The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E15 (November 30, 2002)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Oh yeah, the smooth indie sound of Richard Ashcroft. Science of Silence on XFM, 104.104.9. I'm Ricky Joveys, joined me as Steve Mergin and Carl Pilkinton. It was an excellent link that, Rick. Did you say Nime at one point, 104. Nine? Did I? Other than that, it was a textbook.

Yeah, a desperate attempt to be an articuler. Sure, but let myself down. So this is the good thing about the boxing thing, because there's no chance of me, you know, slurring the words. No, no, I already slurred my words, so no, any damage will be totally fine. Oh, dear. The doctor's rushing in, I think there might be some kind of concussion. Jane just going, no, that's start the show with that particular kind of manner just because obviously a lot of new listeners I imagine thanks to the massive poster campaign and you obviously want you press there and try out.

There's a few examples today of irony coming back and biting you. Yeah. That seemed like a funny idea at the time, me posing that up. Jonathan Ross phone me up when they first went out me just I've just seen a big poster of a predatory gay. Yeah you do look a little bit hello. And what's your name? Why you like just sit down here? And then you're in the background. And also I think the funny thing about having you as a partner, I mean the only good thing is that you know you look weird and tall like too freakishly

torn lanky. But in that one, no because you're a background and you're smiling, you don't look as weird as you do in real life or as freakishly tall. So it sort of ruins it a little bit for me. Look at Pilkington. What are you saying? He's just opening a packet, what are they? McVit is, see, we should mention them, we get some free ones if anyone at McVit is listening because we're not getting the perks of this sort of.

I'd say I'm not getting the perks of this game for the ladies, for the money, for the voiceover work, certainly I'm seeing hiding the hair of that. But you're not getting the voice of what, the drink driving, because th is thapapapapapapapapapapap parts that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you that you getting all this part that you might get. Yeah, sure, yeah. Okay Rick, yeah. You were the voice of what, the drink driving campaign? You sound like a man who was run over in a drink drive accident. I mean, it's like you don't do I? I didn't get any money for that, did I? I can't remember. It's like, I mean, talking I don't drive. the hot bla's good, I don't drink and drive, so I've chosen just to drink. But at least I can formulate sentences using the English language, and I'm not getting the voiceover work, what's your English language? The English language of the 14th century.

Well, it's better a English language, an English language, rather than whatever kind of Middle England language you speak, the language of the Hobbit's. All right, Carl. All right. See, you're eating a biscuit. I can't believe it. Are you bored with this already? Do you know what? MTV called me last week.

They called me again yesterday and said when they called me and said, when can they come down to do a today, they're coming to film you are you all I mean you hungry do you want to go out and have a meal I can't believe you're eating while I'm on air no one can hear that do you know who I am no one can explain who I am well that's Ricky Jervais right he's made his name on TV yeah okay he's done and any number of corporate gigs which and they pay silly money so I mean this guy's earning you know and really earning beyond this the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm t. t. te. try. ttttry. tttttry. ttry. tttry. ttttry. thent. Yeah, all right. So I think I did hear a little bit more than a little man eating a biscuit while I'm talking. Rich of Aze? Yeah, have you won a bufter?

Yeah, too. All right. Just a little bit of respect? Yeah. What have you won? What have you one? for doing a full week at school. That's great. It was only a bronze! What is that then? Three out of five days?

And I got me a little Crusader's badge, if you remember. The Crusaders badge? The Crusader's badge for the religious club. So... I was that the feather that you went and played, you got to King Bungul. Yeah. You got a Crusader's badge, did you? Yeah, that's why I joined. That's why I joined. I like the little badge, did four weeks and then packed it in.

But we're talking about in TV, right? And I was feeling a bit of nervous, why? About, like, you know, the way I look. And what have you? And then I watched a bit of a he's not, he's not that good looking is he? He's a very, I like, I want to be Mark Owen's mate. If anyone who knows Mark Owing or Mark O'in's listening, I want to be his mate. I think he's brilliant. I think he's a nice lad but what I'm saying is right, all the girls go mad over him? Yeah, and he's not, it's not that good looking, is he, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is not that, is, is that, is he, is he, is that, is that, is, is, is that, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, of non-threatening sort of. Yeah but he's not he's not stunning is he? Do you know? What's your definition of a stoner? Yeah. Well someone who you look

at and you go go they're good looking. Which good? Who do you think is attractive? So if I was into men? Yeah yeah. In fact you can still say a bloke's a good looker? Who do you think it's attractive? Probably, oh, I mean it depends what you're looking for. No, just looks, just looks. Of course, yeah. If it's attractive, would you say it was like stunning in your definition? A good looking lad. Good looking lad. Oh, look at him over there he's. Uh, ooh. Do you find, you know, Robbie Williams, do you find him? Boy next door, look. No, no, who do you?

Carl, hurry up because it's, you know, we've only got two hours. Probably. Uh, do you know? I can't think of one a fan. Mark Owen is pretty good looking then, really. Uh... What, there's not, just name one bloke that you think is an attractive guy? There must be one bloke that you've either met or that you've, you know, seen in a pub or on a

attached. Tell you what, um, works here, young Alex Zane. Ooh! Oh, Alex Zane. Oh! Oh Alex! Oh Alex! What do you know? Oh, I love you Alex! You got it! Oh!

Look at you! Oh! Love that! Fenn! Brilliant! I love that. That's like, um, a ride song or something. That's my favorite one.

Just the way I'm feeding on XFM 104. 9. Rick, quick question for you. I'm thinking a lot of people may maybe are tuning in for the first time because of the advertising campaign. Should we reintroduce, Carl again? I know we've done this a few times in the past, but just worried that people are going to not, you not really kind of get the measure of him....... I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the the the the their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thin, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thi. I'm thinking, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm the one off the office. Steve Merchant, he's not the one in the office, he's not Garth, some people think he is, he's got a funny weird West Country accent that actually McKenzie was affecting for the role. Steve wrote it with me, he's a tall, lanky fella. Carl is our, sort of, I say producer, but he's the one that pressed the buttons because I was too big to run the the the the th.. the th. C. It's, the th. It's, th. It's, the the th. It's, the thi, thin, thin, the thin, I was, I was the the, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was the the, he's, I was, I was, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, the the the the the the thin, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thr, they's got, the thrown, the, but I mean it was just because I was too big to run the desk.

I used to have to do. Literally too big you could have got it. Yeah, and then we discovered that you know he looked a bit like a boring sort of alright, yeah, but then when we sort of, you know poked him with a stick he came up with, he doesn't realize but some of the I think some of the funniest things I heard. Say hello Carl. All right. Yeah. Classics I think so far that have gone straight to the list include have you ever used a Y front correctly? Yeah brilliant. You never see an old person eating a twix. These are sort of things. He's back on his campaign to get rid of jellyfish. What is that car? Did you see the paper yesterday? It's a jellyfish.

It's about 15 foot long, about 5 foot wide and there's a fellow swimming next to it and the paper's going on, look at this we've found. There's loads of them in Japan. And it's because the water's getting up so it's making jellyfish really big. Oh dear. How's the campaign going to get jellyfish rid, you know get rid of them. the.... the.... their. their. What their. What their. What their. What the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, it, it, it, the, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, is, is, is, is the, it, is the, is, is, is the, is, is, is, is about, is about, it's, it's, it's about, it, it's about, it's about, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. It. It. It. It's, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, the, is. It's the, the, the, the, their, their, their, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. It's, is, really big. Oh dear. How's the campaign going to get jellyfish rid, you know, get rid of them? What's your point about jellyfish? There's no point, they get in the way, it ruined me holiday. Uh-huh, because I got stung by one. Um, and I- But you think the same thing about liverpuddlions? And we can't just go around, you know, wiping our things, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, the, thi, the, the, the, they, they, they, thi, thi, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't they, don't they', don't they', don't they', don't they', don't they', don't they', don't they', don't they', don't they don't they don't they, don't they jellyfish first and then we'll move on to the scousers. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know what they do and I'm still, I mean I'm trying to look on the internet.

I've been busy this week. You're on jellyfish now, not scousers. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You don't like the internet. I don't know what you do. Try and work out what would happen with the sea if it didn't work it they they they they they they didn't work they didn't work they didn't work they didn't work they didn't work they didn't work they didn't work you don't see the first time they've got to listen to every word you say you want to find out what would happen with the sea if it didn't work? If jellyfish weren't in there do you know what I mean? Because stuff like coral apparently the sea would be in a right state if you didn't have any coral in it? If fish, do you know I mean I always tho the were sort of eating. Because you go past... Sorry? Do you know like you're going Marks and Spencer or Self-Roges?

There's lots of fish in there. And there's really fancy stuff that you think they've killed that and it looks good on the counter pretty impressive. But is anyone going to buy it? Do you know what I mean? It's a big got like a lot of fish fish. So you're going around the take gallery? No, do you know what I mean? I've never seen a big shark saying ice in salvages?

They do, they do it. And it's like, you go in the morning and you can go back at night and the same shark sat there and it's, it's, you know it's the lost his mum? And he's just like, he went shopping with a Christmas shopping and he's just like, he's just like, he's stranded, he's just waiting. You know I'm right. I've never seen a shark in salvages. Well, all right, then say maybe that's one day a week, but on other days of like... Shark Monday?

I think yeah, yeah, just that. Your point is that there's all these fish not being eaten. Yeah. So they've been killed. They taken them out of the sea. No one's eating them. And you're worried, what, that the sea's going to rise? Because the more of things you take out... Well, we're just going to run out. Because they, because the fish, don't it, because the fish, because the fish, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thethere's sponge in the sea but if they took it all away no was it was that that's a Stephen Wright yeah sponge is growing the sea that kills me how deep would it be if they did I love the fact that he confused you with Stephen Wright who for a living purposely says ridiculous things yeah does that worry you Carl well think about that and play a record. What do you want? I'd love to have a classic, a beautiful song by Simon a Garth Uncle. April

Come She Will. April comes she will, Simon a Garth Uncle. That was in the days when they kept song short and sweet. What do you think of that, Carl? Yeah, it's good one, yeah. Yeah, excellent. So yeah, that's Steve, Merchant and Carlton and sweet. What, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, you like that, yeah. It's a good one, yeah. Yeah, excellent. So, yeah, so that's Steve, Merchant and Carl Pilkington for you. Coming up on the show, we've got educating Ricky. I'm not happy with this. Oh, really, because the last few weeks have been genius. What is the dropping quality is there of the education of me? Jesus. Like I said, I've wasted a lot of time searching on the web the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thecoecoecoeconomic theconomic thiwentiwenti thiolk, thiol-upe, thiol-upe, thiol-upin' thi-upin' thi-upin' that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, thiolk, thiolk, thiolk, thiolk, thi. thi, th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi's thi's thin, thin, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's threats, that's, a lot of time this week searching on the web, right? It was a lot of time searching on the web because you come up with things that aren't true. Why don't you look in books and verified sort of like journals? The web is the new book, isn't it? The web is the new book.

So I've been searching, is hardly anything anything, the thakakakakak Monday or Tuesday. What did you say there's nothing happened this week in the world? There's nothing going on. There was a new car wash that you can put dogs in. There was a car wash you can put the only thing that's happened in the world. And that and the jellyfish and we've covered that so we've got, yeah we've managed to find some bits but it's not that good. So. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so we've the the, so we've the the th. So, so we've th. So, so we've thi, so we've thi, so we've thi, so thirty, so thirty, so thirty, so, so thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, there's there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there's there's there's there, there's there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi's thin, there's there's no there's no thin, thoo' there's no there's no there's no there's nothing there's no there's nothing there's no there's nothing there's nothing there's nothing there's nothing we've, I've managed to find some bits, but it's not that good. Um, rockbusters. Yeah, oh we've really, really, really g-dap, so that's coming up, the thing that's not that good. Yeah, yeah, look forward for that. Yeah, yeah. Can you just quickly tell us about the car wash in it? As, that didn't make the top three. are you? Have you got a dog? How about saving some time? There's some car wash out. There's not a car wash, it's dog wash. You take it down there, put your coin in, put

your dog in, and it comes out clean. See there's nothing in it? Is this called a bath? Isn't it? No, but it's like a machine. Right. There's a machine. But we'll look, you know, that's why I didn't pick it. So we've got some of them bits coming up. Rockbusters. Rick, can I just explain some of the prizes we got here before rockbusters? Because I just want you to try and picture, if you would, the kind of XFM listener, who'd particularly want this collection, this collection of gifts. You've got the best chill-out old man ever, this is the one as I said before that's largely made up of songs you may have heard in Adverts. Sure. So you've got the Volvo Advert on there.

Any mobile? Brilliant. That's on there so that's Royce, so I look forward to that. Yeah, again, just imagine which XFM listener is particularly looking forward to Top of the Morning with Terry Wogan, his two disc set there. He got, it starts with the Bangles on there. We've got Billy Joel River of Dreams, Shine On by Mr. Christopher, so, yeah, so yeah, just look forward to that. We got the Only Fools horses last year's Christmas special we gave one of those away last week but still more to shift. Do I spy a little free car?

Yes there's a little free three wheel trotter independent trading three wheel car so that's there as well. So as I say if you if you like fairly mediocre comedy. Little Jonathan Ross's face there on the back. Maybe you also want Jerry Halliwell's body yoga DVD DVD Rick so sure that is good quality. And then just a few token XFM kind of things we've got to the Manic Street Preachers DVD and the YouTube best and uh... tell me Steve how do the lucky winner listeners win these? Rick I'm glad you've asked what they do is they email in with the answers to Rockbusters which is a quiz that is to cost-puters for

they email if we don't know the email address. Rick again thanks for asking thanks for flagging that up. Ricky Dr Vase at XFM. dot co-Ko that that will be coming up shortly try and get into the mindset of Kyles. Try and tha. Tryn. Tryn. Tryn. Tryn. Tryn. Tryn. Tryn. Tryn. Trylipip. Trylip. Try. Try. Try. Try. Try. Try. Try. they they they they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll. Hold. Hold. Holly. Hoody. Hoody. Hoody. they's. Hoody. Hoody. Holly. Holly. Holly. Holly. Holly. Holly. Holly. they. Holly. Holly. Hoah. Hoah. Hoah. Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho. Try. Try. Try. Ho. they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll to to to try. to they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll to email in answers, trying to think through kind of logically or maybe based on the rules that they've picked up over the years. Or when he says it at a cryptically they believed him. Exactly. So you've just got to think more like a mentalist to try and get with me. First of all, right? The prizes that I'd make up the sort of family packs that the winner can have something,

say like there's a nice you two album in there, right, so the winner might want to keep that, but they can get rid of the Jerry Yoga thing. They can say, it only falls nurses to uncle. To the dad, yeah. The mom, I think the mom would love the today tha tha tha tha tha, the yoga for your sister, right? Yeah. And all that. So is that, is that, that's what you thought through? Or was it that there was a load of junk in the office? Or did you scrim up with two arms and it's as much you can carry down the corridor? A little bit of that. Yeah. But that's a little, but that's my mom sent some more. What we also need to do there, he says. He's got a little, he's got a letter from his mom.

My mom did some more rockbusters for us. I reckon, I reckon they're secretly listening, Carl. They've said they're not listening, but I reckon they are. Does that worry? Well, therear. Well, the doctor for this fight thing in the week. And it's the one who's off Big Brother. Sounds like Borders. Yeah. And, but she's a medical doctor, she's sort of big in the boxing sort of world as well.

And one of the tests, I had a punch test, the other test I had to do was to get in the bod, really? The slim as a fat smaller? Yeah, yeah. And I've wiped it down since he did? Yeah, yeah. And I was a little bit nervous. And I looked at, what does it, Car, is doing? you do a displacement sort of calibration with a known volume.

All right, just bear in mind that Carl's listening, so if you want to explain that. What it does, Carl, is it works out your density. Okay, again. Again, through displacement, it knows how much what your volume is for the air displaced, right? In this, in this thing. And, in Lehman's terms, what does it tell you, what it works? It knows what muscle, in, the the the the the the the the the tha, tha, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is.a.a.a.a.a, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a, is, is, is, is,a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, it knows what fat ways, it knows your average density of your skeleton, what height you are there, so it works out from your volume and your density it can work out therefore probably what percentage of that is muscle, fat,

the bone, etc. What if you put in one of those...oh God. No go on, what are you going to ask? What would it do if you put in one of those... Oh God. No go on then. No go on what are you going to ask? Just think what would it do if you put in one of those dogs? If you put it one of those? What do you mean what would it do? Like on Ricky's lap? Do you know those dogs that are all wrinkling of the skeleton? It's all like caving the skeleton? Would the machine go? Would it say oh what's it's the their? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? the the they? What's? What's? What's? What's? What's? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? What? Do? What? Do? Do? Do? What? Do? What? Do? What? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? Do? What? Do? Do? Do? Do? What? Do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? Do, do? What? Do, do? What? What? What? What?'s all right? Or would it say, oh what's going on here? Do you, I mean, like last week when you were laughing at me about? Why do you want to confuse machines? Do you remember when he put in why to a computer searcher to try and confuse it?

I love the fact, I want the computer to come back, why not, and your head explode? I love the idea thu the the computer, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, I the. Why, I the. Why, the. Why, the. Why, the. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, mean I love the idea that you're trying to... I mean it's better than what I thought you were going to say which is what if you put a fly in there? Well I'm talking about that. I said they don't have a fly in yeah. But anyway so anyway what percentage of you is muscle and what percentage of you is fat? I'm 25% fat. Yeah now what's Ritwalor? And most to me is muscle. Bone don't see that. Rick Waller was 60% fat, which I've looked into it and apparently is exactly the same as a pork scratching. Wow, that's extraordinary. So he is the equivalent of a 30 stone pork scratching. So he's 20% is that good or bad? No 20% is all right, 25. 25's over. Right. I'm 25. Men, healthy, fit, lean men. About 1820. I'm 25. I'm 25. So I'm 25.

I'm 25. Yeah, so I'm 5% over. and a boxer a boxer that that is in peak you know with basically you've seen the ones they just look you know like Bruce Lee they're 8% 8% fat so I mean I mean I don't think it's that bad for you I mean you know you need a bit of fat Bruce Bruce like Bruce Lee supposedly I mean there's so many rumors I'm sure you're fascinated by them Carl conspiracy theory is surrounding Bruce Lee's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the the th th th th th is I I I th is th is th is th is the the th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is they. they. their their their their their their their their their I their I their I their their their their their their their their their their their they is is is is is is is is they is they is they is they is they is they is the the the th is th is th is the the the the the the the the the the the thy. them, Kyle, conspiracy theories surrounding Bruce Lee's death, one of which is that his body was, it's at the peak of physical perfection, he had an aspirin because he had a headache and it reacted with his, because just the impurities in the aspirin killed him. Yeah, yeah, you're nodding. Because it's sort of like quite interesting and a bit weird. Well, are you aware of the fact that supposedly he actually cheated death, he actually faked his own death so he could work undercover for the Hong Kong police?

Are you aware of that? Yeah. Do you believe that as well? Not so convinced. Do you believe he could kill a man, not so, not so, not so, not so. Do you know? Do you. to be the Britain's best illusionist if you don't want me to say.

Yeah. You can put that on a poster if you want to tell you what, right? Changing subjects a bit. We're talking about a fly getting in that pod. Yeah. Um, reddened the week. Which we will be. Do you want to answer that phone because it's annoying me? Who's phoning? I don't know. It's obviously someone who doesn't know that you're talking at the moment. So leave it. Let me finish the point. It could be, it could be, um, leave it. Leave it. Leave it. Leave it. Yeah, go on. Oh, I'm so scared. I don't have to give me some of the words by. No, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. Let. Let to. Let to. Let the the the the to. Let the to. Let to. Let to. Let to finish. Let to finish. Let to finish. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let the finish. Let let let let let let let let let. Let let. Let let. Let let. Let let. Let let. Let let. Let let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let it. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me finish. Let me. Let me finish. Let me. Let me finish. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. it. Nice. Right. Rage you the geese the machine. So as well, yeah, right. We're talking about flies getting in a pod. And do you know like

how a Barbie doll, if it was real, it wouldn't be able to work? Do you know what I mean? A Barbie doll if a woman had the proportions? Yeah, she wouldn't be, I'd tie his shoelaces up and stuff because our legs are too long. th... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. that. to that. to that. that, that, to that, to to to to to to to to to to that, that, to to to to to to to to to thi, to to to to to to to to to to thi, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Don't that, that, don't that, don't that, don't that, don't that, don't thi, don't thi, don't thi, don't tie, don't tie, tie tie tie tie, tie tie, tie, tie, tie, tie, that, that, too long for a back and all that. Flies, scientists can't work out how they fly. It's a bee. It's a bee not a fly. No, a fly as well. A fly is, apparently its body is like too big for its wings and they still can't work it out. Yeah. Which in your mind says what?

Something spooky? They have worked out. It's fact that what they, the, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a...... It's a the, it's a the, it's a the the the the the the the the the the, it's a the, it's a the, it's the, They have worked out. The fact that what they do, the wing actually beats a ridiculous about 150 times a second so it displaces air. Yeah. So they have it mean, I don't mean it's incredible that it can fly because it's got such small wings yeah all right and it's a bee not flying yeah but other than that good point all right about bowie another classic be my wife of the low album David Bowie David Bowie David Bowie it's cracking be my wife off a low

very good indeed yeah you know I my frustration with the homeless yeah you know they they want me up walking through so her the the tho. I th th th th th the the th th the the th th th the the tho tho tho the tho tho the tho tho tho tho the tho the the tho tho tho the tho the the tho the the the the the th. th th th no th no th not th not th not th not th not the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeee theeeee thee thee thee the the the the You know my frustration with the homeless. Yeah. You know they wind me up. Walking through Soho last night, I saw a homeless fellow reading a book. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you this, if he's got the wherewithal to read a book, right? He's obviously, you know, he wants to keep himself occupied, his mind occupied, his mind educated. My point is, why not, instead of reading a book, have a book, have a book, have a book, have a book, have a book, have a book, have a book, I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi, I'm, I, the the the their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I. their, I. their, I. their, I, I. I, I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I, I. I, I, I, I, I, I. I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a the the the the the the the the the. the. theole. the. the. the. theole. the. the the the the the the the, have a quick look through the job vacancy section of the evening standard, or maybe just take the time to fill in some kind of application form for, you know, maybe, you know, a job or something like that. Is the ability to read with the ability to house yourself? Well no, because what I'm saying is it seems to me, he's obviously got a certain you know grasp psychologically of you know he's not mental people who haven't got houses. Well a lava

Rick I've seen dancing and shouting and screaming you know and pissing in doorways and stuff. Yeah yeah yeah okay you're confusing the homelessness with trampiness well again you know you know people just have left home and they haven't got a joveys I'm not a sociologist no if I can't spot all the clever distinctions that they're trained experts such as yourself can. All I know is there was a fellow reading a book. Well you know the ones that I've got beards and sing little tunes and they smell of piss. They're my favorite. They're awfully. Yeah. And they're drinking special brew. That's an alcoholic tramp. Right. That's an alcoholic true. That sell big issue, they just haven't got their own place.

Right. Do you see... Okay? Well again, I mean, it is tricky finding the place. I know because I got to move out recently and it's a nightmare. I had to get like estate and I had to go and see a load of places. And I was doing a job as well, I was doing a job as well, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I, you, you, I, I, I, I'm, I'm th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thrown. thrown, thrown, thi, thi, thrown, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to find, to find, to find, to find, to find, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thi, is thrown. thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thri, is thri, is thri. thri. thi. thi. thi, is thi, is the street. So I'm surprised he can't find loads of places to live. I'm surprised he can't find the time to visit a couple of different residences. Because there's some pretty cheap ones, you know, if you go kind of a bit farther out of London. Maybe it's because he wants to live in the Sohoa area and family it's expensive. What I'm confused about. Is the number of homes people that they enjoy and enjoy the office. They've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've got they've they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've got they've they've got they've got they've got they've they've got they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tho. tho to to the. theat. theat. theat. theat. theat. theat. theat theat. they're theat. They of your previous TV work. The 11 o'clock show? Yeah, you know, or stuff like that. The ones that used to slip by it.

Yeah, exactly. Tramps and the French for me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or maybe sort of people who watched, you know, have watched the show and then have fallen on, I don't know, it's a bit tight in it. What? Because it's like, I sometimes think it could have been me when I, when I see homeless people and that, I just think, you know, I nearly killed a man once, it could have totally changed me life.

So, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You want to stay down there. Just want to back up for a second. whales right and picked up a big piece of slate and chucked it off for the cliff right and it nearly ate a fella yeah right in that split second if he would have decided to sort of go and pick up a shell that was close to the sea it could have hit him yeah it would have killed him I would have it I won't be sat here today yeah do I don't know, that's about it really. That's the point, that's the political point. What was the point again that you're there for the briefs to God's the eye? Yeah, no he's saying, you know, you should count our blessings because, you know, anything can happen. Yeah, you never know what's around the corner. Sure. If Carl hasn't met us, he's still in in that, he in in in in in in in in in in in the little in the little in the little in the little household name. Do you think he packed the book before he left home to become homeless? He thought I got to need the clothes, I'm going

to need the cigarettes, we need the dog and the piece of string and I probably need some reading literature as well because I'm going to get pretty bored like just sitting in the street begging all day. Maybe it's one of the... I want to catch up on some of the stuff I haven't read, you know. Or maybe it's one of those themed holidays. You know they're trendy, middle class people? They go on like the adventure holidays and danger holidays. Maybe the latest one, among sort of like yuppie types is homeless holidays. Yeah. They pay like they pay like 10, thousand pounds. Exactly. They pay like they pay they pay like like like like like like like their their their their their their they pay like their their their their they pay like their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. them. them. them. the. theemem. theemeemeemeemeeme. theemeeme. theememe. theememe. theememe. theememe. the. theemememe. their of society. And people come up to them and abuse them. They're all actors. They get beaten up at night when they're sleeping under a breed. They get to try a really safe sort of form of heroin.

Sure. Yeah, yeah. That sounds brilliant. Now that's worth marketing. They're thin holidays like that. You can have like rent boy holidays. Find out what it's like to be a rent boy for three weeks. Yeah, and they have to make a little bit of money on the side. They have to wean them off it. They're going, don't keep stuck in it.

You can stop there. You're finished now, you're, you're a bank manager again. I just, I've just got the taste for it to be honest. If that is a possibility. Look Carl's worried. We haven't said anything. We haven't said anything wrong, Carl. There's no complaints, we haven't said anything. The words suck as far as I can work out. No, it's not a banned word on the radio. Is it rockbusters time?

Okay. Yeah, rock busters. Well, let's play a tune then. We'll come out with rockbusters. Are we going to hear your mums before we have your best holiday I've ever had? I'll get a taste for it. That's a new American band called My Morning Jacket from the Sweep BZP that's called Lodane. Like that? Yeah, nice. It's good, yeah. I brought in some adverts, my favorite adverts to play.

Really? Yeah,them now? Yeah. Do them now? Oh I do, they are good. XFM. Ready? XFM. X FM indeed, Steve. Absolutely. Sorry I was fiddling around to him. What are you looking at? Well, I'm just looking at some of the emails and if I can find it, I've got an absolute treat from you. Dickie Anderson. Is he emailed in a a a a the the th. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. Is the the th. Is their. Is th. Is th. Is their. Is th. Is th. Is their. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is. Is. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is. Is............................................................................................................................................................. Dickie Anderson. He's emailed in again. Richard Anderson, our biggest fan. He said, uh, dear Ricky, sorry for not tuning him recently, only I've been busy watching a puddle evaporate. Glad to hear you haven't tinkered with the show's winning formula by trying to introduce any quality into it. That's from Richard Anderson. So good to have Dickie Anderson. Good to have Dick keeps us on our toes, you know. Yeah. And good work Rich, thanks for that. I wonder what he looks like. Dickie Anderson?

I think he's a good looking guy. For some reason I've always imagined him as being slightly older with maybe a beard with maybe a beard with maybe a beard. Oh no, I think of him I think of him sort of cords and now in sweater. Definitely cork. I think he looks like maybe like maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe like maybe like maybe like maybe like maybe like maybe maybe like maybe like maybe maybe like maybe like maybe like maybe like maybe maybe like maybe maybe like maybe maybe the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. He looks like they. the hea. He looks like. He's like. He's like. He's like. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He he. He he. He he. He looks like he looks like he looks like he looks like he looks like he looks like he looks like he looks like he looks like he looks like he looks like, he looks like, he looks like, he looks like, he looks like, he looks like, he looks like, he looks like, he looks like, he looks like, he looks like, he looks like, he looks why I'm seeing some kind of facial hair. And he sort of, he likes the cure and the Swiss snap but, and uh, and he snarls at everything, he thinks everything's pure, yeah. I bet he prefers Radio 5. Do you think Radio 5? Yeah. Five, yeah. Yeah. And four. I bet he's a real music snob. I bet he's a real music he music. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's he's he's he's he's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He's like like like. He's like. He's like. He's like. it's like rubbish. The Blazing Squad rubbish. All pop music rose. Britney Spears rubbish. Is this defamation of character? Um, he's slagged you off enough times, Rick and the show. I don't know if this.

And I'm only saying it's my opinion, I imagine. Yeah, I mean, you don't know, you know, you can be a lovely guy. I. I. I. I. I. I. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is th. Is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. th. th. Britney. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Richard is he's willing to say what he thinks? Well it's not it's more than that. Has he been like M and M? No it's more than that. He actually hits on the truth too often for my liking. I mean this is a shoddy show with very very very little to offer. You got to remember though it is a bronze winning show. We didn't win a bronze award at the so. the th. We. We th. We th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thin. It's thin. It's th. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's is more. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. It's more. most coveted of the awards. Yeah, yeah. In my opinion the bronze is slightly better than the gold. Well a lot of people don't win the bronze, but you've got to remember that there's not many people who win the bronze, you know gold's got no intrinsic value, it's just a currency and in my opinion bronze is better. Yeah, in a way. Carl Carl Carl. Yeah no we did get a bronze bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the bronze. the gold. the gold. the gold. Gold. Gold. Gold. Gold. Gold. Gold. Gold is, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the bronze, the imagine, Carl? Yeah, no we did get a bronze but this year we introduced rockbusters. Things will be changing. So, uh, hey, hey, we didn't introduce rockbusters, Carl, please don't tie us with that brush. Yeah, you introduced it. And also, do you remember the show

that that got that bronze was the show with the complaint that was uphowed by the radio authority? Was it really? Yeah, the show that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the show that that that that the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, the show, did, did, did did did, did, did the show, did the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show the show that show that show that show that show that show that show that show that show that show that that show that that show that that show, that show that that show, that show, that show, did, did, did, did the show, did the show, the complaint that was uphowed by the radio authority. Was it really? Yeah, the show that got the award and was nominated was the one with the only uphowed complaint we've ever had. Do you think if we hadn't discussed that particular subject for quite as long we could have got the silver? I think it was the mention of, and I say this meaning, male birds, and I say this meaning the the Sony committee was going, I enjoyed the show, if they had mentioned Cox, meaning birds? Yeah, mea birds, yeah. I'd have given it the silver. Yeah. So, uh...

The car are getting nervous. Rockbusters then? Yeah. A chance to win all that stuff, Steve was talking about before that stuff, Steve was about before you're your own we should hear your moms just to sort of set the tone and for people to get their heads around the whole idea. She's send some more, they're still not that up to scratch. First one, this group are nice on toast. Marmalade would have worried. Marmode is just as good, yeah. This man liked his wine. This man liked his wine? Dean Martin.

What? So no grypticlue, just a man who drinks? Yeah. But like, isn't there like a myriad of rock-stop and pop-star who liked his wine? I know. I don't think anyone would have ever got that. That's fantastic. This man liked liked liked liked liked liked liked like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like this this this this this this this this this this his this his his his this his his this their like their like this their like their like their like their like th like thi like his wine liked liked like this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their think anyone would have ever got that. That's fantastic! This man liked his wine!

Dean Martin! This man liked his golf. Oh, clubby, clubby chip face, no, uh, Bunker Smith. Binkusby, yeah. He liked his golf. Yeah. That's genius.

This man, what is his wine? Uh, just a couple more. I hope you're you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. thi. that's the. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. that're not speeding when you meet these. The police. Oh it's great. And uh... Oh! Sounds like these lads work for the hospital. Uh, sounds like these lads work for the hospital.

The, the, the porters. Say that again? Sounds like these lads work for the hospital. Jerry and the pacemakers. Right? So we'll... Carl I have to say if there was ever in the future any doubt that you were your mother's son that would pay that. Believe me your I chip off the game. Okay well let's let's uh so we have a little record and then educating Ricky and Rockwusters. So the show I really start. of the the thirty Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry the the the the the the the the p. Jerry the p. Jerry the p. Jerry the p. Jerry the the the p. Jerry the the the the the the the the the the p. Jerry in the p. Jerry in the pace in the pace in the pace in the p. The the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the pace in the pace in the pace in the pace in the pace in the pace in the pace in the pace. Jerry. Jerry. Jerry. Jerry. Jerry the pace. Jerry. Jerry the place. Jerry the place. Jerry the place. Jerry the place. Jerry the place. the the the the the the the the the the place. the the the the the place. the the the the the the the pace. the the the the rockbusters so I just like to use my cat of the of the prizes Jerry Halleywell's yoga video DVD I think it's the latest one in that particular

series so if you've worked yourself up to you know you're looking pretty good but yeah a little bit of a flat rain we ran the arson or breast area then Jerry can help you right there we got only got only to the only only only only only only only only only only only only only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only the only their their their their their their their their their their their. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they. they. to to to to to to to to they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the the the the they. the the the the they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the thethis is the Christmas special from last year, Jonathan Ross was giving that well, his morning show this morning, I don't know if they're just trying to get rid of him. Time of the morning to you from Terry Wogan, that's his two-dead CD. I'm sure they're giving that way, though. You've got the likes of love theme from obviously take my breath that's on the that's on the that. What. What else. What else. What else. What else else else else else else else else else else else else else else else the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What else else else else else else else else else else else else else the the th. What th. What th. What else else else else else else else else else else th. What th. What else else else else else that's that's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they're. the the the the the the the the the toda. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. I. today. today. today. today. the the the today Paul Final. I still call her Alf. Loaf is on there, I'm talking of the meat variety. Oh! Miss Tina Turner on Silent Wings. There's an incredible selection there perfect for same mum or a deaf aunt. That's the Manix Street feature is great to the DVD.

How's your aunt? Anyway, how's your aunt the one who farted for five minutes, Carl? Also got the U2D... It's not going that well. What's up with the best show album ever? That's all the before you. It's alright. Yeah. Okay guys, so that's the prize is up for grass. Some of the today we're having two conversations there. I think we're a little bit too relaxed in this show. live or is that a conversation like between the records? It's, do you know what I mean?

It probably sounds like yeah the record is playing. We think the record was playing and we're just chatting. Oh dear, what we got, what we got? Carl? Carl, Carl. Carl, Carl. Carl, Carl. Carl, come on. Cuse everything you ever wanted. One moment, but you care to, we'll just let us. Eminem, lose yourself. Back on form there, hello? Absolutely, yeah, it's good. Good, good.

OnxFN, therechnine, Rickon, more importantly. Carl, come on then. Right. I need some education. I need some to education. I need some rockbusters. Educating Ricky, I will be ditching before Christmas. Why, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. to, to, to, to, to, thi. thi. to, too. I, to, tooom. I, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they.... And, the they.. And, tho..................................................................... you have heard some rockbusters. Educating Ricky, I will be ditching before Christmas. Why?

It will be going. Why? Because there's nothing out there. It's just struggling. I was thinking on the way in today. I can either doing something, the today, it's like a con merchant and I have to like trick you.

Okay. So I'm the con and you're the merchant. And then oh, I was thinking something that you just do, do some work and you have a moan for a bit and that's a bit, and that's like a wine merchant you just like wine on about something. Again, I just, I just don't, I just, that's just, that's that's that's that's that's that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's like, that's like, that's like, the the they. I'm like, they. I'm like, they. I'm like, they. I'm like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, that's like, they. I'm like, they. I'm like, they comes first with you doesn't it? You've worked out that first. That's like I've told you I've come up with a couple of sitcoms for me. One is I've got an imaginary Navy called Merchant's Navy. I've got Navy. I've got Navy. And another one is I live in the premises I've got a Navy. And another one is I live in... And that's as far as he's got as as the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th got th got th got as the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thoom. I've got to to to to the to to to come to to to come to come to come to to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to come to to come to come to to to to to come the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I's the. I's the. I's the. I've to to to to the. I's to to to to the to the. I's to to to to to the. I that'd be much appreciated. Another one is I live in quite a salubrious part of North London and that's called Merchant

of Little Venice. And I live in Little Venice. Again, I don't know what happens. I don't know what happens, but any ideas, Carl? I've got one we're playing an Italian waiter and it's called Shut up's the one we're working there actually to follow up with the office. Do you like that? Yeah. Yeah. We'll do something with that. But at the moment we've got rockbusters. Okay. So these are mine. Number one, you've been dunking that for too long. That's LB. Right. I keep dunking that. That's too easy. That's too easy. I always tease them don't, I give them something to make them feel like they're going to win something and then I hit them hard with a tricky one. But it doesn't make sense, yeah go on. So the first one, so that's the cryptic clue

for a band or an artist. Their initials are LB and the cryptic clue. You've been dunking that for too long. So that's so that's so that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their thi. So thi. So that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi one one's thi one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one. thi one one one one one. thi one. thi one. thi one. their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi. thi's doesn't thi. thi. thi's thi's thi's thi's thi. thi's thi. thii. thi's thi. thi's thi. thi's thi. thi. thi's th game in this pub because the table ain't big enough. Could be an old artist, could be a new one, could be a band. What's the initials? FD? All right? FD. You won't be able to play that game in this pub, the table ain't big enough. And the final one, well, I've had a rubbish day, so I'm happy it's over right that's that's the third cryptic clue the initials being GK right well I've had a rubbish day so I'm happy it's over there the three clues all you got to do is email in Ricky Dotchivace

that's great that's genius which one last one right that is genius that's the best one you've ever done. Right. Ricky dotchivace. That's great. I don't know the middle one. OK. Email in them three answers, you win the stuff. We have still got educating Ricky. Go on, let's have one.

No, I'll give you the titles. Give the titles, yeah. Right, you've got three bits of info that's that's that's possibly sort of old times. Never go further back in the 17th century do we? Well let's let's make it clearer. There's three bits of information that people have put on the net whether or not they're true. Yeah yeah and that he still gets it a little bit wrong in translation and sort of adds bits to it. Yeah go on on. So we've got a... I love it when he plays out those historical dialogues. Yeah, you know, it's like the 15th century where he goes, so anyway, a bloke says to himself. I'll tell you what I'll do. So the three, like you've got to pick from, you've got

your kit on, we're off down the butchers. We've got your kit off we're off down the butchers, yeah. We've got wash up with you. Wash up with you. Wash up with you! Yeah? And the last one I couldn't really think of a good title for so it's just, uh, why don't they just get a diary or some paper or something? Oh, see it record!

We've got to make it. This has got to be a book thanks for Christmas. Chapter headings. What's the... Aliasis, live forever on XFN 104. Right. We're in the swing of things. It's mine, Steve's a the the the the swing of things. It's mine Steve's favourite bit of the whole show. This is what we do this show for now, educating Ricky. Yeah. Go for it, Carl.

He said that learning can't be fun. Yeah. Okay, I'll go for the one. What's the one about the butcher going down the butcher shop? You've got her get your cat on the butcher's? Yeah. Well do you know the saying, um, don't let the cat out of the bag? Yeah. Do you know what it means? Yeah, don't give away a secret. Right? Well, do you know it came about? No. Well, uh, ages ago. Ages ago. Before like, 17th century? Yeah. Before like, you know,, 17's good. Yeah, before like, you know, proper butchers and Jewerst and supermarkets and that, you used to get these bloke who sold meat, right? But butcher, butchers they were called dead, I think.

Yeah, yeah, but the difference was they didn't stay in the same place, they they moved about, right? So they'd turn up on a street corner bags and like, right, right, right, right, rightrier bags? Yeah with you know with meat in and that and people would... Plastic carrier bags. Yeah yeah with mobile butcher on them. Yeah yeah I had a email address. Yeah go on. People went right yeah I need some meat right so they'd go up to this bloke and so what if you got? You know you can have a bag full of pig or you can have a whatever bag full of chicken, whatever. And they go yeah how much? they go like, you know, call it a fiver or whatever. And they buy them and to make more money they didn't always fill the bag with what they said was in it. I knew I they might have the case. Right. So what did they end up a the their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their they they they their th. their th. th. th. the the the the to tho to to tho to to to have to have to to to to have to have to have to have tho. tho. their their tho. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. to have tolea. tole. toooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to have to have their tha. the with what they said was in it. I thought that might be the case. Right? So what they used to do? Did they end up the cat in the bag?

Okay, so sometimes they would put a cat in the bag and pretend it was chicken or whatever else. Yeah, so the cat was a cat any cheaper than a chicken? Because cats are wandering around the streets in it, they'd go, yeah, that's all right. Got a bag full of chicken, they'd get home to make the dinner. And he'd be like, what we're having tonight? And they'll go, well, you'll never guess. And they'd have like, you know, well, you can have a chicken leg and, you know, it would be, it would be cool.

They'd have to defrauast a defer. in those days? He didn't say. He just was saying about the saying don't like the cat out of the bag. It's like you know if they see that they're gonna go mad. I'm mildly disappointed with this story. It's all right if it's true but you know it's something about it's just I want to know more. He always leaves it. It's it, Carl doesn't quench your thirst for knowledge? He creates more. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Well, yeah, he's like the pot noodle of information. Yeah, do you know, I never, I want to go...

I've got nourished by it. It's like for every fact he tells me, there's ten others that spring up the bag. I... yeah, what I mean by that, Jack is, the dodgy butchers that coined this phrase. Were they saying to each other, don't let the count the bag. What I mean by that, Jack is don't let them see the cat what we've stuffed in there. Dodgy butcher, there's another phrase, isn't it? So that's the first one. Is that a euphemism or is the tho-a? Yeah, as his meat. So that's that one so that's get your kit all that down. It's a euphemism for homosexuality.

Okay. And meat presumably that means different things. It doesn't it's a word that is also a male bird. Wouldn't it mean chicken or cat necessarily in that context or what I suppose it could. Yeah. Yeah. Carl looks look at him. It's Carl looks at you like a cat. Whenever we're leaving behind, if we don't talk, like straight at him and let him see our lips moving and it's, you know, monosyllabic and very interesting.

Look, he's lost in that conversation there. He just drifted off, didn't you, Carl? No, I just was also thinking on animals and that something else was going to use. Go th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, thi. thi. thi. thi. to to thi's, thi's, to. thi's, to. thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's thi. thi. thi. thi. to use. Go on. This isn't a radio show is it? I just suddenly caught us like this is nothing. I told you that before. It's been bad today. No, but I mean it's the way, this casual way that it's like we almost have no regard for our listener and I'm not proud of that. I just don't know what to do about it. Do you know what I mean? I don't know how to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to do how to do how to do how to do how to do how to do how to do to do to do the the the tho. that I that I'm that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I don't that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. tho. tho. I don't know tho. I don't know to to to told. to told. to to told. told. to told. that I don't that I that I tho. that I th do this properly. I mean we're just chatting here. I mean it's only Anderson who's seen through us and that surprises me that more people haven't. I mean what are the figures like do people listen to this show? I'll find out for you. You keep saying

that. But yeah there's this parrot and apparently it was a little... I mean Rick it's unique if nothing else. I mean when you wake up with Woken tomorrow you're not even going to hear him start alive with there was this parrot. Go on, there was his parrot, yeah go on. And it can talk and that, someone's obviously, you know, tore it out and speaking that and it flew away and it's living in this church. Right? And people are at the church doing hymns and that. Trouble's brilliant. In between the hymns. If that parrot was owned by an old minor who used to swear a lot, then the vicar is going to be really annoyed that vicar. Go on. I just don't think it stays quiet. Join the vicar sermons. Yeah, go on. Have you read it? No, no, because that's what happens. In the the the their is. In that's their is, their is, their is, their, their, their, that's, their, their, their, that's, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, in, in, in, in their, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, in, in their, in, in, in, in, in their, in, in, in, in their, in, in, in, in, in their, in, in. In. In. In. In. In. In. In. In. In. In, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in their. In. In. In. In, in, in their. their, in their. their, in their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, in their, in their, in their, in their. the Vicocas Simmons? Yeah go on. Have you read it? No no because that's

what happens right? During the hymns it's sort of effing and jeffin and stuff. And everyone's like going oh you know it's quite funny really no it doesn't know what it's doing everyone's having a laugh but it's causing a havoc funerals. When did this happen? And John was a much love man. It was a ranker. Yeah. So anyway, so that was another story. What can you say about Uncle John?

Bollocks. Oh God, I love the fact that when you look at things you go, that's interesting, a parrot that swears at funeral. And it stays with you. You see, for a simple man, you retain an awful lot of knowledge. It's just all rubbish. Do you know what I mean? If you just replaced all this rubbish with good stuff, you'd be an intellectual?

Really? Because I mean your attention is fantastic. So... Did I lose you again there, did I? Was it the word of attention? We've still got a wash up with you. Yeah, yeah. So we play a record and do wash up with you? Yeah, yeah. We'll play a bit of aqualung. All right, that's aqualung. Good time's gonna call a minute Right, Carl, come in, educating

Ricky. So don't look at the cat out of the bag, that's where that comes from. Comes from a crafty butcher. Right, come on in. So the next little headline is, uh, wash up with you. Wash up with you, go on. You want to know about that? Uh, yes. It's a survey that they did this week. They they they they they they they they th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. They th. th. th. th. th. th.to know about that? Yes. It's a survey that they did this week. They. Yeah, some university did some survey. Brilliant. Did a world test on washing up. Yeah. And each country were given 140 pots to clean. Brits were the quickest. Yeah. Brits were the quickest. Yeah. Turkey were the slowest. I'm washing up. The Turks. It's not because the little fellows that work in the kitchens with no... is it? They can't reach?

Spain. Spain were the cleanest and the Germans were pretty good as well. So... I don't know where to start with this. Honestly, Steve, I don't know where to start with that. Look its face. It was really, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was the the the the the th. It's the the the thi. It's thi, it's thi. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It, it, it, it. It, it. It, it. It, it. It. It, it. It. It, it. It, it. It, it. It, it. It, it. It, it. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it was th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's not thi. It's not the thi. It's not the the the the the thi. It's not the the the the thi. It's not, it's not, it's the the the start with this. Honestly Steve I don't know where to start with that. Look at his face. It was really light, right? We've had the parrot, right? These are things that I found, found the parrot, right? I've told you about the dog in the car wash. Right, you didn't tell me about that, you said there's a car wash? That's what the parrot? The parrot, you said the the the the the the parrot, you said, you said, you said, you said, you said, you said, you said, you said, you said, you said, you said, the the the the the the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the parrot, the, the parrot, the, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the the the the the the the the th is the th is the the th is the th is the the the that, the the parrot, the parrot, the the the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot, the parrot,'s nothing, that's nothing, that's nothing. Do you understand? And they used to eat cats? What else have we got? There's an elephant in India with sore feet. Why? There's an elephant in India with sore feet. Now I'm interested, why?

Um, some I'm dancing. Why? I didn't rally. He's trying to break Roy Castle's record. Come on? Come on, what is it? What is it? Think? It's an elephant and it was really old it was about 76. Right. And it had sore feet because it's old and they don't make it that big do they. And the roads are bad and that.

So they said what we're going to do? And the town was like, oh, you know, we're used to seen to seen to seen to seen to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see to see it around it's part of the thing you know we don't want it to have sore feet so they got some slippers made for it and it had like a picture of the elephant looking happy wearing some slippers. I love him! I love Carl's world! Think of it where do you see this picture? That was on the internet. Right, that's a lesson though for any elephants to work every because it can do your feet in. But don't elephants have really bad memories? No, they're really good memories. Oh, do they? Oh, that's good then.

No, I just thought they'd, so get where they put them. I thought there was something about elephants having bad, bad memories and that. It goes on, where's my slippers? I sure it left them by, in the ear slippers. Those sort of old man ones with the sort of checkers. Well, round ones, I imagine. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, big round ones.

There was that going on. And is it happening? Is it happier? I mean, does it, that's it. There's a woman who's had a breast insurer for 150 grand. Right. Okay. Is what? What? Third-party, fire and theft? I don't know.

It just had a picture of her with them like, you know, out. I just thought, yeah, he should get them covered. Oh. He's done another real joke. He's done. He's the little face. I'd like to see see the the to see you on one of the sort of TV panel games. If they could bring back celebrity squares, it'd be amazing as the center square. Oh, that would be incredible.

Or on that countdown in dictionary corner? Diction, I imagine him in dictionary corner. Well, I've come up with cat. Yeah, if you got. Memdlant. Yeah, what does that mean, Carl? Just anything you want it to mean. And what I've got, there's a dog that's got a cough in Singapore, because it smokes 20 a day. Right, okay, another one? Another one? No, no, no, it's the last one we've got.

Sorry, what was that? Was that wash up with you? That was it? Was that it? Survey of washing pots in pants. I didn't understand. You said, the the the last, the the last, the last, the last, the last, the last, the last, the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the last. the the the the the th. th. There's. There. There's. There's. There's. There's. There's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There was. There. There was. There was. There was. There was, th. There's, th. There's, th. Was, th. Was. Was, th. Was, thoooooooooooooooooooo. There's, the the the the the the the the, they, what, survey of washing pots in pans. I didn't understand, you said, who, you said, Italy were the cleanest? No, Spain was the, no, Spain. Now, Brits were the quickest, yeah. We were the quickest, yeah, we were the quickest. Yeah, we were the quickest, yeah, we were the quickest. Yeah, we were, the, thereria? She's quick. Both of them are quick. Well, they've got like kind of slaves that do it for them. Did we, did we use, did we use fairy liquid? Don't know?

He didn't have a whole bunch of boys game? He said, like this. Who had the softest hands? Who had the softest hands? So I didn't say, I didn't say. Why is it we don't get notified that this is taking place? I don't know. But I was a kid, no one ever said, you know, we need recruits because we're doing a survey on who can wash up the quickest? Yeah. Are you disappointed in yourself with that one, Carl, that is pretty dull. the con merchant or wine merchant or shut up at your face yeah would you be able to if I asked you if I put you on the spot in the next sort of after

the next record would you be able to give an example of how con merchant would work I mean is there something you could do just sort of experiment should we play record record to me doing educating Ricky right I can do a try to, final one, come on, Carl. Right, what was it? It was, uh, why don't they just get a diary of some paper or something to write on? Yeah. Yeah, snappy.

I couldn't, well, I couldn't think of a heading for it. It's basically, uh, people who have taxed tatoes, I never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never. it, right? That they have something put on their arm. Right, sorry, have we started the educator, is this part of it, are you educating me? This is something that will be useful in my life that I didn't know about. Yeah. Go on now. No, it's just that they've got a machine now, right, that does tautus. Tabos? You come up with a design you want and you sort of, this machine scans it and you put your arm in this thing and you press print or whatever and then it does the tattoo on your hand or on your... What are loads of little needles that follow a pattern?

Yeah basically yeah. Is it a real tattoo? It's a proper one? The fella said, um... Well as long as it goes out, it pierces the skin with it, with an edges, I just wanted to think. I just wanted to get one of those kind of, you know, those kind of two there. No, it must be lots of, lots of little, the needle, or moving needle that can, so, like, tick, the th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th.. th. th. th. th. tho, tha, tha, tha, kind. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha, tha, tha isn't it? If it's one needle that moves does it like a tk-tk-kk-like loads of little... What are we gaining from a machine doing it? Just because you know they're gonna sort of mess it up. But hold on how would you keep your arm? Because your skin moves like it? It's sort of strapped to your arm. Right and so it spreads it. The fella said the thing is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I thi. I thi. I thi. The thi. Trape, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thranny, thranny, thranny, thranny, thi, thi, thranny, thranging, thranging, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thing from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from from thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thrue, thrue, thrue, thr-in, thr-in, throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooing, the, thrue, thrue, the was the fact that you know nobody would let him test it out on

anyone else so he had to do it himself. But did it work because the thing is with a tattoo eye, they can see when your skin's moved and they can see what they've done and they keep wiping it and looking whereas a machine just got to trust itself. So I think one needle would could go wrong if it was a a lot on you know that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just that it just that it just th is just th is just that it just th is just that it just th is just that it just that it just th is just that it just that it just came thin is just came that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just that it just th th th th th th the th the the the the the the th is just th is just th is just th is just th is just th is just th is just th is just came thin the the the is just came the is just came the is just came the is just came that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th a thousand needles that was an imprint. Yeah. But obviously I'm asking someone who hasn't doubted any further than there's a machine that can give you a tattoo. That's all you've got. Well I'm yeah basically. That's what I've got because I'm not a fan of tattoos I don't. But where did you read this again? This was this was on the internet yeah it was, yeah. Okay. And I just don't understand why people do it.

That's what got me attention. Because me... Sorry, what have I learned from this? That if you wanted to get one, you know, you can get one done by a machine now. You know, people say machines are sort of taken over and that, and there's another one. But it's just the fact... I don't the snappy title title title title title title title title title title ti ti ti ti But it's just the fact, I mean, I don't know. So give us the snappy title of this education again? Why don't they just get a diary or some paper or something to write it on?

That's why I always think when I see people with loads of tattoos, like there's that fellow who were talking about the other week in Scotland who was covered 99% in tattoos. It's just like what have you done that for? Do you know what I mean? You can't get rid of it now, you've done it now. One of my uncles, right, Tattoo Stan, he, he, he's just caked in him. Right. I don't think he's my proper uncle, but it's just like, my dad's got a province in Russia, no my dad's got loads of mates who like... When you say he's not your proper uncle? Do you know how like when someone comes out of the yard, Uncle Stan?

Do you know what I mean? And there was, my dad had loads of mates like that, there was John the Screw. Right. So he either works in a prison or he liked to have sex. Cabby. Okay. There was Jimmy the Hat. I don't know what he did. Jimmy the Hat? Yeah. And did he wear a hat?

No. No. There was Fred the veg. He was the threat. He was the veage. He used to get us like big bags of potatoes and that. the tatte. And he was just caked on him and he used to always look at him thinking, why have you done that? I must have only been like, you know, six to seven.

If you're born with a name like Tattoo Stan, you're destined, aren't you really? I'm worried about like, doing a bank job. What was his name, the hat? What was his name, Jimmy the hat? I don't understand it. Are you sure he didn't have a hat?. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, th.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I'm, I'm, Are you sure he didn't have a hat? Not when I met him. Did he ever wear a hat? I didn't seem that much. Do you think it was a joke like, you know, when your mate sort of like, you know, eight foot and huge you call him little John or tiny? Do you think the fact that he never wore a hat? Yeah, they went, hold on, I've noticed him. that, they've th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, do, do, do, do th, do th. Do th. Do, do, do. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do th. Do, do. Do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do the. Do the. Do the. Do you, do the. Do you the. Do you the. Do you the. Do you the. Do the. Do, do, do the hat Jim of the hat yeah But me my uncle Stan he had like loads of them he did did him himself Oh dear and it was always What was it things like it was that he had like the cross cut here

Cut here made in Britain and if you're going to do him yourself I'd say at least make sure you could sort of a good drawer yeah and don't do it in a mirror so it comes out backwards. Well that was the other thing but like I remember he did, I mean names are all right. He had like all his kids names down his arm. And uh... What are they called? Yeah. Oh, Daddy. That is Dan Jr. Yeah. And um.

Poor shit's the bed. I'm Charter. Wobby Kate. Frankie never amanged to anything. Oh God. So he had like a... Johnny I don't think he's mine. So he did all this stuff. I don't even know I, Antonio that's that. No, no one do I, Carl. To be honest. I don't know that if, I don't know if, maybe you just have to picture this, but

my picture, much is to, she had to take a photo once, she was working in like a factory, not to denigrate people who worked in factories, but there happened to be a particularly odd-haired, to be a thrown, thiolk, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thr-to be, thr-to-to-to-o, thr-to-to-o, to-to-o, to-a-o, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, maybe... to-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s..... Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe-s. Maybe-s. tta-s. Maybe-s. tta-s. tta-s. ttauu. ttau. tttauu. tttttttauu. ttau. tttttttau. to-s. ttttt it because she was so extraordinary. He'd drawn it himself. Now, bear in mind, it was the kind of thing you saw when you were doing art when you were like 15. This was a sort of person who designed their own like heavy rock album cover. Yeah. He's that sort of person. So, I mean, he was a dragon with breasts. You're not far off for it. I'll tell up his entire back, she took a photo of it for me. He drew it himself, he had it tattooed himself and it was just too much detail, too much detail for a tattoo. It needs to be fairly simple I think to make a kind of tattie. It was, it was a naked. It was a naked. It was a naked. And so she had she had, she was, she was presumably, she had been out, she was naked. She, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, she, she, she, she, she, she had she had she'd been out she was presumably She'd been out of blood Yeah, well she she she she she she she she she she she she she could see her

Her naked body yeah she's quite a beautiful vampire relatively speaking. Yeah Although the symmetry of her face was somewhat off yeah the only thing I think that they gave her bad spine was that she had she did have some pointed teeth I think that was how you knew she was a vampire what was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th was th was th was th was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was the the the the the the the the the she was she was she was she was she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she was she was she was she had she did have some pointed teeth I think that was how you knew she was a vampire right was she looked but the fact she was having a shower was yeah that is isn't it well he'd sort of drawn in all the he said he said to the eye said listen I want a naked bird right but I don't want to be gratuitous he goes well you could put her in a shower because they went well that least that least that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that the the that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's was was was that was that was that was that was was that that was was I was was was was I was that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the of justification to the plot. I mean you know it's justified within the story she's in a shower. Sure, sure, okay. Yeah, yeah, we'll have that. Carl. So. Yeah, okay. Any other nicknames your friends of your family had?

What was your nickname, Carl, the tauke? Because for a minute I thought Carl the Vegge would have made a lot of sense. Yeah, I'm a veg. And what, why is your dad got a little tattoo, dopey twat on his arm? Right, we'll do the answers to Rockbusters next, yeah. Brilliant, Buzzcocks. Still sounds brilliant, that. It is a cracker. They're from Manchester as well, Carl. So you get a little bit of pride makes dads. Really? Yeah, I think so. What's his nickname? Well, his name was, I don't really want to say his name. Okay. Lorry, his first name was. Yeah.

Still is probably. Yeah. You know those little fellas at school that didn't know each other, weren't related and weren't friends, because it'd be too obvious that they had webbed, hens and big heads. Yeah. Well, they're, did they have any nickn't their their their their their their their their their their name name name name name name name name name name name name name name nickn't their nickn't have any nickn't their names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names names. their names. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their names names names names names. they're they're they're they have they have they have they have they have they have they have their names. their names. their names. their names. their names. th. th. to have have have to have have have to have have have to have have have to have to have th. their their th. th. their their the they have any nicknames? Again, too obvious isn't it? Go on. Well, oh you're Big Ed or, you know, sure. Oh, I bet you got that juggling. Oh, fine. Fog twins. Can I just interrupt you guys? Because we've just had an email here here. Um, I hate to query you, Carl, and you're educating Ricky section. I know you put a lot, don't read th. th. th. you. Just an email here from Olivia, and this has also been corroborated by someone else, I forget who it was. She just tuned in and she just heard you explaining the expression letting the cat out of the bag. So it was all to do with cats that were put in bags by dodgy but she possibly the 17th century we're not too sure. Anyway she claims, well let me see, she says she uses both the words twoddle and crap in relation to your definition. She says letting the cat out

the bag is an old shipping expression from when sailors used to get flogged for their misdemeanors. The cat is the cat of nine tails. Of course it is the kind of whip thing that they used to keep hanging in a bag below deck. If it was discovered that a sailor had done something wrong, the cat will be let out of the bag and you get a whipping. Of course, don't let the cat out of the bag, meaning to cover something up to keep the nonsense, right? No, she's not the truth. That's the same thing. They're not going to keep going on about people working on a boat to get those assailants. You can't have two phrases about the same thing!

Carl these things have got nothing to do with their time. Think how many, think how many metaphors have birds in them and you know it's ridiculous. Why can't you have as many sounds. You can have as many sounds you like about anything Carl. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're they're. they're. they're they're they're they're they can't. they can't. they can't. they can't. they can't. they can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can't, you can't, you can't they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they can't have they't go, we've made me up about the cat and nine tales. Well cheers for that Oliver. Olivia. Don't see your email coming up with the rockbusters answers so let's give us the answer to the game. Let's give them out. The first one was you've been dunking that for too long. Yeah that was LB. Limp biscuit. Yeah got that one. The The third third third third third third third third third third third third third third third third third third th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho' tho' tho' tho' thi. tho' tho' that one that one. Let's that one. Let's that one. Let's that one. that one. that one. that one. that one. that one. that one that one that one. that one. that one. that one. that one. that one. that one. that one. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. We's the the tho. We'll the the the the the thoooooo. We'll. We'll. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's th. Limp biscuit. Yeah, got that one. The third one, we'll jump to that one because you've got it. Well, I've had a rubbish day, so I'm happy it's all over. That was GK. That's great one. Glad it's night. Glad it's night. Glad it's night. That's brilliant. And the one that you're both having a problem with, you won't be out to play that game in this pub. The table the the the the the the the the the the th ain' th ain' th ain't ain't th ain't th ain't th th th' th' th' th' th' th' that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thable. ta' today. ta' ta' ta'a'a' tha'a'a'a' tha'a' that's that's that's that. Yeah? What? The Domino's, you play Domino's

in a pub. The Domino's Fat. Pub tables are quite small. You want to play that game in this pub. Fat's Domino? Rubbish. So do you want to pick a winner? Rubbish? Well, you say it's rubbish, but plenty of people got the right answer. Rubbish. What do you want to go with? The bunch of, um. to, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, f f f, f, f, f, f, f, f, f, f, f, f, f, f, f, f, f, f, tho, th, f-f, fat, fat, fat, f-f, f-f, f-f, f-f, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thob-a, ta, thi, ta, ta, ta, thobo-a, thobo-a going to Elliot K. From the cheekwell in Essex. Well done to Elliot. I just, can before we go, can we just get an email off Anders? Because I think he must, I think we've probably turned him round with this show. I think he's going to be saying, come into us with his tail between his legs, saying, sorry lads, a blinding show, I was wrong, you were right. Yep, yeah. All right. Song for the Lovers is very exciting this week.

Yeah, we haven't had a song for the lovers or the ladies for quite some time. Let's combine the two and a bit John Martin. Let's end with that. Beautiful. We'll see you next time.