The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S0E1 (Tape 1A, 1998)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

Gervais and Merchant first worked together in radio on the London-based alternative radio station Xfm London. Their show was broadcast from January to August 1998 from 4–6pm on Sundays, and only featured Gervais and Merchant (before their collaboration on The Office). The show's original format was more interactive, with features, guests, phone-ins, and audience interaction through listeners' letters.

I've got a great show. I went shopping yesterday. Oh right, yeah. Yeah. Got Wesley Willis. Oh, it's beautiful. I've been back. I can't believe it. Rolk and Ra will never die.

I've been playing some my favorite. I don't know whether to play Hootie the Blowfish. I don't know whether to play. Who's their treat've been on we've had a lot of new listeners join us and they haven't perhaps heard Wesley Willis no what a treat they've got in store well I'll explain that a little bit later I've also Wesley Willis is here once again once again once again I've got a little book here what was the what was the last book you got from the book exchange um how to beat PMT by diet how to beat PMT by diet I wish I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the tho I'll th th they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've th they's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to throoooooooooo they've the the th from the book exchange? How to beat PMT by diet? How to beat PMT by Diet?

Wish I could give away. I've got that home. That would be a great prize one day. A wonderful prize. A lot of women would look forward to that. It's a little paper back. Go on. Doris Stokes, voices in my ear. I'm intrigued.

The autobiography. a medium, a medium what, I don't know. But I've got to read you the bit off the back. You'll love this, okay? She's helped to solve murder cases. She filled the Sydney Opera House three nights in a row, doesn't say it with what? Once, she even had to convince the man he was dead. Now she's written her own astonishing life story. Her name is Doris Stokes. I'll be reading little excerpts from that. Wait, I just, I don't know if you've read it, but why did she have to convince the man's dance? How did you do it? I don't know. Well, that's just one of the little questions we'll be asking. Oh, on XFM. Are you, I'm 4.9, Ricky Gervaise, I'm Ricky Javais and I've got Wesley, Wesley, Wesley, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I don't th, I don't th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I don't that's, that's, I don't that's, I that Wesley Willis as well, one of his greatest alpies. I think he's actually recorded about 4,000 songs. Now, the thing is, this is quite true, he's a chronic schizophrenic and is often traveled

by demons that dictate what he can do and what can't be done. The demons sometimes prevent Wesley Willis traveling on airplanes, that his music is no good and on occasion have forced him to destroy to de to destroy to destroy to destroy to destroy to destroy to destroy to destroy to destroy to destroy to destroy to destroy to destroy their to destroy to their to destroy their their to to their telling that his music is no good, and on occasion have forced him to destroy musical instruments. Now... Can I just stop you there? I don't think his demons telling him his music's no good. I think that's members of the public, anybody who's bought one of his albums. And he's released 14 CDs by himself, he just makes them up and sells them. This is um is the first track on Rock and Roll Will Never Die. It's called Hootie in the Blowfish. Excellent, it's classic. It is. This fan played at the Metro.

I'm trying to be worth the show. The rock show was awesome. It worked the ponies ass. Who the end of blowfish? Who the end of blowfish? Who the end of blowfish? Who the end of blowfish? Who the end of blowfish? The band played it out. The band got down as they stormed the stage. The crowd rudd like a lion. The jam got down as they stormed the stage. The crowd rode like a lion. The damn sexy whipped the ponies ass.

Who do the end of blowfish? Who do the end of blowfish? Who do the end of blowfish? Who do the end of blowfish? After Huylamas, I'll play Kurt Cobain. Excellent. Let's rock it to Russia. Kurt Cobain was a rock singer for Nirvana.

He rocked the United States by flying all over the country and playing that rockerone. He has a good singer. Here's my rock star. Kirk Cobain. Kirk Cobain. Kirk Cobain. Kirk Cobain. Kirk Cobain. That's the Kurt Cobain. That's actually by Wesley Willis.

Yeah. Fantastic. Well, I'm going to try... I think he's written a song about Nirvana as well. Let me have a look on here. I've got the album here. Uh, look at the album here. Uh, I don't know. I think it's on this. I've got. I think it's sort of different. I wonder what kind of interpretation he gives to that particular band. I wonder how he sort of... I'm down to work this machine. You don't have to do it? Well perhaps we should leave it Chavez come back to it. Don't feel press rise I know we're keen to hear Wesley. I don't feel pressure. It won't let me do it. There's no

pressure on you. Javais I know you're getting a bit panicky now I can see the sweat. the sweat the sweat the sweat the sweat the sweat the sweat the sweat to th. Why to the sweat th. Why to th. Why th. Why th. Why to th. th. th. th. that's to that to thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. thease thease the the the the thease the the thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease thease think? Why do I have to actually press buttons and it doesn't know what I want? No, but that's because you're not Doris Stokes. You cannot use telekinesis to run this radio show. Oh, this is, this should be. Ah, it's Nevada. Very similar to what it would be, wouldn't it? Yeah, fair. Yeah, fair.

About 5,000 people were at the show right the customer was awesome they were to check out the vanna yeah no no no no no he gets about mine he sees a lot of gigs and he seems to know how many people were there well um it's uh twenty He gets about, mine. He sees a lot of gigs. And he seems to know how many people were there.

Well, it's 20 past four, it's Mickey Javay's show, and the next is... Travis, Travis, Travis. Javais, you're never to have found out why Doris Stokes had to convince a man he was dead. Gervais, I've been looking through voices in my ear, the autobiography of Doris Stokes, the famous medium, and I must say it's a fascinating read. It's not a biography and it's by someone. Yeah, I know.

Well, Doris is too busy contacting the other side, but basically let me just answer that, yeah, on the back it does say that once Doris had to convince a man he was dead. It's not as interesting as it sounds. He was was dead. He was dead. He was dead. He was dead. He was dead. He was dead. He was dead. He was a dinner party. He saw a similar argument with someone once, when you were a dinner party. Yeah. He proved a wrong thrown. So she just, that, that, that, that, that, thin. A, thin. thin. thin. thin. thin. thinks, she's, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she was, she was, she. He was, she. He was, she. He was, she. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, was. He. He was, was, was, was, she, she, was. He was, she, was. He was. He was, she, she, she, she, was. He was. He was. He was. He was.'s a lot though. Some people don't believe that, you know what it's like. Yeah, you go to the afterlife, no one tells you. I know. You're walking around, you're dead mate. You're stupid, you know. Exactly.

She had to actually push the coffin lid down apparently. It's a Viagra he died of. experiences. She moved into a house with her husband. There were ghostly apparitions there in the house, right? And it was haunted. She didn't mind. There was an old ghost called Polly. Yeah, it's lovely little ghost. Anyway, so Mrs. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson. So Mrs. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson, so Mrs. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson, Mrs. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson, the tho-Mrs. Johnson, their. Johnson's th. Johnson's th. . Mrs. Mrs. Johnson, their. Mrs. Johnson, their. Johnson, their. Johnson, the ghost? So Mrs Johnson? No, old Polly's been quiet for quite a while, no. But the words were hardly out of my mouth when the bowl of eggs I was baking with, not the bowl of eggs. Was torn from my hands and hurled across the room. Instinctively I dived after it. Did a flying tackle on the bowl of eggs. On the bowl of eggs. And call it before it hit the tigs. the tho the bowl of thol thol th th th th th th th th th the bowl th th th th th the bowl th th th th th th th tho' tho' the bowl the the the tho tho the tho tho tho tho' the bowl of tho tho tho tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the I was tho tho tho tho the the the the the the the th th the th th th the th th th the the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho to to to to to to to to to toa toa toa toa toa toa toa toa tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thois at this point has already lost a pair of tights. Oh no. Polly's already had a pair of tights. Oh no.

Now the eggs are in danger. Oh God. You can just stop that, Polly, I yelled furiously and slammed the bowl of eggs on the table. She'd already cost me a pair of stockings. She wasn't spilling my eggs as well. Oh, that's got to be a the the their their that's their that's that's their. That's their. that's got that's got thoom. that's got that's got tho. that's got tho. that's got tho. that's got that's got that's. that's. I. that's. I. I. I. I, that's. I, I, I's. You can't just. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You can just just just just just just just just just. You can't just. I th. I'm just th th th th th th th thooo. I'm just just th th th thooo. I th th tho. I that. I that. I. I. I can't lie with the dead. So you can't label the dead. No So we can slag off Doris Stope. You could say she drank buckets of Just after the fake. We've got Oasis You mean to tell me you can't libel the dead. You can't lie with the dead. No. I don't believe that from a moment

You can't it's ridiculous. It doesn't mean you can say There's certain stuff you can't say the the stuff the stuff then't say then't say then't say then't say then't say then't say th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. th. th. tho. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's just just just. that's just just just just. that's just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff. You can't say. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's a certain stuff. It's just. It's a certain stuff. It's a certain stuff. It's. It's a certain stuff stuff. It's just. it's true or not. It's taste and decency and I couldn't, you couldn't say Doris Stoke drank copious amounts of horse spunk because you couldn't actually say that on the radio because that would be offensive anyway. But could I say, I mean, Catherine Cookson died recently. Yeah. Can I say that Catherine Cookson used to bend over the sink and I mean, can I, the thin, well, well, well, well, well, th, th, the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, thinks, the, because, because, because, because, because, because, because you could can't, because you could can't, because you could can't, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, can't, because, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, their, their, their, their, their, can't, can't, their, can't, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, their, I'm, I'm, I'm, can't, can't, I... their. their. their. tape, could, can't, can't, you couldn't be sued for it. Like, let's see, um, you could say Doris Stokes was a smackhead for example. Right, you know. It's not very interesting. No, because it was true. Yeah, exactly. She used to jack up all over the place. Yeah, and she used to, I mean, the trips used to take. Oh, that's that nonsense about that, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th, tho, the, they. th, th, th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. thoo. tho. tho. tho. thoo. tho. tho. thoo. tho. tho. Youthat's rubbish she was off her tits I know yeah

hello hello hello did you listen to it oh listen to it yeah and you told me you don't swear what did I say you said bastard no that's all right I start swearing and it no to that it's illegitimate child no that's what you called that Steve what did I say you bashted you bastard why that's that's that that that that that that that's no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's Oh, that's what you called that, Steve? What did I say? You bastard at some it. Why, why did I say that? I can't remember. Not because I know.

Oh I know, because his uncle bought him some at and he tie and he didn't like it. And he didn't appreciate it. No. And that nasty though? Oh, bloat. He's got wooden teeth. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi. that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. You, th. You's, th. You's, th. You's, th. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. You. You. And, that's thi. Why. Why. Why. Why, that's that's that's that's thi. Why. Why. Why, that's tha. Why. Why. Why, that's tha. Why. He's got what? He's got wooden teeth? Oh, that's his grand, his grand has got wooden teeth or something and he's got three left. And he said they have to cook meat for about eight hours so he can suck it. You're bling and terrible. I better start thinking of some things that have happened to Bob, hadn't I? So I can get him involved. Well, he was horrible little gay.

Who? Bob? What did he do? I remember he had you up the Allway with Peter Miller teasing you and dropped you on your head. I was dropped on my head when I was a kid. How old was I? He must have only been two or three. Dropped you up the all way. And what did you do? I tout him. What did he say then?

I don't know. What did I? I landed on my head, right? And what did I do? Was I unconscious or did I cry or? No. You thought it's funny. Good job I landed on me, isn't it? Are you going to continue to exploit your mother on the radio for cheap laughs? Yes.

You are? Yeah. That phone call, a lot of questions are raised. The first one obviously that springs to mind, you were dropped on your head as a child. Yeah. Yeah. You know I, because I did... I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't lot of questions. Yeah. Gervais. You know, I, because I did... I don't even know who Peter Miller is.

I, where is Peter Miller now? Where is he? Let me be honest with you. I want to, can I just be honest and confess to me to you? Yeah. I have been making inquiries because I thought you had Croix. I thought you had C. J.D. I'm not, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, thought, thought, thought, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. to. to, to. to. to. to. to. I, to. I, to. I, to. I, to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I...................................................................... had C.J.D. I'm absolutely earnest and serious about this. Right? Because my dad once, we thought he might be ill and we had checked over and it was terrible moment I felt sick. And that's exactly what I felt like with you. Really? No. But I did think you might

have C. Jaddy. And I've been making inquiries. The symptoms seem to be there. Javais you can barely string a sentence together. together. J. J. together. together. together. their. together. together. their. tha. tha. tha. their. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a terrible. It's, it's, it's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it. their. their. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It. It. It. It's. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, I. It's, I. It's, I. It's a. It's a. tot. tote. total. totally. It's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's a terrible. It's a together, you're slovenly, look at you, I mean, do you I mean, you let yourself go, you forget to wash, you forget to rest your team. You stagger home every night, you don't finish sentences, you know what I mean? It's pointing in that direction. So do you think I've got C-Day-B-B-S-B-S-E, B-S-B-B-S-B-B,B, B-B, B-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S, you, you, you, I, you to-S, you to-S, you're to-S, you to-S-S, you're to-S, you're to-S, you, you're to-S, you're to-S, you, you're to-S, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I,S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-SKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKUU-SKKKKKKK, to-SK, to-SK, to-SK, three BSEs. 01715AO. 2000. Remember how it works? 01715802, please can somebody who knows about these things analyze Ricky Gervaise's symptoms and find out, there's got to be something wrong with him.

We think maybe now that he was dropped on his head as a child, that's perhaps a clue. If you're a medical person, if you've done some research into this, please give us a call, find out what's wrong with Javais before it's too late. Perhaps it's too late, Javais. You know, you're not a young man anymore, you're 37 plus. You're a goner. And so, yeah, give us a call, 0171580. Oh, you built, it's about really? Yeah. And I remember I didn't get it until I was 18 that Marsha had put the caption in the photo album, Ricky's camp. Oh yeah.

You're not taping this, don't you? Oh, not again. Yeah? Good job I ain't swearing then. You did. You said at the beginning. See, I'm going to take that out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out that out that out out out the the the the the the the the their you their you're their you're their you're their you're their you're their you're their you're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their'm going to take that out of context. It's just going to be you going bastard. Just like I've got you saying, ass. Listen to that, muttly.

Listen to that! We're mathematics, then, oh, I'm going to shut up. Just laugh. Oh, God. What'm going to shut up. Just laugh a minute. Just laugh. I can't. What did you call me? I said I can't. Don't you can't say that on the radio? What? That word you said? I can't. Stop it! You can't swear on the radio and that's the... I'm not saying what you think I'm saying. What are you saying? What are you saying? I can't stop it. You're disgusting you are. Oh. Rikerset wrote rick rastedly.

Remember that time when you were coughing and you coughed up that and you killed next door's cat? Oh you the little bit of hard lung that shot out that they rec- I've never gone that far. You're disgusting. Right I better go then. Right all right then I'll see really is. Your relations. I mean, all right. So my, you know, my relations. I mean, all right, so my, you know, my, my relations, all right, their faces aren't symmetrical. But, but at least I don't have weasy, weird laughs like that. I know, and dropped people on their heads. Drop people on their heads.

Right, I got to tell you, I wish I was taping today. She went, and early you from while? I said, I called the last week, thak, tha, tha, tha, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I thee, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, dropped, dropped, dropped, dropped, th. tha, dropped, tha, dropped, dropped, tha, tha, tha, tha, tho, dropped, dropped, dropped, dropped, dropped, dropped, dropped, dropped, tho, to tho, thee, thee, yeah. Anyway, I went swimming Wednesday. I went, did you where? She went, in the fish pond? Totally true. I thought, what? She went, I fell in, it was up to my neck. And I can hear my nephew shouting.

It's only two foot deep. It's a little fish from with a, it is. It's not even two foot deep. It's like, hey, they went, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I was. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. t t t t t too. t t t t t t t t t th th th th th th even two foot dudes but I hate this is she went well I'm pissing myself he's going well I was cutting back the lavender right and three frogs jumped at me three frogs jumped at me I know she meant yeah anyway anyway right so it's three Frenchmen hiding your garden I thought I was gonna say I no, that's a racial slur. But anyway. No, because they know because French people do like to hide in lavender and fight in

73-year-old women. They do. It's well known fact. I know that. Yeah. In striking white and blue t-shirts and berets with onions. Yeah. Anyway, these three frogs. I that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's tha. the. the. thea. thracea. throa. their their thea. thea. thro-a. thea. thea. thea. that's that's white and blue t-shirts and berets with onions. Yeah, anyway, these three frogs. I mean, I'll say you, who is it, that dead president of France? What's his name? Big news? Do you know what he used to do? He used to drink bucketfuls of anyway, right? You can do it because you see it? He's dead. Yeah, he gone. Anyway. So, um, she went, and I went. And I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. th. the th. the the the dead. the dead. the dead. the dead. the dead. the dead. the dead. the the the the the th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thee. the. thee. the. th sitting on the bottom and it was coming up to my neck.

And she went and I tried to get out but it was all the gorgi on the side. I kept slipping back in, right? My dad says, Lee, help you Nan. And she said, and I got out and I said, put Leon, I was speaking with my nephew, and said, she went into the pond, right, and she said she flounded around, right? And she got out and she walked, she ran to the kitchen, she dropped all her clothes and ran upstairs naked, because she thought she might have leeches. Leeches? She's not Humphrey Bogart and the African Queen.

She said it wouldn't have mattered if it was ace full of company. I just still stripped off and run upstairs. She said, I didn't drop the scissors, and she'd sit like the throw and slip as a whi. So we're laughing at the fact that your elderly mother fell slits in a pond could easily have injured herself quite seriously who knows now she could have leeches? Yeah she's probably got leeches yeah any kind of a Frenchman scarpered there's no sight of them all they're all they found well they just left a beret I'd tell you the French I mean you know any sign of any sign of the trouble Javays they're out of their the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they just just just just just just just just just just they just they just they just they're just just just they just they just they just they just they just they just they're just they're just just they're just just just just they're just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. they're they just. I I they just just just just just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're just they're just they're just they're just of there. Oh God I just like the idea of just running into the kitchen and stripping off just a ball of slime and

they're upstairs I couldn't wait to get in the bath she said. Yeah and two ladies from next door from the Women's Guild just sipping tea. Oh there she got there goes Mrs. Javais's naked is a day that's the the truths of her th. I I th. th. their ervais way. It's one of the... For blood on the tracks. And that was for Doris Stokes. Oh, the late great medium Doris Stokes. We'll play that for her. Yeah. Who apparently, Doris apparently was a prostitute. She was a whore. Yeah. You can't libel the day. That's not libel us. No. She apparently went at it, Hammer and Tongue. All the time. Anybody that had a check. Oh yes. Javais, um, maybe I've had a good eight months in radio, haven't I? We've had a bit fun. I was going to tell you about something, but what I'll do is I'll tell you in a minute. It's a short one, that. Is the one? Is the one? Is this the one? Yes. Just a man played as well as a tea in the telly park Illinois. I'm about setting down so people went after the show. The jam says he was a lot to show.

The rockeroles perfect. Spend Doctors. Fear Doctors. Oh, man. Oh. Oh, man. How does he not run out of ideas? It's incredible. They just flowed from him.

Yeah, it's incredible. That of course comes from the classic Wesley Willis album, Rock and Roll will never die. Just reading the sleeve notes, Javais, and rock and roll will never die represents the best of Wesley's previously available material about rock musicians. His, his is, this CD whoops the Lama's ass with a belt. Not sure I know what that means, but anyway apparently... Soap, hey, you can't label the dead. No. Well, Wesley, it says... Wesley carries copies of his CDs with him when he travels just in case he meets someone with $10 in their pocket. Oh, excellent. And that's a beautiful track. Track 8 on that classic album and of course Spindoctus, let's hear a bit more.

Instrumental Break. Beautiful. You see, he's a talented music. Very similar to Lava and Kirk Koein and Hogan and Hogan the phone thi's thian fiffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. I th, th, th, th, that's that's that's that's, and that's, and that's, and that's, and th, and th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr. A, thr. A, thrown, thr-a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a' doctors? Hey! Yeah. Well, that was for Laura. Anyway, I wrote me a lovely letter. Remember yesterday, last week, sorry, I was going about and we could do the best of Ricky Javais, so I could get bits off the logging tape and package it and we wouldn't have to come in, we could like to somebody and somebody. And she said maybe you could do the best of the the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. th. th. th. th. That. That. That. That. That. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, th. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, their. That's, their. That's, their. That's, their. That's, their. That's, the the the the the the the the the th. That's, th. That's. That's. That's. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. It's th. It's th. th. that's that's that's beautiful that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. that's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's th. It's the things that didn't happen. All the things we said we were going to do and then didn't. And there are quite a few. There are quite a few. But she goes on as well because we talk about reincarnation. And she believes in the Hindu view of karma. So if in through your life you do good things, you build up your good karma, bad things, bad things, bad tha bad th and bad th and then, and then, and then, and then, and when, and when, and when, and when, and when, then, and when, the the the the the their, and when their, and when their, their, their, their, their, and then their their their their, and then their their their their their their their their, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, but their, and then, and then their, and then their, and then their, and then their, and their their their their their their their thoes, and their their thea. And, and their their their their their their their their their their their their their, bad things, bad karma. Then when you die, they mount it all up, top it all up, and you're reincarnated if you do nice things.

It's a wonderful existence. Lovely, probably good looks, everything. Everyone loves you. And if you're really bad, then you come back as some hideous, like a maggot or a fish, and you have a horrible life. And the idea lead to, to wonder to wonder to wonder to wonder to wonder to wonder to wonder to wonder to wonder to wonder to wonder to wonder to wonder to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the idea lead to wonder what you did that was so bad in your last life. I'm not rising to it.

No, you're not baiting me. You're not baiting me. Can I just say, you know, we've had some fun, we've had some laughs over the last couple of months. But I'm a little bit sick and annoyed about all this slagging me off, claiming that I'm some ugly grotesque freak of nature or whatever because, you know, we get a lot of faxes coming in saying, Steve, you're a free, you know, you're an inhumanoid. Yeah. And all this sort of rubbish.

And you know, it's not true. And you've just, you've perpetuateded this this this myth, you've perpeteded this myth, you've perpeted this myth, you've perpeted this myth, you've perpetated this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth, this myth up. And I, as I've said to you before, I got into radio, I got into this broadcasting thing where the chances are becoming a celebrity are fairly strong. I got into this in an effort to meet women. To get a lady. You know what I mean? And it's just, it's not helping me to go all this. Well, I told you shouldn't pick careers based on whether you can't get, thua, thua, thua, thua, thua, thrae, thra, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I thin, I'm, I'm, thin, thin, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, the, tho, are, are, tho, tho, thi, their, their, their, their, their, where, where, where, where, their, where, where, where, where, their, where, their, where, where, where, their, their, where, where, where, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thr, thr, thr, thrown.. Where, that, thrown. Where, tho, thoan, theea, thrown. Where, thrown, where, where thi, where a woman. Well, like the going ecology thing. That's why that fell flat. Yeah, but I know that was going alright. I mean I stepped a few times, you know, like just sort of mentioned, remember I mentioned to that woman that we should just go back and yeah, so I could. The first thing you

say exactly and the other thing is them lads? Yeah. You know what I mean? I did. Yeah, I ran into problems. This is Happy Mondays. Yeah. Kinkie-a-fro. But just would you just stop now with the course of you. Of. I just got to think, I wonder if we, I mean I think I mentioned this before, it'd be great to contact Wesley and get him to do a song about the Ricky Javay thing. Ricky Javais, Ricky Javais. Well, you've pretty much done it for us. Yeah. Beautiful. Jervais, I was on the tube coming in and I got to the thinne radio show. There was a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their th. There is th. There was about th. There was about th. There was about th. There was about th. There was about th. There was about th. tho. There was about to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. to do. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. I th. th. the th. th. the the the to. the today. the the the the the today. the the the today. the the. to. to. to. to. th. th. Yeah. I was on the tube coming in and I got the thinking about, you know, my lack of success with the ladies. I could trace it back to something, right, trace it back to a moment. When I was in the last year of my junior school, what I don't know, I'll do. I'll be, you know, what I mean? You're only about six foot two thua thua thua thua thua thua thua th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. I, th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I was, I, I was, I, I was. I, I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I, I. I. I, I, I. I. I, I'm, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a.. th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. I could, I'm, I'm, weren't you? Yeah, and we, uh, we went to this sort of place in Cormel, sort of an adventure camp, you know, we stayed there for like three days.

That was like the Riviera too, wouldn't it? Exciting stuff and we had lots, you know, it was all sort of climbing, and like adventure and, you know, abdaint, the today............. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. they. they. they. It. It. It. It was, the, the, they. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It was. It's. It's. It's. It's. It was. It was. It was like. It was like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the. It was like, like, the. It was like, the. It was like, the. It music from from uh do do the do do do do do do do do do do do do the do do do the do do do do do you do yeah hammer whatever that was gonna the young ones and we'd all the you know that one it was well we're only bugging yeah bugg the bugged yeah that was a big tune and they tune the the the they they they they they they they they th so th so th so th so th so th so th so thin thin thin thin thin th soo they they they they they they they they they they th th they they they they they they they they no they no they no they no they no they but they but they but they but they they they they they they they they they they the they the they they they th is th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th toy toy toy toy toy tun is toy toy toy toy toy tb so so so so so so tb th is they one one one they one they one they they th better. And the young ones. And we'd all queue up, before we went on the dance floor, we'd all queue up and they'd give us little cups of soup. Don't know why. Little long's tail soup, I remember it was quite nice. And then what happened was, I don't know, we must be a bit older, we must be a bit older,

because we must be a bit older, the guys., because the guys, the guys, because, the guys, the guys, the guys, the guys, the guys, the guys, the kids, all the guys, started to ask the girls like to dance with them, you know, cheek to cheek style. It was the first time that this had happened, you know, and suddenly I saw like girls and guys dancing together. Couldn't believe it, right? But I, instead of going to, perhaps asking a girl to dance, you know, like any normal human being, every other guy, you know, the thoaukeke, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, that, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi, thi, th.. th. thi, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thr-a. And, thr-a. And, that, and went round with a notepad, right? I went with a notepad pretending I was a brain surgeon. How? I went around and said, I'm a brain surgeon, I want to analyze if you're mad so I can work surgery, do surgery on your brain, and I would ask them a series of questions. How old were these girls?

This is not just the girls, this was the folks as well. While they were dancing, you know, smooching or whatever, I'd go up to them. What did you think this will achieve? And say, can I ask me a series of questions, I'm a brain surgeon. And I thought it was charming and funny and wacky. I know I'm the they. I'm they they they were I was they were their they were they were they were they were their they were they were they were think. I was not thian. thian. thian. thian. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho thi. thi. Can't thi. Can't tho thoes thoes thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can't th. Can't th. Can't th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can't thi. Can I thi. Can I thi. Can I the. Can I the. Can I the an thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Can't the. Can't the. I thought it was charming and funny and wacky. I know I meant to go, oh it was that funny 11 year old, free, right? In the clogs and overalls, I wouldn't mind dancing with him. That's what I was thinking. Yeah, that's even sadder. I thought that that kind of wit and zany charm would somehow.

I'll stop you there, Steve, because you're boring me. After the break, some beah the the th. th. thiiiiiiii. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin' thin' th. th, tho, thin' tho-I's th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I th. I th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I th. I's, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, tho-a. thooooo'n'n'n'n'n't thoan. thoan. thooan. thoooooooo' the. the. the. thles. I shouldn't be sublunch, should I? It doesn't help, does it? Doesn't, doesn't matter. Doris Stokes, right? He's dressed like a dominatrix. Yeah, all right? And he's dripping hot wax onto the naked torso of Arthur Millard. Yeah, of course he is. And he in turn is being pleasured, right, by Dusty Springfields, thi-spi-Si-spill, thill, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thuuill not-s, thuil, thuil, thuil, thuil, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thuill, thi-s, th-s, th-s, doesn't-s. thi-s. thi-s, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't thi-s, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, th. It's-s, th. thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, thr-s.a-s.a-s. Ande. Ande. Ande. thi-skki-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-skoometea-skn'a-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-s. It's- Dusty Springfield's not dead. What? You twat. Dusty Springfield's not dead. Yes, she is. No, she isn't. She is. Of course she's not dead. Of course she's not dead. Who am I thinking of? I don't know. Dusty Springfield's alive and well.

And playing with Arthur, no, she's not dead. Oh God. Well excellent it was going so well wasn't it? Oh oh oh I like the bit up until then though yeah I like the idea of her and Mullard well that's all true in a farm we can't do that anyway still see you can't do that on the radio talking about that sort of thing. I tell you, if we're going to pick on a dead person, why pick Doris Stokes? I don't know. The one dead person you don't pick. I know, I know, God.

I'll have to convince her she's dead. But even in real life, she'd harness the powers of the dark side. I know. She liked the dark side. Getting on that. Oh goodness me, it's just nothing but innuendo and it's liable. I don't believe it. We're in trouble now. Oh God. You should have picked someone like Cillero is dead. Yeah.

What? Point nine. Muff Shandy says, turn it up. Ear plugs are gay. Earplugs are gay. Get them out the way now. Feel the need to make the bleed. My brain needs noise and speak.

Mother Feeh-mothh! The new single by Muffshan. The Earplugs are gay. What I'm going to make all about it? What was I actually going to sayto say is, I don't know if I can say the word twat. No you can't. But when I was a kid and I first went to senior school, I started to learn all these swear words that I didn't know. Of course you can say the word twat.

You're not meant to. I started learning all these swear words. I started learning. and I went home and I started using the word twat. I just thought it was a slightly stronger version of twit. It's a bit tougher for some reason. And so I used to go around saying that and my sister would say, stop ruining my leg and I go you twat. And I made your twet and I made. to me thea twit, an and I didn't realize what it meant for it meant. And my dad. And he he he he he he that I that I to to to to to to to to to to to to to that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that and I's that and I that and I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. It's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a t. It's a tough. It's a tough. It's a tough. It's a tough. It's a tough. It's a tough. It's a tough. It's a tough. It's a that's're twat, Steve. Do you want to clean the bath? No, you're twat. And we just started using it all the time, right? So then at school, Mark Johnson told me what it meant, obviously I'm stunned, I'm thinking I can't go around and call it my mom, so I didn't start using it. So I didn't start using it. to my mom, to that, it's like that, but I, just, just, just, but I, just, just, just, I, just, th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, to to me, to me, to to th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, we were driving along he'll say um to my mom Elaine what's where you're going your twat your great big twat I just want to say to him dad don't say that to my mom because she knows oh she knows what it means Oh no really she's not going to say to him oh god

Ron would you stop saying that word because yeah same thing happen to me my dad to say that he's the same the same the same he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's the he's the he's th th tho. tho. tho. th tho he's not tho. he's not he's he's he's not he's he's not to to to to to to to to he's to he he's he he's he he's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he he's he's he he's he's th the tho the the the the the the the tho tho to tho to to tho toe to to to to to to to to to to he's not he's he he the thing happened to me, my dad still says Fouch. Does he? Yeah. Oh, Felch in talking to that, right? It's Doris Stokes. She's got these huge... Four sailors and a big bucket and like a weight. Worm jets and Hurricane. So they haven't actually told you it was your last show. No, they wouldn't. They wouldn't know it. to. Yeah, I usually tell you, sort of, when you come off I go, that was your last show. See, I'm annoyed because if I'd known it was the last show, I'd have, you know, led

on something special. What, a buffet? Yeah, we could have had a nice little buffet, you know, invite around all the listeners, you know, into the building. Yeah. You could have probably probably squeezed him in the studio. I'd have gotthe. the th. th. th. th. th. to probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably. to probably probably. to probably. to probably. to probably probably. to probably. to probably. the to probably. the the to probably probably probably. the to probably probably probably probably. to probably. to probably. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I. I. I. I'd. I. I. I'd. I. I. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd the. I'd the. I'd the. I'd the. I'd the. I'down or something. We could have prepared the show. We could have, no that was never going to be stupid. Home do the jerk, good advice. See not all rock and rolls just like bland nonsense, when in Rome do the jerk. Shall I give it away? As it's the last show? Man are live? Yeah? What a way to go out? Giving away the autobiography of Doris Stokes. Voices in my ear. Incredible. A paperback from what, 1972? I think so. I remember Doris Stokes was the medium, an elderly lady about sort of 60 and she filled stadiums in the 70s and 80s and the point was you went along, bereaved people basically paid a lot of money to speak to their dead dead loved ones. And don't forget there, Doris St, the whore. Because you can't libel the dead. You cannot libel the dead. Doris is gone, we're going

to say what we want. Yeah. So that's going to... Apparently... She wasn't even very good. No. No, you'd pay your money and you just used to lie there, nothing. You didn't even get a bit of a sort of contact with your elderly father. You know, pig. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. their their is their. their is their is their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. D. their. their. their. their. the. the. thi. the. thoroooooooooooooooooooe. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. cases. She's filled the Sydney Opera House three nights in a row. Once she even had to convince a man he was dead. Brilliant. So, but you think I'm a prize for that. I mean, you know, the phone lines 01715802, might be a last chance to give us a call. But you could win Dorestoke's Voices in my ear. The autobiography of the medium. Brilliant. By Linda Dierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierierier. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She's. She. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's th. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's to. She's tooooooo. She's toe. She's tho. She's tho. She's th. She's th. She ear the autobiography of the medium by Linda Deardley. You really thought them through.

How does that work? How does that work? Beautiful. We're going to give away that grubby old tattie copy of Doris Stokes' water. Man a live, we're really going out with a ban, you're babies. Okay, let's give some more stuff. Okay, let's give some more stuff. We'll, we. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. the stuff. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. How, how, how, how, how, how. How, how. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How..................................................................................... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th.... knicking. Let's just give away the XFM library. We'll go and get some stuff then, because I want some of it, and then we'd give the rest away. They could call in anyone they like.

All right. Yeah? of it, just for the corn all the way, dirty boy. Just for the of it, just for the... of it, just for the... and the... of it. Just for the... Just for the taste of it. Diet Cop. Diet Cop. No, dear there. You played Nevada, so I went in the library. I've got a load of Nirvana stuff.

I've got bleach, the unplugged album, insecticite. It is like someone reading French, isn't it? You don't know anything about it. You don't know what you're doing. You don't know how important to the Vana why you don't care. You don't know how important. That's the the the tha the tha tha tha. You don't tha. You don't tha. You don't tha. You don't tha. You don't tha. You don't th. You don't th. You don't know th. You don't know th. You don't know tho. You don't know tho. You don't know how the th. You don't the the the the the the th. You don't the the the tho. I the tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I th. You don't know th. You don't know th. You don't know th. You don't th. You don't th. You don't th. You don't th. You don't th. You don't th. You don't th. You don't than. You don't than. You don't know to thoan. I'm thoan. I'm thoan. I'm thoan. I'm thoan. I'm the thoananannea. I'm tho. I tho. You don't know how to pronounce it from the money banks of the wishka whatever that mean yeah what's that? Hort-hormoning yeah never mind. Copy baby copy gaining I tell you something to they did I thought to myself you've got

no matter there lot of people have already got those yeah what they haven't got a lot of people are is this signed a copy of never mind you can't give that away no look look I'm they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th thi thi thi the thi they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they that away. No, look, I'm reading on the inside sleeve. Chris Novuslech, Not a Select, David Grohl and Kirkbank signed that. And I didn't get that from the library, that's from upstairs in the office. Yeah, well that is obviously someone's personal copy, probably the boss is, so you can't give that away. Well, to face I don't, I think the time for morals has long since gone. No, don't. Give all the rest away because that's... Oh come on. No, you can't give that away. That is someone's prized possession. I guarantee there's somebody out there that would put aside those moral questions and accept this. What? You mean, you're going to ask people, do you think you should have it? Yeah. 71515802,000, do you th, do you th, do you th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi thi, thi, thi thi thi th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thi thi, I want seven one five eight two thousand do you think you should have it even though it's someone's prized possession

Mind you so is this radio station There's a fax here if there was one man. I would like to be stuck in the stennest stair lift with it would be Steve. How about it? How about it honey? Love Thorough. It's good to know Thorough. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. It's th. th. th. th. th. thorough. th. It's th. thorough. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. Someone. It's th. Someone. It's th. Someone. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. Now it's good to know Thoris listening. Yeah, she's got a thoroughcy has got a finger on the new music pulse Yeah, she's got one finger on the new music pulse. She's got the other on that emergency buzzer thing. She has a fall. Your hip would break. I think it's a fake. You see you can libel the living. Oh, right? Yeah. Let's leave it a few months and then we're... I've got a break here then some... Oh no. We're never working with you again. Let's the thing. Just for the... of it. Just for the... of it. Just for the... Just for the... And the... and the... of it. Just for the, oh my word, you dirty old slapper. Just for the, of it, just for the, of it, just for the, and the, and the, oh,

just for the, go on, convince me I'm dead, you know. Just for the taste of it. George Stokes. An hour to go, Steve. Yep, it's gone very well. I've got one of these live-read things to give away. It's good actually. Got two pairs of tickets to give away to the Lama Farmers gig at the Hundred Club, second of July. And they're supported by seafood and gel.

And they're both good bands I know you know the second of July yeah that can be right is it's the tenth today yeah but when I say second I mean 16th right so what I was doing there I was just taking 14 off right of the course as any professional DJ would of course do you know that do you know that is that in the DJ hand off yeah it take 14 off oh right so any date that the today that the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they th they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took took they they they. Do you know that you take 14 off? Yeah, it take 14 off. Oh right. So any date that you read out or any number presumably you always take off 14? Yeah. For any reason? Yeah. That's why people say go out. Go ahead Crowley. He's 32. Right. So what I see? They're taking on 14. Yeah. I understand. Sorry to quit. At the 100 club. Well, when I say the the hundred hundred. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. today. tha. tha. tha. they they they they they they they they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they tha. tha. tha. tod. tod. tod tod tod tod today. today. today. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. At the 100 club, well, when I say the 100 club, the 86 club, the 86 club on Oxford Street on July 2nd, yeah, which is, actually that's just five days away. Yeah, incredible that.

I won 7155802. It's beautiful. You know what I mean? I've got a job at the end of this. Oh God. They're going to sack you and it's the most justified sacking in the history of mad. Can you imagine going to the European court? Go to the European court? I was unfairly sacked. James. I'll stop you there. Yeah. He's European. Rik and Jemais. Yeah. Okay. And take the book and read this. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, this. th th th th th th th th this. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. the the the the the the the. S. S. Sacken. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. S. C. S. S. S Jimos, yeah, I accept him, well, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, take the book and read this, of course you can't, can you? I prom, what's that?

No, forget it, yeah. I swear to tell the truth. Troth. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Under an hour to the, tho. This is for you Steve. This is Stevie Wonder. No, I love it as well. It's a great choice. And it's just to say thanks because, you know, you've been good for me. Cheers.

I think I really, I couldn't have done it without you. And I just think, if you'd have been sort of normal looking or you could have got a girl, it wouldn't have been as funny. Because that's been most of our material. I don't ever change it. Okay. Welcome. That song as well, Blood Sweat and Come. Let's have a listen. Can you play it for me? Yeah, okay. Got Canfield to voice it because he's a bit like Vance. All right.

The stunning new single from Brain Mangle, Blood Sweat and Come. Blood Sweat and Come. Blood sweat and come by Brain Michael Out Now. It's a change of career, isn't it? That'd be great. Keep the profile up. You'd be something for you, I reckon. Well, I don't know. A lot of those heavy metal videos have people sort of, you know, kind of ugly creatures.

I was just saying, like, metallic, they have like things that sort of like morph into you. That'd be amazing, wouldn't it? That'd be great. Well. Well. Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? A th. Well? A th. A th. A to be th. A to be th. A to be to be th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A lot th. A lot th. A lot th. A tha? It's a th. It's a tho? It's a tho. It's a tho. It's a tho. It's a tho. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a toa. It's a change. It's a toa. It's a change. It's a change. It's a change. It's a change. It's a tha. It's a tha. It'sica they have like things that sort of like morph into you. That would be amazing wouldn't it? Oh that'd be great. I could see myself, I've got some new career opening up for me. Oh God, oh that'd be amazing. I'd be like horror films. It'd be like, he'd be like the special effect that isn't a special effect. I know but they'd save so much the computerized morph and stuff you wouldn't need like like that you that you that you that you wouldn't that you wouldn't that you wouldn't that you wouldn't that you wouldn't that you wouldn't that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. the. the. I the. I'd the. I'd that the. I'd that that that that that that that's that that's that's that's that's Oh, that would be amazing. I could become a star of zombie films. Oh, God. Do you know what I mean? But we'll do the heavy rock thing first, yeah? All right. So any other that, any web company, I'll do earplugs are gay or blood sweat and come.

I'm just working on a verse. And Steve's in the card. Oh, you've got it then. How old am I then? 37? Yeah, I know. 37. Yeah, it soon be 40. Yeah, all right. You're cracking up the eel then, boy. It always begins at 40.

Yeah. Yeah. What happened when you were 40 then? I started going out with Jane Johnson after I've been locked in for 20 odd years. Well, I think she was the youngest. Why? The last one. Who knows what the next one would have been.

Well. It's been catastrophic. No, go on, to keep going. Catastrophic. Catastrophic. One more goat. Catastrophic. You haven't got your teeth in, have you?

No. Ah, you have got your teeth in. Oh, you haven't got your teeth in. You're eating your dinner with no teeth in. Now I've took it, I'll eat me dinner. Oh, that is disgusting. So what did you take your teeth out for then? You have to wash them. There's nobody here. Only your father in here and anybody.

Oh, f-oh. Do you still crimp the pastry with your false teeth? Because that is disgusting. Oh, no! Oh, no! It's Darth Vader! It's like Darth Vader! You are disgusting, Mick! Oh God, I can't believe you haven't got your teeth in. Well, it's difficult to say catastrophic. Ha ha ha ha!

Oh God! Well, let me hear you say it. Catastrophic? That's it? Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah, I know. Right, alright, then I better go now. Right. See you later. Bye. Fast ever. Phrusha.

Almost certainly. That was for Becky, um, who's having a wisdom teeth out to me. Don't envy you. What they do is right? They tie you down and look like how old and they, no, no, it's fine. They've got anesthetic these days and everything, apparently so. Not in Bristol though. Do you still tie it to a door? Well to be honest if you've got if you've got dodgy wisdom teeth you're a witch. It's just simple as that, youavais. You know, they will you out to the ducking stool, Bob, Bob, Bob. Yeah. He still works there, does he? With his two brothers, also called Bob, I know. Go on with it, go on with it. And this is a different Becky, Becky and Laura. They wondered

if I showed you those nice pictures they sent through. Oh, what were they of? The apes? The apes. Yeah. He laughed. It laughed. It laughed. It laughed. It laughed. It laughed. It laughed. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was. It was. It was. Yeah. It was. Yeah. Yeah. It was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. Yeah. Yeah. It was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was. It was. It was. That. That. It was. It was. It was. That. It, that's you, Steve. Ha ha ha. I got facts here from Bernard. He says, I'm a regular listener and I want to know why is Ricky being taken off the air. Bernard, if you don't know the answer to that, you're not a regular listener. You're not a regular listener. Which is a shame because you've had a few other faces and stuff. I had a letter, this is the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the first the forces amphibian or insectile and we worship the grand fish monster so I'm getting kind of positive male like that and it's too late it's too late in the day. That is positive that's a lovely letter a lot of people you know most people

would like you know to be you fish monster yeah that is a sign of a that is a sign of affection yeah that is a sign of that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a the that is a the the that is a the that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a the the that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is a th is a th is a thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that is a that is a that is a thi. is a Prix in a very confusing finish. Matt, can I stop with it? Have you got any fun stories? Yeah, Matt, haven't you got any sort of like two Ronnie style new stories? Have you got any sort of like new stories? No, there's no fun. Oh, you know, two runnish style, you know, a man with a meat-slea has been terroris'n duty tomorrow. Or like Scotland Yard had all its toilet stolen, police have anything to go on. That's what we want, that's what everyone's after.

Oh right, no, nothing as interesting as that. Okay, go on. Carry on. As you are, sorry. Should I come in news? With nothing really silly. That's what you're after? That's good. That's that's that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what we that's what we that's what we's what that's what we're that's what we're that's what we're that's what we're that's what we're that's what we want. That's what we want. That's what we want. That's what we want. That's what we want. That's what we want. That's what we want. That's what. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's what. That's. That's what. That's what. That's what. That's what. That's what. That's what. That's what. That's what. That's what. That's what. That's what. that's what. that's what. that's what. that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what th. that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what we that's what we that's what craft on the M4, a police a comb in the area. That's what you're after. You're in news, can you libel the dead?

I'd rather stick here in any controversial comments if you don't mind. Okay, no, no, I didn't mean you. I didn't expect you to. I don't think you can, but I'm not sure. What do you think of the think think a very talented lady who brought joy to a lot of people. That's fantastic. So you don't think she's a prostitute? Absolutely not. Well, Steve. Yeah. You know we gave away those CDs?

Hey, we could give away. It's just good radio, isn't it? We've got to give away, the tickets and that's good radio. Do you remember who get them back. What, are these the CDs that we took from the library? Yeah, I got to get them back. 0171, 580, 2000, if you won those CDs, could you give us a call? Well, why should they bother? They're probably busy listening to them. Do you know what I mean? You can't give something away and then take it back. I need big time. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th. thi that that that that that that that that that th. they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. thateea. took took took took took took took took took took took took tha. thatea. thatea. thate busy listening to them. You do you know what I mean? You can't give something away and then take it back. I need big time. I've got to get back. We've had a bill for

the computer as well. That's mine. No it's not yours. It's not yours. I procured that. That is that is mine now. No, that is technically that technically counts as ownership. Listened, Javais, it's not yours, alright? I've told you this before, I've explained this to you a hundred times. What? All right? If you, if you urinate on something, it is not yours. It does, in the cat no, it does not because... That's what cats do. They go around, they urinate on it, that computer's mine. If a cat... that's a cat, that's a sort of, theirterterterterterterterterterter, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's threatrater, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's is that's is that, that's is that's is that's is that's that's that's that's that's threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threaten, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, threaten, that, that, that, right? Yeah, in its cat philosophy, it owns that. I agree, it's that's a sort of, what do you call it, a sort of territory thing. What's the difference? You're not a cat? No, I know. You're not a cat. That's discrimination. No, you're not a cat. You can't live life by cat rule. Well, I've got loads of stuff like that. My flat's full of stuff that I've got. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. What I the th. What I've the the the th. What's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. What's the. What's terro. What's territor territory. It's territory. It's territori. It's territory. What's things. What's the. What's th. What's th. What's th.phone boxes, right. I've got a cash point machine. Yeah, Glenn was furious, he was getting out money. Right. Didn't depend. Side of a church. That's yours. Yeah. Two BMWs. Well I had two. I've got one now. What happened? The second one, the owner caught me and he started doing the same. And because I started first, I finished first, so he finished last, so it was technically his again. Is that how it works? Yeah?? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, the the the the the the the the the the he? he? he. he. he? he. he. he. the he? the the the the th. th. th. th. th. he. th. th. he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was. he was. he was. he was. he was. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. he. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. the th. th. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the second one the owner caught me and he started doing the same and because I started first I finished first so he finished last so it was technically his again is that how it works yeah if I piss on something then that's mine yeah

if someone else pisses on it then they're the same yeah that's how it works could you say urinate this is XFM 104. their their their shoes yeah and they're mine now they're not they're not not they're not I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I can I I can I can I can I can I can I can I can I can I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I they're they're my they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're know? And they're mine now. No, they're not. I can't believe. This is why I don't want to do this anymore. Why? Just, I can't believe you! They're my shoes now. That is how, that is ownership, that counts. In the cat world?

They're my shoes now. And some of the carpet of the cat. I can. I can. How does what does what did you go? What's this? Oh, not maybe you could do that. Yeah. I mean, you see, because I just think it's a wonderful thing. You know, the YMCA doesn't get enough publicity, good press. Yeah. And the village people did them a favor. I mean, why and if they wrote that song well. Well, why and if they're serious? It's. They're the they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. They're. They're they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're not. they're that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that maybe. that. that maybe. that. that. that maybe. that maybe. that maybe. that maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. They're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're that. they're they're they're the. the. th, who thinks, hmm, I don't know, people have done the police force, you know, they've done it. Hold on, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute, this is very good to this student, but I think you would mean this, you don't know what that song was, you think that they're actually some sort of advertising for the YMCA It's just a PR thing for the way I'm imagine. It's like the one that in the in the Navy in the Navy in the Navy

yeah you know the sort of PR thing for the for the Navy is just bizarre. When they would when they were dressed up as sailors and stuff. Yeah well whatever. Whereas usually they sort of a construction worker with a nice mustache aren't yeah yeah yeah traffic cop yeah. Traffic carp. Yeah. Drumpers. And, uh... What, I don't, I'm worried about the Red Indian Cheat. Am I supposed to be... I know where that has been a big... Am I supposed to be reading between the lines or something? Well, I don't understand. I mean, I don't really understand. I mean this, okay, right. Okay, this is fine. What is it? Obviously, they're gay connotations. It's a gay icon record, isn't it? YMCA, in the Navy. That was the point of it. What did you need? One of them dressed as Judy Garland? What, what, I don't understand?

What was your problem with that? But there's another, I don't understand why that people are gay? It doesn't necessarily. It's like it's high camp, isn't it? It's been adopted since as well. But the four of them, there's a guy just as a motorcycle cop, there's no reason why he should be gay. There's no reason why anyone should be gay. There's a big chosen, what, there's a builder? Yeah? All right. So no builders the guy ever. There's another one, I can't also the other one is. And then there's a red Indian. Why I know if the red Indian it's it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is it is there is there is there is there is a there is a there is a red Indian. Why I is a red Indian. Why there is a red Indian. Why is a red Indian. Why is a red Indian. Why is a red Indian. Why is a red Indian. Why is a red Indian. It is a red Indian. Why is a red Indian. Why is a red Indian. Why is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red is a red, why is a red, why is a red, why is a red, why is a red, why is a red, why is a red, why is a red, why is a red, why is a red Indian. It is a red Indian. It is a red Indian. It is a red Indian. It is a red, why it is a red Indian. It is a red Indian. It is a red Indian. It is a red Indian. It's is a red Indian. It's a red Indian. It's a the is a red Indian. It's a the is a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the is a red Indian? It's supposed to be an iconic. I don't know about that. I'm flummoxed on that one. I'll be honest. But what I'm saying to you, Givace, is if you're going to use, you, if you can talk about gay people, then why don't they use the cliches? Why isn't their hairdresser? Right. Because it's probably the sort of cliches that even seen that even the then gays real homosexual people who live normal lives.

If I'm going to write a song about gay people, I'm going to have a hairdresser. Yeah, you are. In order to appeal to a gay community, I'd have a hairdresser, John Inman, um. Larry Grayson, obviously. And, uh, I don't know. Well, you wouldn't have Jason Donovan then obviously. Because he's not.

So you wouldn't have him, would you? No, I wouldn't have Jason Donovan. Well, I wouldn't have Philip Schofield. I wouldn't have Andy Peters. Right. I wouldn't have Andy Peters. I'm getting scared. I would not have Andy Piers.

I'm getting scared. I was briefly telling Claire about it.