The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guardian S3E4 (September 12, 2006)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Series three of the podcasts was released on 22 August 2006. This season saw the return of Karl's Diary as well as a new feature based on Karl's attempts at Poetry. Pilkington was noticeably lethargic during this 6-episode series, having been in and out of the hospital with kidney stones and subsequent complications. This was a major focus of his diary entries during this period with Gervais and Merchant ridiculing him for his histrionics over what they noted was a minor, routine operation.All other known features were abandoned, with the rest of each episode focusing instead on conversation. The season had the same pricing implementation as season two, although the file quality was increased from 32 kbit/s to 56 kbit/s.At the end of the sixth episode, Gervais and Merchant agreed to put the show on an indefinite hiatus.

This is audible. season three of the Ricky Jovey show with me Ricky Javais, Stephen Merchant, Hello and Carl Pilkington. All right. Uh, yeah, first of all, I'm sorry to do this, but we and Steve have got to bring something up that's been bugging us for a couple of weeks now, but it's reached. You are so fucking lazy, Carl, at the moment. You have time off, right, you go away every weekend, so me and Steve are so precious with so many things to do with extras and books coming out and stuff You I've never never anyone winge about going in with kidney stones I know loads people that had kidney stones They've had the yeah, no, no, they're you saying not like that because they have their operation. I know people that

they've had their appendix out right and actual under the knife operation and he was back at work the next day, and he they?????? the they? they? they. they. they. they. they? they? they? I? I I I I they? I they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they've they've they've they've they've they're they're they're to me. I've they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. I've they're. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'll, I, I, I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I've to me. I've to me. I've to me. I've th. I've together. I've together. I've together. I've together. I've together. I've never never never never never never never never never together. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th back at work the next day and he had a bit of a sore side but you have wins now for weeks and weeks everything you say oh I've had this like oh I've got a going again but you still wouldn't have to go away every weekend to see your folks or you're in laws or holiday and it's just like we are so pretty you know sometimes you've got to pull together mate yeah theyre to the the theyrown the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to their th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their try. try. try. try. try. try. tttttry. the try. the the the try. the try. ttogether together together together year. If I didn't go and visit people and travel the world, what would they do in it? Carl, I read your diary every week. All you seem to do is spend time in a cafe having a cup of tea and a bit of breakfast? That's the weekend. That's the weekend. Anyway, let's not argue. You don't even like it. to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their th. to their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. their. their. th. th. their. their. th. th. their. th. th. th. th. their. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. their weekend, I'm working that weekend. We have to put us in, what let's put this in first, you know it's a busy time. Family is important, you can't keep messing people around. But this is all you have to do. What else are you doing? What other jobs are you doing? What other

the job have you got? You know all areas you're always having meetings. I know. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I always always always always always always always always always always always the meetings. I I I I always the meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings meetings cafe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, seriously though, so you've been on your travels, you've got, you know, you've got lots to talk about, so... Yeah, I've got to go in a hospital again as well, hon, so... What's your current state with your old... Oh, I don't want to visit people, you went on a train, you went to Manchester, you must be well enough, so you won't have to do this. I went back to Bristol at the weekend, I was a bit of time off, as you know, because Carl can do the work.

I know, that's what I mean. I thought, that's what I mean. I went there working. We went to America, we were working. I went to Bristol, I was working. Oh, shut up. Oh, do you know what I mean? Getting a bit up a tea. The truth hurt, Stephen? The truth does hurt and it the truth. And it's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He he he that he that he th. We th. We th. We th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. We went. I went the. I went the. I went the. I went the. I went the. I went the. I went the. I went the. We the. We the. I went th. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went. We went. We went. I went. I went. I went. I went. I went., because I wondered to myself if it weren't for you Mr. Rikijervace, what would this man, this little round-headed man be doing right now? Fuck all, Stephen. Fuck all! Yeah, I went back to Bristol at the weekend, as we know, we all had a bit of time off.

And actually I was quite annoyed because I And the name of the band, I'm disappointed that I missed them. The name of the band, Rick, was... Loose Change. But what I like about loose changes is the least evocative name for a band, isn't it? It's not sexy. It's nothing. It's got no kind of mood or feel to it at all. Lose change. It's just, it's... Uh, welcome. Rough outline. Yeah. It's just nothing. The checkbook stubs. Pocket fluff. Yeah, yeah.

But while I was at my parents' house, they often, you know, they keep clippings of things, you know, if we've been mentioned in the papers, they like to keep a record of them stuff because, uh, I'd like to show it to my grandparents you know and keep fully abreast of things and they I managed to find a couple of them. This was well I don't know if you've heard this Carl, for people who don't realize Carl was making a couple of little three minute TV projects recently they were on Channel 4 and in the Sunday Times they're someone's written a letter about Carl to the Sunday Times. They can they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. And they they they they they th. And they they're someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone. they they they they. they they they they they. they they they they they they they. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone. th. th. th. th. tho. so so so so so so so so so so so so. th. so so so so. so some. so some. they're someone. they're someone. they're someone. So. So. So. So, someone's written a letter about Carl to the Sunday Times. Wow. They can send in comments and views on things they've seen, red, heard. Oh, excellent. And this is what someone wrote to the Sunday Times.

Who is Carl Pilkington? And why have I just wasted five minutes of my life listening to some of his cretinous thoughts on Channel 4? He asked why there so many dinosaurs on display in museums. Quotes, couldn't they just choose the best one and just show that? He summed it all up by deciding that we know too much. Somebody clearly doesn't know enough to know that this is a complete waste of airtime showing no wit, intellect or creativity. That's from Wendy Robinson in Barkshire.

You can't have your critics. You've got to have your critics. You've got to have your critics? Of course you have. If everybody like what you did, then you're not doing the right thing. She wasted five minutes and there were three minute wonders. So it must have felt, yeah, yeah, yeah, two-thirds as long again. But think how an angry she must have been to have bothered writing this letter to the Sunday Times. Well, that's good. I mean, you really must have... It's all about getting people thinking, that's what I always say to you. As long as I'm getting people thinking about what I've said, she remembered what I said.

But what, what views did you put out in these short films which you feel people perhaps should be talking about, was filming them. Yeah. Is it in your head now? Some of it is. Now you've remembered me what I said. Now you've what? Now you've sort of told me what I said in that one, yeah, I remember saying that. And I stick by it. Remember him some other stuff? Yeah. I'll tell you now right. I don't know if Wendy's, you know, listen to this. But, they they they they they. I they. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that. Now, that. Now, that. Now, that. Now, that. Now, that. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. th. Now, th. th. th. Now, th. th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now, th. Now but almost certainly not but listen right I was saying about the the museums right and how they big and everything and they're dinosaurs all over the shop I read that in the in that museum they've got something like seven million bits of stuff in there right now when I spend two hours in somewhere, just show

me the good stuff, don't be saying we've got seven million bits, because there was a fellow who opened it, right, I did a bit of research on the museum, fellow who opened the museum up. Well what was his name? It doesn't matter? Okay. What museum was it? It was the London one? Oh the London one, yeah? So he's in there and he's collecting collecting he's collecting he's collecting he's collecting he's collecting he's collecting he's collecting he's collecting he's collecting he's collecting the the the th is collecting th is collecting th is collecting th is collecting the th is collecting th is collecting th all all all all all all it? It was the London one. Oh the London one, yeah, okay. So he's in there and he's collecting all this, you know, bits of stuff. What stuff? Just whatever's knocking about that time. It seemed like he ever... He never chucked anything away. He's like, oh I won't put it in the bin, pop it on a shelf. Okay, so let's put everything everything on a shelf. All right? As as time I you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you th you th you th you th you th you th I I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. What thi. th. What's th. What's th. What's just just whatever. What's just just just. What's just just. What's just. What's just. What's just. What's th. What's th. What's what th. What is. What is. What is. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What. I th. I th. I th. I was. I was. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm ti. I'm ti. What's ti. What's ti. What's ti. What's the ti. What's the ti. What's tie. What's, it keeps everything, and if you keep everything, sometimes it'll be good stuff, right? Um, and a lot of the stuff was going missing, the good stuff, but people who set these museums up are just as crafty.

What? The fellow who found Tutankarman, he was pocketing all sorts of fingers and stuff in his pockets the way out. That had rings on him and stuff. So all I'm saying is, why is she having to go? But hang on, wait, what's that got to do with someone pocket? I don't understand your point. Because she's sort of moaning at me going, don't have a go to the museum and the dinosaurs. But everybody's saying to you're you got TV time to talk absolute shit if I could paraphrase Wendy. That's not my fault if someone says they want me to do a little program and you can do what I want I went and did what I did. Free speech and we just gave you the chance then to defend

yourself and you just confirmed Wendy's point a thousand times over. What was all this waffle about people nick and stuff? that she's the the the? Because she's having to go at me, I didn't nick any thing. But she's having to go you for talking nonsense that's of no consequence, which is why you just did that? I'm talking. But what was your point? Well, all right. Yeah. So anyway, as I say, my mother saves various clippings and things which may be of interest. This was recently in the Daily Mail in one of those kind of gossip columns.

this was recently in the Daily Mail in one of those kind of gossip columns. Ricky Javais's cringe-worthy dance routine as managerial buffoon David Brenn was undoubtedly the highlight of BBC Comedy the Office. Perhaps credit for the scene should not go to Javez however, but his lanky co-writer Stephen Merchant has been attracting a great deal of female attention at the so-and-so so pub in North London until he took for the dance floor with Brent-esque results. Says my mole, most of the feminine throng looked away in embarrassment. Putting it kindly, he was rather ungainly, like a giant albatross hopping on stilts. Right, now then,

I'll take issue with this because firstly, you wouldn't be attracting a few amount of attention in the first place. Rick, if I had been, I'd have phoned the male myself. Point A, right, I seemed to remember distinctly I was talking to one of my mates the whole night and we were discussing about the fact we were too shy to talk to girls. So wrong there. Point two, as you well know, if I take love to dance, I would not have been described as a giant albatross hopping on stilts because Carl has seen me dance, you've seen me dance, you know I'm a good mover. Just in the same way that people can't quite understand how Peter Crouch the same height as me is able to be so brilliant on the football field, is the same. People look at me, I don't know how that big guy is able to bust some of those moves. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I I I I I I I I I I the kind. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm just just just just just th. I'm just just just just just just just th. I'm just th. I'm just tho just the. I'm just the. I can't the. I can't just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I to to to to to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thi. I'm just thi. I'm thi. I'm just thi. I'm theeeat. I'm thi. I'm just the. I'm just for it. I know, I mean you've seen me dancing, how would you describe me? I think that you look like an albatross isn't it, you look like an upright lizard by having being given electro shock treatment. And I think that's a lot fair isn't it, the albatross nonsense. Well I, hmm. So I'm just trying to picture that because again I, was that a a a compliment a compliment a compliment a compliment a compliment a compliment. Was that a compliment. Was that a compliment. Was that a compliment. Was that a compliment. Was that a compliment. that a compliment. that a compliment. that a compliment. that a compliment. that a compliment. that a compliment. that that th. thatatat. thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, th. That's, th. I'm not, th. I'm not, th. I'm not, th. I'm not, th. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I, hmm, so I'm just trying to picture that, because again, I, was that a compliment? You're on my side, like you were doing it? A cross between a giant lizard and a stick insect.

Again, because you don't sound, straight away, they don't sound like compliments, but I'm assuming you're on my side here. Uh, stick insect with funny glasses? Is that? Again, I was thinking you were perhaps being being a touched supportive but these you've not really God you've seen me dance what what you've used? Uh, it's just like a bit of weird art. That's brilliant. That is brilliant. That's so much better than Albatross. I want to say an Albatross. If I was looking at one of them the other day and I don't understand what they mean by that because they're dying out. they, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, th, thi, thi, th-I, th. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, thi, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, day. And I don't understand what they mean by that, because they're dying out. They say, you know, they're diving the sea. Oh, it's gone.

Something happened in the brain. It went from the point we were making via an albatross, then it just shot off. It just, ding like a pinball. Well, let's hear, because it's the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, they's, they's, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they's, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they, they, they. they, they. they. they, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're, they're. they're, they're, they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're saying, say, say, say, say, say, they're. they're saying, say, say, say, say, they're. they're saying, they're. they're. they, um, because I've never seen one and they were saying how would you feel if you never saw one again? And I was like, you know, I've got by this long without it. It's not bothered me. But, um, it was just sort of saying, uh, what they do is they dive in the sea, sort of put their head under the water, see if there's any fish knocking about. Grab one, get out again. Yeah. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. they's, they's, th. th. th. It's, th. I. It's. It's. It's. I. It. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's their. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their, see if there's any fish knocking about. Grab one, get out again, right? Yeah. Go to land. I don't know if they're designed to do that. Well obviously they are. No, because seagulls are, because you see them floating about. Now what's happening is they're doing that, but getting caught in nets. Well that's it. The net shouldn't be there. That's the point. They're totally adapted to

their environment, but we came along millions and millions of years afterwards and stitched them up. It's not like people are going with the nets were always there. How did they evolve without getting caught in the net? We invented the net. We've only been knocking around for a few hundred thousand years. But what I'm saying is it's that thing about animals learned by mistakes by other animals, you know like the monkeys peeling potatoes. Right, that's never happened. They go and put nuts in the salt water to salt the nut. Whatever. How does that get to peeling potatoes? Because in your head they were working in a canteen making chips. Yeah definitely. It doesn't matter what the food is. I'm just saying how they know how they th they they they they they they they to to to to to to to the to to the to the the to the to to the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. in a canteen making chips. Yeah. It doesn't matter what the food is. I'm just saying how they know how to sort of prepare that food. I love the fact that you don't care what the fact is.

When you're discussing facts, that's all that matters. Otherwise I'd mastermind, they just go, um, who wrote much ado about nothing? Dickens? Yeah, the, whatever someone did. The fact is what matters? Yeah, but with that question, that's got a straightforward answer. What I'm telling you is the way that animals work. If it's a potato or a nut, it's a foodage. Ha ha ha ha! And once again, I return you to my question as to what's your point?

What point were you making I'm just saying an albatross will find for if you're hungry you find food or you change your diet if you don't eat somewhere else you die out simple said before if you want a pie but they han't the other pasty alter your diet and an drastic meat yeah yeah yeah radical yeah completely changing with diet no more pies what you're eating pastie alter your diet and an old- Drastick meat. Yeah, I'm radical. Completely changing with a diet, no more pies. What are you eating pasty?

Brilliant. I'm not going to eat Keisha anymore. I'm going to have a tartlet. But you're getting more and more sort of single-minded in your... No. Single-selled. It's not not though. In your belief that everything you say has got some

kind of profound implication and that no one else is listening that we're all ignorant. We're all not listening to what you said. Go on. It's something else that is discussed in series one. This will be as good as he equals MC squared. The people aging backwards idea. Well it's not an idea. They've done something on it saying now. No they haven't. A baby has been messing about with emails. Right? Yeah, a 65 year old doesn't have to use email.

So, again, my system works. So say if you're an old person, you're not using the internet, but you shouldn't be anyway, because you should be sort of just getting used to life as an old person. When you're a baby and you're about to die, do you use the internet? I don't know what you mean when you're a baby and you're about to die? This is if it was your world. Well let me just ask a couple questions. That makes no sense at all. I'm just saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying saying, you th saying, you th saying, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, because, because, because, thi, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, th, because, th, because, th, th, th th, because, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. You thii. Because, you thii. Because, you thiiiii. Because, thi thi, because, because, because, thi, because, ask a couple of questions. Sorry, that makes no sense at all. What you just, it makes no sense at all.

I'm just saying that my theory... You may as would have hit a walk to express that point because they're... Yeah, the pong, that would have made more sense. More profound, more resonant. This is why Wendy's being open-minded to good ideas, to sensible thought, to intellectual considerations. We're not being open-minded to this utter drivel. Yeah, but every invention is a bit... Who'd have thought the frisbee would have caught on? That's not... I don't think that can count as an invention. Of course it is. People are paying for it. People are paying for carrots, but they're not an invention.

Because you pay for something, it doesn't mean it's an invention. No, but a man-made thing, a frisbee, it didn't grow off a tree, did it? Someone's made that and God I can sell this. And people are buying it. things change don't they? You know the albatross is dying out. The way, like when I walked into the flat, right? We've had ad up weather, aren't we? We've had a lot of flies knocking about. Now, when I was younger, I never saw flies sort of hanging about in gangs. Whereas... I don't know what the room this is? Were they have little motorbikes? No, you know, just you'd sort of see one, one would get in the house, you know, my dad would kill it or whatever, but you'd never see three, you wouldn't be going, oh, which one I'm gonna get first and everything, they'd come in, did exit out of a window or whatever.

Whereas I walked in on a bit of activity. There's nothing to eat here. Right? Three flies in the thighs, right. All, right, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, th.. th. th. th. they, they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, they, they, the, they, they, they, they, th, th. they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they, let them be, they seem to be happy, you know, they're playing around with each other, right? Sat down, reading the paper, look up, right? It was like, one was trying to like have it away with one of the flies, and the other one was having a go as well. It turned out it was a little fly that didn't want any of the action, but two were attacking it. How could you possibly gauge that? Just by watching. That's how you learn, isn't it? You watch, you watch. But no, this is conjecture again. You had no idea what was going on there. No I did. It's the way they were sort of jumping on it and stuff and I was like, oh, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that, the other, that, was, to. to. to. to. to. to, to. to. too. too. too. too, too, too, th. the other, th. the way that we're sort of jumping on it and stuff and I was like, oh, I'm not happy with this going on and, you know, under my roof something. My house, my rules.

But it's a nightmare because it's small. You can't control it, you don't know which one's which. You might end up sort of pushing out one, that's the bad one and you're pushing about. I'm just saying the time. What are you talking about? What point are you making? I'm just saying the way that flies used to be happy, go lucky on their own, the sun's out, have a fly about.

Whereas nowadays, oh God. There was like little attacks going on. Oh God! Oh God! How could you tell which were the two aggressors and which was the victim? How could you distinguish? This was the problem. I mean all I was looking at was which one they kept attacking and I was thinking if I can get that one in the bedroom and then get the other two out the window. What are you... Just breaking it up because what sort of a person would have be to let that go on? I don't know what he's talking about! He has no feelings for anything! He doesn't care if whole species die out. Why are you getting involved? That's where you're wrong, because I think more than most people.

I think there's a lot of people who just go through the motions. Yeah. They do the same thing every day. They can do a job, but that's all they stick to. They don't think about what them flies do. Carl, I've known you for, I don't know, four years. And all you ever say is things like, why do we have jellyfish? No, I haven't mentioned the jellyfish today. But it's the same old shit. You look at someone, you make up your own story and then your conclusion annoys you, even though it's totally fatuous. Like I say, the man with a Frisbee, what happens if he had a mate who said rubbish that, he wouldn't have done it. I love the fact that you think the Frisbee is the pinnacle of invention. Yeah, I think it's amazing. No, it's an example of something that, you know, you you you that if if that if he that if he that if he that if he that if he that if he that if he that if he th. If he th. If he thi, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you thi, you thi, you're, you're thi, you're thi, you're thi, their, you're their, you're their, you're their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their, their, their. their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, th. th. their, their, the the th. the th. the. their, their, it's an example of something that, you know, if he was on some program where you,

you know, you said, I've invented this, did go, get out, get out. They wouldn't have, they wouldn't give him time a day to say, right, I've made this thing, it's out of plastic, you throw it about, what for? Well, you just took it about just saying it's easy to put ideas down. But you've never even come up with an idea as good as the Frisbee and that's saying something? I came up with a clippable mat that goes on a cup. And it's a good little thing. I haven't followed it through yet. A what? A clippable mat? What's a clippable mat? What's a clipable mat? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I's? I's? I's? I's? I's? I's? that? I's? I's? that? I's? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that's? that's? that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's where's that mat? It's clipped to the cup all the time. And you put the cup down wherever you want because it's got a mat on it. I think I've seen that.

But why does it have to be clipped to it? Why can't they just be built into the cup? Because. So it clips. No, but just the same way that every source is different. You don't say, oh, I'm sick of this source, it doesn't fit a mug. You use the source of that. I mean, I don't use sources. Just don't buy that sort of image. But isn't a source of what you're talking about?

Kind of, yeah, but it's clippable. But why is the clipable? Why not just have the map when you put the cup down it's constantly clipped to the mutt. Why do they have to be clippable? Because that suggests it's removable. Why not just have something where it's constantly attached? What's to stop you from losing that in the much the same way as you lose the coasters? Do we need this? Do we need a clippable coaster? Let's just ask you. Let's start again. Okay, no imagine you walked in. What is it for? What is it for? Is it a coaster to stop the the tour. to stop? their sour to stop? the source? Or is it a saucer to stop. Or is it? to? the, the, the, the, the, the, the, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let. the, let. the, let. the. the, let. the, let. the, let. the, let. the, let's, let's, let's, let's. the. the. the. the. the. the, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the's have you pitch this idea to us. Just you've never about us before, you were investors.

Tell us, explain this to us, sell it to us. Right. We're living in a world where furniture is important to people. You spend a lot of money on it, don't they furniture? There's so many furniture shops out there. Yeah. All different types of wood from all over the world. Absolutely. Right. If something's come from the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. the world th. th. their th. thi. We thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We. We. We're th. We. We. We're th. We th. We're th. We th. We th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're the the the the ti. We're living ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. ti. to the ti. they. S. We're the thi. S. We're thi. We're thi. all over the world. Absolutely. If something's come from the Amazon, you don't want a coffee staying on it. No, you don't know. Right. But we're living in a world as well where people don't use sources. When you go out and buy, because people... What do you mean we live over they don't use sources? Yeah, there's loads of sources, yeah. Because I know people who buy cups singly. Right. Because there's only two people living in the flat so you don't buy a big box because in a big box of like plates and that you get things like you know what's what's the plate that's above a saucer but below a plate? the plate that's above a saucer but below a plate. So it's a plate, but it's below a plate.

But it's a size that you sort of go, what am I doing with this? So what would it be a side plate? Maybe. A plate that you'd have alongside your regular dinner plate, right? Maybe. But you don't need to be a bread roll on or something? What's your point? This is fascinating to me. Because this is his best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best best their their their their their their th. thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat. that's that's a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's a that's. that's. that's. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's a that's a that's a th. that's a their. their. their. their. their. their. their.a.a. the the the their.a.a. that.a. that. that. that. that. me. Because this is his best attempt now to try and attract investment. Do you know where that your mats are at home? I haven't got mats, don't use them. Why not?

Because it doesn't bother me. I haven't got any highly polished furniture from the Amazon. Right, Steve, have you got any sort of... I've got some coasters and I use the coasters. And do you know where they are when you need one? Well, yes, because they're always at the place where I would normally put down a mug of hot tea, i.e., on a table or a coffee table. Right, now do you find... If I had a highly polished table from the Amazon, you're a busy man, right? This is what I'm saying we're living in a world where people are busy than ever. Go on, go on.

Not everybody can sit down and enjoy a cup of tea sat in the same place. Right? You get up and you might move into another room. We haven't got a polished table from the Amazon, doesn't it? No, but you might be working on another expensive tablainthe. is this, one, does it fit all mugs? Or do I have to buy a special mug to have this special bit of cash? Well, we can work it whatever way you want. We can either look at the standard size mug and say, let's appeal to everyone, or we can get in touch with some mug company. How is it clipped? Just like little plastic clips that clip onto it. And then you clip it off and you clean it. The dishwasher proof by the way. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. te. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. toge. the. clean it. The dishwasher proof by the way. I don't know. They don't need that. But why can't you just make a mug that has something built in the base of the mug to

prevent it from making the mark? No, I don't need that. It's only the heat that makes the mark isn't it really? I just want the idea that you've just suggested then with the mug with the source of built-in? What about will we do that together? But that's not your idea, that's my idea. Yeah but without my idea you wouldn't have had that. But that's absurd. We're having a conversation I've come up with an idea now, I've got the money. I've got the money. Do you want to paint? Do you? Do it it it it? Do it? Do it? Do it? Do it? Do it? Do it? Do it? Do it? Do it? Do it? Do it? that? Do? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that. th. that. that. that. that. that. that's that's that's that. that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? th. I? Well? th. I? th. I? th. I? th. th. th. th the the th th th the th th that's th th that's th that's th the th th th the the th the th th th to go off with that idea. Yeah, you haven't painted it anyway and it's a rubbish. It's not rubbish because I've just thought as well that would be good for putting biscuits on the side as well. Oh God. Okay, no, there's no. And that by the reason we can get rid of that plate that I don't know. By the way, now this is broadcast, you can never paint in this idea. Rick, Rick, Rick, why don't th. Why th. Why th. Why th. Why th. Why th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the. this idea? Are you a mug manufacturer? Are you a mug designer? Are you someone who's got any interest whatsoever in this idea? Do you think it's a saleable

idea? And more importantly, would it be not great to have a picture of Carl's face on the man? Because it's perfectly round. Perfectly round. And you'd scold him every time? Yeah. Should there be a certain satisfaction in that? Yeah. Well if Peter Jones is listening. to, if. the, I.? Any of the big investors on that show or indeed any investors anywhere? Podcast at Ricky Givay's.com, get in touch. Tell us how we can move forward with this brilliant new idea. Pathetic. Ouchy Buzzy that he's gone and bringing it down the little hand! The jingle that signifies another reading from Carpilkington's diary. Got up and put the radio on. I listened to the story that the vicar read on radio too. Yeah, that could be good.

He was saying how Jesus was 33 when he died. He said he was more into the idea of doing a lot in your life than living for ages. This was linked to the news about the doctor who's come up with some stuff that he's been injecting himself and his wife with that makes you age better. I looked it up on the internet. It wasn't worth them doing it because they are already old looking. I don't know why people want to stay looking young. You can wear a bold head. It's not that. that. that. that. that that that that that that that that that that that that th. that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. thi. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. thi. the. the. the. the. the. theeateeateeateeate. theeeeateeeate. theeate. theeate. the. not drivel. It's just a pointless entry to a diary that. It's not because that could be like an important bit in like world history.

What? The fact that people, that someone's trying to make people not age. Age is good, isn't it? When you see an old person. What has? People trying to age better? No, but he but he that he that he that he th. No, but he's talking about if you're 90, he wants people to look like the 30. And that's not good because how would the world run when that's going on? Well, I agree.

But again, it's not a revelation. If I, if I like chatting to old people, because they know a lot of stuff. So if I'm sat on a train, someone's old, I'm happier, talking to them about... They get up and move after about 10 minutes. Well, you know that many of the brain firmen can. Yeah, they have to stay there and listen to this one. But yeah, even that, even that means that they're getting more out of life in a way because they don't move about as much so they have more thin't thin't thin't thin..... their their their their their their to death. You know you're not working as much because you're resting and you can think back about your life and you can think I had a good one. Actually it's not

been that bad. Whereas if... But you must have started that now because you've been doing nothing for the past three months. Yeah but I'm just like I'm saying it is a good thing for you to do to sort of think about what you've you've had your hands and moping around and moaning about your illness and just sitting around right you've been introspecting have you? Yeah go on then what have we come up with? I haven't come up with anything I'm just I'm just you know I have an all right life and things are changing. Oh keep saying that no but but you don't know how much they are changing to the point of, I don't know if I mentioned the squirrelly in Mars bars, but from that, from that happening to monkeys opening bottles with lids on him to, he's just, it's mental out there. It's madness what is going on. And all I'm saying is old

people need to be old people. You need to see old people. You need to go right. They might have a solution. They've been on the earth longer. Quick, we need an answer. How old are you? I'm 32. Well you look 78. I don't know who who that conversation was with, why you got angry. And I think you made the opposite point that you were making the beginning. If you're 32, you look 78. Now you were saying about it would be a problem if you were 78 and look 32. I don't know what you're saying. You came down on the wrong side then. You did that whole thing and you bollixed it up again in your brain. I'm just saying either way you need to have people who look old.

Otherwise, who's in charge. I don't know what you mean? So you say even if, so you're saying it'd be all right to make 78 year olds look 32 as long as there were some 32 year olds that look 78 as long as you've got old looking people. No, but say like... Can I tear this page out? Because it's worthless. What I mean is, when I went to the doctors, I saw the specialist, right about the kidney stones, I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was asking. I was I was asking. I was asking. I was asking. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the their. the specialist, right, about the kidney stones. I was asking him all the straight questions. Is it life-threatening? No.

You know, how long am I going to be out? A couple days. Right? Now, he was turned out. As it turned out, it's his life-threatening, and you've been out for three months, winching about the fucking thing. looked about 55 and that reassured me in a way. In a way it didn't because he's out he's one of them doctors who didn't open his eyes much and I kind of thought I hope you're talking about what do you mean? What do you mean he didn't open his eyes much? One of those sort of doctors who's either that overworked that is

he does that you know when he's like he's tired so he's going to do it. what we're he's like he's doing he's doing he's doing he's doing he's doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing is doing he's doing he's doing he's doing he's doing he's doing he's doing he's doing he's doing he's doing he's doing. and he's doing. And he's doing he's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. and he's doing. and he's doing. and he's doing. and he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. And he's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. He's doing. he. He's doing. he. he's doing. he's doing. he's doing. he's doing. he's doing. he's doing. he's doing. he's doing. he's doing. he's doing. he's doing. he's doing. he. He's doing. He's doing. like that. This is radio. I know but I'm telling you so you can see. But people are meant to be listening to this. But if they can't imagine me with my eyes shut, well tell him you've got your eyes shut, just say he had his eyes shut. Yeah he had his eyes shut. Had he been reading this? Bored, stupid I imagine. You know what you're just trying to get. Do what. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, thi. thi. thi. thi people know so much you don't even have to look at it. I don't know what you're talking about. Intelligent people. Who is so educated that they don't need to open their eyes? When you see it, you see like... I don't know what their eyes are blind. No he's been reading too much.

He doesn't know what his you and they're really posh and they talk and they talk and whenever they talk their eyes are shut and the open... I don't know what this observation is. I don't understand why he's never seen that. I've never seen an old educated man wearing tweed who doesn't bother open his fucking eyes. I don't know what you're talking about? Steve, have you saying what I'm saying because I say what I say and it can be quite annoying. If he has got his eyes because he probably just trying to absorb what you're saying and think carefully about it so he

doesn't misdemeanous you. I'm not having to go at him. It's just saying he was 50 odd and I was happy that he was there tellain't that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was that he was happy he was that he was that he was that he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was there he was he was. he was he was he was he was there he was. he was. He was. He was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he why you were watching his eyes when he was telling you about your insides. Because you can tell a lot by people's eyes. That's what I said about jellyfish. But, you know, just lines in a face tell a few stories and I don't think we should get rid of them lines. Brilliant. Wise words. Well, that's the end of show number four. thiii s series over the Ricky Givay. th. th. th. th. th. th. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. That's. thine. That's. That's. That's. th. That's. th. That's. th. That's. th. That's. th. th. That's. That's. th. th. th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. th. That's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. the end of show number four in this third series of the Ricky Gervais show. So it's goodbye for me, Ricky Javais, Stephen Merchant, goodbye. And of course, Carl Pilkington. All right. Audible hopes you've enjoyed this program.