The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guide To... S1E1 "Medicine" (December 31, 2008)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

A new series, called The Ricky Gervais Guide to... featured the trio discussing various topics in their entirety during individual 50 min episodes. The first volume The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Medicine was released on 31 December 2008. This was followed by The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Natural History on 21 January 2009. This in turn was followed by The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Arts on 18 February 2009. The 4th episode, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Philosophy aired on 17 March while the 5th and final episode of season 1, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The English followed on 21 April (2 days prior to St. George's Day),

Hello, I'm Ricky Javais. As the Canadian physician William Osloor once said, the desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature which distinguishes manned from animals. As the Canadian physician William Osler once said, the desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature which distinguishes man from animals. From keyhole surgery to stem cell research, modern medicine enables the 20th century man to play God.

But how did we get here? What incremental advances through the ages gave birth to the medical wonders of today? Here to discuss the history and practice of medicine, a Stephen Merchant, graduate from the University of Warwick and now award-winning writer. Thank you very much indeed. And Carl Pilkington, a man with no qualifications, very little education, but who is now known the world over as a shave and chimp with a head like a fucking orange. All right. Well, there is obviously so much to discuss Ricky. I wonder in an effort just to provoke some initial thoughts. If I can offer another quote from the great Carl Sagan who said,

advances in medicine and agriculture have saved vastly more lives than have been lost in all the wars in history. So quite a... Yeah, just shows you shouldn't really worry about war. What do you mean? Not a big problem is it? Obviously. So that's a good point there, Carl. What's the wares not as bad as a lot of people make out.

What do you think, Carl? too much fuss about all... Well, I don't know anyone who's died in a war but I know loads of people who have died from cancer and what have you? So is that going on Carl's quote? Does that work? Is he right? What did he say? Ha ha ha ha!

Good, well we're off to a fascinating start. I think it probably best, Rick, if we return to the very beginning of time, the dawn of man, because of course even in primitive prehistoric ages medicine was practiced in some ways from the research people have done, cave paintings and the like. Carl, I wonder if you would just give us your initial thoughts on you know the the medicine of the ancient world? Uh, you know, you sound like you haven't studied it or, or you're being modest? You've never really thought about it.

Uh, what do you think? They didn't have much, I know that, um, Tooten Carmoon. He, uh, he died of like, having a knee injury. So they didn't have that much medicine knocking about back then. Where did you get this information from? It sounds vague. I read it at an exhibition I went to and they read it. Did you read the whole sentence? Did you read the whole sentence?

No, I just saw like, they had some video footage, like, it was like, they like video, like, like, they had some video, like, the video................. the, the, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. Where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where. their. Where. Where. Where. Where. Where. Where. Where. Where. Where..................................................................................................................... the.................................. of said this is probably what happened. Sure. Did you put the headphones on and listen or or do you just guess it from the pictures? I just looked because I couldn't have the headphones. Of course not. Why can you have the headphones? Uh, they're just expensive. How much? How much? How about 50?

They're going to take 50 quid off because you've put wallpaper on your headphones. It's not the same as it. No, but it's a tutu-in-car the-courmoo exhibition. I didn't try. I didn't thrust. I didn't thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. They they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going. They're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going. I they're going. I they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're going. They're going. They're going. They're going. They're going. They're going. They're going. They're going. They're going. They're going they're going to to to to to to to try. They're going to to try. They're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going you know he died? How could you tell from visual images that Tung Camoon died from a knee injury? It's just, honestly, you're going to make yourself look dafty because that's what happened. Imagine that. In a room with Carl Pukton, we make ourselves dark. That would be incredible. So aside from tuncumun's knee injury, that's pretty much your grasp of the ancient world. th. th. th. th. So, th. So, th. So, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tune, tune, tha, tune. tha, tha, tha. tha. tun, tun, tun, tun, tha. tha. tha. to, you, you, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, tom. tom. t, honestly, t, honestly, honestly, honestly, t, honestly, t, honestly, honestly, t, honestly, honestly, tom. t, honestly. tom. tom. tom. tom. tom. the. the. the. the. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. thes, honestly, honestly, honestly, you're, honestly, honestly, honestly, honestly, honestly, that's pretty much your grasp of the ancient world in medicine? Well I don't know anyone else who's knocking about when I do hear that age. If we go back in further, what about if we go to sort of primitive man, cave dwelling man? What do you know there of medicine in that early stage? Uh, they didn't really, they didn't really bother.

Is that guessing or what? the ones, their their their, their, their, tho. tho. People, th. People, th. Tribe, th. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. Well, th. Well, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We, th. We, th. We, th. We, th. We, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to, to, to. to. to, to, th. to, to, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Wasn't the earliest ones like people like shaman and those tribal lords that would say, well that was, I assume even, you know, pagan man had sort of apothecaries that certain roots and yeah, yeah, shaman who would use herbs and so on. But of course if we go back to a primitive man, you obviously familiar, I believe it's pronounced, is it tripanning? Oh, when you take the top of your head off and they're out the demons and they found various skulls from ancient man with holes bored in the top, some of which had healed over, suggesting that they had indeed drilled holes in their head or presumably they wouldn't have had drills in that point, cracked the head and in their thinking letting out evil spirits and then they healed back over so in some instances the people survived. Don't you think it's fascinating that there was there was at one point when man

discovered that this thing that we now call the brain which sort of houses the mind he knew was in his head? It's not that amazing. Well no it's not to you because you know it's there. But back then I reckon I'd know that's where it is. Why do you can you feel where you're thinking? Well it just makes sense to put it there. Why? When you think and you speak it's it comes out your mouth so it just makes sense that whatever's near that is near to the mouth. If your brain was in your foot, it took ages for you to say anything. No, he wouldn't! Why?

This is like actually talking to a primitive man about his understanding of medicine. They would have more insight. By this point we'd have just cracked open your head to get the demons out. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Shall we move on to the ancient world in terms of Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans of course, because they made huge advances, particularly the Romans who understood of course the importance of sanitation, you know, famously their streets were clean? Yeah, don't you think that if we hadn't have cleaned up as much that I don't know we'd be stronger. What?

Well, I know what you mean, yeah, they say, they say, they say, let your kids eat dirt, yeah of course, well that's building up its sort of, you know, immunity system. If you're too causative you don't, you don't fight it. And you know, that's exactly what, uh, immunisation is giving you a bit yeah but it's gone mental now whenever a baby's born he's drugged out of his eyeballs something about a week old to get all sorts of shots like what loads of stuff stuff for oopin cough yeah you don't want whoopin cough toot and caulk no but give it loads of stuff and now it's like I don't know it's making us weak yeah soon there's gonna be things that one we're not a a their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's that's thi. It's not that's not that's not th. It's not that's not that's not that's not that's that's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's that's th. It's that's that's th. It's that's that's that's th. It's that's that's thin. It's not the. It's not th. It's not the. It's not th. It's not the. It's not the. It's not thin. It's not the. It's not the. It's not the. It's making us weak. Yeah, soon there's going to be things that one, we're not immune to and two, our antibiotics no longer work because of course things like the viruses and bacteria or whatever, they

evolve and change so quickly that you can't keep up with them and also there's this big thing, you know, like the super bug for example, there's a very strong the theory that says, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thri, they, their, their, theyy's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thin, for example, there's a very strong theory that says that it's where people took half the course of antibiotics and what it did was it was almost like an immunization to the bacteria and virus against the antibiotic. They got stronger. That's what I mean. So yeah we need some germs as you'd call them. But there are some that we have eradicated. I mean I think it was in our lifetime that they eradicated smallpox from the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the curoics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics thoics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics thoics thoics thoics thoics thoics thoics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics thiotics thiotics thiotics thiotics thiotics thiotics thiotics thics. thics thics the thics the thics thics the the thics the thics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics their their their their their their their their their thoxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. thoxxxxxx thoxx thoxx thanks. thanks. thanks. thox eradicated. I mean I think it was in our lifetime that they eradicated smallpox from the world. They just stopped it and it saved, I mean millions and millions of lives and they wiped it out. There are rumors of course that both Russia and America still have the smallpox virus

underlock and key which they could theoretically breed and use in a chemical warfare situation. Well there was a bit of a scandal a few years ago I think 10 years ago where in a university laboratory someone came across a marked yogurt part in Deep Freeze that had smallpox in it that was a hangover from the 70s. When you say it was marked was it like someone's put their name on it because was a hangover from the 70s. When you say it was more it like someone's put their name on it because they don't want someone to eat a smallpox yogurt? I think they you know they looked into it and it was the deep frozen smallpox

virus that you know thawed out and released. Well I think so yeah it was an an admin problem. I'm sure that's somewhere where I mean is it's under lock and key or a the to. the the to. the the the the. th. the th. th. the the th. the th. the th. the th. I. I. I. I. I th. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. It's. It's. I'm. th. they're. they're. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a small. It's a small. It's a small. It's a small. It's a small. It's a small. It's a small. It's a small. It's a small. It's a small. It's a small. It's a small. I. It's a small. I. It's. I. sure that somewhere, what I mean is it's under lock and key or are frozen at minus 200 degrees centigrade. Why? Under locking key and all that? It's not good enough. Get rid of it. Why are they keeping a little tub of smallpox knocking about? Well are they not meant to me? Well that's a lesson. What was he doing there in the first place? That's to me, that's like in James Bond where they don't kill him. they're they're they're they're their they're their they're their they're their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. that's that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's that's that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not th. th. that's not th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. It's not theat. It's not theat. It's not theat. It's not under toeeeeat. Under lock. Under lock. Under lock. Under lock. It's under that's under theat th him when they have the chance. He's always that little thing of, oh let's play with danger, let's keep a bit. I'll be next to AIDS in the Keora bottle. I don't understand why you'd store that. Well there's probably a presumption, it's probably an overhang from the Cold War where people were thinking well listen what if Russia's still got some smallpox. It's just clutter though as well, isn't you th you th you thi thi they they they they they they's they's they's they's th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's probably thi's probably thi's probably thoom-I'll thoom-up. thoom-up. thi, thi, thi, thi, I'll probably probably probably probably probably probably thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I's probably thi. thi. thi's probably thi's probably thi's probably thi's probably thi's probably that''erer's probably that'er's probably theanananan't theanan't thi's probably thi's probably thi's probably thi. We better hang on to some smallpox. It's just clutter though as well, isn't it? You see, we're obsessed. We're keeping stuff and it's the same with germs. We can't even say, get rid of that, we won't be needing it. Smallpox. We'll keep it

just in case, get rid of it. We've got this obsession thing again. It's saving everything everything. It's like we save every animal, thi. It. about if it dies out. Keep of it. You say that, but of course, Femesday Alexander Fleming discovered what may be the most important breakthrough of the 20th century, which was the first antibiotic I think in 1928, and he's literally saved hundreds of millions of lives with that, changed the face of modern medicine. And he discovered that because he left a bit of old bread out for a while and it went all mouldy in his kitchen and he thought,

oh what's that? Oh, let's have a look. Like I've said to you before, it's down to him being scruffy more than anything. It just seems like there's a lot of scruffy kitchens around that, you're saying... But think if his cleaner would come in, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.... the. th. the. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the, itchens around that, you know, I mean, you're saying... But think if his cleaner would come in and gone, Oh, Mr Fleming, oh you, oh you, you disgust me, you fucking filthy scruffy can. I'm gonna throw all this bread away. He's gonna go, um, uh, Maud, what do you do with that um, old bread I left out? It had gone green sir, I chucked it away. Oh Lord, you dopey fucking slut. You've just caused millions and millions of people to die. Keep out of my fucking kitchen. I know but but don't put it there. It's the same way smallpox and they're in a yogurt pot. It's a yogurt pot. You're asking for trouble. But what if more had come in and thrown that way again? He couldn't he couldn't shout out out. S. S. they. S. to. they. to. to. S. to. to. they. S. to. the. to. to. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. the. the. they. they. S. they. they. they. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So............. So. So.. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. the. the. So, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. So. the. the. So Again? He couldn't shout at her. She's doing a job. I'd be annoyed if it was still there.

Yeah. I say it's been here now for a couple of weeks. You haven't even asked. There's a lot of cleaners. That's part of the problem, I'd say. The cleaners. They're not doing the job. That's a problem in hospitals, they're not. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their. their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. It's. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their their th. It's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theirthey bought a team of people in to show doctors and nurses how to clean things properly and deaths went down 30%. There you go. Just from properly washing your hands and properly washing the floor and things. That's amazing isn't it? It's pretty simple. Just don't put like yogurt pots with smallpox in the fridge. Yeah but you but you were saying earlier, oh let's let babies eat mud don't inject them. Yeah, but let them crawl around a dirty floor clean up the floor and no one would die. I did say that but we've gone too far now

babies they're coming out mad. Oh, they can't handle anything now. Oh, he's got a running house. They're coming out or mardy. Yeah they get ill easy. They're not tough babies. to to their babies. they're to their baby. they're not to their baby. their baby. they're not to their baby. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they're not. they're their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. Yeah. They're their. Yeah. Yeah. They're they're the the the the the the the the the they're they're the they're they're they're they're they're they're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the t easy. They're not tough babies anymore. We're ending up with a load of weak people who need looking after all the time. That costs a lot of money. And they can't do anything, they're useless. Now that doesn't happen in other nature. If a little weak bird is born, you see Bill Oddy saying that will last a week. He says that won't last a week. And he's right.

You watch your point the their their their their their, you watch it and then oh that third baby that came out, it died. But what's your point, Carl, that modern medicine which can help people live to the age of 7580 that it shouldn't be doing that? I just let people just die off? Well, it's something right. The estate that I grew up on. There's a woman there.

Scruffy. I like her already! Oh it's great! It's so descriptive! She had no chance, even if she cleaned up her act, she'd come in looking like pretty woman. You go, alright Scruffy. No, what's the point? What is the point? Oh, fucking out. The thing is, she used to always get on these buses called dialer rides that were sort of like posh taxes. You could call for one, it come round to your house. Yeah, and it would would would would their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, th. tho, tho, th. tho, tho, th. tho, th. th. tho, th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo other people as well. Yeah yeah on the way so it would tech ages to get to where you go. Oh it's good though it's kind of a bit of a day out old people used to love it because you'd get to see things. Right. And you'd hear a call coming in on the radio that you well she sounds clean. She, no she stunk. Well, she's taken out the bin-bath this. No, she wasn't homeless, no, she used to just, uh, she just didn't bath and that, she just stunk. But the weird thing is, why don't they call her stinky Sandra?

She never was ill. Right. People didn't sit next to her. Yeah, because she stunk. Yeah. Now because of that, anyone who might have had a bit of flu or a cold never sat next to Scruffy Sandra. Right. Because she stunk. But that was good. That was like a protection thing for her. Because she knew that because she stunk, no one wants to sit next to her, she wouldn't pick up the germ. Right. Now, but this is quite, your point is in order to fend off illness, you have to not to not to not to not to not to not to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the tha the thaugh thaugh thaugh to the the thoomfeaughaugha the thuuffuffuffuffuffuiluiluiluiluiluuuu the the thoomfe their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. the the the the the the the the the the their. their the the their thuuuuuuuuuu. toauuuuu. toauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. toauuuuuu. toau. toa. toea. toea. to germ. Right, but this is quite, your point is in order to fend off illness you have to not bathe and so you stink. So you don't, so you don't, so you're saying that it wasn't that she'd built up an immunity, it was that she stanked so much that flu wouldn't come near her. This is such a specific example. It's not applicable in any other scenario.

There's always flu. it's whether your immunity is good or bad. The times I get ill are usually after like a long haul flight or summer when you're surrounded by it and you're run down a little bit. Maybe if you didn't bathe for three days before the flight. Yeah. So you know, it's always, there's colds and flus everywhere. That's interesting, isn't it, that more sort of colds are spread through shaking hands than people, you know, just taking in the air. Because people sneeze into their hand, and they think that's sort of safer than they shake hands.

And you get it on your hand, and it sort of dies in the air quickly but it stays on your skin a bit more because it's you know you're nice and warm lovely environment so that's why some sort of germophobes don't even shake hands anymore. Yeah but that's going too far because they're gonna die or something you can't be that paranoid you've got to get on with your life. Loneliness and it's good to feel theyl and it's good to feel it doesn't make any sense too. doesn't make any sense to it. No, it does afterwards. The other weekend when I was ill, I don't know what was up with me, but I got something. Symptoms? Went to to toilet a lot, felt sick at the same time, got a sweat on, felt weak, had the shakes. Just about a game. Blasted probably about 24 hours. After that's 24 th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thiolk, thi, thi, thiolk, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it, it, thi, thi, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, I th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's t. It's togea. It's togea, togu. It's togu. It's togu. It's togu. It's togu. It's togu. It's togu you go, oh feel good again. It's nice to feel good again. And it makes you appreciate how good you feel. Now sometimes I don't know if I don't know if I feel well. That's not any sense to either. What do you mean? Sometimes

you don't know whether you feel well. Because I've been in my body for years. Here he goes again. No. If there was a if there was some sort of kit that the doctor said, how are you feeling Mr. Pilkington? I think I feel all right and they go, well, do you? I don't know, and they go, well, step into the machine, right? Get into the machine, and if he could somehow, and he could somehow transfer my feeling into his body so I could feel how he feels and then he can feel how I feel and he'll go oh you're not well at all your heart beats irregular for a

start. You're a maniac this is I don't know what's going on here because you don't accept that if you feel well you know let's get this machine built sorry why are people boar in studying AIDS we got this machine built listen this machine this machine could do a lot of good if they could do it why you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho they'll go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go they'll they'll they'll they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th you th tho tho to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho tho tho tho tho the tho AIDS we got to get this machine built listen this machine could do a lot of good if they could do it why because some people you hear about people who go oh I think I've got a bit of wind before you know it they dropped down dead right because they didn't know they just well didn't mr. jones have a sweat on mr. jones before oh yeah he did but he always had a sweat on well didn't it bother him no I was used to it happened for years why didn't

you come in oh well the machine do again the machine would make my doctor young feel like me it'd be sat there and he'd go so sorry who's who's saying to mr. Jones didn't mr. Jones have a to have a sweat on Why don't the doctor say, well we got a look at that? No, no, he didn't. He asked Mrs Jones. He's not a very good doctor then. Yeah, but this is the problem now, isn't right? So Mr. Jones went to the doctor and said, oh I've got a sweat on, right? Right, so I'll tell you what, get in the machine. So Mr Jones gets in the machine. The doctor it's the doctor, it's, the button, the the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, they, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, they, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, so the doctor, so the doctor, so the doctor, so the doctor, so the doctor, so the doctor, so the doctor, so the doctor, so the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor. The doctor goes, you have got a sweat on, I'm familiar with this because they had a fellow in the other day with a similar thing. Tech three of these. You are a mental case. I don't know what that, I don't know what this is. But why can the doctor make that observation like a doctor does? Why can't the doctor us? the doctor's using his knowledge, observe the person with the sweattime when I went to the doctors and he said my nerves are too short? That doesn't make any sense. No, well listen, I've told you about it, I don't want to go through it again.

But he, he, uh, he, uh, he, you know, looked at me legs and stretched and that, he said, yeah, it's the old short nerves problem. Now, that's the old faiths. That that's, that took, that, that, that, that, that, that, took, took, took, took, took, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, uh, I've, t.. He, t. He, uh, he, uh, he, he, uh, he, he, he, uh, he, he, he, he, uh, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he because he's, if he was feeling, how you were feeling, I wouldn't help him identify it. Yeah, you're there in your body and you're not going, bloody how my nerves are a bit short. Doctor, you're going to the doctor, okay and we're just going to place for a pilke to him and thrown. Right. I'll tell you the problem. Oh, my nerves are too. the nerves were short. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their pull them about. But when I add that, I'm not very good with words. So when I was going in saying, Doctor, my knees aching and he'd go, what sort of ache is it? I don't know. I don't know, it's just an ache. It's like a toothache. No, but it's different. It's a different ache. It's a hard to explain an ache. It's hard. It's hard to explain an ache. So he'd have to feel the ache and then he could make an assumption from it. Thank you. So he would presumably go through training, going in the machine, and they'd

bring in various sick people and he would experience and feel every single ailment. Yeah, but... Doctor, I'm going to let you know now now what th th th th th th th th th th th th th to let th to let th th to let the th to let the to let th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the thi the the and theat the the the the the the the the the the the the the their and the and hea hea hea hea he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theateat theateatea. theatea. theatea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. theathat. Oh you can't remember that one. Yeah, but. Doctor, now you're going to feel a spike up the ass. It's all about it. Oh, I can't remember that one. Okay. Look, could I just wait till the man comes in with a spike up the thi thrown.

No, no, no, no. It's everything before someone comes in and gets into your body like ghost and you'll know what it is. Hey listen, let's not dismiss this idea out of hand of course because you'll famously remember Rick that Carl have the idea of a man who can grow backwards. So he's born as an old man and when he dies he's a young baby. I think we're all looking forward to the new Brad Pitt film that is exactly that plot. It's not really strange. It's not really strange is it? Because it's from a novel I think written before Carl was born. That's true, that is true. Yeah, but I haven't read it. So it's just an idea. And with all ideas come something. Einstein said that. He said if an idea is it.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We've got an Einstein quote here. This is an historic day. Carl, what did Albert Einstein say? He just said something along along, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. It, th. th. th. th. It, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. that's, th. that's, th. that's, that's that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, Carl, sorry, what were you saying? What did Albert Einstein say? He just said something along the lines of. No, no, no, no, give us the quote. It doesn't matter about how he worded it. It's the point in hand. Well, I think it is. I think it is, I think like all, you know, any sort of poetic content of anything, is exactly how it's, what it's, what it's, what did Einstein? It's, it is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? It is? I? It is? I? I? I? It, I, it? It, it? It, it? It, it? It, it? It, it? It, it? It, it? It, it? It, it, it, it. It, it? It, it? It, it? It, it? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It? It, it? It, it? It, it? It? It? It, it? It? It? It? It? It? It, it? It? It, it? It? It is. It is. It is. It is. It is, it? It doesn't? It doesn't? It doesn't? It doesn't? It doesn't, it. It doesn't, it. It doesn't, it. It doesn't, it. It doesn't? It doesn't? It doesn't? It is. exactly? Well he said something along the lines of go on an idea if an idea isn't daft Oh start again start again come on let's hear it. No because he started he said he said he said he said he said he said he said he said

he said he said he said he said he said no well it was something like that though meaning that the the new idea seems a bit mental. I can't. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. I can't th. th. th. that that that that that that th. that that th. that th. that that that that th. that that that th. thin th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. that that that that that that that that the. that that the. the. the. th. th. th about. I can't imagine him saying, David. No, well it was something like that though, meaning that every new idea seems a bit mental. Yeah. Right? But then it leads to something. Well, I'm not sure that he, but I think if we were sat with Einstein now and you'd brought up the machine that allows doctors to feel, I don't think he'd be saying we should pursue that idea. There's some ideas that go that I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. the. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th idea. There's some ideas that go, I think the earth might be round. People are going, oh it is flat. And then there's people who stand in doorways covered in crucifixes with tinfoil on their head saying Jesus is in my cock. Yeah. Now he's a mentalist. Yes, but what I'm saying is, wouldn't you have said it was mental years ago when someone said I'm going to make a machine so I can't th a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th th th th th th th th th th th thin I thin I thin I'm thin thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th. thin' thin' is thin' is thin' is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin' is thin' is thin' is th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' the an the an the an theananan an thean an theann' the an the an the an thin It's the next one along. They'd go, well why are you looking in their head? It's where the brain is. I'll tell you what, it's, we've got similar to it anyway, because I've read about this machine where, right, say if, uh, put it on Steve, right? I wear a camera on me head. Right, if this is going to be I can see Steve's thoughts. No, but it's similar to that and it works as well. So I put a camera on Steve's head.

Okay, it's changed already. Who's head the camera on? I don't think it matters. Okay, okay. Okay, let's put the camera on Steve's head. head. What I've got on my head are some goggles. Right. Over your eyes? Yeah. Okay. You've got the camera. Through my goggles, I'm seeing what your camera is seeing.

And where's the camera? Is it looking out from my eyes? Yeah. So basically you can see what I can see what I'm seeing what you see? But can't you can you just? Well that happens now yeah we can you can all have the same monitor. Hang on. So wait. So, so how does it work now? Well wait wait wait. You're at the Royal College of Surgeons you're presenting this idea now everyone's said everyone in the world is sat down here the eminent scientists they're going to be open to know the, the eminent scientists, they're going, can't be open down there, he's a genius. He's got an idea for cameras and goggles. No, you're saying this already exists. This has just come out the other week.

Oh, okay. Put a camera on Steve's eyes, he sees, he sees through the camera. He sees, he's the camera, he sees. What do you mean? Why is he seeing, wherever he looks the camera is looking. Okay so it's a camera right okay yeah it's not seeing through it it's just seeing what he sees because it's pointing in exactly the same direction of his eyes. Yeah if he turns his head to the right yeah exactly so it's a monitor to tell you so you're seeing what the camera man to see i'm looking at a monitor to see i'm the camera man sees basically. go on then so the the camera. So is is is is is is is is is is is is same same same same same same same same same same same same same. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So it's. So it's. So it's. So it's the same. So it's the same. So it's the same. So it's the same. So it's the same. So it's the. So it's is is is is. So it's. So it's. So it's. So it's. So it's. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the basically. Go on then. But it's not like that. You just invented television. Well done.

Okay, right. So I've got the camera on my head, it's seeing what I'm seeing. Go. Right. You've got goggles on. If you turn right, I feel like I'm turning right. Now my brain gets a point that At the end of the day, my brain thinks it's seeing everything because my eyes are looking at stuff. Yeah, no, that's true, that's true, but it doesn't think I'm Steve Merchant,

it experience what Steve's seeing this like a virtual reality. No, but that's the weird thing. If you wear it for a point where the brain feels a scratch even though it's not scratching my head. So they're saying this is like you're kidding your brain basically. You can see how that would work. But you're not going to believe that you're me. No you're not going to start experiencing life as I experience it. My brain would. What do you mean your brain would but you wouldn't? What I'm kidding the brain. Yes but you couldn't kid it into thinking you mean you wouldn't forget that your car wearing a contraption but what it was saying is if someone went up to your stomach and started tickling you my brain would look down and see that someone is tickling me yes

and I'd start laughing. I can understand you might know you wouldn't well yeah you might do because it might be a confusing stimulus but the point is you may may the there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there the their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You th. You th. You th. You th. th. You th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. be a confusing stimulus. But the point is you may there may be certain physical things which you experience through it but you're not going to stop thinking, hang on I'm Carl wearing the mask, I know. But you can do that. You're thinking you're thinking you're, you're thinking, you're Carl seeing all the things that actually seems to you. What you're going to start to start to start going to start going to start going to start. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, to stop, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the. the. the. the. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their. their. their. their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their your name, not going to remember Suzanne's name? What were you talking about? No, but say like, say if we did that at that event with a load of students in front of us, I'd remember that day through your eyes. So I'd be living your day. But you'd also remember that you're wearing a contraption. You wouldn't remember it as being, oh I was Steve Merchant for a day, their told, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I their, I their, I their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd remember, I'd that, I'd remember, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd th.... th. th. th. th. th. th th th th thrown. to remember, I'd remember, I'd remember, I'd remember, I'd remember, I'd remember, I'd remember, I'd remember, I'd remember, I'd remember, I'd remember, I sat down and we watched the same thing. We watched a bit of Brokeback Mountain and we all had different thoughts.

Yeah, because we're all sat in different places. No, roughly speaking, we had the same experience when we're looking at the same thing. But it doesn't mean you assess it the same way, it doesn't mean you understand it, the same way and it doesn't mean you apply the knowledge in the same way way way way way way the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, the same, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the same, the same, the same, the same, to, the same, their, and their, and their, and their, and to, and to, and to, and to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, and, and, the, and, to, and, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, they..c, they.c, they.c, they.c, they.c, they.c, they.c, they.c, they.c, they.c, they.c, they. they. Yeah, because, because, because, the knowledge in the same way. No, I understand that, but... It's an interesting experiment. It is interesting. It would be interesting to see it live, you're actually living, it's a different window to the world. Well, yes, say if like I was a fellow with no arms and legs, but these goggles are the really long lead, and you went about living your day, and I was looking through your eyes, could have quite an interesting life. Yes you could but you wouldn't stop

remembering that you're the person wearing the contraption. And also if what is life, what is what is what you experience? Yeah but no but if if a steeve went off but you'd know this wouldn't you? I mean if a baby knew no different and those were his experience then he would be feeling what he thought he was. Then there'd be nothing but then you know that's just facing tickling someone is the sensation. It's not the thought it's not the concept of being tickled is funny. Because if someone goes to tickle you but they don't tickle you you can actually laugh you because you go I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th is they're th is th is that is the. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th th thi too too too too tick tick tick tick tick tick. tick. tick tickl. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're don't tickle you, you can actually laugh, can't you? Because you go, oh God, I know what the feeling's going to be like. Yes, because you've already experienced the real thing. Yeah.

I still think, there's something in it. Well, stop with that, stop that sentence there and you're lying. Let's go back if we may, shall we to just some of the extraordinary early developments in medicine. Do you mind if we go back, if we get back on message? There are of course a number of extraordinary developments. You may obviously be aware, Carl, that the first contraceptive diaphragms, centuries ago, were citrus rinds, half an orange rind, for instance, would be used.

I mean, more selfish man turned to inside out. I believe that's also still being used in parts of Manchester. Ah, for what? An orange. Just think of your head. And it worked. And it worked.. Well we don't know about this juncture. I mean maybe. It works a contraception because women went, fuck off, what are you going to be with a fucking orange on your cock or what you don't can. But it could, I mean again, it's that thing in it of we look, we look at it now and we laugh, but look, look at what's happening. People now, I always try to get us to eat to eat to eat us to eat us to eat us to eat us to eat us to eat us to eat us to eat us to eat to eat the the the the to get us th th th th th it's that thing in it of, we look at it now and we laugh, but look, look

at what's happening. People now, I always try to get us to eat more fruit. I don't know. That's a way of getting... I thought for a minute he was going to say, okay, so they start with them, then they went from the orange rind to say a pineapple on your cot, that's insane. Yeah, that's mental. And then somewhere in the line they finally got to contraception as we understand it. I thought that's where you're going but no something about eating oranges is healthy for you. What I'm saying is if you

go into any well-known supermarket and you look at say some young kid thathe who's had a kid and you look at stuff in their shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping shopping.. they's. they's. they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I I I's. I I I's. I's. I I I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's their. I's their. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm they're not buying fruit. They're buying, you know, burgers and chips. Turkey Twizzlers, Chris and all that. Now, but they love having it away. Get some fruiting. So they definitely have fruit in the house, which at the moment, a lot of kids don't have fruit in their house. That's why they're eating turkey twistlers. But the mum loves having it away. So she loads of fruit in so everyone's happy if she's using an orange for contraception she would she would also be giving the kids well you won't wait a bit she'd give to the kids and after the orange she stick up a penny yeah a treat for everyone have a bit of fruit and you eat she's got what she wants whereas at the moment what happens a burger is not coming in outful for anyone. If you want me tonight, pop a sesame seed bone on your cock. Take out the fucking pickle,

no one might the fucking pickle up the fanny. Oh, he's a bloody romantic. Oh, he popped a plum raw sausage at my fanny yesterday. He loves me. Oh, fuck. He loves me. Did you know, Kyle, that cataract operations on the eye were performed in India as early as a thousand BC? And in Babylonia in the same time, the fees of eye surgeons were rigidly fixed by law and were quite generous. So for instance, if you're a very rich person, you cost you about 10 shekels, if you're a slave, only two shekels. But if the rich person lost the sight of their eye after the surgeon had operated, they would cut off the hand of the doctor. What, so he gets one chance at it? Well, he doesn't want to screw up. Yeah, I know, but everyone's allowed, what a couple of errors? their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. their. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If th. If the their, their, their, their, their, their. If. If. If. If. If. It. It. It. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th want to screw up. Yeah I know but everyone's allowed what a

couple of errors that's how you learn isn't it? That's the stupid rule but then again I don't know why they'd be so worried about their eyes back then. What do you mean? Well they was less to look at back then. What do you mean? Well like that I saw a fellow on the tube on the way here today who was blind, proper fully on, fully unblind. Blind? Now, for him, I just was like, oh, that's so depressing. So much to see in the world now. Loads of stuff.

Right. Art, buildings and all that. Now back then, if these people did have sight once, the pyramids, you remember it in your head and that's enough. There wasn't loads of clutter anyway. It was all sand. So even if you fell over because you're blind, at least you landed on something soft. Whereas now it's rubbish being blind. Stairs, loads and loads and loads of curbs and things. It's not a good time to be blind. So I'd prefer, if it was going to be blind, be blind back when Tooten Carmoon was knocking about. Do you have that's a choice that people have that are blind now?

No. If you're going to be blind, be blind back when Tutankhamen was knocking about. But all I'm saying is, sorry, doctor, I didn'tthree thousand years. It just seems a bit harsh that's all when someone's trying to help you and operate on your eyes and they have a little bit of a slip up like we all do in jobs you have a bad day and it's he has to have his hands cut off then who's helping him who puts the hand back on him and if they don't put the hand back on him right? Do they have something done to them? They're blinded. Well it just seems like a no-win situation. I wouldn't be a doctor. And maybe that's why there aren't enough doctors about now because there's things like that that have put people off. I don't think so. Well I wouldn't be a doctor now. Why? Well, can they ask all that happens now. Everything's being watched all the time you're not allowed. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to. their. their. to. to. to. their. their. to to to their to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. their. I. th. th. th. th. th. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And, 't it the doctors don't make mistakes? No but you've got to I'd say at the end of the day it's a complicated job and I'd get more annoyed when you know say like

the fellow I've got around coming to fix me boiler the fact he keeps having a go he keeps charging me 80 quid he don't really fix it and he keeps still not working I haven't cut his hands off no he keeps coming back oh i'm a bit short on money let's go around to the Pilkington household charge him 80 quid again it's Christmas let's pop round twice do you know I mean whereas a doctor who's trying to help people is a difficult job yeah if he makes a mistake now and again I think well it's bound to happen it's it's complicated can't you see where I agree with you that people don't think and I imagine they're a good and bad doctors they they try they try they they they they try they they they they they they try they they they they they they're they're th I th I th I th is th is th thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin to thin thin thin to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thin thin the the. the. the. the. the. the. try the. try try try to to to to to to to the. to the. the. they're good and bad doctors they try and even that out by it being a very very obviously stringent exam and you know. It's 11 years they've got to do. I read up on it. 11 years it takes to be a doctor. No it doesn't. It does. They take 7. No but then they've got to be in hospital or something before they get to play with someone. Right, okay. So th. But they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. They're th. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. they're th. they're th. th. they're th. th. they're th. th. They're th. They're the. I to the. to to to to to try. try. to to try. to to to that's ages, you're going to get bored. You're going to get bored.

But that's it, you know, they really do try and rule out and they're still there's still chance and mistake and I don't forget you know you're given nearly impossible tasks still in medicine. Just think of the, think of the risk with them, you know, the the their their their their their thrarararan, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're really, they're really, they're really, they're really, they're really, they're really, they're really, they're really, they're really, they're they're they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. they're try. try. they're try. they're really really, you're they're they're they're they're they're really really, you're they're they're they transplants alone you know and they're getting better and better at those and they're lasting longer but but the fact of the matter is it's better to have a girl in it than not have one if someone said to me you need a new heart yeah we're gonna do it as they say you're gonna die anyway let's try this new thing you might as well but then there are some things that there is not worth the risk. When someone, it goes wrong, someone's facial surgery goes wrong because they wanted

plump a lips or a little nose, I go you're a fucking idiot. Exactly, yeah. It shouldn't even be doing that. Doctors shouldn't even be allowed to do that. I don't know why. I really don't know why a doctor under a hypocrite oath takes tak. A doctor, under, under, under, under, under, under, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thuu, thu, because thu, because thu, because thu, because thu, because thu, or a thu, or a their, or a their, or a, or a, or a, or a, or a pppip, or a, or a ppip, or their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, or thi, or thi, thi, thi, thu, or a little, thu, or a little, thu. Pluant, thuant, thuant, thuant, thuant, thuant, or a thuant, or a thu wrong, sometimes general anesthetic, because they want to, because they can't be bothered to fucking go for a run, right? So they have fucking bits sliced off and tied up and sucked out. I want to go, you lazy, fucking fat pig, just go for a run and stop eating burgers, right? You might fucking die. Well, can I just stop me there, Rick Because actually, if it weren't for a plump patient, the stethoscope would never have been invented. What, because he couldn't hear there are? Yeah, the person who invented the stethoscope,

Dr. Renei Lenek, couldn't had a very fat patient came in and couldn't hear her heart through the blubber. But then that's the sign of the problem, I mean that's the sign of the problem, isn't it? Yeah. I mean rather than saying hang on, let's let's get a bigger chair in for her because she's got a fat ass. You'd say, you're not welcome her. If you can't get through the door, I'm not seeing you. I mean if you got a doctor who's having his hands cut off because he's the the thup thup th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's the. the. thr-I's thin's the. thin's thin' thin' th. thin' thin' thin' to to to to to to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to get th. to get th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. to. th. th. th. th th th th th th th thr-I's thr-I's thr-them time a day. You see this is what I'm saying right? This is going right back to what we're saying at the beginning. The problem is we've got pills for everything and all this is doing is making people treat the body badly because you're going to be alright there'll be something. It's funny isn't it like these tests they go well let's say well let's the tests they go well well well well well let's go well let's go well let's go well let's go well let's go well they go go well they go well they go go well their they go go go go go go go go go go go go well their their their their their their their their their their their their their they. they's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their te. te's te's te's te's teasks. te's teasks. te's te. te's teasks. te's te's te. their their their their te's about weighing kids. If they can't get through the door to get to school, there's too, you don't know, if they go, I'm just gonna take a sample of your stool, actually I don't, you're too fat, your shit's come out like tag the Telly, your ass is too fucking fat, stop eating your gut. I'm gonna take a sample of your stool. What the one you fucking broke, thrown. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's. I's. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm t. t. t. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta, I'm just. ta, I'm just. t much and because of this, people are going, I don't care about my body. They worry more about the plasma telly, getting a scratch on it than they do about their

own body. Exactly. And if we've stopped giving them tablets willy-nilly, they'd have to look after the body more. Willy-nilly is one of the worst diseases in the Western world science of healing and that doesn't always have to be a drug or a surgery. I mean, bedside manner has a lot to do with things. And also it's all about care as well.

It wasn't just forget that some people don't need medicine, they just need help. For example, there are people that help disabled people have intercourse where they can't you know maybe get on to the woman herself and there's someone that actually helps the man put in his penis to the woman's vagina and they leave the room what? I've never seen I've never even heard of this. It's true, absolutely true. They're helpers. Yeah, no, I believe that is the case. Yeah. And that's just, no, that's just as needed as anything that might cure their out.

It's not, it's not, that's pleasure. Yeah, so what are you saying because you can't walk or move that you can't love someone and want to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share to share that love. I'm just saying it's not a priority. Well no, but they're going to live, they're healthy apart from their disability. I admit someone, they want to consummate this love and someone is some, helps them out and goes, well, you know, that's part of my job. No, it's not part of the job. Well, it is part of this job. Because no one would because no one would take the job. Because th job. Because th job. Because th job. Because th job. Because th job. Because th job. Because th. Because th. Because th. Because th. Because th. Because the the the. Because the. Because the. Because the. Because the. Because the. It is th is the. It is part thi is part the. Because the. It is the. It is part the. It is part the. It is part thi. It is part thi. It is part thi. It is part thi. It is part th. It is part th. It is part th. It is part th. It is part th. It is part th. It is part th. It is part their their their their their their their their their their thi. It is thi. It is thi. It is thi. It is thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's their their their their their their their their their their their their their job. I have never heard anyone say I've had a right day today. Why? I've been playing with Arthur's tackle all day. They don't play with Arthur's tackle, they pop Arthur's tackle in Hilda's vagina. I don't think they do. They do! They do!

they do it. Maybe once. they don't she no they help her in the she helps it Arthur in or he might be a male nurse pops Arthur goes okay Arthur I'll see you in a few minutes right goes outside what's the point though in that why because it's all about the mood and everything he's just stuck on to a like like a stag beetle clinging on to a leaf there's no enjoyment in that oh the well known stag beetle with a leaf syndrome no no I'm not saying he the like like like like like like like like the the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I they they they's is they's is they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's the is the is they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're theeeeeeeeeeeee. I the. the well-known stag beetle copulating with a leaf syndrome. No but I'm not saying... That's a well-known position in the carbosuptro. I'm just saying... No, he knows that you know, he's a it's a I think it's a lovely act and someone's willing to...

Wouldn't you help someone in there? No, but also no, no, it says a know, can you just pop me in Carl? You're the only, you know, you're the only person around. No, I don't think it's important enough. But there are people. What do you mean you don't think it's important enough? I'd be happy to go round, put the washing on for them, make the bed. Do you want a cup of tea? that I would I quit and I think I don't think it happens because people wouldn't take it on for a job you never hear about it on comic relief when they're raising money they don't go thanks to Midland Bank for this

under grand that's gonna go towards Arthur getting his end away that that's ridiculous so you you would you would rather them not have the pleasure of each other than just help them in the the the the the no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd to to to to to to to the to to to to to to the the they'd to the the they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they could do something for each other. I want to play the guitar, my fingers aren't long enough. I'd knocked it on the head. It's the same thing. If you can't do it, don't do it. So are you telling me, right? Okay. If there's a little fellow, he's got no arms, no legs, right? Little Bob. Okay. All right. there is. All right, Carl. thrown, another little fellow with no arms and no legs. All right, Carl. Right? They love each other. Two little fellows with no arms and no legs, okay? Coul. You can't, you can't put my, uh, my penis bottom, can you? No, I can't, no. Why not? Why not? Why not?

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. It's weird how you can manage everything else. What, no? I'm here to help you. Everything else seems to be sort. Why do you need help in this department? Well, because he's over their... arms and legs you'll be losing that soon if you carry on sticking it up there. Well after the medical advancements of the Greeks and the Romans of course

through the Middle Ages particularly in Europe we ended up going backwards and it became you know people sort of returned to superstition started relying on that sanitation was poor a lot of the amazing sanitation the Romans had built was left to ruin and we went backwards. And really it wasn't until the Renaissance that people like Leonardo da Vinci started to draw pictures of the anatomy and so on. Well, putting scientific evidence and experimentation behind the the theories as opposed to someone with a big cauldron saying if you bury your toad your warts got away.

Exactly. He looked into this and then thought, well maybe they don't. Maybe it's a coincidence, you know. So that's what our experimentation comes. Empirical evidence, not just hope. Of course you still couldn't experiment or dissect humans because that was found upon. So often they would actually, the only their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, tho, thoes, thoome, thoome, their, their, their, thoomome, their, tho, their, thoes, thoes, thoes, thoes, th. We, theiruant, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, toge, th often they would actually, the only people they were allowed to dissect and operate on were criminals. And at times, criminals would actually be dissected or cut open whilst they were still alive as part of their punishment. Is that ever justifiable? Do you think, Carl, that people sacrifice for medical advancements?

They do it now, don't they? You hear about these people having you know test done on them you get paid 20 quid and they say let's let's rub this cream on your head. And you get your 20 quid and if your head goes funny they say well you took the 20 quid it's your own fault. Wasn't that a student that took a few grand. You became a living elephant man, didn't he? Oh yeah. It was quite horrific. His head is in all kinds of weird... Yeah, I mean that's unfortunate for 20 quid. But I'd say do it on the ill people because they've got nothing to lose. Just test it. It's, you know, all this testing on animals and that. Well, don't test it on animals. If you got an it, the doctor can't the doctor, the doctor, the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor can't the doctor the doctor the doctor the doctor can't the doctor the doctor can't the doctor the doctor can say, I've got this cream here, we haven't tested it, it might work, it might make it worse, give it a go. Right.

Yeah, but the whole point is that if you do that, someone's head might blow up to the side level. Yeah, it might outweigh the almond. That's happened already. A fellow's the head of the elephant thi thi. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. the. the. the. the their. their. their. Yes. Yes. Yes. the the their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. the. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. No I know, but you're saying, you're going for athletes foot, rub this on your feet, are your bollocks fat off? Never mind, it was a chance we have to take. I mean that's a particularly sloppy bit of medical research that one. No, yeah. But say like me Auntie Nora, right, she's had everything wrong with her, right? She's had tablets that that haven't been tested on anyone else. They test them. They they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they they've they've the the the the the the the the te te te te. I've had the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've had that that that that that that that that th that that that that the. I the. I the. I the the. I that that te te te te te te te te te te te te. I've had te te te te. I've te te te te te te te te te te thae to thae. that's thate. that's them on Nora. She's and she's up for it. She's like, oh I haven't had that. What's our little tester? Yeah. She loves it. But she's, she's, she knows that that's

the case and she's happier to give something a go than not a go. I mean it's ridiculous the amount of stuff. She rattles she carries that many pills. Like a Maraca. You can't hear her coming. But that's the way her life is now. She's just used to the fact that if it want for all these tablets, she'd be dead. Yeah, but not necessarily, but but but the pills, she doesn't take pills that have been untested. She's not taking experimental pills. I think she's, honestly, she's got so much. Well, she's just made that up the't been tested on someone. Where did they get and where they get these pills from that haven't been tested? Well it's all very new. She's on a lot of new medication. That can go either way. Could this be one of the reasons why she farted for 24 hours? It could have been one of the side of five minutes. Oh five minutes was it? Yeah, that's what the, that's what my mom said. It's all, that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. th. th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She, th. She's, th. She's th. She's, th. She's, th. She's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. She's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, these drugs that it's not used to. Luckily some of the pills weren't suppositories because

she'd have lost them in the great fart of 1989. I've lost all me suppositories. But you know that's what you do, isn't it, if you're in pain and I mean like, I don't I don't know if I told you when I had kidney stones. I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I the th I th I the th I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I had th, I had th, th, th, th, th, thed, thed, the, the the the the, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th, their thed, thed, the, told, told, told, told.ed, tolde, tolde, tolde, tolde, tolde, tolde, tolde, tolde.ed told mentioned it. I was in agony and they said in the I was in A&E lying on me back and the woman at the A&E count I said to Suzanne who's that over there and she said always with me he's in agony. So they said what's up with him? So they said oh it's his kidney stones again because this is when I went back at the night. I was like I couldn't care that people were staring at me, I was rolling about on the floor like a dying fly on me back. I just didn't care about what was going on around me, but I was told that because it's

busy that they might have to send someone out to shove like something up my ass that would get to the pain quicker. What do you mean, what do you mean on the floor in A.D? They're going to know? I think so, yeah, what's it? Oh, you mean a pill? I thought you meant to get to your kidney quicker than up you're not. No, no, no, a pill, they put it up there and apparently it'll kick in quicker. Yeah. The tablet works quicker. Yeah it. I just was like whatever it takes. Now saying that to me now. But hold on though, what if the doctor said, okay, I could give you this morphine, take it, it would take a few minutes to kick in, or I could rub some of my penis. I'll

pop an orange on the end of my penis. I rubbed that in morphine and I'll pupped that out of your rectum Mr Pilginton. You in agony or not? Are you in agony? Okay, look I'm just smearing... I'd say I'll get a second opinion. Well, no, you haven't got time. There it is. Do you want this up do you want this up your ass? It's covered in morphine? He's covered in morphine. He's a promissue game man. But in his professional life, he's a doctor with a if you're he's willing to do that in the middle of A&E yeah so it takes no pleasure from that it's the only way do you are you in paint do you want this done or not yes or no it comes out into any reception he's tries around his ankles he has no wrecked penis he says Carl do you want me to stick this up your eyes and your answer is yes or no You're in terrible agony. He's wearing a condom. He smeared the condom in. I mean it's not it's not it's not unprotected morphine, a penile surgery.

Administration. And what? In and out? Yeah, it just administered the, the, the, that your, your ass takes on the morphine from the Dr. Benus. And it's the onlyine from the Dr. Benis. And it's here anyway really. In and out. Yeah, in and out. Up once, okay? And out. It'll definitely work. Oh, you will. The pain will go away. No side effects. No side effects. No side effects. No side effects. No. I'd probably call Auntie Nora and ask if she's had it yet. Can I just return us back to where we started from? Because in Ricky's introduction he said that modern man, in a sense with all technology we have, can play God? And this is something which is huge now, a lot of ethical discussions about things like stem cell research should we be interfering in

what should be a godly terrain you say no straight away straight away no I think that's the problem we've got the tools and they like to use them and that's what happens I've got a sander for Christmas and I can't I canto sand stuff I can't even think of enough things that need sanding but I want to use it and that's the problem in it if you got the tools you can't have the tools and say pop them in the shed well I don't want to use them a new tool here right that's the problem in all these you know medical people that's what happened in the Hulk, isn't it? Yeah, well again, I'll just say that is a work of fiction.

The Hulk. Yeah, but with all fiction comes the future. Yeah, certainly in science fiction. But the problem is, this is what I say is the problem. We can sum it up, if you like, and then it sums it up. Go on though, this is a quote from someone? Well, yeah, he is, he is, he's is, he's is, he's is, he's is, he's is, he's is, he's is, he's is, he's th's the's th's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that it up. Go on though this is a quote from someone? Well yeah he's he's one for soundbikes and um it just saves a lot of time Carl's quotes you don't have to study the book or anything. So let's let's sum it up there let's we're gonna end it here but we're gonna end it with

with this quote from Carl Pilton. Carl shoot me. People are living too long. That's your summary of medicine, of mainstream medicine. Because it's kind of now, you see I agree with medicine to stop pain because it's depressing pain, stop the pain. I'd say, soon as we sorted that out and we started saying, do you want a new face? That's way over the line. No one should be getting a new face unless he really disfigured. Yeah. But those are the people who the people who are the people who that out and we started saying do you want a new face that's way over the line yeah no one should be getting a new face unless they really disfigured yeah but those are the people who are getting new faces now they're not there's people there's people they're messing about their people's own choice they're

paying for it's ridiculous I know it's not that's not taking it away from other people is yeah it is because they're plastic surgeons they're privately employed. Yeah but they shouldn't be. It should be sorting someone else out who's got a little funny head. They shouldn't be messing about with something wrong with them. Trying to get some free treatment. And it never looks right anyway. They spend all that money it never fits properly. No you've completely, as a form of summary you have completely gone off tangent. Oh that's not a summary yet. I have one more go. This is the real one. Okay Carl sum up our global guide to medicine go. Today's cure.

Today's cure. It's something like that. It'll be something like a... Today's cure is tomorrow's headache. It's all right. Because what I'm saying there is, we can come up with stuff. We can come up with a tablet to get rid of headache. Tomorrow your head aches, your leg aching. So today's cure is actually tomorrow's leg ache. So today's cure is tomorrow's

leg ache. Yeah, but ages ago I said to you, don't solve problems. Yeah. Because a problem solved is a problem caused. I'm gonna die. I don't remember that quote. But... Okay, so finally, in summation, what you said was... So, okay. At the end of the end of day we've all got a die of something right now now Albert might come in I'm a doctor right Albert how are you today what's wrong with you today Albert

I've got an information of the testicular region right I'm a scrotal sack it's all it's stretching, swollen it's postulating and it's causing the penis to be all red and inflamed and that spread to the anus. Right. Take these tablets. Where do I put them? Just have them with some water after a bath. Okay, I'm not going to have a bath. Because the, honestly, you see these get in a bath and they start bubbling with the... Yeah, like I say, just take the tablet. I think, I don't know what it is, but it's, look at it. It's like, it's like a mess, it's like quite a mass down there. I can't, oh yeah. Take the tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tap tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets tablets and the the the tablets and tablets and tablets. Take tablets. Take tablets. Take the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tablets. some you know in a week's time let me know it goes okay right so let's

imagine that that perfectly normal scenario has happened what what is your point right you'll come back the week after yeah the problems downstairs will be sorted but at the end of day he's 76 he's gonna have something else wrong with him I do another check on you and even though you you sack is sorted not not quite right to be honest. Nobody better. Yeah, well it swings in roundabouts because the penis is much more functional. The testicles are really, they've lost all their skin.

It's just like a bag of spaghetti just hanging on the chair and the ass is the it's is the itiest ass I've ever had. I've had to, at some points, I've got blood under my fingernails, it's scratching my anus. So it's not completely killed. And this is why no oneovey's Guide to Medicine. Coming soon, Ricky Jovey's Guide to Medicine. Coming soon, Ricky Jovey's Guide to Natural History out February.