The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Bonus S1E1 (November 25, 2007)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Originally released as an extra on the audio CD release of series one, it was later made available free through iTunes.

Rick, in case there are people who've bought this and they've not really heard Carl before, you remember we were talking a while back about the questionnaire that is often featured at the end of the TV program inside the actor's studio, where the host James Lipton always asks the same questions to every guest, and it's just supposed to sort of get their creative juices flow in their mind-working. We did ask Carl some them, we never completed the questionnaire. Oh, let's carry on. I thought I'd fire a few more at him. And that'll also introduce some people to the way his mind works a little bit. Okay. Question six. What sound or noise do you love, Carl?

Um, there isn't really one that I love. Nice noises, like the ones you get get like going in the park, right? And you go, oh that's nice, isn't it? And you get like bird noises and stuff. Give me a fucking wallet! But then like... But then like... Things look nice noises like that, isn't it? But you, you fucking, you can't! Why did you fucking sleep with air? It's lovely in the park, thin it? But with those bird noises comes. the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that their that that that that that that that's that's that's the the their that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the their th. th. their their their their th. th. their their their their the their the the the the the the the thooo' their tho-n' tho-n'er. thate. thate. thate isn't it? But with those bird noises comes a bit of stress, right? Because I was in there the other day, and like I say, little bird noises and that, and a little

robbing was there, and I thought that's odd, that's out early, right? Because it's like, sort of summertime and that. And then I thought, hey put it down, right? I'm sorry, whoa! What do you mean? Why are you interfering? Why were you interfering in nature? With a robin taking a worm? Just because it was a nice sunny day and I thought, you see, worms normally come out when it's raining, don't they? And you go, well, I bet they're happy to die in a way because it's chucking it down it's miserable. They come to the top of the soil then don't they? Yeah when it's miserable. But it was a sunny day.

That's they don't drown I assume. No it's not that is it it's just that the the air the water or something falling on their ground and they go and to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. their their their Because they're airing like knocking on their land and they're going, who's that? And they come on. I'm sorry, wait a minute. But why do you think they come up when it's raining? Because they're airing the noise of the rain. Yes, but they know what it is? What am I doing? Why am I th talking th talking th talking they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they tha? tha? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why they? Why they? Why they? Why they? Why they? Why they? Why they? Why they? Why are? Why they? Why stuff? Well they got... You don't know anything can't. I assume they can sense vibrations but they can't but they can't hear in the way we hear they hear they of course they can't. Well whatever right so all I'm saying is that

but what was this thing about these worms are you the taping and go what was the thing about the the w. they? they. they. they. they they they they they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are are are are they are are are they are are are they are are are are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are. they are they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are. they are they are they are their. their. their. their. their their they. they. they. they. their they. their they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are ell us the... Okay, so start, you're a worm, okay? It starts raining. Tell me your thought process. Well, you're just kind of, you're down there, you can't see anything, it's dark anyway. So, you hear about this, don't you? You hear about blind people, I've got really good ears. And it's the same with the work, no it doesn't say, you don't turn into a bionic woman because you lose your eyes. No, but you do because you use them more. If you use something a lot, you get better at it, so their ears are good.

So all I'm saying is, so this rain's coming down. The rain's coming down on, the worm goes, what's going on? He wiggles up to the top. So what does he do? So it goes up and it sort of sees it's raining and then it goes back down again, don't it? But that's what I'm saying about the... What do you, what is, sorry, what is this world where he goes on, it's just rain?

That's the four hundredthime I've been caughthought... It's rain. I'll remember next time I won't come up. What do you think a worm is capable of in terms of cognitive thought? What do you mean? Well, a worm can basically tell certain chemicals and certain light patterns. That's all it is really. Yeah, and... It's not thinking, it's not choosing its favorite food. But you don't know that. It's the same way you're saying to me I don't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, not thinking, it's not choosing its favourite food. But you don't know that, it's the same way you're saying to me, I don't know what a worm's thinking. You don't know what it's thinking. I know it's not thinking. You don't know what things are thinking. Everything thinks. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't.

No, it doesn't. There's something in this room that's not. All right, what about this one then? What about, um, what about flowers? Do you think they've got a mind? A feeling? Because here's something that... Again, they use phototropism, they go towards the sun, they, they, they, they close and open, they grow. Can you stop using long words for it? to my mom-dads, I was talking to my mom about stuff. All right. And she was saying now this flower solved a crime. What happened was there was a murder, right, in an office. So they said it's obvious that someone who works in the office did this murder because that person's only a sort of a typist. He has, you know, they've done

nothing wrong. So they said that person's only a sort of a typist. He has, you know, they've done nothing wrong. So they said, that's narrowed it down, right? So this flower man came in and he said, I can sort this out for you. So they said, what do you mean? He said, well, during the murder, the plant was knocked off the cabinet. Right. And he had some special wires, that the cabinet. Yeah, right? And he had some special wires that he can put on the flower. On the flower and it's sort of shaking and stuff because even though you can't see it, flowers pick up bad vibes and what I'd be. If you shake a plant

it doesn't like it. Okay. So what happened was he said right what we'll do we'll put the plant back on the shelf, we'll water it, we'll calm it down, then get a nice cup of tea. Then get every member of staff to come in the room and just go near the flower. So don't tell them. So like a lineup for the flower. Kind of. But don't tell them what we're doing, it was a long day they were getting through a lot of stuff it was a big office block. Yeah. They were going this isn't working, you know, the flowers not budging. Suddenly they're getting to like the last part

of the day when they were almost giving up. They're calling a sketch artist? The plant gives them a... Some caretaker. Uh, caretaker, uh, yeah. Caretaker. Yeah. Said. Said. Said. Said. Said. Said. Said. Said. Said. Said. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. they. they. they. they. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're. They're. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They..... They.. They... They. They. They........... They. They... They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're. They're, they. They're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're, they're they're, they're they're, they're, the. They're. They're.-Doo didn't like him from the beginning. So, you know, why is that janitor so evil? They send the caretaker over to the plant, he's going, you know, he's thinking I've got away with this. Of course. Plant starts shaking what have you? They did him. Okay, wait a minute then. So was there any other evidence the evidencethat the only evidence they used in the trial? Well, no, it's one of them things though. Imagine it, if you're that caretaking, you're thinking I've got away with this,

then suddenly a plant grasses you up. You weren't expecting that. So suddenly you're off guard. And you go, you go, okay, okay, okay, can't you try. absolute bollocks. That was one of the most nonsense pieces of shit I've ever heard in my life. Well, it happened. It didn't happen. But what I was saying is about the worm, right, the worm that I saw, like I said it was a sunny day, I thought, you know, what's that doing it up here and what have you? So anyway, so this Robin that I saw that was eating the worm, it had old of it and I th..... I th. I a break sort of thing. So I went, oh yeah, like that and it sort of dropped it in shock. But then when it realized I wasn't that near it, it picked it up again

and swallowed it. And I just thought, oh, do you know what I mean? I don't know what you mean now. I just thought it's a sunny day and everything, normally birds and noises that I like and yet there is going about wrecking lives. Wrecking lives! It was a worm! No, but it just swallowed it really quickly in that and I thought that's life, isn't it, that's what life is like. One minute is there, then it's not. I just thought there's the worm. It came out, it was happy, didn't know what was going on. And the, it had an extra chance, the rob the rob the rob the rob the rob the that, that, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was the worm, it, it was th. It was just, it was, it was, it, it, it, it was, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it th. It's th. It's th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just just th. It's just, thi. It's just, th. It's just, the thi. It's just, it's the chance, the robin dropped it and then it got it again and I just made me a bit fed up.

Well do you know why, don't you? You couldn't outwit a robin. You put it off, but then it won. That's the terrible thing, isn't it? The worm was going, oh God. that's who's been sent to save me, to the robk. the thakakaken, thoom. tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoom. thoomorrow, the thoomorrow, thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. tho, the the the tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. He, tho. He, tho. He, tho. He, tho. He, tho. He, tho. He. He. He. He's, tho. He's, tho. It, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And, than.. So that's who's been sent to save me, is it God? You've sent Carl Pilking to, oh I'm dead, that's it, okay, eat me. But all I'm saying is our bird noises are normally quite relaxing, but not for the worm. Unbelievable. That was one. That was one question.

Here's another one. What the other week. Listen to this. This will be proof, go on. I watched the program the other week about dead people. God you did. And it was people who had been found in their house, you know, they haven't got any family, they died, sat in their armchair, nobody's knocking on the door, nobody's, ringing, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their, their, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I.... I. I. I was, I was, I was, I was, th. the, there. to to to be to be too, too, too, too. Wee. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe, they die and they rot away in a chair. People, you know, the next door neighbor called up, whoever you call up for dead people and go, there's a dead body next

door, it's stinking, can you come get rid of it? Right? They go in and... I think what service that is. I don't know where you find that in the end of pages. It's a good business, though, isn't it? Hello, corpse removal. Stinky dead people. So they go in, flies everywhere. Of course there is, yeah. The doors and the windows are shut. Where are them flies from? What do you mean? Do you know that thing, reincarnation?

Yeah. I think there is. There's an example of it how there was no flies in there. A body body body body body body the body the body the body the body their their their their their their their their their their their their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. their is. that's their is. that that that that that that that's that's that's that that that that that that there's there's there's there's there's there's there's that. that. that. that there's their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their is. their is. their is. th. th. th flies. th flies. that th flies. th flies. that's thi. thi. thi. thiiii. thiii. that's thiii. thiii. thii. that's that's that's that's thi. body comes flies so you live on. Or out of the body comes flies from the maggots that are in the body. Okay, maggot then. So we've gone on, we've lived on. What do you mean? The fly isn't a reincarnation of the maggot, the maggot is the larval stage of the fly. No, but I'm forget all theot fly, think about going from man to a fly. What are you talking about? I'm saying the windows and the doors on this house was shut, shut tight. No flies have got in. They hadn't. They hadn't. They had already there. We're surrounded

by him. We've probably got fly eggs on us now. Well all I'm saying is it's weird that them flies were in there when they weren't they weren't they weren't their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. They're their. They're their. They're their. They're th. th. th. th. tho' thi. th. thi. thi. tho' tho' tho-a' th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's thi's thi's thi's the the the thea' theea' thea'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a' thea' thea' that's th it's weird that them flies were in there when they weren't in there. I don't think this fellow would have had loads of fly eggs on him. But I just think it's a bit odd. Why? What do you mean? I just think it's loads of them. You didn't see it. But it only takes one fly to lay loads of eggs? Yeah, but... So you think it's a wiser to ignore to ignore to ignore to ignore to ignore to ignore to ignore to ignore to ignore to ignore to ignore to ignore to ignore the wiiiiiol to ignore the wiol to ignore the wiol to ignore to ignore their their their their to ignore their to their to to to their their their to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoes thoes thoes. thoes. tooes. tooooooooooooes. toooes. tooes. tooes. too reincarnation one? You think that's the wise sensible way to go? I just think it's a bit odd how every time someone's got fly eggs on them. So that to you is less of a chance of happening than when you die some of you turns into flies, fly parts. Well that happened when my dad chucked a turkey away in a bin and it was only in there for about a day. I went to go and put like a crisp packet in the bin at the end of the

garden and what have you? Pick the lid off full of flies. Now the bidlin, the lid, the lid, the lid, the lid, the bin lid, yeah. It's like a constant fight with his own brain. Was fairly sealed and what have you? Again, it's the turkey living on. No it's not. We're all the same. It's the fact that while it was out on the table. It hadn't been out on the table.

We didn't eat in the end because it had feathers on it? I mean dad got it off a mate and said he I've got this for Christmas but it was still he was still virtually alive. I mean I'm said I'll just get one from the supermarket so we put it in the bin. Yeah I'm telling you the eggs were already on it mate. It's just the idea about it it's a theory everyone's a loud one. But it's bollocks. Back to the inside the actor's studio questions. Question 9. What profession Carl would you not like to do? You see in a way some bad jobs are good jobs in a way because one it means that when you have a holiday you really appreciate it. Sure. Do you know what I mean? Whereas you see I always thought like when I had a job where I used to have to do like four hours a night when I worked through the night

I only had four hours to do from two in the morning till six right? But it meant that when I was on holiday I never really appreciated it because between two and six I'd be asleep anyway so unless I got up at two to to the to the holiday... the holiday. the the the the the to the the to the the to the the to to the the to the to the the the to the the to the to to to the to the the to to the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I thu. I the. I was too. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I always. I always. I always. I always th. I was th. I was th and six I'd be asleep anyway. So unless I got up at two in the morning went, I'm relaxing now instead of working you don't get the full... I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. The rules that you live by about what you can enjoy and what you can't... What's good with a holiday right? Say if you work in a factory from eight in the morning to late at night, packing, I I to the to to to the the to their to their their to their their their their their their their th. I their their th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to to to their their to to to to to to tooome. I don't, I'm to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their.. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I don't, I their. I their. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm th. I'm theathea. I don't tooea'a'a'a'a'ea'a'ea'ea'eruole. I don't toe. I don't toe. I don't the. I don't the morning to late at night packing socks into a rubber bag right between 8 and what time does I say me? 8 8 8? It's a 12 hour sock packing job. It is murder. I also like it socks into a rubber bag. I love to get my socks in a rubber bag.

And also he forgot, he forgot the timings immediately. He said the sentence and then it went half his head. If you're packing you from what time did I say it was, what are they packing? So all right, so you're a sock stuffer come on Rita, no more socks for me. I don't want to see another sock for a week. You got the rubber bag? Don't bring the rubber bag. That's the last thing I want to see. So what I mean is when you're on the beach, right, by the sea, between eight and eight, you're thinking, oh, this time yesterday I was packing socks in a rubber bag. And you can really enjoy it. th. th. th. th. th. to th. th. Oh, the to the to th. the to the to th. th. to the th. the th. to to to the th. to to to to to to to to to to to tho, thin, tho, to me, the the th. to the the the the the the tho, tho tho tho tho th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the th. And, the the the thin, thin, thin, the, the, to to to to to to to me, to me, to to me, to to to to to to the the the. And, the. And, the. And, this time yesterday I was packing socks in a rubber bag. And you can really enjoy it. You can keep going, oh, at an hour late you can go, oh, I was packing socks yesterday. And you can keep team. I'm glad you're enjoying it for a week.

Well, aren't they? I don't think this marriage is going to ask. Oh, Rita, I know, you were packing fucking socks yesterday. not fucking talk about it for a week you're boring bastard. Oh Rita what this time is I know you were packing fucking socks in a rubber cunting bag no I was having lunch at this time you're fucking slut oh Christ almighty so what I was saying is I was when I was working from two in the morning till six six to really enjoy being off from there if it was on holiday you'd have to get up in the middle of the night to go oh oh this you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th th to to to to to to to to to th have to to to to to th have to to tho to tho to tho to tho to the tho the the tho the tho the morning till 6, to really enjoy being off from there, if it was on holiday, you'd have to get up in the middle of the night. To go, oh this time

yesterday I was playing for... Surely the joy is not having to get up in the middle of the night. Then when you get him and thought, God, thank God I don't have to get up in the night like I usually do, I slept th th th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd to to to to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get up, I'd to get up, to get up, to get to get to get to get to get to get up, to get up, to get up, to get up, to get up, to get up, to get up, to get up, to get up, to get up, to get up, to get up, you, you, you, you, you, to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get up, the the the to get up, to the to the to the to to to to to to to to get up, to to get up, to get up, to get up, to get. I think the joy is going, oh I'm normally doing this at this time. But that's ridiculous because if you worked right till 6 a.m. you presumably went to bed and slept in to sort of three in the afternoon or something yeah? So you'd be up at 10 a.m. going wow usually I'm asleep so you get it then. So you're talking shit again. And the final question from the inside the actor's studio questionnaire, If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Is that how it works? Oh.

What do you mean? What's the question? Well, I don't know. Do you hear so many other things that you have to go through other gates? I can't imagine him being on the door is what I'm saying. If he owns a place, what's he doing there? He could put anyone on it? It's St Peter isn't it who's normally minding the gates famously? Right, so it's him asking me. Okay well let's say it's St. Peter goes, oh you're expected, he's got an appointment, we're going through the God, go through through through a through a through the the the the the the gate, th through th through the gate, th through the gate, the gate, the gate, tho the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the gate, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that, the that, the that, the that, the the that, the the the theat, the the the theat, the the the tha' that, the the the that, through a few doors, go up, the top floor, right, pass the executive washroom into his big office, okay, that overlooks the universe. And God says, why have you got a doctor with his finger up your eyes?

And you go, well you should know, you caused it. So what, what? So you've gone in to see God, it's an audience with God, you've died, you've gone to heaven, and what would you like God to say to you at that point? He might offer you great wisdom, he might ask you a question, he might tell you something, what would you like him to say? Um, and is this just one, one visit, this is like, because it's my first day, yeah. Yeah, I get a chat with him. Yeah. But after that I don't. Well you might bump into him at the odd, you know, the Christmas party. The AGM. But I'm not going to be myself, I'm going to be in shock a little bit because

it's like, I mean, I'm not comfortable on the first day of holiday because you're in different surroundings, because you're in different surroundings, the hotelings, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you're, you, you're, you, you're, you're, you, you, you're, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're their, you're, you're their, you're, you're the, you, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the not going to get the best out of me. Well, no, but you have eternal bliss. Yeah, you've got a long time to get to know you, and he knows everything anyway, so don't worry about it. So what has he seen me then? What would you want God to say to you? So you walk in there, you're happy with it because you understand now you're dead and it's a whole new world and everything's all right right. and everything's all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all thing is all all all all all all all all thing is all all all all all all all all all thing is all all all all all all all all all all all th. great. What am I saying? I'm going along with this dribble. What would you like God to say to you? All right? Probably just say, oh, you've done well on that in your life. You never did anybody any arm. So welcome to the to Evan and any problems gives a shout you know he's a little layout of like a you know like a little map kind of like I love this this is a great answer and my favorite one is you never did any any arm that's that's

great that's a brilliant thing for God to say yeah so I know he's giving you a little map with the area it's big I'll sort of say this is where you go for that I'd probably ask him about the g g a the g g g a the g a the g g g g a the go the go the go the go the go the go the go the go the go th of th of th of th I th I th I th I'm th I'm th go to go to go to go to go to go to go to to to to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th. th. th. thi thi. I thi. I thi. I'm the. I'm the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thi. I's big. I'd sort of say this is where you go for this, this is where you go for that. I'd probably ask him about the ghost situation. I'd say am I now a ghost then, or is this just like another planet that I've come on to? Right. I don't know if you'd be sort of a bit sort of, you know, a little bit, a little bit like, well I don't want to panic you and stuff. I'd say right, is it right that I can see past family and that? Because to be honest, I'd probably prefer to stay away. He doesn't even want to. No, but the thing is, if you've done all that in this life, so it's about moving on to another life and meeting different people, isn't it? Otherwise, what's the point? It's just like the same all over again, but everywhere is white.

So who's the worst person? You go to heaven and it's all great and God goes all that and he's so and so and you go, oh, for the th-fi-I know, what's he doing it? Yeah. introducing me to that one. No, I'm saying who's the worst person you'd like to see and they don't you just not want to encounter in heaven? What if he said, right Carl you're in Evan but we've got to teach you a lesson. You're a bit cruel to freaks. Here's Pillar man, is the three-legged juggler, is the elephant man, they got a few questions. Yeah that'd be all right. That'd be fine. Why did you talk about me like that? I'd say I never had a go at you. Why didn't you talk about me eating buns? But then I'd get a bit

annoyed with God. I'd turn an elephant man on to God. I'd say, well hang on a minute at least when he put his head down on that pillar and he did himself in he did that because he was sick of life you brought him up here he still got the head why didn't you give him a better head whilst he was up here in his next life well he could say the same to you heaven's beginning to sound like one of the worst drinks does ever it's everyone's sort of everyone's to the best host I mean I don't to th th to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th th th th to th th to th to th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the thoooooooo' their too-I tolde. to 't really want to talk to. Yeah, I'm not sure God's the best host. I mean, I don't know if it is like this. Do you think God would like this podcast? Um, well, I suppose it just kills half an hour, don't it? Well, yeah, but time's not a problem for him, is it? Yeah, it is, because he lives, th lives, th lives, th lives, th lives, th th lives, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi's thi's thi's thi is, thi's thi's thi's th is, th is, th is, th is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is like is th is like is th is like is like is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th th th th th th th th thi is like is like is thi is like is thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi is like is like I'm not really into this but it's something to do. So do sort of stuff?

I love you to do the idea of God's bored. Yeah. It's a lot to keep him going. Oh God. Playing solitaire on the computer? I know, yeah. But I think there'll be just as many problems up there as there is there because at least people are leaving here, whereas up there, that's the thing that I'd be worried about the most actually, that it's really crowded. Because it's years and years of dead people, isn't it? London does me, up there, it's

going to be well busy than that. And what are you? So you're all, you're presumably you're all naked. Why has that happened? Well, because he didn't, he didn't want Adam and Eve to put clothes on, did it? He was annoyed at the snake and everything and Eve. So you're all back to nature, you're all naked, so you're all walking around naked, right? Yeah. Yeah. But... So you're up there, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, just, just, just, just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're, you're, you're just, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're,... So you're up there, you know, you're up there just naked, talking

to Graham Norton and stuff like that? But I'd have to get used to that. If I go up there and he goes, right, you're welcome to heaven and that and I go, alright, I've made it to heaven, he goes, yeah, right, put your clothes in the bin bag. No, no, no, you're up there, you're up there, you're up there, you're up th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, you, you, you're just, you're just, to, to, to, to, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. t t t t toge. t toge. tog. the tog. tog. th. thi. the thi. thi. thi. th. No, no you're up there you're already naked. Right, I'd say I'd say this is a bit odd. Why? You wouldn't worry about it there, would you? Yeah, it's just odd in it, it's something different and something different, you know, you've been naked before. Yeah, but I don't roam about with people around me. They're not people. You'd have to get used to the here. They're haven't. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they wo. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they w. They they w. They w. They w. They w. They w. They w. They w. They w. They're they. They're they. They're they. They're they. They're they. they. they wouldn't. they wouldn't. they wouldn't. they're wouldn't. they're wouldn't. they're wouldn't. they're wouldn't. they're wouldn't. they're wouldn't. they're wouldn't. they're wouldn't. they're wouldn't. they're wo. they're wouldn't. they're they're they're they're they're they're days just to get used to this idea. Four days? Four days, just to get used to wandering about and I'd be in my house and I'd say to look out the house that I'm living in. We don't live in a house in heaven, you just wander around on clouds don't you? You're all naked and just... Oh, it's getting worse.

I don't think it all them lot have been up their ages with like a chance to get a bit of sun on the body and that so they'll look all right I'll be wondering about with like underpant marks and stuff. Underpant marks! Add a look online to see what's been going on. Scientists say that Everest brackets the mountain. Just in case you've confused that with brackets the mountain, just in case you've confused that with any other Everest. Maybe the double glazing people. Yeah. Scientists say that Everest has grown a bit. The way they were

talking about it you'd have thought it's grown loads. It's only inches. No, isn't that they found out that it's actually a couple of inches taller than they first thought because their methods of measuring are more accurate than they were 20.. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the their thi their their their their their their thi thi thi thi thi their thi thi their their thi thi their thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. the. thea. tea. tea. tea. teauuuuu. tea. tea. tea. today. tea. thauoea. thea. their actually a couple of inches taller than they first thought because their methods of measuring are more accurate than they were 20 years ago. So it's bigger than they thought it was. It hasn't grown. No, I just think what's happened is at the bottom because of like people, people are always climbing up it, aren't they? So they're sort of wearing a way. wearing away the soil at the bottom. Don't talk rubbish. It's also measured against sea level. It's not measured about when you get, otherwise they'd just be a big hole wouldn't they go right

it's down to here. If the peak is measured against sea level. Does it matter at the end of day? No, but it's just nice to know, isn't it? Yeah, but what I'm saying is we don't need to know that. It's that. It's not to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know to know that. It. It. It's not to know to know to know to know to know to know to know that. It's not that. It's not to know to to to to to to to that. It's not. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not that. It's not to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the. thi. the thi. the the the. the thi. the the thi. the the thi. the thi. the thi. It's not thi. It there for fun. He's not going to go, oh I could handle it last year, but two more inches. Forget that. It's going to be shattered. So don't worry about it. It doesn't matter how big it is.

Something else though, that's happened since, right? They were climbing up there and someone got near the top and they were sort of climbing up like that holding the cliff edge and that. And they forgot on the flag, let me go back. No, the hand it, the bit of rock and it went like, ding, ding, ding, piano under there. They don't know how it's got there. Right, you're talking shit again. Someone's been tipping. What, oh right? Okay, the council won't even take away your washing machine unless you pay them. They're not going to sneak up Everest. No this is the problem in it because the council won't take anything.

People are going, what can we do with this? Oh yeah, well I'll just, I'll take away it, yeah. Just sneak up Everest. Did I tak you nine days and it may, you may die. But, you, you, you, you, you, to, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to sneak, to sneak, th. th. to sneak, to, to sneak, to sneak, to sneak, to sneak, to sneak, to sneak, to sneak, to sneak, to sneak, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. So, the, the, the, the, the, the, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, sneak, they. they. they. they. the fact that you've confused, you've confused a few things there because I think the piano being found was actually somewhere in Scotland, some kind of more in Scotland and they found a piano up there and everyone said I don't understand how's the piano doing up here and it turned out that some guy, one of these people who like tries to break world records, I dragged a dragged a piano up there as some kind of feat of endurance, but thought I'll be damned if I'm going to take it back again and just left it up there. It wasn't, you know, bloody tip in or aliens or anything. My dad used to bury things in the garden because the council used to charge for like washing

the machines and mangles and cookers and pets. So I'm just thinking in millions of years when they dig that up. They think that dogs used to cook and like do washing up and things. I love the idea of burying utensils. I think of the hole big enough to bury a washing machine. Or a mango. So whoever kind of bought that house after your dad, they got a little treatin store. Yeah, lovely little themed rockery. Yeah. The weather is weird this morning. One minute it's sunny then it's thundering. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the thoomomomomom. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. One minute it's sunny, then it's thundering. Then hailstones, then it's sunny again. People will be saying it's global warming. I don't really know what that means. Everything's changing all the time, isn't it? I wonder if years ago when we first came out of the sea and we walked on land upright. Did people blame the weather for that? Good point. No, it's so stupid. Yeah, ridiculous. We didn't come. th. th. walking on like humans and go, oh can you believe it we were swimming around we were having a wreath of a time. Do you know what I blame the weather? No but now they would

if that happened. It's the same way, say like evolution, right? We talk about it a lot, right? Now years ago, I don't know how it happened, but some whale had legs. Right? Yeah, this is how it started. Before it was a wile, yeah. Wiles started off with legs. They were running about on the beach front, right? Anyway, it worked out that, you know, they didn't like it or whatever. Get back in. Now, say, say, if that happened again now, right?

Say if someone's born, they always say, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they say they always say don't they check for lumps and stuff right make sure you haven't got any lumps now say sorry sorry who says this and what what what magazines and doctors not what what's but what when you're first born yeah okay but but all I mean is now safe like our evolution thing is kind of like the next level is for us to have three legs because we're that busy on the world now but it's it's not the world like what it's not the one what what what what what what what what what what what is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what is what what is what is what what is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what is what is what is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is.. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thing is kind of like the next level is for us to have three legs because we're that busy on the world now but it's not working like that why would it work like that? Because that's nature in it it deals with it if people are getting stressed out and getting achy legs a lot because they're going well what you're doing there is you're

using two legs like well we need three legs. Yeah, but did it finish? People would go, oh I found a lump, right? And the doctor would go, oh, and whip that out. Now that could be a third leg, that's growing. But Carl, evolution doesn't work like that. It does work like that. Suddenly something isn't born with a third leg that can't, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thui. thui. thu. thu. thu. thoom. thoom. thi. thi. thiolu. thi. they. People, they. People, they. People, they. People, their, thi. People, thi. People, thi. People, thi. People, th. People, th. People, th. People, th. People, th. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. It, th. People. It's, th. th. th. thi. People. the. thu. thu. People, the. the. the. thea. theuu. People, theateateat. People, the. People, theate. People, the. People, the. People, thi. People can be passed on. I know it's a lump it

starts off like a lump and if you left it alone it would eventually over a bit of time. No, over many many millions of years. But it grow as another leg but we're not letting that happen anymore. It also wouldn't happen. The limbs don't work like that either. They do if you keep putting extra pressure on two legs. Carl, you're, honestly, what you imagine the process of evolution and natural selection to be is, it's beyond me, it's incredible. No, but it depends what's around, whatever your surroundings are, that's what you change to, isn't it? Like the... Well, you don't, we don't change to it, you're either selected or you're not. So, uh, uh, what, uh, uh, uh, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their th. What th. What, th. What th. What th. their, their, their, the, their, thi. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, th. th. the, th. the, the, the, thi. the, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the, thi. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi change to it, you're either selected or you're not. So what happens is there's a genetic throw-up, so something's born, you know, a llama's

born with a slightly longer neck. And if that gets, you know, the leaves that are slightly higher up and it survives, it lives longer, it passes on a genetic material. Soon, if that works works now over millions and millions of years that they're the dominant species a new species is thrown up with a slightly longer neck and so on and so on and it's gradual just a slight advantage. No sometimes it happens quicker than that there's been animals that have had eyes and then they go they don't need them they go in the space of a fortnight.

What? No what you you talking about? There's a lizard somewhere where it's roaming about in the dark and it used to have eyes and they used to be like, why have we got eyes and that? What's the point in having these because we're keeping them open and they're getting more tired? Because at the end of the day if your eyes. Keep going, I want to follow this through to his natural conclusion. Right, keep going. There is nothing to do. Right, the first signs of you getting tired, you go, oh, my eyes can't keep them open.

Yeah. So a blind person doesn't get that because they can roam about with them shut like that. So they never sleep, but not they don't need as much because their eyes aren't stinging. All guessing all guesswork and all nonsense. I mean all nonsense. But hang on fair enough okay let's even if we accept that to be true of blind people what what was happening with the lizards? The lizards were going I can't believe this is now we don't need our eyes we're down underground what's the point? Jeff Bill. Jeff Bill. they were like their. their. their. their. their. their. to their. to just just just just just just just just just just. to just. their. their. to just. their. their. their. to just. their. to their. their. their. their. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. to. to. th. th. th. the. the. the. to. the. the. the. they. the. they. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th's better if we keep our eyes shut to keep the soil out and stuff. And then over a time they were like, oh the eyes are stuck. Like the time when... No, no, no, no, no, it's over hundreds of millions of years. And the other thing is, it's not the case that there's no will to evolution. What happened was selected better than one with eyes that maybe would find it irritating or getting in the way.

You know just like a snake it's not a disadvantage for a snake to lose its legs to lose its legs because it's selected and and then it's an advantage because they don't they they can get into places that you know legs would get in the way. Like I've said before right you see like a little fella like a midget or a dwarf or something who's to say that that isn't the way we should be? Do you mean how do we know that? Who's to say that that isn't the way we should be? Do you mean how do we know that... Well everybody looks at them and goes, oh look the little fella. But really, it doesn't matter. If we were all like that, the world would be a better place because it's bigger so there's

more to see. Whereas for us, we're getting bigger all the time, the world isn't growing, so there's less to see for us. So for a midget, the world is brilliant so I'd say it be good if we do go backwards as opposed to forwards instead of us getting bigger all the time. Do you want to cut a tea? No, I might shut off mate and leave you too. Do you know what I mean though? We haven't got any, we've only got instant coffee as well. Yeah, I'm what I mean is they always say like the body's, the body, the body, the body, the body, the body, the body, I the body, I the body, I the body's the body's the body's the body's the body's their their their their their their their their, I'll th. th. their, I'll their, I'll their, tho, I'll their, I'll their, I'll their, I'll their, their, their, their, their, we'll their, we'll their, we'll to to their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their,... No thanks mate but tell me when he's finished. I'm just saying the body's getting bigger and instead of going forward... No sugar for me thanks. Do you want milk though? Yeah yeah milk. Forget it. Some scientists have come

up with a cure for bird flu. It's somewhat to do with some stuff in horses. They gave the flu to a mouse and then injected it and it's well again. I think we should stop coming up with cures for things as the germs are just getting stronger and stronger. I reckon by 2020 germs will be so big that we will be able to see them in the air. They will no longer be little particles. You wouldn't swallow one if you did, it won't be the germ that will just choke to future. Choking on enormous giant germs. And they'll be like rampaging around the cities will they like... I'll tell you what though, right?

Now I'm getting worried now because the stuff he believes and thinks of, it, I mean it could be mental. Do you know what I mean though? Like a proper paranoid sort of it, when those people would assume going to live in a loft covered in tinfoil Yeah, right and pages of the Bible all the way around the Yeah, and Suzanne's after the put on that some sort of space suit to come in and give him his beans on toast and he's gonna have to polish each bean. That's what's what scientists do, isn't it?thing is, right, Steve, sometime last week, there was a science piece which was close to what I'd already said, that they've got some germs that like eating sugar, right? They stick him in a lunchbox with a chocolate bar, within an hour it was gone, right?

And they're saying how these germs love chocolate and stuff. Did this scientist leave it near this fat scientist that works in the same laboratory? And he went, it's unbelievable. Is it intent? You went, what? What? What? What? He said, what? What? What? today? What? What? the tip. the tip. that happens again? So in the future you're running around and germs are eating chocolate. That's not science, that's Pac-Man. Went to bed and chatted about food to Suzanne. I said it would be best if our bodies could be run on something like coal.

That way you wouldn't get fat people because you wouldn't be eating for enjoyment, you'd just be eating to give you energy. Suzanne said, why do you always take the nice things out of life? Because sometimes to think about the future, it's not going to be all good, is it? Look at the way we have to do things now, that we sort of go, well I'm sick of this. But they do do do do do do do it th. But th. But th. But th. But they th. But th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, I their. their. their, I their. their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I their, I'm their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, why, why, why sick of this, but they do it for your own good. But you try and change the laws of the universe based on arbitrary whims. No, but we're always eating stuff. That's one of the things we do now, isn't it? As soon as we find a new creature like that frog, that's been hidden away for like millions of years, you get someone who goes, I wonder if we can eat that. Do you know what I th is th, th is th, I th is th is thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, I thi, I thi, I tho- tho- that, I that, I'm tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho--------------------------------------------------------------s, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thi thi thi, thii-s, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-s's walking on the world, they sort of see what powers it's got. What powers it's got?

No, like if it can jump far, you know, is it poisonous, can you get anything out of it to save people? And then can we eat it? They're the three things that they do with a new frog. Any creature in what are they? Is it poisonous that you can use to do to do to do to do to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their the. the. theateathea. theathea.cooomoome.cooome.cooome. the.cooome. the. Whate. What can use to get rid of illnesses. Yeah. Can you eat it? Because more and more... Most of the first three questions anyone asks do they?

It seems to be the way, because you look at menus and that are they getting bigger and bigger now and that's only because we're finding more and more species of stuff. Is it? Yeah. If you look at some stuff on a menu, that octopus you eat. At some point that would have gone through the list of right, what does it do? What's it got in it? What does that ink do? What does it taste like? Can it jump? Can it?

What's it? They've done tests on it, haven't they, the threw is that the first you hear of a new fangled food, do you think that in ancient civilization they didn't do this, they didn't try an oyster or spear a fish or... Yeah, because there wasn't that much other stuff knocking about at that time? We've got loads of stuff, so why are we messing about with some new frog. It th people people people people people people people. It it th people. It it th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoes, thoes. thoes. thoes. that, that, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. the first, the first, th. So, the first, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, thi. So, thi. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's thrown. So, it's, it's, thr-s. So, it's, thrue. So, their, their, th time. We've got loads of stuff so why are messing about with some new frog? It's all like people just like showing off don't they? Leave the frogs let them get busy and have loads of them, eat the chickens when we run out of them, move on to the frog or whatever. But why have all all this on the go? Do you know what I mean? I just make it, I hate going out for a meal now because it's it it just it just it it just it the the the the the the the the the the the th the the the the their th. it just it just it just it just it just it just it just it just it just it just it just it just it just it just it just it just it just to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their. I their their their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I thro. I throo. I toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I'm just. I to their to to's like what you're having I'm sick of it, look at it all.

And then you're forced into people going on, have you had the new frog? I don't want it, I'm happy with chicken. That's what I mean? I'm... Yeah. Unbelievable. Have you ever been out, Rick and someone's been trying to force frog in my life. Although I did go for been forced to frog in my life although I did go from here once with Carl We went there and he had the oriental hors d'oeuvres I recommended right and

And he was trying to get this little oyster right off the shower right and he was got it stuck to its house And I looked round and his eyes were watering and he was choking he was drinking water I said what and he said I hit that it was a big blob of wasabi right and I said why did you put it all in once and he said I thought it was a mushy pee why would they put one mushy pee? Was it hardcore the wasabi? It felt like my head was caving in. That was just Ricky squeezing it wasn't between courses so to that though is you know hot food while you get addicted to really the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tha tha tha tha thi thi thi tho tho tho. tho. I was thin' thin' thin' th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was thin oh thin oh thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' to to thin' to to to to thin' thin thin thin thin thin thin th. I'm thinnn't tou tou tou tou tou tou tou th th thin th thin and I was th Between courses. Trouble with that though is, you know hot food, while you get addicted to really hot food, is the pain is actually your, it's killing taste buds.

And then endorphins are releasing the brain, like, you know, a morphine derivative to sort of, so you actually get addicted to that sort of, you know, what happens? Why would you want to kill your taste buds? But new ones come back? Well yeah, I think they, yeah, I think you... Straight away? Well I don't know how long it takes. I don't know, I'm not sure. No, it's just that the chef sort of going on, serving some right, rubbish tonight. Give him some of that, Kusabi. Guss Tonto! Oh God! Back to the diary. Back to Carl's Diary, Friday the 31st. I read that some fella had been having an affair. His wife found out, so when he was asleep, she superglued his knob to his stomach.

One of his bollocks to his leg and glued his arse cheeks together, then chucked him out. If Suzanne did that, I would definitely not get back with her. Saying that, I would have woke up if someone was putting superglue on me ass. I'm quite a light sleeper. Is that what she did, does it? Yeah, that's why I'm a bit cautious about wearing airbuds every night. The, uh, plunge things. Earbuds. So that's not a call, right? Plunge things.

He's like he wakes up words. They taught a chimp to talk and the chimp had a better grasp of language after about a few years than Carl. Unbelievable. Yeah, that's why I won't wear buds and plunge things. I phoen't their things. I phoned him up the other day. out those new earplugs that mold your ear you can't hear a thing except your own voice I went oh right you're good aren't they went yeah he said it's weird in your own voice and it because you're hearing it as other people

hear it I went no you're not he went you are he said you don't usually hear your own voice because usually when you talking over it woke up at 955 a too soon as I woke up I looked at the told the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they I I I they one one one one one one one one one took is is the they one one one one one the the the the they was I was I was I said did I tell you about... I just think he opened his eyes. Okay alright okay so he's he's he goes his eyes he looks at him what question Rick do you think he immediately asks his girlfriend? Go on what question do you think have a quick guess? Um uh uh am I dreaming? I woke up I said to my girlfriend did I tell you to tell you tho? Did I tell you tell you. I you you you you he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he to he to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to their I I I their I he? I he? I he he he he he he he he he their I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I just I he the he he he the the the the the the the he the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to tell you tell you tell you tell you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to um, am I dreaming? I woke up, I said to my girlfriend, did I tell you about the immune system? Did I tell you about the immune system. Suzanne started laughing.

I said it's amazing. She said not now. Oh God! I was thinking that! I was thinking that! Did I tell you about the immune system? Oh, I'll put the cat along. Oh, fucking out! We're talking to Suzanne about how it's odd that Sundays are meant you about the immune system? Oh shut up, I'll put the cat along. Oh, fucking out.

We're talking to Suzanne about how it's odd that Sundays are meant to be the day of rest. I thought God was meant to be born on a Sunday, or was it the seventh day that he finished making the world. Imagine how good the world could have been if he'd given it an extra day. Sometimes it's best to give you yourself a to you you you you you you you you you you you you to to to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give you to give you to give you to the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th. I th th. I thus. I the thean. I thean. thean. toda. today today today. today today. the. the. the. the no, so you don't faff about it. I looked at Suzanne, she was leaning back on the bench with her eyes shut with the sun on her face. I never got an answer to my question. Pretending to be asleep.

I met with my mate Laurie. He said he was in a pub at the weekend and saw a bloke whose hands were on the wrong arms. No! What do you mean? Well, he had his left hand on his right arm and the right hand on the left arm. I don't think this would be a problem if he's been like that from an early age. When I was in Ripley's, in LA, I saw a bloke whose head was on back to front.

That's more annoying, isn't it? Now, then, would you walk, how would you walk, would you be walking backwards, Carl, so that you could walk, so you're basically walking forwards? I reckon I'd walk sideways so nobody would sort of tell the difference. It just looked like. Oh God, he solved it again! He's thought it through. Got home in Redmond magazine. There was a story about a baby that was born that looked like a frog. What magazine's this?

That made the news, that was in a proper newspaper in the end. The story used the description to describe it. There was a picture. I think it was a fairly decent description. It didn't really have a neck or top half of its head. It would look all right if it was a the the their, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, toe, toe, toe, the, the, too, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, too, too, too, too, or, or, or, toe, or, or, toe, or, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tho, too, too, too, too, too, somea, somea, wo, woome.oom would be a more interesting place if there were loads of different types of humans like there are creatures. Then some people would be good at certain jobs, spider people, ant people, builders, cockroach people, dustbin men. I mean, I don't know. I mean...Croach men, spider men? What you're talking about? I've had a normal conversation with you for a year. No. It's getting worse I think. I think it's because you've left and you've got

too much time in your hands and you live in your head for sort of like maybe eight hours a day and then you offload when someone calls you or when you call me or or Suzanne gets the brunt of it but I mean I don't know I really would like to a. I don't think the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I don't know th. I don't know th. I don't know to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me to me to me to me to me. too. too. the th. the the. thr. the the tooooooooooooo. tooo. too. too. too. too. toe. toe. to. I really would like to, and I still think he's brilliant, right? But I would like to get a little psychiatrist in. Would you mind seeing a psychiatrist? No, but it's just, there's nothing wrong, these are all ideas, aren't they? You look at some insects, right? They don't have machinery. Yet they get in by, aren't they, they have their lives like, they do their own, they're, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, to, to, their, to, to, to, to, tothey fix stuff, they make their own house, we

can't do any of that. So what I'm saying is, why don't we use them? Why don't we use them? Why don't we use them? Why don't we use them? they're using them? Or whatever that was me. Why are these cockroa, they were also men? if they were cockroach men, we could use them. You've left a big bit out but when that one inch cockroach becomes a six-foot bloke wearing a jacket. It's just that we always use insects for like a bit of fun. You see flea circuses and all that, which is all very well, but I don't think it's getting the most out of them. Cocroa. Cockerose is going their is going is going th is going th is going th is going th is going th is going ths is going ths is going ths is going ths, ths, ths, ths, ths, ths, ths, ths, th. thoom-a, thoom-a, thoom-a, thi, thi, tho-a, tho-a, tho-a, tho-a, tho, tho, tho, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th live without a head. Could they still sort out the rubbish if they've got no heads? They could, couldn't they? Except they were, because you know you want to use them as builders and dust when they couldn't whistle it pretty girls, could they? No, but they wouldn't be doing that job there, just doing the bins. Okay. So, they're getting up early? They're not doing. their today. to. to be, to be, to be, their. to be, to be, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. They're, because. They're, because. They're, because. They're, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. they. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're. They. They. They're. They're. They're. to. They're. They're. They're, they. They're, they. They're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, you. They're, because, they breakfast. Yeah but it wouldn't go on as long would it because the ants would be working hard so it probably be one day of madness but then it'd be finished as opposed to builders just stood

about whistling doing nothing going on for months. And is this ant six foot? No no no three foot so how many of them are there? About 30 of them? And what do they look like are they just a giant ant with the... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus thus thus thus tho thus thus the thus to be to be to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be th. th. to be th. th. to be th. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thus. thus. thus. thus. thr- thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-n. So their their they look like? Are they just a giant ant with them? I had that on. Just get on with it. I mean it'll be weird for a bit but with anything you get you get used to seeing things like you. But Carl again this isn't an idea, it isn't a theory you can't you can't put this into practice because it doesn't exist. I know just saying that. that you didn't have to do any building and your house was just perfect or you could just wish for it. What's the difference? Why go through this elaborate... but what I'm saying is that your wish is that you're not taking shortcuts you see it's the same people as oh I wish I'd go back in time and put a thousand pounds, what you thrown the trim too. So don't to travel bit and put in a, do you wish you were rich? It's like, so you wish you

didn't have to have builders round. That's what you're wishing for. So this elaborate thing of getting a three-foot ant with a hard hat.