The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S1E22 (April 27, 2002)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

The show ran between September 2001 and May 2002 before Gervais and Merchant went on hiatus to film the second series of ‘’The Office’’. Initially, Pilkington’s on-air presence was relatively minimal compared to what it would become. Gervais and Merchant only occasionally called for Karl to weigh in with his thoughts, while the two mostly talked to each other, with the “links” between songs comprising only about 30 minutes of the show’s 2-hour run time.As Pilkington’s personality moved to the forefront, the talk portion of the show expanded to roughly an hour per 2-hour broadcast. While the show relied largely upon a stream-of-consciousness format, Pilkington made attempts to keep things more conventional by insisting on running contests and airing pre-recorded segments and regular “features”.

God I didn't believe this he's got one day he's got it Carl's really grumpy and all stress because he didn't have the record we didn't want to play a rep so we didn't want to play a certain record he had lined up because it's rubbish I know but you do this every week because most of them are rubbish so that's why we choose up no but 30 seconds to go on the tracking saying don't want to play that and you're going I'm stressed me out you're meant to be our beck and call we've we've made you we've got you out of the gutter and now you're getting Where is it's mind in the world about that that doesn't mean you can mess me about if you're? Yeah if you were to say to? the the the the the the you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to save to save? to save? to save? to say their you're to say to say to say to say to to to to to to to to that if that if that if that if you're that if you're that if you're that if you're you you you you're you're you're you're you're you're you're you're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to was he going to say to him wise then no I was going to say right if if if you were a doctor and you'd save me life yeah it's only so much that I could give

back to you right okay what would be unreasonable what would be unreasonable well you know forget doctor don't get to because the doctor that's its job right suppose and I was just I just walking long and I saved your the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was th was to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was was was to say was was was was was was to say was to say was was was to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was to say was th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. the. the. don't forget to it because the doctor that's its job, right? Supposing I was just, I just walking along and I saved your life. I gave you a kidney or I, you know, recessed at you or I dived into icy water. What, what could I hope from you then before you started a long out for me? What would you, what would you be willing to out for me? No, I just gave you a lung for example. Well, I'd be a bit sort of I'd be thinking why has you done that? Suspacious! But what I love though Rick is the idea of you jumping in icy water to save someone, giving them a lug, I can guarantee if someone was lying on the floor screeming they need your help, you'd affect a foreign accent and go, I know understand and run on.

Do you know what he did once, right? We went out a few weeks ago, right, and some woman had her ambagnicked and she was all distressed. He said, chase the fellow Carl. He's not, I'm just, you stopped, and let's be honest. That's not true. Imagine Ricky chasing a criminal, look at his little legs, he'd never get anywhere. He started to run and then he passed Starbucks or something and knicks for a short time. I'm in his turn on me. I'm a bad man because I don't give lungs away.

No, I'm a bad man because no one would want my kidneys or my lungs for a start. No, he walked. No, I did a little. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. No, th. No, th. th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, th. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Nothen? I did for a bit. He walked. No, you did you? No, I did a little bit. Yeah, we sort of spread out. We missed him. Where was it? And what was the situation? It was near?

Did you see a bag get snatch from there? No, she was sort of crying. No, she was sort of crying. Some folks came. after them. No no they'd gone Steve I mean they they'd yeah they'd actually gone but it was just like a bit distressing she was she was devastated I know she feels as well because I had a jacket and you think oh I'll just got to find them now yeah where are they you know so she was really off her head with sort of like she was angry and so he was horrible it was horrible it was it was horrible it was horrible it was a really it was a the they they they they they they was horrible it was horrible it was horrible it was horrible it was horrible it was horrible it was horrible it was horrible it was horrible it was horrible it was horrible it was horrible it was a wasn't it? Wasn't it, Carl? He's broken his mic now. Oh right, play a record, Carl. What are you doing, mate?

I don't believe this, there's only two weeks to go, these should be special. Carl, play the record! We've asked you to play the record! Like you! Fine, live! Sucket! Sucker! Hive's main offender on XFM 104. I forgot to say who I was. Go on, who are you?

Obviously, who are you? And who's that little fellow? And who's that, who's the fiend? The funny little thing from the smash adverts. Say, they're their mace-master with their metal knives. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was asking if I seen a round ahead than him and that's the only one someone come

with. That is the only thing they got with. Oh look, you actually, it's stressed there, aren't you? Because you had a drink last night, didn't you? I had a couple of drinks. Yeah. And that's why you're all grumping. Shhh, shh, do you hear what he just said? I was DJing last night, obviously that XFM even, hour and a half, my friend and I split the time on the decks. What was the word you just used? He went down a storm. We went down a storm. Right, three girls, I was walking to the toilets during my set, three girls went th. Three girls, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Three girls, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Three girls, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the th. And, the the the th. And, th. And, th. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, thea. And, their. And, their. And, their. their. their. their. their. their the. And, the. And, th Bowers, Zane Lowe? Who's you played records in a certain order? Yes.

Yeah, sorry Rick if you can't deal with that. Sorry if you're a little bit jealous, because this time you can't share the award. Oh, dear. But it was my credit this time. You can tell he hasn't been a DJ. Because it's not just about the song you play the way you play them. Oh yeah, way you play them, whether it's 33 or 45, very important. Yeah, leave your hand on them as they're trying to go round. But, uh, but so three girls there, charm by me, they loved it. Um, Zane Lowe, XFM, DJ and MTV presenter probably one of the coolest of life. He came up, give us massive respect. He said I'm loving your set. He actually used to their th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, I'm loving, th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. th. thi, th. thi, thi were people coming up, they couldn't believe their luck. It was roaring. We'd stick on a track, people would cheer as it came on, right? I particular favorite,

Carl, I think you'll agree, in my particular triumvirate, LLJ, Mama said, knock you out, leading straight into House of Pain, jump around, they're straight into that current Elvis track that's been re-released. I played the original, which, which, which, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd their, I, I'd, I'd, I'd their, I particularly, I'd their, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I particular, I particular, I particular, I particular, I particular, I particular, I particular, I particular, I par. particular, par-a, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, par, I'm their, I'd., right? What are three old tracks you mean? Three old tracks in a row? Yep. And um, well, I think the words that would best sum it up are I kicked ass. Great Rick. All right? Well, I'm gonna be kicking some ass today because I'm gonna be shamelessly self-indulgent and we've only got two shows to go. So I'm playing some the world and I was just telling Carl, lined up with Simon and Garth Uncle track, only living boy in New York. He went, why is he the only living boy in New York? I went, what does that mean then? I went, I don't, what's it about? I said, I don't care, I said it's lovely, I said, no, what's it? I said, I don't go into that. Do it. I said, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I was, I was, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, what, what, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, what, what, why, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. I was. I was. I was. I was, what, what, what, what, what. I was. I was. I was. I was, what, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, was, was. I was. I was. I was, was, was. I was. I was, was, was, was. I was, was. I said, was, other on Radio 2 it was cracking. Yeah, it sounds like well. It's really good. Tell them what it's about again? It's about a little girl, a gay fellow. A little gay fella? Yeah. Right. I mean I haven't heard it for a bit so it's all off memory this. But um gay bloke, is he from from Scotland? I have no idea. But he's from somewhere where gays aren't liked. No, no, no, no. George Boy, his guy is nothing more unless they're the kindest

guy I ever knew, right? Now all he did was, right, his father said, how can my son not be straight, kicked him out, right? It goes to America. Yeah, yeah, but you can handle your dad not getting on with you if other people around you are into the same scene. Yeah. But he was like he was left on his own he didn't know what to do. Yeah, he was getting stressed out. So he goes, this was before, like, this was before, I mean this is, what, when did this record come out? 77? Yeah, it's not right, right. And um, he's, Joey and punk. So, you know, the village people had come. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. This was th. This was th. This was th. This was th. This was th. This was th. This was th. This was th. This was th. This was th. This was was was, th. This was was, th. This was was, th. This was, th. This was, th. This was, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, and made gay cool. That had already happened, but it wasn't respected. But he was watching the tele or something and he saw that New York had loads of them over there and they're all having a good time. Sure.

No, sorry, at no point in the song, does Rod Stewart say little, little gay George he was watching telee and saw loads of gays in New York at no point in that song. No but this is what I like about that song you sort of picture what's going on. You make it up? Yeah. Okay so the little game fellow was watching tele and there was a there was a presumably the the uh the and now from New York show yeah or whatever because he was a big scene over there wasn't the same their 70s yeah okay. Yeah okay. they loved him. Go on so he he so so so he so he so he so he the the he so he he so he he so he he so he he he he he he the he he he he the he he the the the the the the the the th so he was th so he was th so he was th so he was th. So he was th. So he was th. th. th. th. So he was th. So he was th. So he was th. So he was th. So he was th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So th. He was the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. So th over there and he's having a great time and that. He went to New York Town, very quickly settled down, so he became the towards the Great White Way. Yeah, they loved him. All the old queens blew a fuse. Yeah.

And then, I don't know, he was out late one night. Yeah. And he's walking home. Yeah. And gets attacked, gets life, they just put Sarah like a little too far that night. Yeah, you see? So, yeah. But what's good there? Is it good that he had a bit of a good life and was able to be himself? Yeah. Or should he have stayed in Scotland?

He didn't come from Scotland? Again, I really... I think, is there any way we can get this song before the end of the show and play it? Because I've heard it recently, a lot of people listening will have never heard this song. They wouldn't have any other than you talking about that song? Is it bad? It might be. Because we're talking about, you know, Georgie boy, and he didn't have any, you know, I don't know. What?

He said, so, we're, fact. I don't think if... Well, he said, so it's from King of Georgia, he gets out, he gets out, he dies, right? He goes, well, they do go out late. What, gay people? Go out late. I know a few gay people and they start to party late on. That's what in Soho, right? Girlfriend got in a cab, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right her to an early start, right? She works at the BBC. Early start at 4 in the morning, it was going down, it was mentally

in so at 4 in the morning. They were all still like starting the night out. How do you know the game? It's so well, isn't it? Fair enough. to play the track. I'd love him. This is Simon and Garth-I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th and th and the the the the the their, their their their their their th th th their their their their their th th th th th th th their th th their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, it was mentally, it was mentally th. It was mentally th. It was mentally th. It was th. It was th. It was mentally th. It's lovely. Mm-hmm. It's got a nice feel to it. Simon and a Garth Uncle. Only Living Boy in New York. Do you like that? It's got a nice feel to it. It's got a nice feel to it.

Simon and a Garfunkle. Yeah, lovely. A bit later I'm going to be playing the cat. the cat. tap. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. thin. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. thi. th. th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. t tttttttttttogether. together. together. together. together. together. together. Only. Only. together. Only. Only. together. Only. together. Only. together. together. track. It's one of the most beautiful tracks ever written. It's called Dilly White off Mona Bone Jack on. Look forward to that. We've got Eminem coming up. We've got the new Eminem single as well and a big giveaway Rick, lest we forget. I think we should tell them what that is. Do you think? Yeah, well we all went to the bafters as you know and we could wea went, and we could th. And we could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could could the their, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could, we could the the the their, we could, we could, we could, we could the the the the the the the the the their, we could, we could, we could, we could their, we could their, we could their, we could their, we could the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, we got, we got, we got, we got, we got, we got, we got, we got, we got, we got, we got, we got, we got, we got a their, we got, we got, we got a th. We've got a th. We've got th. We've got th the. We've got a the the the that goes right. It's just a nice big chunky sort of cardboard carrier bag. You know, it's not the value that counts, this is what values it. Read out the sort of names. These are the kind of celebrity names that have signed that bag. Obviously us three. Plus Graham Norton. Yeah. Angus Dayton. Alan Davis, John. I'm thi. thi and David Davis, Jonathan C. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. T. T. T. T. That's th. That's th. That's th. T. T. That's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the's also being friends, right? I don't know why that's so exciting. Steve Phil Mitchell McFadden. It's

an eclectic bag. I noticed actually that Steve's signature has also mentioned, I think he says Steve aka Phil Mitchell. Very nice of him. Peter Davison, former, former Dr. H. I noticed also that when you gave him the pen to sign it, he put the pen away. Yeah, he pockets of it. We say, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, just his wily cottony ways. You're not a film which you'll now, man. Give us the pen back. Exactly. Simon Peg, and of course, one of broadcasting's biggest legends, Steve Wright. Oh, Steve Wright, yeah.

Yeah, you're not going to find out. But you're you're not you're not going that, you're not going that, you're not going that, you, you're not going that, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're not, you're, you're, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not. to. to. to. th. th. that, you. that, you. that, you. that, you. that, you. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi. thi with photocopy and we can't make that stimulus as we can expo there. But we can give that away. And as you know, it's a little commemorative thing of the Bafter. There's got a big Bafter logo on there and everything. It's pretty classy. Did I mention this? Our agent, that's the agent who was there. He ran around and he ran he got their getting getting getting getting getting getting getting a little bit cheeky, but that's what agents are like, you've got anytha. But then again he didn't get anything from it, it's not like he said give us a pound.

No, he just got that. Well he said that as well. Well, he said that's a nice prize, isn't it? Yeah, that's a nice prize, isn't it? It's a little commemorative thing. Oh, you're trying your nose up on it. No, no, it's all right. I wouldn't want it. Oh, cr- oh. Definitely. Do people get you to sort of do campaigns on the radio, like, drink fast as I wouldn't, but,

you know, you know, I know, I know, That's just two geeks who've signed that. We've got like... We've got like... We've got three... Hello, yes! Exactly, plus we've got some of, you know, Britain's, the cream of Britain's Light Entertainment who've signed that bag. I just... I'm appalled by you that you're just so disrespeaful of us. No, but it's like, oh, I had chicks queuing up around the block. Someone like you would have to write to Jim will fix it or has to ransom to get them to meet us sort of people. Now it's on your doorstep. I amazed

that you didn't enjoy it. Why didn't you enjoy it? You got to walk down the red carpet. You went in. There was George Best one of your football in hher. the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Someone, you th. Someone, you th. Someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, someone, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. that that that that tho. Someone, someone, that that that that that that that that that that that th football in heroes was there a load of other big names we sat there had prime position you came backstage with load of other big names hey you had a lovely bit of grunt they were filming this thing for the DVD were making that's you that's you the cameraman on our DVD and yet you think oh and now you know you look grumpy because you had a couple of pints and oh I can didn't enjoy it because the ceremony what didn't you enjoy about that? It was interminable wasn't it? Far too long. Wasn't it awful? Three hours.

I'm sorry. I thought you were going to say something. Really? Sorry. I mean I suppose for you two at least you know you were going to get something. Sure. Yeah. But with me it's like I mean I've never graduated. to. I've to. I've to. I've to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to th. I'm to th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm th. I'm tho. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I've all. I've all. I've all. I th. I th. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm th. I'm. I'm th. I'm. I'm th. I'm. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. with me it's like I mean I've never graduated in anything so... Have you not? I'm trying to think of a situation basically I sat there three hours knowing that I'm not going to get anything out of the night. Yeah. Right. Now...

Sorry, when we invited you and you said yes did you think you're enough for an award? No. But I thought we were going to be sat round tables, having a nice bit of food, whilst people are going up there winning awards. But three hours of the same thing over and over again. I mean, if a film's three hours in the cinema, you go, well, it's long but you know, I wonder how it's going to end. But this was just like the same thing over and over again. But this was like the same the same was just like the same the same the same th, I was just like the same the same th, I th, I th, I was like, I th, I th, I was like, I was like, I the same the same th, I was like, I was like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I's the same same thing, like, thing thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thing thing th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi. thi. thii. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi guy going up thanks a lot cheers for the bit of brass and then going down sitting down the same thing over and over again I wouldn't I honestly right I'd say it was one of the worst things I've ever to do I cried I enjoyed the night afterwards when we did have a bit of lamb and the nice bit

of veg and that that was all right and I went home and I was happy and I got the little free ba bad I that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th th of th th of th th th th th th and I got the little freebie bag that you're talking about that would get away, which wasn't much good stuff in it. Oh, right! Christ! What would you have done on that Saturday night? What would you have done, or the Sunday night rather, what would you have done had to to be they-suice had to be, had to be, had to be, had to be, had to, had to, had to, had to, had to, had to, had to, had thu, had thu, had thu, had to, had to, had tho, had tho, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had that, had the, had the, had the, had the, had the, had the, had the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, tooometeen, tooombue, too, to to to to be, to, to to be, to to to be a much much much to bea, to of tea, watching 24, but instead I had to buy an expensive suit so I didn't show you up, right?

This is what I did. Yeah, and what do you spend on your suit? Well, in total, right? Because you know, the shoes and the suit and the shirt and the tie, it was about 600 quid. That's the most expensive evening ever. I don't know why the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thu that that that that's have that's have to to to that's that's to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have that is that is thu. I have thu. I have thu. I have thu. I that is that is that is thattodn't that is that-a. I that, that. I'm that. I'm thate. I'm tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' too' too saying to you. And the deaf thing is it's dark in there, I don't know why you've got to wear a nice suit. You can't wear a track suit for goodness. It's a dark in there! Oh, no, just the shirt and that, it doesn't mean you a better person, no. We're not claiming it made you a better person. Yeah. I mean it was an experience and it that's why I went because you think if I didn't go if I would have said to you when you invited me no Steve I don't want to go then I would

have never known right and I've I've that's my sort of thing in life right. Yeah. If something comes up you should take it even if you're not going to like it's a bit of an experience right. You know what he said to me I've told you're their their their to to their their to to their th. I've thin. I've thin. I've thin. I've to thin. I've thin. I've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told thi. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm thi. I'm thin. I'm thin. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thi. I'm the. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm the because we had to meet up and obviously he had to pose as my gay lover. Yeah. You said something to me like I bought a suit I'm looking good. He said I'm looking good. He said I'm looking good. People have think how on the earth did he end up with that good looking to the role? So he's got into that. So he's got into it's Darryl says Ricky has your dad only got one. Has your dad only got one? Has your dad only got one? Has your dad only got one? Because I don't you notice but Ricky wears the same suit every where I go. Anyway, he's spent the fortune on the game. I only only. It's got. I. I. It's got. I. I's got. I's got. I's got. I's got. I's got. I's got. I's got. I the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. He's. He's. He's. He's th. He's toy. He's toy. He's toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. th. th. th. He's th. He's the. Anyway, usually, it's too much cheese. I won't be buying another. Huh?

I won't be buying another one. Ever? That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. but you didn't notice and I didn't tell you because I thought you'd be getting on the stage and saying look at that freak over there with his pants hemmed up.

But I took it, I took it to the place to get it dumb. Suzanne tells me that I'm going to start shrinking now and get into that age where you start going small. I know what are we playing now? I thought we'd have a bit of Marley music. Marley music? Oh, okay. Go on. Go on.

Go ahead. Badger. Badger. Badger. B. B. their to talk about it's a good job we've got something to talk about because we're DJs on SF1 and 4.9 I'm a guitar from Stephen Merchant. What's that Carl Pilgin, don't you know what you doing?

Of course you must have been excited about us because we did bump into Dr. Fox. Oh yeah, pleased with that. Yeah, what was the challenge again? I think the night because we were doing the making of sort of series two where we've filmed ourselves sort of writing it and doing bits and pieces and going to awards and it's on me and my challenge which I think was it me that set my own challenge I had to shout Foxy and get him over and I bottled out about five times I just thought he was talking to someone and then I did it and I was the the th was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was the the the the the the th. was I was I was I was the th. was I was the th. Was was th. Was was I was I was was I was I was I was I was I was the th. was I was I was I was I was I was was was I was I was was was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was a th. was a th. was a th. was a to th. was a to th. was a th. was a th. was a th. was a th. was a th. was a to to th. was a th. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was just thought he was talking to someone and then I did it and it was where's the victory in that yeah I shouted Foxy and he came over went all right I think where's the victory I'm just say dive off buildings and things I was a little bit taken about that because even though he was

joking about he was he was a fucking he was a little bit he was I'm not a he was a big he I'll be he he he's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he was more he he he he he he he was more he was more he he he he he he he he he was more he was more he was more he was more he was more he was more he was more he was more he was more he was more he was more he was more he was more he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was mean I'm not going to... I'm not distressing him, I think he's a lovely guy, but his head is huge. But he's in the portion with his big body as well. He's a big, he's a chunky wombat of a man. True enough. And as I'm saying it was a problem getting him on screened. Sure, because of the huge head. lenses. Yeah, yeah. I love a fact that us three freaks can take this out of anyone. Stop there though Rick because I was on TV briefly, there was a thing about the office on top 10 TV bastards on Channel 4 and I appeared on their briefly talking about the show and there's a girl friend of

my and she's and she's I saw it on TV than I went yeah she went I'll tell you this you are in real life and that's good for you. And I went, I was like, oh I don't know if that was a compliment because it's like... Definitely not. Well I'm not on TV, so it's not unofficial in any way. Yeah, but that's like... I'm too right, you have to step out of the TV. That's like saying I normally find you pretty repulsive. Yeah. I have opinion changed last night because you're on the box. Yeah. Yeah.the aid of lighting and appearing like for 12 seconds on screen in small doses. I thought I wasn't as bad looking as I have. A lot of people have phoned in and wondered if you are Morph grown up because they've seen a picture of you on the website. Do you mean me or Carl? Carl? Right. Yeah. What do you mean? No, because people have seen you and next to a picture of Morph and it is exactly, if you draw around, honestly Carl, if you lay you down and draw around you, it's exactly the same

shape as Morph. Or the Pilgris Dober Man. Oh yeah, gingerbread man. You do look like a gingerbread man. Oh, I love, Carl, we think of you, don't'd like looking at you, talking to you, hearing what you've got to say. We think of you, don't we, in the week sometimes. Rick, I had a bit of good news this morning. Go on. And I don't mean this is anyway. I'm sure it's an emotional thing for her, but in the sun it says that Dido, her wedding is just thinking, ding-dong. Because she's just thinking, ding. th of, th of th of a th of a th of th of th of th of th of the thi. thi. I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thin, I thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin, we' thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin' thin' thi my mates I've always been under the assumption I could pull Dido because she's quite ordinary

do you know she looks a bit ordinary she's quite a try one but like that be your opening chat line you look quite ordinary Dido I don't think you could probably get anything better than me yeah because you're not too hot yourself exactly I'd go I'd go I'd where I'd actually what I'd is I'd go right I'm not gonna meet you in the flesh but I'm gonna send a picture beyond video yeah this is me on top TV bastards what do you think see what you think yeah and if you think it's good but I'm certainly no worse without the light in a makeup so don't worry about that exactly oh oh oh oh dino what was your think about Dino thatke came up, I'm a gridlin records, I'm thinking of releasing the CD and it just goes mental. Everyone buys it. Yeah. Which good though, isn't it?

But she should be doing photocopying or filing. Do you not think, just the way she looked, she's got a very kind of suburban look. No, but the whole look thing annoys thing thing thing thing thing things, do things, do th is, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do the, their, their, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I their, I'm their, I'm, I'm their, I'm their, I their, I their, I I their, I I I I their, I I I I, I I, I, I I, I I, I I I, I I I I, I, I I I, I I I I I, I I, I, I I, I, I I, I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thin, I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the their, I'm Ireland's version of it. And today it was like, you saw all these kids rushing in, there was fat ones there and ugly kids and you're thinking it's sad and everything, they might have a good voice but there's no chance, right? And there was a woman there who looked a bit like Brittany and the bloke, straightaway before even her in the voice, Brittany, uh, Brittany look and's through to the next phase and it's just annoying Dido isn't beautiful but you know she's nice enough do you know I mean? Well yeah that's why she's fine for me I mean I you know my son is quite alone so do you think you think he should yeah yeah okay so a little bit of Bowie thanks Carl try and fix that for next week Fashion, David Bowie, we're doing a bit of a vogue in sort of cross-the-body pop in

there, aren't we, Carl? Yeah. Play that last night, Rick, during the set that was described by Zane Lowe as one of the best sets he's ever seen. No, no, no, but I think Zane just sent the email said he's giving up because there's no point. Yeah, exactly. When he hears stuff like that, he said, I thought I was a DJ. After his Steve Merchant, I'm obviously not. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, big boy Jim was down there. Yeah, big boy Jim was going, wow, you know. I don't know what I'm thinking. But I like the idea because you know Fat Boy Slim did Brighton Beach and he had like 20, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the the the th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thin, I thin, I thin, I tha, I tha, tha, that, tha, that, that, I th Just the idea of me down in Western Supermare doing the same with the thunkies. 86 people. Have you ever seen that thing karaoke challenge on that, Chinese TV?

It's great, they're all doing it and it's sort of like Jonathan what's his name from bread and all those sort of people there. And the camera falls out and there's about eight people there. But what about Karaoke Challenge is it's not even night fever? Do you imagine that? I mean talk about... Wow! Oh dear. We tried to get on that once didn't we? On Kara Kary. Yeah we were doing that comedy lab. Oh we were doing it in character last night. So we'd have a little bit of footage but yeah that would great. That was how minor a celebrity you were at the time. I remember once, right? This is how sad we were. We tried for about an hour to get on the Chris Moyle show. They were doing a competition. He was doing this competition.

He was doing this competition. It was about golfing, wasn't it? So it was like, it was like, yeah, it into a golfing pun. And people were calling up and going, what about drive by the cars? He was going drive by the cars, very good. And it was like, uh, things like, you know what I mean? Things like, something tea and that. And I wanted to phone up and go, hello, excuse me. Hello, you know, what about, um, Spandough. tried we must I was just about 30 quid just to get on and do something stupid how for that and they wouldn't even let us on yeah yeah I was it's good game that well oh god phone in if you've got any amusing puns on songs and golf

yeah please what did you say what was you a spand out about he go for goofy golf yeah yeah do you like that one yeah do you like that that one thin that the thinn't th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that that that that that the that that th. th. th. that that's that's that that's that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that a good little game. Yeah, you're thinking of what you're doing, Carl? You're thinking on the radio. That's what you're doing. It's a first. You're actually broadcasting thinking. Can we just be quiet and just listen to Carl think? Yeah. Oh. Anything? Got anything there, any golfing puns? You know, some people say, Carl, it's impossible to catch yourself not thinking. Now, I reckon if there's one man in the world... Hole in my shoe, that fellow and the young ones, Hole, and his one on a golf course. He's got a little, has he got a little cold as well?

Well I was telling, Steve, before I went on the tube last Saturday night, Yeah. It kills me. Every time I go on the tube, I just get full of a cold and everything, I'm full of flu, and it's down to going on the tube. Is it? Someone told me that every time you go on the tube, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. the they. the the the the the the, kills, kills, the, the equivalent of smoking two cigarettes really because of the sort of gunk and pollution down there and have you heard the other one and and I always smoke two cigarettes on the tube yeah yes in my nerves yeah yeah I'm also a the air all like the hair balls that are in the tubes I always if like people stood on the platform trains go whizzing past yeah yeah takes a bit of your air off don't don't question the science of that? No, he means

because of my head. Oh, I see. Yeah. Right. And apparently they all get caught up in the tunnels and they have to like clean it out now and again because there's big hairballs on the lines. On the lines? On the train lines. Right. Yeah, it terrible place so that's why I'm all bummed up and that's when you came in today I was like looking on the websites to see how much badness there is down in the tubes. Yeah how much badness is there? Oh loads. A lot of badness is there? Oh loads. there's a lot of badness. If you know how much badness there is. to they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. thin, I I is, I is, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, thin, thin, tho, tho, tho, I's, I's, I was, tho, tho, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I tho, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I there, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I'm, I'm, tod. today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, today, I was, thi the germs, there's no fresh air and that's why I was asking you about people committing suicide on trains and that, how often it happens. And apparently two people a week, was it too, two a week or two, two, two, two people? Two people. Oh wait, seven hundred, eight hundred, one two three people per cigarettes is it like killing yourself on the tube? tube. th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that tho that that tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that tho thu, tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And thu, thu, thu, thu, tho, tho, and apparently, the, and apparently, thate, the, and apparently, that the, that the, that that the that that that that that that that that that tho tha thatube? Call in. Two people a week try and kill themselves or something.

Right? On the tubes. Really? It's bad. Yeah, it is. Terrible. Should we play a record? We'll play a record. We'll try.

We'll tease the new. We'll play the new em. Obviously we got this big celebrity bag to give away, is that? Oh yeah, let me just do it. No, let's just... No, explain. The competition after that. Doves? Doves be good. Eminem without me on XFM 104.9 And Ricky Javais with me, Steve Merchant. Hello there.

Little Carl Pilkington. Into the last hour, three hours of broadcasting to go, Carl, for us, three three. Yeah. Three, three musketeers. Because you'll obviously still be working here, you have a day job, don't you? What is it you do exactly? I make stuff. You make, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th............. And, th... And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to-a. And, to-a. And, to. And, to. And, to................ furniture? Promos and stuff. Oh right, right. Sort of a bit of in talk there but basically like little trails for the station. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I do all week. Yeah. So you'll be back to doing that when we're off.

You don't talk to anyone do you in the week? You just hide in your little sound booth thing and you really don't talk to anyone do you really to to the the the to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their little. But. their their little their their their their their their.. but their their their their their their their their their their their tral. tral. tral. But. But. tral. tril. tria. tria. tria. tria. trials. trials. trials. trials. trials. trials. know, you might call up. Yeah. But now I keep myself to myself. Yeah. Then you don't get bogged down in the office politics and stuff. Yeah. Is there a lot of office politics here? I don't know. I don't get involved in it. Oh yeah. Yeah. Proved your point. So when we're away and we're like out of action, other than Suzanne, who will you talk to of a day? their, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to, to, to, to, to will you talk to of a day? How will you get a sort of feedback from the world? How will you get sort of like input and... I always, if I've ever, if I've got like a question on anything, the internet's sat there and I can just go online and find out. The internet is good, it's brilliant.

But it's not all verified. It's not all factually, necessarily, factually accurate. Anyone can put things onto the internet. It's that, you know, it's freaks and things that put on things like... Well here's one that I read in the week, right? About this woman. Yeah. She was a bit of a punk. And to get a hair done like she wanted it. Superglue? Right, no. She got lard. Apparently it's a popular thing, you might know. Put lard on your head. And you put it in the oven.

Now, apparently the heat that you get from the oven is different from the sort of heat you get from an air dryer, right? And she had to do that to get the money or whatever, treats herself to a microwave. Right? It doesn't, it's not true. Opens the door, jams the things, you know like the little catch, so the microwave works. She jams it with a screwdriver or a knife or something. Yeah. Pots the microwave on, sticks are head in, boils her brain. Don't be ridiculous.

Don't be ridiculous. Right? Well, why is that ridiculous? Boils her brain. She boiled the brain. She boiled her brain. She boiled her brain. And this is what's good about the internet. I went straight from that, and there was a subject about brains. And do you know that Russell Crowe, when he dies, is given his brain to charity or something, some sort of... Some people who can do stuff with it. She gave hers to pot noodle. Vesta.

Boil in a skull. That's not true, no. It's not true, Carl. It's the same as the woman who put a poodle in the microwave, isn't it all? It's just urban myths. But again, where does it start? Someone made it up? Yeah, for a laugh. tha tha tha their they they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. He. thi. He's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiiiii. thiii. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She's thi. She, where does it start? Someone made it up. Yeah, for a laugh. They're just too convenient urban myths. Everyone says, you can tell an urban myth not to really go, because it's always, this happened to a mate of mine and when

you say what happened then, they go, don't know, that was it? Was that it, was it? Someone boiled a brain and that was it. There was no more more. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It was th. It was th. It. It. It. It was. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It was. It was. It was. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was there was no more story. Were there any dates? Have you ever... I think it was in Belgium. There's that, there's that, there's that one that a bloke was going to get a phone call at four o'clock to find out if his business was, you know, okay, right? And if he didn't get the phone call, he knew he was broke, destitute. So, at dead at at at at the the phone at the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone the phone their their their, their, their, I was, I was their, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tha, I was, I'm, I'm, tha, tha, tha. Wea. Wea.a. Wea.a.a.a.a. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. Wea. He was, he knew he was broke, destitute. So at dead on 4 o'clock, the phone didn't ring, so he went up to the roof, his office, and he jumped off to commit suicide. And as he was passing his window, the phone was ringing.

Oh no. Carl, it didn't happen. Think it through. Who told that story? Who told that story? Who told that story? As he hit the pavement at 120 miles an hour? He's the only person who could have known those, that series of incidents. Also why didn't he, as his lives at stake, why don't you wait until their lives are busy? Yeah. And this, and what sort of, what sort of I'll call you at four, okay, if you're business at, well call me anyway.

No, no, if I don't call exactly four, then, uh, no, commit suicide. I would because if I don't call at four, oh, that's the end of it. Well call me anyway, no, that's not the way I work. Why can't you just call meto verify it in case someone goes on, what if it's engaged? It wouldn't be engaged. Just commit suicide at 4, please. It didn't happen, Carl. The other one, right? He's on a train station.

And I'll tell you, I heard it. He's waiting for a crew station, and he's waiting for a t and he shits himself and so he goes on my trains for five minutes I need so he runs across to minutes and goes quick Levi's 36 the bloke just puts it in a bag he runs onto the train it goes into the toilet takes his trousers and pants off his soil yes, throws them out of the window, I won't be needing those again, cleans himself off, open the bags, it's a jacket! Oh no he didn't have a car! At what point did he go into it? Go quick, Levi's 36 and the bloke went, sorry,

Levi's 36, what a pair? No, shall I wrap? Them? It. Shall I wrap? Just wrap, whatever it is? Do you want to look? No! I'm not looking when you're putting it in the bag, please. I don't want to discuss it further. Right? I've told you 36 Levi's. They put it in a bag you charged me for it. Yeah. I don't want to discuss it further. There we go. It was one about a woman who th what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what? th. th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What th. What th. What th. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What what what what what what what what what what what what what what what? What what what what what? What what? What what? What what? What what? What what? What? What? What? What? What? What? th. th. th. th. What? What? What? What? th. th. th. th. What? What? th. What? th. th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. th. What's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that? that? th. What that? th. What th. What th. What th. Yeah. I don't want to discuss it further. Yeah. There was one about a woman whose husband died and she had him cremated and made like a little egg timer out of him and she said I did that so it can still help around the kitchen. Well that might be true. That might be a joke. That's quite sweet. That might be true. That is true story again. It was all not again because the ones I just told weren't Nor is the boiling the brains in a bag curry microwave Head story true. Yeah, they're too too convenient. Will you be buried or cremated? I don't know.

Cremated. I don't know. Is that out of my hand? Yeah, I haven't thought it through and I don't care either way. Have you heard the one about... I'm just worried that we're getting into a macabre world now of ashes, boiled heads. So I think we should play some music that people just calm down. Levi's just think about about that we that we that we that we they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they they they are they are they they they they they are they are they they they are they they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are they are th. th. th. thi thi thi tho tho tho tho tho tho tho they are they are they are think about some of the urban myths they've maybe heard, assess them, maybe they are absolute bollings. Yeah. And they can move on from it. It's just that, the death thing, right?

Yeah. There was an argument on there about, do you know that Twilight Zone or whatever it was woman got buried alive. Yeah. They were saying now like years ago they'd bury people thinking they're dead. Yeah. And they've recently like dug coffins up and then the people who are in the coffin weren't dead they might have just been like in some sort of deep sleep or whatever. And they've lifted the lid off and these scratch marks on the thing. Yeah and that's pretty scary. I mean I hope they check these days. That's all. And they. And they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're like. I I'd like. I'd like. I'd like they're like they're like. I'd like. I'd like their. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I. I'd like. I. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like. I'd like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. Yeah. And that's pretty scary. Makes you think, I mean I hope they check these days. That's all.

I'd like to play a beautiful song now by Cat Stevens called Lilliwite. It's lovely. A song for the leverage one? Yeah. Big Cell. Please Cooper Temple Clause there who needs enemies on XFM 104.9 well it's competition time if you want that celebrity endorsed bag from the Baftas. Jane has a good idea. She thinks we should really revive Swap Shop.

Because a competition, I think it's a great game. It's great, it was great, right? But a competition or just saying why you need it right this way you know it's how much you can give and I think it should be right what will endorse Carl's life a theme of the life the season I suppose this is that we're ending a season now of this of this show aren't we and one of the big themes is really develop Carl, enhance Carl. Rejuvenate him in the same way. What do you think Carl would want?

If you got somebody he'd love, it can be battling tops, you know, and you've got to say why, he'd love your old battling tops. It can be a book. What's a battling top? Was this something you used to take the wrist action and it was like little tops right you'd have four players right you'd wind it around like cotton right and hold a little I'm getting excited thinking about I don't know what you're talking about now I know I'm getting over excited it was just battling was this something like and you pull it yeah and it goes mad yeah I've had one don't give any clues it can be some educational it can be somewhat personal to you think you might enhance so the competition is some. the the the the the the the the to the to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to the to be. to be. to be. So. So. So. So. So. It's. It's. It's. I. I'm. It's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. t. t. t. think you might enhance. So the competition is basically if you want that bag...

So let's just explain what the bag is. It's one of these cardboard giveaway bags that we got at the Bafter. This has a nice picture of the Bafter logo. We got it signed by Graham and Or Angus Dixon, Alan Davis, Jamie the three of us. And, you know, it's a nice little sort of, you know, if you like kind of autographs or if you're an autograph hunter or whatever else, or you just like the bag. Or you like the show, you know, you want to give Carl a little piece of car. Or you want to give Carl something. Give him a bit of yourself or to enhance, I want that. Something that enhances Carl's life in some way. Something that will make his life a little bit more special, a little bit better.

Yeah. And this is a write or email only. We don't want your phone calls on this because we're just too lazy. What can make Carl's life a little bit more special? And we'll give it away next week so you got a week to email or this celebrity bank. Is it Karl at XFM dotco. UK? Yeah. Or you can write XFM, PO Box 1049 London WC2 H7XX. Give them out again Rick, sorry we also may maybe mention something like you know Jivey's bag. Oh I think I think I think Carl Swapshop. Carl Swapshop.

Or well let's not confuse it. It's just good to have a good name. Okay what you thinking? Is this thinking on radio again is this thinking on radio again? All right well just do so hang on it can't just be Carl at XFM is it not Carl Doc Pilkington? Yeah with a K but the thing is why they emailing me because I'm not the they're not they're not they're not they're not they're they're they're they're they they're they're they're they're they they're they're thin' they thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi thi thi thi. Is thi. Is thi. Is thi. Is thi. Is thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi thi thi thi thi to to to thi to to thiiiiiiiiiiiii to to to to to thi to thi thi thi thi with a K. But the thing is why they emailing me because I'm not taking any bribes so you've got to send the stuff in. No, no, no, no. No, no. No, what they have. But as a hundred people send someone and you send 99 back? No, all some. Oh yeah, I see what you mean. No, they just email or write in the suggestion. Make sure that you mention who you are you are are are are are are are are are I like the bag, I want the bag, right? I think this would enhance Carl's life because I am sending a Feng Shrey book. Something like that. You know what I mean? I am sending Carl, a teddy bear. You have to explain why though?

Yeah, why you think it isn't, you know. This is getting so much more complicated than Anita. I'm bored with it. It was such an easy idea before. Throw the bag. Give the address again, Rick. Okay, it's XFM, PO Box 1049. That's easy to remember. London WC2H7X. And the email? I can't remember. Carl dot Pilkington at XFM.

Co. With a K. All all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's.ton at XFM.co. UK with a K. All right, well done. Yeah, they're alive. That was exhausting. I tell you what, what would you like? What would you like? I really don't know? I really don't know. I'm honest to God, I can't help anyone out here. No. You just see something you like when you see it? Well there might be something out out there you don't know about. There's things in this room you don't understand. Okay look, um, we played it before once and I know you were a child. Yeah, I love it. I'm Carl's not impressed as ever. I don't know what your criteria for music appreciation is at all, Carl. It's just like you build them up as being something really good and then I hear it and it's

like, oh, this is really good. What was it meant to say? Oh, this is a mediocre trace. Listen, when you play Sam and Garth Uncle, they've got their own unique sound, you know it, their, their, their, their, their, their, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, they's, they's, they's thin, their, their, their, their, it's just, it's thin, it's thi, it's just their, it's just their, it's just their, it's just their, it's just their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's their, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's thi, it's just, it's just, it's just, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's just thi, thi's just thi, thi, their their their their their, it's just just their own unique sound, you know it's them when they sing. That could have been loads of women who I know. It could have been loads of women who you know. You only know your girlfriend. What I mean Cheryl Crow, sound like Cheryl Crow to me. Yeah, but well, quite superficially, but man's been a lot around longer than Crow. Who knows what, you know, influences she may have had. That sounds like a favourite, doesn't it? Man's been around longer than Crow. Hey? But you know, I mean that's just, you know, there's a number, let's be honest, Rick, I mean there's not that many great female artists either.

Oh, hey, be careful there, Steve, some of the, the sisters out there are, I mean disagreeing with you. I'm not saying that they can't sing a beautiful song. I'm just I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I they they they they they they they they they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't just just just just just just just just just just just just they they can't just they can't just they can't just they can't just they can't just just just just just just worry they can't they can't they can't just worry they can't just they can't just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just I'm just I'm just I'm just I I I I I I I I I I'm just I I I'm just I I'm just I I'm just I'm just they can't I'm just they can't I'm thinking of... Aren't we all Rick? I'm thinking of arm trading. That's true enough. I am thinking of... Anastasia. I know you love Anastasia, don't you. I love a new one. I mean, I don't like that sort of... But it sort of is a good chorus and I can do her dance. That dance at the end when she puts her arms up. I like that one. She does sound like like I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am th. I am. I am th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm think. I'm think. I'm think. I'm think. I'm think. I'm think. I'm think. I'm think. I'm think. I'm think. I'm think. I'm thin. I'm th she puts her arms up. I like that one. She does sound like she's a coverage of the new Tina Turner. Yeah, and I'm not, I still have that I've been a lot, I mean Liz Dee think that she's sort of like, one of those people that go out with her daughter. Well I said the reason is because 21st and they're going, your mom's mad.

They think we're sisters. They're like, you know, I'm 40 and she's talking about. She always flirts with her daughter's boyfriend. Yeah. Where are you going down, we're going down, uh, I come down to myself. Your mom's got a brah-a' th. Don't you think she looks like that, Carl? Yeah. I can't picture her. You can't picture Anastasia? No, she has glasses. Sunglasses all the time, yeah. No.

You're not into this, are you, Carl? You get this whole sort of broadcast thing as just, you're fed up with it, aren't you? You can't wait to finish next week. Well, it just seems I can't say to say I can't I can't I can't right. Or funny. No but do you know what I mean? What? What are you upset about? Well I laughed at the urban myth but not being true. Yeah and but one of the things I tell you if you take nothing else away from our time on the radio it should be to be more inquisitive. When a piece of information comes to you don't just take out face

value query and question it. That is what has made Ricky Gervais one of the premier thinkers in this country. He will not accept anything on face value. He queries everything. Amesthesia, she looks glamorous and 20, wait a minute, those glasses, what do they suggest? Actually she's 40, I'm not going to buy her records. And that's and that's libelous. That's so, hang on a minute. Roy Orbison then. Was he starting to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look to look. to look. to look. to look. to look. to look. to their. their. their. their. And, and, and, and their. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the the the the the the the the the the the the their. the their. the their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. I. I. I. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the. And, ison then. Was he starting to look old? Yeah. We're not saying everyone who wears sunglasses. He's necessarily older than their years. No, we're not even saying about Anastasia. We're just doing about an image, one of those sort of like raveers that goes to their daughter. It was just, it was a little bit of like observational comedy, to be honest,

you've seen through it me? Yeah. She's not 40. You know what I mean? She doesn't hang out round with much younger people chatting at their boyfriends. It wasn't true. What do you want? What do you want in life, Carl? Tell me now, because me and me and Steve can probably sort it out. That's true enough. What do you want? What would you want? What would you want? What would make your life? If you could play any song now, what would it be? Well we're going to be spinning one of my favorites later on.

Killing a Georgie? We've sorted that out. You've probably got a lovely few gifts you can choose from, just because we've got a few signatures on a piece of paper. Do you know what more do you want to have life, their, their, their, their, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, to, to, to, th, th, tho, tho, tho, to, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the starter. And you think, look at it, they've tried to make it look good. But really, as I said to you, I mean, you don't eat veg, which you find mental. But like the starter that we had, and it was like, how would you describe that?

It was a vegge pie the I was starving and I came in there right and from the uh stairs I could see the tables and it looked like there was patay laid out and I was getting excited I was celebrating got there was a vegetable pie so I said to me so I said to me I was someone took mine it wasn't a white house to mine didn't he yeah but you won't eat this before all you'll eat is pizza and crisp do you know what what what what what what he the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th took took took took took they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they they they they what he said to me in the week? I was picking at my food in the BBC canteen and he went, right, I'm honestly thinking of stopping having lunch with you. I went, it winds me up. I went, it winds me up, it winds me up, it winds me up. I'm totally, it winds me up, I'm the' to the the the wind's up. I said, it winds me up. It winds up. You're wind up, you th, it, it, it, it winds up, it winds up, it winds up, it winds up, it winds up, it winds up, it winds up, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thin thin th, I th, I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, it winds me th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thin thin's thin's thin's thin's thin's thin, I thin, I thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm thin, I thin, I th he went you were a cock. Yeah. It really annoyed me. His eating habits drive me mad because he's constantly winging about the fact that he thinks he's got cancer. Every 25 seconds. Wait a minute I've got I can feel a lump. It's your cock. No it's it's not it wasn't there. It's a lump. I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm dying I'm dying quick to the hospital. I have to die. to die. to die. to die. to to. to. to. to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi th thi thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he times have you been to like a doctor's clinic and sat in the waiting room right, Carl how many times have you been there right with a friend of yours? Twice I've been with Ricky.

One time when we were writing the first year's the office we were writing in the waiting room for the doctor. Because he had to go in there and have he, because he thought he had to stick a cancer. I just said I said, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd th, I'd have tho, I've thi, I've th, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've th.. tha, tha, tha, tole, too. too, too, too, too, too, too, too, I've, I've, I've, I've,to God, I'd see the things like it. And I just said, so I, I never worried that again, he said, no you're not in the risk group in that. The other time was, but wait a minute, the other time was I thought I was, I thought I was. I thought I had, um, the other time I thought I was, it's sort of since the mum died a bit and I just think, oh God it's in the family and that's the thing I worry about.

But don't you prefer, I mean I don't go because it scares me. I prefer not to go because it's, not to go because I'm not, I'll go there. I'll go there I'll go there with go there with go there with go there with their their their their with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with with a their with a their with a their with a their with a their their their their their their their their th. I' th. I don't their th. I don't th. I don't th. I' th. I don't their their their with a their with a their with a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't the. I' the. I' the. I' th. I' the. I' th. I' the. I don't th. I' that's th. I don't your head. If it's a brain you'll be laughing. No but you know I mean they'll find something because none of us are perfect and as you get older you get little moles and stuff and they'll say oh we're best get rid of that and it's like leave it alone it's not causing any problems. That shouldn't be there. Leave it alone it's not going to be a lot. It's the thrown it is it's getting getting's getting's getting's getting's getting's getting's getting's getting's getting's getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting thing big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's. It's. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the. It's they. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It not good. It's getting bigger and it's strangling your lungs. But Rick's sort of like... Oh. But my point was, this is what upsets me. He constantly worries about his health.

He's constantly obsessed. I found some bubos. I think I've got plague. Every single, I mean, every 10 minutes he's got something. I started choking. I thought I thought he was going to die for the dust. And he shouted, right? I'm choking, I'm going blue and I'm saying they hit me and he's hitting me on the back and he shouted, I don't know the Heinlech maneuver. And I was choking and dying but I was choking and I was

choking and I wanted to laugh because he panicked. mick manoeuvres so that was why I couldn't have said. But my point is this, he worries about his health and yet he eats like a child. He eats crisps constantly, coke, he keeps going, oh I've got a headache I've got a headache, drinks and water. Don't I'm boring, hate it. I did say that. Chips, pizza, sausages, sausages, beans and chips. I've never seen someone eat so much. I don't know how he's not bored of it yet.

Saus, chips and beans. Everything that's got to have cheese on it. Parmesan cheese, please. You know, on anything. Why don't they leave it in a restaurant as well? Seriously, why don't they leave the salt, as much salt as you want, but they come up. And I've found myself sneaking. I've said to Jane, look how it's the waiter looking. And I've lent over and did it to more parmesan. I feel really guilty.

Just leave it. It was on a try-fall. You don't need cheese on dessert. You don't need to be on dessert. I've explained to to be on, I mean Ricky was on Room 101. If I had to be on there, I'll tell you this, Ricky, you basically the first person in there. He'd be straight in there, man, because I got a list as long as you are. What did you think when I said annoying people, like annoying people? insult you really are because you can't have your way to be insulting and irritating. Thanks. That's fine you know but you'd be straight in there. In fact we should do this next week for Carl we should we should draw for list

of Carl's hates what he put in room 101. Oh that is that is genius next week so we got the competition we've got Carl when I'll tell you what let's play a record and do white van Carl yeah some of us and just let's slam dunk this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th th th th don't th don't the the th dunk th dunk th dunk their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. the. the. I the. I's the. I's the. I's the. I's the. I's the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. What are you going to plan? Some Alpine Stars. Okay. Alpine Stars. Oh, yeah. I thought I recognized him. Yeah. It's all like that. Right. White Van Kahl.

It's a little Brian. toebae. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. thi. White Van Carl, Carl, it's real, it's real, it's real, it's real, it's real. Yeah, this is where we steal the white van man column from the sun and basically fire those questions at Carl. Getting his opinions on the week's news. Okay, let me see, let me see, let me see, da, da, do you make of this? The average woman, apparently, takes 27 minutes to get ready to go out. Did you know that? Is it...

Are they saying that's a good thing or... No, they're saying that the bare minimum it takes... No, no, no, this is what it's... But I remember reading, I'm sure they said that, um, it takes them 27 minutes to get ready bines but yeah or you know if the house is on fire and it's like quick yeah I don't I don't think it's in a in a fire no I think go on I think 207 minutes I take up to that but they do they include the getting up and having a bath doesn't give me any more details no no that's difficult that's how long the the the the the to to the the the to the the to to the the the the the to to the the to to the to the to the to the to to the the to to to the the to to to to to th I th is the th is to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th is is is their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th is is is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is the is the is the is the is the is the is ty. tou te. te. tou. I te. I te. I toe. I theeee. It's difficult to go by. It's difficult to go on that one, isn't it?

How long does Suzanne take to go out of the house? Depends, like I say, if we're just nipping out shopping. The old flip-flops and track is on. Yeah. But if you're going out for the takes a bit longer, don't it? Yeah. Yeah, you've got. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've got the the their. Yeah. Yeah, you've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. the the th. th. the th. th. that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's takes. It's takes. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's takes. It's takes. It's takes. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's takes. It's difficult. It's takes. It's takes. It's takes. takes. takes. takes. It's takes. It's takes. It what the ins and outs of this story are. Svane Gor and Erickson sticking with Nancy rather than Ulricha. What's his wife and not his girlfriend? Yeah, I don't know, if his story's true, no one seems to have offered any evidence for it. Everyone remained silent.

It's rubbish. And, uh, what do you make? an injured foot and just further threatening his World Cup chances. Obviously you're a big football fan. Well I'm not that big, I like the odd game. Sure. Would that hurt him? Would that hurt his foot? It can't be good. Is it a plastering?

It's not a big cartasks. It's better. Good point. Fair enough. Can't argue with that. leader who's having a lot of success in the French presidential elections. What's he doing? You're not come across this story? No. Right, this is one of the big, big political stories. So it's a far right that got nearly 20% in one of the...

It's a far right fascist leader and he's having considerable success in the French elections. I don't think we should be asking hard, I'm getting scared. There's all sorts of bad stuff bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff going bad stuff going bad stuff th. . the bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad stuff bad stuff bad stuff the bad stuff the bad stuff the bad stuff But we know about this. Yeah but you're better off not knowing because there's nothing I can do about it. You're absolutely right Carl. I can't argue with that. Oh my no. That's fantastic. That is brilliant. Have we got it lined up? It's the one song I've been wanting to play since we've been on XFM really and took me a while to track it down obviously in the XFM library but here it is give me shelter from the Rolling Stones. It's amazing track. Give me shelter from the Rolling Stones. Surely if there was a soundtrack to the Vietnam War,

that would be on there wouldn't it? Can I just reiterate this giveaway then? We got this bag signed by a number of celebrities, Graham Nauter and Angostate and different people on there. And if you want to win bought it, but you have to have it, you can send it to us in exchange for this signed bag and you can email Carl.pilk, Carl thok, Carl that Pilkington at XFM.co.co. or the tk. Or you can write to the bag or Ricky Gervaisi's big bag. I've just realized why I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've I've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thian. tho. tho. thi. thi. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. I can can can can can can can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can't. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. thea. the. th. th. the. th. the. th. You can't. You can't. You can't Carl with a C, can't you? Yes you can. As in Cox. Absolutely. You can write to XFM, P-O-Box, 104.9, 1049, London, WC2H7 double X. All right.

Well, it's going to be a bit of a change, isn't there? Yes, that's absolutely right, written. Normally we would send the show obviously with a song for the ladies. But because it's sort of Carl's penultimate show and we're going to play one of his favorite tracks. What are you going to... Yeah, I just thought we could play this. It is obviously the killing of Georgie by Rod Stewart. And this is a song for the Gaze. Oh yeah. In these days, changing ways, so-called liberated days. A story comes from mine, a friend of mine. George and boy was gay I guess. Nothing more or nothing less.

The kindest God I ever knew. His mother's tears fell in vain. The afternoon George tried to explain, that he needed love like all the rest. Par said there must be a mistake, how can my son not be straight, after all I've said and done for him. See his father took it as a sort of personal slight, but you can't help it, you know, and as he said, you know, it's just gay, doesn't make him a nasty person. Not at all.

Leaving home on a greyhound bus, cast out by the ones he loves a victim of these gay days it seems. Are you enjoying this Carl? Yeah, but I'm not gay. No, but I'm not gay. No evidence of him being Scottish. No, but... George, you went to New York town, very quickly settled down, and soon became the toast of the Great White Way. Accepted by Manhattan's elite and all the places that was sheeting of party

was complete without George. Well, he says they blew a fuse. He cruised and all the old queens blew up fuse. Everybody loves Georgie for one piece. Well, he says they blew a fuse. They're not electricians, they mean he sort of, um... And it's not a euphemism either. The last time I saw George live was in the summer of 75, he said he was in love, I said I'm pleased. George attended the opening night of another Broadway height but split before the final curtain fair. Deciding to take a shortcut home, arm and on, they meant no wrong.

A gentle breeze down Fifth Avenue. Oh, I'm worried. I'm a bit edgy. He's out late. I know. And he's taking a shortcut, which is mental. Not in New York City. Yeah. He doesn't know the area. He's in Scotland. Out of the dark inside street came a New Jersey gang with just one aim to roll some innocent pass a barass. I bet it was them that were screaming. Yeah. I bet it was them that was screaming.

A leather kid, a switch-flated knife, it did not intend to take his life. It just pushed his luck, a little too called that night. A sudden blood dispersed the gang. A crowd gathered, the police came, an ambulance screamed to a halt on 54th and 1st. I'm suddenly worried. This isn't a true story is it? Who knows? If it is, we don't know that. Just what they'd say, that we're not... Oh, well, that'll be terrible. Yeah. George's life ended there, but I ask who really can. George once said to me, and I quote, He said, never wait or hesitate, Get in, get before it's too late. You may never get another chance.

Because use a mask, but it don't last. Live it long and live advanced. George, he was a friend of mine. See how come you think this might be a true story? I just got suddenly worried then. No, but how come this be a true story? But the bloke jumping out of a window and hearing his phone ringing? No, because Rod Stewart I just suddenly thought what if he's written a song about this and this bloke did actually exist and was killed, then I started panicking.

Yeah. I don't think it is, is it? I'm almost certain it's not. Okay. So later then? Is that it? We've got to pack up and go home. Yeah? Well I think we've enjoyed ourselves. Oh, I've loved it. I've loved every minute of it. Carl.pilconer at XFM.co.co.K. for your suggestions as to what you're willing to swap for the signed bag. See you next week. Bye.