The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guide To... S2E1 "Society" (November 3, 2009)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

It was announced on Gervais's blog that the first episode of the new series, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Society, was recorded on 6 September 2009; it was released on 3 November 2009. The second audiobook of the new series, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Law and Order, was released on 1 December 2009. A third audiobook, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Future, was released on 29 December 2009. A fourth audiobook, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Human Body was released on 26 January 2010. The fifth and final audiobook of the second season, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Earth was released on 23 February 2010.On 12 June 2010 The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The World Cup released. This was followed later that year by a podcast entitled "A day in the Life of Karl Pilkington" following a format more associated with the Ricky Gervais Show podcasts. The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Comic Relief was released as a free podcast on 6 March 2011 in aid of Red Nose Day (18 March 2011).

This is audible. society is a cage, trapping and oppressing free-thinking individuals. But to other society offers essential structure and regulation, preventing an anarchy in the worst excesses of human behaviour. Each society has its own codes of conduct, ways of doing things. But who decides these social norms, and how are they governed? From the formative democracy of ancient Greece to the communist totalitarianism of Soviet Russia, history has shown us that there are as many forms of society as there are people to populate them. To discuss society and our place within it, I'm joined by Stephen Merchant, a warding

and writer and graduate of the University of Warwick. Hello. And Carl Pilkington. You know the score, little, round-headed twat. All right? All right. In ancient Greece, every year 500 people would be selected from that Grecian society and they would have to sit there that year and they would propose laws and everyone else would vote on them. And that was their obligation.

They were obliged to be one of that 500. If it'd be like jury duty, called up and then they had to propose their ideas and then the rest of the citizens voted on it. Now if you're in that position, all right, you're called up, what rules and laws are you instigating? You might go right, I want a legalitarian society. I want freedom for people. I don't want slavery. I don't want any sort of oppression. Would that be a high on your list? Well you could say, you know, when I worked at a cord on blur, there was times when I thought, being treated like a slave here. You weren't though because you were being paid and you were free. What was it? I wasn't free? I was on like from 9 till 6. You had the choice to leave the job. Slaves didn't have they their th. You th. You th. You th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I tho. I don't want tho. I don't want tho thathea thathea tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thathea. I don't want th. I don't want th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thathe. I thathe. I the. I the. I don't the. I the. I don't theeee. theea. theea. theeea. tha. theea. tha. I tha. I till 6. Yeah, we had the choice to leave the job. Slaves didn't have a choice to leave.

They didn't have any choice. Actually, Mr. Jackson, I'm thinking of leaving your employment. The money is no good and I don't like the dwellings. They didn't have that choice. I didn't have a choice. Yeah, the only choice was Tesco and that wasn't the lack of choice given to most slaves the slaves who built the pyramids that wasn't an option for them it wasn't like they could go but I could get a better gig on the Sphinx yeah

just saying no you're not saying anything you're saying absolutely driven again. Here's a little Greek proverb for you a society grows great when old men plant trees who shade they know they shall never sit in. What does it that? That's amazing. Can you say it again? Say it again? A society grows great when old men plant trees who shade they know they shall never sit in. Do you understand? Yeah, just saying they're planting a seed, they grow a tree but a trees take ages. Yeah. It takes a long time. Yeah. That old fella's not going to get any joy out of that. Right. But if he's lucky, a fellow next door might have done the same years ago. So it's all about sort of planting a seed looking after each other.

That's great actually. It's not, I don't think it's directly what it means. It's almost the point. That's good. Yeah, I think he means that future generations. But yeah, if the next or neighbor had done that, then yeah, that works as well. But that's, but you seem to agree that that's a good point. Do you agree that seems a good point to you? But I'm sort of guessing he enjoyed, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, th. I, th. I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, yeah, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, It's the old metaphor problem again, isn't it? It's not specifically about trees, you know, you plant the tree, as you say, and you may never see the beauty or the benefit of that tree, but other people will. But as a metaphor, what he enjoyed is the fact that he's added to society and human life and he's got a legacy and all that, so by the same thea the a Bitha, right? Now there they have motorbikes, people flying around on them, people don't wear helmets. You might even get three people

on a moped. I saw a farmer with a goat in a basket. They don't care. They whizzing around at high speeds. A lot of deaths there. Yeah. And they'll have a lot of them see those areas where someone's come off, being killed, people put flowers there. Yeah. And because that happens a lot, it's a lovely Green Island. Now here, we're saying we're an element. What? What's it's lovely?

Because it's loads of flowers. So with death comes beauty. So that's another metaphor, you can have that one. That was one of the most tortuous things I've ever, that was extraordinary. But look at London. That was extraordinary, Carl. Carl. Carl.

Well, look at London though. Let me finish my point. Let me finish my point. I'm intrigued. Right. London, counselor with his clipboard. for some traffic lights there and a pedestrian crossing, pelican crossing there as well, and a speed camera, horrible and grey, no flowers. But you still see flowers left behind where people have died in terrible accidents. You know many good ones, it's stuck to a lamp post with elastic band round them.

They don't look nice. He's nice, the quality of flowers. Wow, 15 year old got run down and you're disappointed at the quality of the flowers. Look at this Suzanne. Ferrer lost his head here. Geraniums? Geraniums! Ferrer lost bloody edge! We have to encourage gun crime so that people will get shot in inner cities and then we

can put flowers up and beautify the areas. No, but if an area is nicer to looking, if it's nicer looking, you don't get people speeding around like lunatics. Because they go, I'm not in a rush, I'd quite like to slow down there. This is so complicated. So now what you're saying is because an area is grey and gloomy, people speed around to get out of it, people to get around their to get out of it, their course, and they knock down, but the longer occurs. Well they're getting out of their cars to put down flowers and knock down. How other people on their way to put some flowers down?

Yeah. Just sometimes people have to die don't me? There was a fellow outside our house. We had a lamp post. He had a helmet, but his head come off. He had a head come off. Ha ha ha ha ha! He made me laugh. a man's head coming up because the way he said it. But that's the thing. He had a, he had a head, oh God, is it man? He had a helmet on, but his head came off. So you're saying that because in that one instance the helmet did not save his life. His head was in great condition. It's just not attached to his body. And that's what I'm saying to you. Sometimes people have to the sthire do you the helmet all the the helmet all this this this the the helmet this the helmet th all th all th all th all thack all th all thack all thack all thack all th all thick all thick all the the the the the head their their their head their head their head the helmet their head their head their head their head the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet the helmet to his body. And that's what I'm saying to you. Sometimes people have to die.

How far do you tech all this stuff of, you know, safety gear and slowing down and wear bright clothes that night. And it's just too much. Very important point, you see, we give people crash helmets, we give them, you know, seat belts, we make them wear that, right? Do you think that someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone s should should should should should should should should should that, right? Do you think that's right for a start? Do you think someone should be made to wear a crash helmet? They're only hurting themselves? Uh, crash helmet.

I don't think you should get fine for not wearing one. But then if you come off a motorbike and you hurt your head and you didn't have a helmet on, then you can't sort of go they should have had speed bumps there I didn't realize we're going too fast. I don't think we're not just protecting him he could be a father with two kids. So you're going oh let him up if he doesn't want to wear a crash helmet let him get brain damage is that what you're saying? I'm just saying we're over the top in this country. No but he's you're saying we're over wen, we're over over over over over over over over over over over over over over they. We're over over over. We're over over. We're over over. We're over. We're over over over over over. We're over over. We're over over over over over over over. We're over over over over over over over over over over over over over over over over over over over over over over. We're over over. We're over. We're over. We're over. We're over. We're over. We're over. We're over over. We're over over over over over over over over over. We're over. We're over. We're over. We're over. We're over over. We're over. We're over. We're over. We're over. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. We're the. We're for that sort of thing. If you're saying no if he doesn't want to have a crash helmet, let him not wear a crash helmet. He comes off his bike, he smacks his head in, he's a vegetable, he's like that. Sitting at home like that. And yet the two little kids come to you, you're in charge, don't forget, we've put a charge of society here and they come to you, two little kids, the little, th little, thops, thops, thops, thops, thops, thops, tho, the little, tho, tho, thi, their, their, thi, their, their, their, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's their, he, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he comes, he, he comes, he.. He. He. He comes, he comes, he's tho, he's tho, he's thr-a, he's thoomats, he's thoomats, he's tombs. He comes, he's tombs. He comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes, he comes let my daddy wear the, not wear the crash helmet? I didn't, we paid, we put leaflets through the door, we had adverts on the tele-sunshine. Yeah, but but why?

It's your dad's fault. But why wasn't it compulsory? Because he wanted, it's not the way we live in, Sonny? Yeah, he's not the way we live in, the the helmet. Has he got got got got got got got got. Has. Has. Has. Has he. Has he. Has he. Has he. Has he. Has he. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. that. the the the the the th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. We. We. We. He. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. ta. ta. ta. toda. ta. ta. ta. ta. tape. toda. the. We're thate. We're that. We, he didn't want to wear a crash on me, but why didn't you make him wear a crash helmet? It wasn't just him, it was us. Why did, why did you turn my daddy into a vegetable? Where's your mom? Mom, mom left when he kept going about not wearing a crush on him, isn't she? I put you in a home? I just think, you see this is the problem, everyone's looking for someone to blame. Yes, but this is interesting though because you were particularly coloured to that little four year old boy, he seems so sweet and adorable.

Yeah. But why wasn't he giving this stick to his dad? Well his dad's a vegetable. His dad went within the law. It was not the law to wear a crash helmet anymore because you said forget it I don't want. the vegetable. the vegetable. If if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. He. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's is is is is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. Itthe law. It was not the law to wear a crash helmet anymore because you said forget it I don't want an an estate I don't want if you wear a crash helmet or not he wasn't a responsible parent he hadn't thought it through but this is your job. Some people aren't responsible society keeps them on track this was your you were in charge you should have

made him wear a crash helmet he had two kids. We've worked for one of the one is he's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the. the. the is the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea. the. the. the.. He had two kids. We've heard from one of the kids. What's the other one's attitude? Is he younger? He's a bit younger still? Yeah. President Pilkington, brother's crying now, because you shouted at him. I wish you had made my daddy wear a crash helmet. Why didn't you make your daddy wear a crash helmet? Well he didn't listen to me? He didn't listen to me. It seems like a bit of a numbunt. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He's, he's, he's a to. He's a. He's a to. He's a t. He's a. He's a. He's a t. He's to. He's to. He's, he's to. He's to. He's, he's to. He's to. He It seems like a bit of a numnup to be honest. He did listen to you. Because you made a new rule saying people don't have to wear crash helmets. Right. And he listened to you? Did he pop shoes on in the morning when he went out? Or did he need to be here to tell him to do that as well? Oh right, interesting. So he can be bothered. So can't be bothered with his train. Where can't be bother me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me. Please the their their their he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he tho. Did he. Did he tho. th. th. Did he did th. Did he did he did he did he did he did he did he th. Did he th. Did he th. Did he th. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. He. Did he. He th. He th. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he. Did he th. Did he th. Did he th. Did he th. Did he thin. Did he th. Did he th. Did he th. Did he th. Did he the. Did he th. Did he did he th. Did he th. Did he th. Did this kid. It's just... All I'm saying is, this should be a leaflet. I don't even know how he got in number 10, this little kid. The thing is... But he's got in, you should have at least a courtesy to listen to his point. Forget all, I'm sick and tired of having adverts on the tele, don't smoke, wear an helmet, slow down, watch your kidneys. Look after your liver. The their. The their. The th. The th. The th. The th. The th. The thi. The thi. The th. The thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. I. I've th. I've thi. I. I thi. I've th. I've th. I th. I th. I th. I thin. I thin. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I don't th. Why can't they just put a leaflet through

saying hello everyone, use your common sense? That's all I'm asking. Because some people don't have common sense. Everyone's got common sense. Yeah, it's not my fault then. Yeah, that's why there is a government. If we let people, all they'll be fucking idiots, they be eating turkey twizzlers and fucking watching Big Brother and X Factor all day and then letting their kids run right in the street. What they are doing? Some families do just eat turkey twislers. Yeah. There is little knobbeds on bikes playing out till God knows what hour. So it's happening anyway. That's no argument is it's happening anyway. That's no argument, car. It's what we've talked about here. It's social responsibility. The reason people get wea we we we we we we we they they they they they they they th. they they th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their the the th th th the just just just th their just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. t. tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha. tha-a. tha-a. tha-a. tha-a. tha-a. tha-a. tha-a. tha-a. tha-a. tha. t fill its obligation to change those things. This is your approach. I wash my hands of the whole affair. Yeah, I don't, I don't, the people who don't wear an helmet, sort of the do themselves in and that's cleared them off. That's one problem sorted. So you think you're being Darwinian, you're thinking survival of the fittest, but they don't. But they don't because they're not, they're not, they're not, they're not, they're not, they're not, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their, their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their, their, their, their. th. tho, tho, thoomoome. People who don't, thoome. People who don't, thoomorrow, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. People who don't the victim, it's that you know a very good example is some okay that

we've talked about it before you know people who smoke know that it's dangerous we know now that smoking gives you cancer but why is that still legal and yet people know that they're going to get out of breath and clammy and yet they still eat more they get depressed they're eating more they know they're gonna be constipated for a year and a half but they're still shoving in chocolate cake instead of carrots. Well because that's what I'm saying. Why don't we stop fat people in a cupboard?

If you got a smack head and you really love him, you intervene, you grab him you put in a cupboard you go put carrots into the door what? The thing is there's got to be some responsibility. I can't grab Ricky just a cupboard over there. You've got to take some responsibility, am you? Now if it's your own fat kid kid, stick him in your cupboard but what I'm saying is as a counselor I'm not spending taxpayers money on cupboards to put the fat kid in. So back at the chosen 500 in ancient Greece, right, you're one of them. What are the things?

I like that saying the one about do to others as you'd like to be treated yourself. Yeah, that's a good one. Pop that on a leaflet, pop it through the door. But you seem to be doing a lot of leafleting. That seems to be, your entire governance seems to be guided by popping leaflets through doors. And I get a lot of leaflets, and I get a lot of leaflets, and I get a lot of leaflets, and I get a lot of leaflets, maybe somethings that every individual can go, how would I want someone to thr of laws that you can go, how would I want to be treated? Well, I want someone to throw cake at me. Yeah, because I'm a greedy bastard.

I would want someone to steal my telly. I'd probably start on the way you look. Right, go on. I'd just say, right. You know, make an effort. You know, make an effort. I'm poor. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You can still tidy up. Can we get better houses then? Because... Well, look after the one that we've let you. Get rid of that old mattress that's in your garden there. Clean the windows and then we might give you a nicer one. At the

moment you don't deserve anything nicer. And that's what I'm that. Sure, I'll be honest with them, you've got to wake him up through the heavy leaflet in the way. But do you see the problem with some of what you're saying, Carl, is that it's very hard to enforce that in law because it seems unjust and unfair. You can't really start legislating against people's looks or whether they want, I mean, you have to keep your house tidy. I mean, who's their. their. their. their.? I mean that's a strange... Well hold on though. I don't, I am, I like wearing these, these denims it expresses who I am and I like wearing a beard because I just think it's natural, I don't like, really like shaving and um, yeah, I like this smell, I like this smell of BO. That's who I am as a th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th, th, like, th, like, th, th, th like, th like, th like, that, that, like, that, like, like, that, like, like, like, like, that, that, th me just to be part of the society? Who are you to infringe my rights as an individual? What do you want out of life? Well, no, I think I just like to say, I don't want to conform. I don't want to just shave and wear a suit.

I don't want to just to I have to conform to that society. There's nothing I can do for you. You're wasting my time really. I do feel I need to go to hospital now. So I'm going to go to hospital now if that's all. Is there care for me? What's up with you? I've got diseases from like eating with my hands and there's the things growing in my beard.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is their their their thoes. Is their their, their, their, their, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's tho, I's, I's their, I'll, I'll, I'm, I'm, I'm their, I'm their, I'm not, I'm not, I'm no, I'm not, I'm no, I'm not, their, their, their, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm got, I've got, them, diseases from like, eating with my hands and there's the things growing in my beard. Alright. So, we just, we clean that up for me now. No, because it's all been brought on yourself. Well, no, but that's irrelevant. A lot of people bring things on them, but you can't just like ignore them because it's a tough person. I don't know why I don't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're tho tho. I don't know. I've tho. I've tho. I've thr. I've thr. I've thr. I've that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's all. I that's all. I that's all. I that's all. I that's all. I that's all. I that's all. I that's all. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I've thr. I've thr. I've thr. I've thr. I've thr. I've thr. I've thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. that's all. that's all. that's all. that's all. that's all. that's all. I, they're... You had a kid whinging at me this morning because his dad was a Hmong. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Uh, yeah. Obviously in China, you can only have one child, can't you? Is that something you feel we should bring in here? Uh, yeah, I think we've got to, um, I don't know about one kid. I just sort of concentrate on who can have a kid. As opposed to, you know, if someone's got a load of money and they're good at looking after kids, let Madonna have as many as she wants. But if someone who's... Oh yeah, but then, so social engineering you want to do it? Yeah, but then, but hold on that.

Well, what you've said then, if you're bringing him into a poor family, what's the the people who've had the kids. So who's decided? Who's late to have how many kids? Are you deciding? I was brought into the poor family, wasn't I? What? I was brought into a poor family. Yeah, no, I'm talking really poor. So, third world? So, thiwauke.

the thiiwauker to have the, tooer, poor, poor, poor, poor, poor, to, to, the, to, the, to, the, to, the, to, to, the, too, to, the, to, too, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the other way. Why is he always going to go the other way? I just mean like the people who have told you about on the estate sometimes who had that one who chased cars and stuff. He wasn't happy. They didn't care if he was there or not. What's the point? So hang on. So let's imagine that Ricky and I, our husband, our husband and our husband, husband, we've come in, right? What's your questions to us to establish, whether, whether, whether, whether, whether, whether, whether, to establish, to establish, to establish, to establish, to th, thu, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to to to their, to me, to me, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thanks for coming. And me and my husband, we can't have children. Because he's got no sperm at all. He had one sperm and it was too ridiculous, it was awful. It just came out like a dead anchovy. Right. And you're meant to have 300 million, the tiny ones. And he had one big one, it was horrible.

I had to pull it out. And also, it was no, it was a, it was a, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was a. It was a. It was a. It was a th. It was a th. It was a th. It was, it was just, it was, it was a th. It was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was there's no place to... Completely smooth there, like an action man. Yeah, it was just, I don't know. But we love children and we wondered if we could have a child. What do you do? What do you do? What do you do? What's your work? I'm a rapist. And I disposed of the bodies.

Well, fill out this form. I should have clarified a rapist murderer. Fill out the form. Does it in the wrong order as well, I must say. Number of times I've disposed of the bodies and I hadn't made that one. Just wondered what else you need to know about us. Because even though I... That was our little joke by the way, he doesn't he doesn't work in an office. He works in an office in the town. But yeah, I'm a housewife. I'm making a little nest for when we have a little child. We don't earn a great deal of money,

but we're good parents. We're very good parents. What's that based on? Well we're good people, well we're good people, thi' that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I's th. I's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thousa.eou?eou. I's their their their their their their their their thoooooooeseses. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. We're God-fearing people, we believe that God is watching all of us and we believe in the Old Testament. And sometimes he tells us to kill and rape. Yeah, sometimes he does, yeah. Particularly, we've stoned a couple of homosexuals this week alone. We're joking again. We don't believe in God. We're from an atheist and believe that our time on earth is all we have and then when we die we become worms meat

we've filled out before we've already we've already painted the back bedroom that's ready for the little child we've painted it black because we want our child to be a Satanist joking again little joke from us we want him to be an accountant yeah um gay accountant someone say the same thing only I think I th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th I th I th I th th thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th Again, a little joke from us. We want him to be an accountant. Gay accountant. Someone will say the same thing, only joking, of course. I think there's too much in society where people are pressured to be a heterosexual, so we're going to try and make ours a homosexual.

So we don't care whether you get a homosexual or a heterosexual, but I'll tell you, by the time he's 14, he will be as queer as the asquequequeque, as as, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, tho, thro, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th.. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, the the th, tho, they, throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, tho, tho, tho, the as the S-A-S spines. Right, so you've filled out the form. Yeah, we'll put that in, get it processed. Okay, but what kind of questions are you going to ask us? None, really. No, it's either. It's just my job. You're happy with us. Just my job to pass the forms on.

We've passed want a child. We don't want a child actually. But you know where we could buy a knife? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! We talked about the little fella planting a tree that he will never sit under. He's given that to the next generation. Okay? Now, big discussion about donor cards. Of course, there's no reason not to give your kidneys away after your death to all your

organs. No good to you and you'll be helping life. It's perverse to me that you wouldn't want to donate your body to a worthy cause after your death, medical research, whatever. Do you agree with that don't you? Um, well you know how I'll feel about it a little bit. I don't like the idea of certain bits. Why not? What does it matter? Just because there's certain bits that are really personal to you, aren't they? No, there's not what, what bit is more personal than another bit to you?

Well, like I've said, my eyes. They're my eyes. They're stuff I like. Yeah, but what happens if they're, someone else has them, and they start looking at stuff I don't like. I don't like the idea of that. But that's ridiculous because your eyes are, they're just bits of tissue. Then they haven't got your walk on it. We don't know because they found out there's something called a cellul or something or other that I've told you about about the person who had some sort of operation and look like in yellow biscuits. Yeah but it's the same same th. You th. You th. You th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They's th. They're th. They're th. They're just th. They're just just th. They're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they're they's they're. They're they're. They're they're they're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just just just just just just just. I. I. I's just just like. I's just like. I'm just like. I'm just like like. I'm just like. I'm just like like. I'm just just like. I'm just just like. I'm just like. I'm just just they're just they're just you said it because it was intrinsically bollocks. No. But it could work the other way anyway where the person who has my eyes starts like looking at ants and insects and stuff. I'm like to carry on. Again this is all bollocks. We've got none of your memories, none of your thoughts, none of your reasoning, none of your personality, they're just a collection of cells that now have light going through them and making this new person see. There are lens.

There are lens. That's all they are. So there's no reason why, you know, this is a crazy thing, isn't it, when people started saying that they wanted their organs to go to a particular race a person, and obviously that's illegal. Also it shouldn't be the choice really. I think you should have that opting out that you to say that you don't want your organs given after and if you die then they assume that those organs are up for grabs because there's a shortage so what do you think of that like I say they can have they can have

certain bits you're not having the eyes I think they're not they have the cock and balls I they're saying no no they can can can can can can can can can can can can can they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the they they they the they they they they they they they they they they they their they their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th thi thi thi thi thi the the thi the thi thi thi the the their their their they're their their their What can they have the cock and balls? I prefer it if they didn't. You're saying no, no one's going to have my eyes or my cock and bollocks ever. What if the table's returned? Yeah. What if someone said, Carl, you've lost your cock and bollocks in a terrible accident? Sorry, we put some flowers at the scene. It's bright in clock and bollocks we kept on ice then? They're absolutely lovely match. Better than yours. Yeah, bigger, younger. Yeah you're on the album. So you would tell you see you'd have someone else his cock and bollocks but then you wouldn't donate yours to someone else. What about this? What if you what if you discovered later right that the person who donated the clock and and bollocks right? Was a sex prove-it? Was it homosexual sex proverbial? I don't think though that I'd bother looking into the history of these cock and bollips. It's not like, you know. You accept the Willie Nilly, but what if you just found out

by chance? That was his name, that was his name, that was his name. What if you find out by chance? How do I find out by chance? What's the scenario? They say, well the doctor goes, I should tell you, I know you believe in a load of shit about yellow biscuits and bollocks like that. So I'll just tell you in case anything goes weird, this was a sex-proven cock and bollocks, so if you find that you're sticking these through letter boxes, don't worry, it's not your fault. It's where they's where it. It's where it's where it's where it's where th. th. th. th. th. th. their. they's where they's where they's where they're they're their. they're their. their. they're their. their. their. they're they're they're their. their. they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's they's they's they're their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. the. the. theat to. true. to. to. to. their. their. to. their. their concern you if you accepted the cock and bollocks that had a pass like that? Yeah because the problem is it wouldn't be that bad if I had his eyes. Why? Because then I'm seeing what he wants to see and... That doesn't make any sense at all. But unfortunately it makes no sense at all. The match is wrong. The eyes don't go with the

cock and bollics anymore. So something's going to lose out here. Either the cock and bollocks, they're not going to get what they want anymore or the eyes are going to be upset. So are you scared of the idea to go back to your yellow biscuit analogy that the cockan bollocks you inherit, whatever the previous owner did with them. That scares you does you? Okay there's one final scenario here Carl okay you've you haven't opted out so your organs go to where they've got now unbeknownst to you there's a big weight in this there's a thing they've got they've got really details and you said yeah whatever I don't want to know you would you after you die where it goes you say that no no no no no that no that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th the the they does does does does does the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they. they. they. they. they. they. they's the thea they's they. they. they. they. they's they's their they. their their their their big weight in this there's a thing they've got their got all your details and you said yeah whatever I don't want to know you wouldn't want to

know would you after you die where it goes you say I don't you because you've said you don't want to know if you don't know you have a lovely life when you die they can go anywhere they can do what they will okay to their theyrepoe's to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the thooo to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to a gay rapist with AIDS. Okay? So they are saving a life there. So when you die, they go right, it's still warm, get that gay rapist with AIDS around here, because that's going to stop him raping someone, giving him aids. He comes round, he's straight up there. He's shagging you, right? You're, you're basically saving a life, right? We're letting do that, right? Sorry, sorry, I I I I I I I I I I I I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, so. So, so, so, so, so, so. So, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're. they're. they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're're you're basically saving your life right well I'm confused here what why is the gay rapist with AIDS got the ass what's it's not no he's still connected to Carl they've donated the ass so when when Carl dies the doctor's going right

we're gonna stop a terrible thing here so the gay rapist can shag the yeah yeah he shags he shags come around he shags he gets out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out the that's that's the the the that's that's the the that's the the the th he's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is is th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the they the the th the they the the ass. Yeah he shags, come round, he shags Carl, gets out of a system and go, sure, that stopped me, right? Okay, right, so it's just Carl's disembodied ass on the... No, no, no, it's the whole Carl. It's the whole car. So they go, Carl, the cargues, he's having a heart attack. They door get him round it they go okay the gay rapist come around he goes where is he right he goes there he is right so car is face down now they turn around they go there's the ass you've got 10 minutes then we got a bury it I'm surprised you didn't know this guy was living next door so they're okay the gay rapist we finish he th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th he he th he he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he goes he he goes he he goes he's he's he's he's he's he's the tho the tho he's the he the he's he the he he he he he he he he thing. The doctors next door, they go, okay, the gay rapist, we finish soon, and then we have to bury him. But we should inform his next to the kin. They go, all right, it's Suzanne. They go, um, your husband's, uh, daddy's out of time. She's, oh my god. She's come around and just identify the tho, um. tho, um. tho, um. tho, um. tho, um. tho, um. tho, um. tho, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, we're, we're tho, we're tho, we're tho, we're tho, we're tho, we're tho, we're tho, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll thi. We' thi. We' thi. We' thi. We'. We'. We'. We'. We'. We'll thi. We're tho. We're the tho. We're the the the the tho. the the the tho. the the the tho. tho. the. We're the I'll be right there. So Suzanne's on her way, the gay rapist, right?

He's pummeling you away, right? But you will not believe this. Oh my God. The movement and the way he's shagging you, right? A start is your heart. Right? This is a stroke of amazing good fortune. So you go, ah, go, he goes, ah, right?

He, right, has a heart attack, right? And he flops down on you. He's just like, Ed butts the back of your head. So now, you're both naked. This guy rapist is up your ass, he's dead, right? The shock is, you go, fuck me, how can I get out of this, right? You wriggle, you fall onto the floor. So now he's on the bottom, face up, you're on top of him. He's still in you.

His cock is up your ass. You're sat on him, wriggling. Suzanne walks in, goes, Carl, what the fuck are you doing? She's heard about me being dead. And she's come to the hospital. Yeah, she goes, and can see him. They go, oh, the kids are in, she bursts in, there you are, on top of him wriggling to try and get his knob out your ass, right? You're sitting on a man who's dead, what do you say? I'd just say you got a John Booper. It's very hard, isn't it, to imagine yourself a different period in time and how you would

have reacted. Now, if you think about America in the 1950s, black people still very much second-class citizens. You've obviously heard of the famous Rosa Parks incident in which she was obliged to move on the bus from where she was sat to somewhere else and she chose not to when she was arrested for it and became very much a sort of figurehead of the civil rights movement. Had you been traveling on that bus? What did you do? Um, am I far from where I'm getting off? Yeah, you... So once again you can't just nip out at the next stop so you can wash your hands of the whole affair. No, you're on that bus, you've still got a number of stops.

You live further away than Rosa does because you've got a lovely big house, where she should have a lovely place she can't avoid it. So you've got to stay on that bus. You've seen this now, you've seen this bus driver demanding that she gets up, gives up that seat. Maybe she's given up that seat for you. Maybe you've got on that bus as a privileged white man and she refuses to get up on your behalf. I'd probably go, it's all. I'd probably go it's all right. I'm standing. I'm all right. But why would you say that? Because you're thinking of the modern day car. You're not thinking of the man from the 1950s. Well, we don't have to, we don't have to go back in time. Or we can go to a country now where you'd see an injustice, where you were outnumbered

by the law of the land. What if Suzanne wasn't to l sit with you on buses? What if now a law came in that women were second class citizens and she can't come with you? Wouldn't you go, no fuck that, she's sitting with me? I'd say we're only going around the block. We've been to the shopping center, be only 15 minutes. Can you take that bag with you because there's no one sat next to you down here? I'm a bit crammed in up here. There's more bloke on the bus. See in a minute. It's not a big issue. I've done it on the train. Where I've booked tickets and they end up being different tickets. I'll go, I'll see in an hour and a half. But that's a lot.

But that of luck. But it's what you get used to at the end of the day. I mean I'm not walking past and slapping him on the back of the head. I'm getting on and it's just that's where they sit, that's where we sit. Like men and women go into a separate toilet. Carl, let's put this to, I mean, obviously, this is too much for your head your your your your your your your your your your your your to. You're on a bus, right, and there's a few white people and they're... I'm the driver. And they're being racist to a black kid. Right, I'd go, if I'm driving, I'd go, let's stop his own seat, sit back, calm down, and enough.

But what if they said, no, we usually sit there, we want that seat? Would you think either black kids are troublemaker? Would you go, come on, just move, mate, it'd be peaceful? I'd go, what do you want to do? Do you want to move so this is calm down? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you th you thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. You thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, thi, that, th. th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What, th. What th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, thi? W, thi? W. thi? What, thi? What, thi? What, thi? What, thi? What, that, that, that, what, what they's, what they's, what they're, what they're, what that, what that, what that, what that, down? No, no, no, no, you shouldn't say that. He doesn't, he doesn't matter he wants to move or not. It's his right, not to move. Do what you want, men. If you want to stay there and fight your own corner. He wants to stay there. Don't you have, surely you come, surely you want to be on the side of right. I'm just doing my job here. I'm driving a bus for 30. a week here and getting a load of grief of some people at the end of the day. But think bigger than the bus rule. It's not just a bus thing, all right? Just imagine that you're not a bus driver. All right? No, but that's what we're talking about here. But yes, but Ricky's trying to make a point. It's an analogy. It's about, it's about, it's about, it's about, it's about, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a their, their, their, th. thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, their, thin, thin, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin'er, thin'er, the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thin' thin' thin' tha, tha, tha''''''''''a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er, th. th in hard way, that could mean that you've got to stand up to danger or to bullies or to aggression.

If someone's attacking Suzanne, she goes, Carl help, you go, no, I could get it out. Because I know the full story here, but this is what I'm saying about Rosie. Rosie, what's it? I'm just saying, she sat on the bus? She sat where she wanted. No, I'll tell you how it worked. The middle sections of bus, black people could sit there, but it was up to the driver's discretion to change where black people could sit depending on the number of white passengers that got on. So she sat in a seat, some more white passengers get on. So this bloc decides, well no, actually this is no longer the black section, there's enough white people you've got to stand up. And she decided no, I'm not going to get up. It's my right to be to sit on this bus as a person, as a human being,

not whether or black or white, and that was why she got arrested. She lost in the end, didn't she? What do you mean she lost in the end? There's a black president? Yeah, but it's not because of her. Yes, in a way it is. Because she became a spearhead of the civil rights movement that was spearheaded by Martin Luther King. All those little things go towards change. On a different bus on a different day, you might not have turned out that way. That's what I'm saying. It might have been, you know, someone else who goes, get off, who's been in a right mood, might have been in the pub all afternoon. And she's there, thiiiii and she's thed, thii's thoed, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi, thi, thi, that's that, that, that, that, that, to that, to to to to to that, that, that, to to to to to to to tho-a, tho-a, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. All, th. All, th. All, th. All, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that all afternoon and she's there going I'm not moving and he's fed up he's up to here with it. So I've been working all he...

She's pissed up now. No, no, the person sat next to her. Yeah. Might have even been a black bloke, he's been working hard and he's like, I don't want this. But it's interesting think five of them were there and four of them stood up and she stayed sat down so there was four people there who did choose the easier route the easier life and she stayed sat down and she's the one who went to prison and she's the one who's remembered because of what she did on that day it's difficult in it if I was on there I'd weigh her up you know is is this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th I this this th I this this th I this this th I th I this th I this th I th I th I th I th I was th I was th I was th I was th th th was th was th was th was th was th was th was th was th was th was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the woman doing this as like a good cause or is she just a trouble causer?

She just seemed like, you know, I'll do what I want. Now that's fine, you'll always get people who do what they want and they do change the little rules along the way. But I bet when she was doing it, it wasn't like a big stand-up. This is the day I'm going to do it. It's just happened to, she was fed up that day, she didn't want to get up. Lazy. She might just go around law-breaking all the time and she's remembered now because she's made a change about bus seats but when she got up that morning did she say I'm gonna do that or has she been fly tipping before she got on the bus? This is what I'm saying. Is she just, is she just a, you know? No, she's not a the trouble a trouble a trouble a trouble a trouble a trouble a trouble a trouble a trouble a trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she, she's, she, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's a trouble. She's a trouble. She's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's not a trouble, she's not a trouble, she's not a trouble, she's not a trouble, she's not a trouble, she's a trouble, she's not a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's a trouble, she's not a troublemaker. She's someone who already had a bridging interest in the civil rights. I mean, I really thought the Rosa Parks incident was pretty cut and dry.

It's, yeah. The fact that Carl's managed to find an ambiguity in it, it is extraordinary. I love it. Tell me tell me something else about Rosie. Oh, for God's saiiiii. I had to only place it would be this difficult. Carl, Thomas Jefferson, you know, is, once observed, a nation as a society forms a moral person, and every member of it is personally responsible for his society. But Jefferson's fellow countrymen, as you know, the American writer and intellectual Randolph Bourne, noted some years later, society. But Jefferson's fellow countryman, as you know, the American writer and intellectual

Randolph Born, noted some years later, society is one vast conspiracy for carving one into a kind of statue it likes and then placing it in the most convenient niche it has. So one saying, no, this is why we're moral people. The society is great for us. It turns us into responsible people, okay and we we should love that society and make sure it's perpetuated but born said no no it's just a way to mold someone into what it likes and put it into a little box so it can't hurt anyone yeah okay yeah that's not again it's no no both of them both of them are right but they're contradicted both opinions um certainly that's not again, it's... No, both of them, both of them are right.

Both of them are right, but they're contradicting. Both opinions. Um, certainly, there's certainly opinions. But you, I mean, I don't know why I am the way I am. It just happens, don't it? Uh, you know, I don't like killing a fly. No one would stop me if their tho' the, but, but, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin', thi, thin', there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, thin, thin, there, there, there, there, there's there's there's tho, tho, tho, there's there's there's tho, there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there, there, they did. If something in me, that goes don't do that. Right, so this is a very important theory because you're basically saying, well you could be saying one of the things, you could be saying that goodness is innate. Not

likely, no. Or he could be saying that there's a morality that transcends rules and society pressure. Whether or something's legal or not doesn't mean that you have to do it because it's legal and it doesn't mean you don't. Yeah? Is that the one you meant? That's what I meant? There was a bit of trouble in our yard. The other day, between a wasp and a cricket. Now the thing is, is there any point to this at all or are you just going to tell us, are you going to extrapolate some analogy from this? I think so. Okay, let's see, let's see.

Let's see, go see. So there's a water to get a water. So I said, I'll just clarify, as a scenario. As you said, I'll just clarify, as a scenario. to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'm. So, are just, are just, are, are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, I. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Washing up. We've got a new sink. We've got a dishwasher as well. But I said, well, I'll use a sink. We've paid for it. Let's give it a go. So you're like a Luddite threatened by the technology. You're thinking your worth will be taken on. You're going to need me. I want to show I'm needed. I want to use it. It's like I don't understand that if someone's got a really nice car but they have a chauffeur. Drive it, it's yours, enjoy it, enjoy it, enjoy your car. Well, I guess. Feel a car. I'll try. But you don't drive. But what I'm saying is I've got a sink, a dishwasher on what am the dishwasher, the th. th. sit down and do nothing probably wash up then do something. I do a better job than the machine does. I do a better job than the machine altogether then.

No because sometimes I might want to go for a walk or something. Why don't you go for a walk all the time? It's good for the walk in the morning. Anyway so I'm washing all. fucking good to top that. His life's so complicated. For a man who does nothing at all, right, his life is so complicated. No, because it's the same thing, the kitchen's failing you. All right, you're using a new thing, the dishwasher there, it's not doing anything, it's not even plugged in, it's pointless. What's going on? I'm washing up the few plates. The kitchen doors open. Right. Suzanne says, oh my God, look at that. What? There's a wasp and a cricket having a wrestle. I've never seen it before. Right. Wait. Are you sure this wasn't Mexican television?

And it actually was a sporting dress up? So they're there wrestling and it was like, well stop him then? So she... Whoa! Whoa! You don't interfere with fucking rows of parts. Why are you in the firm with a wasp in the cricket? Because one, I didn't even know they didn't get on, to be honest. So this is much bigger metaphor than black and white. This is more important than apartheid and segregation team. I didn't even know they didn't get on

to be honest. Because I've, they were sort of wrestling. I said and my hands were wet so I couldn't do anything that I always overdo it with a fairy liquid. So she's there. She's there I say break separate them. So she uses a tea towow tow tow tow tow tow tow tow tow tow tow tow tow tow tow tow. F f f f f f f f f f f. F f. Cl. Cl. Cl. Cl. the the their. they they're. they're. they're. I they're they're they're. they're. they're. I'll. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I they. I they. I they. they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. I them. I did parts of his hand. Now, so she uses a tea towel, flicks them. Clever. Good thinking. The wasp goes its own way, the cricket sort of jumping about a bit. But who was fighting it? So I'm sort of saying that is really weird, because was changing quicker than anything. that I keep me eye on.

Okay, well that's just your that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just that's just your theory and it's not based on anything. I told you a couple years back I saw one eating chicken. They shouldn't be doing it. So anyway so now they're causing trouble with a cricket. Whoa how do you know it was the waspoll? This is prejudice. Why do you think was the waspal? What if the cricket would have started it? What if the cricket they started here, fight him. If everyone comes down here, fight him. How do you know it wasn't the cricket that started that? Well, I suppose at that time I didn't, but since... Oh, some sort of infleation's coming out. Oh, sorry. So anyway. So I saw all that, we broke it up. The cricket was sort of shaking a bit. Definitely not. It was shaking a little bit. So I sort of clubbed it, put a little leaf over it because it was a hot day, I thought I put a leaf there so it doesn't get overheated. I love this. Like it's done the marathon. It's got a little, it's got a little, it's got

a little leaf. So Suzanne, we, you know, leave it for a bit. to leave it for a bit. Leave it, what did you say? About left it for half an hour. What did Suzanne want to do? She won't interfere? Did she she, what did she want to do? What did she want to do? did she want to do? What did she want to do? Just sort of like, what did she want to do? to do? just sort of like, yeah? She's sort of like, the leaf. the leaf. their threeree. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do. Just just just just to to to to to to to to to to do. Just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. to to to to to to to to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th. to the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do. in and I said I'm going to go to the cricket. Where'd you go? Just for a walk. Hold on, why don't you put the dish in the dishwasher and go for a walk? I don't understand. So now you're, so now as a dishwasher, sit in there bone idle, you're washing up when you could be walking and then you're still walking. Oh it's a good job. I didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't didn't the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I didn't their. their. their. the dish. the dish. the dish. the dish. the dish. the dish. the dish. the dish. the dish. the dish. the dish. the dish. the dish. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why th. Why th. Why th. Why th. Why th. Why don't you. Why don't you. Why don't you. Why don't you. Why don't you. Why don't you. Why don't you. Why don't you. Why don't know. There would just be a point upon on your back door. So I've been out back in, have a look, cricket still there, noticed one of its legs gone. Oh. Don't know if the wasp did that or the towel flick. Or it was already disabled and that's

why the wasp thought this is an easy one. What if the was was helping it? It wasn't, no honestly. It was such a commotion. Because because we're such friends and humans don't understand this and anyone interfered, we definitely don't understand this right? He's not an entomologist. This is when I got the computer out. Right. I had a look and it's a what was it called? What can't I remember? What happened is the was a the wasp? Apparently it stings them in the head? the head? the head? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What is, I? What is, I was, I? What is? What is, I was, I was? What is, I was? Because? What is? What is? What is, I was? What is, I was? What is, I was? What is, I was? What is? What is, I? What is? What is? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Is? Is? What? Is? Is it? Is it? What is, the the apparently does this a lot and it stings him in the head. Right not this particular, there wasn't a little profile of this particular was. Yeah, yeah. It's just an incident that happens a lot between wasps and crickets. Right. So it's stung it in the head and what happens

is it's that whole thing that we've talked about before where it lays an egg. Right. So I was, I was sort of having a look, seeing if I could see any sort of holds in his head. And it just kept sort of moving its one leg, like oh I can't handle this. So it's moving its one leg. It was sort of just moving its one leg quite slowly. Like it's just coming out from operation. It's lost one leg Yeah it's lost one. Yeah, it's moving five legs slowly. No, it's just one big one. We've got one big leg. One big leg. One big leg at the back now. It's normally got two that it uses to jump. Oh I see. So okay. So it's now it's only got one.

It's sort of like, oh it looks grog. Is it in our grasshop? Oh it's probably a cricket yeah. So anyway. It's important. So you were worried that crickets aren't aware of the dangers of wasps? You did a bit of a leaflet in amongst the cricket in communities? I just had a look online and saw that oh it's a popular thing that happens. It's sort of like a bit of a mugging. He said you can leave them for about an hour they they normally come they their their their their their their their their their their their they're their they're their they're their they're their their their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their their. It's. It's. It's. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their their their their their tipe. It's too. It's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thethey've had an egg put in their head. But there's no way it said leave them for half an hour and they come around they don't have an their head but there's no way it said. But he said they normally stunned for about half hour. Have you had an egg put in your head?

Ha haught a fucking egg? So anyways. again. No wasks can see it there. Let's just leave it. But you've just left that cricket to now die in agony when that maggot goes round his head and comes out of wasp and leaves the car. Well this is when Suzanne came up and said it wasn't moving. I sorted it. I sorted the way. I sorted it. What did you want to say whatthe other? Well I said what do you mean you sorted it? She said oh I'm impressed I don't tell you. Well sorry sorry sorry sorry but it's she said she sorted it. Wait wait wait wait wait wait do you think that we're in the mafia and we're being wiretapped say what happened? No well she just said she

sorted it and I said what sorted what because I'd forgotten about it at that point I was painting. Right, what do you think she meant by sorting it? Well, by the look on her face the way she said it, I've known her for long enough, so I know that she meant it's not good news. Yeah, so what, so what what happened? So from that, I took for granted she means. Say it? that I've stopped it being, I've stopped it being, it's no longer in misery. So what do you mean? What? What did she do? She crushed his head. Because she said it was moving about. Well, specifically just the head.

She just crossed the head. With a stone. She got a tiny head-shaped stone. Squashed it. Because that's where all the action is, isn't it? So she said it was too cruel watching it, sort of shaking about with his one leg and stuff. You had to kill it. I imagine, I had this vision that one day, Suzanne just having to say to his parents. Um...

I've sorted it. I had to put out of his misery. I just couldn't bear to see the trenching anymore. I just didn't like to know, but I just took a rock. Yeah, and just scooshed its head, he their, he, he, he, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I'm, I'm just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, I'm just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just tha, just, just tha, just, just, just, I'm just, What was in it? There wasn't nothing in it. He just just caved in it. Was there an egg in it from a wash? It was like, you know, when you get a blown egg and then you'd crush it and it's just, there was nothing. Yeah, nothing in it at all. I just think he seems happier. I'm certainly happier. I'm certainly happier because I'm much happier because he's sort of, I'm more, I'm more, I'm more, I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much th. I'm much much th. I'm much th. I'm much thi. I'm much thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm they. I'm they. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the the the the the th. I'm the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. It's like, I'm thi. It's like, I'm t toooooooooo. It's th. It's like, thi. It's like, thi. It's like, I'm th. It's like, I'm happier because he's sort of, he's more sensible without the head. Yeah, we're still happy together but now we use the dishwasher instead of him washing it up. I mean when he got one of the cosmically. What metaphor are you taking from this?

Just the way... Yeah, so that's at the beginning there was going to be a point you were going to extrapol I thought it was doing right at the time. And that's important, isn't it? And is it objective or subjective? You know, one person's evil is another person's good. Some people think abortion is the worst thing you can do. Others think it's a woman's right, and it's a kindness. Some people think that you should never kill under any circumstances.

Other people say that some killing is morally thaaaa action be judged on its intent or its result? If someone said to you, oh, I thought I was doing a good thing, but you know, they opened the windows and your cat fell out. They thought they didn't even know you had a cat. Did they knock it though or did it just jump out? It just jumped out? Well I'd say some I fault. Your cat's dafted? No. It was hot in air. I've opened the window, right? I've opened the window. Yeah. Well I'm not getting the blame for that. No, that wasn you if you open the window right and they come home and you go oh my God the cats jumped out and killed itself you go oh my god I'm so sorry I opened the window because I went and let some marrying I was doing a good thing so did I know it jumped out no no I probably say you sure they didn't do that before I got here this morning did you have the window You instantly don't want to be culpable for your own actions. I mean, it is your fault.

It is your fault, the cat's death. Yeah, it's an accident, but nevertheless is still your rock fault. Oh, if it's definitely me, yeah, I'd say. Yeah, it jumped out. I opened up. I wouldn't worry that much about a cat. What if it was a baby? Well, it's a bit awkward, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, I suppose it is. Carl, I'd like to ask you, if I may, stop twiddling that. Now, this interesting, you were fiddling with a bit of plastic there, and it was annoying me.

And I know a lot of things annoy Ricky, very infuriating for him. Social etiquette. Now that's a very, that's not obviously inscribed by law. These are just things which have built up in society. So for instance, it's impolite to sneeze. So for instance, it's implea. go oh sorry I've got swine flu. Now those things are obviously good practice in terms of avoiding the spread of disease so that makes sense but other things are more... It's just good by just be disgusting if someone hasn't got a disease I don't like to see someone sneeze on the pavement or sniff or

scratch their ass. So social etiquette I mean how do you decide I mean what prevents you from being truthful and honest at all times? I don't know there's something in you and sometimes you can just pop it out can't you? I've been in a situation when I've said stuff and I've thought why did I say that? Go on. But it's not always in the dentist. Last I went to the dentist. Sat in the reception bit, big fat woman comes up the stairs, massive she was, had a right sweat on. She gets there and and their and their and their their their their their their th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's th. I was, th. I was, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th. Uh, th. Uh, th. Uh, th. Uh, th. I, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I've, th. I've, that, that, that, massive she was, had a right sweat on. She gets there and her breath, yeah she was again you know I mean she was friendly dead friendly but kind of like you know leggings on so you know shoes but not on properly she was

stood on the heel yeah like she couldn't be bothered yeah it's like greasy air and she went up and she's been all happy and everything. And I think that's what annoyed me. So when she sort of said, oh yeah, I've lost weight, she was talking to the woman behind the counter. And she sort of said, yeah, I find it really difficult, especially living where I live and having to come down this high street because there's so many cape shops and everything and she sort of said you know today I've walked past normally I always have a coffee and a donut but today you know I didn't have a coffee in a donut and I just said why was it shut?

I did honestly honest to God I'm my mom's life I said oh I said oh oh no why did you she wasn't even talking to you I know it's really really honest honest honest honest honest honest honest honest honest honest honest honest honest honest to to to to to the to to the to to to the to to the to to to to to the the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I was their their their their their the the the the the the they they. the they they they they they they they to to they they they I they I on, why did you buy? She wasn't even joking to you. I know it's really, really weird. Do you have to shout across the, then it's waiting room? No, no, it was just, it's a small waiting room. You see, you got the stairs, you go in, you got about four chairs, and then this old desk, and I get on with a woman behind the to, and I, th., tho, tho, tho, the, and I, tho, the, tho, the, tho, tho, the, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thee, thee, threa, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thr, thrown, thrown, thr-s, thrown, thrown, thr-s, threate, thr-s, threatha, threatha, threath. wtalking to her about going to Corfu or something, she comes in sweating like some bison at the stairs and she's there and because she was showing off and it was like, well you should have done it a long time ago. I think she annoyed me that she wanted some sort of pat on a big hefty fat back. That she hadn't bothered having a donut that day.

Now maybe it's the enemy that just came out because I remember saying it and actually getting on saying to Suzanne, I said this I didn't even think I don't know what you mean there sometimes you sometimes you want to go around with people and they're going oh I mean I mean you want to put them down you want to go straight back to that and do this that you know I know you've had a lot just inject them in the the absolutely pointless get rid of it yeah I know what you mean but talking about social etiquette I was in a flying to Edinburgh and I was with Matt my assistant and there was a bloke on a mobile phone across the way right he's going yeah yeah I'm just gonna get on the plane now and he kept

that loudly the people were and it was fuming. Then he stopped and made another call. And I was giving him dirty looks and Matt was going, no, sit down. And they was going, and they was going, Hiya, in the airport. And I show him. He's in the airport. He didn't notice. I was shouting over. I was fuming, a fuming, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I was, and I was, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thirty. th. thirty. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thirty. th. thirty. thirty, thirty,. But it was so fucking loud and I moved through to another place. But I wanted to get someone. I wanted to be policed. I want to go, right? There's a cunt over there, swigging beer, thinks he's a fucking Gordon gecko player and he's not. He's some cunt who's got his first mobile phone phone. But you know what I mean? That? That? That? That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. That is, th. That I th. That I th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their, I their, I their, I their, I the their their their the th the th the the thruu. the the th thr-a. thr-I thr-I thr-I. thr-I thr passive smoking to me. Yeah. It annoys me when you hear these awful middle-class parents talking to their kid loud enough to let everyone know what their kid knows. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. They bring up conversations because they're showing off about the kid. They're showing off about the kid. Toby, what's that you were saying earlier about Beethoven? Right. Toby, what's that you were saying earlier about you preferred Beethoven to... Right, okay, if that kid talks about Beethoven and Chopin, right, do you know what I mean though? It's like people showing off, thinking that the world is interesting and everything they fucking say, that thing about everyone's got access, which is fine, but it's those fat fucking morons on docusoaps that go

I speak as I fucking think you useless fucking blob of shit yes have an education research think discuss then offer your opinion and stop your kids chewing on a fucking big ball of fat your leg got someone specific in my mind that? Stop your kids chewing on a fucking big ball of fat. Your leg. Got someone specific in mind there? Oh. Oh. Well, that's about it.

I hope you enjoyed the Ricky Gervais Guide to Society. I think we've sorted everything out there, Steve. Yeah, not many questions left unanswered. No, that's a pretty in-depth analysis of what society is and, uh, how to improve it, to improve it, th, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, th, the, th, the, th, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to to to thi.. Ha. Ha. Ha!. Ha!. Ha!. Ha!. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha, th. I, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to many questions left unanswered. No that's a pretty in-depth analysis of what society is and and how to improve it I think in in many ways. Some of the big people are listening, Brown, Obama. And they go okay what's the problem not to say? Keep out of it unless it's an insect. So it's goodbye for me, Ricky Javais, Stephen Merchant. Goodbye. And from the little round-headed Simeon type thing, we call Carl Pilkington.

The next audiobook in this series is the Ricky Javeh guide to Law and Order, and that will be available from the 1st December. Easy date to remember. World AIDS Day. I knew it wouldn't take off like Christmas. Audible hopes you have enjoyed this program.