um... You're just a greedy fucker. No I'm telling you I sometimes I get a proper urge for a Mars bar. I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I to that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I've I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got I've got a that I've got a that I've got I've got I've got I've got I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've that I've to have I've to have I to have I to have I to have I to have I to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the that that to that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm. What do you want to have a bounty for then? No just to mix it up because I get sick of Marsbars. Do you? Well when you say get me a bounty, have you got an urge for a bounty then or a Marsbar? Well it's just that they both quite equal in sugar

content. Yeah. Bounces. There's a lot that coaqa have you got me topic? They should sometimes get you a topic? You know it's something to chat about right okay. Okay something to chat about. So has there ever been a time, sorry I just got this straight Steve. Sorry Rick I just wanted to say could you imagine could you imagine you and I have in a conversation about what you have. What did you get me Rick? I got your bounty, is that all right? Thanks mate. That's as long as that conversation can possibly go. You're talking about it, it's a talking point. Yeah, so what happens? So what was the last time there was a discussion about what she bought you?

Did she ever bring you a bounty and you go, oh, I was really open for a Mars bar? Um, I think the last time she got a bounty, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, their, their, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th, th, th, th, th, th. It's th. It's th. It's a th. It's a th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. It's just have two bars they do a three one? Right what is she saying? She said did they? She said I want out with this relationship. No but that's how a chat starts and they'll go yeah that's why these fat people now. Everything's in bigger amounts in it. It used to just be one like a milky way now. Now you can get a three pack and then they're saying oh they're saying oh they're saying oh they're saying oh they're saying oh they're saying oh they're they're saying oh they're they're saying oh they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're saying oh they're saying oh they're saying oh they're saying oh they're saying oh they're saying oh oh oh they're they're saying oh there's fat people, because that's the thing. She's sort of been talking to people all day. I've been tyling, listening to the radio, hearing reports of obesity. So this is a chance for me to tell her what I've learned in a way. Right. So I'll empty. What she loves coming through that door. She comes through, took a coat offthen I'll go, oh, you know, we should get them tablets. My mom's been talking about, she goes, what tablets? Go, the food, to see how it's all coming together? Yeah.

So it's like that, and that's, that's what you say. What does she say to the idea? Now, that's what got her during the day her response to that is alright so and then I'll just I'll get her attention at some point I say there's worms with teeth I'll get her attention at some point I'll say I'm gonna bring up the good big guns now I'm gonna ignore me okay wait for this Suzanne I see you're ignoring me yeah yeah ignoring me, okay wait for this. Suzanne, I see you're ignoring me, yeah. Worms with teeth! Oh God, amazing! So what does she say to worms have teeth? Uh, I can't remember, she just sort of said, oh, have you got the facts right? I said,

yeah. That's kind of it, and she'll either go, all right, or she'll, uh, I mean, it's pretty rare, like it's pretty rare like it's pretty rare like it's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, thi, thi, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that's that's thi, thi, thi, thi, wa, thi, what thi, what thi,. So it's not a conversation really, because the response twice though has been, oh right. Right, so, so she's looking forward to some scampionships. She hands over your bounty, you go, oh, they do three, yeah, whatever, right? What happens next? Take us through? I'll sort of say anything to report, anything gone on today and she knows it's a sort of phase off again it's like a phone call she'll go oh so-and-so's leaving or whatever and I don't know these people and I'm not that interested. And she senses that? Yeah, yep. So she'll go oh I've paid the insurance? I'm going, oh no I forgot

She'll go, I told you to do that I said yeah, but I've been doing the tiling She's going, yeah, but you weren't meant to do the tiling now. She's sought the insurance out on the washer Because the washer keeps breaking and she won't let me fix it, and she won't let me fix it. thrown. th. th. the th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, I'll tho, I'm tho, I'm, I'll the, I'll tho, I'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll th. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll to told, I'm, I'm told, I'm, I'm told, I'm told, I'm, I'm told, I'm told, I'm told, I'm told, I'm to to to th. I'll, I'm not to fix that but she was going no I don't want you messing with it because it's if you flood the kitchen out it's you know makes a mess so anyway so I've got to sort that out I still haven't done it I should have done that today. Then have a game of crib. Oh god! It's like being in an old people's home I know but I'll tell you what put the telly on because there's some fl fl fl fl fl fl fl fl fl fl fl fl fl- the the there's the there's there's the there's the the there's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. I's th. I's the. I's the. I'm they. they. I'm the. I'm the the the the the the you what, put the telly on because there's some flump on there that might give you an insight. No. No? No, not until, like I've said to you before, unless she knows what she's putting

it on for, it doesn't go on. Right. None of this flicker on. So when she says, let's put the telly on, you go, okay Suzanne, what are we going to watch? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What? And she goes, and she goes, I don't know, should we have a look what's on? I say look what's on first. But have you got a radio times or a TV? I've got a magazine that comes with a paper at the weekend. I'll look through that. If there's anything on you fancy, we'll look at it. If no, we don't need it on. and she'll go the apprentices on and I go, okay, you can have it on. Right. If she goes, oh there's, I can't remember a time when I said no, you're not having that on. You're quite patriarchal, aren't you, wouldn't you? What do you mean?

Well, the man of the house rules, the roost. Yeah, you pretty much. Not really. No, because she's. even though I'm saying you're clumping about again making a racket, she does it more. But it works, don't it? Yeah, sounds like it. And so you've had a lovely game of crib with Suzanne, because you know the magic's still there. And what time do you hit the sack? I don't know, about 11. Do you go to bed at the same time? Yeah, so that's it, yeah. So hang on, we haven't finished yet. So, any conversation before bed?

Uh, it depends if the radio was on. I might say, look, here's that story about the worm. Yeah, and then she'll go, yeah, but look, it hasn't got teeth. It said, this, that, and the other night. I suppose we'd call that a day in the life of Carl Pilkington. That's a little thank you to all the fans who bought the audiobooks. It's not much of a gift is it? Wow it's something isn't it? I mean I know Carl did it begrudgingly, but thank you for downloading the audio books all these years. Carl's very grateful really. It means he can go and buy as much grouting as you'll ever need. And thank you to people who've bought the book an idiot abroad and

watch the program. If you still can't get enough, Carl. The DVD and Idiot Abroad is out. That's a lovely Christmas gift for all the family. Order that now, Amazon.co. UK or Carmel or HMB or play. All your retailer of choice. Hey, retailer of choice. I'll go out and buy it. Go out for a walk. And what a lovely Christmas gift the Ricky Giva Show would make as well on DVD. On DVD. Animated Ramblings from the Roundheaded Moron. Some people don't even realize that the idiot abroad is Carl Pilkington from the Ricky Givay show. If you're on Twitter and Facebook and MySpace and or have you got just friends

you actually talk to via the mouth, then tell them if they enjoyed an idiot abroad to get the Ricky Jove show on audiobook or DVD and why you're at it buy my new stand-up on DVD science I don't know I don't know Rick that seems a shameless plug well what was all the other shit then yeah that was just talking to the fans where it's because you get a third of all the other stuff all right let's not reduce it to money hmm Carl's on it on what on the science DVD I've done a special program where I'm I the the to to the to to to the to to to to to the the the to the to to the to the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to the the the to to to to me to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I the. the. the. thee. theeeeeeee. theeeee. theeeee. theee. the. the. I's the. th On the science DVD. I've done a special program where I interview for science, which is amazing. But my favorite bit is probably when he meets Warwick Davis. His little, I stitched him right up, he thought he was

going to have a talk about science. We hid Warwick, right? It was a hard, is it? We had to keep me in a different room and then Carl sat down, just thought he was talking about science and I went the the their their their their their their their their. their. their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. I was, t. I was, t. I was, t. I's, t. I's, t. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. And, t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t then Carl sat down to thought he was talking about science and I went, got a little fella and Warwick walks out and your little face and Warwick confronted him over some of the words he's used, Midget. Yes, I remember the famous Midget, Hippopotamus story. Yeah. I'm sure you use the word midget there far too many times. Yeah. So there's a few things to buy to buy to buy thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thinks thin thin thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the their their their their their their their their the word their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat theat. theat the. the. the. the. the. the.