The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S0E4 (Tape 2B, 1998)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

Gervais and Merchant first worked together in radio on the London-based alternative radio station Xfm London. Their show was broadcast from January to August 1998 from 4–6pm on Sundays, and only featured Gervais and Merchant (before their collaboration on The Office). The show's original format was more interactive, with features, guests, phone-ins, and audience interaction through listeners' letters.

James, what's your favourite? It'll be alright on the night clip. I'm talking about all sort of 58 shows that they must have done. Now that is difficult. I'm wondering if it is that one with Mr. Chips from catchphrase, tossing off. Have you seen it? It's great because it's just an error and it makes it look as though he's tossing off. Oh, and he's not. I don't know what it is. I bet I don't, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. that, the. theat, theat, the, theat, thi. the, thi. the, thi. the, the the the the the th he's tossing off. Oh, no. He's not. I don't know what it is. I bet I don't know what the catchphrase is. Oh, 1, 7, 1, 5, 8, it's coming to dinner. Yeah, possibly. It's the best dog.

Come on. I want, by the time we come back after this next tune, your favorite, it will be right on. it. Okay. What's Mr. Chips doing there? Say what you see? What's he doing? What's he doing? What's Mr. Chips doing there? Is he spanking the monkey? Is he spanking the monkey? the monkey being spanked and you wouldn't have got it? Now, it's interesting that I wondered what the catchphrase was? What? When they made that hide? No, he didn't explain this. We didn't explain it. There was a the. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's been a the. It's been a the. It's been a the. It's been a their. It's been a their. It'd have been a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. their. their. their. their. their. Sp. their. their. their. th. Spank. th. Spank. th. th. Spank. th. Spank. th. Spank. th. th. their. Spank. their. their. Spank. their. their. the hideous true. If you don't explain it. There was actually a thing on a right on the night. I didn't see it. No, let me explain, yeah, on, it'll be right on the night. Steve's gonna explain it. Because you don't know what you're talking about. Do you know what I mean?

Do you know what you're to go on really. No no come on! All I'm saying is... Can we do a pop competition or not? Shut up a minute. Go on. Dennis Nordonsdale, he's saying, uh, if you're one of those people, he's saying, uh, if you're one of the thinks, uh, he's up to no good or whatever, the thi. the Mr. Chips thi. He's is is is is is is is they. Chips. Chips. Chips. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's they. He's th. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's the th. He's up. He's saying. He's saying. He's they. He's saying. He's saying. He's saying. He's saying. He's saying. He's saying. He's saying. He's the the the the the the they. He's saying. He's the they. He's th. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He's up. He for some reason because of the computer graphics it looks as though Mr. Chips is having a quick he looks like he's masturbate it does I'll be honest with you I haven't seen it but I tell you words for anyway I just said to Emma I wonder what the actual catch phrase was they were looking for and she went and she went to make a phone call and she found out what was it no no no oh no oh no oh what a give a give a what a what a what a give a give a give a give a give a what a give a give a give a give a what a give a give a what that's a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a give a that that that that that's a that's a that charmer. Which is basically the same thing. Hold on, that's a good euphemism. I know it is. They've come up with a great. Yeah. But what I like is the fact that she could go out and make a phone call and get that answer.

Okay, let's, we could give her challenges. Yeah, it's just little, little tasks. If we get people to phone in and say, I remember. If to to the to the to their their their their, if their, if their, if their, if we their, if we their, if we their, if we their, if we th. I th. I'm, if we tho, if we got, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've tho, I'm, I'm, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, yeah, I've, yeah, I, I've, yeah, I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, the their, th. I'm, th. I'm, I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I've, th. I've, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, I remember an old episode of Coronation Street, 1972, I think somebody, you know, do you know what I mean? And we just, and she'll go off and make a call and we'll sort of hoarneau. Or is it sort of challenge Emma? Challenge Emma? That's good, isn't it? What, who is she phoan? I thi. Oh, one, seven, one, thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. Do. And, th. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, to. And, the to. And, the to. And, the too. And, the to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, to. And, the answer now though, but I could not for the life of me work out why this was a good saying, you can't have your cake and eat it.

Why not? What is the point? What does that? I still don't know what it means. Well it means, you can't have eaten your cake and then still have it whole in front of you. Right. Why's word.

Mr. Chips Bear, what he's doing, he's picking up male chickens and sucking them. Say what you see. Well, we've got an ad back. Now, did we do a pulp competition? I can't remember, for the life of me. Should we do another one? Well no, but then what if someone who's entered, well I haven't won obviously? Do another one. Do something else. Oh one. Do something else. Oh one 7, 5, 5,000. What? Do something? Do something? Do something? Do something? Do something? Do something? Do something? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do something? Do something? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do, do, do, do something? Do, do something? Do, do something? Do something? Do something? Do, do something. Do something? Do something? Do, do something? Do something. Do something. Do, do, do something. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do? Do, do, do,000, what? Then you could be going to pulp? What? Brilliant? Yeah?

You've thought, you've got a particular situation. Look, after the break, right? It's a virgin promo thing, don't make it any others. I'm going to play a classic by the smiths, I take what is. Some girls are big than others, right? But worries me is it sort of starts and it fades away and then comes back in again. And that worries me when I play this,

because they'll probably think that I can't use the desk. Yeah. You know what I mean? It'd be terrible that. It's terrible that. It's thauzzled. It's awesome. about two pages long and it said basically that Morris is a little bit odd. Well done, two pages. The guy wrote that probably got a ground or something. We got over, yeah I know. That's money for old, right.

Hey, get him out. He's putting me off with his hair. Yeah, get out would you? There's a bloke in here with strange orange hair just filling around. Emma? It's a bloc. Emma? It's a bloc'er. It's a their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. Yeah. thiii' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' th' th' tho' tho' thi' tho' that's probably that's probably that's that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's a that's a that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's probably that's a that's a th. th. th. th. thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' throwne. throwne. thro' go' go' him out. No, publicly embarrassing. No, don't hide. Emma, go here, get him out. Who? Say his name, he's hiding now. Ian. Yeah. It's not good radio. It's not great radio, yes. To ex-iocytes your personal psychological demons on air. It's not fun. Do you know what I mean? That's all this stuff about you phoning up your mom, all, that might be useful and interesting to you. Yeah. All right. And a psychiatrist came me some money off the bill though. We don't care. Um, the winner is Roy Roberts. That's a good name. He won the pulp tickets for his idea that the worst lyric of Evans, pot, black.

Everyone out of the studio that shouldn't be here? Good. This is a professional organization. People wandering in, banging. There's bits of paper here that's in like green biro. I want things typed. Do you know what I mean? I don't want anyone in here who isn't giving it 100%? Javais? I'm leaving.

Gotta stop that there. Sorry, no, no, no, right. That's super glass, Nenny. This is how up on music, Steve, isn't it? It's sticking? Jvais, it's sticking. I've got to start it again now. Isn't it? How am I supposed to know? I've never heard the track before. Right. Okay. I can't believe you disrespected me on something like that. I'm embarrassed you, haven't I? I don't know the internet's of YMCA, so I'm not a music officiando.

Yeah, right? You ask me any question on somebody credible, right? Like, um, credit to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tra? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? Ia? Ia? Ia? Ia? Ia? Ia.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a. I tra? I tra? I tra? I the nation. Disco. It's like, it's a credit to the nation. Who the hell needs credit to the nation? Cheers, lads. Thanks very much. Well, yeah. Off the go. What are you all doing? Take a little bit of Nava.

Still, well, they all run into the dance. And they have to have to come off again off off off off off to come come come come come off to come come come off to come to come off the to come off the to come off to come off again to come off again to come off again to come off again to come off again to come off again to come off again to come off again to come off again to come off again to come to come to come to come to come off again. No, it's not good. Damn, I'm embarrassed now. Sort of rap track. Quick, do some ironic dancing. Oh, I was thinking about that over the day. Tracks which used the riffs from really great songs. Which are just terrible, and what are they thinking? There's a show in that. There's that one that had... Among the place Supergrass or not? right and his horse trigger he won because he said Duranduran you're about as

easy as a nuclear war during that one please please tell me now and Will sent them one of my favorites of all time it's Spando Ballet she used to be a diplomat but now she's down the laundromat brilliant that is lovely isn't it that's the problem with so many of these lyrics is simply because people want to rhyme stuff. Yeah. They want to rhyme two things. So they end up with cold lyrics like that. You see, you don't get that way. I let rappers off, but it's people like Duran. Just. Just make me. That's funny because I sort of let off new romanty because it wasn't about anything was it really. It was about the clothes. It was about, it was about, it. It was about, it. It was about, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I th. It was like, it, I th. It was, I th. It's, I th. It's, I th. It's, I, I, I they, I, I they, I, I, I, I they, I, I, I they, I, I, I they, I, I they, I they, I, I they. It, I, I th. It, I, I, I th. It, I th. It, I th. It, I th. It, I th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. Okay, this is Supergrass and Lenny. I've cleaned the CD off. It should be all right now. Tonk. Well, absolutely. What can I say? Yeah, great. Um, you didn't go to pulp in the park yesterday,

I did not? I did not? This is my mate Jarvis. This is pulp. What? Well, you didn't meet him. the the the th. th. th. the th. the th. th. th. the the th. the the th. th. the th. th. the th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. that. the. the. the the. the. the. the. the the the. the. the the the the the the the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. thr. thr. thr. theeea. thea. toda. toda. theeeea. thea. thea. thee.? You say pen pals, don't you don't meet them with their friends. Oh, yeah, but you've never had any contact with Jarvis whatsoever. To mate, so I don't know anything about this. What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? What? What was it? You asked, what were you doing? Yes today. Yeah. Oh. Making some more clogs for the disco. Yeah, thinking about ladies. Hey, maybe I was with a lady. Were you?

No. No. But, I've. Yeah? Yeah. Well he has success with ladies. Why don't I? Yeah. You don't go into that? To run? No, I don't think we should. Tell me about it. So what was it? I don't understand. You were involved, don't you? Well, I was just comparing. You were comparing? Yeah. Well, I'll just go out and saying, ladies of gentlemen, give it up for, yeah. Were you? Ultrasound.

What did you do? I mean, what was your stick? Well, I wanted to go out and interrupt Jarvis with the Michael Jackson mask on. Yeah, but I wasn't allowed. Right, they wouldn't let you. So I did it to Cattonia instead. Yeah, that really did it the same impact at all. Don't make any sense. No, no, not really. Who else was on? Bernard Butler was he?

Yeah, oh Bernard Buckler, I had a lovely little trick ready. I borrowed a little peak cap off of this and John's ambulance. And I was getting ready to go out and go, oh, I hate you, Butler, get that bus out now. But they played an intro tape. And I told they said they said they said they said they said they said they said, I I I they said, I they said, I they said, I they said, I they'd their tha, I tho, I tho, I tho, I'd tho, I'd tho, I'd tho, I'd tho, I'd throw. I'd tho, I had tho, I had their, I had their, I had their, I had their, I had their. I had their. I had their. I had their. I had their. I had their. I had their. I had their. I had their. I had their. I had their. I had their. I had their. I had tho, I had tho, I'd throw. I'd throw. I'd throw. I'd borrowed. I'd borrowed. I'd borrowed. I'd borrowed. told. told. told. told. told. told. told. I had a tho, I had a little. I had a little. So that one, lots of opportunities there, wasted. Yeah. It would see. But I did go out when all-

Very much the story of your life, too. Yeah, when the road is were going a bit more D.B. on that, I need it. I did go and get my ass out. You went out. You're not, because the nature of those audiences. But it was funny, right, because, hold on. I'm getting bored now, I was Catatonia. They were on. Oh, were they? They were good. Were they? Yeah. Can you roll your arse? No idea. One thing I would say though, if anyone saw Ricky yesterday, where was it, Finsbree, 1 71500? Oh, theyme, thin, th........ Oh, th, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, th. th. they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were. They's, they were. They's, they were. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They's. They're. They're. They're. Oh, they're. Oh, they're. they're, they're they're they're they're th. they're th. th. th. th. they're th. th. they're they're th. they're they're they're they ladies, you know last week we started a competition where people have to send in photographs or pictures or anything.

Oh yeah. If I would show them to you indiscriminately during the show and see if you would laugh. Got the first one here. Yeah. Yeah. All right. You're a liar. That was the idea. Yeah, that's the idea. Can I just say facts? Oh God.

Fact. I admit, I drew that one bit. Right. Wait a minute, wait a minute. And I can never, not tell him what that was. I could never explain it well enough. No. Nothing you could do to explain that picture. Suffice explain it well enough. No, nothing you could do to explain that picture. Suffice to say, if you've got a picture that you think can make the maze laugh and we will hopefully give a prize to somebody somewhere during the show, the specifics like that that make this show, you know what I mean? The vague, the vague promises there might be a prize. Anyway, if you have a picture that you think can make Javais laugh, 0171, 580, shut up, I'm trying to give the number here. 0171, 580, 1234.

That's the fax number. Yeah, exactly, how are they going to phone in a drawing? It's simple things, Javais that let you down. Next up, blur. Next up blur. We've had a few faxes and phone calls because people did see you apparently yesterday at Finsbury Park introducing the bands. We've had a number of callers. Let me just sort of tell you what they've said.

They've passed this information on. It's going to be hurtful, isn't it? Well, you know, all I would say Javais. You mock me, all appearance, Javais. I've made a big error. You've made a big, big error. Go on. All right, Les called, he said, Ricky let himself down by mooning. Javais, all I'd say to you is.

I didn't moon. Clearly you did. Now I did sort of a you know, the very best of Woody Allen. That's not going to be an hour-long monologues, that's your, isn't it? I didn't do the fish though, did I? That's my guest resistance. Anyway, Claire is also thin' thin' resistance. means and you're quieter than on the radio. Any reason what was going on? Why won't you shout in bowling? That's your manner. Probably. Well all I'd say, all

I'd point you in the direction of a bit large, Gervais, because that leads nicely onto the final call here from KT. Fatter than I thought, Javais, but still gorgeous. Oh I see. So it's interesting there that they've spotted that you're quite a fat and taterterterterterterterterterterterterterter. that. that. that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. that. that. their. that. their that. that. that's their that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's there that they've spotted that you're quite a fat and talentless man. I'm not that far, I'm not. Well, no, but the... Two people of those three calls have pointed out the fat that you're fat. Yeah. And the other one, all TV contracts would be flooding in but it's not my media really, just sort of rock festival. Nothing is your medium. Well I was I went there right and first door is a lot of noise right and walking

around it was heart which I liked sort of laid down but I didn't take any sun cream so after about four hours it was I was getting a bit warm. And I was knacker because I was having to work. I kept going on stage, which I wanted to sort of sit in one place near the chemical toilet, the bar. Or incorporate those. Yeah. In one sort of strange invention. They tried them to do one day. Yeah, yeah. We've all been there. In one end, take the other. So I was I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I was I was I was I was sitting I was sitting I was sitting I was sitting I was sitting I was sitting I was sitting I was sitting. And I was sitting. And I was sitting. And I was sitting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was sitting. And I was sitting, I was sitting, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was. I was, I was. I was. Yeah, I was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was. Yeah, we, we were. Yeah, we were. Yeah, we were. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was, we were. I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I was the th. I was end, take the other. Get away. Yeah. And so I was sitting there. And then this, someone came with a friend who I had some factor, so-and-so, 50 or some

I put it on. And Becky, Ben's Becky, was there with some lip balm. I put that on so, you know, wouldn't crack. And it was all okay. But th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, th. And, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. And, th. And, th. And, someone. And, someone. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, tho. And, tho. And, so, so, so, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, thi. And, th crack. And it was all okay. But then as I started getting a little bit more out of it, we were sort of like drinking and enjoying ourselves, and I was hot and I got a runny eye. My eye started stinging. And I was going on on my eye and I was tired. And I was losing heat through my sunburn, it was getting cold and I put my trucks suit on, white truck suit top. So there I was sitting. And also then then, then, then, the, then, then, the, then, about, about, about, about, about, about, about about about about about about about about a about a about a about a about a couple, about a couple, about a couple, about a couple, about a couple, about a couple, about a couple, about a couple, a couple, a couple, a couple, a couple, a couple, a couple, a the the the the the the thoomom, a their thoom, their, their, I was their, drinking, drinking, I was their, drinking, I was their, drinking, I was their, I was their, I was their, I was a their, I was a their, I was a their, I was a their, I was my track suit top on, white truc suit top, so there was sitting. And also then about a couple of hours later, the lip balm came out again, and I had a flashback.

I remember the first time it went round, it was like in a film, I had a flashback. And as I realized, I put that up my lips, then put a little bit of my eyelids, why I'm there, with runny eyes, I'm tired, I'm a little bit drunk, I'm in a white truck suit with shades on, I had turned into Jimmy Savil. Ha ha ha ha. You've just become Jimmy. Yeah. And I saw all these kids looking at me thinking, oh, bless him. I'm going, you're alright, I'll read the toilet. He's done it. Nah. Now, dear Jimmy, I'm four years old and I have a terminal illness.

Can you fix it for me to live a long and healthy life? Well, no, but we have arranged it for mummy. It's a treatment. Anyway. What's behind the green door? A cure? No. No. No. He's for comers. He's not for terminal illness. He gets people out of comas, don't he, Shaking Stevens? Does he? Apparently, a lot of loads of kids in the 80s. They're all on there, all these people going, oh yeah, and she was in a coma and we play Shaking Steve is 24 hours a day and she'd come out of it if someone's like, turn that shit off. I mean, who would you least like to visit you if you're in a coma? Imagine it, right? You're in a catatonic, you've got all your senses, except sight got all your senses except sight. You can't do a thing, right? And you've got someone there to come and visit you're helpless.

You can't move. I just sort of lying on there. Helpless. But you can't say anything. I wouldn't want him to visit me. I don't want him to visit. No, I wouldn't want him round. I want one in round.

Really? Why? I don't know how he's just saying about him. Something about him. Yeah. I want to. Anyway, we've got some scunk and Ancien coming up. Larry Grayson's welcome. I'm sorry. four of them. What one do you want to live out? There was five of them? There was five of them? There were five in village people. Four of village, everyone knows is four village people.

Really? All right, wait a minute, so there's a fire, there's a, hangar, hang on there's a road cop, yeah. There's a reddigit, obviously, there's a redden, there's a construction worker Oh, that's great, and it. A tailor. At the back with those little half-moon glasses. Why, M.C.A. Still a little bit sewing. Who was it? Wait a minute. Fire chief. What are you on about?

Is there a fire chief? No, no, what a fire chief? Oh, yeah. Play the record. car. There was a red Indian, obviously. Obviously. Native American. Yeah, that was a construction worker. Yeah, the moustache. Cowboy. Cowboy. Was that? Yeah. Well, who was the fifth one? I don't know if there was. I might have made that up. Maybe I just dreamt to one. I thought of maybe some, maybe a gloat dressed up with Judy Garland. It's about half four, Sunday, Ricky Jovey, Steve's got some facts. Well it's interesting, we had a call from a fellow called Paul Murray.

Paul tells me that there are, or rather there were, perhaps there are six village people. Six village people. Six more. No, no, go on then. But what's interesting is Paul here has managed to name every single member of that squad plus the different roles that they played. Excellent. And what I'm intrigued to know is like most people can't even name all four rolling stones, all six, five rolling stones. 12. Yeah, but this man can name all six village people and the roles they played. One wonders about his musical taste. Go on. Anyway, the cowboy, Javais, you might want to make

a note. The cowboy was played by Victor Willis. There was a red Indian, he was David Hodo. Philip Rose played the policeman. Randy Jones was a GI, a soldier. Glenn Hughes played the biker and Alex Briley was the construction worker, six village people jobs. Wow, that's fantastic. So in, you know, in trivial pursuit or any... That would be crowded though, wouldn't it, in the ward? Yeah. I bet that matron would come around and say, what is this?

Get out! Get out. He can't hear. He's, he flick. He's, he's, he's, he's, he fli. He fl flick. He fl flick. He fl flick. He fl flick. He fl flick. He fl flick. He fl flick. He fli. He fli. He fli. He fli. He fli. He fli. He fli. He fli. He fli. He fli. He fli. He fli. He fli. He flick th. He fli. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He, th. He, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the th. In, th. In, th. th. th. th. thi. t. tri. tri. triv. triv. triv. triv. triv. triv. triv. triv. triv. In, triv. In yeah we're taking your calls on who you'd least like to have visiting you when you're in a coma. Maybe you can have a special donor card. Like in a case of me falling into a catatonic state where I can still hear a bit, don't get shaken Stevens in. Do you know what I mean? Or see my girlfriend knows exactly what I'd want. I'd want 24 hours a day Derek and Clive with bits of like radio head and the Smith's sort of like, you know, mixed into it. Do you know? Right, yeah.

That would be easy. She'd know, but you'd always rely on that. No. I mean, who would always tell you. There's no one would want to come near you when you're sort of, when you're, sort of, they're sort of, like, when, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, mixed, mixed, mixed, mixed, mixed, mixed, mixed, to, mixed, mixed, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, the, to, the, the th the the too.mi.mi. too, too, too, too, to off because you wouldn't need them and they sort of help you, they humanize you. I'll be honest. Imagine all the nurses in their staff room, no I'm not going to go in him. Yeah, yeah. Drawing straws now I'm not going to hear him. No, and you probably have some sort of drip thing wouldn't you. And that just sort of keeps you alive. That's all the protein and everything you need.

Imagine Dawn French visiting you. Dearing me. She'd be there for a while. And those, why isn't this drip connected? She said, why isn't his drip connected? She said, don't know. Don't you know? I'm not fat. What I've done is I've let myself go a little bit around the mid-drift, you see. So in this like indie world of being Seven Stone, of course, I'm suddenly eight man, aren't I? Yeah. Yeah. These youngsters, oh what's that? It's this big? You'll get it, all right. My jaw line's not as chiseled as it used to be. No. Well, it's not so much a jaw line. Not really, it's a pelican.

As your waist. Yeah, he ain't going straight into it. Heather and Jim, they said that they wouldn't really fancy Nick Cave. Popping Rain when they've got an encoma. I don't know, I wouldn't have a problem with that. I can bring some of his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his his hahates. Don't forget keep faxing in the people you'd least like or most like to visit you in a coma and what you'd like play to you. So I think this is 24 hours a day.

Maybe learn to speak French. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? That'll be great because there's nothing else to do. So all those things you be in a coma for a lot longer. Yeah. Two things, Javais. One, you know last week I mentioned that I've got a celebrity relation. One, you know last week I mentioned that I've got a celebrity relation, I'm going to be mentioning. I'm going, you're going, oh God, the phone, their thrown, so bears, their thinne, so bears. So bears. So, bear with they. So, bears, bears, their their. So, their. So, their, their, their, their. their, their. So, their, their, their, their, their. So, tho, tho, tho, tho, tha. their. So, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to be to be to be to be tho, to be to be tho. So, tho. So, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. I. th. th. I. th. th. I. I. th. th. th. I'm, I'm, I'm to. to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I going, they're going, oh God, please don't, the phone's going to go, get injunction on it. 01715802, have you got an interesting celebrity relation?

Also, Javais, are you going to mention the compilation tape? Oh yeah, I was thinking like doing a little compilation tape. Like we play like some of our most loved and beautiful tunes, you could pick three no little eye dents and no speaking over the intro or outro so they could tape them. Well, yeah, no I'll stop you there, Jerrace, because I think the idea is great, but obviously it is against the law for anybody to tape. Right, okay. So get it ready, and we'll tell you when, and then we leave a little gap, so press that record, and then you can have three in a row, like I choose I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd choose let down off a okay computer and that would go nicely into stuff for little children by the Smiths and then finish with after Gold Rush, Neil Young 3 there. And then next week I'll play another 3.

What would you play? I probably play something by, I don't know. Who knows? Maybe? Yeah. . So yours would be more like a sort of classic indie dance. Exactly. Happy Mondays. Yeah. Party.. Who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, I. Yeah. Yeah. I, who, who, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, who, I, I th. And, I th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, I, I, I, I, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I. And, I, I, I. And, I, I. And, I, I, I, I, I th. And, I then, I then, I then, I then, I then, I then, I th. And, I th. And, I'll, I then. Happy Mondays. The Happy Monday's sort of party. Yeah. But of course I would stress again

Javais that it is against the law. Okay. For people to hit play and record it and take those tracks. So we're doing that a bit later. So we're doing that a bit later. So get your blank cassette now. And we'll be doing that what about five? What. What. What. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? th. What? th. What? th. What? the. th. the the th. Do? the the the the th. the th. th. the the th. G. G. G. G. G. G. G. It is. th. G. G. Yeah? the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It is. I. It is. I the. I the. I the the the the. I try. try. I try. try. tog. try. tod. try. t. try. try. tod've been number five then. I'm after the break, television. Except for M London's only alternative. Yeah, that's the only... What's that? Janet, Janet Crawley, dressed a woman. No. What?

Frankie. Oh, yeah. Janet cranky dressed a woman rather than a child. Oh, God. That would be frightening, wouldn't it? Oh, they sleep together. I can't keep... They sleep together. Don't you think that's my worst nightmare?

Imagine that. Oh, God. Canique Dalbreeze. Oh, God. Dr. Fox. Oh, that's... hmm, another old Dr. Foss. Um, Whitney Houston. That's harsh, but fair. Oh. Oh.

Oh, Janet, cranky. Dressed as a, maybe trying to look a bit beautiful. I know, that's what I can't understand. But what was he thinking? Did he see her and chat up in a club? And then later discovered that she looks great dressed as a boy or they start off... They were at that sort of club. Well did they start off doing that stick? We leave it there! We leave it there! He wouldn't have said that! He knew it was a woman. He only likes the company and sex with women. No, it's just her. It's his wife.

So... No! How could you only... How could you fall in love with that woman? Come on! Why? Look at the woman, she's short, she's squat, she's weird looking. Yeah, yeah, right. Your point being, Steve. If there's a chance for her, well, maybe I just need to start dressing up as school children. Oh, think of that. We're going to start off now, so get ready to press play and record on your tape. This is Steve's little compilation. We're going to kick off with a secret track by REM, aren't we? That's right, but can I just stress again that you shouldn't hit play and play and record because of course it is illegal to do so. Okay. I'm going to f. I'm going th. I'm going th. I'm going th. I'm going th. I'm going th. I'm going th. I'm going th. I'm going th. I'm going th. I'm going to fied. I'm going to fied to fied to fied my to to to to to to to th. th. to to to to press to press to press to press to press to press to press to press to press to press to press to press to press to press to press. to press. to press. to press. to press. to press. to press. to press. to press. to press. I'm to press. I'm to press. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going to play. to play. to play. to play. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to playayed myself down now so there'll be no talking on this bit. Okay? Well, that was three in a row there. That's Steve's choice for your compilation tape.

R.E. M. Electronic and Gomez. But Steve, read out, um, spell it for them and read out the title so they can get a pen and write it down for the label the cassette. No, you know I told you before you before the the the the the the have taped those songs. So what is it? It was REM. No, we, all right, you can take these down but do not write them in the inlay card of the Ricky Javais compilation because you're not allowed. Okay, yeah. It's as simple as that. Okay. But the three tracks just for your own knowledge, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, to th. th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th, th, th. th, th. th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, thr, it, it, it, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's the the the th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. It, th, th, th, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's the. It's thr. It's thr-a. All, thr-a. All, that. All, tha. All, that, that, that, that, that, the. You, th them down then you have a pen now but the three tracks were Superwoman by REM. REM how are you spelling that Steve? That's R yeah capital R I should say capital E capital E M okay I am and the track and the track is superwoman yeah and that's a secret track on the album life-rich pageant okay all right the second track was getting away with it yeah that's getting away with it. Yeah the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the that's the the that's the the the that's the the that's that's that's that's that's the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the second the second their that's the in the usual manner, and the track was getting away with it. That's getting away with it. Yeah, it's not getting apostrophe. No it's not, it's not getting away with it. And finally there of course Gomez from their

current album and the track Get Myself Arrested. That's G-O-M-E-Z. That's right. On X F-Fown 5 o'clock, Little Boy P Fraser was the the the the the the the the th-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-Wer-Wer-Wer-Wer-Weree-Weree-Weree-Wer-Wer-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T track trtrack-Traq-Traq-Traq-Traq-Traq-Traq-Traq-Traq-Traq-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-O-M-E-Z. That's right. On XFM, 104.9, just gone 5 o'clock, Little Boy Fraser was on the phone to do with Steve's compilation. He says, well one, that R-E-M track is called Superman, not Superwoman, okay? And two, it's clearly listed on the CD itself. It's not a secret track at all. I'll stop you there, Jace. I'll stop you there there, I'll there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, it's clearly listed on the CD itself. It's not a secret track at all. I'll stop you there, Javais. I'll stop you there straight away, all right? Now, little boy Fraser, for those who don't know, he's sort of one of the big sort of music

here, right? He's sort of involved with the library of records. He's to do with the playlist, all the rest of it. every day but his mom says no you got other day if you don't get paid they're they're taking you for a ride. Exactly and even though he's very young he claims to know a lot about music yeah but I'll tell you here he's embarrassed himself right I've got the CD in front of me now I don't know which the the the issue or which I'm sure he's got the original vinyl release yeah that's signed by the band or whatever I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi this one tallies with the copy I've got at home, Javais. I'm opening up the CD here. I'm looking at the sleeve, which I assume, and I'll be honest, I am assuming, is a reproduction of the original sleeve, you know, the original artwork, and you'll notice that no where does it mention the track, you know, it's the track, the trau- true-s, true-s, true-s, true-s, true-s, true-s, true-s, true-s, thrace, thrace, the the thrace, the the the the the the the the the thrown, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, I'm the the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I's, I's, I's, I's, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I-a-I, I-I-I-s, I-s, I-s, I-s, I-s, I-s-s-s-s, I-s-s-s-s-s, I-s-s-s.. I'm-a-a-s. I'm tttttall-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s. I'm the-s. I'm the-s. all 10 then track. I'm just taking that. And the last track you know is. Steve seems to be right, it's just got a little plus.

A little plus, all right. Suggesting there might be another hidden track. Yeah, all right? The clue, yeah, he's in the plus. Oh, well, little boy, Fraser seems. So on the moment. There's no mention of the track on the evening, Steve. The only mention of the track itself is on the CD. They've listed all 12 track. I'm just going to confirm this. And it says Superwoman. It says Superwoman as Track 12. Well, a little boy Fraser seems to embarrass himself. Now, I don't know, you see, maybe he's right. Maybe in the great scheme of things. Stipe has suggested that he's actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually the the the the the the the the thuaua. A tr. A tr. tr. the tr. the tr. tr. tr. tr. the tr. tr. tr. tr. tr. tre. I, tre. I, the the tre, tre, tre, tre, tre, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I' the, I's, I's, I's, I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the t. I'm, the t. te. te. te. te. te. the the the the the the the the the the the the the t of things, Stipe has suggested that it is actually called Superman and that it's not to be known as a hidden track, right?

But I'm just going by the facts, the evidence, Javais. O17158-02, who's side? Are you right? Little boy, Inconitonant Fraser or Ugly Boy, Lizard Man, Steve? The choice is yours. Yeah, let's not, you know, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. thi, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, tho, the fact, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the fact, the fact, the fact, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thr. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. I yeah because they were full for that. But what do they write on the inlay of their cassette the people have been taping it? Well that's very much that's very much the difficult question at the moment and that's hopefully what perhaps Michael Stipe or one of the other. Well I've taught you out because they shouldn't be writing anything because they shouldn't be taping off the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio the radio to to to to the radio to to to to the radio to to the radio to the radio to to to to to to to to to to to to their. S. S. to tooing too. to be. to be. to be. to be. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. tape. taping. taping. tipe. tipe. the the the today. If you'd be mine, my baby bird.

Steve's singing along there to baby bird, which is ironic because when you sing, you're putting your head back and your mouth, you look like a baby bird. Yeah, because the long neck and that sort of goiter thing you've got, look like a sort of like a fledgling pelican. And the worms of course hanging from one the head. But it's ironic as well because you're like a Lysoidian as well. Is that a real word? Plus you're a Lysoidean?

Oh right, of course. Don't, because I use, I sometimes forget that they're not real words. You sometimes forget that your language comes from the voices inside your head. No, listen, I use my own language. They tell me what to say their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, you, th. Like, you're, th. Like, you're, you're, thi. Like, you're like. They tell me what to say and I say it. No, listen, it's sort of like a little bird-like Lizzoynian thing, right? Which is like the Archaeopteryx, like the link between thing for a sort of lizard man, going flight. Oh goodness, really. They've kicked in again. They've kicked in early. They're not meant to start for about an hour. What the voices?

No, the tablets. Right, go on. Anyway, you know that I put out that little appeal there, I wanted to find out if my view of the R.A.M. track, Superwoman was correct or whether Louis Fraser was right? Is Emma still there? Is Emma still there? She's got, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, I, th. th. that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the results. She's got the stats there and we've had calls coming in saying who's right. Oh, hang on. So, Emma, you can cooperate. Who was right there? Who was right?

Was it me or was a little boy Frazier? Sorry, Frazier. It was Steve. Ha ha! And I believe I'm right and saying that no calls came in supporting Flaid. Yeah, brilliant. But why do you gloat over a little kid who's like helping us out, doesn't get paid for it, has got a problem with his intestines, the bowel movements, right? You don't argue with me. He goes through shal suits like liverpudliums and you know your glow, he's probably taken off his pants angry, he's just got his mom shoes on now and he's furious. Fraser, a little word of advice, right, don't start on me until you've got pubic hair. All right now listen, that is so, at least he's got a girlfriend. At least he's got a girlfriend. That old lady with a flat head and no teeth that outside Good Street.

Better than nothing. Better than nothing. Anyway, listen before we carry on. Before we carry on. Also I want, my celebrity, my celebrity relation, I want to mention that in a second. Better than nothing. It's perfect for him. Before we carry on, what? Also I want my celebrity, my celebrity relation, I want to mention that in a second. And something else, you've got something else. Oh, I've got my three compilations that you can tape off the radio. But don't because it's illegal. Don't tape them because they're illegal. Now, this is one of my favorite tracks that we that we that we that we that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's. that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thiiia. thia. thia. thia. thia. theea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. theoea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Ex-Fent 104.9 just come up to quarter past five. Well, this isn't looking so good for you, Steve.

Oh right. Because one guy is fact tiny on my copies of Life's Rich and Life's Rich Pageant, the track you played earlier is this is Superman, not Superwoman, woman on a CD. REM manufacturing different editions of the album or yet more gender problems on your show. And there's another guy I've only said definitely, definitely Fraser is right. He's got it on vinyl and I think vinyl wins over CD. So Fraser has one. Wait, wait a minute. What? No, I'm not going to set off of that. If you're going to say. It's just once again an example of fact you can't let me get, you know, anything. You can't let me win anything on this bloody show.

You don't deserve it because you're a horrible little amphiboloid sort of. Little amphiboloid. Yeah, little creed, little scaly and scaley and scale crack. Right, yeah. You're a smally little sleighed and fibrillillillill th crack. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. thine. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're. You're. You can't. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're thiolate. You're a thiolate. You're a thiauua'n't thin. You're thinn't th. You can't thinn't thia'n't thia'ing? You are! Right. You're a scaly little sleep blunging. Yeah. You're a fmaid and fibrate. That doesn't, that doesn't, that's a thavece, wipe out the fact that. I'm correct as far as REM's concern. We've had a lot of calls supporting me. Yeah. Until we get worded. That's obviously... well I'll stop you there. Like yourself a little bit malfunctioning... I'm scrugglant. So we get word from R&M themselves, right, clearing this out, I'm not taking no for an answer. Right. I wish I knew what that sentence meant. I wasn't even listening. No I know you were. I'm gonna

said anything there. What are we talking about? Celebrity. Oh go relation, I may as well tell you now, because I've been training it and it's not that exciting. Really? It's really not that exciting. But anyway, my celebrity, my celebrity relation is, drumroll please. No, who is it? Orville? Um, Godzilla? No, what, the famous amphibloid? Yeah, it's not Godzilla, right? My famous celebrity. Who is it? What's the

relation first? Second cousin? Second cousin, now what is that? I don't know, maybe his third cousin. Well, it's second cousin. In Bristol that can be sister, can it? Second cousin, right? Is, you won't believe this? Sarah from banana Rama. Is it really? Yes. So she's your second or third cousin, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, right, that, that, that, that, right, right, that, that, right, that, right, that, that, that, right, that, right, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, that, that, that, that, that, thi? It's thi? It's thi? It's thi? It's thi? It's not, thi? It's not, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their, it's not really? Yes. Is it really? So she's your second or third cousin? Well, she's a relation. Does she know this? Yes. No, she does know. I mean, she doesn't know who I am, but I know who she is. Anyone from the bananas listening? Give us a call, deny it, embarrass him again? No, this is true. She was. She was a bride's made at my mother's wedding. Really? Yeah. Obviously. Um, oh, I don't.

Which one is it, Sarah? Twelve, she's the blonde-ed one. Yeah, no, they are blonde-dead one except, except the caron who was replaced by another dark. How they? Are Drive. I had a whole new idea. Really? Yeah, after this ad break, I'm going to press this button. Great, you crazy and fibloid. Well, I've got you, Steve. You've been proved wrong. No, you have. the little boy phrases called up and Dan Thayer called independently to back this up.

It's not even an REM song. They've covered it by a band called the Kleek, a psychedelic band from the late 60s, early 70s, and it was called Superman. So I don't care what R&M say, it's called Superman. I'll stop you there, Jaze, right? The fact that R.M. are now calling it Superwoman, right? That's between R.E.M. And if they're going to get together, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, the, to, to, to, the, the, their. the, the, their. the, the, the, the, the, the, their. C. C. C. their. the, the, their. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. I, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the's between R.E.M. and Cleek. All right. If they want to get together and have a scrap, that's fair enough. So if I completely cover a song exactly the same, just cover it like, Love, Love, Love Me Don't, by the Beatles. That's fine is it? Love, love me don't. Yeah. I never want. Yeah. Listen. Whoa. The argument was what should people put on their cassette tape compilation inlay card. It's illegal. It's illegal. It's illegal. I agree they're not allowed to do that. Right. But I was offered, you'd

asked me to tell them what they should put.E.M. Exactly. How are you spelling that? That's correct. How are you spelling that? That's capital R. Capplapital E, capital M? Right? And you want to put down the name of the track as recorded by R.A. You don't care if it's really... Why do you have this ugly? You do care? No, no, no, no. No. You're saying I'm wrong. You are. You are. You are? I'm not wrong. It's called Superman! Only by the clique is called Superman. No! By REM! They can't do what they want. They can do what they want. They can do what they. They can't do. They can't do. They can't do. They can't. They they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're wrong. they're wrong. they're wrong. they're wrong. they they they they they they their wrong. No. I they they they are wrong. No. No. No. No. You are wrong. You are wrong. You are wrong. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are are are. They are are. They are. They are are. They are are. They are they are they are. They are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are. They are they are they are th. They are th. They are th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they are th. th. th th say th say th say thi. they are wrong. You are wrong. I they are wrong. they are they call it Superman. Make your mind up at least! They call it Superwoman! Are you sure they're called REM? Or if they change that? They call it Superwoman, you toss her! How are you spelling that?

That's S-U-P-E-R-W-O-M-A-N. You idiot! You fat! You're fat, ima-I'm going to press some play and record and by the way you can't do that it is against the law yeah I know yeah but I'm gonna start off with this I'll just fade myself down and start the track okay keep quiet into my house they seriously they come right was it a woman yeah you sure you were lying just throwing them up saying I'm Connor you again I'm siding you better send someone right yeah I saw a lovely woman she was sat behind the desk three I think you better send her around otherwise I get violent yeah yeah yeah she came around she said mr urchin are you are you claiming money

money while working and said come in my dear let's discuss it over a drink the wind shut the door don't worry about that. Yeah. Do, do, do, do, do, shut. Unrupped my robe. Yeah, yeah, to reveal a scaly body with airs. Oh, fantastic. I've spent about three months inside, I think.

Yeah. And I'm still paying off the fine. The Smith's, I liked to get one in, didn't I? A continence to go, two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows I'm miserable now. Can't relate to it? No? I can't relate to it. You don't feel miserable when you see sort of two people together.

Don't mean anything to me? Two humans. No idea what that feels like. Really? I suppose so, yeah. It's 20 minutes. I mean, we've given ourselves, we've given a lot to XFM. Yeah. We were just sort of getting started as well. I know what the buttons do now. We were sort of getting a formula. It's a shame, you know, your lessons were going well, you know, you've begun to grasp the basics of grammar. Yeah. I think you've moved on to Jack and Jill. Yeah. I mean you've moved on the sentences. to to to to to to to to to the to to to to the the to to the to the to to the the to the to the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah............................................ the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the were beginning to come out in roughly the right order? I know. It's a shame. Still, there are the radio stations. Name one. Oh, well, I'll send a demo to Capitol. 18 minutes, Steve, 18 minutes. I was playing that on me.

We first came on air back in September. Beautiful. Come along wise since then. God have been a few laughs, few tears. Yeah. What have we done? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There must be some highlights. Fifteen minutes to go.

Jovey's, we're heroes to some people. No, we are. Yeah, the sort of people to wander around my yard with shit in their end of pants going, toy big, not in my pants. It's always been a shame. I always think it's a shame that the people that would enjoy this show are less likely to spend their money on radios. More likely to spend their cash on myths.

Or even understand a voice coming from a small box. Yeah, it's not the voice of the visitor on them. Which is a good trick if you can do it. Shut up. Um, so, uh, that's it, 15 minutes to go. Yep. That's some good times. We have my penis puppet theatre. That didn't take off, didn't that. That would have been a winner.

That would have been fantastic. Kids all around the country. Nick Turpin. What else do we have? Of mice and members. Howard's End. Robocock. We need a little bit of tinthwow. Brilliant. That didn't take off. That never really worked. Well, we've tried to launch Wesley Willis's career though, haven't we? Wesley?

Yeah, well, let's have it. Which one to this? Can't you tell? They're different, listen. The team's lesson was awesome. It's what the best. Double Fighters! Double Fighters! Double Fighters! See, what you've done there, You've made the mistake of ridiculing a 250 pound schizophonic.

Yeah, yeah. Well, we've mocked many people in our time, Japan's. We've mocked foreigners, Mongs, schizophrenics. Well, we saved Mongs for the last show, to be fair. We went out with blazer glory. And we didn't mock them, that one of them was actually just in an anecdote, which is not my fault. But they're all pretty laughable. I don't make the rules. I don't rewrite history. This was my life. You know what I mean? I have very little control. I have very little control of my bodily functions. True enough. So fate is out of the window. You're talking gobbledygue. But I'm not going down alone mate. I'm taking stage down. This is really bollocked up her ads. Listen to this. Oh, I love I I I I I th I th I to th I to to to th I to th to th. I their their th. I have their their th. I have their th. I have th. I have their th. I have th th theree little little little little their their their little little little little their little little little their little little little little little little their little little little little little their little little little little their little little little to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I have tho. I have tho. I have tool toole. I have toole. I have toole. I have toole. I have toole. I have very little little little little little little bulled. I have th. Ithe bath, his skin so clean and smooth. But, after a hard day squelching around, saunas can cause discomfort.

New pandas with her log-baha-ha-ha-ha creamy stuff acts as a clonge protector. And the new dry-wreath chicken wings soak up all the piss and shit so Granddad stays dry. New Panderers with clung protection. Because I love my Granddad. You dirty old. Michael Schumacher has won the British Grand Prix in a very confusing finish. Matt, sorry, Matt, can I stop you there? Have you got any sort of like two Ronnie style new stories?

No, there's no fun. No, you know, New Runny's style, like, you know, a man with a meat clea the meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, meat, the meat, the meat, the meat, the meat, the meat, the meat, the meat, the meat, the meat, thine, thine, thine, thine, th, thine, th, thia, theree, tha, thuan, thereease, theree, theree, th. th. th. th. tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th, th, th. th, th. th. th. th. th. tha, tha, tha, tha, ta, ta, ta, is ta, is ta'''er, is ta'er, is ta'era'era'er, is ta'er, ta'er, ta, ta, there's no fun. No, you know, too honest style, like, you know, a man with a meat cleaver has been terrorizing nudist colonies, Inspector Wilson of Scotland Yard has had a tip off, but he expects to be on duty tomorrow. Or like, Scotland Yard had all its toilet stolen, police have anything to go on. That's what we want. That's what everyone's after. Oh, right, right. No, nothing, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Inspector, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, th. to, to, to, to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the to. the the the the the th. that. Okay go on. Carry on as you are, sorry. Okay, right. Ex-PM News with nothing really silly, I'm Matt Johnson. That was good. That's good. That's good. It's all right. Yeah, you want stuff like, you know, a lorry load of wigs as crassed on the M4, a police a comb the area. That's what you're after. Um, you're in news. Can you liable the dead? I'd rather. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's. that's. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. that's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. that's good. that's good. that's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's good. It's. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. no, I didn't mean you. I didn't expect you to. I don't think you can, but I'm not sure. What do you think that Doris Stokes? I think she was a very talented lady who brought joy to a lot of people.

That's fantastic. So you don't think she's a prostitute. Absolutely not. throwne. were Steve just satellites just satellites orbiting around the mighty space station of XFO I don't know what I'm talking no I didn't think that you could carry that much further no no no more cheap knob gags on a Sunday afternoon no no more sort of swearing it's not on the radio breaking every radio authority that there ever was yeah good times we've had a few laughs you two years a pardon get back to where we were before this strange dream ever started yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes the the the the to to the to to the to the to the to the to to the the the the the to the the to the the the the to the the the the the to to their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. thi. thi. the. the. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. No tears. We go to the pub and get back to where we were before this strange dream ever started. Yes. At the bridge in Waterloo. Yep. John Kennedy's up next.

It should be fun. What's he doing in here? Who knows? He's not usually up at this time. It's been a pleasure, Javain with his trendy bags and things. It's been a pleasure. the pleasure. the pleasure.