The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guide To... S2E3 "The Future" (December 29, 2009)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

It was announced on Gervais's blog that the first episode of the new series, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Society, was recorded on 6 September 2009; it was released on 3 November 2009. The second audiobook of the new series, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Law and Order, was released on 1 December 2009. A third audiobook, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Future, was released on 29 December 2009. A fourth audiobook, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Human Body was released on 26 January 2010. The fifth and final audiobook of the second season, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Earth was released on 23 February 2010.On 12 June 2010 The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The World Cup released. This was followed later that year by a podcast entitled "A day in the Life of Karl Pilkington" following a format more associated with the Ricky Gervais Show podcasts. The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Comic Relief was released as a free podcast on 6 March 2011 in aid of Red Nose Day (18 March 2011).

This is audible. The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created, created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. From the schoolboy dreaming of big adventures to the scientist envisioning groundbreaking discoveries, we all care to imagine what the future will bring. Many people have attempted to predict the future, others to mold and control it. But what do we really know of the future? How does the past inform it? And what educated guesses can we make about the shape of things to come? To discuss these questions and more, I'm joined by Stephen Merchant, award-winning writer and graduate of the University of Warwick. Hello. And Carl Pilkington.

Fucking Mong. All right. One prediction for the future, Carl, is from an academic study, what the world would be like in about 75 years from now. And a big prediction they're sort of sure of is that androgyny will rule. There'd be so little difference between men and women apart from the biology, economically, socially, it won't matter who the biggest bread winner is, that's already being phased out. If you're in a traditional heterosexual male, female couple, it'll be who stays home, who earns the most or whatever. It won't be governed by gender. And that's

getting less and less anyway as it is now. But soon you won't even need a female or a man in your life. You'll just need the egg or sperm. And you'll be able to have any coupling you want or not. Thoughts Carl? That isn't what I've heard. What were you either? I heard that. You got you, you read an academic study Rick, but let's find out what Carl's been reading. I heard we're, you know, we're all going to go ugly. Different point though, isn't it? That's a different point, not listening to a word Ricky said. No, it's just, it's just, if we all sort of go ugly, that will sort the population problem out. He gets an extra syllable in the word ugly. Ugly. Ugly. So that's, that's, sort

sort of, the population out, because people aren't sort of, that's, what do you mean? Sorry Rick, I don't understand what their.. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, th. that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, th. th. th. to th. th. It's, th. th. to th. to th. th. to to the. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. the. the. then that doesn't sort of, what do you mean? Sorry Rick, I don't understand what the hell he said there. Is there so many... Are you saying, because everyone's ugly, everyone won't want to have it away more with the ugly person? Yeah. Okay, I still don't, you seem to understand what he's talking about Rick. I'm still confused. What he thinks is that if we all, if we're all all all all all ugly are no they'll still sort of fancy, because at the end of day we're animals aren't we? Yeah, we'll still have it away but not as much as they like to do now because it's all based on looks. Sorry so but what's this got to do? What's this world like? Describe a typical town or country? It's exactly, right. Imagine London, the world's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their they they they their they they they they're their they're their they're their their their their their their their their their their their they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their. We're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their. their their their their. their. their their. their. their. their. their. the gurking you've still got the big wheel. That's it's just everyone's ugly. Right and they're and they're doing all the same jobs

are they? Everyone still yeah the world's got to carry on. What do they look like what's ugly? Just imagine like I'm never seen anyone when you've just gone look at that. Yeah right well like years, you'll go, oh, everyone's what we call ugly. But what's happened to society? What do they think of everyone? They won't suddenly go in our, and they're annoying. We've got, we've got uglier. Because it's not like a strict.

If I look back now, yeah. If I look back now at a school photo, and you You look at my class and you go, what was going on then? You can't tell the difference between some of the girls and the blokes. No, well that's not true because it is honestly. That's fashion and nutrition. And I see that. Yeah, when I see an old episode of Bullseye, I think Jesus, the men look like rakes with no teeth and a mustache and they're bald and they're bald. they're, and they're bald. And they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're bald. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're bald. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not. they're they're not. they're not. th. th. th. th. there. there. there. I. I. I're not. I'm too. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'd. I'm that's. I'm that'sthought 52? 52 goes I'm 22. What? Yeah but that's more because of the sort of people that used to go on bullseye. I mean you know poor Newman was never going to pop on bullseye. No exactly. You know because he was actually a plumber from you yeah and then think of the people that he grew up with where he I mean the the the class he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to he he he he he, you know, I don't think you're, the class of Pilky 1982 doesn't really count. When he said we've got better looking, I thought he was going to talk about cavemen.

Not his school photo. I mean, what happened? There's been no evolution in that time. What are you talking about, Carl? We've got better looking now, aren't we? I wonder if he's confused it with the paradigms of beauty have changed, haven't they? So in the 50s, Marilyn Monroe was considered, you know, a very desirable, whereas that body shape on women, more recently has become less, you know, lots of skinny women are seen as a paradigm of beauty.

But we will change. Yeah, we'll change this little things. I mentioned before about your little finger. There'll come a time when that'll go. I've said I've watched it. I've kept an eye on what my little thing is doing. Sometimes it does nothing. It never helps out. All the others are grabbing all the stuff. That one just sort of sits there watching. So you could get rid of that and I think that will that will that, that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that, that, that, that, that, that, that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that, that'll that, that'll that, that'll that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, thi. the. the. the. the. that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that'll that will go in evolution. Think of the books he could have read when he was doing that when he was monitoring his little finger. I've been watching my little finger. But again, it's what you mean, look 75 years is nothing. The only thing that changes in 75 years is trend, fashion, economics. The gene pool doesn't change unless there's been some sort of really weird mutation due to an external force. I don't know, for things of science fiction where we all accidentally drank plutonium

we've got three eyes and one leg. It doesn't happen that fast. I've told you before, if you shaved a caveman, he's basically us. He's basically us. We're basically us. Yeah. But, you know, the little finger will be, let me tell you thua, thu you, thu you, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho,, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, you know, the little finger will be, let me tell you, millions of years. I think what's more interesting about the future, Carl, is the

fact that technology integrated with humans will be fascinating. So for instance, they're talking about the fact that in the future we may even be able to have chips in our head that allow us to access the internet or an equivalent of it directly mentally. Not so much to say not not French fries. I'm gone though but at what point are we us then? They are this is good. Go on, go on. No because if I can go on the internet at any time then that's going to know more than me. What does that mean?

Okay. When I don't know an answer to something now, which is a lot of stuff. Really? Go on. Yeah. And the stuff, them, them kids on that, no. I just think, where have they stored that? Where's that gone and it's just sat there waiting to be used. For me, if something doesn't get used within a time period, that's it.

But again, again, okay, that's application and training and all that. I don't think, I think that's basically, you've got about the same hardware as those people. I haven't. I haven't. I haven't. Your brain capacity is not the same as theirs. It's not the same. Well, you might not be what's considered as academically intelligent as then, but again, an awful lot of it is, you know, nurture more than nature. Your brain's good. Your brain is up there. Don't worry about that.

Well, it isn't. But listen, so what I'm saying is, if I want to know the answer to something, I go on the internet. Now, if I've th if I've th if I've th I've th I've th th th I've th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thath thathe thathea' thathea' thathea' thathea thathea' thathea' thathea' thathea' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thia thath. thathea. thathea. chip in me head with Google on it, I'm never going to use my head. I'll just be forever on Google. I'm never going to use my head! Well, I'm not because what's the point? Because I'm going to get it wrong. The chances are I'll get it wrong. So divert that. It's like saying... No, no, you can't bypass the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. the brain. I' the brain. I' the brain. I'll the the the the the the their their their I'll. I'll th. I'll. I'll to to to to to to to to to to to. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll the the the the their. I'll. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll just. I'll the the the bypass the brain straight to Google. And so you're having a chat socially. It's not like they're going, all right, Carl, how are you? And you're not there. You're asleep and Google's talking. Oh, I think you'll find that they're there. No, only for questions though that I don't know.

But what I'm saying is because I don't know a lot connected to Google. So then I'm not me anymore. Well what are you doing? Where's you gone? I'm looking at Google. So it is you? No, but what Steve just said is we'll have a chip in our head that can access the internet? So why bother using the own knowledge? You're still the go-between? You're you, Carl, are the go-between, between, the internet and whatever your mouth says. You can't know the go-between, you Carl are the go-between between the internet and whatever your mouth says. You can't be the internet. You can't know everything. You're accessing the information like it was part of your brain capacity, but you're still processing and using that information. But hold on, where does Google get the information from in the first place? Someone on one of them bright people on University Challenge. Yeah, a human being.. But I'm going to get lazier. I don't watch the University Challenge and go, I want to be like them, I'm going to start reading books.

I've accepted, I'm never going to be like them. I can't play along. All I tend to do is, I say to Suzanne, right. So every question now, I'm going to have an amazing individual position night! What a lucky lady! What a Suzanne said that? Well she just sees it, she just plays along and then I'm saying, oh it might be this one or whatever.

I remember once it was about five years ago. Carl's whose was around near Christmas and me and Jane were there. We're playing different parlor games like charades and that and then one game you have to do a thing where you have to beat and you have to do animals and you have to go first one is A then B so you say Ardva next one goes Beaver next one goes cat it came to Carl he panicked and he went egg. And he was on egg. So you're a solo watching University Challenge. On a good night it's, you know, well-known juror Faviches, well-known for his

jeweling crusty war, egg. Hearty-dumpty is commonly pictured as a big egg. That's what I'm saying, you keep saying the same thing eventually, it's like a broken watch. Carpetent the head looks like hey. I've just got more chance to get any right. Sure. But also he told me when he plays University Challenge, he says he's given up ever trying to get an answer.

So now he tries to guess who's going to answer the question. Another great game. Suzanne's emptied on. How would you do with that? That's not... I'm normally alright on that. There's got to be something else. There's another, there's another evolution thing though.

When you watch brainy people on that, or wearing glasses, yeah. What does that tell you? We are reading too much. We're wearing the eyes out. And that, you can't argue with that because the evidence is there. Most people on University Challenge, which is a quiz show if people don't have that in the country. It's the brainiest quiz all time in it. To be honest I don't know why they don't go on, who wants to be a millionaire or something. Most. Because thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. th. their. th. their. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they's they's they' thi. they're they're they're they're they're they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.iest quiz all the time and it, to be honest, I don't know why they don't go on who wants to be a millionaire or something, because they'll get a better prize than the, what do they win on University Challenge? Because they'll be stitched up by a question of who's in Ollie Oaks, it will be the, yeah. But that's the snobbery. It'll be what characters that's Andy Lincoln play in this the thiiii. the thi. the thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they' they' they' they' they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll, what, what, what, what, what, what they'll, what they'll, what they'll, what they'll, what they'll they'll thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the theat's theat's the theat they'll they'll they'll be they'll they'll they'll that's the thing, isn't it, this snobbery on like braininess. The way that, if you're a specialist in, I don't know what something...

Well, no, don't help him, go on. Just, you've started a conversation, you're halfway through a sentence, you've got a point to it. You can't bear out now. Okay. Say if you're a specialist in Latin tattoos I don't know what that is I didn't know you wanted something so specific so

that's a tattoo you have on your arm with cogita or yourself underneath or is it is it a tattie so well it's the only reason Latin still alive in it right right right right ttooists. So, you go on Mastermind, and people will go, oh, he's clever, aren't he? You got 40 correct in 60 seconds. Now if you go on and say, any questions about Coronation Street between 19, 1992, people go, oh, it's a bit of a knob. Because there's a snobbery to education.

Yes, there is. But a question is still a question, isn't it? Well, to a certain degree, although yeah, that's fine, but there's no application to knowing who played Nina Sharples, whereas presumably there is something useful in, well not perhaps Latin tattoos because you know we know of us that is exactly what that is. But if you're a knowledge, you have knowledge of you know astrophysics obviously that's gonna be you know as Ricky says it's gonna take

more application to become an expert on that than watching Coronation Street twice a week. But it's still information that you've had to learn. You've not learned. You've have you. You've the other. You've the other. You've the other. You've the other. You've just. You've just. You've just. You've just. You've just. You've just. You've just. You've just. You've just. the other. the other. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's just that's just that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. the the the the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. they. the they. the th. th. the that's and it's just piped into your brain very directly and very easily and enjoyably. Let's say the people working on that microchip the one day you'll have in your brain, are they not doing something more interesting and valuable for society than the Coronation Street fellow? No, because Coronation Street is, that fellow he knows a lot about it. He's at least enjoying it. Oh, he's not, he's not, that, the brain, the brain, the brain, that, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. Let. Let's, th. Let, th. Let, th. Let, their. Let, their. Let, their. Let, their. Let, their, their, the their, their, the their, their, their, their, their. Let's, their. Let's, their. Let's, their. Let's not. Let's not. Let's not. their. their. Let's not. It's not. It's not. It's just just. It's just. It's just. It's not thoooooooooooooooom. Let's their. Let's not. their. their his time watching that one. I'm saying he's not enjoying it.

It's always enjoying it, but you know, a brain in a jar can be enjoying it if it doesn't know it's a brain in a jar. Right? So what are you asking me? But we were talking... Didn't see a difficult point for what we were saying. What I mean is... Okay, one more go. What do you mean? The chip in the brain 't part of filling your Edwish stuff, the journey of filling it with that stuff. What do you mean? Whereas if I just, if I'm, say if you had a baby, it cries a bit, they go, right, we've got, what do you want your baby to be interested

in and you say, I want it to be a plumber? You go right, when it's two we're going to stick a plumber chip in its head. Right. Yeah. It's not right, is it? No. I don't know why he chose plumber either. Well we're still plumbing. It's odd that they were chosen odd that they were chosen but they've got such yeah such kind of ambitions for their business. It's what his granddad did and he you know they want the sort of the thing to go through the business. They aren't a plumbing business. They want the baby to carry on the business. They want to where parents force the kids into riding horses and you see the kid without the parents about and you go do you like horses and they're going not really being forced to get an horse. You can't stand them? Yeah. And people would go that's wrong. The kid should have the freedom to decide if he wants to get an horse or not. That's

right. Well what about this chip in the head? But you've made this up. They're not putting chips in baby's heads. I thought you said they were. No, I don't say that. I think Steve's right and I don't know I haven't read it, but I imagine he's saying it's the next step in convenience with technology and an interface between a human and a research tool or fun, you know, computers went from being the size of a room to a thing you can wear on your watch. So the next step may be, maybe, maybe, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's thi, it's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, this this this this, I'm thi, I'm this this this this this thi, I'm thi, I'm thi, I's, I's, I's, I thi, I thi, I thi, I I thi, I I I I I thi, I thi, I I I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thin, I's, I's, I's, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm the thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm the thin, I'm their, I'm thin, I'm the size of a room to a thing you can wear on your watch. So the next step maybe, oh you won't forget your palm top, you won't forget your iPod, you won't forget your laptop, it's in there. It's an interface. I know it makes us lazy. But you straight away thought that now that it went to some sort of weird laboratory where it's all white and there's just a doctor and everyone's in a silver suit right and they go they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their is their is just their is just their is just their is just their is just their is just their is their is their is is is just their is is is is is just their is is is just their is is is is just their is just their is is just their is just their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their. their. their. their. their. their. It is just. It's. It's. It's. It's their. It's just. It's just. I. I's just. I's just. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. It's. I'm. I'm. It's. I'm. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's just a doctor and everyone's in a silver suit, right? And they go, we're removing your, you're the self. We're removing the self and putting in chip. You are now computer boy. Yeah, it's not what Cornynation Street. Well, you won't in a few seconds, but too. I hate

coronation street me. Carl, it's not a question of, it's not that Google is now Carl. It looks like, it looks like Carl, but it's just spanning, you know, little pop-ups about offers you can buy and all the chief holidays here and there. He's not the man I'm married. Right, look at it like this. Jesus. Look, I see it all the time now. You go, where you going to, uh, Dorset? I'm going to Dorset. All right, what road are you taking? I don't know, I'll just pop on the sat-nav. Now, that's a start, isn't it? Okay, let's act about

out with me, okay? I'm going away for right, yeah, well, which way you're going? Um, don't know, why, why do you want to know? Oh, just making a, just making a friendly chat? Just, you know, I'm interested in geography. Which way you're going? Well, I don't... Well, yeah, I'm on a computer with the AZ. What's the difference between looking at an 80Z and...

It's been lazy, though. Not really, no. No, no. Why is it any different that I've got it, computer eyes so I can go along? The answer it's a... thii's a th. I's a th. I's a th. It's a thatter's a thatter's a thatter. It's a thattatatatatatau. It's a thattau. It's a thattha. It's a their. It's a that. It's a their their their their their it's a that. I'm a their their their their their their their their their their their. I's a their. I's a their. I'm a their. It's a their. It's a their. It's a their. It's a their. It's a their. It's a th. It's a th. It's a that. It's a thatta. It's a thatta. It's a thatta. It's a ta. It's a ta. It's a ta.a.a.a.a. I'ma. I'm a ta. I'm a ta. I'm a ta. I'm a tha. It's a tha. It when you're driving along. Clay, who are you talking to? Because we need to hit the road, we need to get going. What is this, uh, this fucking idiot who wants to know what road I'm taking? Which is a fucking boring thing to ask. Who, sorry, who is this fucking dickhead?

Who is he's a fucking dick? Who's he's a satnav? Yes! He didn't put in America and it would have taken into America. He wouldn't. He only found it because he got lost. Now if everybody just goes... Hold on. How would he an undiscovered country be on a satnav?

No. Go on. And I've been instantly gone from finding a continent to a little cafe. I love that. I am off to discover the unknown world. Where are you going? Well, I don't know. Oh, lazy swim, you can't. I love the fact that he's so laudite now, he's annoyed at the satnav.

I mean you'd have probably given Columbus hard time, oh got a compass, don't you know where north is you're twat. I just think there's something in being lost. I never feel lost. I just think, oh, I've had a diversion. Because you find new things, I'm forever going down. Suzanne's asking the French peasant where the... Just think, you know, Columbus. What's the interesting thing you found when lost? Like I say, they normally, I found a shop that was like a fancy dress shop.

Amazing. Do you need fancy dress? Do you need a fancy dress? You never go. Why do you need a fancy fancy fancy fancy fancy sounds like the one thing you would hate is fancy dress. No, but I like looking at the, uh, they have like a space helmet in there. Right, so you found a fancy dress shop. Where are you supposed to be going? That's the time, where are lost a lot I always give myself a lot. I always give myself a lot.

Get a shirt, no, yeah. No, I'm just saying that's that's how you find little treats along the way and you, next time you pass it or next time someone says, do you know where the fancy dress shop is? You can go yeah, I have no idea. No, I'm not going to tell you, lazy cunt, haven't you got a nazed head? Oh that's harsh. Yeah, find it yourself, you need to try it. Well I might get lost. Good. You might find another one. I'm just, it just goes back to the chip thing in the head.

I think you've got to learn along the way. We can't get lazy, we can't have chips in the head, and knowing, and knowing, and knowing, and knowing, and knowing, and to, and thap, and to, and thap, and thip, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I's, and I's, and I's, to make a mistake, I've done some wiring, got a little shock. What happened again? It will. I've seen that experiment with you before. So... What have you learned? You keep going on about all this learning. Yes, what have you learned?

Okay, sum up mankind's foray into the future. I want this. This will be the introduction to a book about the future. I want this. This will be the introduction to a book about the future. It will then be read in a hundred years time and go, Carpilton was the most prophetic genius that's ever walked the earth. These are his words from 2010. Just some predictions that you think. Just sum it up. Just to sum it up. I believe, start off with I, Carpulton believe that you think. Just sum it up. Just sum it up.

I call it. I call it. Just sum it. Just sum it. Just sum it up. Just sum it up. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. And then a little thing to remember. And remember you this. So I carpilketton predict that in the future mankind will. Start for that, start for that sentence. I've given you that one. All right, I'm Carl and the future. It's already gone off road. It's a scary place. But the future's gonna happen. Mm. Right. There's no getting away from that. Yep. Yep. Mm.

Okay, your predictions are. Well, we're all, uh... It's not a sound bite. Keep going down. Game Space. This is the end in a book. I've got to think about, I don't want to get it wrong. Okay, think first, think of a second and then say it, okay, starting from now, these words of wisdom will be inscribed on a wall

of a museum one day. Proceed. Wall of a laboratory wallet. I think trousers are going to be stopped being made. Just because you see kids now, they've got pants on their ankles. They're going further and further down. So I think that, I think they're, that they've got pants around their ankles, they're going further and further down. So I think that's evolution, just getting rid of the trouser. It's just dropping naturally. That's the evolution of the traiser because it's dropping.

You see now, you can see kids under pants, so they're just dropping. Yeah. I think they'll get to a point when they just don't bother wearing wearingthem anymore. Right. Prediction one! That's an amazing one! They'll stop making treasures in the future, okay? Uh, we're going to get weaker. We're, with that's already, that's already happened. Uh, they used to say, you know, an apple the day keeps a doctor away. Now they say and eat five fruits. Right. So we've definitely, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. They'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the their. I. I'll their. They'll their. They keeps the doctor away. Now they say and eat five fruits. Right. So we've definitely, that's evidence. You can't argue with that. I'll probably put that first because the girl is right. What's number two? So to swap that round. Give them

the pants second. Yep. I'm gonna die. I used to say, I'm gonna die. They used to say. I used to say put all your trials the the the the the the the the the the the the the ths the thins thins ths ths th half the day, keep the dogs away, I used to say, they used to say, put all your trousers up, they say, put them down, there you can. Under the hands of that fucking trouble. Number three. Oh, the scholars are now waiting with bited breath when they find this old scroll and they go, Ooh, what can number three be? Uh, I reckon we'll blend all our food. I reckon we'll blend all our food. I'm going to eat.

I haven't thought that man. You look at the micro point about rice. I never thought it would be, we'll blend all our food. Ah! Like it like they do for babies, you mean? Yeah, I just think, when you think about all the stuff we eat now, cave men, chewing on big lumps of meat, we add wisdom teeth.

Now they say we took them out, you're not using them. Why not use them? Because your food's soft. Yeah. Sorby, soups. Yeah. You know, everything's soft. You know, everything's soft. get an avocado they say is it soft everyone's squeezing the food before they buy it yeah no one wants anything tough yeah so I think I think chewing is a sort of

thing of the past we haven't got the time to chew everyone's like hurry up you'll have to go out for dinner with Ricky he's like hurry up I'm still eating well he does blend his food I think okay so blending food, great. I reckon, what else do we do now? So I've done teeth. I've done the trousers. I've come up with this idea. He's sort of like glasses, but you can live wherever you want to live.

What do you mean? Everything that's real, you're not looking at that anymore. This is really the future. I'd put this at number 10. This is like... We're only doing five, fuck me. So what you mean is that you look through the glasses and instead of seeing what the real world you see a tropical paradise. So if you're a young kid and you like the idea of living in the urban ghetto with all graffiti on the walls and that, you can see that. Yeah, but hold on, are you walking around because you'll be bumping into stuff, won't you?

No, why not? What you mean is that the stuff that's there in the real world is being digitally reimagined in your glasses so what was a nice country lane? It's a really weird that? Yeah. So. So. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, that, th, that that that th. Yeah, that that th. Yeah, that that that that that that that that that that that thi, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho tho thooooooo, thoooooo, tha, thooooo-y that's that that that Absolutely. Absolutely. It's really weird. That one. It's really weird. Yeah. It could be done. It could be easily done. Okay. Okay. Last one, that's number four. I've blown a bollows. So what's number five? There'll be more letters in the alphabet. Why? Why? Because we're running out of words now,'t we? No, we're not running out of words. No, we're not running out. We are. We are definitely running out of words. It's using the letters

we've already got and making new words. Yeah, we're making, yeah. No, but we haven't got enough now. Of course we have. Have you any idea, you could have a word with nine L's before you run out? Yeah and they do in Wales and what have you. That's because their alphabet is shorter than ours. They've only got something like 24 letters over there. Right. But they're going mental with the L. Now what we do is we've got 26 letters but we are now struggling. We're not. We're not. We're not. Boswallocks in shampoo. Now there's a word where they've got what we've invented something eh. We've got something we've put in in shampoo. Boswallok.

You just made that? No, it's not. They go, new. New. New, with Boswalots and Ceramide art. Yeah, but that's a new word. But it's a terrible word. they're not real. Yeah. But that. But that. But that. But that. But that. But that. But that. But that. But that. But that's that. that. that's that. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they've got. We've got. We've got. We've got. We've they've they've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've got. We've got. We've got. they're th. they're th. they're got something. they've got something. they've got something. they've got something. they've got something. they've got. they've got something. they've got. they've got. they've got. they've got.? Boswollocks. Yeah, it's another word. Is that real? Yeah, I haven't that's real words. Now this is what I'm saying. So years ago when they came up with all the sensible ingredients, sodium.

That sounds, that sounds all right. He likes sodium. He does like a, and something in it, like an ingredient. Well yeah, but that's because you're used to it. Is this a load of Boswax? Are you winding near the two of you? No, it's real. And that's because 26 letters, we've wasted them.

Years ago, we went mental with the, you know, pneumonia sticking a pee on it. And there's loads of words where can't do that they've gone whoa pull that back why is that letter there? Now you've got stuff like abbreviations and stuff. Yeah it's not waste letters. Let's just control it a little bit. Things cars are called things like you know GTI or something because they're going well I can't think of the word to call this so they're giving them letters. Think of a word now thi wo-t th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to thi thi thi. togea-a-a-I try try try tha-a tho-a-a-a-a-a-a'-I's th-I thi-n of a word now. Think of a word that hasn't been made up. What do you mean?

Tell me a word that hasn't. All words have been made up. No, one that hasn't. That could be used. Say if I invent something now to put in shampoo, what can I call it? Quick. Cramburyly? No, it's too close to that. No, we can't get that past that past that past past past past past past past past past that past past past past past past past that past past that past that past past past that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that like Ricky, two goes and you accepted his second one. Well, I think we've, I think we've sorted out the future. Wow.

Since obviously the days of Nostradamus, there's been many people who've tried to foresee the future. Carl, I'm not sure if you're familiar, but there's endless predictions. Apparently there are other planets that may collide with ours. You know, there's some scientific basis on this. And obviously, I don't know if you've been seen the posters for that recent film, 2012. Well, that's based on this notion of some kind of Mayan calendar which supposedly predicts the end of the world is being 2012. But if you knew with certainty that today was the end of the world, how would you spend that final day? I mean, this seems weird to me, but I think

I would like to experience a lot of the extremes of existence. So for instance, I've always wanted to smash up a bar. Do you know what I mean? It's strange, strange, but I've always wanted the exieration of just smashing all those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those b b b b bos. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the their, I'm, I'm, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, the the the the the their, their, their, their, th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their, their, their, their, their, their, the exhilaration of just smashing all those bottles like you see in a film but would you enjoy it as much knowing that you're going to die in eight hours? I don't know I suppose it's the sense of abandon you know I mean maybe I'd murder a person you know I just say you know I don't know but I think I'd probably go mental because that's why I've always been a very reserved person you know I've always I've never got into a five never caused a to a to a number a number a number a number a number a to a to a to a to a to to to to to to to the to the the to the to the to the the to the to to to the the to to the the to their I'm their I'm their I'm to their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I'm their I their I their I their I their one their one their one their one their one their one their their their their try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. their their their their world for it to be the end of your world because a lot of people know that they're terminally ill so they don't go around smashing up bars and killing people. But I suppose I know there'll be no repercussions ultimately because they're going to die and not everyone's gone so there's not going to be mourning families but

but then how dare you deprive that person of his last eight th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they're they're they're they're they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the th's the last day on earth. Well that's true, I know the moral guilt that I'll feel is over in a few hours. Morality isn't relative just to repercussion is it? Because no but the point is you do things without repercussion but often people say you know what would you do it if you never got caught or would you do it if there is repercussions for that person as grave as they might be. Just because you feel that it's no big deal either way, that they're only going to live another eight hours, they might feel differently. And you're saying, well you won't care because you won't be around.

But then why do people care about their loved ones when they won't be around? Why do people get a will ready? Because my point is that they know that those people will continue to live for an in determinate amount of time. So you do care about the other person's feelings? Of course I do. No, of course I do. But my point is knowing that everyone is going to be wiped off the face of the earth the following day, all of those repercussions are no longer quite the same. I'd find it hard to divorce myself from my morality that's ingrained just because it doesn't matter anymore. Yeah but I mean I honestly to me it seems that we're approaching just the end the end of all things and so I'm saying that there's something about the fact that we're all going to end that somehow seems very liberating. What would you do? I've always wanted to kick a duck up the heart.

Now, obviously the future is relative. As talking now, the future is one thing, the past is another, but to someone in the past, we are in the future. So, Carl, if you could go back into any era, okay, you are what you are now, you are you as you sit there now, your age, with all your memories and all your input and all your advantages on ages gone by, and all your advantages over people gone by, where would you go, what would you do? Don't worry about ramifications, like if you squash a butterfly you come back here and we're all speaking a different language and...

Yeah, but I don't, I don't believe all that. Of course you should. They should have picked something better than a butterfly. The thing about if you kill a butterfly there's a volcano somewhere. Right? Yeah. Okay what did that noise mean? Yeah. It's just passing a book in it's the blame in a butterfly that they only live about a day so you blame it just it's just passing the book, isn't it? It's kind of like blaming a butterfly that They only live about a day. You blame it and it's dead anyway, and there's no evidence left It's a stupid argument. Is that the theory? Is that Yeah, it's blaming a butterfly for a volcano. No, I'm not sure that's it is it? Yeah It's about its wings. When a butterfly wafts, if you stop the wafts, if you, if th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, the, the, the, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is, is, is, is, is the, is the, is, is they they they they they they the, is, is, is, is, is they their, is their, is their, is their, is their, is they the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is they. It's, is they. It's, is they. It's, is they's they's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they. It's they's they. It's they's they's they's they's they's their the waffery, then the whole world has changed because there was no waft on a certain day, okay? But that means that everything's part of the causal web. It's a model for determinism. So things do, yeah, of course things have an effect on everything else.

Yeah, but I'm just saying that's a bad example, the butterfly doing its wings. Well no. No. That butterfly might have flown into a car window and frightened someone and they crashed. You use a wasp. Why is that for a foot? Because you do panic. I've been in a car when there's a wasknocking about. It's terrifying. Yeah, I can see how that could cause a disaster. But a butterfly, you just go open the other window. I look about you wanting him over to that theory now, just by substituting a butterfly applause.

When you think back to perhaps when you were teenager or even before when you were growing up, you had visions I suppose of your own personal future and how that would play out how you could change the way you lived your life in order to affect the future. I mean, I'm very lucky in some regards, in that one of my ambitions was always to be involved with comedy. And I was very very excited about that and I was lucky that I've managed to achieve that. A lot of people don't even know what they want from their future. Well the other thing is that when you dream you you you you you you you you you you you you when you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream you dream the the the the the th. When you dream the the the the thr-d thi thr-a the. the. th. the. the. thi. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th to to th to th th to to th to thi thi thi. I thi. I thi thi thr-I thr-I thr-I thr-I thr-I'm very thr-I'm very thr-i. I'm very thr-I thr-i. I'm very thr-I thir thir thi. I't change the future. You don't change the buildings and you just think of yourself sort of richer having a happier life. You know what I mean? So well...

And also I was always slightly more handsome in the future. I kept imagining I would grow a little more handsome. People kept, so my grandmother kept telling me, you know, you'll fill out when you fill out a bit. She was obsessed with me filling out. This is why she I mean, you know, you'll fill out when you fill out a bit. She was obsessed with me filling out. This is why she would feed me endlessly. The idea that somehow if I was less gangly. Yeah, it worked with me though. Yeah, you just, you really feel that.

I feel that. Yeah. It's funny because I still forget what I look now. In my head, I still look like I to look. I catch a little glimpse of myself in the shop window and go, who's that foul? Oh, no. You know what I mean? I'm so much better. But you did have a lot, you've journeyed a long way. I mean you're good looking lad and you are, I mean it's preposterous. I mean everyone I work with or meet who's seen a picture of you as a teenager who's

seen a picture, you know. When I put on a tuxedo that's the best I'm ever going to look and I don't look like James Bond. Whereas you at least had a moment where you looked around, I mean this, honestly, it's Jane I feel sorry for. Because she did not sign up for this. We've all, we've all changed. No, I mean we've all changed. We've all changed. Car used to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have their. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've all. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. the. the. the. I. I. We've all. I've all. I've all. I've all changed. I've all changed. I've all changed. I've all changed. I've all changed. I've all changed. We've all changed. We've all changed. We've all changed. We've I mean we've all changed we've all we all changed Carl used to have air. Yeah but yeah by your own admission I had it for long you didn't have it for long did you you strike up? It wasn't it wasn't didn't want to hang around my air it was never told you it didn't feel needed so it went I never did anything with it. It was air of a china. It was air of a china. It was the air of china. It the air of a china. It the air of a china. It the air of a china. It the air of a china. It was a china. It was a china. It was a china. It was a china. It was a china. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was air. It was. It was. It was. It was a the air. It was. It was. It was a the air. It was. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. So what do you mean? He said, this is just too, that's all limsy. Limpsey! Sorry, was that that limp off limsy I reckon? Well no,

that limsy is a Chinaman that gave his name to the limp hair of the Chinese place. So you think your hair bailed on you because it was not getting treated well enough? I think that's true I think that's how it works. But yeah I know what you mean you sort of I sort of think about if I've changed and that but I don't think I have that much. Still have the same sort of thoughts. Um, I like olives now. Which I didn't like probably three years ago. Right. But you can if you eat four in a row you get a taste for them and I thought go on then I have five. I thought yeah they're all right these. So that's different but other than that I mean he's... So what were your dreams and ambitions when you were young? You know how many? It was kind of... Five years old? What do you want to be? What was their thooes to be what the the their their their to to th their tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho. tho. tho. What tho. What they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their that. that. that. that. that. that. that. thou? that that that that thou? that they're all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all they're they're they'rethoughts of the future? I didn't worry. At five years old you're not worrying about work and that. Ten. What's your hopes and fears of all these years I met in thee tonight?

I wasn't worrying about work till about, it's about 13, 14. I was thinking right, you know, people who were knew had left school, they weren't getting work. I was thinking, oh oh I don't want to be like that. That's when I did boxing, you know, I could have gone down that route. Got into boxing, didn't they? How about three or four? How only does it, when does Brian can't damage kicking? I guess it can happen almost instantly. I mean, that must be, must be a part of it. Were you, were you really, did you really get a bad beating

on one of those fights? Yeah, Leroy gave a really good clacker in. Yeah, the thing is your jab was a bit limsy but Leroy's was clackering. Uh, then there was the dancing. I don't remember this way, what break dancing? Well I did that, I did a bit of body popping. Did you ever really think that you might do this in the future? You never know, do you? But did you, at the times you remember thinking, oh, I must have, must have thought that for me to give it a go, give it a go with the boxing, you know, my dad was saying, I'll get you the proper shoes and that. My mom's like, don't bother getting in them yet. Let's see if he sticks for like four months because they were about 30 quid for shoes.

Then with the dance and it was the same thing. I said, oh I need some leg warms and that and uh... These tights are just as good come on. No, my dad gave me, um, like his, he cut like the sleeves off his shirt. Amazing. And that were your leg warmers? Yeah. Amazing. But it's funny when you're a kid it doesn't bother you.

No, I don't know why. I know it looked down after I had cuffs on leg warms. That's amazing! But when you're a kid, you roll them up. It must have looked Lawrence and Winner and Bowen doing a handstand. But then, you know, that didn't last long and then my dad, you know, I was getting older now and he's like... Dad needed his shirt back for a wedding.

Yeah, as long he didn't take his jacket off it was fine. Yeah! Dad I'm losing me out I need a hat. I don't need a bloody hat. Pop my pants on thead. But then you've got to make sure you try and get a job and school was sort of saying. So 15 now. Hang on. Why do you stop going to go down twigies? Well it was shut down. It had a load of toilet rolls in there. It's been turned into like a storage unit. I've never really had a, I'd like a dream, I've just bumbleed along. Because like I've said, it's that thing of, sort of, um... limbsey. It's like call my fucking blah. There's no point sort of wishing for too much because if you don't get it you'll be fed up so it's better just to sort of go well let's see what's around the corner this is what I've said to you about a sat nav system right it's the same thing yeah sure after sat nav type in where you want to go and it'll take you straight there but what I say is use the back streets have a look a look turn off don't go to the the little dead ends. Have a look. Where you might get mugged. Don't go down the dead ends. Why not? You got a reverse place? What's anything there? Dead end? No, but

have a look. Well there's nothing there, it's dead end. What's the road doing there then? What's the dead end? What's the dead end? There's a dead end? There's a dead end? There's There's nothing. There's just a torown. It's just, it. It's just, it. It's just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's. It's nothing. It's, it's nothing. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's just. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, no. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a there, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know it's a dead end. Don't tell people to go on the dead end, they've got to reverse out. Difficult. Well I'd say just have a look, you see that's a difference between me and you. I'd have a look down the dead end. It's dead end. It's nothing, no, it's nothing. Nothing at all. Yeah, no, nothing. Yeah, no'll have a look. Oh look at this I found. What have you found? Box of money that you didn't know about. All I'm saying is it could be there's still got the brain of a 10 year old. Hasn't he still got the brain of a 10 year old? I'm just, set your stall out. Right. So where's the store, where's the store? Where you're saying to you? What are you're saying? the the the the the the the the the the the the they? they? they. they. th. th. thing. th. th. thing. thing. thing. thing. thin? that that you're saying. that that. that. that's thin? that you're saying. that you're saying. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's that. that's that. that. that. that's that. that. that's that's that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that you're saying. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. that's the. the. that's that's that's that's that's that a stall out? Well, this is what I'm saying to you. What do you selling first? I'm selling a mixture of stuff What like what also what have you bought with a bag of money you found in the dead end? Leg warmers so you got you got you got new leg warmers with them? Do you want to gotowards? Do you want do you got cufflings with them? What do you want do want do want do want go? Do you want go? Do you want go? Do you want go? Do you want go? Do you want go? Do you want go? Do their? Do their? Do their? Do their? Do you want go? Do you want go? Do you want go? Do you want go? Do their? Do their? Do their? Do their woglinks? Do their? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? What? Do? Do? Do? Do? What? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? What? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? What I think you can't? So you're selling, what are you selling?

So you set your stall out. Yeah, right. Now, isn't it dangerous to sell all the same product in that shop? Right. I don't want to talk about it. It's a metaphor. What you're selling first? Bang. What you're saying to you? This is what I'm saying to you though. I just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's just, it's just, it's just, what, what are, it's just, what are, what are, what are, what are, what are, what are, what are, it, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is th. It is th. It is, is th. It is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, thi, thi, what are thi, what are you thi, what are thi, what are the thing, what are the the thi, what are thi, what are thi, what are thi, what are th first, bang, two, three, four. No, but this is what I'm saying to you, this is what I'm saying to you though. I just said to you, yeah, you don't know what you wanted to do, you haven't told me. Right. I'm saying... Do you tell me what I want to do when I wanted to be, when I wanted to be like a scientist 15 a vet kicked in but at some point you just in all of that to try and pursue a pop career 20 I want to be a pop star 25 I thought I better get a job

Well, 30 I did me saying saying just have a look around in the same way that if you go into a shop. Yeah, yeah, it was yeah, yeah, in the same way that if you go into a shop? Yeah, thrown. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. try. try. try. try. try. try. try try try to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the same way that if you go into a shop. It was a metaphor wasn't it? Yeah. It was, yeah. And in the same way that if you go into a shop, you're thinking I'm getting a quarter of bomboms. Right, a bombbs. Bumbbs. But by the time you get to the counter, you're clackered. And you get some licorice all sorts. to thiiioom. to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thuu. tho. thoomomomo. tho. tho. their. thoomoomorrow. thoomorrow. the same. thoomorrow. thoomorrow. thoome. the same. the same. the same. the same. thoomb, the same. It the same. It the same. the same. the same. the same. th. th. th. th. th. And th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, the same. And, thin. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, the same. And, the same. And, the same. And, the same. And, the same. And't it? I just mean you're going to be let down, you're going to be very disappointed with life if you know. What? If what? If what? If what? If what?

If you're aiming for, yeah, it doesn't happen? If it does happen? But what if it does happen? I'd like to take issue with this, because, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, they, they, they, they, they, they, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tho, tho, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, to, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be to be to be to be tha, tha, tha, tha, thi............. If tha, tha, thi. If tha, tha, tha. If, tha. If, tha. If, tha. If, tha. If, tha. If, tha. If, tha. If, tha. If, tha. If, tha. If, tha. If, take issue with this because there's a lot young people who listen to our podcasts, and if they listen to you this tripe that if you'd try for something in life it won't happen so don't bother, it's a bloody disgrace. Imagine if Leona Lewis had thought that when she went on the bloody X-Factor. She wouldn't have got a blucker. Well, all that's not have the, to be, the, to be, thau, the, th, th, th fulfilled the main ambition which was to sing that's why she went on the show she didn't go there because she thought I might want to work down a

branch of waterstone you think she went in there and said quarter bomb since the way and this is an ex factor which went oh go on the ex factor what I'm saying what yeah! But the point is I'm not saying you all have to go on the X Factor if you're a hopeless idiot. I'm saying if you've got a little bit of talent and you pursue it, it might take you somewhere. If you want to be a vet or a doctor or pop star, you might have a chance. You may as I'll just sit around in the under pants. They're they. T, oh, oh, oh, oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'll th th th th th th tho, I'll tho, I'll tho, I'll tho, I'll tho, I'll that, I'll tho, I'll tho, I'll tho, I'll tho, I'll th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th th, I're a th, I're a th, I're a th, I' th, if you're a th, if you're a th, if you th, if you th. I th. I th. I' th th th that, if you're that, I' that, I'm that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that,ray factor where you can actually, you know, become a top radiologist. But I've said this for an idea. I think they should do that. Because how many singers do we need in the world? You see that's the thing, we're talking about the future. I think we're not going to talk anymore. I think we're all, it's going to be like living in an opera. The way things are things are things to sing. Whereas if you did a TV program

to try and get a doctor, you know, it's all about getting in young kids, do live surgery. You know, there's big cues anyway, people are queuing up to have operations done. So you say, look, Ilder, you have got a problem with your left bunion. You can either wait for your proper doctor and hospital, but it's going to be a two-year waiting list. Or are you free Saturday night live? Because we got two 17-year-olds who are going to do it. Hilda! She comes out. They... He's a little voice! I've never didn't do a little voice before! So I'm a wait! Okay, so this is, okay, what is this? This is a talent show where people can have a go of being a doctor but this is like something for the Middle Ages but they need but they need volunteers who would rather have an apprentice if someone have a

go there's not even an apprentice is someone with no training at yeah they learn how to do major operations in a week but no not major ones that's for the final you do a heart of a transplant for the final so they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their the their the th the the the the the the they they they're they the they they they they they they they they they they they they they. A heart transplant for the final. That's amazing. So it's Hilda and Hilda's not the person, she's not operating, she's just a person who needs a bunion remove. She's the foot problem, yeah. So she comes in, they have a quick chat with her.

How's your life been, a bit of co-play under her. She's going, oh, oh, it's terrible. And then... And you think this is a good... You don't see any problems with this so far. You've not identified any concerns yet. If it means you get younger people into other jobs other than singing. I agree with you, I think it's crazy that everyone now just wants to be a famous, a singer or something, and we don't need them, they're just contriving it. All they're doing is knocking the last one off the number number, the number, the a factory. But I'm not talking about everyone should try and be a singer, am I? What I'm saying is, sometimes you're allowed to pursue your dreams and they might be, you may fulfill those dreams.

There's nothing wrong with that. It may be that you want to operate on a woman called on or bunio. Purs that that. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. to. to. to. to. to. to. to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. to to th. What I thi. What I'm th. What I'm th. What I'm th. What I'm th. What I'm th. What I th. What I th. What I th. What I I I I I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I. What I I I. What I I I. What I I I I. What I th. What I th. What I'm th. What I'm th. What I'm th. thi. thi. thi. tha. tha. tha. I'm tha. tha. I'm tha. I'm tha. I'm tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. What I'm tha. try and do that either. What's he saying is. Leona was an example. I'm not saying everyone should try and be like Leona. Listen, listen to his point Stephen because it's got a very good point coming up now. This is it. Okay. He hasn't said a normal word yet but he's going to say some now and they're all going to be profound. People's dreams, um, out their own dreams. Oh, hold on. What do you mean? that. Keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going. No, no, no, no, he'll explain. Don't you don't need to ask any questions. He'll explain. Because they think they know what they want because they see it on the tele. They see, you know, someone singing a song and they go, I. They're watching that. They see an ilder happy with a better foot.

The doctor's getting all the praise to go, I want a bit of that action. That's where it's about. They don't want to be singers. They want to be known, they want to be famous. Yeah. So, fine, have a bit of fame, but do some good, fix their foot. So it was like the end of the point. that. So. So. So. So, so. So, so. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, th. So, th. So, th. th. th. the th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I. their, I's. their, I's, I'm. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, I'm their, I's. their, I was like the end of the point. Yeah, because all we've done, we've changed the dreams. Dreams are... Well, you leave it on a good point there, because what is astounding is that when you, you know, people are inundated with praise for people who are just clothed horses, they are just skinny nobodies who don't do anything except have their picture taken and their role models for, you know, I'm not talking about, you know, anyone in particular, but it's just these people who,

you know, want to be seen with other celebrities and marry celebrities and be a celebrity. People think that's an easy life because they're getting rewarded for it. And yet someone who's stuck in a laboratory trying to come up with a cure for AIDS, they don't know or to to to to to to to to to to to care or care or care or care or care their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I thi. I'm not thi. I'm not. I'm not thi. I'm not their. I'm not their. I their. I'm not. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I I their. I I their. I I I their. I their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm not. I'm their. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. And, te. And, te. And, te. And, te. I'm te. And, te. I'm te. I'm who's stuck in a laboratory trying to come up with a cure for AIDS they don't know or care about them and okay can I just point out though that if we're gonna have a go at people being successful making money and being well known for doing nothing of any value I point you to the man's opposite me here and that's hey I tell you this times when I you know lie awake at night thinking what was my to to to be to to to to to to to the to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their I their I their their I'm the. the. I'm they're they're they're they're they're to be they they they they they're they're they're they're their their they're their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their they're they're their they're their their they're their I their I their I their I'm their their their the thi thi thi told told te te n. I'm try. I'm not try. I'm not not try try. I'm told told told to told to they're they're they're they hey, I tell you, there's times when I, you know, lie awake at night, thinking what was my dreams. Yeah, but I'd have to be a little doctor. But I've got a new boy, yeah, hold on, and two outs.

I'd love to, I'd love to be a little doctor. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's up with you? I've got terrible piles? Um, it's just some, there's some sort of blockage up there. I haven't gone to the, uh, excuse me, I'm going to the toilet for a week. Well, Carl, can you unblock Hilda's ass? Now live, unblocking Hilda's ass? Carl Pilkington. C-Ci-Ti-Tin! C-Tin! C-Tin! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! C! Hilder! Hilder! Hilder! Hilder! Hilder! Hilder! Hilder! What, Hilder! Hilder! Hilder! What, Hilder! What, Hilder, Hilder, Hilder, Hilder, Hilder, Hilder, Hilder, Hilder, Hilder, Hilder! Hilder! Hilder! Hilder! Hild! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! H! Hi! Hilder! Hilder! Hilder! Hillll-in! Hill-in! th! th! th! th! th! th! th! th! th! th! th! thi! thi! thi! thi! thi! Hilder! Hil's ass? Now live! Unblocking Hilda's ass! Carl Pilkington! I thought she had bad feet. No, the feet would fix her feet. There's a lovely job, that's why they stayed in last week.

Her ass is worse than her feet. It's because she's been off her feet for so long, because she couldn't walk. Her ass took the brunt of it and it's just terrible. Piles of burst, it's blocked up there where all she just eats his cheese because she's so depressed. I'd just, I'd just, I'd probably knock it on the head there. I'd just say, because I'd just say, like going back to the street thing, I. I. I. I. I. I'd, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'd just, th. I'd just, th. I'd just, th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. thr. thr. thr. thr. tooo. to. to. to. to. to. to. their, their, their, their, their, the street thing I've gone down the wrong avenue I got this isn't for me I didn't know I'd be you know eye to eye with this. It's not for me and that's how you find out that it's not for you by doing it right but at least I gave it a go. So this is the same as you had one fight with Leroy you went along to a dance studio was shut you've seen H it. Yeah well that's a... Have a go! Just feel inside Hilda's back passage. Feel the blockage. You know because the audience have already decided.

They've seen a weakness in me, they're going to vote me out. No, there's not quite me getting dirty fingers for this. Ha ha ha ha ha! Ah! Ah! Oh! Well, that's about it for the Ricky Jovey's Guide to the Future. The next audio book in this series is the Ricky Javay's Guide to the Human Body. Look forward to that. We'll do. It's goodbye for me, Ricky Javay's, Stephen Merchant, goodbye.

And the little round-headed, shaven chimp that is forever, Carl Pilkington. All right. headed, shaven, chimp, that is forever Carl Pilkington.