The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guide To... S1E2 "Natural History" (January 29, 2009)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

A new series, called The Ricky Gervais Guide to... featured the trio discussing various topics in their entirety during individual 50 min episodes. The first volume The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Medicine was released on 31 December 2008. This was followed by The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Natural History on 21 January 2009. This in turn was followed by The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Arts on 18 February 2009. The 4th episode, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Philosophy aired on 17 March while the 5th and final episode of season 1, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The English followed on 21 April (2 days prior to St. George's Day).

This is audible. Thomas Huxley once wrote, To a person uninstructed in natural history, his country or seaside stroll is a walk through a gallery filled with wonderful works of art, nine-tenths of which have their faces turned to the wall. Teach him something of natural history, and you place in his hands a catalogue of those which are worth turning around. To some, the wonders and intricacies of the natural world are a miracle, living proof of the existence of God. To others, the natural world is a wondrous illustration of Darwinian evolution. To discuss the complexities of plant and animal life, I'm joined by Stephen Merchant,

graduate of the University of Warwick, an award-winning writer. Thank you so much for having me. And Carl Pilkington, a man with no qualifications, very little education, but who is now known the world over as a man with a head like a fucking orange. All right. Natural history obviously takes in everything to do with animals, plants, bacteria which are in neither group. I should start by just saying Carl that the natural world is so diverse that we don't even know how many species there are. Conservatively there's two million species of animals.

I mean without even taking in plant life there are at least two million species of animal. With plants and animals, there could be up to 10 million species. There are 37,000 different species of spider alone. What's it that? It's a lot. It is, isn't it? But if there's loads of stuff out there that we don't know about and we don't know what

it's doing, is it that important? Is it worth finding them now? Well yeah. Why? Well, it may give us the key to unlock other mysteries? A spider won't. Well, it might be. Well, that's totally...

I reckon there's a natural cure for everything out there. There's loads of animals that have toxins that are used in medicine. I know that we use dangerous spiders to get rid of headaches or whatever or they do in the tribes. Right? Do you want to expand on that point? Um, it's just that's what they these tribes, they've got all natural remedies. They go, you've got a sore ankle, chew on this twig, and it works. I've seen it.

They've sent women out there and they couldn't believe the stuff they can do with twigs and trees and edge-yogs and stuff. I'd say... It wasn't an in-depth analysis, was it? What I'm saying? women out there. I reckon the stuff that's got venom in it that's useful. We probably know about all them because... It has made a sense. We probably know about all of them. What I mean is the police know about the gangsters but they go right we're aware of, right, we're aware of them, we'll get on with it. We'll keep our eye on them and it's the same in the jungle. The spiders, the deadly ones that are just just that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's got that's that's that's that's that's that's th got th got th got th got th got that's that's th got that's that's that's th got th got th got thiiia thia thia thi thi thi thi thate the the thate their their their their their their their their their their thea. thea. thea' thatea. thatea' th same in the jungle. The spiders, the deadly ones you're aware of. The ones that are just pottering about you, don't even worry about them, don't even

give them a name. They're not doing anything. But why if there's another poisonous spider they haven't identified yet, they're lurking in the undergrowth? I'd be very to, we live in the world now. We do, we know about a lot of the dangerous stuff. Whenever they find something new now, it's like a new butterfly or... Well no, look at AIDS. When I was a kid, no one would have never heard of AIDS. When I was a kid, no one thio'er.

that's not a natural thing it's not something that's AIDS hasn't been like living under the soil for millions of years going I'll wait till be in 1980s and I come out and kill a load of people. No but it is a natural thing. Yeah it's a new thing. It's new. Yeah but loads of animals are new aren't they? Not in not I mean evolutionary terms. There's new animals. I'm sure I'm sure there's new stuff deep just like, almost like bacteria sat under the soil, it'll never come to the top, right? It's like having an old woman who's a neighbor. She never goes out, she doesn't bother you. Let her be. But what if that old neighbor could unlock the secrets to...I don't think she can. Even to us understanding the complexities of the universe of the way things have developed and grown? Because we know about it. Well why would we know about it? Because I never

understand why is it you want to stop researching and studying now? Why is it that you're happy to just draw a line under everything else? What if people had said this back in the 19th century? We've done this we've done this I think someone in the 1900s we said everything that's going to be invented, that's been invented. And then look what happened in that century. Yeah and I've said to you, look at the stuff that is being invented now. The Frisbee and stuff like that. It's all, it's all stuff that you kind of go, it's all right, it's a good idea, but we don't need it. Yeah, but the Frisbee wasn't being worked on by the top brains of our generation. That. That. That. That. that. that. that. thaph. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi wasn't. thi wasn't. thi. thi. thr-I. thr-I. thr-I. thrisbysby-I. that's that's that's thi wasn't thi. thi. thr-I. thr-I's thr-s. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's is is is that's is that's is that's. that's is that's that's thr-s. that's that's that's thri. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thri. that's thri. thris's like look at the fuss we made over that fella who came up with a Dyson VAC. Everyone was like he's up there with Einstein. Well he's not, it's a good VAC. It cleans up floors well and everything. Who said he's up there with Einstein?

In one of those programs where they did like great inventions of our time it was easy early on you go Einstein you know, Newton, Newton, you and you and they started to run out because it is harder to come up with something new now. Because everything that's needed, remember the things we've invented are things that we sort of go, we could do with that. Inventors, don't sit there going, what to make? I need a toaster. They've sat there, And what can it do after you? Necessity is the mother of invention. However, there are people who sit around going, where's a loophole in the market? Where's a little, where's a niche? Well, there's it is something.

About a year ago, I came up with a see-through to the toaster. So that you can see how much the toast is cut is to to to to to the post. Yeah but all you're really doing Carl is modifying an existing invention? What other examples are being pipped at the post are there? It's got to be one that hasn't been done or it's not your theory but also something that unlocks a mystery or helps the world. What's causing problems in the world at the moment? That needs sorting. Oh, cures for things.

Faster transport. Anything to do with security, anything to do with well-being, you know. Obviously environmental concerns are a big issue, people trying to design automobiles that can run on different alternative fuels. I met a bloke on a conference once who sent a drawing to Blue Peter. It was their design a car of the future and he sent them a drawing that was a car and the only innovation was that you can have a shit while driving. And then he put, he put shit goes down pipe which becomes fuel. They must have looked at that and gone, what a maniat.

I think that's a brilliant, I mean I've driven long way. I've lived to Cornwall recently and I would have loved. But I think he did it when he was about nine. And he must have thought, oh I'm being driven to school, oh I need a to toilet, wouldn't it be good? Why hasn't that that What? Well like Steve says I've been in the same situation when you're driving and you go, oh where's the service station? You see a sight in 36 miles. So what would say, so you suggest pull your trouser down and shit down in the seat that's a toilet? Yeah, what's wo's wrong with that? What's the time but it's more useful to me than a lighter. So also what do you wash your hands or wipe your ass? At what point does that occur?

At the end of the journey? Oh God! So you get in, you have a shit at Deptford and you wipe your ass at Pol Perro? Yeah but like I've said to you, this isn't like just people going off, I think I I'll have one. You need one, not really, it's something to do, isn't it? I'm sick of playing ice bar. I'm having a shit. You have it when you really need one. When you have to pull off a motorway, it's a lot of messing about. It's probably going to be a going on don't even know about it radio is on everyone's happy doesn't matter I don't know I mean we all do it as well that's the thing anything else you'd come up with I mean say if I you come up

with nothing that was a nine-year-old boys idea I mean the Brevill maker wasn't needed that's true what's the brevel wasn't needed. That's true. What's that saying? I don't like toasted sandwiches. But there's so many things, chocolate fountains, anything like that, I just go, what are these? Who's invented these? Who's okayed this idea?

And yet I can't have a shit on the motorway. Think of computers. What about them? Well, I mean, that's in the last few years, you know, a hundred years in our existence, okay? They've been dabbling with anything even close to a computer, nothing before that. Yeah, computers are a good thing and it baffles me as to how they came about when you think a computer chip is just made out of sand. Now for someone to come up with that you go, there must have been some sort of alien involved at you. What do you mean? Why do you think that? So I love it. So the Frisbee, rubbish, anything too clever, well it wasn't an invention, it was it was it was it was an alien it was an alien it was an alien. It was an alien. So it was an alien. So the the the the the the the the the the the the the thiiiante. So, it's thi? So, thi? So, thi? thirty. thirty. thi, thi? thi, thi. thioliol-a. thiol-a. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. that's th. So the Frisbee, rubbish, anything too clever, well it wasn't an invention, it was an alien. So there's nothing between Frisbee and computer chip. What I'm saying is,

it's not even an idea, is it? What do you mean? A computer chip, where's that come from? It's amazing. It's astounding, yeah. So you think it was an alien? What are you talking about? Because I can't believe that someone would go right right. thuuuu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thi. they. thi. thi. they. thi. thi. thi. they. thi. thi. thi. th. they. the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. they. they. their their that someone would go right. I want to make something that will hold information and be able to do, I know, let's use some sand, we've got loads of that. You'd go, what are you thought? Well, that's what genius is though. There's no alien involved. No, but when I say alien, I don't mean an alien, you know, do you know, do you. do their their their, do their, do their, do their, do you their, do you their, do you their, do you their, do you their, do you their, do you their, do you their, do you their, do you their, do you their, do to their, do you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, do that. I, do that. I, I, do that. I, do that. I, do that. I that. I that. I that, I that, right? Right, yeah. And there's all them rumors, isn't they, in that anger.

They've got the spaceship, they take it apart, they go, yeah, wheels, we've got them, yeah, the steering wheel. And then they go, hang on, what's this here? And they find the chips, and they break genius is nearly as ridiculous as the Adam and Eve explaining life on earth. How could you tell that to someone without going red? I mean I always worry about that where people, like people who believe in Adam and Eve, don't they wish there was a slightly better explanation?

With all the evidence we've got, do you know what I mean? With all the evidence for evolution that they think the earth is 5,000 years old and God made Adam out of some dust and then he went oh I need a bird. It's all right I'll make it out of your rib. Right? There's loads of things that you go, oh this is a bit embarrassing. I bet Charles Darwin when he said we've all come from apes. I bet you start on going, should But the fact that sand makes computer chips is not the interesting thing. The interesting thing is how the human being discovered that, what am I talking about, sand makes computer chips, that silicon can have information put on it. But we're made out of oxygen, nitrogen, carbon, do you know what I mean? And hydrogen? Yeah, well that's nature. You see nature is amazing. You can't beat nature, right? It comes up with some amazing things. Yeah, but, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what the human, what, what, what, what the human, what the human, what the human, what the human, what the human, what the human, what the human, what the human, what the human, what the, what the, what the, what the, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, the. the. the. the. the. the. the, what's the, the. the. the. the human, the human, the human, the human, the human, the human, the human, the human, the human, the human, the, the, the, the, what the, what that's nature. You see nature is amazing. You can't beat nature, right? No. It comes up with some amazing things. Yeah, but man is nature. Don't forget that we are, we're an animal. We're a brilliant ape. Now it's clear to any sensible, reasonable,

educated person that we did evolve from apes or rather we had a common ancestry and that we're closest to the chimpanzee. We're actually 98.6% genetically identical to a chimpanzee, Carl. We're closer to a chimp than a chimp is to a gorilla. Genetically speaking. I just find that art to believe. Well I'm telling you it's true. What are you finding hard to believe? Well your eyes, your own eyes are what sort of comes up with a lot of thoughts. No, no, no, no, one's eyes don't come up with thought. No, but what I'm saying is, what you mean is, you look at things and make up your own decisions.

So if there's no Darwin or anything, I'm sat somewhere and said, we're going to bring a few animals in one of them is related. Right. They're all related. All right but but they're all related to you but one's not so long ago right and they brought them in and they lined them up and he was a chimp stood there and a gorilla and a, uh, what's another one? Arangutan. Right a girl a orangutan right I go the orangutan send that out probably first to go so he's definitely not linked to me yeah I disagree but there we go to the air coloring there's none of that in our family well there's no air I like the fact they lose out because it's ginger so that's gone right so I'm left with a gorilla and a chimp yeah I would go there there there the thi I would the I I I I I there I there I there I there I there I there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there's there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there's there's there's there there's there there there there's no air. I like the fact that it loses out because it's ginger. So that's gone.

Right, so I'm left with a gorilla and a chimp. I would go for the gorilla. Well, it's a good guess, but you'd be wrong. So we are much closer to the chimpanzee, okay? 98.6% genetically identical. Think of that. We only differ on 1.4% of our genetic makeup. That must be the ass.

Animal rights is a lot different. Because that's a lot different. Animal rights is a hot topic. What right should they have? How do they compare to humans? It's a well-known fact that we test in animals with the assumption that humans are more important. We test drugs on animals and we're basically saying, if they die, they die we learn something from them. People do make distinctions between animals right they know that it's probably more acceptable to kill an ant than...

Put your cow. Yeah exactly. You know, I think that comes again from how close are they to humans, have they got a face? Are they furry? I told you, you don't know about me, my dad's mate, who had a monkey, who had a monkey, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, who, you, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, you, who, you, who the their, who had a, and their, who had a, and their, and their, and their, and their, and, and their, and their, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, and, and, and, and, and, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, are they to humans, have they got a face? Are they furry? I told you, didn't know about my dad's mate who had a monkey and he had to thump it? What? What? Why, two things there? One, why did he have a monkey? Two, what sort of discipline is thumping a monkey? What was the monkey doing? He kept it, he was annoying his monkey? What was the monkey? What was? What was? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th. What? th? th? th. What? thu? thu? thu? thu? thu? thu? thu? I, thu? I, thu? I, I've thu? thu? I've had, thu? thu? thu? thu? thu. He, thu. He, thu? thu? thu. He, thi? thi? He, thi? He, th. He, th. He, he? He, he? He, he? He, he? He, he? He, he? He, he? He, he? He? He? He? He? He? I, th. He? I, th. He? I, I, thi? I, I, I, I, I, I, I've had, I've had, I've had, I've had, I've had, thi? I've had, thoooooooo? I've had, thi? thi? thi? th Right now that's not true. We've never had this before. How have we had all these years of monkeys and we've never had ages ago? Your dad ought to make you went a monkey? Yeah I'm sure I told you. That, why did they have a monkey? Well it was back in the day when people did they all like odd, in sort of pets. When? When? In like, like, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, I, I, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, you, you, you, you, you, I, I, you, you, I, I, I, you, I, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to, to, monkey. But he had to thump it. Now the weird thing is...

Now that's weird enough. Is this the, this is all the story? This is the entire story you've got. All the information you've got is he had a monkey and he had to thump it. Yeah, my dad tolm told me about it. I was into monkeys. He said, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, bn, bn, bn, bn, bn, bn, bn, bn, bn, bn, bn, bann, bann, bann, bann, bann, bann, bann, bann, bann, bann, b-t, thumped. thumped, thumped, thumped, thumped, thum. This, thum. This, thum, thumed, thumped, thumped, thumped, thumped, thumped, thumped, thumed, thu. This, thu. This, thu. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, th. This, thu. This, thu. This, thu. This, thu. This, thu. This is, thu. This is, thu. This is, thu. This is, thu. This is, thu. This is, thu. This is, thu. This is, fact for you Carl. Sit down. What is it Peter? Um, barely thumped one. Brilliant. But what was interesting is the way that people are thumping other people all the time. No one bats an eyelid. Thump a monkey. People go, you thump to monkey. Yes, yes they do. They do go, you thump to monkey. So that's what's thumed thumed thumed. thumed. thumed. I's a thum. I's a monkey. thum. thum. thum. thum. thum. their. thum. thum. thum. thum. thum. thump thump thum. thum. thumped. thumped a monkey. thum. Thumped a monkey. Thumped a monkey. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. People. People. Thumped. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. Thu. People. Thu. Thu. Thu. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped. Thumped a monkey. Thumped a monkey. Thumped a monkey. Thumped a monkey. Thumped a monkey. Thumped a monkey. Thumped a monkey. Thumped a monkey. So that's what's weird, isn't it?

What this gym doesn't want to be caged and kept in a fucking council house in Manchester? No, it was quite happy. And if it was like a human, I mean in the 70s, you know, there were all the tea bag adverts and all that and they were loving that. They weren't loving it. People People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People, people. People, people. People, people. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. the. the. the. the. the. the. they. they. they. they. they. they. They. They. They. They. They. They. They were, it. They. They. They. They. They were, it. They. They. They were, it. They were, it. they. they. they. they. like a cage in a zoo. You're going, it was better when I was pushing the piano upstairs. They weren't really, they weren't really... They weren't really sitting down and having a cup of tea. It wasn't a documentary, a week in the life of the monkey delivery men. I love that. Chimps in a zoo now going, fucking thrown.

At least we were free. 58 quid a week. Yeah. They're not meant to be kept in a house in Manchester. It's called to keep a person in a house in Manchester, so it's fucking cool to keep a monkey. Are you aware, Carl, that 99% of all forms of life that have existed on earth are now extinct? So there's only 1% of everything that's ever been, still alive. Yeah. But that's just as well, isn't it? Why? Well I think it's pretty crowded now. So it's just as well. You see this is what I'm saying now. Years ago they accepted that. Cavemen wouldn't have been going, oh we're losing stuff, stuff's dying. Whereas now everyone's, oh the panda, polar bears, not got any ice and all that.

At the end of the day, the world's only so big, we know it's not getting any bigger. Right? Stuff's got to die, hon't it? You can't keep everything. Just think of that, though, as a tall of natural selection, that the species that are surviving today are one percent. Just how amazing that is to survive and evolve how perfect everything is on earth. It's amazing. No but it'll drop off again, won't it? As we find a new stuff, other stuff will be dying.

In that 1%? When that statement was made, was the dodo gone or was it? It was gone already. It doesn't matter though, does it? A percentage? Yeah, the dodo went, the last do is is is is is thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thi. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. thi. It's thi. thi. It's thi. It's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho, tho tho tho tho thoo thooo too toooooo thoooo thoooo thoooooo tho thoo tho. It's th gone. It was gone already. It doesn't matter though does it? A percentage, it's a percentage. Yeah, the dodo went, the last dodo died. They said that was the last dodo, no more dodo's. But we found... Dido. Still making great albums. Great albums. Great album. We lost the dodo but we've got Dido. A recent albums not sold very well. Dying out. Everything has a lifespan. It's dying out. But and I think that's life so it's not amazing really. That's not

either anymore. No it's not a neither that's life's gone. That's gone. That was good. What is it? It's a ranceston forced to just hang out in the jungle. Yeah. It's a shame. When I went to natural history museum there was a thi. It was a thin. to a to a natural. to a natural. the natural natural. to a natural. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not life that's not life life that's not life life life life life life life life life life life that's not life life life. that's not life life life life life life life life life life life life life. that's not life life life. that's not life. that's a life. that's a life life. that's a life. that's a natural. that's a natural. that's not a natural natural natural natural natural natural natural. to a natural natural. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's not a that's not that's not a that's not life life life's not a thi. that's not life life life life life life life that's not a that's not a or something. It died out ages ago. No one knows about him. Which is weird because everyone knows about the Dodo. Well that's because it died out in, I think that, I was at the 18th century or something, wasn't it? Well, you know, within what might, what might some recent history? Yeah.

Well, this thing's sort of, I don't think it was far behind it. It's just timing, isn't it? Got more pressed, the dodo. The ciderae, or whatever it's called, it was a big thing. It was a cross... You've seen it and you still don't know what it's called. Well it's, it's... it's... it's... it's... it's...? Well that's funny because when they first named the giraffe they called it the camel apart because they thought it was a cross between a camel and a leopard. Really? Yeah. Well, I can tell you that when zoologists examined a platypus for the first time, some of them thought it might it might have been a hoax because they'd they they they they they they th, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, their thu, thu, thu, their thu, they'd they'd they'd they'd their, their, their their, their their, their the the the the the the the the the the the the their, their their, their their, their, their, their, their, their their, their thi, thi, thi, thi, thr, thr-s thr-s' called. toleeeeeeeeeeee' called. tolu-a' called, thatrallu-a'e'e'e' called, they they called have been a hoax because they thought it could have been different parts of different animals sewn together because the platypus has the fur of an otter, the tail of a beaver, the bill and feet of a duck, and the venomous spurs of a fighting gamecock. So they assumed that it must have been a hoaxe.

It must have been a hoaxe. It must have been a scoppy the challenge the challenge the challenge to clarify that, it actually is descended from a link between reptiles and mammals almost 150 million years ago, a sort of living fossil. When I was about 1314, I once tried to improve the animal kingdom by making the hardest animal ever, the most perfect animal. Now, just to clarify, you didn't in sort of Frankenstein style try and bolt various bits of animals together. It was a drawing that I sent to Blue Peter. There was no competition going on. You just thought they would be appreciated. I thought they'd look at that and they'd go well this is a

genius. This is like Da Vinci. Sure. And this is the animal this is all I thought the perfect animal. I mean, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. that the, the, the, the perfect, the, thi, the, the, the perfect the, the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect the perfect thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi theeeeeeateateateeeateeateeateeeeeeeeat theeeeeeeeeeee, the, the, thi animal. This animal it could take anything. It was just the strongest artist fastest right. So I started with a head of a lion. Do you know what I mean? It looks good right right? Okay I pop that on the body of a rhinoceros. Okay so it's got the toughness of the armor if you like. Oh it's full strength. Head of a lion. Think of that so you've got the toughness, the armor if you like. Oh, that's false strength. Head of a lion. Think of that. So you've got this picture. Head of a lion, body of a rhino. Okay.

Hold on though. Pop some arms on it. The front arms were the arms of a gorilla. The arms of a gorilla. So, okay then, wait a minute. You think that's got enough weaponry? Sounds like it? No. Pop on the tail of a giant scorpion. A giant scorpion? Yeah. Yeah. So the scorpion that's the size of the right. So, exactly. So the tail was as long as that right. So now this is a scary animal. And this is where the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. the animal. So, tian. So, tian. So, tian. So, tian. So, tian. So, tie. So, tian. So, so, so, tian. So, tian. So, tian. So, tian. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, tian. So, tian. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, tie. So, the animal fell down I thought right legs were the fastest animal is the cheater cheater popped on four cheater legs four cheater legs it would have collapsed and it would have collapsed immediately

so yeah you drew this did you drew it yeah did you show it to anyone yeah my mates went that's brilliant right they said that's brilliant and then just sent straight to blue here you reply no reply at all really did you to the to the the to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. te. te. te. teat. teat. teat. te. te. they. they. they. they. the the they. the the that's brilliant. And then just sent splictably pia. Yeah, no reply at all. Really? No reply at all. What do you thinks of that, Carl? What would you, if you wanted to make the ultimate fighting animal, what would you come up with? If you have the power like that, like that, if you have the power like that, like that fellow in Arabian nights, size of a chimpanzee, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, what that, what that that that that that that that, what that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that to that, what to to to that, what to that, what that, what that, what that, what that, what that, what that, what that, what that, what that, what that, what th, what th, what th, what th, what th, what th, what th, what thi, what thi, what thi, what thi, what that that thi, thrue, thrue, what thrue, what thrue, what throwne, what that's that's to to thrown you know like that. I don't think I'd go for strength and that. I'd go for survival. What did you do? Cockroach? I'd have like an armadillo's body. Right. Okay. So you've that's as big as you can be now then. So you can't really pop on a lion's head because it just lay there going, I can't fucking move. All right. I'd have a head

of an owl. Right? The head of an owl. Yeah, why, what, what does that bring to the table? The head's there to sort of make it look friendly to the human race. So because if you look half decent to the human race they'll look after you. That's the way it works with a cat and a dog and all that. So the owl makes it look nice. Right. I'd have uh I want to have legs It's what's easy? So now you're a really slow-moving legless armadillo with a head of an owl, slithering along. How is that going to be friendly? They'll see the beautiful face, but then they'll be terrified by the sludge. No, because the head's that nice, that'll forgo the sludge. But hold on though, but wait a minute, so this got this thing that's stuck, right, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, they. It's a they. they. their. their. their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. threathough, thi. though, though, though, though. though, though. though. though. though. though. though, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. toe. It's, toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. the. It's stuck right going at 0.1 miles an hour with it going who right you come over you kick the head off how is this no because the head can go into the thing like a tortoise can it can yeah

of course it can into the armadillo body well no an armadillo it just curls up into a ball listen to an armadillo so it's so Because what I'm thinking is an armadillo, they good when they're on the feet, flip them, they get stuck like a tortoise. Right. Slug stuff keeps it down. So if anything attacks it, it's like a limpet or one of them things that can lock to stuff. But but it can't get any, how can't it, it can't get any,he. Just go and kick it. How can it escape from danger? It's going to move very slowly. What, that's the worst animal? It'll lock itself in and lock itself in.

Yeah, and then I'll just scoop it up on the sound. You can't scoop it up. It locks itself in if it's in danger. I give it's just the worst animal you I've ever heard. Why is it on Peacock Feathering? It looks more threatening. That's the least threatening thing, Peacock Feathers. It's like Danny LaRue coming at you. There's nothing remotely scary about peacock feathers.

Yeah, to humans, but the humans won't be arming it because they like the owl-head. People will like to have these th-t th-t th-t th-thing th-thing th-thea-thea-t th-t th-the th-the-the-the-the-the-t th-the-the-the-theat-theat-theat- th- th- the. It th-theat- the. It the. It the. It the. It looks- it th- it th. It looks- it th. It th. It th- it the. It the. It the. It the. It th-t th-t th-theat-theat-theat-t th-theat-theat-theat-theat-theat-theat-theat-theat-theat-theat-theat-theat-thea-thea-tea-treats threats threats-treats-t-treats-treats-treats-treats. It looks threats. It looks threats. It the-thea-tea-tea-t-t- Uh, do you eat lettuce? They eat lettuce? They eat lettuce? Why has he got a beak? They eat lettuce? He's telling him what it's going to eat now. The owl's going, fuck that, I want a mouse. I love the fact that he's based on what it eats on the fact that how it moves a bit like a slug. Yeah, they'd eat lettuce. It moves that, and it's not that weird if that existed. If that was normal, that when you went out to empty your bin, it was one of them sliding up the wall.

You wouldn't even double take, it just be like, oh there's the owl-ed peacock-feathered thing. I don't know why it's climbing walls in an effort to find lettuce. Yeah, why is it climbing up that wall? Because though you've designed this animal, now it's... You're even explaining its limitations. It's mainly made as to be on walls. What else is living on walls? Oh gosh! Oh, fucking out! What's a useless animal that is? Carl, I mean. But nature chucks up odd things, isn't it?

Don't, why are we starting on this again? No, I'm just saying that is nature. Now and again you'll get stuff that. Oh, was he looking at you? Yeah. Was he really? Look at his fucking head. Look at his stupid round, fucking orange-head and... Why, why aren't you a freak? You've got a little bald head.

We're not meant to be bald. Well, I was, I think. That's the thing. That's what nature's done. You see, I didn't do anything with my air when I had air. I didn't style it, I didn't do anything with it and it probably thought what am I doing here? Whereas people who love the air and they comb it and they comb it and have different they have have different they have their they have their they have their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I was th. I was th. I was their their their their their their their. I was their their their their. I was their their. I was their. I was their their. I was their their their their their their their I their I their I their their their their their th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was the. I was theat. I was theat. I was theat. I was th. I was theateat. I was th. I was theat. I was there for ages. No, no nonsense, absolute nonsense. Well you're saying that, absolute nonsense. It's a little bit weird then, isn't it? And that's what happens with old people, once they lose their, you know, will to live, once they lose the job, they get old, what's my purpose? What am I doing here? And it's like nature goes, you not thua........ And thia. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. that's like, th. th. that's like, th. th. that's like, that's like, th. that's like, th. And it, that's like, that's like, th. And it's like, th. And it's th. And it's th. And it's th. And it's th. And it's th. And it's th. And it, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, that's a that's a that's a that's a little that's a little that's a little that's a little that's a little that's a little that's a little thatea. And, that's a that's a little that. And, that what happened with the dodo, what's it doing? It can't fly, wings are useless. Eat it, tastes horrible, kill it.

Nature, I think they did eat it. Yeah, but it wasn't very nice, was it? I think they over farmed it. I think that's why it was extinct. Because they did eat it. No, but they did eat it the it, but they did eat it, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they this up again. All conjecture. No but they didn't eat it all. Everybody would probably try it and go, it's not for me that. But you don't know this. You don't know this. What's this based on? The people, and their. What's this based on the people? And also why would that kid out? Because I tell you why. Because if it's not nice not nice not nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice nice. People it's not nice. People. People. People it them. Because you'd farm it, you'd take more care, but what's a polar bear doing? Sat on a block of ice floating about. It's no use to us, it's no use to us. It's no use to

about. It's no use to us, it's no use to us. It's no use to us. It's all very sad when you see on the news sort of struggling and all that. But it's going to make them stronger. If scientists could bring back to life the creatures that have existed in the past, do that's a good idea or a bad idea? Bad idea? Now leaving aside the horrors of Jurassic Park, do you think for research purposes it might be a useful idea? Um, I don't think it is. I don't think it is. For me, it's like a friend's a friend thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu their their their their their their thuice their thu thu thu thu thus p. thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thi thi. thi thi. the the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thu c. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the the the thr-a to thru c. thru c. threate c. the c. the c. threats threats to threats to to to threats to thru creats's like a friend reunited. It's like people who you knew ages ago getting back in touch and you go, I don't want to get in touch with you. That was then. And it's the same with a mammoth. That was then. You had your day, it didn't work out. Now to bring it back, it's unfair. You're messing with nature anyway. I've said to you before about what they do with their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's their, it's their. their. their. It's their. It's their. It's, it. It's, it. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's like, their. their. toe. toe. toe. toea. their, their, their, their, they. their,'t know what they do with them the massive things I think it's like they're just not thinking about it's like rushing into buying furniture that's massive and you get it back and you can't get it through the door

I don't be like that with a mammoth no but what about if you could say you could feed the third world with mammoth meat. But what's wrong with with we've got a load of cows and stuff? Why do they need a mammoth? No one even knows what it tastes like. Imagine that. You bring it back and you've got another dodo on your hands. No, but this is well that this is horrible. Well they used to eat them because they again what they thought what humans found out is they they could take down a mammoth But they got greedy and they found out they could They could chase them and so they'd go over an edge of a cliff

And what they did they went crazy and they used to hear them and they'd all die, but of course then they'd waste the meat because they could need it all Yeah, well, that's that's that's I think. I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's I that's why. I that's why. I that's why. I that's why. I that's why. I that's why. I that's why. I that's why. I that's why. I that's why. I that's that's that's that's that's they. I they. they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd that's, I think that's why we shouldn't bring them back because they are too big. So even if... Didn't you have a word of what you said then? Didn't he? No, I did. Everyone can eat them, but the problem is they're so big that you couldn't eat it quick enough so it all went off. Yeah, but I was saying that smaller, manageable for everyone. That's why the chicken is perfect. Out of all the animals, perfect. Good size, feeds a family of four, whilst it's alive it's giving you eggs. I agree. And it tastes nice. But it doesn't if you think it's not a good life. If suddenly, suddenly it's said to me,

I stopped eating it because I found out about how badly they were treated like 10 years ago and at least I have organic. And honestly eating an animal that's been tortured doesn't taste nice. Fragua would make me vomit. The thought of it, the evil involved in torturing a goose because the liver tastes slightly better. I mean where does it end? I think if they looked after they don't want to die. They're the ones. T one the one the one the one one one one one. T one. They're don't want the one. They're their. I. I's. I's. I's. I's their. I don't their. I don't their. I don't their. I don't their. I'm their. I'm there. I'm thi. I don't. I'm thi. I'll thiolui. I'll thi. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. I's th. I's th. I's thi. I's thi. I'm thi. I'm thraged. I'm try. I'm tried. I'm tried. I'm tried. I'm tried. I'm tried. I'm thraged. I'll thrugg, being fed lovely food, you're going right, we're going to cut your head off and they're probably like, oh God, I'm going to miss this, I'm loving this life. Whereas the one sat in its own shit is going, have me first, I'm sick of it. There's all, there's different ways of looking at- good point. Good point. So what you're saying is gival thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi've ordered a turkey. It's way too big. I don't know what we're going to do with it. And it's worrying me now actually. It'll be nice on Christmas Day but it's my job to look after the kitchen and everything tidy up and I know I don't know what I'm going to do with it or it's like a little home no but a chicken you're chicken you're watching up to that you yeah yeah

Arthur's job and that's the problem with with a mammoth I think the idea of it's probably quite pleasant you know that's something new to to try out but afterwards when you got a sidey up and stick it in cling film you be going how much of this have we got so I wouldn't bring back the mammoth. Charles Darwin of course once said, I cannot persuade myself that a beneficent and omnipotent God would have created parasitic wasps with the express intention of their feeding within the living bodies of caterpillars. His point being that, you know, creatures and their reproductive cycles are so complicated, so intricate, so bizarre that that alone is proof of the non-existence of God. Where do you stand on that?

Um, it's pretty weird. We talked about it ages ago, didn't we, about the wasp that has a thing growing in it and all that? Um... Lays it's egg out the wasp that has a thing growing in it and all that. Lays its egg in a spider. Yeah and then the spider goes mad don't it? That's what you fucking cunt, laying eggs in me, you fucking stripy wanker. It is weird. It was weird. I know it was going out of the ass in the couple of what you fucking... I don't know. I don't know how it found out that that's where it had to do that's the amazing thing, isn't it? Well it didn't did it? It just did it?

No I know but when I say found out I mean it just did it. Well it's like mimicry when they say mimicry you know that there's a poisonous snake comes along that looks a bit like it's not poisonous but people go, oh careful it's poisonous. That snake snake is's like it's like it's the snake is's the snake is's the snake is's the snake is's the snake the snake is the snake snake snake the snake snake snake the snake the snake the snake snake th snake th snake th snake th th th th th is th is th is th is th. It's tho tho th. It's tho tho tho tho tho that's that's that's that's that's like that's like that's like that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. It's th. It's th. I I I's th. I's th. I's th. I's not thin. I's not tho. I's not thooooooooooo. I's like. I's like. I's like. I'm not not not not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm it's poisonous. That snake didn't go, I'm going to strain and I'm going to try and look like scary over there. Some were born that looked a bit like scary and they survived. Yeah, it's just being chosen. But that's changing now, isn't it? The fact that, like, when them frogs came out, that were just dangerous. Frogs came out? What frogs's some frogs in a jungle somewhere that was like pretty dangerous. Yeah. From Mattel, dangerous frogs in the jungle. Yeah. But they... but people didn't know that they were dangerous.

And they were going about killing those of stuff. Anyway, They weren't going... They don't go around killing no to start. Nature said, this is a bit unfair. Make them orange. So then the frogs the frogs the frogs the frogs the frogs the frogs the frogs the frogs they they they they they they they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were. they were they were they were they were they were th. the. the. the. the. theateateate. th. theateateate. their their th. their their their their their their their th orange. So then the frogs that were orange were dangerous but you've got a warning. There's a bit more fair. Nature said if they're going to go about being dangerous, make them orange, make them stand out. In a jungle orange stands out in all the green. So people went there as an orange frog, stay away. Then over time, nature went, right, what's happened there now? Everyone knows the orange frogs dangerous.

Birds aren't eating it because they know it's dangerous. People are avoiding it. They don't even need the poison, it's just the orange it needs. So now you've got a load of frogs that are orange, not even deadly, but people go, is that a deadly orange one or is it a friendly one? Well, best to leave it. Again, he's explained my point but took 30 times as long over it. Well, listen, let me finish what I was going to say. But what's interesting with all that is, evolution has taught stuff to lie. Because that orange frog isn't deadly,

it's going about like it's the big I am. Yeah. You could squash it with your hand. You can't do anything. But evolution... It's swaggering around. It's made it lie. So lying is part of evolution. But it's not lying, is it? What do you mean? Well, the interesting thing about a toad that secrits of poison is that often it's no good for it as an individual,

but it's good for the species as a whole because some of it come along and chew it now that toad might well die but that fox is sick and it doesn't eat another one so it's sort of saving the species. Yeah but at the same time the dodo tasted rubbish everybody said no you want to know that we don't know that we don't know they don't taste very nice but it didn't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tod tod to to tod tod to be to be today. today. to be to be told. told toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to eat to eat to eat to eat to eat to be to eat to be to be to be to tod to to to tod toda. toda. today. today is today is today is today is today is toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. toe. toe. t't know that we don't know that I have I have read it I've read that they don't taste very nice but it didn't stop it tell you nice why in the same way that chicken's nice and then duck you can't all have nice task in flesh pork's all right but prefer beef point proven good night so what I'm saying is with the dodo the dough it the th everyone wanted to give it a go. Meanwhile it's different people trying it so it died out in the end anyway so your theory of a frog being poisonous

and a fox going, yeah that's horrible I won't eat another one of them, then you get another fox trying one and another fox. They don't all have a word with each other, they're going to the rotten frog the night. So it's pointless. So it's point, so it's point, so it's, so it's, so it's, so it's, so it's, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, I's a their, I's a their, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, I's their, so, so, so, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I I, I I I, I, I I I, I I, I I I I, I, I I, I I, I I, I I, I, I I, I, I, I, I, I their, I their, I's a their, I's a their, I's a their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the is your image of nature, this idea that sort of, in your head there's mother nature, sat around like a boardroom table, making these decisions, people are coming in, oh frog, what's been going on? Well, I've been poisoning people, why? What about you? It's just, you just picture everything as one large reason. Your confusion is that you still think of evolution has a will. You still believe that things are striving to be something else as opposed to surviving if they adapt or change. I just want to go through some of the the wonderful diversity of nature, some of the incredible feats of the animal kingdom in a way. Yeah, that's an interesting one.

Alligators and old people have something in common. They can hear notes only up to 4,000 vibrations a second. I don't know what you meant to do with that information. When's that ever coming on me? When a band's getting togetherogether they don't go nowhere after crocodiles and old people. What sort of tune do they like? It's pointless. You're not impressed, okay. Scientists have applied electrode to the pleasure centre in a rat's brain. The rat pressed a lever 48,000 times over a full day in order to receive that shock that seemed to him pleasurable, choosing the simulator instead of having water or food or sex.

So it chose that virtual pleasure, well not virtual pleasure, it gave it real pleasure, but an artificial stimulus rather than the real thing, like food or water or sex. It never had a change. No, it was addicted. It just, it loved this electrode. It was given it, it just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just th, it just th, it just th. It just th. It just th. It just th. It just th. It just tha, it thi thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, choa, choa, to, choa, choa, cho. C, cho. C, cho. C, cho. Ch, cho. Ch, cho. to, cho. to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. the the thi. the thi. thi. the the. the the.cue, the the the thea.cue, choo, choo, choo it was addicted. It just loved this electrode. It was giving it, he just made it feel good. It was getting as much pleasure from that as the real thing, from sex or food. With any pleasure you get sick of it, don't you? If you have too much of it. Well, he had 48,000 hits in a day. But I like having a twix. But if I more than four a week ago, I've ruined that little pleasure I used to like. So what I'm saying is, what did you do the second day? Did you go near the machine the second day?

No, no, no. There you go then. No, no, no, no. But what you're failing to give you pleasure on time because it's literally pleasure. It hits the part of the brain that says this is pleasurable. So my pleasure, pleasure nerve, like you're talking about in my head. It lights up when it twiks. I don't think it ever lights up. I don't think you've got a pleasure nerve.

But it lights up when I have a twiks. It lights up if there's something, if there's some chicken, right? It lights up if it's a... What a miserable cunt he is. You know, all loads of things. Chicken and twix. That's all he lives for. No. Hang yourself, mate. So, what you're saying is, if I had that device that the rats got, I'd just sit there, I'm just a twethinking I can't be bother going to the shop for a twik, I'll just stick this button. Yeah. Think of this. So aggressive is the horned frog of Argentina that people believe that if the frog bites

the lip of a horse, the horse will die. Actually, the frog's the throwneiolk. It earned its fiercest reputation because it attacks animals many times its size. What do you think of a frog attacking a horse? I don't know what's going on. I don't know why that would happen. Why is it getting upset with horse? Of all the things for a frog to be like getting cocky with, them two should never even meet. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I mean, fights are fights are fights are fights are fights are fights are fights are fights are have a fight with someone, you're in my yard or, you know, it's, you're fighting over something. A horse and a frog. How did that disagree with that? What are they sobbing? I don't,

I don't understand what they've got in common. I don't, I don't understand what they've got in common. I don't understand it. I don't understand it. I don't. I they they they they they they they they they they they're they're. I don't. I don't. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't th. I'm th. their their their their their their their their their their their, I'm their their, I'm their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I'm, I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm tho once I put that in a book. I can't imagine that that's happening a lot, that horses are being bit by frogs all over the shop. I saw this trailer for this documentary that said, uh, the man who's having a baby. I saw this trai. I saw this trailer for this documentary that said the man who's having a baby. And I turned on and it's a woman going through a sex change and she's pregnant. That's not a man having a baby. That's a woman having a beard. Having a break down. Why is that, what, why is that, what, that's a beard. Having a break down.

What, why is that, what, that's a con? That is pure sense, it's a man having a baby. Look, the world's first, no, it's a woman. It's a woman. What do you think of that? What did you do for a doctor? And I came to and went, Carl, listen. I'm having a bit of a rethink these. I don't, the penis, I hate it. I hate this cock. But what do you mean you ate it?

I hate it? I don't want it there. It doesn't look right. It just sits there resting on these fucking awful testicles that I'm going to get rid of. I want this thrown away. Yeah, well, it's, you know, they're not a great look. I know that. Everyone knows that. It's just the way they are. I mean, if we're all being honest, they're an odd design. I don't think anyone likes their own, do they? That's why we cover them, are they? That's why we cover them, are they? What is it? It's part of it, I think, I think, deep down. I mean, even if, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't, I don't, I th. I th. I don't, I, I, I th. I th. I don't, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, th. thin, the. the. the. thin, the. the. the. the. thin, the. the. the. the. the. th and Eve thing, but even if back then he was like, good God cover him up, even he had a leaf on. No, but listen, why?

So are you thinking fundamentally then that aesthetically the testicles and the penis isn't as good as it could be? What would you have there instead? Well it's designed that way because that's the way it's got to be designed. It's more about function than... And that's the thing, in it. With modern technology... You need, you know, the thing is the testicles have to be outside because they have to be a few degrees below body temperature.

Yeah. Otherwise, the Satoli cells die which sort of feed theirsementahe, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, and, that, that, and that's, and that's, and that's, and thats, thats, thatodes, thatodes, thatodes, thatodes, th. And, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, that. And, that. And, that, that, they. And, they. And, that, they. And, that, that, that, that, the that, that, that, thateats. And, thats functioning and sort of like fertile they have to be outside which is annoying because I'd put a little rib cage around them like that I'd pop a rib cage round those protect them where a cricket box have that built in so you cannot get a kick in a swift kick in the ballots that makes it feel sick but it'd be better if they could sort of reverse up in a way that they were they were hidden away so they were just they were just they were just they were just they were just they were just they were just they were just they were just they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'd they'd they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to their their their their their their the their the they were hidden away. So that they were just, then you dropped them, it's like right, we need to cool them down, be at it in about half an hour, drop them down. Like the gear on a airplane, landing gear, yeah, and uh, landing go down and the bollocks and the

cooling down. Or you could just like, just pop them in the fridge for 10 minutes. They could detach and you can pop them in the fridge. Yeah. Can you make me some breasts? Easy. Okay. I got what you say easy, what are you going to do? What's your plan? Just, uh, how do you do that? It's tablaron.

How do you do that? Testarone? Toblerone. I want to, yeah, I want some Toblerone. Just a sort of pointy, pointy tits. Like with Donna. Where do you stop though? So suppose when I came to you, I said, uh, doctor, listen, um, I like the bollocks, I like the penis, but I don't like them where they are. I'd, I want them, I want them in the middle of my chest. I want breasticles. Yeah? The ass, I don't like it around the back, I can't see what's going on, pop that on the front where the bollocks were. I want my ass where I can look down and see what's going on. Can you do it? I think it's just easier to move the head.

Rick, I know you're a big fan of Professor Richard Dawkins, the evolutionary biologist. He wrote a book, The Ancestor's Tale, in which he predicted a post-human world. This was his, you know, his kind of hypothesis if we were to, well let me read what he's written. If nuclear war destroys humanity and most of the rest of life, a good bet for survival in the short term and for evolutionary ancestry in the long term is rats. I have a post-Armageddon vision. We and all the other large animals are gone. Rodents emerge as the ultimate post-human scavengers. They gnaw their way through New York, London and Tokyo, digesting spilled larders, ghost supermarkets and human corpses,

and turning them into new generations of rats and mice, whose racing populations explode out of the cities and into the countryside. When all the relics of human profligacy are eaten, populations crash again and the rodents turn on each other and on the cockroaches scavenging with them. In a period of intense competition, short generations perhaps with radioactivity enhanced mutation rates boost rapid evolution. With human ships and planes gone, islands become islands again, with local populations isolated, save for occasional lucky raftings, ideal conditions for evolutionary divergence. Within five million years, a whole range of new species replaced the ones we know. Heards of giant grazing rats, astorked by sabre-toothed, predatory rats. Given enough time, will a species of intelligent, cultivated rats emerge?

Will rodent historians and scientists eventually organize careful archaeological digs and through the strath of our long-compacted cities reconstruct the peculiar and temporally tragic circumstances that gave Ratkind its big break. Carl, thoughts? I mean you knows what's going to happen. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Well that's about it for the second in the series of the Rick Gervais Guide 2. That was Natural History. I think we've left no stone unturned there, Rick.

I think that is a definitive work. If you've enjoyed the Ricky Gervais Guide to Natural History, why not go back and listen to the Rickage Guide to Medicine, if you haven already? Or you've even have, you know, because it's, it'd be revision. You know what I mean? There will be a test. There won't be a test. They can't be bothered. And next in the series is the Rick and Javais guide to the arts. Look forward to that. Sorry just clarify that's the arts. Yeah. Right. Not the arts. The way you speak. Well, yeah, I mean, I think you should never go why people speak your words.

Yeah, well, that would just be clear and be clear. Yeah, clearly. Yeah, clearly. Yeah, we're not being clear. the clubley. Anyway, thank you very much from me, Ricky Javais, with me, Stephen Merchant, goodbye, and Carl Pilkington. All right? Audible hopes you have enjoyed this program.