The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Guide To... S2E7 "Comic Relief" (March 6, 2011)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

It was announced on Gervais's blog that the first episode of the new series, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Society, was recorded on 6 September 2009; it was released on 3 November 2009. The second audiobook of the new series, The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Law and Order, was released on 1 December 2009. A third audiobook, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Future, was released on 29 December 2009. A fourth audiobook, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Human Body was released on 26 January 2010. The fifth and final audiobook of the second season, entitled The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The Earth was released on 23 February 2010.On 12 June 2010 The Ricky Gervais Guide to... The World Cup released. This was followed later that year by a podcast entitled "A day in the Life of Karl Pilkington" following a format more associated with the Ricky Gervais Show podcasts. The Ricky Gervais Guide to... Comic Relief was released as a free podcast on 6 March 2011 in aid of Red Nose Day (18 March 2011).

St. Francis of Assisi once said, Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance. Acts of human charity have been documented since the beginning of recorded history, yet even now in the most democratic and economically advanced nations, charity is still necessary. Does this mean that charitable acts are failing to affect meaningful change? Should charity even be the responsibility of individual citizens, or is it the obligation of government?

Do handouts make people lazy and dependent instead of resourceful and responsible for their own livelihoods? Is it every man for himself or are we all in this together? To discuss these questions and more, I'm joined by Stephen Merchant, a Warren and writer and graduate of the University of Warwick. And Carl Pilkington. Fogginc. All right?

So, Red Nose Day, comic relief has come round again. Yeah, Red Nose Day is obviously the very specific date in the calendar for the whole generic term comic relief I think. It's normally when the telecast happens. People know that that's the day when they can dress up, do charitable acts. But of course comic relief is a charity that's working all the time for disenfranchised all over the world. And you can go to the website all year round which is comic relief.com. I think there's also Red Nose Day.com which is if you particularly want to donate for this year's appeal. Are you have you always been a strong champion of comic relief car? Not really. Why was I expecting that answer? No, but we're doing a bit of charity now.

We're donating our time. It's not much. it's not costing to anything. It's a... But I do loads of stuff without going on about it. I don't think you should show out about the bitch do for charity, because then who you're doing it for. Oh exactly, I mean, well this is my thing, isn't it, that, uh, there's a And I suppose that's good and bad. I mean if it gets you involved, if it does some good, my gift to the world has been you Carl, to be quite honest. I feel that you're the world. I'm sure there's people in Africa going we'd prefer a blanket. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Doing a Will's charity, isn't it? Is it? Sort of. I mean, if you if you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you th. If you th. If you th. If you th. If you th. If you th. If you th. th. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's to to to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. to the. to to to to to to to if you make a donation to a charity within the Will I suppose that's quite charitable. But just giving money to your relatives isn't? Is it? Of course it is. They shouldn't have it. They're getting someone for nothing but it's, I don't know, it's giving something a way that you have no use for. Exactly. Yeah but forget that. Someone is getting something for it really. I don't know. It's. I, I th th th th th they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. It's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. I don't th. I don't have have th. I don't have have to make. I don't have. I don't have. I don't have. Yeah but forget that it's someone is getting something when they've done nothing for it really. Well it is I suppose it is charity but charity is usually infused with some sort of outerism is it it's usually to do with them giving a piece of something that is kindly because you could do with it. I mean not not strictly I think you

can give away something you don't need but it's hardly donating a kidney is it or some of your wages. It's like it's not charity on your part because you're literally not around anymore so it's no longer you giving it it it's just some money that they were. I could either give it them or not give it them once once I'm dead and I've turned to mush I shouldn't be worrying about Suzanne's the. th and I'm But you know, well I've called up my dad first. Why are you doing a wheel for the show? Because of this travel thing I'm doing and it can get dangerous, you know. But why haven't you done a wheel up to now?

Because you sort of, I don't know, I felt sort of young and free. Whereas now I'm never, that's not the word I've associated with Carl. He's always seemed like a man who's in his late 50s. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I've certainly never been the idea that you're free. It's more... Even if we're just talking about the head low. It's the, it's the head of a late 50 year. Yeah, totally free of fucking hair.

I'm sort of getting on first name, to the termo' to to to to to to to the bad Carl. All that sort of thing. So it's just made me think... Have you had that done for the will by the way for insurance? I think you need to do? I think you do. There's nothing on the paper. No. No. Listen, for insurance purposes, I think you need to have a testicular exam for testicular cancer. You're just leaving the high risk for testicular cancer actually and you're you're entering the high risk for prostate and you can have both at the same time you could have both at the same time if he's a very dexterous doctor I wouldn't want that why too much like too much like it's just too too much going on it's like someone juggling you yeah it's like being examined by squiddly didl and so you said you called up the to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. I th. I th. I the? the. I the. I the. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is th is th is the. I the. I the is just just just just just just. I'm the is just just. I'm tea' tea' tea' tea' tea' tea' tea' te. I's te. I's tley and so you said you called up your dad. Called him up I said is he anything you want if a if a die right and presumably you know Suzanne that she's getting the she's getting the

she's getting the lion's share. She is but then the fellow who was on the end of the phone talking us through it I was going oh you should get married I was going oh shut up you s sown you the th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus th thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus the the th th th th th the tho. the the. I the. I'm the. I'm the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin the. I'm the the the the the the. I'm the an the an the an the an theeeeeeeeeeee an thu thee an thee an the an the an th make it things a lot easier when it comes to this. And it's like, well, that isn't a reason to get married, is it? Well, so she can have all my stuff. I said, I've wrote on the bit of paper that she can have it. I'm not bothered. I'll be dead. What would you wrote? What, you know, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, that, that, what, that, that, that's, is, that, is, is, is, is, is, that, is, is, that, that, is, is, is, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, is, the, the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, is, is, is, is, the, the, the, the, the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. the, is. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. something about tax if you're not married you have to hand over more. Well she'd get yeah I suppose if it's money she'll pay tax net. Yeah I think you get so much and then it's like ridiculous tax rate yeah but she's going you're going to get

married I'm going to be paying tax going hang on a minute she's already like said if I die on this program anyway I'm insured you'll be getting about a million pounds for that. Yeah. I said so that's something you haven't got now. Got nowhere near that now. I said so even if you have to pay tax on that. I don't think it be right to get must get the paperwork? No because then everyone wants a party. You do honestly, honestly people start going oh you should do this I know it's not a proper wedding unless you do that. Have you also two sets of parents met? No. That would be good would it?

Well I suppose it's the reason to, isn't it? At least if you're getting married there's a reason for them to meet. At the moment there's their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their they's their they's they's they're their their they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their they's not, they's not, they's not, they's not, they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they, they's their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. the. the. the. that. the. People's to tho. tho. People's to tho. theat, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the moment there's no reason for them to meet they'd get on each other's nerves my dad wouldn't get on with a man why just wouldn't she doesn't like me so she won't like me dad because he's just an exaggerated version so I think it doesn't need to happen but you could just knit down the registry office get it done done dusted and you just phone at your folks and say it's already happened I said that I said I th if it th if if it th if it th i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i th it th it th it th it th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the thi th the the th th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. just th. just th. just th. just th. just th. just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi thi thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's just thi's just thi thi thi knit down the registry office, get it done, done it's done, don't have that, and you just phone up with folks and say it's already happened. It's too late. I said, listen, if we had to do it, I said if it was like we've got to do it for some reason, I said I'd do that, we can have it done by two, you can be back in work for three. Because at the end of the day the day the day, the day, the day, the day, the day, the day, the day, the day, the day, the day, the the, you, the, you, the, you, you, the, you, the, you, the, the, the, the, the, th. I, th. I, the, thi, th. I, th. I said, th. I said, th. I said, th. I, th. I, th. I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, thi. I said, thi. I said, if, thi. I said, if, if, if thi. I said, if thi. I said, if, if Anks and Ed Ryan film just because we've got married. It's going to be the same,

exactly same. Except she'd want a joint bank account or something. That's the only other thing. That would probably change and I don't like the idea of that. Why? Just I like to know what's going on. There's enough people sticking the hand in my account, charity-wise and all that without an extra hand going in. Who is, happens to be the love of your life? I'm not moaning about it, I'm just saying it works the way it is. You hear about people getting married and it doesn't last, adds an extra pressure. What pressure is it going to add? It's not going to add any pressure. I suppose that you resent the fact that the only reason you would be getting married married is because she gets your money after your death tax-free. What have you gave her a series of challenges so that she sort of earned the right to have that money? It just keeps her on her toes because whilst we're not married it's easy to go, I'm sick of this. So it keeps it, he keeps her on her toes. It keeps us both sort of the

because you're also to find she's got to work hard to keep you, hasn't she? What have you, you never do anything in order to sort of maintain this relationship as far as I can tell. I'm not saying you're not, you're about, but in terms of romantic Meg Ryan type stuff, you never do anything. Me and Jane were out with him and Suzanne the other He is so, so grumpy. He was saying about a, for Christmas, right? He said you've had a floor. You've had a floor. Now what did that mean? We had a new floor put in. But how is that her floor? Because she wanted it. But you walk on it too? I paid for it. I don't understand what you mean. But don't you understand that like, you know, a know a romantic break or clothes or perfumes you know sort of things that are kind of indulgent for a lady that's that's a gift not a new floor that is like some little African fella on comic relief in fact I think I saw it once

he didn't have a floor exactly they built in the floor I remember I remember watching it with you and they gave him a new pair of shoes and the floor, he went, hold on, floor or shoes, not both. Oh, when that tsunami hit and it was like a month after Christmas, they showed that Britain had given two billion pounds, right? He was going, that's enough. He said, before they were living in Muddart, now there's an Arndale centre. So you think Charity is all right as long as the people don't get above their station with charity? I think it should be there as a little, little booster.

Something's happened that they didn't expect they're all a bit in shock I don't think they'll they'll feel bad because all they ever seem to do these countries that are struggling they never give anything back right they've always got their hand out right it's been like that since I was a kid yeah remember being a kid people knocking on the door my mom going don't look at the door there someone and we just pretend they wouldn't there. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the door my mom going don't look at the door there's someone there. And we just pretend you wouldn't be there. Charity starts at home not at your own. No but because it's all the time I mean my ma'am didn't like answering the door anyway even if it was the pools man she'd sort of say don't move and he might not see that we're here so you just thrown. So you just so like some sort of predator like they're a a a a man man man man man man man man man man man when the man the man they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th tho. tho. tho. tho. try. try. try try try try. try try try to try. thoooooooooo. I th th in. Right. So you just sort of stayed there and pretend that either you can't hear them. Well so like some sort of predator, like they can't

see if you don't move. Even if he was peering in through the window and he could see you in there not moving. So he looked through and there was three people just frozen, right, just their eyes looking at him and they're confused. Well they're clearly dead I'll move on. Yeah! There's obviously been a gas leak. And did you did you say sitting or stand up or did you sort of like throw yourself to a floor? We just sat on the you know where you were and you just stayed still. But did he ever look in and see? I don't know because you didn't turn around did you? So you would pretend you couldn't hear the door? It's the easiest, honestly the amount of times people would come round is either, it seemed to be the 80s, had a lot of it because it was all the Avon thing when it was perfume, tubberware. What? Tubberware? Yeah, the plastic boar. Yeah, the plastic It's ti- it's dishes for fat people. Here we go.

Oh, these are big, good they are. They're for fat fuckers like you to eat themselves. There was a pills man. Just a lot of charity stuff. It seemed to be the time the 80s that they suddenly found out they can sort of scavn scabbing. So that's why we used to ignore the door. I just love this image of you. Yeah, you're in the lounge. You're having a little boogie's Christmas. Someone's tapping on the glass. Freeze! They just go, well we'll move on. Yeah, nothing here for us. Hammer time.

Silence it. Okay, right, let's do the scenario. I'm over the door. I can see you in there. You might as well come open the door. Carl. Carl. Why are you staying so still? Are you trying to avoid me? It's working. Carl, your eyes are moving.

Can you come to the door please? I suppose in the end you've got to move on. I'm going to stay here. I'm just going to stay here until you have to move. Carl. This is the most pointless podcast we've ever done. Carl. This is the most pointless podcast we've ever done. Me shelling your name and you pretending not to be here. Okay and I'll move on then, right? It works perfectly.

Because once they've got you, that's the whole thing with charity. Once they've stopped you in the street, if you've stopped, that's it. You're handing something over. I mean the amount of times I've been stopped I mean the good thing now is you've got an iPod so you can just either pretend you're on the phone or listen to music or just stay very still just freeze when someone says can I totally frozen that that would be amazing because they're normally in one spot aren't they yeah so it's just so it's so so so so so so they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they tot tot tot tot tot tot tot tot totally totally totally totally totally tote totally totally tote totally totally totally totally totally totally they're they're normally in one spot aren't they? Yeah, so it's just they're trying on selling you. So you've got to stay there for the rest of it outside waitress. Yeah, yeah. It goes dark.

Who? Who? Who? Well, I'm, I've finished my shift. And then you just see, your eyes just see them walk away like that and they all meet in their their little tunics and then you start walking they look back and you freeze and then they walk on and then you can go home seven hours late. If you would like to donate to comic relief why not visit Red Nose Day. Ever since I was young I've always liked going in charity shops particularly because

you know you can find sort of interesting old records in there. Never sort of got in there to buy clothes and stuff but you know books whatever and I was in a charity shop you know I've patronized them for years and I know it stacked through the window and I know it's stacked the window the window throwns I was a bit weird obviously the old ladies in a they didn't have any idea I was so they just thought that was a th you th you th you th you th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I was a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the throwne the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the their the the thr-I throwne throwne throwne to to the tre try try try. try. true theeeeeeeeeee theee the the the the thought that was a bit strange. And then it was in one of the magazines, like the kind of celebrity magazines, oh here's Steve Merchant, you know, he despite all the money he must have made from his various projects, he's still going in cherry shops and he's just thin. And he just think, but how is that a bad thing? I'm trying it to save 50P of course, but they don't know that. No. You might be going and go and keep the change love.

You never have said that. Never said that in your life. No, occasionally our shop lift. I know mug. 70P? Don't you think that seems frustrating though that... Yeah, but what do you expect? What are they? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. than? than. than. than. than. than. than. than. than. th and th and th and th and than. than. than. th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. than. than. than. than. than. to? to? to? to? to? to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to the OBE. Yeah I know I think you've got to do a bit more than get Roger Whitley's greatest hits for 10p. My mom's always in them and because my mom goes in him my dad sort of got into going into him now because you know the weather's not good or whatever anything's rather than standing outside he

he went in one and he was after a jacket just like a sort of a you know casual but quite smart. Yep it's quite a big bloke so it's difficult to find them right so he's in there sees the jacket goes oh look here's that sort of jacket that I'm after picks it up tries it on it fits it on it's good this isn't it? She's going, yeah, yeah, well she's looking at you know, a toad that you put money in or whatever. So he gets to the counter and it's got a price tag on it, eight quid, right? So he said I'll give you six quid, heed that's a thi. that's six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six for that's six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six six for that. She went, no, it's eight pounds. Now that's wrong, in it? That's a good price and it's six quid. They've got it for nothing. Yeah. And she wouldn't have any of it. He said, surely, surely something's better than nothing. If you don't give me this for six a week, it's going back on the, back on the anger. And they said no, but they might not. And they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a good, th. th. th. that's a good, that, that, that, that, that's a good that, that. that's a good that. that's a good that, that's a good that's a good that's a good that's a good, they might later sell it for eight pounds but they might not and it's been given to them for free so what does it matter but the old baby's not

with the price of eight quid who is this yeah but he don't know how much is work she's not there to haggle someone's priced up and she's just a volunteer who's maybe she thought of it she was losing the charity two pounds as opposed to gaining it six. But they haven't gained anything because he put it back on and how many people want it? How many people are looking out for that jacket? It might be the principle. She might have thought oh you can't haggle when it's for charity. It was a fair price. Someone I give a lot of stuff to charity a lot most of the times. Most of the time just the time just the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time the time their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I is is is is is is is is their. I's their. their. I's their. I's their. I their their. I their. I their. I their. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thea. thea. their their their their their. their. their their. their their their their. I's is. their their their their the wheelie bin is. It's just the way of getting rid of garbage most of the time with me. Stick it all in a bin bag, good stuff on the top, the stuff that you're embarrassed about, stick it in the bottom of the bag. What are you embarrassed about? Just old shoes, trainers? Some of the books you've written. Uh, socks? Underpants? You do not give under opposed to just like peeling them off? I don't know why you've got a problem with underpants but shoes.

You see I've never buy underpants from a charity shop though. I mean, I don't care how low you are on the socio-economic level. You can get about 14 pairs for a quid in some places. I know. I don't know who's buying your underpants. I don't know if they were signed, yeah, that is something I like doing though. When I've given to charity, I like going past the shop and seeing if it made it in the window. Any success? Yeah, recently, the one not far from here, had me egg cups in the window. So it's like, oh, look, what? What, you've got a new set of egg cups? thrown. Yeah. I don't think so. You're not bold eggs? What, that's. What, th. What, don't have boiled eggs? I can't imagine you. It would take, you'd be too impatient to boil an egg, Rick.

Well, yeah, it's those things you think of never buying, you know, like, you know, egg cups, a whisk. No, but you do eventually. I suppose you got to have, theyrown. It's things, you. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, you. thin, you. thin. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. th. th. th. I, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'm, I'm, I'm, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I I suppose you've got it, haven't you? Yeah. It's things that were just always there when you grow up isn't it? Yeah. You have to go and you think, you know, but not second hand though. But there's nothing wrong. Honestly, it's hardly, but I mean it's made the window space. That's how good it was. It had hardly used. Because it was a double. And I think they were quite small for the egg the egg the egg the egg the egg. the egg. the the. Just like your underpants. But, um... Are you ever been a charity shopper, Rick? Yeah. What I used to do a lot of was some was records and and uh tapes and things like that. But it ended up sort of being ironic. It really ended up like getting you know something like Shane Rich's greatest hits yeah and things like that. A bit of a dilemma that my aunt in O'Rad, she likes charity shops as well. She's got a neighbour, went out to Graceland's big Elvis fan. They came back she said how was how was was Graceland said oh it was brilliant.

Best all I do have ever had probably go back again. Back again. We've got a gift for you. All right. They get out this clock like a little sort of it's like a Swiss you know the Swiss sort of looks like a little house like a Kuckoo clock. But on the hour little Elvis comes out the top and goes uh huh. so she went oh she's not really into Elvis she's more into Jim Reeves and Glenn Campbell and stuff but what can you say she said oh thanks thanks for that she put it in the house maybe they could get attachments maybe you get a little gym Reeves to pop on the spring change it anything anything you like like so solid crew and it and that that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that pops that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th th th th th they they th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th is the the the the the the thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. the the the the and it and that pops out or whatever so anyway it's in the house she's

thinking I'm not gonna put that up it's not her sort of thing so since it's a charity of course she goes down to charity shop gives them that thinks nothing of it goes off to the pub for afternoon drink anyway anyway next day she's going out for afternoon drink again, passes the charity shop, it's in the window. And the chances are our friends are going to pass by. That was a dial-on, of course. She had to buy it back. That's brilliant. A hugely inflated price. For those that are American listeners, comic relief here is a sort of, it happens every the year and you know people often do thi our American listeners, comic relief here is a sort of, it happens every year.

And you know people often do things in their workplace or at school they can dress up, they can raise money in different fun ways. And we were told in a school assembly, was comic relief next Friday. Everyone has to come along dressed up in fancy dress to school on that day. Has to. Yeah they said have to dress up. They said you pay 50 P towards comic relief and you have to pay a pound if you don't dress up. Right. That's annoying in it. So I of course I'm looking forward to this because you know I'm a sort of aspiring comedian in that. Get to dress up like a clown right. Spent quite a lot of time getting the old clown the old clown outfit. What the old clown out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out th. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I th. I th. I I I th. I th. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I the. I' the. I' the. the. I' the. the. the. I'm the. the. I the. the. I th. I the. What did that look like? The shoes obviously I just wore my regular shoes. Exactly yeah. But I had the red nose, a wig, you know the whole deal, big bow tie that my mom made for me like you know I thought this is me with the best day ever right. Get to school to school. I want you to picture this scene right during the assembly in my class of 30.

School uniform school uniform school uniform school. uniform, school uniform, school uniform, school uniform, school uniform, school uniform, school uniform, school uniform. All right, there was three people in the entire school who dressed up. But Steve, you're 50 people. Yes, but then, worse than that, it turns out, I was furious because I looked like an utter dick, obviously. It turns out that what happened, I don't know whether I'd missed this information, but apparently the headmaster must have had another assembly where he told me that he wasn't allowed to enforce that rule about making people pay against their will. So obviously no one showed up dressed like an utter dick except me and about two other knobs.

What disappoints me is that for a man who was a Southman Fest, aspiring comedian, you chose the least funny thing in the world to dress as. Yeah. Clowns are anti-comedy. They suck comedy out of the room. It's no... You're right, and this is from a man who wanted to dress as Hitler at the Golden Globes. Ha ha ha ha! No, that's funny. He knows funny costumes where you think. But you were saying about the guys who bother you in the street. Did I tell you that when I pretended to be foreign to try and get out of that? Did I tell you that story? Amazing.

Because I used to, a technique I used to develop at university was whenever people bothered me in the street, I would pretend to be sort of generic foreign, I can't really do a foreign accent but I would just be like if someone asked for directions I was always worried like giving them the wrong directions so I would just sorry I don't I don't really how you say you know it's just kind of vague foreign. Brilliant. And I've periodically used this method throughout my life and not so long ago a guy stopped me with one those charity tunics and I sprang into my old trick and I was like sorry I don't um uh... elderly Russian one I don't know what voice that is I don't know what it's. I don't know what I don't say I don't know what I don't say I don't know what I'm just let me explain to

about I sorry I'm not from and the guy... This world yeah I am from planet snark and the guy said Are you Stephen Merchant? No, sorry not when you were famous. Oh yeah, no you didn't. Yeah Because I hadn't occurred to me I just it was like a lapse of concentration God it was a lapse of concentration because um and did your boat I spin around you squirt and then water and ran away? That's what I did down. Because, you know, it's one of those things where, you know, you don't always remember that you've been on the taste. It's not like I instantly remembered that.

Amazing. So, but look, so he did, or you've got to carry on the lie, and I chose the second one. So I was kind of like, I don't, I don't know who that is what, I don't, and he was like, really, you look a lot like him, I've never heard, I don't. In fact, you are Stephen Merchant, freeze. I'm always getting stopped for, I mean there's so many charities now, anything. I think that's the other problem actually, that there's so many now, years ago a problem wouldn't have been a problem, whereas today it's someone's got this problem, someone's got

OCD and we're collecting for that. Right. It's not just starving people anymore, it's everything. Yeah, one little fault, they're out there with a clipboard. Yeah, a lot of new diseases have cropped up. Particularly for these sort of rich and famous diseases that really third more people do not suffer from. So I was in W.H. Schmitz buying, probably buying a Valentine's card. Oh, okay. So there you go, you see. So I do do a bit. And um... Is this the cheapest one you've got, love? And I bought, I bought a big bar of like, um, Galaxy. Oh, cheaper than a, cheaper than a box of chocolates, but yeah, still nice.

For me that, because he had an offer on, right? This is what I'm saying I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he had an offer on right? This is what I'm saying she's getting a card isn't this is what I'm saying yeah I felt awkward because she could see that oh he must have some money what a big bar galaxy and a forward some chocolate well it was like an impulse buy thing yeah right so she's thinking he's got money to burn yeah so at first I didn't know who she was I was a guy over here buying a big bar galaxy and a the and a and a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th and a th and a th and a th. th. I'm th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm. I'm. I'm. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm. th. I'm. th. I'm. th. I was. I was. she was. There's a guy over here buying a big bar of galaxy and a small card. Yeah, follow him. So she's there, I'm thinking she just works in W.H. Smith's. Morning, sir. All right, how's it going? Oh, have you got a minute?

So I'm thinking, oh, is it? W.H. Sotomay went, yeah, I have a chocolate. Right? Little chocolate. Yeah. I ate it. Then she goes, right, are you aware of the problems in the world? I think, oh, what's this? You see, they've been clever there.

Yes. I can't say now and walk off. They've had a bit of chocolate. Sure, right. We're closing up now, we're closing the shop. So I said, oh yeah there's loads of problems, I'm sick of it. So she says, no not yours sir. There are some people who are starving. Yeah and I explained to her, I said I've got loads of these charities every month.

So my bank account is literally, because I don't use my current bank account that much. So you look at it with a statement it's like Tools for Africa, Healthy Aged, Deaf Kids, there's another one. Dotcom, Deaf Kids.com, there's loads. It's Tools for Africa when they send people like Carl over to help her. Yeah, that is comic relief. Tools for Africa is another name for comic relief if you watch it. So anyway so they do all all this, she's going, oh that's very good of you, but you know, we need your money as well. So she's saying, just as much as you can afford, you know, every little helps and everything. I've been here all day.

Look, as you can see, I haven't had much luck. It's not that give her the details she looks at the amount she goes right now the options are we've got you can tick the five pound box the ten pound box the 20 pound box the 50 pound box this is a monthly payment right she said will put you down for a tenor forget the fiver she just leapfrog that straight away yeah yeah you can't go back can you then you thin you feel bad to sort of the to so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so to go to go go go go go go go go go go go to go to go the to go th you th you th you th you th you th you thin th thin thin th to sort to sort th to sort th th th th the thin the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thin thin thin thin thin thin the the the the teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' theee theeeeee thee the the the the the the tick tick that one yeah she can see I've got the chocolate sort of wasting money on things that aren't necessary yeah people dying around the world yeah I said right yeah tenor fine and you know I filled it all out I left the shop yeah spent more on that than I did on the card and the chocolate right so you spent under 10

pounds so I get I get get home and everything forget about it. I keep seeing these statements going and it looks like Gandhi's bank account, the amount of stuff I'm giving away for charities. Sure. I forget about it though, forget it. I'm doing a bit for charity. I should feel good about it. Anyway, something kicks off in the world. Right. Ring, dring. Hello? Is that Mr. Bilkin? I'm thinking, oh I'm doing. Oh hello, it's so-it's so-it. It's the so-it. It's the their their their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. It's something. th. th. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thing. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. things. things. I'm. things. things. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm. I'm away and I'm thinking, oh who's this? This isn't good. Oh hello, it's so-and-so charity. Are you aware of the problems in the world? I said yes I am. There's lots of them. Yeah but have you heard about the latest one? I said yeah. the latest one? She went well I'm just calling up to say thanks for the donation that you give us every month but it's not enough. here I said I've got I've got five charities on the go here yeah I said you know I've give you what I can afford she's going yeah but let me just tell you about the problems there so many people missing here this is bad these are

dying that are going I'm going I know I know I've told all this when I've told all this when I signed up and they agreed I agreed I agreed I agreed I agreed I agreed I agreed they they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed they agreed the they agreed the 10 the 10 I said, I'm happy to give you, that's what I can afford. Call some other people up who aren't giving you a tenor. She goes, no, but we haven't got their numbers, you know, and we understand that you're a supporter of our charity and you know just a little bit more, we'll help. I said, listen, I can't, I've give you that amount. If you want, if it's not enough, let's stop, their their their, their, to stop, to stop, their, to stop, their, to stop, their, their, their, to stop, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and we're their, and we're their, and we're their, and we're their, and we're their, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're, and we're not, to, and we're not, to. We're not, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the cam it and I'll give it to deaf kids.com. I said because they're not calling up, neither. No, well they could. That's a good thing with them. So she said no I don't want to do that. I said well that's it then she wouldn't let it go and in the end she got an extra £1 50 off me. Right. But that shouldn't be allowed. I think they should they they should have they should have they should have they should have they should have they should have they should have they should have they should have like. I they should have like. I they should have like. I they should have like. I they should have like. I they should have like they should have like they should have like they should have like they should have like they should have like they should have like they should have like they should have like they should have like they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they have like. I they have like. I they should have like. I they should have like. I they should have like. I they should have like. I should have like they should have they should have to have to have to have to have to have have have to have to have to have have to have that. I should have that. I should have that. I they should have they should have they should have they should have. one year where they go this year, you know, hungry people.

Next year, people will a limp. Just like they do it with the China thing with the year of the cat, year of the rabbit. It's very clear. It's that year. That's who we're helping this year. If you've got that problem, it's your year, you're going to have a good one. And who decides? Just have some meeting just have a meeting. But who gets together in the meeting? What would be the first year this year? Right well we'd look at it and we'd go right what we're hearing a lot of problems about and someone goes so and so and so I'm the the the first. the the first to give they they they. they. they. they. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their th. that is that's their their their their their to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Just th. Just th. Who's th. Who's that. But the. But their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their to lot of food? And we're not just going to give them food. So it's not everyone who's hungry, it's specific people.

So it's like hungry. Starving, people who are starving. If someone goes, oh me, I've got, I don't know, what's another problem? Adenoids. Me, me, kids' death. Well, maybe next year. We can't th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoom. thoer. People are th. People are th. People are are th. People are are th. People are th. People are th. People are th. People are th. People are th. People are th. People are th. People are th. People are th. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People are th. People are th. People are th. People are th. People who are th. People who are th. People who are th. People who are that's who are that's who are that's who are that's who are that's who are th. People who are th. People who are th. People who are th.turn this time. We can't help everyone at once. Because that's life, isn't it? You've got to give and take in your own life. There's things that I want. I can't have, I do without, have something else. But there's so many causes that it could wait 20 years before your charity comes right.

But what can you do then? Because we're not sorting it all out really bad. I'm paraplegic. So does everyone else. Well, why are you giving it as the hungry now? Because if we don't help the hungry now, right? They can't wait, you can wait. Right. Oh, God, I'm blind. Is this a different person, right? Well, you're not hungry though, are you? Well, a bit peckish. Yeah, well, a's the fridge? I can't find the fridge. Can you help me to the fridge?

I thought I'd be hungry as well I'm blind and hungry because I don't know where the fridge is. Who's like you in? Who's like you in? But Carl, this is just, it's a chaotic idea. It's a chaotic idea. Because there's always going to be people who are hungry. Yeah, but then... You're not going to just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the th. thi. thoing. thoing. the the th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm th You're not going to just, because there's always going to be new people. Yeah. But I sort the problem out. They've eaten all the food. It doesn't last forever the food part.

But I sort it out properly. How do you sort it out? Because I'll go right. Not only we're just giving you some seeds. hear the theory please. Sort it out. Don't just give food that's going to run out. Right. Give them a proper, you see the problem is these companies who jump on the back of all, do you know when I was in the jungle? When I was in the jungle, right? On that travel thing? Yeah. I was in that tribe, right? Now some company had given that tribe a laptop because it makes them look good. They can send that a press release. Well done to so-and-so computers.

They supplied the tribe in, you know, out of Amazon with a computer. I saw it, they were using it as a breadboard because they don't know what it is. They've got no electric, it's useless to them. And that's what charity does. Right. does. Companies use it to make them look good. When I was there and I really needed to go to the toilet I was thinking, I try, I wonder what their toilet facilities are like, right? Thinking it might be better than just do it in a hole. Surely they've built a toilet. They're not stupid people, they kill animals, they know what they're doing, they're not a cook. Surely they've they've built they've built some they've built some some some they've built some some some some they've built some they've built some some some they've built some some they've built some some some they've built some some they've built some they're built some some they're built some their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their toyuiletetethueuilethueuilet. toyu toy. toy. toy. toy. toyu toy. toy. thea their their their their they still do it in a hole. But some company had been there, some plumbing firm and given them a toilet, right? The bloke, you know, the producer who was out there, he said, oh you'll be happy.

There's a toilet around the back there, I'm saying, oh brilliant. I go round there, it is a toilet,this is what we need to do. We need to get out there and say this is how it works. Educate them. Okay so let's do this then so it's with the seeds. You're not giving her. So I'm a starving African. Hello Carl. If you got any food? Got any food? Got any sandwiches? Well I have but if I give you my sandwich, there someone else behind you and they'll all come out. So what are you going to do then? What are you going to do? I'm going to help you? How? What are you going to do? I'm going to make you think about how to make food? Oh okay, right. Have you ever grown anything before? No, have you've grown anything before? No, well there's some seeds for potatoes. Oh, brunt. Oh, thanks, Carl, the th. Oh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I's. I's. I's. I's th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I th. I th. I th. I' th. I th. I's th. I's th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll tha. tha. tha. tha'a'a'a'a'a'a'a' tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. That's why we're starving you don't you don't be right well that point that's where we go well this is a lost cause there right there's no point. Can I have your sandwich after all? No you're not

having it. Right so not only got a sandwich you give me seeds with no water you useless bald-headed fucking twoank right but all I've done there's tribe. It's useless. Right. But there's got to be another way around this. Go on then. Either move, right. Because every year they're going to be queuing up saying, I'm only give me a sandwich. No, you're not having another sandwich. Once again, it's an utterly ill-informed discussion. I'm just saying there's no point. Cuing up every year. Do you want a sandwich? Here's a sandwich. The next year can I have a sandwich? Where's your brother? He died.

It's not sorting anything. It's buying him an extra day, an extra month or something. But Carl, the point is like Ricky's just flagged up is that some of these countries, the... The conditions are not there to just be able to plant. The point is, like Ricky's just flagged up, is that some of these countries, the conditions, he died. The conditions are not there to just be able to plant potato seats. So what are they meant to do then? Do you think we should go out every month, every year with sandwiches?

Is that your answer like some sort of buffet and all you can eat things once a year? Oh God. You see it is bad, you know, I don't want to come across harsh. We've got nothing, we waste their stuff here, waste annoys me just as much. When I see sandwich shops chucking stuff out and binbag's binning it, when there's people out there who are hungry, it's ridiculous. But I don't, I don't understand, it's a problem that isn't being solved. So your conclusion for these people, because there's no water where they are, right they are, right they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they're, right, right, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, th. th. th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th. I'm, conclusion for these people because there's no water where they are right is move that that is your honest they should move. Well what's your solution? Well I don't know I don't know these and outs I don't don't even pretend to know but but I tell you it's not just just it's

sticking a plaster over a hole or something and the plaster comes off its problem again. Yeah, that's the same. It's the same. I think that was Mark Twain. Um, no, Sounds more like candy. to you.

Sotomay, that cropped up when we were at dinner the other night. Carl said, the most exciting words, he said, I've had another film idea. Wow. Does it star Clove Warren? No it doesn't. It's gone bigger than that. Carl, tell than that. Whoa. Turn the film, my dear. Yeah, but you slagged it off on that.

No, I was just trying to, we're all chipping in saying, well, you know, they're all trying to help. No, Susan, you see you had a go and then Suzanne thought, oh, I'm going to have a go here as well. If I'd have told have that that that that told have that that told have that that that told have that told have that that told have that told have told have that home that home that home told have that home told that home that home that home that home that that that that told told told her that that that that that told her told her told her told her that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. She that. She to be just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. She. She. She. She. She. She's just. She's just. to be just. to be just. to be just. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that. that that. that. that that that that. that that that that that that. that everybody was having to go. I didn't see anyone else coming up with anything. Well they didn't realise it was a script editing meeting. They just saught it was a dinner. They just saying, oh that, you know, they were... No, I tell you why it cropped up. I saw it, it was another thing in that free paper. Yeah. It was something about, you know, my film, The Love the Two Brains and stuff.

How's that, is that being made yet? As have you had any... And it was just saying, you know, about our bodies can get reused. In a way, recycling. Sure. It's the ultimate. What did it say about that though? Because you didn't, you didn't go into that? It was hinting at bodies being reused. What you say hinting, you saw a bit of a headline didn't read on? No, what- And made the messed up in your head? No, it was scientists saying in the future, it's that all the thing. In the future, this is what we're at a do.

Do you mean like, like, the thrown, being reused, So picture the film idea to me. Yeah. Sell it to me like you I'm a Hollywood executive, sell me the film. Right, well I'd probably tell you about the science facts there that I've read. Okay, let's start from scratch then. Ah, thank you so much Carl Carl. We're coming in. We heard there was a rumor that you're dealing with a British film company about a thing with a man with a guy with a the th. th. Rebecca de Mormae, we're very excited about because she wouldn't be a lot to get so that this film wouldn't cost much. Right so like I say I've read they're going to be sort of the ultimate in recycling if anything happens to the brain they can reuse the body. I've got to remember that. By the time this film is made that's probably th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the thi the the the' the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. We the th. We th. We're the th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee theee the the the the the th. If anything happens to the brain, they can reuse the body. Okay, remember that. By the time this film is made, that's probably going to be bigger news. Fantastic. So it'd be great if it can coincide with that. We love this sort of research. We love this level of research. It's exciting. So what I was thinking is, um, I'm picturing probably it doesn't matter it's not as fixed it doesn't have to

be this person but I'm thinking Tom Cruise okay cruisy yeah excellent excellent and the way it works is do you know Tom by the way or have you got an in there or no okay okay but you just I think you sort of film that would appeal to film that he'd sort of be into I think it would excite him. Okay, okay. Okay. So. Have you ordered coffee? Did Cheryl? Did Cheryl? Did she get you a coffee? Yeah? Okay. Thanks great. So? So? Are you? I might have a tea actually? Sher? Will we wait for the teas before she's comes in? Because the ones ones? She'll just sneak in? She'll just sneak? She'll be? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to? to? to? to. to? to? to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. to? the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to? the. to? to. to? to you could... Will we wait for the teas before she's come to it? She'll just sneak in, she'll be, she will be very quiet, she'll be like a dormant, she'll just. You just, you've got your coffee, I'm on the tea, you don't want to think. No, no, I'm fine, Okay, go. Right. Thanks, Cheryl.

Thank you. Thanks. Sorry, is there sugar in this show? Is there? I'll put in there. Go. Shut the door behind you. Thank you. Okay. Go. Go. Tom Cruise. I got Tom Cruise. That's what I pictured so far. He's just on Mission Impossible 7. Right. Uh,this film. Oh in the film. So he's playing himself? No, what you're seeing on the screen is Mission Impossible 7. Like I say, if we don't get Cruz it can be born identity and it can be what's it? Oh so if we get Cruz he is playing himself. Yeah. And he's just made. And in this film he's just made Mission Impossible 7. It's the future is it? This? No, what you're the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film the film. the film the film. the film. Oh, in the film. Oh, in the film, in the film, in the film. Oh, in the film. Oh, in the film. Oh, in the film. Oh, in the film. Oh, in the film. Oh, in the film. Oh, in the film. Oh, oh? Oh, oh? Oh, oh? Oh, oh? Oh, oh? Oh, oh? Oh, in. Oh, in. Oh, so? Oh, in. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film. the film, the film, the film, the film, the film, the film, the film, the film, the film, the film, the film, the film, in the film, so the film, so the film, so the film, so just made Mission Impossible 7. It's the future is it? This. Now what you're seeing is Mission Impossible 7 on the screen.

So I've gone into the cinema and I think I'm going in to see Mission Impossible 7 or I'm going in knowing that's this film. Yeah. So I'm going in to see. Okay. So I'm going into see. Okay. So I'm going in. What's the film. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. What. What. What. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the I haven't got a title yet. We'll just call it Carpokington Project 2. Right, okay. So you go in, the opening thing is Mission Impossible 7 you think I've seen it? Yeah, I've seen it. Yeah, I'm confused. Yeah. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Well, I was, I came to see I'm talking to the usher I'm talking to the usher. No this is the film it just what you're seeing is Mission Possible 7 I don't understand. Right listen so what happens is then it it sort of pans out you see it's a telly ah there there thi there there there watching mission possible seven right this their the the their their their their their their th is is is is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their thi. thi. their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th is th is th is th is th. th. th. th. What th. What the. What the. What the. the. What the. What theat. theat. theat. theat. the. theat. the. theat. the. What the. What they. What you're just just the Tom Cruise. Yeah. He's there going, I can't be doing with him. So it is set in the future though this, because we're assuming that he's made seven, so this is a... Yeah. How far in the future is it? Well, when will Mission Impossible 7 be made?

I don't know, probably about two years the way it is underway then, is it, this practice of recycling the body? Yeah, yeah, by then, it's well known that it's out there as a scientific. Let's not get bogged down in the lot of these things we can iron out as I say in the script. So you see Mission Impossible 7 on the screen? Cheryl are any of those biscuits still knocking around? Do you want to do this meeting? theyk. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yes. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's out. It's out. It have a biscuit as well show. So okay I've been watching his film, it's Mission A Possible 7, it's pulled out, there's a guy in his room in his lounge with his girlfriend's watching it, she's loving it, she's a fan of Tom Cruise, right? He's a little bit niggled, he wanted to watch something else. Sure. She decided on the DVD, he's sat there annoyed. I can't be today. I'm their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's, their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a their. It's a their. It's a their. they. their. their. they. their. their. their. their. It's their. It's the films. It's a rubbish actor. I should be the actor. You know I've been doing acting for years. But he's not an actor he's... Well he is.

Okay. But he hasn't quite made it. He's in Pantos. He's sending a lot of demos off. But he's just not being seen. It's just not being seen. I remember this is one of our notes to make it more plausible this film because you did never have it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. he. he. he. he. he. He's he he he he he he he he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he he. He's he he. He he he he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He he. He's he. He's he. He's he he he he he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he about that meeting do you? Right, so he's a struggling actor. So what happens is next day they get up, right? Yeah. She's still going on about Tom Cruise. Loves him. Drink some sick of him. All right, she loves him. Don't my biscuits, garning my tea I left it in there too long as he put me off. Just hang on let me just think. Can I get the spoon please? Yeah, sure. Do you write that? Oh, it's all soggy.

Cheryl, can we get some more of those biscuits in here please? Do you want to wear more? Yeah, I'd love to hear more. Yeah, I loved it. I'm just conscious that Colin Frist is coming C. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. that. that. that. that. Can I get that. Can I get that. Can I get that that that that that that that that that that. Can I get that. Can I get that. Can I get that. Can that. Can that. Can that. Can that. Can that. Can that. Can that. Can that. Can that. Can that. Can that. Can. Can. Can. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. Can I get that. I get that. I get that. I get that. I get that. I get that. I get that. I get that. I get that. Can I get that. Can I get that. I get that. I'll get that an idea about a prince with a cash palette. Anyway listen so what happens is he gets so annoyed with his girlfriend like in Tom Cruise. He plans to kill Tom Cruise. Now this man is driving out to, he's obviously based in the UK because he's in Panto so he flights to Hollywood. Now the equivalent of that. Oh he's based on the idea. He's based on the idea. He's a ide. He's a ide. the ide. the ide. the the the the idea. the the ide. the the the the the ide. the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the idea. they. the the the idea. the idea. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ide. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. ide. ide. I's. ide. I's. ide. ide. I's. I's. ide. ide. ide. ide. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. he's obviously based in the UK because he's in Panto, so he flights to Hollywood. Now the equivalent of that. Oh he's based in the, he's based in America. He's a bit part player.

So he sees Tom Cruise, he kills him somehow, now it's some way. Right, how does he kill him? Because, again, in the original pitch in the restaurant, Tom Cruise just dies on the set of Mission Impossible 7. He cuts, he lands. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. So he dies in the film in Mission Impossible 7. They're doing that thing on the strings. He cuts, he lands. Right. His body is in perfect condition. But how is she watching the film? th. Yeah. th out even after Tom Cruise card? No, no, sorry, he was filming Mission Impossible 8. So he's okay, so he's filming the next one. They're filming the next one, mission impossible, okay, sure. He accident sounds better he's bouncing around like a baby grow the strings cut smash Tom Cruise dead right right right the bloke is this on the radio on the news yeah the girl

friends fella he's on the news he can't believe it he's like yeah takes his eye off the road a little bit in the celebration truck plows into the the cel-frugs the the truck the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. te. th. te. te. te. te. th. te. th. th. the. the. their their their their their their their it he's like yeah oh takes his eye off the road a little bit in the celebration truck plows into the car so he's killed as well well is he okay little interlude fades up fades up comes out of you're seeing it out of his eyes you see his eyes so the eyes so the eyes you know when you're seeing out of the eyes you see the eye leads and you see his girlfriend there sort of looking at him like a bit bit startled sure and he's going oh what happened and she's going it's all right it's all right and he's going oh get me a mirror do a lot, you know, you fancy that Tom Cruise? I'm like on the other way, it's alright, it's all right, it's all right.

It can't be relevant though that Tom Cruise was killed at the same time. I don't need to think about Tom Cruise, I'll put him out of my mind. Put him out of my mind. Anyway, what's he going to look? All mirrors out of their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, it's, it's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's walk. He's going why I can't look in a mirror and the doctor's going. No point. You've got to get used to this body. See what do you mean? It's great that Tom Cruise did just do a small caveat at the beginning of this film. It's good as well because we're seeing it through the what's the voice like by the way? The bloke's voice. It's the same as it was really. the thi th th th th th th th th th th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. What you th. What you th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. the the. the the the the. the the the the the. the the the. thee. the toeeeeee. to to to to to to the. the. the thing is through his eyes I haven't seen his face now then he gets walking it's almost time to go home yeah his girlfriend comes in yeah it's her job to tell him the news the shocking news what is the news um says there's a mirror looking there he looks in it

he's Tom Cruise right because he had his accident on the set he had the accident they ended up in the hospital quick quick we got a quick this is the time this is the future right where they use where they can use body all the rest of it so Tom Cruise is dead Tom Cruise dead this bloke Brian his body is his body his body is just his body his body it's just it's just a body it's his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his body is is is is is is is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is his body is. is. to. to. to. to. is his body is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. is. the. is. is. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the Tom Cruise by just a donor body he just happens to just just happen to that's how it is just meat. Just like like a lung donor, a heart donor. It's just timing. So it's just Brian. He just looks like Tom Cruise now he's got Tom Cruise's flesh. Yeah. Now at first initially is annoyed because his voice the voice the voice is still the same as his was even though it's got. to to to to to to to to to to to.. to. the to. the the the to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the the. the. the. their. their. their. the. the the. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. ttttttttttode. today. this. today. this. to. today. this. this. the. the. the. the the the th. as his was, even though it's got Tom Cruise's mouth. It's got a bit of both. A little bit different.

But, okay, sorry, just practically, who is doing the voiceover then for the... It's Tom now. He's acting. So Tom's sort of doing an impression of this actor. Brian's inside Tom Cruise. Yeah. the name is Brian, but when you're looking it on the tel. tel. tel. tel, tel, tel, tel, tel, tel, tel, tel, tel, tel, tel, to, the the the the the the the the the tel, the the to, the, the, the, their, the, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, who's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. So, th. So, th. He, th. He, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. He's, th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th thi. th thi. thi. they. th thi. Sure. Right, okay. His girlfriend's over the moon because she loves Tom Cruise. Right. Right. He's gutted because he couldn't stand him he can't stand the films. He's thinking yeah. But he's I can't stand this

and she's going calm down calm down you'll get used to it and I want to get used to it and she's sort of saying look you're alive right stop moaning yeah stop moaning Brian. She's calling him Brian I assume she says and Tom Cruise just had a sort of donor card that allowed his body to be given away, did it? Yeah, it's the future. Right. This is, this is 2013, Steve. Things have changed.

Clearly. Right. But what's his girlfriend's name? Clare. Clare. Claire and Brian, okay. they. that.

the hospital. Oh no I thought you were doing it. It's Tom I thought you were going it's Tom he's going oh yeah and he's going oh I knew this to happen it's doing me head in. No no no no. Let him explain. Let him explain. Let him explain him explain him explain him explain him explain him explain. their. their. their. to explain. to explain. their. to explain. to to their. to to to to to their to to to to to to to to he. to to he. he he he he their their he he he he he he he he he he he he to to to to to to to to to to to to to to he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he their he their their the hospital. He's the hospital. He's the hospital. He's he the hospital. He's the hospital. He's he he he he he he he he he he like Tom Cruise. So he wheels out, he's in the wheelchair, he's going I'm sick of this. The other patients are going, Tom I thought you were dead and he's going yeah yeah yeah and he's annoyed he gets in the car. He gets out there and he sees a poster up on the side of the road for Mission Impossible 8. It's a, I don't know. It's finished. I thi thou- th. It's not finished. But now, these days, he's shouting about films before they made. It's like Lord of the Rings, isn't it? Yeah, they're going, Lord of the Rings, he's in the making. And they're going, brilliant and all the hype and everything. It's improt. No, the posters are up the and he the posters. No, no, no, no, no, the posters, the poster, the poster, the poster, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's th, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's thin, he's th. th. that, he's that, he's thin, he's th. tho-he's thin, he's th. thin, he's th. He's th. He's't matter. I've taken the posters down but then I don't work in

Hollywood. Right. So the posters up there and he sees it as he's in the car driving past. Yeah. And he thinks that can't be finished. They both look at each other. This is your chance. You want it to be an actor. This is the chance. Yeah, right. Go back to the studio. So he goes in, hello, you don't know me and they go, oh we think we do, and I'm go no you don't. I'm Brian. Tom died on your film set. Well they must know that. They must know that that two is dead because his family must have been notified. If you want to, it makes no difference we can tweak the script. You are because before he was a plumber by the way. It was a plumber who was turning up going, I'm going to finish Missing Impossible 8. So that was the next. I much prefer that.

Yeah. And I can sort out of your lavatory. You get the idea. Right, no, no, we don't get the idea. So this is, Brian has turned must know that Tom Cruise died on their film set what were they gonna do when they would have to wrap it up they would have to say they said they put the posters are up yes the posters are up before they'd even finished so they're cancelling yeah so they are can't in the film I'm can't canceling it okay so we're afraid that production has stopped on mr.ustral 8 due to the death of Tom Cruise. It stopped.

What? I'm Brian. Who's Brian? Oh my God, you look exactly like Tom Cruise? Oh have they done that thing where they put Brian's brain in Tom Cruise's body? Yeah, but it's not Tom Cruise. You can't act like him. I'm an actor.

Yeah, but he was good because he and he's got the same. So let me bring in a new audience for you here. I can bring it into this. Right. So the film people, so just tell me what happens, do they sign up the new guy? But is it in the news? But are they pretending thatcrupulous these tole of people. They've told the world that Brian is taken over. Brian, right? It used to be a plumber, but it's now- This is Brian who has no surname.

Brian has no such as Madonna or a chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Brian, is that Brian with the title, Brian, I bet it's Brian, I bet Cruise it's not the same. So this of course gives it a boost because the flashy franchise has been rejuvenated. The press, the news that's out there. Tom Cruise and his new film. Well it's not Tom Cruise they can't say that. Well it is though when you look at it and you go oh it's Tom Cruise. Well you've got to say a bloat it looks like Tom Cruise. The body of Tom Cruise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. It's. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the that looks like Tom Cruise. The body of Tom Cruise? The acting of his good Brian. In a new movie. Mission Impossible 8.

Starring the bones and skin and stuff of Tom Cruise with Brian's friend. Do you like... Do you like Tom Cruise's face for noise? Is the noise? I feel it's face for noise hating? And you'll enjoy the Mission Impossible 8. Oh, Mission Impossible 8. From the people who brought to the first 7 and the hair of the bloke who was in the first 7th, but with Brian doing all the life! In Brian, it's some gun I've never heard of on the 7th sequel! No, wait, sorry, I really want to hear the ending of the night! It's broke! It's some kind I've never heard of on the seventh sequel!

No, wait, sorry, I really want to hear the ending of this story movie. Please let me ask questions. You've had your chance to ask him questions. So where are we, in a sort of 90 minute running time of a movie? Where are we now in the film? Are we about two-thirds the way through? Close, we're close the end. the end. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. the the the th. th. the movie. th. the the the th. the the ending. the ending. the the ending. the ending. the the the the the the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the movie. the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th the the th the thi. the the thi. the the end. Okay so Mission Impossible 8 has been made so what's the end of our movie not of Mission Impossible 8 but the movie you're making what's the ending there? Do we ever get to see him in Missing Possi light? Yeah but I think what happens is he becomes the person who he never liked right and it's I just want to get across the moral that who are we are the people in our body or the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people the people we the people we the people the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th tho tho the movie th. th. th. th. the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the movie the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th of th of th of th of th of tho tho tho tho the the the tho the tho the thoo the thoooo thoo thooo tho tho tho just want to get across the moral that who

are we? Whether the people in our body or the people we look like, what's important in life? Is it the way you look or the way you think? And he changes because he looks like Tom Cruise he becomes the man he never liked. But you see to me just from the outsiders point of view even if I was to accept all the the o'er-sett- the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. He thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, who thi, who thi, who thi, who thi, who th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the the the the the the the the an the an the an the an the an thee an the an the an the an the's point of view, even if I was to accept all the other premise of this movie, which is clearly horseshid, what would have been more interesting is that they don't tell the world that it's a new guy, that they tell the world it's Tom and that they've brought him back to life. He loved that. That seems more interesting because they're the tension. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. thi. thihing. thihing. thihing. thihing. the. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. teeeea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. thea. thea. thea. thea. te they're lying to the world and this guy he want he's getting the glory that he always wanted as an actor but he's lying and that's a more interesting tension is he gonna declare actually I'm not really Tom I'm Brian

I've been lying to you all and that seems like a more interesting dilemma instead you've got we've brought back the walking corpse of Tom Cruz with another man's mind I mean I think I think a whole world the whole world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the world the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th is th is th is tho tho th is tho tho. that that that that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th is th is th is th is th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. the the the the the ththat. Yeah. No, but you do want to see that. I think you do, I think a lot of people would just want to see it for that morbid factor of, my God. Yeah, but you're saying, but this is, you mean they want to see your film because of this morbid factor? Yeah, this is a fiction. This is a fiction. This didn't really thiiii fiction. This isn't happen. This isn't happen. This. This. This isn't happen. thi. thi. This isn't happen. thi. thi. thi. This is a fiction. thi. This is a fiction. This isn't happen. thi. thi. thi. This thi. thi. This thi. This thi. This didn't thi. thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This thi. This th. This th. This th. This th. This th. This th. This th. This th. This th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi is us seeing Mission Impossible 8, starring the real Tom Cruz playing just his own cadaver. And I mean it's an Oscar winning performance from Tom. I don't know how he's keeping in check who he is.

What's his girlfriend think of this? Who's? Brian's? She's loving it, isn't she? She always liked Tom Cruz. She's over me? What did Brian look like, just the today? th? th?'s loving it, isn't she? She always likes Tom Cruise. She's over the mean. What did Brian look like, just out of interest? He's just sort of an older looking...

Who would play him? Who would play him in this film? Probably. This has got to be American. What's his name? The bloke he was in Cheers, probably. Ted Danson? Ted Danson? So Ted Danson is Brian.

So Claire? It is so confusing because Ted Danson is supposed to be someone that we've never heard of, even though he's Ted Danson, and Tom Cruise is playing himself, the famous actor Tom Tom Cruise who is now inhabited by Ted Danson who's not Ted Danson. Ted Danson as Brian as Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt in Mission of Possible 8. Wow. So have you got a title yet? No, I just wanted to know if you're in. Surely the wife of Brian. The wife of Brian. Who's played Claire? Uh, well I'm up for you, you know, that's why I've come to you, I thought you'd know. Okay. So, Rebecca de mornay. Okay. She is so hot after the love of a brain or whatever it was called. You want to go where everybody knows your name is Brian.

Well that's about it for this special free guide to in aid of Red Nose Day, comic relief. Well that's about it for this special free guide to in aid of Red Nose Day. Comic Relief. If you have enjoyed this or even if you haven't, please make a contribution big or small to Comic Relief you can visit Red Nose Day. Com to do that. We'd appreciate it. Little Richard Curtis would appreciate it. He's definitely going to get an OBE at some point if not a knighthood. Yeah, give him both. Carl, look at it this way. Supposing people come to this, they haven't, they don't, they didn't like the office, extras,

me, Steve, idiot abroad, the rickety, they didn't like any of that, but they thought, hold on, they're doing some of a charity, I'll check this out. a wail of a time, they've laughed at everything, they're going to go and buy all the guides still available on iTunes now. That is shameless. Also I'm doing a live stand-up comedy tour at the end of the year. You can check out the details on Ricky Jomaze. to come. Ah, just do something for charity or not.

It's up to you. So it's goodbye from me, Ricky Javay's and th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. That. That. That. That, th. That, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. And, th. And, that. And, that. And, that. And, that. And, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that is. And, that's, that. And, to you. So it's goodbye from me, Ricky Javais, and thank you. Goodbye from Stephen Merchant. Goodbye. And from the little round-headed buffoon, that is Carl Pilkington. It's a goodbye. All right?