The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guide To... S1E5 "The English" (April 23, 2009)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

A new series, called The Ricky Gervais Guide to... featured the trio discussing various topics in their entirety during individual 50 min episodes. The first volume The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Medicine was released on 31 December 2008. This was followed by The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Natural History on 21 January 2009. This in turn was followed by The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Arts on 18 February 2009. The 4th episode, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Philosophy aired on 17 March while the 5th and final episode of season 1, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The English followed on 21 April (2 days prior to St. George's Day).

To be born English is to win first prize in the lottery of life. So, to be born English is to win first prize in the lottery of life. So said Cecil Rhodes, one of the grandfathers of British imperialism. At its height, the British Empire ruled over one quarter of the world's population and consequently exported Englishness to the furthest reaches of the globe. But what is English? Is it stiff-up a lips and fair play? Village Greens and tea and crumpets? And who are the English? Are we defined by a shared heritage, a common set of beliefs by the language of Shakespeare, or in a multicultural modern age,

when more languages are spoken in England than in any other country in Europe? Do we need to develop a new view of what it means to be English? To discuss and define the nature and characteristics of the English, I'm joined by Stephen Merchant, graduate of the University of Warwick, an award-winning writer. Thank you for having me. And Carl Pilkinton, a man who, by his own admission, didn't go to school, has no qualifications. I'm just trying to get to the point, he's not qualified in anything or really, has no authority in any subject or hasn't got the right to it. And it was known the world over as a man who has a head like a fucking orange.

All right. I think one thing that's very English is harping back and winging combined. People were saying, oh England used to be better in my day, or England was better when I was a kid, English was better in the 50s or whatever. Carl, do you think England's better now? Are you happier now than you were when you were a kid? Do you feel that life was better in say the 1950s? I don't know, I wasn't around. So you understand what it was like in those days?

Um, you've seen happy days? I don't know. People always say, oh, you know, it's a better life in the 50s. He was like, yeah it was for them. Of course it was for them. They're old now. Being old isn't great, is it? So you're just happy with you a lot. I suppose I was happiest that in about 1984.

Right. Why? Why was that? Just I was free and happy? How old were you? I don't know. Uh, I don't know. He's just counting on his fingers. It's 12. Right, okay. And it was just good.

So the happiest days of your life were between the age of 12 and 13. Yeah, it was good. I had the world ahead of me. Um, little did you know. Your hair was going to fall out and you were going to winge every minute of the day. I had my bike. I like messing pet magpie. So you were probably the teenager that you eventually hate? Probably. Were you a good lad law-biding? I wasn't bad. I just sort of, you know, just potted about. I mean when people talk about what was on

the tele, back then I don't have that much memory of it because I was always out. I was always playing when you're out. Just playing about, just the or... Just riding in a circle endlessly. Blizzards, rain, sleet, hail. I never seemed to be in. I was always, when everyone always goes, where were you when Band Aid was happening. I was always out of my bike. And everything was like...

Like you a mc. I've never seen it. A memory is always sort of like coming in for some orange and looking at the teli and seeing tie, when when when when when when when when when when when when tie, when tha, when tel, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when tha, when to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I....... to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the th th th th th t tthea, t t t thea, to t to to t to to t to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the th telly and seeing Princess Diana is getting married and my mom said have seen this and I'm going out on my bike. I was always doing that. The only time was in me out. You love it. This is why you don't know anything because you never stopped. Yeah, but this is what I've been a kid's about. But all the information you have to be a kid's about.

But yeah, 12 to 13 was good. But you see, and it's all downhill from then was it? 13th, it's your teenager then, aren't you? Life got tough. Yeah, how did it get tough? Just straight away when I was 13, my man was like, you know, oh it's your 13th birthday, And she gave us a quid to go get a cake to celebrate it. Went to the supermarket. I got a cake and I just thought, I don't like the look of this. Don't like the look of the way the future is here. On his 13th birthday! Well you were buying a cake, what did you see at the supermarket? It was kind of like, I don't know, I suddenly felt grown up.

I didn't like it. But I think you're always about 58 really with your outlook. Well yeah, my mom always said I was old, she said I was an old baby. She said I could frown before I could walk. So they always had a bit of a worry look on my face. Didn't say much, just always listened. My eyes moved about more than I did. Just sat there looking around, looking stressed. The eyes moved about more than I did. Oh dear, I couldn't walk. Well I can't walk but I try and get a bit of movement in my face. It's a workout, a baby workout. Oh babies, well if you can't walk, what about your face? Let your face do the walk-in.

It sounds like that horror film. It sounds like Pilkington's baby. Just you lying there in your cot. I didn't like all the stuff stuff that's set set set set that's that's th. the that's to to to the stuff. to to be. the stuff. th. to be. th. thi. I'm their. I'm thiole. I'm their. their, their, thiole. their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll the thi. I'll thi. I'll they. I'll they. they. their, I'm t. t. toing, I'm tote, tote. totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, they. try. up for you. Like my ma'am tried to send me to a nursery. I said no I'm not having this. I'm just like that. I said when I'm older when I'm older I've got to go I'll go but let's leave out this bit and she said all right. I love that he could reason with her. I love him he's like he's three years out he's like he's like he's like he's like he's like he's like he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he- he's hee's he's like he's he's he's he's he's he he's he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he he's he he's three years out with a pipe. She's going, you go and no, she goes, I think not, ma'am. I mean, kids don't play out, do they? Kids, you know, parents are scared to let the kids play out and that's why the streets are dangerous now, because no one's playing out on the streets. Whereas when I was a kid, everyone was out of the street, the kids play out. It must be like a constant like a Larry painting. It's from garden, you know what I mean? Just loads of people just walking around. There's never any problems. I was sort of taken

away by some fella. What? What? I don't know. No, I was in, I was playing about in the garden. Yeah. But my dad's mate Tony, he did tiling with him with him. He drove past. And he saw me looking at it fed up. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. He was. He was. He was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. He drove past and he saw me looking a bit fed up so he just lent over pick me up took me to the pub. Now the thing is he wasn't panic people weren't going oh God where's Carl gone? He's out. He's out the pub. He's down the pub. He's down to the pub. He's down in the pub. He's down the pub. He's down the pub. He's down he's down the pub. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down. He's down in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Sorry, so some ploke drives by who happens to be a friend of your dad, since that baby looks crumpy, I'm taking him down the pub. Tony, you bringing a baby's a pub? Uh, yeah I might do, yeah, we're bringing ours. All right, see you later, mate. Well, that's what I they're just going, oh well, don't Princess Tyler look lovely?

This is absurd. So what happened when you got out in the pub? I just was there for a bit and then the... For a bit? Just had a game of pool. Then the dad came in. There you are. There you are. Then the dad came in, oh there you are. There the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Then th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin thin, th th th th th th th th th th th th th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't th. Don't thin, don't thin. Don't thin. Don't thin. Don't thin. Don't thin. Don't thin, don't thin, don't thin, don't thin, don't thin, don't thin'm just going to have a quick pie now. There you are. All right mate. So, yeah, I think things were better about them. Rick, as you hinted at in your introduction, the idea of Englishness and England is quite a vague term, isn't it? You can play loose and fast with it. I mean, for instance, I was looking at some quotes about England and John Major, former Prime Minister, he typified

England as being a place of long shadows on county cricket grounds, warm beer, invincible green suburbs, dog lovers and old maids bicycling through the morning mist. Very specific vision of England. But he never came to the estate that I was born on or Carl's, you know what I mean? I think I know of that if we go for a walk around Richmond we see people playing cricket on the village green and and it's lovely but I don't know if it's it's typical. I mean I don't know I mean I don't know where most people live. But in a way that's 50-50 isn't it in cities in the country country country country that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thia.a. I's thia. I's thia. I's thi. I's thi. I was.. But in a way that's 50-50 isn't it in cities and the country, but that's wealthy country. But that's, interestingly, that's the vision of England that people like to subscribe to.

When you buy your Nan a box of biscuits for Christmas from Harrods, that's the image of England that's on the front. Why am I spending money on their Nan? Why am I just, why that's that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's, why that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their, why their their, why their, why their their their their their their their that's their that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the on Manan. She's out with sort of like broken custard greens. You've been a bit of money now. What's the wrong with you? Well I know, but they don't need to know that. I mean also both my grandmothers are dead so it would be. I'm sorry I don't thought that. Well no, but I mean who buys their, who spends good money at Harrods on biscuits where she just suck them and eat the garibaldies and leave them. I mean I don't know why I'm wasting money on the elderly. I worry that you've taken that to literally I was trying to get to making more of a point like an analogy but I don't shop at Harrods. Right.

I mean I might get some Easter eggs two days after Easter. Well what do you think of this then? We were in Fort My Masonasons after Christmas and all the crackers were half price. And there was a box of crackers for 500 quid down to 250 quid and I thought, right, that's got to be the best prizes anyone's ever seen. I'm going to get Cartier watches in these things. So we bought a $250 I thought, oh, it was a bargain, it's half price. Got home, pulled a couple and it was a little notebook right that said wine notes. That's one. What? Wine notes. So you drink a bottle of wine and go make a note of it. Right. There was another one that had something that it was like opera notes or somewhere and then there was one for travel notes like what what country you bear and thinking what world are these crackers for? It was put in a

cracker and going I needed it. I've filled up my wine notebook. 500 quid? Yeah. I mean for some little notebooks? Yeah, I mean if you'd have paid 500 quid I mean I don't know who buys those. I assume they're for presents. And it's probably the absurd, cliched Toffington Englishman who has no sense anymore of what worth of anything and it's just a crazy You know snotty-nosed inbreeding There was there was a silver-plated like muscle, you know like the clam the muscle right You know when you eat muscles you scoop them out with an open muscle sure there's a silver plated one there's a silver plated one? Who carries that out? We get that out we go all muscles? I brought it with me? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the them? You get that out, we go, all muscles, good, I'm, I brought it with me. My silver plate is muscle to eat muscles. And wait, this wine's delicious, let me make a note. That's absurd. Again, you say it's interesting to say that because

those are little images of what we would like England to be, aren't they? They're pandering to that image of what we'd all like to be, that sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that sort that sort to be, that sort that sort to be to be to be, to be, to be to be to be to be to be to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be. to be. to be, to be. to be, to be. to be, to be. to be. to be, to be. to be. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi. that, that's, that's that's that's, that's, that's that's that's, thea. I mean is does this England still exist I'm presuming there's a small minority that does. Well there are some people that are in that world that are posher than the royal family. You know I can understand what the Queen and Prince Charles are saying but there are some people that's all of those I could have not know what they're they're talking about the the the the the the the the the the they.. they. they. I they. I they. I they. I to be so so so so so so so. I can't. I'm so. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so. I'm so. I'm so. I'm not. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm t. I'm. I'm t. I'm. I'm. So. So. So. So. t. t. t.. t. t. t. t. too. t. t. too. too. too. too. th. too. too what they're talking about either. Well I was never really aware of class and the English class system until I went to university. Absolutely. I became aware of it then. Absolutely right.

When I got to university and everyone sort of spoke like Roy away, that's when I discovered I was probably working class. But when I hear those people who do actually speak in that kind of, oh Jeff, Jeff, you know that sort of absurd rugger. Oh you're absolutely bloody bastard. You know what though? I don't mind the mega-posh people. I don't mind that. Ah, bloody hell, yeah. Yeah, of course, take one. Take one. I don't mind one. What I don't like is the ones that stand around in all bar one with a rugby shirt with a collar up. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Those are going to work th. Those th. Those th. Those th. Those th. Those th. Those th. Those, th. Those, th. Those, th. Those, th. Those, th. Those, th. Those, th. Those, th. Those, th. Those, th. T, th. T, th. T, tha, tha, that, that, that, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th. Yeah, ta, ta, ta. Yeah, ta. ta, ta. ta. ta, ta, ta, th. Yeah, think they're gentry but they're not. It's that middle bit that annoys me more. That's they've got that confidence but without any of the charm. But that's the England that I think people think of when they think of it. It's the four weddings in a funeral England and yet it's not the England I experienced and and grew up in. So what is your ty th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's their their their their their their their their their their th. their th. th. their their th. their their their th. That's th. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their their their their that their that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that an Englishman? If I had to draw for an alien.

He'd be quite squat, quite sturdy, sort of no neck, hairy. Are you just thinking of yourself? Do you know what? It would be my build with Carl's head. Really? And no neck. I think he's sort of boarding and unshaven and he's like a shaved caveman I think he's he's tough he'd have tats he'd eat like a dog a rare Winston type a sort of yeah that sort of um he's so Hoskins just squat

strong tough doesn't take any mess in built like a giant wombat it's the bulldog breed it is the bulldog breed Ibat. It's the bulldog breed. It is the bulldog breed. It is the bulldog breed. I am thinking of the bulldog breed. Yeah. See now my image of an Englishman is is essentially that cliched one. It is I think Hugh Grant. So you're modern. You're straight away modern now. Well, I would say it's either mixed between and Roger Moore when he was James Bond. They think the the their their their they they they they they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. th. th. thin. thin. thin. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. the. the. the. the. the. to thin. to thin. thee. the. thin. the. the. thin image. theness that sort of annoys me, those people that think they're James Bond. They think they can buy a suit and read GQ and they're suave and sophisticated and they

get cars they can't afford. Or what they basically do, the people who think they're James Bond, all they do is work in a bank, come home and flick through GQ at the advert looking at people with wearing watches and aftershave. Who wears aftershave? Do you wear aftershave car? Normally, after shave is a sort of thing I let other people buy me. It's like underpants, underpants, tea towels and that. Other people buying me. Who's buying you tea towels?

Every time she turns up, she's got briler pads and stuff. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I up she's got brilla pads and stuff. I've got loads of them. I keep saying to her, I don't need any of this, but she always brings a box full of stuff. Brilla pads, tea towels, underpants. The underpants size hasn't gone up since I was 14. But that's, I can rely on her for that. So do you not have anything in thi thin any that that thin any that that thi that that thi th? What about suits? I bought one suit that time when you invited me to the Bafters. That's the only suit I wore it for the Bafters. I think I wore it for one other thing. I haven't wore it since. I don't like I don't feel comfortable it's not me. But don't you go to all buddy. I'd be a lovely advert wouldn't it? I'm him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him him. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I've that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I've that. that. I've that. I've that. that. I've that. I've that. I've that. I've I haven't wore it since. Carpokinton hasn't wore it since. I don't want to be to him when I don't like going to him. I agree. I mean even though you know him, they don't give you any time when you're there

they're there or not they're on cloud nine. They don't know who's around. It doesn't matter. You don't even get to make a speech do you? Although I know you are annoyed Steve. Steve doesn't like to part with money. I mean I'm not, I don't know what the politically correct term is. Stingycunt isn't he? It's fucking mean, right? And if he ever has to spend him that much, if he's ever has to spend a wedding gift of someone he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's known he's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. He's th. He's th thi thi. He's thi. He's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. He's doesn't thi th and they find things under 25 pounds. Then if he bothers spending that much, he's furious when someone, an usher goes, just stick it there. Oh, it drives me insane. You spent... well, firstly, I'm annoyed about the wedding list. I don't know when that's come along, because I don't know why I can't just bring, maybe something I've made at home. No. Why is there gotto be a list of stuff? What bride, what newly married bride doesn't want a pair of homemade clogs? Do you know what I mean? And then you arrive there and it's

just, oh thanks very much stick it on the table. But the same there, I think people very much appreciate you being at their wedding. They do, they remember if you're not. They do. You don't get invited to win. They don't get invited. to. to. to. to. And to. to. to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And to. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And th. And th. And, th. And th. And getting married. But it's, there always in the middle of nowhere. That annoys me when people say, come to our wedding. Yeah, fine where, we're in Greece. Well, no, down the road, I might make it down the road for the reception. Go to the quick, what, you want to, what, you want to, you want to book the holiday, and come to your to to to their their, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, to, to, the, the, the, to, we, we. Well, to, we. Well, we're, their, to, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we. Well, we. Well, we. Well, we. Well, we. Well, we. Well, we. Well, to, we. Well, we. Well, we. Well, we. Well, we. Well, we.. Well, we. Well, we. Well, we. Well, we. Well, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th all my mates there and they put, because I got a mingle with some people. I don't care I need these people. But that's why I'm not good at. Talking to people once, talking to people who you don't know, what sort of stuff would you make conversation about at wedding? I'd probably say, oh, first of all, how do you know the people getting married? And then like, you know, like, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you the people, you the people, you the people, the people, the people, the people, the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people who the people to to to to to to to people to to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to people to people to, to, to people to people to people to people to people to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their people the people who the, the, the people who the people who the, the people who the people who the people who the people who the people who are, talking the people who the people who to people who to people who think it last? Imagine getting, imagine getting, I imagine

inviting Carl Pilking to do it and they're going, where should we put him? I don't know, is there a table for one? Oh, just imagine being stuck with Carl Pilkington at a wedding. Imagine being stuck with Carl Pilmington at a wedding, yeah what else would you ask? So what else would you think it'll last. What else would you ask? And what's your next?

You know it's going badly, they're sort of like looking down their nose at you. They're thinking, why do they invite this bald-headed scum? There's just, the last wedding I went to, it's going back a couple of years, but everyone seems a bit sny. Do you know what I mean? th mean? thi because? thi because? Because? Because? Because? Because? Because? Because they they they they they they they they they they they they, aren't you? And none of them really like each other. And I got stuck with an old fellow who had a Flatch-Wun's problem. That's so fun. And then he went on to say it doesn't matter, Other suits hired.

And it's just kind of... I'm gonna die! I just stay alive. I love it. I don't know if it's basically saying that. To be born English is to win first prize in the lottery of life. So what do you think of that, Carl? I may, maybe, uh, maybe it's that thing that I don't appreciate what I've got. But to me, being English isn't anything that great. Really why not? Because it's just what I've been dealt with.

But what would you have in I mean I know you know nothing about the world? You traveled nowhere you know nothing. Yeah. But if you could be any nationality, what would you be and why? Um, probably be Italian. Okay, why? Why? Well, just, uh... Yeah, I like the idea of it. I like, Italians are all right. Where would you live? Rome? I probably wouldn't want to be in the middle of Rome. It's too much hassle.

Have you been to Rome? Yeah, it's nice to visit and stuff, but it's just I wouldn't want to live there. You've got to get paperwork done and that if you just want to put a picture up because everything's old. Everything's listed. It's only been Italian about about the thrown. He's already waging. No Italy. I was a late comer to pasta. But it's one of your own. I like it now. It's like one of my favorite things I have. Which there isn't really anything like that in England. That even though it's... Well, except pasta. No, but it's not. We've got pasta. It's not. We've got past. No, but it's not ours. It. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. their. It's their. It's their. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It't we? It's not ours though, is it? And we don't know how to eat it. We do it all wrong. You stick it up your arse again.

Look at me. I know how to fucking eat it. No. But what I mean is, if you saw a proper Italian and they saw what we saw what we did to the pasta, the wrong times. They ordered a cappuccino somewhere and the Italian fellow said you shouldn't be having that now. It's a breakfast coffee. Yeah, it's a breakfast. Yeah, it is, yeah, before 12 o'clock. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is a good point. Yeah, it's a good. or mocha, doesn't matter. Don't drink coffee after about four in the afternoon anyway, full stop. So hang on, so you love pasta but you're not eating

it right so you'd like to be Italian in order to be able to eat pasta correctly even though you enjoy the pasta you eat. What do you feel being Italian is and what's attracted to being... It's very sort of, it's a relaxed lifestyle. Whenever you go to Italy, everyone's sat outside of coffee. It doesn't matter what sort of person you are. Carl, that's all you do now with your spare time, he's sat outside a cafe. But they get more respect over there for you. Why? It's like it's okay to do that.

There's older people sat outside cafes who do nothing. I love the fact that he wants to be Italian so he can sit outside a cafe and get more respect than he does now sit outside a cafe. No, but everyone's rushing about here. People have like colder coffee. They have frappuccinos here because they haven't got time to have a hot coffee. It's like they've got a coffee. It's like their coffee. to get on my neck and so I can't get it. Get don't enjoy a coffee. You're probably going, oh, I don't know if I can enjoy it yet to, in retrospect. Tomorrow I go, I like that coffee yesterday. But the reason you enjoy Italy is because when you're there, you're on holiday, that's why you're able to chill out and relax.

When you say that's old people, old people sat in some little Sicilian village. the Salvation Army. Right. Why? Because it's nice. What do you mean? You get you can get toast and a cup of tea for a pound. Go you little skin flint. Right? You little roundy heady scrooge. There's not a skin flinty about that. That's just that should be the going rate Steve. I'm surprised I haven't seen you in there. to be a thin. Where is it But the thing is, now just near Camden. What is it? Is it like old people? Old people? A lot of old people, mainly old people. And this is what I'm saying. These are people who are old and they sat in a cafe. But they don't get any respect. People are walking past and they don't want to go in. The way you reacted when I said it was in the Salvation Army. That's the reaction they get, yet, their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, they're, their, they're, their, their, their, their, their, to to to their, their, to to to, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. A lot, a lot. A lot. A lot, a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. th. th. their, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, the reaction they get, yet an old Italian person, they looked after better.

Well, it's certainly true they look after their older families, don't they do respect the family. And that's what I'm saying, whereas, I mean, it's a lovely place, Salvation Army. Every old fellow in there has got a tie on. They make an effort. And that choked when I see their yet on a Sunday they're still shining their shoes and you know I mean? I mean you sometimes can't even bother to put your trousers all on the same thing. I know, might have got an elasticated waistband and they're still fiddling with braces and

buttons. Yeah, that's what I like about Italians and there's a lot of. So you want to be Italian because when you're old because when you're old, you're old, cafe and get more respect than you do here. Yeah, look at the old people in this country. They never look happy, do they really? Most of the time when you see him walking around, they go to pot. No one's keeping an eye on them. Well, it's an important thing, isn't it? That, um, my, my mom, this is when she was about 60, 65. There was a neighbor, it was like 85, 90. And again, completely alone. And my mom used to go on there every day. Do it right? She was good for it.

She was like her witness in the world, you know, to her existence. But I remember calling me once. And she's come back. I said, what have you been doing? She went, oh I've been around so and so, so I went, alright. She went, oh, she won't die, Rick. Like she's helping her, but she's thinking this is getting silly now. You were meant to go years ago here. I was like, alright. Well, that's the problem, you know, if you get palli with an old person, you know, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, the, the, th, thin, thin, thi, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, th, th, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, And having to do stuff, you know, that's what you don't want to do is that you meet an

old, you know, an old feller, and then you've got to start popping in his sort of piles or whatever when he can't do him himself. You know, what do you do if you're... It depends how friendly you are though. I mean opposed to popping the piles back in. How does that happen? Jesus. Just the ones on the estate I grew up on. As soon as you got to a certain age, she was Mrs. Knowles who went mental. One day she seemed fine, next day she was chucking cans in everyone's garden.

You could just hear her coming. Which was weird, aren't you. Now you brought up weird people. There was a fellow called Shortsman. Right? It's so pedestrian! I love that. Shorts man wore some shorts? Now, what I like, yeah, he did.

But they were really short. They were that sort where, you know, it's almost pointless having them on. What do you mean? They were just, you know like shorts now, for blokes to go up to your knees, don't they? There's no chance, there's no accident happening there. There's nothing going to pop out. No. But shorts, man, he liked it. He liked the fact that that happened. And he used to walk with big strides to sort short shorts, they were going to pop out. Did you ever see it pop out? Why do you get the shorts? Just because he was like, he was like playing Buccaroo. It was like, when are they going to pop out? But what happened? So, right? But shorts?

So he was an exhibitionist? He liked, he was bossy white people to see his veg. Yeah, and they were out more than they were in. I mean they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they were they they were they were they they were they were they were they they were they were they were they they they were they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were. they were. they were. they were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were. They were out. They were out. They were out. They were out. They were out. They were out. They were out. they were out. they were out. they were out out. they were out. they were out out. they were out. they were out. they were out. they were out. they were out. they were out. they were out. they were out more than they were in. I mean they had a tan. Now the thing is, what we like in England, I think we like that, we like local characters. The eccentric. Yeah, yeah, eccentrics, yeah. And I'm glad I grew up around there with all them people because they're interesting. Well there is a certain mindset about the, you know, the great English, certainly the older English people, I mean my grandparents are, you know, my grandfather died recently, but the amazing kind of eccentric, very English, very English, seemingly no friends from what I can identify. I don't know if this is unique to them or true of a lot of English people, older people, terrified of what the neighbors might say. I always did that thing of speaking like that in case it,

yeah, Jackson next door. Like the neighbors are constantly listening in. Yeah, yeah. They've got glasses against the war, they're constantly listening into what my grand's got to say. Yeah. They had about three teeth between them. It was extraordinary. My grandfather had a plate a plate of teeth on it. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. th. th. their. th. th. their. th. th. their. th. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. Yeah. their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. thea. thea. Yeah. thea. thea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. I was. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the theeth during the war that had a wooden palette, a wooden upper palate with teeth on it and those teeth slowly fell off during the course of the years, never got replaced.

So they'd sort of invite you to Sunday roast and they would wake up at 6 in the morning to put the beef on and they wouldn't have it until 6 in the evening. They would cook it. The biggest compliment you could have some you made some food from my ground, if it was some beef would be, oh you're so lovely, they're so tender, you can suck it away. If you could suck your Sunday roast through a straw, she was happy. Well, yes, she didn't have any teeth. Right, exactly. Basically, they got to about the age of 60 or something, and it was as though they live for another, or my grandfather lived for at least another 25 years. So it was, you must have been gutted. But when my father, my father needed a winter coat, a big heavy winter coat,

and he was thinking of buying one, and my grand said, oh, don't worry about that, Ron. You can have your father's winter coat. And he said, well, but, you know, he's still alive. He needs it winter coat. She went, no he'll be dead soon. Just don't, silly to waste it. Seems to waste it, you know, just wait. My father must have been waiting 10 years for that window coat. I love the fatty waited. You can see where Steve got it from. Course he did. Stupid, I'm waiting now.

Steve, you must be freezing! I am cold, but I'll taste a lovely coat. In English society, traditionally and now, is manners. I mean obviously manners changed, but what is etiquette? What is good manners? I think that a lot of that has been lost. Well, I was thinking the other day, have you ever heard of the finishing school? Yeah, of course. Do you know that? The idea is that, you know, the sort of gentrified ladies, after they finished their education, they would go to finishing school where they would literally be taught, you know, how to you...

Knives and forks, walking with a book on your head, just things like what to say. I mean, I mean, it's it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's their their their their their their their their their their their, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's their their their their their their. It's their. It's their, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, their. their, their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, the't it? Don't put your elbows on the table. You start from outwards going inwards with cutlery, you know, you eat soup, the spoon goes away. There's things like the fork, you're never meant to face those prongs up. So you either stab your peas or, you know. There's ways of eating soup, you know, the spoon needs to be moving away from you, and scooping up and bring it back to your mouth. I mean, it's crazy, but you know, the people that subscribe to that stuff would look at the way you live your life, the way you eat your food, Carl, and will be appalled. In the same way we think that's absurd, they would think you're enjoying it. No, they would say no. There are certain things that I can't stand. I can't stand eating with a mouth open. I think that's rude. I've banned chewing

gum on the set of a film because I think it's rude. I think it's rude. Those people stand there talking, yeah, but we all know you're a preposterous hypocrite. I mean the way the way you eat food, come on. No, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I that, I that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've th and I've than, I've than, I've than, I've banned, I've banned, I've banned, I've banned, I've banned, I've banned, I've banned, I've banned, I've banned, I've banned, I've banned, I've banned scoop it in. But I see nothing wrong with that. I would say it was slightly rude when you're ordering the bill and getting up to leave when I'm still finishing the main course. I'd say there was a touch of rudeness about that. But I go into a restaurant to eat. Yeah, but you're supposed to wait when you're with the other people, let them finish as well. empty. They know what I want and it's waiting for me when I walk in. I leave still chewing and I go put it on the bill. That's the ideal restaurant for me. Yeah. You're pretty

much there. Yeah, I try and that's what I try and try and do, yeah. But there are certain things. I am one for manners. I think, I hate rudeness, I hate all those things, but some of them are ridiculous. The albbs on the table is arbitrary. Why? I mean there's a reason you say please and thank you because it shows courtesy. Those make sense. There's a reason you don't talk when you're eating because it goes over and it's disgusting. There's a reason you don't lick your fingers and then put it back in the chips because someone, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, their, their, because, their, their, their, their, because, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is their, is their, is th. their, thi. thi. thi. their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their,that. But don't put your elbows on the table or start with that fork. I think it's ludicrous. You know there's those rules when you meet a member of the royal family? For instance, if you were at the royal variety performance and you met the queen, there's various rules they tell you about. Yeah, you don't fart or call a love. thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the their. Yeah. Yeah. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thathe. th. th. th. th. th. thathea. thathea. thathea. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. You're tho. You're th. You're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, th. It's ta. It's. It's. It's. It's ta. I's. It's. I's. It's tha. tha. It's tha. I'll. It's th. you have to do a slight bow. I was invited to the palace a couple of times. The first time was after the office broke and I got an invite, the company of the Majesty

the Queen, we'd like you to come to one of those dinner parties and I know what you're thinking, why didn't you get one? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm thinking. Well, wait, wait, wait, I was a big shot quicker than you because I was in it. Don't forget you didn't appear until Series 2. If we'd split the atom, they would invite both of us. Not just a guy does the press conference. So, the thing came through and I thought, oh, I didn't, I was worried about it to be honest. But it just said, I will be attending, I will not be attending. Tick the box. And I couldn't bear to just tick, I will not be attending. Because it was too harsh.

So there was a RSPV number and I phoen, and I phoenna and it was obviously the head of the house or a butler, I don't know, someone who, and Buckingham Palace and I said hello it's Ricky Jervais I just got an invite to come and and I said it sounds weird but I couldn't bear to just tick I will not be attending I twenty you went you're the first person ever to bother to do that thank you so much I went oh my pleasure sorry I can't make it and but, but I think that's weird. It is strangely brutal. It is strangely brutal, isn't it?

I wonder if they've changed it by now. Yeah, there's a little asterisk, thanks to Ricky Javise. And it now says, I am too fat and lazy and busy eating cheese to visit your majesty. What I think is this, that no one's ever ticked I will not be attending. So it was never a problem. So why did you not want to go? I don't know, I just thought it was a bit intense and I'd be, I turned down all those things. I think I would like to go now just to look around. Yeah. I don't know I just felt a a bit funny just being invited to all thin. I'm. I. I. I. I. they. they. their. their. their. their. their. their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be invited. to to be invited. to be to be to be invited. to be invited. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. their. their. their. I. I. I. I was. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was their. I was the their. I was to to to to to to to to to to to all those things at the Downing Street as well and I just thought you're inviting me because I'm on the tell because I'm famous. Well where was my invite when I was on the doll? Do you know what I mean? With respect I wouldn't

have invited you. Circa 1983. No I haven't got a problem with you you know going to palace or except I do have a problem with sort of being wheeled around as a celebrity. Because I used to think if I was ever invited to get given an MBE or a night-hood or something, I'd be like, nah, I'm not part of the system, you know, I'm a rebel, I'm outside. Now I think it would be quite cool to be called so-so safe. Well I only think it's a problem for a comedian, because you know, we're sort of meant to dish it out. And it's difficult to dish it out if you're being seen.

What I do find weird is the idea of having to bow and scrape before people because I'm told to do that. What I find is that idea of, I'm obligated to be respectful to such a degree just because someone's the Queen. Like obviously I would always be respectful but why can't I speak when she turns out what I don't understand that's why I find a strange idea. What would you say though? Well I just say you know honor to meet you majesty but you know I don't know why I can't initiate that why if I don't think she'd mind that if you went if you went if you went on her to meet you before she's spoken to to say what what what what what to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to to to say to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to me to to to to to to to to she's going to say? She's going to go, cheeky can't. I talks first, lanky.

Carl, what do you think about all the pomp and circumstance around... It's all alien. It's not for me. I don't like that sort of... I try and not put myself in the same sort of circles as posh people because it's just a different, it's like a different club, it's likethat? It's like, like I said to you about young people and old people, there's such a different life going on. They say like the whale and the hippo are related, you never see them together. And it's the same with really posh, you know, well off people and someone who's just getting on with the life. But I mean, it's like, that's that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. to to to you're to you're to you're to you're to you're to you're just, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's just, their. It's just, their. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's just, their. It's just just just just just, their. I's just, their.u. I's just.u.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e. It's just. It's just. It's well, the stiff upper lip thing. That's out of the window now. I mean it's like everyone's got a new addiction. Everyone's, oh I'm addicted to drugs alcohol. I'm addicted to sex, not a problem. I have a wank. And everyone's got depression now. I remember. Can you be addicted to sex if you're not getting any?

Because if that's the case then. Do you think there's a big difference, Carl, between the Englishman of yesteryear, who didn't complain, I mean he just got on with things. He just got on with things. He just got on with things. Yeah. Whereas nowadays people are getting their Prozac and their antidepressant people's going to therapy yeah it kept out of stuff as well I just did during the war and so on so on to say alright they're coming this way if they

come over here give them a slap why are we getting involved now in everything thoughts on that car uh... it's news now in it sometimes I think don't want to know. Just get on with it. Whoever's job that is, get on with it. Why am I being told about it? When I've got a problem in my job, no one else knows. No one helps me out and goes, well I've got an opinion for him. This might help him. No one helps me. But I'm being bombarded by everyone else's assel. They love talking. They love to their to. They love talking, actually, that. That's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their, their, their probably their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their probably probably their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their, their, their their, their their, their their, their their, their their their, their their, their, their their their probing, their probing probably probably tho, thooooomoomorrow, thoomorrow, thoooomorrow, their their their their their, their, the meeting room talking? Saying, yeah, we could do this, we could do that. I'm the only one in that room not getting paid. Everyone else is on a wage. I'm there looking at me watch, thinking like I've been here for an hour and nothing's been sorted. They're looking, thinking we can drag this out for another half hour, get us to lunch. That's what the English do.

It's a shame because I don't think they used to be like that. I wish everybody just sort of kept to themselves more. Like, you know, certain animals do, just get on with it. No, what, what, any animals keep themselves? I've said loads of things. What kits themselves? Badges? Why didn't they keeps themselves? Badgers. Why do they keep themselves?

No, they just start, whenever you see them and you're sort of wondering about a roadside, they're on their own. They're not, they're not sort of in pairs. I don't know, most of the time they're dead. I've seen more dead badgers than a live one. I've never seen a live badger. So they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they're they're more more more more more they're they're more they're more more they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're more more they're more they're more they're more they're more they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're th. I th. I th th the. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the an the an they're they're the that I've been alive by you. So that's why they're one alone and two getting on with it. I love it. I love it. It started with some kind of poetic analogy. I don't know what that was.

I just, uh... Oh God! I like this thing of the Englishman I knew growing up was, uh, you had to... When you hit a certain age, when you hit like manhood or puberty or whatever, 13, 14, 15, you like to start showing your metal. Then the most important thing then was to, well the worst thing to be growing up was gay. That was like, you couldn't be gay. That was it couldn't be gay. Anything but gay. And then you had to be hard, had to be tough. I remember, when I first started going to pubs, right, so I'm, I don't know,

say 18, you walk into a toilet, the arionals, and the first thing everyone did was fart and go and gob. That was it, right? If you couldn't do that, you know, you get funny looks. You know, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I. thi, I. thi, I, I, I. thi, I, I, I, I. thi, I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I. I, I, I. I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I. th. th. th. thin, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thin, I'm, I'm, I'm, t t t t t t toge. t t t togu. t t too. too. t too. th, then you know, you get funny looks. You know, you go in the rhinal and they'd look at you and go, oh, sorry. It was all about being a man, you know. I think wearing glasses makes you slightly exempt from that. It's like you don't have to, people automatically dissociate. It's like if I was in prison, I would need you part of it. I'm never a threat because I never looked like I'm going to be a tough guy. So consequently I live in this sort of parallel stratosphere or I haven't got a piss and gobb. Has that got more popular? Yes. As it? What we're doing it in the streets now? Really? Not in Hampstead. It still is you know when I walk in. The only th. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. I th. I th. I th. I still is, you know, when I walk in. The only person gobbing in Hampstead is me.

Jane says, don't garb, people are looking. Well it is, it's your trail that I'm seeing them. It's like a load of sort of washed up jellyfish in London. Just big blobs of it. I mean, I don't know how they're like organs in them. There's just big lumps of stuff. I mean that list of idyllic antiquated England of, you know, tea and cakes and cricket. I mean, it's valid. But I think the things that sum up Englishness, I mean, talking of the weather, I think drinking, war, we love a ruck, we've built on war,

we're a warrior race. We're pretty good at war. We used to be good. We used to be good. Yeah, no, we're very good. I mean, I think we reached our peak with Churchill. Probably that's probably our greatest hour, our finest hour. According to him. Well, he should know. He'd like th like th like th like th like th like th like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like to like to like to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the their. We, we. We, we their. We're their their their their their their the the the the. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. We're tho. We're the. We're he should know he was there. He should know. And he'd like to drink, didn't he? He'd have to brandy. He'd not afraid of a drink.

He'd like to, he'd get pissed up and he'd no wonder he'd fight him on the beaches, he'd fight him anywhere. See there's an example of a posh bloke. It was like I was saying, it'd lead you in to to. He'. He'. He'. He'. He'. He'. He' he' he' he' he'. He'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd lead, he'd to. He'd to. He'd to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd to. He'd like, he'd like, he'd like, he'd like, he'd like, he'd like, he'd like, he'd like, he'd like, he'd to to to to to. He'd to. He'd to it, go in there. He didn't sit back, I mean when he was old he did, but nothing wrong with being posh if you're willing to go and, you know, get stuck in. What do you think, Carl? Is it as scary though? I mean imagine if he was rougher sounding and he was on the front line. Like he went, he went, you fucking little can't. I thought you on the beach, see me down in Brighton Monday. I'm gonna fucking smack your head in, you little fucking German cat. Like that you mean? Yeah. Just messing with a morale boost?

Well that's the other point of one, isn't it that he was, those speeches were for as much as morale as information and defiance. You don't want to feel like the leader of your country could glass you if you got on the wrong side? No exactly it's got to be it's got to be rules under war, isn't it? I mean that fair play has got to come into it as well. Talking of the English sense of fair play and war, when the crossbow was invented, a lot of people wouldn't use it. They said it was un-Christian.

So our soldiers sort of resisted it. So Europeans got this thing that needed no skill and it was shooting and it was shooting. And it was shooting these bolts and they could reload quick and versus our bowman. What do you think of going, oh it's cheating, we won't use it, but having a disadvantage. That's honor, isn't it? It's almost like like like like like like like like like that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the their their their their, their, their, so their, so their, so their, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our so our so our, so our soldiers, so our so our so our so our so our so our, so our so our so our so our so our so our so our so our so our so our, so our so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so our, so, so, so, their, their, their, their, their, what, what, what their, what their, what their, what their, what their, oh it's cheating, we won't use it, but having a disadvantage. That's honour, isn't it? It's almost like it's okay to kill someone, but with skill. What's the problem here? What am I meant to be worrying about?

Well you've got bow and arrows. They're amazing. They're heavy. They're your arms, they've got, they've skilled sort of marksmen soldiers in the country. Someone comes along and goes, don't worry about that. It's a crossbow. Just pop it in, put it back. Phrough. Deadly, quick.

Anyone can use it. So now you've got anyone with a crossbow killing people. Women, children. So the Europeans, they're going crazy. Oh William Tellin' is, they're shooting apples off heads. Right? But we did, we resisted it because we thought it was, you know, and Christian and cheating to kill without skill. What do you think of that? But where were the actual bows and that being made? Because that's the thing in it, the company who's making them, they just want to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, woome.a, their, their, their, their, the actual bows and that being made? Because that's the thing in it, the company who's making them, they just want to get out to a big market. Brilliant. That's what they do now with the iPod and everything. It's not about people wanting more music than ever before, that's not the case. It's about having the accessory. And if the bow and arrow was sold as this, you know, like to carry, to to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their. their their their, their, their. That's their. That's their. That's their. That's, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I'm.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. for all the family. That's that's how it would have happened. That's

where it's all about. You bow and arrow from Ronco. But what do you think the problem is? Yeah but you're not quite getting Rick's point his point is the idea of there being sort of rules and fair play and etiquette in war. The objective is to kill the enemy. I don't think war and that is a place to start getting all up to to about someone cheating or having a better system. Oh, really? You think all fair in love and war, do you? Yeah, definitely. Right. It's just about win, isn't that?

No, not in a war, there isn't rules. the rules. So what's extraordinary about the idea of the English fair play, it's, you know, famously the, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the got to come into everything. What's extraordinary about the idea of English fair play is, you know, famously the, you know, the approach during the First World War that we would sort of walk up out of the trenches onto no man's land and sort of politely march a slow, steady pace across towards the end of you. I mean, and then we were just being machine gunned down. I mean it was absurd. I know, I know, I th. Well, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thr-I the, the, the, the a, you were, you the approach, you the approach, you the approach, you the approach, you the approach, you the approach, you the approach, you the approach, you were, you were, the approach, the approach, th. the approach, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thr. thr. thr. thr. thro. thro. thro. the. the the they. the they. the they. the. the th. up some of their bullets. I mean it was crazy. I mean it's madness, but in a way it's the gentry who are leading us, seeing you know the average Tommy as a sort of, as Karen Fod. Of course, of course. And you know, we've got and realized that most of it didn't want to be there. Most of them didn't even understand it. I mean, Do you think, Carl, in a war situation?

You've seen all those films of the... I mean that's the one they had a knockabout and stuff, didn't they? They took a game of football. In No Man's Land, yeah. Christmas Day. But who tell you that much. I'd be going mental. Are you saying there should be some rules or no rules? I mean you've got to have some rules, otherwise it's just going to be like Grand Theft Auto, I'm just going

to go about battering everyone. And you soon get bored of that. So I think you've got to have some rules. Which rules would you repeal that that that that that that that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it that it to be their to be to be to be their to be to be their to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their to be to be to be to be to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their. to be their. their their their their their their their their their. their their. their. their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their their their toe. their toe. to bea. to bea got to have some rules. Which rules would you repeal that it already exists that you don't like? Uh... It's a shame you can't tip as much as you used to be able to. You mean in a restaurant? No, just when you're getting rid of the mattress or something. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So flight tipping? What do you mean? This is something so personal he's fed up, he had to take something.

No, it's just that they used to put stuff outside the house. And just like you had mattresses, you had sideboards, sewing machines. The thing is, it was a good way of recycling. Now they say recycle, but we're not recycling. It's just being the tha tha tha more fly tip in. No, not, you see, you see, we need more rubbish. This is the problem, you see, look what's happened. Look what's happened to what I've said. It's been taken the wrong way. Right.

I'm not saying tip that. I'm not saying to leave it outside your house. Without the council, going move that, it's dangerous, someone's going to trip over it. Well, if they're trip over it, you should have been looking where they're going. Well, what if they're blind? What if they're blind? That's why you don't leave thrown, because they don't leave that? the road to get past your piece of job. No, because I'm leaving it, I'm not leaving it on the pavement. What was you just said you were? Where are you leaving it? Where are you leaving?

Where are you leaving it, Carl? You haven't established where you're leaving it? Where are you leaving it? Because so far blind person's fallen over and broken his nose. I've never seen a blind person trip over anything. You've never seen a blind person trip over anything. Definitely not. They're better on the feet than some people because they're more cautious aren't they? So make it more more fun for them if anything. Why can't you just have this stuff collected by a secondhand shop or send it to a carry? Because they don't. They don't. They don't. I've. I don't. They don't. They don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're better. They're they're they're they're they're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're better. They're better. They're better. They're better. They're better. They're better. They're better. they're better. they're better. they're better. they're better. they're better. they're better. they're better. they're better. They're better. They're better. They're they're they're better. they're saying, yeah we'll be there in an hour and I say right I'm gonna put it out on the street and are you gonna come and get it? Yeah we will be there an hour passes by they haven't been. Suddenly the council goes pass it on the floor bledded newsies. Then the council said I call them up do you want to shift it well we might but don't know when well it's outside the house now well you can't leave there their w wl you their their their their their their their their their their their their it's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their is is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theirtime sat outside the house with rubbish that someone else might want. But you're not allowed to leave there because a blind person might come along.

What's the dog doing? What do you make of St. George, the patron saint? What's your take on that? What's he take on that? He's he the one who killed a dragon. Right. Tell us the story. There was a dragon problem. Must have been in England. Right. Um, George took it on, he took on the job, he was like a rent-a-kill. He came out.

The interesting thing with him is, right, he was a hero then. I honestly think if he did that now, they'd be an uproar. Because it's the last dragon. It's the same way we try to save the panda and all that now. If he came out and said, I've done it and they've gone do what? They'd be marches. Idiot, bloody idiot! And that's what's interesting. But it was going around burning people. Doesn't matter we shouldn't have killed the last one. It's the last one. And that's what we'd be like.

You should have saved it, you should have captured it and put it in a cage so we can all look at it and stuff. There's no point. It was no point. It's no point. It's th. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no point. It's no. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It was. It was. It was. last one. Was it definitely the last one? What you were saying it was the last one, I'm not bothered either way. To me, I'm not, oh, whoa, whoa, so you think that there were dracons. Well, what are we celebrating them? Well, it could be a metaphor, a dragon slayer. It could be a bad thing amongst us. It could be a foreign threat. It could be things things things things, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, that, that, threaten, it could be anything, it could, it's done, it's not to be taken literally, is it? The real legend of George was that he was a figure who stood up for Christianity. Have you ever done anything brave? There was a kid at school, he used to have epilectic fits a lot,

and the teacher used to always say if it happens, grab his tongue. And I sort of ad hoc, his tongue. What do you th th th th th th th th th th th th an that is thatting is a thatting is a thatting is a thatting is a that one that one that one thatheatheatheaton, that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one thi. And I was a that one that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that one. And I was that one. And I was that one that one. And I was that one. And I was that one that one. And I was that one. And I was that one. And he is a that one. And he is a that one. And he is a that one. And he is a that one. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thong, he's thonge. thonge. thonge. thonge. thi. He's thonge. He's thi. thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thiue. His tongue? Yeah. What do you have a tongue for to pick stuff up? What do you mean the tongue? It's tongue in his mouth. Oh his tongue? Oh his tongue? And he used to say if he starts doing it, grab his tongue and that. And I sort of had a go out of that once and it was wasn't nice. What how do you grab it? Would you grab his his his his his his his his his his his his his his it's like grabbing a slug. And plus his mouth's going up and down that you think he's going to have me hand here. So you sort of do that thing where you go. You're trying to grab the kid's tongue, yeah? And he was throw was going I'm not going to get old of it. What you could have used as a pair of tongues. Well first I don't see why this is brave. Well first I don't see why this is the athletic fit and you're just supposed to help me. I don't know why that's bravery. But even given that you the fact that that that that that th. th. th. th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th is th. What th th th th the the the the the the the the the tho the that the theat is theat is to to to to tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the the the the the the the th th th the th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo'm not really. And yet this is kid I did. I did at the beginning. I tried. Don't that sudden you work car? Selfish. No, no it doesn't. Because I didn't know where

else was having to go. At least I did try and grab it at one point. You it was weird anyway because he was like a... How long was he doing him for? I don't know. Wiring about after hours of chasing his kid's tone. I love the idea of you ever try to grab in a tongue. It's a valid question. I love it. He's annoyed.

He's annoyed at thing yeah but it was because his mouth's going down and what he was he shouting or just no just throwing himself around so that's your one attempt at bravery one hang on a minute let me just think it's trying to run a tug there was a time you were chased by a bee and you scored a goal that that isn't really bravery as you as you were running away from me and the ball happened to hit your foot and go in. That counts as bravery. I never when he goes up to the pearly gates and he goes, well, you know, have you done the act of courage? I pretended to grab a tongue, a what? A tongue? A tongue? A tongue? Yeah. Got chased by a beast. It doesn't count as brave at all. What have to do? tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that. that. that. tho. tho, I, I, I was toe. I was toe. I, I, I was toe. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's, I was, tode. And, todddddddddde. And, tode. And, todddde. And, todde. And, I've. And, I've. I've. I've. I've a good question. I thought of some of them. When I was a kid on the beach, there was a baby, like a toddl I was about 12 and they were out, their little boat was going up, the mother missed it and there were miles out

and the mother was sort of distraught and I swam out and I was a good swimmer then and I pulled it in and she bought me a box of chocolates. It's not enough, is it? What? It's not enough of a box of chocolates. I'd have been furious. Really? I'd have wanted a lot more.

I didn't expect anything. No, it was like when I found that purse. to you, I sent it back to her and she sent me a little thank you. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is not, is not, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is a, is, is, is, is a, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is a, is, is, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a.. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, is a, is furious. I thought come on I've just I could have kept that purse. I said it back to you. I need more than the little thank you now. I didn't I didn't expect an I was so I was sort of I wasn't even particularly proud of myself but I just thought well I could just I could just do it. I mean if it happened now I'd go what's in it for me I've just eaten. I go is that your kid is that's that your that your that your that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that is that that that that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their their their their their they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I they. I that's they. I they. I they. I, is that your kid? They're miles away. I've got less brave. I've got more scared of the world. The things I used to do jump off sheds. I used to jump down flights of stairs to see if I could do it.

Walk along, all those things that kids do. And you lose your nerve, I think, apparently if you haven't bungee jumped by your 30, you never will. Really? Yeah, you sort sort th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi, is sort that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi. I thin, is thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I never will. Really? Yeah you sort of, I think it's a sensible gene kicks in. I'm pretty sensible. Yeah you think well this is not worth dying for, don't do it, you know. Yeah. But I think having glasses prevents me from doing a lot of things. No seriously because it's hard to be brave with glasses. Because if I stepped into the middle of a fight and there's people being bullied and I stepped in, the glasses come off that's it. Now I'm just being bullied as well. I'm also blind in this. So I'm just crawling and it's very hard to strike fear into your opponents when you're crawling

around on the floor looking for your frames going, don't step, tread lightly, that's 200. Oh God, I love that when you took up judo judo, instructor, and say, when, thi, thi, thi, thi, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm, I's, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm, I'm, but, but, I, but, I, but, I, but, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's th.. So, I'm so th. So, I'm so thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. So, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm that when he took up judo and you think you ever heard the judo instructor say, just knock his glasses off. Just knock his glasses off. But why are you, Woody Allen, what are you doing in this scenario? Why are you stepping into the dojo wearing a pair of glasses anyway? Well, how am I supposed to do? Well, I'm supposed to do? Wothe? Well, they. I don't know. Actually I don't have thought about that. Exactly. This is the problem in it. People don't think that you never see boxers with

glasses. Well of course you don't! Right, exactly. So I got no kind of athletic role models in that way except Dennis Taylor. Oh God, a man with glasses, me and my glasses. I'll tell you this, I could write a book on the difficulties of having glasses but I says it's completely affected your life of course it has everything you do course it has fashion fashion yeah so sport dancing mosh in can't go in the mosh pit you know I've always wanted to jump on the stage you know take my shirt off and then jump back in and everyone catches you and they sort of you sort of you sort of swore along on the top of everyone's hands. Can't do it, the glasses would come flying off. But how do you swim in the sea?

I'd have to hand them to the singer and then do it. I went to, I went to, I was in India recently, I went to Goa, and I got myself a pair of prescription goggles. Could not believe me a lot. so I can see all right. It's good. Went in there, literally, and they're pricey as well, went in the water, within seconds, giant wave had come over and it was crazy, it was like real all over again. It ripped off both my trunks and they ripped off my trunk and me goggles, they went flying off my head. Now I can only grab one of them. My trunks have never come off. My trucks have never come off. Maybe what once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once. My their. My their. My their. My their. My ones. My ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones. My ones ones ones ones ones ones. My ones ones. My ones ones ones ones ones ones ones. they they was. they was. Well. they were once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once once. they've they've they've they've they've they've. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. they're their. try. slipped down thus revealing penis, goggles came off, I reckon you're like shorts man, I think you've been doing it on purpose. You know how most swims up, Steve? I'm just going to see. But if they come off, if they come off, then you might see something.

You know how most swimming goggles would float. My prescription is so dense that they're just sunk straight to the bottom. If I should die, think only this of me. That that there's, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I. I. I's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's their. I's their. I's th. I's the. S so. S so. I's too. Sets. I's. Sets. Sets. Sets. Sets. Sets. I'm. Sets. Sets. Sets. I'm. Sets. Sets. Sets, that there's some corner of a foreign field that is forever England. There shall be, in that rich earth a richer dust concealed, a dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware, gave once her flowers to love, her ways to roam, a body of England's breathing English air, washed by the rivers, blessed by sons of home. And think this heart all evil shed away, a pulse in the eternal mind no less, gives somewhere

back the thoughts by England given, her sights and sounds dreams happy as a day, and laughter learnt of friends and gentleness in hearts at peace under an English heaven. Rupert Brook the soldier. What an amazing poem that is. Yeah it's a shame you read it though. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks for listening to the Wrickety's Guide to the English. That's it for a little while. Five in that series of Guides 2. Plenty to be going on with.

Plenty to be going on with. There's also the rest of the back catalogue as well. And we might do the odd free one, but we'll be back soon anyway with maybe another series of guides too. Who knows, Carl? Thoughts I've enjoyed this have you? Yeah, favourite ones. I like learning stuff, you know what? If we're going to learn something and make a few quid, I'm happy. Unlike the people who are listening to this who have down to quid and have learned absolutely nothing. And what they have learned from you is total boroughx. So thanks, they have learned from you is total boroughs.

So thanks, that's goodbye from me with each of a Stephen Merchant. Goodbye. I'm Carl Filkington.