The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guide To... S2E5 "The Earth" (February 23, 2010)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

It was announced on Gervais's blog that the first episode of the new series, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Society, was recorded on 6 September 2009; it was released on 3 November 2009. The second audiobook of the new series, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Law and Order, was released on 1 December 2009. A third audiobook, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Future, was released on 29 December 2009. A fourth audiobook, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Human Body was released on 26 January 2010. The fifth and final audiobook of the second season, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Earth was released on 23 February 2010.On 12 June 2010 The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The World Cup released. This was followed later that year by a podcast entitled "A day in the Life of Karl Pilkington" following a format more associated with the Ricky Gervais Show podcasts. The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Comic Relief was released as a free podcast on 6 March 2011 in aid of Red Nose Day (18 March 2011).

This audio program is presented by audible.com Audible audio that speaks to you wherever you are. Testing, testing. Better level stage. This is almost the environment more than the earth. It is really, isn't it? The earth. Well, yeah, but it doesn't matter.

I mean, yeah, but that's fine. Why is it called the earth? Why is it called the earth? Well no, we talked about... What? What do you mean, why is it called the Earth? You mean, why is the Earth called the Earth? It's just something, I never say Earth, I never say Earth, I always say world. Well, it depends. It's not called the world, is it, because a world, because a world is, it's relative. Mars is a world.

It's the world because it's our world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world, the world because it's our world but there are many worlds aren't there? You could say the world of something you couldn't say the earth of something the earth is the name of the planet. But when do we need that? When do we need to say the earth? When we're referring to the earth? When does that ever to the earth? When does that ever to the the Earth being that this name is the... It's the audience book to distinguish it from other planets. If I was in, I know but when's that ever going to be a problem for me? What? What?

It's not, what? It's not all about you? If I was in a rocket. Yeah, right. Here we go. pilot goes, Carl, come up here mate. And I look in the mirror and I see... Mirror, mirror in the rocket. Mirror, check, reverse, indicate, brilliant. And I see the world, I'd say look, oh, don't the world look magnificent. He goes, what do you mean? Yeah. Yeah, that's how I'd say it. I wouldn't say Earth. I wouldn't dreamer using this is our world, this spaceship. I say no not really. I'll always be looking back over there.

I'm looking at, there's our world, there's our, there's England there. Not anymore, mate. We're moving to Mars. We're going to start a whole new world. Oh, which world? Let's call it's our world. So leave it as world. It's a bit of information. You don't write, so-and-so, Road, London, England, Earth. You don't need it. What other words are you annoyed by? Other words are out there, you're thinking,

why is that there because we do not need it? It's one of them where I come across something. They're not always in my head. It's just... I try to think of something that I've seen recently. That's a word. I'll say some words, Kyle. You tell me whether you like it or not. Okay? Yeah? about. Good question. What about a pre-plan journey? No, I don't need it, you just go, which way are you going? I thought you meant beetroot. That's all right. What are you like, you don't

mind beetroot? Depends what I'm having. No. He didn't mean the food, he means you don't mind the word existing. This is because you have such a limited vocabulary that it annoys you and intimidates you, that people are using words, correct words, which, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, which, which, you, which, you, which, you, you, which, which, the, the, their, you, their, you, their, their, which, which, which, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, you, their, their tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, you, tho, you, tho, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. You, you, th. You just th. You just th. You just the way, you, you, their, their, their, you, their, their, their, their, you, their their their their their their their their their their their their the, thi thi the thei thea' thoooooooooo' thea' thea, thoo. You just the, the, the, the food, he means you don't mind the word existing. This is because you have such a limited vocabulary that it annoys you and intimidates you that people are using words, correct words, the correct English language. Are you happy with chair? Should we keep chair? Should we keep chair? He's works? It's fine.

Are you happy with a chair, or the chair who's in charge of a meeting? Chief. Okay, what about bloke who's in charge of a native Americans? Native Americans? I don't know any. Again, not going to affect my life. No, what would you call him? Is a bloke in charge of people? All the Indian... Seriously, not not a problem to me. Yes, but it's a problem for someone. Yeah, who's who's a problem for it. He's head chief. Oh, so he's, um, that's so he's so he's so he's, that means. So, that means. So, that means. So, that, that, that, that means. So, that means. So, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I, I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I, I the. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I don't. I don't. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I don't th. I don't the. I don't, people who are in charge of meetings. That's confused. I'm confused actually. I'm confused here. I mean in some words I know you're not happy with there the certain numbers you're not keen on. What about number seven? Would you get rid of that? I've heard about that tribe where it is just like they have three. They say that's all they need in their life. gives another two with them three it's all like just easy. I love the fact that they're still saying they're talking like that.

I still don't the market yeah we should have a word for this three in this two no fuck it I very rarely want three then two keep it three there two how many do you need now just one to just one to tho to tho the to tho to tho tho the tho the the tho the to to the the the the the the the the the to the they to they they to how to how to how they they they they they they they they they they'll they they they they they they they'll they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they the the the they the they they they they they to how to how to how to to to to to to to to to to to the to they they they're they they they they they're they they they they they they they yeah I could say two, yeah. Do you want one more? If I want it three I'd say three. Do you want one more? Yeah, go give us three and one. As the writer and pioneering ecologist Rachel Carson once wrote, Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life. Earth, third rock from the sun, and the only known planet in the universe to accommodate life, was formed about five billion years ago, extensively covered by saltwater oceans, it supports a myriad of organisms, the most evolved of which is man. Yet how we humans interact with our world could be sowing the seeds of our own destruction, with the environmental concern, too little too late. With the environmental concern, too late. With the environment,

the future of the earth, what is the future of the earth, I'm joined by Stephen Merchant, a award-winning writer and graduate of the University of Warwick. Hello. And Carl Pilkington, oh look at his own head to come! All right. All right. I've been hit by global warming recently Rick a couple of times actually. I don't want to be one of those people that's like, oh, you know, because of the snow and the rain and that's obviously to do with global warming, but it probably is. I was flying

out to the states, you know, just hopping over a state side. And on the old plane, on the plane, their today, and on the old plane, their th. And, thoomeree, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, I was tho, tho, tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was to be to be to be to be to be to be to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be too, I I was, I was, I was, I was too, I was too, I was too, I was too, I was too, too, too, too, too, too'n, too'n'n'er, too, their, their, their, too, too, too, too, all on the plane we sat on the runway for four and a half hours, four and a half hours while they deiced the plane. Now it's good that they're deiced it but I don't want to be told that the plane needs deicing. I didn't know planes could get iced in a way that they needed to be deiced. When I'd sometimes Rick if I if it's a chilly morning, right, got the old car, what I'll do is I'll pop the engine on, okay, let it warm up, pop inside another cup of tea, come back out, it's lovely and warm and toasting there. That's what I'd like to have seen them do with the old plane. The pilot goes, don't you get on yet. Let me get on the block. Yeah, let's get it, let's the th, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I. It, I. It, I. It, I. It, I. It, I. It, I. It, the, the, I. It, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, pilot, the, the. Pil. Pilot, the, the, the. Pilot, the, the, the, the, the not some guy on the wing scraping. We don't see it.

We've got a window seat. We've got to pull in here. We've got a while it's iced up. Yeah, I mean, that's it. But also, I didn't see anyone deicing. So I don't know, that's their, I don't know. I didn't see it, but, um, yeah, four and a half hours to de-ice it. A bunch of people on there winging and phoning and calling and making me annoyed anyway. Get to Los Angeles, City of Angels, famously, you know, glorious weather all year round, that's where people moved there. Piss down with rain the entire time I was there. I know you hit the storm. I think I think I moved out of LA. I the the the the the the the the th. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I'm. I'm their. I their. I'm their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the the the the the the the th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. toda. th. th. LA and went to New York the day before it turned horrible, didn't I? The problem was I hired a car, right, and I was going to get a relatively cheap car. They persuaded me to upgrade to a Mercedes convertible. I thought, yeah, I look good for driving around LA, you know, and that. Couldn't use the top down, obviously.

Every day I'd get in this car. Every day I'd get in their their their their their the fabric roof thinking I just played the odds for this. And you know every time ever you're breaking this cloud I would instantly stop and lower the thing and drive around sub-zero temperatures just to have the top down. I would like to have seen you. I would like to see you. Like you know 85 degrees just whizzing down the free way at 90 miles an hour. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the, but but. the, but but but but. the, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but their, I, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, I, I, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would the the the th, I would th, I would th. I would th. I would th. I would thi thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thean. I would thirty thirty thean. I would thirty thirty th've never really thought plus I am I lost my sunglasses so I have to wear a hat in order to keep the sun out in the eyes and all I had I thought I need to take out of me all that was a kind of what I like to think is a rather fashionable Justin Timberlake style Trilby. Oh it's not that I don't that makes you look like like like a like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like a the the the th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm a th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tot. I tot. I took. I took. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I th. I Ben. See I think it makes me look like a like Tom Waits or a sort of 1960s news reporter. Oh right. But you've... I thought Bill and Ben the flower pop man that's the problem. When I bought it again I was suckered into it a bloke

sold it to me. He told me he was a street vendor and he told me I looked amazing at it. I'll be honest I gave the cash straight away. Did you have have have have have have have have have have have have have have the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th got th got th got th got th got th got th got tho tho thin. I tho tho tho tho tho tho their their their their their their their their their th. I th got th got th got th got th got th got th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho the the the. I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought as well? I'm beginning to wonder if that was part of his sales pattern. And he wasn't just a lovely fellow who's one helped me out. But yeah, it's not quite big enough. So it's sort of pulling in tight down by the years. It sort of sits pork pie-esque on top of my head. Right. And it is in danger of flying off. It't fly off and you know you don't want that as you're cruising past a couple of sort of playboy bunny types you know they've the top Cadillac and you're just grin into them and your hat flies off or it hits a big house a big house I'm a chocker and the face he's got he scratched his bike you stop and you know it's my they's my app yeah it's my app yeah it's my the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I I I I I th is is is is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is is is is is is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th is my th is my tap. tape is my tape is my tape is my tape is toy. tap was we went I was with my mates and we were driving around and we had a bunch of friends and they said oh can you pick up a

couple of friends of ours and we picked them out a couple of girls I thought oh ding dong here we are good looking girls they got in the car instantly were going there's not much leg room I was thinking this is a lovely bit of motor. But no, wind should screw up a man before! First of me say, oh! Let's accept, right, that at some point, about 13, 14 billion years ago, it was nothing. There was no space for the nothing to be in. There was no darkness, no light, nothing. Nothing, okay? light, nothing, okay, literally nothing except what is nearly a point in space that contained everything in the known universe.

Suddenly that exploded and in a matter of minutes, the universe was pretty much as it is now. And in all the debris, in all the nothing, in all the nothing, in the nothing, in the nothing, the that, in all the nothing, in the nothing, in the the to be, in to be, in the to be, in the the the the space, in the space, in the the space, in the space, in the space, in the the space, in the space minutes, the universe was pretty much as it is now. And in all the debris, in all the dust, things started to cling together, one of which was the Earth. Can I have Carl pick up the story from there? Yeah. So there we are. We've got the Earth. We've got this big... What happened next? Planet Probably nothing for quite a bit. Okay. Yeah

Just sort of floated about yeah, but it wasn't causing a problem because it wasn't annoying anyone no No, you see we don't get a chance of that these days. No, you pop something down someone says move that Dangerous. What is it? Yeah, back then? Nothing, so it's hanging around and? And? you you? You you? You you? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? You? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the the the the the th? th? th? th th th th th th th th th th th th thup something? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? th th th, you? Probably? th? th? th? th? th? Probably? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? the the the the the the the the the the th? the the th? Probably? th? th? th? th. thu? thupppppupupup thuppp thupppp thuppoooooooooooooo? Probably thuppp? Probably? Probably? Probably? Probably? Back then, nothing. So it's hanging around and if you leave something somewhere something will sit on it, right? Okay, if you leave something somewhere something will sit on it, yeah. We'll say like a bin bag, I can put a bin bag outside. Bin men don't come until Friday. Sure. But I want to get, I don't want it in the house it's got chicken in it yeah pop it outside right it's sat there for a few days

now just time time like you know a day before the bin men are coming yeah I pick that up and take it around the front right it's got a slug living under it right like one of those little wood lice things might be there. Yeah. Snail. Yeah. What's your point? We've got a young earth, it's four and a half billion years ago, it's whizzing round the sand. Something's gonna sit on it. Yeah, something, something something had to sort of happened, isn't it? I tell you what it's like. One. In the same way, penicillin happened. Go on. It was, the bread. the bread. The bread. the bread. the bread. the bread. the bread. the bread. the bread. the bread. the bread. the bread. the bread. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to. What's their. What's to. What's to. What's to. What's to. What's to. What's to. What's to. What's to. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the same way, penicillin happened. Go on. It was, the bread was sat there, it goes off.

Air would have created the greenness. Oh God, this sounds like the Bible. That is like the Bible. Air created the greenness. That's amazing! Go on, because I mean I'm learning here I'm learning and once you've got something that leads to otherness this is like this is like a monk that it's too sat down

oh that's amazing yeah I know what you do I'm gonna write a thing of how everything was created well hang I'm gonna carry on because I'm interested yeah so where are we so we've got, we've got, we had greenness and now we've got something. So the air created the greenness and then what is it? Then we have otherness. Just otherness. Because once you've got, once you've got. From otherness. From otherness. Once you've got one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one. the one the one one the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, so we've th. So, so we've th. So, so we've the the the the the the the the the the the the the greenness then you got other this if you create something others will come build it to they will come but it's not right in the greenness but tell me take me take me take me on continue this this story because this is fascinating so what where are we now then what if I

was to stand on the earth at this moment in time what would I see not that much you If I was to stand on the earth at this moment in time, what would I see? Not that much. You wouldn't want to stay. But there's greenness? Little patches of greenness. Okay. A little bit of rubble. There's a bit of rubble. There's a bit of rubble. Okay. We've still got a long way to go. We want to get to life. So let's skip forward so everything was right, okay. Okay. Okay. It it it the right. It the right. It the right. It the right. It was the right. It was the right. It was the right. It was the right. It was the right. It was the right. It was the right. It was the right. It was the right. It was the right. It was there's there's a th. It was a th. It was a bit there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's a th. th. the. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. Itthe car to life. So everything was right okay it was the right distance from the sun okay but even if it wasn't we'd have we would still been created now we wouldn't we would have something would have done. No we wouldn't. I want to hear Carl's opinion on this Rick I'm not interested in facts I want to hear Carl's so are you saying if the atmosphere right around the the earth. the earth. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, to. So, to. to. So, to. to to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. We. We. th. th. th. the. the. the. to to to the. to to to to to to the. to the the the the the the the right around the earth wasn't about 99% nitrogen with 1% other gases we'd have still had something else? Something

would have been around. I'm not saying it might it might be better than us it might be worse than us. What would it look like? Well it's hard to say because they say don't they that it's the conditions that mold you into the shape and colour and, uh, you know, everything else that makes you the person that you are. Okay, this takes Pluto. We know that's farthest away. So it is dark and cold there.

Right. How do you imagine the creatures that will develop there will look like... Big eyes and airy. But how did they evolve? How did they evolve though? Because we have... Hang on. You always say animals change to suit the conditions. I'd have thought if, if Planet's dark, you don't need eyes because things that live underground are at the bottom of the ocean, they don't, they don't have eyes or color because there's no point. Yeah, but what I'm talking about are we saying we're living inside Pluto? Why would we live inside Pluto?

Well, I wouldn't. It couldn't support life full stop. But this is one of the most ridiculous conversations we've ever had. He seriously can't be based on a ridiculously false premise. No, Carl, we're saying now that the world's overcrowded. There's too many people on it. We're running out of houses, people are living in basements. Now that's only one step away from being molish. We're already going underground because we're running out out of space. Yeah, right. Keep Okay, right, keep like that. I want to leave.

It's like to be armish. So what are you saying? They don't acknowledge the crust of the earth? So you're saying within five years there's going to be sort of mole-like people living in basement flats with no eyes? But hold on there, in your, according to you, the lower they they the colder and darker they go, the hairier and better eyes they'll have. Well it depends, no, I was only saying they'd have better eyes if they're on a dark planet where they're outside, so they still have to look out for things that

they could trip over. If we're going, if we're going under ground. It's just they're so concerned. They're so concerned. That's not normal evolution. We don't want to try home, bro. I don't want to grease from a niece. You've got knees? They got them on earth. Coincidence, isn't it? Hub, hub. What I'm saying is, right? And I've always said this.

Go on. We are not the same as the first man, that nature made. No. No. No, we're not. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's that's that's that. that. that. that's that's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. And that's where we went wrong. And if we didn't interfere, we might have been more suited to the conditions now. And in aura. I'm cold. She doesn't want double glazing. Why not? Just because she's worried that when people come round and sort of knock on the door, she won't hear them.

Because it's all sort of double glazed on the door. No, no, but she said, no, she didn't like a bell, it makes her jump too much. How do they get in now? Well, it's a thin door and thin glass, you hear it. It's not like soundproof, like double glazing is. What, so they have to knock, they have to knock, they're the knock, they're not, they're going to, the door, the door, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, ththe thick of us. She's scared by, you don't want a doorbell because that alarms her, but the knocking is fine. The knocking's fine because you get to know knocks. Why don't they have a bell that when you press it, it makes that noise? Because they haven't done that yet.

Well, you haven't that's an idea. You could do a sample of a bell, the door. Well, I don't start getting dragged into it because... But why don't you tell her, say, Auntie Nora, have double glazing, be warm, be safe. Hear the knock of the bell on the doubly door. This is it, though, isn't it? She wouldn't be around now if it wasn't for people interfering, coming up with tablets, making weak people live longer. Right. You're annoyed at that. He's thani' that, tho, tho, thu thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu. You're thu. You're thu. You're thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. tho, tho, tho, tho-nue. the the tho-nue, their, the the the their, their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thin. thin. thin. thou?. thou-n. thoooooooooo-nue-nue. thou-n. thn'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n't-n'n'n't tho. thn't that. You're annoyed. He's such a fascist, isn't he? And you're a weak person who's been allowed to live. Eugenics is where you'd be up here.

Do you recycle and not leave the tap running and turn off lights because you're worried about a child born in a hundred years time? No. No, because I don't think, um... At the end of the day day we have to face facts here. Go on. The world is old. Hold on, right? The world's old.

And it's the same as if you've got a grand who's 70, there's not much you can do for their. You can, yeah, you can say you're warm. But at the end of day she's still going to be shit in her pants. She's still going to be, you know, forgetting things and all the rest of it and you might be taking care of her, but at the end of the day, the good days are gone. Right. Yeah. So, in a way, like the world, like the world, like the world, it's got to a point that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. to a point to a point to a point to a point to a point to a point to a point to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, you're to be, you're to be, you're the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be, to be, to be, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th., th., the th. the the th. th. th. thin, the thin, thin, thin, thin, thooooooooooooooo'. thooooooooooooooo' th. than. than. toooooo' th. thap off, turn the lights off, close the windows, stop letting eat out. The earth in metaphorically is shitting its pads. You've only got a look at what's happening, right? It's freezing, isn't it, at the moment, out there?

Ice everywhere, snow everywhere. Now an old person, what happens to them? They're always cold, they're always cold. It's a winter as well, it's always because it's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's the their their their thi thi thi thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thiolioliolioli. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's just just just just just just, thi. thi. thi. thi. It's just just just, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's just just just. It's just just thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's the earth, isn't it? The earth now, it's freezing. It feels, it feels the cold more than ever. It's winter as well, it's also because it's winter, but yeah. And I think if you try and make it better now, you end up doing more damage. Does it? It doesn't make any sense to make any sense? Well, just, you can sometimes, two weeks later they're dead. Shouldn't have stopped them smoking? They're inside.

Well they're, they're, their insides are used to all that pollution. Yeah. Take the pollution away. What will the world do? It's a good point. This is scientifically grounded, is it scientifically grounded is it? thiiol-siultrived. th. th. th. th. th. th. That th. That's th. That's th. That's th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin' is thin. thi. thin' is, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. It's their. It's their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, thin. It's thin. It's thin. It's thin. It's thin. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thii. thiiii. their inside, their, their, their, their, their, their, their of the information about this. Or is it just a wild hair brain speculation again backed up with nothing? Is it bullshit? Which are those two is it? I just, like I said to you, I just think it's a theory. That's what it is. You're not telling me it's a coincidence that about three of my old relations have died because the doctors had stopped smoking. Well it might be because they're very old but it's. It, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, the, their, their, their, th, th, their, th, th, which th, which th. Which, which th. Which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, th, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their th. I th. I've th. I've their, their, their, their, are, are their, are th. Which are, th. Which are, th. Which are, th. Which are and... Well yeah they were old but it's weird how they you know why stop them smoking they're old. Let them have a fag. Jesus you know they've got nothing else in the life you've took that away they die. Let them have a fag and it's the same

with this world. It's polluted now. I mean it's rubbish everywhere. I mean they they they the they they they they they they just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the their their their their they're just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same the same same same same same the same same same same the same same same same same same the same same same same same same. And it's the same same same the same same the same same the same same the same. And it's the same same. And it's the same. And it's the same the same the same. It's the same same same same. It's the same same same. It's the same. It's the same. It's the same. It's the same. It's the same same same. It's the same. It's the same the same the same the same the same. the same. the same. the same same same. the same same same same. the same same same. the same. there's rubbish everywhere, isn't they? You're just meeting the streets and stuff? Just, yeah, you know, different levels of, I've noticed how rubbish changes, depending on where you live. Just like when I lived in the centre of town, it was rank. There was like human, human sort of poo. Oh what? What? Where? Where? Where? What, tramps, you mean? It must be? I don't know. I didn't sort of th th th th th th th th th. I didn't, I didn't, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. It's th. It's just, th. th. th. the. the. I theateathea. theateateateateathea. I theateatr-st. It's just just mean. theateathea. their their their their that. What tramp do you mean? It must be. I don't know I didn't sort of hang around I see he's doing it. It's just very human. It wasn't dog like. How do you know it's human? Just the way it looked. What do you mean? Well you'd walk past it and you go that's looking out there Susan. Oh yeah and what does Suzanne say? Yeah. Can we walk someone up and down up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th. I th. Do th. Do th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the say? Yeah can he walk someone else from now on this isn't yeah why are we walking up and down this same alley? I won't show you the human poo. It's a cut through. Were you having to

shit yourself? It's the cut through that we used always use and it's no most of time it was just like smell a wee really really strong and you'd thing. Um, but... A little bit of fun, a little bit of romantic fun after a night in a restaurant. I remember when he took her for a walk around the car park. So, uh, but yeah, but now I've moved to like, you know, a posh a bit of London. You still get litter, but it's, I saw like a rice cake. That's like, you know, humus tubs and... Yeah. But it's still rubbish. It's th I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I th. I've thi. I've thi. I thatu. I thathea. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took and... Yeah, but you're still rubbish, isn't it? Yeah, it's still rubbish. Who left this Crouton maker laying on?

So, don't you see what I'm saying though, the way the world, we've changed more than the world has? We can't handle anything now, can we? Look at it, like I say, a bit of snow, a bit of cold, everything comes to a stand still. Oh, I can't go out, it's dangerous, you'll slip over, people having time off work. Yeah. What would you do, right? If you run a business, right, your business could go under, right? It snows a bit. You got 10 employees, you're paying them well, and they go, I can't come in today, I can't come in today, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, a, I, the, the, the, the, the, th. A, th. tho, the, tho, the, their, their, their, their, their, tho, thi. their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. What, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tod, tod, tod, today..... What, today. What, today. What, today. What, today. today. today, today, today, today, to, to, to, to, to to to, to to today, to today, tho, tho. tho. tho, today, today, they're snowed in, right? You're running the business. What are you running? It's a, let's not, you know, I'm not going to big myself up, it's a factory. It's a... It's a new-bends.

No, you bends. No, you bends. You're the, you're the, you're going, you're paying, right, okay? So, you're paying. their, you get in? About quarter nine. Quarter nine, waiting for them to come in at nine, yeah? Okay, right, it's snowing. It's a bit snowy, snowy, you got there, took you a bit, what, you'd set off earlier, did you, or? Give me myself a bit more time because they have to put the heating on the car. Okay, ring, ring, ring. Hello, K. K. K. P. the the the the the the K. the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's toy. It's toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. It's toy. It's toy. It's uh, it's Sheila. Um, listen, Sheila, shouldn't you be here by now? Yeah, no, I was going to set off. Well, don't, we'll set off now, stop wasting time, we've got a big order on. No, I know. We're all on a bonus there if we get this done. I'll see you in a ten minutes, shall I'll see you in the time.

I can't make. you 20 minutes alright don't worry about it. Thanks for calling I'm also scared of the ice. I'm scared of the ice. I'm not going to come in today. It's dangerous. So what you're going to do? Well I'm just I'm going to wait until the ice and snow goes away and then I'll come in. But they're predicting it's going to be about two weeks before. Yeah I can't really travel in this. I can't try they. I try. I th really I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I they. I th. I'm th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not to to to to to to to to to their their to to come. I'm not to come. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm the the the the the the the their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. big... Why you fire me? Because I can't get into work with this... Well I got into work, Sheila. Yeah, I know, but you don't live with me, do you? If you did live with me, then you probably see how bad it was, you'd probably see how it's bad it, you'd bea. Do you know how bad it is here? Do you're the for that. You're in fucking trouble then.

Right then, see ya. Right. And then she's done with, she's weak anyway. Ring, ring. Kp plumbing. Hiya. Is that, Miss Filmson? Yeah, it's Bobby. Yeah, a bit of trouble. And at my area, it's absolutely snowing, it's possible. No one's thrown. I live near Sheila, yeah. She's just. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. possible. No one's getting out. I live near Sheila. Bob, listen, yeah, well Sheila's just been on. She's saying she can't get in either. She can't. I've just seen her out there trying to dig her car out and she's about, she's really funny tried out to get the work, but she's really pretty rich and her car doesn't work. And there's no public transport. They've canceled they've canceled. the wrong. the wrong. the wrong. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. thrown. She's just just thrown. She's just thrown. She's thrown. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's the. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's the. She's tomorrow, right boy? Well no, you're saying you'll see me tomorrow. Yeah. But you'll probably call up tomorrow with the same thing. Well, I don't have the snowing still, it might not have that. Well, I can't run a business like this, Bob. Yeah, it's not my thought is it really. So go around to Shela' the s slagl their and like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, and like, and like, and like, and like, I. their. their. their, I. th. th. So, I. So, I, I, but, I'll th. th. th. their. their. th. th. their. to, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but. But. But. But, but, but. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. the th. the th. the the th. the the the the the the th. the the the th. the th. the th. th. th. the thr. th. th. th. th. him one chance. Well you didn't even give them one chance. No, because they've done it before.

Oh, fucking out. Just annoys me. Do you recycle? I give a lot of stuff to walk, Sam. Well, yeah, that's the sort of recycling, yeah, hand me downs and passing it. It's probably a better form of recycle, isn't it? You're not destroying anything and remaking it. You're just letting someone else wear a jumper that you don't wear anymore. So that's, yeah. Don't really do all that. I don't sort of put, there's the cans, the paper, the paper, the paper, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to, throw, to to to, to, to to, to to to to to, to to to to, to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thro, thro, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, too't really do all that. I don't separate stuff. I don't sort of put there, there's the cans, there's the paper.

You don't do that? You just throw it away, do you? Because that's not recycling. That annoys me when you're just putting it in landfill, mate. Come on. Yeah. That annoys me. What are you on about? Recycle box, yeah. I haven't gone. Well no, you've got to ask for one. I tried to get rid of a sofa, right? I was getting a new sofa, add the old one, you try and get rid of them, it's murder, right?

I called up the council, I said I want to get rid of it, they said we're not coming around there, it's like a moody- it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, so, so, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I', I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm a, I'm a t. t. ta, I'm a tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, tried, try, tried, I've try, I'm know where I'm going to put it outside. So now outside my house. So they said, well, you do that, we've got your number. What's the sofa like? I suppose we're going to have it collected, we can come and get it tomorrow. 30 quid. I said, I'm not paying for it. That's madness. So, hung up, annoyed. Call me dad up. the to say, the, they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha furniture to people who haven't got a sofa. Look it up on the internet. So I looked it up, there's a firm that does it. Right, cheeky sods. I called them up, said I've got this sofa here, I want to donate it to someone who hasn't got a sofa. They said, oh, what's it like, is it like like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. their?? their? their? their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their, so I, so I's, so I's, so I's, so I's, so I, so I, so. So, so I, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so I, so I, so. I, so I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I. I, I. I, I, I, I's there. I's there. I'm. I'm. I'm. there, I'm. I'm there, I'm. I'm there, I'm. there, I'm. there, I'm. there, I'm there. there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there rid of it? I said because we've moved into a bit of a bigger place and the sofa looks dafted in the corner.

It's too small so I'm getting a bigger one. There's not wrong with it. How big is it? How big is it? So it depends. You can sit to people on it, is it safe? So what do you mean? He said, is it fag-proof? So I said, I don't smoke. He said, well, go and get the, lift the thing up. He's got me running around looking at my sofa and I'm giving it away. I had

to lift it up, it had a picture of a fag on it. I said, yeah, it's got a picture of a fag-on it on it. I on it. I on it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And he says is it fag-proof, he's not going to open the cushion and something's go, you, it's me! So I should explain that straightway. So anyway, it turned out it was fag-proof. They came and picked it up, took it away, that was that. But look at the hassle, look at the hassle it takes to get rid of something. And then they say to say to say the the the ha they they they they they they say they say the hassle they say they say they say the hassle they say thu. It thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, to say to say to say to say to say, look to thu. It's, thu, look, look, look, it's to to to th. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. th. th. It, look, look, look, look, look. It, look, look. It, look. It, look. It, look. It's, look. It's, look. It's, look. It's, look. It's, look, look. It's, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look at, look, look, look, look, look, look at, look at today. It's a. It'sthen they say to you, do not be dumping stuff on the street. You know, it's that thing of having to wait for certain days of the week and you can't always keep hold of something for a certain day of the week because it's big. A mattress is one of them things you can't get rid of, or you can't stick it's a new sideboard. clumpy bit of furniture in it. Yeah. It's not a bit of furniture really a mattress

but I know what you mean. It's a new sideboard. Yeah don't don't lean on it. It's a bit spongy. What do you keep in it? We can't keep anything. It's just full of springs and stuff. No, but you know what I mean? It's a furniture, to be honest. It's part of a furniture. It's part of a furniture bit. It's part of a furniture. It's a furniture. It's a furniture. It's a furniture. It's a furniture. It's a furniture. It's a furniture. It's a furniture. It's a furniture, it. It's a furniture, it's a furniture, it's a furniture, it's a furniture, it's a furniture, it's a furniture, it's a furniture, it's a the furniture, it's part. It's part. It's part. It's part, it's a their. It's part. It's part. It's part. It's part. It's part. It's part. It's part. It's part. It's part. It's part. It's part. It's part. It's a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's, the the the the th. It's a th. It's a the th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a thi. It's a th. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's thi. It's a th you could ever count a mattress as a piece of furniture. Of course you can. It's functional and where do you stop is a pillow a piece of furniture? Is a blanket? Oh a nice bit of furniture you're wearing? They're furniture if you pop them up against a wall. You're gonna tell you that time when we first bought a flat in Manchester right? Yeah? You know when you first buy a place it's expensive in it.. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it? And it? And it's a their. And it's a their. And it's a their. And it's a their. And it's a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their is a pi their is a pi their is a pi their is a pi their is a pi their is a pi their is a pi their is a piece is a piece is a piece is a piece their is a piece their is a piece their is a piece their is a piece their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their that time when we first bought a flat, Go on. Bought a flat in Manchester, right? You know, when you first buy a place, it's expensive, isn't it? And it's a big bit of furniture, a flat, isn't it?

So, you know, we bought a sofa, we got a table. Sorry, you don't mean you bought a sofa, you ended up with a table. No, no. I buy a sofa, you came up with a table. Now back then I wasn't as wise as I am now. I'm not. Fucking hell! Oh, what was he? Some snot in a jar that's this thing and was offended by that comment. All right. Can I just apologize to any slot in a jar that's this thing and was offended by that comment?

Alright, so I ordered a bed. I ordered a bed. It turned up. Oh, well done. I thought, I thought, I thought, no, that's a victory. I thought, I thought, I thought, I'm going to get this in the bedroom, set it all up, I thought, I'm going to get this in the bedroom, set it all up, so his hand comes on from work, the bed's done, she'd be well happy. Yeah.

So I get it all up there in the lift and what have you. I think it seems like I'm missing some there. Put it together. Where's the softy spongy bit of furniture that usually sits on top of the the more rigid bit of so I called them up. So I said they said they said you know their their bed. theymeau. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the soft. the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. they. they. they. they. they. the the the the the the the the the the th. he was like 400 odd quid. And I'd paid about three. I know this. I know this. I've walked beds. I understand this is how it works. Well, the mattress isn going to keep selling beds with new mattress in case you've already got a mattress. What? A bed and a mattress without any pillars and blankets is no good, but you don't expect that to come with it. At least you can sleep on that. You can sleep on the spongey bit, you can use a cushion off a sofa. You can use their their their their their their their their their their their the mattress we better include it so anyway so I was like oh I didn't think of this I didn't think I don't think I don't think so I called me dad dad

dad so he's your foot quit son again all right so how's it going what be done but I'll be able without a mattress oh so I said listen I bought that bed there's no mattress on it you know can you get us one so he said oh i i'll have a word i'll i'll the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll that's that's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there. I'll the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'll th. I'll the th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th one? So he said, oh, I'll have a word, I'll call around, right? So he calls back like an hour and a half later. He said, got your mattress, go around to Alth's. Alf is me sort of uncle who isn't an uncle. All right. He's the one who have told you about two tellies, we've talked about on the podcast here, two tellies, one that works, picture-wise, one that works on a sound. Perfect. Slept in a rubber dinghy, right? Now the thing is, he said, yeah, yeah, yeah, we've got a mattress, come and get it.

So I go around there. Why's he sleep in the fucking mattress? So anyway, I get there and it's in his van. Right. Drag the mattress on. He's driving around with a mattress in the back of the van? Dizzy, a fucking serial car. I'm kidding him out. So I thought, so he's going to be happy.

Dragged it out of the van, chucked it in the car, thought she won't even know. So I dragged that back and the arm. I'm am am am, I'm th dragged it th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th, I'm going, I'm going, dragged it th, dragged it out, dragged it out, dragged it out, dragged it out, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, dragged. He's, dragged. He's, dragged. He's, dragged. He's, dragged. He's, dragged, dragged. He's, dragged, dragged, dragged. He's, dragged, dragged, dragged, dragged. He's, dragged it, dragged it, dragged it, I'm, I'm, I'm going, I'm going, dragged it, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. Hea, dragged,that back and the arm I'm going to make it rush out by this point and think of all she's going to get home. Anyway, get home, drag it into the lift and what have you. Drag it up, drag it into the bedroom, stick it on. Put a sheet on it and that. Suzanne comes in. She goes, what? It's not smell. It's like oil and diesel. Hold on. Why didn't you smell it? It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It th. It th. It. It. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It to. It's to. It's to. It's to. It's to. It's to. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, to. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. I. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. I. I. I. S. I. I. I. I. what? So it's like oil and diesel. Hold on, why didn't you smell it? I know, it doesn't make sense. I think I just sort of got used, maybe because I got in the back of the van, I thought that's in the van, then I got used to that smell.

It's in the back of my car, folded up. I'm concentrating on trying to get tha tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I thi. I thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I'm thi. I'm thaten. I'm just that. I'm just sort thi. I just just just that. I'm just sort that. I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just just. I just just just. I just just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I just. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm just. I'm just. I'm to get. I'm to get to get to get to get to get to get to get try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm just, I'm try. try. try. try. try. I'm try. try. I'm just try. I'm just. I'm the. I'm trying to get this bed made before she gets in. Sure. Plus I used to wear a blindfolder to the sunglasses in those seats. So anyway, she's going, what is it? I said, I've got this off half. She said, we can't have that. She said, you know, it's a new flat, nice clean flat and everything. We got this old thing. Get rid of it. left it there because you call around illegal flight tip. Well no because I think it's illegal and bad when you're chucking it out, say a bus stop or somewhere on a high street or something

and people are going that looks a mess. I chucked it near the bins at a supermarket. I'd gone out of me way I thought where is this not going to be offensive. Why can you just go to the tip? I think I did try the tip? I try it I try it I try it I try it I try it I try it I try try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I did try try. I did try try. I did to to try try to to to to to to just to just to just the to just the tip. I the tip. I the tip. I the tip. I the tip. I the tip. I the tip. I the tip. I the the the the the the try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. I try. try. try. try try tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. try. try try try tip did try the tip. Oh no, there's a massive cue. There's a massive cue. So laziness, Rick, sorry. A massive cue. I remember it. Where was this? Stretford that was I remember. Why is there a cue for the tip? I remember.

I remember, yeah, I remember driving past you thin thin. I don't got a tipast tha tho' tho' tho' th mattress? Two, why is he call his dad to get him out of mattress-related problems? His dad goes, Alf? Alf's got one in the back of a dirty old fucking band? Oh you got orthopedic problems or whatever? That didn't come up. He said, there's your order, there's your address. I'm not a bed man, I go to the bedman to get better advice. In the same way. Same problem here. I've had work done recently, right? Bathroom, retiled, right? It's been a nightmare. Polish fella, not a word of English, which makes it hard. I've got him in as a professional to do it.

He's sticking grout down the toilet. So then like, he sort of finishes... Not who's grout? Is that another mate? You know, when I have to put like the grout in the tiles to finish it off, anything that's left, he didn't put it in the bin and get disposed of it properly. You stuck it down the toilet. Yeah, and now it's there, the grout's there, the grout is there. Is it really?

Yeah, with a screw it, the water. the water off. there you dry it off when you so there's no water in there. Well just stick your hand in there. Why don't you put a marigold off? Well last time I did that, once, last time you called up when I had my hand down a grid and you were going what you doing get someone out to do that. Yeah but it's putting a marigold on and taking the screw, in it. Oh yeah, the screw is not a problem. the screw is the screw is the screw is the screw, the screw, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the that, the that, that, the that, that, that, that, the that, that, that, once, the that, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, once, and you, once, and you, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, and the last, the last, and the last, the last, one, the last, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one. the last, one, one, one. taken that out, no problem. Yeah, but it's half a job that, isn't it? I want to get rid of the grout first and I'll get rid of the screw. But I will, I'm not scared about putting, you called up here, I was up to my shoulder, Steve, in like, glunge.

Glunge. Gland, does it have a friend? So you're up to your arm in glunge. Yeah. And Ricky called. And it's again, it was in Kent. The bloke had done the kitchen, been pouring down cement into the grid outside. I'm sort of washing up, look outside, loads of water all over the place. You know what's going on here? I go out there, all the water's like, because it runs to a grid outside, you know, that sort of system. Yeah yeah it's not flat it's not going down is it? Sure there's loads of water there so I call up the main fella who does the kitchens there's a message there sorry I'm away in Cyprus so I can't get old of him right so he's he's ballsed it up but he's on a holiday now he doesn't want to know there's all this like I say glooping stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff the to say to say the to say the to say the the to say the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho thu. the thus. tho. th. It's th. It's th. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. It's thus. It's the the. I's theeeeeeeeeeeean. thooooooooooo' the. thoooooo' the. tho' the the the the doesn't want to know. There's all this, like I say, glupy stuff.

I'm scooping that up with my hand. Up, seriously, it must be close to my shoulder. Right. Not my problem really, but all these people, you're saying, recycle properly, don't pour stuff, all these bottles you get now, they're their togust off it. It has like little picturesito. looking unhappy because people are pouring bleach down a sink or whatever. I've never had that problem. I've never upset a dolphin, but I know if I hadn't sorted that out it would have caused loads of problems for me and the neighbor and it would have been

my problem. And that's what I'm saying I'm not that selfish really when it comes to the environment of the people around. Start using reliable tradesmen. And also do start caring about the dolphins, please, because they're all we've got on this planet. Why don't you care about what's happening? What are we going to swim with if not the dolphins? Yeah. I don't know.

It's never going to happen. Well, what if you had a little div. Right. didn't have long to live, what do you want to do? And he went, swimming with dolphins. So you don't want to do that? I go, oh Uncle Carl killed him all with Domestos. They're all bleached and blind. It'd be some other animal. Anyway, it's not about the dolphins, it's about the ocean, isn't it, that the dolphins are in. I told you, if dolphins were in the Thames, they won't be that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their tom. their tombs. their their tombs. tombs. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tom. tom. tom. tom. tom. tom. tombs. tombs. tombs. tombs. tombs. tombs. tombs. tombs. tombs. tombs. tombs. tombs. tombs. a carrier bag in the Caribbean, oh yeah, I'd love to. It makes no difference. I'd love to see that on Narn, Edwins. We've got a little kid here.

What's your name? I'm Andrew. And you want to go swimming? Yeah. What with? What with? Dauphin. Well, the range of dolphins. They all died out because of environmental ignorance. Would you like to swim with the carrier bag?

Well good we can do that. You can chuck it in the pond, get in. And you can take him in with you after and you can be your best friend. Come on, Tusca. You know, you know that's the problem, don't you? Do you know the carrier the? Sure. I was in, I was in the supermarket and it's that point when they'd, they'd turned round and said, do you want a carrier bag? And I said, yeah, I bought like milk, loaf, I think I bought some pikelets. Some what? I was a word I would get rid of. It's like a thin crumpet. It's like a thin crumpet. I've got time thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, th, th, th' th' th' thin, thin, they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd their, their, their, their, their, thin, their, their, tu' tu' they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they you told me that before. I've got it. There's a word I'd get rid of. There's a word I would get rid of. Thin crumpet. I've got time to say thin

crumpet I do not need a specific word. Thin crumpet. That's not a crumpet. Why? That's too too thin. The thing is, I'd spend over a pie clip. I'd spend itumpet thin? It's tough to... I've tried that. What if you cut one in half? No, it doesn't, it's not the same. I've tried squashed a crumpet that you need a thin one. It depends where you go. They've got thicker. I'm not enjoying the thicker crumpet at the moment. Why? Because the outside bunton, I've cut them. I've I've I've I've I've I've it it it it. I've it. I've it. I've it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's how. It's how. It's how. It's how. It's how. It's how. It's how. It's how. It's the.... It's how. It's condensed. It's condensed. It's.... It's... It's... It's.... It's.... It's.... It's.... It's.... It's.... It's.... It's.... It's.... It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's.... It. It's.... It's.... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's how how. It's how. It's how. It's how. It's condensed. It's condensed. It's condensed. It's condensed. It's condensed. It's condensed. It's condensed. It's like how how how. It's condensed. It's condensed. It's condensed. It's condensed. It's... It's... It's how. It's... It'scleys now? It's also because it's not the 1950s anymore. So I bought all this stuff, it's over a tenor. She said, you want a carrier bag, it's a course I do with all this, you know. She said five pence, I said, you what? She said five pens for a carrier bag. I said, I come here all the time for the cari bags. Good, I'm right behind this. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? th? th? th? th? th. th. th. th. th. th? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She. She? She. She. She? She? She. She? She? She? She. She? She? She? She? She. She? She? She? She. She? She. She? She? She. She. She? She? She. She? She. She? She. She. She. She? She. She? She? She? She. She? She? She? She said? She said? She said? She said, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I said, th. She said, th. She said, th. She said, there. Yeah we've got a drawful of a carry bags. I use it. I use it. I do normally.

I reuse them. But I didn't know I was on my way on from work that day. Fine. But this is the problem. So be it's the problem. So be it's youthe turtles. Right, yeah, yeah turtles, that's right, they get caught up in them, yeah. Terrible. She said, she said, she said, they they think they're a jellyfish and they swallow it, yeah. So I said it's it's all all all all all all all all, I I I I I I I I'll just, I'll just, I'll all, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, it's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's their. It's their, it's their, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, it's the turtles, all? Because if carrier bags shouldn't be out there, ban them. But don't say you're killing turtles with free carry bags. If you want to kill a turtle, five pence. Oh, there you go. There's five pence. I don't kill a turtle. That's what's annoying their. It's not compulsory though, is it? But what they're saying is that that that that that five the five. That's going. That's going. That's going. That's going. That's going. th. th. the five. th. the five. th. th. the five. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their their thi. thi. thi. If you're thi. If thi. If thi. If thi. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. their. If. If. their. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. their. If. If. their. If. their. If. their. the the the the the the their. If. the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. te. te. te going towards? Well, we don't know. Why are they trying to five pecks? She just told me, she said, we can't give you carry bags anymore because you're

killing turtles. See, there's no way, she said, we can't give you, Carl Pilkington, stop killing turtles. turtles, five pets. All I'm saying is, if carry a carry it, if t, if, if, their bags, their bags, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t in there. So, so what? So, does it matter? Does it matter that much or not enough or what? What's the point here? There can be for that 5P, you could get a little feral, when he sees a turtle going, oh, he goes and sticks his finger down his throat. For what taste are they getting out of a jellyfish anyway?

Wow. It gets, oh, it's pikely. Someone threw a perfectly good pikely away. Talking about the earth, Carl is going around the earth. Myself and Stephen have set Carl up with a dream job. Not only have we got him a TV program on Sky, but he's going to see the world. It came out of Carl not being impressed by anything. And we, Steve had this idea, and we've talk to see the world. It came out of Carl not being impressed by anything and we Steve had this idea and we've talked to the producers and we're basically sending around seeing the seven wonders. Okay the seven most amazing things on earth. Okay the seven most

amazing things on earth. According to polls and opinion it's it's a bit of fun. We know they might not be the most amazing things on earth, but if Carl finds all seven of an unimpressive and boring, there is something fundamentally wrong with him, we think. I've only done Egypt so far. What do you think of it? And what do you think? Probably the greatest civilizations. Yeah, do they hang on about that, I think we should. Carl, yeah, do they hang up on about doing boxing when you turned up once and that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, and that's, and that's, and that's, and that's, and that's, and that's, and that's, and that's, and that's, and that's, and that's, that's, that's that's that's that's thi, thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thiomomomomomomomomomom an thi' thi' thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi'''i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i'i' thi' thi' thi' thi' th. Unlike the English, we don't have drawn on about our great past. No, but we shouldn't. I don't think we should. Carl, you go on about doing boxing when you turned up once and got battered by Leroy.

Yeah, because you ask me about it. But the thing is there constantly, it's like they haven't moved on. Every way you go, you see the Sphinx or a pyramid on something, and it builds it up too much so that when you actually get there you feel like you've seen it so many times that it doesn't impress you that much but I like the you know it's different I liked all the you know locals and stuff and the way they are and that and that's good aren't they just a lot of old people yeah a lot of old and the old and the young mix more than all our lot do there was only a couple of things that I I I I I I I I I I I th th th th th th th th th th th th th. the th. the thi thi the thi the thi the thi thi their thi. thi. thi. they're they're they're they're their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their too toye. toye. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. tooe. they're not they're they're they're they're they're than our lot do. There was only a couple of things that I didn't like and that was the toilets. Toilets are pretty depressing. Why? What's that with them?

Just, um, it's just a hole in the ground, isn't it? Right. And I like the to sort of, you know, me time. And to sort of go in one one one one their their their their their their their them one, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, thoilets, you, you, you, th, th, th, tho, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tho, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th's, th's, th's, th's, th's, th's, th's, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to-a, to-s toilets, toilets are toilets are their, their, toilets are toilets are pretty, to, to, to, their, to sort of go in one of them you don't want to hang around. You sort of, you just want to do the job and get out but my insides don't work like that. You like to sort of relax a bit and you can't do that there because you've got flies whizzing around your head and there was one time when we were out and about and I'd had a bit of hummus or something because that's that's what you can't get away from a their a their a their a their. I I I I I I I I I I their their their their their their their their. their. their their. their. their their. thi. thi. thi. that's that's thi. thi. that's that's thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's to that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. that's thi. that's their their their their their their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their the. their their the. their their try. try. the. the. the. the. the. th thought, oh my belly feels funny. Got to find a toilet. Cut through this market. Didn't no one was there but you sort of smell it. It's like I'm getting close to one. Yeah it stinks. Go in, there's like a fella sat there really old. He must have been about 93, about two teeth, sat there with a rag and you have to the rag and a rag and the rag and the rag and you, and you, and the rag and you, and the rag and you, and to to to pay to pay the rag and to pay to pay to pay the rag and th. And th. th. thin, thin, th. I th. th. th. th, thin, th. that, th, th, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th. I, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th, didn't th. I, didn't th. th. th. Didn't thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, tho tho thoooooo' the the that, that, that, thoooooooooooooo' the, didn't the, didn's the round for you? He doesn't wipe your ass for you. I don't know, I don't know, but the toilet's never been clean by the looks of it. I had to give him like five Egyptian pounds, whatever that is. I don't know how much that is. But I don't know what he's doing for that money. Because the place I've never seen a mop. So I go's the same thing you know gets the end one open it normal

normal toyle thing done brilliant sit down there do what I do look round no toilet paper oh no he's waving the rag over the top of the cubicle yeah more about ten pound so I'm thinking oh god thinking can I just get up because it was quite a clean you know I Because it was quite a clean, you know, I thought, if I had to... It was quite a clean drop. Sure. So I'm thinking that... Don't they use water though?

Don't they use... Well, they have a hose pipe, yeah. But I didn't fancy that. Well, that's cleaner going to, that's not going to clean it properly. It's going to get rid of some bits in it. It's like when you clean a car, yeah, use a hose but where's a sponge. Sure. So, uh... Oh God. You rid of us off a plate but then you always give a little wipe as well. Exactly, but I like it. That's when they've broken off the door, the door. So I'm in the the th. I'll the the th. I'll the the th. I'll th. I'll the th. I'll th. I'll the th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. thath. that's the the the thathea' though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's. That's. That's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's the th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the th. It's like. Yeah, the there, I look at the door, there's no handle on the door. So I'm trapped in there anyway. Someone's nicked the handle. So I can't open the door. I'm sat there, there's no toilet paper. I'm calling, I'm calling like the people

I'm out there with. They've got the phones off because we're meant they'll call. They'll panic, yeah. And they did after about twelve. Hello? Oh, it's Carl. What do you need? Handling some toilet paper, please? So they called up and they had to come down. That fella don't let you pay five Egyptian. And they all had to pay five.

I mean, I don't know why they all had to come some toilet paper then? No, they got it from the like the fellow with the, you pay money to, he had the supply. You should have paper sign all the way into, I think that's what you do. But they don't give you a full, a full roll, they give you like a strip, right? Which I'm pretty wasteful with toilet paper. I'd prefer to do a good job, use it up, replace it, rather than five sheets. I've never done that in my life. So, the brother taught me something. When he was in the army, he said you used to sort of put your hand through it, get it all, then use that paper to get it off your hand. What? When you're in the army, I taught survival techniques. And they said if you're a court with very little to the toy's a survival technique. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would he die? Dying of a dirty ass. Hold on, wait a minute. Right, what is this technique? You get the toilet

paper, right? to use two sheets, fold it over so you've got, normally to one sheet, it's two ply, right? It's like a bogged glove. It's a paper, thap, thap, thap, thap, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. thoom. they. their, their, thi. thi. their, their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their. Yeah, their. Yeah, their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, to. Yeah. It's. It's. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, the the to. Yeah, the the the to. Yeah. Yeah. ply. It's like a bog glove, a bog paper glove. Yeah, so you put your hand through it so you make a hole. Yeah, what do you mean? Make a hole? So your hand goes through it. Yeah. Then you can wipe your ha thrown. Then you can wipe your ass with that.

And then your hand? And then, and then the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to pull, to to to to tooge. to pull. thoge. thoge. thoge. thoge. thoom. thoge. thoge. thoge. thoome. thoome. thoome. thoome. thoome. thoome. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. thoom. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. to make. too. too. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. with the toilet paper? Because you've only got a cover of sheets because you're in the jungle, right, and it's survival. So what's the difference between wiping your a thaskin with your hand and trying to get shit off your hand? Or wiping your ass with a toilet paper and putting your fucking trousers up? I don't know why this is a technique to watch my face. It doesn't make any sense at all. Do you know I suggest something for you? You like wiping your ass with your hand? You don't like paper and water, you like a sponge. One of those big foam hands that you see at sporting events. You just go in with that like Kenny Ever, you go in there with two big spedrum. You sit down, you wipe your ass, you just leave up, you just leave.

You can cheer about it as you leave, but everyone all know. Be careful with the giant sponge finger that it doesn't go up the house. I'd cause damage. That is a problem. Oh, God! Oh God! Well, that's it in the last series of the Ricky Gervais Guide 2, maybe the last audio book ever. Who knows? As you've seen, we've running out of ideas.

Yeah, so I've had enough. Well, I mean, that was about the environment, and we certainly recycled some old shit there. So it's goodbye for me, Ricky Javais, Stephen Merchant, bye. And the Global Village Idiot that is presented by Audible. Audio that speaks to you wherever you are.