The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - BONUS: Do We Need 'Em (Compilation)

Episode Date: December 25, 2022

Twitter -Ricky GervaisStephen MerchantKarl Pilkington

Diffing all his mom and everyone. Yeah, it's a little bit of cussing in there, which they have bleeped out, thankfully. Kyle's in the bad mood already. He's been in about three minutes and he's in a bad mood getting stressed. If you can't hack it, leave. What's the matter with you? No, I'm just saying. It's been... I was meant to enjoy last Saturday. weren't here? Just because I don't know but... Are you not in the Christmas

spirit? Why didn't you enjoy last Saturday? What did you do? I went right, I went all the way back up north again right because it was Suzanne's dad's birthday right? I was busy last week didn't have time to get him a present or anything. So I got to Houston Station, bought a card, which was a Christmas card so he wasn't happy because he was saying it's my birthday and I said, well, I won't be seeing you again. So I've got a joint card. And then we went out. Did you get him a present?

Well no, no, because we went out on Saturday night for something to eat out this pub that he likes, it was athat because it is her dad, right, not mine. So I said, all right, what can I do? I said to her. So she said, just buy a few drinks or something. Anyway, I didn't get around to get in the drinks. I said, right? So, I said, what a lovely Christmas gift that is. Yeah, $2.00. I paid, no. It was like $3.3.00.00. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. to. th. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the their their their their their their their their the their the the their their. thr. their the. thr. to to to to to to to quid back. So six quid you spend on him? Well no I spent more you see that's what he said he said he said he got a bolt and back can't you say he said he said he said oh you've spent on me six quid for me birthday I said no I haven't because I thou' you've spent a bit of money. I'm a littleless yeah this is nothing I know giving him any time I mean I would and I knew and I knew my demographic they loved it my family yeah they couldn't believe their luck you know a tenor you know a tenor

well the tanner was six but but the thing is he doesn't it's not it's the fact that this is like you know frittering away and I'm kind of full of it's it would have loved I'm sure he would have been appreciative of a lovely ten pound gift that you cared about and bought a book he probably likes fly fitting doesn't he by J. R. Hartley if you'd have bought that either gone that's what I was looking for Carl Carl a bloody L' he bloody L'calfe your little balls that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their that's just just just just just just just just their their their they. they. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their toy. that's toy., all right, so just calm down. So what have you got planned for Christmas? Is this what, I mean, are you spent, are you doing the same French with Susan? Oh Carl, excellent, you've paid me milk bill for this week? That were really nice. I'm spent this year. So have you planned anything for Suzzan or you just? Yeah, I'm taking her out Christmas day for something to eat? Well, don't th. I'm th. I'm th. Yeah, I'm that I'm that I'm that I I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that. Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm that. Yeah, I'm that. So, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've that. So, I've that. So, I've that. So, I've that. So, I've that. So, I've that. So, I've that. So, I've that. So, I've that. So, I've that. So, I've that. I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that's that, I'm that, I'm that's that's that, I'm that's She's working today so she, you know, so I'm okay. So what Christmas gift have you got? I said I'm taking her out. What you haven't got a present? No, because we've spent a lot.

Definitely, that's half yours though. You're not going to be eating you. You're not going to be be eating as well. You're going to be eating as to be eating as eating as eating as eating as eating as eating as eating as eating as eating as going. to be eating as eating as going. to be eating as eating as going. to. to. to be eating as to be eating as to be eating. to be eating. to be eating. to be eating. to be eating. to be eating. to be eating. to eat. to be eating. to be eating. to be eating. to to to to to their. You're going. You're going. You're going. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've the the the face. He's got like a cat who's been hit. She's got nothing to unwrap. There's nothing, she's going to hand something over to you, because I've met the woman, she will, she'll hand something over, you'll open it, you'll love it. I might get something to today. What you shouldn't take me to begrudgingly just to do it. Right, so... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well we're gonna... I'm gonna try and stick in some Christmas songs. We're not playing all Christmas songs, but I've brought in a couple of... So this is Christmas, John Lennon, at the River, Joni Mitchell. Fairy Time New York, one of the best Christmas songs ever.

Well, what about a bit of Pretenders, the best stuff, isn't it? Is it the best stuff? Yeah, brilliant. Have you been putting together? Not yet? today. I'll do it today. I'll do it today. Tell me what bits you want in it. I'll sort of me. It's not for me. All the best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's best best best best best best best best best. Yeah. It's best. It's best. It's best. It's best. It's best. It's best. All. All. All. It's best. All. It's best. It's best. All. It's best. All. It's best stuff. It's best stuff. It's best stuff. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's best. It's best best best best. It's best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best. It's best best. It's best. It's best. It's best. It's best. It's best. It's best. It's best. It's best. It's best. It's the best. I's the best. I's best. I's best. It's best. It's best. It's bestthey were. I mean mostly talking to Carl. It'd be mostly Carl. Mostly Carl, jibbush from Carl. Carl. I think it would be an awful lot of educating Ricky from Carl. Well Ricky. Ricky.Jovays at XFM. Co.K.K.K. If you've got any thoughts and stuff you'd like to hear it again. If the stuff, again, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. the, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly, th. It, mostly, I, mostly, mostly. It. M. It's. It's, mostly, mostly, I, mostly, I, I, mostly, mostly, I, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It, mostly, mostly, mostly, mostly. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. Most. Most. It. It. It. Most, mostly. It. It's, mostly, I. It's, mostly, I. It's. It's, mostly, I. It's. It's. Mostly, I. Mostly, I. It's. Mostly, mostly, I. Mostly, I. Mostly, I. It's. Mostly, I. Mostly, I. It's. Mostly, I. Mostly, I or slapping him. That's basically the competition, isn't it? Well, there's a couple of instances where I tried to kiss him, I think and you encourage me. Yeah, those are some highlights for me. I wish I had a video that. Yeah, so do you know? We normally have like, wea. We normally have like to try and like I say every week. We normally have like I have to to to to to have to have to have to have to have to have two to have two to have two to have to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their their their their their try try try try try try and try and try try and try and try try and try thea. to to to every week it's a bit of a struggle finding stuff that I can teach you. But but at the same time what we have got we started the feature I teased MTV with it right so I thought I best start doing it before they get someone like Zane Lowe presenting it or something yeah so do we need them? Do we need them? I should explain do we need them for they do we do we do the the do we do the th for th for th do the th do th do the th do the the th do we do we do th do th do their th do th do th do we do we do th do th do th do we do we do they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to do do to do to they to to to they they to to they they to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they need them for those that don't like the show? Well it's sort of education about animals and stuff and if we need them.

So like David Attenborough once said, you can get rid of people off the earth and it would carry on, there's no problems, but you know get rid of a monkey and you could have problems on your hands. So I'm going to... Is that a direct quote from Atmber's current automobile? I think so, so, so, so, so, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. It th. It th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thi, that, thi, tho, thi, tho, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and th. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and th. And, and, and th. And, and, and th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's current? It was not something like that. So, so what I've done today, right? He all starts having to say, right, so then? Yeah, yeah. So, he always ends things. You've got yourself all kinds of, all sorts of problems. Yeah, yeah. So that's that's done. That's coming up. Enjoy that. that's that's coming that's coming that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's. that's coming. that's. that's coming. that's. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's coming. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. That's. That's. That's. Oh yeah, because I know you're not a fan. Not a fan of them, so we'll be speaking to them.

Women or jellyfish? This is a woman. Ivan, so we'll be sorting that out before 3 o'clock. We'll be finding that if we need them. Isn't that one to be? It's great. And then we've got a Christmas edition of Rockbusters, which I found out yesterday, Channel 4 have ripped it off. Go on? It's on their teletext thing.

That's their outrageous. Yeah, on their teletext page, someone said. What are they doing then? Like Rockbusters, they're copying the format. You're sure they're not copying blockbusters? No, no, it's someone said it's a cryptic clue of that, that, that, that, that, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thia, thi, thi, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a c' thi, it's a, it's a c' thi, it's a c-a, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their. That's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's, it's, their, their, their, tha, tha, thi.. It's a.... It's a.... It's a...a, thi. It's a...a, tel. It's a...a. It's a...a'...a'...a'er. It's a...a'-a'er. It's a...a'er. It's a...a'er. It's a...a'er. That is despicable. I mean, I should investigate this. So they've fundamentally ripped off the idea of being allowed to do a cryptic clue to get a band? Yeah, but they sort of clever cryptic clues. I'm sorry, they said they don't have you off then, haven't they? I should just point out because it's it's it's Christmas time time listening. Yeah, and emails us to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their ci? It's their ci? It's their ci? It's their ci's their ci. It's their cry crymissuicticke. It's their cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry ci. It's their their their their their the idea's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their criphi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thia' thia' i's crycticticcripe. It's crycripe. It's crycicticcicticcrue. It's, I suppose he's a long time listener. Yeah. And emails us most, most weeks. Ricky. If, as I suspect, I'm your only listener, I wouldn't

bother with your show today as I've got to attend some family Christmas nonsense at Antimarians house. Okay. That's great. And he's good because considering he hates the show and everything we stand for, he does does he does take the time to email every week. That counts to advertisers. I think we've got a lot like him. We've also had a lovely Christmas card here from Alexandra right who's a wish us to love the show she loves you Carl and she's enclosed some biscuits, she's enclosed biscuits, she's enclosed some biscuits, she loves to save you a bit of money because as you goes out and get your own biscuits then we've got some little packet of foxes creations.

Why don't you wrap them up and you can give them to your girlfriend? Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Don and Blitzen from the About Boy Sound by Badley thorn boy. Crippes there. You spotted the Christmas theme. Yeah, Carl's not really in festive mood, but... I can't imagine Christmas is your time of year, is it, Carl? Well, I'm not sure any time the year is, really. I like to when I was about, I think, when I was about seven I enjoyed it.

Hmm. Was that the one? Was that the year, the big year for you? You got loads of stuff. You don't have to worry, the to, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I. to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm, I'm 40. That was your then your own man, I had to buy stuff. Oh, but you still... You're kind of selfish man, aren't you? I didn't realize this. No, no, it's just that Christmas. And that's coming from him, Carl? My dad always said, oh, it's steady on. That's a Christmas morning was for like, you know, for me. So he used to stay in bed. That's a their their. That's a their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. to. to. to. to. to to their. Oh. Oh, you're to. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That don't follow me. Someone going to Honolulu for two weeks. That's great. Dad, it's Christmas. Do I have to do anything? No? So my mom used to get up because she used to like to see me face light up, you know, when I opened my present. And then, uh... You used to give him fireworks. And then uh, they their their their their they they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's their they's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's to get that, to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get th. He's to get th. He's to get to get to get to get th. He's to get to get to get thi. He's to get to get their to get their their the. I the. the. to to their to to to their to to to to to get to to get to get to get to get to go to my bedroom from about 6 o'clock onwards because my mom and dad were into having big Christmas parties and I wasn't like old enough to go. So they say right, you know you've had your fun there, you go up to your bedroom staying there. Really? Yeah, I remember one year, right? I got a train set, that's what I wanted. Brilliant. Playing with it all day. I thought I don't mind about the party party. I'm up here playing with this. Brother comes in, he's had a few, right? He's going, yeah,

give us a go on your train. He's a bit older than me so he might have been like, let's see. Well let me let me be 18. Yeah, probably about 18, 19. And how are you? I was, well, I had a train set so I don't a the train a train a train, I the train, I the train, I the train, I the train, I was, I the train, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I was, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He, he, he. He, he. He, he. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, g. He, g. Gah. Gah. G. G. G. t. G. t. t. t. t. toge, t. G. t. toge, th. th. the, he's, he's, he's so, I don't know, about 14. It's all like that. Right, so I'm playing on that, loving it and stuff. And then he comes in and goes, oh, gives a goat. It turns the transformer up to like 14. He went really fast for about five seconds, broke it, and then he went back downstairs. Wow. So Christmas, I didn thawn is like the Conservative Government with British Rail. Satire. Rick, I just thought that there's satire. Because any satirical shows this in normal magazines. It doesn't work in any way because it says the analogy falls down apart from there being a train. Think it through though British Rail was trains. Yeah. And the government broke the trains in many whether it didn't break them like not. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. They they. They they. They they. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any. It's any. It's any. It's any any. It's any any. It's any. It's any any. It's any. It's any. It's any any any. Is any. Is any. Is any. Is any any any any. Is any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's they. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any. It's any they can't. It does work it's perfect. Oh I'm very pleased with that. And I can't, and no one's asked him to be on the

Morganese for you. It's weird, isn't it? Because it's strange that when you've got a satirical mind that that's as quick as that? Yeah, all right. And it's broke your little train set and so what did you do? I just like watch tellady their their tel tel tel their tel tel tel their tel their tel th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I thu that that that that that that that that that that that that thate and I that that's that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thin. And I thathe thathe thathe that. And I that. And I that. And I that that that that that that that that. And that's weird. And that's weird. And that's weird. And I that's that's that's that's that's that though weren't you? It's a bit annoying though, isn't it when your main present of the year has been broke. Do they ever get it fixed? No, that was it, that was it, that was it, no, that was it, that was it, put away. I'm intrigued why your parents wouldn't let you come in during the festive fun? Was it like we're like, we need the balked to be everywhere and just like. Well, I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. I th. I th. I th. I've threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, thre, thre, thre, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, that, threat, that, put him to bed at 8 maybe. And he worked... You think it's on Christmas Day? I thought that was a day for family. Well not if there's a party on the Christmas Day. Well, don't have the party on the Christmas Day. Well, that's another option. Yeah. Your parents are weird, aren't they in a strange breed? Well, I think that was a when I got a bit older he used to get me to have something because he wasn't that bothered anyway. So got my ma'am, there was a cheap shop, right?

Of course. Thank God for that. I called Snips. So I went in there and I thought let's see what I can get her. And remember Victoria Plum? I don't think so. Well it's like a fairy character, right? And my mam's inter Nomes and stuff, right? So, I thought, right? He must be pleased with you then. Oh, Victoria Plum. I was thinking, is that one of the neighbours? Is it like a brandy? Do you think the Victoria Plum? Victoria Plum? Yeah, it's like a little fictional sort of character, right? So I saw it, I thought, yeah, she'll love that. So I did my paper around, I and I and I and I and I and I and I and I that, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, tha, tha, tha, tha, it's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's, th. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. yeah she'll love that. So I did my paper around, saved up for two weeks, right?

Got that sorted, went to Snipt, bought the Victoria Plum. Next day I'm in town with her, right? So I think, ah, I know what I'll do. I said, come in here a minute, right? So we go in and we're looking around, and I testedthere, it's all right, isn't it? And she goes, oh it's bloody awful. Oh Carl. Oh Carl, I just, I, oh God. So then Christmas Day comes, I said don't bother opening it. She said no, no why.

Oh no, why did you still give it to her? So, well it was too late I'd already bought it. Oh, Carl. So she opened it and I was like, and she said, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I, I, oh, I, I, I, oh, oh, I, I, oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I just, oh, I just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, oh, just, oh, just, oh, oh, just, oh, oh, oh, just, I just, oh, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I and she said, oh that's nice, said why are you saying that? I said the other day, so it's bloody awful. She said, oh no, I thought you're pointing at something else. Oh no! So that's why I don't get anyone anything anymore. Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!

Oh God! Oh God! What's good, isn't it? What pawn? Gold Rush? Let you down. I'm actually quite affected by Carl's Victoria Plum scenario. Just the fact that, that eagerness, he wants to make sure it's a great present. He's saved up his paper round. He thinks it's like a gnome, but modern. I'm worried that you're using it as an excuse

now and that's why you're not buying anyone any gifts because you've had your fingers brooned once. I mean you were six, seven years old. To be fair? No you won't. You've got 13 won't if he's on your paper round. Yeah, it must have been, yeah, 11 or 12 then. Yeah, so that's saved up. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not using using using th. I'm not using using using using using, I'm not using using using using, I'm not using using using using using using, I'm not using using using using using, I'm not using, I'm not using, I'm not using, I'm not using, I'm not using, I'm not using, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I, I, I, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm, I, I, I, I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I, I, I. I. I, I. I, I. I, I, I. I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah so they're saved up. I'm not using it as a thing. It's just that... What do you get your mom this year? I've sent him some money so they can get a passport. Where are they? Are they trapped somewhere? They're in a holding bay somewhere in Dover. What do you mean? They're in a holding bake? They're in a's going to snook him across? What do you mean? So they can buy a passport? What do they do sell it when they were a bit? Isn't it turned it down in their luck? No, they haven't got that much money, right? They've never been

abroad and the mate said they might attack him next year and they said oh we haven't got a passport. Have you got to pay for them them're like your God-given right as an Englishman? No, you've got to pay for them, they're 30 quid each, so you better I'd do, otherwise they're calling me. Right. He said it's 30 for me, isn't it? He said, you don't get bored with a passport, have you? Well, check. though.

I love that? She says it looks bloody awful. Oh, don't open it. Don't open it. Don't open it. So you've not paid for a holiday for them? You've, you've, you've, you've, you've sorted out the, well, it's the better prize, isn't it? Because they can't go anywhere without it. Well, the passport keeps on their passport. Yeah. Ten years. Ten-I's, the years. Ten years. Ten years. Ten years. Ten years. Ten years. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. the th. th. th. the th. the th. th. to. to. the to, you's, you've the the to the th. th. the th. th. th. You've not the the the the the the the th. You've not their. You've not th. You've not th. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You've not, you. You've not, you've not, you've not th. You've not th. You've not th. You've not th. You've not th. You've not the th. You've not the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. You He used to get my dad once, once he started getting him stuff, it used to be a dressing gown. And then, but as a extra surprise, he used to put like a cigar in the pocket, so he'd think that was it. Then he'd put it on and put his hand in the pocket. Right, because then he just hit you because he'd hit you because he thought you'd the thiii. Yeah. Yeah, he'd th, he'd thed, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, threrererererererererererererererea, their, their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, the. Yeah, th. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, that's quite thoughtful. Didn't you sneak a cigar once when Christmas? Well, it was when, that's when they used to have like the big dues, like I say, you know, they were known for it, like the whole estate used to know that, you know, we were having a party. Yeah, so they'd all come around. So they all come around and scant had food and drink and that. I can't imagine, I cannot imagine how unimm unpleasant how how how how how how that I'm unpleasant that I'm unpleasant that I'm unpleasant that I'm unpleasant that I'm unpleasant that I'm unpleasant that I'm unpleasant that I'm unpleasant that I'm unpleasant that I'm unpleasant that I'm unpleasant that unpleasant that unpleasant how unpleasant how unpleasant how unpleasant how unpleasant how unpleasant how unpleasant how unpleasant how unpleasant how unpleasant how unpleasant And you locked in your bedroom with a broken train set, and looking at Victoria Plum, whatever

that was. In the bin. Oh, in the bin, yeah. And there were a mum saying, and he got me this, he got me this piece of rubbish. He could hear him just throwing it against the wall and laughing. And all the neighbors laughing at it and laughing at it. Yeah, and you'd come down and just be in pieces with s loads of spit on it. Just loads of garb on it. And all the Polaroids are them just like laughing at it and stamping on it. Yeah. All right.

All right. Well, it's all flooding back. But no, no, I used to get up in the morning and then like, the still still sort of all be there asleep on the floor and on the sofa. Oh, that's all. Oh, that's terrible. Christmas is surely the one day a year which is a family thing. It's for the kids. They're the ones that were. That was boxing day.

Well I know. That's all right. It's over. Yeah, it's over. Yeah, who's going to pay for this? What? Me? Yes, Carl? You're doing. the entire family. So I used to get up and like go downstairs and they'd be asleep so I'd be mooching about trying to find like another present that's still working. I love the idea that these people from the estate had like squashed

his presents. So yeah so I found a cigar that had been sort of lit up and then put out so I thought oh I'll have a go like that. On outside Madigan that had been sort of lit up and then put out, so I thought, oh I'll have a go like that. Going outside Madigan, that's the last time I smoked. Right. I tried it, I thought I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I've done everything once. Yeah. I've said in the past to you Rick that my grandparents, I love them dearly, but it's like for the last 30 years they've been waiting to die. I know. It's like they just sort of, it's like, you know, the novelty wore off of life. It's like, in the 50s. Yeah, they got kind of bored of it. Like, yeah, in the 40s it was brilliant.

All sat around the old Joanna's the bones singing, they loved that. The 50s, you know, that was great, their, their, their, their, their, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, it, it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the crazy music, the funny hair. Let's stay in bed. Exactly, they basically stayed in bed. And it was one Christmas when my grandmother said to my dad, what's like for Christmas? What do you fancy for Christmas, Ron? And he went, well, you know, I could do with a nice big kind of warm winter overcoat. She said, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that, because your father will be dead soon. It's what you can have is. Meaning my granddad. My father's still waiting. My father's still waiting. Which is good news, good news for my grandfather. Less good news for my freezing. He's freezing. He runs out, how is he today? He's fine, oh, okay. Oh, I'm freezing. It's such a weird mindset that. I throwns. It's such, it's such, it's such, it's such, it's, it's, it's, it's, thi. It's, the, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be honest. Be honest. Bea, be, be, be honest. Bea, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be honest. Be honest. Be honest. Be honest. Bea. Bea. Bea. Bea, be honest. My. My. Bea, honestly, honestly, honestly, honestly, honestly, my. My, honestly, honestly, honestly, my. My, honestly, honestly, my. My fi. Bea, honestly, bes and 50s, and it seems to me that you've got that kind of mindset. It's like you were born in the 30s. Whenever you talk of your childhood, it's like you had like a baked potato to take to school.

And the hoop and a stick is a Christmas gift. The other thing is I think that that sort of generation, it seems that that that that that that that that the mananananan the man dependent the man dependent the man dependent is dependent the man dep dep dep depe dependent the man dependent the man dependent the man dependent the man depended that the man depended that that that that's dependent dependent dependent dependent that's dependent that that that If she dies he's done, he's done for it just pying away. If he dies, she's got 30 years of pottering. Absolutely, yeah. Do you know I mean? You're going to like you know the youth club and the children. It's sort of like that it's it's sad of of course it's sad for them but it's not the end of their life. No sure. And it sort of is the other way around I don't don't that I don't that's. I don't that's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sort. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's sort. It's sort th. It's sort of. It's sort of. It's sort of. It's sort th. It's sort th. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. It's sad. It'sthe other way around. I don't know why that is. It's terrible. That's a little melancholy thought for this Christmas time. I know. I've really brought it down. You brought it down. This isn't a nice show at all. This this is terrible. We're going to have people just killing, he did Christmas once, didn't like it. No, it's just, I'm not religious or anything. What are you? You're not anything.

Teenage fan club from the XFM Christmas album and that's Christmas Eve. Their guitar sounds are just brilliant. They're just always so nice. All right, Carl? Was it like that? Is that teenage fan? Yeah, yeah, they're good. I feel like you've th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thi, that, thin' the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, thin. You, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin. You're not, thin. You're not, thean, the. You're not, th. You're not, th they're good. I feel like you've never kind of enjoyed the wonder of Christmas. I don't think, can't ever get the sense, maybe except when you were very young. You know, that kind of bright-eyed, you know, thinking of Santa, you know, kind of landing on the roof and coming down the chimney and drinking the sherry or whatever. I like, I like the idea of it, right. I used to get a couple of annuals an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an annual, you annual, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you know, you know, you know, you know, you, you, you, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you know, you know, you know, to, to get to get, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. to know, th. th. to know, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You know, you every year you know I was totally yeah and I was allowed to open one on Christmas Eve oh that's brilliant yeah so they could throw it on the fire haha haha I think he's gonna be like a quick skin through to the true yeah yeah I think to like a cigar off the cooker oh well anyway listen a good friend of

Ross Noble he can he gave me this picture Carl which he's got from magazine. He loves you. And I have to say, I think this, I was just looking for it then. Obviously it's not going to mean much to the listener. Oh, this is something. Oh, this is something. I think it's in the current, isn't it? To a degree, but I think what it's going to do for Carl is give him, I think, just, I think for you and I, Rick, we're going to see his face. Light up, lighting up, like opening a wonderful Christmas gift.

Oh, you know what? I think I've seen this. Is this the one with the kid with the big head? We haven't seen it. It's like... It's like... Oh god, that. We shouldn't be laughing at that? No, but that is like the kid who I went to school with. That is the same. That can't be the same. So do you recognize him? Seriously, that, that is the same thing you had.

I have to say, it does look like it's been computer generated, it's so odd. Oh, I've done. But look at the charts face. I know. This reaction, don't take another photo off me. I'm not sure this is right. It's not right. But I was hoping that that would give you Carl just a little glimpse of the window. We've had a request as well.

We've had the request as well, the best, to hear, it because every time we go there we get some sort of complaint about something. About what? Well, for some reason that always goes from the story with my dad going to Blackpool for protecting those kids there. And what, what, what, I don't? No, I don't. Well, I know what it is, but you can't just say that. Is it when your dad put a kid in the wheelie been? Because he was getting at home? Yeah.

So we're going to be getting, we can't go through it again. We're going to, what's the name? No, but the thing is right, you were just saying about what are you're doing that for? That's the funny thing, right? Because like what you're doing that for. I went to see a gig in Liverpool, remember the band The Christians? He thought, I joined some club. I said I've been to see the Christians, he was saying to me, ma'am, what's he doing going out with them? And then the other thing is, because I'm not christened or anything I just want it I want to go back and see him at 7. One day one day in the life of Carl ate 7. Just have 3 ghosts visiting tonight and taking back through time but we could go with him.

We go with him but we can listen with some of the ghosts. Yeah the ghost Christmas past remember that's that's incredible. That's so she was a visible she thought maybe someone could take your soul because you weren't christened. There's like there's these cults and that isn't they and if they find out you're not christened. Right I don't think they care I don't think a lot of cults care. Well what can they do if you're if you're not Christian. I don't know I they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. I don't. I don't. they're not. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I'm. I'm. I'm. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. think. th. th. think. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. they're. I don't. I don't. I not Christmas? I don't know what I just said all right because then through that time, it must have been a time when it was a problem. But now they know. Yeah, but I'm older now, so I'm alright.

She used to worry about me playing out on the streets. She was worried about when you're naive and stupid and easily led. Yeah, no, no, no, no, good point. the prizes Steve? Can we have got Christmas gift? This is Christmas gift. I don't know if you'll receive them in time to actually pass them off as gifts. I wonder if I can tell that um Ross Noble story that he told us. I don't know. We'll have discussed that when the records play. Okay, okay. So you heard a track from it just then, it's brought out about two years ago. But Christmas songs are... Christmas songs are... Yeah, it's not bad. It's got bands on there, like, Dandy Warholz, The Web Brothers are on there, Drugstore, Bell and Sebastian, Flaming Lips, all sorts.

So we've got that to give away. We've also got this smashing pumpkins compilation, which we seem, again, the cult film will come back to shortly. This I think is one of the most exciting gifts. If you have a video player and you want to get trim and trim, then surely Big Brother 3 champion Kate Lawler and her cardio combat video in which I think she uses kind of, I don't know, military boxing training to get you their, taught and looking as good as her then you can get that as well we've also got a exclusive seven-inch single from the white stripes a kind of Christmas single is that from them yeah yeah

that must be quite rare that's probably the only thing right that is right that is worth for me and I'm the current badly drawn to the the current ban't they the current bad thin that's that that that that that that that that that that that that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I they they they they they've I they've I they've I they've I've I've they've I've they've I've they've I've they've I've I've I've they've they've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've they've not they've got they've got got they've got they've got they've got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got they've got they've got they've got they've got they here is the big movie and actually I have to say this is not a bad one. No it's not again it's not terrible at all. It could be worse. James Can in the original Rollable, not the disastrous remake the Kenne the case, but the DVD version of the camera recently but the DVD version of Yeah. So we're doing it next. Yeah. Carl Pilkington. The man of the moment with his rockbusters coming your way with all those great prizes. Yeah. Right. How are we doing it now? Just right. I noticed Heat Magazine sort of a spanner in the works. Why? Because they were saying, oh maybe it'll be a Christmas edition of Rockbusters and I'd already sorted them out.

I wouldn't worry, Carl. Well what I've done, I've cleverly tweaked them to make them Christmas so the Christmas bit in it has got nothing to do with it whatsoever, but I just thought... So you mean the clues have a Christmas element? But it's nothing the the the the the the the the the clue the the clue the th. It's nothing th. It's nothing to the th. It's nothing to th. It's nothing to to th. It's th. It's to th. It's to to to to to to be to be to be to be thi. It's to be to be to be to be to be it's to be it's to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I' th. I' th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's tho. It's their their their thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. It's the. I th. I' the clues have a Christmas element. But it's nothing to do with the answer. Yeah, it's nothing to do with the answer. So why don't you just ask the normal ones and I'll ring a bell? I'll shake some bell until it's the other of that but in sort of speech. So the first one, there's a load of letters there asking for advice, put them on Claire's desk. Oh and have a good Christmas. Oh, give them a load of letters asking for advice.

Put them on Claire's desk. Oh and have a good Christmas. Right, so there's a load of letters asking for advice. Put them on Claire's desk. Oh and have a good Christmas. Right, but bear in mind people that the Christmas element may not be relevant to these clips. No, it's got nothing to do with it. I don't want to, you know. And the initial is F, right? That's F. All right.

Right, the second one. Ask your ma'am if you should, after you've wrapped the presents. That's, um, um. That's the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the their their that's that's not, that's not, their that's not, their their their, no, no, no, no, no. No. No, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no. No. No. No, no. No, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No. No, no. No. No. No, no. No. No, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. No. No. No. No. No. No, no. No, no. It th. It's not, it the the the the the the the the the the the to. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not. It's not. It's not. It's not not not not. It's not not not. No. It's not. No. It's wrapped the presents. Ask your ma'am if you should. Ask your ma'am if you should after you've wrapped the presents. That's S. All right. All right. And the last one, a couple of people were arguing in the supermarket at the fruit and veg counter, but it's busy in there because it's Christmas. I think that's probably what right on. That's B.

B. Oh God. So they're the three. Well I just recap. Yeah, I hope no idea. I don't know what to start thinking. All right, there's a load of letters there asking for advice, put them on Claire's Christmas.

Have a good Christmas. Second one, ask you manage the the prison the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th of th of th desk. Have a good Christmas. Second one, as your mammy is you should. After you write the present? S. And the last one, a couple of people were arguing in the supermarket at the fruit and veg counter. But it's busy in there because it's Christmas. That's a B. So they're the three things. It's email only this one, please please remember that Ricky Dr Javais at XFM.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.C.Fm.C.Fm.Fm.C.Fm.Fm.C.Fm.Fm.Fm.C. And their.Fm. And their.F.I. And th. And th.I.I. And th.I.I.I. I's.C.C.C.C.C. I's. And their. I's. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A.A. A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A. A. A. A. A. A. A. AFM.co. UK. Ricky Dr. Bays at XFM. that UK. Brilliant. Carl looks happy with them. I mean, that's really happy.

They're cracking. They're good. Yeah, every good. All right. Is that going to be more rock busters in the new year? We're not sure. Um, I'm still thinking about, you know, thin. Are we starting Ricky Diculous today? Have you done? Couldn't be bothered. Look forward to Ricky Diculous.

He's worried about it. He nearly said, asked and he just stopped. Because he's worried, because he's the producer. Yeah, well, I've got a set of standard. Oh dear. Oh dear. Carl, you what, why don't we have a lovely tune, right? You make the tea, we're open these biscuits from Alexander, we'll be enjoying that, right? Maybe Segway,

so we can have a nice little rest, I don't want to talk through it, it'd be rude. And then we're coming back and as part of like Pilkington, Parkinson and do we need them? Carl was interviewed an expert on jellyfish. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so that, so that, so that, so that, so that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi thi thi thi thi thi, we're thi, we'll that, we're thi, we're th. We'll th. We'll thi, we'll thi, we'll thi, we'll thi, we'll th, we'll th, we'll the the the the the the the the they, we'll they, we'll they, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, they. We'll they. We'll they. We'll they. We'll they they the, the, the, the an thean, we're thean, we'll thean, we'll they they they they they they they they, we'll they, we need them? Do we need them? Carl was interviewed an expert on jellyfish. So we've got that plus of course we've got two part, a two part, educating Ricky. You've got educating Ricky still to come? With the Christmas theme or not? And we've still got things like the Pogues, John Lennon, Jony Mitchell, just David Bowie. Are you suggesting that's going to be great music and some fun chat. Lovely. Good we had our little biscuits we have to love it aren't we? Cheers for that. I think I can just

sum up the station can't I, Steve, with that just like coming? I think you're probably right. I just came in I just sort of went to toilet there and it's a disabled toilet is close so you know you go there I thould the thing doesn't work, didn't flush, I came back and said, oh the toilet doesn't work, doesn't flush. And Carl went, no, you just stick your hand down and pull that wire up. And then the, look at that. I think you're in the water. I mean, just when David Bowie interviewed, I'm going to go and then, you're a toy the U-Bend and just wipe your hands on your pants. Thanks very much. I mean, sums up this station, doesn't it? Absolutely. Tin pot. Have you ever done this issue, one

of my most embarrassing moments is, you know, because sometimes you'll see, you'll see. Well, you'll realize what I was going to say. What happened, Rick, was I almost leapt to the end of the story. But I realized I had to go back a few steps. I just don't have you ever cut and you stopped. It was going to be coming. But you'll understand in a minute when I finished the story that it's not coming in the traditional sense. All right.

Because it also it's followed by coming out of. Oh sure. All right. So, now, awkward moment, and I should just, you know, if you're Christmas shopping, maybe you're in a big department store, and you see the disabled toilet and you think their yourself I can nip in there, I can use that, you know, because it's close to hand because I got a wanderer miles for the regular toilets. in came out disabled person. Furious, that was, but it's really awkward. Because it's like it's like it's their sort of private domain, you know, it's like they're

part of an exclusive club. They've not got many perks in life and that's one of them. And here I was, you know, kind of, kind of exploiting a limp, kind of exploiting it. But they can't, well, yeah, I suppose they can't, they're, do, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's their, it's their, it's, it's, it's, it, it's, it's, it, it, it's, it, it, it's, it's, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like, it's like, it's their. It's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, it's their. It, I've affected a limp many times. Like for instance, yeah, if I take the lift in a building when it's only one flight of stairs, right? And they know, and I get up on the first floor, I always affect a limp coming out, so that justifies why I haven't come up with the stairs. Like, who is it that I'm scared is going to say something? Yeah, but... Oh, it's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. I's th. I's th. I's th. th. th. th. th. th. that. I's thi. tho. I's th. I's, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. someone asked me for directions, I always pretend I'm foreign. I always go, I don't. I don't, I don't, I always pretend I'm foreign. I always got, I don't, I don't, I don't. I always don't, I'm, I don't, I try and I don't, I don't, I don't know. Because what I trys to sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, you, you, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I always, I always th. I'm, I always pretend, I'm, I always, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I always, I always, I always, I always, I always, I always, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I always th. I always th. I always pretend, I'm, I always pretend, I always pretend, I'm, I always pretend, I'm, I always th. th. thre. I always threa. I always try. I always try. I always thre. I'm hang around going, you're right? Yeah, we're fine, yeah. Do you want to know where to go? I tend to have a go even if I don't know. Exactly.

But I'm always the way they'll come back and find you and go, you led us astray. So I just, now I just affect a foreign accident. There was a fellow the other day, about know it. So I think it's over there. And then I'm not very good with street names but I'm good that if you say, oh there's a boots on it, you know what I mean? If there's something near that, it's like the same with directions when they used to drive a lot. Yeah, or historical fact. I didn't, I don't know like, oh, motorway names, you know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th. th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, and I'm th, I'm th. th. And, and I'm th. And, thin, th. And, th. And, tha. And, tha. And, then, tha, tha. And, then, tha, tha, tha, th. I can never remember that but my dad used to say right there's horse in the field turn right and stuff like that and it's the same with this fella they sort of said you know where's where's when Paul Street and I said well what are you after some blood and he said I'm after some blood and it was a lot yeah there's doctors around there they so I was like oh what you they that the they's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's not there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they they they they they they they they they they the the the the the the the the the there's no no no there's not not not not not not not not not I there's there so that didn't help me. What do you mean he was after some blood?

He said, oh, I need some blood. He must have had an illness. Was he believing? No, he just must have needed some blood or something. He had some illness. And I was like, you know, I could have been, you know, if you'd have to get some parence? No, but he didn't have fangs and a cape, that. But what I think he said, well, some pile cream actually. Can you go, oh, we want boots then? Yeah.

He would have been alright, but I didn't know where to start with that. I need some blood. Yeah, I just thought it was over there. Sort of pointed him away. But so he was, he was losing consciousness. He's said in the wrong way. He's dragging himself along the pavement. Is there blood this way? The gap she's growing ever deeper. Well, we've got to do Pilkington, haven't we? Do you want to know?

Yeah. Okay, we should explain this, I think. Well, it says, Carl's a new idea for a TV show. He wants to do a TV show called Do we Needham, where he goes round. And he talks to experts like David Bellamy, maybe Lenny Henry doing David Bellamy if he can't get the real one. And he just picks on an animal that he doesn't really like, they don't think you need him and an expert will tell him if we do, if this is the first installment. Let me put a song on right? Now we've got him and then I can set it up and st

you know because explain it and that. Let's do a classic, let's do a big of the the th of th of th of th of th of th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thin, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, tho, tho, thi, thi, the. thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi. He's, thi. He's just just, thin, thi. He's, thin, thi. He's just just just, thin. He's just just, thi. He's just just, thi. He's just, thi. He's just, ththat. Let's do a classic, let's do a big stomp in one of the best Christmas songs all time, shall we? What are you thinking? Fairytown in New York. Excellent. Oh, it's always my host. Hobe featuring Christian McCall. On XFM, one of four point nine, the Christmas edition. Indeed. Next week we've had loads of suggestions, Carl, for your best bits. It's basically all your best bits. Me and Steve are largely irrelevant in the voting. So, yeah, you can compile your best bits next week and they'll be loving it. We've had a quest for the little Chinese fellow in his pants, a horse in the house, cutting your hair on the railway station. If I mean, if you haven't heard those stories, what does that mean? The little tiny man in your pants, you've got to be tuning in next week to find out what that is.

The only thing is the older horse in the house was in the last best of. Was it? Yeah. Well that doesn't stop. What's his name? If you're one of those people that want to see these clips again, tune in? It's like we said before, who goes to the recording of one of those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those think I'm going to live forever. I've like we said before, who goes to the recording of one of those? Because all people in the audience? Yeah, aren't there? That'll be great. Ticket treaty will be around the night. And they laugh, it is jokes, but I mean, I don't know what the show. I think how many takes it, you know how long it takes to the to the to to the to the to the to the to the the takes takes to the takes takes the takes the takes the takes the takes, I the takes, I? I? How long, I, you, you, you, you, you, you, I, I's, I' their, I, I' their, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, I, I' the, I' the, I' the, I' the, I' the, I' the, I' the, I' the, I' the, I' the, I' the the the takes, because, because, because, I' takes, because, I' the takes, I' their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their their their their their takes, because, because, I'm their takes, because, because, because hours, so the recording must be about nine. Have you ever seen Kirstie's home videos on Sky1? I think so.

It's a... Doc dogs falling down to sides. It's like you've been framed, but it's falling over in the wedding. It's got audience. It's got audience. But I'm assuming it can't be a real audience. I'm assuming it must be like... They've just lifted it from the Flintstones, yeah. Let me forget that the Flintstones have an audience. If you watch the Flintstone says laughter when Fred does something funny. The idea of people should be shipped in for watching the cartoon.

I like the idea that some jokes weren't as funny. Like the director going, we'll put a laugh on that and just it's not as funny. Dean should get a round of applause every time he comes in. Everyone knows him. We're making it up. Yeah, Barney getting disgruntled because he's jokes never get this from yeah, he's like wise. Exactly. Yeah, it's like really wise. Okay, Carl, here we go. It's an exciting feature that will, I think we'll be picked up by Channel 5. It's going to be Carl Pilkington, do we need them? Where Carl goes around checking out animals with top experts asking whether we need them in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, to, to, their, to, to, their, the, their, their, their, their, yeah, their, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. I's, they asking whether we need them in the world. Yeah. So, yeah, this is the first one.

We won't do it next week, but I'm already sorting out the contact, we will be looking at octopus because they're a bit weird. So that's what you got to look forward to in two, you know, in old. Again, if you have an animal that you feel is unnecessary in the world world, thapapapapapapapape, th. th. that, that, that, that, that, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, th. to, to, the, the, their, the, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. But, th. We, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, the, we. We. We. We. We. Yeah, the, the, the, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, thr. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, unnecessary in the world then email us and I'm sure Carl will investigate for you. Well the other thing as well whilst we're on to that, I want to sort of have a better research with me so when I speak to the like the bloke of the woman about the octopus, right, I want my response, well sort of response from listeners so I can say well 70% of XFM listeners said we should get rid of them. Sure. Do you know what I mean? Like John Snow does on Channel 4 when he does all like politics stuff. So if you agree with me, just send an email saying yes. So yes we should get rid of them. Yes, yes get rid of them. Because you're always, the house believes always we should get rid of these animals. You're picking animals you want to get rid of them. So yes is get rid of them. No is. Yes is, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. The house. Yes. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. the the the the the the the the the the the house. the the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. want to get rid of them so yes is get rid of them no is don't get rid of well and not no it's Noah because

they go on the arc the ones which you go on the arc that element I've completely forgotten about and I think that's a wise move because I don't think that's work and I don't think you've thought through the whole Noah so and that's just complicting so yes yes yes and that's and that's and that's and that's and that's and that's and that's and that's and that's and that's and that's and that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's just that's just just, okay. So we, today who works in an aquarium in Anglesen, right? Brilliant. Today we want to find out if we really need jellyfish. I've got a bit of a problem with them anyway, because they've been stung by one. And I've done a little bit of research into them. So I'll tell you what I know about them. You know you might learn some stuff from me. Oh you never know

and if I'm talking nonsense just just tell me. Absolutely. Yeah right so first of all they don't have eyes do they? No they don't. So I'm right with that. No lungs. No lungs. They haven't got a heart. No hearts heartless. And they're made up of like. the they the the the they the they the the they the they th. th. th. they th. they th. they they th. they they th. they th. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho the they're heart. No hearts heartless. And they're made up of like 97% water. Yes they are. So they're pretty useless really. Well they have got a nervous system. They're actually about 650 million years old so they've evolved and they've outlived the dinosaurs and they're even older than the sharks. And they can even out fox us because NASA scientists have worked with them to try and work out how they operate in weightlessness and they still don't know how they do that.

Took them into space actually to figure out how they did that. Seems like a bit of a waste of money, but... Do you know Port Maddock? I used to go there a lot for me holidays and there used to be a load of them washed up on the beach. People on motorbikes used to go over them and stuff. Yeah, which is... Well we get the moon jellyfish, that's the ones with their, they've got pink bits in their, that's their reproductive body. I think that, I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi thi thin, I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thea thea thea thea thea thea thea' thea thea' their their their their the're the ones that went over on the bike, you could feed the bits. What do they do? If the jellyfish went, would we have a problem on our ends, do you think?

You might have a bit of a knock on effect, because some things like turtles eat jellyfish. Yeah, but do we need turtles? Well, don't forget that when you take out something from the marine system, something normally feeds on, I mean they're not just there for the sun of it, something either feeds on it or feeds on what they excrete. What you're saying is they exist to sort of feed others and also to eat some stuff that's well yeah, they control the population of other fish and species that might otherwise be a problem. Okay well let's let's kind of wrap this up right the question that I'm asking

today is do we need them say if say if Noah yeah I'd his ark right you're you know you've swam got on the boat you're all right you're safe is gonna keep you to sort of populate the world as well. Right? So it's you and him. It's not a bad looking fella, so you're happy. Yeah. He says to you, Vicky, do we need them? Absolutely. I don't even know why she even gave you that interview. When you start off with, right, you know, try and find out if I need you, but what did you tell her to get her to talk to you? Just said I'm doing some research on stuff. Does he think you were a schoolboy or something? No, she just said, oh, right, she said, you know, how long will it go on us for not long, just like

five minutes, have a quick chat. And she was, she loved it, didn't she? She sounded happy to take part on that. So the French. I look at the fact that you've got an expert and you you suggest that she's going to be having sex with Nauer. He's a a, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, thin, thin, thin, to to to to thin, thin, to to to to have, to have, to have, to have, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, to to to, to, to to, to to to to, to to to to to to thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the their, their, thin, their, their, their, to to to to to to thin, to to to th. I to to to th th thin, thi. I thi, thi you're happy, she goes, yeah. I mean I don't know why you stop there, I didn't go into positions or something. I can't believe... The problem is really I didn't get to the bottom of what I wanted to say because... Oh no you did, that's it, that's it, that's done now. That's a pretty good academic work, that's proved. No, but the turtle thing, you said things things, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, than, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I, I thin, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I can't, I can't, I'm, I can't, I can't. I'm, I can't, I can't you know won't have anything to eat but when she said that I mean I couldn't say it because it would have took her off and confused her but well say like when when Suzanne is working right I'm not a very good cook so I always get like an Indian what what did you do you look for you don't I don't know I'm an Indian right now say what to do you the things? What I I I I to do you they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they're they're they're they they're they're not they're to say I'm they're to say like like like like like I to say I to say I to say I to say like I'm to say like I'm to say like to say I to say I to say I to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they're they're they're they're they they they're they're going to say that.

I'm an Indian. Now say if for some reason it closed, I'd get a Chinese. So why don't the turtle just, there's loads of stuff in the sea. But I didn't want to get too heavy on her. But, uh, it is pretty deep. Oh, that is genius. But we'll look at, uh... So the fact that she said, yes, you need jellyfish. to. to. to. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, you to. Uh, you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I tipean tipean tipean tipean tipean thean i thean i thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I that is genius. But we'll look at... But so the fact that she said yes you need you need jellyfish, does that mean that you've changed your... I mean what I'm saying is does her answer go? Does that spend? It does? It does, yeah. Whatever that I get the expert to say, I try and get them in a corner. Right, you try and argue into a corner.

Yeah, but that that time she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't the answer she wasn't the answer she she she she was she she she she she was she was she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she wasn't she time she wasn't having any of it so we've got to carry on having him. So in the new year we're looking at octopus. Okay? Yeah? Yeah, great. It was a place and feeder. Christmas. I think this is a car with his Victoria Plum. I want to see a Victoria Plum.

I want to know what it is. Is it, does it look like a little gnome. It's a woman gnome. A female noon? A little gnome. And did your mom collect gnomes? She likes anything knowns, she likes fairies, she likes Indians. She collects all that stuff. And it doesn't matter what it is. What you mean? You know, like a proper Indian with all the ad gear on. She likes anything with them on, like, you know, it can be a fridge magnet, it can be... Yeah. Just... A lot of Native American wisdom is around the fridge magnet because they think it has special powers of adhesion.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you read some of their, their writings, the great works. Now, it reminds me, talking in the the the the the to me, the to me, to me, to me, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their thoomomknomea, thoomomea, threathomk, threathomomomkian, it can, it can, it can, it can can can can, it can can can can can can't, it can can can can can can't, it can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can, it can can can, it can can, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. threate. threate. It's their. It's threate. It's their. It's their. It's threaten, threaten, their. It's, you. It's, you, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you're threaten. It's the great works. Now it reminds me, talking of gnomes, he said to me in the week, he went, oh, did you see that program on tele the tele, last night about dwarves and fellows without legs knicking cars? And I went, no, he went, oh it's amazing, like, because they haven't got legs and that, they scooted along and they can nip into a car like the jukes have had it. Explain more Carl. No, you see I didn't see it, someone else told me about it. Ah! That's what I said to you, I said, did you see it? Because I missed it, and it's about these little fellas, um, who were specialising car knicking.

And the thing I wanted to know is, because this lad watched half of it is he like you well I said I can understand How it's easy to get in but then how do you get away? You can't reach the pedals? Yeah, can there be two of them? But presumably you opens the car for us to stop? What do you mean? What so he's steering and he's like right for us to break a bit and then there's then there's one that's just the legs? the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tha's three's threecats. threecats. thea' toeses' toes' toeats. toeats. toes. th. their their theats. their their their path. I don't understand how this helps them though. Why are they, why are they, why does this make it easier for them to stop car? Because they can just get through the window really quickly like in the Duke's Lazarus. Why? Because their legs don't get in the way. Right. Do they just run? Do they just run and just... But what do you mean the window? I mean what do't do the the window. the window. the window. the window. the window. the window. the window. the window. the window. the window. their. their. their. they're they're they're they're just, they're just, they're just, they're just, they're just, they're just, they're, they're just, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, they can't they can't they can't, they they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Why, they're just, they're just, why, why, why, they're just, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, they're just, why, why didn't see it. Are they leaping when there's someone still driving the car? I don't know. Well, there's too many things left and answered here. I can't go over Christmas and not know. But that sort of... This panicked you anyway I imagine. I bet you were gutted you missed that program right. Well, I know. I'm interested in stuff like that. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm th. I'm interesting. I'm th. I'm th. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm th. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'. I' there. I's. I's there. I's there. I's there. I's there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there's there's there's there's there's there's too. I'm too. I'm there's too. I'm there's too. I'm there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there. Oh excellent, slick. We've had a good year of stuff, teaching stuff. Yeah, I've learned a lot. Can you remember any of the highlights? Of course I can. There

was a death girl and she hit her head and she could hear. There was also some people who wet tomatoes thought their poisonous on lead. There was also a fellow who a doctor gave a blood transfusion with some parrots from the pet store. Because the doctor in America, and it was the olden days, when the lines were bad, said, give him his parents blood and the doctor this side thought it said, give him some parrot's blood. So that was true and that educated me. What have you got for us? Well, we've only got two, because I've taught you about jellyfish today, that we need them. So we've only got two things to go at. And I give them a little headline so you remember them to make them snappy.

The two headlines you've got, oh what a catastrophe. Okay. And the second one is, well, you'd think it beat Buged, wouldn't you? What? Well you'd think it beat bugged wouldn't you? You'd think it beat? No, you'd think it be, you'd think it be bugged, wouldn't you? Bug-ed? Bug-Ead. This can't be, if this is anything with a bugling without a head, I'm not interested. Because we've done it, all you've done is fun. Let's just do all what a cat. What one are we do? Do the bug, the bug, the bug, the bug, th? the bug, th? th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th thin, th, th th th th th th th th th th th, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. You'd th. You'd th. You'd thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thoooooo'd th think, Which one are we? No do the bughead one. Right well the bug, the bug, the bug head one. We've talked a lot about animals now, and we're without heads? Surprisingly we have. I think a disproportionate amount on it. If you're a new listener, it's the first one you've covered worms. We've done it. We've done it's th. We've covered th. We've covered the way the way. We've covered the way. We've covered the way. We've covered the way. We've covered the way. We've covered the way. We've covered the way. We've covered the way. We've covered the way cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut their. We've covered their. We've covered. We've covered their. We've covered their. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've covered. We've covered. We've covered. We've covered. We've covered. We've covered. We've covered. We've covered. We've covered. We've covered worms the way if you cut their head off it grows back

if you don't cut too high above its neck. We've covered the fellow who blinked. Yeah, I can't go into it again. Right. We've had the chicken we know Ed that lived for months. And we've had cockcrow chips. She's living for a week without an egg. Right, okay. It's a bit more on the cockroach front really. They've found, right, that if you get a cockroach and you cut its head off. Yeah, right? And then you find a cockroach that still got its head but it hasn't got any legs. Right? It's not over for both of them, right? Because what you can do, you get, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, you get, it, it, it's the one, it's the one, it's the one, it's the one, it's the one, it's a the one, it's a the one, it's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the there, it's more, it's more, it's more, it's more, it's more, it's more, it's more, it's more, it's more, it's more, it's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, it's a th, it's a the, it's a the, it's a that, it's a theat, it's a theat, it's a thi that, it's a over for both of them right because what you can do you get the one that's got the legs right with no head sort of running around get the one with the head sit it on top of it right get a little tube so that the fluid so that is this is this aunt is go out of the room

this like blue Peter you So is this is this aren't it's gone out of the room? This is like Blue Peter? You can get this for Christmas. Right? You got a little tube, you sit that on top so the bodily fluids are still running between the two. Right. The head of the one on the top will control the feet of the one on the bottom. Okay. What about that? Good. And will it continue to live live live live live live live live live live live live live live live live live live live live live live live? the the the the that? that? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So, that? So, so? So, so? So, that? So, you. So, you. So, you? You. So, you? You. So, you? You. So? You. So? You. Okay? You. Okay? You? You? You. Okay? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? Yes. That? Yes. That? Yes. That. That? Yes. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That's. That. That's. That. That's. That. That. That's? the. That. That.. Okay. What about that? Good. And will it continue to live? Yeah. Okay, you don't know that for sure, did you? That was just a question that really wasn't expected? Well, what do you think of that? Good, yeah, it's great. Yeah, just a primitive nervous system that can, yeah. Yeah. Did you expect us to be more impressed?

And excited by that? Do you fall off your chair when you read that? Did you literally taple off they? Did you think you're going to be the Frankenstein of the insect world? No, I just was thinking if they can do that, you know, with them? Can they do with humans? Because I also did a better research than the sort of conclusion that apart from the moral aspect of it, that the human was probably more complicated than...

Yeah, but... Do you know what I mean? I mean, things move on, don't they? Modern science, Rick? You know, I had been a tone as a kid. Now they've got PlayStation 2 in the difference in 10 years. They have found that if you lose your head, their cockroach can't can't can't can't can't can't their c can't their c can't their cc. to to th, not the other way round. Your head on its cannot control its legs because it's too complicated for your brain. So yeah.

Well, then other research, because I thought if you don't learn from that, I'll give you something else for free, right? That they can clone people. The only reason they don't do it, right? Say if like Ricky needed a lung, right, they could clone you and make you the same, but the only reason they don't want to do it is because it'd be a bit horrible, wouldn't it? And it would take sort of 18 years for me to get an adult lung. And there's all kinds of moral implications. Yeah. Does you mean, yeah? You hadn't thought that. Sorry, so, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, the, the, the, the, the, they, the, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, the. the. they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, Yeah. You hadn't thought that.

Sorry, so, because, lest we forget, Rick, he ended with the only reason they don't do it is because it's a bit horrible than that. Which scientist said that? Which scientist said that? That's a quote. That's not it. That's not the other one. No, no, no, no. That was, that was, you know...

We've got another one to come. Oh, I can't wait. He just get the headline again? What was the headline? The headline, oh, what a cat-tall-strophy. Looking forward to him. A bit more than to him. He's so happy that the XM listeners understand this stupid clues and he knows it annoys me. We've got some answers for the lot of us. We'll give you the answers just quickly just in case someone sort of missed one of them.

I'll just quickly do it. Yeah, go on. First one, there's a load of letters. There's a load of people were arguing in the supermarket. It was Christmas, that's why. And that's B. Okay, well give those answers like shortly. Yeah. I just have to show you something, Rick, before we move on. I know we've got another educating Ricky, but someone just sent this in. They've been looking on eBay for Victoria Plum. You're joking? Come here and see the photograph. Oh God, that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. That's that. That's that. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's the. It's the the the the the the the the the the. the thoooooooooooooooooooooo. It's th. It's th. Oh God that's fantastic. Oh God, he's got that for his mind. It's the worst piece of chat I've ever seen. Oh Carl. Imagine how, oh, Carl. Imagine how, look, think of him now, right? There it is.

That's the worst thing I've ever seen. I tell me, it looks like a Diddyman gone wrong. It's a strong man prostitute. That is... Is that the one car? It was a different colour, I had a yellow app, mine. No, but look, how do they get, tell them they go, go into eBay. So you need to log on to eBay. I'm sure you've used it before, it's the online marketplace, E-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's tha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- marketplace, E-B-A-Y. Dot-co. And if you type in Victoria Plum, I'm assuming that you can travel his dance. That's amazing. It's the worst piece of rubbish I've ever seen. Just think how cute he was as a kid though doing that.

Just think of him. Just going to be fair, I mean I don't know what her prize collection of Nomes looks like, but I can't imagine they're much better than that. I mean, Nomes are a fairly grotesque thing. But certainly your mom's taste and discretion is... Did you have those houses on your state? You'd go in there and it was just loads of those dolls stillthat keeps the sort of packaging on the three-piece suite. Why don't you buy another one for her for Christmas? Yeah it's 399 it looks like that's £2.49 because that was $3.99.

Okay. Oh, buy it Carl. So I've sorted out our passport this year anyway. I'll get out of that next year. Right. So, this thing, right? So, last educating Ricky, the year. Oh, Christ. What a cat toast? Yeah, let's do that then. Right. This woman, right? This woman, she's reading Guinness Book of Records, and she's flicking through, and she notices that there's a world record for a cat with 27 toes. So she reads it and she thinks well that's not right because her cat's got 28. What do you mean her cat's got 28? Her cat's got 28 toes. So she was like, well hang on a minute, mine should be in there. cat uh... uh... cats got twenty eight toes so she was like well hang on a minute mine should be in there

so there was the very beginning of this she was she was just she was the a woman was looking to the gives the record the cat with 28 toes looking to it and it said the record for the cat the cat's twoe 27 she said, hold on. Hold on a minute Ross, McWherter. My cat's got one more than that cat. So go on. Anyway, so she said, you know, the person doing the interview with her said, you know, is it happy? And she said, yeah, yeah, you know, it's really good in the snow. Right. It gets for a lot of nail varnish. Well, yeah, that's what it said, right, it's really good in the snow. So, I just was thinking, I mean, that's it really.

That's not it. That's the end of that story. But what I'm thinking is, right, it was two cats welded together. No, she said, you know, you know what, you know what, that book, Steve, is the other sort of disabilities where in a way it's not all bad. Oh Christ. No, do you know like that book Steve brought in for me? And there was a fella there, wouldn't he, had three legs, he was a juggler? And I was like, what's the point of that? What's the point of that? What's the point of what?

No, it's not taking advantage of having three legs, is he being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being being, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, a way he's used it hasn't he? He's probably not even that good at juggling. But because he's got three legs, people have gone way or given a chance, let's go and see if he's any good. Right? So what I'm thinking is, is he anything else? We've mentioned the midgets today who are good at rubbing cars because they can get through the windows like Duke's of eyes? So it? So, what, what, what, what, what, what I, th? So, what I, th? So, what I, what I, th? So, what I, the, th? th. th. So, their, their, th. So, their, th. So, th, th. So, th. So, th, tho, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, in, in, in, in their, in their, in their, in their, in, in their, in thee. theea, in, in the. the. the, in the, in their, their, today who are good at rubbing cars because they can get through the windows like Jeeks of eyes. Sorry, so listen, listen, I'm just like to say, this is the radio authority of listening, we are in no way suggesting that one midget's forte in life is robbing cars or that if you're a midget sitting at home feeling so I think you should go out robbing cars. I just like to say this is Carl Pilkington talking. The views of Carl Pilking. Not necessarily. Those of XFA and warrants.

But it was a TV program, so it's not me, I'm just saying what I've seen on tel. But you didn't see? That somebody told me about? Yeah, so you could be wrong, just like a lot of your spurious facts you just see on the internet, you know. I'm just saying, yeah. So is the anything else? the thee is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the the th. the thi thi the thi the the the thee the the the the the the the the the the the the thi the the the. I'm just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm just th. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just the things. So what you're saying is is there a disability that is actually an advantage? Yeah. Right, okay. Steve mentioned about the disabled Lou, they're always really roomy and like got multi-gyms facilities in them. Multi-gym facilities! What do you mean, Carl? There's always bars everywhere and that, isn't that? That's not parallel bars. Yeah, they don't do gymnastics. They're not in the work-in-Aid. I'm just saying though, do you know what I mean?

So in a way they've got that. So always what I'm saying is when you look on the brighter side, that elephant man would have never got up and gone, oh look at my hair today. Nor do you. Nor do you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, but that. No, no, no, but, but, but, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What, what I, what I, what I, what I, what I, th. What, th. What, they, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What??? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What th. What th. What the the the th. What the the th. What I'm the the the the the the the they they they're the they're they're the they're they they're they're they're they're. You're a mania. Forget it. I thought we'd be out to get a serious discussion going again. Well, okay then. So this is a serious discussion, is it? Okay, let's treat it sensitively then. If you really want a serious discussion and talk about whether there are some

disabilities are an advantage. Let's think of some then, shall we? Well, I've, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've said, I've. I've. I've, I're deaf Bobby Davro won't annoy you. That doesn't count as an advantage. Do you understand? Do you I mean? Carl's looking at you thinking that's brilliant. Yeah. Yeah. Well we'll leave it then. I'll come up with a better feature for next year. Oh been that, we'll bin that. We've been that like that was going to be a feature! What, you were hoping that that would be a spin-off feature? Disabilities are actually an inventive.

Well, it's another form of do we need them. It's like, you know. But that's like that joke, as his wakes up and last to have up and take race legs. What's the good news? The fellow in the next bed wants to buy his slippers. See, that's not an advantage. It's a joke. That doesn't really happen. People don't go, oh that is good news. Yeah, I'd probably get a quid from him. Do you know what I mean? But the fellow with three feet, what would he do? Would he buy a pair and then just nick one of those tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thin, thee, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, that's that's tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. People, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th. th. That, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, thr, thr, thr- is the, that's that's that's that's that's the, that's that's that's thr-a. That's thr-a. That's thr-a, thr nick one of those because they put out one shoe don't they? Are those, yeah if you've got one leg you can nick shoes. Good point, Carl. Now I'm getting you thinking. Yeah. Right, so we'll do rockbusters on his next then. Maybe Christmas, the Christmas, everybody. I hope we haven't offended you by some of Carl's rantings. Brilliant. Brilliant. I've had a great time. I've had a great time. I've had a great the the great the great the great time. I've had a great time. the great time. their their their their their their their their their their their. their their. their their. their. their. their. their. th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm th. Now. Now th. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. I'm th. Now. Now. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. tho. th you by some of Carl's rantings. Just think of what he's gone through in his life.

A little Victoria Plan incident. Carl, I've got a little gift for you here before we go. Oh, you said, oh, no, I don't even got your girlfriend anything. It's not exciting, but it's worth taking. Why don't you just re-gift that straight away? Cheers for that. It doesn't th. It doesn't th. It doesn't th. It doesn't th. It's th. It's th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. It's not th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Just. Just. th. Just. th. Just. th. Just. Just. Just. th. th. Just. th. Just. Just. thi. Just. thi. Just. Just. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiift that straight away? It's all right. Cheers for that. Yeah. It don't even look at it.

Champagne. That's not the champagne we got free from the BBC is it? It's not actually no, Rick, because that is far too good for the likes of Carl. Oh right. And I wasn't going to go to you would appreciate it. I'm seeing Carl on Christmas Day because he's around Christmas Day in London so I'll get a little good friend Carl. Alright, that'd be good wouldn't it? It'd be a nice little. Okay, answers. You must give the answer.

You would have been a bed at 6 though so we can play. Right, here's the last clues of the year. You had a, there's a load of for reiner. I don't know what you mean. Claire Reiner, she took advice, she gave people advice. So that's a foreigner. That is shit. Right. I'm sorry, that maybe Christmas, that is absolute dark. A lot of people got the right answer.

I know, well that annoys me even more. Number two, a second one, ask your ma'am if you should. That was S. That was Shalama. Shalama. Shalama. Right? No, bizarrely. What was the clue there?

Ask your mom if you should. Now we've got a lot of people saying, smashing pumpkins. There's the answer to that. Well, I don't know who's saying that to that that to that that that that that that that that that their. Merry Christmas, Mum. Smashing pumpkins. Nice bomkets. Oh, that's great. That's great. Smashing pumpkins.

Your dad born for me for Christmas. Ah, and the last one. Lovely plums. What might be victorious? Oh, God. We've got to wrap it up. Come on then. A couple of people were arguing in the supermarket at the fruit My victorious? Oh God! We've got to wrap it up. We've got to wrap it up. A couple of people were arguing in the supermarket at the fruit and veg cart.

That was B, that was banana drama. That was banana drama. We're like having an idea. Between banana drama? Wait, wait, wait, wait. What group is banana drama? What group is banana drama? So you're a full.

You're a quat. When you say that, but you accuse her, you accuse Carla that, you're also accusing lots of the listeners including the winner, Nicola Rogers of London, and she wins those great prizes and she got them bang on, so... Banana drum. So can we finish there now? Yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean can we finish there now? Just play the ads and go. What are you talking about it? Good to wish you were ever. Goodness with Carl! Look at you! Merry Christmas, Carl.

Merry Christmas! Let's give a little kiss. Oh, little kiss. I like it, with tongue, just Christmas. to you. theyme? Go! It's the best of. You've been voting in all weeks, sending your emails, so is the clips

that you wanted. Carpools and in the chair now, the talks about the acclaimed educating Ricky. Right, well just in case anyone's new, doesn't normally listen. Basically I'm educating Ricky. Do a bit of research in a week. Find stuff, news, history, anything that's interesting. Three stories are given a nice little headline. You take your pick. Between now and three, you're going to learn three things. Yeah? Yeah. So the headlines are, I'll be no buying one of them. Can I say that again? I'll be no buying one of them.

Nice, okay. We've also got Hippopott News. Okay. And can you believe it? Can you believe it? Well, I'm going to go for your favorite part of the news? Yeah. Right, well this one, it's, I'm not going to set the credit here.

I heard Christian talking about this on breakfast, right? Because it's a good, good story that happened. Basically, I don't ever tell you about it last week when we're having our spaghetti. But, um But I think you did. I know what it is. I know what this is. Right. There's a little midget. I'm loving it already. Circus going on somewhere. I think it was in America. Is that present day or all times? I'm talking like in the last three weeks. Okay. All right? Little Midget, circus, really packed out show people are loving it.

Right, Steve, you all ask the same question I did, I know. So there's little, little midget jumping up and down on a trampoline. But I thought it was so good money to see it. So everyone's clapping and he's getting carried away. Because he can't believe he was that, he can't believe they're loving it. I didn't know they'd like a little personal of trampoline, but they love me. But you know what it's like when, if there's a crowd of people sort of encouraging you to sort of go higher and stuff. And I'm sure he knew he was getting out of hand, but he was jumping and he was coming down there all going aye and he's going really eye in the air right so he's doing this crowd of clapping there's a hippo right just sat next to the trampoline getting ready to come

on and do his act oh right I thought he was in the audience getting ready to do his app yeah so he's a pretty pretty he's sitting by the trampoline waiting to do his app because he's sitting in the dress he they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the the th try try try try try try try try to th the the the the the they're they're the they're they're they are they do you mean he's sitting by the trampoline waiting to do his app? Why are they sitting in the dress room and they go, five minutes? Mr. Mus? Five minutes, Mr. Mosse. So anyway, so the hippo is there. He's getting annoying because this, because the midget is going to be, oh no. He's thinking, he's already done the trumpet, my pogo stick out, he's never going to work. Yeah, go on, so there's a great story and I just know he imbellishes it or it gets slightly

wrong, go on. So, there's a midget jumping up and down. The crowd are going mad, the meetings, the image, the image, the image, the image, the image, the image, the image, the meeting's love and it, can't believe his luck, although we think, you think he probably knows his dicing with danger. So next thing you know, they're all saying hi-hi-hi. It gives it one big, like, heavy sort of landing on the trampoline, goes really high but goes off at a funny angle. Oh, hypotenuse. Okay. Yeah. And sort of flies off at a funny angle.

Hipposin' use. Sure. Flies off at a funny angle. Hippos there. Swallows in hell. Crowd of clapping, thinking that's why the hippo is waiting there. Rubbish. Rubbish. It's not rubbish. Maybe there was an accident in a circus with a midget and a hippo, Abe.

But at no point was this hippo waiting to go on, I'm going, come on. The midget flew off at hypotenuse and landed in the hippo's mouth and was swallowed whole. This is what you embellished it. That is great. And what's that? I have to say though, Rick, when I heard midget trampoline hippopotamus, I was thinking actually what he'd happen. Yeah. So, yeah, maybe. I mean, it is a, that, that, you should never put those three together. Never. It's a recipe for disaster. Everyone knows that. Midget. It wasn't mentioned hippotomomomomomomomomomomomomomomomom. I I I I I I I I I I I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was thia. I was thia, I was, I was, I was thia, I was thia, I was thi. I was thi. I was thi. I was, I was, I was, I was thi. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was thi. I was thi. I was thi. I was thi. M. Midge. Midgea. Midgea. Midgea. Midgea. Midgea. Midgea, I was just just just. Midgea, I was thi. Midgea. Midgea, I was thi. Well, you know when he told me it, he said, and the midget, he didn't, he didn't mention the hippie from us, and he said, the midget went on like, soon he fell off and the hippo end.

And I said, sorry, what was the hippo doing there? He went, it's a circus. I've never heard of a circus. What can they they they they they the hipp they the hipp the hipp the hipp the hipp the hipp they the hipping? I they th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho. I tho. I tho. I thin. I thi. I'm tho. I thin. I thin. I thage. He thage. He thage. He thage. He thage. He thage. He thage. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He th. He. He th. He th. He thin. He thin. He thin. He thin. He said, he thin. He said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, I thin. He said, I they do? You can't drain them? Can you ask you what are you this? Are they like very deadly? They're huge. You've got a hippo in a circus. You're not thinking of Zippo? He's neither claimed? Yeah. Do you know it wasn't, it wasn't some sort of, where Zippo was eating a midget and it's some sort of horrible sexu act. No, it was definitely. No, it's definitely. No, it wasn't. It's definitely. It's definitely. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was the the the the the th. It wasn't, it's th. It's th. It wasn't, it's th. It wasn't, it's th. It wasn't, it's th. It wasn't, it wasn't, it's th. It wasn't, th. It wasn't, th. It wasn't, th. It's th. It wasn't, th. It wasn't, th. It wasn't, th. It wasn't, th. It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it's th. horrible sexual act. No, it was definitely, I heard it on right first right. Oh, okay, sorry. No, it's definitely true. Okay, good. Well, let's play a record then.

Sorry. I'm Ricky Germaise. With me, Steve Merger. It's the best of. You've been voting in all weeks, send your emails. So here's the clips that you wanted. and with me and Jane, Carl and Johnny and Jiji wasn't it? Is it important to him? No, but walking on the street, Carl was there though and he can back me up on this.

We had a curry, we're walking back and this little funny homeless fellow, didn't he? He, uh, oh I got to tell it before I go, didn't he? Yes. He came up to me, right? And he recognized me. And he came up to me and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and to me and he and he and to me and he and he and he went to me and he said, I and he said, I and he said, I and he said, I and he was, I and he was, I and he was, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm th. I'm th. He, I'm t. He, I'm tied, I'm took, I'm took, I'm took, I've tot, I'm took, I'm tot, I'm tot, I'm tot, I'm tot, I'm tot, I? And he recognised it. And he came up to me and he went, he went, oh, he said, I've just knicked five of your DVDs from HMB. And he shook my hand. He was so happy with it and I went, right, excellent. He went, all I did was, I'd just swing the bag over the top like that when I'm going out. And he had a bag full of tell me that he's stolen. That great. He said they're going like Ock Cake. He said they're going, of course they are! Yeah, you're working on?

I know, we get paid to them there, don't we? So he, not the stolen ones? Don't we? No. What do you mean? Did he sign them for him? What so um he just nicked five? Yeah, well, I see he was homeless was he? Well, I'd I'd eat Don't know maybe no Surely how would you have seen the show? He just walked past curries one morning. Yeah, that's any idea

See a trainer for it thought interesting. I don't know if he was omiss. I didn't go into his home life. He shook his hand though and but he's he? He's he? He made Carl look smart, do you know what I mean? So, uh... How does he sell them? Where does he sell them? Does he go to write an office DVD? They're not nicked. Yeah, four quid. Exactly.

And he stole them? No, no, no, no, no. They still got the tags on them. Well, it's like those people who, um, those cab drivers that you that you in the morning who've just got a car yeah just went out with a car yeah and just I'll pick people up and charge them yeah I got him once I said to him the guy just pulled up I said I was in like East London I said yeah going back to a Swiss cottage he went sure hopping he went to the way he went do you know the way I I said, well not really no, I thought you know the way, you're in a cab behind you went, no, don't really know the way there. I said

I said if you've got an A to Z you went no. I thought well if you're going to go out just on, you know just winging it as a cab fact five minutes later, he went, do you know the way the can't do it? I thought you knew the way the can't do it. I don't really know the way, I thought it was. Oh, let me out. Let me out. Let's, you know, and the da. Yeah, I don't know your dad was a cab he wasn't stand it, but it's good money. He was the perfect, he wasn't like for chance of it. What was he, what was he doing when he put that little forest gun in a in a

weedy bin? That was, that was part of the cab company thing. They had to do like a charity event once a year and he did it one year, never asked him again. Tell us the story again. I'd rather not because we got a few sort of complaints about it. Why? Why do you complains about it? Because he put a kid in a bin and it's not the thing to do. So. But we could use it as a sort of sobering lesson for people. Yeah, tell it like a, you know, you shouldn't do it. No, it it's... Yeah but that's how I did it last time but people still didn't like it. All the stuff I tell you that you know we don't take the NICI out of people on purpose we it's real life in it and that goes on in life. Yeah I was saying that in hospital though you know I was in hospital yeah you know you did some jokes and So what you meant to do? And laughing's good for you.

Yeah. So, even if you're being laughed at isn't as good for you, is it? No, but there's probably more people laughing at one person. So if you balance it out, there's only one person who's upset and there's a bunch of people laughing. So, it's, genius. Give me an example of that. Give me the example of that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, listening. Yeah, give me the example of like, so, you know. Well I can't, because again, that's what I'm saying. I can't tell you the story.

Because there might be someone out there who, this person might even be listening and think, I forgot about that and you brought it all back to me. Yeah. So I prefer to leave it, but I think people people. Why did he put him in the bin in the first place? Because he was getting out of hand. What was he doing though? You see, I can't explain. He can't. That's silly. I prefer to leave it, honestly.

What was he doing? Was he annoying my dad and the other people in the cab? Right. And he thought, how can I deal with this before it before th out of hand. Yeah. He pulled over and put the lad in a wheelie bin. I'm going to be best. So we'll leave that. And then, oh God. And then, oh God. XFM, 1.4. the thrown. Ricky and I are on holiday. Obviously it's Christmas time, but Carl is here in the studio, he's pressing buttons, all right, Carl. All right?

How do you make it the first genetically modified baby? Oh. Are you worried about this? Do you know, what do they do? What? Let me see what it says here. It's, isn't it just choosing the, you know, choosing the, you know, the eye color, isn't their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. How, their, their, how their, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, the first. How, the first. How, the first. How, the first. How, the first. How, the first. How, their. How, their. How, their. How, their. How, their. How, their. How, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their first, their first, their first, their first, their first, the first, how, how, how, the first. the concern isn't it that in the future you'll be able to decide whether it's a boy or a girl, how intelligent it is, what it looks like, is it handsome, is it ugly? Obviously no one will choose an ugly baby and so on and so on and so on and so on. And so it means that you know where will it will lead, where will it to end Carl and are you the threaten too the thinnighi.... thin, are thin, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is thin, is thin, is, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is tho, is thin, is thin, is thin, is tho, is tho, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thee, is thee, is, is, is thin, is, is, is thin, is thin, is, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is thin, is the, is it, is it, is it, is it, is it, the they.. they. theya, theya, theya, theya, theya, theya, they. thoo, is tho, is thrown, thr people what will we be like how will we be considered in society but we've talked about this before only about the cloning thing yeah that's a bit weird but I don't think it matters because at the end of the day right you might look like some other kid but it's the way you've brought up that will change your features and the way you are you know your

personality if you lie you get a long nose don't you well no but listen right because I remember when when the the the the the the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. I was you th. I was you th. I was you th. I was you th. I was you th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. th. th. the. th. the. the the. th. the th. the. the the. listen right because I remember when when we you know I was growing up on this estate this is gonna be good. No no it's not it's just an example of how this doesn't work. Go on so we don't need to worry sort of sure. Okay so growing up on this estate and there's a there Well tell me about her first. I'm interested in this woman. What was she? It was a very... I mean I didn't grow in a posh house or anything. I'm not saying that if you live in a bit of a rough house, you're a bad person. What does she look like? But anyone can clean up. They look like Tony Green with a fag on. They didn't clean up much, right. They they. They a lot of money you can still try and make a place that nice. Right? But she didn't and a kid used to take a horse into the house.

Sorry. Whoa, whoa. Whoa, Eddie. What do you mean the kid used to take a horse into the house? Where did they get a horse? Must have knicked it from somewhere. Must have it? I said, you see a horse? No. What, is that from outside the saloon round the corner? Yeah, was it just tied up with the vet? Right? Oh, that's great. I did now.

I did out. I did now. Oh, I didn't get this. This was before the lynching stopped or a horse from. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what??? What, what, what, what, what, what, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, what? What, was? What? What? What? What? What, was? What, was? What, was? What, was? What, was, was? What, was? What, was? What, was? What, was? What, was? What, was? What, was? What, was? Was? Was? Was. the? Was? Was? Was? Was. the? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? Was? What, was? What? What? What? What, was? What, was? What? What, was? What, was, was, was, was, was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Was. this, this was before the lynching stopped or after. Ha ha ha ha ha! Where did they get out of horse from? What do you mean you must have nicked it? Is when I'm saying, where'd you get that from? I bought it, all right then, but keep it out of the kitchen. I don't want you to go in Catlin, rustling.

I can't stop it. Where did the patio door th go th go th go the the door the door th go the door the th go the the the th go the th go the th th the th the th th the th th the th th thoes the the thoes from the the thoes from thoes from thoes from, thoes, thoes. What thoes. What thoes. What thoes. What thoes. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Where th th th tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Where, tho. Where the. Where the horse wrong Carl and how long did he have it for? Was he leading it or riding it? Mom open the door I can't stop it over the patio door as well. Looks like we got us a runaway? Why do you mean? I don't know but the thing is they couldn't afford to buy one because they're not cheap so I'm just guessing maybe that's wrong with me but I think he had a horse. Yeah I think he had a horse he that's why the family does they they didn't is they didn't is they they didn't is they they they they didn't is they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th I th is th th I th. He th. He th. He thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. He their their th. He their their their their their th. He was th. He was th. He was thi thi thi the the the the thoo thoooooooooo the thoooooo the thooooooo the the the thothe family does have any money they'd spend it on the horse. That's what I'm saying. I don't think they would have bought it. So anyway. Yeah, it's always to whisper car in case I listen. Yeah. And it could be in the room next door. It's keeping it as well. So I was like in the car with my dad coming into the avenue and you used to have to drive down it and you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And to to to drive. And to drive. And to drive. And to drive. to drive. to drive. to drive. to drive. to drive. to drive. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to. to. to. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was the. So. I was to. So. I was to. And. And. And. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. know sort of go back to our house. You're the traditional method of transport. And the horse was in the lounge.

Reading a paper? Just like walking around. Oh God! What? What? And when I was doing, I tried to wear myself some money once by flog in plastic cups. What this is trying to flogging little flowers in plastic cups. What? This is genius. It just keeps coming. What do you mean you're trying to flog little flowers? What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a record, let's play a record

and unravel. It's got a rocker. Let's play a track, Carl. It's like an onion, isn't it? We create a whole world here where there's a man living with a horse just walking around the lounge I come from the West country never heard anything like that I just think of a big sort of like orange carpet and it's got a re-diffusion telly and this horse going on fed up in it exactly this is really I'm not taking the rubbish out again yeah right play a record let's have a velvet underground we've got a classic from the first album I'm waiting for a to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the back to the horse and a second. Little flowers in part, what do you mean? We have underground and Nico, which apparently peaked at a disappointing 171 in the US charts. Think of that. And that's obviously Louvre developed underground and waiting for the man. Yeah, great track.

So we were talking, we were doing white van, we were doing white, genetically modified babies and then Carl started to tell the story about someone with a horse and then he got on to he was trying like money selling flowers just do the flowers well hang I just want to recap slightly so there was a family and who had the horse in the family it was because you lived on the state in Manchester so the mother the mother was a right peg apparently I don't know what that's where they don't need to go that far but what what i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i to to to to to to to to to to to to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go the the the the the the the the the the to go. the to go. to go. to to to to to th. to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to to the the the the the a picture for you so you understand. What did she look like? What did she look like? A bit of her, I know this respect to her. A bit like Pauline Quirk. Quirk. Yeah. All right. I knew you can say that. I knew it was going to be Paul. Does have any tats? Is he ever got that close to her? Okay, so and so who had the horse? Her daughter had stolen a horse? Yeah. I I I I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the horse. the horse. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What the the the th. What the the the the the the the th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What is. What is th. It was. It was. It's. It's. It's. It's theeeat. Who the. the. Who the. the. Who the. the. or her husband? Her daughter. Her daughter had stolen a horse. Yeah, from, I don't know where, there was, I think there was some stables down the road or something. And they kept the horse in the house with, they kept it in the house. They didn't have it in the house. No. So and you said you were in anything to raise money and they came out with all these

ideas and I thought that's good. What was the charity? What was the charity? Well I don't know, I thought, forget the charity. I'm a charity. So, um, I asked me, ma'am for some flowers. I was around the house. So can I just take some snippings off them? And I'll go and buy some plastic cups. And got some soil out of the garden, planted the bits of plants in them. Got a tray, had about 25 plants on it, selling them for 25 pence each.

Excellent. Certainly. Yeah, it's all loads. Did you just cut them and stick him in the soil? Yeah, they want to survive. But I think people sort of thought well good on him for trying. But anyway, so I went round to theirs because I thought their house could do with a bit of colour and stuff. Yes. It's a bit rough.

So as I went, the horse, their breakfast, was one of them houses where no carpet or horse in the living room. And the horse was walking around the living room. I look quite happy and everything because I always say that about Adam's a little beard. Black Beauty was on. Well think about it right if you were a horse where would you rather be in a little wooden hut with a load of hay or in like a house with a, you know, a three-piece sweet and I'm a telly in that. Telly and that! No, but I was saying this the other day, I had an Atari. Right? I was walking through London with the bed.

Coylewood, 64 rubbish. Exactly. Walking through London with Susan, right? And do you know how Because people always walk past and give it a pat on the head. Yeah. With its owner all the time. Yeah. It's out in the open. It's not locked up in a house. Yeah. It doesn't mean. It doesn't mean. But it doesn't mean. But he does eat they're always all right. So that's what we're saying I thi. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the the th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th. th. th. th. th. their own house. Is that a first start? Yeah, so anyway this family is a bit, what we're talking about, it was about genetically modified kids, spent all that stuff, yeah. Right. Now what I'm saying is you could say, you know, right Steve, you could have a baby, right?

And Ricky could see it and say, God, I want one that looks like that. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It could happen, Rick., come on work with him. So you stick it to the doctors and I don't know what they do, they inject it with something or whatever. Yep, that's what I was done. And get a little baby and there is it looks the same. Now the thing is you separate, you both go off and do your own things. Right. Now, you look at the staphe, Stephen, this is, you look after your baby, you treat it well, you give it good food

and that. All the vitamins and stuff. Rick, he just gives it cheese. Right? So then it changes its looks, it goes a bit fat, you know, it gets tired easily and that's sort of thing. Now when this family, why am I just feeding a baby? Right. This family who had a horse in their house, they had a little baby.

And my ma'am went round and said, you're not going to believe this, but it's a beautiful looking baby, right? Yeah. And I was like, well, you know. And the weird thing is, it was a good looking kid, but as time went on, they didn't really look after it, and I'm not saying like abusing it but he used to run around it used to play out to like 10 at night yeah he used to chase cars right it was a bit did it have who's yeah no no no the the the the the thing is it was a good looking kid

oh god was it called rover did it get stick? Leon it was called, right? Right. Now, the weird thing is, it was a good-looking kid, but as time went on and all that like not eating properly and its hair was all patchy. It's not Liam Gallagher, is it? And chasing cars on that, and it became an ugly kid. It's definitely Liam Gallagher. And that's what I'm saying, right? You th. th. th. th. th you you th. th. th. that's tha, tha, tha, tha, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thi, thi, was thi, was thi, was tho, was tho, was thathe thi, was thathea, was thoom, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was thu. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thu. thi, was thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's the the the the the the the the the the thia. thia. thia. thia. thi. thi. thi.'s what I'm saying right. You can clone all you like but at the end of the day is what you brought up. Wow. That was a hell of a point.

God. But am I right? You're always right, Carl. I know what did you vase with me, Steve and Carl. Carl. What have you got headache? You got a headache? Just a bit stressful because the moves on this week. Oh, by the way, the XFM listeners came around to my house and bought the foot on and table. Did they? Was they happy with it? Quite normal. They were well happy. I couldn't believe the luck with it. Would you mean quite normal? Well, it's always a bit scared, getting people around. I imagine they were scared. And were they excited to see you? Because they, I mean they were, you know, could you tell that they were pretty pleased to see you? No I don't think so I mean.

You're not called Pilkington. Yeah but I, the fellas sort of, I mean they brought the the whole family around which they was they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I they were, I they were, I they were, I they were, I they were, I they were, I they were, I they were, I they were, they were, they were, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not often they get the chance to visit a living freak. Anyway, anyway, they were nice. He said he firmly up today, he know it was absolutely tipping it down. He had to cycle in, right? Because he said, because of the movie doesn't want to leave his bike around there. And he said, and he said, Suzanne, oh I can't say this in case he's listening can I? He won't know. And it said, Suzanne's hired the oldest removal man in London.

You should hear him. And the thing is right, we've booked him. We booked him because everyone else happened to be booked out, but this fellow's free. So he called up this morning. I have never to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have the the thing is right, we booked him, we booked him because everyone else happened to be bucked out but this fella's free, right? So he called up this morning, I've never spoke to him but he was on the phone, he sounded about 90. Yeah. I can't think that he's going to have to do all the work. And the thing is, right?

Cheap. Listen, it seemed to be cheap because it's 50 pound an hour. How long is it going to take him? Yeah. Oh, that's genius. When's the move on then? When do you... I got, he came around today to bring so empty boxes and he was struggling with them. So, uh, it actually happens on Wednesday. Anyway.

I woke up this morning, yeah. Feeling fine. It's not a blues song. And I turned my phone on. And it was from Carl. And it went, forget it, I've made my mind up. And I thought, wow. What is it?

And I thought, the threat. I've made my mom. What is it? He went, oh no, it's it. It, it. It, it. It's it. It's it.. It's it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it's, it's, it's. It's. It's. It's. the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the. It's the. It's. It's. Oh, th. It's. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, th. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the that? And I thought it, I've made my moment, I went, Carl, what is it? He went, oh no, it's about the text I took you last night. I went, well, what was it? I just got this text, he went, ah, I was just wondering, I was not thinking last night. He said, supposing you have to have your hands removed. Sure. Right? And the doctor said, well, you can either have him stay like that with stumps or I can sew feet there. What would you have?

And I was bleary, I went, the stumps, he went, yeah. And then what was his follow-up text to that? And then I got the text, it was obviously before it, and it went, and it was like quite serious, what would you do if, so he didn't do over hands, would you have stumps or the feet? Now the way, when I said, he's made his mind up, and I went the stumps, he went, yeah. I think he decided he decided he decided, he he he he he he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided, he decided he decided he decided he decided he decided he decided he decided he decided he decided he decided he decided he decided he decided he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on, he decided on the feet. But it was too embarrassed to tell me. There's a little bit of what would you do. Because it's... But why did you think of this? Why did you think of this? Open's away, right? Yeah, no, that's not why you start thinking bizarre surgery devices.

I'll let you into my little mind, right? Last night, I had some beans on toast. She was away. She was a way. She had some beans on to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to the the to to the the the to the the to the the to the the the the the the the the th. the the the th. the th. th. th. What th. th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What, what th. What, what th. What th. What, what th. What, what th. What th. What, what th. What th. What, what th. What, what th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What the. What the. the. theat. What theat. What the. What the. What the. the. What would. What, the. What the. What, the? She was away. It's good already. She was away, she had some beans on toast. She went wild. Right? Now I was stood up, I live on like a high street, right? So I'm washing up, I'm looking out the window. First thing that had me attention is, I can look into other people's flats, right? And it was weird how all these different lives were going on, I was watching them, and everybody, and everybody they.... their their their their their their their, I was their, I was their, I was their, I was th. th. th. th. thi, I was thirty, I was thirty, I was thirty, I was thirty, I was th. thirty, I was toean, I was, I was, I was, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was th. Now, I was th. Now, I was th. Now, I was th. theree. theree. that, I was that, I was that, I was that, I was that, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, that, I was, I was, I was that, I was that, I was that, I was that, I was watching him and everybody had the tele on and was watching Volcano, right, which was on last night. And I thought, oh, that's weird, right? I can see him all watching it, and he was like a little Chinese lad who was dancing around in some underpants.

And then there's a little old woman who lives downstairs who was reading a book, and she's always reading a book every night, and it's like I have a better life than her and then there's like some sort of bounce through who's always getting ready to go out late at night with all the black and he looks like a bouncer so I was watching all this life going on and I thought did you witness a murder while you were doing it yet it was like it was like it was like that sort of sliver film where that bloke had loads of tellies what you're watching it was going on in my mind and then so so so so then so I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I was th and I was th and I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was was that was was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was was was was was was was was was was was was was I was was was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was going that was going that was going that was going that was that was that was that was that and I picked up the plate and I thought, it's amazing, isn't the human body? The way you can just sort of, you know, I want to pick that up and you do. Yes.

And the way your hands work, right? You've got five little digits, but it's just the right amount to do what you've got to do, right? So I'm washing the plate. Sorry Carl, stop. It's just the right amount. Might be one of the most genius things I've ever had said. I would love David Atom, Retrophonia, and say, Carl, how do I word this about the evolution of the mammalian front limb?

Just go, we'll just say it's the right amount. But it is. One less would just make it a little bit more tricky when picking up a bit of a slippery dish. Sure, or buying gloves. A slippery dish. So then I was thinking, imagine like going to the doctors and you're saying it, you know, everything's all right, your art's good and everything but. Yeah, art's good, what are your Larry's or... You're... You're in good form and what have you? It's good news, you know, I had Gianna win earlier. He's not looking good.

I had fat smaller. But you're all right, but your hands need to come off. Right. That's bad. That's bad. Like I get a second opinion in much of it. Oh God! But I bet a good news, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've got a good, I've a good, I, I, I, I've a good, I've a good, I've a good, I've a good, I've a good, I've a good, I've a good, I've a good, I've a good, I've a good, I've a good, I've a nice, I've a nice, I've a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a the the the the the the thin, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice, I've got a nice pair of feet I can sort you out with and he puts them on and then I was thinking right, first of all, washing up what would that be like? I thought, Steve, that'd be tricky. And then the second thing was it probably ruined the shape of your jumper.

You get to keep putting the feet through them. And then I thought but I could still cycle in. Okay. You could run in. Well that's the thing. You'd be like you'd be really fast. That's what I was thinking I thought. I thought I could still cycle because I could balance and then I thought but the only thing is I probably couldn't pull the brakes. Because of all the things. Yeah. And then like you are I thought. thinn't like the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's th. th. You'd thin. You'd th. You'd the. You'd that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. You'd that's. You'd that's. You'd that's. You'd that's. You'd that's. You'd th. You'd th. You'd th. You'd th. You'd th. You'd th. You'd th. You'd th. You'd the the the the the the the the the the th. You'd the th. You'd the the the the. You'd the the the. You'd the. You'd be the. You'd be the. You'd be the. You'd be the. You'd the. then again you're running in half time. So that's what was going on last night. That's what I was thinking about. How long did this take? Well, how long did it take to wash up? Right. Because I imagine you just being there for like all night?

Probably 25 minutes. How long did the little Chinese fellow dance for like 10 minutes? Just, yeah. And his girlfriend never sits in the same room as in. She's always sat in the bedroom. She's always in the bedroom sat on the floor on the mobile phone. All the time, yeah, it's weird. Our people's lives are just like, it's like that ground dog day thing. It's like, you know, he's jumping about in his under their. Well, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, th. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You, you, you, you, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You, you. You. You, you. She, you. She. She, you. She, you. She, you. She. She, you. She, you. She. She, you. She. And, you. And, you. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the th. And, the the the the the the the the th ground dog day thing. It's like, you know, he's jumping about in his underpants. The old woman sat there reading a book. Yeah. And that's what got me thinking about my life. Do you think she ever goes... Are you sure she's not dead? Every time you look down there, she's just looking to, she's just reading this book. The pages never turned. She never seems to finish her. Are you sure the Chinese sure sure sure sure sure sure sure sure Chinese scchin's the Chinese the Chinese the Chinese girls are dead around her?

I'm going into the next door again, that little round-eddy fella's looking in. He's looking in at me, the bouncer goes, don't worry, love, I'll go and beat him up. That's true that, they see you staring at and watching out going, I could have feet here, and they get scared. The woman's dead. Can you tell us roughly which neighbourhood you live in so that we know? It's central. Central is it? Yeah.

Wow, imagine if that little, was he a Chinese fair? Did he say? Imagine if he was listening now, I'd love him to call in and explain these actions. Well, he might be on some other radio station talking about a lad who's always washing up and looking at his hands in a mysterious way. But do we this doctor, this doctor that would go, well all right, Carl, I've got, you could either leave them the stumps or I've got every little pair of feet. Why, I mean I told Jane this and Jane went, is that the only choice? Could you say could have some dead man's hands?

Have you got any, where do you get the feet from? Can I have, what would you rather have then? Human feet or monkey paws? Well, I mean that wasn't an option last night, but if the doctors said this was... No, it wasn't an option last night, but don't forget it's in your head, it's in your head, it's in your head, this didn't happen. This didn't happen. I'm just saying at that at that at that at that at the that at that that's the that's that's the the the that's the that's that's the the that's the that's all the that's all, the the the that's all, I's all, I's all, I's all, I'm just their their their their their their that's all, their their that's all, I's all, I's all, I's all, I's all, I's all, I's all, I's all, I's all, I's all, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their their their their th. That's all, th. That's all, their thoomorrow. their thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoomorrow, the.'t a real doctor to offer. It's in your head. You can go anywhere. You're not trapped. Yeah, but if you can do anything, then you'd say we'll sort us out some other hands. Fair point, the show record. You're listening to the best of basically Carl Bilkington. Right, you're ready then. So just in case you haven't heard it before, I give you some initials of a band or an artist. I give you some initials of a band or an artist. We're not doing rockbusters now, are we?

Yeah, I thought, well, we'll keep that going, then we've got, I love educating Ricky, that's my favorite thing now. Well, what do you want to do, Steve? Oh, I mean, it's just this includes. It's just that you've, it's sort of bigged up the prizes. And so, this is this is is only this is only only only. And so, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give, the email. And, the email. And, the email, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I. I, I. I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, I, I, I, I. th. th. th. that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I.Jovace at XFM.co.uk. Ricky dot Govets at XFM.co.uk. Only entries on email. You're going to get three clues, you've got to get them all right. And you win all those prizes. You just said, okay, Carl, go on then.

Right, and just a quick example. One of the first ones we did, it was atomic kitten, right? So you understand how it works now. These are your clues. The first one, that army has got some well nice trenches. So that army has got some well nice trenches. Excellent. And the initials there are D.W. Do you write some of the questions for 15 to 1?

Go on. So that army has got similar phrasing. Okay. The second one. What were the initials there, Carl, that Prussian? D.W. D. Right. The second one, the top of them curtains are all wrecked. All the materials are all worn. He acts out there. We've got to get him on tele. we have got to get him on tele because his little face and his gestures. That's the second one, the initials being HV, okay? The tip of those curtains are wrecked. All the materials are all worn out, right? HV. And the final one, um, here's the final clue.

I tripped and landed on my knees in a puddle. So that's W.H. for that one. So I was in Texas, I tripped up, landed on my knees in a puddle. So that's W.H. Incredible. It's got it. It's great. It's fantastic. Tell me the record. You're playing for these compilation albums. We've got the fat boys. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th and to landed to land th and th and th and to land to land th and th and th and th and th and th and th and the th and to land to land to land th and th and th and to land to land to land to landed and landed and landed and landed and landed and landed and landed and landed and to to landed and to landed and to landed and to landed and to landed and to landed and to landed and to to to to th and th and th and th and th and th and th th and th best one. Okay, time we join the record. You're playing for these compilation albums. We got the Fat Boy Slim DVD, Linda Green on VHS. And of course, executive decision starring Kurt Russell as well. Again, 1.149, Wicke and Jave, Steve Merchant, we're not actually here. It's the best old.

Okay, what's the next one I was looking around and this stuff that is interesting, right, I was looking on the web, but there's no point. Well, it's just, I found one about, uh, what's the point? About a lad who, uh, eight years old, but he's still breastfed. Now, I don't know if you can get anything out of that. Is that what his mum said? What do you mean I don't know if I can get anything out of that? You don't need to? No, it's just that. Where do you read that? That was on the internet.

How? Well, yeah, you're always unspecific when you mentioned it. It's just it was on the internet. Well, I'm trying to think what I put in, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th th th th th thu th thu thu that, thu that, that what I said that, that what that, that, that, that what that what that what that that's that's that's what that that, is what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's said, that's said thi thi th said th said that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that was on the internet. How? Well, yeah. You're always unspecific when you mention it. It's just it was on the internet. Well I try to think what I put in, I think I put in why to see if I'd confuse the computer. Ah, go! Go! You are... Honestly. I did a search, put in why? And he came up with funny things that like why is this person doing that, why is that? And I had a picture of this eight-year-old lad sort of, you know, on his mom's nipple. It was saying, you know, is this healthy? You sure if that wasn't asking you that question?

What do you mean? Stop it? Yeah. you that question. I put in why? He's the confusion of the computer. What do you mean? Stop it! Yeah. Oh, look, yeah. Last week I was walking home with him and I went, uh, he was saying so it was stupid. Now I've got a competition for next week. Let's do a phone in and it's called Carl Pilkington, genius or fool, right?

And he went, no, no, why not? He went, well, it'd be confusing because they say there's no difference between genius and being a fool. You do that, don't you? No, no, but it's rubbish and people say there's a fine line between madness and genius. And, you know, it's a ridiculous sound bike. They don't say there's a fine line between genius and an idiot. Well the people who do our idiots. Yeah. So what would you do there though just to sort of wrap that little thing up what would you do? That lad loves his mom's his mom's men? What are you talking me to come up with? No I'm just a title for the story? No no no I it's just just. their. their. What. What. What their. What their. What their. What their. What their. What are. What are. What are. What are. What are. What are. What are their. What are their their their their their their their their their their is their their. What are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are are their are are are are their are their are are their are their are their are their are. What are their are. What are are are are. What are are are their are are. What are are. What are their are. What are their are. What are their. What are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are. What are you are you are their. What are you are their. What are you are their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. What are asking. What are their.le for the story? No, no, no, it's just what would you do? What do you

do? Well it's causing a bit of a problem in the area, right? What area? In America? I think it was. Oh, America are a problem? Are they? George Bush is worried about this kid who's breastfeeding the eight. Imagine it like this, right? Right. What are you asking me about what are you asking me about this spurious story? A the story? the story? the story this eight year old lad he likes his mom's milk and it's saying is this right should it not? But what do you want Ricky to do about it? It's not his responsibility? Yeah. But the little town that he lives in their lives in their all causing an uproar right going this isn't right you know I can't let me kid play out in case he's in the garden with his ma'am getting a bit hungry, right? So, what should they do? Because his ma'am's saying, well, he likes it. And he, you know, so what do you do?

So what do you do? I don't know the laws? No, but I'm not asking you to sort out the laws. I'm just saying, if you lived in that, that, that, thua, thua, thua, thua, thua, tha, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. Because, th. What, th. What, th. What, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. What, thi. What, to thi. What, thi. What, thi. What, thi. What, thi. What, thi, thi, if he went up to him and said look, everyone's getting a bit fed up with this, look. I said, what, what would I do? What do you mean what would I do? What are you asking me? Right, it doesn't matter. No, no, no, no, what are you asking me and Steve and the public? I'm just saying, say if you live next door to this woman, right? The kid's hungry, eight years old, he's out, he's out, he's out ma'am, I'm getting a bit peckish and he goes, all right, she whops one out. And he starts having his milk, right? You live next door, you're putting your washing out and you see this going on. You're getting a bit sick of it because it's gone for months. Eight years I see. Why is it your business? Why are you such a nosy neighbour that you're concerned?

What would you do, Carl? Let's turn it back on him. What would you do? What would you do? Well, I thought, I'd say, right, why are you doing this? And she'd say, because he likes it. And I go, all right then, put it in a bowl first. Jesus. And you think that would sort that out? No, because I was thinking about the whole thing, right? And you do that when you're a baby and everything's all right, isn't it? Yeah.

Go on bats an eyelid, that little baby having a bit of milk from its mom's breast, right? You'd almost say, it got me things you don't see................ It's, that, that, that, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, and, and, and, and, and you, and you, and, and, and, and you'd, and you'd, and you'd. And, and you'd, and you'd, and you'd, and you'd, and you'd, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and. And, and. And, and. And, and. And, and. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So, and, and you'd. And, and out of it. It's like you don't see, it got me things you don't see, and you don't see... You put this into a computer, show me things you don't see? What else do you see? Well you don't see like an old man having a twix. You never... You never... You never... You never...

Oh! So what? You have got, right? It's a terrible thing about all this Steve. Is he's right? You don't see it all that. But, but, so what they have got, right? They've made old man's office, aren't they? They've come up with worris.

Oh my god. You don't see an awful this? So they've got their Werthers, right? Look at him! You think he'd give him a lecture at Oxford! It's not going anyway. No, go on, sorry. Go on.

I'm just saying, right. I'm just saying, you grow out of things. Yeah. And the old man, I'm sure when he was... It doesn't look right! So, right. I don't think Werther's originals were specially designed for old people. I think they were sweets that just haven't to have been made for years. That's why old people eat them. They didn't go, hang on, there's a market here. I've noticed old people aren me a twixt.

He's been voting in all weeks, sending your emails. So here's the clips that you wanted. You've got a real problem with Rick Waller, haven't you? I just, you probably, you're probably, he's a problem, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he.. He, he. He.. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's a. He's a. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's a. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's. He's, he's. He's a as well though. Exactly. That's the problem. To explain to people that, you know, it's a bit arrogant. It's his whole thing that it's the whole package, so to speak, you don't like. But there's another thing in this, because he's not just the fact that he eats too much. He tried apparently to lose some weight. And it says, he said, the first month I lost, the thapap put on nine pounds I had a slip up. I can't say when, why or how but it just sneaked up on me. Yeah, I don't believe it just sneaked up on him.

That body's never done a somersault when it's life. No. It just sneaked on me, yeah. It was the cakes again. It was the cakes before. Yeah. It was theFC bucket again. The family sized KFC bucket for breakfast. Poor man. The other thing is that I don't have a very good shock tactic for a doctor to tell a 20-something. Well, to be honest, you've got 20 years to live. That's not, when I was 20, the thought of dying at 40 was fine. I didn't want to live to 40. I just thought, oh what can you do when you're 40? Just laying around doing nothing. Eating cheese. And then you got there and they discovered... No, but someone sent me a tank food. Sophier sent me something

and she said, I realise you're not Graham Norton, but I had to send you this, and she sent me the top of a little cream cheesey thing, it's, it's the brand name is Javais. How old that is, I that, I th, their their they's their, I've they's, I've their, I've their, I've their, I've their, I've their, I've their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so big French company and this is from the Czech Republic, it's all over Europe and so it's... That would see a dream country wouldn't it if they named a cheese after you? No I think it's, I think it's probably, you know, ancestors and so I've cheeses in my blood. Sure. It literally. It's Friday night. This is a try.

Exactly. But yeah, so we can't really have a guy at Rick Waller. I eat too much but I'm not. But you're not about it. But you're not about it. And I know one of the other he's that guy, he does, um, you should be on TV and I think he does a breakfast show on a rival station, isn't he? It's happy, isn't he? He's so trivia, and he's a really nice bloat, John, but it's funny, but it's funny,

it's funny because he does a breakfast show-a-a-who's-oh, he'-oh, that's good. But we've met John a couple of times, we saw him at a couple of not wishing to say not to show off but a couple of awards dues. Yeah. I think that's showing off. My people would have seen dead there. Well yeah, but we went to one where everyone was in like tux time, and he had shorts on, at a similar event, and I've seen him since in the street, and he's all... I don't think... I'm wondering if he can wear traces. I don't think he can actually wear traces. I don't know if there's a medical reason for that, whether it's just that you can get shorts that big and they're comfortable and you know why do I mean to be quite honest but what I don't want to squeeze into a tuxedo anyway so if you can go I'd love to turn for those things in remuda shorts well of course flip flops

you know do you think he started off by wearing maybe maybe just have the upper half was a tuxed and tie and then shorts and then you would just short short short short short short short short short short short short short you you you the shorts and you would the shorts and you would just just just just just just just just the shorts under you would just just just just just short short short short short short short short short short short short short short underneath you would the shorts underneath you would the sneak behind you know a sideboard party plan or his kids bring his kids ahead of him yeah you know you are wearing clothes on you're of course I am yeah yeah in you go kids move a minute well no exactly course I'm gonna try to start this isn't falling yeah so now I'm gonna to the this isn't falling in one so now I'm gonna to make a wacky effort to sort of you know next shown is I've heard he's gonna the the grass he he he he he he's gonna the to to to to to to to to the to go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to the the their their their skirt and a garland around us and he's going to come in limboing. But you did ask if you could go to the bastards in a dressing game, didn't you? So easy. Yeah. But, right, is this talking about diets and stuff, right?

They've come up with a drug that, they've tested out on the mouse, right? So, you know, it's a problem that weight, weight is a big that, weight and you know a lot of people are depressed and that probably like Rick Waller. Well I'm depressed looking at Rick. I mean you could sort out Rick by you know John O is an old man who's got loads of money. He's not old. No but he's getting on a bit right? He's about why I mean what I mean is he does his own shopping right so I bet it's sorry, what do you mean? Because he's like how old is he? 35? Right? He's got loads of money.

He does his own shopping. So when he goes to the supermarket and he passes, you know, the sponge cake section, it must be tough when you've got loads of money to burn, like you go, just one more. One more. So just, sorry, we're getting close to libel here, I think. No no I'm saying how it is because I've tried like losing a little bit of weight. Have you? And it is difficult when you know you're in waitress and you see a little chocolate muffin and you think one more and I'll do without. Do you like a little chocolate muffin now and again? Is that your favorite thing? So the thing is, you eat it all, you're not getting any more? Yeah.

That sort that- The best thing they're a sharp shot. I bet he does. I bet he does. So you never actually know if this is true or not. No, but anyway, so this drug did it come up with. They've tested it. Definitely. They fed a mouse, a load of cake. Yeah. Right? And it went a little bit chubby and he said, right, stop a minute. And then they gave it this drug, it makes you lose weight. And its weight went down,

what the only bad side effect was, its eyes were popping out. Ha ha ha ha ha! Well, that seems, that seems to be fine then let's give it to John out let's see to be any problem let's there's uh yeah rich I love yes strues doc look at these oh Jesus john are your eyes are popping out that happens to the mice sorry that happened to the mice what do you mean that's the option what do you mean that's the option so I love the fact that your choice is either be like a fat happy to to to to to to to the the to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to to to to to the to the to to the the the the th th to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the option. Well, what do you mean? That's the option. So, so I love the fact that your choice is either being like a fat happy man who has the odd sponge cake or a stick man with eyes on storks. I mean, Steve's chosen that. All right, calm that.

I thought it was like, I thought. I thought it was like, sorry. Sorry, man. It's like, yeah, yeah, because I got some issues, you know, I mean Rick Wallace grotesque, you know. Yeah, sorry about that. I'm just a little bit weird. Well, you do know what the means? Yes, we play song and you're just a little bit of thinking. All right, XFM, 1 and 4.9, Ricky Javais, Steve Merchant, Carl, not here. It's the best of. It's the best of, thrown. You you you you you you you you you. You you th. You've th. You've th. You've th. You've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I've that's that's that's just, I's just, I've just, I'm just, I'm just, I've just, I've that's. I've that's. I. I. I. I've. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. I. I. th. I. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's just. It's just. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a little. It's a little. It let's take us back a few steps Carl. What's the story? Right, so I did some research, right? Let's just recap again. The guy, there was a guy you read about who had his head chopped off, he was guillotined, he had said to the people around him, I'm going to blink once I've had my head cut off to show that the brain can still, or the brain can continue to work out after it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The brain. The brain. T was, the the the brain. T was, the the the there, there, there, there, there was, there was, there, there was, there was, there was, there was there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there was there, there, there. There was, there, there was, there, there. There was, there. There was, there. There was, there. There was, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there, there, there, there was there was there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a guy was a there was a guy was a guy was a guy was a guy was a guy was a guy was a guy was a guy was a guy was a guy, there, queried that. So you weren't having any of it? Well no, possibly for a few seconds till the oxygen stops being fed to the cells because the blood has dried away. But

you know, nothing spectacular. So go on. Along the similar sort of lines, right? This is quite a few years ago. This fellow sort of upset the royal family doing, right? This fellow, the fellow sort of upset the royal family, right? So they said that this isn't good. Wasn't Ben Outland at that Jubilee thing, was it? I can't, I can't even worry about, and they said, right, that was terrible. We're gonna, we're gonna cut your head off. You know, you've got to show people like you can't be doing what you've been doing. What was this in the old days when the phones were very good. Ages ago. So yeah, fair enough. So, yeah, fair enough. So, very philosophical. Yeah, imagine now. He was near his career.

This was literally ages ago. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And even before that, which is young, before, when it was all mental and different. Sorry, Carl. So he's having his head off. And he's's but he's resigned to it. It's a day before he's kind of got it into his head now that I'm not going to have me head much longer. So let's let's make use of this. Yeah. He said, I wonder how long like the body can stay alive without the head on it, right? So they were like, oh I don't know. So they were? So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the the the the the the they were they were they were they were they were they were they were like. So, so they were like. So, so they were like. So, so they were like, so the the the the the the the the their. So they were like, so, so, so, so their, so their, so their. So their. So their. So their. So their. So their. So they. So, so they. So, so they were. So, so they were. So, so they were. So they were. So they were. So they were. So they were. So they were. So they were. So they were, they were. So they were, they were, they were, they were they were they were like, they were like, they. So they were like, they were they. So, he was. So they were they were like, they were they. So their. So they were like, they were like, their. So their. So, their. So, whoever? So, the jailers? Whoever he was. The jailers with one eye. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he said, no, wait a minute. I've got an interesting scientific experiment. Jailer. Well, fair enough. What is it? Yeah. So, he said, what I want to do, right? He said, you know, surely it's my last right. You know, I'm going to be dead tomorrow. So, um... He didn't draw it out this long, did he? Yeah, he said, let's, let's, let's test this out, you know, he said, do us a favor.

He said, you know, it's me last day, um, what I want you to do is, you're going to cut my head off. Let's put a white know what to count. Do you know what I mean? If it's just, if he loses his head and he's running around all over the place, you can't really count. That's not impressive enough. So they said let's make a white line.

Sure. Who said, he did all they did. I think they started. They're getting the people. Oh, yeah. So they said, let's get this white line. Yeah. Dedications all he needs. We'll do this.

We'll do this tomorrow. He said, all right. I'll see in the morning. I'll see you all. Night, night, sleep. Bye-bye. I love the fact that God knows exactly what was said. Yeah, that's beautiful. He doesn't know the story or what order is it or when he knows exactly what he says. All right then, see you in the morning. Bye. Bye, kiss you, kiss he. I'm not like that. Oh, you jokeer. Don't let the bed bugs.

Anyway, so he gets up. Do you want a paper tomorrow? No, I'm all right. Go on. He gets up and they say, right, you know, today's the day in that. And he said, well, you know, I've got used to the idea. Here's a white line for you. Go on. So they go right, you ready then? And he cut his head off and the body walked 32 steps without a head. Wow. 30 steps. Incredible. And that's, th, I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, you, you, you, you, you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho, th th th 32 steps without a head. Wow. 32 steps. Incredible. And that's the lesson really. Did it get as far as the... It walked along the white line, did it? Yeah, he stayed along the white line, did 32 steps and then started to stumble a bit and it just fell over. But, you know, it was a test that your body can still keep alive for a little bit when you flush your head. Absolute twaddle.

Absolute twaddle. What do you reckon you can do then without an head? How many? Nothing? There'd be muscular spasm, right? It would twitch a bit. Yeah. You could not distinctly take 32 steps. The body could, well don't... Yeah. Is the doctor sit on the line? The fellow that bought six parrots. And, uh, you know, you could have got 32 steps. Right, so you don't believe that. There's something that you do believe that a cockroach can live a week without a head. It can. Slightly different, slightly different kettle of fish there. Why? Well, insect to human is what I'm thinking. That difference. There's not that much difference

in something. Do you know that snake has a heart and lungs and kidneys and stuff? Go on? No, well, I'm just saying. So you're making out as if like there are totally different like species? I am. I am making that out. I mean're making that as if there are totally different like species? I am I am making that I mean call me old-fashioned. Do you know what you're talking about? I don't want you embarrassing yourself Rick. Yeah I am suggesting they're totally different beings yeah that is yeah now. Now Carl the the cockroach is a very different thing the interesting there is that it lives it lives it lives like his head because a thi that it's that it's th th th th th th th is th is th. it's th. it's th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's thi thi. It's the thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I the the the the th. I I I I I I I I I I th. I I I I th. I th. I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm just. I'm. I'm. I'm tell. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I th. I th of it's on, some of them are phototropic, chemotropic, some of them just literally have irritation and muscle memory. I mean they do have a central nervous system, but it's very different. So if you lose the head, it bypasses a lot of that anyway. I think it dies is because it can't take on water.

But it's very different to a man, right, having consciousness and then losing that and the body still going, no I remember, I think I remember what I was going to do it here. So I'm going to call a 32 steps along this white line. I'm basically just looking down, I'm going, oh, missed a bit. Maybe the head was in the corner going, left, left, left, oh, left, oh, well let's just put it out. I mean, if anyone listening is, if anyone, I maybe, I was, maybe, if maybe, if, if, if, if, I was, I was, I was, if, I was, I was, I was, I was, maybe, I was, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, I was, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, Well, let's just put it out. I mean, if anyone listening has maybe had a relative, beheaded, maybe the horrendous car accident, where they got up, maybe they went for a walk, you know, they had a little chat.

Oh, dear Carl. Get in tou. You are my favorite being. You are my favorite species. Now, you can't be particularly different genetically from a cockroach. You are generally speaking. Why can cockroach do that? Why are you ever made them? When? Let's play a record. Do you know what I told him is that?

I sent him little facts. I'm texted him. I just sent him my cockroach can live nine days though it's head. He texted back, what's the point? What's that? What's that? What's that's the point of that? Yeah. What's the point of that? Not doing experiments? These... It's boring last week to have. And he went, I'm talking to all that, you're thirsty? So it's the worst week of your life, isn't it? That week without your head. His XFM won a 4.9, I'm looking to amazing to me, Stephen Murchase. Uh, you're listening to the best of basically Carl Bilkinton. Carl's all flustered because there isn't a record set up and he's getting all tizzy. He's been more worried about his competitions and sorting out putting records on Reddy.

What? I asked the song for a lover. Well, I'll tell you what, you, why don't you, uh, why don't you carry on with your educating Ricky section? I'll have a look. Go on and right okay we've had that we've had a few emails anyone got it right Carl any one? I mean educating Ricky that's the final one we've got to get that out of the way we've got to get rockbuster as well then go on then we've only got five minutes come on just do educating Ricky right the the last one that we haven't done right he's a bit of a nuisance go on again not not really that interesting thanks no again the the the the the th? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the is the is the is to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thin, th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin is thin is thin is thin is thin is the is the is the is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the the. the. toe. toe is toe is to toe is to to to to to not really that interesting.

Thanks. No, again, I suppose to you in the week and he had much better things like when I tell you about Brian Blessed climbing Everest and for some reason it made him, played Averick with his belly and he followed through and he had to clean up. Shut himself. Yeah, using ice and so forth. Why are you telling me the Brian Bless? What, in what way, in what way, in, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, in, again, again, again, again, again, in, in, again, again, again, in, again, again, again, to, again, again, again, to, to, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to, uh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to and he had to clean up. Shack himself? Yeah, using ice and so- Why do you tell me the Brian Bless... What, in what way is telling me that Brian Blessed

shit himself once in any way educational? Because I was saying, you know, he was climbing Everest, right? Right. I give it to him, he's an actor and that, but he gave that a go. Yeah, it played... What's the point of that you'd say wouldn't you? You'd say God it is, you know... Oh so he's alright, me doing a boxing match, there's no reason he's rubbish but him climbing Everson shit himself is commendable. Right and he's only gonna go and do it again. He's gonna climb it again. He might not see himself this time. What's the point in going? Nothing's changed up there. Well it has, they've probably, uh, probably cleared out by now.

Right, but, uh, it's slip on it. I can't hear you this one because... Come on! Just do it, oh, do it now. Steve, how we're doing. No, no, never mind that. Just tell me what that means.

Oh, he's a nuisance? Oh this is so annoying Carl I'm going to go mental talk. Right listen I'm just promising anything right. Right nuisance is a bit of a nuisance. Yeah yeah apparently the old fella who used to own people. He used to be able to tell somebody's weight just by looking at him. Right. That's a bit of a bonus fact. We'll be the judge of that. The thing that I wanted to tell you is money for old rope, do you know what I'm saying? I can't even bother. Yes, you're going to tell me now? Come on Carl. I mean it.

Basically, money for old rope came from the... Right. What was all that about? He can tell someone's way. What was that for? And Bonifle said shitin' himself, what are you... What... No, tell me that now. You nearly made me swear then. Just, I'm getting really annoyed now. Don't get this back, Carl. I'm going to go mental. Come on, Carl, the time's running out. One of the people years ago, when people used to be hung, right? Right. If you didn't like the person who's been hung, you'd go, God, I really don't like him. And so you never forget the time. Because you would have been hung, we'd tell the hangman to get the rope and to cut it up into little pieces and it'd sell them. It'd sell a little piece of the rope to people. See that

to the Carl that's the most interesting thing if it's true that you've come up with right okay and so what's... so they sell the rope? They sell the rope and it's money for old rope. Mone for old rope. meaning like you know God teaser to make money that all they have to do it has cut it up and sell it. I'm cynical so convinced though. We're really tight we haven't even got time for last so we've got an ad break and we've got to get out. Okay give the answers then this is ridiculous. So do you want to pick a winner? I've got a winner I've got a winner when you're going to see answers. Okay so the first so the first so the first so the first so the first so the first so the first so the first so the first so the first so the first so the first so the the the the the that. Okay so. Okay so. Okay so. Okay so. Okay so. Okay so. Okay so. Okay so. I's. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that's. I've got to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to go. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. I've that. I've that. I've the first clue was that army has got some well nice trenches. Yeah. That was D.W. Who's that? Dandy Warholes.

It's brilliant. It's brilliant. It's good, yeah. Okay. The top of them curtains are wrecked. All the material is worn. Yeah. H.V.

That's a holly valence. Oh, he got a phone call for saying I haven't heard it and she went, she was talking to her off air and she went, what is it? Sounds to say them to the curtains, she went, alright. So you know the thing on the top of the curtain is a palmeter, not a valence and he went, cut her off. Yeah, but my auntie's always making balances on everything. I'll tell you about that. I'll that that that that that th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the than an the thanananan an there there there there thirty. I'll toldld thirty. I'll thirty. I'll tolde. I'll told I'll told I'll tolde. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'er. I'm the same the same the same the same the same the same the same. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'm the same. I'm threathape. I'm they're very same. So we'll talk about that. I was in Texas, I tripped up, I landed on my knees in a puddle, W.H. Wet knee Houston. Right? Wet knee Houston. So who's

a winner? We've got Pete Castle and Laura in Newcastle upon time? They're listening online I assume. And they're going to get the great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. Wea. We're th. We're th. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.. I. I.. I... I. I. I.. I. I.. I. I. I. I.. I. I. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I'm. It's. It's. It's. I'm. It's. I'm. It's. I'm. It's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'mthey're listening online I assume and they're going to hear those great reasons remember they got loads of stuff they got the DVD here they got Linda Green got stone roses they got another compilation and executive decision. What do you read about Brian Blessed is it actually true or he's alive or something? It was an interview with a minute and what did he say? Come on what did he say? He said I climbed Everest and I played off it with me barely. Let's talk about it next week. We've really run out now. Oh, you're a fool.