The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guardian S4E1 "The Podfather, Part I: Halloween" (October 31, 2006)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Three free podcasts were announced that coincide with special days. The first was released on 31 October 2006, to coincide with Halloween, the next was on 23 November, coinciding with Thanksgiving, and the last was released on 24 December 2006, to coincide with Christmas.

The Ricky Jovey Show on Guardian Unlimited. Hello, welcome to the Ricky Jove Show with Guardian Unlimited. Back where it all started. With me Ricky Javes, Stephen Merchant, and of course Carl Pilkington. The internet phenomenon that is Carl Pilkington. Ah, now this could be interesting. Now that noise, do you want that is Carl Pilkington. Ah, now this could be interesting. Now that noise, do you want to explain to this number that some of you may have heard of,

6 triple 366. Now apparently this is a number you can send a text to and it will answer any question that you have for it. In the past, for instance I sent it, some quite profound questions. I once asked it, should should should should should shouldthe second bomb on Nagasaki and it had a very thoughtful answer. So we've sent it a question, perhaps equally thoughtful. Carl Pilkington believes in ghosts. Is he an idiot? Now we sent that because this is the Halloween special. These podcasts are

our three one-off free specials and they're free because we want to thank people who were who paid for the audio books we did the last two series so thank you for that I've just bought a flat in New York and Steve's just bought a lovely BMW. Mercedes. Oh is it? Carl's have his kitchen done and his boiler replaced. Still not happy but yes thank you. The back catalog is still available in audio books on iTunes, but these are three free ones. Anyway, the question we asked 6-3-6, Carl Pilkington believes in ghosts, is he an idiot? And this is the response. Unusually, producer Carl Pilkington is both an idiot and a comic genius. His humor is not to everyone's taste, however.

That's amazing. But it's curious because it doesn't really answer our question about ghosts. Send them, do you believe in ghosts? Okay. This is the Halloween special of course. That's why we're talking about ghosts. Carl, do you believe in ghosts? Yeah. I mean I haven't, I haven't seen like a proper, proper ghost. So why do you

believe in something that there's no evidence for? Yeah, but why are we here then? If it is just sort of you're born, right? And when, I mean we are useless, at least other creatures, when they're born, well you speak for yourself? No, but they're born, other other creatures are born to do a job aren't they? When a bee's born, you know what that's going to be doing. It hasn't got any options. That's got a job to do. It does that job and it dies and the next one comes along. We asked it, do you believe in ghosts? The existence of ghosts is not proven. Many experiments have claimed to identify ghosts, that that the the that the the the the the the the the thuse. thususe. thus. thus. that thus. that thus. that that the. the. that's the. that's thease. the. the. theateatease. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. thea. the the their their their their their their their their their thea. thea. thea. thea. that's that's that none have been scientifically sound. Excellent. See that's a sensible, intelligent, logical, thoughtful answer. Weird things that happened to me when I was living at home and I was in bed one night. Where do you live now? No, but was that my first home?

Your parents? Yeah, my mom and dad's. So I'm in bed and I'm lying there. Do you know you get that sense of like, oh there's something going on? And I sort of look over my quilt and there's nothing there. I'm thinking it's weird that. So turn me back on it. I'm thinking I don't want to know. If there is something there, I don't want to know. So I'm turning me back on it, but then there's like a really high-pitched noise, right? Sort of the hairs on me back are like going up a bit. And I don't like this and it's the high-pitched noise. Yeah, the hairy back even as a kid. No, but you know, everyone's got little tiny airs on them and stuff. And I thought I can't stand the, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm their their their their their their thin, I'm their thin, I'm their thired, I'm their, I'm their, I'm thigh, I'm their thigh, I'm th, I'm their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I'm thi thi, I'm thigh, I'm thigh, I'm thigh, I'm thigh, thigh, thigh, thigh, thigh, thigh, thigh, thigh, thigh, thi thi, their the stand this and I turned around, put the light on, legged it downstairs. Right? I mean, mom's saying, what you're doing? I'm going, oh, I don't know, there's something up there. So she said, alright, then watch the telly. So I stayed up for a bit, watching the tele,

went back to bed, the eye pitch noise had gone, went to sleep, their to the the the next, the next, the next, the next, the next, the next Ilders dead, right? And my dad said, oh, when did that happen? Said last night at quarter to eleven. Right. That's when I was in bed. So, what are you telling me for? Because it's weird, isn't it? It's that thing of... What do you think it would be weirder that, uh, no one ever died at quarter to eleven when you're in bed. No but that's

when all the weirdness was going on. That's when the tone was happening, my back was getting itching and stuff and... Coincident. And I went down and watched tell they went back up to Con and that, but that's when her spirit had sort of... Ah okay right, interesting. No, this is where we get into the facts. So Hilda's Spirit, that's whizzing round, whizzing round, my bedroom, because my bedroom was right next door to theirs. Yeah. So I'm just saying, that's one. Why did that, why do they whizzing round?

Why do they whizz round when they die? Why do they're going to be, wizzing round that's Carl. No, we're going the wrong way. Yeah, but it's not going to be easy, is it? How do you think it works? It doesn't work. But once again, it's not proof of anything, Carl, beyond the fact that you were a child in bed. Why did your dad ask what time she died? Why did you just sort of, you know, what you say to someone when it's awkward isn't it when someone gives you bad news so you just think what can he ask oh what what time did that happen sorry what what what exactly my wife my wife passed away yeah what time exactly no no not exactly he just said oh what's bad when did that he said well thanks for us court to 11th I remember what they say what they

they say last night oh they all these stories it or is it yeah yeah they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th th the thy the thy tell they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they What did they say last night? Is this weird, isn't it? Convenient aren't they all these stories? Or is it, or yeah, I mean, it's either that's exactly what happened, Rick, or he's misremembering the... Yeah. I don't know which one to plump for. But I tell you this though, you know, if we're talking about ghost and that. Yeah. Uh, choose your bog stand an old woman. Right. I think that's on the gravesty. I know, yeah.

No, it's just... Did you do the eulogy? No, you know. What can we say about Ilder? Bog standard old woman. Right, there's sandwiches at the bar. That's the most insulting thing you can ever say. There's actually a false- There's nothing enough. Just think about the French.

Hilda lived her life. Thank you for coming to celebrate the life of Hilda. Who died at quarter to 11 specifically? And was a bog standard old woman. Are we burning or burying? But anyway, but she lived to be quite old. Which annoyed you? And but yeah, in a bog standard standard standard standard standard standard standard standard standard standard standard standard standard? And but yeah in a bog standard way. But this is what we're saying about us all living too long and stuff. It just, it just makes it worse when

it does come to us being a ghost. I don't know what you're talking about again. That sentence made no sense. Just if you are going to be haunted, right? Say I know you're going to say, well, I don't be leaving, but say like you know, you're new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new the new their th. they're going. they're going. they're going. they're going. to to be to be to be going. to be going. to be going. to be going. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be. to be to be to be to be to be to be. to be. to be to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. I to be to be. I to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their the. toooo. too. too. toe. too. too. toe. toe. toe. to to to going on about it but say like you know your new place that you've bought you're moving and you go to bed and there's something moving about the room you see it it's a ghost oh no okay let let's for the second of all likely a Siamese cat called Ollie no because that's probably got its own room right but what I'm saying is would you prefer to have an old person moving about looking at you or just a young person? I'd prefer a youngish person who looks normal and he's sort of floating about and you go, alright? That looks normal, floating about.

No, but, but an old woman would really scare me. And ghosts are always going to have a bad reputation because they look scary because they're old. So that's... You talk absolute shit. That's all I'm saying. So we now go... Can you believe we ever charged for this? No, but look, if we are going into another life, right, after this, which we're not going to move on. We're not going to move on. Say if, say if it is like another world where we go and we plow fields and we grow crop crop crop. We grow crop. Cropes. Crops if you want. Yeah well I would like to use the English. There's too much fruit about so just the crop just something we need to get back. He's got an answer for everything.

So we grow some crop. Yeah so you grow your crop and now if we're all going into that other land or world or universe old who's going to do the cropping? Oh God! Oh yeah! I've never heard so much crop in my life. It's a load of old crop. I had to go for an ultrasound, right? Isn't that what you do if you're pregnant?

Yeah, but they, do you know I've had kidney stones that we talked about in the other podcast and that that we've done, right? I've had a kidney stone, I don't want to go on about it. But it's painful and that. Well, you are, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I, I th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've tho, I've tho, I've tho, I've that, I've tho, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that we. It, I've that, I've that we, I've th. It, I've th. It's th. It's th. It's thi, I've thi, I've thi, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've tha, I've had a kidney down I don't want to go on about it. Britain hurt. It's painful than that. Well you aren't going on about it. Yeah and it was nothing. It's routine. It's routine. Don't worry about it? It's not routine. Why do you have to keep going back? Why do you? have to keep going back? You're questioning me. You're getting into a routine? It's better than working it. You don't have to sell. No. Ho. Ho. Ho. Ho. Ho. Ho. Ho. Ho. Ho. the book. the book. the book. th. th. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's not. It's. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine. It's routine., right, the Wilder Carpilton. It's out now. When he goes on the holiday the first week, right? He's in and out of hospital, he's doing no good, he's got to go in again. He goes away with his family like twice a year, he's now said he doesn't want to do any press bought books without hearing someone telling me to buy stuff. No, you're lazy. You're lazy.

I'm not lazy. It's just that I'm sick and tired of putting tell-y on or the radio and having people telling me, oh, you've got to buy this, you've got to buy that. I don't have to do anything. I'll have a look I' I' I' I' I' I'll have tho' I' I' I' I' I' I'll have tho' I'll have tho' I' I'll have tho' I'll have tho' I'll have thee. I'll have tho'ero'er. I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll have tho, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'er. I'er. I'er. I'er. I'er. I'er. I'er. I'er. I'er. I'er. I'a, I'a, I'a, I'a, I'a, I'a, I'a, I'a, I'a, I'a, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm just, I'm just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, you'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er. tho'er. tho'er. thousands of books car they may not find it just kind of direct them towards it I don't want to direct them to it I just you know if you come across it most of all this work into this book all these illustrations you've done an extra material because I enjoyed it for me right but you but you don't want anyone to read it so they will read it they'll find it they'll find it people they're in the their people people people they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they they they they'll they they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they'll they're they're, you know, it... So I went back, right, and they had the ultrasound thing where they're looking to see what else is in there. And when I was in the waiting room, it was a woman there, I reckon she was about 98. Why are they rooting around in her to see what's up with her? Just let her die, do you know what I mean? And if th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they they they they they they they they're they're they're their their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I th. I'm th. I'm thu. I'm thu. I'll thuu. I'll thuuu. I'll thuu. I'll thuuu. I'll their their their their their their their around in her to see what's up with her?

Just let her die, do you know what I mean? If she's not in any pain. No, all I'm saying, I'm just saying, how long does she want to be around? And the problem is she went off, right? I was sat in the waiting room, she went off into the little cubicle to put her a gown on. And because she's old, she can't bend her arms and that. So she came out with it all open on the back. And it was horrible. It looked like a chicken that hasn't been looked after.

Right? It was all leathery skin and that, right? Now the thing is, it's all very well keeping people alive, but the surroundings of the body isn't meant to be lasting that long, is it? do you know what I mean? The actual skin of a body, it's all very well keeping the art going, checking the kidneys and all that, but we're not meant to be around this length of time. Yet we are, we're messing with it. Just do the gown up. You never do, you never get, you never see insects or anything like that, that look, you don't, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, that, that, that, that, th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, keeping, keeping, keeping, keeping, keeping, keeping, keeping, keeping, keeping, keeping, keeping, keeping, the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the state of that. Because they live about four weeks! Yeah but maybe that's the way it's meant to be in the same way we maybe we were only meant to live to be 40. But why did you go in for your

operation then why didn't you just think well this is it about Mattie? If they're looking after an old woman who's about 98 I'm having to go well well of course, because you want to live on. She might have been flirting with you. No, she was keeping it open just so you can have a little look. But I'm just saying, is that right? Is it right that you're going there, rooting around and stuff? I didn't like it. I didn't like having it done, you know, I don't like going to the hospital and stuff and the doctors and all that and she was pushing the, uh, the things, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to have, to have to have to have, to have, to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the, the, to the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, to their, to their, their, th pushing the thing down and she said oh you can have a look if you want so what were down where on on my kidney she was pushing like this little scanner thing all right she was gonna have a look I was gonna I don't want to have a look she's gonna what's up with you said I don't want to see me inside so did they did they did all that we've talked about in the other but you're asleep. Well not really, no. What do you mean? Why does it bother if you're asleep? Well that's like to say no, I woke up and the house was robbed. Oh, it doesn't

matter you're asleep. Well no, but... It's still going to bother you, isn't it? No, but you know it was happening and you did it willingly. It's that you, that you that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that you're that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. thi. the. thi. the. that's that's that's that's that that's that that that that that It's not pleasant to go in and be made to go unconscious. That's the unpleasant bit, isn't it? And pain. Well no, it's more the idea of it, isn't it? That's why, you know, doctors telling you everything they're doing. It's like, don't tell me, you know what you're doing. It's like, you know, the doctor's doing, they're doing. Just stones again. I'm not going to go all, I've had it done before, I know what to do. I'll stick it up there. Doesn't happen, does it? But I can't, what was a saying? So anyway, so she was pushing the scanner over me, kidneys and stuff. Now it was weird with her because at no point did she make eye contact with me. Well, I don't understand what that means. What should he meant to wink and go your kidneys are fact? No, but it's just weird that she probably spends her days looking inside people more than she does talking to people. I just thought it was

odd. That's how she sees people. When she looks at people she probably sees kidneys. Well, this doctor? The woman doctor? Well doctor? Yeah. Right. So what you're saying is the strange thing is that she often spends more time looking in people because she's a doctor than chatting to them? Yeah. And is it weird that Jonathan Ross was the other way around because he's a chat show host? He spends more time talking to people than looking inside them. No but even when I was asking a different job. When I was asking a question saying you know does it look all right? What's it doing? Is it moving about? You know asking her questions? the

you know asking her questions. She could have quite easily just turned around and give me a bit of my contact. She was looking at the screen in order to answer your questions. Yeah, she's at work, she's doing something. If she was here now going, Carl, what are you doing with that microphone? You go shut the fuck up. I'm doing a podcast. Did she run this scanner over your head? And if so did she find anything? We'd like to try and educate Carl, Rick, as we have done since we've known him really, and he doesn't really seem to absorb any information. No.

And I was asked recently, when I was going back to Bristol, if I would come and talk to a classroom, to school children. You know, just talking about careers and particularly my career. And I went down there, it was in Bristol, it was in a inner city school, quite rough area. You're a son of Bristol, you're a celebrated son of Bristol. You've done, you're a golden globe-winning person who's returned to the homeland. It annoys me when I go down there that I'm not met as I get off the train like the Beatles used to be when they came out from America. By a mayor and a brass band. Hordes of people tick-or-take.

Forever this day will be called Steve Merchant Day. Exactly. It frustrates me that I just sneak back into town, there's no fanfare. But basically they asked me to come talk with this school and I sort of batted they did and I didn't have a decent excuse so I went and I was expecting to talk to maybe a room of six-formers. They were nine, these kids, nine and ten years old. But I realized as I was walking into the school I was suddenly really nervous. I was more nervous than anything I've ever done because I realized I had not spoken to a child like that

since I was a child myself. I just I've never interacted with them. So I didn't know at what level I would be able to pitch this talk. I didn't know what they understood, what ideas they understood. Obviously I'm in mind I was picturing Carl and then I was ratcheting it up a few years, sort of IQ wise. And I went in, so what did you talk to about? And I was supposed to talk about careers and I realized very quickly that they didn't really understand conceptual. Did they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they were, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, obviously, obviously, obviously, I'm, I'm, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, I'm, obviously, obviously, I'm, obviously, I'm, obviously, I'm, obviously, I'm, I'm, I'm, obviously, I'm, I thed, obviously, I thed, I thed, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Obviously, obviously, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. Obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, I'm, obviously, I'm, I'm, I'm, obviously, I'm, I'm, obviously, I'm, I'm, obviously, I'm, obviously, I'm, obviously, obviously, I'm, I'm, obviously, obviously, I'm, obviously, I'm, obviously, I'm thi. Obviously, obviously, I'm they're, I'm they know you were? Not really, one or two of them made vaguely near. One of them went, what's Ridge and Raid like? And I said, you've got a deep voice. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, that was one of the teachers. And I'm supposed to be talking about careers, how to get into careers. And I start trying to explain the idea of being a writer and I say that's very important to be able to get inside other people's minds, you know, figure out how they think and how, you know, try to understand other people. But this, they didn't really seem to grasp, they started talking amongst each other, you know, they were just losing interest. I lost them straight away. I was devastated. Oh no. So then, and this is the worst thing, right? I started lying to them. Because I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they didn't really they they didn't really they didn't really they they they didn't really. they they didn't really. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they didn't. I. they didn't to to try. I didn't really try. I didn't really try. I didn't really didn't really told. I to to they didn't really they didn't they they they they they they time I told a slight lie, because I thought they'd be interested, they were.

I know Justin Timberlake. You're not joking, right? They said, one of them said, I understand you used to be a DJ, and I went, yeah, it's great being a DJ because you get to meet pop stars like Robbie Williams and Bionse. I never met either of them. And they went, one, and I went, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I, I, I, I, I, I know, I, I, I, I know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, th.. I know, th. th. th. I know, th. th. th. I know, th. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I went joking I went you wouldn't like her. And I said no I'm joking I'm joking she's lovely she's sweet she's good as gold I was making it up I was making it up. But they were loving us and the teacher was going would you all like to meet Bionso and they were going yeah and I was thinking God well. Well I don't know why I felt the I felt it was like. I don't know why I felt the thrown. I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt it I felt I felt it the the the the the the th. I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt like like like the the the the the the the the th. I felt th. I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt I felt like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. th. th. thou. to win the approval of these nine-year-olds. That's amazing! Because my own achievements I realized wouldn't mean anything to them.

You know, I can talk about the people I have met, but they don't care if I've met Robert De Niro, but they're interested if I've met girls allowed. Or me and girls are led to some of the times we't, to me I can't grasp the difference really in conversation and chat between say a seven year old and a 13 year old. I don't know at what point they learn stuff and pick stuff up. Do they understand? Do you know what I mean? I find it really hard to... I remember. I was about nine. The head master, which, used to do a little fable. I've talked to him and stand up, he used to do a little fable. There's one I remember where he got a tube of toothpaste and he got someone up, he said, you, come out here, squeeze this tube of toothpaste out on this board and he squeezed it all out, right?, you can't do it. He said it's easier to do something than undo it. Okay, go back to class. Like people are going, oh I get it. I know what he means. And they're just thinking,

don't squeeze all the toothpaste down. Just save some. I mean, you know, there's no way they're going to take on that metaphor at the age of nine. It's too sexual, yeah. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Just stop misbehaving, or I'll smack you. That worked. Carl, have you had to have any dealings with kids? How do you get on with kids? Do you relate to them, or are they just cocky and what have you. But I'm sort of getting on with a baby at the moment because I've been made like a godfather. Think of that.

So, wow, who did they reject? I know. I mean, who said no? Well, I did. I did that first and then Suzanne said, look, it's not really a choice it's not like a job interview or something that you're thinking about is it a good thing so you've been asked you should take it on but what are they what if they hold on if you're the godfather of this kid presumably your friends with them and they probably listen to spot so now they're hearing for the first time that you didn't want to be a father to you know I think I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the th no no no no no no no no no no no they th no they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're th th the they're to the thi they're to they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're think that's good because they can hear that, you know, it wasn't, I didn't just do it because I was asked, I thought about it, I thought it through, you know, I was

worried it was kind of like, is this a job? And I was just asking... Well, it's nothing but tokinistic is it? You're not really... Well, this is what I looked into. I said, we went back and I said, I said, I've, I've, I've, I, I, I, right, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, th. was, th. was, th. was, th. was, th. was, th. was th. was th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha, was, th. th. th. th. anything happens to them I've got a kick in I'd have to start looking after the baby so I said right how many of you are in your family if that happens am I gonna start getting a phone call or what and they said no there's a big family you're not you know you're at the bottom of the list so it was like how many and just finding out what their age is and and you know I've only got a small flat it to the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. So. So their. So. So. So. So. I'm their their to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their is. their is. their is their is. their. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. I's is. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So I's their their their t. So. So. I's t. So. So. I'm te. So. So. So. So. So, te. So. I's te. So. So, t. So, their. So,, it would have to sleep in the sink or something. So I checked all that out and all safe.

So this baby is spooking me out of it because it doesn't blink. And that's pretty weird when you're sort of talking to it and you're thinking, it's not blinking. Are you sure it's not asleep? No, it's honestly, it's weird. If something doesn't blink, it's like it's evil. Because blinking just makes something look a bit more friendly, don't it? And I was stood there, you know, talking to it. I just tell it little stories about anything. It's lying there looking up at me. How old is it? It's about, it must be about two and a half months. Well then, why are you telling it stories?

Because it likes it. But it's just weird how like, then I'll sort of forget the story because I'm looking at it's not blink yet. It's not blinked yet. It's been about 10 minutes, it's not blinking. So then I forget the and at the time. I think it likes it. The kids like stories, like you say, they're not bothered if it's not true or anything. Or if you walk away before the ending because you've forgotten it. That's why it's not. That's why it's not. It's not. It's why people the ending of the to' toys coming out of your goal. No. No. No. No. No. No, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. they're, their. the's why people like stories, because they're hooked into knowing what happened. No, because there's loads of films that happen and they

have a funny ending. You leave there going, I don't know what's meant to happen. And you make it up in your own head, you go, well I bet what happened is that person went off and got married to that woman and they lived that. And then in your head it it it it it it it it's it's it's it's it's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. And their their their their their their they have and their and their and their and their and their and their and their and their and their and their and their and their and their and their and their have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have have their their their their their their their their their the. And the. And the an the an end end end end end end the an end end end end the.e an end end end the. And the an the an end end they have. And they have they have their they're had. And think that's better. Why we told everything? So what would your end be to a story such as the elephant man? Okay, he's rescued from the freak show, he's put in the hospital, it becomes something of a celebrity, then what happens? He discovered he had big ears and he could fly and he joined the circus and he was the main attraction? Um, I wouldn't change the end of the circus and he was the main attraction? I wouldn't change the end that much because at the end of the day you can't make something up that's not believable. At the end of day he's got an head like an elephant. It's not going to have a good life is he? So there's no point making out that he went on, loads of women fancied him and you know he modeled hats. So he's got to die, the elephant man had to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their. their their. their their their their their their. Hea. Hea. Hea. He's their their their their their their their. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. He's tie. He's tie. He's tie. He's got too. He's got tie. He's gotee. He's gote. He's gote. He's got their their their their their their their their the going to happen. So he's got to die, the elephant man had to die, but at the same time... Was shot by poachers? Just show, just show a few positives, you

know, because I'm sure there was good bits in his life. I don't know what they were, but you know, look at everything. What was he like when he was a little baby? What They didn't cover what he was like as a kid. But you can get away with them sort of looks when you're a baby. You can be an ugly baby and everyone goes, oh, isn't it nice? There was some woman in a cafe the other week that was sat in. And she came up and she sat down with a mate and she was talking loudly going on about, oh, the baby's lovely lovely, they doesn't sound like a nice baby to me. I felt like saying it sounds like a frog.

But I thought I don't know her. There's only so much you can say to a stranger. I don't know what kept me from saying. That's what we're saying before about. There's something like a frog. There's something inside of you that stops you. Yeah, that's amazing that you have the urge to go. That doesn't sound a good baby. What, love?

I'm just listening to conversation. That baby you're talking about sounds like a fucking frog. Mmm. Yeah. But something stopped him saying it. Ah! Ah! I just came back from America and they love Halloween. They're obsessed over there. I mean it's a proper, proper thing out there.

Here it's sort of half-hearted, a few middle class families sort of, you know, dress up. But do you think it will get more popular here though if we do find out that ghosts are about? Well that would never happen because they're not. No, but if they did, then suddenly that would be a big, it's a big thing. Well, America makes things famous now because of because of film culture and everything. So yeah, it's all, it's all from that. I doubt we celebrated much at all, it'd be 50 years ago. So I think it's crept up. I was certainly over here we didn't, but it's been largely introduced over here through commercial ideas isn't it? Yeah. We can sell

stuff for film and things that are. But out there it was, they start like weeks and weeks before and they're decorated like proper, proper and then but I saw a bakers, little bakery in in in soho and it didn't look right with cobwebs all over and spiders on the buns yeah and but even though it's fake it's just I don't think you should do it on a bakery it's you know what I mean? It's you know what you mean? That surely puts you off the product a little bit. I always find it a bit depressing. Last remember going into supermarkets and you see sort of these old women who, you know,

in their 60s and they're doing this job they don't really want to be doing, but they've been made to dress up as a hat, I know. As a witch or as Cinderella, and it just... Well, they could do it in like a morgue or something, just thua, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th.. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, they.....a, the, the, they.a, they.a, the, they.a, they.a, they.a, they.a, they.a, they.s.s, they.a, they.a, to, to, to, to, to, to sort of... Brighting up the place. Well just so people aren't that scared. Imagine that. I imagine you're going to identify your dead relative and I go, well spiders all over it is 31st October. Oh, okay. But just make it a bit spookier and have a bit of fun with it and let's not get serious about, you know, like I say, passing on. Yeah, but those sort of people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people th of th of they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that, to that, imagine. I to to to to to to that, th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. the. I'm the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that. I that. I that. I that. I'm to those sort of people have to take their job serious. I remember when my mum died and I had to go along and I was talking about the wreath they wanted and this person quite rightly had to turn off their sense

of humor in a way because I suppose they're so they mustn't offend anyone so I had to... I spoke like that all times. All times. Okay and what, and what, what, what, what, what, what, um, what, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, what, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th-, th-m, th-m, th-m, th-m, the, tho, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho so they mustn't offend anyone. So I spoke like that at all times. All times. Okay and what would you like the wreath to say? She was a mother and a grandmother. I went yeah, my mother, grandmother and what was her name? I said her name was Eva. I said, and I made a joke. I said do we get a discount because her name's short and she went, well actually didn't laugh, didn't that didn't get that all, just went, just answer the question she went, well actually you pay by the letter. I thought okay that fell flat, I'll go again. I went, well a friend used to call her E. Yeah, yeah. I went, I'm joking.

Nothing. Yeah, yeah. I went, I'm joking, she went, okay. Nothing. Yeah, bad audience. Bad time, bad audience. Tough crowd. Yeah, undertaker's never known for their own. Yeah, exactly, yeah. They don't crack jokes, Carl. A friend of mine was trying to be a doctor. And in his first year, when they actually, they practiced, they intern at the hospital, he was watching this patient and two other doctors came in and I won't say his name. They said, can you go and check on Mr. So-and-so? He went, yeah, and changed his drip. So he went in, changed his drip, came back out. The doctors came after about 10 minutes, they came running and said, what did you do? What did you do??? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He? He, he? He, he? He, he? He, he? He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he was, he was, he, he, he, he, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he, he was, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he? He, he? He? He, he? He, he? He? He, he? He, he? He, he? He, he? He, he? He, he, he? He, he, he, he? He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he? He, he his drip, came back out, the doctors came after about ten minutes they came running and said, what did you do? And they went in there,

he said, I just changed the drip, he goes, well he's dead, he's dead. He's dead, he's dead. He's today, I just changed the drip, I did this and that, and they because it's imperative if you're a doctor to become accustomed to the fact that people die and that it's... Exactly. Yeah, so they were making a joke about a dead body that means nothing to them other than professionally. You know, they were getting through it. He thought he just murdered someone. Yeah, well, he thoult he just killed someone. But But yeah they have to be desensitized but they wouldn't do that in front of the relatives. They wouldn't go. I had a laugh earlier with a young intern. When your dad died we sent him to change the drip, didn't even check. It was quite good. Anyway let's

get him out of here. No, what they do have a laugh. I heard about a doctor who was working on a a brain and apparently they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're the they? And apparently when they work on the brain, it's best if to keep you awake because, you know, just so you can go that hurts a bit and they go, oh, best not touch that bit again. That's the reason. Amazing. That's the reason. No, there is certain operations, isn't they where they go, this one we want to know it's probably because the brain needs to be active in order to yeah let's show activity yeah so you can wake up and go yeah no that stings that stings don't put that in there you can't feel anything in the brain anyway no nerve endings really you can't can't can't feel it can you well maybe there's an other reason but but anyways he's the the head's open to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, but in your worries night he sat on a hard-backed... I think it's all that in front of a mirror, like an air-dresser type thing, right? And he's cut the skin off. Yeah, get a bit shorter there? So he's... is... Is it's going to get a bit of there? So he's... So he's... It's... I won't be sha shshshshshshshsh to cut to cut the to cut to cut to cut the to cut to cut the skin. the skin. the skin. the skin. the skin. the skin. the skin. the skin. to cut the skin. the skin. to to the the the to the the the the the the to the the the the the the to to the the the the the the the the th. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. He's cut. aren't you? Whenever you cut anything you end up with a bit missing.

But anyway somehow it's... he does the brain stuff, he fixes it. I don't know what he was doing. But if... Yeah, if you don't know about that. You don't know about the intricacies of brain surgery? That I find perplexing. So they're not on a neurosurgeon? I don't want to sort out the problem out out out out right all we've got to do now is stick the head bit back on yeah that's what it's called by the way the head bit this happened this happened yeah the head bits connected to the face bit so he sticks nurse headbit doctor do you need leg bit not yet nurse head bit so they stuck the head bit back on and then the past I'm try to so the to s I'm try to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to the the the th to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thrying to sew it and he was going, this isn't fitting this. He's going, I don't know, and do you know like, because the patients... Right, if this turns out that is someone else's head? Or a tupe from the doctor next to him or a cat?

Wow, you've sewn a cat to my brain. It's none of that. He's trying to sew it and he's thinking, and he's hea, he's thinking, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is their, is their, is thi, is thi, is thi, is a, is a thi, is thi, is a thi, is, is a thi, is, is, is a thi, is, is, is, is a thi, is, is, is a thi, is, is, is a thi, is, is, is a, is, is, is, is, is a their, is, is, is, is, is a their, is, is, is a their, is a their, is a their, is a so soo, a soo, a soo, a soo, a their. A. A, a soo, a soo, a soo, a soo, a soo, a soo, a soo, a soo, a soo, a soo, a soo, a to, a to, a to, a too, a. So he's messing with it, he's going, I don't understand this and he's panicking a bit because the patient's awake and chatting and stuff and you know, it's difficult to have a normal chat when you're panicking a little bit. There's a cue as well, people want their brain done. And they're just reading old, they're reading, they're going out tonight. So, I'm going out to wash it to wash it to wash it to wash wash wash. Do wash. Do wash. Do wash. Do wash. Do wash. Do wash. Do wash. Do wash. Do wash. Do wash. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do it. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's, the. It's, the the the the the the the the the the the the there. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's, you. It's difficult. It's, you., just take it off, do the brain, put it back on. Anyway, what happens is, he has to start rubbinging. He has to start rummaging. Sort of rummaging. Rummaging. No! There's no end before the first G. Rummaging. Well, he starts looking through the, uh, he starts having to look through the bin. Oh what? Because he knows he's chucked a bit away of the skin.

Right. Where is this surgery where a bloke sitting up in front of a mirror and there's a bin? Is there a little basketball ring above the bin as well? So when he throws things it goes through there first? I'm just saying that's what happened and you were saying that's what happened and you were saying joke about it. So it's rummaging and what happens? He said to him, he said the fellow was starting to sense the nervousness and he said what's going on and he says oh I'm never going to believe it I've lost a bit of your skin. I lost a bit of your head yeah. I can't. I don't understand why is it why is it? That's what I mean because things just break up? Because things just break up. the thinnec- their their he. their he. he. It's, their, their, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he, he, he, he, he's like, he, he's like, he, he, he, he's like, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. And he. And he, he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he's th. And he's th. And he's th. And he's th. And he's th. And he's like, I's like, I's like, I's like, I's like, I's like, I's like, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. And he's like, I'd cooked his face before he cut it up. I'm just saying how flesh it sticks together well when...

He'd cooked the scalp before he taken off his head taddy. No, but it's just an example of our skin can break up with the muscles and everything. So he's rummaging in the bin and does he find the hair? He found the bit and he's like, oh sorry about that, and he, and he, and he, and he, and he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's he's cooked, he's cooked, he's cooked, he's cooked, he's cooked, he's cooked, he's cooked, he's cooked, he's cooked, he got to make a joke out of stuff, hath? Yeah, it's bollows. If you're a doctor. Okay, that's good. So where was the joke in that story? At what point did, when did I think? I thought this was a story about how doctors have a sense of human? When did he then they sort of laughed, they said. And, oh. And, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, their. It, oh, oh, their. If. If, their. If, the, the, the, their. If, the, the, oh, the, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the, oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. If. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the out of it. I've never heard such nonsense. I've never heard such nonsense. Right, Carl, let's do a competition, chance to win some of the product that we've got out that Carl doesn't want to talk about because he's too lazy. No, it's not that.

Well if you do want to win a copy of this book, Ricky Javais presents the World of Car Pilkinton. It's by all three of us. And, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it's, and it's, and it's, the the their, their, their, their, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's their, it's, it's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it of this book, Ricky Gervais presents the world of Carpilceton. It's by all three of us and it's some of the musings and thoughts and ideas from the podcast. Carl has got some new theories, it's illustrated throughout. By Carpilton. It's got excerpts from the diary. They're genuine, aren't they? They're just, they're photo-stated things from the diary that people haven't seen. And it's fascinating, Reed. We can sign that.

We can also give you a copy of this new three-discs set, CD of The Best of... Is it the first series of the Rikidavay show? Yeah, well it award-winning, record-breaking podcast. It's also got some excerpts, if you want it the best of you can put that on, and it's got one hour of new material which we recorded especially for it, but you can't get that, you can't buy that in the shops to the 13th November, and I throw in the new Flanamels' book, Flanimals of the Deep, the third in the trilogy Carl. Are you excited about that? Yeah. And the question is, do you want them? Okay, that's the quiz question. Yeah. Okay. Is that the threat question?

No, no, no, no, no, it's just the first correct answer. I'm not going to know what the correct. The correct the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct is the correct the correct is the correct the correct is the correct is the correct the correct the correct is the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct the correct answer is the correct answer is the correct answer is the correct answer is the correct answer is the correct answer is the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first question is the first. Do the first question is the first. Do the first question. Do the first first first answer. Do the first correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct correct answer. I the correct correct answer. I the correct answer. I the correct correct answer. I the correct answer. I the correct correct answer. I the correct. I the correct. I the correct. I the correct. I the first. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm, the first correct answer. I'm not going to know what the correct answer is but do you want them and think what you know if you do want them then that might you know what's the answer and you can send that to. Podcast at Ricky Javais dot com include your name and address and if you're the lucky winner then we will send this stuff to you if you want it and it's the first come first serve, okay? So the first correct answer to the question, do you want it? Do you want that stuff? Do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want flanamels in the CD box set in the book and that? Okay, well if you know the correct answer to that, podcast at Ricky Javais. Good luck everyone. Well, thank you for listening to the first of these three special podcasts with Guardian

Unlimited. The next one is out for Thanksgiving. Um, 23rd November. We don't actually celebrate Thanksgiving. What is Thanksgiving? Uh, it's a thing in America. Right. It's like the big holiday. Probably rivals Christmas, probably bigger than Christmas in... Well, what do we do here? But we don't celebrate here, do we? So? It's a date, isn't

a day, isn't it? Yeah, but no one's going to remember that, are they? Twenty-third of November? Are they? Twenty-third of November, are they? Twenty-third of thir. thir. the thirea. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thii. tho. tho. tho. the the 23rd November and the next one's the 25th December. Can we, well how can I remember 25th December? Um, Christmas. But Thanksgiving, we don't celebrate the Christmas. But Thanksgiving, we don't celebrate the Thanksgiving, we don't know. Okay, the next one's out about the 23rd of November. Then after that, about the date before my birthday. Oh, they're going to remember that, they're theyve. It's Steve. Yeah. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the next. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. th. the. the. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th under audio books, by the way, not podcasts, audio books and you can get everything we've ever done. I'd like to thank the guys at Positive Internet for hosting this. Those great guys, what would we do without them? So it's goodbye from me, goodbye from Steve Merchant.

Bye. And goodbye from Carpilketon. The Ricky Jovey Show on Guardian Unlimited.