The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S1E12 (February 16, 2002)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

The show ran between September 2001 and May 2002 before Gervais and Merchant went on hiatus to film the second series of ‘’The Office’’. Initially, Pilkington’s on-air presence was relatively minimal compared to what it would become. Gervais and Merchant only occasionally called for Karl to weigh in with his thoughts, while the two mostly talked to each other, with the “links” between songs comprising only about 30 minutes of the show’s 2-hour run time.As Pilkington’s personality moved to the forefront, the talk portion of the show expanded to roughly an hour per 2-hour broadcast. While the show relied largely upon a stream-of-consciousness format, Pilkington made attempts to keep things more conventional by insisting on running contests and airing pre-recorded segments and regular “features”.

Athletein West Side on XFM 104. Sunni Day 19207. He's going so well, was it? Ricky Duvayes. Once again the English language tripped you up. The mouth with the tongue lips was all over, the brain and talk through the throat. Oh dear. Language is his tool. I think we should do some introductions because I think it seems to me every week we kind of, everyone knows who you are because you're you know the face of the

moment but they forget who you know me and the K-man are. Well with me Steve Merchant. Hi and the K-man who's our producer and friend. And can I can't I just just just just just just just just I th. I th. I th. I th. I really I really I really I really really really really really really really really really really really really the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. th. the th. th. I the the the th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. Language. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Language. Language. Language. Language. Language. Language.chant, hi. And the Cayman, who's our producer and friend. And can I just say that, I really look forward to this show. Like, you know, I get, oh great, we're going to do a show and we're going to play some tracks we like and have a laugh. But now it's like I'm looking forward to meeting Carl. Honestly, I come in and I see with him and you go, oh, and they come out to play and it's like little friends, it's like that with Carl. Yeah, yeah, because we don't see him in the week, you see, we deliberately stay away from him in the week so that you'll, you said, look, okay right, listen, let me explain, Carl's making the

tea and you know those bins, the sort of like a round sort of metal Mickey type bin that you can take off the thing, I went, oh that would make a little helmet, it would make it like metal Mickey because it's the same shape as his head, right? And I put it on and so far so good written, so far so good written, the the th so th so th so the th so th so th so th so th so th so the th so th so th so the th so th so th so th so th so th so the th so th so th so thin's the thin's the the thin's thin's thin, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thin, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' te te te te te te te te te te tie te tip tip tip tip tip tip tip t another man's head. Right. So I put it on and the swing bit through gravity in the angle swung and hit him in the nose. Sure. Right? He went, oh I said something like, it's all right. Yeah, of course. It's all right. Don't worry. And he went, no, I've just washed my hair. Yeah. That annoyed me. That annoyed me. That annoyed me. That annoyed me. Because just that annoyed me. that annoyed me. that annoyed me. that annoyed me. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh. Oh. th. th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. the. th. the. the. th. the. the. th. the. the. the. the. th. the. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. sure. Because just because there was lots of like shit and coffee and horrible gunk. In his hair or? No, in the inside of the bin. But what annoyed me is he's only got any hair.

This one is he looks like Moby. Yeah, so I said, I took the bin off. Yeah, so I was having that and I thought you'd ruined. You ruined my thinne. Do you know what I mean? I said, wash your house and we could do that now in 30 seconds. And he looked at me like I was in the wrong. I know. Really, get that noise from me about him. I know.

That doesn't know. But otherwise he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like childlike. Yeah, it's great. He doesn't understand that he's the office or yeah just in the office before he came right and And then we were sort of kicking him back and forth and I started kicking it a bit hard and And uh, but he was quite good I said this is great right and now we finished anyway and then I went I bet you're quite good at football And I actually thought I thought he looked like quite a natural and I thought he'd be good from the North and I thought he that's all he that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th th th the th the the thi thr the tho the I tho the I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that I have. And he went, I said, I suppose you're quite good at football and he turned the cricket class and went, I've scored once, right? He said, and that's because I was being chased by a B. And I went, save it. Yeah. He went, no, I said please, please save it. Because I want to tell us the rest of the story. You've scored a goal once because you've been chased by a B. Yeah, you've done, the same. Yeah. Yeah. the same. the same. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, I, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. th. th. th. th. that's, that's, and that's because, and that's because, and that's because, and that's because, and that's because, and that's, and that's, and that's, that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I, I's. I's. th. I's because, I's because, I's because, I's because, I'm, I'm, th. th. that's because, that's because, that's because, that's because, that's because, that's because hey man. I was in the school team, I wasn't that good as a kid, that football, to be honest, mainly down to, I think it's because my dad, my dad wasn't into football.

Right. I think that's the way it works and ifthey let me in the team. Popular guy, yeah. And, yeah, I was stood there doing nothing because I didn't really know what to do. I never knew which way I was meant to be shooting. I got all that messed up. Yeah, I just stood there, right. I just stood there, right, and with my hands behind me back. And I something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something. Something I I I I th. Something something something something something. Something something. Something something. Something something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something something something. Something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something, something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. Something. the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the th. I th. I the the the the the the the this part of my thumb. You can't just point this radio. It's this bit here. Right, yeah. The fleshy bit of the thumb, yeah.

And I thought, oh what's that? And I looked down and it was a thumb. I was a bee, yeah? It was a bee on me. So I start running away. Yeah, try other sort of weather. That's incredible. Anyway so I'm running away and he said there was no more extraordinary I've already learned many many things you're being chased by the beer he's windy. It's on your thumb is still on your thumb now? It's sort of gripping on to me like a stag beetle.

Clever. I love it. I love a bee. Or a bee? Yeah. I'm running towards like the goal. to be. I'm running, I'm running towards like the goal, oh God, and the ball comes to me, wallop, get it in. Brilliant, what happened to the B there? Did it sting you? Did it sting you? Did it sting you? I mean, ultimately it died, sure, but that particular, when did it sting you? I mean, this was probably about 20. When did it sting you? When I was playing football. No.

No. Carl, do you want me asking, you say you're on the school football team. Was there just 11 boys at your school? Was that you got in this story? Listen, Carl. What I mean is, at what point in this story did the bee sting you? Straight away? After half time Play a record Oh, he's got best

Oh, the best. Depeche mode, I feel loves. DePesh mode, I feel loves. On XFM, 104.9, it's about 17 minutes past one on this Saturday. Go on. Go on. We never interrupt me when it's going that well. Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking there. That was about, that one on the Saturday. Go on. We never interrupt me when it's going that well. Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.

That was about, that was my record. That was about four or five sentences. True, true. Tremendous. I don't know what was it. There was semant, I'm Ricky Javais. With me, Smerch. I interrupted it, sorry I was so eager. One. XFM 104.9, I'm Ricky Javayes, with me. Smurch.

Smurch and the K-Man. We're all giving ourselves nicknames now. Can I just clear something up? This is only a very, very personal thing. A lot of people who listen to the show that I've spoken to friends of their thinkstruth. I'm so that's so not the case if anyone's listening they couldn't be the truth I don't want to take credit for McKenzie's performance. That's the guy called McKenzie Kirk he's a brilliant action yeah everyone's seen his performance

it's not me admittedly he that's not that's not the same. I know as you're saying I'm a good looking guy as well. You just say we're two differently good looking guys. Yeah, it's all people are all different looks. I mean you could say Brad Pitt's good looking and he's good looking and they're both great looking blo diagram there, they weren't mutually exclusive, there would be a crossover of good-looking this. Yeah, I mean that pool with Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Wow. Well, it's quite a big pool, Rick and I'm in there, certainly with them.

Yeah, not. I mean one of those Venn diagram circles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the th. the the th. I. T. T- th. T- th. T- th. T- th- th- th- th- th- their their- th- th-in-in'-in'-tha-tha-tha- they' they' they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their- their-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-in-a-in-a-in-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-cou-a-a-a-in-cou-a-a-a-in-a-a-together-together th-together th-t all the others. Yeah, lizards and parrots. All right. Okay, it's good to be included in something though. It's good to be part of a gang. Car that's very important. Yeah, only that's cleared up. Depeshmo there, and I feel loved. Who'd have thought of Depeshmo? their times? they would be like Vizage or something. They're stadium rock fillers. They're huge. They conquered

America. He went through some hard times, he came in the other round. Well done. Well, see, I think this very, what you just said there is a very good example of why they are and why certain other bands aren't. Because if you think about it, for me, you see, whenever I think of a band name, if I see a new band's a new band band their band's band's band, their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, well, their, well, well, well, well, well, their, well, well, well, well, well, their, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thease, their, their their, well, well, well, well, well, their, that you're the announcer at a huge event, maybe it's like broadcasting around the world like Live Aid or something, Nelson Mandela or it's a Nelson Freedom Concert, Yeah, and you can imagine someone's there, he's there, Nelson's there? Nelson's there? Yeah, with the spice girls. Oh, they're all there, but you can imagine someone, yeah, their their. Yeah, but you can imagine someone, please, their. the lady, ladies, ladies, the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their. He's, he's, he's, he's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. the th. to the stage, Vizage! Ladies gentlemen, will you please welcome our headline act? Welcome I the Wilde! Exactly. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Ned's Atomic Dustbin.

It doesn't, you know what I mean? You just know, you just know what I mean? You just know what I mean? So it's just a simple test, we'd like you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their the, the, the, the. the. theate. theate. the. thea. thea. the. the. their their their their their and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage. Mega City 4! You know what I mean? So it's just a simple test, we'd like you to do that at home. If you're thinking of starting a band or you've just named your band, you're just beginning, just phone in, tell us or emailing, tell us what your band name is and we will use that simple test. And we willto the stage. The Frank and Walters! Jimmy Eat World! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage. Cooper Temple Claws! I don't think it's going to happen for those, lads. It's a simple test anyway, but you know... A hundred reasons? I think would work quite well.

100 reasons I think would work quite well. You're just going to give the email address, Ricky.Juvase at XFM.co.uk. I'm just going to give the email address. A hundred reasons, if I could. Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome to the stage? Pop will eat itself! Carl, have you got like a sound effect or something of like getting the atmosphere if we're going to test?

Cheering, we'll seek it out with. Have you got something there? Have a look on there. I'm just looking in the NME for the kind of forthcoming gigs begin the... Ladies and gentlemen, peoples around the world, will you please welcome to the stage. Chumba Awamba! Have you got a sign of fact? We got one. Nice, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome to the stage, the Parkinson's.

We're playing in Leicester this week, so I look forward to there. Let me see who else one. If anyone want to pop down to the sester the sester the sester the sester the stage to the stage to to the stage to the stage to to the stage to to the stage to to the stage to the stage to to to the week. So I look forward to them. There's a good plug in it. Let me see who else. If anyone wants to pop down to the next to the seat of Parkinson's. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage. Cycle Fly. Okay, okay. There's a genuine one. This is someone, Simon's emailed and he says, will you just test this name for us? Okay, Can't you go. Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome? to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the to the to the the the the stage. the the stage. the the to the the stage. the stage. to the stage. to the stage. Ladies, to to to to the s. to th. Ladies, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, the the the the the the the ttttttttttell, welcome. I. tttell, ttell, please, please, please, welcome. I. to. the the the the the the stage coach? Not us to be convinced. It's not too bad. I'm worried about the sound effect. We started sound like Chris Moyles or something.

Well, he's a top broadcast. Everyone loves him. Losing weight as well. He's hilarious. Funny, funny man. Just there's one more coming here. I'll just check this one. Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome? This is Chris in Oxford.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Meanwhile back in Communist Russia. Is that a ban? I assume so. I assume it's his ban. Yeah. How does he listen to us in, uh, hold on this? This is only local radio.

How do you What is it? What is the... What is it? What does he listen in Oxford? You can listen on Sky Digital, Channel 864. Lovely. Eight six four. Yeah. And on the web address, yeah. Okay, what would that the web address be? XFM.co. UK. Sure. Click on the audio. Yep. And you get XFM, 10 seconds behind. It actually happened. Perfect. Just, just to have interest. What the the the the the the toee. the the the to the th. What. the th. th. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to listen. What is thioleteen. What. What. What is. What is. What is. What is. What is. What is. What is. What is. If. I. If. I. I. I. I. I. If. What is. What is. What is. What is. What is. What is. What is.............................................................................................................................................. behind it actually happened. Perfect. Just just to have interest, what's the point of saying that they if they can't sort of get us in London to listen to that because they won't be... And then they're already, they're either in London, so they won't go through this nonsense, or they're in Leicester and they can't hear a saying, Sky, did you all? Yeah, we haven't thought th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at th at that that that that that that that that and that that that that or that or that or that or that or that or that or that or that or that or that or that or that or th..... th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and that that that that that that that that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that Lester and they can't hear a Thanksgiving guy did you all?

Because you might work in London for a bit and then have a lot. Go back and spread the word and like leave. Go back and spread the word disciples. Move back to Lester, tell your mates. Yeah, yeah, yeah, make, soon XFM is the most listened to radio station in Britain. What we need is people on radio to give it a plug every day. That'd be ideal. Yeah, all radio one. Yeah. Yeah. Any of the big rivals, Virgin. Virgin is a good station. One o' the five point to virgin is a good station. Lovely. You're listening to magic one

five point four. Are you getting quite a lot of voice overwork now aren't you? I am. That's not. I've stopped for that though. Have you? Yeah? Oh right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all right. It's good. Well you know I'm all right now. I've got a bit of money. Classic 60s bands I've just certainly. Ladies and gentlemen were you please welcome to the stage the scaffold. the sca f-safold. their the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's to. I's. I's. I've. I's. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. Do you remember the scaffold? You picked the lead singer looks a bit like him. But you know whose brother that is in the scaffold, don't you? Mike McGear. Do you know his brother that is? What? Do you remember the scaffold? They did a wheel drinker, drinker, the pin, the pin, the pin, the human riff? Yeah, thank you very much for the entry. Yeah, the road. Thank you very much for that. Yeah, that. Yeah, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that is that is that, that is that is that is, that is, that is that is that is, that is that is that is that is that is that is that is, that is that is, that is that is, that is, that is that is, that is, that is, that is that is, that, that is. that is. that, that, that, that, that is. that, that, that is. that, that, that, th. that, th. that, th. that, the the the th. the th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th singer? No, the Mike McGear, in it. He's one of the songwriters in... McGear, no no, no.

Paul McCartney. Is he? Yeah, I didn't realize that? Yeah, that's Paul McCartney's brother. Think, think of that when they go on for Christmas, the brother. Think, think of that when they're the Christmas, the Christmas, big number one, yeah. I might don't know if it was Christmas number one. Two little boys was 1969 last, it definitely was number one. Yeah, but I don't know if it's scaffold. It was, it was, it was because I remember it was, I didn't. Really? Yeah, so I remember. Really? Yeah, so I remember. Really? Yeah, so I'm going. to Christmas. Mrs. Rick, I'm the toy. thr. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the thr. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. of applause. How many numbers do you have Paul? Uh 19. Still we know what we like don't we? We'll drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, do we'll drink, drink, drink, drink, do we'll drink,

drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, do we'll drink, drink, the things. I know, I'll think, the human race. Paul. scaffold we're probably going to go on tour and stuff I know you love it yeah well we're not gonna be in wings if you're gonna play with him well I got you know make a tricky decision I mean that's a great sign what are you doing what you doing eating his bacon well I love the music he's I mean I love the music I mean it's a great job what you doing well I just you know I love to you know I'm gonna trouble seems a Oh, shut. Thank you very much for that. A3 I am. Oh, imagine that because imagine I didn't go, well you've had 19 number ones.

I mean, you know, it's gonna be a tie. Yeah, if they stay like this with a scaffold, I'm gonna rule the 70s. Yeah, it things that carry on going like they're going now. scaffold ladies and gentlemen Please welcome to the stage Beck Oh nice one Dandy Warholes ladies gentlemen The dandy warholes

get off That sounds like levelers crossed with Wonder stuff dandy Warhol. There you are. It's not never going to happen. That sounds like levelers, crossed with wonder stuff. Rubbish, isn't it? Really? I mean, you know, it's fine, it's trupies. It's a nice awesome, but it's not, you know. It's that thing of it's just not essential. You just don't really need it in your life. If it never, if it he said, see now's that that would be good to die now. Like what? It went that weather that would be good to die and I said of what he went old age yeah what's going on up there he's a philosopher Rick is on a different plane to us

say like that the other week I came in when it was really miserable and I said to you, God, can you imagine dying today? Yeah. Whereas today you feel it would be a much better day to die because it's bright. The curtains open, sunshining, it's like... I mean you'd still be angster. I mean, I don't suppose that happy moment and we can check. Yeah.

Quite a lot of emails, Rick coming in about band names. I think a lot of people are going wrong for a simple reason. They think it's funny to have an ironic band name. They think it's a bit comical. And I just don't think there's any great bands that band? Where's me jumper? What were they called? I don't know what they were called. I mean the obvious example of one that was never going to make it, internationally. Splodginess of Bounds? Splogness. No. I like them now. Splodgness of Bounds? They were great. Ladies gentlemen, please welcome to the stage. Car to the Unstoppable the Unstoppable Sex M. These are some of the ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones ones the ones ones the ones the ones th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that that, that that that that that that was that that was that was that was that that was that was that was that was that was that, that, that, that had emailed in. These are bands obviously that haven't made it so far and I don't think they will. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome to the stage. The Lazy Birds. Nope. Anyone please welcome to the stage? The paper clips and the Beatles are iconic. That's not a real band.

That's what someone's set in. That's no band name is weirder than. What you think you'll grow into, ladies gentlemen please welcome Shuttle Rock. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome, treehouse casino. I don't think they're going to... That's just made up. Well, possibly. Well, they're all. But my point is people say there's no logic to band names, but if you think a band name like the Smith's, that's genius.that mediocre world of grim up northness, you know. My friend's Sonic Youth. Sonic Youth is genius. Nivana. These are, these are incredible band names.

Yeah, there is some logic to it, I genuinely believe. It's not just arbitrary words. The Cure. The Cure. Madness sounds, really. They were never going to be world beaters. But they were a comical band essentially. They were a knees-up party band, and madness is fine for that. But there are some great songs as well. But then it did, then it sort of turned it all. I mean, Rick, I don't know how many members...

Not home today is a great... Not home todthat's a great, that's the best name we can come up with. You know I recited, Dell. He started the band and they rehearsed around his house. So Dell went, look it's called Chimney Factory, because my grand is they went, all right tha, but it's not, I've got some other, but no, it's called Chimney Factory. I own the van and the Amps. You know, we just argue over that forever. Anyway, just all I'm saying is think before you name your band, all right? Because it's never going to happen if you've got a comical band there. There was a feminist band called Clitteress All Sorts. Which is quite good, isn't that?

Yeah, but you laugh and then you just think, oh. Yeah. You know, I'm never going to have that time of the day now, talking of that. Yeah. Song for the Lovers. Sure, it's beautiful. Now, Steve, I mean, I will play great old tunes to the cows come in. We've got to give them a little bit of dandy waterholes and air and athlete. I know that and they're great, they're good. But I want to play a Cat Stevens song, but I than, I thua, I thua, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I will, I will, I will, I will, I will, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I, I'll, I, I, I, I, I, I'll, I'll, I, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, to play, to play, play, to play, play, to play, to play, to play, to play, I'll, play, to play, I'll, to playing old reputations, don't me, people like Outon John who are bad faces or David Bowie and people who are largely laughed at in the serious rock circles. Or people might not have considered. I thought, Rod Stewart, I thought. Was he, Rod Stewart? Many people now are thinking of the

leopard, hot pants and the ludicrous hair. They're things but he wrote beautiful tracks from Maggie May through and I thought, hold on, two birds with one stone, what about a Rod Stewart song written by Cat Stevens? Wow, is there such a thing? The first cut is the deepest. Let's hear it Rick. On this album as well is the killing of George, Georgie, Georgey part, I guess, his favorite song, right? And now I was going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th.... Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, tho, tho, tho. What, tho. What, tho. tho. What, tho. What, tho. What, tho. What, song right and I was going oh yeah I remember that yeah I said and I said didn't I intend to take his life he just pushed it when he gets mugs and killed do you know what he said I was sitting I was singing to take the he went well I said as I said they go out too late they go out too late they went they went to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they took took took they they they they took they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they He meant gay people go out too late. He went no they do. I went, what do you say, they're always out, they go out or when people are coming home?

He said if he'd have been in bed by 10, he'd still be alive today. That's a sober lesson, and he went, there's one that works here and he's shattered every Monday. Oh, if you're gay and you're not in bed by 10, go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho tho' tho' tho' they're tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. They th. They th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're tho. They're to toda. today. today. today. today. to to to. to today. tho. tho. They're they're they're they're out. Yeah. You're right, we're not on the continent Carl is your point. If you're gay and you're not in bed by 10, go home. Yeah. I don't get it. First cut is the deepest. Rod Stewart. Song for the Life. Air, don't be like, XFM, 104.9, 5 to 2, absolutely. Richie Deweiguez with me, Steve Merchant, Smurch, the Smurch, and the K-man. K-P, Carl Pilkerton, the K-Man. Pressing the buttons. Yeah, see that in heat this week.

What was it? About the campaign to stop Carl going back to Manchester, you know because he's a miserable sort of northern though he goes London's crap and I'm going to go back up north. And I only need for a quid a week to live up there like King and all that sort of rubbish. Right, well Boyd from Heat and we met him at the termill and we're saying about oh yeah he's really he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's going he's he's he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that's he he he he he he he he's he's he's he's he he he's he he he's he he he he he's he he he's he he's he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's to to to to to to to to that he's going he's going he's to that he's th he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's going he's to that he's thin he's to th to to to to to to to that he's going he getting a lot of people like Carl and I was going oh yeah but he's thinking to leave him he's going oh start a campaign he did and he put it in there so the campaign so writing if you like Carl if you think he's really annoying then we'll stop talking to him yeah but I mean I like him I love him yeah have you ever read the white man the white man column in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the white the white the the the the the white the white the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tttttttttoy the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the white van man column in the sun, Carl? Have you familiar with this? This is where every day in the sun they interview a guy who drives a van, a white van, just you know, in order to get the kind of voice of the man on the street in the paper

and he has to answer, or just give his opinions really on events, that the events that have made the news, Carl. Go ahead, thin' th. Just, just, just, th. Just, th. Just, the th. th. the th. th. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, the thi, thi, thi, the thi, thi, tho, tho, thr, the the throw. their, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the thi. the thr. thr. thr. the thr. tho. tho. the tho. thoa. the the thoa. the thoa. the tho. thr. the the thr comes to your mind is sort of your initial reaction to these things but you don't need to know about them is just your philosophy on it. So you know, yeah. I have a few days off this week remember so I don't know what's going on in the world. Yeah, I mean you've stayed in London though didn't you? You didn't bury yourself. Yeah. And honestly the news of Pop Idol? Don't like him.

You know what I was thinking about when I was watching it all the way through? How he looks like he's got a wire cow anger in his gob. That's sort of... Right, he got his radio car. It's a great face. The funny face you're pulling doesn't you know, but you know, a radio. And just the way he's from he's that's that's that's that's or something and I had like, I went to a posh school and he's got loads of money already. It's just a bit. Okay, what's the second question? There have been huge rises in street

crime especially muggings and carjackings? What's your view there? More youth clubs are need? Do you think more youth clubs? I like that? Because it's so because it's so 1950s. It's sort of like you want to bobby on the beat that are clipping around the ear. So once they come out of national service. Yeah! I love that. And if you find someone smoking a wood bomb you make them smoke 50. Yeah, exactly. Oh, this is great. Did you used to go to youth clubs? And they're they they they they they. they their. they their. they their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. Yeah, to th. Yeah, to to th. Yeah, to to th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. tho. tho. to. tog. tog. tog. tog. toda. today. today, th. It, th. Yeah, they kept you out of trouble? You used to get into a fight afterwards when you came out. But for the sort of hour and a half you were there. You had a bit of pool and some boxing and a bit of pop. Yeah. More youth clubs, that's good. I love him.

I love him. If you're at home, just make notes. . thrown. . Just, you, you, you, heart stuff than this. This is great. Go on. This is not pre-plan. These are your direct responses now. Oh, I promise you, Carl, did not know what we're going to do. He never knows what we're going to do and he always answers honestly. That is the beauty of Carl. It's not an act. What is your view, Carl? What is your view, Carl? What is your view, Carl? the New York's to the to, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir, sir, sir, sir, to, to, to, to, to, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, th, I, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the their, the their, their, their, their, to their, their, their, to to to to their, to their, their, their, I, it? He appears to be pleased with it? Let it go ahead. Fairlyly, okay. Oh, let it go ahead. Oh, he's genius. Okay. Is he happy with it? He's like

your Nan. Yeah. What did you make of Michael Greco's character Beppe being axed from East Enders? Uh, a problem for you? The whole soap thing. What's it back in Croatian Street, isn't she? What's her name? Who? Betlins? She thought she'd go off and be a bigger star. All went wrong and now she's coming back.

Yeah, it always happens, don't their tape. their name? What was the guy? White van man says, obviously they feel the character has run his course, but I think it's a pretty good actor and I can't understand why. I mean obviously there's a white Van Man there who has also got an opinion on script development. The through line, yeah, yeah. The narrow line of so-up. The 12 week now, the arc really showed itself up.

What do you make of a cat the thattha'a' the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their, what, what, th. cloned in a secret 2.5 million research project? To find out what? If they can clone it? Yeah. Have they had to hurt it? Sorry? Have they had to hurt it? Or is it just scraping its tongue for some stuff? I think the cat's fine. The point is that they're cloning another creature which is potentially very dangerous? Have you seen that film where they bring Hitler back? That cat? What if that cat turned out to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoing thoing thoing thoing to to tooing tooing, I to tooing, I tooing, I tooing, I tooing, I tooing, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoing, thoom. thoom. thoomate? thooooooooom. thoooooooooooanat? tooomat? tooomat? I tooom? I toeed out to be a world dictation? Exactly. What do you reckon a cloning generally, Carl? You concerned about it? Well, they're cloning for organs, you know, they grow them for, you know. Do you know what cloning means? Yeah, it's when you like make something else that's the same, isn't it?

Right. Yeah, I mean, it's not on the World Council. Yeah, yeah. Finally, what do you make of some city workers who were caught bonking in the glass lifts of the Lloyds building? What do I make of it? Yeah. Is that a problem for you? Do you think their lunch break or? I think it was lunch break? Yeah.

It only takes 45 seconds to go from their natural instincts and they're both consenting, you think fine? Yeah, okay. Thanks very much, Carl. Is that all right? Is that all right? Well, I'll have more of Carl's world weary opinions next time on the show. Basically, I want to play away a great game. I'm sort of clearing out my flat with trying out and then we've got a lot of junk there

and we're going to give away a great game coming up. You've seen it, Steve, you're excited. I'm looking forward to that. It's a board game that we're all going to sign. It's going to be signed by Jerve, the K-P the KK, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the K, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thk, thk, thk, thr, thk, thk, to, to, to to thk, th. So, th, th. So, th. So, thk, to, to to to give, to give, to give, you, you, you, you, you to give, you to give, you thk, thk, thk, th. K, th. K, th. K, th. K, th. K, th. K, th. K, thr. And, thr. And, thr. We' thr. And, thr. We'a, thr. We'a, thr. We've thr. thr. thr. thrown. thr-and, thr. And, thr. And how good it was. This is the track Hoover Down, play it. White Stripes, fell in love with a girl on XFM 104.9 is 10 past 2. Right, okay, that's the first hour out the way. Next hour, Steve, I've got a game to give away as I'm sort of cleaning out my flat a little bit and we were going to throw away stuff and I went, I went say, oh whoa whoa whoa don't throw that away. I can give that away in the show because XFM don't give us anything to give away. No. Does anyone care what happens weekends? No. There's people coming here there. off, the library, but we were looking for a track we played a couple of weeks ago on the same album and it's gone. Yeah it's been pinched since we last

played it. This is a, I can't believe it, they're moving it, that's a like a tip out there and I have to... It is. It is a disgust. How many of them are double award winning? To have someone of my caliber. I hit my ankle, didn't I? move in a chair. I had to move and move my own chair in here and I hit my ankle. That would teach me not to wear socks. The socks were just taken out of the stain. I think I think just walks around barefoot. Oh you love it. My heart's got a mind of its own. Oh my heart's got a mind of its own. Oh their sentiment my heart's got a mind of its own. It's like, it doesn't matter what I'm thinking in my head, my heart says something else. Of course what we did for last week was changed for ages. Does anyone else do that? Does anyone does th. Does anyone th. Does anyone th. Does anyone th. Does anyone th. Does th. Does th. Does th. Does th. Does th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi? Does thi? Does th. Does th th. Does tho? Does thi the the tho? Does th. Does th. Does th. Does their th, does their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. R. I the. R. the. R. the. R. the. the. R. the. the. the. Re. the., um, my wife's got a cock of her own.

It's things that out and there. Seriously, hours of amusement, don't you? Just changing it, just say, yeah. Oh, my knob's got some balls of its own. We're doing that for a week. Meant to be working. Yeah. Anyway, you were going to give away this game Rick.

Yeah, it's, it it, it, to to to to, were going to give away this game Rick. Yeah, it's called Donuts and it's a game for four players or two to four players. Have you ever played it yourself? I watched. We sort of got it for a party and I watched some people. Can I try and sell it to Punters who may use? Yeah, go on. Play the part of a crazy donut-loving elephant in this hilarious game of fun and fast action. Yeah, you put on the elephant elephant thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've wee. We've wee. We've wee. We've we wee. We wee. We wee. We we. We. We. We we. We we. We we. We we. We we. We've we we. We've we. We've we. We've we. We've we. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've watched. We've watched. We've watched. We've watched. We've watched, we've watched, we've watched, we've watched, we've watched, we've watched, we've watched, we've watched, we've watched, we've th. We've th. We've th. We've th and you have to pull up the net get up the donuts brilliant can you be the first elephant to get all your donuts on your trunk before be the first one is so this isn't a sex game by the way there's no euphemisms there some of this is a bit slightly damaged the packaging that's why I couldn't you're joking yeah yeah but don't worry because you're not asking much for this are you start at five pounds they they're starting start start start start start start start start start start start start they they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to start to start to start the the to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to to start the to start to to to to to to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start the to start the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th tho. tho. I the. I the. I the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thea. I thea. I'm the. I'm course it's free. And Carl went, we got a question I went now, he said, well, something about the elephant man. Something about the elephant man.

Yeah, and I went, yeah, John Merrick, he went, yeah, he went, yeah, something about that, awful, wasn't it? I went, you know where Michael Jackson went what would the skeleton be affected I went without it grows it that's what happens it's nice and he went you don't see any of that about these days do you? Any great I just said save it although of course you have to put on these masks when you play donut is so in a strange way that looks kind of Merrick yes yeah the game work I should just tell people listening is elephantastic it is it is it is it is it's the the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game the game th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I the. the. the. the. th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th is I th is I th is I th is I th is I th is I th is I th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th I th is th I th I th is th I th th th th the th the th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the game work I should just tell people listening is elephant-tastic. It says that on the bottom. It is elephant-tastic.

It is elephant-tastic. I mean you yourself, can I say a question actually? This is a possible question. Okay. Should we sign it first? We should sign it, but based on the elephant man question, obviously, we all know who directed the elephant the film film to make? He's all th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th tho, is tho, is a tho, is a tho, is, is, is, is, is tho, is tho, is tho, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is th. th. th. It tho, is tho, is tho, is tho, is tho, is a tho, is a tho, is a tho, is a the the the the the the the the the the thoa. It thoa. It thoa. It is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is But do you know who one of the people that got that film made was? He's a very famous comedian.

It was his production company that got it up and he may be an executive producer. I think he was even the producer of it. And he's an American, famous American comic actually. You wouldn't imagine this was the same guy who is also producing a very serious the elephant man, all right? We want to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the to the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, it was, he's, he. It was, he. It was, it, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's the the the th. He's a the th. He's a the th. He's the the th. He of that will separate the youth from the chair. Have you seen anything else that's elephant task not even well elephant was elephant he was elephant he was a fountastic he was well a fantask that he was a tape that he was a tape week I'm to have anytoday that theyrowns I'm to have got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got got the the the the the to the the the to they I they I to they I they I they I got to to the front garden anyone's welcome to come and pick that up anytime I'll sign it for them. But what about children climbing in it? That's not one those with the handles is it? There's several children trapped in there.

Yeah, that's a sobering lesson to the left by council who won't come and pick it up. There's a problem though, isn't it? Because you can't just... Smask it up, you're right now. I don't know, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is their. their, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. There, is. There, is. There, is. There, their. There, their. There, their. There, their. There, their. There, their. There, their. There, there, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There. There. There. There, there. There. There. There. There, there. There. There, their. There, their. There, their. There, their. There, there. It. there. There's, there. there's, there's, there's several, used to bury them down the bottom my garden I don't know that there's there's a cooker there's a fridge for a freezer of some sort there's a dog in a couple of cats they were dead I'm not saying my my father's quite a mean man as you know that but he my dad used to do that with dead relatives yeah the funeral pariles take the best. Very expensive. A funeral can be up to 40 quid. Exactly. You know what I mean?

Whereas a shovel, borrowed off the bloat next door. Yeah, and not giving back to be honest. Exactly. Well, he's going to go soon. What was he going to say? Okay, to win Donutters, the name of the famous comedian, American the number, give up the number? That produced and had heavy production involvement in the film The Elephant Man. The email address is Ricky Dutjevase at XFM.

Dot co-co. Carl's number. Carl's, the phone number. Oh, eight, tho, four. Right, next out. Next out, we've had a lot. want to hear is super mega mix the Britney Spears thing. Big it up, big it up. Yeah, it's good. Tell us what it is. All right, it's Mark B and Blade, the vocals of the Unknown over Britney Spears, hit me out of the number.

That's uh, Mark Bean Blade there, with a bootleg. And what's it called? We're fantastic. Go on then, back and out. It's your, go on. That's, uh, Mark Bean Blade there, with a bootleg. And what's it called? You've called it something. What did you call it?

Nick this record one more time. Good very good. Carl Perkins in there breaking all kinds of copyright rules. Now coming up we're going to be talking a little bit of Feng Shui. The art of moving things around so it's better. The ancient oriental art of rearranging your living room. Yeah the ancient art of don't stick near a window because you won't get any money for it. And we've got a book. We've been exploring Feng Shui for our amusement. Yeah and we're going to be reading some great things. This is just good solid Feng Shui advice for

us. I mean what you will need to know? I mean just keep those questions coming to that if you've got any question for Carl don't forget that's an ongoing thing anything anything Anything in the world any question personal problems philosophies on like it can be out of their just? Just ask car if you want you know just ask Carl okay All right Carl, Carl? Scott, um, Hammond. Well done. Well done, Scott. It'll be loving that. He's probably going to have a party, especially to play Donuts.

We've had a number of right answers, but I'm afraid Scott's the winner. And the question of course was which famous American comedian was heavily involved in the production of the film the elephant man. and he's got a company called Brooks Film. Our first person that called in, I think it was a bit of confused, he said, is it testicles, testicles? Yeah. When what, the producer went, the-a-sa-sa-sa-go? There was a couple of lads at our school. Oh yeah. I had really big heads. Right. And webbed fingers. And... Sorry, were that, hold on. Did you find him in a pond? Did they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they were th. I they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were th. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. the. the. the. that that that that the. that that that the. that the. I said the. I wait, wait, wait, wait, were that? Hold on, did you find him in a pond? Did they used to be little tadpoles? No, sir. You're not confusing your past with an old episode of Dr. Who, are you? No, no, sure. What were they called? These two? Oh, I didn't mix with them. I didn't mix with them. It was just like, of course not. There. There. There. There. There. There. It. It. It. It. It. It. the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. th. they're. they're. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. t. t. t. tod. tod. tod. tod. toda. toda. today. today. today. today. they're used to it. Yeah it was the North there goes the creature from the Black Lagoonity. Yeah yeah yeah he is brilliant at trigonometry he's late for double maths but um yeah

I didn't think what is it called what is the disease called where two fellas are they not even related? Not even related rubbish were you were near a nuclear power station when you were growing up? Yeah. You weren't really? God, this is playing so much. I don't think that's it. Hey, talking of enormous heads, you were at the Pop Idol final, weren't you, Rick? You went there, just because he was, obviously Rick I was a fan of it. Obviously Rick their final. He wanted to have a moment of it. It's obviously a picture

of you with fat man Rick Waller. Yeah. But the best one is a picture of Ricky and his girlfriend with Dr. Fox, whose head is twice the size of him. Of any other head. It's quite remarkable. He's lovely bloke and he's really nice to meet him and everything. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's a their, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's their, he's their, he's the the the the the the the picture, the picture, the picture, the picture, the picture, the picture, the picture, the picture, the picture, the picture, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's the the the the the the the the the the th. He's, th. He's, th. He's th. He's, obviously, th. He's obviously, th. He's th thi. He's the th th thi. the thi. He's thi, thi, he's got, he looks like an immaculate tan, he's always happy, and he's, you know, he's really good... It looks on the picture, it looks like someone you might see in a carnival who's built a huge Papier Mache head. And it's just like, yeah, like Frank Sidebottom, just sort of walking on the road. It's just incredible. Dr. Fox didn't he used to play? Farrah Monch. A bit of... Farrah Monch? Let's hear it.

Farrahmunch, got ya. toxfm. 104.9. Faramunch, got ya. too'n'c. to you. the f. Feng-shrie. What do you want to know? Ratio of Winners.

It's a little book that you see at the sort of like the front desk of like Waterstones or Dylons or one I say. And it's just a little guy. Should I say what it is? I'm allowed. Lillian 2's little book of Feng Shui. And obviously you can't go into it in depth, but it's some little nuggets. Yeah, ratio of windows, the window of windows, the window of windows, the window of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows of windows, the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the little the little the little the little little little little little little little, their, their, the little little little little little, their, their, their their their their little little little little little little little, their their their their their their their their their their their their their little you know... Just some little sort of nuggets I suppose. Yeah ratio of windows. The ratio of windows to doors in your rooms should not exceed three to one. Too many windows all your luck to seep away. Obviously, hello.

It is also better not to have windows on the wall opposite the door. Is that the case in your place? You may need to break that up when you get back later. I always remember, I used to work nights, and it was when my brother just sort of got kicked out the army. I mean, my mom and dad went away on holiday so he was staying with us. He's got to write a book, Carl. I came back. And there was women women in every bed in the house. I thought, where am the their their th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was tho. He was the. He was to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was the. He was the. He was the the. He was the too. He was too. He was took took the took to to took to to to to the. He was the. He was women in every bed in the house. I thought, why am I going to sleep? Had he set up a brothel? So, no, it's just a bit of a one. That's impressive though, a girl in every single bed. I mean... He was mad. So, um, I slept on the sofa downstairs and I didn't sleep that well. Yeah, but I slept on it before when

it was facing a different way. Sure. And I had a good sleep. So for you that's proved the worth of face ring. Yeah, I think there's something, isn't it? Did you honestly think there's something in it though? Yeah, I do, yeah. Okay, well, it's, oh, yeah, it's not a thing. Most people know this one, uh, display the three-legged frog. You can buy one from any Chinese supermarket and place it in the vicinity of your front door facing inwards as if it has just come into

the house. Don't place the frog facing the door. Please. Come on people. Think before you place your frog. I mean, this really is. But, but, but... What's the last page? Because that'll be the most important. Do you reckon? The last one I, uh, the well. Uh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the f. Think, the f. Think, the f. Think, the f. Think, the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. the f. their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. What's the last page? Because that will be the most important one. Do you reckon? The wealth vase. Make a wealth vase and keep it hidden in your cupboard. It can be made of gold, crystal or glass. Can I just say them? If you've got a vase made of gold, you're probably all right for money anyway.

Yeah, sure. But this is the wealth v ours, how do I make the wealth of ours? Fill it with semi-precious stones and with soil taken from a rich man's garden. So just find the soil of a rich man. Take some soft and... This is like bury a piece of steak and the wart will go. Yeah, I have, ah, a tooth and a frog. This is, the one, ah, the tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho'er's tho'er's tho'er's tho'er's tho'er's tho'er's tho'er's tho'er's tho'er's th'er's th'er's th' th'er's tho'er's th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th' th'er's th'er's th'er's th'er's th'er's th'er's th'er's th'er's th'er's th'er's to's to's too'er's tho'er's tho'er's tho'er's too'er's tho'er's too'er's too'er'er'er'er'-wwo'er'er'er'er'-wo'er'er'-wo I said, I didn't sleep well on the sofa when it's facing the other way. So yeah, that's proof positive. Yeah, you've got to get it right on you. Um, I'd like Carl to read this out. Okay. Yeah, do you want to read it out. Just read it out. Yeah, the good gods. The gauds. Yeah. Yeah. the gods. the gods. the gods. the gods. their God. their God. their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their th. their th. tho. th. th. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. to. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. th. your home. Yeah. The Chinese have several gods of wealth. Yeah. Which they display in their homes to attract, what? Prosperity?

Prosperity? Oh yeah. The personal favorite is Tseus Chee-Y. Yeah. Who sits on a tiger? Yeah. It's pretty difficult to find this, this fella. Yeah. If you could use at Kang or the three-star gods, oh, okay. Wait. It's pretty difficult to find this fella. If you could use Kang Kong or the Three Star Gods, oh no. Read him out! Read out the names of the Star Gods. FUK. Read it out! It's a Chinese God. You are allowed to say Chinese God to the radio.

You are allowed to say Chinese. You are allowed to find you should use quantum or the three star gods fuck luck and Sal all of whom bring wealth and prosperity then what were the names of gods in because I just I'm what if I'm making a note at home really I'm just it's just it's a Chinese god Yeah, it's just it's a quang- their god they's they, it's just, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is just is just is just is just is just is just is just is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is is is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is ch. is th is th is ch. th is th is ch. th is ch's how it's being. Yeah, I assume. I don't know. If we're pronouncing it wrong, I'm really apologised. Apologies, if we're offending anyone who's of an oriental persuasion, but that's Kwangkung or Luxour Fuck. And any of those gods are available at a Chinese supermarket. Near you? Yeah. That's Feng Shui. It's an ancient art, you can't give me that look. No!

Clinic Walking with Thee. So there, that's Feng Shui. We've given away Donutters. We've talked a little bit about band names today. We've a more insight into Carl's psyche. Now you, during that record you said, are we knock everything? You saw something about the beautiful triangle, didn't you?

When I talked about Ghost, you sort of just, because you don't believe in it. I think it's because you're scared of it, to be honest and you can't admit to understanding it and actually believing in it. Sure. Thing on last night Steve. Yes. Bermuda Triangle. Oh yeah. Do you know much about that? Mainly the song. Yeah. What was his name? What's his name? Berm Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, very well, are you familiar with the lyrics? Bermuda Triangle, don't go near. Yeah. I shouldn't really make a joke out of it. No, you're right, go on.

But what it is, right, there's a program saying what it's about, I mean, I mean, what do you know about it? As I say, mainly from what Barry's told me, but certainly planes and various boats have gone missing within the Pimula Triangle. Plains? Yeah, but obviously that documentary didn't explore it. He learned a lot about that, for that. I learned a lot about American history through we didn't start the fire by Billy Joel. Again, most of my knowledge of the Zaris Russia comes from Rasputing by Bonni M. Yeah, he was the lover. thian. I I I I all even into his wife yeah, yeah, they shot him till he was dead Yeah, which is you know go on all this Russians sort of a bit of a bit of an earthquake in the sea sure let's out methane gas okay and apparently if methane gas if you were swimming out in the sea yeah yeah and there was like an earthquake and some methane came out you can't swim in it you just sink okay even if you're a good swimmer?? you? you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the you th you the you you you th you the you you you the you you the the the th the the you th you you you the you the the the the you the the the the the the the the the they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th tho to to to to to to go go go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thooooo to the the to the the the th the to sea and there was like an earthquake and some methane came out you can't swim in it you just sink. Even if you're a good swimmer.

What was if you're two lads from your school and they were, yeah that's like a boy? You can see them a mile off and their webbed hands would get them into shore. Because they did actually say even if you're wearing a life jacket if the water's full of methane, right? You just sink. the water. You just the water.. You just the water. You just just the water. You just the boat. You just the boat. You just the boat. It's the boat. It's the boat. It's the boat. It's the boat. It's the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. What's, th. It's, what I's, what I's, what I's, what I's, what I's, what I's, what I's, what I's, what, what, what, what, what, th. What, th. What, what, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What's, th. What's, th. What's, th. What's, th. What's, th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's that, what's that, what's that, what's, what I'm that, what is that, what is that, what is that, what's, what is that, what's that is full of methane, right? You just sink. You just sink. So what it's saying is, boats have gone across the sea, got a load of methane in the sea, and the boat just sinks. Right. What about the planes? Is it then sort of planes with little floaty things on? Could be.

That's that, that'll be the sort. They've landed in the documentary say? Not, not I imagine. Your hypothesis might be watching. Yeah, what did they sound document? They didn't cover the planes. They didn't do the planes. Something else they said about it though. Go on. Lockness, the monster. Yeah, sure. Probably doesn't. their proof. Probably doesn't exist. their proof. they they got for that, Carl. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. th. th. they're. th. they're. they're. they. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they. they. proof have they got for that Carl? How can they go around saying stupid things like that? It's methane, again in Loch Nis. And people have seen, what's the lake? It's in? Lockness? Yeah. It's being the Loch Ness monster. That's where it finds its way home. That's certainly the clue. Yeah, if it's, if it's a wonder, it goes, excuse me. Excuse me, what do you know where???? that? that's? that's? That? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? That's? I? I? I? I? that? that? that? that's? that's? that's? the? the? the? the? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the? the? the? the? the. the. the. the. the? the? the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, that's the clue. Yeah, if it's a wonder, it goes, excuse me, what do you know where, I'm being the Loch Ness monster, where would I be gone?

Oh, he'll be going to the Loch Ness if that's your home. It's a way over there, he's a big monster, you. So the bubbles, Well that's two of the great mysteries of the universe solved by Caltp on a Saturday afternoon. That is fantastic. So that makes me, that makes me think a lot of things. So you know where mediums are sort of like going, oh I've got some it coming to methane gas? Do you think that all the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries the mysteries theus that's making them not think straight. Do you think everything's down to methane gas?

Do you think that all the mysteries of the universe are down to methane gas, Carl? What did it say in the documentary you saw? What was the Budgie happy? We know that Budgie was sad? Was it in a room? Because they used to take canaries down the mines, mines mines mines mines mines mines mines mines mines mines mines mines budgie would be happy. I'm not going to teach you anymore. Play record. Oh, she should have introduced this, isn't it?

Oh, it was Beatles, Long and Winding Road. Smooth. Are we getting paid for this? Our Freaks Electric, which elects and a sugar bands on XFM 104.9, well, nearly through, we've had a few laughs again, a few tears. A few tears, a few tears. Absolutely, as always. Oh, oh, excuse me. And don't be alarmed. I look quite frightening, but I'm merely a nice monster.

I seem to... Oh, excuse me. Don't be alarmed. I'm, I, I, I, I, a few tears. Absolutely, as always. Oh, oh, excuse me, I don't be alarmed. I look quite frightening, but I'm merely a nice monster. I seem to lost my way home. Could you directly in the right direction? Nice to meet you, yeah, Carpillar. Hi. What's your name? What's your name?

Why do you need to know my name? Loch Nis Monster. Okay, all right, give me a second. Um, what was you name again? Lookness Monster. See this is what I mean? When you came in, you're all over me, like a rash. Being nice to you? Yeah. Guess towards the end. You get nasty. It's the phone, answer it. See it is. Can you give us a second, listeners? Just amuse yourselves for a moment. Who is it? I'm speaking to Carl's just on the phone there, speaking to someone.

Um, who is it? Um, who is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What? What? What?

What? ?. to perform live at different venues? I've got my one person, I've got one person, and he hits it from the office and often performs live at different venues around the country. So while those two take care of business... All right guys, have you finished that private call? Geez, that was outrageous. You know you're a fan of Feng Shui, and you believe it's all true, I just won this one passage on the off chance. Because maybe that you try change your environment to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use your environment to use your environment to use your environment to use your environment to use your environment to use your environment. You to use your environment to use your environment. You. You. You. You're to use your to use your to use your to use to use to use to use to use to use. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You.. You............................................................................................ passage just on the off-chance. Maybe that you try to change your opinion slightly. Feng Shui teaches you to use your environment wisely. If your land

in the surrounding area is undulating, it's said to house auspicious. When land is flat and featureless the dragon is missing and the land is said to be less auspicious. Excuse me, they call me the Brixton Dragon. I seem to have lost my the the their. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A........................ A... A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. T. A. A. A. A. T. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. Dragon. Sure, sure. I seem to have lost my way. I know it's South London somewhere but uh, could you help me find my home? What was it? What, what, what, what do you mean? Well, they call me the Brixton? Well, what you're from? Uh, I see what you mean? Hi, see what you mean? Oh, the came out? Does that, does that make you query it at all the dregn? I'm, right, the d. than the other it might make a difference to night's sleep. It's not so much Feng Shui though is it a sort of good advice generally. When you went home... don't don't sleep on the end of a spike near a cliff? I mean that's good advice isn't it? No I mean. When you went home and the house was full the house the tho th th th tho tho tho th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu- thu-nigh thou th thu-nigh thou th th th th th th th th th thu-n' thu-n' that that th th that th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the of into a warm bed? Yeah with it with a woman were they dressed or is your brother still sort of have those kind of parties or I haven't seen him for sure sure sure why's he living there I don't know okay what's his name

mark it's not he's not known as like moss side mark because that because that could be a clue He's not known as like Moss Sidemark or a 10 Dawlish Roadmark. He's never out of prison long enough to get a nickname. Oh, he's steady on, it's getting a bit heavy in it. God, is this what's motivated a lot of your anxiety? The hair loss, that sort of thing. We always go a little bit too far, don't we? A little bit of the show.

I know, why don't'm quite Sam for Pete. Oh Pete want a little bit of Muse. Yeah, Pete wants it. I mean, I'm not a big thing. I don't mind Muse. I've still not got over them doing that summertime song. What was it called? Nina Simone cover, wasn't it? Yeah.

Anyway, let's not bring the show down. Let's play Muse. So Pete in South Kensington.