The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guide To... S2E6 "The World Cup" (June 12, 2010)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

It was announced on Gervais's blog that the first episode of the new series, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Society, was recorded on 6 September 2009; it was released on 3 November 2009. The second audiobook of the new series, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Law and Order, was released on 1 December 2009. A third audiobook, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Future, was released on 29 December 2009. A fourth audiobook, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Human Body was released on 26 January 2010. The fifth and final audiobook of the second season, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Earth was released on 23 February 2010.On 12 June 2010 The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The World Cup released. This was followed later that year by a podcast entitled "A day in the Life of Karl Pilkington" following a format more associated with the Ricky Gervais Show podcasts. The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Comic Relief was released as a free podcast on 6 March 2011 in aid of Red Nose Day (18 March 2011).

As Bill Shankly once said, some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that. The World Cup is the most watch sporting event in the world, with 32 teams battling it out for the most coveted prize in football. I assure you, it's much more serious than that. The World Cup is the most watched sporting event in the world, with 32 teams battling it out for the most coveted prize in football.. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th. th th th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to too too too too too too too too toa toa toa toa toa thin toa thin thin.e thin. The World Cup is the most watched sporting event in the world with 32 teams battling it out for the most coveted prize in football. For the first time in history, an African nation will host the tournament this year, seen as controversial by some and by others as an example of soccer's ability to be progressive

and inspiring. How will England fare? Which teams are the frontrunners? And who are the rank outsiders? To discuss the beautiful game, I'm joined by Stephen Merchant, a warder and writer and graduate of the University of Warwick. Hello. And Carl Pilkington, a man with a head like a fucking football. An orange one. Oh, I'm finished. Codd! All right. What are you doing? We don't do it with water. What are you doing? Try to calm my gums down.

We don't do it with water. What do you do it with? You try to calm your guns? You do it with meditation and hard drugs. What's the problem with your gums? When I'm stressed out my teeth now. What do you mean? Say that again. When I'm sort of stressed out, me gums and my teeth now before I do. It's like a weakness. So what's up? You've got a toothache

then? I thought you went to the dentist. I did the other week. Well what's what's w-thea? thii. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. th. W. W. W. W. th. W. W. th. W. th. th. th. W. W. W. W. W. th. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. th. W. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. to to to to the. to to the. S. Sot. Sot. Sot. Sot. S. thi. S. Sot. Sot. W't know. Why are you stressed? What have you got to be stressed about? I don't know. That's what's weird with stress, isn't it? No? Your body can be stressed without you realising. That's what feels people. No, no, no, no, no. You're stressed because you feel stressed and then your body gets weak because you're... No, because I'm pretty good. I don't I never I never I never I never I never I never I never I never I that I don't. I don't. I that I that I that I don't. I that I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's what that's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. That's that's that's w. That's w. That's w. That's w. that's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's w. that's w I don't know about it. That's why it's making sense to talk. It's number one killer. What do you need? If you don't feel stressed how are you stressed? But you must be stressed if your teeth are stressed? It's like saying I didn't feel like how the pain but apparently I did. Listen go on. I was in Israel recently. I had a bag put over my head chucks in the back than. Now the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. thin. I thin. I thin. I thin. I thirty. I thirty. I thirty. I thirty. I to thirty. I to thirty. I thirty. I th. I th. I th. I'm that. that. th. th. th. th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You to to to to to to get to to get to get to get to get to get. You to to get. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. I th. I th. You. You. I th. I th. I th. I th. You're th. It's. It's the. It's the. You're the. the. You're never never never never never never the. You never never never the. You never never never never the. You never never never the. I th. You never never never th. I th. I of the van. Now the thing is, I kind of thought, well, it wasn't a blind date by the way, and he wasn't being arrested or kidnapped. It was a training thing, wasn't it, for kidnapped situations? Yes, but I didn't know. What, you didn't know?

You didn't know they were going to do it? No, they don't tell me anything, do they? That's thin. So. So what th so what th so what th so. So what th so what th. So what th. So what th. So what th. So what th. So what th. So what the thing. So what th. So what th. So what th. So what happened? So what happened? So what happened? So what happened? So what happened? So, th. So, the thing. So, the thing. So, their. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their they. their their their. their. their. the they took the bag off, I realised everything was all right. I was calm, but my body was shaking. And that's what I said to you. That doesn't make any sense. My body, as far as my body was concerned, it had just been kidnapped. Right? But I knew I hadn't. Anyway, football. You know the bag they put over your head?

Was it like a tennis racket cover? What shape was it? You sure they just didn't go and thought, oh I thought I'd just bought the world's biggest orange? Come on, let's do this. Right. Soccer. Yeah. We thought we'd jump on the bandwagon with every other fucker who's doing a World Cup.

Yeah, tho' thu. World Cup podcast, even though we've got nothing to say about it. Whoa! I've got a few things. Yeah, but it's going to be so disappointing. We're going to get excited, we're going to sit down. In fact, if you're listening to this now, England are probably out of the fucking World Cup. I disagree with you.

I'm right behind the land. Yeah, right. Do you remember, because I've watched a World Cup a few times with Ricky, in different projects we've been doing in the past, we've been in different situations. Do you remember when, I think, the last time we qualified, we were doing a project and we were watching it together in a hotel room. We're watching extras, right? And the... Making extras. Making extras. And we watched it. We said, oh, I went to my room, I went to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see. to see. the the the the the project, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was the project, the project, we were, we were, we were, we were the project, we were the project, we were the project, we were the project, we were the project, we were their, we were their, we were doing, we were doing a project, we were doing a project, we were doing a project, we were the project, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their the their their bed so we sat on the bed together and we thought that was a bit intense so I put a line of pillows down but I don't understand what to my he would put a line of pillows between us now he knows I'm not going to jump on me no

but he's still terrified that some kind of like some kind of paparazzi he's gonna sort of paras down the building and period period period th is th is th is th is th is th is th is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's kind of like some kind of paparazzi is going to sort of parasen down the building and peer in and take a photo of us and that's before we've got time to explain that we're just watching the football it's already printed going well this is clearly evidence of their game there's no way that they could possibly be sat on a bed just as friends notoday. But hold on tho their to their told. thoes. tho. the. Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why we we we they they they were they were they were they were not. they were they were they were they were they were they were to to to to they were to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they were they were they were to they were they were to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the th the the the the the the the the the. the the the to to th to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to remember that you, even though it was my room, you forced me to sit in the chair, that was one of those really uncomfortable box chairs. I said it's weird, I can't get excited, we're having a beer, okay? So now we're drinking, now we're drinking in bed, on the bed. We're in bed.

We're in bed. No, no, no, no I just thought, let's pop the pillows down. That wasn't enough. I said, Steve, I can't do this. I can't, I can't watch football with a man on a bed. I said, so go in the chair and he sat in I was furious I felt like I was some like an old rich man just waiting to die and my little man servant used to come and sit and watch football with me in the last days of my time I'm in bed going oh it's gone oh the last

time I'm up a play I'm up later look really it's all the toy oh dear, so, oh yeah, let me clean it up. We can put this on, pause, it's Sky Plus, is that... Let's open a window. Yeah, yeah. But the thing is, the most, often I think football fans are very homoeric, they're hugging each other, sowing shirts and stuff, so there's something wrong with being intimate watching a football game. I don't think gay people do that. Gay people don't run around hugging each other and swapping shirts do they? They get stuck in. Carl, would you sit on a bed, right, with Stephen in a hotel room, right, watching football?

Okay, you're pouring, you're pouring each other wine and beer and chap. Duh, da, da, da. No, there wasn't that music playing. There was the roar of the crowd and John Motson doing commentary. It wasn't, wasn't, wasn't, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, thi, thi, I wasn't, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, thi, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, right. thi. thi. thi, right, right, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, thi, thi, right, What do you think Carl? Someone said, oh come to my room we're watching football. You got there and he went da da da. Well he was on the bed first. He was on the bed first. Well he probably got up to answer the door so he so I don't know I came in I thought well there's only a bed here we sat down we we yeah but it wasn't it was a chair there well yeah but you know full well that if you're in a room with Ricky he's the one who's gonna leap straight on the bed and demand that you I just took the chair well why would you be concerned with lying on a bed with a to me just what's up with that what? Why is it? Why is it weird I don't why? Why is weird is weird is weird why is weird? Why is weird? Why is weird? Why is weird? I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't that's that's weird? Why? Why? I that's just just just just just just just just just just that's weird? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why is th. Why is th. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I? I? I? I? Why? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. house do you? Because you have a sofa and things we didn't have that in the room. Yeah but when you visit someone in hospital you don't say move

over you pop you don't pop yourself down next to him you sit on the chair next to it. No because you're not there in a relaxed situation for 90 minutes enjoying a game of sport it's just a more formal environment because you're quite a because because because because you because you because you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th thi thi thi. Yeah thi. Yeah thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I the like getting into things too much. Because it can only be disappointing. I've never seen him get into anything, to be quite honest. No, I am a football fan, but I've got it now to a point where if they lose, it only bothers me for about half an hour. And then I move on.

Because the thing is, I'm not in control of it. There's nothing I can do to alter that team. If I could go in and say, listen, you're lazy, you get your finger out, you move up front, but it's different, but it's totally, it's like getting annoyed with nature. There's nothing you can do. So let it happen, watch it if you want, but don't get annoyed about it because it's totally out of your hands. Interesting that Carl's team tactics also sounds like he could be directing a gay porn. What do you think of these people though? I love it that everyone's an expert, everyone's a pundit. You get your finger out, you get up front. You're lazy. You're lazy. What do you think of these people though? I love it that everyone's an expert. th. pundit. You see these fat people in pubs

going, well he's lost a few yards up front, yeah, are you going to be a great? You fucking score a goal then fatty? Mmm. We're wearing a football top. Yeah. I hate that. Exactly, yeah. They shouldn't make them for them. It shouldn't make them in that size. It should be one size only. If you fit enough to you to you you to you to th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin thin thin thin thin' thin' thin' thin' that thin' thin' thin' tho tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' thu thu thu thu thu thu thu f thu f thu f tho tho tho th. You th. You th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you're not. You're not ridiculous anyway. But what's that? What he was told me? So you were a big fat slob with his belly out in an England shirt going, I could score from there. Go on then, let's have a go. Hey, listen, calm down. Don't be slagging off the fans because that's what it's all about. Football's all about the supporters, isn't it? You know, let's not the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. their. th. th. th. th. thathe. thatheir thoom. thathe. So, thatheir th. So, is thoom. So, th. So, thoom. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, thin. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So, that. So, thi. So, that. So, that. So, thi. So, thi. So, thi. So If we want to drink till we're fat and eat pork pies and then put on an England shirt we'll do it. That's the British way, that is the English way, that is what we want a war for. What difference does it make if we win or lose? That's what

I always look at the end result. How can you say you like football and then give us that argument? The only reason to watch football is the excitement. Yeah, the the the the the the the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only reason reason reason reason reason reason why the only the only their. The only their. The only their. The their. The their. The their. The their. The their. The their. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, their. It's their. It's their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's their. It's, is, is, is, is, is,'s nice to say a bit of skill. And that was clever. Because it's entertaining. Yeah. But what I'm saying is, enjoy the game for what it is and then forget about it. If fat Bob in the pub, he's got his football top on. Just. He gets all annoyed when England, you know, lose. Yeah. What difference does it make if they lose there or lose in the final? What's the point? Well I say what difference it makes. I knew a fat Bob, okay? That wasn't his name, but I'm changing the name to protect the innocent and him. And he's not innocent, right? Was it fat bloke, right? And he worked on one of the crews that used to bring in equipment where I used to work at the student's union, okay? And, uh, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, what, what, what, what, what, what, thi, thi, what's, what's, what's, what's th. What, what's, what, what's th. What, what, what's th. What, what, what, what, what, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's, th......... th. th.... th, what, th, what, what, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, to, what's, to, thi? What, to, to, to, the to, to-a the Students' Union. Okay, and it was massive, right? And I think it was

1990 or not in my 1992, the Euro, right, when England got knocked out and he went mental and he was so angry. He went out and he wanted retribution, okay? Luckily there were no German people around, but the closest he could find was a sausage van. So Paul Cove, who delivered sausages and he turned it over. He got the van and he turned it over because it was selling sausages so he thought that's German enough. No, if he's fat, it's probably just annoyed that it wasn't open. I'm very excited because Peter Crouch is in the tournament. You identify with him, don't you?

I love Crouchy. He's exactly the same height as me. Six foot seven. It's sort of lanky and awkward looking. Right, but brilliant. I mean, still a very, you know, let's not forget that he is playing in the national squad yeah he is a striker you know he's got excellent track record of scoring for England admittedly maybe not in the super top important games but nevertheless he's like your role he's like your pinna he wrote he wrote an autobiography which I was gonna call my autobiography tall stories Crouch he got there but good luck to him I'm I once got someone who come up to me in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in a a a a to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tre I I I tre I true I true I true I true I true I true I true I true I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the true I true I'm true. true I'm true. true. true. I'm true. I'm true. I'm true. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm true. I'm true. I give it to him. I'm happy for him to do that. I once got, someone who came up to me in a club once and said, are you Peter Crouch? I said, yeah. I thought, she thinks I'm crougill, what's the problem? Let's see how far we can get with this before

the truth will out. But I was disappointed. I didn't know you wore glasses. I didn't know you. I'm you you th. You th. You th. I'm sort th. I'm sort of th. I'm sort the th. I'm sort th. th. th. th. th. I'm sort th. I'm sort th. I'm sort th. I'm sort tho. I'm sort tho. I'm sort to to thi. I'm sort the. I'm sort to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. theate. theateateateate. theatea. theatea. theatea. theatea. toea. thea. the. the. the on the field. Do you think you'd have had a different career if he'd have worn glasses from the age of five like you? This is one of the reasons I've not been a great footballer. Have you ever seen me doing any form of athletics or sport? No. Because I like to think I look quite elegant. You know I feel like I'm actually in control ofthey just fall over and there's no real expression on the head. But one of the things I was disappointed at, I was looking at, because obviously around

this time of the year there's lots of advertising because of the footballers are all getting endorsements. And I was looking to see what each one are doing. And Wayne Rooney, he's got endorsement deals Grouch, you know what he's advertising? Go on. Pringles. It's not the coolest one, is it, Pringles? I mean even the name Pringles, really. It's sort of like an insult, isn't it? It is. Who's that Pringle?

Is that? Is that? Is that? Is that? Is that Crouchcci? No, it's Steve Murchin. I mean, I love Pringles. Yeah. And I'm pleased to see Crouchies associated, but I was disappointed. Don't bother mentioning Pringles thinking you'll get some free fringles, because he went on about munchies and then we got no fucking sniff. Well, true. True. What do you think of that, Carl? But you're a fan, you're all much of a much much, the, the, tha, talking about football. I'll watch it. I mean, I didn't want to come in here and say, what, what a thing to say?

What? Imagine Gary Inga going, hello? Weren't we see, I didn't want to be here today talk about football? Fed up, I've got a better things to do. No, no, no. But it's something you talk about, I mean. I. I. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. I. It. It. It. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. think. the. think. the. th. th. to. the. to. the. to. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. is one thing that's good about it. It's that, isn't it? Not never... Well that's what I don't understand. I don't understand all this punditry why we have a three-hour build-up, then they talk about half-hour afterwards. I mean for know how we'd be if we won. We'd go, alright, yeah. What was we talking about? Yeah. See back in 1966, people weren't as miserable. All right. Okay, let's, well hang on with it. I'd like to hear this theory extrapolated. Well they weren't, were they? People were, you know, the war had happened like not that long ago. Right. People getting on with it. 66, everyone's smart, you know, you dressed up if you went out, you know,

they weren't on as much money. The footballers? Footballers. It was it was just a game of football. Whereas now it's like all this buildup going on. Just get on with it. You know I'm sick of, honestly I'm sick and tired of hearing about it. I'm with you. I do th I do th I do th I do th I do th I do th I do th I do th. I do th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi. I thi. th th th th th th th th th thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. that the. that's that's that's that's thee. that's that's that's that's thee. that's the. the. I'm with you. I do think it's ridiculous that there's a match and the program before us, like two hours before it and then an hour after. Well, that's just a shameless attempt to keep people. I mean, let's be honest, you and I've been guilty of being involved with that, and we've done various little sk't get better than that. Well I was in a pub watching that year and I've forgotten that we'd done now or at least that it was going to be shown

that day. So I'm in this pub. It's rammed obviously and that's on the big screen. And suddenly that's on the big screen. And suddenly that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. That's thi thi thi that's that's that he's that's that he's thi that he's the, the the the the the that he's that he's that he's the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the. the. the. He the doesn't the doesn't the doesn't the doesn't the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I was furious, I was thinking there's a couple of good-looking birds there. Well at least I'm on the fucking dunny, I look at the sketch, it was a record of a sketch, was a rickety and dwarfeet, and I'm playing crutching. No one in the pub's seen interested. No one in the toubstsked at me, I could not. My my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my mother. My my mother. My moomest. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother. My mother, my mother, my mother, my mother, my mother, my mother, my mother, th. My mother, th. My mother, th. My mother, th. My mother, th. My mother, th. My mother, th. My th. My. My th. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. I was th. I was th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. Now. I was. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now. It was. It's is famous. It's is famous. It's famous. It's famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous famous said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, famously said, that's famous. I was famously said. No one in the pub seen interested and then a few people like look round, looked at me, looked at the screen, sort of shrugged, carried on going, nothing, nothing, but also kind of it is embarrassing that situation. I was on a flight, an internal flight in America and you know on the the internal flights you don't get individual screens they give you individual players but there's also screens all down the aisle for people. Right, but Ghost Town was on. Looked over, so I'm watching extras.

And I had to make sure that at no point did I glance up at the screen, like he's watching himself, and make sure I flicked over whenever it came up the office or extras. Yeah, if I'm on the tube and I'm flipping through the paper, sometimes there'll be an interview with you that I'm not aware it's going to be in the paper and I have to flip on by because I don't want to bloke on the chub going all reading about your mate, are yeah? Yeah, I don't know anything of any worth, have or it's almost like recognising a neighbour of something because they sort of go, it's him.

And then the other one might go, what's he do? I don't know. It's not like I've done something. Right, of any worth? Of any worth, yeah. None of us don't think of the office you know I'm very proud of it but I haven't secured a bunker and enemy territory I haven't given a kidney away do you know I mean it's all relative it's just did you entertain anyone did you know bring a smile to

someone's face was it a laugh I think you're forgetting all those emails I pass on to you for those people that have had traumas in their lives. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's... I's.... I's. I's.. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm their. I'm their their their th. I'm th. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. you for those people that have had traumas in their lives, you know, the earthquake victim, there's people that have lost relatives or had, you know, terrible life-threatening diseases and they say the podcast got them through. Doesn't that warm the cockles of your heart? Well normally it's gone straight to you know, you you and you and you and you you and you the you and you the th and you th and you th and you the th and you th and you just and you just and you just and you just and you just and you just and you just and you just and you just and you just and you just and you just and you just the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there and you're just and you're just and you're just and you're just and you just and you just and you just and you just their their their their their their th and you just th.. th and you just just just just just th th th th th th th th thus. thus. thus. th th th th thus. th thus. thus. th me. It doesn't it doesn't feel as special because it's like here you go look at this you know. Unbelievable. I've got the new iPad I've had it for a few months actually got sent to me by the inventor. That's who you're dealing with there Steve. Bloody you've got it on you still getting free shit. My favourite app on this look, you just type in what you want it to say and it says it. Carl has got a head like a fucking orange, the cunt.

It's almost certainly what it was designed for. I haven't seen that on the advert. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Carl has got a head like a fucking orange. The cunt. That's great. She sounds like a radio four news announcer. So what is that for? For doing that. Carl has got a head like a fucking orange. The cunt.

Did I mention his round head? Good. Right, and so, uh... I think I first became really excited by the World Cup that famous year when Maradonna did the handball. Do you remember what was that? 86? Yeah. Oh that was so exciting because obviously he'd been so brilliant in that tournament and then he did cheat as we all know. Yeah. What do you make of that? Do you remember that moment Car Carl? That was very formative for me. I know what I made of it.

The cunt. Um, I don't know, isn't cheating part of part of all games now? Hang on. There's a lot of young people who look up to Carl as a role model. Yeah. Yeah, but it's the world we're living now, isn't? It's get what you can, how you can? But what's your feeling? Are you the sort of person, I mean have you ever cheated in a game, are you that sort of person? I just think my dad does it a lot. What in board games, isn't that? Yeah, just just cards, you know, monopoly. How is he cheating a monopoly? Just nicks a lot of the money. I'm just straightforward Knicks the money. I hadn't thought of that. I love that. But how do you not notice even doing it? Because I'm busy looking at what properties have invested in and stuff. And the money

is just there, isn't it? I don't see the point of cheating. No, I don't. I say that to him. I'm saying you're kidding yourself. You're kidding yourself. But to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the to kidding yourself. to. the to. the they. they. they. they. their. their. their. their. their their their their their that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm not. I'm that. I'm not. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm the that. I'm the the the they. I'm they. I'm they. that. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. I'm not. I'm they. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm that's that. I'm they. I'm to him, he's broke the system, hany. He's got round the rules. What do you mean I can only have that much? Who says I can? Bosch, get some more money, buy some more hotels? And in a way that's life, in it. All people with loads of money now, you kind of go, have they made that honestly? Right. You know I've passed big houses in London and I think gangsters, gotta be gangsters to have a house like that. There's no way a normal job, someone who's, because I know I'm trying to make money and I know how hard it is to make money. Because the more money you make, the more hands are out there, taking little bits. So how the hell has this man bought this house? It's got to be a crook. So do you yourself cheat? Would you consider yourself a cheater? Are you honourable?

In games. Well, just generally, do you cheat on anything? No, do you know what, the other week, I'd had a cup of tea and some fish and chips, at this pub, and the only took for one, and I went back the next day and said, oh, you didn't charge me for my fish and chips. What a fucking moron. I paid. No I didn't tell about the tea though. Got a free tea? I just thought well you know it's pretty good that I've gone back to pay for that how much is a tea bag the water's free yeah I'll have that for free so that again that's just me it's like the Mars bar and the the the the paper and the paper and the the paper and the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th and th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is the the that. three. th is th is th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th is tree is tree is tree is tree is tree is tree's tree's tree's tree's tree's t. tree's tree's tree's tree's tree's tee. tree's tree's tree's tree's like the Mars bar and the paper round it's me going well I've been good the fish would have cost money potatoes are pretty cheap but I'll pay for it but for my goodness is a little gift have a free cup of tea but who's giving you the right to make that decision that's me that's me I'm deciding there I'm in charge I didn't have to go in there didn't have to to go back and payed I didn't I I I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't I didn't to go back I didn't to go back I didn't to go to go back I didn't to go back I didn't to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go I didn't I didn't I didn't to go I didn't to go I didn't to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go I to go I to go I I to go I to go I to go I to go I to go I to go I to go I to go I to go I to go I to go back to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to go back to go back I treat yourself. How's that? Have the cup of tea? All right, I will do. There's the fish and chips. If she was good at her job, she'd have remembered.

I thought she would have done. In a way, annoyed me that she didn't go, oh yeah, so you did. Well done. Thank you very much for coming back there. She looked at me. She looked at me like, did you? She looked at what, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I. She, I, I, I, I, I, if. If, if, if, if. If. If. If, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if. If. If. If. If. If. If, if, if. If. If. If, if, if, if, if, if, if. If. If. If, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if. If. If. If. If, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if. If. If. If. If. If. If, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, th. If, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was th. She was th. She was th. She was th. She was th. She was th. If member sort of getting done or having to pay for it. I know where you're coming out there. One of my first disappointments with football I was 10 years old okay and one of the teachers was some in charge of the football team my junior school and uh I went down to Tuttys it, a shop in Redden and my ma'am.

So it's white socks, black shorts, white shirt, I went to, knocked on his door, I said, I've got my kit, he went with the trials were yesterday, you've missed it. That was it for a year. Right? Next year, I wear the trials, when I got the trials, okay? He was going to give it 100%, right? Really try hard, really try hard. He's watching people play, right? I made sure that every time I ran by him, I was out of breathed think we have it. He said, and the team is this, I'm left out, right? He went past me, and he went, you've clearly got asthma. So you didn't make that team either? Yeah, and I didn't, and I vowed that they never try hard as anything. Yeah, well, you've certainly kept that up. What's your thoughts on that, Carl, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thate. tho, tho, to to tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I, I, I, I, I. tho, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, that, that, that, ta, toge. It, toge. It, toge. And, too. And, too. And, tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And, tha. And, tha. And, what he certainly kept that up. Yeah. What's your thoughts on that, Carl? Will you play, do you play sport at school? Um, a little bit, but it was never

taken seriously at school anyway. It was, I think the PE teacher was a geography teacher as well. So it's like, you know, what does he know? It was all that. Basically he put some tracks suit pants on that were always too too too too too tied tied tied tied thea thea thea. thea. thea. thea. their tha. tha. th. th. thi. thi. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. that tha. thi. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. It's tha. It's tha. Do. It's tha. tha. tha. tha. Do. Do see everything. What were you looking at a... Did you couldn't help it? It was in the days when clothing was tight as it is and then it was like lycra tracky bottoms. Oh right. And everyone used to say look at the state of heart. But he was stealing sausages from London. Ridiculous. So he didn't know what was what was the capability of a 10-year-old kid's th. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It was. It was. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was. It was. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was dangerous because he didn't know what was the capability of a 10-year-old kid's body. You put you through loads of stuff. He didn't like me anyway because it wasn't that good.

If you're not that good, teachers don't like you. I thought you'd be pretty good. I wasn't interested, that's the thing. I did relay and I got done for swearing, got whacked on the ass with a baton. Hold on, what, why were you swearing in relay? When does that come into it? When do you need to swear in relay? You're running around? Because the lab wouldn't slow down, so I couldn't pass it on, so I sort of said, fucking slow down. And he heard me, he heard me, and then went mental at me. But yeah, the thrown that was was was was was was was, so, that' that' that' that' that'n'n't that'n't that'n't that, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, to. to. to. to to to to to to to to the to to the the to to to the to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to. to. to. to. the the the the athlete I've told you I don't know that I was involved in his training. No, don't know about this?

Yeah, Darren Campbell, I think he won a gold medal. Didn't he use to push you around in a bath or something? It's not last the summer wine. It was in my go-kart. Right. And you used to, it was a motorized go-kart and you had to like pick it up at the back it, the back it, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the back, run with it at speed and then drop the wheels down and the engine kicked in. But hold on though, that means you always needed two people to get you going on a go-cart? No one, he did it.

Well where were you? Well, where were you? Sat in it? Well, then you did need two then to get it going. What theymea? Yeah, drops it down, wheels start, engine starts off a go. But what would you have done without him? Well I couldn't have done it. So you do need two people then to for this motorist go. Well, one person.

I'm sat in it. Yeah, but counting you, it's two people needed. Yeah. Fuck me! What's so bad about that? Well, how can you have a play with yourself then? And you go-caps? Sorry, this was part of his official Olympic training. No, no, but I just feel like that was part of his early training, which is the important bit

in any job or walking around. Well, no, we should explain, people don't know. He was the bloke. He used to push the bobslay in the Winter Olympics, wasn't he for the England team? No he was a runner. Well how is that part of his training then? Pushing a fucking go-car. What was he doing? Because it's running! But it's running about a yard? No, no sometimes more than that, quite a lot. And it's just, God, what do you want? It's Darren Campbell pushing me go-cauld. You seem to be taking half the credit for his gold medal. All you've done is sat on your arse, you lazy twad. I just kind of think, he was at the age where it's important he could have made a decision not to go into it at that point and I think he was never keen to get in the go cart. He was always keen to push it and I used to let him. Now if I said no I don't want you pushing me go ca ca, go knows? I'm just saying I was there at the start.

Doing nothing, providing nothing. Sitting on your ass. Sitting around. Well, if you've, all right. What athletes have you helped? Well, I didn't know this was a, uh, let's do a podcast about athletes we've helped. You've not helped him. I bet if he ever did a book, an autobiography,

he'd go, you know, the early years, Darren Campbell. Now I want to know if he has done an autobiography because we're going to be looking this up. I remember the training. I'm making a note of that for the next time we do anything. Around that, you're a bullkin's. Dixon's. Daring, D' the the go-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin' thin'-up. thin' tho-in' tho-in' tho-in' tho-in' th. He' tho-hea-hea-hea-he a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a'-a'-a'-a'-a'-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a Campbell pushing a girl cart pushing bold you aren't bald you're able to have a try and them an orange tort in crap cheap wasn't going cut cart hundred and twenty quid it was in how many paper hands that is what I like when you're watching football on the

television is if it goes to a close-up of a footballer it's just kick the ball out Mr Gar was gone for a free kick or whatever if you stay on any footballer for more than 10 seconds they will either swear or gob yeah yeah yeah I mean that's a fact oh yeah yeah I've never needed to gob that much I don't care how I they're they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the the their their their their their th they their th th th th th th th th th they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never needed to gob that much. I don't care how that. I'm never gobbing like that. It's weird though. The other week I just sat in the garden. Slavoring. Just to see if it would ever run out. And it's amazing. I don't know where it all comes from. What is the strangest? That's amazing. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. to to th. to to to to to to to to to the the the th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. tho. tho. tho. tho. I toooooooooooooob. I too. I too. I too. I to to the strangers? That's amazing. Just to see

if it would run out. So now he's got to the point in his life where as a hobby or a pastime or just to count down the minutes before he dies, he sat in the garden creating sputum. Slavering to see if he'd ever run out. I mean that's amazing. Where has it all come from? Well you create it don't you? But from what? I'm always getting done for not drinking enough water. Slivery glands? But it's amazing. Honestly, I just sat like that with my head forward and just let it drip. Wow! Wow! Soone comes into the garden, all she sees is her boyfriend sat, like something from one foot of the Cuckoo's Nest, dribbling, battered around their head with a cricket bat. No, she was, she was breeding something. She was sat there.

Did you answer back to a dictator? Yeah. What did he do? Battered me? But I... You got a true-nogger. that's a div the thinin, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that th. that th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thatta. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thattha. thattha. thattha. thattha. that that that that that. that that that that. that. that that. that. that that that that. that that that thather. No, just sat there. What a fucking mark! What a div you are! And I just add my head there and he continuously... I think I got bored of it before it stopped. Oh God! I have never heard anything like this! Oh God! I've only the second opinion!

It's unbelievable! He just sat there with his head down slavering letting it just... You weren't even sort of like gubbing, you would just let him... No, just letting it sort of drop. So you've got nothing else going on in your life, but you've got time to do this. So your brain wasn't even engaged. How long are you there for? I tell you what, no joking, probably a good 15 minutes. Fifteen minutes of sitting with his head forward letting him salivate onto the grass. But do you reckon you could do that amount? I would never do it. We would never do it. I would never have that amount of time. I've never, I've never, I'll tell you now, you will never see either of us

sat there for no reason in the garden with our head forward and our mouth open seeing how long we can create saliva. Unless I've just come out of a coma. Yeah, or a gas attack. Yeah. Now I have a lot of, I'm sort of, Gos Unlimited. That's a great new dance duo! And please welcome to the stage. It's GOS Unlimited! Amazing! Didn't you have a little bit of problem in China with them all GOS Unlimited? Oh God, I tell you, they're just spitting all the time over there.

I don't know what it's all about. All the time. That noise of... Oh. That continuously, every way you look. That good sort of footballer gobb that they sort of, they spit and it kind of flies a couple of. I can't do it. I can't do it. If I try and spit it just dribbles down my shirt. I don't know why I can't do it. That's amazing. I. I. I. I. I' why. I' why I' it. I' it. I' their. I' their. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's that that that that that that that that that that th. That's that that that that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, their. That, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. That's the th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. thee. thrown. thrown. thrown. that thrown. the. the. the. throooooooooooooooooooooooooooo was a kid, you're hanging outside the spa. What you've got to do is you've got to sit in a chair in the garden, put your head forward and open your mouth and just let the, and then the all comes out. And you'll probably get bored after about 15 minutes if you're a fucking

moron. Ah, ah, the fucking horn. I like when you're watching the football on TV and it just goes th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I tho, I th, I the, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, probably the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, probably th, probably th, tho, tho, tho, thr, that, probably, thr, probably, that, probably, probably, probably, tho, probably, probably, probably, tho, probably, tho, tho, tho, tho, thull in the action, and you just hear that, that sort of plaintive horn, ahna-na-na-na-a-na-a-na-a-na-a-na-a-na- Come on England, do we? Come on England, come on England. I just find it's so kind of mournful. It's sort of of like battle though isn't it? Yeah like there was you know you had all the canons and everyone then there was one bloke that just had to walk one look to carry the flag but it's never triumphant it's it's sort of

you would you would have the funeral of a great football the. Yeah echoing around the stadium it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the stadium. the stadium. the stadium. the stadium. the stadium. the stadium. the stadium. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theya.a.a.a.a.a. their one one. Although it is safer to be him in a football match than when you're walking into battle because if you're the fellow with a flag you're going what you're a walking target yeah everyone can see that target and then they go so and even if it's dark I can't hear it but I just I just shoot at the sound of that trumpet yeah and no one likes the fucking trumpet trumpet what what what do you mean they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the the the the the the th th th th th tho thus thus thus tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th th th th th th th. th. the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th. th is the. the. the. the. the the the the to to to to to to to teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the the the the the the th's the trumpet? What? What? What? What? What? There used to be people that would, you know,

that would, you know, du-da-dah-dud, or, you know, what, in a battle? Yeah, keep them marching up, keep their trumpet, blo. They beat, there be a super at the back, Subaru at the back, just keep it out the front. I'm not having this, I don't believe that is... Of course I did.

Back in the day. Are you sure that that happened? What about the bagpipes? What about them? We better start going because I'm running out of breath. It's a good job this podcast is free. Because if you just pay for that. It's not a good sound anyway. It's not a good sound anyway. If anything, it might annoy you and then you're more angry and then you go mental with a gun blow up yeah I think that's that's where

it's more about in it because a certain instruments that aren't appropriate for a war like Maracas yeah yeah too happy it's just a bit too grunt of piano piano no one of those that thing that sort of that would be a that's the that's their their that's their that's their that's their th so th so their that's that's th so their th so that's their that's that's that's that's that's just just just just just just just just just just that's that's that's just just just just thin that's that's that's just that's just that's just just just just just that's just just just just just just that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is just th is just th is just the the the the th is just the the thin the thin thin the thin the thin the the the the the the thin the the thooooo the the the that that's just just just just that that, that thing, that sort of, the little penny whistle, what have the gold. When someone gets shot at the ass, that is when the major goes, oh, okay, oh, bloody hell! Strong! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, definitely. Yeah, uh...

Symbols are a good sound for a war. Good, simple. Very good exciting. Symbols, timpanies. So at what point? But one of those keyboard guitars. Yeah, that's not as cool. Funky?

Yeah, the batteries have fallen out. It's only a Wawa pedal in a war. No, no. So why has that stopped then? They still have military bands, don't they? Yeah, but that's more, that's what I'm saying, that's more like a Sunday sort of bandstand, let's play, we will rock you. Yeah, but the thing about modern technology is, you know, helicopters and tank is going to get drowned out, isn't it? Years ago.

Yeah, nowadays they're sending a sort ofwards up there, going giving it. He's doing like, scratching and... Come on, the place is mad deep with Taliban! Yeah. What do you think about George Best, using up his liver, then getting another one and getting pissed again? Clever. Well, that's always going to encourage it, isn't it? I've always said that. What? The moment we can replace stuff people just go, oh I saw it. What would you do if you gave someone a kidney and then they started doing the pub again? Doing drugs and shit and... Well I wouldn't I wouldn't hand it out to someone, just like that would I think you should be allowed to say right who's it for can I meet them and then have a chat with them saying have you learned your lesson well I'm gonna do

okay okay I'm a I'm a little kid who wants a kidney okay okay and you've come to I'm at the top of the list hello hello hello hello hello hello you're gonna give me one the kidnets so I the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that tho tho the tho tho tho thou to that to thou to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they th is th is thou thou the the the the the the the the thee. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. to to the the th? Good. Are you going to give me one of your kidneys so I can live? I don't know, um... Well I'm at the top of the list, so why is your head so round the tip so? Why? Definitely not. Definitely not. the kid. Why? It's a little kid. Why? It's a little kid? Peek. I need a little kid. Cheeky. No, please. the little kid. Cheeky. thly. thly. thly. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the little little little little little little little little little. th. th. th. th. th. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little little. Well. th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. the little. Well. Well. the little. Well. Well. Well. Well. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the little. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tie. the tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. the the the the the the the No, I'm on the top of the fucking list. Give me one of your kidneys you round-headed twat. No, I don't feel bad about not giving it you. Well hold on though, can we have a second opinion from the nurse? Thank you nurse. I would not feel bad about walking away from that kid and saying you can not have a kidney. So you're gonna you're gonna... you what I'm that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that I'm that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the they. they. I'll they. I'll they. I'll they. I'll they. I'll they. I'll they. I'll they. I'll they. I'll that that that? I'm gonna take this kidney out and bin it. Hey, wait, do you know who that kid went on to become? You on?

Winston Churchill. Right? Well, maybe I helped. It's like Darren Campbell all over again. I made him stronger. I was tough with him. He saw how tough the world is. No, but he didn't. It's an alternative universe where he died, he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's thi the world is. No, but he didn't, it's an alternative universe where he died because you never gave him that kidney. Yeah. Well you can't worry about that then can you? If you're going to start going that far back and forward and stuff. But I think, I don't know what I'd expect someone to be like. Just want them to go, what do you eat? I'd say right down your diet. Oh yeah, I'm going to really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to start wa'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'er wa'er wa'er wa'er wa'er that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start wo'a'eruugo'erukhueuehuea'erukn'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a', I'm gonna treasure this kidney. I'm gonna treasure it. Yeah, I'm gonna really work hard and I'm gonna make something more than you did. So I'll, uh... So my, your kidney is gonna be a lot better off of me than you, you're lazy tosser,

I'll tell you that. If you want, if you want an achievement, then uh, you know, I'm gonna go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score the score the score the score the score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to score to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to score to score to score to score the score the score the score the score the score the score the score the score the score the score the score the score to score to score the score to score the score to score the score the score the score to score the score the score to score the score, score, the score, the score, score, the score, I score, to score, to score, the to score, the the to go the to go the you get the fucking kidney out of your useless body and into mine we'll all be happy won't we? Okay well I'll go away and think about it for a month. Well no. There you go. Don't have to get nasty. Sick of it. I'm always helping people out. That's a big ask, isn't it? If I came to you, Rick, in all seriousness, and you could give me a kid, would you give me a kidney? What if I end up needing it? What, yeah, but that's the point, isn't it, isn't it, that you're doing something? Can I have it back?

Can I have it back if I need it? to the today? I'm not a failure and I need at least one. I need at least one. Yeah, you need one. Right, okay. This is on loan. Because if my other one goes, I want that back. Because then I'll be on one. Well, no, you, yeah. But then we're both on one. No, right.

You've got, yours, yours, you're fucked. So, I'll's on loan. If we both live out our life, then so be it. But if this other one goes and they said, well, you need another kidney, I'll go, right, I know where I've kept one for the last ten years. So you're going to come to me, right? You've gone knock, knock, knock, I've opened, the door. the beautiful, supermodell-a, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. If, th. If, th. If, th. If, th. If, th. If, th. If, th. If, th. If, th. If, th. If, th. So, th. So, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. It's great. He never stops having the sex. Yeah. She's making us ice teas. Right. She says come in Rick. Yeah. Sit down. So good. She says I love you. Thank you so much. That's right. This man. This man. I know you've not got long to live because you're old and fair. Yeah. You've had a good good in him. Well you've had a good 10 10 years 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. th. I. I. I. I. th. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. th. I. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. I. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. I. th. th. th know but I'll tell you what I love this man you can return the baby give me back my fucking kidney we've got two beautiful children right I tell you what give me my kidney back and have one of theirs

two beautiful kids yeah yeah there's small little kidneys there's more little kidnys they're there's four to choose from they're growing you they're growing you they're not when you put a little plant you put in a the the they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they put a they they to put a to put a to put a to put a to put th th th to put a to put to put to put to put they they they they they that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the to the to the to to the to to the to the to to the the the the the the kidneys are growing to. So I'll have my kidneys back and you've got four to choose from there. Take one of each and you'll have two little kidneys to make one big kidney. Johnson, can you have this man removed from my house? Would you give anyone a kidney, Carl? Suzanne. Sure you would give Suzanne a kidney, wouldn't you? Obviously you give Suzanne a kidney, wouldn't you? Yeah. Well, would or you're just saying that? I suppose a word I don't really like the idea of it. So if what you're saying what you're

saying to Suzanne right now if she's listening to this podcast. Carl good luck um bit of good luck I know I need a kidney and it's got quite rare well we've got the same sort of blood group and everything, so, yeah, you've got two, I've got none, Bibbidi Bob, one each, let's have a good life. Yeah? I don't know, yeah, you'll have to have it. Which one are you thinking of going for? Because the, uh, I think my right one's a bit dodgy because they had the kidney stones. Do you want that? I'll have the left one. No, I'll tell you what, you have that one because when I was in all the pain, you were going, it can't be that bad. So you have it, it's in good working order, they've looked at it, but it is prone to stones.

I love that. But he's using this to get back at her. It's like poetic justice. He can give her the kidney at the kidney at the kidney the kidney the kidney the kidney that that that that that that that that that that be that bad. It's like poetic justice. He can give her the kidney she didn't believe was that painful. So, let her have that. And, um, I don't know what's life like we won the kidney. So you've got to be more careful. You've got to, you know, for specific diets. Yeah, it is more dangerous. It's more of a strain on it, you know. Don't like talking about it. It's all frea' frea frea frea th. It freaks. It freaks. It freaks. It freaks th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's all th. It's th. th. thi's th. thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to that's that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeeea. thea. theat thea. theea. It's theat theea. thea. thea. It's the. It'stalking about it. It's all, it freaks me out. It's all doing stuff now. The

kidney's doing stuff. Yeah. My teeth are hurting still, still got a little bit of toothache going on there. I've got a sweat on. All stuff's going on without me knowing. Germs within round. I've had jabbs for rabies. I've had hepatitis A and B. That's whizzing around my body. Body's in shock, in it, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Now, th. Now, thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' is now, thi' is now, thi' is now, thi' is now, thi' is now, thi' is now, thi' is now, thi. The kidney is now, thi. The kidney is now, thi. The kidney is now, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. The kidney's is now, thi is now, thi' is now, thi' is now, thi' is now, thi' is now, thi' is thi' is thi' is thi' is thin, tipe. Kidn' is tipa' is tipa' is tipa' kidney's is tipinin' is tipin' is tipin' is tipin' is th had B, that's whizzing around my body. Body's in shock, in it at the moment, it doesn't know what's going on. I've had... How is it notifying you of the shock? Well I think like I say, I keep getting this sweat and what else have I had? Typhoid? Doesn't that? All this stuff shouldn't be in my body should it and we don't really know do we you saying yeah have this have that shove it in your arm it's

all right but we don't really know long-term effect I've got rabies in me I never thought I'd have to have that technus technus I've had. TB. Well, enjoy the World Cup everyone. Come on England.

Come on boys. Rooh. I had them all. I think I've had them all. One for a forget bit by a dirty monkey. Well that's about it for the Ricky Gervais guide to the World Cup. It's about it for the Ricky Gervais Guide to the World Cup. It's very informative and interesting chat there. If you've enjoyed this one, you can get the entire back catalog. All the guides, there's 10 guides on iTunes. It's under, what is it under now? They keep moving it around. They didn't

like us clogging up the chart in the audio books. We're basically taking up the whole charts. They made a new section which is, isn't it like programs and periodicals or something? And now we're the top 18 in that. So yeah. Also of course Rick Ricky if people like Kyle's rambling so they can see him and us in animated form the Ricky Javais show coming soon on DVD just go to Amazon.k or Amazon dot play dot goes off your ass and go to a shop Good luck England. And thank you so much to positive internet.

Those guys allow us to do these free podcasts. Someone's got to pay for these and those guys do and do a great job. So enjoy the free ones. But buy the ones for a couple of quid as well, please. Carl wants another house.