The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S0E5 (Tape 3A, 1998)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

Gervais and Merchant first worked together in radio on the London-based alternative radio station Xfm London. Their show was broadcast from January to August 1998 from 4–6pm on Sundays, and only featured Gervais and Merchant (before their collaboration on The Office). The show's original format was more interactive, with features, guests, phone-ins, and audience interaction through listeners' letters.

I would like to apologize for my son's behaviour. He is a filthy little f-foo- Who's been a woman out of his life and treats me like a kid. So, uh, Doris Stokes, right? He's dressed like a dominatrix. Yeah. And she's dripping hot wax onto the naked torso of Arthur Mullard. Yeah, of course he is.

He in turn is being pleasured, right by Dusty Springfield. Oh, X, Dusty Springfield's not dead. What? You twat, Dusty Springfield's not dead. Yeah she is? No she isn't. She is. Of course she's not dead. Of course she's not dead. Who am I thinking of? I don't know. Dusty Springfield's alive and well and playing with Arthur Mullah. No, she's not dead. Oh God. Well excellent. It was going so well wasn't it? Oh cool. I like the bit up until then though. I like the idea of her and Mullard. Well that's all true. In a farm. We can't do that anyway still see you can't do that on the radio talking about that sort of thing. I tell you tell you that if we're going to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick the dead to pick the dead to pick the dead to pick the dead to pick the dead to pick the dead dead dead to pick the dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead to pick to pick to pick to pick to pick dead to pick that that that the dead person. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that on that on that on that on that on that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the dead. the dead. the dead. the the the the dead. the th. th. thi. the. the. the. the the. the. the the. I. I. I the. I the. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's if we're going to pick on a dead person, why pick Doris Stokes? I don't know. The one dead person you don't pick. I know, I know, I know. I know, she's getting on our backs. Don't get me started on that. I know, I know. She's getting on our backs. Don't get me started on that. Oh goodness me, it's just nothing but innuendo. It's liable. It's liable. It's liable.

We're in trouble now. Oh God. You should have picked someone like Cillero is dead. Muff Shandy says, turn it up. Earplugs are gay. Ear plugs are gay. Hear what I say now. Earplugs are gay. Get them out the way now.

Feel the need to make it to bleed. My brain needs noise to speak. Mother F***a! The new single by Muffshan. The earplugs are gay. And the bloat with the gimp mask and the umbrella said, Doris, I'm even I'm not doing that. We're leaving it.

Go on, sorry. I I've still still the umbrella said Doris, I'm even I'm not doing that. And he left. We're leaving it. Go on, I'm sorry. I was talking about parents on the phone the other day. And I started swearing. And I've never done this before. And it's a terrible thing because it's, I've crossed this barrier now, I've crossed this line to my mum and she mentions to me that I'm going to lose a lot of money. I don't want to go into it but I'm going to lose a lot of money. And she told me how much, she was £5,000 I think, I went, F and now. Obviously I said the real thing, F and now.

She just stopped, she just went, pardon me? And I thought, so I just said well that's a lot of money that got you out of it that got me out of it yeah you know what I mean that crossing that step yeah it's quite a terrible thing it's like I mean I look forward to the day when I can't bring a girl home and say look I do know about sex no twa'er no you can't But when I was a kid and I first went to senior school, I started to learn all these swear words that I didn't know. Of course you can say the word twat. Right. You're not meant to. I started learning all these swear words and I went home and I started

using the word twat. I just thought it was a slightly stronger version of twa. Yeah. It's a bit tougher for some reason. And so I used to go around to go to go to go to go the to say to say the to say the word the word to say I to say I the word the word the word to say to say the word the word the word the word to say say the word. to say to say the word. to say the word you the word you the word you say the word. I the word you're the word you're the word you're to say to say to say to say to say to say to say the word you the word you the word you the word you the word you the word you the word you the word. I the word. I the word. I the word. I the word. I the word. I the word. I the word. I the word. I the word. I the word. I the word. I the word. I to say. I to say. I to say to say the word. I the word. I to say the word. I the word. I to say the word. I to say to say to say to say the word. I to say you say the And make your bed Steve, no you're twat. I'd say to my mom, right? And I didn't realize what it meant. And my dad, right? He didn't really know much about swear word, so he started using it as well. He started going, oh you're twat, Steve. And do you want to clean the bath? And we just started using it, right? And we just start using it, right? And so then, and I I I I I I I. And I I I I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I didn't, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, I, I, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't th... And I didn't, I didn't, I didn't th. And, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't th. And, I didn't th. And, and I didn't realize, and I didn't realize, I didn't realize, th. th. th. th. And, and I didn't th. And, and I didn't th. And, I didn't go around and call it my mom a twat. So I didn't stop, I just stopped using it. It's like that, just stop using it. But I didn't have the guts to tell my dad what it meant. Oh no. So he carries on it, and to this day we were driving along, it'll say to my mom.

Elaine, to say to him dad don't say that to my mom because she knows oh she knows what it means Oh no really she's not gonna say to him oh god wrong would you stop saying that word because Yeah same thing happened to me my dad still says fouch does he yeah Feltching talking to that right it's Doris Stokes yeah four sailors four sailors and like a weight well that's it Steve? Is it? The news now, they're out of it. Yeah? Well we've had a few laughs, three tears. Yeah, I don't go on about it. Ex-FM 104.9, look Javeys.

J'Vays. I've just thought of a great game. Alright. Emma, who helps pick it up. Okay, right. Because the thing is there's a picture, all right, on the bottle, I don't think you've seen it yet. No.

And I guarantee if I turn this bottle round, you're going to start again, this is good radio, isn't it? You're going to start laughing, Hopefully you will laugh spontaneously. It's a new competition, all right? You can practice in pictures, you can send pictures in the post, all right? Any picture which I can then join the show, hold up and show to Javais, if he laughs spontaneously, you'll win a gift, you'll win a prize. That's a great competition, isn't it? And great radio. They'll be laughing at the picture at home,

exo' they're going, no, they'n't they'n't they'n't they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll won't they? Exactly. Then he goes no wonder he laughed, look at that! Well alright, there's simple things like that which don't work, but the point is... The point is, right? You still try, okay. Let's test it, he's maturing this little chubby a pint of beer around whatever it is. Just calm yourself. Okay, alright. Don't want you to drink it. Are we have I want to drink it. I the drink. I to drink. I want to drink. I want to drink. You to drink. You to drink. You to drink. You to drink. You to drink. You to drink. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. I want to drink. You. You. I want to drink. You. You. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to drink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. th tho. th. th. the point. the Yeah. All right. Play a record, Javais. Oh God. Blur, and Tracy Jacks, from 1965 there. Cheeky little monkeys. Well, I think we've established ourselves there, no, Javais. As Radio Gods. As Radio Gods, we've come up with possibly the most enjoyable radio game in history of

all things. Basically what we want you to do is send in pictures, drawing. Is it as good as this? Javais, put it away. We want drawings, pictures, photographs. Okay. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to show them to Javais, mid-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-a-gian history in their-game in their in history in their in their in history in history in history in their in their in their in their in a history in a history in a history in a history in a history in a their in a their in a their in a their in a their in a their in a their in a their in a their in a their in a their in a their in a their in a their in a game in a game in a game in a game in a game in a game game in a game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game game, show show show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show, show their- Javais midway through the show. You'll never know when, they might just suddenly pop up and we'll see if Javeys laughs hysterically. And if he does, you win a prize. I guarantee it. It could be that you'll win a couple of pulp tickets if we've got them to give away. It might be that you'll win a treaty or anything. Whatever we've got the hands you'll you you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you'll to to to to to the, you'll the, you'll the, you'll th, you'll the, you'll the, you'll th, you'll th, you'll th, you'll th th the, you'll th thase thase thase thase thase thase thase thase the, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you'll the, you'll the, thrace thrown thrown thrown thrace throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, the, the, the, the, 97 Charlotte Street, London W1P1LB, all right. And you can fax us of course, 0171, 5801234. I must warn them that I really have been desensitized now because I sit opposite you.

Well exactly. I mean, do you know, how hideous and like ridiculous they've got to be to make me laugh. The pictures have got to be pretty odd when Yeah. Address XFM, 97 Charlotte Street, London W1P 1LB. Apart from bad lyrics as well, I like it when pop stars and marketing managers of rock companies try and get clever with their, you know, titles for albums and stuff. Remember Wet, Wet, Wet, the popped in, sold out. Nice. Oh, lovely. And you know Tony Banks out of Genesis, he did his solo project. And what he had right was the album there and he had Banks across the top, right? And using the S to start the next word coming down was statement. Clever. Banks. Bank's statement.

Oh, I was watching Tony Banks. Is he not the sports minister? I don't know, he was in Genesis when he was younger there, wasn't he? I don't know. I think so. I don't know how it works. Yeah, because Phil Collins is Minister of Shite. Right, when I'm out, when I'm alone, right, and James out, I sort of channel stuff, I never watch a program, I sit down to and I think two minutes. You shot me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just sort of going through and I was going back and forth between the Waltons and like the box. Right.

Music television, you control. MTV, VH1. And I got a glimpse of Toyo Wilcox, which I stopped, obviously. And she's on one of these religious programs. I thi's thi th religious programs. I think it was on BBC too. I don't know what it was, but it was with that bloke. Oh God, I can't tell this anecdote. I can't stand it if I don't know the name. It's sort of like a Jeremy Paxman type thing. You know, he went to university, he was going to be a serious journalist. He wanted to be K-KADDY, but he, but he, but he, but he, but he, but he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, I they, I's they, I's, I they. I can't they, I can't their, I can't, I can't, I's, I's, I their, I their, I their, I their, I I I I I I I I I I their, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I'm, I'm th. I'm not, I can't th. I can't tole, I can't can't, I can't can't can't, I can't can't can't can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't those sort of people that was on them, that's life. No, I'm not turning it till someone's phone's in.

Toy Worldcups from a religious program. What's that bloke's name? Then I tell it, 0171, 5802. Do you makes. Have you ever watched an entire documentary all the time, isn't it? Yes, that's right. Paul Wright called, it was John Stapleton. Oh was it? It was one of those, you know I mean, it was sort of like the Paul Heine, Kier and what is it, what is it, Prenderville, and Chris, all that sort of type of thing, you know, you know? Right, people and they go, oh I went to university with him. I know. And they suddenly realized it's not a proud thing, you know. I know.

And then it's never quite, it's never impressive, is it? It's never, it's never a prince. Or, um, I don't know, uh, somebody really great and groovy. Yeah, yeah. It's never, I don't don't say him. Yeah. And there's someone goes, didn't you go do? No. No, I thought I did it. It was the other one, it's Chrisel. Did you, did you go to anybody, uh, school with anybody from Michael Jackson? Did you? Yeah? Incredible? Odd that. You went to school presumably in the state? Well, he, no. He was in redden for a lot of his life. Yeah. Was he some kind of exchange program? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

We sent them, Charlie Chaplin, funnily that. Did you? It took a long time for them to get around it. You know what the Americans are like? You're making this up? Yeah. Anyway, I suddenly realized it's a religious program straight away. Because it was a religious program. th. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, they they's they's they's they's they's the they's they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thi. We thi. We thi. We thi. We thi thi thi thi thi the thi thi theya. We're s. We sent. We sent me they they're suddenly suddenly they they're suddenly. We back over the church. And um... Oh yeah nothing gets past either way. No way. Could be archaeology is us.

Um, and wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, yeah, Toyers on some religious program. It's not worth it. John Stapleton. Yeah, okay. And I'm just flicked through it. Hold on, it was a very spiritual. She said, yes. And I realized she was talking about a wedding.

She was going, it was very, very spiritual indeed. And he said, but no hymns. She went, no, we had silence instead. Silence instead. So now we will do silence number three. It's four and a half minutes long, so keep you gobs shut. And then, I think, oh, what is she talking about he went hmm she went people are scared at so it people as that was because you man but she said people are scared of silence yeah and then she said the thing is during silence there's a lot of unconscious thought

what you thought that you don't know you're thinking you said it was it so the other thi thi thi thi thi thi the other thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three three is three three three three three three three three three thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thought. What? You thought that you don't know you're thinking? He said, there's three and a half minutes, I didn't think a thing during that. I better plug into my unconscious to find out what exactly I was standing up for for three minutes, going, who's the women in the hats? What are we doing here? What a load of pretentious twaddle that over. Well I've never liked him. She's alright. That's all the more reason to hate her. No, I don't hate her. All those, all those people that I just mentioned, they don't come close to Lenny Henry. I saw another bit of him doing his stand-up in America.

Oh God, it's so nauseating. It's a massive star. Does anyone listening to this show really like Lenny Henry? Yeah. Or is there anyone that annoys me more than Lenny Henry? I should answer that one, shouldn't I? Do I win a prize? I think what you want to do there is that you want to speak correctly? It's another simple thing. Javais, we shall help you out in your radio career. Oh no, I'm a swerve driver, that's 3 minutes, 41. I've got to pick one, 7 minutes the news. Gervais, well, well, before you move on, can I just take a three minutes?

You know we talk about celebrities and going to school with celebrities and things? I have a very famous second cousin. Really? And I've got got tell you who it is in a minute. Really? Yeah. And I've got the best joke in the world. Have you? I should have been trailing that. That had kept him on their tender hooks? Why they sit on them on their hooks? What are they are? Oh, okay. Who annoys me on them on their huks? Who annoys me one? Who annoys me than Lenny Henry? Oh, their? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? they? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? They? They? They? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? They's? They's? They's? They's? They's? They's? They's? They're? They's? They're? They're? They're? they? they? they? they?throwing it. But, but who annoys you, the listener more than any Henry? Yeah. Oh, that's a good one. Clever. Because then it's thrown it to them. Yeah, it's their opinion.

Oh, simple thing. Excellent. Oh, one. I noticed, again. Oh, 1, 777 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. to. the. to. the. the. the, which is about half of it, but yeah, just 0171. Oh, swift over. Ah, swift over. XFM, 104.9, Ricky Javais' show, well, it's nearly over, but I have got a great joke, and we've got a simple rule here, that you only know to to tell a joke on air if it's about going into a pub. That's right. Okay, you're th- Okay, th- Okay, goes up to the bar and says to the barman,

have you seen my dad in here? And he goes, I don't know, what she looked like? What do you look like? Yeah, no, it's not bad. It's all right. I had a similar one about something going into a pub, I think it was a turd and a wig, but I can't remember what the punchline is. If anyone knows, 01715802, something about a turret and a wig. Jervais, I've also obviously got my celebrity relation, which I'll tell you about in a minute. That's about it then. Yeah, that's it then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, thi. Yeah, then, then, then, thi. Yeah, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, I, I, I'. I' thi. I' thi. I''''a. I'a. I'a. I'a'er. I'm, thi. I'a'a'a'er. I'a'er. I'a'er. I'm. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm drummer for Genesis is more annoying. Who's lost this for? Smoked fish. What?

What? What? Tentahooks are? Oh, what are they? Tentahooks are what? What smoked fish are hung from? Excellent. And bald character, that is he's more annoying than Lenny Henry.

Okay. Once drummer for Gena. Well, that'sny Henry. Okay. What's drama for gentlemen? That's Phil Collins? That's Phil Collins. You can't say that. Of course you can. I can say Phil Collins is more, it's a matter of opinion, isn't it? Yeah, but he said that on the phone. He said, please don't say that. Phil Collins is a deeply boring man. Well, I won't say who said it then. We've got out of it, haven't we? Joe Pascuali is less that. Joe is less that. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe is is that. Joe Pascuil is that is less. Joe Pascuil is less. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. Joe. that is less. that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is, Joe. that is. that. that is, that is, who is, who is, who is, who is, who is, who is, who is. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that th. th. thi. that thi. th. that that that that that th that that's that's that. that. that. that. that. Oh yeah okay. Who's that? I mean the point is that you can say that Phil Collins is a bold boring man in the same way you can say Andy Peters is a raging... Chavez? Gillie thinks I'm adorable, currently. Chavez, I don't think we've got time to really talk about this.

Okay, what are we got to do next week? Oh, we can't say who your celebrity was, but I just thought we could phone in who you think it is. I mean, I've got a few ideas who your celebrity's second cousin is. Your mum. No, Mr. Ed? No. The point is that this is a real celebrity. So, I mean, okay.

theymeat. Okay. So, you know, I'm, I or whatever it's not that groofy but it's still they do share some of your genetic material. No you wouldn't know it. Really? No, normal? you will, yeah. Symmetrical? Really? A good looking person? Really? Yeah. Fantastic. They probably denied their existence or I mean they're obviously going to deny their they're related to then aren't they? Well I'd say I try to to try to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to get to get to get to get their they're their their their their their their their s s sem, they're they're their their their sometrical. Smetical symmetrical symmetrical symmetrical. Smetic. Smetic. Smetic symmetrical. Smetic. Smet. Smet. S symmetrical. Smet. S symmetrical. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their seme. Somete. Smet. Smet. Smet. Smet. S. Smet. S. S. S. Smet. they're their their their their their their their their their they're to get some of their money. No. What else do we do? I'll send me some hideous pictures. Yeah, I'll just give the address again. XFM 97 Charlotte Street, London, W1P. I've got it in the pub.

Um, four o'clock again? Yeah. One computer's not working. Is it not? No. This is the way I listen to? Just press a few buttons. No, put it on there. Descop, I don't know, is that what he's do. Is your mic working? Sorry, you got a bit of a cold.

Um, oh god, I had a big list of things to talk about as well. Did you? Yeah. No. Rocking from the Crypt. Which is appropriate because we've got a little grave diggers track to play there, haven't we? Oh yeah, called Suicide. It's one of my favorite tracks, Javedives, by the Gravediggers, but it has got a bit of bad language. Well, that's okay because you've played two a couple of times and I've got it to me and I've got it off to be beefing it out live. I'll do youell you what. I'll be honest with you, Jemese. You know, normally if someone gets drunk, their speech begins

to slur, they talk rubbish. No difference, no. That's the beauty of it. That's the beauty of it. That's the beauty of me. That's that being being being me me me me me me me. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. How. I. I. How. How. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.. I.............................................. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. bit of wine. Did you? Guff the glass. It's a lovely, I might get a little bit melancholy. What about the little baby kangaroos up to crawl all at their mums? I help him. Got fax here for you, Steve, actually. It's from Becky. She's listening to us in bed. She's being a little bit lazy. She's been on a holiday. been a dedicated song to uh dedicated to stinky skanky Steve because he is an alien and she's

been a little picture of him Slimy Steve and that lovely and she wants to play a subterranean home from it's sick alien by radio head and that's sweet so people do think of you and I got one from Laura as I said to Steve you still sound as stupid as ever you as symmetrical, rabid anemicemic, flea and deformity. Oh, see you have got people thinking of, yeah? See? Yeah, I'd rather they didn't.

Okay, shady Byrne, if you, if you're the ex-f. Okay, baby bird, and if you, if you're the tree and funny little claws. Oh, Rick. I know, it made me love. It was, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. th. tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. thee. thee. thee. thee. I, was it at XFM? It's very nice. Is he? It's got a beak and funny little claws. Oh Rick, I know. It made me love music. Oh my God, we're desperate. We're desperate, man, Rick, if you've got a resort to that kind of character.

I called it Baby Bird, he'sto turn that down next door? Someone's playing music, aren't you? Emma, it's just, it's not on. That's crazy, I can hear, I can hear a throb from the other room. Yeah, someone's got, it's just insane, Javedo, it's like I've been trying to host a radio show. Yeah, and now well it's just, anyway, it's all going to be. And we're gonna play a track that you've bought in. That's right.

Go on, what is it? It's a fantastic tune by the Grave Digaz, part of the Wutang Klan Rap Collative, right, it's from their album. Not to be confused with the white tangue. That's a little posse. The track is beautiful. You probably heard it on the dance floor, maybe in some in-club. Yeah. One eight hundred suicides. Now I would stress, Rick, it has got a bit of bad language.

I know. I mean, I've listened to this twice, and I know. I mean, I've listened to thrown. goes wrong so what you know that's real people have a problem swearing I don't do you know no I'm doing it because it's rules and you know you know the great thing about we want to stay on air because you know we you know we take our job seriously we do and you know I think we're sorry excuse my french I think they. So I think you're actually right right yeah let me shake your hand yeah yeah I there a good shaking of a the that I I I I I I I the the the the the the their I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I their I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their they their their their their their their their their their to to their to to their their their their their the their the their they're they're they they they they they they that, isn't it? Oh, pardon the French. People always say when they, maybe you say Gollettin' tant. Hey, come on, language, language.

We'll be learning a little bit of a foreign language. I've bought in instant Yiddish by Fred Kogos. I've always want to learn Yiddish. Ah, nourish narishnick. Yiddish. Really? Yeah. Ah. Now a schneck. Foolish this. Some glic, some shlimmon. Yeah, for better for worse. So I'll be, I'll teach you a little use of phrases like that.

At the old instant-Yudish book. The first one was this, grave diggers. They're keeping it real. They're keeping it real. They're keeping it raw? Yeah, of course that. Um, right. I'm gonna have a go to this then. All right. Don't get over this. Shut up. Shut up then. Don't put me off. I've got a concert. So I'm there. Plea out live. I know. Well, yeah, shut up. Alright. Is it going? O. Okay. Alright. So you want to die commit suicide down one eight hundred sign Nine line

Farns like you know it ain't worth a quarter round your neck and jerked in this one I know the trick didn't work You're like a fuzzi up from the first day of her After watching Jackie Gleason Gun down a captain for no reason Oh good work good work or a drink from the bar Keep behind you really crashed the car like there's a store got balls for the war Confront a alligator let it eat your roar back to the function Fide in the caboose to hell

didn't touch the third rail you fucked up chicken now you just got fried because it's a suicide. Suicide. It's a suicide. That's right. You're doing it in a paper.

You're not in the woods yet. Suicide. It's a suicide. Uh huh. Hicks a little rich kid. What's your feet? Come like, Come on.

You ask for a things and things, things, things, things, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin' the th. What's your feet? Come and tell the country for all of your grief. You ask for a thing and you only got a cheese. Your pops-gutting but your weed's mad sheep. Maybe you're a sausage child, you see? Mama's dead a white and your drunk is it? Maybe you're Sicilian with a tangent. What you need to find you in the pizza man. Now you stand on the great tig a lot. You're singing the blues about the rock like you got. You don't want to live no more. I guess you're really ready for the graveyard tour. When you get home, just seal up your window and your doors turn to a run high for about four hours.

Let you a blunt kiss you ask goodbye. You get yourself because it's a suicide. Suicide, it's a suicide, you're right. Suicide, it's a suicide. Suicide, it's a suicide, you're right. Suicide, into suicide. Suicide, it's a suicide. Suicide, it's a suicide.

Suicide. It's a suicide. Suicide, it's a suicide. Uh huh. Suicide into suicide. Yep. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Light blue is pretty fast. You don't stop to look around anyone as well. Goodness it. Six-f-double up, playing brave guard.

Had the fuck no one gonna try to enter my graveyard. I'm the resurrector. This is too stressful. Oh, you're doing well? No, no. No, no. No, no. No, just to try it.

Okay. Once in me, that's good but I could stop it. Put an axe up to his head and then he chopped it. But shot out in every direction. The rest didn't know what to do. I may suggest then. Put a slug in your mug over those on the drug. Rest your hands, a knife in the park. Or feel like with your blasts. Better yet, going yourself with a bar wire. Three and four fell deep into the the the the the the the the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line the line. the line. the line. the line. the line. the line in Three and four fell deep into the spellland.

Where to the zoo, lock themselves in the lion's den. Number five, that it ain't from fear to the law. Mok the dust swain mixed it with cyanide. The only one who escaped was number six. You went home, sat in the tub and slid its rest. Yeah. Or raise the day. Goodbye.

There's there. There's there. There's no need to cry. Because we all die. That's great. That's very good. No worries. No worries. That's great dig, isn't it? What's that called? One 800 suicide. I'm going to buy it, I think. That's grave diggers, isn't it? What's that called? One 800 suicide. I'm going to buy it, I think.

Can I get that actual mix with me going, ah? Yes you can. And that's for Steve Vox, who's listening in Reddin. It's from Lee to him. And Steve is the president of the Geeks, nerds, and losers society, the GNL,, leaves the vice president. I got thrown out of that. What embarrassing walking down the street with you? Exactly.

It's a terrible state. Yeah. Uh, Javais, it was Saturday night last night. Yeah. And I didn't get to sleep until six in the morning. Oh, the flat night's having a party. Yeah. Next time though. the morning. Ooh! Oh, flatmate's having a party? Not invited? Next time though?

Well, maybe, maybe. I don't know why I hang around with them. Well, you know, at least I look after you. I sort of, people say to me, is Steve really as ugly as you say? I go, he's worse. Do you know what I mean, though? You're doing me. Because I am. I'll tell you, one day, right? It's just one of me at the moment, but one day there'll be a whole squadron. It'll be like Planet the Apes.

Oh my God, and you don't just be loads of me crawling around. All identical, txing him on horseback. And they see like Bristol Temple Meet, and they go, oh my God, they blew it up! Yeah. It's back in Bristol with all your, oh no. Incredible. So Charlton's and then. There must be an organization of volunteers or some of volunteers who are like, if it's like touch and go is really serious if you're like clinically depressed about it and you really can't get a woman. They don't want just people turn up who can get girls and saying oh I fancy you know but in your case you know they're speak to you they see you and I think you know there must be some

sort of national health thing or private where you can actually sleep with I don't know a voluntary worker you know you they're not they're well there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there's there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there the the the the the the the the their their thi thi thi thi thi thi's thi's thii thi thi thi thi thi thi their there's there's there's people that, I don't know, volunteer for geriatric duty, you know, and they're exploding all over the place. They're covered in the stuff, right? There's people that work on left economies, right, for, you know, for nothing. There must be someone who would sleep with your out of sympathy. You don't want that. Well let's not be hasty, Rick. I mean, especially if they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they need, if they need, if they need, if they they they they need, if they they need, if they need, if they need, I they need, I they're they're they're their people they're their people th. I th. That's people that, I that, I there's people that, I there's people their there's people there's people there's people there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I their their their there, I there, I their there, I there, I there, I their there, I their their, I th. thi, I the, I the, I that, I don't that, I don't that, I don't that, I don't thoeat, I don't thoeat, I don't tho, I don't th't. You don't want that, do you? Well, let's not be hasty, Rick. I mean, especially if they need some kind of free publicity, you know, get a bit of, you know, sort of press and media attention. I also sort of help to publicize their campaign, really. There's probably an organization that go, you know, when we go, they go off to like, um, strange and go, and to like, and to like, and to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, the, the, the, the, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, the, get, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, get, the, get, get, the, the, the, the, the, the, the with them or they can sleep with you. Now that's got to do the leper some good doesn't it? Yeah you know I mean? Wouldn't that be terrible

if that was the option right and suddenly volunteers to leper colonies doubled. Was like going to Torimmelinus? Yeah. No, no, there's no room on the bus but but you're at the back there. Well, then here we go. Well, there. Yeah, the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. th. th. that's, that's, th. that's. that's. that's, that's, that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. the the that's. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the. thoooooooooooooooooep. Let's. Let's. Let's. Let's. Let's. Let's. Let's. thoooo Well um well then here we go. Here I am then. Yeah. No no but I know I sorry I I signed up for the for the lepers. Yeah I'm licking their wounds. Well sorry but geriatric duty yeah. When are that? Spraping it out oh dear. I heard a song in the week right I've heard it before it by wean and it, and it goes, Bunch the little dazes and make them calm up. And I don't know what it's called. 0171, 5-02, I don't know where to look. Punch the little days and make them calm up.

It's like that, it is. It's like that. It's like, it's a little song with that. their their. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, That's what my friends were saying for the last four days. Oh, you're really irritating me to it. Like people all go and go, if you're being mine, uh, not too annoying. But after about 10 times, you go, oh, can you see someone else. But when you've heard,

Push you little thinks, I'm a loser. Shut up! I can't get enough. The girl, it's true. The old wild world is maddened with you. Push the little dazes and make them come up. What's the little dais and make them come up? Wish the little dais is make a come up. Wish the little dais is the make a come up. I wasn't exaggerating, was I?

Well... It's a good tthough. Yeah, let's leave it. But I've come back. Don't give me no flag. Yeah. It's all you. It's me too. It's the world. Used to girl. Used to girl. use the girl. I build this shit. Face that might go click with me.

Click with you. Is that love? Is that love? Oh, push the little days is your make a cover What's your little days and you make them come up? What's your little days dais is a makeup cover? What's your little dazie's a makeup cover? What's the little dais is a makeup cover? What's the little dais is your makeup cover? What's the little dais is a makeup cover?

What's the little dais is a makeup cover? What's the little daisy is a make of cover? Watch the little days, you make them come up. Push the little daze you make them come up. Why's the little daisy grow, little daze grow. I just push the little dazes and make them come up. Do I should grow, watch the girls, I'm just a little dazie and make them come up, make them come up, make them come up. Push the little daze and make them come up. Push the little little little little d' the little days the, push the little days, this a mackle cover.

Ah, push a little days, the mackle cover. Push a little days to make a cover. That was great, I was just gonna gag. I love that one. It's great, I think. Maybe we should play it again. Maybe we should play it again. Well, maybe later on. I love you. It's great. She's going to gag. I love that one. It's great. Maybe we should

play it again. Well, maybe later on. I'm not that mad about it. She's not quite as irritating as me. No, who is. We were talking earlier about how a head issue, how you look, and you can't get a woman because you're quite nasty as well. And Emma, our producer here, and I thought, I'm like, this is not fair, you know, because you're, Steve is quite affectionate. When you get to sort of note, like ET, when you first watch ET, you go, and then by the end you think, oh, do you know, it sort of like gets that deeper.

And she said better she said I thought you're really not that ugly so the assumption is I am ugly yeah yeah it's not as bad as yeah and she was like no don't be silly you're really good you're really not that ugly yeah it was a good effort though wasn't it you know that was nice it was a good effort but it was it was it was shallow and futile it doesn't mean look at his little face. Oh look at that facts over there. What did that facts right? Two Riggies Steve's skin problem closed up was that what they've got someone sent in a fax right and they've got this sort of hideous kind of mutated cells and they've put on the the the the their their they they they they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've their they've their their their they've their their their their th. th. th. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, th. So, th. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. So, their. their. I. their. their. I. the. So, the. So, the. So, the. So, the. So, the. So, theated cells and they've put on the facts to Rick

Steve's skin problem to itself you've never said I've got a skin problem no I haven't you haven't you haven't got a skin problem they're just assuming no it's it's almost its it's very pal it's like you know those newborn fish when you can see all the heart can't you all the hearts in many fish they've got one each. Lots of fish, lots of hearts. Jave, shut up, you're irritating me now and you're abusive and you're just winding me up. Oh, I'm a little bit offended by it. I know, you see you should be. But what about this charity thing?

There must be 1, 017, 5,000. Oh, that would be fantastic. You know, it would be like one pound fix you. Yeah, you'd that would be, you. You'd be, you. It would be, you. It would be, you. It would be, you. It would be, it. It would be, it. It would be, it. It would be, it. It would be, it. It would be, it. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. Oh, you. Oh, you. Oh, you. Oh, you're. Oh, you're. Oh, you're. Oh, you. Oh, you. Oh, you. Oh, you. Oh, you. Oh, you. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. I. I. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I th. yeah, yeah. And they could get friends and relatives to sponsor you. Will that be per stroke or per shag? I think it was a whole event. Yeah. It'll be a big event. You know those guys, I think it was a hoax, but they were going to televis the first moment they lost their virginity. And so we're going to broadcast it down the internet, all right. And they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, because, they, because, they, because, I they, because, I they, I they, because, I they they were just, because, I th is, I there, because, because, because, I there, because, I there, because, I there, because, I tho, I the, I the, I the, I th is, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I. I, I. I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I, I. I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I th. I there, I there, I there, I there, I there there theree. I theree. I theree. I theree. I theree. I theree. I there theree. I the. I the. I applaud and watch and pay for it. Maybe I could organize that as well, make a bit of money out of it. I think of the technology by then though. Incredible. They would just be able to think it, weren't they, like, see you lose in your vicinity. And they're all that big swollen head. You might be good looking in like the year 290. You never know because it's all in Bristol. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're thi. You're just thi. You're thi. thi. They're just thi. You're just thi. You're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just. They're just just just just just just just just just just just just just. They're just just just just just just just just just they're they're just just they're just they're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just they're just they're just they're just able they're just they're just they're just able looking thorough, aren't you in Bristol? I'm a good-looking guy. Oh, this is Bell and Sebastian, the boy with the Arab strap.

This is for Jim Hobbs, who said, no, who said, can we hear more about Jezok? And I better tell people now, we've had a lot of factors about Jezok. Jezuk is spout, J-o-C. I made it up, that's how it's about, okay? All right, Javais, you'll tell us a bit more about Jezik, will you? Oh yeah, I've got a new, I've got a whole new storyline. Before you carry on, um, 01715802, I've got some sponsorship forms like already printed up.

So just, you know, give me a call, I can't post one to you. I will sleep with Steve, or I will go and work on a left Connolly, Connolly, Finney, oh shut up, play a record. Just play a record. You're drunk and soft. Ha ha ha! It's quiet and quiet, isn't it? It's quiet, isn't it?

A couple of phone calls. Rob, the phone said, slap Steve for saying 0181, 071. the number, that's why, you don't, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you don't, you, you, you, you don't, you, you don't, you, you, you, you, I the the, you, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the the the the th. I thin, I'll thin, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just See it's the singly most important thing the number is 0171, 580 2,000. That's why you don't hear me mucking that up. Yes, I apologize. Pump Ricky with more wine and challenge him to quack over the outly nowhere league. So what? I don't know. I've, I've, I've, what's that? What, I think this again?that was a sentence? No, shut up. I had something to say then. You are drunk. I can smell it on your breath.

Shut up! I can smell it on your breath, for God's sake. Don't, don't worry me up man. Yeah, I've got this new storyline for Jessica. I want to help with it. What it is, right? I think it starts starts th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th right? I think it starts off with this villain, right? Jeswick brings him in, right? And he's murdered, maybe a little kid, or you know, someone's

husband, the woman's there and she's terrible. We would be. Yeah, right? Jessica's in there and she goes, don't, don't worry. He's gonna, by the time he gets out, Steve would have a girlfriend, right? She goes, right. J, right. J, right. J, right. J, right. J, right. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I th. th. th. th. th. th. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he. And, he's, he. And, he. He. He. He. He. He's, he. He. He's, he. He's, he. He's, he's, I, I th. He's, I th. He's, I th. th. He's, I'll th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, heto, by the time he gets out, Steve would have a girlfriend, right? She goes, right? It won't be my boy back, will it? No, but you can have one of mine. I'm a lot of loads or something like, anyway. He goes to, goes to the court, right? And he's only tampered with a jury and he's a nasty piece of work.

Oh, not the way out. So think Jesuits gonna let it lie? Jezzook's not gonna let that villain. What, is he got a piece of evidence? Well, no, he goes after him, shoots him anyway. Because, you know, it's just redundant. It turns out the bloke didn't actually do it. But, you know, as Jezzik says, better kill innocent people than than than than. That's just Jezzyg's philosophy. Yeah, yeah.

And shoot first, ask questions later. You know, you don't want to be stitched up. He's got a reputation. And then he gets off with a woman and they have another kid and it's all right. Yeah, I'll stop me there. Why? Um, Jezuk, just killed an innocent man. He's your superhero, he's your, you know, your heroic horrible cup. He just killed an innocent man. I'm a little bit disappointed.

Oh, so he's got to be perfect, has he? Well, I'm just a little disappointed. Well, no, it can't be perfect. He's got things to do. We know, we know he's got problems. kills innocent people. You go out there every day. See how you survive. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. We got Mama said, knock you out lined up. It's one of our joint little favorites. We like this one and we like some other songs, don't we? We're like mate. I got a little plot. Yeah. Right. It's Jesuk, right? And he retires. He just gets out the whole thing. All right. That's for the final one. We've put we've we've we've, we've, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, t. Yeah, t. Yeah, t. too. too, too, too, too, too, to. Yeah, to. to. to. to. to. to. Yeah, to, to, t he just gets out the whole thing. All right. That's the final one. We've pulled, you know, we've pulled a discrete veil over the whole Jesuq tobacco.

Right. All right, is that okay? Yeah, Rick, forget Jezok. Because I've got my own show. I'll be telling you about. Have you really? Yeah, it's fantastic. Am I in it? No, not really. Some much in it. No, not really. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. We'll tooleileileilet tobo. Weile. Weilet. Weilet. Weilet. We'll toboes. Weile. We'll tob, you know, shadow boxed that. I'll be working out to that on the big bag did a bit of boxing because I'm in training. I challenged Camphill to a fight when I was pissed. Thirt. 30-night. He was swathed to fight. I chastened to fight. I thought he's a threatened to that. That was a purse. Whether. Whether. Whether. Whether. Whether. Whether. Whether. the purse. the purse. the purse. the purse. the purse. the purse. the purse. the purse. the purse. thi. I. I. I was thi. I was thi. I've tho. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've their. I've their. I've their. I've the the the th. I've been th. I've been th. I've been th. I've been tode. I've been th. I've been th. I've been the th. I've been the the th. I've but he's about 6 foot. Maybe he was scared of killing me. Jessop is not scared of that, see? He's gone. He's out of it. There might be a comeback special one day, but thank God he's gone. Let's work on it. Well, oh, come on.

Come and get it, Camfield. You know what I mean? you know death throw a puppy and all that and two pack that's like me in Camfield I'm saying come and get it Camfield I'm saying I'm here you know I mean that East Coast West Coast rivalry we can recreate amongst Dijs yeah yeah Steve Lamac outside now have you seen him he's a weedy little dweeb yeah oh fantastic say that because I mean he's nice nice nice guy and maybe so yeah he's gonna fight the Mack I'm going to fight Canfield. Let's keep with an XFM, you know, Crowley. Remember he had a fight once at school and his defence, lucky he had a hymn book on him and he hit the bloke in the nose with the hymn book so he's the book so you don't mess with the crowley. He's loaded, he's got some kind of religious paraphernalia with old parchment. Yeah, he's got some kind of pa-aicicicicicicicicicicicicicic, he. Paper, he. Paper, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, he's, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, he's, he's their. Hea, he's, he's lucky, lucky, he's their-a, he's-a, he's-u-u-upe, he's the, he's the, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, he's lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, he's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's bit of putterous across the eyelid. Oh, you don't want to mess up crowly.

No, I'm saying Count Phil come and get it, you know what I mean? He hangs out with his death tones and all that lot. Right? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Who to ask? Who else? Who's?

? ? ? the. the the........................... to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the.... the. the.. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. been an error there. There are a lot of people I could have chosen Jarvis for instance. A lot of people come before Henry Rowlands. I don't know. I was a fool. Some British heavyweight boxers for example. You know I'd rather fight than Henry Rowlands. Before we carry on, because I'm going to tell you about my TV idea in a minute Rick, because this is an idea I've been working on and it's serious. It's like you. the idea. the idea. the idea. the idea. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. th. the th. the th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'm, I'm the the the the the the the their. A. A. Yeah, I'm the their, I'm the their, I'm they. Yeah, I'm their, I'm they. Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm. Yeah, I'm. Yeah, I'm. Yeah, and it's serious, it's like, you know, Jesuit's got a certain strength, a certain quality. And I think you'll like this as well. But before we do that, I've been sent a picture, a picture has been fatched through. Oh, excellent. And it's a little challenge as ever. It's ever, it's a make Ricky laugh.

If you laugh at the picture, Rick and Crokech End. I thought maybe we could give him the baby bird album. Why? Why do we think? It's mine, you haven't got one, so you've gone on you. Well, I'll give up to him. But anyway, here's a picture. See what you think. Yeah. I think. I thrown.

I th big life. Anyway you're not going to see this. No, that's fantastic. So well done to my, I think you win the award. Yeah, it does, yeah. Yeah. Good one. If you want to win something tasty, give us a musical or if we're going to get to a picture. Oh, 171, 501, their pictures please. Make Ricky Leigh. You know your idea this new show, which I haven't th, this new, this new, th, th, th, the new, th, th, the new, th, th, the new, th, th, th, the new, th, th, th, the th, the thin, thin, the thin, the thin, the thin, I'll the the thin, is to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th and th and th and I'll thin, I'll thin, I'll the thin, I'll thin, thin, thin, the thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin start getting together all the other stuff we're gonna get ripped off that with I started just like Albert Tatlock then in the early eight is oh we should go I remember I love that fact that you so maybe you've got a sentence he's got 15 words in you reckon well if I get out an average of five coherent words to every 15 that I need to say in a sentence that'll be enough god right the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho the the the the the the they they they. the theyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo that the that I need to stay in a sentence, that'll be enough. God, right, jam or ISIS?

Either one, both rubbish. Oh no, come on. They're both good, big bands, aren't they? All right, Jave, next, let's talk about my TV idea. Okay, let's do all around the world. Because it's probably going to him. Say hello to me. Hello. Yeah. And apparently he's found a great website about Joey Deacon. So we'll check that one out a little bit about. About Joey Deacon? Yeah. Oh Joey. Yeah. Um.

Oh. Oh. Uh. Really? We've had loads of ideas, aren't we in the past? Yeah. And actually I was wondering whether we should pack out the phone number. Oh 1. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. the the the the the the the the th. the th. to. the to the to to the to to the the the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. Uh. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. I, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. I's. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the past? Yeah. And actually I was wondering whether we should put out the phone number 01715802, the reason being that A, you might perhaps want us to perhaps relate an old anecdote that you once heard on the show that you have to hear again. We could recreate some of the classic moments from the regiovation show. And also of course we've had tens of thousands of ideas for products, for services, for TV shows especially and board games all kinds of stuff. I mean we've come up with one recently, haven't where there's the patch on, sleep with me or play with leopards. That's right. I mean that's a good service isn't it? It's an interesting show that. I imagine that channel 4. Yeah, definitely. Later. Later. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. th. Yeah........................................................................................................... definitely. Later, later really. Yeah. And we've also, of course, most famously, perhaps, had the penis puppet theatre. Penis Pupi theatre. Penis Pupy's Pupet Theater. So easy to manufacture. I don't know why publishers aren't, you know,

knocking on my door. A lot of other people are knocking on my door. Rickeyevase's meat rations. Yeah, all kinds of great games. To be perfectly unfanked. Who snork? Who snork? Yeah, great games. And if you've not ever heard us describing these, where you've missed out? Yeah, you've learned what your mistake? Tease penguin, can you tell us again?

Can you tell us again? Can you try and you put it in a lovely little French made outfit and it comes in with sort of breathes fishy breath on you and slaps you on the face with its flipper. Yeah, oh I see. Oh I can see that on the tele, myself. Jezok obviously but it doesn't let you go any further. No, that's why it's the cheese penguin. Yeah, I can see that on tell. I can't know where you got the idea from. I just come into my head sometimes. Do they? Yeah. But anyway, here's my new idea.

It's a great show. It's an exciting show, right? Right. It's the future. Oh yeah. All right. Crime has got so bad in the there's not enough hours in the day, right, for all the cases to be tried in court. Right. Because it's just not enough time. It's a bit like, you know, Judge Dredt sort of thing.

So what happens is, right, there's a night court. Okay? And it comes into session at 12 o'clock, all right? And there's lots of lawyers and stuff, and they really deal with the dredge, I'm talking about the dredge, the crimes which you think are open and shut Rick. All right, the sort of stuff that Jeswick would just sort out, you know, with a bullet. Yeah. You know what I mean? We're talking rapists and murderers and stuff. But people who just piss him off. Exactly. But Ronnie, he's just, the main figure at night court and he gets dealt all these rough cases right and he thinks it's open and shut everyone thinks all that person he

should be electrocuted or whatever yeah but no Ronnie sees something in them he investigates the crime during the day so he's only got like 12 hours just out and then he presents the case at night court right at night and maybe often it's a the so maybe often it's like Perry Mason meets some he's maybe it's maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe the the the the the they's they's not he's not he's not they's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe he's so he's so he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's so he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's not he's a the the the they. he's not he'll so he's not he'll so he's a th th th th th th th th they. he's not he's not. Jessop just kills them. Well, maybe so. That's why Ronnie Midnight's much more loved. It would be great. And he would start off with like, Dung, dung, dung, dung.

Or rise, you know, for nightcourt. Yeah, be fantastic. And, uh, maybe sort of set in the future. Am I in that? Well, not really. But, you know, who knows Jezik maybe could get, you know, he can make a guest appearance. What do you think? I like it. Night-court. I like it.

I don't, yeah. What's your problem? This rubbish about all this taxpayers' money investigating whether they're actually, you know, they're actually, you know. They're in sort of, you know, they're guy. Just shoot, shoot first. Don't even ask questions. Don't, don't, if his times like, you know, of the essence, why ask questions? You've done, you know, what's the point? Yeah. He just like opening up old wounds? Yeah. Which is another favorite pastime of Jesu, sometimes. Oh, and also a great idea. A great idea for maybe a board game or a TV show. Old wounds. A. A. A. A t. A. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the the the the the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, the, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's to work on this. Oh, and I've got Tip the Balance. I haven't even described that. Took the Balance?

After Embrace. Can you tell us? Emma goes out with a broke-in this. Yeah. What's the Tip-the-Balance? What's the Tip-The Balance? It's a board game for four rugby players or more. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th-. the. the. the. the. to-I. to-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. t-s. t-s. t-s. t-s. t-s. t-s. t-s. tie-s. t-s. t-s. t-s. t-s. t-s. t-a-a-a him on screen doing that. This is my weakness is none of. Dot dot dot obviously ran out of. I was reading news world on my way, yeah. And I didn't

know this. You know when Tony Blair is the prime minister. Oh yeah, oh yeah. His father-in-law, which is Sherry's dad, is that bloke, out after death's due part. What, I've got it? No, no, his son. Oh, blizzard. Something about his, I don't know, I should get this right really, because it could be libelous, but it's so much to do with some sort of doll cheat or something like that. What? Yeah, apparently.

Yeah, apparently. Or is claiming some sort of benefit, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. thoom. tooom. tooom. thi. thoomoomoom. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. that. that. that. tha. tha. that. tha. tha. that. tha. toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. It's. It's that. It's that Yeah, something like that. Really? Always claiming some sort of benefit for all that, I don't know. But it was always the same when he was living with his dad, Alf. He was married to his stuff, isn't he? I mean Sherry Blair's mom, she was deltel. I'll stop you there. It's so incestuous, isn't it? It's fiction. It's tried to explain this to you before, aren't I? The stuff on the TV, a lot of it is real, some of it's fake, they're not really those people. And EastEnders for instance, that's not real, that's not real. Yeah, well, obviously you're embarrassed, because obviously that is real, because I've seen him in real life. They were at Phoenix, got them and playing football, so that is real. No, that was the actors. That was the actors, the actors, the actors, the actors, the actors, the actors, the actors, that, that, the actors, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that was, the, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they, they, they, they, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. E. E. E. E. E. E. And, th. And, that was the actors. Phil Mitchell was there and Ricky Butcher. That was the actors.

We have been through this before. Because I went through this the same day that I explained to you that it only in the cat world can you piss on an object. I got a new stereo that way. They just get out of the shop but it was too late. I got a new stereo. It doesn't.