The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S1E21 (April 20, 2002)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

The show ran between September 2001 and May 2002 before Gervais and Merchant went on hiatus to film the second series of ‘’The Office’’. Initially, Pilkington’s on-air presence was relatively minimal compared to what it would become. Gervais and Merchant only occasionally called for Karl to weigh in with his thoughts, while the two mostly talked to each other, with the “links” between songs comprising only about 30 minutes of the show’s 2-hour run time.As Pilkington’s personality moved to the forefront, the talk portion of the show expanded to roughly an hour per 2-hour broadcast. While the show relied largely upon a stream-of-consciousness format, Pilkington made attempts to keep things more conventional by insisting on running contests and airing pre-recorded segments and regular “features”.

See? Strokes? Someday. Now that was a better, better choice we wouldn't start off with. Oh hello, ladies gentlemen, XFM, 104. 9, I'm Ricky Jamies obviously. Steve Mitchell. No, come on, let's get my name right from now on. That novelty's the novelty's worn off. What is it? Is it? Steve Merchant. Oh yeah, they, that's the wrong one, isn't it? The guard didn't got it wrong. The more the the the the the exactly what he mitchel oh sorry Dave but Carl wanted to start off with the stereophonics. Oh loser because it was a newer track and Carl now we've made him what he is he was nothing when we found him he's like work experience and now he's going oh we should start off with the stereo phonics I'm going to try and to tell you what to do if if I if if if if if if if if I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the too. too. toe. I to he probably comes to me I imagine I'd be the first person before Carl I'd consult you Steve so just keep it just

because he was in the was it Pilky's making music he had his mobile discoive it I bet you never pleased a crowd once it loads of times go on then what did you play what's the biggest gig you ever played I did like a social club gig yeah and it wasn't just about the music either. I used to... What else could it be about? I used to take prizes and cigars and stuff. In the youth club? I just love these like 14 year old mannakes hanging out going, let's go out here you might have some fags and cigars for us. It was whatever like was on my mom and dad's dressing table. That could have been embarrassing. That could have been deeply embarrassed.

Oh yeah, you've won and food price some handcuffs and a black mamba. I'm not saying that, Carl. I'm not saying that at any point in your upbringing, your parents left around any kind of marital aid on the dressing table. Don't think I'm saying that Carl. He doesn't like this, does he? No, I can understand why? Oh yeah, because it's about his... About his parents having sex. Well they must have. Yeah, at least three times. I think I was an accident. I think I was an accident. Oh Carl? I think he's been ongoing. Just because my brother and sister are quite older than me. Yeah, me too, I was an accident, I know that. How was your brother's sister?

I think the sister's about 39. Right. And my brother's about 37. Okay. And you're 29? I don't like 29. Right. So yeah, my next one's 11 years older than me. Yeah. Do you want to the the to the to to to to the to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thii?. thi?. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I's, I's, I's, I's, I. I's, I. I. I. I. I. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I'm. I's. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I thin. I th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th was definitely, yeah. Do you want to have a hug you too or?

Yeah. Dealing with it now? What would you like to see us have a hug? Oh, oh. You had a mobile disco as well, you're having to laugh, aren't you? Every single gig I did, it's dynamite. People loved it. It was storming. What was it called it called it called it called it called it called it from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. I. I. I was. I was. I was. the the the th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. t. t.................... our Mo Bodisco? Yeah. It had two names in its lifetime. Yeah. It started its life as, bear with it. Go on. The rock and roll DJs. Oh my god. The rock and roll d- that's the worst.

Yeah, that's the most appalling. But then it became it became the Fantasy Island Road Show. Why? I don't know. Because everyone up to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the th the th th th their th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th their th thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi. It's tip. It's tip. It's tip. It's life tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. tip. It's life th. It's it became the Fantasy Island Road Show. Why? I don't know. Because everyone up to you looked like tato. Partly that, and I, because I liked the program Fantasy Island. Why did you like the program Fantasy Island? Well, it was about love on an island. It wasn't, it was a minor character, it's about people going to find love and romance.

You obviously switched off once the midget had gone off and said there's the plane. Oh that's that then. The parents went that's over then. It's only five minutes like. Yeah, well it's... What's that fantasy midget? Yeah. What happened then? Because didn't they, they, um, they acted out

on the island to live out of the island, um, to live out their their their their their their their their own romantic, it their own, it,. Yeah. Was it? Well, not always. Sometimes they might be... Maybe I didn't watch a whole one. Maybe I did just see him like somebody little tattoo around the head. I think you probably did. I think you just saw the trailer. Ah, oh really? So what did the sort of go? I've always wanted to have someone in... Well, no, it might be something like, you know, I've always wanted to sort sort sort sort sort to, you.. to, you. to, you. to, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the their their their their their their their their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, their, maybe, maybe, maybe, I their their you know, so you might kind of create that fantasy. But what's that got to do with love? Well, invariably would find love, or he'd sort out some emotional problem he had. It was much more a spiritual emotional journey than it was about little midgets running around. But was it like, um, I'd like to be a cowboy and if something happens, so be it. But no, I have to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, tho. Well, tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoooooooooooooooooo. thoooooo. thooooooooo. Well, tho. Well, be it. Well, but no, I have to just say once though, this is my DJing credentials.

I was once playing music at a scout jambery. Yeah. When I was about 17, 167. Big giga. It was a thousand scouts there. Yeah. And I tell you hing, they were climbing at the poles, the organizers were going, switch that off, switch that off, right?

They're going crazy, and I was there going, no, that's what they like, I'm going to do it. It was like footless. It was like, it was like, they picture. And then when the head was everybody had you killed, like some sort of mafia thing, it was all hushed up, that the scouts went there one night with all candles and they said, break a grave and that and that was the end of the film. It was a film I assumed. It was really happened. I assumed.

Yes, it's what they want. Could I say some of that? It was brilliant. That to me, I've known you for about four years, and I've heard always say, that must be the highlight of your life. Unbelievably so, yeah. It's never had anything that good or exciting since, have you? One day I hope to sleep with that Casba. I love the fact you had at least three minutes to get that right. I know. I know, but my mouth was full of Maryland cookies.

Yeah. You know last week? This would blow your mind. He came in. Do you know what he bought? For himself? And about 10, penguins. He buys penguins.

Oh, I've never liked wagon wheels. You know what me in a phone? No, no, but I'm sorry about that. It's the Clash and Rock the Casbar. Talking about records, I told you that time my brother-in-law, he was moving out of his place, I think moving him to my sister, and I was about like, I don't know, 13, and so he was about 30, and I'm moving it. they brought around all his records when he was storage to leave them at our house. And he had all these old sort of records, 50s and 60s records there, obviously, and they put him upstairs. And I was looking through them and it's just all like Elvis stuff and Betal stuff. And there was a mate of mine who loved Alvis, okay.

And he had loads of chemicals. I was into chemistry and he said I swapped some chemicals for them so I sort of nicked about five alvis singles and I got all these chemicals and then just guilt what sort of chemicals just things like you know just like to mack a thrown theysts thrown the thousand metals and magnies all that sort stuff I just like to muck around with and and and then the the the the the the the the the the guilt the guilt the guilt the guilt the guilt the guilt the guilt the guilt the guilt the guilt th the guilt th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. thea' thiole's thea' the. the. they's they'll just they'll just they'll just they'll just they'll just they'll just the. the. the. they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. they're of stuff I just like to muck around with and and and then the guilt just hit me I just thought well he's gonna notice that and I just one night I just came downstairs and I confessed to my mom and she went all right well I I won't tell him but you've got to be good and it's sort of like I was just really good for a year and then and then I was I was I was I th and I was I th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th. I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I th. th. I was I was I th. I th. I was I was I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin thin thin' th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I just th. I just th. I just th. I th. I th. I the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I the. I the. I the. I thin th. I just just just th. I th. I th then I was, I told you this. No, no, no, you haven't, you've just reminded me of something. And then I remember, when I was about 18, my brother was talking about it, and he said,

did you ever play those records I left for you? Oh, brilliant. He told me, he said, these are for Ricky. She was sharp. She, that opportunity, that opportunity, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, I. And, I. And, I. th. And, I. And, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm, I'm, th. th. th.. that's, that's, Oh, that's genius. And that was it. That's why I was good. But you've never, you've never stolen anything since, have you? No, I don't, I don't. Except that spate of shoplifting after that to teach your mother lesson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well I went around and I went around and uh, arson. No, I, I, I, I,. I just, oh, it was terrible. I remember, I think all kids go through a phase of shoplifting. Well, and when I was going through it, I used to just little things, just like magic markers

and magazines, Mars bars, that sort of thing. And, uh, cigars and dildos. One day, right? Same thing. My mate, Anthony, his ma'am called up my ma'am and said I've got to meet up with you, I've got to have a word with you. And she said what about? She said, I don't want to talk about it over the phone. So she goes, oh right, well yeah, come around tonight then. So anyway, my ma'am sees me, she doesn't want to be in an awkward position and like be a bit embarrassed and what have you. So she sees me and she goes right, Anthony's mams coming around, what have you been doing?

Yeah. So I go, oh God, I've been nicking stuff. So she goes like what? So not big stuff. I've had a few calculators and Mars bars and stuff. How many? I just work it out? Hold on. It works out at 7.2 per day. How really calculators do you need? So anyway so it was when that phase. You failed math. Everyone wanted a calculator it was like a trendy thing one right. Oh yeah. Oh yeah in Manchester a couple years ago yeah. So anyway so I told her all this and I confessed computers will make it there one. It is magic in the fact of battery.

Go on. Confess to Nick and all this stuff. She comes round, she only wanted to borrow some money. Brilliant. She said, no, I don't like asking. I was a bit embarrassed to ask you over the phone, but can I borrow 20 quid? Oh, that's fantastic. And there's me. That's great. And there's there's there's there's the there's the that's that's that's that's that's that's the that's that's the that's that's the of thing to yours. And he went, hold on, let me let me just work out the interest on that. I banked 10%.

She'll owe you £4.40. Oh dear. So your mum was a loan shark. Yeah, yeah. And did she mention, she went, no worries. I'll just go get the purse. It's on the dressing table. Exactly. Yeah. Carl. Do you want a cigar? I that that thia. th. thia. th. th. th. I th. I to to to to th. to to thi. I to to th. I to to the the to thi. I to to the to to to thi. I'll to to to thi. I'll to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to th. I th. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I'll tho. I'll tho. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll tooooooooo. I'll too. I'll too. I'll go get the purse it's on the dressing table. Exactly yeah. Carl? Do you want a cigar? What other things that you used to give away your disco then that you'd find on the dressing table? You used to go into your parents room and go what can I give away to that?

It was stuff like a cigar's, did you give that to? Just whoever did the prize. It was stuff like, you know, we did like a little raffle. I just imagine Carl going this is for a fair of... Pretty Polly, sheer. Exactly. Who's doing a bank job this week? Exactly. That's what it's used for, you know, the tellape this th is is used makeup just stuff like that. And did their parents not notice? No, because it's stuff that you're not that bothered about him. If a tele went missing they'd notice it. They would wouldn't they? They'd be staring at a wall for

three days. But a pair of tights and a cigar and that, you got away with it. Yeah. But it's funny as well because you had two names I just like remembered I started as a their their their their their their their. I started their. I started as a their. I started their. You their. You their. You their. You their. You their. You their. You their. You had their. You had their. You had their. You had t. You had you had tel. You're tel. You're tell. You're tel. You're tel. You're tel. You're tel. You're. You're. You're. I tel. I tel. I tel. I tel. I tel. I tel. I tel. I t. I t. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm not tel. I'm not tel. I'm not tel. I'm not tel. I'm not tel. I'm not tel. I'm not tel. I'm not tel. I'm not tel. I'm not the first lights I could afford belong to someone who had their name putting lights. So I went along with that name for us. Pretend you were called Darren. That's lovely. Is it worth it? Brilliant. And then I went on to Pilkins making music. Yeah. That's great. And we have some more music? Yeah. What are you going to play Carl? We've got the Cooper Temple Claus. Oh brilliant. Yes, Steve Merchant here. Steve Merchant. Yeah, okay, don't keep saying it. Carl, obviously, yeah.

Stop fiddling, Carl. We've been digging around in Carl's office, haven't we? As ever, Rick. He's a little bit nervous about this. Well, he doesn't need to trust us, Carl, just trust us, the music us, the music us, the music the music the music the music the music the music the music the music the music the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech the speech, the speech the the the the the th. th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, thi, S-. thi, S. tip, S. teat, teat, teat, teat, th thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi., it doesn't need to be. I don't think he is. You just need to trust us, just trust us, trust us with the music, trust us with the speech output. Trusts for... Yeah. That's easy for me to say. Yeah. But I'm conscious, Rick, that sometimes we're a little ill-prepared on the show. And I just. Thanks. You know, policies particularly and I was lucky enough to stumble across this and I feel that actually a couple of weeks back we were a little ill-prepared because we hadn't read this.

This is the XFM information. It's the guidelines, if you will, sure, on how to react to deaths, disasters and other news emergencies. Yeah, and there's very important ones, like a royal death, there's like, you know... Well, there's certain... I mean, obviously, the general guidelines state that occasionally something will happen in the world that prompts XFM to break away from the normal programming and react to our audience's feelings of shock or grief. As to the broadcasters, we have a d'Auctor. They're not talking about... They're not talking about our show. They're. I. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the the the that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something. That. That's. That's. That's that. that. That's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. the that the the th. th. th. th. the th. that th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. occasionally something something something something something something something something something something something something something. that sometimes sometimes. th air. Right. You mean like, you know, I mean a bigger even, a royal dying or some kind of major disaster. Sure. We should be able to tailor our output to show that we feel the same way as the audience in these times of trouble. That would never involve the station shutting down completely, Rick. No. I want to reassure you of that now. And it would never involve playing classical music or stopping all speech. Sure. Sure. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We th. We th. We to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their ta. Wea. Wea. We should ta. Wea. We should ta. ta. ta. to to to to to to to a lot of stations that's exactly what they do. But HFM have deemed it that we don't have to go completely down the line there.

We have to do it in our own way. Go on. People need company at times like this. And should be able to look to us for both factual information and emotional reaction. We simply have to change our tone and our playlist to show that we're that we are that we are that we are that, I can't believe this is happening or well it's pretty sad but she was 101 after all. And that's actually in that document, isn't it? That's what it actually says in the general guidelines. That's as they are stated.

If you should hear about the death of a major royal, yeah. This is the information that's, the threats, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tho, that, that, the, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, they..a, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th I'm reading this, what you should do is say nothing about this on air under any circumstances. Drop all the ads and promos from your schedule. And if Chris Smith, the news guy is in the building, get him in the studio immediately. That's what it says, Kyle. Yeah. If Smithy is, I don't care where he is, I don't care does Smitty live? Because I know where he lives, he lives in a cave and he slides down a pole and he gets into a car. His butler is up there and he sorts things out. I suppose the approach there is that only Chris can deliver this tragic news. Yeah, if it was your eye. Yeah, it wouldn't, it wouldn't have the same. Do you remember the XFM. Do the the th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do the th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do the th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do thi. Do the th. Do th. th. th. It is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is the th. Is th. Is th. Is the th. Is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is the the the the the the the the the the the th. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is the the the the the. Is the the the. Is the the the. Is the the the. It is. It is the the the. Is the. launched the day after Princess Diana died.

I know, I know. And I've never done radio before, I was nervous enough and it was, oh, how... Because I, was it the first night, because what I forgot on actually until you mentioned that then is of course you used to host your own Fronin show. I forgot all about that. Yeah, and I gave that up after a week because it was just too stressful. I have the course the course the course the course thuuuu cc, of thu. thu. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thrown, I've th. I've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've th. I've th. I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've th. I've th. I've the, I've thr-I. I've thrown, I've thrown, I've thr-a. I've thrown, I've never thrown, I've never thrown, I've never thrown, I've thrown, I've th. Yeah, and I gave that up after a week because it was just too stressful. I have never seen a man so petrified. I know.

He spent all his time preventing people getting through on the phone lines. Yeah. He just wouldn't let people come on air and I just asked things. And for the, for when I had to go on air and going to go on air in a minute and I was like drinking shandy or something because I was saying I don't want to be drunk and I kept saying don't swear. Tell him my mate's not to swear. I look at me like I was mental, I was going to don't swear. I was terrified of two things, just swearing.

Just swearing. and operate in the desk. I thought, I'm gonna, even if I get to be operating the desk, I'm gonna swear. And it just, oh, it was awful. Didn't you, didn't you spill coffee over the machine and then go, oh shit on your first link? I can't remember. But I know it wasn't as triumph. No, I started off with, I was really like the music and I started off with a classical piece by a bloc, untz who's a German composer. So I knew it was okay. You're off. You're off. But so how did it go then?

Because I remember it was appalling. Look Carl! He's a composer! Look it up! Yeah, I know what he is. Right. Oh, eight, seven hundred, one, two, three, four. If you know what the composer I'm talking. What? Yeah, we've done it now. Chill out, Carl.

Come on. You know what people are like? You take things badly, don't they? Like who? Like what? It's like a bull to a red rag, whatever. Yeah, but the thing is that we say bad words and we get in trouble. But I was listening to Hart the other day, and they played Luther Van Dross. And that? Woke up today, looked at your picture just to get me started.

That's filthy. Play it again. That is just filthy. What is he doing? That's filthy. What is he doing? Just saying like that. Imagine that. He's got a young girl's picture and he's going on, thanks for that. And he phones, he goes, what did they? That's, that? That's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I I, that, that, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, I. That, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, that, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, woke, that, that, that's. That's. That's. That's. That's, that, that, that, that, that's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. that. that. that. that. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. thanks for that and he phones out and he goes what did say you know that picture gave me she goes yeah he goes well I looked it just to get me started I'm not poor young woman must I imagine more that like she's sleeping and he just sneaks in and he just he's got a pony camera she goes what you're doing she goes what what you're up to he goes no I'm just you took no I'm just taken a picture well you what what what I'm gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna gonna I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm to to to to to to to to to no no no no no no no I'm I'm just I'm just no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm just I I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the to the the the the the the the they I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just just I'm just I'm just just to the the the to the to to the the to the to the to to be in tomorrow, we're you? Yeah, well I need that. I just need something to get me started. What do you mean get you started? You know, in the morning.

And then that's on heart. All right. All right. So don't come on the air and tell us what we cannot say. We can't say classical composers, names. or theell us that Carl. All right. Just play a record. What you got Steve? Yeah I just think it's time that we listen to some ride Rick. We haven't listened to them, I don't know about you and I but I

haven't listened to them to any for about six or seven weeks. Yeah. Just sort of be good to have them on the air again and it's such a tragedy they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're a they're they're just so. And so they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to real. They're a lifetime. I know. Yeah, this is a great thing. But influenced lots of bands at that time. The old Britpop thing and the wall of sound. They weren't they? Well that's what they thought of because there was a lot of nudely guitar. But good melodies as well Rick and that's always important.

It is to me. I don't don't they they they they they they they they they they th th th th th th the th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho always important. It is to me. I don't know if I wrote you Carl but it is important to us. We've just had a couple of people Sarah and Claire call it and wish us luck for the Bafters but for some reason they want one of us to do an impression of Leslie Phillips. Can't do it? I can't do it. I can't. It doesn't you say ding dong and and hello and he and all that. That's not but I. But I. But I. But I. I. I. I. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. to tooooooooooo. to to to to to to to to the. to to do it though. Yeah, go on, go on. Hello. Well then. Say ding dong. Ding dong. Nice. Yeah. Do you do any other impressions? Um, no. Go thing the name.

Hello. Hello. Yeah. You look like a ventriloquist dummy. Hello. You're the name is Bond. James Bond. Do that. Do your name is Bond, James Bond as though it were Sean Connery. My name's Bond. James Bond. Do that, go on. My name's Bond. No, do it as though you're

doing an impression. I'm what? So I'm trying to be Scottish. Well yeah. Well yeah, well yeah, sort of. Perhaps a bit more specific than that. Sean Connery. My name's Bonnary. My name's barn. My name's barn. My name's. My name's James. My name's James. James. James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James James and James James and James and James and James James James James and James and James and James and James and James and James and James and James and James and James Barn. Look, Jimmy Stewart. It's not like this. This is the best fun. It's like having your very own Fisher Price toy for two hours a week. It's great. Do, um, uh, Roger Moore. Do that.

Roger Moore. Phyllis Pierce, Percy Thugden! I'm licensed to kill. Anyway, she just said, no, this is a great game. We'll come back to this another time. Anything you want Carl's homework today was come up with those, you know those lateral thinking things? Those stupid, they're ridiculous, aren't they?

A man went into a field and died and you're meant to ask questions like, oh was it, it turns out, his parish she's parish so it's basically it's not logic it's what am I thinking? Well there's that one where there's a man in this is the worst I've ever heard yeah a man is found dead lying in a phone box right his wrists he's bled to death and there's glass everywhere yeah right, the hook, right? Yeah. What happened to him? I know this, yeah. Right?

Do you know what the answer is Carl? It's ridiculous. He was a fisherman. Yeah. He was on the phone. Someone asked him how big his fish was. He did that gesture. He did that with someone on the phone when they can't see how big you're actually saying?

Well, that's one of the many problems with that conundrum. Yeah, not the point we were making, but again, good. You're there. That is good thinking. Yeah. Yeah. But so what, you had to come up with, I didn't know this was his challenge. Have you come up with one? If it's as good as your quote about happiness that we had to guess which was yours and

which was the real ones, like faking it, I cannot wait. I'm looking forward to this. I mean I literally can't wait. Should we do it now? Well I'm tempted to say because I just want to mention the people that they should be very excited because it's going to be Carl. You excited, Carl? Oh yeah, oh this is, this is, this is, this is, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I to, I the, I the, the, I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. t te. tea. th. that's, oh this is yeah, me and Steve because we were nominated we get a guest for the Bathdale Awards and it's it doesn't say guest it actually says some you know partner so I'm taking my partner and

Steve's taking Carl yeah but what Carl doesn't realize is you will have to pretend you're his partner otherwise you would have to have to hold hands on you got the red card carpet. Is this really your partner? It's not just a guest. That's how it is. Neither we go in like that or we can't get in. You have to, you just have to be with him when you go up there. You have to, you have to, you have to have to. I mean, we should hold hands. But I think what we should do is just to make that there's nothing there's nothing there's nothing th there there's nothing th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. th. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. to. tho. to. to. to. the. tho. the. tho. to. that. that. that. that. that. the. the. the cheek to cheek just to show them that you know you're not he's not just getting his mate in for a free meal if you are actually partners. No I'm not I'm not for that. Why not? Well because we know we're not gay.

No but but but yeah but you've come out of it looking quite good because you've got a good looking fella. I'm meant to look like you know I'm not gay. I don't th. I'm not th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm that. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm not tho. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. I'm the. the. the. It's the. It's to to to theeeeeeeeeat. toeeeeeeeeeat. theeeeeeeeat. theeeeate. the. the. the. to look like, you know, I mean, I'm not gay, but if I was, I don't think I'd go for yourself. Oh, he's done you, Steve. It's turned on you again! I cannot believe! We were trying to get in, we were trying to get in.

We were trying to get in, wait a minute, wait We have very graciously asked you if you would like to come along. Well that worries me even more that you've got women calling you up. Carl. I can't choose between them. If I let one of them down, I'm going to destroy them. They'll be ruined, their lives will be ruined. It's better for me to take you and not, you know, ruin the lives of any of those poor women. When he he they they they they they they they they they they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were their, their, they were they were they were to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they're they're their, their, their, I their, I their, I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I they were, and I, and I, I they were, I they were, and I they were, I they were, I th. th. thed, I thed, I thed, I thed, I there there there there there theree theree thooooooooes, the there the the the theree the theree the they're they're. When he told them he was taking you it was like a scene from Gracelands. There was just like, I mean, they were crying, like, it was horrible. Hundreds of them. And he just went, he just acted to say, look just chill out, bitches, didn't you? I did, I just said, you know, you're all my hose, but I can't choose between you. So I'm taking Carl. So I'm taking Carl. You he. You he. You he. You he. You he. You he. You he. You their. You he. So, you. So, he he he he he their. th. So, he th. th. th. th. th. He's, he th. He's, he th. He was horrible. He was horrible. He was horrible. He was horrible. He was th. He was horrible. He was, he was, he was horrible. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was. He's, he their. He's, he their. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, he th. He's, he th. He's horrible. He was, he was horrible. He was horrible. He could the the th. He was, he was, he was, he was the the th. He was, he was, he was the th. He was the th. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was horrible. He was, he was, he could get you a discount Fox. Now I had a letter from the people that there's a no listen car there's an organization that sponsors the Bafterwards in terms of clothes and fashion they sent me a letter they said your partner they've not specified the sex they said your partner can come along and choose an outfit now I suspect by look the look of it is a woman's outfit I'm thinking we could get you a lovely trouser suit. Well it it it it it may the the the the the they the the they they they they the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the they the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the they the the they they the try ttry try try try try they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they think people will be full to her. It's just a little bit roomy in the hip and probably now on the shoulders but you're a bit skinny why don't you take

it because it's a lot of an insult and maybe just some pearls as well. It'd be lovely. Wouldn't you wouldn't you what? I haven't got anything sorted to wear yet. See you're slagging me off you're like going to end up going in a track suit. Yeah. You know I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going t to t. I'm going to to t. I'm going to to took to took took took took took took took took took took took took took took today I've never bought a suit since I was like 11 right I went to my brother's wedding that's the last time I wore a suit really and you can't get anywhere near it now I can't get into that no no no that was a good day what was it what sort of suit was it it was like a sort of a grey silver one it was like a sort of a grey silver one well try well try and go over some silver one just thi that that th what the th what th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th th you th th you th th th th that that that that that tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that thus tho. tho. that was that was tho. that was the. the. that was the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th. was th th th. was th th th. was th. was th. was th. was th. the is the is the is the the the the the the the the the that the the the that's that's the that's that that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that go over some similar. Just think that with your little round head, what did that look like? I looked alright. Like he'd landed from them. Yeah, he just landed on him.

They walked on us. They walked amongst. I didn't really need to wear a suit either because I didn't. I hardly went into the church, was in the army and he had a Ford Capri with one of them horns that goes, did-do-do-do-dood. And you just sat there? Why didn't he come in his tank? I just sat in that, doing that all day and the vicar was getting well annoyed with me. What, when the service was on? Yeah. It was driving everyone at the war? Were you just allowed to do what you wanted? Were you wanted? Were you wanted? W wanted? Wanted? Wanted? Wanted? Wanted? Wanted? W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. their? W. th? W. th. th. th. th. their? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? Why? Why? Why? the? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the Simps. Were you just allowed, didn't matter, was there any discipline? You didn't have teachers, you didn't, did no, just, why didn't someone come out? I did, I got a couple of good idings off my dad a couple of times. What

for? Just being mope most of the time. If I had a strop on Yeah. No with that. I went to Canarvon the day and I was bored. It was at that age when I just wanted to go in an arcade and my dad was saying come and see the castle you know there's history here and I still don't like castles. It's one of them thin things that again just too far back to sort of even think about people living in them. Yeah, you know what I mean? So I was just like like it's a wreck you know knock it down flat on the thing. Sure. And I was being really dopey.

Isn't that great? It's weird because now like my mom and dad have retired and gone to Wales and now and again he text me there and every time we get to the point where he gave they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their they they their they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th th. th. the. the. the. the. I the. I te. I te. I te. I te. I te. teck. teck. teck. teck. teck. teck. teck. to to te. to te. te. te. te. te. to the point where he gave me a clout, he goes, you getting flashbacks on. Yeah. Well, it's a sobering lesson for you. Yeah. You're not on the British Heritage Committee anymore, right? This is the National Trust Land, Tarmacket. The biggest car park in Britain, the Christ's sake. So look, you're looking forward to the awards, are you tomorrow? You better say yes, because otherwise No, no it'll be alright. I mean I've told a couple of people and they got like, God, you're dead lucky. In a way? Oh, they're dead lucky, it's like Santa's coming, isn't it?

It's, oh the way people talking to Carl, you're a lucky boy, you know? Going to the Bafters with Steve? It's just a know, there's going to be some... They give away some tights and cigars. Yeah, it's Chris Tower and goes, I went into my parents' house, I found these just lying around. But winners and losers and, um, and uh, and the food. Yeah, but what, yeah, but what is exciting, surely is the Razor? the brash and the, uh, brushing shoulders with, their, their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I their, I, I, I their, I, I, I their, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm their, I went, I went, I went, I went, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to th. th morning. You know, who would you like to meet there? Is he anyone who like, you know, you can get close to and it's like God, you know, I really admire your big fan of anything. Oh right. And, uh, sorry. There isn't anyone really.

Do you know what I mean? You know, you two are all right. Thanks. Jonathan Ross, is he going. It might do. But hang on wait a minute. I can't help before we could have explored this. We could have maybe run a competition to let someone win.

You know if you're not going to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to appreciate to get a trouser suit? Are you going to get a lady's trouser suit? I just think then if you go sort of like looking macho and walking down with him, you know, they know that you're not really partners. And I just think it's a slap in a face for Bafter. That's true enough. No, it doesn't matter what you wear though. that. Elton John's fella doesn't look gay and stuff he wears and that does he? Do you know what I mean? It means nothing. No but that's because Elton's doing the work for him. No, but... By dressing as like some kind of restoration dame. Yeah, I love the fact he dressed as Anne Widdicum for special occasions.

That's his hair done like that. That's great. Anyway, me saying, yeah, I'm, this is a a slag and didn't sell as well it was because people were going oh it's no urban hymns and it and it maybe it's not but you got criticized for being pop but this is a great tune on here and you on my mind in my sleep and I'm you on my mind in my sleep and I think it's really good okay oh oh what I did want to to play some on a mind in my sleep. Is that one Carl? It's all right. Good, okay. Oh, what I did want to do is I want to play some adverts now. There goes the fear on XFN, 104. Well, into the last hour and there are only two more shows. That's true enough. And they're away for three months. Oh, I'm Rickard Your

Bays. Obviously. Steve Merchant, little Carl. Now Carl, his homework was the carter, one of those stupid lateral thinking problems. We maybe should give an example of the, uh, Romeo and Juliet, right? Romeo's asleep on the bed, Juliet's on the floor, covered in water and broken glass, what happened? And you ask all these stupid questions and it's, Romeo is a cat and Juliet's a goldfish. Again, what am I thinking? Yeah, go on then Carl.

Right, first one, there's a bloke lying on the floor, right? It's cut his head, blood's coming out of his head and all his mates come running up and they're all stood round him and they don't take their hats off to as a mark of respect. That is outrageous. Why didn't they take their tasks off? I'm laughing but it's probably as good as the real one. Oh absolutely. No but these are really good. Did you make them all up? Yeah. Did you make up all the ones that already exist? No no no. That would make a lot of sense. A bloke's falling with his... Yeah. He's lying on the floor. Yeah. His mates come running up. Was it important that his head was cut? Um, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I mean. Would it have been okay if he'd been wearing a hat? He wouldn't have been dead if he was wearing a hat? What's your answer? No. What's it? What's it? the answer? the answer? the answer? the answer? the answer? the answer? the answer? the answer? the answer? the answer? the answer? the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He? He? He's? He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He? He. He. He? He. He. He? He. He. He. He. He. He? He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He? He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's? He's? He's? He's, t. He's, t. He's t. He's t. He's t. He's t. He's t. He's t. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's the. He's th. He's th. He's you meant to answer a question. You don't just go, what's your answer?

You say, where's it terms of you go, no? And I have to guess. It's obviously like sort of a motorbike's stunt team or a parachute. Why didn't they tap their ratz off? Because they're probably stood on the motorbikes or something? Yeah, but if you mark a respect, What they're parachutists Why can't they take their helmets off? Because they're still coming down from school But he's on the floor dead well they can look down and see him on the floor are they on the floor are they on the floor? They're on the floor as well they're walking are they? Yeah, well, they sort of stood there looking at him. They're stood there Yeah, they're stood on the floor. They're stood. They're stood on. They're stood on. They're stood on. They're stood on. They're stood on. They're stood on. They're stood on. They're stood on. They're stood on. They're stood on. They're s stood on. They're s stood on. They're s stood on. They're s stood on. They're s stood on. They're s stood on. They're sed on. They're sed on. They're sed on. They're sed on. They're sed on. They're sed on. They're sed on. They're sed on. They're sed on. They're s. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. They're their. They're their. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're their. They're their. They're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they're might have their arm it on and he's been shot in the head. No, well that does work. You see this is my point. That one works. That one works.

Unless you've given some information where that doesn't work, what what's the difference? Why is yours different to he's been shot in the head in the trenches and they're looking at him and they keep their helmets on? I just don't think it matters as much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much as much. If they're in the trench, they're already guarded a little bit. So they could take their hats off. It's the best mate for God's sake. Okay, I said that he's dwelling on this. Are they normal hats? No, don't get ratty! What kind of hats are they? Baseball hat? Oh, okay. I've got to guess what sort of a hat it is then, have I? thrown a Trilby? No. Is it a bold? I know what it is? What? They're space men? No. Oh that's a good one works as well. This is my point. I like that one. It works. He's fallen on the moon and there are not the moon happened it was set up wasn't in a studio we know that yeah. Okay Carl what's your answer?

Builders on a building site. Why is that different to soldiers? Because bricks don't fall in wars. But bullets fly? All right, next one. No, let's play a record and we'll come back to it, Carl. Oh yeah. You've been embarrassed. Let's play some classic Swede. Yeah, and this is for David and Kieran I think you wanted a bit of, a bit of Butler at his best. Come on, crack it on.

Oh, I hate you, Butler. Coming next, your next, lateral problem number two. Brilliant. Huh, I mean. X-FA and 1.4. Brilliant. It's a good. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Metal Mickey. On XFA and 104. 9.10 years ago. It must do it, wasn't it? I think it was dramas 91? I think so. Yeah. Go on. Go on and Carl.

Second one then. This is a bit easier but I still think it's a good one. So this is, we should explain what this is if he's just shooting. It's one. It's one. We should explain what thu. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's tho. It's tho. It's tho. It's tho. It's tho. It's one. It's tho. It's one. It's tho. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. It's the tho. It's tho. It's tho. It's tho. It's the thooooo. It's th. It's thoooo. It's th. It's one. It's one. It's one. It's the the was his homework. Right, this one. It's a fella, he has a normal day doing stuff. Nothing wrong with him. Right? It's the twist in the towel. It's just like towards the unexpected. Just a normal day, nothing wrong with him? Hold on though, he's got the legs of a fish. Go on. That's what he's been hiding his legs. So he does his normal... The legs of a fish? So he can't carry on.

He has his work in day and that and then he gets a bit tired. Um, goes to bed. He puts the light on, leaves it on, goes to bed. That's crazy. That's mental. I can't that's that's that's that's that's crazy. That's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, the the their, that's, their, their, their, their, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he. That, he. That's, he. That's, he. That's, he. That's, he. That's, their. That's, the their. That's, the the the the their. That's, the the the the their. That's, the their. That's, th. He. He. He. He's, th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's what's happened. Anyway, here's radio head. Right, okay. The question is why does he put the light on when he's going to play? So a man, he's had a normal day, he's coming from work. Is that right, he's coming from work or he's not been working? Yeah, it's been working, it's just been working. You think? You've made it up, Carl, you can't the is why has he put the light on when he's asleep? There's a reason that he's put the light on when he's asleep?

Has he gone to sleep? No, Carl, don't shrug, you're meant to answer these questions. He put the light on before he went to bed. Yeah, and the question you're asking me is why? What's the scenario? And the lights on? Yeah. and then he fell asleep. Um, no. Did he intent, so he intentionally for some reason put the light on. Every night, it's mad, sounds mad.

It sounds, that's Carl, doesn't it? Every night he does it. Yeah, he puts the light on the nose, so he's mad. Carl, is the point of this? He puts the light on for a very good reason. Not for us, for some people. He's blind and it's always been on and he thinks he's turning it off but it was on in the day and he thinks he's turning it off but he's turning it on because he's blind. That would be stupid. That works. So that works great Rick. Yeah

Thank you Kyle. So you've got to come up with what? Hang on. If you're blind. Why would you put a light on why would you put a light on. the light, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, th. th. th. th. th, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th, but, th, but, th, but, th, but, th. th, th, th, th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. But, th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi. he. he. he, he's he's he's 't see him so he just like he puts the light on when he's there then he turns the light off when he goes to bed so people think it's fine but he's got it out of kilter and actually he's he's walking around in the dark all day their own. No, if you're like, if you got bad eyes. And even women? Any, I mean there are any blind women who are living on the planet? No, I mean if you know of some blind women who are a blind woman. No, I mean, if you know of a blind woman. their own, I mean, if you're got to be within the ages of say 25 to 65, you know, with th. And, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with no, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, a the the the the the their. A. A. A. A. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the smell, then get in touch with you. Yeah, I mean you've got to be within the ages of say 25 to 65, you know, well call it 75. You're supposed to see it. You've first seen all of a sight now. If you were blind, would you live in London? Because someone said yesterday there was one

struggling outside in Les Square and I don't understand if you were, I mean, you know, it might have been a touri...... their. their. their. If their. If their. If their. If their. If their. If their. If their. If their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I, I, I'. If, I've their, their, I've, I've, I've to be, I've, I've, I've, to be, to be, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, their.. Well, their.. Well, their. I'll, I'. I'. I'. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to. to. their. their. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I'm, to. I'm. I'mtourist. But why come to London if you're blind? It's the worst place in the world to come if you're blind? to hear the sights. It's a bit mad, isn't it? Well, they have... They do the same job. They have tourist needs like anyone else? Yeah. Nobody, it sort of stinks and you'd go away going, oh it's not that good. I just thought, I thought it was a bit weird. Never mind, you're concerned for the partially sighted or sight impaired people coming to London. Get on with this. Yeah. So yeah, so there he is. Yeah, it's like, oh, a bit tired. Yeah. Just put the light on and he goes to bed. Yeah. Oh. Should we should we play a truck? It's not it's not he's not sleeping on the job he's a lighthouse keeper. Well done. Is he a lighthousekeeper? That's not it Carl? There's a lighthouse keeper. Right why wasn't the light on all the time? Because it's light in Play a record. You're a buffoon.

No, actually, the lights, the light is not on in the day, is it? No, it's not. I think you're the buffoon. Yeah. Carl has won! Hey! Hey! Dead, wasting time on my own. Sleep, rescue me, take me back. Hundred reasons and silver. I'm an XFM, 104.

I love the fact that the car went a little bit mental then, so happy that he thinks that a light housekeeper pops the light on at the same time every... Are you telling me it was never foggy? Everyone has a routine in the job. And why was he going home from work knackered? What had he been doing all day? He never said he went home naked? He said he went home knackered. He said, he went home knackered and puts the art on and goes to sleep. That's what he said. Yeah, but he's maybe a part-time like. Yeah. He's he. He's a part he. He's a part he's a part. He's a part. He's a part. He's a part. He's a part. He's a part. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's the he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. And he's he. And he's he. And he's he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's. He's. He's he. He's he. He's he. And he's he. And he. And he. He's he's he's he's the. And he's he's he's he's he. And he's he. And he's he. And he. And? Don't let's... Look I'm really with Carl here. He definitely got you. He's right and proper. Yeah, but then you embarrass yourself. He's a stupid. You would never put a light hence light on during the day. What's your next one? And I've been painting it that day. Oh I've extra shattered. Right, okay. The next one. Last one one this. Yeah. Later. And the. And. the next one. the next. the next. the next. the next. th. the next. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. the. the. th. the. the. the. the next. the next. the next. the next. the next. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah................................................................................ I. I. I. I. I. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.........., lateral thinking. Natural thinking. And you've written this yourself, you've had no help from anyone?

No, I've come up with these on my own. Okay. Right, last one. This bloke, this bloke, this bloke, he's got a brother that is never met, right? They got separated at birth. Right. You know, anyway, he gets a letter in the post. uh... never met right they got separated at birth uh... you know anyway he gets a letter in the post

he says oh i tracks you down uh... meet me at the airport yeah okay as soon as he gets the airport he goes there he is and he goes walking over how did you know that was his brother he'd never seen they were twins they look exactly same. They were born the same day? No, Steve's got it. Yeah, that's what I mean. So he knew they were born the same day, so he knew they were born on the same

day, didn't it? No, I'm just reiterating. They would be though if they looked identical. Yeah. Sorry about that, that one, they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. They're th. They're they're they're they're they're they're thi. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're they're they're they're they're they're th. They're th. They're th. They're the. They're the. They're the. They're bo they're bo they're born. They're bo they're bo they're born. They're they're they're quite upset about that that was one out of three though what about this then do you know that when them two brothers born on the same day of the same mother and the same father but they weren't twins why say say that one again two brothers yeah two brothers are born on the same day of the same mother and father but they they weren't twins why not this is good radio you see that the problem is I heard you saying to Steve I'm gonna do that one about the shark in the pool so I'm trying to think.

This is nothing to do with that one though is it? Clearly. Um. Give him the answer. The answer is they were they were two of triplets. Right. I had another brother. So do you want to hear the one about the shark in the swimming trunks, walks into a swimming pool, full of man-eating sharks. He walks around for a bit and slowly gets out the other side and he's not bitten or anything. Why not? Because they'd already eaten?

No, they're starving, hungry. He walked through the water. He wasn't, he wasn't like a bridge. No, he actually was in the water, soaking wet, the sharks. He had like a metal suit on? No, naked apart from swimming trunks. There were real sharks. Swimming about, the man eating hungry, yeah. They're really hungry. Yeah. This fella gets into the same pool. Yeah, it's the same pool. Exactly. He walks right, it gets in the steps, he walks down, he walks across,

he's in the water, up to his neck, and the sharks are near him. Yeah, they're attacking him. They're attacking him. They're actually attacking him. But he still gets out, okay. out on the side and he's not hasn't got a mark on him I don't know go on Rick what's the answer that I was lying about the sharks there weren't any sharks there's lying about the sharks completely lying just made up just an empty pool that's just stupid that's our point

they're rubbish oh dear dear. Oh, oh, oh, oh dear. Get his face! He's so offended. Oh, offended and confused. Come on, play this on. Good Fortune, PJ Harvey on XFM, 104. On Rickage of Aves, obviously, Steve, Carl. I've got a real one for you. This is a logic question, not a stupid one, just very quickly. Ten black balls in a bag and ten white balls in a bag, yeah. How many balls do you have to pull out to ensure you've got a pair of the same colour? Well what's stopping you putting your hand in and pulling out?

Jesus. For, for, um... Because I asked for the minimum number. So what's the minimum number? So what's how many do you have to pull out? to ensure you've got a pair? That doesn't, they'll say, all of them. 11.

Why do you need 11? What? Because... There's 10 black balls, 10 white balls, yeah? Say if you're, for some reason you pulled out all the 10 black balls, right? Yeah. Yeah. You'd have a pair, after the first two? Yeah. So what's the minimum number you have to pull out to ensure... Two. No. Because you might pull a white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white the white there there there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there after the first two. Yeah. So what's the minimum number you have to pull out to ensure two? No because you might pull a white one and a black one. Yeah but I don't understand what you're saying. Sometimes I get that impression the way you look at me like Helen from Big Brother. Yeah but I've always assumed that. Right. What's the minimum number you have to pull out to ensure you have two of the same color? Two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two to to too. too. Two too. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. What's the minimum number you have to pull out to ensure you have two of the same colour? Three?

Yes. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. You can use that one. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. So what's the minimum number you have to pull out to ensure you have four of the same color.

Oh my god. Uh, eight. Was that guess? I don't know. I understand the first one. We've done it now. Okay. All right.

Right. Right. theyr. This is where we... Oh, this is where we... It's not asked too much. He's been the same thing. His eyebrows sort of went down while you were doing that face. He generally looked pained. It's like you're back at school, isn't it?

Yeah. He's starting to get hard work now. Okay, we just do White Van Carl then. This is your opinions. You can't be wrong on this, can you? There's no right or wrong answer right right right right right right But so this is where we ask Carl his views on the big news stories of the week. Basically we've stolen an idea from the Sun newspaper and so this isn't it? So this isn't cruel this program is it? Oh I don't mean, we could look at it like it's a laugh. So it's not for us. You know we like you, you know you're our favorite,

I'm going to say thing in the world, but I don't mean that, you know, in a dogatory way. No, no, that attitudes are changing to the possible marriage of Charles and Camilla. Oh, what's it that? The roars at the moment because the recent tragedies are apparently high in the polls and people are coming around to the idea of Charles and Camilla getting hitched. What's your thought? Whatever really, I mean if they're happy with it, the thing that comes out of it most is just goes to show right that there is someone for everyone. Just because I mean no disrespect to Camilla I'm not a good looking person either

but she isn't a stunner and yet she's gone and picked up a royal right? So I think it's good for things like that to happen because it cheers you up, you know I mean? It gives you a bit of hope. Thanks Carl. So yeah, it's good. If they're happy, if anyone's happy, it's a good story, isn't it? You know what I mean? You know, he's had a better bad luck and now he's got someone else in his life. So... Well, he's doing this, I'm just doing a list of questions to ask him what he thinks of things in the world. Is that all right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, is he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, if he's thin, if he's thin, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thi, if, if he's thi, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thi, if he's thin, if he's thin, if he's thin, if he's thin, if thin, anyone's thin, if thin, if thin, if thin, if thin, if thin, if he's thin, if he's. Yeah, okay. What do you make of, well now listen, this may be a non-story, or it may be the biggest story that's about to break. Are you familiar with this? It's over

the papers today. Apparently Alrica and Zven are going out, although there appears to be no evidence for this. Yeah, I don't even give it time a day. Do you know, well done. Doesn't affect me whatsoever. As long the their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. to. to. toea. toea. toea. toea. tooooo. the. thea. the. the. the. you know right? Well done. Doesn't affect me whatsoever as long as he does his job well. Yep. And what's she doing at the moment? Presenting dog eat dog I think? Right, you know. As long as she does. As long as she does their job well. As long as they both do their jobs well. Well yeah at the end of that, that's going on with a lot of people out in the world, do you know? just, just, do? do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, and that, and that, and that's, and that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the the the the th. And, the the th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, that's thi. And, thi. And, thi, thi. And, thi, th is doing his job. If she's, you know, gets a dog winning a prize or whatever. No, okay, it's not what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, so... It's a dog winning a pri-dog. What's it? Okay, it's all right. So that's it, yeah, it doesn't matter. Okay, what about this then? Are you disappointed by the nation thir thir thii's that a that a that a that a th. th. th. thi? thi. thi. thii. thii. thii. thiii. thiiiii's, thiiiiiiiiiiiiiii's, that's, it's that's that's not, thi. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not. that's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's that's, it's that's that's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's not. It's not. It's not. thiiiiiiiiiii. thiii. thii. thi. thi's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not. George's Day. 23rd? Is St. George's Day the one with

the snakes that we've talked about? No, that's... Are you one of that third, do you think? St. George is the part of the state of England who killed the dragon. Yeah, I mean there's too many of these days, isn't they? That's the problem. If you make it a bit more special, like Christmas or you buy presents and that for each other, then people will remember it. But there's so many of these days with Easter and Pancake Tuesday and all that. So it's not surprising. I think as time goes on we'll find that a lot of these days will just disappear because you know people are busy. They'll be new ones, weren't there? I don't know. They'll be like Garth Gates day in 50 years time. It's just weird. I mean I remember being a kid right? Going out on a Sunday and shops will be shut because it was like you know the day of rest and all that. People don't care now. It's like well we can make some more money we'll open. We'll open the shops. Yeah. Do I mean it's a good or bad thing. It's good because I remember I used to remember I used I used I used I used I used I used I used I used I used I used I used I used I used to have I used to have I used to have I used to have I used to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to get to to to to get to get to get to get to get to to to to to to the the the the the the the to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th thu. tho tho tho tho tho the tho tho the the the the tho the the the the the the the the the would only be open for a couple of hours in the morning. Yeah, whereas now I'd be able to... I remember that, shop shop and you couldn't get aspirin and stuff, certain things, yeah. Nightmare on a Sunday afternoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so...

That's right, yeah, pubs, do you know it's a minute, do you know? Do you remember a space operas? Yeah, yeah. Can. Yeah. What do you think of um, gays? Uh, they're all right. Do I mean? Just like straight people, you get baddens, you get good ones. Exactly. We've learned the lesson to that, absolutely. Let's play a record. Yeah? What do you fancy? A bit of radio ed? Yeah? You don't mind though if people think we're gay for instance when we go to the Baptists tomorrow. That's terrible I don't want that I mean. Why? Why? Because I'm not, that'd be a lie. I don't like lying. If I was, I'd say I was gay. Yeah. But I'm not.

We'll say you, just pretend. We won't get in otherwise. No. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. On XFN, one and four point nine. Wow, maybe the end of the show, isn't it? You had a good time, Carl? It's been all right. I knew it wasn't going to be a bell to today. Why? What do you mean? What's up with it? Because what happens the last two weeks have been quite good and we always tend to have two goodens and then one that's just all right. Well let the listening public be the judge of that? Well yeah, I'm the Sony committee. Yeah, what do you want to do? A clip show of the best? We should do that for comment on the one to release the bet like I love...

Including favourite sides, do you like gays? And this lad he had a horse. Yeah. Oh, I scored once, I was stung by it B. Ah, and who can, that's lovely? So you do that? Have you kept all these on tape? Yeah. So can you do a compilation? People phone in. No, the next two weeks, phone in for your favourite clip. How can they get older, Carl, in the week? What's your email? What's your email?

It's my name with at XFM.co.co. So Carl Pilkinton. Carl dot Pilkington. Carl. atk.k. to. the. the. the. the. the. the.k. the.k.k.k. the.k.k.k.k.k. the.k.k.k.k. the.k.k.k. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. K. Yeah. Carl dot Pilkington at XFM.co.co. UK. Vote your favorite link of the last three months. And we should make a little compilation and sell it. And we get like radio head. They'd love to be like the compilation with us, wouldn't they? Oh, well? Anyway. Yeah. Do you know how like you were always giving me questions in the week, you're always saying things like, if I put you in this situation,, what th, what the th, what th, what th, what the the situation, what, what, what, what, the situation, the situation, the situation, the situation, the situation, the situation, the the th, the th, th, th, to to to to to to to to to to that, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the thi, their, their, their, their, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, the, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, their, their, giving me questions in the week you're always saying things like, if I put you in this situation, what would you do?

Like what? Like what? Like what, though? Say one. If you had to lick? If you had to lick Barbara Cartland's face, would it be the right cheek or the left? to be the right cheek. to pop in...

She's dead. Yeah. So, isn't she? Isn't she? Isn't she? Just be careful because you can't lie with the dead. So I don't make sure she's dead before we start saying horrendous things. I don't know, I don't think she is dead. I'm almost saying. No, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she's. Is she's not. Is she's not. Is she's not. Is she's. Is she. Is she's not. Is she's not. Is she's not. Is she's not. Is she's. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Isn't. Is. Is. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she. Is she's not. Is she's not. Is she's not. Is she. Is, isn't, isn't she. Is she. Is she. Is, isn't she isn't she. Is she. Is she isn't. Is she. Is, isn't. Is she. Is, isn't2, 3, 4. Well, have to get chrissing? So listen, right? So anyway, he always calls up with like bizarre, bizarre stuff like that. And I was watching a program the other night about snakes.

Right. And it was like, don't walk through a river. That's full of snakes because... Good advice. They, if you got a kid in the car or in the house, turn your radio down if you don't want them to hear stuff like this. But yeah, they go for your, for your tackle. Why?

I don't know, they just do. They think it's another little snake? Maybe. With sweaeaks. Maybe with Swollen cheeks with earrings Yeah, or a or an anaconda in my case with one eye So yeah, and I said to Ricky what would you do? It's very scaly you two in the woods You're having a one the Steve having a wonder oh yeah, oh yeah, you walk through the river. What me? Okay, because you're tall? You're having a wonder the stay? You're? you. you're having a wonder? the? th? th? th? th? th? th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their they. they. they. they. they. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. the the they. the the they. they. they. they. their their their the the the walk through the river. What me? Yeah. Because you're tall. So it's like you can check out how deep it is before Ricky goes through. Right. Which you do do that sometimes, don't you? Yeah. But a snake bites your tackle. Yeah. And say penis. Yeah. Say penis. It's

the correct word for it. It's not offensive. Say it. Say it. Peanous. Oh you dirty little. You're a dirty penis. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the the the the th. It's the the the th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the th. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeee. the. the. the. the. th. say it. Say it. Oh, you dirty little. You dirty little slut, Carl. You're a dirty little... It's just one of those words. Right, come on with the... Let's carry on. What's the story? I'm wandering through a river. Yeah, and the snake bites.

Right. You know, Ricky like in this situation. Yeah. The snake bites you and I said to Ricky, if it was a matter of life or death, would you suck out the poison? What do you think he said? And the bit I made, because he was thinking about it, you know, oh God well he's, you know, his best mate and everything, what will I do?????? th th th th th th th th th th th the th th the th thin. they they they the they they they they they thin. the they the thin. the thin. the thin. the thin. thin. thin. Yeah, thin' thin' the snake. the snake. Yeah, you're the snake. Yeah, you're the snake. You're the snake. You're the snake. You're the snake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What, th. What th. Well, th. What th. What th. What th. What the th. the the the the th. they. they. the the the th. the th. the th. the the th. the th. the th. the the the thin. the th. the the thee. thin. the th., because he was thinking about it, you know, like, oh God well he's you know, his best mate and everything, what will I do? And I said, and then Steve starts sort of groaning like he's enjoying it. I'm just trying to remember what I did do and what did happen in that instant. Yeah, so I've been bitten on the penis by a snake. Yeah, there's poison in it.

Yeah, I've had a go at trying to suck it out myself. Yeah, yeah, but you've never mastered that way. I've never been able to master that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just a long spine and such a short stubby knob that he's got no chance. Yeah, that's the answer. So I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that's tha. th. tha. thi tho. tho. tho. tho. that that that that that that that's tho. tho. that's had thoic that that that that tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think, yeah, go on. And would Ricky second out? Almost certainly not. That's the answer. He'd let me die. I'd let me die, he'd be a horrible tell. I'd go, is there anyone you want to towel? Do you want me to call you to call you the tell him you died? Is they tell him I died taking a bullet for a lady? Yeah.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. Yeah. I was. I was. Yeah. I was. I was. I was. Yeah. I was. Yeah. I was. I was. I was th. I was th. I was th. I'd th. Yeah. Yeah. I'd th. Yeah. Yeah. I'd th. I'd th. Yeah. I'd th. I'd th. th. Yeah. th. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I th. I was. I was. Yeah. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. t. ta. tode. tode. the. the. the. the. th. th. Would you at least run into the woods and try and find some kind of animal that could do it for me? I'm, I, some those monkeys look like who they got, you know, they got a good technique.

Right. Stop it. One more song. Yeah. Only time for song for the, uh, the what's it, I've got to share this one thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, th.. Oh, th.. Some, th. Some, th. Some, I, I, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, th. Some, I'm, I'm, some, some, I'm, some, some, some, some, some, th. Some, some, some, some, th. Some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some,then, but we're doing this for them. I thought there was two. No, we've run out of time. This is for, this is in the garden because they print my favorite song as if you see a sailor. It's if you see a say hello by Bob Dylan. Okay. It's song for the ladies and lovers. All right.

And I can They love it.