The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S1E17 (March 23, 2002)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

The show ran between September 2001 and May 2002 before Gervais and Merchant went on hiatus to film the second series of ‘’The Office’’. Initially, Pilkington’s on-air presence was relatively minimal compared to what it would become. Gervais and Merchant only occasionally called for Karl to weigh in with his thoughts, while the two mostly talked to each other, with the “links” between songs comprising only about 30 minutes of the show’s 2-hour run time.As Pilkington’s personality moved to the forefront, the talk portion of the show expanded to roughly an hour per 2-hour broadcast. While the show relied largely upon a stream-of-consciousness format, Pilkington made attempts to keep things more conventional by insisting on running contests and airing pre-recorded segments and regular “features”.

New Order, here to stay on XFM 104.9, I'm Ricky Gervais. We're here to stay. Yeah, for the next two hours. Yeah, alright. That's Steve matches now, we're here with our producer here, Carl. So we'll be talking to Carl's a little bit later because we've got his thoughts on ESOP's fables, continuing the education of Carl. We've got some great music coming up. A little bit of a little bit of, oh what have we got, Happy Mondays?

Badger Roan Boy. Yeah, all that. Bob Dylan. All sorts. All sorts. All sorts. to bring your attention to this. Someone passed this on to me. It's from the Guardian's Media website. There has a sort of website that's dedicated to media information. Is this about our complaint? Well the headline thia the headline the headline the headline thia thia thia thia thia thia thia th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thiolk. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All. All. Yeah. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. All. Yeah. All. All. Yeah. All. Yeah. All. All. All. Yeah. Yeah. All. Yeah. All. All. Yeah. Yeah. All. All. Yeah. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. I. I. I. It's. I. I. I. I. It's. I. I. th. I. th. It's. I. th. th. It's. All.this about our complaint? Well, the headline is Comedian Wrapped over Radio Inuendo. Right. Jessica Hodgson has written the a article. Are you familiar with this? Have you seen this? Well, I would be careful. Carl's getting very careful. to have you've got to be a complaint and not people don't know it's people don't know it's we've got a to editorialise, Carl. We're just going to read out what the Guardian printed about us, all right? Okay. Comedian Ricky Gervais has had a dressing down from a broadcasting watchdog for his repeated use of the word cock in a lunchtime radio show. That's all right. That's what it says, Carl. That's what I just, is not the news. Yeah. Imagine this is the news. I is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is the news. I news. I this is the news. I the news. I this is the news. I the news. I the news. I the news. I this is this is the news. I this is this is this is this is the news. I the news. I the news. I this is this is the news. I this is the news. I the news. I this is the news. I the news. I the news. I the news. I the news. I the news. I the news. I the news. I the news. I the news. I the news. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. up held a complaint against the comedian for core sexual innuendo in the programme on London Station XFM. The Commission

acknowledged that the presenter's remarks were intended to be humorous but took the view that the amount and detail of the core sexual innuendo had exceeded acceptable boundaries for broadcast, said the BSC in a statement. The complaint objected to a section in the comics Saturday afternoon show when he discussed the different meanings of the word cock. Jivais wondered whether the word was acceptable when discussing birds, but not the male sexual organ. A BSC spokesman said the comedian went on and on about it for nearly five minutes. XFM, a self-styled alternative radio station said in its defense that its remit was to provide cutting-edge programs for a youth audience. The station said the program's brief was to include elements of alternative comedy within certain shows that would not fit within a more mainstream

radio station format. In this particular show it was not the presenter's intention to shock when they took a humorous look at how the English language could be construed in different ways within different contexts. Gervais, whose big break was on channel 4-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1, the-1, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th-1, and th-1, and th-1, and theeee-1, theean, theean, thean, thee-1, thin, th-1, of David Brent, the middle manager from hell in BBC 2's cult show, The Office. Just in case you didn't know we were talking about. He's a household name, but they just thought he might not have him, but he is a household name. Now, that's good, that's good reporting and they're quite right about it, and I just to remind people, it was when Steve said, the only when, the only, it, it, the the the the that, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, it, th, it, the, th, th, it, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is, is, thi, thi, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is the, is, is the, is the, is the, is, is, is the, is the, is the, is, is the, is, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is the, is, is, the, the, the, the, the, the, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Just, to. to, is, is, is the swan and I went on about the male bird being called the cock but I couldn't use that to mean and you know it was it was childish you know but what annoys me is I'm sure I've heard things on like Radio 1 like that oh what's the name in the morning Sarah Cox yeah and as there's a

DJ like Carl oh co Yeah, so you got... Carl. What's the matter? I'm just saying, you just saying, there's a pair of DJs on, you know, you've done this. And, uh, what you're talking about? They're just saying the names. Now, I love Cox in the morning. You're a big fan, you're a big fan of Cox. And at night. What's the matter with you, Come on, Carl. All right? We've taken it. Have you actually been wrapped over this? No. I don't know what happened. Have you had a dressing day?

When's that huffin? I don't know. I was meant to tell you. I never got round to it. Okay. Thanks then. So don't do it again. Kinkiafo on XFM 104. O4. Can I just add that?

Can I just do that? Can I just do it? Why do you know what? Why do you say that? Why do you say that? So you go, I'll tell you what? I like that radio station. And it was XFM 104.

Exactly. You'll listen to that. You're that again. You can retune. Yeah. I was wondering actually Rick on this. They locked up this end of the dial. True enough. I was wondering because you know obviously we're still trying to campaign to get Carl into air, into the air, yeah. With the balloon enterprise, and obviously the work's been done on that. Don't worry. they're lobeau. A lot of people are. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're obviously, they're obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, obviously, we're, obviously, obviously, we're, obviously, we're, obviously, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We're, we're, we're, we're, th. th. the. the. they're, they're, the. they're, they're, they're they're they're they're th of campaign, some kind of campaign, maybe one that could involve you, Rick. Because I'm obviously, no, I'm particularly concerned, I don't know how familiar with this, I don't know how familiar with this, with Rick his eating habits. Because he just, he just, he eats so unhealthy.

Because he just, it's just, he's just, it's just, it's a, Rick, Rick, Rick, don't, the That's not enough. It can counteract, right? This is Ricky Tomaiser's idea of healthy eating. We'll be in the canteen at the BBC. It'll go, I'm going to be eat healthy today, which means he'll have two slices of pizza instead of pizza and chips. That's basically the, that's his theory, right? And it's like, I don't know what it. Because he can't, because he can't, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, he can't, because, he can't, because, he can't, he can't, he, he, he, he, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I'm the, I'll the, I'll the, I'll the, I'll the, I'll the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'll the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the basically doesn't sting the roof of his mouth with flavor. So like for instance he's always got a headache he's always got a headache okay that's because you don't you just drink coffee and coke you never drink water your body is dehydrated and I said drink a glass of water no boring it's boring more I don't know if we were in the desert stranded boring it's boring it's boring it's boring it's boring I don't to wait the little bits of the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theck is theck is theck is the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the next.e.e.e.e. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the next cafe. And sometimes you'll go like, oh we'll have a salad, I'll have a salad, right? I'll get like a fetishese salad, right? And he'll eat the little bits of feta cheese, leave the salad. Then he goes downstairs and goes, I'm still hungry.

It didn't fill me up that salad. I go, no, what didn't fill you I don't know whether I can observe it, people could sponsor him something, just eat healthy we could do it for some kind of big charity. I don't think the fruit's the issue, really. I don't think if you mash it, I'll eat anything. Rick, I'm not saying that you don't eat certain amount of fruit. I'm saying that everything else you eat is unbalanced and it's just rich with it's the sausages, it's their their their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's just, it's their, it's their, it's th. It's th. It's just, it's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. We's th. We's just thi, we're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We th. We th. We th. We th. We, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th, we th. We, we th. We, we're th. We, we're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're just the, the, theat thr-I's threat, thin, thean, threat, the, threat, we could thr-wee, we's the smell of chip fat. It's all around him. Do you know what I mean? It's like, even when you can't smell it, you know it's there seeping through his veins. I imagine when he was growing up, it was just chip fat in the house. It was just a big, all the constantly boiling.

It's always, there now it's like oh yeah my palate you know I can't eat anything it's got no flavour everything's got to have cheese on it sprinkling parmesan cheese more parmesan cheese and if someone like doesn't give him like a whole tub of parmesan cheese when you're in a restaurant even though he's ordered like he's ordered like a lobster or whatever he's like he sort of he's like he's sort he's like he's to their to their their the their he's their he's their he's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their he's to they he's he only he's they he's he's to their he's to to he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he only he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he he's he he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their he don't give me any cheese he just gave you three bucketfuls I to cheese they should more cheese here ah it's pathetic I just think we should do something to because I'm panicked I'm worried you know I started working out a little bit I sort of work out twice or three times I don't think that's gonna counteract it and I drink water through the night when I've drunk I from the boo from all the boo from all the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the boo from the booing the booes you the booes you the booze I the booze I the booing the booze I th. from th.

Yeah, and uh, and I have a smoothie in the morning, don't I? I don't, I, you know what my views are on the smoothies, I don't think that's counteracting. You are, you're hardly a smoothie. You got a problem. You've got a problem. There's nothing wrong with the smoothie. Right, fine. Okay, well if you, if you're, if you're happy to carry film About a Boy, which has got Hugh Grant in it, and obviously this current single, what's it called, the current one that's? Silent Sie, that's currently, obviously that's being played on XFM, but this is another track from this album which is the soundtrack, lots of kind of, a little bits of musical instrumental stuff, but all of it's very nice.

This is a crack in tune, track track three, something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something Lovely. Yeah, good tune that I think. Sarah and Lauren have emailed him. They said they wanted something from Elliot Smith or maybe Jimmy Webb. That's actually produced by the producer of Elliot Smith. I bought any Jimmy Webb into that. No, I'll play that next time. I play some yeah, I play some. I'll play some. Yeah, I play some. That's badly drawn boy though from the soundtrack to this film About A Boy and that's called Something to Talk About. We've only got the stuff in the library, do they want four non-blons?

Ha haunt because we've got that in the library, haven't we? The best of Tony Vassl. And we've got the I can't believe it. XFM 104.9 coming up White Van Man, White Van Carl. White Van Carl. Who was obviously out with Carl last night? A lot of you don't realize this because we went out. There's what's the name of that evening? Market place, extra curricular. Extra curricular. Yeah, various XFM DJs go down there and just play an eclectic mix.

Just spin some tunes on. it in a couple of weeks Rick and obviously you know my turntableist skills now are pretty, something to behold. And I tell you this, I did an amazing mix of the day with my friend Dan. We spent two and a half hours on it. This is how we spend our evenings now, two and a half hours mixing from a trip hop, hip-hop sort of hip-hop, you know, thrown in. written by four people. Backrack, Carol Biasaga, Christopher Cross and a fourth one. Phone in. If you know that. Maybe we should.

Who knows the fourth person credited on that tune? If I want to try. 700, 800, one of their tune. Also, someone else to phone in, I saw someone. I saw an ad for it, I saw a toys, I think it must be, is it because it's Easter holidays or summer. And it's one of those transformer type things and it goes, and it goes, and it's shield, it strikes and then goes into its shield, and it goes into a little pod. And I'm sure it was called a boloch. Right.

Now I must have misheard it. There's no way, 700, 800, 1, 1, 2,000, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and th. And, and th. And th. And th. And it's, and it's, and it's a thi. And it's a thi. And it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's, and it's. And it's. And it's. And it's. And it's. And it's. And it's. And it's. And it's. And it's. And it's. And it's. And, and it's. And, and th. And, and. And, and. And. And, and th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And for kids oh wait 700 800 one two three four and what was the other question was who the fourth person who wrote Arthur's theme yeah when you get caught between the noon and New York City it's crazy but it's true yeah the only thing you can do is fall in love Carl but is that with car last night obviously party animal you know he's hanging out with some my friends you enjoyed yourself you you you you you you you you you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their th th is th is crazy th is crazy th is crazy their th is th is crazy th is to to to to to th. th. th. I th. they. I they. they. they. they. they. they. they. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat's tho theeeeeat's tho tho tho the an the an the the thing you can do is fall in love Carl. But is that with Carl last night, obviously a party animal, you know, he's hanging out with some of my friends. You enjoyed yourself, didn't you? It's all right.

But you were a bit worried about Jennifer Lopez, weren't you? Yeah. What was the concern? Um, I don't really know what's going on in the pop world. Um, you're joking. in the toilets and I heard it playing out on the speaker and he heard the DJ go, there you go that's a left eye Lopez there. That's not... And I thought it's Jennifer Lopez. No it's the little one. She had some sort of eye injury. But you thought he was breaking the news of Jennifer Lopez, that's genius. That's genius. Don't, we put him to, we put him right,

it's okay. It's that easy. Yeah. But you're worried for a while, aren't you? We were anxious for a while. I had no idea. And the thing is, I heard that on like Thursday, so for like three days I've been thinking. Why she called that? Because she changed the name. Because she changed the name. Because she changed she changed the name name name name name name name name name name name she changed name she changed her name. She changed her name. She changed her name. She changed her name. She changed the name. She changed to changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed. She changed know, yeah. She got some people after her, she has someone money, keep choosing a name. That was Wobby Gavriou and Rise. Anyway, more music ring? Oh, I'd love to. I'll tell you what, what have you got lined up there, can't be a band?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sweet, sweet, sweet. Respect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, Jew, Jew, yeah, huge respect. Huge respect. I'm playing some together. I'm not going to much start a club then. Spread your love on XFM. One-o-four point.

I'm loving this, Steve. It's a lovely day. Yeah. We're playing some great music. We're playing some great tunes, aren't we're playing some great chat. Yeah, yeah. So let's carry on. Let's continue. Well obviously Kyle was out with me last night and he saw that I'm, you know, he knows I'm a ladies man and that was obvious. You could see the vibe around me couldn't you, you know, when the chicks were talking to me. And just remembered recently actually I was on a train. I was on a train, thrown, the to'n't tho's tho's tho's tho's tho's thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thr-you's thr-you's their thr-you's thr-you'er, you're thr-you'er, you're tho-you'-a-a-s their thr-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's the thing about me you know I don't I don't I don't choose she was good looking girl she sat down I thought down right near me I thought brilliant as a the guy this guy comes up behind him I think I think I'm probably a boyfriend or something sits down next to her and I'm think in and I listen another conversation you know I'm the to the same I'm the the the same I'm the same I'm the same I'm the same I'm the same the same the same I'm the same I'm the same the same I'm the same I'm the same the same I'm the same I'm the same I'm the same I'm the same I'm the same I'm the same I'm to the same I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the guy I'm the guy I'm the guy I'm the guy I'm the guy I'm the the the the the the the th th I'm th th th th thin thin thin thin thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown I'm thrown I'm thrown thrown I'm thrown thrown I'm thrown thrown I'm thrown I'm th th th the I'm that it's not her boyfriend or anything, it's just some guy she's met on the platform. And I'm thinking, brilliant.

If she's the kind of girl who's just going to start talking to someone, you know, on a platform, you know, on a train, brilliant, I'm going to be in here, because he was only going to be in because he was only going to one stop. So I'm the excited, you know, I'm listening in. And it turns out that they're both kind of graduates, so just finished university or they're just coming to the finals or something, and they're chatting away, you know, and he's making a couple of witticisms, you know, and she's kind of tittering at his jokes, you know, and she's kind of telling you this, if she's, It was weak stuff. I got to be honest. He was coming out with nothing. He was running on empty as far as I'm concerned. She was loving it. So I'm thinking brilliant, I'm going to be right in here. And then they get moving on to a higher break things, you know knowledge of it that he had in his life. And I'm just sat there thinking, yeah, come on, love, in any given capitalist environment, the proletariat will revolt against their oppression by the bourgeoisie and after a brief period of socialist rule emerges a classist society governed by community cooperation.

Well if that sort of talk wouldn't get a woman hot, I don't know, I don't know, then nothing is, then my name is not your time. Exactly, I thought, I'm just going to go in for the kill any minute. So anyway, anyway, it comes to his stop, right, he gets out, I'm thinking, this is a piece of cake, and he gets off, and he gets off, and off he goes, and off he goes, he goes, he waive, and I'm thinne. I thought, I'll wait, and I'll wait, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just.. I'm just, I. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm. I'm just. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just, th. I'm just, th. I'm just, th. I'm just, th. I'm just th. I'm just, th. I'm just th. I'm just th. I'm just, th. I'm just, th. I'm just, listen, do you mind if I give you an email address, right? And if you want to get in touch, email me. I'm thinking, come on you loser, get off now, save your face, please, before he's too embarrassed. She accepts the email address because she obviously doesn't want to hurt his feelings, whatever. I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, come, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. t the train pulls away, I'm thinking, yeah, I'll wait a few minutes, you know, I'll just, you know, give it some time. Her phone rings, it's her friend on the phone. And, uh, she starts to, and I was listening and she was going, uh, yeah, just met a guy on the train, I'm thinking, yeah, that's true enough. She goes, uh, yeah, he-a, to her friend, it looks a bit like tennis player Boris Becker. I thought, well, you should be so lucky, frankly, because I saw him, he had awful facial hair if that's what makes him look like Boris Becker.

Terrible little goatie beard, it was laughable. I thought, you know, I don't know, and then she goes to things and she goes, she goes, the things and she goes, yeah, I met and she's, and I, and I, and she's, and I, and I, and she's, and I, and I, and I thu, I thu, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you had, he had, he had, you had, you, you, you, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he he, he, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he................ th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, he had, he had, had, he had, had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, he had, you know, kind of thoughtful and intelligent and funny, I thought to myself I'm not even going to waste my time with you, love. Frankly, if that's what you thought of him. You just walked by. Yeah, and I'll be honest with you, I didn't even bother talking to us. I didn't even have a time with a he thought and she thought that you were like a freaky looking dork who didn't even have the nerve to sleep. If that is what she thinks that I don't want to know I couldn't you walked away and good luck to you I have my dignity and yes and she's nothing Travis, Flowers in the Window on XFM 104.

Well, coming to that time when we do White Van Man. Absolutely with producer Carl. And Carl's also going to be telling us his slant on Fables on Esau. Absolutely. Um, I was out with Carl. I know I shouldn't be. Yeah, I broke the rule as well. I know. I was out on him to know before I think. And we were just out on him before I think and we were just chatting and we're going to Edinburgh for a week. Yeah, that's all three of us. That's all three of us. Yeah, I just wanted for a minute if there were some arrangement. the th arrangement. th arrangements th arrangements th arrangements th arrangements. That th. That th. th. th. the arrangement. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just the the the the the the th. I was just the the the the the the to to to to the to th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just the th. I was just th. I was just the the the th. I was just the the th. I sites. Yeah, no we're going to do a week's broadcasting from the Edinburgh Festival and you know and Carl's going, I'll bet you lie in don't you and all this? I was going, well yeah he's going, well yeah he wants to be up at

half night and out looking at the sights, you know what I mean? But anyway and I said have you ever had had haggis? He went it's black pudding in it. I went no, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, it's mint, to like, to like, to like, to to thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th th th th th th th th th th th thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th thin' th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin, you th thin, you thin, you thin, you thin, you's mince in a sheep stomach, right? And he went, what, they force feed a sheep, then kill it. Imagine that, Carl. It makes sense, though, don't it? No, it doesn't make sense. They force feed a sheep, mince and then kill it, until its stomach's nice and full, and they go, oh, this one's full, kill it before it starts digesting it. Of course they don't. It's a membrane they've, and the other one he was talking about like, he likes Richmond Park, he goes I like to see all the

deer's I went it's deer's plow we don't need to say dears. I'll try and educate whenever I can. What's that deer. Yeah do I said that you know like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep like sheep the . . the the plural of mongoose? Because a lot of people would think it would be mongease. It's not, it's mongoose's. Do you know what Carl said? Plural of mongoose?

Mongues, yes. Plural of mongus? It's worth a competition, no, it's not. Carl, what do you think play a bit of Dylan, yeah. This is a beautiful track. It's just like a woman. Well, I think that's a beautiful record. It's by Bob Dylan. Yeah.

Well, I think that's a beautiful record. It's by Bob Dylan, and it's just like a woman. And Carl went, he's got his headphones on, so he's speaking a bit loud. The harmonicas play. In a whiny, mank accent, when the harmonics went, That's an annoying salmite, isn't it? God. Oh, bless. Bob Dylan there. An annoying sound there.

Did you hear about... The annoying sound of Bob Dylan, like a new album? Yeah, yeah. Just that sort of sound always reminds me of a one-man band? Yeah. Have you heard the story about Leo Sayer with his song, one-man band? No? Years ago, what year was, um... Oh, God. I'm in mood for dancing. Uh, what's the song that he did?

I'm a one-man band, it was called. Funny enough, go on. He did that, one-man band and he was playing it at the Dominion Theatre. Yeah. And apparently whenever he played, he sort of sang this song, he got the audience involved, and the line in it was a one-man band. Nobody knows or understands. Is there anybody there can lend me a hand to my one-man band? He said that and what he used to do, he used to reach out, oh yeah, and grab people's hands and then he'd walk down the middle. Anyway, he said, well anyone let me a hand, he stuck his hand out, grabbed like a hand, grabbed like a hand, and he was walking down the middle of like Dominion Theatre with this plastic hand in his hand.

And he said, oh, it's a moment I won't forget. He knows how to tell a story Leo Sayer. Right, well it's time for White Van Man, which is where we ask the questions that the sun asks someone else. Exactly. It's an article in there where they ask typical, you know, like, like, like, the, like, the, the, like, like, the, like, like, like, the, like, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, like, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the, with the the, with the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi-ininininininin-a, with the the the the thi-min, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, with the the the the the questions that the Sun asks someone else. Exactly. It's an article in there where they ask them, you know, tip around the street, the big questions of the day, gives them their platform to the nation and we think this is just too good to let out. I mean we only care about one person's opinion in the country now. That's true enough. It's true enough. your thoughts please on Kylie Minogue slagging off Britney Spears for ignoring her fans at her premiere. Are you aware of that story? She got booed at her premiere of her new film, Brittany because she left her fans waiting for like an hour because she'd left her fans, she'd

their fans, 3,000 of them. Lo and loads them screaming for, she just went straight into a theater and just give him a quick wave and didn't even want want to shed that hand and signing the autographs. So they were booing. What do you think of that Carl? And Kylie's obviously said that was actually outrageous, you know, and you should treat your fans with respect. What do you make of it? Um, so she did wave. Yeah, but literally as she was walking it? Was it raining? No I don't think it. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you. you you you you you you th. th. th. that that that that that that that. threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, he hasn't really read the brief. He's just ringing it.

Judge, first true, was it raining? No? Ah shit, I was relying on that. Was she running late for the start of the film? Yes, but that's her own fault. I mean, the people are inside. They're not going to start the film without her. It's Brittany sped some time out. You know when Tom Cruise came here, he spent like an hour and a half,

shaking people's hands, talking to people on their mobile phones, all sorts. That's Tom Cruise. He's a bigger name than Brittany. I know, but... It's a smaller person, but he's a bigger name. What do people want from people? Do you know what I mean? An autograph? A things like that? A photo. This one's going no where where th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to to th. to to to to to to to th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. their. their. their their their their their their their thooooo. thoo. thooo. tho. to to tho. not bad. If she had more time, she might have done it. I bet she would have done it on another day. I mean, I'm not feeling too good today. I mean, I'm not feeling too good today. But you're going to still take time out to sign people's autograph, surely when you leave the building?

Yeah, there's sorted out crime in New York City, he's come over and he said you're going all over the place here. You need more bobbies on the beat, not more policemen, more a visible police presence. There was something last week about some copper in London who was sat on a bench. And he was asleep, like, and people were like, like, out of the, to.'s people not nodding off on a park bench which is a bit doubt because I was shouting he should be looking after England's people. Is that what was he should be looking after England's people? Was this the 16th century you went back to? Whatever he was in like a park somewhere yeah they were like really annoyed because he was asleep but do we Do we probably undercover? If well no but the thing is if there would have been any

trouble I'm sure he would have woke up. Yeah. If there was any sort of if someone needed help. If someone, if he's he probably have his radio turned on didn't he? Yeah, listening to Hart. So you're not not considering that there's not the crimes going up. I think is enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough. And they. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's not. He. He. He's probably. He. He's probably. He. He might might not. He might not. He might not. He. He. the. He might might not. He might not. He might. He. He might. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. there. the. not considering that there's not the crime's going up? I think it's enough. I see quite a lot of them whizzing around. Okay. You're happy then? As long as you're happy, Carl. So you don't think it's too much crime? No. Just the right amount, just the right amount of crime. What about the new gambling having a little flutter. Sure. What's your favourite? I haven't gone the, you know, the freak machines. Yeah, it's a good one called the Simpsons. Right. Is that your favorite? Yeah, it's quite good. Is that a tie in with the TV show of the Simpsons? Yeah. Okay. Um, will they make Black Pill? Yeah. the thi. Will they'll they make they they they they make they they they make they they make they they they make they they make they they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they make they they they they they the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their. I their their their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I have th. I have th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. I th. I th. I their their. I think so. No, I don't see it happening. No, you've been to Blackpool. Yeah. What was it? It's a bit rank. Is it? It is a bit rough. Needs a lot of work doing on it. Yeah. Uh, no, that won't happen.

Okay. And you're not worried about this encouraging gambling, generally? Gambling's not a vice you're concerned about? Uh, if you're a gambler, you're a gambler? If if you're not you're not you you're, they'll go somewhere else to have a flutter. Sure. So it's not going to make any difference. Okay, no. Okay, it's really good. What do you make of the so solid crews, Ashley Walters being jailed for 18 months? Obviously not very good example to young fans. He should have got a their tree. Do you think? Do you th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. th. th th th th th th th th. th th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. that tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. So, th. So, so th. So, so th. So, so th. So, so th. So, so th. So, so th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thooooooooooooo. So, the. So, thoo. So, tho. So, th itself. Okay. I had a dream that. Were they all there? I couldn't remember all their faces. I couldn't remember all their faces. I had a t-shirt on. He had etc.

He had a t-shirt on. Yeah, and it said, on my t-shirt. Yeah, and it said, on my tea shirt, so solid poo. That's amazing. I love that that's, we've all had that anxiety drink. Oh my goodness, what if I meet the so solid crew and I'm wearing a t-shirt that slags them off? I don't believe it, yeah, you know, yeah. So what happened? Did you get beaten up in the group? It was one of them where I woke up. Do you know I've been telling you that I keep getting them things where you feel like like like like like like like like like like like the th th th th th th th th the same th th th and the same the same th th the same th th thin the same thin thin thin thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' the. thin' the same the same thin' the. thin' thin' thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin' thin' their their their their their their their the same sort sort the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same. the same. the same. th. thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' the the theat, you're theateat, theat, theateat, theateat, theat, theateat, theat, I's theat, I's theat, I'm th real psychiatrist, don't you? You know what I mean? You do know a lot about a lot. Yeah, I do, thanks very much. And, you know, if I'm out of home talking to Susan about something and I don't know the answer, I think, right, I'll last Ricky that one soon.

Yeah, yeah, thanks. But you know that, I them in real life. Yeah that is true. A lot of people have been joking. Yeah yeah. Terrify absolutely terrified. So yeah lock him up for longer. Okay finally what do you make of Hallie Berry becoming the first black woman to win the best actress also did you see her speech? Got on me nose? Did it? I mean you know it is good that she won. You know it's it's nice. It's that she's that she's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's that she. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It an award. But she did go on a bit. And, you know, I've been in that same sort of position. What, Clayton and Oscar? Well, I got, um, what they used to do at school is, uh, if you did a full month without being off, you got a gold certificate. Okay. And I did a month once without having a day off.

And I went up, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't make a fuss. He didn't start crying. Can't play a record, mate. Well done though. Were you the first kid in your school to do that? I don't think anyone else got the certificate. It was only because I was never in. They tried to encourage me. It was just for you.

They mounted in the entire ceremony just to encourage you. Wise words there from Bella Sebastian on XFM 104. I'm Rick Javain with me Steve Matchin. Well, I mean it is indeed wise words, Rick. I'm worried that people are going to get out of the office now and into the sunshine not be listening to the show. There's always the transistor radio. That's true enough. Um, I'm thinking it's a little to the pirate table at all. It's time. Keep it low th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i th i thi th i to to to to to to to to to be to be to be wise. thi. thi. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be wise. I's. I's. I's. I's to be. I's to be. I's to be. I's to be. to be. to be. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. W. W. th. W. th. W. th. W. thi. thi. thi. W. th. th. th. th. th. th. W. th. thi. th. thi. W. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi well it's, it is time. Keep it low though, don't want to irritate other people. No, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you do want to irritate him, spit on him, it's bad. Exactly.

Um, kick him and throw little rocks. Exactly. With me, Carl, came on. Carl, we're into the way way. I got one GCC in history and E and we've been cramming haven't we? Oh Rick, before you mention that, can I just say to me? Obviously we do always do this thing with the Sun, White Van Man where we read this thing out from the Sun and query, Carl. And I would like with some friends last night and my friend Dan always listens to the

show and he said, um, Carl, you know, I love the bit. Why, do you ever know what the questions are before they're asked or is that your first answer? And Carl said, no that is it. They don't let me see what the questions are first. They don't show them to me and that always get really anxious and really get really paranoid. And I was just wondering, have you seen the error there, Carl? Have you seen the mistake you've been making? Right? You're worried that you're worried that you. You're worried that you. You're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're worried that you're that you're that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you're worried that that you're worried that that you're worried that that you're worried that that you're worried that that that that that the questions. the the questions. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the the. the the. the. the the the. the the. the. the? How could you combat that if you're really nervous, you know, coming out too much? Maybe you wanted to sort of have some views or ideas before it? It's your error, in it, do you know what I mean? It's your show if, if you are like, take a chance with me. No, no, no, no, no. It's what is this, if you're really worried, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, or, or, to, to, or, to, to, to, or, to, to, or, or, or, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. It, it, it, to. It. It. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, to. to. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to can get hold of those questions in advance? Yeah, but is it always in today's? Is it always in Saturdays?

Yes. So they don't do that every day of the week? They do, but I always take it from this Saturdays. All right, well, yeah, I could, but that would cost me money. I'm not on enough as it is, sure. How much is a son? 30 P. You're not made a money. Yeah. Yeah. At least 4 E.P on the Saturday. I don't know what I was thinking. Well, you were studying ESOP's fables, won't you, this week? Now, now I'm going to be very liberal here and let you talk about it. I'm not, it's not a test. I'm not, hey man, just like chill out. this like thrived, you know, throwns. their. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. tho. thoom. thoom. thoom. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. the their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. toeeeea. toda. toda. ta. toda. toda. toda. toda. tell us your views, just tell us your vibe on ESOP. Tell us something. What have you learned from these fables? He made a bit of money out of something that's quite simple.

I don't know if he did make any money. I mean, I mean, you know, I think it was published like thousands of years after his death, but go on. Yeah, they're just little stories, I mean, just, just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What thee. What thea. What thea. What thea. What the thean. What have the the didn't learn anything from them or did it or did you see because it's teaching through sort of like metaphor an analogy and maybe it all seeps in and it's all subliminal and maybe in a way you're no subconscious is teaching you that's silly you're silly if if the stories were done in like a real way that is like a man and a woman and it's a little story that's me happen to them in life then you you you you you you you you you you you you th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's a little thi. thi. th. It's a little th. It's a little th. It's all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all th. th. th. th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a th. It's a little th. It's a little th. It's a little thi. It's a little the. It's a little the. It's a little the. It's a little the. It's a little the. It's a little thi. It's a little thi. It's a little thi. It's a little story that may happen to them in life, then you learn something, but it's all about, you know, a gorilla and a fox walking through the woods. How often does that happen? Sure.

So you're saying if it was more like, if it was more true to life. If it was more like real, if it was more like real stories from real life, if it was more like real stories, like real stories like you know, it would tak a a a pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick pick. two frog boys with webbed hands. I mean if it was real stories from real life. That people could believe actually happened. Maybe you know it would teach us something. But why not do that like take a real situation? Say like the so solid crew guy, yes. Going down for carrying a gun, you use that in some way? Do you know what I mean? As a warning maybe about carrying guns? What about something like if you carry guns and that is illegal, you could have some sort of punishment. Yeah, that's good.

So it doesn't bother you then that the fact that these fables have been used for many, many generations to educate maybe young children or even older people. The fact that they've served a brilliant function and they've become classics, that doesn't bother you? You've seen through them? Well, they don't always work. When I was out. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the fact, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, the fact, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th other day, he brought one up. I told him the one about the two mice, the industrious mouse who throughout the summer he would be storing berries, nuts and berries, he'd be storing it, and the other mouse would be eating off the trees and running around and having to laugh. They go, well you're going to become hungry. Oh, I'll worry about that when it comes to it. And the the the shivering and he went and knocked on the house his door and went I'm

freezing and I'm starving and the clever man said well I told you didn't I you know you should have been storing your nuts through winter like I did come in and share mine you know and what did you say Carl well and the moral of that is whatever what the moral of that is whatever. Yeah, you know, sort of, you know, just be careful. But my thing is that it's not very good because the moral of that is do what you want and there's always a do-goer a chair there. Sure. Yeah.

But the way I, you know, I think, which is more sort of 2002, the ending should have been, you know, the thirty, and thin, the, the, the, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, their, thin, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their mo.e.e. And, their mo. And, their, their, their, their, their, th'll be alright come the winter I've got loads of food I'll be safe but then as he's going into his little hut at the beginning of the winter some sort of bus or something comes and kills him and it's like you should have partied hard because you might die yeah enjoy life whilst you've got it yeah okay and if winter comes just after death well you know worry about tomorrow to tomorrow okay okay I'm wondering if there's a carar the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th is th is th is th is th is a th is a th is a th so th so th so th so th so thom. thomorrow thomorrow thom. thomorrow the. thi the. the. the. the. th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin th thin thin thin thin thin the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the the the the orrow. Okay, okay. See I'm wondering if there's a new book here. I really am wondering if there's a car has fables. He's been coming up with the sum all week. He keeps going well, that's a fable, isn't it? Yeah, So what's your favorite fable in there? Have you learned anything from this book? You know, is there one. Is there one about? They're all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all.

Didn't you like one about a crab, you said? No, that was the one about messing about on a cliff edge or something. Don't mess about on a cliff edge. What was that? I don't know. There's not many around here, so I didn't take much interest than that one. You know what I mean? God. I'm doing my best here.

You don't remember him? Yeah, there was a belly, you know, like your stomach, and it's this belly on a pair of legs, and the legs was saying, I'm more important than you because I carry, I carry you around. And the belly said, yeah, but you know, if it want for me, holding all this food, you wouldn't have the energy to walk around here. And that means like, you know, rather than working on your own, it's best to work in a team. Yeah. So...

Well, the one, the one, similar to that I was taught when I was little was a vision of heaven and hell. And in, uh, in, in, it went down to how, and in hell, right, there was these, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, the, the, the, and, their, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, the, the, the, and, and, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, their, and, their, their, and, their, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, their, their, their, their, their, they. they. they. their, they. they. their, their, they. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, hell, right, there was these, people had like 20 foot long chopsticks. Yeah. And they, they were getting their food and they couldn't get the chopsticks into the food and get it round to their mouth because they were just too long. Right, that was how, and in heaven they had exactly the same thing, but they were feeding each other. What? You don't like Chinese food?

Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you're in the car? No, I'm just... See my one I remember, I can't remember the ending of the two nuns in a bath. Yeah, oh I know. I can't know what it is. Or is it, are they on a bike? They're the other, that's two adventures.

They go to all the the the think think thoy thoy thoy thoy thoy thoy thoy tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi Or is it, are they on a bike? That's two adventures, it's the same nuns, but they go to all sorts of adventures. They, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're not really quite erotic adventures. Well, they are, but there's one when they're driving down a cobbled street, I remember, and the other, and of course they're in. on XFM 104.9. I'm with Javais with me, Steve Merchant, I don't know. Well, Carl, I really don't think you got your teeth into the fables really. I don't think you... It wasn't anything to learn. I read a couple, thought, yeah, that's all right. Put it down again. It wasn't anything to learn. It was all stuff I knew already. But made up with nice little foxes and bears and stuff. But that one about like that one we've spoke about like when the hairs are going we should

share all our food and the lion said that's a good argument but you haven't got it hasn't got the teeth and claws that we've got that's lovely because it's sort of like you know you know that's an indictment on sort of you know you could say it's an anti-equality almost you know you could get really sort of deep into that you know I mean you could no big philosophical ideas in a nutshell not interesting no okay okay then well that you're gonna hate this then I've brought in the concise Oxford Dictionary of quotations now just look at some of your favorites I suggest going to straight to things like wild Wild or Newton

or Churchill or Pete's Churchill yeah oh well he's he's the boy yeah that okay let's go through that old Kramer blah Newton right right here's a famous one okay this is Isaac Newton if I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants. Do you like that one? So there's a meaning in it? Yeah. Well he hasn't actually stood on the shoulders of Giants. So remember he's an amazing inventor and mathematician and he discovered the incredible laws of the universe and he he's saying yeah okay if you want a good view moving to a multi-story he's saying right he's saying if I've seen

if I have seen further the people and he's being modest here it's because I've stood on the shoulders of giants to get that view if it weren't for all the people that have come before him with their great insight and knowledge he wouldn't have seen what he seen he's taken his his he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's he's th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th is th is that's th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi thi that's that is that is that is that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the th he wouldn't have seen what he think. He's taken his learning, isn't it, those people have given him a... Why don't you say that? Instead they're making up, is that that's what I've got a problem with. People don't say what they mean. Poetry, art and...

In life though, people never say what they actually mean. You know, there's idea. It's beautiful. That's, that's, that, that gets into you much deeper than just the words, just the literal words, you know what I mean? One of my favorites is from an American novelist and the quote is talking about the subject of fame and being famous. Fame is a mask that eats into the face. Don't you think that's amazing? Meaning. Well, meaning that the fame is something that it's artificial, that you wear initially, you become famous, but it's ethereal, it's nothing,

it's intangible, it's just an artifice. But if you stay famous long enough, you begin to think that that mask you're wearing is really your real face, so that you begin to? I know who said that? It's an American novelist I forget his name. That's all right, yeah, there's something else. What, what, uh, pick another one, right? Yeah, let's have a look. Oh, Bernard Shaw, he's no slough. I think maybe when you read, when you take this book of quotation's home car, you should maybe just draw, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, th and, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, th, th, th. What, th, th. What, th. What, thi, thi, th, th, th, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, what, what, what, what, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th. What, th, th, th, th, th, th. What, th, th, th, th, th, th. What, th. What, th, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, th. What, the. What, the. What, the. What, thi. What, thean, thi. What, thi. What, what, what, thi. What, what, what, what, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, wild, uh, I look at Shakespeare as well, you know, he's... What, are you a fan of Shakespeare? No.

Go on, what's your problem with it? Just, um, the way they speak, I can't follow it. Yeah. Do you like Westland's story? And again, it's really old as well, I can't relate to it. It's like years and years ago, isn't it? That's why I like Churchill. Because... 1940s? Yeah. Not alone. Look at this. This is... Sure. Okay. There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire, the other is to get it.

Again, how would you see that in your little... That's your homework. That's your homework. You've got to work that out. You've got to tell me the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tell me to the the thea the thea the thea thoome the the thozynueueueueue. thozys thozys. thozys. thozys. thozys. this. this. this. this. this. this. thozy. thozy. thozy. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoome. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo homework then. I'll mark that. That's your homework. You've got to work that out. You've got to tell me what you think of it. Say again. Don't ask Duzan. It's there. There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. Okay? Take that home with you. And we'll be here in Carl. their their their that to come come come come. their to come. to come. to come. their to to their to to their to to to their to to to to tell to tell tell to tell me to to to to to to tell me their their to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their their their their. their their. their. their. tie. tie. tie. tell. to. to. toomoomatoe. tha. tha. tha. ta. ta. ta. ta. tooo-a. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha like to play a song for the lovers while he's thinking. No I don't think we've got the lovers lined up. Oh what have we got? A bit hip-hop but it's hip-hop hooray. Oh is it? Yeah everyone's big fan. I played something from this last week it's this new album from Nerd in search of it's been re-recorded by the lads I don't know why and anyways particularly can we play last week's Bobby James. Doves? There goes the fear on XFM 104. 9.9. Well just read that book anyway. Can I just say it? This is one of a beautiful ways Keats, right? What do you think of this? A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Its loveliness increases.

It will never pass into nothingness. See this is just like I was at school now. The last couple of weeks have been quite interested in what you've been giving me. Now it's really like, I really don't care. Now this, what about this? Now I did philosophy and philosophy is obviously the quest for knowledge and it's a, look, listen to this though, this is what Keats came out with, philosophy will clip an angel's wings. Isn't that beautiful?

Isn't that beautiful, you know, that's beautiful bit of their thing, you know what I mean? Just go beyond, I don't agree with it, but it's a lovely bit of poetry. Yeah? So you're going to read that for me, right, Carl? Yeah? Just pick out five of your favorites. The ones that mean something to you. And then next week I'll bring you in pictures of animals. Brilliant. Okay? We'll do it.

Okay, and some sweets. Rick, I've had a word with some of the top brass here. Or they had a word, obviously enjoyed the show, they love it. And they're just worried though that in the early days when we started the show, remember we were a lot more informative, we used to do the film reviews, things like the gig guide, which we've kind of let by the second way, so they want us to bring in that. Well exactly. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the, no, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they're, they're just, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, ily enough, the X-FM gig night, a gig guide does not include some of the biggest bands in the world. Okay, alright. Or some of the best venues. That's what worried me.

Don't Rick, just do what you're told. Right? There's the gig guide. Is it got better? Is it got a lot of big moves. You're going to, oh hey, you want to see these two bands in a small venue, get down to the Metro Bar on Oxford Street. Doors are at 8 p.m. and tickets are only six quid to see 10 Benson and Beach Buggy.

All right? All right? Now, if you missed Longwave, supporting the Strokes at Rixen Academy last night, you can catch them last like how much will I be paying for that? You'll only be paying £5 right, but listen they're also supported by Shelby and I remember nothing. Brilliant. Now, people know about the Rixen Academy, but a little known venue in Rixen is the Windmill. You're going to see three great bands there tonight, Guapo, Plop, Plon, Plonkes, and Mechanical Beatles, and Mechanical, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, and Mechanical Bres, and Mechanical Bres, and Mechanical Bres, and Plan, and Plan, and Plan, and Plan, and Mechanical, and Mechanical, and Plance, and Plano, and Mechanical, and Mechanical, and Plon, and Plon, and Plon, and Plon, and Plon, and Plon, and Plon, and Plon, and Plon, and Plopoepapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapapap, and Plon, and Plon, and Plon, and Plac, and Plac, and Plac, and Plac, and Places, and Places, and Places, and Places, and Pl. And, and Pl. And, and Pl. And, and Pl. And, and Pl. And, and Plain, and the the the Mechanical Blion, and Mechanical Blion, and Mechanical Blion, and Mechanical Blion, and Mechanical Blion, and Mechanical Blion, and Mechanical Blanc…………… and Mechanical, and Mechanical, and Mechanical B. And, Mechanical Beatles never quite warm. So, Orange Goblin and Grand Magas play the garage and, well, the Diffin, what's it, Diphon Back and Sudden play the Road Task Sessions at Nighting Hills Arts Club. So that's the gigg guy, the next thing.

What a load of rubbing. I mean, switch off the jingle. Look at this. We've discussed this before, haven't we? Names for bands that will never be anything. Ladies, welcome to the stage. Mechanical Beatles, never quite war. Oh, please welcome to the stage. Orange Goblin. Oh, goodness me. Look at it. Oh, God. Orange Goblin. Orange Goblin. Orange Goblin! What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? Dale Winton? Supporting R.M. I remember nothing! Never going to happen. It's just, I mean, please. Come on people. think.

Hey, here's a band that plays big venues. Doesn't make him better, sure. But this is Radiohead, this is Song for the Lovers, and Let Down a Fokka Computer. This is beautiful. See, a thing of beauty is a joy forever. Doesn't that move you at all, Carl? Philosophy will clip an angel's wings. There was an old lady for meeling.

Apparently we missed a gig on that gig guide. Radiohead, let down off okay computer. Apparently we missed a gig on that gig guide. Dripfeed, a play in the rock garden on the 21st of this month. Excellent. So the lead singer just called in. He also left a quote with me, apparently Coleridge said of Keats, wasn't it? He's like an Archangel slightly damaged. Rick, I'm worried we're getting a little bit high bro? Do you reckon? If you've got any knobgags you could do quickly because I'm just thinking we're switching, there's a lot of people are going to be turning off. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I just, I, I their, I their, I, I their, I'm their, their, their, their, their, their, culling, culling, their, apparently, apparently, apparently, culling, apparently, apparently, apparently, apparently, apparently, culling, apparently, apparently, culling, apparently, culling, apparently, c. C. C, apparently, apparently, the their, apparently, apparently, the the their, apparently, their, apparently, their, apparently, their, their, apparently, their their their their their their, apparently, their their their their, their, apparently, their their their their their th. A. C. C. C. Culling, apparently, apparently, culling, culling, apparently, apparently, culling, apparently, culling, apparently, apparently, culled, apparently, apparently, apparently, apparently, a th. A lot th. A lot thurning off. I mean currently currently on capital FM Chris Tarrant and Dr. Neil Fox together at last the partnership they said it would never have you know I'd like to see together that breakfast DJ Sarah Cox and who's the the dance

it's Carl Carl Carl. Carl please why are you getting suddenly saying these rude words we've been reprimanded once, Carl, please. And don't say it so aggressively because it sounds like you're saying cocks, aggressively. Come on, we've been reprimanded. All right, just don't use language like that, that's annoying me. Why is it annoying you? We're talking about DJs, that's clever. Yeah, that's my best attempt at being clever. I've got rubbish out on work this week. Okay, he's really upset about this. It was looking

forward to animal fat. You said you were going to bring in that big book five and it's so, I've got it off one of those bargained book I thought it'd be easy right because it's but that's more useful than that to me. But it's things like, it's things like the tortoise has a shell to protect it. That's good. Yeah, but you know, even... Because you thought it was there just to be painted on your tipas. Ha ha ha! Have you ever, have you ever peeled a tortoise? They fly their shales put on them in their, in, in, in, in, in, in, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, to, their, their, to, to, to, to to to to to tooom.. To, to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tooom............ And, tooom. And, tooom. And, tooom. And, tooom. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. Ta. A. A. T ta. A. A. A. T tooer. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A run so fast they can go through walls. And so that their shells put on them in the hospital in the maternity ward

at very early age just slow them down. You let a tortoise out of the shell and you won't catch it. Steve do you know that turtles can breathe out of the bum? Turtles can breathe out of their bum? I know. I know. I know someone who that someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone they they they they they they they they they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they th th th th th th that that their thoes th. I th. I th. I their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their s their s th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. They thi the the. They're thoooooooooooooooooooooooooes. They're te. They're tote. They're thooooes the. They're tell us about that now if they do that. That's all I know. When they go swimming, they can sort of, if you don't want to stick their head out, they can just... Stick their arse, why don't they want to stick their head out? I don't know. Just if, I don't know, maybe they need to be looking for food under the water. Yeah. And if they stick their head up to get some air, they might miss something. Wouldn't it be easier to have an ass that could forage

for food? So they could sort of like lounge in the pool at a jacuzzi and they're looking around going, all right, hello, hiya. And meanwhile it's a that, it's like munching grass. Would that be easier? Bad breath, that, yeah. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. that, th. th. th. th. Wouldn't th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Wouldn't th. th. th. Wouldn't th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th. Wouldn't th. Wouldn't th. Wouldn't th. Wouldn't th. Wouldn't th. Wouldn't th. Wouldn't th. Wouldn't th. Wouldn't th. Wouldn't th. Wouldn't th. Would, that, that, thr. Wouldn't that, thou. Wouldn't thea. Wouldn't thea. Wouldn't thou. Would, thea. Would, the. Would, th. Would, th. Would what that meant. In all this hilarity, isn't it? But in all that hit this hilarity and where have we forgotten the true meaning of Easter? Oh, come on Rick, come on. Oh, come on, you're just, you know, you're being frothy and lightweight and a little bit rude, but you know, it is, it's a time for remembering and chocolate, so, that someone did die for our sins. Yeah, so can we just be ashamed to disappoint him? Yeah, can we just think about that and just take a moment, just consider that? Yeah. Okay, yeah. You understand the true meaning of Easter. It's not just about eggs and bunnies. You understand

what's your memory of it, Carl? Easter, what's it all about for you? What do you have to do at school? Do you have to do anything at school? Uh, I, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, do? Uh, do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do we? Do we? Do we that? Do we that? Do we that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do we that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do that? Do. Really? What did they call that weekend? Easter weekend. Brilliant. Okay, and what was the reason for that? Why do we have Easter weekend off? Jesus. Yeah, but what did he do? He, uh, he put himself on the cross.

Yeah. Well, he didn't put himself on that. Does it mean anything to you, Are you moved by that story? Again, too long ago for me to sort of, you know, to worry about it, sure. I mean if there had been an Anderson shout were involved, you'd have been there, wouldn't you? You're not well to that, are you, Carl? Not at all.

Don't what's wrong with a temperature. Have you? Do you know Steve, you know he's always on the going at me last night when we're out with his mates. Yeah, they said he was a bit of a apricondry act himself. Did they? Yeah. What did they say? What are they saying? He said, they said, Steve's told me he's not feeling well, you know, is he all right? you know, is he said, I don't the tha thah tha tha thah tha tha tha tha tha thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, I the the thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's theeeeeeeeeeeat thi, thi thi. thi always saying that and I said that's a bit of a fable. Said Cry Wolf. Yeah, one day he said I've got a temperature and they go, I've had the Lemip and they'll die. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, there was a way about the boy cried wolf. The moral can surely only be never tell the same lie twice. You know what I mean? Because if he'd like come with a different one, either kept him going all year, I reckon. That's a good point. Yeah. I never thought we'd like that before. What are we going to play? A final tune. We've got a final tune. We've got a bit of a song for the t Don't say that. Yeah, give us your song. What's the match? What's this? A lot of, uh, the gig guide is Longwave and Guapo and Plankas. What's this, what's the football match?

Talk what's the football match is XFM covering? What do you like? Track 8? Track 8. Track 8, what are we going for then? We're going for, it's a bit of Stevie Wonder. And I think it's quite a short song though, Carl, are you going to, are you sure? It's cool, yeah, it's okay. So this is the final song.

This lost a lot of energy this show. I mean, the first hour and 40 minutes I think, I th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's a th. It's a tha, tha. It's a tha. It's a tha. It's a tho. It's a tha. It's a tho. It's a tha. It's a up we got fed up with the quotations he didn't like us mentioning a radio on DJ such as Sarah Cox and Carl Cox yeah yeah he didn't like that sorry everyone I never dreamed you'd leave