The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Fame S1E1 (October 12, 2007)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

A special podcast was made available as a giveaway to people that went to see Gervais' standup tour Fame. On 12 October 2007 this was made available as a free download to the general public, via the same subscription as the video podcasts.

Hi, welcome to the Ricky Jovey show with me Ricky Javeys, Stephen Merchant. Hello, though. And the Shavon Monkey with a head like a fucking orange, that is Carl Pilkington. Well, this is a special edition, a free giveaway podcast that the people who came to see my show fame in London got, put on their seat, gratis, thanks for coming. Well, unless you didn't even come and still got this free. Unless someone went and said, I don't want it, he was rubbish and gave it to you, you're listening to it.

Or you've sort of downloaded it illegally. It was free anyway. Oh, forget it. We've been away for a while now we're back together. The old team. The old team back together in a little room in central London. Carl looking back on the year what's happened? I mean but last year the most memorable thing that happened was you saw a grub eating a biscuit. So uh...

That was a highlight. I made it into his diary. Yeah. So what's the big thing of this year? What's the big thing so far of 2007 that as if I say 2007 you'll go, oh yeah, yeah, that was the year that. Uh, you know, in 10 years time. In 10 year th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that's th that's th th that's that's th that's th th that's th year that's thi that's thi. thi. thi. that's thi. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thi. the the the the the thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Yeah. In years to come. I'll go, remember 2007 you go, of course I do. It was the year that...

I haven't really been following what's going on because of other, like, personal issues. Well yeah, what's the big thing? Just my boiler, my boiler is playing up still. I'm sick of it. You're what? Your boiler? The boiler? and stuff such it doesn't. You know what I do in that situation I'd instantly get a repairman out to sort it out. Done that, twice. It was 80 quid for him just to say it looks like you need a new one. Why don't you get a new one then? Because then you wondered, are you meant to believe

him or is he? Are he? Well is he? I don't know. You mean to get a second opinion? Are you like? So he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th to th to to to to to to to to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. to say. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi. thi. the that the the that that that the the the the the to the thrue to thi thi. thi. thi. thi need to get a second opinion, aren't you? So that was the first time then, so what was the second time? Who came out the second time? Same fella. And what did he say? Well, thought you were going to get a second opinion? Yeah, and also, I called the company and they just sent him again because it, what's it, what was his second opinion? the book and sort of go, you know, Ari, Ari went around there or whatever and they must think well he went there last time so he knows a situation. And got the same father again.

Well Andy got the same opinion I see. Same answer, yeah. So, so, okay, so twice you've got, their to'er. So twice you've got, theythe professional. Why haven't you got a new boiler? Because then he went on to say that, you know, it's a dangerous setup I've got. It shouldn't be set up the way it is. It's dangerous. Something about gas leaking out of it.

He said, you don't sleep close to you. And it's like, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, the, the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, the the the the the the the the the the there it's not a big flight you've seen it Steve. Everything's on suite so like so so so he went on to set everything's on sweet so anyway so he's just sort of said look you know he doesn't want to touch it he said you need to get someone in who can sort this out for you but what and it took him two visits 160 quid to figure that out yeah this is what they do so the the so so so so the the th is the the th is th is the th is their th is th is their their their their th is their th is just their their th is just their th is th is th is he he he he he he thi he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he the the the the the the to to to to the to to that that that the he's he's he he he he he he he he he he he he took him two visits, 160 quid to figure that out. Yeah, this is what they do, isn't it? So, so what's his advice? Um, he just said, you know, there are people out there who will tou toucest it. Well, okay, so you're going to get an expert in who does this thing and sorts it out, so... Well, no, I've never met him.

And it turns out that person, because like the whole family, you know, I'm not into sort of keeping in touch with people. Sure. I haven't spoke to my brother for like, I don't know, 12 years and sister about 15 years. So the idea of this cousin, I mean, he might as well not as I said. the idea of this cousin who have, I mean he might as well not have said he's my cousin because I'm not going to know him anyway, I mean it might have, that last fellow Ari might as well be related. So they're going to turn up and now it turns out that because they haven't seen the rest of the family, they're going to like use this as a reunion. Oh. So they're all going to come around and just to the reunion reunion reunion reunion reunion reunion reunion reunion the reunion the reunion the reunion the reunion they're they're they're the reunion they're they're the reunion they're they're they're thuuice as well as well as thuice as they're thi. they're they're they're they're thi. they're thi. thi. they're they're they're they're to to to to they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're all they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theea. thea. thea. thea' thea' thi. they're all all all all all all all all all they're going, I ate family things anyway. So they're gonna come around and just look at you? Well yeah apart from the one

who's fixing it he'll be fixing it and the others will just be sat around sort of going so how have you been? It's like well where do you start? I'm seeing seriously they are strangers. When they buzzed I could be letting anyone in the door. And so you're going to entertain them all in your flat? I said to my dad that I might just say that I've got to go to a meeting, let them in, and then shoot off. I love that. So now they're strangers that you're letting it in your flat and you're not even being there. That's the best thing. That's the security. Now, Carl says he remember this year for his boiler being a bit of a pain.

But now everyone knows over the past sort of like a few years, my big pet project, hasn't been my own career, it's been get Carl famous. I want people to recognize him in the street, come up to him and say, you bald-headed, make his luck. I want... Well, let me tell you now Rick, I've been out and about, and a they they've, and a they've, and a they've, and a they've, and a they've, they've, they've, the the come up to him and say, you bald-headed mank twat. Make his luck. Well, let me tell you now Rick, I've been out and about and a lot of people have said to me, they've come up to me and said, it has Carl Pilkinson got a head like a fucking orange. Well, I'm back to instantly confirm 24, all these people who have got these amazing careers and lives say, is Carpulchagint and really like that? I say yes, he's not two short planks, he's three or four, fucking short, fucking planks.

Yeah, fucking lumps of thickness. But he's had a call. He had a call recently from a film company asking him if he's got any ideas for movies. Now how desperate, in what dire straits must the British film industry be that they're going, well they're going, we need Carl Pilkerton. We have hit rock bottom and he went along for an interview. So what, and you went in and you... I went along and um, I had a meeting, uh, in a coffee. and they just said right you know got any ideas and sort of said you know what you're thinking what sort of thing are you after action, thriller,

whatever. Because you can provide any of it. I love that that he's playing it cool like you come to the right person. My time's precious what do you need? Yeah yeah I'm I'm Carpilton yeah they uh they call me the movie doc so what you they're they're they're the the the the the they're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they're the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. they they they're they they they're th. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. they're th. th. they're th. th. th. th. th. they're they're th. they're th. they're they're they're they're th. I th. I thi. I thi thi thi thi thi the the the the thee theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee they're just just they're they're they're they're th right person. My time's precious, what do you need? Yeah, I'm Carpilking, yeah, they call me the movie doctor, what do you need? So thought on this idea sort of on the spot, not a whiz-Iam? No, but sometimes that's how good ideas come up, aren't they? Just, a lot of yours have come up, yeah. No, but if you just talk, I find that your mouth comes out with stuff. that. So. So. So. So, that. So, that. So, that. So, the idea. the idea. that, the idea. th. the idea, th. th. th. the idea, th. th. th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, the idea, their, their, their, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, so, so, so, the idea. So, the idea, the idea. So, the idea, the idea. So, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the idea, the the their. So, th. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, their. So, thi. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. Right, there's another quote. There's another quote. If you talk, your mouth comes out with that. That to me is stand along with what are those things in Gremlins called? Does your brain rule you or do you rule your brain? No, but what I mean, if you sit there and try and use your brain to do it, right?

It doesn't work the same. Just keep talking, just keep your mouth talking and eventually it will come out with something pretty good. That is exactly what Plato said. So Aristotle he said sit down, I've got an idea for you. Aristotle said, Plato, I'd want to go, right. Just keep talking and eventually your brain will come out with stuff. So what I thought, I just started off by saying like actors' names and I thought should be in it because then that's giving more, it's building. Right, so who did you say? So I said right, I'm seeing Clive Warren. You're the fuck, Clive Warren?

Who's Clive Warren? The one who was in closer? Clive Owen? Clive Owen? Right, all right. Did they look at youtrying to figure out, who's this Clive Warren we've not heard about? He must be amazing. Get me Clive Warren, get me Clive Warren. Get me Clive Warren.

I thought he was a genius. They thought he was a genius. What? Where did that go? She doesn't have? She doesn't have. Clive Warren with Rebecca Rebecca DeMont. But hang on a minute, you could have any film start, this is your fantasy casting and you choose a bloater doesn't exist and a woman who's been on TV or in a film for 10 years?

Oh God. Why didn't you choose a like you know someone who's a big star?de Warren! Oh God! So anyway, so they're going, yeah, and what happens is they're going out and together and that. Yeah, Clyde Warren and Rick the morning. I said, it's one of them where it starts off and the people, you know, you're seeing into their lives from right the morning. It's like a nice sunny day. Yeah, radio is on. You know, they're going

about the day, they're having the breakfast, they're saying, oh what we're doing tonight, they're planning a big do that night and stuff. And you're thinking, oh, they've got a nice life. She's like, love you Now what happens is she's devastated Rebecca. I don't know if Clive Warren to take that part. Because he ain't got much to do, no I don't know if I if I if I know Clive Warren I think you do I think I do he's gonna say now hold on though there's more isn't now I've have you have have you have have you have have you have have you have have you have to have a What tell you carry on so he is it by bus so he's dead. So he's it by a bus and that the titles come up Oh, got you right? She's started she's fed up. She's devastated and that.

Doctor says Clive's dead. And that who's playing the doctor Jack Nicholson house? Um sort of what's that fellow who was in Independence Day? Um, Will Smite. No, the old, the old black fella. Um, Morgan Fruman. Yeah. Get him in. He's a doctor. He says, your husband's dead. Right. She's like, oh, God. What happens then is, he says, but listen, what we can do now,

we can tech the brain out. Right, right. And a fact that I'd read that day before the meeting, this isn't in the film now, this is me. Right, but luckily, I read a thing about how the brain can, it can run on half of it. Yeah, you've actually got a full brain, yeah. You can run it on Right. So this was in my mind still. So I'll get that in. Well half your mind, yeah. So I said what happens is Morgan Freeman says, been working on this, you can run your life on half a brain. Right. She's sort of a bit like what you tell me this for now? My husband's just died like 20 minutes ago. And he goes, yeah, but if we're going to do this, we've we we've got we've got we' we've got we' we've got we' we' we' we' we' we' to do we' to do to do to do th. We've to do th. We've going to do to do th. We've to do to do th. We've to to thi. thi. to thi. to thi. th. th. thi. thi. th. M' th. M' th. M' th. M' th. M' th. M' th. M' th. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to.. She's like, do what? He said, I'll tell you. He says, we can, whilst his brain's not fully dead,

because it stays awake for a bit when you can kill. Oh, he's not dead, then, fine. Wait if it comes alive. What do you mean? He is. He is, but they found If the brain's dead, you are dead. Clyde Warren's dead. And if the brain's not dead, you're not dead.

No, but it's like people in a coma, they're dead, aren't they? No, they're in a coma. No, they're in a coma. All right, then. Then he's been a coma, so they're going, look, he's definitely going to die in this coma, take the brain out now, pop the brain out. But why is that such a weird thing when that's what they do now? That's what they do now?

What is? That's what transplant? No, but when, like, I've signed that donor card. If anything happens to me, they've got a lot. There's no such thing as a brain donor. Oh, we've explained to you before. Yeah, but they're working on it. They've said something about Einstein. They messed about with his brain for ages,

he's trying to work out if it was full of stuff. T th stuff th stuff th stuff. th stuff. th stuff. th stuff. th. th. th. th. T th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi's thi. thi. thi's thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin'. thin'. thin'. thin'. thin' thin' thin' thin' thi. thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin. thin. thin. thin. to-a. to-a. toeea. toea. toea. toea. toea. toea. than. than. than. than. than. than. There's loads of things that doctors are doing that we don't know about. I've seen some weird stuff on the internet. I know you have. Yeah. I saw a program on Channel 5 where a monkey brain was still alive and it was stuck on a stick. And he poached it. You were watching the magic roundabout. They poked it and it's still alive. It's being kept alive. And it's only a matter of time, what's the brain linked up to? As long as you can link it up to the eyes and somehow so it can tell the arms and legs what to do, you're laughing. I love that. Imagine a team full of doctors going, well we're going to try and do brains about Carl. Right, okay, I'm going to be quick because I've got to get back, my cousins fix my boiler, as long as you can link this up to the eyes and tell the arms and eggs what to do we laugh and cheers Carl, see later. Then what happens is they say, do you want half of his brain in your head?

Half his brain is his brain in the head? She says definitely not, I'm having you struck off, she starts screaming, she calls the police, he gets arrested. Yeah but you'd have said that years ago when people can have like someone else's arm put on their body and stuff. Yeah but he's only in a coma. No but he's not going to come out of that coma. So it's not going to come out that their coma. It's like look you know what we're going to do here we can either turn a switch off or we can put his head in your head. But why would he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he can he he can put he can put he can put he can put he can put he can put he can put he can put he can put he can put he can put he can put he can put he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to he to he he he he he he hethen, they're going to take half his brain, take out half of hers, pop it in place. Why would she do that? Because she loves him. But hold on, well no, wait, wait, wait, what would she then be? Because this is what I'm trying to tell you. Okay, okay, sorry. What happens is, he explains all this. I mean this it would probably cover about So what... Well I'd have actually left when I wouldn't even go into see a film starring at Clive Warren and Rebecca de Mourney. Unless it was 1985. So the thing is, she's the same as you, she says the same thing. She goes, why would I

do that doctor? And he goes, well what will happen is he's gone, but you'll have his thoughts. So in the morning when you say, I don't know what to have, well they have corn flakes, is better the brain will sort of say, have a wetter bit? Have shredded wheat or whatever. And she's like, oh yeah, good idea. Sorry, so the point of this film is that the dead man, the dead man. The dead man can remind her breakfast cereal she likes. So the tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi's it is it? No no no no that's not the only thing. Wait oh wait a minute this is only

act one. That's just the first bit everything's going well she has it done. So what is, who is she is she herself? She's Rebecca in Mone? Yeah. But now and again with him chipping in with him chipping in with a the thi over so the the the the the the the th th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. that's that's that's that's that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's only that's only that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. the. th. that's only the. that's only taken out and put in a bin, okay, and Clive Warren's, I've been put in there. So now she's walking around, okay. So she's like a, she's schizophrenic. Oh, no, no, it's okay though, because the bit they put in of Clive Warrenthe brain is alive so it's all going well when she leaves hospital and she gets the first taste of it and it's a bit weird to get old of because she's sort of, I think when she signs herself out he's sort of fighting right in his name and stuff so there's a few sort of technical things that she has to get used that she has to get to get to get that she has to get to get to get to get to get he he to get he to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their the they. they. the the the the thea. the the thea. the the thea. they's now inside her brain? Um, does that matter? Well, I would say it matters because otherwise... Yes, it does matter, Carl.

What's, what's he thinking? Can, I mean, what's the point of this? Why has she gone along with this? Because she really loves him. But what, but what's in it for him? What does she think... Well say if I died th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, does, does, does, does, thi, does, does, does th, does th, does th, does th, does thi, does, does, does, does, th. Does, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Does, th. Well, th. Does, th. Does, th. Does, th. Does, th. Does, th. Does, th. Does, th. Does, th. Does, does, does, th. Does, does, does, does, does thi, does that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, does that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th she think... Well say if I died, the Sue's answer, go on, I'll have half of Carl's, right? She would wake up in the morning to a thought of me sort of going, oh you never guess what I've just thought about or whatever, I'd still be there. But she wouldn't ever do that.

The rest of your body is sort of waste, isn't it? The rest of your body is, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I, the, I, I, the, I, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their? What, their, their? She's, that person anymore is it? They're still there physically, yeah, but you go you can't have a chat with them so if you could have someone's brain in your head when they're dead you'd have it wouldn't you? What are you talking about? Why would I have someone's brain in my head when they're dead? Well what I've got a perfectly good brain? Yeah so but like I said like I you you you you you you you you you you you you th I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I like I th I like I like I th I like I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th to to to th th th to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their half. So I've been there. Who's running on half? So you're telling me you wouldn't have it done then? Of course I fucking wouldn't. I can also categorically state I wouldn't either. Yeah, but you're saying that now, but once you're in that position that someone who, you know,

you're loving that, dies, if me just ask this as a question, even if we accept this as a possibility. Does, if, if Clive Warren doesn't know, that ease in Rebecca's brain, their love and the conversations they used to have and what would the connection between them is going to be absent because she's going to be talking to him and he's just going to be going, I don't have to talk. So they're not talking to one another. Well they are, but not out loud. She's not walking down the corridor going, what do you think, Clive? And he's saying shredded wheat. It's just, he's happening. Right. But how is this dramatically show on screen?

Do we hear those voices? Yeah, you hear the voices. Yeah, you hear do, can we do lunch? There may be like at the funeral, because even though the brain's still alive, they still have the funeral and you can have like a funny bit where they stood around the grave and like there's some relation there who he doesn't like and she can start laughing and the family and the family and the family and the family are looking at her for you yeah yeah so you have all that and people are sort of liking the film thing you know it's quite funny this hmmm heart he ate people that got to see him yeah we reckon

the morning in her family yeah clive warrens three mates all right all right no you know you're a film star yeah I was fixing boilers. Anyway, this is where you get them. It's the most ludicrous idea for film I've ever heard. It's the maddest. Honestly, it really is the ramblings of a mental case. I have to say that I am hooked now. I want to know what's going to happen next in the story. Oh, Christ.

Remember, I was making all this up. It's not based on a true story. Remember, imagine weigh that in a meeting? Remember I'm making all this up and they go, all right? So the meeting still going on, they haven't left at this point. No, no, they were sort of going, oh right, yeah. But what annoying, that's the annoying thing, it was like, I just wondered whether this

is what they do just so they can have a cake every day at four o'clock, because it was odd. I can't imagine Spielberg sort of nipping. flipping down to Costa Coffee to discuss E.T. So I said, so I said, right, so this is where you get, I mean you've got everyone laughing and that's what it's all about with a film, isn't it? It's emotions, messing with people's emotions and that. So they like that, they were like, yeah, it is, yeah. And there we go again, that's my mouth coming out with stuff that even I didn't know when you. So, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's my that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their that's you. Yeah. So then I said, I said right, then what happens is, she, here's the voice go, Leslie, where are you, something? Right. Her name's not Leslie. No, she's thinking he was Leslie. So in her mind she's going, who's Leslie? He's going,

who's Leslie? He's going, oh. So he's thought hang on I've let something slip I've let something slip so she's going on to me oh oh oh he was having an affair this is this is the thing so she's trying to hunt down Leslie Leslie and he's got to stop her thinking it then what happens is I mean you know you're back so he's got hunt down Leslie so he's got to hunt down Leslie and And that can fill about half an hour again. I'm not quite sure. I love the fact that you're doing how far you've got through the film. Yeah, you've got to fill up two hours, right? One more idea, we'd call it half hour, that's the end of the film. See it later. So nice to see Rebecca. It's a thrown. to to to to see. the that. that. that. that. that. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. to see. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'. I'. I' th. I' th. I' tha. I' tha. I' tha. I' that. I' that. I' that. I' th. I' th. I' to be sought out. It's a woman, is it? Leslie or is it a woman? Right. But what happens is, I mean, without ruining the end for everyone, what would sort

of happen is? Oh yeah, because you don't want to ruin it more, because this will be filling the multiplexes in no time. Yeah, this film is definitely going to get made. Well seriously. this film pick a massive Hollywood film and look at it on paper and go, that's a bar me idea. Casablanca. I haven't seen it. Okay. So what I'm saying is, what happens is why they called on him as a movie expert. This is, this is a different sort of love triangle.

They've all got their own brains and legs and stuff walking around, normally. But that's just it. It's just, it's it's it's it's it's it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's the the power, it's just, it's the power, it's their. I. I's just, it's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. their. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, it, it, it, it, it. I. I. I. I. I. I. It's, it, it. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, the. I'm. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I'm. the. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the power of love in that in a way. Yeah but sorry I mean I don't want to see... No it's the greatest love story ever told set in a head but listen. Hang on a set though I don't yeah you've got to us the end I don't know you can let people listening. Come on come on what's the end you're not waiting for the film. Just let's the end. Right so what I said the the the they the th is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin thin thin end. thin end. thin thin end. thin thin thin thin thin thin the. thin the. thin thin thin th. the. the. they they they they the end. the end. the end. the end. the end. the end. to to to to to to to to to the end. the end. the end. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I the end. I the end. I the end. I the end. I th. I the end. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't the the the th. I don't gone. I said maybe you could have something like this and they were there sort of going, oh yeah, what's it going to be? What's it going to be? Yeah, well he's come up with some great stuff at them, haven't. What happens is, his brain is more powerful than hers. Right, how is it's now, how is their power?

Why is there, why is the brain, her brain was running the rest of her body. His brain, his brain, she just sat there, isn't it, thinking stuff. Right. Brilliant. So that's, that gets more powerful and overrules her body. Okay, yeah. She then fancies Leslie. So it's a lesbian film. So this is building up to a lesbian love, what the, what the, what? It's trendy, isn't it, that? So just have a bit of that at the end. And... That is the worst idea I have ever heard for any piece of art. I mean, it's the worst, it would be the worst, it would be the worst TV show, worst worst book, worst everything.

It's the worst idea. It's not the worst idea, because as long as a a a film a film the film the film the film the film the film the film th is is is the film the film th is the th is the th is the th is the the th is the worst, the worst, the worst, th is the worst, the worst, thi. thi. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's, th. It's, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, thi. It's, thi. It's, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, the worst, is. I's, is. I's, is.a.a. I's, is worst, is worst, the worst, woooooooooooooooes. It's, worst,. It's not the worst idea because as long as a film makes you think. But this doesn't make us think about anything. I'm thinking who the fucks Clive Warren? So hold on, so he overpowers her so she is now a lesbian. What's Leslie getting out of this? Why does Leslie think, hold on? Why is my dead lover's wife coming on to me? Because this is what I'm saying to you. Relationships, it, why, why, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the love the love the love the love the love the love th is th is th is thus, it's thus, it's thus thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi thi thi, thi, thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thi, the thi, the the thi, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii's thi's thi's thi's Because this is what I'm saying to you. Relationships, it's a love of two brains. Right, okay, again, can anyone out there, can we make that into it? That's a quote. The relationships is a love of two brains.

Now, he's got something there, but my point is this. Why is Leslie suddenly turned lesbian? Because she loves the brain. But does she know this is Clive Warren? Um, well maybe, maybe now and again, Rebecca or Clive says something, Rebecca will say something now and again, like, oh, I like me... Minj. I like me, you know, my food done like this or whatever and and it's all about safe like...

Cut well I'm a true cook. Wait a minute, Claivoran on this food cut. I'm in two minds about this bacon. What I mean is people... People like what they like and it's the same way like I've said to you before with someone who's been going out with a woman. th th th th th th th th th th and th th and th th th th th th th th th th th like what they like and it's the same way like I've said to you before with someone who's been going out with a woman and then is found out that she's got a twin sister and they divorce that first twin and go out with the other twin it's all the same you're after the same thing aren't you

yes but that when a cat dies you buy another one it's that same love to something. But you don't necessarily switch your sexual orientation. In the case of your twin scenario, they both look the same. Yeah. Has it ever been one where it's a twin boy and girl? Well, I was going out with her, but I mean, he looks a bit like her. I loved boobs, now I like cock. Well, this is your problem. You don't know anything. And this the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thory is is thory is their thoomorrow is thoomorrow is thoom. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's their their their their their their their their their their their their th. It is th. It's is th. It's is th. It's th. It's th. It's thin. It's thin. It's thin. It's thin. It's thin. It's thin. It's th. It's toooooooooooooooooooomoomoomorrow. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's ths enough, the brain are kicking soon. It hasn't. Rick, you may be interested to know that Carl Pilkington, basically thanks to the efforts of your good self in making him into a household name, has got a book deal and there's a book deal and there's a book that will be coming out later in the year called Happy Slapped by a Jellyfish by Carl Pilkington.

What's that about Carl? What's the angle? Is it a novel? Well again I just was letting my mouth sort of think and what have you just churning stuff out and I was thinking about holidays that I've been on holidays because they always say write about what you know and stuff. So I thought well I've been on a few holidays. Right about them. I actually. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I just th. I just just th. I just just just just th. I just just just th. I just the. I just just the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. What. What. What. th. What. th. What. I was th. I was th. I was th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm a travel book then? It's your experiences? It's just like a rough guide. And have you done it? Have you finished the... Yeah, I've just got to do some pictures and that and colour

them in? And then it's done. When's that out? October? Yeah. So you say it's a travel book? And yet I've managed to get hold of a few pages and this chapter is titled Australia. You've never been to Australia? No, no. But it's not, how is it travel going? It's not like wish you were here type thing. It's just saying, if you're going away, think about it. It's just asking people to sort of think about. Why don't they just let their mouth do the thinking? No, well just just have a read of like my thoughts and you don't have the same way then.

You don't know anything about Australia because you've never been? No but exactly. So I'm saying I've never been, this is why I've never been. This is why I've never been. Is thi, that makes no sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense sense to their their their their. It a sense?? It a point? It's a point? It's a point? It's a point? It's a point? It's a point? It's a point? It's a point. It's a point. It's a point. to? It's a point. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. It. to. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. to. the. the. the. to. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. it was going to be what? Right, can we read a bit of it then? So this is the chapter in title Australia. Box jellyfish, crocodiles, snakes, blue ring octopus, red black spiders, funnel web spiders, great white sharks. Just some of the reasons that put me off going to Australia. Ha ha! spiders, great white sharks. Just some of the reasons that put me off going to Australia.

Every creature is bigger and angrier than anywhere else on the world. I put it down to two things. One, it can either be because spiders and snakes and the like normally hide under rocks. The earth is one big rock. Australia is at the bottom of the big rock and they're trying to hide under it. Carl. You are a maniac. It's just thinking about it. It, the the the the the the the the the the the the their. It is, th. It is, th. It is, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is, is, is, is, is thi, is thi, is thi, is, is, every. Every, every. Every, every, every, is, every. Every, is, is, is, is thi, is, is thi, is th. Every. Every. Every, is, is, is, is, is, is th. Every. Every is, is, is th. Every is is th. Every is th. Every is th. Every is thi. Every is thi. Every is thi. Every is thi. thi. Every thi. Every thi. Every thi. thi. Every the the thi. the the the the thi. the the the thi. the the thi. the the thi. thi. thi. thi. Every thi. Every thi. the bottom of the big rock and they're trying to hide under it. Carl, you are a maniac! It's just thinking about it, thinking about where spiders go and that, and that works, on it. No! Why doesn't that work like a rock? Because there's no real upside down and bottom of the earth, is it? It's all relative to what? It's relative to what? A map that you saw. Well it's a coincidence it's a coincidence, it's a coincidence, it's a coincidence, it's a the the thia. It's a thia. It's a th. th. It's a th. thi. thi. It's a to, it's a to, to, to, to, th. to, th. th. thi, to, to to, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to, to to to, to to to, to, th. It's, th. It, the the the the the the the their, their, their, the their, their, their, their, their, thi. thin, thin, thi. thin, thi. thin, their, their, their, their, thi. thi. thi. thi. th, isn't it? No, right, okay, read on. I've heard that a lot of people go camping in Australia, which I think's mental. If I was to fly all that way, I'd want a decent bed.

Plus, I wouldn't be camping in a place where there are killer spiders wandering around. I agree. I've only been camping a few tis? Last year. It's all all right, Lime Regis. But it was all a bit of a nightmare because it was going with my mate and he said he knew someone, he knew someone who knew someone who had a bit of land in the garden. What's the point though in it? What's the point of camping in someone's garden where there's a sort of like a spa down the road and like a park. No because you buy the sea aren't you? It's getting away from it all, see in the world. It's not if you're in someone's front garden. No back. Oh, sorry. Well, there's even less to see except three fences. No, but it's private, isn't it? So the thing is, he said, oh, it's a toilet and outside toilet that they have, like when they have parties and stuff. So we get there and this lad who knew about this bit of land, someone's back garden. Well yeah, said, oh you can't use it, they haven't gone on a holiday.

So now you're stuck in the middle of a quite a big civilised conurbation called Lime Regis. How are you going to survive? Well we ended up just sort of keeping the thaaaaaaauapapapapapapapapapapapapapaping, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, the the the thi, thoom, th. th. thage, thage, thage, thage, thage, tho, tho, thagu, th. Someone, th. Someone, th. Someone, th. Someone, th. Someone, th. Someone, the th. Someone, the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Someone, the th. Someone, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, did you pitch your tent on the beach? Put the tent on the beach. We found a bit of, see we found somewhere where there was a load of rubbish so we thought. That's the place to go, yeah, the municipal tip. What was it? Was it chemical waste or just like, you know, just coa-cant and stuff? Oh lovely. But listen, you've got to think about that, that, that, that, that, to to their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there there there there there there there there there there there was there's there's there's their their their their tho. We's thoo. We was some some some some some there's a tho. We's a thoooooo. We was some some some some there's a? Why? Because other people have camped there. Right. So that's how you've got a look at it. It's like, it's a way, that's like a little tip of... I would love this to be a real guide. So you could have slept in a public lavatory.

Yeah, yeah. This one's nice. What is covered in shit in. hotel you know it's vomit over all the fucking walls that means people have had a good time here they got right pissed up and threw their lungs up so that's that's where we put down the tent we put down the tent we put down the tent and then what was annoying it was what's a name we it was already up he carried it all the way there they were let's pack it down the weird the weird things th th th the th th th th th the th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th the thin thin thin the the the the the that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they was they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the te te te they they they they they they they they they they the they was the the the the the the the the they they they work, let's pack it down. The weird thing was, as soon as we set up, some other people turned up. Oh, that's what the rubbish tip. Look, yeah. That was probably in the guidebook. They started setting up their tent. So, oh, no. No, near it. There's some nappies over there. Yeah. Nearer the nappes. And they offered us some sausages. Oh right, they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. And they're they're they're they're they're they're their. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're they're the. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They'rethem. That's like code for swingers. What?

What? So there were some people cooking some sausages saying would you like a sausages we've made too much and you said no as a code for swinging. It's like we want to get away from it all. We don't want someone, you know, it starts off with sausages done it and then so you know it. But what are these people look like? Uh, they were about 45. Who are they there? A man and a woman. A man and a woman.

So what was in it for the bloke? Uh, some people like that, don't that? I don't know all the rules and that. That means, you're all the rules and that, but... He's just got a real thing for fucking oranges. And we didn't want any sausages anyway. So we just sort of said... I don't believe sausages is a coat for swingers.

I don't, because eventually, how many times do they give someone sausages? Because they're a times if be being offered sausages? Because they're nice people and they're making sausages. It makes you wonder. We don't, let's not trust these people, let's move our tent nearer to the corpse. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So yeah, that was the camping. I think I'd quite like to meet some proper aborigines. It amazes me the way that these people still live like cave thanks the They waste nothing. They have a use for everything. I saw some pictures in the paper about some

tribe somewhere who chucked their spears at a helicopter that tried to land close to them. If the tribe got annoyed with you, they would let you know that they were annoyed by shaking their doing that. Carl just ends that chapter by saying, I don't know what the women do if they get annoyed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh God! Within this new Carl book, of course, there are extracts from his famous diary. This is, you've actually been to Madeira, have you? Yeah. Okay, so this is a bit more of a factually, factually accurate, informative chapter on Madeira. September 30th, going away with Suzanne's mom and dad, we're meeting them at Madeira Airport as they're flying in from Manchester. The plane was full and I had a headache. There was a baby sat behind us that was crying its eyes out for the whole flight. Oh, the mother of it said it was upset because it was their their their their their their their th th sa it was upset it was upset it was upset it was upset it was upset it was upset it was upset it was upset it was upset it was upset it was upset it was upset it was upset their their their the the thi thi thi thi thea thi the whole flight. The mother of it said it was upset because its ears were hurting. So were mine.

We had to get two cabs to the villa because they couldn't fit five of us into one. It cost 85 euros each. That's just winging, that's not anything. It's a deer- though, isn't it? It's a day-way. But they don't know how far that was, they don't know where that's rip-off or how, you know? It's just letting you know that. What, you know what the distance was? If it was, if it was a mile, it's a rip, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's a, it's a, it, it, it, it's a their, it's a their, it's a, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, a their, a their, a their, a their, their, their. It's a their. It's all little things that might help you on a journey. Suzanne's dad said he liked the free biscuits that were in the cupboard. We went to try and find...

Sorry, this isn't useful as a guidebook at all. That is absolutely an ad, I know. They're going to go, as a guidebook, oh, Suzanne's dad, like, like the free biscuits in this cupboard. We went to try and find a supermarket. Suzanne's man was having a go at her dad because he didn't have a shirt on. She said he looks a mess and is embarrassed to be seen with him. It's their ruby anniversary tomorrow. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's why we went away. Oh yeah.

I bought a fan to put in our room to drown out the sound sound the soundeds. I've heard Wayne Rooney does the same thing with a vacuum cleaner. What? He, to drown out the sound of vacuum cleaners or he puts a vacuum cleaner in his room to drown out the solar. If you've just got a noise, if you've just got a noise, if you've just got a noise, it's constant for like all night, you just... Here we're next door going, they've got the vacuum cleaner on again, put on the JCB. RAH! Pook me next door and they got a JCB on. Get the, poke, poke the chickens.

the chicken, blah. That's how nuclear wars start. Yeah. It doesn't work. We watch... Ear plugs, Earplugs, Drown Out Everything. I've tried them, I didn't like it, did I? Why not? Because I could hear me heartbeat. Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, you're such a strange little creature. Oh! We watched Jerry Maguire in Spanish.

Suzanne wanted to go to bed, but I just said I wanted to hear the Show Me the Money line in Spanish to see if it's as catchy it wasn't. October 3rd. Sorry, sorry is Portuguese or Spanish? I don't know what where they're speaking in this country? Madeira. So it's Spanish and Portuguese is it? It's Portuguese, isn't it? I think there's a mix. I think you get people going there. So they sometimes the Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're their their they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're to the holidays. Yeah, but you get Spanish people going there. Oh, okay. So they sometimes show television programs for possible Spanish holiday licks. Is that what you're saying? Or have you just got this factually inaccurate because he's a load of old toss? Oh God, amazing. October 3rd didn't do much this. Just think about this. Why would you put it in as a holiday? Just think about this next line. Judith Charmers. What happened? Not a lot.

Think about this, Rick, as a description of a holiday. Right, okay. Okay. Okay. As Carl said, he loves to go traveling, it broadens the mind and everything. This is what he did. He's there with his family, he's in Madeira. Didn't do much much this this this this this. this. this. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. thi. thi. thi. family, he's in Madeira. Didn't do much this morning. Just sat by the pool saving insects that flew into it. I'm gonna die like fucking Noah. That's right, you see nothing good. How were you saving them? Did you wait for them to hit the water then fish him out or you grabbed them in the air? Did you see the legs going? Oh God! Stop my finger on the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their... They their. They's. They's. They's. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Did. Just. Just. Did. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. Just. We. We. We. We. We. We. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. So, the the the the the the the the t. the t. t. too. t. tttoo. ttttoo. ttoo. tttoo. too. too. t in the air. Did you see the legs going? Just put my finger on the top, they grabbed on, lifted it off. And what when, like at some sort of insect lifeguard, you'd see someone landing, they go right, that's me, da da da da da da da da da and you'd go in there. But it's hard to turn a sort of a blind eye to stuff like that because you know that something you know you're witnessing death and if you can save something you do don't you do your bit

and at night I'd sort of think have they learned the lesson or will they be back and will they be dead in here tomorrow but if they can get an extra day I've done me bit I can't do more than that I'm on holiday do your bit I'm lucky enough to see the world, do you bit? I love it. I love it. I love it. I love the fact that he was running around saving flies and things. It's just something so sort of... Be twice, an old lady drowned.

Yeah. He was saving a beetle. There's something so kind of, I don't know, desperately existential about your that's what so extraordinary about it. As he says, I just sat by the pool-saving insects that flew into it. It was full of death. It was so, it's so depressing. It was a today. Oh, all right. We walked around the shops. Suzanne's dad bought two packets he'd like to take back home with him. Suzanne's man bought a tin of corned beef. It was it it. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was a the the the the the the the their their their th. It was. It was. It was thin thin thin thin thin thin thin th. It was thin th. It was thin thin thin th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was thi. It was thi. It was thi. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was th. It was th. It was tine tod. It was tod. It was tod tod tod today. It was today. It was today was today was today was today was today was today was thin. It was thin. It was the. It was thin. It was a bit of a boring day today. Jesus. There was a dead bird out the back. Oh no, where were you, Carl? Suzanne's dad said it looked like it had flown into a wall and killed itself.

No, I think it caught a few insects, but they were covered in chlorine so it poisoned it. Loads of ants were eating it. Oh God. I dug a hole under a tree and buried it. The ants were still all hanging around the of the death, ages after the burial. Suzanne's dad said I should have left the bread for the ants to eat because I was messing up the food chain. I felt bad so I gave the ants some bread crumbs. This is weird. This is just so dark.

This is really weird. It's good bread out there though, I should have brought that. We have to eat all the food we've got because we're going home home home home home. Suzanne's ma'am cut her finger opening the corned beef tin and fainted. But sorry, this is really weird. Why do you have to eat all the food? Isn't this like, what was that film? The Amateurville Horror where there's like a haunted house and there's dead insects and ghostly children walking ting insects. I'm just saving the insects mother. But you always eat all the food that's in the fridge before you go home.

It's all there to be eaten. She bought some pie cluts, which I've never had them. They like squash crumpets. Right, okay. Start again. Start the whole thing again. She bought some what? Some pie cluts. Yeah. And I didn't like them because he's not as fat as crumpets. Oh God! I dislike a different language! Then eat them and it was a big up evil because like I was going home and a dad kept trying to sneak them into our bags. Because it's like they were for you, you take them. We don't want your stuff in our house because he gets a bit funny about stuff being left over. There's bins that thin's that their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th. th th th th thin's a thin's a thin's a thin's a thin's a thin's a th. the. theat's a thi' theat's a big thin's a bit theat's thi' thi' thi. I's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. I thi. I thi. I's a big thi. I's a big theat. I's theat. I'll theat. I'm theateateat. I'll theateateat. I's theateateat. I's theat. I'm theat th There's a bin in the lounge and I put a tangerine peel in it. He goes, that sort of stuff does not go in that bin. So it's rubbish, yeah, but it's not the right sort of rubbish.

Someone will camp next to it? We want to get a better class of camper. Oh, that's the book. It's called Appie Slpp by a Jellyfish. Yeah, that's from one of the chapters, isn't it? By Carl Pilkington. Get that soon. Particularly if you're thinking of visiting Madeira or Australia. Yeah. Well, that's about it.

Thanks for listening to this. If you enjoyed this and you haven't heard the others, we've got the whole all three series on iTunes you can go and download those. The Rikage of A Show? Is that what it's called? It's called The Rickie Jove Show. Yeah. Carl's also made a program for me, Steve, on my Fame DVD out in November. It's called Fame.

So I thought of a little title, Fame, I'm Gonna Live Forever. Remember that guy we met who's going to live forever called Howard. Yeah. That was a meeting of minds and it's um, it's Carl meeting Howard and it's it's really good, and it's really good and they do, he really gets on with him. And we're probably going to do a new series of the podcast maybe next year. What do you think, Carl? If you're not too busy making this film with Clive Warren. Uh, we'll see how it goes. Don't don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi. It's, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. It, it, it, it, it, itcom. I am Ricky Javais, with me, Stephen Merchant and Carl. All right.