The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S1E7 (December 22, 2001)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

The show ran between September 2001 and May 2002 before Gervais and Merchant went on hiatus to film the second series of ‘’The Office’’. Initially, Pilkington’s on-air presence was relatively minimal compared to what it would become. Gervais and Merchant only occasionally called for Karl to weigh in with his thoughts, while the two mostly talked to each other, with the “links” between songs comprising only about 30 minutes of the show’s 2-hour run time.As Pilkington’s personality moved to the forefront, the talk portion of the show expanded to roughly an hour per 2-hour broadcast. While the show relied largely upon a stream-of-consciousness format, Pilkington made attempts to keep things more conventional by insisting on running contests and airing pre-recorded segments and regular “features”.

We don't know. Yeah, we hide. The problem with me is it's like when you multiply anything with naught. You can put to the power of the sun. It's still... Yeah, okay, Shane. And I'm a fat little ugly fella like Regvani. Well, there are lots of people there you don't like and you sort of you could go up to afterwards and almost like metaphorically flip the bird. What's that mean? What's that mean? the thirty. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the the the that, the the that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the that, to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Yeah, that, that, that, you know, flip the bird. You dirty. No. Wiggle finger. And see, I'm married Steve single. No, what are you talking about? And there are lots of people there,

I thought it was a euphemism. Who you haven't got on with in the past, and then they're all being really nice to you. What I'm talking about? I've got that hipster thing. The finger. Give me his finger. Yeah, but I thought there was a dirty metaphor. No. You're always thinking this. Don't bring me down to your level till at least five minutes. It's all right. Coming up after the road, we got Steve and Ricky. And lovely Claire, we're driving the desk.

Hello. Hello, the way you even live the pretense what about some food fighters mixed with the strokes I wouldn't mind a bit of strokes or no order what should we kick in with undecided yet Rick probably got some ads to to help us decide that's a dilemma that dilemma that dilemma will be revealed in just under four minutes stick a to cune with stucoe that. Now listen to Ricky DeVso, obviously. With Steve Mochin, hi.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they like to know, they like to know if I'm here. They don't like to know. They don't like. The fans do. Yeah, that's absolutely true. We're also going to be playing some songs that maybe we don't like. Exactly. Just for the hell of it. Yeah, because we're crazy guys. Yeah.

We never know what's going to offer next. No, we haven't. Guess who's pressing the buttons, you can see her? We're genuinely done. Well, you know, I'm cleaner. You can actually clean? Well done. Well done. Congratulations. Yeah. Clean for Christmas. That's beautiful. You're still thieving. Still thieving. At least it's the money now goes on like you know 40 Benson as opposed to a little 5 pound start up. It's lovely. It's lovely. It's nice. It's nice to see a little miracle for a little. It's a little. It's a little. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.............................................................................................................................................. little miracle for Christmas, Rick. It's beautiful. Yeah. I'm already in the Christmas mood. Are you in the Christmas mood?

The thing is, right, what she's still got left over from it and these are the scars and the reminders of you are just smack out the evening. Are those little homemade tattoos on her face? Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, she looks like seal like seal. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the c. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the c. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's th. She's th. She's. She's. She's. She's. But no, Merry Christmas to you, Claire. Yeah. Thank you. Merry Merry Christmas. You're still living in the project. Yeah. It is one of those little little miracles. She's still keeping it real. It's wonderful. She's a bit like Jesus Christ. In a way. Yeah, yeah. That's blasphemy. Please play a record. Lincoln Park and one of their songs. Jervais. too. the the song. the. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. coming back from the kitchen with a couple of cups of tea. It's like he's won an award, you don't care now. I'll turn up if I want to. Maybe we should do a twin spin, Sturgis. Do you want another?

Yeah, play something. Here you are the record. Poor well. The changing man. You told the listeners that I was just too big to be here because I'd won some award. I was actually making the tea for all of us, wasn't I? It's awful, this tea. That's not the point. I shouldn't be making tea a man in my position. You're right, you shouldn't be making tea. It's just awful. How do you actually go about a cup of tea or coffee? the tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tha. I's. tha. tha. I's, tha. tha. I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I's, it's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It's, it. It. It. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, t. It's, t. It's, I'm, t. It's, I'm, I'm, t. It's, t. It's, I actually can't make a good cup of tea or coffee and it's strange, it must be some of metaphysical.

I put all the right ingredients in just like everyone else does and I'll put all the cattle and everything, but people do go that. Can I tell you what this is. Can I tell you're going to the tea? the tea? the tea. the tea. the tea. the tea. thea. thea. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thau. thau. I's is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy. toy toy toy. toy toy. I toy. before. There's been times, Sturgis, when I've tasted the tea and it tastes like washing up liquid. And I've said what happened? And he went, there were some bubbles in there, yeah. Well, you know, I've rinsed out with some water for us not. Well, yeah. I resent, I resent, I resent, I resent, I resent, I resent, I to resent, I to resent to resent, I to task. I task. I task. I've task. I've task it's task it's task it's tasks. tasks tasks tasks ta the ta' ta' ta the ta the ta the ta the ta the ta the ta' the ta' the ta' the ta' the ta' the ta' the ta' tasan't tasan't tasan't tasan't tasan't tasan't tasan't tasan't tasks it tasks. And I've tasks. And I've tasks. And I've tasks. And I've tasks. ta' ta' ta for tea again. When they usually works. But yeah. I've had to go and get an extra tea bag and dunk it in here. It's ludicrous. I know. It's mad, isn't it?

It's pathetic. Anyway, it's Christmas, let's not disrespect you know, let's be cheery. Can I tell stu-Istahs, their you you you you their you you their just what their just what their just what their. man and he's a thoughtful man and he's got a lot of brothers and sisters and a lot of nephews and nieces and stuff. Well I got about 20 people to get presents for. Yeah, you got a nice alley so it's a tricky business. That's why I think was it you got him 200 pounds worth of lottery scratch cards. I had about a minute I was getting a lift down to a red. the scratch cards. It was my mate, Jimmy and I went, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I, I, oh, I, oh, I, I, I, oh no I just got to get the presents and I just ran into the 7-Eleven off of thely, I got to do this about the scratch cards.

That's amazing. It's such a working class Jippo gift, isn't it? But did any of them work? Anyone win? Yeah, yeah, I mean some people were down, that that was a present, I'd luck. That's mind that there's like some children who are like seven or eight you know scratching off scratch cards they got to be 18 to claim them. Just the rest of your family so I can't just wrestling them off you know you can't claim it anyway no no no you have I've got three dumbbells I've got three the same you don't get anything for that, not in this game. Unlucky. Are you gonna do that again this year?

Maybe, yeah. Mercury Rev, the Dark is Rising. That sounds a bit like a tribute to Neil Young. Beautiful, I thought it was wonderful. It was lovely. We're gonna play some lovely records. Steve. Did you call me something else before? I didn't hear. I thought maybe you'd call me, I don't know, Jonathan or something. No, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know to go at me because I went on John's a Rocheon. No, no, no, I thought you'd said something, you'd said my name by mistake you'd said someone else's name when you're talking to me I didn't hear that so when I heard you just go Steve I thought you were correcting a mistake you

hadn't made no no okay all right see blunder what did you call me fatty good good good right we're talking about yeah yeah well it is because it's just the right time of year to talk about it, to be honest. It's topical. So let's carry on. Go on, shoot. Well, I just wondered if your Christmas gift buying had always been as thoughtful as it is in recent years. Oh, well, no, that was actually, even though it was pretty lazy and thoughtless, it was quite generous in the sense to financially. But I remember I remember, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, their, their, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, I was, thi, thi, thi, I was, thi, I was, I was, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Go, th. Go, th. th. Go, th. Go, th. th. th. Go, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. their, their, their, their, their, their, oh God. Now, even though I sort of come from a working class family, my dad was a laborer, my mom was like a housewife, but I was spoiled at Christmas. I didn't have like pocket money or gifts now,

but you know, she'd get out of a catalog and pay for it for the rest of the year, so I did have great presents. And because I had older than sisters, they were earning, so I had good presents. and it and it and it and it and it and it and it th, and it was okay, and it was okay, and it was okay, and it was okay, and it was okay, and it was okay, and it was okay, and it was okay, and it was okay, and it was okay, and it was okay, to to to to to to to be to be to to be th. thathea, to tho, tho, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was th. I was th. I was th. I was tho, there, thrown. I was thrown. throwne. throwne. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th it was okay for me to give them nothing or do a card or somewhat rubbish. But then I remember one year when I just suddenly realized I was too old to be doing this. It was like, it was like you know in jaws when it pulls focus. Yeah, oh my God. And I just realized that's the worst present you've ever. I think it was about 12 or 13. And I remember it now. My sister had got me a Cat Stevens album, I think a birdhouse, and like a quiz book or something. And it was my turn to give her a resin. And it was a bottle of shampoo that I'd found in the bathroom and wrapped up. It was a big jumbo, one of those Tesco's, you know.

Had it not already been used? No, I don't think so. I would bought it with water, wrapped it up. I just gave it to her th a th a th, and I and I and I and I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I tho, I th, tho, I tho, I tho, I'd tho, I'd th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thereereeea, thereea, thereea, thereea, thiiiii wrapped it up. I just, no, I just gave it to her and she went, oh thanks, I thought, I thought, oh god, that's rubbish. That's really bad. That's really bad. That's really bad. That's really bad. That's really bad. I know, that's really bad. That was going, no you won't, you won't. And I was going, I love it. And so she bought me Scarletrics and I unwrapped it. And I was using it, I was bored instantly. But I didn't tell it, I pretend that I loved it. And I'd always be playing it monotally, hating it. I think it was great at the time, but I think it was an XFM party actually, years ago when

they got SkyM Tricks and like loads of us think, oh yeah, I used to love it, rubbish. Yeah, really. It's tiny, it's about two foot long, you go, you go, row, put it back, put it back on, okay? Yeah, exactly. You want it, you want it to at least kind of change into a robot or kind of come off and just drive around the course these days it's all virtual Steve. That's true in your mind. Well we all take a pill that we're in some fantasy. Yeah and then yeah I'm a I'm a certain center for a little while. What about those bloody games no one. No one's reading a book anymore are they what's a tree?

What's a t off the latest album. It's the last track on the album, ground beneath her feet, it's from All You Can't Leave the thear one. Beautiful. And I think it's one great. It's very good. That's 90, 93, 94. It's a long time ago. thir, that's a long, 90, 90, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the their. the their. the their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their a core all those years ago when they were setting out they were great and that oh yeah before they became embarrassing well they might they can still come back they could still come back that their last time was not as good as their you know that their first one and two you know but you know you know who knows Steve well exactly yeah yeah it's been a good. been charmed this year by Bubba Sparks his album I thought was fun shop shop shop I think Delisalle this year yeah yeah I think they're a

yeah I think they did yeah I did they did they did they did I didn't the the jay I didn't the try to I like to cut a tracks on the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the I the I the I that's I that's I'm I'm I the I that's I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I the I the I the I the I the I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the street. Well Rick, can I surprise there's a new little compilation. I like the owl and the cat and the dog. The new little compilation, Rick, has lots of tracks from their previous albums and other singles and it's a good little dynamite, a novelty sort of rapper. They said the same about Timmy Mallet so don't listen to them. So, um, another truck, we played a while back Untouchable Part 2, which was Dynamite. And this is another track, I think this was a single, it's called, uh, bad babysitter. She raps very quickly, but listen carefully because the lyrics are fun. Slow it down a little bit closer here. Okay, honey, now the name of the restaurant and my cell phone number on the refrigerator. Don't be afraid to call if you need anything.

Now have Joshi paid by 9, 930 in the ladies. Now there's soda and chips in the kitchen. A tallly DVD player. And I think there's some board games in the closet. Oh, but one thing, just be good. Okay. I'm a bad babysitter, got my boyfriend in your shower. Woo, I'm making six bucks an hour. I'm a bad babysitter, I'm making six bucks an hour. Who's getting the socks, but whatever, they got junk food,

cuckoo, a dog, two and a hot, Mr. One child. I mean, he's old but not dime down. If I'm bad, I'll turn around in the corner for time out. Aye, Josh, what do you wanna do? You wanna watch cartoons? HBO got platoon. Hey, get back in the room. I assume your folks are gonna be out late, go make me coolate. I'm gonna sit on the couch and boys. My boyfriend gave their Let's find your mom's mates. Thinks she'll miss these Chanel-ys,

and high heels you look like Jardow bangs. Go play under the sink. I want my mommy to do. I want your daddy's a single-sound guy. I told me you're going straight to Hal. If you don't like it, I can't like th you like it, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I can't like, I. I'll take a picture and show that little girl you like, Sarah. Oh, and one more thing. That's been several miles murderers spotted in the area.

I'm a bad baby skid I got my boyfriend in your shower. Whoop, I'm making six bucks an hour. I'm a bad baby said I got Let's make fluffin' out of the stone fidd another peep. I'll take the cookie cutter, make salt cookies, any skin while you sleep. Keep still, I gotta check the bathroom cabinet. Hey, what are these pills? I'll take the fash, you take a bag in the tag of it. Stop the one, I'm not paid enough. I'm not paid for the couch where you watch small one then

next time you see Vicky, this bottle be sticky because this fucking used your mom's tomorrow. Don't worry, I'll put it back in the fridge at and the fridge. I'm scared and scared. You can have. Shut the shake, Gabe. One day you know how nice it is to get, well, you're getting paid. I'm a bad babysitter, I got my boyfriend in your shower. Woo, I'll make it six bucks an hour. I'm a bad babysitter, I got my boyfriend in your shower. Oh, dad, they just came back. Geez, Mr. W. their wife, the thigh. Oh, they's, they's, they's, they's. they's. they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they. I. I. I. I. I. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, they, they're they just, they just they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, they, they, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I. I, I, I, I. I, I, I, I. I, I, I, I, I, I th. I, I, I th. I th. I'm th that, that, th that, th' tha, th' tha, the. I'm th' the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm th. I, I, I been the drink she had. We drank some Mottas, watch, High Lock, rip off a thigh high. Too much information, I need a ride.

Oh, let's take the bends. That's the coolest car I've ever seen. How old are you again? I forget, 19? Oh, yes. I've been like four more years. Oh, one time. Could you please show me one of those nice cheers? Working out? Looked out. Here's your house. You wanna come in, we just got this awesome new couch. Ouch! Stop it, girl. Can't I get a little peevee? No, girl, I'll take a rain check and see you next week.

I'm a bad baby sitter got my boyfriend in your shower. Who? I'm making six bucks an hour. I'm a bad baby spinner got my boyfriend in your shower. I'm making six bucks an hour. I'm a bad baby sitter got my boyfriend in your shower. I'm making six bucks an hour. From the album Princess Superstar is Princess Superstar and Bad Babysitter. Did you enjoy it? Yeah, I did. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, that's two out of two from the album I've liked.

Yeah, exactly. I think I'll go and buy the album on the way home, Steve, just make a little note. You've got outcast to buy, which has not actually been released yet, but I'm sure you can pull some strings. I'll, uh, yeah, I'll get someone on to that. Good. Okay, XFM 104.9. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. th. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I'. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I............................................ I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I words, yeah. Cheers. It was sort of like presents here. I just remembered something else I had. I was just into science from like the age of like five, six to about 18, 19, I'm still into it, but I studied it and I absolutely loved it. And I got a microscope set when I was about, I suppose, 10 or 11. And just looking at butterfly wings and just anything under there like, you know, 300 times th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th and I and I and I and I and I and I th and I th and I was th and I was the th and I was thoes thoes I thoes I was thoes just thoes just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just I was just I was just I and just anything under there like 300 times

all this is amazing and in it came these little shrimp eggs and you could look at them and then you could breed them you had to put them a salt water solution and then keep them at a certain temperature and they think oh in a nice little beach and they'd come out. What I did, speed up the process a little bit, popped it on the electric fire, right? We had a fake, one of those fake plastic coal things with one of those little metal things that turned around from the heat and made it look like flames. It didn't. I'll be honest, it didn't. Because who the hell was fooled? Yeah. You've got a lovely roaring fire. Yeah, the flames were encased behind the plastic coal, but I love it. Popped them on there, left them there for a little while, a bit too hot, came back, just

melted really, just dry and the thing was slightly warped. So them shrimps did not see the light of day. Once again, your laziness and mindfulness, just I've got to speed up the experiment. Absolutely. Yeah, come nature. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Do you stand in front of a microwave just going, come on, come on. Come on, yeah. A minute and a half for soup.

It's ridiculous, isn't it? Yeah. That's majestic. Yeah, but I learned the lesson. Yeah. But I learned the lesson. the sriked I th. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. the. the. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thean. thean. toean. toean. toean. toean. toean. toean. toean. toean. toeaneaneaneaneananane. to right temperature. Exactly. That's terrible. You reminded me of something I was going to say then, but I can't remember. I've embarrassed myself live on air. Oh yeah. Should have kept that quiet? No one was there thinking I wish Steve would say something. Now it's crazy. What was he's going to say? Yeah. I know what it was. You said about the sort of the fire and that idea of kind of buying. It's. It's. It's, it. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I, I, I, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, should, you, should, should, should, I should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, should, I should, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I should, th. Should, th. Should, th. Should, th. Should, I've. Should, th. Should, th. Should, th. Should, th. Should, th. Should, th. Should, should, should, should, should, th. I should, I should, I they tell people it's fake Utter waste of time. Yeah, you're told me that it's like what you're not your I'm getting one over on the Rolex people But you're right on that side, but the point is why buy a fake Rolex watch? I mean why buy a Rolex watch. I mean why buy a Rolex? I mean, they look good. They look nice. Yeah. And it's? Pod carriers can get upward of 550 pounds a day. So you've embarrassed yourself. I don't know anything, it seems like I don't know

anything about the building industry anymore. Unbelievable. Do you know once, my friend showed off this watch that he'd bought and a guy had sort of dodgy bloke had sold it to him on the street. And he'd been up in London and some guy in Oxford Street had sold him this watch and it looked really good and it worked fine for years and it just looked class and I thought wow it's brilliant and I came to London for something and I walked up and down to Oxford Street for two and a half hours trying to get sold a dodgy watch and I'd be going to be a lot of watch and I'd go to the watchers go and I'd be going to go go yeah I go no no I'm interested in watches go go no I go no I go no I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I the to the to go I go I to go I to go I to go I'm I'm I'm to go go go go go go go go I'm to go I to go I'm to go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go I to go go go go go I to go I to go I to go I to go I to go I to go I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th I th th try try try to to to to try to to try try try try try try try you try try try try try try to try try t idea that they saw you go, no, I know. I know. It's so bad adverts with me, if people see you walk around with this, it's not a good trade. What do you? Send me one of those stolen watches.

Can't do it, mate. More than my job's worth. Ten Benson. That's a great chain. It's a great chain. It's a lot of punk-o'n't. Steppenwolf and bad companies. My only worry is that, um, are they like 18 year olds who like Gomez are trying to sound like they've kind of had a rough, hard living life. No, no, they're old 40 somethings. Well, no, no, they're not. They're sort of, but they're dirty.

Yeah, good. Do you notice that Steve Taylor, the man with the knowledge, she just popped in there. It's just been a been a been a been a been a big. It's been a big. It's been a great. It's been. the their their their their th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. They're old. They're old. They're old. They're old. They're old. They're old. They're. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They....................................... they. they. they. they. they're. they're old. they're old. they're old. they're old. they're old. they're old. they're old. they're old. they're old. they'retwo now. Clearly he has got the knowledge, isn't he, in every sense. Yeah. I imagine he's a great lover. He knows. I imagine he's got wonderful fingers. He knows what, but magic fingers. Well he's actually got little, little, um, Toadie hands. Right. He's, he quickly so we can get on with learning. Pleasure gloves! Yeah, because even when he's making love there's a stack of trivia books. Exactly, exactly. Well he can tell you about kind of great shags of the past. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh he's he's heard.

He's already here he comes. Oh look, I love him, you usually call it, you usually call it breathing when it's humans. Steve Taylor, the man with the knowledge. Come in, come in. Come in, hey. Merry Christmas too. It's like Steve Wright and he's like, thrown. He's like, thrown, hea.

Hi. Hi, are you a great's exactly the same cover sort of ginger hair and he looks like a tennis ball it's just hair the exact same length all over his face and there's no reason be to come in was that abuse was happening with that yeah I know I've come in you just continue but but say look look it looks at the same I, I'm going to make a note of that. When I've bought those two albums, I'm going to listen to Steve Taylor, the Malmoth Lodge, on at 5 o'clock on XFM. Isn't it incredible? Because he's been in since 11 o'clock this morning, just compiling information for every record he'll be playing. Yeah. The show's only 20 minutes long. But you know with him, because he's got to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to the to to the to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. I. I'm tho. I'm time. time. time. time. time. time. time. time. time. time. time. th. th. the. tho. th. it's going to throbbing, all information. What are you playing next club?

You bored. Sorry, were we boring you two? Oh, it's just that list, isn't that cute? Yeah. So can you tell us about Star Saider? What do you know about some interesting facts about Starzah? Into the microphone. Holmes all around England. They're rubbish. Thank you. Steve Taylor. Controversial view.

Still he has bread people. Hives, hives, before that star sailor. It's been a bit of a punk sort of show this, isn't it? In general, you know, the whole year's been a little bit of a, I blame the strokes, but you see, I enjoyed punk. You were too young and don't care for it, but... But I have to say that if punk the first time around was as exciting as I found it this year, then I've missed out because I've really enjoyed it. So I want to go and play all things like x-ray specs and you know, things like that now.

Are they kind of melodic though as things like the strokes and white stripes and so on, are they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they kind they they kind they kind they kind they kind they are they are they are they kind they are they are they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they kind they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they are they are they are they are of like pop-punk and Polistyne was almost, she wasn't a joke, but they had saxophones and stuff, so it's not as probably a bad example of Ernie. I mean, I mean, just, I mean, the sex pistol summed it all up, yeah, sure, sure. But well, we enjoyed that. Well, we did. I have that. We the geeks and you'd have thought I'd have enjoyed that but actually... Well that's new metal though isn't it? There's all these people in their bedroom playing sort of computer games and loving Limpiskett I can't believe that new mitten over the world it's just mad isn't it it's absolutely huge. Suddenlyally uncool to me when I was younger anyone who was into that kind of music I just thought loser and that's I mean that's took away from calling the pop black yeah imagine that it's a year the geeks not just not just because

of these fantasy films with the Harry Potter stuff, I've always thought it's like, yeah. It's like people who are still obsessed with Harry Potter they go, I'm re-reading Harry Potter for the third time. And I think, listen I haven't read it, okay, I'm sure it's very good, but you're re-reading it for the third time. There are books out there written written written written written written written written written written written written written written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, written, oh yeah, I'll just read, like in case you miss something the first time, right? But maybe they're learning the spells. I just, I'm stunned by it. I mean, have you read it all, Claire? Are you all up on this? What, Harry Potter?

I actually went out and bought the first Harry Potter book and lost interest halfway through. Because there was no chance of you I think you're buying I think you're actually buying the wrong books right what you want to buy Steve is a pornographic magazine tell me more Well in there you see what you get ladies other ladies sometimes ladies sometimes ladies Stereophonics and the theme tune to BBC tooves the office handbags and glad bags so I think we should be playing Christmas songs as well though because Americans's war is over a great a great a great a great a great a great a great a great a great great great. a great. a great. a great. a great. a great. a great. the the the th. th. th. It is th. It's. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tel. tell me tell tell. tell tell. tell. tell. tell. tell. tell tell tell tell tell tell tell t. tell t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. tel the the the the the the the the the the the the tell me the the the tell me they. What they. the the they. the the they. tellags. Absolutely. So I think we should be about Christmas songs as well though. America's war is over a great great... Is it really? What? The theme tune to the office? I think I mean is, yeah I think it's war.

thanks John. It is! It is! Yeah, yeah, it is yeah. To be fair, Rod Stewart did it first. Yeah, and we don't use the serephonic version. Is to be. It's wa wa wa wa. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, to be. It's, to be. It's, to be. It's, the that. It's, it's, it is. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it is, it is, it is, it is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It's is. It is. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, it's, it's, it's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's, the the the that's, it's, it is, it is, and we don't use the seraphonic version. No, or the Rod Stewart version. Thank you. Too expensive. Exactly. Cost a fortune. Like to re-record it. Yep. A little. A little. Little known facts. Yeah. You should save that for the DVD. Or Steve Taylor would have been coming with a knowledge and told him everything. I was thinking. I was their. I was try. I was to a very. Cl. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A... A...................................................................... t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. to.. to...... play. But I mean we should, it's good. No, let's play simply having a wonderful Christmas time by people can't they. Can we play driving home for Christmas? Chris Reah. Oh he is. There's a lyric in that that goes, uh, look at he's in the car driving a Christmas. He looks over the other bloke the boy. Oye, what are you wearing? That's the same as me, that is.

What did you get your missus? The same is it? Ew? Who are? Are you a stalk on? I'm Chris Ria? Hello? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, theyrtle? the store made a film. the Newcastle? tolde? Yeah, theyrtles. to. to. Yeah. to. to. Yeah. Yeah. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. they. their. their. their. th. Are. I. their. their. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are. Are the. Are the. Are the. Are the. Are the. Are the. Are the. Are the. Are the. Are the. Are the. Are the All Saints, Honest. No one went to see it. But Chris Rea made a film which was like a kind of fantasy thing. Well I think Shirley Bassie turned up in it where he was like, have you ever seen this? No but oh no I can't tell you I'll tell you off there. Really is it outrageous. Is it liable as to Chris Rea? No, no, I had to interview. to interview. to interview. to interview. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th don't ask me, don't ask me. What do you do it for? It was for some satellite TV show. And what did Bassy? No, no, when Bassy came into Pinewood Studios,

when she came in, we all had to leave the set so she could drive through the set, we all had to leave so she could drive in. No. Just tell boring there. I wish I hadn't told you that. What do you mean she drove her car into the set? No, she was driven into Pima Studios into wherever they were filming and we had to all leave as she arrived. Because I don't know. She knew what you do, Sturgis. She didn't like me. Yeah, I don't want that smack it out.

I don't want to your questions. Yeah, well, I don't think anyone did, but it's the fact that Chris Rehocup money to make a film. I mean, as he released a song for years? He's still going, is he's still going, he's probably got to a little bit of back catalog going. He mentioned more poor told him. And I'm I'm wondering because he's to to to to that, because he's that, because he's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the fact, because, I'm that's that's that's that rich one. Steve, does anyone deserve it? Unless they spread it around really. Politics, politics. But he's obviously, I mean, he must be one of the richest men in, certainly in this country, and I'm sure, you know, internationally.

Millions, I don't know if he's reached the billion market, but I don't want to to be wondering to the money, That'd be amazing. Do you know what I mean? She could like leap over buildings and stuff. That would be genius. Well she wouldn't leap, she'd hop. Because if I had that much money I would. She could only hop. She could only be running around in a circle. She'd be the one. You'd have to get the other one done as well. She'd be easy.

Just one hot. cost now with inflation. Six million dollars of course, that's only about four million pounds sterling. But now and that was like, what was that, 74 or something? It costs you a million one. He won a guess. But he's got, he got the eye, that's useful. He can, well, see miles away. He's got the two legs. He'd got the two legs. He'd be, he'd be hopping. today. today. there. the, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. He's. He's. He's, well. He's, well. He's, well. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's, well. He's, well. He's. He's, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, he's. He's. He's. He's got. He's got. He's got. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's got. He's got. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd. He'd the. He'd the. He'd the. He'd the. He'd the. He'd the. He he'd be hopping wouldn't he? Do-doo-doo. But he got the one arm, he'd need the one arm. They thought, let's not look mad, let's not make complete bining. But the one thing that always worried me, right, was that when he lifted up a t but his back would just collapse wouldn't it? Yeah, so you're beginning to wonder if an astronaut who fell out of a airplane while test driving it and was rebuilt as a half robot, you're wondering if there's maybe some There's a half robot. Yeah, and Oscar Goldman, I don't know what and isn't it convenient that his girlfriend had the same two legs one arm but she this time she had the ear I don't think he was just on the pull and by chance

he got her and dress he thought my god that does that looks like a familiar plastic arm and there was a bionic dog wasn't there and a horse apparently why do you need a bionic horse I know when you can run their horse I know when you can't run at the their one one one one one one their you their you can't their you can't run their you can't run their you can't run their you can't run their you can't run their you can't run their you can run their you can run to run to run to run to run to run to run to run their you can't to run it's to to to their you you to to their you you you to their you you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their you can't their you don't their you don't their you don't their you don't their you don't their their their their their their their their. I I was th th th th th th thr thrown. I th the. I the. I'm the. I'm the the. I thrown. I like really five. I think the problem was that they'd spent so much money on all these bionic things. They just made a bionic horse, entered in races. Yeah, he's got money back. Yeah, exactly. Steve Austin, he's not turning around. He's not a very costly investment. Does anyone remember Bionick man. Everyone knows the Barnet. Oh just asked Canfield about it. Oh, but he loves it. Because Camphel's only about 14 and he knows the bottom. I know, yeah, it's been watching it for 13 and half years.

Sturge, let's put another song because we just played the cover version of Hamas now, right? Sure, great song, really good. And I've been playing cover versions all this all this year. And one of my favorites was the the the th th th th th th today, wouldn't he? He just pops up when he was. Exactly. Isn't he? But I'm not going to play any cover versions in the new year. That's, go on. Cover me up or come me bad. That's going to run for cover. Well, I've finished with my, oh I call Play this Claire, lovely. Mmm. I'm putting you out. But tonight we could be the lash out, because I'm fascinated by style. Your beauty will last for a while.

Bada-da-da. You're feeling and instead of being, the more that I live on the inside, nothing to give, I'm infatuated by your moves. I've got to search out for your clues. Ah. You're trying to outrun your fear. You're running to lose the heart of the fever. The soul in your shoes take a left, a shot left and another left.

Meet me on the corner and start again. to There was a short-lived kind of new folk movement wasn't there this year that kind of came and went and the kings of the convenience were supposed to be part of that. And their their the convenience were supposed to be part of that. And their album, Quiet, is the new loud I thought was an absolute treat and a lot of people just sort of ignored it. Lovely, lovely album, Quire is the New Loudout, I thought was an absolute treat, and a lot of people just sort of ignored it. Lovely, lovely track, lovely version. That was never actually on the album, that was from the Toxic Girl single. And that's once around the block, don't think it does. It makes us wealthy people.

And lucky, very lucky. PJ Harvey. Lovely. Love it, great, great. I'm loving this Steve. Yeah, no it's great. I had a couple of chocolates there, didn't I? Oh, the purple ones in roses. Very much like the quality street one, the hazelnter. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's makes th. It's makes th. It's makes th. It's makes th. It's makes thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It makes thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It makes thi. It makes us me in the mood. Now I know your fan like me, you love the roast dinner. Oh, we love the roast dinner, but the Uber roast dinner is the Christmas dinner. I'm looking for it right now. I can't believe how many different sort of meat you're going to have in your house. Well we always have the turkey, yeah. Oh, the fact that someone's designed the meat, sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I'm. Oh, I'm. Oh, I'm. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm. Oh, oh, I'm a little bit of lamb. Oh God, and don't forget the sausage, you know. Well, I love the fact that someone's designed the turkey, Christmas dinner, and then they thought, wait a minute, I also want a little sausage, and let's wrap it in bacon.

Why not? Let's have some stuff in it. Can we have some? Can the greatest, it's the work of art and it takes outwards. Rick, can I ask you what kind of veg you go and know with this year? Veg, well I just love the roast potato. I mean people have tried to sneak in the Brussels. Because you don't eat vegetables or anything green. I try not to eat. Parsnips. I love past nips. But when they're when they they they they they they they they're when they're when they're when they're when they're when they're when they're when they're when they're when they're when they're when they're when they're when they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. they're th. th. th. their. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go, what th, what th, what th, what th, what th, what th, what th, what th, what th, go, go, go, go, go, go, go go, go, go go, go go go, go, go go go, go, go go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go the the g. Go thee. Go thea, go go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, when, yeah, oh I love that. I will be having carrots, we'll be having leaks, we'll be having Brussels, obviously, Brussels.

Yeah. And my mom will always throw in a little bit of something crazy. Maybe they'll be a little bit of red cabbage, something wild. Or a vim or a used condom to be to be But who knows any kind of any kind of trees I'm looking for I'm just so and I love the fact about the Christmas dinner is it people are taking weeks years planning it I know They take you know they're months gonna they got a few frost Have you have told could you talk about your grandparents? Well my grandparents of course the thing about my grandparents? I have mentioned this before? I don't I love this I thin. I don't I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think I think they they they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've their they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've their they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've their their their their their their their th I've th I've te te te te te te te te te te te te te te thea thea their their their their their their the unbelievable. My grandfather, they're all their own though. He was in the R. A. F. in the war, right? And he, for some reason, he had problems with his teeth and they pulled them all out and they replaced them with a false set of false teeth. But during

the war time, I don't know whether that changed. So we know he still got the wooden plate and about three teeth still hanging on it. So he and my grandmother combined, they cannot eat anything that's kind of solid. So they will literally get up for a Christmas dinner, they'll get up and they'll put the meat on like it's sort of six in the morning. Go about the bed for the day. the the the th. th. th. th. th and th and th and th and th. th and th and th and th th th th. So th th. So th. So the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and he and he and he and he and the and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and he and the the their their their their their their their their their their th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So th. So, he and th. So, he and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and the and they and the best compliment you can have you cooked dinner from my grandparents is oh this is lovely you can suck it away yeah imagine that why do they just liquidize it have a nice little roast smoothie they have done in the past really and a little apple crumble smoothie to follow if we take them out if we take them out to eat like at a restaurant something we've got a to the phone ahead to make sure there fish on the the the they really really really really really really really they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they bones you say that's a problem for him. Well you can take the bones out of fish can't you sort of mash it up? Yeah but the eyes are going as well. Steve could I suggest the fish cake? It's already mashed it's with the potato it's in a crispy crumb which doesn't know anyone whether you got teeth or not. Rick can't I make a little? Yeah I just want to make it because obviously not everyone's is fortunate. Yeah. Because the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the fish. the fish. the fish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. touch. to. tis. tis. the tis. tis. tis. the the tis. the fish. the fish. the fish's. the fish.? What are they eating? A nut cutlet. What the hell is a nut cutlet?

Can't they have like tofu but in the shape of a turkey? But I love the fact that so often, you know, certainly Linda McCartney veggie items, they always try to fool you into thinking it's the real thing. You know, some veggie sausages sausages. Yeah, we eat the real thing. I look you don't really need it that arbitrary shape. If it's, you might as well just have any shape. What angers me with the vegetarians. What angers me with the vegetarians and the vegans even worse is that look we're breeding all these animals to be eaten. They're gonna get slaughtered anyway. Chow down. Come on. Those chickens in those little kind of pens, you know four of them in a little. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, you. their their their their their their their, you, you, you, you're their, you're their, you can can can can can can, you, you, you, you, you their, you the vegetarians, you the vegetarians, you the vegeta, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you their their their their, you their, you can, you their, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can their their their their their their their their their their their their their the vegetarians, you can't have their, you can't have the vegetarians, you can't have the vegetarians, you can't have the vegetarians, you can't have the vegetarians, you can't they're crapping eggs every couple of minutes. Yeah. You're not a zoologist, are you? I am not officially.

No, but I know what I'm talking about. Yeah, you do. I've seen brochures. Yeah, yeah. I've walked past a farm while on holiday. Excuse me, father. Could your finest hens crap me little egg for me. Brilliant. Old Christmas class. I know, spare a thought for the vegetarians and we're still the vegans.

Yeah, and what about Travis? What do you think they'll be doing this Christmas? I've done way all of a time. I'll tell you what, Steve, the time. I'll tell you what, the Ricky Gervais show with Steve Merchant. I'm loving it. Yeah, it's good. I'm in the Christmas spirit actually. I have to say. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I do enjoy it. I do enjoy it. Will you be looking forward to, I know everyone talks about it, Rick, but Christmas telly? I love Christmas tele. Christmas day tell is got I get up and Noles giving out some presents around hospitals and then you might have the number the number the number the number the number the number the number the number the number the number the number the number the number the number the number the number. the number. the number. the number. the number. the number. the number. the number. the number. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm to be. I'll. I'm to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I. I. I to to to to to their. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I their. I do. Ithe pop, then you might have a little, I don't know, I don't watch the Queen's speech, but you know, you have a little sleep then, don't

you? Maybe after a big roast dinner with too many sausages. Yeah, I'm only joking, Mom, let's have some more. More chocolate, please. Yeah, yeah, well let's not, you know, there radio. No, probably not. Just scrabbling around in the cold in the dirt looking for food. We are actually laughing about it. We actually laugh about it. Then I can ignore the problem easier. Yeah, not face up to the horror. Yeah, I know. That's too easily done, isn't it? Exactly. It's too easy to face the horror of the world. It's better to laugh it off. I know. That's what annoys the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror is is is is is easy easy easy the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror the horror thororororororororororor th. It's thioror th. It's th. It's thoer. It's thoer. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. We's thiorororor thior thior thior th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's th. We's thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thia. We're actually laughing. We're toea. We're actually laughing. We're thia. We're thia. We're actually laughing. We're thi. We're thi. We. I know. That's what annoys me about buskers. Because a beggar just sits there and you can pretend you haven't seen him. Whereas a busker is shouting out and you want to go, you know, unless you're deaf and blind, he knows, he knows. So have you cultivated a kind of universal, I've cultivated this kind of thing I always do with a beggar when they offer their hand I just sort of offer their hand I just don't just just just just just just just just don't just don't just don't just their their th just don't just their th just th just th just th just their th just their th just th just th just their th just don't just don't just don't just don't just don't to their th to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their you their you their you their you their you their, you their, you their, you their their their their their their their th. th. th th. th. th. th. the the the the the the thoeeeeee. thoeus. theeeee. theeeeoe. theeeoe have no money in my hands. And just a kind of sympathetic turn of the head and I sort of marry with some words like and it normally involves sorry mate or something or something.

Yeah, because I find it's better be courteous and like I find it to be courteous. Yeah, no I never do that. And I always avoiding the big issue salesman. I've never bought a copy of the big issue. I love the fact you are actually proud of that. Well it's got to the point where I actually am appalled by myself but it's like it's a contest now. It's like I've managed to do it for so long that it's almost a competition with myself. It's the same as. I'm still kicking myself. I'm looking forward of course to I'm hoping it'll be Dennis Norton's laughter file, volume

7. Oh, you're having a laugh, 20 or 7. It used to be it'll be right on the night, but I think they changed the name to Dennis Norton call door stop and it's sort of like just what yeah and doesn't it just go into the director general called let sleeping logs die yeah yeah it's just oh god why I don't understand is why people that why no one has said to him or why isn't he at Christmas right he's gone home with the family he's watched he's gone come on everyone let's watch my show he's watched it and after five twenty seven that's that's me the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family the family. the family. the family. the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why isn't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the family. the family. the family. the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why the family. Why th. Why th. Why th. Why isn't th. Why th. Why thi. Why th. Why thi. Why thi. Why thi. Why th. Why thi. Why isn't they they they're they're they're they're home with the family. He's watched. He's gone, come on everyone, let's watch my show. He's watched it. It's laughter 27. That's, that's me. The family must have been faking laughter. And why is he not to run anyone? Why did no one tell me and crap? Yeah. Why doesn't he go? Yeah.

Why doesn't he go? Yeah. the TV tasks. But who's rubbish isn't it and they go yeah I go well why didn't you tell us the one we thought we thought would kill you to be quite honest But why didn't you let my son take over or something? Well Dennis he's 84? How old am I then? Well, we don't know we've had you carbon dated but it's off the scale? But why do you let me carry that stupid file? Are you read? I remember what I got? the the the the th? th? the th? th? th? th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. we we'll tho we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' th. We're the the the tho. We tho tol- tell tell tho to to tho to to to to to tho to we' we'll we'll we' we' th scale. But why do let me carry that stupid file? Are you reading this now, Dennis? I can't remember what I got saying. Just speak normally. Two coffees, please wait. No. This is what we call talking to the director general. Stop it. But I can't wait for that yet. Oh, there is two, two, two, two, um. Who can't I'm going to say one. Who's Who's in the audience? Who's in, who's in, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who's, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, just, just, just, to, just, to, just, to, to, to, just, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. Two, the. Two, the, the, the, the. Two, the. Two, to, the. Two, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the like, who's gone, Joan, I got two tickets for a laughter file, I can't have my last. Yeah, I've been on the internet. Because they're always lather cracking up the people on the show. I've never laughed once. Maybe it was an audience that they filmed in 1973, but it was the first time they saw a goalkeeper, or it's the first time they's or something, or something, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it, it, I's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I, it, it, I, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I, I, it, it, it, it, it, it, I, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, the, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they're, maybe, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, theythousand times before or it's um I was always thinking of the people it's um what's that show

uh the beetle used to do the uh you've been framed you've been framed I think that now what's happening is while Lisa Riley's doing all the scripted jokes there's just someone stood behind her maybe just showing a picture of her nude or in a bikini or just pointing and just making jokes at her expense. Exactly, yeah. That's why they're laughing. He's lovely Lisa Riley off Emmer Dale, of course. Fatty Riley eating. No, don't say it's not fat. It might be glad, you don't know. It could be glad. No, just stop it.

You can't say that sort of thing. I don't know. I don't know. bingeing now. She's leaving out the vomit and she can't get her fat fingers in her mouth. Anyway. I'll tell you what, the best gig of the year, surely the White Strikes, Rick, I know everyone's raving about and this is here one of their tracks. What's it called again? What I love is the fact that it was quite a big hit? Belleys, she's like, Cresting, Cemetery, New Yorker. We'n, we's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's just, it's just, it's just. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I's just. I's just. I's just just just. I's just. I's just. I's just. I's just. I's just. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th the even a majestic song like that that normally would get overlooked just manages to drift up to the surface somehow and even you know everyone the white trash. The imagery is great as well. How can old sluice? How can old sluette? Amazing. Well we got old sloat on junk be amazing. Well we're fans. Yeah. Well we got we got more treats. After this. St St St St St St St St St St St St St St St St St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. St. Sturgers. Sturgers. Sturgis, St. St. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. thia. th. the the th. the the the the the the the the th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thi. thea. thi. thi. the now. Yeah. Well we got we got more treats.

After this we've got song for the ladies. Yeah, we're going out of scene period. We're going to play song for the ladies to the penultimate track because I want to leave them with a Christmas classic, the Jorny Mitchell Classic, so look forward to that. Absolutely. It's been a great. It's thahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. th. th. th. th. th. tho. th. tho. th. th. tho. tho. th. th. We're th. We're th. We're the the the the their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. We's th. We's th. We's tho. We've thi. We've thi. We've tho. We're tho. We're toda. We're today. together. together. together. together. together. together. together. tho. Wea. We're tho. We're tho. We've great show. It has. Even I say so myself. You know, I've enjoyed it, looking back over the year, looking forward to Christmas, go on. Can I just throw a thanks, a big thanks out to all the people that have emailed us and phoned in and written to us over the

last six months? I think it's about four people who keep doing it. Yeah, cycling the same names. Exactly. to thiii. their their th. th. th. th. th. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thorou. thorou. thanks. thi. thorou. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. thor. thor. thor. thor. thor. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thrown thrown thrown thooooooooooo. the. thr. throoooooooooooooooo. th and it often gets into the show whether you know it or not. Exactly in some way we steal off steal your jokes and pass them off as arrows. Not as the amount from someone there saying there is a toferkie. A toferkie, yeah, so I'm a tofu turkey. Yeah, so you can't toughfurti. Yeah, you can't buy it in the top for a key. Sure. So I've embarrassed myself again. Sturgis, are you going to be driving home for Christmas? No, I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here. God, she's working. He's just the same as me. She's working on Christmas, Sturge.

Oh yeah, I'm here. Yeah. Yeah. Someone, I'm. they. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. to. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the. t t t t t t to. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. the. the. the. the. the. will be live. Wow. On Christmas Day? Oh yes, Christmas Day evening. So you can't drink and stuff? Well, not as much as like, you would have liked. I mean you're always drunk on air obviously. Yeah, but it's getting that point. I didn't know she drank till I saw sober one day.

One Sunday morning when she came into do an early show and she was talking differently. pubs aren't open yet. Exactly. And I realised, it's terrible, isn't it? Well, what should we play now, this day? I don't know, that kind of felt like we've sort of exhausted ourselves really, we've run out of stuff to say. Have we passed, we've made all our observations about Christmas. We've taken a sideways glance at the sausage. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I remember funny words, stuff in stuff. Do you remember that it was, I that I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the I the I that I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort. I've that we've that we've that we've that we've that we've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've have. I've. I've have. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've links ago. Yeah, sure. No, no, listen, we're going to call it sausage loving. And we talked about all the different things you have on a play and that. We started off with like turkey. And then we went, I'm just going to remember some of the amusing bloopers that took place over the course. Remember when you didn't make it back in time for the link and you were making taken taken taken Oh God, what was that one when I think you said something like,

that was a right, white stripes, he's in the word wrong with someone. Oh God, if you're one of those people. Oh this is great, I'd like to play a record because I'd like to talk about this link later. Yeah. Should we play a record? Well let's look back on it like you know amusingly like I love 1980. Oh let's do that in a second so I'll play a song for the ladies final one of the year and it's a song which I did play a long time ago and it's absolutely beautiful it's from Nick Cave's album what was it called? I think it was called No More Shall We Part and it's an absolutely magnificent thing. I'm just remember the last time you played it I know it I know I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm I'm I'm the I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the last I'm the last I'm the last I'm the last I'm the last the last the the last I'm the last I'm the last I'm the last I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the last I'm just the last I'm the last I'm the last I'm the last the last the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the last th th thi thi thi thi thi the last one one the last one the last time the last time I the last time I'm the last one I'm the last one I'm the and then I think it was Carl who played it and we listened to it.

Well we were we playing Buckeroo or Eating at the time I can't remember. I was on a space offer. I hold this letter in my hand, a plea a petition, a kind and pray, hope it does as I have planned. Losing her against more than I can be. Kiss the cold white in my lord. Press my lips against her name. Kiss the cold white in my lord. Press my lips against her name. Two hundred of words we live in home. Sky he's heavy with rain.

Love let her love let her Let her Go get her. Go get her. Go get her. Love let her. Love let her. Go tell her, go tell her. Wicked windwips of the hill. A handful of hopeful words I love love her and I always will.

Sky is ready to burst. Said something I did not mean to say. Said something I did not mean to say. Said something I did not mean to say. It all came out the wrong way Love letter Love letter Go get a go getter Love letter, love letter.

Go tell her, go tel her. Go to her. Rain your kisses down in storms and for all come before me. Rain your kisses down in storms. And for all come before me, in your slowly fading holes. Going out of my mind, will leave me standing in your slowly fade and holes. Going out of my mind. Will leave me standing in the ring with a letter and a breath, whispered on the wind, come back to me. Come back to me.

Nick Hague with the Bad Seeds Love Letter. Beautiful song. That's a little bit of the Bad Seeds Love Letter. Beautiful song. Absolutely beautiful. Well, I'm loving this, but we've got to go soon. Sadly, the clock has beaten us, Rick. But it's the last track that we're going to play this year. It's a lovely track.

It starts off with a little bit of jingle bells that we're getting a little bit of tribute on the piano. It's Joanie Mitchell and the river. Enjoy. We will be back next week, will we all the week after? No, we're back on the 12th. Yeah. It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees, they're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace. So I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

But it don't snow here. It stays pretty green. I could skate away on. It don't snow here. This day is pretty green. I'm going to make a lot of money. Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene. I wish I had a river. I could skate away on. I wish I had a river so long. I would tea the river so long long I would teach my feet to fly. Oh I wish I had a

river I could skate away on. I wish I had a river I could skate away on. I made my baby cry. He tried hard to help me, you know. He put me at ease, and he loved me so naughty, he made me weak in the knees. Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on. I'm so hard to handle. I'm selfish and I'm sad. Now I've gone and lost the best baby

that I ever had. Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on. I wish I had a river so long. I would teach my feet to fly. Oh, I wish I had a river. I could skid away on. I made my baby say goodbye. It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees, they're putting up reindeer, singing songs of joy and peace.

I wish I had a river, I could skate away on. Right guys I've got some back timing to do now so you got 20 seconds yeah okay well that was, um, Joan, she's getting a bit grumpy, ain't she? No, no, I'm back timing to the football. Back time, yeah, she's, you'll grump, yeah, yeah, you know, you know, 15 seconds. This is Christmas, a cold turkey, mate. Yeah, exactly. That was Jodie. That was Jodie. That was Jodie. thirty.