The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S0E2 (Tape 1B, 1998)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

Gervais and Merchant first worked together in radio on the London-based alternative radio station Xfm London. Their show was broadcast from January to August 1998 from 4–6pm on Sundays, and only featured Gervais and Merchant (before their collaboration on The Office). The show's original format was more interactive, with features, guests, phone-ins, and audience interaction through listeners' letters.

It's, oh, I'm a comedian, it's fantastic. I've just got to tell this again, because it was wonderful, okay? So it gets through to the tidebaker, the two couples are at the end, it's from like about 1979, and they're dressed like it, do you know what I mean? These are just like people that, oh, they're amazing. And they make you look, no, they're still, they're they're they're they're than him. And that goes, those are okay, both pairs, fingers on the buzzers. He goes, right, Ted gets the ambler and goes, right, okay, fingers on the buzzes? Yeah, ready. German composer, but British born, he looks around. No, no one knows.

So he goes. Most famous for his Messiah. No. All right, third clue. What is his handle? One woman goes, BZ. She goes, oh we did this at school. He goes, we are nearly there. She goes, oh God it was Handel's water music. He went, so what's the composer's name? She went Chopin. He went, I'm going the composer's name? She went Chopin.

He went, I'm going to have to throw it across. Buzzers in, this bloke goes, is it Bakehoven? Oh, isn't that fantastic? Why, you've mentioned to me three, two one in the past? Oh, it's fantastic. They deliberately got on the worst contestants ever. Well, no, they just, they just weren't bright?. Have the clues? Have the clues? Have the clues? They the clues? They the clues? They the clues? They the clues? They the clues? They the clues? They the clues? They the clues? They the clues? They the clues? They th? Th throw? Th throw? Threaves? I thing thing throwed throw? I throwed th th th throwed throwed throwed throwed throwed throwed throwed throwed throwed throwed throwed throw? I throw? I th th th th th th th th th throw? I throw? I throw? I throw? I throw? I throw? I throw? I throw? I throwed throwed throwed throwed throwed throwed throwed throwing throwing throwing throwing throwing throwing throwing throwing throwing throwing throwing throwing throwing throw on the worst contestants ever. Well no they just they just weren't right. Have you seen the clues though? I am a car and not a bin or am I holiday in and we reject that one. Well it says we were we are a car but if you reverse

car and change some of the letters it's bin I'd look. Tough shit you lost sorry. See I, why is it we don't go on those shows and clean up? I know. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the the the the the the their. I their. I their. I their. I the the the the the their the their their their their. Have their their their their the cl. Have the cl. Have the cl. Have the cl. Have the cl. Have the cl. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. the cl. the cl. I. I. I. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the cl. We. We've. We've. I the cl. I been I'd luck. Tough shit you lost. Sorry. See I why is it we don't go on those shows and clean up? I know. Because catchphrase is the other one. What are getting the job as a caretaker? Catch phrase you'll see a cloud with a silver lining and they'll say up the garden path. No it's not it's a good answer. It's a good answer but it's not quite right. I wish I could give you the money out of my own pocket but I can. Oh, they're fantastic. There was another one right, when he was asking them questions and they're paying for pounds and they get like a maximum of 10 questions and that multiplies.

So it was, okay, let's sell a go one. We're looking for words in the English language language beginning with, then, then, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, the th, thi, thi, the thi, thi, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the their, it's their, it's their, it's their, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, their, the their, the the the the the the English language beginning with I N so he go some we start with that one industrial van back and forth because we go some Asian country right this bloke went Iran no no he said I was confused about that one it is in fact in the Middle East. Forgetting the fact that it started with I. R. And he came back about ten minutes later and went, oh of course. And also it doesn't start with I and so the floor must have been Ted, you thick. Look, what do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean, sympathizing with him? James, what's your favourite? It'll be alright on the night clip. I'm talking about all sort of 58 shows that they must have done.

That is difficult. I'm wondering if it is that one with Mr. Chips from catchphrase tossing off. Have you seen it? It's great because it's just an error and it makes it look as though he's tossing off. Oh, and he's not. I don't know what it is. I bet I don't know what the catchphrase is. Oh, 1715 Mr. Chips is coming to dinner. Another bit of him doing his stand-up in America.

Oh God, it's so nauseating. He's got another series apparently. Does anyone like Lenny Henry? Obviously, it's a massive star. Does anyone listening to this show really like Lenny Henry? Yeah. Or is there anyone that annoys me more than Lenny Henry? I should answer that one, I should know. Do I win a prize? I think what you want to do there is that you want to sort of, you want to speak correctly? It's another simple thing. Jervais, we shall help her out in your radio career. Oh no, I'm a swerve driver, that's 3 minutes, 41.

I've got to pick one, 7 minutes the news. Well, well, before you move on, can I just tell you, well, well, we've talked about celebrities and going to school with celebrities and things. I have been trailing that. That had kept them on their tender hooks? Why they say it's not tender hooks? I think it's tender hooks. I don't know what they are, but I don't think it's tend. Oh, oh okay. I won't. I won't that's one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one. I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won't th. I won, I won, I won, I won seven seven seven seven seven. I won't thin' the the the their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've their their their. I've their. I've the their. I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I. I. I, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm one. I'm one. I'm one. I'm one. I'm one. I've te. I've tend, I've tend, I've tend. I've tend. I've tend. I've who annoys you, the listener more than Lenny Henry? Yeah. Oh that's a good one? Clever. Because then it's thrown it to them. And it's their opinion. Oh simple thing. Excellent. Oh no, it's again you didn't bother to give the whole 0171-5-H-O, which is about half of it, but no, just 0171 there. Oh, sweet.

Toves, you know last week we started a competition where people have to send in photographs or pictures or anything? Oh yeah. If, I would show them to you, indiscriminately, during the show and see if you would laugh. Got the first one here, from my calling Crouch-ends. Yeah, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the, all. the, all. th, all. th, all. th, to, to, to, to, to, it, it, it, to. to, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It, to. It. It. It. It. It, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh. Oh, to. Oh, the to. Oh, the to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to to to to to to to to to to to-a. Oh, to-I. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, the the to. Oh, the the show and see if you would laugh. Yeah. Got the first one here. Yeah. From my calling Crouch ends. Yeah. All right. You liar that wasn't it? Well it could have been. I did that myself. That's the idea. Yeah. That's the idea. Can I just say. Oh God. Facts. I'll admit. I drew that one. Right. Wait a minute. And I could never, not only could I not tell them what that was, I could never explain it well enough.

No, there's nothing you could do to explain that picture. Suffice to say, if you've got a picture that you think can make the maze laugh and we will hopefully give a prize to somebody somewhere during the show. There's specifics like that they make this show, you know what I mean? The vague promises there might be a prize. Anyway if you have a picture that you think can make Javais laugh, 0171, 580, oh, 1171, 580, 1-1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1,2, 1,2, 1,2, 1, 2,3, 4, 1, 2,000, 1,000, 1,000, 1,000, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1,000,000, 1, 1,000, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 in a drawing? It's simple things, James, that let you down. Next up. So I'm there, with run the eyes, I'm tired, I'm a little bit drunk, I'm in a white truck suit with shades on, I had turned into Jimmy Savil. You've just become Jimmy. Yeah, and I saw all these kids looking at me thin. Oh, bless him. And you you you you you you you you you you you you. You you. You you. You you. You th. You th. You th. You are th. You are th. You're thi? You're th. You're th. You're thi? You're th. th. thi. th. th. thate. tho. thate. that. thate. tho. thoom. thoom. thoom. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. th. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. that. that. that. that. that. that that they they're that they're they're thean. thean. thean. thean. So, the. So, these kids looking at me thinking, oh, bless him. And you're all right, I have a little, where's a toilet? He's done it. Yeah, no.

Dear Jimmy, I'm four years old and I have a terminal illness. Can you fix it for me to live a long and healthy life? Well, no, but we have arranged it for you to do a duet with Mr. Shaking Stevens. Hree! I feel sick. This old house do it, you little b- I feel sick, mummy, it's a treatment. Anyway. What's behind the green door? A cure... No.

No, no. He's for comers. He's not for terminally on this. He gets people out of comers, don't he, Shaken Stevens? He does. He does. Apparently, loads of kids in the 80s, they're all on there, all these people going, oh yeah, and she was in a coma, and we played Shaking Steve's 24 hours a day and she'd like to come out of it if someone's like, turn up! Shit off! I mean? Who would you least like to visit you if you're in a coma, yeah? You're in a catatonic you've got all your senses except sight? You can't th and she th and she th and th and th and th and the th and the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. thi. thi. their their their thee their thee their their their thee th. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and she was they was they was they was they. And she was th. And she was th. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. Oh, th. And th. Oh, th. Oh, th. And th. And thee, they. And they. And they's they. And they's they's they's they's they. And they's they's they. And they. And thee, th. And it right. You're in a coma, yeah? You're in a catatonic. You've got all your senses. You've got all your senses except sight. You can't do a thing, right?

And you've got someone there to come and visit you. You're helpless. You can't move. I just sort of lying on bed. Helpless. But you can feel there. I'll say I wouldn't want to visit me. Jason Don't want to Jason. No, I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoo. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. You can't th. You can't Jason. It's not, I don't like his voice. No. Or Phillips Gofield, I don't like his singing voice. Andy Peters. I haven't heard him sing. No, but I wouldn't want him round. I want one him round. Really? Why? I don't know, I don't know. It's just something about him. Yeah. I don't want to sing about? There was five of them? There was five of them. There was four. There were five of them. There's a village people. Four village, everyone knows four village people. Really? All right, wait a minute. So there's a fire, there's a there's a there's a road cop. Yeah. There's a redid gin obviously. There's a red there's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red there. There's a red there. There's a red there. There's a red there. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red there. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red there. There's a red there's a red there's a red there's a red there's a red there's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a red. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. There's a construction. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there. there's a red. there. There's a construction. there. There's a construction. there. there's something else, a chef, no, a candlestick maker. Oh that's great, yeah. A tailor, at the back with those little half-moon glasses. Why, M.C. A? Do a little bit sewing. Who was it? Wait a minute, there was a fire chief.

What are you all about? Is there a fire chief? No, no, what a fire chief? No, no, what a police guy was a black guy was a road, a the traffic car car, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a traffic, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a black guy was a road car, a traffic car. There was a police man, there was a red Indian, obviously. Obviously. Native American. Yeah, it was a construction worker. Yeah, the moustache. Cowboy. Was it? Yeah, of course there was a cowboy.

Was that? Yeah. Well, who was the fifth one thoo. Maybe I'd just dreamt to one. I thought of maybe some, maybe a bloke dressed up as Judy Garland. Steve's singing along there to baby bird, which is ironic because when you sing, you're putting your head back and your mouth. You look like a baby bird. Do I? Yeah, because the long neck and that sort of goiter thing you've got, look like a fledgling pelican. And the worms, like a sort like a sort like a sort like a sort like a sort like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like it's ironic as well because you're like a Lysoidian as well. Is that a real word?

Because you're a Lysoidean? Oh right of course. Yeah. Because I use, I sometimes forget that they're not real words. You sometimes forget that your language comes from the voices inside your head. No, listen. I use my own language. They tell me what to say and I say it. No, listen, this sort of like a little, little bird-like Lysoidian thing, right?

Which is like the Archaeopteryx, like the link between the sort of lizard man, going to flight. Oh goodness, they've kicked in again. They've kicked in early. They're not meant to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start early. They're not going to start for about an hour. What the voices? No, the tablets. Right. Go on.

The treatment was, what should people put on their cassette tape compilation inlay card? It's illegal. It's illegal. I agree they're not allowed to do that. Right. But I was offered it. You'd th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. they's they're tha. they're they're tha. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not. they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're not. they're not. the the the the the the their. th. tho. the. thea. theateatea. thooooooooooooooooooe. their. their. their. their. their. their. they're not'd ask me to tell them what they should put down, right? I'm telling you, the track we played was recorded by REM, right? Not CLEC. So don't write CLEC down. No, no, no, R-E-M.

Exactly! How are you spelling that? That's correct. How you're, capital. that's capital, the track as recorded by REM. Yeah. They've called it Superwoman, right? I don't care if it's really called Superman in the world of the Cleaks. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. In the world of the Cleak, it might be. You don't care if it's really, why are you having to be arguing? No? No, you're saying I'm wrong. You are. I'm not wrong. It's called Superman by R-E-M it's called Superwoman! No, they can't take- no! They can do what we want!

Sometimes, sometimes they call it Superman. Make your mind up at least! They call it Superwoman! Are you sure they're called R-E-M? Or if they change that? They call it Super Woman, you tosser! How are you spelling that? It's a Friday night you'll love this. I went th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I th, I th, I th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th. th. thi thi thi that, thi thi thi that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi that, that, You P-E-R-W-O-M-A-N. You idiot! You fat, imbecile! It's Friday night, you'll love this, I went to a party. Got invited to a party, a genuine- I don't know, no, no, that was an afterthought. You said I went to a party, then you suddenly went, I got invited to a party.

What? Did you get invited to it or did you just go to it? I got invited to a party. I went to a party. Okay. Well which is it? I was at a party on Friday night. Okay. Right. And it was people I know it was up in North London. I live in South. I'm not that's particularly important. And what I'm saying is I left my yeah. Yeah you weren't in your you what you were saying is you weren't where where you weren't where you the to say. You weren't where where where where where where where where where where where where where where. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. was up. the. was up. the. was up. the. the. the. I was. I was. I was. I didn't really know and I got introduced to this girl, Christine, right, I'll be honest with you, I don't know if anything might have happened. Do you mean, could, do you know what I mean? All I'm saying is we were getting on well, thanks for happening, all right? Thanks for happening, all right? All right, all right? All theymey, she wanted to, you're interested, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. I. I. to. to. to. to. th. I. the, I. I. I. the, I. th th in a pack of bags, did she say, oh I'd love to talk to you all night but I've got to go and get these cigarettes?

No, no, no, go on. No, go on, sorry. We went and we were going on well and as she said, yeah, a packet fags. So I went over the guy's, the guys who runs a party party, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the party, the party, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I've, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I........... I... I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd. I'd. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. thing. He went for it did you? What? He went for her did you? I went on her behalf right to the supermarket place. Look one of these little sort 24-hour 7-11 places. Yeah I'll get the picture. So I go there and I'm gonna buy the fags and people want it's a few sausage rolls and all sorts of stuff. So I'm now and I'm got all the stuff right and, but I can't be certain. But anyway, they caused a bit of a ruckus because they were after some chapatas. They were saying, I want two chapatas. I want to, don't wait for that situation.

No, no, I'd say that was kind of a canyon. I'd say that was kind of, right? Okay, but anyway, they were two, they were, they were, two, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I, they, I, I. I. I, they, they, they, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they, I want, I. I want, I, I.they? How much are those a pound? Oh, they're not paying for those. I love this. So anyway, they got their chapant's. They went up to the counter. They went up to the counter. And the fellow who's next to me in the queue, he'd put down a jar of coffee. Right? So anyway, the fellow right walks out what what the Italian bloke can someone else's coffee still someone's coffee right they're in plain in

plain view so he gets outside and the shopkeeper says well way whoa wait wait a minute come back in mate whoa you picked up this fellow's coffee what what what you're accusing me off you see I'm stealing what you say I'm stealing well you see I'm stealing what you say I'm stealing what you say I'm you say I'm stealing you the the you the you the you the you the you the you the you say you say you say you say I the you say I the you say I the you say I the you say I the you say I the you say I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they're they they they they they they they Definitely Turkish. Probably works in a prison. Yeah. Stealing? Well, you accuse me of stealing? You accusing me? And the fellas, and the fellas. And the fellas, and the fellas.

And the fellas, look in the bag. Look in the bag. I say, look at their bandaers. I'll be the chabatters. He's hiding. the ch he's pushing things off the counter, he's throwing the chapatters everywhere. Really? And he's smashing plates? He wasn't smashing plates.

He wasn't smashing plates. No, I'm just getting a hint from the accent. Go on, sorry. Right, yeah. So anyway, he's accusing. He's accusing. He's accused of, he's going to be a around what you're looking at fish monster. Yeah they've sent you out because I thought you wouldn't get attacked. Exactly. And you know I'm ironic. So I sort of I edge backwards towards the frozen good section. Yeah

you're thin against the fridge. I'm I'm hiding. I'm not gonna lie to you I'm I'm a cat. Really so anyway the chapatta brothers the chapatt. The chapatta brothers are nervous. So they're they are they are they are they are they are the shopkeepers yeah well now the chapatar brothers are nervous so they go no it's all right you know don't keep keep the chappadillas we not pay for them I don't want my money back it's alright and so they move towards the door but a little fella he's spent some time in Delhi as well a little fellaapporte brothers are trying to get out, right? They can't go, they're smashing the place up, really just throwing things on the floor, right? And he's going to me, help me, help me, help me keep the door closed. He's from Italy as well. I think he was.

Yeah, I think, help me. Help me. I can't help out. No I can't. I just got to be over here. The dialysis machine, if I don't get back the battery runs out, I've got to, yeah. So anyway, eventually the Chapporte brothers, they actually just knocked the stuff over and they get out the door and they leg it off down the road. Yeah. And anyway, it's terrible just pay from the goods and these fags and go please and he went no shop closed shop clothes we can serve you and I went listen I've just been stood here I almost got in a fight I want to pay from the goods yeah and he was in tears I can't he just he probably

probably selfish wanted to like shut the shop just because he'd been like like physically attacked yeah and then you'd been waiting there patiently not helping he must have been there for he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he probably he probably he probably probably he probably he probably probably probably probably he probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably he probably probably probably he he he probably probably probably he he he he probably probably probably probably probably he he he probably probably he probably he probably he probably probably he probably he probably he probably he probably he probably probably he probably he probably he probably he probably he probably he probably he probably he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he probably he probably he probably probably he probably he probably he'd probably he'd probably he'd probably probably would probably he'd probably would probably would probably would probably would probably would probably would probably would probably probably would probably would probably. he'd probably probably probably probably probably probably. he'd probably probably probably. he'd probably. he'd probably. he'd probably. he'd he'd he'd he'd he'd been like, physically attacked. Yeah, and then you'd been waiting there patiently, not helping. He must have been there for about 10 minutes not helping. Yeah, he should have served you before them really. Before the fight. It was crazy. So anyway, I demanded he served me. Yeah. I was crying as he served you. He was. I left the shop, got back to the party. Yeah. Yeah. Cripp the shop. Yeah. Cr-I the the the the the to the the the the th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the shot the shot the shot the shot the shot the shot he. He he. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he. He should should should should should should should should should should. He s. He s. He s. He s. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He he. He he. He he. He he. He should should should should th. He should th. He should th. He should th. He should the shot the shot the shot the shot the shot the shot he s. He should should should he s. He should should he s. He should should caught up in some bloody dog day afternoon scenario. I missed out on a possible, how's your father? What do you say possible, um... Well I missed out on a, I missed out on a, on a fag at least. Yeah, yeah. And the, um, the letdown of her saying face to face, no.

I mean, there's a little bit of hope when you get back and go, There's your Benson's. Ooh, do you want to drink? Yeah, there's a little 7-Eleven just the other side. Go across the road, go the other way, I'll be about 10 minutes, love. Ah, it didn't happen for me. It will. It will. It's a game show right that I'd come up with. And it features me, but I think it could be perhaps a vehicle for yourself, Javais. Yeah. What's it called? It's called, basically it's called Ricky Javais meat rations. Right.

And I like it already. You like it already? Because there's a party there for me. Yeah. Could I play the Ricky Javais? Yes. Fantastic. It was originally called, basically, it was originally called, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically, basically is it's basically recreating the heady days of the war right right I'm beautiful already

isn't it I've got the nostalgia thing I've got a game as well but it's called it was rich you've called Ricky Jovey's fag rations right apparently cigarettes weren't ration in the war well it's called meat rations I'll say I'll tell you some great games my favorite is to the the favorite game the favorite game the favorite game the favorite game the favorite game the favorite game the favorite game the favorite game the favorite is the favorite game the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th is th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the tho. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I's is is is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I's is I's is I's is I's is I's is I's is I's is I's is I's is I's is I's is I's is I's is I's is I'm is I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm ttoy. I'm ttoy. I'm tell is great. I'm tell is great great great great game. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm tell is great is great is great is great is great a great game. It really is a great game where you've got to pretend to be Anne Frank and hide from sort of snooping Nazis. Oh, that is fantastic. It's a great game. And there's also, of course, well let me go into it. There's also a dig for Granny. Well, I'll dig for victory if you like. And what's them is you're scavenging through rubble. Could I just say these are copyright. Anyone. You you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you are thin's thin's thin's thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' to to thin' to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thuuing thin f f f f f f f fie fienuiuu. the fa'nui. the the theuuu.a'nui. the theuuuuuuuu. theuuuuuuuuuu to to to to to to to, anyone trying to rip me off, I mean, I've got the penis puppet theatre. I've got a stake in this surely, I don't know. You can have a bit of my penis puppet theatre. That's lovely. Yeah? And I've also got a new game that I talk about after, after yours, it's called Tip the Balance and it's sort of like a game for four and it comes, I'll send it off to want I I I I I I I I I I I I send I send I send I send I send I send I send I send I send I send I send I send I send I send off the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to to have to to to to to to have to to to to to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I to me. I to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have to to to to to to tothere's teething problems with it. Well listen to Vace, look, let's play Don't Fear the Reaper. Let's play that tune by Blue Ister and his cult. It's a classic. Yeah, and then we come back and we're try and make some money. Let's make some

cash. And there must be some sort of fun with like gas masks. Yeah, that's what can be Gar-Hugh's snork? Yeah. Yeah. Well, possibly. So so that every week there's the real snork. Right. So it's like confessors come on. Which one snork? Which one's snork? Yeah. So you've got three maybe got three celebrities. Yeah, it was a gas mask and the real snork. So you've got some like teed. their mask on and like a little outfitt. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's their. It's a real. It's a real. It's a real. It's a real. It's. It's a real. It's a real. It's the real. It's the real. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. And the real. And the real. And the real. And the real. And the real. And the real. And the real. And the real. And the real. And the real. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. And the. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, the. So. So, the. So. So. So, the. So. So, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. yeah and Jillie Cooper and they put their mask on and like a little outfit and then the real snork is there and you've got to ask some questions like you get like Bernie Winters and Henry Cooper going. Number three, number three, how long you've been in the banana split? And Jillie Cooper goes all about six years ago I don't know I think the banana splits been going long than that and no I th and th and th and th and th and th and the th and the th and th and the th. I the the th. I the th. I the th. I the the th. I the the the the the the th. I the real the real the real the real thin's the real the real the real the real. And the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real the real. I'm the real. I'm the real. I'm their their their their th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm they. I'm they's. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I've. I've. I'm. I've. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. oh I don't know, I think the, I don't, the Gnav Splits been going longer than that. And no, I don't, I don't think it's number three.

What do you think? And Bernie went to go, number one. Number one. Number one. How did you get the an advert in the paper, that's not right, they were born, you know I mean? There's Chaz and Dee for in the corner, just go, nanan, nanan, nanan, nanan, yeah! With the real snorks and they always, in Brighton O'n' that would be fantastic. Wait a minute, what? What? Jilly Cooper? I don't know, what is she the novelist?

Oh yeah. Now appearing in Pantan. I'm not letting you book the guest. Oh God. But wait a minute, I mean I love your idea. Yeah, who snork. It's a bit old isn't it how We started off with a kind of wartime nostalgia show, but now we've sort of featured sort of quite bad 70s animal things. Nothing wrong with the banana split. But I like that, that's a good deal. Yeah, okay, so that can be like a special feature. So I'm just going to make a note of it because we've got to be perfect. Yeah, and who's who's a good. Who's? Who's? Who? Who's? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? the? Who? the? the? the the the the the the the the the... th? the? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? No? No? No? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? the...? the...? the...? the...? the...? the...? the...? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? No? th.. th. to. th. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th....... help you on this. Oh this is great, well what other other, I'm just from that, well maybe we'll come up with some other ideas as we go. Yeah, we've still got tip the balance to go. But you know, can I just say, I did actually once try and pitch this thing? When I, you know when I, you know when I appeared on block busters? thi's I've th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, and I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I've that, that, I've that, I've tho, I've tho, I've tho, tho, tho, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've thea, I've thea, I've thea, I've tot. tot. thea, I've thea, I've try, I've try, I've try, I've tiped, I've thea, I've tiped And I said to her, sit down, I've got a crowd, dear. And I tried to bill it with me, it's the star. She said, who are you? Steve's meat rations? She said, why are you in it? I said, I am, I'm the only one can put it off. Yeah. And she said, right, go on, what is it? And at that time I had none of the games. And at that time I had thi. that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. S, th. S, th. S, th. S, the th. S, the the the th. S, th. S, the, th. S, the, the, the, the, th. S, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. th. S. S. I like it, yeah, what are the games? I don't know. She said, oh, and you just said, well stop me there, love, and just popped a gas mask on.

And said, who am I? She'd have gone, she'd have gone, snork. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, it's not. I used to write when I was at school. I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, the kids, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha, that, tha, that, tha, thi, that, that, th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, said, said, said, the, the, said, said, said, said, the, said, said, the, said, the, the, said, their. tha, said, said, tha. tog. tog. tog. tog. tog. tog. th. tha. tha. tha was growing up. I watched sort of crap adult ones. You know I mean I TV on the tele from 12 midday through to like midnight and I'd watch all the all the police series, police story, Charlie's Angels, Steve Austin. And teen Night Rider? Yeah and I And I wrote this essay at school and I just couldn't stop and I started serializing it and every time I just kept writing it at school and it was about a cop, a New York cop who was as hard as, you know

I mean? And I worked out what his name was. Now it's, I just, God, this is how television influences me. Because it was one word name, which is his surname, that was the, and I I I I I I I I I I I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, I, I just, I, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, was. Now I just thought, God, this is how television influences me. Because it was one word name, which is the surname, that was the title of the book, title of the series, and that's what all his friends called him. White too, right? It was called Jezuk. It was called Jezuk. Yeah.

It does sound so close to like Pillock or Jesse or Nonts. No, Nons, there's no nons. Well, do you know what I mean? The cross between sort of like Pilok and jism. Damn you, Jezuk. Yeah, you're off the case. Do you mean a badge. Keep the stinking. I. th. th. the badge. th. th. the badge. th. th. the badge. th. the badge. th. the badge. th. I. th. th. the th. I. the th. the th. the the thi. I. the the the the the thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah.................................. Yeah he first yeah yeah yeah and so he'd look at his gun and go this is my law. My God it's Jezuk how did he find us? Yeah it was great they'd be shootouts and

everything. Oh fantastic. Let me just ask was he was he did he have perhaps of a broken marriage he was hard boiled he played by his own rules. Yeah, I imagine. Simultaneous with this. He was a bit of a drunkard as well? I had a bit of a drink. No, he didn't drink, no. It was good looking fella. But he was letting himself go.

He was a bit hard-bitten. And the other thing I was sort of simultaneously, which was more of a novel. exercise books, right? It was about this kid, right? He saw his parents just brutally murdered for no reason by a gang of outlaws, yeah? And he buried his father and he knelt down on the grave and he said, looked up and he goes, as God is my witness, I will eventually. And then he sort of went to the store and he got loads of bullets and he practiced and he was the fastest girl he was only about 16 yeah his name was Jody Barnes is all right yeah yeah good Jody Barnes is all right yeah yeah I'm just a.

That's nice yeah oh fantastic have you still got any of those episodes of Jessook yeah yeah that would be incredible the teachers used to sort of like I'm gonna yeah that I see seriously if you you the you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the you you the the the the the the the the the th you th you th you th you th you th you the the th th th th th th th th they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they the they they the they they they they they th took took took took took took took took took took took took te teeeeeeeee just just just just just just just just theee are the just just just just they. I'm listening to a pasting around the, he's still another one, two minds has written another episode of Jezuk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I say it, seriously, if you brought one of those in and read it out, that'd be, I'd be in trust. Imagine it. Seriously, that'd be great. Do you think a rummings of a twoisted 40-year-old brain that only ever watched I'd th TV their their the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the thvvvvvvvvvvvvvo-o-o-u-s have thvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah like sort of, even someone was like Jezok? Then it was like Jezok abroad, Jezok in Paris. Um, Jezok on Safari. Yeah. Here comes Jezok.

Return of Jezok. I liked that, Jezok. He's a proper man. Yeah. It's not like you. But mom, I invented Jezok. You're a Nazi. You couldn't be like Jezok. It's in my mind. Return of Jezok. Here comes Jezik. Son of Jezok. Oh, it's fantastic. What if Jezuk met Jody Barnes? They'd get on? They'd have no quarrels. They could team up. Oh, I'd be fantastic. After break a little bit of Lars. Teen Jezok. This is five minutes. The news news I'm looking forward to the news. You've had a great couple of newscasters the last couple of weeks.

Don't piss him off because... Oh, you might... Jezok came in here. Oh my god, he would not stand for it. He'd arrest the engineer. He wouldn't, he wouldn't stand for it. He'd soon figure out who's four it was. wouldn't they asking a few questions? Jessica, you're off the case. I don't need a stinking badge. I bet Jezik plays by his own rules, don't he?

Of course he does, but they take his gun, his official gun. Not the one on his ankle though. Oh, he's got a little ankle gun. Of course he has. I didn't expect'm thinking him now I think he might be a little bit Latino maybe a really Hispanic I don't know Hispanic yeah Jesu Jezuk yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes I'm that would be fantastic so what's the name of the show itself is it named after it's called it's called Gessok yeah get me jezak yeah yeah and he's an emilio jezak yeah and he's an the new joc I'm a jezezezezezezezezez and he's a j- he's a j- he's a j- he's a j- he's a j- he's a j- he's a j- he's a j- he's j- he's j- he's j- he's j- he's a j- he's a j- he's a j- he's j- he j- he j- he j- he's a j- he's a j- he j- he j- he j- he j- he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he he's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the's the name of the show itself? Is it named after? It's called Jesuk. It's called Jesu Cessick. Yeah. And he's an NYPD Cobb. When is he gonna marry that girl? Oh come I say make her an honest woman.

For goodness, she's cooked to you again. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Christ's saying Jeanne. But he's hard boiled, Javais. He's already had two failed marriages. I know. And I'll the the same the same I was to to to to the same. to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. Make. the the the the the the the the the their. Make. Make the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make th. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make. Make it. Make it. Make marriages. I know. And I'll tell what it is, it was the fact that he was a cop. Because you bring that stuff home with you. You can't just leave that at the office, Javais. I'm worried about his kid. 16. Really? Yeah. Is he going off the rails of it? He's going off the rails of it? He's on the the wrong people because Jeslick can't give him enough attention. I know. And of course Jesluck's ex-wife of course is dead so he's got a race shit on his own. Is he? Oh yeah, it's he? Well she got, she got, she got, oh no, what's the first wife? The marriage broke up because he was heavy drinking. Oh God? Yeah, because of the fact he's he he has to go through every day he he he's he's he look, smack eggs coming at you, coat on crack, right? Ouse's, right? You've got to let your hair down in the bar? He killed a young kid. I know he did. That kid. Twice. Yeah. His first wife, yeah. I think what happened there, Javais is that as far as I'm aware. Yeah. Yeah. She's the only only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's. Oh, uh. Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I, I, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, I th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah.that they got divorced but really they still love each other don't they? Let's be honest. Yeah. She's the only one really that stands by. Well Jessica says well you know I can love two people.

Yeah and he has done. Yeah he has done. Yeah he hesitated after he'd killed the young smack-ed boy that was coming at him and had a grenade. He don't believe it. Yeah I'm the the he she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she heed she heed she heed she heed she heed she heed she heed she heed she heed she heed. He heed. He heed. He heed. He was the their s. He was their s. He's heed. He's sheed. He's sheed. He's sheed. He's s. He's s. He's s. He's s. He's s. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's their th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's the the th. He's the the the th. He's the the the th. He's the th. He's the th. He's the the th. He hesitated after he'd killed the young smack-ed boy that was coming at him, had a grenade. I don't believe it. Yeah, a little grenade, yeah. And his second wife got caught in the crossfire. And he thought, oh, he shot him. He shot him. And that's why he never hesitated again. He just goes in blast him. Yeah. And he just, he'd just, he would do the opening credit sequence for Jesuk? What would happen? Would it be Rocks and files style where he's in the supermarket, you know, buying food and all the sort of it? I think he'd be, um, no, I think it would be like split screen.

I won't be turning round in like a mall, like firing. On the other one, he'd be dropping the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the their, their, their, their, their, their, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would, would, would, would, would, would, would, would. the they. they. they. they. they. Would, would, they. Would, they. Would, they. Would, they. Would, they. Would, be, be, be, be, be, the, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, would be, would be, would be, would be, would beast and his wife would be ruffling his hair in the morning. And he'd be going, and he'd sort of like be getting crumbs off it and... Well, it wouldn't be his wife. It would be a lovely, lovely lady you probably picked up the night before. No, no. Remember that great? No, he doesn't do that. No, he doesn't. He does not. he's got a new one that is... He's got a new wife? He's got a new bird, hasn't he?

Well yeah you said wife? Well he's faithful to her though he doesn't go and pick up flusies. No, I always remember. He doesn't go around with dirty girls. I always remember from the beginning of Quincy, you know where he's there and he's doing exactly that, sort of running and jumping over things. And then you see him, and you think he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he is he is he is he is doing he is doing he is doing he's doing he's doing he's doing he's doing he is doing he's doing he's doing he. He's doing heat. He's do he. He's do he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's th. He's th. He. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's he's he's a body because he is that is what he does. And he's kissing someone. No, it pulls out and he's given a woman in a sunbathing outfit, just giving her a sunbathing outfit. I could not have the one. Where's the little esteemed and that but he was a sunbathing outfit. Hmm, I did see in the under a sunbathing outfit. That's great. th. th. th. th. that. th. that. that. that. th. th. th. that. th. th. th. th. that. For th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's a thi, thi, thi. thi, the. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. A th. A th. A th. A th. A the the th. A th. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. the. A. the. A. the. the. A. sun. A that sunbathing outfit. But I'm sunbathing outfit! That's great!

Oh, birthday suit. There was a girl in the all-together. The all-together. Oh God, that's fantastic. What? What? I will pop this rubber thing on. And for sure I am in a sexual intercourse outfit.

Sun bathing outfit. I-bathing outfit. I can't believe I've embarrassed myself with my use of language when it's invariably yourself, Javais. I know, yeah. Oh, I've done. Oh, beer. Oh, yeah. You know, we usually have a few beers and we get throughout the show and I get steadily drunk, which is unprofessive.

You're turned up drunk today? Yeah, sorry, that's the beauty of it. I'll be honest with you, Jemais, you know, normally if someone gets drunk, their speech begins to slur, they talk rubbish. Yeah, no difference, no, that's the beauty of it. Yeah, that's the beauty of being me. Yeah, exactly. You know, how drunk are you? I had a little bit of wine. I had a little bit of wine. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I. I their. I their. I their. I their speech. I've their s. I their s' their s' their s' is, I their speech. I their speech. I their speech. I their speech. I their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I, their speech. I've their speech. I've their speech, I've their speech, I've their speech, I've their speech, I've their speech, I've their speech, I've their speech, their speech, the this little baby kangaroos up to crawl all at their mums? I have... You must say, tease penguin is probably my greatest invention. The tease penguin, can you tell us again, I forget? Well it's just a penguin, right? You train, you put it in a lovely little French maid outfit, and it comes in with a breathes, that's a the face with its flipper. Yeah. Oh. Um, Jesuk, obviously.

But it doesn't let you go any further. No. That's why it's the tease penguin. Yeah, I see. Um, Ex-Family Fortunes. Oh, I can see that on tele, Miss South. Yeah. It's incredible. I don't know where you got the idea from. I did they just they they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just they just come they just come they just they just they just come they just come they just come they just they just they just they they they they they they they they they they they this week with Claire. Was he? Lovely, lovely man. Oh, Baby Bird was it at X-FM?

It's very nice. Is he? It's got a beak and funny little claws. Oh, Rick. I know, it made me laugh. It was it. Oh my God, we're desperate. Man, Rick, if you've got to resort to that kind which is bizarre but there's a bandical baby bird yeah Steven can you go to turn that down next door all the time of music yeah yeah

Emma it's just it's not on that's crazy I can hear I can hear a throb from the other room yeah someone's got it's just insane jam yeah yeah it's just insane jubes it's like I haven't trying to host a radio show yeah yeah yeah oh well it's this way anyways the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're th the the thy they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're haven't trying to host a radio show. Yeah. And now he's laughing. Yeah. Oh, well, it's all going to be. We're going to play a track that you've bought in. That's right. Go on, what is it? It's a fantastic tune by the Grave Digas.

Yeah, part of the Wutang Klan rap. Right. little shellfish that's into rap. Yeah, swears a lot. Yeah, terrible, yeah. The track is... Got a muscle posse. The track is beautiful. You've probably heard it on the dance floor maybe in some club. One eight hundred suicides. Yeah. Now I would stress, Rick, it has got a bit of bad language. I know. I mean, I've listened to this twice. I know I've got it off pat. I reckon I'm going to pull the f pull I'm going the f pull pull pull pull pull pull pull pull pull pull the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face the face. I the face the face p. the face. I've the face. I the face. I've the f. I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I've probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably p. the th. I've probably p. I've probably put. th. together. tra. trade. trade. trade. trade. th. threat. I probably. th. I've probably. the the the th. I've probably. I've probably. the right places and go, eh? Okay? That's all right, you know, if it goes wrong, so what? You know, that's real. People have a problem with swearing, I don't, do you? No.

Not so I'm doing it because it's rules and you know, we want to stay on air because, you know, we take our job seriously. We do. And, you know, alright. There we are. A good shaking of hand there. I love a bit of rap. That wasn't actually French. That's weird, that, isn't it? Oh, pardon the French. People always say when they maybe say follow-up. Excuse my French, but Laplanderma-tante. Hey, come on, language. Language. We'll be learning a little bit of a foreign language. I've bought in instant Yiddish by Fred Kogos I've always want to learn Yiddish. Really? Yeah. Um, uh, nourish neck. Fool is this? Some glick, some shlimmon. Yeah, for better for worse.

So I'll be, I'll teach you a little use of phrases like that out of the old instant yiddish book. The first of what was this grave? It's grave diggers.they're keeping it real, they're keeping it raw, so there is a bit of bad language. Yeah, mine's raw. Did you keep it raw? Yeah, of course they have. Um, right, right. Don't get a moment. No, don't, shut up. No, don't, shut up, right.

I've got to play this. Shut up, then, please. Right, is it going? Oy. Okay, take it cold. Take it cold. All right. Suicide into suicide. What do I write? Right, right? Suicide into suicide. So you want to die? Commit suicide down. 1,800 sign line. Fraudite, you're it ain't worth

to put a rope around your neck and jerking this one kind of road. The trick didn't work. Your light up was fucked up from the first day of birth. After watching Jackie Gleason, we'll get to a prison. Gun down a captain for no reason. Oh, good work, good work. Oh, a drink from the bar. Keep behind you wheeled and crash the car.

Like there's a storm. Got ball for the war. Confront a alligator, let it eat your roar. Back to the function, fibrding the caboose to hell, Givley touch the third rail. You're fucked up, chicken. Now you just got signed, because it's a suicide. Suicide, it's a suicide. You're doing that favor, you're not having to watch yet.

Suicide, it's a suicide. Hick, a little rich tip what stuffy? Suicide, it's a suicide. Right, ha. Suicide into suicide. Heck, your little rich tins. Watch your feet. Come and tell the envy for all of your grief. You're asking for a ring and you only got a cheat. Your boss got any but your meat is mad cheat. Maybe you're a bastard child, you think.

Mama dad and your drug is it. Maybe a Sicilian with a 10, but you hate lasagna and a pizza man. Now you stand on the great digger luck. You're singing the blues about the rock like you got. Not. You don't want to live no more. I guess you're really ready for the graveyard tour. When you get home, you seal up your window and your door. Turn the oven on high for about four hours.

Let you a blunt kiss your ass goodbye. You gap yourself because it's a suicide. It's a suicide. It's a suicide. You're right. Suicide. It's a suicide. Suicide.

It's a suicide. Suicide into suicide. Suicide into suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide.

Suicide that's suicide. It's just suicide. Yeah, I've said it before and I'll see it again. Life Blue was pretty fast. We'll stop to look around every once in a while. You miss it. Uh-huh. Devil stuffed up playing brave guard. Had the fuck you know to try to enter my graveyard. I'm the Resurector. Be my sacrifice.

Commit to suicide. This is too stressful. Oh, are you doing well? No, no. No,'re doing well. No, no, no. I don't want this anymore. No, this is sweat. Okay. Okay. That's good but I could stop it.

Got down. I'll tell you one day, right? It's just one of me at the moment. But one day there'll be a whole squadron. It'll be like planet the apes. Oh my god. And you don't you you they they don't actually they they they they don't they they they don't they don't they they they don't they they don't they they they they don't they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll be they'll be they'll be they'll be a they'll be a whole they'll be a whole they'll be a whole they'll be a whole they'll be a whole they'll be a whole they'll be a whole they'll be a whole they'll be a whole they'll be a whole they'll be a whole they'll be a, do you? Exactly! We can just reproduce as we are. It'll be like Planet of the Apes, right? There'll be sort of a Chaltern Heston figure.

I have a bit of a squid's. It'll crash land. Get your damn dirty tentacle off. It'll crash land. Yeah, exactly. And there'll just be loads of me. Yeah. they see like Bristol Temple meet and they go, oh my God, they blew it off! It's back in Bristol with all your, oh no. Incredible. There must be an organization of volunteers or something who, if it's like touch and go, if it's really serious, if you're like clinically depressed about it and you really can't get a woman. They don't want just people to turn up who can get girls and saying, oh I fancy you know but in your case you know that they're speak to you they see you and I think you know there must be some sort of

national house thing or private where you can actually sleep with I don't know a voluntary worker. Well yeah there's people that I don't know volunteer for geriatric duty you know and that they're exploding all over the place. They're covered in the stuff, right? There's people that work on leper colonies, right, for, you know, for nothing. There must be someone who would sleep with you out of sympathy. You don't want that, you don't want that, do you? Well, let's not be hasty, Rick.

I mean, especially if they need know, sort of press and media attention. I also sort of helped to publicize their campaign, really. There's probably an organization that go, you know, and we go, they go off to like, strange crimes and go on to like, Leper Islands and that and they work with them. Or they can sleep with you. Now that's got to was the option, right? And suddenly, volunteers to leper colonies doubled. Was like going to Toro Melinus? Yeah.

I'm not the bus. Sorry, there's no room on the bus. But you're at the back there. Yeah. Well, um, well, here we go. Here I am then. No, I, no, I, sorry. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to, the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, was. to I, I signed up for the, for the lepers. Yeah, I'm licking their wounds. Well, sorry, but. Geriatric duty. Yeah, we're not a bed, pants. Oh, dear.

I, you know, I heard a song in the week, right? I've heard it before, it's by wean, and he goes, push the little da dasies and make them calm up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up, and it, and it's called. O171, 5,000, I don't know where to look. Push the little days and make them calm up. It's like that, it is. Rubbish. I've been around to going around singing that. There's no song with that lyric. It's like that. It's like that. Push the little days, shut up.

Shut up. their today. Like people will go and go and if you're being mine, not too annoying, but after about ten times you go, oh can you sing somewhere else? But when you've heard, push your little day and I make them down. Shut up, no. You can get really annoyed. It really can't got it. Shut up. Okay, one of the guys.

Put you their to' together. phone calls haven't we? We've done some funny phone calls? Did that one like Penkey when we phoned up, phone up safeways and said have you got some cheese? They said yes. And we showed them didn't we? That showed them? Yeah. Oh, we've done some crank calls. Do you want some beer? Brilliant. Brilliant game. Five o'clock far enough? Yeah. What else have we done? There's been just too much, aren't there? The alarm frog? That's. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. Br? They that's. It they they they they they they they they they's. They they's. They've. They've. They've. They've. They've. They've. They've. They've. They've. We've they've they've they've that we've. We've. We've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've. They that we've. They that we've. They that we've. They that we've. They that we've. They. They. They. They. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We they. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've. We've they've they've they've they've s. We've s. We've s showed. We've s showed. We've s showed. We've s showed. We've s. We've s. We've s. We've s. We've that we've too much, hath there? The alarm frog. The alarm frog? That never got off the ground. They got going. Um, I've got some great ideas. Tip the balance.

That's the last one I've got. Tip the balance. You haven't explained it? It's my last, I think it's a little bit much. Really is it too much? Is it the most outrageous thing you've ever? Well okay well no look this is an idea right? It's a board game. It's a board game. I'll send it off to Waddington's when I'll get you know it's four simple weights sort of just like fulcrum weights you know like scales. Like a little seesl yeah a little And there's one end is like a bowl, right? The other end is like a kilogram weight. Right.

And there's four of those. So four of your sit-round and you've got to quite simply tip the balance. Right? So you've got to fill the bowl. Yeah. What with rice or? No, no. No.

No. Bodily secretions. Right. So it's the first, you know... Maybe you shouldn't tell us about this. Well no, because there's simple rules. Anything that comes out your body is all right, okay, in every form. Right. Well, you know, anything that comes out of your body, you put that into the bowls or you tip the balance. So, uh, I was just think, if I said it quieter, it wasn't so bad, it going, well it's piss, you know what I mean? It doesn't work right? Snot, sick. Well I was going to say come because then I could be spending it C-O-M-E

therefore getting by some of the radio throw it was rather sneakily and Spunk as you said it's like courage isn't it? Exactly. Like in the Walton's they go, look, I love your new girlfriend, John Boy, she's full of spunk. Yeah, sorry about that. I've been carried away, Dad. Good night, John Boy. Yeah. Good night. Don't start.

Right, it's the cure. We'll come back to this. Cure. Charlotte sometimes. Rick and Jovey's show. And, Steve. sometimes 20 to 6, Rick Joveys, Rick and Jovey's show. And Steve, what have we offered today? Well, we've offered tip the balance. The new board game from Waddington's, which involves secreting various bodily fluids into a bowl in order to tip the balance. Yeah, and away do you go, tip the balance! I can suppose in the front cover with sort of Granny, she's stooped. Yeah, she's just, no she's got traised down.

Yeah, she's just, and everyone, she's missed it. She's missed it completely, they're all laughing. And the family of there behind up, they're clapping and cheering. The mother just laughing, the mother just laughing, right? And the 14-year-old boy, well he's got, well he's enjoyed, he's, he's, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's enjoying, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the most. It's going to. But what about if, you know that, um, bingo is the most popular evening pastime in the country and there are these huge bingo palaces with like tip the ballast? Imagine if they were all playing tip the ballads. It would be incredible. Oh, God, that'd be fantastic.

You could have a winner stays on. Yeah, because he'd they they they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd they'd they'd have they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd have they'd have their. You could have winner stays on, because he'd have a disadvantage then, wouldn't you? Well, I'm just, I mean. I imagine in Japan they've already got a TV show like that, I'd imagine. A kilogram's a lot though to get rid of. Yeah, you've got a lot of scuttle. I know, everything, yeah. But I think it's great idea. Well, no. Well, you could, but anything you put in there you lose. So you know if you would into it. Yeah. Like you can't, you could like, you could bleed into it and amputate into it, but you can't have it back.

Like you couldn't put a false limb in. Right. Because you've been it there because that's sort of cheating. But there is a thing called the fish card, where if you're all out of it, right, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're strained, you're all, you're all, you're all, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, like, like, you're, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, you're, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, you're, like, like, like, you're, like, you're, you're, you're, you're, you got like you know point eight kilograms and there's you can go fish card right and you can take someone else's bowl and pour it into yours but you've got to pour it via your mouth right so you take a big log of that and you do it and you win you've thought this you've played this haven't you yeah yeah yeah you've played this haven't played. I haven't got the equipment. Right. Jeff Buckley, everybody here wants you. Wow, nearly end of the, the nearly of, the show with it, isn't it? I can't even bother to criticize your use.

It's not where that is your existence anymore. I know, yeah. So late in the day. You're not going to master it at the age of 45 I know how old you are. You know I mentioned I guess we could call it freak show or something like that. Yeah where celebrities with deformities come on. That was Nigel Strum. Nigel and Tottenham come over the idea. Yeah, suck the most deform- what would you put forward as your most deformed bit?

Well luckily, sucking my most deforma would be curiously enjoyable for me. Anyway, I asked for a few more celebrities you've got deformities and various people have called in. Jazz in East Barnet mentioned John Thor, who of course... Is that with him? Well John's left leg I think he's shorter than this right. He always sort of hobbles a bit as he walks. You'll suck the hole in the left leg. Yeah, all right. Say that's say that. Say the whole. Say the whole. Say the whole. Say the whole. Say that. Say that. Say that. Say that. Say that. Say the whole. Say that. Say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, the whole. Say, the whole. Say, the whole. Say, the whole. Say, the whole. Say, the whole. the whole. the whole. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. J. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the whole. S. the whole. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. the. S. S. S. S. I. S. S. S. the. S. the. the. the. the. the the the the the seeing Saj that, like the fat burn in the opera. Yes, I know it is now. What, because I said, no, no, nothing to do with it.

I just saw him do it, I just forgot, I was pissed. Yeah, go on. Paul Daniels, apparently one arm is shorter than the other. Can I just say the head? Sure enough. Hall as very deformed under her arm. Yeah. That's from Tony Namersham. We've also had Ian Jury. Someone's mentioned that. It says that Ian Jury. Who's left side. Yeah. Really? Did you have a stroke or something? Polio? Polio, yeah. Yeah. So Luke is left. And Anthea Turner, apparently she lost the middle three of her toes or something, in a sort of horrible accident. I don't if that's true. Anyway, Antiettau, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the to. to. to. the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to. to. to. to. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. of horrible accident. I don't know if that's true.

Anyway, Anthony Turner, it'd be great. Just get her on anyway. She lost, I don't know what? I don't think it can be true to be honest. It says that she's only got two toes on one of her feet because she lost the other three in a fly-no accident. Oh my god. I don't know if that's if that's if that's if that's if that's if that's if that's if that's if that's if that's if that's if that's that's if that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I that's their that's. I their their their their their their their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd that's. I'd that's. I's that's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I their. I their. I the the the the the the th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I the th. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I's th. I th. Iue. That's when you used to go to school and say some, oh, I had a fight with the lawnmower. Yeah, she did. Yeah, no I meant your hair love. No look at me toes. Oh, oh, yeah. Exactly. So, yeah, so, so what would you suck the gap or would you suck the toes that flew off in the garden? I really haven't thought about it thought to make it, as honest. That's what we were, Steve, just satellites. Just satellites orbiting around the mighty space station of XFL. I don't know what I'm talking about it. No, I didn't think that you could carry that much further.

No. No. Still, that's the end. No more cheap knob gags on a Sunday afternoon. No more sort of swearing.