The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E1 (August 24, 2002)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

Series two of the podcast began on 28 February 2006. It consisted of 6 episodes with the final one released on 4 April 2006. The series saw the return of Karl's Diary and Rockbusters. A new (though short-lived; it was only presented in the first episode) feature was also introduced in order to replace Pilkington's "Monkey News", called "Real Monkey News", where Gervais attempts to present facts about chimpanzees which are factual and scientific.With the start of series two, the formerly free Ricky Gervais Show shifted to a pay model – and as a result the show is now classified as an audiobook. It is available through Audible and the iTunes Store with individual episodes. The reason for this addition, according to Ricky on the podcast, is because The Guardian agreed to pay for the bandwidth for 12 episodes, and any more extra episodes would have to be paid for out of their personal finances.

Oh ho ho ho! That's feeder and come back around. It's a new leaf, Steve, I'm going to do properly now. I'm not going to be sloverly, I'm sitting up straight, you see. And it's going to be a proper DJing, because I think, coming up soon, some great tracks, including a new one from Abs, and an old one from Snow, informer. You know what we're doing, you're doing. It's a good, I'm that's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, I'll to be. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, I'm not going. It's. It's going. It's going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm to be. I'm to be. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'll going. I'll going. I'll going. I'll going. I'll going. I'll going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going to be s. I'm going to be s. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S Carl with me Steve. I'm Ricky Jervais on XFM 104.9. Mary's indeed with him Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkinson of course say hello Carr. All right. Yeah nice. And you say you read... The beginning of a radio show is very much your wares, your shop window laying out your stall. I don't think you can choose a better track than the only one, another girl on the planet. I'd love to hear it. One of my favourite intro is that?

Amazing. Oh, that was dangerous. Because I once heard on Capital Radio, this has got to be the greatest rock intro of all time. And they played money for nothing by Dio Straitz. Yeah, I can just imagine them putting their head down. I remember a friend th. school, he just bought a car and he took me outside to show off the stereo system, money for nothing. Just played that, I've never heard the song before, just played that for its entire four or five minute duration. It is a good song for the sound system. Yeah, it's a good song,

the sound sound of sound and exactly. sporty saloons, you know, the big bout like a Mondale or someone that was big and it was blaring out and the bloke and it was sort of like I could tell he was 24 but already going ball from like obviously his estate agency jobs not to tell but he's made a bit of money and he's got and the serious was ridiculous I mean so loud and it was going the the the the th was going was going was going was going was the the th. th. the same the same the same the same the same th. th. It was th. It was th. It was thian. It was a th. It was a th. I was a th. It was a th. It was a thian. It was a thi. It was a th. It was a th. It was a th. It was a th. It was a small is a small is a small is a small is a small is a small is a small is a small is a small is a small is a small is a small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small. was a story story story story story story story story story. was a the same. It was a the same. It was a story. It was a story. It was a story. It was a serious. It was a serious. It was a serious. It was a serious. It was a serious. It was a serious. It was a serious. It was a story. It was a story story story story story story story story story story story story. It was a story. It was a story. It was a serious. It was a serious playing snow in form. Oh just do people remember informer by snow it was a big tune in money? It's great yeah I always enjoy it but I can play that in next week can we play a tiny little bit of snow yeah yeah we can play a tiny little bit of snow yeah yeah I loved it loved it oh did yeah loved it oh did you know a big tune yeah happy song right you were saying that you're a that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tune I tune I tune I tune I tune I tune I tune I tune tune I tune one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one tune of the the t. Happy song, Rick, you were saying that you've turned over a new leaf. Is that in all aspects of your life or is that just in your broadcasting career? Because the reason I bring that up is because do you want to describe what you were eating

just now when we came in? Because you're a 40 year old man, you put a little bit of weight. So presumably you're watching what you I describe what it looked like to me? It looked to me like a big slab of cheese. You've just got them to just cut off a big block of cheese, like the size of a CD case, one of those double albums, of cheese, right? And just lightly melt that for me so it drips over my hand and it gets really greasy in the bag. But just lay some strips of bacon on the top. Yeah, but listen, you've the the the the the th. Just, you, you, th, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to just, just, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, just, just just, just just, just just just, just just just just just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the South. No, it's a Croc Monsieur, so it's French. It's a what? A Croc Monsieur? A Croc Monceur? Yeah, and so I got, I thought, I've never heard of a Croix. See, you've embarrassed the South. Is that how it's pronounced? So it's a Croix Monsieur.

Oh, eh? Eh? You didn't expect me to be bringing out the music pop? Yes, I tem the music pop. The Plume de Matant. Uales and de'caid initiative. That means my aunt's pen. So what was it then? It was a crop totally. And it was just too greasy. And it was all wobbly.

Well, I like to tell you it's like to be crisp. cold play. Cold play? That's all right, yeah. It's not bad, yeah. Well Steve, we've been away now for what? 12, 13, 14 weeks? Is that really? Yeah. Wow. I've been looking forward to coming back. It's great to be back. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, we've had some laughs, some tears in the interim, I imagine? Yeah. We've had a few ups and days. Obviously been working on the TV show. It th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's th, it's th, it's that's that's that's that's th, it's that's all, it's all that's all that's all that's all that's all that's all, it's all, it's all that's all, it's all, it's all, it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's th, it's thi thi thi thi, it's all thi's all that that that that that that tha' tha' tha' tha' tears in the interim, I imagine. We've had a few ups and downs.

Obviously we've been working on the TV show, The Office, Bafda Winning. Come in soon, Boosy too. But Rick, I just need to mention something quickly to you. When did I last see you? I saw you yesterday, didn't I? Because we went up to Edinburgh, we were very nicely invited to go and talk at the Edinburgh International Television Festival. It was quite a big deal. We went up there and we were interviewed. And Ricky chose to go on the train because it takes like four hours, four and a half hours or something on the train but it's quite leisure. It's quite a gentleman-y thing to do. I opted to go for the plane and I opted to go for the train. And they they bank, and they, and they, and they, to, to, to, the, to, to, the, the, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, and, and, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha station. Yeah. And then it took me on to the airport. Yeah. Did I, now that was, that

was before, the last one I saw you was before I got to the airport and missed my flight, wasn't it? Because I had to drop you off in the center of town. Yeah, another ticket. How did you not tell me that in the last hour? £165, Ricky, I had to pay because we dropped you off at the train station. So I mean do you want to go halves on that or what do you want to, how do you want to deal with that? How do you want to sort that whole mess out? Whytraffic. But it was only it was only three minutes away so you'd missed it anyway? No because if we'd gone the other direction it would have been 20 minutes. It took me like an hour to get to the trip to the airport. And I got there and the plane had already left and the cab he was just laughing. He was saying we're never going to make it because you a religious man. You're I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to t. It t. It t. It t. It took took took. It took. It took took took took me took me the the the the took. It took. It took me took me the took me took me took me took me took took five pounds why didn't he tell you that when he when when he picked up a quarter of past four it makes you wonder so obviously I'm a little bit annoyed because you know I'm not a man who likes to sort of spend unnecessarily but wait but this is not the

fault but why this is not my fault because you were there when we made that decision I didn't impose both our fault. I mean it's no one's fault. It's both our fault. is that fair, that's all I wanted to hear. It's both our fult, therefore it's both our financial obligation. No. 165 pounds, just split that in half. Write a check, Rick, write a check. I trust you. I trust you. You know, phoning. I think everyone, this is... You're clearly irresponsible. their. You're responsible. You're responsible. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I's their. I'm their. I's their. I'm their. I'm their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm their. I'm. I'm their. I'm their. I's their. I's their. I's their. I'm. I'm not. If you share a cab and then one person's lucky enough to not be late and one person is unlucky enough and that's what it is, bad luck, I don't think you share the obligation. The phone is it's a moral dilemma with this isn't it? But it's more than that though, it's not because let's be honest. Even if you had known that I was going there late there late. You'd have wanted me to at least got in that cover. I got there way too early. I actually got there about, I was there about 30 minutes early. Oh, so you made it fine then. That was exactly. So I mean, I did, I sacrificed me hanging around for half an hour so you could get it a quarter past four. And the other thing is thi. And the other, and th. And th. And th. And th. And th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I I I, I, I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I I I I, I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I actually, I, I was. I was. I was, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I actually, I was, I was, I was, I was, I actually, I was, I actually, I was, I was, I was, I actually, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was. I, I, I would if I'd gone the other direction not dropped you off in the center I would have been there in time. Would we? Would we? Is that true? Wow

only God knows? Well I'm the cabie. What I mentioned it to? I'll tell you what's better than 80 quid? I'll tell it what's better than shall I? Music. What are you paying the whole 165? Listen? I've bought in a little th. Would th. Would the th. Would th. Would the th. Would th. Would the th. Would the th. Would th. Would the th. Would the the th. Would the th. Would the the th. Would the th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would tho? Would tho? Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would th. Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Would? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well? Well. I? Well. I. I. I's. I's. I'm. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoo. I. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm the the th. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. th. tell you what's better than, shall I? Music. What are you paying the whole 165? No, listen, I've bought in a little track here, Bruce Springsteen, I've been a true, a little traue of the album, and I know you're a springsteen fan. I was a thin' fan, we should just qualify this. All of people who listened to X- he never really was. No that was Bon Jovi, exactly you want to confuse Bon Joanie, but seriously no do you know me he did write some great music in the 70s and he just got a little bit kind of pompous in the 80s but he still turned out some amazing tunes one of which I imagine is this one Rick one of four point nine I this one's this one's called brilliant disguise that's that's not really. I'm. I, I think that's, that's soothed you a little

bit, that's, that's not really. Not really. I just remember something as well. 80 quid, Rick, 80 quid. You know what, um, we finished the talk about sort of three and we had a couple of hours before we got the, and about half, two, and a half, two, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd,then I said I'll have four and half hours he went so you got I said I was getting about ten he went half six me and he's quite a smug and I went yeah I said it was quite a long time I just started sort of relax now over he went yeah he said I think I'm coming back to hear he said I think theyre's things I think to the to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to things I things I the the things things things things the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try. I I the the the the the the the the try. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to think those words were coming back to the whole me as I was handing over 165 notes. All I was thinking was Ricky's gonna be loving it. I was on a train in first class drinking John

Smith and listening to Mercedes-Walkman. But I handed it for my initial card. She said 165 quid then I went fine I was a switch. was a switch guy, she said we don't take switch. Don't they? I was thinking how, what am I going to do then? I don't know what I'm going to do then. I don't know what I'm going to do then. I don't know what I'm going to do then. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what I'm going to do then. I don't know't know what I don't know what I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I don't know what I don't know. I don't know what I'm going. I don't know what I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. I don't to do. I don't to do. I don't to do. I don't to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I don't th. I don't know where I don't to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the th. I don't the the th. I just kept thinking about what I said to you. I've won this time because normally I'm always like legging it for tubes or I'm just, you know where I get stuck in the rain or something. I just never seen the other trouble. Because when you get me into, I said, why is it up to you? It's up to you. You know what I mean, bit ill at the moment. I got off the plane and I thought well I could get a cab from the airport all the way back home but you know I've already been to the took me forever. I got it probably probably later than you did. I got in probably later than you did. No it wasn't quite as bad. But I was so depressed Rick. I was to say. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm probably. I'm probably. I'm probably. I'm probably. I'm probably. I got probably. I'm probably. I'm probably. I'm probably. I'm probably. I'm probably. I'd probably. I'd probably. I'd probably. I'd probably. I'd probably. I'd probably. I'd probably. I'd probably. I'd probably. I'd probably. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. I'd. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. depressed Rick so I was to say 50 quid. I know. I mean Steve does not like to waste money and I mean by that

I mean, I mean. I don't like to spend money. No. We had to go out and get a shirt for a photo shoot. Not quite an important photo shoot for I think the Times. Went out. He went out. He had a quite a the t. planned it, went out, came about 1499 from Hennies? Hennies, he knew where he was aiming, he aimed straight for Hennies. He knew where he can get a bargain. This is a man. But it seems to me that, in that kind of price, you can throw him away out. You don't even to wash them we went to the casino for my birthday and I was like under a quid down and some people were under a quid up and a hundred a quid down. He after the three hours we were there was down 20 pounds genuinely depressed.

I was almost crying. Yeah. Because I don't, well it's because it's a mug skin gambling. It really is. Was that where we went there it was, because I went there, it was a the th, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, it, it, it, it, it, it's a th, it's a th, it's a th, it's a th.. It's a mu, it's a mu, it's a mu, it, it's a mu, it's a, it's a mu, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th....... that was another time, we went there, and he was up, and he got a win, it was 30 quid and so I said it's your round then, and the round was more than 30 quid. And he couldn't believe it, and he said, and I bought him a round of drinks, and he went that thing where you're buying around of drinks for people you don't even know? So it's like, what's the story there? Why am I suddenly bank rolling new drinks? It's like I don't know you people. I'm not going to get any kind of, I'm not going to see you again to see you again. Most of you're a times. something like from Swingers because he came into the cocktail bar holding three chips up worth 10 pounds each and went hello like that.

Yeah I was 30 pounds up that's a lot of money Rick, you know that. 30 quid you don't want to sniff at that. Oh what what songs should we play this? Lots of songs in. A bit of incubus. Oh. You know what? I thought it was a bit slow.

I thought it was a bit slow. I know but I'm a fan. I've always been a fan, even from you know, you know, early days. I thought it was for ourselves really great and much maligned. People didn't like it because they're expecting like, you know. The verb. Yeah. Urban hymns and all that. That's great. On on X on X on X on X on X on X on X on X on X on X on X th. I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was thoomea. I was thi. I thoomea. I thoome. I tho. I was tho. I was tho. I was tho. I was tho. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. It. It. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was th. It was. It was th. It was. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. I th. It was th. Yeah, yeah. That's that's great. On XFM, 104. Who are you? Ricky Gervais, who are you? Steve Merchant. Is that little round-ended

fellow? Oh, there he is Carl Pilkington. Carl. Carl. I've had a lot of Carl today. He's a bit today, he's a little bit. What happened? He came back from Medellain today today today today to to to to to to to to to th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's their th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. Who th. Who came back back back back back back back. He's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. He's th. Who. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's the th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's the. He's th. He's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's th me because there's like people on the plane fighting over where they wanted to sit. Surely they've got designated seats? Well they have but that wasn't good enough for them. They wanted like, they wanted to sit next to the friends and that. It's like well you can't because you didn't check in together so that's the way it is. Yeah. But the thing is it's from Edinburgh, 40. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they's from they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. they. they. they. they. their their, their, they. their, their, their, their, their, their. the way it is. Yeah, done. But the thing is it's from Edinburgh, 40 minutes. And I just don't understand this sort of... You can stand for that long, can't you? Well, why do you have to sit next to the person anyway, to be honest? I mean, fair enough, if you've gone on a long flight someone to talk to you, but for 40 minutes, it really doesn't matter. me. Why? What are they there for? What? I don't mean people I'd go with. I mean if I'm

travelling alone and I sit next to someone I don't talk to me. Yeah, but I don't really... If I was traveling with you I'd really not want you to talk to me. Not if you're going to talk like this. Yeah. Yeah. You sound like your suicidal mate. It's just a couple people arguing it. It's over man. Yeah. You're playing journey's fish. Why is it still stewing you up? He paid 160 quid and he's not winching. He doesn't care. 165 quid. Right. If we're going to bring it up, we're going to mention it. And it's like water docks back to him. He's just he said to me, Rick, it's only money. And money is just and money is just some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some. He's got a great attitude towards money, Steve. It's like easy come, easy go. So just take a leaf out of Steve, the I'm not spending that much merchant and you're have a happier life.

Sorry, I just need to defend myself for a minute. There are certain instances in life where you see, you know you're giving me an attitude like I'm tight. It's not that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the the. I. I. I. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I th. I the. I the. I th. I the. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm tight with money it's that I want to get value for money at all times. Because you probably got a lot of cash given to you maybe his pocket money when you're as a kid. Every penny I've ever had is money I've earned. So frankly I'm going to spend it wisely. Like for instance, say you're in a party or so you're at a party or maybe out in a bar with someone's birthday, you get talking to her, maybe you're talking with some, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, every their, every their, every their, every the penny I, every their, every the their, every the penny I've the penny I've the penny I've the penny I've the penny I've the penny I've the penny I, every every every every every every every every I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, every every, every I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, every every every every every every every I, every I, every I, every I, every every I, I, I, every I, I've a the the the the the the their, every their penny I've go meet my boyfriend now right she's wasted my money and my time there as two hours wasted and money wasted right now she should have told me straight away that she had a boyfriend and I wouldn't have bothered with her I don't know I don't know what she thought she was just having a chat with another human

being where you're I'm being deliberately deceived so people me or interesting conversation. She knew what I was after, it was obvious, the drooling mouth, you know, the beady eyes. And yet she was leading me on. And she was a prostitute. And think how he felt about that. I mean, what are stuff in the place? Let's not try and cheap sexual innuendo, right? She had occasionally slept with me for money. She had occasionally slept with me for money my time or my money. Your life is, the clock is ticking as far as I'm concerned. And you know, and so just have you really got a boyfriend? No, I just think there should be some kind of, sort of, there should be an etiquette, they should be an etiquette, they should be an etiquette, you know, because they know, they can't see what I'm after? Is thrown, is it, throwne..... Is it, is it, is it, is obvious, is obvious, is it, is obvious, is it, is obvious, is obvious, is they.. they. they. that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, that, you, you're that, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you? thi. that, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you.. I? their. I, you, you.. I. I. I. I. I. that, they. that, that, that, that, that, that, thr. thrown. thrown. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thr. thrown. thr. thr. thr. thrown. tha, that, that, that, ir attention by throwing small rocks at them as they walk in. Yeah, does that, as that ever worked? Occasionally? Is it really? You know the

desperate ones or homeless ones? Oh the homeless ones. Oh the homeless one. Oh the homeless ones. He said to me he came in to work and he said, I gave a homeless girl a pound right? Because I fancied her. He said is that that wrong is. I that is that is that is that is that is tha. I thiiiiii. He thi. He thi. He thi. He thi. He thi. He thi. He thi. He thi. He thi, he thi, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he, he, he, he, he, he. He to me, he. He said, he to me. He said, he. He said, he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's hea. He's hea, he's hea, he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he think it is, you see, I don't think it is, because it seems to me if she was an attractive homeless girl and she deserves some of my money. I just imagine him slowing down. I imagine like going past loads of trance going, get out there, get a job. And she goes out, it goes, he goes out, ah, hello. But I have to say, I did for a moment just pause and think to thii. I to to thrash, I thrash, I thrash, I to thrown, I thrown, I thrown. I thrown. I thrown. I thrown. I thrown. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me me me thrown. I'm just imagine, and sa, and sa, and sa, I'm just imagine, I'm just imagine to to to imagine to to to to sa, I to sa, I just imagine, I just imagine, I just imagine, I to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me thr. And sa. And sa. And sa. I thrown. I thrown. I thrown. I thrown. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just imagine, I'm just imagine, I just imagine, I just imagine, I just imagine, I just imagine, I just imagine, I just imagine, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just imagine, I just, I just lady. Oh yeah, and it's good, yeah. Teach you to speak properly and dress her up and smart clothes and take her out into sort of society. I think that's where your first mistake was to say, listen love, I'm up for it if I can hose you down.

That was where you went wrong. That was where you went. Smith's the Queen is Dead, voted Best Album of All Time, I think, in Nemi Pol. I don't think it is their best album. Streamways here we come. I agree. I agree. Yeah, cracking.

Anyway, Carl, yeah, so people are arguing on the flight. How did you enjoy in the brood? Because I saw you up there, I thrown, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th to us now. I know apparently I could tell that from just talking to him really. It was just the way he was sort of looking at them over there, he was just smiling at Nick Frost. He's his new best team. He loved Nick. Would you have preferred it, right? If I went, if I went to Ediburton, right? If you had to a oh oh Nick tell Ricky that story and Nick and some of well all it was right and they're ghost stories that's he loves them because they believe in ghosts oh it's not just not just great like to great sense of humor just because they believe in ghost you go and tell them that goes how would you explain that I was going w wo that was that one you to told me that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that was that was that was that that that was that was that was that that that that that that that that that that that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was the the the the the that was the the that was the the the that that the that that that that that that that that that that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that was that? It was, oh yeah, right, years ago. Oh yeah. Some

some... In the olden days, when ghost roams the air. What's the whole type? You mean? Yeah. Some doctor or something who was into like the way bodies work, they got their head cut off. And he did, the doctor? Yeah, he was doing a bit of an experiment. And he cut his own head off okay and it was about um he said when my head's in the basket I'm gonna blink my eyes right okay sorry hang on let him finish and um so the doctor has chopped his own head off and and he's told everyone I'm gonna blink my eyes to know why he's in the basket and he goes like right I'm gonna blink my eyes about you know as many times as I can so quick count him and and the and and they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the took took took the the the the the the the the the the the the the goes like right I'm going to blink my eyes about you know as many times as I can so quick count him and they count and he got to like 15 before he died. Now this is how Carl told me that till Nick Frost explained that Carl told me that he said

right well a block right he had his head cut off and as when his head was in the basket he went and as he went how he went. count how many times I can blink. And I went with that straw, he went, and Nick went, well no, he actually said, when my head's in the basket, he went, and Carl went on all that, I said, Carl, do you know the subtle difference? Do you see the subtle difference? I have to say though, guys, I still don't really understand what you're talking about,

well, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story Because I still don't know what you're talking about, Cole. Well this bloke had his head cut off experiments against God, he was a doctor in the, you know, in olden times. And when they cut his head off. Why did they cut his head off? Because it was a crime against, exactly, he's executed, yeah. He said to his assistant, when my head's in the basketk, tapapapapapapapapapapapape, tho, tho, th. tho, th. th. th. He's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's a th. He's a tho, he's a tho, he's a tho. He's a tho''lion. He's a tho'er. He's a tho'er. He's a th th thi. He's a th thi. head's in the basket, I'm going to blink, count how many times I blink and write it down as an experiment, right? Carl told it to me, like his head was cut off and he went in the basket, and when he said, count how many times I blink.

Yeah, I love that. I love the difference in that story. Yeah, tho'n'er. One's possible and one isn't. You believe anything that you're told except when we tell you the truth. Right, here's one. Ghosts and that we got talking about. And Nick said right, he said you'll like this one. He said, my auntie was having loads of problems. Why are you whispering? It's not illegal to talk about ghosts on the radio.

So the auntie's in the house and that furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture and that and that and furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture furniture. And the aunties in the house and that and furniture is moving about all the time. And they were like, no. Steve, he told me this one, this is such rubbish mate. No, come on, let's listen. I'll sit back and enjoy it. I'm just going to watch your face, Steve. All right, sorry. So I missed the beginning there's moving around all the time and it was just annoying every time she tidied up it was like, it was just annoying. It was one part annoying to two parts scary. Yeah, yeah. So stuff was moving around all the time and they said right rather than having the house a mess.

Yeah, rather than having the house a mess. Stop it! I've got the vicar coming round! Stop! I love this! Oh, yeah, go on. They said... That shouldn't be in the pants. Drawing! Let's put all the furniture in one room, right? So just have one room, that's a mess and have all the other empty. Because I love the polter guys can't move the door to put it in another room. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. the room. the room. the room. the room. the room. the room. the room. the room. the room. th. th. th. their their their the their. the their. their. their. their. their. their. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's the the the the the the thi. thooomoomorrow. their their their their their their their their me mea. So, their mea. We's their me. the the the the. I love the Polter Guys can't really, it can move for wardrobes around but it can't open a door to put it in another room. Yeah. Pottlgots going, oh, I'm just making this room messy.

I wish someone opened the door so I could, go on. Go on. Yeah, but, so all this stuff's in this room, right? So they moved all the stuff. Yeah they had to because that's where the three-piece suite was. Okay. All right. So they sat there all crumpled up on that but nothing can move because it's so tight. I think things were trying to move. Yeah, everything was so tight.

They foxed that, poor guys. So anyway, one night they sat there like a bit awkward thaaaaaaa' they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're a they're they're they're they're the tele, and that, and the ear some banging in the next room. So, she goes, oh God, what's that? Oh, he hadn't moved in, I knew the ghost. So, uh... Some of the empty rooms. So, uh, he moved some friends and family in. There's this banging about going on, so she gets up, right. Right. And what it is, they had the baby in the next room because it wasn't much room for the cot. Right, so they left the baby with the ghost.

So, they go into the room where the baby is and the banging, is like, do you know those plastic balls you get that you can chuck around the room and like, they go mental. Right. The ones that you chuck once and you keep bouncing rages. That was bouncing around the room. Wow, what the baby had thrown it? And the baby was there, stood in the cot, sort of laughing, right? And looking at the ball and wherever it looked, the ball went, and then she said, she said, stop doing that. And the ball just stopped. Did it? And it rolled a bit, and it rolled a bit and stopped. Right. So the baby the baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby, so baby, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the baby, the baby, the baby, the baby, the baby was, and the baby was, and the baby, and the baby was, and the baby was, and the baby, and the ba, and the ba, and the ba, and the ba, and the ba, and the ba, and the ba, and the ba, and the ba, and the ba ba. And, and the ba. And, and the ba. And, and the ba. And, and the ba. And, and the ba. And, and the baby, and the baby, and the baby, and the baby, and the baby, and the baby, and the baby, the baby, the baby was, the baby was, the baby was, the baby, the baby, and the baby, and the baby, and the baby, and the baby, and the baby was, and the baby was, and the baby was, and the baby was, and the baby wasing the ball and it was watching it as it bones around the room. It wasn't throwing it was in control of it. No the point is Steve, the baby has been doing the baby all the long. The baby had been messing with the furniture. It was a baby that had the power. So it's a baby that had the power. The power of telechoneesis. They were then trying to convince me that the baby was. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the furniture their their their their their their their their their their their their their the furniture the furniture the furniture the furniture. It was the furniture. It was the furniture. It was the furniture. It was the furniture the furniture. It was the furniture. It was the furniture. It was the furniture. It was their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the furniture. It was messing. It was messing. It was messing. It was messing. It was their their their their their their their their their their the furniture.esis was not like all the other stuff that I didn't believe in, but that was a science. Right. Telekinesis was possible.

Yes. It's not like ghosts and demons and all that sort. Telekins is different. That's science. But Nick's auntie saw it. But Nick's auntie saw it. I know the fact that you're telling me that someone else's auntie saw it so I should be I should be satisfied with that I should be satisfied with that I mean so does she still live in one room with all her

possessions no I think the baby grew out of it apparently it grew out of it it so it doesn't use it silly canese powers now well no it's like in Carrie in it she she was upset for a bit and then she go over it okay I'm I'm just gonna say one thing, Carl. That was a film. Do you want to play a record or? Oh. Oh, no.

Get the fire. Get the fire. Get free. All right. On the today? I called him out, it was what you do, he said, oh I said I've just been reading ghost stories again. He went, he said, right, he said, you don't believe in him but how do you explain this? I went, go on, he said, I'll tell you what he told me it, he went, block right, just

sitting at home, just sitting at home, doing it, you know, watching tellie with his cat. the phone rings and it's a bloke going, oh is that fire in your oven okay now? Because your wife called and he went, well one, there was no fire in the oven, two he wasn't married. I went right, go on he went well, then right it was a knock at the door and there was two sort of people in sort of white coats and and they came and said, oh we've come about that fire, your wife called us. He went, one, there isn't a fire in my oven, and two, I'm not even married, right? And he said, they saw the cat and they saw, they looked at the cat, it looks a bit weird

that the cat, the cat came out, no, nothing. And he said, and then he went back, it sat down, phone rings and they said, oh, did they sort out the fire in the oven that your wife told us about? He went, one, there is no fire in my oven, two haven't got a wife. And Carl went, what, what, what, what, do you think of that? I went, that's not it. He went, yeah, I went, that's the end of the story. What what? th, what? th, what? th, what, what, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, the, the, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. that, that, they. that, their. their. their, that? I went, explain what? I thought it was going to say, a year later we got married but she died in an oven fire, right? I thought it was going to make it, look, and I went, people winding him off. Yeah, or, or, um, someone did report a fire, and they looked up Johnson, do they look at the cat funny? Oh man a live car this is really weird I was I was in my house once right and the doorbell rang yeah right I opened a door

there was no one there yeah right and then I looked across a street right and there was some kids running away yeah now how do you explain that yeah there was another time right where like I opened the one there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a the there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was no no there was no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no the there was a there. there. there. I was a there. I was a there. I was a there. I was no one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one there were some kids running away. Now how do you explain that? Yeah. There was another time right where like I opened the door and there was a bird goes, you've ordered pizza, I went, I haven't ordered pizza and I heard my mate upstairs giggling and putting the phone down. Yeah, how'd you explain that? Carl seriously? Why did you, why did you tell me that story? What did you think, what do you think, what do you think, what do you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, thor?, you, thor?, you, the their, their, you, you their, you their, you their, you, you, you, you, you, you their, you, you, you their, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, ordered, ordered, ordered, their, ordered their, ordered their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their this all the information... Is that the entire story? It was three different people hassled him about... A fire that didn't happen, about a wife that didn't exist, and a cat that didn't look happy. Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, I'm gonna have a heart attack, Carl! I mean, why did they look at the cat funny? Because cats don't, don't like spirits, do they? What, and the other blokes were ghosts? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it. So these are kind of Beedle-about type ghosts. These are ghosts who walk the earth, as the undead, just winding people up slightly. That's lovely. That is lovely. But seriously, why would ghosts they they don don don don't don't don't don't don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, don't like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the undead just winding people up slightly. That's lovely. That is lovely. That did not look happy. But seriously why would ghosts start wander around just like winding people up? Oh maybe something maybe something? Maybe something, oh the try to thrown. Maybe some

some fire, some woman might have died in the house of a fire or something. Yeah it's sort of all happened again. Yeah it's certainly a mystery. It's a mystery I mean I can't that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I that's. I. I. that's. that's. I. that's a that's a that's a that's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I'm. I'm. It's a. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. It. I. I. It's. I. It's sort of all happened again. Yeah, it's certainly a mystery. It's a mystery. I mean, I can't. What's this book you were reading? You were reading a book, which is interesting enough. It was, um, it was a 14 times. Oh, Carl. Yeah.

Well, I don't know what to say. Well, I don't know what to say. Well, I'll tell you this, Carl, the car, the car, the car, the car, the car, the car, the car, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, you're the the the the, you're you about 1979 early 80s? Great track. Wearwalls of London, play this car. But don't be scared. From 1978, Carl, Wherewals of London by Warren Zvon, are you a fan? Are you a fan? Are you a fan? Are you a fan?

Are you a fan? Are you're a fan? to know he's got a new album out. Do you believe in, I think, likeanthropy? Is it not called? What's that sorry? What's lycantropy? Isn't that? Wherewolfism? Isn't it? Do you believe in that? They've found stuff, only they found kids walking about who are all airy? Because they sort of grew up with wolves and that. Yeah. Yeah, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, th, th, thi, they, they, they, that, thi, thi, they, they, they, they, is they, is th, is th, is th, is, is th, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is th, is th, is, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th, is th. What, is th. What, is th. What, is th. What, is th. What, thi, thi, is thi, thi, is thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, thi are thoooooooooooooooooooo, is the are the, is tho and that. No, you see two things there. Right, you cannot take on acquired characteristics genetically. So if you grew up with wolves it wouldn't suddenly make you hairy. There's been pictures, there's been stories on it, and I reckon most people have,

a lot of people have seen the stories, it's a popular thing. You mean the kids that are born hairy? No, there's kids who have been thired thired thired thired thired thired thired thired thired thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thatat, right, right, right, right, right, that, right, right, that, that, right, right, right, right, right, you th th th th th you th you th you th you th you, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, you th you th, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, th, th, th, you th, th, you th, you th, you th, you th, you th th th th th th th th th th th thi, you thi, you thi that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th a popular thing. You mean the kids that are born hairy? No no these kids have been born airy right? Yeah that's it. No but listen and they walk around on all fours and they drink milk from a saucer. Oh oh Steve this is no remember listen remember that time with the maggot in the head and getting out with bacon and you were like laughing and then people called up and said, yeah, I've seen that, I've read about that. Yeah, but you've seen an XFM listener up close? Have you ever looked?

They drink milk from a saucer. Yeah, they've got to be kept on leads. People to be kept on Lea. People's, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people, people. to. to, people. to, to, to, to. to to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. to, I. th. to, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. to, I. to, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. thean. thean, the. the. thean, the. the. the. the. the. th stuff. There is, it's comedy gold. When you were out of school, did you keep arguing with the teacher saying you're talking rubbish there? Teachers didn't teach us about werewolf boys and ghosts. They taught us maths. God, right, tell the story about the man I'll cover. Right, in the same magazine as the one with the cat and the fire and that. Don't tell me that story again it gives me the shoes. A cat that's got a weird expression on his face is against God. Anyway, this isn't a scary story, this was just like physics.

It was going on about the nuclear bomb and how powerful it is. And they put a man-old cover on top of one. Blu it up. Never saw the man-old cover again. Man alive Carl. What's going on there? Something weird is happening there! If anyone has ever seen that metal cover, you can touch, we'd love to know where it is. Oh, that's fantastic.

What sort of experiment is that? I imagine all these scientists on multi-billion pound research boats. They're going, we test everything. What would do you do the man all cover? Don't I know? That's like letting a couple of students. Exactly yeah, do you reckon it can send a traffic cone into orbit? Go on then, put it on there. I love that. I imagine that. What of what value is that? I might tell what we could do. We can let the, put the mannel cover on it and aim it and then blow the bomb. And it would, the mannel cover would have someone's eye out. Fire it. Say it the mannall covers off the nuclear bombers, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thathe. tho, the, the the the the the tho, I', I', I', I', I'. I'. I, I, I, I, I, I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. th. th. I, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, tho, tho, tho, tho. I'm, tho. I'm tho. I'm toge. I'm toge. toge, tog. I'm, they. I'm they. I'm tho. I'll, what, what, of. I'll, tho. I don't know, tie bangers to a bomb, see if it's louder. Oh God.

Okay, listen Carl, play out the track and then afterwards. Can we probe your views on the week's news? If you want. We'll do a bit of a white van Carl session. today. today, today is the greatest, because we're back. That's true enough. I hope Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the....................................... we're back. That's true enough. I hope people are listening to that loud in this lovely summer's day. Or I mean, not too loud. Don't annoy people. Yeah, White van Carl. I mean, for those that don't know, we do this. We ask Carr the questions that the sun asked someone else.

That's right, the son every day asks. Some, you know, average Joe Joe his views on the week's big stories. Carl let me ask you now what do you make of Prince Harry smoking openly at a polo club? Are you aware of this story? No was it gone. Prince Harry you know that he's one of the Royals and he was seen smoking openly openly openly a cigarette a polo third thir in line to the throne something like that yeah. Imagine that someone, a cigarette, a polo colour. A polo colour. Something like that, yeah. Imagine that. Someone smoking a cigarette was 39 to the throne. A secret, Carl. Is it a non-smoking polo club? Do you know, I don't know, but if it were, would that make things even worse for you?

No, seriously, what do you make of it? The whole corpore is he, he's a, you, you, you, the the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is a, the whole, you know, the Ferroi is, he's a role model, you know, he's a royal should he be seen puffing away in a public place. I don't think, matters. Does it? How old is he? Is he old enough to smoke? I think he probably is, yeah. I think he probably is, yeah. Well, I think the trouble with this role model thing, with anything, with anything, that, that, that, that, that, th, the, th, the, the, the, the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, not, is, not, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. It, not. It, not. It, not. It, not. It, is, is, is, is, is, is, not. Is. Is. Is, not. Is, not. Is, not. Is, not. the, not. the, not. the, not. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the, not. the, not. the, not. the. the, not. the. think you can impose things that are, because you could say

that it is bad for you and it is bad to start smoking and it really is bad for it, you know, it causes cancer and everything. Everyone knows that, don't we? Well, yeah, but you should either make it illegal or shut up about it. So it's, this is Carl, you're asking. I'm indeed. So, I'm sorry.? I mean, obviously cigarettes are perfectly legal and so on, but what about stronger narcotics? Because I know you're very scared of drugs and stuff, aren't you? Yeah, I'm not a fan. I don't know. No, what's your concern?

What's your worry? Just like you might get into him. Sure, that. theymea, th. to, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. their. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toooooooooooo. the to crack or smack. Didn't you describe it as their own fault? Sometimes it is, isn't it? I mean I could have turned to it where I grew up, but I said, well, I don't want to do that, it's not good for you. I thea that. Sure, they've turned to ghosts. So you've got no sympathy for anyone who's a drug addict. if I don't know something I'm trying to think of a nice way that you might look... Well most people start and stuff like that because some of it really traumatic

happened to them. Very few people go out for a laugh one night and go let's all try it. Sure, you know, but yeah. Just say no I suppose it's the... Just saying to the same to listen to the cast of their castles. Now this is, no, no, no, to, to, th, th, to, th, th, th, th, the, the, th, thi, thi, the, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very. Very. Very, very. Very. Very. Very, very. Very. Very. Very, very, very. Very. Very, very, very. Very. Very, very. Very, very. Very, very. Very. Very, very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, very. Very. Very. Very. the, the, the, very. the, very. their. Very. to. Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. Very. this. Have you seen the film Jurassic Park? Yeah. You know what happened there? Well according to the sign here it says scientists are planning to clone mammoths for a theme park. Look at his face, look at that, it looks like a dark caught in the headlights of a car. He's terrified. I love Carl. I love that is that is the best news you could have? Manmoths? Manmoths man-moths. I love the fact that that's why he was so excited that they bred a man-moth. What is this? Yeah, it's a human being that hides in your wardrobe and eats an entire jacket in a day. What do you mean man-moths? Mammoths? Mammoth, the big hairy cow

from the ice age, I mean elephant. You're not so excited about that then. You can take or leave bringing back mammoths to life, but a manmoth. A manmoth is a different matter. If we'd have never brought that up, Eadav Garnon told someone now, you know they've bred an half man, half moth. This is what we mean when you hear these ghost stories. Are you slightly deaf? Is that it when you hear these stories? You're slightly deaf and his head was in the basket and he went,

Count how many times I blink. Is it, I, is, Carl, is English your first language? Are you actually foreign? Is that thethis planet? Yeah. Should we speak slower? Would that be a help to you? No, go on. What do you make? Do that the idea of bring back mammoths? These giant elephants? They're slow, aren't they? It's not as if they're going to like get out and run fast and they can't capture them. They've probably be a fence. They'll probably be a fence. They'll probably be offensive. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're they're. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. They're. They're. They're they're probably. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. That. That. That. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That's. That's. That's. That. That's. That's. That's. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They're probably. They could it? Well but but but the point was about Jurassic Park is they thought it wouldn't go wrong they thought they had all under control and dinosaurs. Have you learned nothing from Jurassic Park Carl? Dinosaurs would say oh think about it before you do it but with a area with a area with a airy elephant it's not gonna

not concern for you would go on to see him would you be interested in it if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was in if it was in i i i i i was in a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I was they. I was their was they. I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th was th was th was th was th was thi was the was theee was theeeea thi. theea thi. theea the they were? If he was in the area. He's the fair. He's great, isn't he? I'd love a queue. Nothing impresses you. No, but what I'd like to do is Carl, like Yoda in a little cave. And I'd just like to see people like Tony Blair and, you know, Stephen Orkin's in a queue, and thinking of cloning a man and a moth. Problem? Yeah, yeah. Not an issue. You know if I'm in the area, I might push it and have a look at it. Otherwise, just don't send it near my, uh, my clothes. Oh, that's fantastic. So it's just for a second. As as the words, man, the word, as a man, the word, were you both terrified and thought that they cloned a man in a moth? I pictured. What kind of face did he have the moth's head or was it a man's head? Just a little head, little man head. Right, what was his face? What did it look like? He just was like a bit like, a bit shocked.

He was like, he'd been grafted on to the body of a moth without his consent. He'd been grafted. He's like the to the to to the to to to to to to the to to to the mothed. He's a the mothed. He's a the moth. He's a little, the moth. He's a little, the mothed. He's a little, the mothed. He's a little, the mothed. He's a little, the mothed. He's a little head. Hea. He's a little head. He's a little. He's a little. He's a little. He's a little. He's a little. He's a little. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's a little. He. He's a little. He. He's a little. He's a little. He's a little. He's a little. He's a little. He's a little. He's a little. He's a. He's a. He's a. He's a. He's a. He's a. He's a. He's a. He's a. He's a. He's a. He's a. He's a little. He's a. He's a. He's. He's it up. He just he just went in for a rather goiter removed and they said we've replaced your goiter with the body of a giant moth. Yeah. Is that all right Mr Jenkins? So he had the head of a little, was it a little boy or a man? Little man. Right, okay. And he's just bumping into a lamp. If you, Carl, if you went into hospital and they'd done,. What's the worst thing I could do, right? What would you rather have done do you, right? You wake up and you've got lobster claws for hands. You wake up and you've got duck's feet, or you wake up and you've got one horn coming out of your head. The worst thing? Yeah. Probably the horn coming out on the head. Why? Get in the way? They'll be useful wouldn't it in fights and stuff. And for like parties, people play points. Well I suppose the lobster claws would also be quite handy there. Definitely. That level, Microsoft Club, Spread your Love. You enjoying it so far?

Um, yeah, I suppose so. First show back? Yeah, it's not bad. It's great to be back. I'm just thinking about that money, to be honest, to be honest, I know. Could we maybe get like a sort of telethon type thing going or a little charity thing, just sort of help me pay you pay you. begging? Yeah. Okay. Unless you're a registered charity? I suppose not, not really. We could probably get your status. Yeah, but could I promise, I mean could I pretend to give them

something in return? I mean I'm allowed to sell things on the radio? Yeah, yeah. Although you probably you probably get in trouble with the authority if you're using it to sort of like to your own, not like everyone else doesn't. Free lunches and sponsorship and God knows what, you know I mean? Put it to people to work here, small fry, the scum. Exactly, the nobody's, yeah. But 165 quits, it's quite a lot of money, so I mean if you want to contribute anything, Rick, as I said before, you're more than welcome to. Yeah, no, I would if I felt any responsibility, right. Yeah, I got there too early, which is, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to. to, to, to, to. to. to. to, the. the, their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, the. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. I. Yeah, I. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the people. the the people. the the the people. People, I. People yeah I got there too early which is annoying what we should have done really was get you your plane and come back because I'd have had time you know I was gonna mention it at the time I didn't want to because I

knew the answer would be no so I'm not to have a conversation with you we've been looking forward to this you you it's really down today isn't it's really I've had a great time I've forgotten I'm the I I I I I I I I've I've I've I've I've I've to to to the to to the to to the that I've to to to that I've that's I've that's I've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that's I've to to to to to to to to that's I've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that I the that I that I that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try I try try try try try try try try try that try that that that that that that that that that a conversation with you. We've been looking forward to this. He's really down today isn't he? He's tired. He's tired of strong. I've said to him, I said to him, did you enjoy Edinburgh? He's spent the week up in Edinburgh obviously. And he's aware of that we weren't involved. His paper round he loved the paper round and this is the first time it was the the other day as well about it I said that he really thinks that that paper round he had when he was the best job he'd ever had he still think he said he was his own boss well no you won't he went well well I could get on a bike and think and he said I bet if if if if if if if if if if if if I if if I if I if I th if I th if I th if I the I th if I th I th I th I the th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I the the the the the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th I th was I the I the I thou the I theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea theeeeeeeeeeeee I was theee the the the the papers to, they'd say it was the best delivery of their ever had.

He said, in fact, I bet a lot of them, I've chucked in delivery because it went downhill. This is all, he's thinking this he went along, didn't you? Imagine phone in someone that was saying, you don't remember me, but I used to to deliver it 10 years ago, was it the thapap??.............. What, the best, their, their, their, their, their, their, I, I, I, I, I, I? What, I? I? I? I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. I've. I've. I've, I've? I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I. I. I. I. I, I, I. I. I. I, I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've t.eded. I've t.ed. I've t.ed.ed. I've.ed.ed.ed. I've. I've. I've bet, I've bet, I've bet, I've. I've. I you used to, if you got up at like 6 in the morning it was there for you. There's no other paper boy who could guarantee that they'd have that paper when they got the bed. If you could earn enough money, would you do a paper rent again? If that was your job but you were being paid enough to make a living from

it? Is that something you think you'd enjoy it as much nowadays? Yeah, I reckon I would, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I listen to some music. Sure. A thousand pound a week would you do the best that? Yeah. Would you really? Yeah. Is there anyone out there who is willing to test that? So anyone who's willing to pay Carl, right? Are some of them a grand to take a week? to take a week off? their to their their their to their their to their to to their. their. their. their. their. to their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. th. their. their. their. their. the week. All day though, it's all day. No no no no. I'll get up and the customers will have their paper. Yeah but can I tell you what street is? No because... No, no, it's the M25. You are being paid a Fountain Pets car. Yes, that's brilliant. I'll tell you what, let's let's take the mood down a little bit and play one the most beautiful song I've th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi' thi' thi' thi' that's thi' thi' tho' thiae' thiae' thiae' thiae' thiae. I' the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi' thi' thi' the. the. the the the the the c' c' thea' c' c' c' c'ea' c'a'ea' c'a'c' c'a'a'c'c'a'a'a'a'a'a look at other way just to try this to be honest it's Jimmy Webb's version of Galveston. Galveston there by the brilliant Jimmy Webb who wrote it? He wrote it. I mean, yeah, brilliant Jimmy Webb who wrote it? It was all one sentence. Yes.

Did I confuse you? Again, yeah. With my speech pattern. It's just just using the English language is always helpful. But to to to to to to to the the the to the the the the to be the the the the th. the th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi the the thiweree w. I's th. I's th. Who's th. Who's th. Who's the the the the the brilliant the brilliant the brilliant the brilliant the brilliant the brilliant the brilliant the brilliant the brilliant the brilliant the brilliant the the brilliant the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I I the. I the. I the. I the. I'm the. I'm theateateateateateateateateat. W. W. throoooooooooooooooooooom. W. I've th is always helpful but compared to Carl I'm Oscar Wilde I suppose so I'm a try to a triumphant return I think I think the pace to be saying Steve yes yes electric soft trade on X F N149 I long to go on our return I think a triam from a trient return I think the pace the patient would be saying yes yes Carl I met Carl a couple times in our sabbatical and he said to me once he said them oysters so if you ever tried oysters I don't like him and I went said oh it's just a thing about swallowing them whole you know well the reason you have to do that is just they is they're they're fatally poisonous. And if you bite into them, they kill you.

And I went, well, of course they don't. He went, yeah. I went, well, of course they wouldn't. What have you chewed on so he said, when you swallow heroin in a Johnny, he says that doesn't kill he, does it? That was it. Oh. And then about a week later he went, I was wrong about them.

Yeah. And what did you say? It's if you eat them and then you have some whiskey. They turn deadly when whiskey comes into contact with them. Yeah, when they've had a drink. When they get a bit rowdy and just don't like, they start fighting they can cause it. So what are you saying now? You're saying you don't believe that? Are you saying you don't believe that? Are you saying you don't believe that? He thinks he's got us here? Yeah I don't believe that if you eat an oyster then drink some whiskey you die. You might not die straight away but you want to. Eventually 50 years time. If you've got you've got to keep on drinking whiskey. Yeah

50 or 60 years later he was dead. Yeah. Oyster and a bottle of whiskey day. Oh then out of nowhere 40 years like that. Where does this information come from Carl? Yeah if it's some doctor called up now and put you right, would you believe him? If it wasn't Dr. Fox. Yeah. What about the airy, airy lads, growing up with the werewolves and that? They didn't grow up with werewolves. You've confused about three different sorts of genetic mutation where they were, you know, they were born with very, very huesue. They were a couple of kids, yes, we know.

They didn't grow up with with with with with with with their their the mean, you're confusing two things. There were some kids who were very, very hairy, yes, they're in folklore. There were some kids who grew up with wolves, yes. I don't think the two were connected. There's no such thing as wear wolves, they're there. There's no such thing as wear wolves. Believe me, believe. Believe me, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, believe, I I then, I then, I then, I then, I then, I then, I then, I thi thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thu the tho, tho, their tho, thi, thu, tho, tho, tho, their their their tho, their tho, tho, you thu, thuing thuing thuing thuing thuing thuing thuing thuo, I thuing thuing, I thu an thu an thu an thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their thi, their their thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thu. You're thu thin, thu thu thu thin, thu thin, thu thu thin, thu thi thi. You grew up with the Man the World. You know you don't flap around do you and steal people's jewelry. What was the thing you told me about snails? Have you ever had any any post that that looks like it's been opened? Occasionally yeah yeah. All right. Well what it is it's not your postman having a sneaky look a sneaky look. A sneaky look. it is, it's not your postman having a sneaky look. A sneaky look. Problem is, uh, slugs.

The problem is slugs? Slugs at night, they like nipping about on that and it gets a bit cold. And in London, like in the country they go into the grass don't they? Right. But in London it's like, oh, what can we do? And, um, they go in letter boxes. Slugs go in letter boxes. It's nice and warm in there, dry and what have you? And when they're homeless slugs, aren't they? When they're in there, they only found out that they love glue.

They've been eating the glue off the stamps. And people have been eating the glue off the stamps. Right. And people have been getting charged for post because it hasn't had stamps on it. It's like, well they put a stamp on it. It's like slugs have been eating it. And they also eat the glue that's on the actual envelope shutter. And it's a real popular problem, this, that letters are being lost and opened and all that stuff. And slugs, like stealing post orders and things and they're a postman. Yeah slugs. A slugs like stealing postal orders and things and cashed him in and stuff. Yeah again you know if there's a doctor if there's a postman. Yeah. Well with us

two experts, this is a doctor and a postman so so posse it is a real problem. So when we see when we see a slugs trail or a snail's trail this clue that's the glue they've stolen, is it? That's they've just, that's a little... I'm not gonna say yes to that, I'm not sure. But we could follow that trail and find them, and they'd have a big, sort of... Yeah, our stamps. Yeah, there they are.

Like birthday, their birthdays, thi. notes. Oh that's fantastic. Slugs. So oysters and whiskey kill you and slugs. Be very careful if you're going to go out this evening, you're thinking of a whiskey maybe some oysters, be very careful. If you are going to post a letter, please do not use tasty glue. Do you realize?