The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guardian S5E4 (September 15, 2008)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Four more episodes were released on 15 September 2008 through the iTunes Store. This series was released all at once as an Audiobook, almost two hours in length and split into four half-hour episodes. This series differs because they were recorded at the same time. There are no contests or any interaction from the listeners as the previous series contained.

Talking yesterday to Matt Robinson, the guy did the film with that you came over and did a part in that we've cut. And his dad as a doctor and he used to go around the world and stuff. When he was about 10, he went on a holiday and they were driving through Indonesia to, to get, to, to, to get, to, to get, to get, to, to, to, to get to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the go around the world and stuff and when he was about 10 It went on a holiday and they were driving through Indonesia to get to somewhere else I forget where but they came across this village Where he said the spiders have won okay they drive in as you're driving in he could see these things sort of hanging from the trees and?? The sort of telegraph poles and as they got close it he realized they were just big spiders they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thininin. their thin. thin' their thin' their thin' their their their thriving thriving thriving their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thiiii, their thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thri. teeean tean tean tean triean triean. triean. triean. triean. I were together the the the the thrownean th trees and the sort of telegraph poles. And as they got closer, he realized they were just big spiders.

They just made webs everywhere and he could see them on the street, okay? He said it freaked him out. They parked up in this sort of like the high street. And he said it got out and they were running on the pavements like pigeons and rats just running everywhere. He said the kids were playing with them. The kids were playing with them. There was no one else freaked out. He said he ran to the restaurant. They had stopped. He ran into the restaurant, freaked out. He got into the restaurant and there was a trauncler on the floor and he ran back in the car and he said he said later to his dad was that a dream. He said that later, he said, that was, that was, that was, was, was, was, was that, was that, was that, was that, was that, was that, was that, was that, was that, was that, was that, was that, was, was that was, was, was, was that was, was, was that was that was that was that was, was that was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was that was, was that was that was that was, was that was that was that was th. He was th. He was thi. He was thi. He was thi. He was a that was that that that that that that that that th. He was that th. He was th. He was the the the the they. He was, they. He was, the they. He was, thrown. dad went, no, it's true, you know, it's a real place, right? It was telling me what, I said, that's the worst place in the world. He was looking it up, he was trying to Google it, and he put in, he can remember the name of this place,

Indonesia, and he put in spider village, right? And he, a place where just spiders of one, okay, but in this place they eat them. They eat the spiders, the local inhabitants eat the spiders? Wow. So, this town is just dense with spiders. It's just everywhere. It's just happy there, no one's killing them, no one's doing it. Are you just treading on taken over. There's a place in Off Madeira they called Spider-Inum where no one lives there but with absolutely no predators there's just there's just millions of spiders you know when you're sleeping

crawling in getting any news. You don't they just they just put up with them. I suppose it's that you know they're they're no weirder than any their insect their insect or pest or whatever you you you you you you you the they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. they're their. their. they're their. their their their their their their their they're their their they're their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the other insect or pest or whatever you call them, it's just I suppose because it's, you think of spiders as loners and they're the top sort of phobia and it seems weird that they're almost treated like pets. But isn't that a weird place though that you drive in and it's just, oh hello, welcome to spider town. I can't be dealing with it. I mean my ma'am wouldn't be that bothered. She's still got that one. That's under the tele. She's had that for ages. And my dad threatened her that he was going to kill it because he's sick of it. She's put a bit of tip-ex on its back. So she knows. What? So she knows.

Well how many spiders are there? What? Whats up again, he'll go your spiders back. Yeah. But now she's marked it. What's so, hang on, it, it has, that's weird. It has a web underneath the tele. It's always under the tell. I don't think it's dirty, it just sits there. If it sits there watching Coronation Street. It doesn't be much, honestly, it can be there in a corner. I don't know what it does. I don't know what, he's, he just sits there. But she likes the fact that it's there. It's

that thing in it of, uh, older people like that, don't they dontip-ex on his head. I like the way that she went into a drawer, she had an idea, she was worried about it, she was worried about her husband killing it, I know, this is for your own good, Tip-X, pop that on you. And you've been around there with a spider-it-wee, I'm going round this weekend, so I used to always sit on the floor. Now it's like I'm not sitting on the floor. You'd be watching Spider-Man, it would be criticizing, well that wouldn't happen. What does your mom think of it? Does she think it's like a little pet or she doesn't want to get rid of it? I think it is a pet because like, you know, she's had loads of cat, she's a dog, she's got a budgy. And now my dad's sort of saying, thah's sort sort sort sort sort sort thah's saying, don't thah's thah's saying, don't th. th. thah's th. thin's thin's thin's thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi, do thi, does thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do it's th. Do it's th. Do it's th. Do it's th. Do it's thin' th. Do thin' thin' thin' thin' th. Do th. Do that's that, that that that that the. the. the. the. the the the. thi. the. Do thi's thi. Do th idea. Someone to say, do you mind coming around a holiday for a week? Do you mind coming around with a fly every two days? Yeah, I just keep me an eye on it. I mean, I thought Spider Island was weird, but keeping a spider under the tele with

Tipex on it as a pet. I was watching a documentary about Nazi Germany and I was re-lated I felt guilty for quite a while because whenever I see a program about the Nazi plan I always take a certain solace. Like I'm slightly smug that I know I'd have been okay because I'm tall and blonde, almost blue-eyed. Yeah. Pretty much fully functioning except the eyes are a bit poor. The Aryan race. And that's what they were after, wasn't it? The sort of Superman, the alien. What do you mean? Well, Steve would have been the Aryan pinup. Yeah, I'm like a a poster boy for a Nazi area. You want to have been a pin up. No, but you know, you know, they'd have certainly they I'd have been maybe not on the posters but I'd certainly have been down the recruitment office. Really? Finding people out

there so we want you to look like this. So what do you think so? So Steve goes, they go, okay we want someone tall, blonde's got really sort of striking eyes and is quite blonde. And I go get him here. What do you think? He walks in, Hitler sees him, all the generals go, Hitler would love me. Do you want everyone to look like this? Thoughts, Carl? If you've turned up, they go.

Hang on a minute, this doesn't match. What are you talking about? He's having the girl the guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy guy to to go to go? What are you talking about? No way. No way. I am definitely, I am an ideal Nazi. I think someone would sort of go and go and go, I think it's been a mistake here. No, that's products.

That is absolute nonsense. I guarantee that I would have been one of the most popular Nazis. Did they stick with that? Did they sort of, was that the rules the rules the rules the rules the rules, was their, was their, was their, was their, was their, was their, was their, was their, was their, was their, was their, was their, was that, was that, was that, was that, was, was their, was the, was that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they sort of, was that the rule was? Or did they see someone like you and gang on? We need a lot more on this list because I've just seen some out there that ticks all the boxes. It's a little bit, a little bit off. No, well you know what? You can laugh because, you know what? You can laugh. they'd have made theirmate. No, but I've been alright because I'm but Hitler was a bit like me wouldn't he? Yeah you do a little slight dark hair. I mean he made me laugh Hitler.

Doesn't make many people laugh but no no but you know what I mean he's going like I'm gonna be blonde I go hold on. Whoa, Adolf take a look at yourself son. Do you know he was you know he was you know he was aspiring to to try. to thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to make. to make. he. he. the they. he. he. he. he. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's made. He's made. He's made. He's made. He's made. He's made. He's made. He's made. He's made. He's made. He's made. He's made. He's. He don't you just at least peroxide it? If I said to Hitler we got to do this image right because people are laughing at you because you're going around saying you want tall blonde-eyed and blue-eyed fellas and you're a little short brown-eyed black-haired fellow. Right first of all, okay put these contact lenses in. The little blue contents. Oh look at that your your eyes pop. Lovely. Okay. Let's dye your hair, peroxide that. Maybe, you're like Dave Sylvian, give him a little quiff. Okay? Now, right? Some build-ups in his shoes. Yeah, some Cuban heels. Right, now go out there. Now go out there. That would have been an extraordinary look if he had, if that was the man

the man that we knew and feared, given those speeches those speeches those speeches those speeches those speeches those speeches those speeches the speeches the speeches the speeches their speech their speech their speech their speech their sp spox spox that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that would have that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that would that would that would that would that would that would that would would would would given those speeches, peroxide hair, Cuban heels. Imagine I'd have been out of I'd have found Anne Frank in a second just passing by here in the top window in the attic window. He would have had to yeah you're going lads don't bother going inside go over look at this get a ladder here she is. typing yeah. I'm not saying it's a good thing Carl I'm you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the the the the the th. th. th. You can can can't the th. You can't the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. You can can't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. I don't th. I can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can't. th. th. th. th. I can't. I can't th. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't go. I don't go. I'm not saying it's a good thing, Carl. I'm just saying that, you know, one can have these guilty thoughts. Only, only those things that I said where I get an urge to slap a kid or something. When did you, when did this?

There's just little things like that. The other day when was in the the park, tha tha tha tha tha tha, thoompapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapape, tho. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to tho, to to to to to have, to have, to to to tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. tho. to to to to tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to, th. th. th. things like that. The other day when I was in the park and there was a goose just sat on the edge of the pond that I just wanted to run up and kick it. It's because you're not allowed and it's there and it's almost like going, come on. You just want to give it a little boot. And it's same with babies sometimes you just want to slap their head. Not hard. But I'd say that I'd say that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not their their not their not their not their not their not their not their not their not their not their not their not their not tho' tho' their not their not their not their not their not their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tho. It's their their their their their their thi. It's not their thi. It's not thi. It's not thooomoomooooooooooomooooooomorrow. And it's there. there. there's there. there's there's not. there there's you know, want to be German or something. That's too... I'm not saying I want to be German. I'm saying I feel guilty because when I see those things, I think I'd have been okay. Yeah. What would you have done though? Do you reckon you'd have helped out or you'd have kept

quiet, just done your bit. I'd like to thin. I'd like to think I'd be one one one one would have just kept stunged. Because I'd, you know, I'd have liked the... I was already talking German. I'd like the uniforms. I'd have just kept me head down. Well, you might have had to survive. I just think I'm living in the best time for me. I think if I was about, you know, ages ago or something, it wouldn't have been right. I think I've just been lucky. But if you were in one of those situations, whether it be Nazi Germany, anywhere else where you see oppression going on, horrors, would you stand up and

fight for justice, put your own neck on the line or would you just keep quiet? What do you mean? What do you mean? Well this is, you know, this is a thing? For instance. If I knew Anne Frank was in my loft. Well yeah, perfect. Yes, would you protect it? If you knew Anne Frank was in your loft and your dad came in and went, right, whatever you do, don't harbour any Jewish people, the Nazis are like, also they're looking for spiders under telies, your mom, you and mom sort of looked at each other. So, so what would you do? You met a little German fellow? Hi young Carl, it's a little around here. No, I probably just kind of, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know who's up there.

Well we are checking and if we find her then you... What's a ridiculous real? Well what do you think though? Of course it was a threat of death if you if you harbored someone. That was why it was so heroic people. Sorry, could we just have this conversation play down, please, Rick? You're the German. Hello, Carl, how are you? Yeah, I'm all right. Yes. You're losing your hair, you're stressed. A little bit, yeah, it's hard times. Right. Isn't you not hiding anything from me, I, I know. Okay. No one. When you're asleep asleep at night, do you hear as the creaks of the anyone upst. the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. thiiiioles. thioles. thioles. thi. thiolight. thi. thi. thi. thiolight. thi. thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. I'm quite a sort of, once I get to sleep because my restless legs and that, I'm not pretty tired so I'm out like a line. If I came round because I look into the attic and if I find anyone... I listen to you, I've got to go out I mean, well I'll tell you now, if I go and to go out and tell you now, if I go and I'll tell you you now, if I'd to go and I'd go and I'd go and I'd go and I'd to go and I'd to go and I'd to go and I'd to go and I'd to go and I'd to go and I'd to go and I'd to go and I'd to go and I'd to go and I'd to go to go to go to go and I'd to go and to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go and I'm to go and I'm to go and I'm to go and I'm the the they you're they you're they you're they you're they you're they you're they you're they they they they they th. to th. I'm to to they. I'm to to to to to to try to to to try to to to to to try to to to try try to to to to to to to to to the the the ththere. I wouldn't say, it's his job. I'd say you go and have

a look. Yeah, but you don't say that, you're going to be protecting her. Just say, you've got to get him off the set. You've got to say, no, she's not there. I just checked. Don't worry about that. Listen, I wouldn't lie to you'd say. But this is the point, Cole. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are thi. Are thi. thi. thi. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. their. to say, to say, to say, to say, you. their. to say, you're to say, you're to say, you're to say, you say, you. to say, you. to say, you. to say, you. to say, you. to say, you. to say, you. to say, you. to say, you. to say, you. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to. to say, their. to. to say, to say, to say, their. to say, their. their. to say, their. to say, their. to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, you. Why? She's got her whole life to live. She's a talent, she's writing, you're not doing anything, what you're doing, staring at her. She's innocent, more like she's innocent. I'd say, what, I'd say, Anne. I'd go up, Anne. Yeah.

Uh, listen, they've been there. theymea of the loft now? You've been here a few weeks. It's no sort of life on. You've been up here, you might as some sort of moth. There's no light you sat there writing. I don't know what you're writing. You've been up here for weeks. What are you writing about?

I've kept a diary. And it's a bit of a the the I don't know how much you meant to do. But this is the point, isn't it, Carl? It's about what are you willing to do? People during that time protected people at their own expense, at their own personal risk. They went through, they lied, they got food, they forged documents for them, they tried to sneak them out. They country, they do incredible acts of heroism to help other people. And you're doing nothing. You're going to kick her out on the street.

You're adding to it. All I'm saying is, I'd say, Anne, I think, I think they think you're up here now. I think it's finding something a bit suspicious and he's going to come up. So I have warned you, Anne, don't moan. I'd leave her to it. And if you turn up again, I'd go, go and have a look. Well no, because then you'll still get done. I won't get it done. You're harbored her now.

You're in trouble. So either go through with it and protect her or stitterms. What are you going to do? I say right, Anne, listen. Go on. You've had the one conversation. She's not listening to you, she's busy, she's writing. How are you getting up there? It's just a little, what's it, Ladder? What's it, Ladder? What are they called? What are you called? A lot? Yeah, a lofty thing.? I know I'm talking to Anne. Who? Anne Frank. Who's damn Frank?

The woman in the loft. Well, you're not harboring Jewish people, are you? I don't know what she is. She's just up there all the time. I didn't know she was Jewish. Yeah, I don't'm younger. Yeah. There's a woman in the loft. It's just the norm. Right. It's just the norm. Well it must have been with all the Jewish people of everyone must have had a Jew in the loft. Oh, that's so Jew. Oh, God! Is it like getting it

lacked? What's interesting though is that you've deliberately massed this now to absolve yourself a responsibility? Suddenly you made yourself a kid and it's not your responsibility. Yeah. We are asking you the adult Carl Pilkington. Are you willing to put your neck on the line and you're not? Right. Sill- Stan brings them someone to go right. They're being persecuted they're after right. Okay forget and forget it not. Someone's after right. And they've just put out I said they've got a hide out. Right. Right. Right. Right. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after after after after after after after after after after after after after after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're after. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're and said that we've got a hide her if they find it they kill all three of us right can we either here Carl I've got nowhere to go let's let's at least take the risk well let's set some rules before then right how long are you gonna be in the loft for it might be a year uh it might be a year uh long time I know but quick quick they're coming they're coming been quick quick in here right in here right right do do you do right Carl do you answer the door and go she's in here boys or do you go just

stick her in the loft a minute okay okay okay she's in the loft okay hello I'm gonna to kill you and your girlfriend okay unless you tell me now is there someone in your loft yes or no not not that I know of I'm gonna check in a minute where we what you mean not you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the the the you to the to the to the to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the the tho tho tho thoooooooooooooooooooooooo the the the the the the the the there someone in your loft? Yes or no. Not that I know of. I'm going to check in a minute. What do you mean not that you, I'm another one? What do you say not that you know of? I'm, I am going to go and check in the loft? Are you happy for me to check in the loft? I can't stop you, can't I? Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we want. We, we. We, we. We, we. We, we. We, we. We, we. We, we. We, we want, we. We, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want. We want. We want. We want. the, we want. the, we want. We want. We want. the, we want. the, we want. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We, we, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, we want, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. Well, we were storming and if we found anyone up there, we would presume you knew they were up there and we would shoot you. Seems a bit unreasonable. What I'd say is I'd say, it's weird you mentioned that because there has been a bit of banging about in the loft but I think it's coming from next door. Have you been next door?

No, we haven't. You got to go around to go around to go around to go around to go around to go around the to go around their to go around. their to go around. to go. to go. their. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to go. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. thean. th toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th. th. th. th around there. Alright, mate. Cheers, mate. No problem. Right. Shut the door. And then that'd be that. Well, it seems, it seems quite simple actually. Yeah, they make it seem worse back then. But that's what age does to things, isn't it? People had bits on and all that. So you think it would think the close to the story story. She did a diary and she bummed about in people's lofts without paying for stuff.

It's like, what do you call them? What do you call them when you get people living in the aisles? Squatters? Yeah, she's basically just a squatter with a diary. Unbelievable. That is the worst thing I've ever heard anyone say. Unbelievable. Carl. Carl. We've been doing this for a long time and we're struggling for stuff.

We ripped off Room 101 last week. It's called it Room 102. You've done rock busters. No, exactly. Yeah. So, have you heard Desert Island Disks? Yeah. Good, let's do that. Right. Forget the eight records. We can't play them anyway. We can't play them anyway. I know, but for people who are listening in other countries, they may not be familiar with those island discs. Oh, it's a program. It's a real national institution here. They get, you know, prime ministers and leaders of men and really eminent people to go on and you talk about your life and you choose your eight favorite tunes, you take a luxury item and you're allowed to take

any book. I did it, I was very privileged and honored and very flattered to be asked to do it myself last year. Apparently, they said, what book would you take? And she went, you get the Bible. I went, well, good. I wanted to take toilet paper then. And I took a book, I think a tabletop book of art. Why would you tell that? Oh, so much. You can't take anything that's useful.

It's just, you know, it's you know it's any luxury item we can't I took a Vat of Nova Cain I thought if I get to fake I'm sipping on that till I die if I'm stuck here with nothing to do I've got eight records I'm gonna be sick of them. That's the thing I'm looking at our at least I'm looking at something you know what book would you take no wouldn't take an art book anyway, I know that. Right, okay. So come on then one book. You're gonna get sick of it. Right, one book. You can't get sick of art either. You can. You can have a brilliant picture on you all, but eventually,

remember what I've said to you, your eyes get bored of anything. I don't remember. Well that's why relationships break up, you know, because the eyes get sicker looking at that other person and you go, me eyes want to change. That's what it's all about. Me eyes want to change. Okay, sorry love. Fucking out, choose a book to take. I'd probably take a dictionary or something like that. Oh, that's ridiculous. Why would you take a dictionary? Why would you take a dictionary? Why would be a that that that that that their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. thi. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's ta. ta. ta. th. th. to anyone anymore. You don't have to worry about the vocabulary. You have to worry about, oh, people. But it will be a lot of talking to yourself probably.

It'd be nice to sort of interesting. Oh, so you're going to bring yourself up on your grammar, are you talking? You're talking to yourself, and actually verbally talk in order to talk... But also, what does it matter if you've got a dictionary or not? Who's arguing with who? Because sometimes I feel frustrated when I don't, I can't get me point across. But it's just you! Exactly, that's more annoying. You're getting annoyed now. You're annoyed with me because I can't explain what I mean.

Yeah. I don't want to be annoying myself. Why don't you be annoying yourself? But you'll already understand your point, you don't need to vocalize it. Sometimes I think through what I'm saying. I think does that make sense. And sometimes I'll go, no it doesn't. And I'll go, why is that? And then you're working it out in your head. Now if I've got there, you're not reading the Bible, you get a dictionary out, so you get a better vocab so you can have

a decent chat with yourself. What are you saying? It becomes a point, if you're not keeping yourself interested in anything, your brain is going to turn to mush. Now I'm, I'm, I'm teaching my brain stuff, keeping it active. The only thing you've got on that island is your imagination and your thoughts. Now if you can make those imaginations and thoughts better, which you do with language, you're going to have a better time, aren't you? Well, no, a thought is never restricted in your own brain by vocabulary, is it? Of course it is. Well, if you've had the thi the thi thi thi tho, you th thought tho, you th thought tho, you've the th Well now a thought is never restricted in your own brain by vocabulary is it? Of course it is.

Well, if you've had the thought, you've had the thought. You don't go, hold on, I'd have a thought here but I can't think of the word. You don't think in language in that same way, do you really? You think more conceptually... When someone came up, oh, guess what? I've just found the cure for... Oh, I can't leave the word. I just worked out the cure for, eh? I can't think of the word. Let's look at it. What is it? Cancer.

No, but just to think, language is a powerful thing, isn't it? Yeah. Um, he's run out of words. You see, this with what I mean. Yeah, but that's fair enough if you're communicating, say in this environment, and it's, dare I say it, perhaps a shame that you didn't read a dictionary before we started doing the podcast and all the broadcasting, but anyway, you've waited here on desert island with no well I'm a while I think by then, well by the time you get shit wrecked, there would probably be a few grippage, foodage, rummaging, replenishing, so what all words are made up, orange, one day someone, what?

He's got a head like something, he's got a head like a fucking what? I don't even know what? He's got a head like a fucking what? Well that's what I'm saying. Let's make up a word it looks like an orange, like a fucking orange. And the other thing is, say if I am captured. By who? What? By who? By a boat, that's passing.

Why you captured? You mean saved? All right, saved then, yeah. Okay. If I'm so, there you go again, you see. I went for captured instead of saved. You're captured by some pirates. But you're not talking to anyone, Carl, it didn't matter you knew what you meant when you sat there on that desert island you thought I've been captured by a boat they didn't come over and go hi Carl we've come to save you you wouldn't go well I'm capturing I go right sorry wait for the next boat it didn't matter you know

what you meant you'd go help and you get on the boat do you think in words that you don't use unless you're specifically thinking about something you're going to say, maybe because we're doing some writing or whatever, we're not thinking in words, are you don't wander around thinking, ah, today I feel so, oh I don't know what the word is. Extribble. You know, you know, you just feel, your experience, you think, you don't, you're not thinking logically about words and sentence, you're not thinking logically. You're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not thi, you're not, you're not, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, you're not thin, th. thin, th. thin, th. thin, th. thin, th. thin, you're not thin, you're not thin, you're not thin, you're not thin, you're those other things. You don't, that's not how you operate. So if you're on a desert island having these arguments with yourself, unless you're only got yourself a company. If you bore yourself, what's the point? What is the point? So you're going to be better company? Because you're going to be impressing yourself with longer words? You're going to go. Why do people use big words? Because they can. But also to impress themselves.

I bet they slip them words in. No, no. Impress themselves, to impress others. If a boat passes and they go, there's a fellow over there on that island that's come and get him. Now the way I can't think of right now, they'll go, oh who's that? He sounds like he noticed. You who? Uh, did you start authoritarianism? Get him on this boat now. What a witch? Duh! All right, you get it on the news and they go, oh, Carl, what was it like on the island? And I can start saying stuff. It was scramed various. No but then I

think it makes it more interesting whereas at this moment in time I'd struggle to tell them what it's like. I like the idea of you trying to educate better yourself. But do it no. Could there's so many other books if I'm stuck with one? Okay the Dixtree you've got a luxury item. What the Dixtree, you've got a Dixie, what's your luxury item? What's your luxury? Let's get off this island. Come on. What did you take for your luxury? Of that of Nova Cake. Oh yeah. Some Revels, a big bag of Revels.

A big bag of Revels. A big bag of Revels. Just for the variety. Well, there's no variety particularly in Revels. They're all chocolate, aren't they? No, all different. We've got orange ones, you've got coffee, caramel, Maltesea. That's it, that's your look. Sorry, is this podcast sponsored by Revels? I mean, second Novocaine isn't great, is it? If you don't get too thaked, you'll be going, aren't they bring Rebels? Thank you for listening. I mean you are martyrs, saints and martyrs to have listened to this all these years. So that's it from us. Why don't you start again? Go back to the beginning and

listen to all of them. The back catalog, five series. See if you can find one wise word from Carl Pilkington. And if you listen to this in the future, I'll tell you what, the world's gone down in ill. Uh, no, just be different. I don't think it'll go down ill. It's just going to change and it, things are going to be different. We've talked about fat. Uh, is that a bad thing? Mammoths with fat, weren't they? Yeah. Then they died

out, then you get the ice age. And then this has happened. It's all going to happen again. That's what's going to happen. Brilliant. You just decided that now. Definitely, well that's what happens, isn't it? A weed grows out of a crack. We've got weed killer on it. Two weeks later, it's back again. That's what the world's like, a big weed. We're just a weed in the universe. Good night, everybody.