The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guardian S5E1 (September 15, 2008)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Four more episodes were released on 15 September 2008 through the iTunes Store. This series was released all at once as an Audiobook, almost two hours in length and split into four half-hour episodes. This series differs because they were recorded at the same time. There are no contests or any interaction from the listeners as the previous series contained.

Ricky, the Vase to the motion and with us. Carl Dilkington, can't. This is the worst chair I've ever sat on, and I've sat on some fucking chairs in my time. Yeah. Are we started? One. Are we recorded? Yeah. Ready? Yeah. Ready? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Hello and welcome to a brand new series. What? It's ridiculous.

What? It's ridiculous. I was getting it all fired up. He's excited and motivated. What are you talking about? One, one, one, one, one. Just seems a bit loud that. Well, well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that. Well, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that. Yeah. Yeah. that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. I. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I was. them all fired up! He's very excited and motivated. What are you talking about? One, one, one, one. Just seems a bit loud that. Well, you should have sorted that out. Look at that. Look at this, Carl. Jesus shambles, mate.

This is a people have paid good money for this. Carl, are we ready now? that. What are you up to fucking Davros? Hello? Yeah, I'll just I'll just sit like that. Right okay ready. It was your problem. Oh Jesus Right ready? Yeah. Hello. Welcome to a brand new series of the Ricky Gervais with me Ricky Javais. Hello. Well, I know. I was so excited to say hello. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right Jave Show with me, Ricky Javeys. Hello. Well, I know. I was so excited to say hello. Okay, right, okay.

Hello and welcome to a brand new series of the Ricky Javeys, Stephen Merchant, hello, and the little round-headed, shaven chimp that is Carl Bilkington. All right. The boys are back in town. What concerns me, is th, is the the the the the the the the the the the thiii, is the the thi, is thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thian thian thian thian thian thian thian thian thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, to to to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, so, so, soo, soo, soo, soo concerns me, is this the tail end of the last series of podcasts, or are this a brand new comeback? What I mean is, is this Take That when Robbie Williams had left, they sort of limped on with a couple more songs and then called it an end? Or is this the triumph and return of take that? this is, I mean, no, I think we're sort of a, we're like a great, we're like, we're like, we're like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, a, a, a, a, a, a th. th. Rob, a th. Rob, a th. Rob, a th. Rob, a th. Rob, a th. When, th. Rob, th. th. th. th. th. th. for a couple of years doing their their fifth album right is it the fifth it will do it? The media album? Yeah we've done a one two three series we did the specials which is like a fourth series yeah this is like the fifth series of podcasts they can't call it podcasts because they're audio books because we're

charging for them we're're not having to give them away free first, then charge for them, because in the past we've given away free, oh and then we put on iTunes, a back catalog, you can buy them. If you missed out in the last year when they were free, when they were free, now you can pay a pound, people are complaining. Last time we gave it away for free, like a year later we sort of the way, like, we sort, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and, and, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th. th. And, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh did our bit. We gave it to you for free and now we're charging for everybody to get you should have bought it for free. We can't do anymore. If everyone did that I mean it would just be a better world wouldn't it? Give it away for free maybe and then charge me if you're too late. So we're not even going to give this one away for free because they annoyed us didn't they can't? Yeah a little little. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. th. thin. th. th. tho one. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. We's. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. We's. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. One. It. did a bit of planning for this as well. We thought we're going straight to a paid audiobook. Let's plan it.

Let's not just come in here and chambles. We've booked a studio. We're in a nice little studio in West London. Our own little, it's all to ourselves, isn't it? We're just... It's all right. Yeah, I've got a rubbish chair. Look how big I am. I have a giant sat on a, like a kid's chair. And you've got, look at you, you're almost out for sleep, as usual. Carl, I don't know why you need a good chair. What's the ttttttttttttttttthee? What do you need a good comfy chair? Look how you're set in a chair? thea. to the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thr-in. thr-up. thr-a. thr-a. thr-a-I. thr-I. thp-I. thp-I. thp-I-I-I-I thr-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a. thp-a. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th-a. th-a-a-s. th-s. I-s. I-s. I th-s. I th-s. I ttttttttttttttttode-s. I toda-s. I ttoda-s. I tttoda. I toda. I toda. I toda. Is this how you normally be able? Do you always get your own way at home? Is this how it is? Yes, in my house. I do normally sit in a chair that I find comfy. Will you be happy if I've stopped chairs? Yes, I had to get him a special chair?

Yes, I had to get him a special chair. I bought him a special chair. I bought him. Oh, don't like this. I the. I the one. their their their. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I normally normally normally normally normally. I th. I th. I th. I th. I normally normally normally normally th. I th. I th. I th. I normally normally normally th. I th. I th. I th th. th th. I th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I try. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. too. I too. too. too. I try. I too. I try. I too. I t the. I try are, that's a lovely happy ending. You ended up, same thing. I didn't give him a happy ending. He just sat there and he worked. There was no happy in your bone. Do you get this where you be happy? I think I would be happy soon. What do you think? It's like Goldilocks? Are you going to be happy with this? Why don't you let me try it on for size and see how we get on? This is it? thr we're how we're how we're th how we get on. This is th how we get on. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. This is th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You get th. You get th. You get th. You get th. You get th. You get th. You get th. You get th. You get th. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You th. You get the. You get the. You get the. You get the. You get the. You get th. You get the. You get th. You get th. You get th. You, let's just try it. How's that, sir? That's a nice chair, actually. Well, you're going to move the chair, so you're going to sit. I'm not, it's the whole dynamic. No, I'm going to move the chair, don't I mean. Yeah, you've got to be me, it's got to be me's some KitKat in the fridge, isn't there? We thought we'd feed Kyle and a little Kit Kat later. Because he's like, he's there, he's sort of pressing the buttons, he's keeping an eye on the computer and everything.

And it's like a doctor. A doctor doesn't swab his own forehead. So what I do is, well with a tea? He talks about you with the chairs. He was looking at what tea bags there were on PG tips. Oh, okay. It's a bit strong PG. I can't believe you've got favorite tea bag. What's your favorite tea bag? Twining's English breakfast. Can you had a selection of tea bags. And we had nothing else going on. He said, right, what I'm going to do, I'm going to make three teas. And he used Tetley, PG, twinings. Straight away I got the twining straight away. Party time in the Pilgden house. Oh, men of having a little, you can tell by the smell of a PG, because it's a strong tea that, very strong. Twining's is quite fresh and light. Tepley was just the one in the middle.

Can they get their money back? If they have paid for this, can they get their money back and just illegally download it with the thing is it? We're just on a chat. Oh we can tell like like the teabags we can tell the quality podcasting from the rubbish can we? We'll tap this out. If this is still in then it didn't go well. All right then. So let's start now let's concentrate. So episode one I thought what we do is maybe go over some of the things that have happened since we met, as it's the final series. We met in about 2002. I thought we could think of how the world's changed in those seven years, six seven years.

Well certainly the big news is the endless threat of terror. Terror, the war on terror. That had kicked in when we met Carl, those years ago. I walked into that room. We were given this little, what, at first I thought was a little slack-jawed chimp, sort of techno kid. It turned out that he wasn't very technical either. Didn't even have that, just a gimp and he opened his mouth and we thought,

we've struck gold here. This is like a vein of pure idiocy. So that was going on. Podcast and had been invented. That's new, isn't it? You were very much a pioneer if you don't mind me saying Rick. Thanks mate. The iPod. the iPod pod pod pod pod pod pod pod pod pod pod pod pod pod. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like, tod. It's like. It's like, today. today. thi've talked about the iPod, Kyle not impressed. I think it's just an amazing piece of design. No, it is, it's good. Now I've always said it's it's good. Now I've got one. I was listening to it on the way here. But all I'm saying is... How many songs have you got on it? Because you said there's only about three songs you'd want to hear? Well what I've have I I I I I I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I've I've I've I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've probably probably probably I've probably probably I've th. I've probably probably probably probably I've probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably to to to to to to th. I've th. I've about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about to to the to the th. I've th. I've th. I've about I've about I've about I've about I've about I've about about I've about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've it now. That's right. But there's no there's no sort of filler I don't just go putting full albums on it. No. A handpick. Yeah. But what's odd is I find that I'm sort of buying stuff that I wouldn't normally buy if it

was only on record which is good but bad because I've got a lot of clutter now. You know what I mean? Well you said you haven't, you said you haven't got a filler. I thought you were cherry picking. No but what I'm saying is, like yesterday I bought some Dr. Ruck. When is it last time I thought I was. I've told, I heard it and I thought, oh I used to have that one What did you stuff on? Dr. Rook. Every Sunday? Well, it's just, that's the memory I've got of it. I'm cooking the turkey, put the Dr. Rook on. It's just always on. And some other country western singers. My mom was Jim Reeves. She always put Jim Reeves. Yeah, I like Jim Reeves. Yeah, I like Jim Reeves. My parents didn't music on in their music. Sil music music music music music music music music music. S. S. S. S. S. S. to music. the music. the music. the music. their music. their me me me me me me me me me me me me me. their music. their music. their music. their me. their me. I their their me. I put their. I put their. I put their me. I put their me. I put their. I put their. I put their. I put their. I put their. I put the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I put. I put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. Put. I. I. I. Put. I. Put. I. I. I t. I t. I too. I'm. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. their. I put. I put their. I put. I put. I put. does their edding when she comes around to my mom and dad's house because his music on in every room all different. And my mom's got into this fella called Roger Fender or something, some country western singer and it's on all the

time on loop the same song. She said the sheep across the road has started to sort of hum to it, it's on that much. Brilliant. Think of looking over and seeing some sheep humming, Roger Fender, wherever he is. I don't, I think that's his name, but, uh, but yeah, so I've bought some Dr. Ruck, and what I'm saying is... What did you buy? What did you buy? It's called, um, if not you're called? Oh yeah, good. And I wouldn't have bought that one, thrown. And, uh, I wouldn't I've bought that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, but, that, that, that, I've that, that, so, that, that, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to bought some, to bought some, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to bought, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho. to to to to tho. to to to available. They'd go, what are you talking like, mate? Have you got that one by, mate, can you leave the store? Well, yeah, but that's a good thing,

isn't it though, that you're being opened up to a whole different... Yeah, but it's that's that thing of just buying. That's what excites fill it. And that's the problem. If my iPod wasn't an iPod and it was a cassette, Dr. Uck wouldn't be on it. He wouldn't feature. He wouldn't be on the cassette. El this would be. Yeah. Just the big boys. What's wrong with having a space and filling it? I mean there's a space. We'd love to fill that, but just because it's normally stuff, it's stuff stuff you've got too much space and you're filling it. It's like Ricky's house. You've got stuff in there now that you want a bad in a smaller flat. You've got dead owls and stuff like that. Dead owls? Why do you find dead owls? No, it's an antique thing. It's an antique stuff down and I was assured it died of natural causes of old age. Yeah, it looked in good Nick. But dead owl suggests that owl suggests that they just fly into the room, I'll just leave them there.

They're cracking their head. But what you're just saying, you're a dressing game constantly drinking gin. Yeah, another dead owl. Feel another, feeling the today, feeling to cut, free into the puma. But that's what I'm saying, I haven't room, I haven't room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the room, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm, I'm their, I'm their, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're they, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their, their, their, their, their crack, they're they're they're just cracked, they're they're just cracked, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're that's the difference and that's the same with an iPod in it with an iPod because you've got so many gig you go all I have well yeah but Ricky's not Rick he's not say home looking at an empty space in his flat thinking I need to fill that with something I think he would be what would be there if that dead owl wasn't there what would you put there but but you've picked on one one one that's the they they they they they th you've picked they th you've picked th you've picked they. th you've picked they. th I I I've picked th I've picked th I've picked thin thin thin thick you've picked thick you've picked thick you've picked thick you've picked thin. thi's thick. thick. thi. that's picked that's tho. that's that's that's tho. thi. that's thi. thin. thin. thin. thin' th. thin' thin' thin' th thin' thin' th thin' thin' thin' thi. I I I's thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' to the. the. to to the. to the. to to want me to pick? I'm just saying I have not got room for a dead owl. So I'd never look at one in a shop. I'd go, I'm not going to buy that because I haven't got the space for it. But why are you obsessed with like someone trying to pressure you into getting this dead owl?

I mean, I mean, it seems a weird thing to shout. I have not got space for a dead owl. No, but if I say if I had an urge to see a dead owl, right? Naturalistra museum, loads of them. Right. I've never seen one and gone. I wish I didn't have to go to the museum. I want one in my house. That to me is like, right, Susanna, have we got a dishwasher? Yeah. their tire. I'm a the they. I. I. I. they. I. they. I. th. I. th. th. I. th. th. th. th. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. t. t. ttae. ttae. ttae. t t t t t t the the toooooooooe. toe. toooooooooooooe. tooe. toe. toe. to. to. Right, there's a better space there, is the anything you want? Then, if it's like, dead owl? All right, we've got the room for it. But the way we're living now, we've definitely not got room for a dead owl. That's all I was saying, and to me, seven dead ounce. They didn't do my square footage anymore.

It's 6,000 dead ounce. Um, you idiot. Well, um, yeah, I'm still not convinced by this idea of, this space has got to be filled. You know, people aren't, it's not, people just choose to buy things and fill up their house with these things because they give they their their their their their their they they give they give they give they give they give they give they give they give they give they give their they give their their their their their their their their their their their their their their them pleasure. Most things we've got a junk. If you didn't have junk, all you'd have is a cooker, a bath, maybe a sink, a bed, and that would be it. That anything else, a television, isn't necessary, is it? You seem to think that people should live like, you know, kind of 19th century

mining can visit? Well no, but these, like like a few years ago people worked this out didn't they they all went minimalistic because they said what say what? Minalistic so one more time memoristic? No no what was what letter are you starting with in that word? M okay where are you going on from there? Minimum, well it must be minimum yeah so that's what? No no no, no, no, you're popping. You know what I mean? No, wait, you're popping in an M where there should be an N. Minimalistic.

You put in two albums when they should be run home, right? Minimalistic. Minimalistic. Yes! Well, waltz. Well, thanks for end of the first episode. It's gone well. So anyway, a couple of years back everyone went. Yeah, that was the that was the trend, won't it? But we've gone back to being clutter. Clutteristic? The way I live, like I've said to before, it's the old three-month

rule. If something's not used over three months, it's not needed. So suitcases. No stuff over th. Chook that that that that that that that that that that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was the that was that was the th. So that was the the th. So the the the that was the that- that- th. That was th. That was th. That was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was tre. tre is tre. tre. true true true tru. tru. tru. tru. true true true true true tr every two weeks. He's off all the thing. No stuff. No stuff, no stuff at clothes. What, if you don't wear a piece of clothing within three months, it's gone? Well, I don't, I don't wear a piece of clothing. I wear the same things anyway. Well, I it does seem to me the way you talk, it's like you want to live as I say, like some kind of 19th century pauper with a big tin bath in the lenge and the one room in your house and all the family bathing it and yet you wouldn't be happy with that. Well maybe, maybe, well I've told you before about that, that's something I said when I was younger. What did you say? When I was younger, I think I was having a bath or something and I said to my mom, oh remember when I was in like that timbath in front of the fire. What? What do you mean? And now that's strange, in it, that you're saying I'd be happier with that back then. So it's like that was my past life. Well, hang on hang on, hang haven't finished yet. What do you mean? Your mom,

your mum said what you're talking about, you say... How old were you? Uh, must have been a kid if I'm having a bath and my mom sat there. Well, yeah. Well, I don't know how you operate. I assume you were, but how old? Paheu must have had time to have a bath. Pah say five. I never found that after five he didn't have time for the bar. No he's so busy. Carl we've read your diary. One day it was simply went to the cobblers and back. No but as you get older you sort of go I'm time to sit in a bath where as a kid it's something to hear you're staring at ants. When have you ever been too busy to have a bath. When have you to to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to be the to have a to be the the to have a to have to have a the the the the to have to have a the to have a to have a to be to have a to have to have to have a the the their to have to have to have to have a to have their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. When their their their. When their. When their their their their their their. their their their. their their. their their their. their their their tie. tie. tie. tie. tiea. tiea. tiea. tiea. tiea. tiea. tiea. tiea. their their their their their their to have a bath. One, you're never busy. Two, how can you be too busy to wash? It's like saying too busy to eat. Breathe, got to breathe last night. Why? I had a bit of work to do. What point are you making? So I'm just saying, you said, you said that I'd be happier back in 1800 or whatever. But what are you saying? What are you saying that you didn't really have a bath in front of the fire? the fire? the fire? the fire th thire thire thire? th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, th. thi, th. to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to breathe, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to th. th. thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that to that that, to that, to to to to threat. to this was a glimpse of a past life? Yes. Yes. This is such a non-point. This is just nothing. This is if you'd said, well

then I went off to see one of those people who regresses you and although it was a load of old bollocks, he regressed me and it turns out I was the king of Sheba. I love those things people, everyone thinks they've lived before right. Did I I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that thin that that that that that that that that, thin, thi thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat, th. This is just, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the that, the that, the the the that, the the that, the the that, the that, their, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thinks they've lived before, right? Did I tell you that there was a documentary about these people in Los Angeles that they'd lived before and they'd come back and they did a come as you were a party. So they went as the people in their previous life. All of them famous. Of course they were. Kings, leaders of men.

Not as I was a stable land. I forget my name. Right, two Napoleons, one of them's lying. I mean, absolute twoddle. We're talking about things that have happened since we met. We've done podcast and we've done the iPod, we've dismissed that. See, Carl, when he disses all these great inventions and design. happened since we met. We've done podcast and we've done the iPod, we've dismissed that. See Carl, when he disses all these great inventions and design, which says you don't need him, it's just faffing, what he means is, is a little bit annoyed that no one's picked up on his ideas,

like the clippable mat for the mug or I don't know, cat mops, I don't know, the tie, nor was the tie, the the the tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's t tapapapapapapapape, tape, tha's tha's, than, than, togu. What's, tthae, tttttttttttttogu. What's, ttttttttttogu, tttttthae, tthau, thau, thau, tha't yours, nor was the tie, was it the stupid tie. What's that, what's the one about the tie? The tie that had a pocket? loads of pockets. But I didn't come up with that, that's something I saw somewhere. But it never caught on. I've never seen anyone wearing one yet. It's such a good idea. packed with stuff you were all right Frank nice tie what you got in there bagget um this ridiculous but imagine the day that the tie was invented there do you want a tie what do you do that put it around your neck what for

I don't know what I'll tell you what but you haven't invented buttons yet and it keeps your shirt together at the top well all right then we've invented buttons we've to stop making these ties no tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie tie the the the tie ties toys toys their their they tb I toys toys toys toy toy the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toys toys toys toys toys toys toys toys toys toys toys toys te toys toys toys te tb is tb is tb is tb is tb buttons. We're going to stop making these ties. No, why? He's got you there, Rick. There you go. Now, I'm saying, what are you doing with that tie on your neck? Oh, it's a pocket tie? Oh, it's a pocket tie. What do you mean? It's got pockets in my jacket? Yeah, no, but, but hang on a minute. It's a pocket. their. their. their. their. their. their. tap. toy. toy. toy. toy. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. their. tie. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. Or a tie. Well, if you're going to wear a jacket, wear a tie, leave a jacket on. I'm not wearing a jacket. I'm wearing a shirt. Give it a purpose. If you're going to wear something, give it a purpose. Everything has a purpose. A tie at the moment is just round your neck, you keep it. thee, their tie, if you're going to be hot, carry some some some carry some some some carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry, carry, carry, carry some, carry some, carry, carry, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, carry some, you forget it, I always forget a bag, so that's why I don't like carrying them. You pop it down, you get up, you walk off, oh where's the bag? A tie, when you go in a cafe or something for beans on toes, you don't take your tie off. I don't wear a tie, I don't wear like a cow in Switzerland, just like...

Spar change, I've got like my debit card in there. Right. Maybe got me little front door key in one of the pockets. Okay. A pair of scissors if you want. Amazing. That's safe, isn't it? Oh, that's a good place to put it just in the heart area. Yeah, and then near the throat. It boat facing upwards. Brilliant. Carl, think what you're saying. So when you're on the beach and you just go at your speedos on, pop a tie on, go to the shop, do pop a tie.

Well, no, you wear it in the appropriate times, but I'm just saying if you're going to wear a tie, let's make it useful. Let's give it a purpose. Don't wear a tie. tie. thin. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. Don't. Don't. tie. Don't tie. Don't tie. Don't tie. Don't tie. Don't tie. Don't tie. Don't the their their their their their their their their their their. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. I tie. I tie. I tie. I tie. tie. I tie. tie. tie. I tie. I tie. I a tie you've got clothes with pockets and it's going to be weighing your neck down if I mean come on you're not mad if you carry in anything big you buy the scarf version what else has happened since we met 2002 gay marriages that's a that's kicked in thoughts? They've happened. Are they popular though? I mean. Well amongst gay people who want to get married, they're very popular I imagine. What's the point of it? You know, I suppose they want to feel that there's an equality. But is it just one of them things where they wanted it because they can't have it? I think any excuse for a fancy dress they like they like to dress up. They love a press tent. See I just don't understand that. I mean who gets whose name do they use? Who's surname do they go with? I don't know.

There's a problem just creating problems I always say that. Any problem solved is a new thue. thue. that that that that that that thue that that that that that thue that that that that that th say that any problem solved is a new problem made. Gobbled a hook. Oh, a new problem solved is a new problem made. Yeah, like I said that time when I was in hospital and you know I remember in the 80s everyone was going oh there's not enough hospital beds and all that when I was in hospital with, what's it, kidney stones? Yeah. Loads of beds, not enough pillars. So that's the way it works. It's sorted out the

bed problem. They give me a bed at night. I was going, I don't got a pillar. They had to go off and get one. Brought it back. We're still warm. Oh. That has been really nice. So that's what I'm saying. It's kind of like you get all the beds. the beds. the beds. the beds. the beds. the beds. the bed. the bed. the bed. the bed. the bed. the bed. the bed. the bed. the bed. the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. th. their. their. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's tode. It's todddddue. It's toda. It's toda. It's today. It's today. It's the the today. It's the the the the thethat's what I'm saying. It's kind of like, you get all the beds. New problem. Where's the pillars? Don't solve problems. Don't solve problems. Brilliant. What do you make the, um, this big problem in the church, not wanting gay people to be priests? Does that concern you? No? No.

It's a problem if you're gay and it's a problem if you got a church a church a church a church a church a church a church a church a church a church a church a church a church a church a church a church the church the church the church the church the church the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the be priests. Does that concern you? No. No. It's a problem if you're gay and it's problem if you got a church and you don't like gays but I don't go to church and I'm not gay. There's certain problems that just go over your head. If you were gay their today, what would you do? I do what all gays do I suppose? What was that? What what was that? Well I'm not gay so I don't know. the the the the the the thagagagagagagu. What thau. What thau. What thau. th. What th. What th. th. What th. th. to do? What to do. th. to do. to do. to do? What to do? What to do? What to do? to do? What to do? What to do? What to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that? that's is to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get? to to th. th. th. their is their is their their their their th their their their their thoooooo. th th that that? that? tooooo. to to to to to do. I'm just saying... Well I'm not gay so I don't know. So getting gay marriage. Would you ever go through with that? What if it was gay? Well... It's hard to answer, isn't it? How can I answer it if I'm not gay? I don't know what I'd do. I might not look like this, I'd look totally different if it was gay. Why? Even though it's my mom's, what, certainly, my dad, I to to to to answer, I to answer, I to answer, I to answer, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. to th. th. that that, tho, I tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the their, their, their, their, their, the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their, their their their, their, their, their, their, the. the. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooome. the. thoooooo. the. Even though it's my mom's, what, certain my dad's, jeers or whatever, you still, I'd still, I'd look different because gays do, you make more of an effort.

Look at me, I want to survive as a gay man. Maybe that's why I'm not one. Right, Carl. I'm going to give you not gay, okay, this is a real you, right? Someone put a gun to Ed and go, right, okay, Carl, you've either got a married little gay fella. There's a little fella here, he loves you, he loves you for a long time. He goes, hello Carl, you go, all right mate. He's a lovely bloke, I think he lives in Brian, I think he's an advertising. Oh yeah. Yeah, he's got a sports a sports He's smart. He looks lovely pink shirt, white suit. He's great. He's very popular. He's got tints. It always looks good. He's a lovely town.

He's about 30, eh? What's his name? His name is Graham. Yeah. And he goes, hello, Carl? He goes, all right, Graham. And someone suddenly, bursting and goes right. You've either got a Mary Graham. He puts a gun to read? He goes right. He's he he he he he he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's their. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's he. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's th. He's great, he's th. He's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great, he's great,'ve either got to marry Graham, he puts a gun to you ready, he goes right, you've either got to marry Graham, okay, you've got to tell all your family. Well, I'm not going to marry him, I'm not going to marry him, I'm not going to marry him. Well, I know one of the choices and I'm not happy with that choice. Well, you're married now. tha, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the the they. they. they. they. they. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, they, they, they. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they. the, they. they. they. the, they. the, the, they. the. the, the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. to. to. tho. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, and you do all the things in the bedroom. Why's that happening? Well you've married now you've married now and he wants to come to

the marriage you can't do that can you you can say hang on a minute well no I don't know I don't know why you married great. No but you wanted. No. If you love me, will you stop doing that? Stop doing what? What are you doing in the bedroom? Well, you know, just, you know, you have a lovely life, you do your own thing, you do this, right? Podcast, do your little books and that, you know, you know, and uh, and Graham, theyme, uh, and Graham, they g' they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th, th, they, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tho, what, to, to, to, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what you're, what you're, what you're, what you're, what you're, what you're, what you're, what you're, what you're, what, what you're, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what you're, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what to, what, what to, what to, what to, what to, what to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, what you're, what, what I've had a day he goes what's the matter Graham and you go you just sort of massage him he's just like you go oh I'll go with the other option well wait Carl so you're going oh you so you're going oh you're a darling right he wouldn't work though because you're putting two people together you don't want to

to be together well Graham loves you yeah relationship is too the relationship and I the relationship relationship relationship relationship I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the relationship relationship relationship is a relationship relationship is a relationship relationship is a relationship relationship is a relationship is a relationship is a relationship relationship I the relationship I the relationship I the relationship I that I that I that I that I the relationship relationship I don't I don't I that I don't I that I the relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship is I the relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship relationship I I I I I this is a made up man and I know I don't like him. That's just homophobic. No it's not he's annoying me. Why? It's a little bit. Why is he annoying you saying? Just the way he looks after his body. Yeah saying he's tannin it he's having a massage and I wouldn't be doing all that so it wouldn't last the relationship would work. No it doesn't work. Opposite to the trapap opposite opposite opposite opposite oppositeto you. He's really, though, he's, oh God, he's faithful, he's got a good job, he's got a really good job, you get invited to a really nice parties. It's just him, I don't like him. Well, you don't, no, that's a shame.

He absolutely loves you. He's such a funny. It happens, I remember it happens that I remember being out of school with a girl who really like me and I was like, it's not going to happen, Sharon. No, no, the first day. And that's Sharon, not Graham. So the chances for me letting this Graham move in. Well, you've moved in with him, right? Well, you've moved in with him, right? He's got a lovely, bigger, got a six bedroom, and the thapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapen, and that's, and that's, and that's, and the first, and the first, got, got, the first, the first, got, got, the first, the first, the first, that's, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first. The first, the first the first the first day, the first day, the first day, the first, the first, the first, the first. The first. The first, the first. The first, the first. The first, the first. The first, the first, the first, the first, the first, the first........ The first, the first, the first, the first, the first. The first. The first. And, the first. And, the first. And, the first. And, the first. the first. the first. the first. the first th. th. th. th. th. th. thirty. th. the first day, the first day, the first day, the first day, the first day, the first. The happy with this because you're thinking, oh my God, it's a, oh God, first day in marriage, why is it going to go? He goes off, he gives you a peck on the head. What's the option? What's the other choice? Well you don't know! Yeah, okay. So he comes out and goes, he's brought you a lovely little ankle waist

with Carl. Graham I need a word. I'm going, what is it? What's up, love? What's the matter? What's the matter? Look, I'll be Graham. Right, okay. Army Graham. It's all. You look tense.

This is all, uh, it's, we live in a liar. Well, yeah, but it's just the alternative is so much worse. What's the alternative? Oh. What is the alternative, Rick? I think we're all waiting for that. Well, marry a chimp. Pryor, chimp.

Marry a chimp. Yeah. Unless you either live with a chimp in a tree or marry Graham your family are going to get killed. They're going to someone's going to shoot him right. So you have to decide what you want to do. Do you want to go and live in a tree with a chimp and eat nothing but bananas and just live the chimp world okay. Or woo Graham you go down there you go there? Who's watching that I'm staying with going more than a time? Yeah, if a person is right, yes, yeah. Where is he watching from? The evil person's going right, he goes to that club, Saturday nights, don't bother going before midnight,

he won't be there. All right? So you get there, you walk in there, it's one I am, and he goes, that's him over there in the pink shirt dancing. Okay? He wouldn't like me. He would. Now you go there. This is it, you've gone with him over. Look at you. Look at you, look at your lovely shaved hair, hairy arms. Oh my god. I mean you are more suited to the chimp but now you'll go down a storm, right? You go down there, you've got a little vest on leather tryme? to their the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoes. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thoom. thoom. their tho. thrown. Look. their their their tho. Looked. Looked. Looked. Looked. Looked. Look, look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. Look. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. And, they. And, they. And, they.'ve got a pair of tires and you've cut out the back. Okay? There you go in. Your ass is showing. You've got a freshly shaved head. You've got a little white vest. Okay. I see you got all this on. I know he's got a little pink Ben Sherman, white trousers and Esper. Right, I dance over. Right, I'd a dance. thine. th Grey and we go, yeah? Oh hello, who are you? So never mind you, I haven't seen a chimp about of you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!