The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S1E14 (March 2, 2002)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

The show ran between September 2001 and May 2002 before Gervais and Merchant went on hiatus to film the second series of ‘’The Office’’. Initially, Pilkington’s on-air presence was relatively minimal compared to what it would become. Gervais and Merchant only occasionally called for Karl to weigh in with his thoughts, while the two mostly talked to each other, with the “links” between songs comprising only about 30 minutes of the show’s 2-hour run time.As Pilkington’s personality moved to the forefront, the talk portion of the show expanded to roughly an hour per 2-hour broadcast. While the show relied largely upon a stream-of-consciousness format, Pilkington made attempts to keep things more conventional by insisting on running contests and airing pre-recorded segments and regular “features”.

07 distractions very nice yes I approve of that Carl good good choice there now Steve yes Carl came round to my flat hmm it was Tuesday night wasn't it nice place now thanks now thanks now last week after the show I think you guys were in the time you went to the toilet, Carl, got out the lottery ticket that he'd bought, he went, I'm feeling really confident tonight. I was going, I was going, I laughed, he went, no, seriously, he said, look at the numbers. And I looked at, I mean, I think they were four, six, eight, 20, thirty, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. their, I was, I was, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm a. I'm a. their, I'm, I'm, I'm a. their. their. their. their. their, I's, I's. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the the the the the the the ticket. ticket. ticket. ticket. ticket, I'm today, I'm today, I'm today, I'm today, I'm today, I'm ticket. the ticket. the the t got a feeling about those I'm not sure. He went, although, you know, my girlfriend said that, you know, if I won the lottery, we'd probably split up because we like such different things, meaning she likes to travel and he doesn't. And so he said, he said, so what I said was, well if I win then I won't tell you, I just treat you a little bit more. Brilliant. Brilliant. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. Brilliant. That's. That's. Brilliant. That's. That's. That imagine you take care of her, yeah, yeah,

you're a good guy. How would you do it then? You just sneak little gifts in slowly over many years. You don't think she'd rumble the fact that you'd like don't work anymore and drive with Lamborghini? Well I'd still do this, I think. What, just like as a kind of beard, as a cover story? So you'd pretend to come to work but maybe all party and stuff in the daytime. Clever. Now, he didn't win. Okay. I phoned him up Saturday night. He went one number.

I think it was eight wasn't it? I think it was eight wasn't it. It was eight, wasn't it? Yeah, well, he said, there was eight. There was a lot. He was disappointed, he said, waste of time. I went, well, he said, no, waste of time. He said, I've worked it out. I went, go on. He went, there are 26 letters in the alphabet. I went, yeah, he went, think how many words you can make out of them. He went, there are 48 numbers on the lottery.

I went, yeah, it's 60 million to one. that in the week right and there's even less letters in the Welsh alphabet they've only got 20 and yet they've got loads of words as well so even 20 the chances if there was 20 numbers and you had to pick six winners it still be really unlikely yeah yeah yeah you should be a mathematician an you should be a mathematician and anyway so we got talking about it we've got to that was me him and Jane and I toled it said about it's it they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got to they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got. And anyway, so we got talking about it, we've got to talking about, it was me and Jane and Jane, and I told Jane that he said about, oh if you won the lottery, he doesn't like travel and she went, well I don't like plains, I don't like planes, I don't really scare the planes and that. And she went if I say it went no he said if you

go on a world cruise what'd you do next year oh it's brilliant logic oh you know on the world cruise you don't actually see the whole world I mean you and if you did it's not like like say well I don't want to see that twice ha ha ha ha ha you know it's the world it's the world it's the whole world. I mean you... And if you did, it's not like saying, well I don't want to see that twice. The world? It's the world. It's a lot, it's a lot to see. Did it never, sorry, did it never done on you before about the numbers in the lottery? Have you been playing this for years and thinking that you had a good chance? It was just like you and a handful of other people that it. It's the people. It's the people. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot about what you're doing. He's done it again this week. He went off doing it one more time and he showed me the numbers and he went they look a bit more healthy don't they? What numbers are you going for this week? It's all right laughing, but we'll see you today? You know people if people do this and they win? If you take these out when. Tell them what give people a clue. What numbers are you doing, Carl? No, I'm not going to tell them all. I'll give you four. I've got, I've got five, nine,

twelve and twenty-six. You don't want to give us the other two? No. Because that's a big difference, isn't it? What are the four in it? Four's worth about eight grand in it, but if I give th, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll th. I'll th. I'll give, I'll give, I'll give, I'll give, I'll give, I'll give th. th. I'll give, I'll give, I'll give, I'll ga, I'll ga, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll,those four numbers again? Five, nine, twelve, twenty-six. Also, coming up is Carl's GSE results. He took them in 1988, I think. And we've got, we've phoned his score, we've tracked them down, we've got Carl's GSE... what did I say? How did you get rid? How many did you get rid? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! E!

Clinic! Clinic! Walking with the Sorry about that earlier. You know I like to keep a tight, slick ship and that lets us all down, the net when something goes wrong with the shoddy equipment in this place. Why don't you buy some new stuff? You must be earning a bit of money now, wasn't we? We got a few listeners now, we get adverts don't we?

Why don't they just buy a new CD player? You can go down the richer sounds and one for 50 quid. Yeah I don't know. If I suppose when you're starting off you save the money you make first before you spend it. Go down to record a tape exchange take all the four non-blons and excess stuff you've got. And the record label you'll be able to get an old CD player. 25 minutes this week it took. What? The four non-blons of Liggy mention. I think we should make that some sort of calling to win feature. Carl, are we using the equipment that you used to use it when you had Pilkeys Making music? the DJ out for the uni maveramara.

I love that. That was Carl Pilkerton and someone making? What was it? Colin Making? Cullin making? Coli making music. that. they're using the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. the the the their. the they. they. the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. You used they. th. You used th. You used that you used that you used that you used. that you used. that you used. that you used. that you used. that you you you you you you used. that you you you you you. that you you. that you. that you. that you. that you. that you. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the touch. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta.kkkk. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta I paid for the tube lights and that. I sort of covered my costs. Did you? Did you? Did you pay tax on that? And then no. Oh. That's what they got Al Capone on, isn't it? That's what they got Al Capone on, isn't it? It is, yeah. That's right. Don't worry about the music policy. We're wea. We we we we we we we we we we th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. that. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. th. th. th. th. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. Did. that. that. Did. to. to. to. to. to. We. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. We. ta. We. Did. tha. th worry about the music policy. We're sorting out. We've got some Verve coming up. We got some Jimmy Webb, we got some Nick Cave, we got some Amy Man, we got some Travis Corner Shop.

You know what I mean? We're sorting us out. We just start, we haven't started yet. We just started getting going. We got exact, uh, Carl's GCSE result. Let's just do it now. Should we do it now? Well, let's I think we should we have. Oh, white van. Because I think people tune in for the white van man. Yeah, people don't have tuned in, they don't know. If people aren't familiar with this, the sun runs a column every day which is asking some pilot from the street their views on the week's big events and we just thought why don't hijack this week. You not see much news. Don't worry I'm sure you have an opinion on that. Just give us it from your heart. So gladiator. Okay so well on the subject of Gladiator what do you make of Russell Crow's appalling behavior at the Bafters? This is, um, I heard a bit about this. This is when he got

some director, he got some director, because they cut his bit didn't they? Yeah, they cut a poem that he'd done during the exception speech. I watched it on Sunday night. I didn't realize it wasn't live, to be honest. But I quite like the way it was to the point and didn't mess about. It was, he went up, he said, thanks. So you're saying that he shouldn't have been the the the the the to be, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He, he, he. He. He, he. He, he, I. He. He, I, I, I, I, I, th. He. He's, th. He's, t. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's, to. He's. He's. I was th. I was. I mean, if you didn't have time, if you really, I mean, what's the poem got to do with the the film anyway? It was an award. So do you think it's ever justified to beat up a TV director if you're a major Hollywood star? It depends what he's done, but I mean... Right. What would you have to have to have done to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do the to do to do the to do the to do the the to do the the to do the to do the to do to do the to do with to do with the to do with the the the the the to do with to do with to do with to do with to do with to do with to do with to do with the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the film the film the film the film the film the film, the film, the film, the film, the film, the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. to to to to to to do the the the to do the thing is, right, forget all the beating up. At the end of the day it was a awards thing for a film. The poem had nothing to do with a film.

Yeah. So go collect your award for that thing. And if you really, really want your people to hear about this poem, he could have photocopied it and left it at the entrance and said he knew it was televised, so he knew by saying that poem once, he was reaching five billion people. That's a lot of photocopies. Do you see what I'm saying? I'm not saying he was justified. If it was an award for poems, you'd say you can't cut it out, it'd be like doing the top 40 and then going, number one's good, but it's a film's thing. But it's a films thing. Okay. And he went up and he got the award for the film. Which film was it for? I don't know. But when I wanted to give you a result, I said let's

give Carl this results. Steve went no, we should introduce people to Carl again, just remind people what Carl's like. And he's so right. I'm so glad we did this first. I'm all right now. Cary on Steve. Okay, the next the next. the next. to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to give. to give. to give. to give. to give. to give. to give. to give. to give. to give. to give. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toe. the the the the toe. the the toe. the toe. to. the the next topic, what about this big debate over whether Kylie Minogas had a bum job? I'd have to see it. Next. Okay. What do you make of Will Young's single? He's the pop-idle winner.

It's going to net record-breaking sales. It's going to be straight to number one. He heard last week that you had to to to to to to to the to buy the to buy to buy to buy the to be straight to number one he's had millions of copies sold. I heard last week that you had to if you wanted to buy it from Woolworth's you had to go in and put a pound down to guarantee you getting a copy. Wow. I think that's stupid. But what do you make of it though? Do you think as a song? As both as a song and do you are you excited about Will Young in his future? No it'll do all right I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th to that th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. to to to to to to to to to to to to think we have to worry about him. But it'll, yeah, it'll do all right. It's not my thing, but it seems like a nice bloke. Okay, very good. Um, what do you make? One final one. Yeah, one final one then.

Um, what do you make of our scientists getting the go ahead to clone embryos for research? We have I mean with everything you have your good and you're bad don't you? At the end of the day, if you not have bad things in the world then you wouldn't enjoy the good things. I think you know it's like if you didn't have robbers in the world, policemen wouldn't have a job. So it's the same thing. It's like it's an illness. What are they messing with? It's like the the the th. What th. What th. What th. It's like? It's like? It's like th. What th. It's like? It's like th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's like, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to thi. to to to to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's illness. Yeah. Some, what, what are they messing with? It's probably a bit too detailed to go into there really, but um... Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's good and bad. You can't have it all. Ying and yang is what you're saying? Yeah. Okay, Carl, I can't argue with that, mate. Um, I want to play a track now that I haven't heard for a while. It's the verb, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the the the the the the the that's that's. It's. It's. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the verb, it's the the the the the thive. It's the. It's the. It's the. It's thi. It's the. It's that's the. It's the, it's th song. Coming soon, those big exam results. He he.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Spread your love, it's time to give Carl. You're actually nervous, I'm a little bit nervous. Just to recap, Carl is 30 this year. He never went to get his results of his GCSs. So myself and Steve took upon ourselves to phone his school, track them down and we actually got your results. What did you think you took? Did English? Right. Maths. Yeah. Uh, I think I dids. Yeah. Uh, art. Right. I think I did physics. Okay. Well, you didn't do any of them. You didn't do any of them. You didn't register.

You registered for one exam and took one exam and got results for one exam. So I don't know what you thought you were turning up to, or you weren't registered, or you didn't. You were familiar with the notion of registering for one exam. So I don't know what you thought you were turning up to or you weren't registered or you didn't. You are familiar with the notion of registering for an exam. You have to kind of officially register in order to be eligible. What do you mean register? I tu-you to tell you to register for them. You have to pay that because it cost the school money so they have had to have paid for you if to to to to to to to to be to be. to be. to be, to be, their, their, their, their, to be, their, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, register, their, their, the have had to have paid for you if they thought you were going to pass. You can't just turn up on the day and ask some paper at the front. I never got a letter telling me that. Well that's because you were never at school. But you did somehow register or registered for one exam. You registered for history. It's a topic that you've always been interested in.

Oh I was saying to Ricky before, World War II, I loved it. I mean not the actual event, the study of it, you mean, all the stuff like, you know, about the Anderson's shelters and stuff like that, and the bombs and that. And then when I took it, it had nothing to do with that, it was more about the Tudors. So it didn't, the second World War didn't come up. You mean the their th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, their, th. So, their, th. So, their, their, their, th. So, they. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I was their, I was their, I was their, their, their, their, their, their, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, I I, I, I, I, I. So, I. So, I th. So, I was th. So, I was th. So, th. their, th. their, their, their, I was their their their, I was their, I'm their, I'm their, I was their, I was their, I was their, I was the Second World War didn't come up. You mean there were no questions about the Anderson shelters? Nothing. That's devastating. So, well, what are you expecting the result to be? Is that seriously, is that it? Yeah, it's the only one you took and registered?

As far as the school is concerned, or it's certainly- What's the only one that counts? Yeah, I don got certificates and everything. So what, do you do that before the exam? Do you have to go somewhere and sign something or... Yeah, you don't check your results and then decide if you want to register? It's not like millionaire when you look at the question and go, I think I'll take the money. Yeah. You go. But anyway, you must have registered for one or maybe your teacher put it in, put you in for. They must have been confident, they must have been confident, they must thought your best that was history.

Right, so what did they get? You got an E, which I think, I mean technically is a pass. E. It's a bad pass, but there's F and there's an F. You're not going to be doing a PhD. You can get an F right which is fail and then the U which is ungraded. Now I don't know why the U exists because F means you failed. You is like them going you not only failed but you wasted my time. So we're annoyed that you took this exam so who they thought they'd registered me to get an E? Well they didn't was was was they didn't they were they were they were they they they they they they they they they they they thused they thused they thused thused thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. they're thin thin't the. the. they're the. their their their their to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. Well they didn't, I think they were hoping, it was rather like you with the lottery. They were hoping for something better than nothing.

You see, I assume that the man who registered for that thought he can scrape an E if Anderson's shout was come up. Yeah. Well that's it. You've got, you've got, you've got, you've got, you've got, you've got, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, you've read a book on my shooting, I'll be asking a few questions about that later, I've got another book for you to read next week, next week, I've got a little... I'm not in the mood. Oh come on, look, what's that's, what's that say? It's that fellow, it's the picture of the bloke of these to use for Citizen Smith. Yeah, Shagavara. Yeah, yeah. He was quite happy. I think when he found out that Robert Lindsay was involved. He went, yeah, of course you can. No worries. No worries. Yeah. What are your feelings? What are you depressed? I'm just a bit annoyed because I'm sure I turned up for more so it just wasted me time.

Listen, they don't matter. I'm sure you're doing very well. you know, you can educate yourself. GCSEs are merely a step and they're not just for education, but you know, they're more vocational than the else. You're doing very well and you're reading books. Don't worry about it. It's not a concern. But if you want, if you want, if you want, I'll pay for you, to get you some books. to the get a C or above. Well, I'll pay for you and I'll get you some books. Right, no, listen, listen, listen, we can, look, let's get, I reckon, when are the exams?

June? Something like that, yeah. We're registered, we're try and register next week, and I reckon you can get an A or B. In history. No, don't worry about it, it. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, I, I, I, I, let, I, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's. Let's, let's. Let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let. I. I. th. I. I. th. th. I. th. I. I. th. I. th. I. I. th. I. th. th. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Let, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's. Let's. Let's. th. th. th. easy. I get your Brody's notes. If Heat magazine they they love you Carl they can probably sort something out. They can probably pay for a tutor. They got a lot of money they've sown a lot of magazines. I mean it is always almost always and you found out I discovered this it's always the Tuders and Stuarts. There's no fear for them that they're not coming up. Now what do you know what do you know what do? what do? what do you? what do you what do you what do you what do you what do you what do you the the their their their their their their they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to to to to to to to th. to they they they they they're they they're they they're they they they theyIII and Elizabeth? No because it just it's too long ago to even get interested in. Do you know what I mean? You can't wait to it? Okay. The Anderson thing it was like, God you know I bet my mom and dad were

in an Anderson shelter. You know this is interesting. What when they? Oh my granddad would have like something to do with this. But the chew does it's like? their. But their. But their. But their. But their. But their. But their. their. their. their. their. their. their, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. I. You. You. I, that. I, that. that. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. you. you know, you. you know, you. I you. I you. You know, you I don't know even if they had a family back then Call By the record we come back Sorry sorry I just so no I just because I need to introduce my new the new feed Yeah, I don't know if I had a family back then God let me just ask you now right if you can the finish this sentence we've got a chance divorce beheaded died Died died What is it we just need to do a little bit of work but otherwise I think you're going to be fine it's how you remember what happened to Henry the

8's wives they're little divorce beheaded died divorce beheaded it's like spam support support protection anchorage movement that's you're gonna that's nothing to do with the children yeah see no we're not doing biology and acronyms what the what that the that the that. what is is is is is is th. what is th. what is th. what is th. what is th. what is th. What is th. What is th. What is th. What is that. What is that. What is they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they're they. what is their their their their their their their their their their their they. What they. What they. What they. What's they. What's they. What's they. It's they. What's they. What's they. What is they. What with the children. It's a skeleton. Yeah, see, no, we're not doing biology. The bonyx and acronyms. What happened to Henry VIII's last wife? Did she die or did she not die?

Divorce beheaded? Do you know that the only king that has got a moustache is... No. The only king that hasn't got a moustache is now... The only king that hasn't got a moustache is the king of arts on the playing cards. What's the record you play? I want to resurrect the career of a different artist each week. This is an artist who's overlooked by the general public. It's a red card.

This is Amy Mann and she always used to get overlooked. This was a single a while back. I think it's written songs as good as that, she's released as a single, she had to I think put the album from which that's taken out by herself over the internet. She was Oscar nominated for the songs in the film Magnolia, she couldn't get a record label, I don't know if she's now got one,. Well there's beautiful things that are out in the world. Why do you care about a Poxy GCSE? What did she get for history? What did she get for history? Yeah. I think she did very poorly. Why do you care? See I was just going to say this

backfire a little bit because Carl is genuinely, I don't if he's actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually actually. matter. Why does it matter? You were 15 and didn't go to school. If you were my friends I think you would have just said, oh we can't find them. Why? But you just want to do with that. Well what do you mean? What do you mean? It's ridiculous. Do it again because you want to learn because it's great things in the world to learn about. Don't work. That DCC is vocational need for a 15, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, to, their, thua, thua, thua, thua, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, that, that, that, that, that, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, tho,-16 year old to go on to do A-levels or whatever or to get results but you don't you don't need that because you've done very well.

You don't care about the children and the Stuarts. I mean you know. I mean I've had a couple of jobs not this one because you don't need qualifications to get a job. Obviously in the radio. Obviously the ones that I have got in the past, I did, because I didn't collect them, I had to lie. And I didn't, I didn't like go mad, I didn't say I had A's and stuff, but I think, I mean, I didn't put history down because I didn't even know I did it. So it's a bonus. I kind of treated myself to like a D and a couple of C's a C. the C. And a C. And a C. And a C. And a C. And a C. And a C. And a C. And a C. And a C. And a C. And a C. And a C. I's a C. I's a C. I's a thin I didn't thin I didn't thin thin'a thin'a'a'n't thin'n't thin'a'a'a' to to to to th. And I didn't like I didn't like I didn't like I didn't like I didn't thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' A th. And I didn't th. And I didn't th. And I didn't th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And at least put down the ones I think I took and lie but the ones I didn't take and I won't lie about it. Yeah and and don't give himself a B exactly if they're gonna find out you like give yourself a B next time I'm like I mean my brother's a bit mental and he used to do things like go to go to tho for tho for tho for tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho their their their their their thi their their their their their their their their tho their tho tho tho tho their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi tho and toy. toy. toy. toy. tipe. toy. tipe. tipe. tipe. toy tipe. tipe. tipe. tipe. tipe. tip the confidence to go and try and fix cars. Well I'm not that daft but God an E.

Who do you blame for this? That's just an easy way out I have to blame myself. Yeah what was the teacher like? Well these loads of different ones I didn't like it. I mean the history teacher she... it is me on fault because with her she was a bit mental and I used to kind of stop the lesson by saying, oh miss tell us about your fireplace you've got that is made from a gravestone. That would stop any interest teach me during their tracks. And she loved telling you about it.

Yeah, I learned that from a teach school. So that's why I didn't know about divorce, head loss and all that. Yeah. Dandruff legs. Horse, head loss, dandruff legs. Remember now, divorce beheaded died, divorce beheaded survived. That's what you got to remember. And what's that? That's what happened to Henry VIII's in order? In order. In order, in order in which he married. Yeah but it helps. It's like when my mom taught me the alphabet she taught me as like a song and like constant no not like that

that's how everyone else could do it and I couldn't do it that way what tune did she do it it was uh NOPQRSTU VWXYZ X X Dandy Warholz get off on XFM 104. I'm Ricky Givais with me Steve Merchant. Hello. It's five past two on the day that Carl, our producer found out that he had an E in history, GCS and nothing else because he didn't actually register. I can't believe you registered for that. I don't know. I didn't. Someone else put you in.

They can't have put you in because you're away. They probably said, oh, you know, you're you didn't register in that. Listen, obviously, you're feeling all men and collie, because it's like you're hearing it for the first time's like it's like you're 16 again but you it was to be expected but listen it doesn't matter it actually doesn't matter but listen but listen take it again take it again for your just is there is there a history teacher listening what's the number oh seven oh eight seven seven hundred eight hundred one two three they can tell us the syllabus this year one two three four is it yeah oh so the oh eight seven oh the the the the the the the the the th th th th th the th th th th th th th th th th th the the th I th th th the the the the th the the the th the the th th th. I th. th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the the that's the that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th us the syllabus this year. One to three four is it? Oh sorry, what is it? Oh, eight, seven hundred.

And I've got, I've got maths. Oh, eight, seven hundred, one, two, three, four. Mine's more laziness that I couldn't be well to say that last digit, really. I've done the, yeah it's a whole other show. It doesn't matter really because like you say right I've done all right for myself yeah it's that it's that old thing of like when you get older if you find out that your dad's not your dad it's like it doesn't matter he was a dad to me. Absolutely. Do you know what what I mean? Absolutely. Yeah absolutely. Are you saying Mr. Nutt Nuttall wasn't your real teacher. Go out the number again Rick what we have to?

0870-800, 100, 1,2, 3, 4, is there a history teacher out there that may know how we can, is he too late to register this time? What's the syllabus this year? What's the syllabus this year? Do we have to pay for it? And does he want to earn like, like, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is a, is, is, is, is a to, is a to, is a, is a, is a, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, to, to, to, the, the, to, the, the, the, the, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to.. Is a to. Is to. Is to. Is to. Is to. Is to. Is to. Is to. Is to, to, is a. Is. Is. Is a, is a, is a, is a, to give Carl a couple of lessons, I'll stump that up. Take it, yeah? It'd be great, be fantastic. They probably won't want to do it though. We'll film it, it'd be a documentary on choice. Heat magazine be right behind it. There'd be, you know, little clues.

We could have a little question and answer little quizzes. You know what I mean? Be great. Before we play the next record, I've just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, the, the, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, it, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the, the the the the the the the the the the the the to th... It'll be to to be to be to be to be the the the to be the the the the the the the to be the the the the the the, this evening Commercial Street E1 doors at 8 o'clock gut bucket are playing so no I just a lot of people listeners won't probably want to know that I don't want anyone to miss out on the gut bucket gig at Spits tonight commercial street E1 that's a good plug for the the gut bucket boys ladies welcome now now Steve just played one of the most beautiful records I mean Steved I've played it o'clock the the trade trtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrc I trc I trc I trc I trc I trc I trc I trc I trc I trc I trc I to to to to to to the the to to the to to to to the to to the to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the to to to to to to to to to to the the the the and I'm going to play another Jimmy Webb track. I played it off tennis and pieces last week and I have played this track before but a different version. You'll know it obviously better by Glenn Campbell.

He wrote a lot of songs for Glenn Campbell and this is Galveston and this is absolutely beautiful. Jimmy Webb there and Galveston. You see and during that Carl said what's this about? Didn't you? See, things you're interested in, you see? If only that inquisitive when the Tudors and Stuarts came up, you'd have a C or a B. So we don't even do Stuarts?

They're the worst, aren't they? They're a B. So we don't even do Stuarts? Yeah, they're the worst aren't they? Stuart's I've got a lot of time for the Tudors can you know I mean listen right as you know I lent Carl part of his education his historical education I lent Carl Gladiator the movie on DVD which he watched his PlayStation 2 and Russ Bututin. Do you know how sweet when you gave me this? Did you know my result for history? No. That's weird, isn't it?

Yep. Now, right, okay. It's the film of you, Carl, you just tell it from the heart, tells what you thought about. The film of you. Gladwell. Um, it's all right. Nothing great. Uh, it's like an old, sort of an old version of Rocky done in the olden days, really. Right. I bloke, fighting other people. Sure. Um... How sort of well-known is the story?

Do you reckon people know the basics? Well just read it quickly just do the plot. Quickly. There's a guy called Max. Maxima, yeah. Yeah. This Caesar and the Caesar's kid and Max goes to war, sort of wins it, comes back. Uh, Caesar says you're good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Caesar's kid and Max goes to war sort of wins it, comes back, Caesar says you're good at what you do. I wish my son was as good as you. So I want you to be in charge when I die. His kid finds out, a bit annoyed about it, kills his dad, because he don't want anyone to hear that, he said that, he wants him to be in charge. Yeah. So his kid gets in charge and thinks I'll show you, I'll th, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I'll th, I'll th, uh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi,'t want anyone to hear that he said that he wants him to be in charge. So his kid gets in charge and thinks I'll show you, you're not going to be a king, I am, you're all going to be a slave or something.

And then, next thing you see is... Sorry, can I just stop that? My only thought is the film's three hours lock. We've done the first 10 minutes, but go on. So yeah, he's a slave and then... But then, that was an interesting bit that I thought, right? I mean, I was watching this with a girlfriend, she was already annoyed because she wanted to watch friends on E4. Okay.

Okay. Okay. So, it was a good episode. Right, so she was annoying, she said come on then put it on. And I got it wrong straight away because it says on the back, 149, so I thought that was an hour and 49 minutes. It turned out it was 149. No, I thought it was one hour 49, but it was 149 minutes. So it overran anyway. By 40 minutes. Yeah.

So anyway, the interesting bit was where he was going across the desert on a horse and I think to show you how long he'd been going across the desert on his horse, he's shown you a shot of the horse's knees and they were bleeding. And I just wondered whether that's what horses do if they run for a long time. Can you know? I don't. Right? So anyway, so it goes on, it keeps going on like this. and then he has a fight at the end with the Caesar's kid and he kills him and that's how it ended. Okay good what did you think of it just generally what

what bits what do you think was wrong with it right well I've read up on it and there's already a fact that is wrong. Max, no, Caesar's kid, he didn't actually kill his dad, his dad died of a natural death. Right, in real life you mean? Yeah. And what's what's Caesar's kid's name? Comedian or something? I think it's comedian, yeah. That's where the name comes from. When you, you know, a funny person is called a comedian. He didn't actually get killed in real life by Max. No? He died by his sister poisoning him and um and he didn't doubt no no. Are you saying are you saying that this is not a historical document? It's wrong. All over the place. Yeah. Well in terms of we'll actually I'm giving you brave heart and that is actually true.

That is that is fact actually accurate. It is, it is, it was a little Australian fellow that helped him out. Just for people who watched it, you know that the guy, Caesar's kid, he died, his sister tried to poison him, that didn't work. Apparently he was a gay fellow, and his boyfriend who was a wrestler strangled him. That's... Where did you get this information? On the internet, I thought I'd look it up to see how much of it I actually got right. Yes.

And that's what I read. Okay, so out of ten? Five. Really? Yeah. Okay. It's no good. I wouldn't get it out.

It's annoying the way it says like, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the the it says like, you know, this film's got to be seen out the cinema because I saw it at home and I don't think I missed out on anything. Very good point. I think that's probably the point they're making but yours is valid too. Well play a record and after that I'm going to ask you bit easy it's not their best like their earlier stuff a little bit I don't know but what I don't like is them throwing around mollusks I don't like it when that poor little bit I know it's dead, but there's something, there's a certain lack of respect for the, for the squid and octopi

fraternity. Like I said to you, when I used to go to Wales for me, holidays, they used to get washed up on the beach and people used to go over them on the motorbikes and they were cheering and it's just like, do you do the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their th. th. I the. I the. I the. I thi thi. I the. I th. I th. I don't th. I don't the. I don't their their their their their their their their their their their their their th.... their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was the. I was the. I was the. I theee. I theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean an there's theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. There's there's th stuff and it's just like do you realise what you're doing? Yeah, sick isn't it? But anyway, Gladiator, I just was going to add on the end of that, if you're into that sort of film Jason the Argonauts, it's probably a better bet. Is that factually accurate? Did you look that up and on? Did skeletons actually come out of the ground? Yeah. I don't know if it's a more more. th. th. th. th. th. th. thuukedueueueueueue. thia. thia. thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, thi-a, th. thi-a, thi-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a, th. th. th. th. th. th. G, th. G, th. G, th. G, th. G, th. G, th. G, th. G, th. G, th. G, th. G, th. Ga, thi. Ga, thi-a, thi-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a. Gla. G. G. G. tha. G. tha. G. tha, tha, know if it's a more enjoyable film. Okay, it's shorter. Okay, now, just moving quickly on, just the last item on Carl's re-education this week. Rasputing, you read a little book about Rasputin. What did

you know about Rasputin before you read the book, Carl? Could I just tell you? When when I handed in this book, it was my house, I said right, he went, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, th.... It, th. It, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the, the. the, the, th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, the, the, the, the. Ghe, thean, thean. Ghea. Shea. Shea. Ghea'ean. Sereeathea'eathea'er.g. too. toda'e. the. the. the. went, he went, Ah, is he the one that lived under the bridge? And I went, what do you mean? He went, the fellow lived on the bridge, and he had to, he went, and you had to pass him with a, and Jane went, you're thinking of Rapunzel. And he went, yeah, and I went, well, that's not Rapunzel, you had to say is not you know you got to guess it's a person who lived under the bridge was a troll in the three little book yeah I'm a troll foldy well so to answer your question Steve that's what he knew about Russ Pughan okay so have you read this whole book can I just have a look at it's a whole book it's about the size of a beer mat that yeah I'm just thinking it but did so did so did so did so did so did so did so did so did so did so did so did so did so did you you you you you you you you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th you th you th you th you th you did so did so th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the thro thrown thrown the the thro thro thro the thro thro the thro the the the the the the Well again some of the names in there are so long and foreign sounding that I just thought I can't I can't remember all these So I just got to the meat of the story. Go on and what do you learn from about Rasputin? Right. He was a monk? Yeah, and?

Mad? Was he a mad monk? Hang on a minute. Don't mess it up. Sorry. Go on. Um, my God. You see this is what happened in the exams? Right, it was, it was... Don't do that when I'm drinking, Carl. Please, mate. He loved his women. That's how the story started off. Yeah, he had really nice eyes and that's what everyone fell for, especially the women. Yeah. Anyway, they thought, the people, the people, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. the the the the the tho, that tho, that that that thoooooooooo- thoooooooooo-he thooooooo-hea tho-hea tho-he tho what everyone fell for especially the women. Anyway, they thought the people back then thought he had special powers because he could hypnotize people or something.

Oh yeah. And it was about a little lad who had some sort of blood clot on his leg. And he said, just calm down and you'll be all right. And people thought he had special powers, but what it was what he was doing he's saying calm down and he relaxed and it stopped the blood flowing sort of as fast and that's how he got better but anyway that's the only bit of special work that he did and then he kept going on and he was going in brothels and all that and and the people in the town thought this isn't right he shouldn't be going about doing this. And, um... Where did he live?

Uh, Russia. Is that right? Yeah, what sort of era? I thought you'd like now, you know, about 1800. Okay. And then... Do you want to check that, Steve? You got the book? People got sick of him and, um, and they said, oh, we'll have to get rid of him, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. People, th. th. th. th. th. th. People, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, thi. thi. tha, tha, th said, oh we'll have to get rid of him. So they tried to, he loved cakes as well as women.

Okay. So they said, let's poison a cake. And they poisoned a load of takes. Easy than poisoning a woman, wouldn't it? And he had these cakes and it just didn't kill him and they were like, God, what's it? And they kept giving him. and he was suspicious and that didn't work so the fella said I'm gonna shoot him so well I imagine it was the end of his tether so he was back and forth to Mr Kipling's you know what he shot him once and that didn't work and the fellow

thought oh my god and he started running away and Rasputin's running after him and he shoots him like another I think he took four face full of Batten took four bullets. Four bullets. Four bullets. He's all swear then? Four bullets. It took to kill him. And then this feller who was after him chucked him in an icy lake and that was the end of him. But I don't understand sort of... What don't you understand, Carl? Well the fact that, you know, he's a bit of a name in history. And I don understand why because it just sounds a bit like my brother. Does he love women and cakes and do you think that'll be his day foil? Right I want you to study, right, if you want to do some extra curricular, what would that get me? There's a song by Bonnie M that lays it out? there's a song that lays it out. Suzanne told me about that saying about Russia's greatest love machine but it didn't say anything about cakes. No. I think if you get the

12 inch minutes they said it according to Bodie M and I don't know who's who's correct the bloke wrote that or M they put some poison into his wine now I don't know if M have done their research or whether yeah they did sute him until he was dead I put one of them he was the greatest love machine in Russia I again I don't think it says that in the book but M might know more than that fella so what's your final verdict on Rara Rasputin just a normal bloke who didn't have that much look really you, that's what I don't understand.

I was waiting for something special at the end, but just a normal fellow really. Yeah, just an everyday, happens all the time, didn't it? Just an everyday mad mug? Yeah, just an everyday mad monk. You have to shoot and poison and throwing icy legs to kill him, and who loves women and cakes. I mean, come on, do we need another one of them? Boring! So what would you say about him then?

How would you sum him up? I think you've done it. I think you've done it. So next week, Che Guevara, you're going to read the book? I don't know. Come on. Yeah, next week, Che Guevara. Take it home.

There he is. Good luck. Cheers. Are theanx? Are the trucks? Are they next? Sugar Babes are Freaks Electric? Are they, Carl? I don't know. I feel like, uh, it feels like Christmas Day. What, you didn't get the gift you wanted. Yeah, do you know that like anti-climax?

When... You've been looking forward to it for so long? Yeah, you know. Well, I mean, I knew you were looking forward to because that's why it took you 14 years to get the result and then it was two other people that alright? It's alright, isn't it? What's your girlfriend gonna say? I don't think I'll see her again. She likes a man who knows about the Tudors and Stuarts, does she? Yeah, first Gladiator then they...

Yeah, you've been bluffing. Whenever she said, where do I think I go, like, lots of things, but look, lo! Look, friends is on the bird Gates' last wife? Oh, I wouldn't... Oh, yeah. Oh, look, Friends is on tell. Can I just change the subject by saying things like, you know, about the only king in a pack of cards? That threw off the scent. That wouldn't, that wouldn't fall an invigilator, would it? That wouldn't fall that that wo........ That wo, that wo, th. That wo, th. That wo, th. That wouldn't, th. That wouldn't, th. That wouldn't, th. That wo, th. That wo, th. That wouldn't, th. That wouldn't, th. th. that wi. th. th. th. F. th. that w-. th. F. th. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. I, th, th, th. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that that that's, that's, that's is, thrn. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. th. th. thing. You can't use that one with an exam board. Carl, have you ever logged on to Friends Reunited? It was the site that everyone was talking about last year? No. Are you aware of the concept? I've heard about it, but there's no one at school

that's school that I'd want to see it when, really. So basically for those that don't know, you have to log on to his website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website website, to track, to track, to track, to track, to track, to track, the old, to track, to track, the old, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. that, th. th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to their, too, too, too, too, too, too. too. too. too, too, to, their, their, their, on and stuff. And we took the liberty really of looking on the Friends Reunited site and typing in your school and trying to track down any of your old mates. We didn't get in touch with any from them, don't worry. We didn't do that. We're not going to surprise you with them now. But I was just interested to know like some some of your thoughts that I could run past. I. I. I. I these these these these th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the thin thin thin thin thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin thin thin. I thin' in thin' in thi thi tiping in to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tiping in tiping in tiping in tiping in tiping in tiping in tiping in tiping in tiping tiping tiping in tiping in tiping tiping in tiping in tiping in tiping in tiping in tiping tiping in tiping tiping in tiping in tiping in tiping in toping in toping in toping in toping in tip me if you recognise the names. Alison Birch? I think I remember her. What's your thoughts for? Don't, don't, don't be labellers. Don't say, don't be like no. No. Um, posh, I probably did pretty well in history and that.

Sarah Morris? God, yeah. Go on. Go on. You're grinning. She was a popular one. What does that mean? She was nice.

Yeah. Okay. Okay, what about Darren Buckley? He was one of my best mates. Was he really? Yeah. What do you reckon he's doing now? Do you still keep in tough?

When my mom and dad was still in Manchester, they had a Bucky Shop, he used to go in because the Bukies was next door. I don't know why he's playing to picture. If you did this in your history exam, Carl, you will walk it. Go on, so your parents had a Butty Shop, there was a bookies next door? Yeah, and he liked having a bit of a gamble,atham. He must be doing well. He's still supporting the Blue Army and frequents the shrine on a fortnightly basis. Funny thing with him is right when I used to stay over at his house and his dad was a copper and I remember his dad their dad came down and said right I want to see you too. I was, oh God, what's happened?

And got us around the table. He said, do you know much about drugs? So we were like, what's all this about? So he goes, you know, they're not good for anyone, you know, the stupid thing to get into. And we're like, yeah, we know, and he went anyone you know the stupid thing to get into and we're like yeah we know and he went you know do you they said yeah he said what's this then and he'd found something in his bedroom and it was a skittle what the sweet you know little sweets with the S on it oh really drugs yeah so he said well yeah it's a skittle yeah I know what it is

oh he's bluffing like there as a slang word. Yeah, he thought, because he was a copper, he probably had to be down with all the terms and that. So we said, oh, it's a skittle. And he said, yeah, yeah, I know what it is. the skittle. he said, yeah, I know, I know it's a topic, it's a squib, it's a, it's a, yeah. Carl, more people from your past. Debbie Carr? Yeah, she was, uh, she was another nice one. What does that mean? Is that a euphemism?

No, she was one of them that you'd sort of go, she's nice, but she'd never be your girlfriend. Do you know what I mean? Not really? Even tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. tho, tho, tho, that that that, tho, tho, tho- tho- thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- thu- thu-a, thu-a, thu. Yeah, th. She was, th. Yeah, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thooooooooo'-a. Yeah, tho'-a. Yeah, tho'-a. Yeah, tho'-a. tho'-a. Yeah, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was, lot older. Right. Wasn't a teacher was it? There was three of them who all hung together and they seemed to hang around like the older kids, the ones who look like men. Do you know what I mean? What did you look like then? Well it's just that I had youthful looks. Whereas like the older ones had like beards and stuff. There's like, Debbie Carr I come over here here with, you, you, you, you, you, the the the the the the the the the the th and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thie, thie, thie, thie, thie, thie, thie, thie, thie, thie, they they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, thie, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho' tho' tho' thooooo' thoo' thoan, thoan, thoan, thoan, they smoking pipes. Come over here me, Philly. Oh you, you, oh, Debbie Carr, come over here, little beauty.

I love that. They were hanging around with beards. There's the big boys. What are they fishing. That's lovely beards. I just see a whole row of George Bernard Shaw's. How do you do in history, boy? You're an idiot. They were were like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like, you were like, you were like, I they were like, I they were like, I they were like, I they were like, I they were like, I they were like, I they were like, I their. I their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. Oh, their. Oh, their. Oh, their. Oh, their. Oh, their. Oh, their. Oh, their. Oh, their. Oh, their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. like, you know, I'd be there sort of playing, punching people in the arm.

Oh, that's a great game. Oh, I love that punch people in the arm. Is that part of the Olympics now? It's, I think it was exhibition this year. Right. It's going to be the winter Olympics because you got to do it in just a the winter winter winter winter in just you're playing that she uh but whilst I didn't appreciate that she used to go ow! I always think whilst I was doing that they were like the Charlie's Angels and they'd be sorting out a mission somewhere because they were really like it was something about him that you thought you know you're special

they were playing with detectives when we were were for a man they never see? Okay, what, here's a name I'm interested in because, well let me just tell you the name first, Adam Clifton. Oh, God, what are your thoughts on Clifton? He was one of them kids, he was all right, but he had that thing when, if you didn't have enough milk. He had like a wrinkly hands and white bits in his nails. Oh, because he didn't have enough milk. Therefore, you didn't like him because he didn't get enough milk. This is not to be confused with the two people with the big heads in the web feet, is it? Webbed hands.

What's it? They must have been somewhere along the evolutionary sort of trial. Do you know what I mean? They must have come from the same sort of stock. But you wouldn't have liked him. It's just it's just one of them people. He was all right, but well before you say any more, um, on Frédite you can leave a little message which he explains what you've been doing and what's what you said, you know, your life's like now. And most people leave maybe two paragraphs. A. thapapapapapapapapapapap. th. th. th. th. th. th. It. It. It. It. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just th. It's just their their their he. It's just he. It's just he. It's just he. It's just he. It's just he. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just their their th. It's just th. It's just the th. It's just the th. It's just th. It's just the the the the th. It's just the the the the the to have printed, I think there's about six pages here of stuff, he keeps updating it, and he just basically lists his memories about everyone, okay, it is school and what he thinks of everyone. And he says, I often see Simon, da da da, he's doing a write for himself, self-employee

illustrator, Mark Cooper, Carl Pilkington, and your name comes up. Now I don't know if you've told us this this think you may have done, but I can't remember the facts about it. It just says Carl Pilkington with his pet bird, was it a magpie? I can't remember. He brought it to school to show everyone and it flew away. Oh God. Oh no, they do that, don't they? What do you they just leave. What do you mean? It sounds like Kez. I was a big fan of Kez. And it was the time our dog had just died. So I didn't have any pets and the cats were always getting run over. Yeah. And so we didn't want any more pets. Yeah. But there was a magpilot used to fly about on the estate and I managed to sort of tame it. And in the end of the end of the end of the chair and a whip what mean you tamed it? Well just used to sort of hang around it and talk to it. How did you get hold of it? Did you catch it? Well eventually yeah it used to just come to me. And the annoying things was it got to a point when I wish I hadn't bothered because it used to pop the tires tires tires tires tires tires tires tires tires tires tires tires tires tires to to tires to tires tires tires tires tires tires tires tires to tires. Because to to to to to to to to to their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tires. tires. Because because because tires. I tire. I tire. I tie. tie. I tie. I tie. tiea. tiea. tiea. tie. I tie. I tie. I if I was talking to my mates and I was on my grifter.

It's like an Alan Bennett play. It landed on my tire and it used to peck at the tie and pop it and then it used to then never go away so it was always like around the house and we'd have to never bring it in. So it used to sit on the porch and I used to go out and it used to fly down and land on my head and it really hurt it used to like peck and stuff. He thought it was a tire. So it wasn't so much tamed as a stalker? Oh god. So you took it to school and it flew away? So did you take it in proudly going look at my mouth? Oh no I think it got a bit confused in the the to the to to to the to to to the to to their to their to their to their their their their to their their their to their their their their to their their their their their. their. their their their their. th. their their. I their. I was their. I was their. I their. I their. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. It. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. I was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. I think it got a bit confused in the area that it was in because I used to just keep it sort of around our estate but the school was a bit of a distance away. How did you get it there? So, carrying it on my finger. Did you walk?

Wow. So it was happy there? It was happy. It used to be one of the things that people would stop. the people. they. It used they. It used and find out what happened to it? Investigate. Were they impressed? No, not really. No.

But go on, any... Carl, let's come back to it. Let's have a hip-hop-huray track. It's the big hip-hop selection from Big Steve Merchant. I don't know what I'm talking I think got largely overlooked at the time but worth hearing again people in the middle over Oh Oh, great. Spearhead, people in the middle. Michael Franti is surely one of the greatest rappers, I think. He's just, if you've ever heard him bust it live, Rick, he's almost as good as me. I'm just going to tell the listeners there, Carl, this is quite a little insecure sort of chat.

And he was just worried about that last bit. He was worried about people finding him boring. And Steve said, as I as I th I like Alan Bennett thing he went yeah but you know no one would care about Alan Bennett if he wasn't such a hitmaker they wouldn't care what I have to say and we just looked at him for a while and he went thinking to Tony Bennett listen listen listen it's almost the end of the show Carl special I said says a Carl's next week we'll be in next week we have to he wants to retire a to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the the the the the the I the an things things things tho then. then. then. then. the. I the. I the. I think, says a car special, yeah. We won't be getting off next week. We have to know. He wants to retire a little bit, just, uh... Well those old lottery numbers might come up tonight anyway. You might, what are they again? What's the four you've come up with?

I've put my way now. What, come on? Well, give us all six. tho. to thi. tho. th. to th. th. th. th. to. th. th. too. the. the. the. the. to. to. the to. the their. to. their. their. to. their. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the the the. the the. the the. the. the tho. the. the tho. tho. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. that. Five, nine, twelve and twenty-six. A few more names that you may recall from Friends of United. Go on. Lisa Shuffle Botham? Do you remember her? Yeah. Was she one child as angels? No, no, she wasn't that nice, but she wanted me. Her and a mate Rachel, I remember, I don't know why, but it was some sort of PE lesson where it had to be a bloke and two girls and they were fighting over me. Could you what they were saying? They were just like, I won him and I was loving it. I stuck in the middle and they were fighting over me.

And then the next week I thought, I'll sit near them again. What sort of game do they're just, the throwing, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the that, I, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I thooooooo, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I that, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I tho, I th... And, I, I, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, I was, thin, thin, that, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooold, could than, could thoooooooooooooooo, and th. And thooo, and th. And this goal? I don't know. That's an incredible game. Punch me on the arm, no, punch me on the arm, Carl. He just went through it. Because the following week I thought, right, I'll sit near them again because I quite enjoyed the way they fight over me. But then they picked somebody else and I don't know who was with that week. So you didn't get any action with the shuffle both a friend? No. And when she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she was she was she was she was she was she. And when she's. th. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. they's just, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll, I'll, I'll, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, th. Just, the good. She's probably nice now. It's just, I mean, I'll say about myself, when you get to sort of the end of secondary school, you do sort of go a bit odd looking. Right. Do you know what I mean? When you sort of had grows funny. I would just love to go back to school of that era. I mean, just what happened to people, whether, you know, you know what I mean when you like 12 and that you're that you're their th. their their th. their th. their, no, no, no, th. I'm, their, their, their, the th, th, the th, to the to the to to to to to say, to say, I'll, I'll to say, I'll to say, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll to to to to to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort to sort, I to sort to sort to sort to sort, I'll, I'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the end the end the end the end the end the end the end the end the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of the end of to to to the end to the end to to people whether, you know, all people sprout in limbs and things. When you like 12 and that, you're quite, no not 12, when you're 10, when you're 7 to

10 you sort of look healthy and you look at your pictures and you go, hey, that was a good looking lad. But then when you get to late secondary school, something happens and you just look a bit odd. Okay well what about Allison Thorpe? I'm a thied, thied, the their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I, I, I, I thi, thi, I th. I th. I, I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. When, th. When, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. I'm, thi, thi, thi, to, to, thi. I mean, to, to, to, to, to, thi. When, thi. When, thi. When, when, of know the name, I can't put a face to it. Damian Comer? Again, know the name. I can't remember anything. Yeah. It's a shame. Well, these are pretty much all the names I could find. We've had some interesting thoughts though, and interesting anecdotes. Anyone in particular that you'd like to say hello to that maybe maybe listening now that you... No I think I would have mentioned Darren Buckley if you hadn't brought him up. Oh right. He was like my buddy. Yeah. Did you ever see the magpie game when you took it to the score and confused it?

No. You're joking that was the end of it was it? Yeah. So where did it go? Probably to some other kid because I mean actually probably got killed because if it was being that friendly with other people some people might have took advantage of it. In what way? Well there was a program on the other week about... In the way that shuffle both of them were trying to take advantage of you? There was a program on the other week about a bear whispers and some bloats got really friendly with a bear and then they were leaving that area and it's going to get a bullet if it acts like this so they had to scare it away and that's what I should have done with Maggie. I should have terrified it a little bit so it wouldn't trust humans. Just introduced it to some of your schoolmates I'm sure would have theyre, they're the thi just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, I thi thi thi thi thi thi, I's thi, I's they're they're thi, if it's thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they thi they they's they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th they th thi they thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi they're thi thi thi thi thi they're they're thi they're they're they're they're they you didn't see those two fellas with big heads and web hands coming towards it, did it?

That would have terrified anything. It's like a scarecrow, like a two walking scarecrow. Listen, have we got time for a song for the ladies? What's that? Oh, we've not really. Quick then Carl special. We have indeed. I'll play it next week.

So Carl there's got an E at history in GCS. Any history teachers, anyone who can help Carl out, I think we should try and register him and take it this June. revolutionary leader. Okay. Do you know anything about him at all? Have you got any basis? I just know that if you want to use his face on your business it costs a lot of money. Do you know like if McDonald's wanted to have him as like instead of Ronald McDonald? How does he do it? Oh we listen just just play a final record car say goodbye and we'll see you next week. All right. See you later. Cheers me.