The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E18 (December 21, 2002)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Ditting all his mom and everyone. It's a little bit of a cussing in there, which they have bleeptaped thankfully. Carl's in the bad mood already. He's been in about three minutes and he's in a bad mood getting stressed. If you can't hack it, leave. What's the matter with you? No, I'm just saying. It's been... I was meant to enjoy you not in the Christmas spirit? Why didn't you enjoy last Saturday? What did you do? I went, right, I went all the way back up up north again right because it was Suzanne's dad's birthday right. I was busy last week didn't have time to get him a present or anything.

So I got to Houston Station, bought a card, which was a Christmas card so he was saying it's my birthday and I said well I won't be seeing you again so I've got a joint card and then we went out... Did you get him a present? Well no because we went out on Saturday night for something to eat out this pub that he likes it does nice steak and on your rings right? Lovely. So I said all right what can I do I said to her so she said to to her so she she you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you that that that that that that that that that to that that that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the to the. Right, not mine. So I said all right what what can I do I said to her so she said just buy a few drinks or something. Anyway I didn't get around to get in drinks. I can't believe it. No. I said right I'll pay for the cab. Oh what a lovely Christmas gift that is. Yeah. So I paid no. It was like three quid back. So six quid you spend on him? Well no I spent more that you see that's what he said he said he said he said get a bolt and back

he said he said he said oh you've spent on me six quid for my birthday I said no I haven't because I gave the tax driver a ticket I'm a little bit of a toub his attitude as well because I mean I mean I let's be honest I that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the worst that's the worst the worst that's the worst that's the worst the worst the worst the worst that's that's the worst that's that's the worst the worst that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst that's that's that's that's that's the worst that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the worst the the worst the the worst the worst the worst the the worst the worst the worst the the worst I I the the throu the thea. that's that's the worst the the the. that's that's discussed in the past, but at least you spend a bit of money, it's just thoughtless. This is nothing. I know. I've never given him any time. I mean I would and I knew my demographic, they loved it my family. They couldn't believe their luck, you know. A tenor. You spent a tenor on him? Well the thing is he's not, it's not, I don't think it's the fact that this is like, you know, frittering away and I would have been full this, it would have loved, I'm sure he would have been appreciative of a lovely 10 pound gift that you cared about and bought a book he probably likes fly fitting doesn't he? If you'd have bought that either garments what I was looking for, or E, what I was looking for, Carl? E, bloody Lyle, your little balls, twit's that's, that, that right so just calm down so what have you

got planned for for Christmas is this what I mean have you spent is you are you doing the same pressure Suzanne oh Carl excellent you've paid me milk bill for this week that were really nice I'm spent this year so have you so have you planned anything for Suzen or you just yeah I'm taking her out Christmas day for something to eat well don't do, does she know that? Is that, is that? She's working today so she, you know, so I'm okay. So what Christmas gift have you got? I'm taking her out? That's it, I'm taking her out. What, you haven't got a present? You haven't got a present? No, because we've spent a lot of your present. Don't you're not going to be eating as well. to be eating. their. their. th. th. to, th. to, th. to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. that's, that's, that's, thi. That's, that. that's, that's, that's, th. that's, th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that, I. That. That, I. That, I. That, I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. That, I. I, I. That, I. I. I. I. That, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I's, I's, I's, I've, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm that's, I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I've th's got a good sink to unwrap It's didn't look like a cat who's been hit. She's got nothing to unwrap There's nothing she's gonna hand something over to you because I've met the woman she will

She'll hand something over you'll open it. I might get something today What I'm gonna try and stick in some Christmas songs. We're not playing all Christmas songs, they're not playing all Christmas songs, but I brought in a couple of so so th th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th. She's th th th th the the there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's th. She's th. She's th. She's thin thin tho's tho's to no's nothing no's nothing nothing to no's nothing tho's nothing to tho's nothing tho's nothing. She's there's there's there's there's yeah. Well, I'm going to try and stick in some Christmas songs. We're not playing all Christmas songs, but I've brought in a couple of... So this is Christmas, John Lennon, the River, Joni Mitchell, Fairytown New York, one of the best Christmas songs ever. Oh, well, about a bit of Pretenders doing the best stuff, isn't it? Is it a best off? Yeah, brilliant. Have you been putting together? Not yet? Not to do it. I'll do it today. I'll do it today. Tell me what bits you want in it and I'll sort of the year for them. I'm trying to think what they were. I mean mostly talking to Carl. It'd be mostly Carl, mostly Carl, mostly Carl, gibberish from Carl. I think it would be an awful lot of educating Ricky from Carl.

Mm-hmm. Well Ricky dot Gervais at XFM. Co. If you've got any thoughts isn't it? There's a couple of instances where I try to kiss him I think and you encourage me. Yeah those are some highlights for me. I wish I had a video that. Yeah so do you mentioned educating Ricky. We've only got, do you know we normally have like three installments? Yeah. Yeah. We've only got two two today. Why not happened? Well you clearly you clearly you were you were you were you were you were you were you were you were you were you you you you you you you you you you the the the they they they they the they the they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they th. th. th. th. th. they they their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. I th. th. I th. th. th. I th. I th. th. I th. I say every week it's a bit of a struggle finding stuff that I can teach you. But but at the same time what we have got we've started the feature I teased MTV with it right so I thought I best start doing it before they get someone like Zane Lo presenting it or something yeah so do we need them? Do we need them? You should explain do we need them for those that we th we th we th we th we th we th we th we th we th we th do th do th do th do th do th do th do th do th do th th th th th th th we th we th we that we that we that we that we that we that we should do we should do we the we should do that we should that we should that we should that we should that we should that we that we that we that we we we we we we we we we should we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we should we they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to do they to to they to to to they they to to to to to to to to to to to they should should they they they they they they they they they they they they need them for those that don't like the show? Well it's sort of education about animals and stuff and if we need them so like

David Attenborough once said you can get rid of people off the earth and it would carry on there's no problems but you know get rid of a monkey and you could have problems on your hands. Is that a direct quote from Attenborough's current automobile? I think so yeah. So what I've done today the the thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed thed tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that's that tho tho tho th. Right th, right th, right th, right th, right th, right th, th. Right, th. Right, th. Right, th. Right, thu th. Right, th. Right, thu th. Right, th. Right, th. Right, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the an the an the an thea thea' thean thea'a'a'a'a'a' the an thea' the an the an the an th'm going to... Is that a direct quote from Edinburgh's current? It was starting to say something like that. So, so what I've done today right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So he always ends things, you got yourself all quite to call all sorts of problems. Yeah, yeah. So that's that, that's coming up. Enjoy that. I've spoke to a woman about jellyfish. Oh yeah, because I know you're not a fan. Not a fan of them, so we'll be speaking to that.

Women or jellyfish? This is a woman. Ivan, so we'll be sorting that out before 3 o'clock. We'll be finding out if we need them. I'm not wanting to be. He's great. And then we've got a Christmas edition of Rockbusters, which which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, which, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I found out yesterday, Channel 4 have ripped it off. Go on?

It's on their teletext thing. That's outrageous. Yeah, on their teletext page, someone said. What are they doing then? Like Rockbusters, they're copying the format. You sure they're not copying Blockbusters? No, no, it's someone said it's a cryptic clue and that initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial initial, that's initials and you work it out. That is despicable. I mean I should investigate this. So they've fundamentally ripped off the idea of being allowed to do a cryptic clue to get a band? Yeah but they sort of clever

cryptic clues. They're saying they've said they've said they're ripped you off then have they? Hey I should just point out because it's it's Christmas time ti. their thi'n't th. th. th. th. th. thi thi's thi's thi's their thi's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th is, well, I suppose he's a long-time listener. Yeah. And emails us most, most weeks. Ricky, if, as I suspect, I'm your only listener, I wouldn't bother with your show today, as I've got to attend some family Christmas monsonsonsons at Antimarians house. Okay. He's good because considering he hates the show and everything we stand for he does he does take the time to email every week. That counts to advertisers.

I think we've got a lot like him. We've also had a lovely Christmas card here from Alexandra right who's a wish us to look. She loves the show. She loves you, Carl. And she's enclosed some biscuits, she's enclosed some biscuits because she goes out and get your own biscuits then we've got some little packet of foxes creations. Why don't you wrap them up and you can give them to your girlfriend? Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Don and Blitzen from the About Boy Sound trop by Badly Drawn Boy. Christmas theme there. You spotted the Christmas theme? Yeah Carl's not really in festive mood but... I can't imagine Christmas is your time of year is it Carl? Well I'm not sure any time in the year is really. I like to when I was about I think when I think when I was about seven I enjoyed it. Was that the one? Was that the year the big year period? Yeah the loads of stuff. you got loads of the to like the job. What did you get you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you to to to th th to th th th th th th th th th th th to th th to to th to th to to that that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th I th I th I th I th I th I that that that the the the the the the the the they. I the they. I the the the thooooo a tho a to to to to to to to to was your own man, weren't you? I had to buy stuff. Oh, but you still not have a time. You're kind of selfish man aren't you? I didn't realize this? No, no, it's just that Christmas. And that's coming from him, Carl? My dad always said, oh, it's steady on. That's a Christmas morning was for like, you know, to me. So he used to stay in their their to to to stay in their their their their to stay in their their their their their their their their to stay in their their to stay in to stay in their to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay to stay their their. So, to to to to to to to to to to to to that's that's to to to to to to to to to that's to their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. the. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. But. But. But, you. But. But, tie. But. But. But, tie. Yeah, Christmas morning's for you. Run wild, do what you want. Just don't follow me. Someone going to Honolulu for two weeks. That's great. Dad, it's Christmas. Do

I have to do anything? No? My mom used to get up because she used to like to see me face light up, you know, when I opened my presents. And then, uh... They used to give them fireworks. And then, uh, they'd they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used they used to get to get to get to get to get to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to give to get to get to get to get to get to to to their their their their their their their their to their their their to their their to their to to to to to to to their to my bedroom from about 6 o'clock onwards because my mom dad were into having big Christmas parties and I wasn't like old enough to go. So they say right, you know you've had your fun there, you go up to your bedroom staying there. Yeah, I remember one year right I got a train set that's what I wanted. Right. It's brilliant. Playing with it all day. I thoun't mind about the party. I'm, staying up here playing with this. Brother comes in, he's had a few, right? He's going, yeah, give us a go on your train. How does he? He's a bit older than me, so he might have been like, let's see. Well let me let me be 18. Yeah, probably about 18. And theyme, probably Well I had a train set so I don't know about 14 right so I'm playing on that loving it and stuff and then he comes in and goes oh gives a goat it turns

the transformer up to like 14 he went really fast for about five seconds broke it and he went back downstairs wow so Christmas I haven't even got so it seems like the conservative government with British Rail satire I said satire So Christmas, Iron, Ingots on Christmas Day. Trains like the Conservative Government with British Rail. Satire, that is. Rick, I just thought that, there's satire. Does any satirical show this thing or magazines? It doesn't work in any way because there's, the analogy falls down apart from there being a train.

Think it through though British Rail was trains. Yeah, and the government broke'm very pleased with that. And I can't, and no one's asked him to be on the Morganese for you. It's weird, isn't it? It's strange, that, when you've got a satirical mind that that's as quick as that? Yeah. And he's broke your little though, isn't it when your main present of the year has been broke. Did it ever get it fixed? No that was it? That was it, that was it put away. I'm intrigued why your parents wouldn't let you come and join in the festive fun? Was it like we'd come in the festive fun? Was it's a, egg-nogged everywhere? Well no, I mean that's fair enough. Sixth of thinks, their th. Sixth. Sixth. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho' tho' is thin's it's thin's tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th. I's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's th. th. tho-a' tho-a' thoan. thoan. thoan-a'n't. thoan-a'n't tho' tho' tho' threat. I's worked... Do you think so on Christmas Day? I thought that was a day for family? Well not if there's a party on the Christmas

day. Well that's another option. Yeah. Your parents are weird, aren't they a strange breed? Well, I think that was the year, right? I, uh, you're talking about buying presents and stuff. I think I did treat my mom to that I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their that's that's that's that's that my dad something because he wasn't that bothered anyway. So, got my ma'am, there was a cheap shop, right? Of course. Thank God for that. I called Snips. So I went in there and I thought, let's see what I can get her. And remember Victoria Plum? I don't think so.

Well it's like a fairy character, right. I'm my mom, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, I, I, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Thank, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thanks, that, that, that, thanks, that, that, that, thanks, that knowns and stuff, right? So, I thought, right. She must be pleased with you then? Ah, Victoria Plum. I was thinking, is that one of the neighbours? Is it like a brandy the cure? Victoria Plum? Victoria Plum? Yeah, it's like a little fictional sort of character, right. Okay. So I saw it, I thought, yeah, she'll love that. So I did my paper around, saved up for two weeks, right? Got that sorted, went to Snips, bought the Victoria Plum. Next day I'm in town with her, right? So I think, ah, I know what I'll do. I said, come in here a minute, right?

So we go in and we're looking around, and I testedthere, it's all right, isn't it? And she goes, oh, it's bloody awful. Oh, Carl. Oh, Carl. I just, I, oh God. So then Christmas Day comes, I said, don't bother opening it. She said, no, no, why, I said, oh no, why did you still give it to her? So, well, it's too late. I'd already bought it. Oh, cool.'s bloody awful. She said, oh no, I thought you're pointing at something else. Oh no.

So that's why I don't get anyone anything anymore. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. What bad? Gold Rush. Let you down.

I'm actually quite affected by Carl's Victoria Plum scenario. Just the fact that that eagerness, he wants to make sure it's a great present. He's saved up his paper round. He thinks it's like a gnome, but modern. I'm worried that you're using it as an excuse now. And that's why you're not you're not you're not thing you're not anying you're not thing thying thying you're not thying thying thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing not thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi' thi' thioling thioling thi. I thi. I to to to thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I thi. I thi. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii''' that's thii' thi' thi' thi' thi thi thi thi it's like a gnome, but modern. I'm worried that you're using it as an excuse now, and that's why you're not buying anyone any gifts because you've had your fingers brooned once. I mean you were six, seven years old. To be fair?

No you won't. You've got a 13, won't you if he was on your paper round. Yeah, it must have been, yeah, it must have been, yeah, 11 or 12 then. Yeah so I've saved up. I'm not using it as a thing. It's just that... What do you get your mom this year? I've sent them some money so they can get a passport. Where are they? Are they trapped somewhere? They're in a holding base somewhere in Dover. What do you mean? They're in a holding base somewhere in Dover. What do they can buy a passport? What do they do sell it when they are? I? I? they? they? they? they? they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to to th? I to to th? I to th. to to get to to th. to get to get th. thi? I th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I the. the. I the. I the. to get to get to get to get to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the th's going to slip him across. What do you mean? So they can buy a passport? What do they do sell it when they were a bit of selling their luck?

No, they haven't got that much money, right? They've never been abroad, and the mate said they might attack him next year, and they said, oh, we haven't got to buy a passport, have you've got to buy a passport have you? Isn't that your God-given right as an Englishman? No, you've got to pay for them, they're 30 quid each, so you better I'd do otherwise they're conning me. Right. So you send them 60 quirk. You send them 60 quid? Have you?

You sent them? Well, have you. Well, theyrown. on and they go, what do you think of that actually? It looks bloody awful. Oh, don't open it. Don't open it. Don't open it. So you've not paid for a holiday for them? You've, you've, you've sorted out the, well, it's the better prize, isn't it? Because they can't go anywhere without it. Well, the passport keeps on giving. Yeah. But, ten years, ten years. Ten years. I to the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, you've the, you've not, you've not, you've not, you've not, you've not, you've not, you've not, you've not. the, you've not. the, you've not. You've not paid. You've not paid. You've not. You've not. You've not. You've not. You've not. You've not, you. You. You. You. You. You, you, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. the, you, you've not, you've not, you've not, you've not. the, you've not. the, you've not. the, you've not. the, you've not. the, you've not. the. the, you've not. the, you've not. the. the, you've not. the. the. the. the. the, you've not. the. the, you've not. the. thes. He used to get my dad once, once he started getting him stuff, it used to be dressing gown, and then, but as a extra surprise he used to put like a cigar in the pocket so he'd think that was it, then he'd put it on and put his hand in the pocket. Right, and then he just hit you because he thought you'd their thou'n't. Yeah, they'd when that's when they used to have like the big dues like I say, you know, they were known for it. Like the whole estate used to know that, you know, we were having

a party. Yeah, so they'd all come around. So they all come around and scoff food and drinking that. I can't imagine, I cannot imagine how unpleasant that must have been. the the the that. that. the that. the that. the their. I. I. I. I the the their their. I their their. I their their their their their their their their their their their their that must. I their their th. I was. I was. I'm their their their their their their their their their the whole. I the whole. I the whole. I the whole. I the whole. I the whole. I the whole. I the whole. I the whole. I the whole. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm the whole. I'm the whole. I'm th. I th. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't train set. Yeah, quite. And looking at Victoria Plum, whatever that was. In the bin. Oh, in the bin, yeah. And there were a mom saying, and he got me this, it's a piece of rubbish. He could hear him just throwing it against the wall and laughing. And all the neighbors laughing at it and laughing. Yeah. And you'd come down, it, just loads of garb on it. And all the Polaroids are them just like laughing at it and stamping on it. Yeah, alright.

I just brought all flooding back. But no, no, I used to get up in the morning and then like they still still sort of all be there asleep on the floor and on the sofa. Oh, that's all. Oh, that's all. Oh, that's all. Christmas is surely the one day a year. Christmas. th. Christmas. the the the the th. the th. th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. th. the th. th. the the the the the their. their. th. th. the th. their. their. their. their. their. their. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Carl. That's terrible. Christmas is surely the one day a year which is a family thing. It's for the kids. They're the ones. That was Boxing Day. Well I know. It's not. It's over. Back on the bike. All right. Who's going to pay for this? What me? Yes, Carl? You're doing two rounds today. Yeah, what's your paper-owned supporting the entire family? So I used to get up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up the entire family. So I used to get up and like go downstairs and they'd be asleep so I'd be mooching about trying to find like another present that's still working. I love the idea of these people from the estate had like squashed his presents. So yeah so I found a cigar that had been sort of lit up and then put out so I thought oh I'll have a go like that. Going outside and that's the last time I smoked.

Right. I sort of, I tried it, I thought I don't like that. I don't like that. I look at that he does everything once. Yeah. And it's like, it's like the line of, Ithey've been waiting to die. I know. It's like they just sort of, it's like, you know, the novelty wore off of life. Life in the 50s. Yeah, they got kind of bored of it.

Like, yeah, the four years it was brilliant. All sat around the old Joanna's the bombshell singing, they loved that. The 50s, you know, that was great as well because, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, the, the, the, they, they, they, they, the, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, the, they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they... their. their. their. their. the, the, the, the, their. the crazy music, the funny hair. Let's stay in bed. They basically stayed in bed. And it was one Christmas when my grandmother said to my dad, what's like for Christmas? What do you fancy for Christmas? And this must have been, well, I don't know, what do you fancy for Christmas, Ron? And he went, well, you know, I could do with a nice big kind of warm winter to the winter overcoat. She said, don't worry about that, because your father will be dead soon. It's what you can have is. Meaning my granddad. My father's still waiting. Which is good news, good news for my grandfather. Let's good news for my dad. It's freezing. He reminds of, how is he today? He's fine, oh, okay. Oh, I'm freezing. It is such a weird mindset that. I think it's that to me is what sums up people from that older generation, the 40s and 50s, and it seems to me that you've got that kind of mindset.

It's like you were born in the 30s. Whenever you talk of your childhood, it's like you had like a baked potato to take to school. Well, I'm not going to. The other thing is, I think that, he's done for it just pying away. If he dies she's got 30 years of pottering. Absolutely. Do you know? You go into like you know the youth club and the children. It's sort of like that it's it's sad, of course it's sad for them, but it's not the end of their life. No sure. And it sort of is the other way around. I don't know why that is. It's terrible.

That's a little melancholy thought for Christmas time. I know, I've really brought it down. This isn't a nice show at all, this is terrible. We're going to have people just killing themselves. What? I didn't really it. No, it's just, I'm not religious or anything. What are you? You're not anything? Teenage fan club from the XFM Christmas album and that's Christmas Eve. Their guitar sounds are just brilliant. They're just always so nice. All right, Carl? Was it like that? Is that teenage fanclupe?

Yeah, yeah, they're good. I feel like you've never kind of enjoyed the wonder of Christmas. I don't think, I can't ever get the sense, maybe except when you were very, very young. You know, that kind of bright-eyed, you know, thinking of Santa, you know, kind of landing on the roof and coming down the chimney drinking the sherry or whatever. I like, I like they could throw it on the fire I think I think he's a good friend of ours Ross Noble you can't he gave me this a good friend of ours Ross Noble you comedian brilliant he gave me this picture car which he's got from magazine he loves you he loves you I think this I think this I think this I just I just look it then I just look it they the the they they they they they they they they the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're just just just just just just just they're just they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're Carl which he's got from magazine he loves you I think this I think this just look at it then obviously it's not gonna mean much to the

listener oh this is self-indulgent I think it's in the current edition of bizarre magazine so um you might want to buy that and you can it's not horrible though is it there's a certain groteseness about it's a deformed person, isn't it? To a degree, but I think what it's going to do for Carl is give him, I think, just, I think for you and I, Rick, we're going to see his face. Light up, light up, like opening a wonderful Christmas gift. Oh, you know what? I think I've seen this. Is this the one with the kid with the big head? I haven't seen it. It's like... Oh God, yes. We shouldn't be laughing at that?

No, but that is like the kid who I went to school with. That is the same. That can't be the same. So do you recognize him? Seriously, that is the same thing you had. I mean, I have to say that it does look like it's been computer generated, it's so odd. But look at the child the child the child the child the child the child the child the child the ch th. That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's been computer generated, it's so odd. Oh I don't. But look at the charts face.

I know what reaction? Don't take another photo off me. I'm not sure this isn't right. It's not right. It's not right. But I was hoping that that would give you Carl just a little glimpse of the window. We've had a pick-heads. I leave it because every time we go there we get some sort of complaint about something. About what? Well that for some reason that always goes from the story with my dad going to

blackpool for taking those kids there. And what kids? Leave it? No, what? No, what? I don't know. I don't know what? Well, I know. I know what it is. You can't tell you when you. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. the the the the the that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. that that that that that that that that that that that the the the th th. Is it when your dad put a kid in the wheelie bin? Because he was getting out of hand? Yeah. So we're going to be going to go through it again. It is too controversial. We're going to... What's the name? No, the thing is right. You were just saying about what are you're saying about Christmas? That's the funny thing right? Because in our house there is no one who's religious, right? My dad. My dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad, my dad to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, we to their is their, it, it, it, it is their, it is their, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is to. It is to to. It is to. It is to. It is to. It is to. It is to. It is to. It is to. It is to. It is to. It is to. It is the the the the the their is, their their th. It is to their to to to their to to to their to to their, we's their is, we's is to to to to the church that day, it was like what you're doing that for. Of course. I went to see a gig in Liverpool. Remember the band, the Christians? He thought, I joined some club. I said I've been to see the Christians, he was saying to me, what's he doing going out with them? And then the other thing is, because I'm not christened or anything, my ma'am used to say to say to say to say to say to say to say say to say to say to say, don't used to say, don't to say, don't to say, don't say, don't say, don't say, don't say, don't say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, to say, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'a, I'a, I've to say, I've to say, to me, to me, to me, to say, to me, to say, to me, to say, to me, to to to to to to to to to want it. I want to go back and see his up. I just want to go back and see him at 7.

One day, one day in the life of Carl, I ate 7. Just don't have free ghosts visiting tonight and take him back through time. But we could go with him. Well we can miss him of the ghosts. Yeah, the ghost Christmas past. That's incredible. So she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was just just just just just just just. She was she was she was she was she was th. I was th. I was th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I th. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi th. I just just th. I just want thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. I thi. I th ghosts. Yeah I just like that Christmas past. Remember this? That's incredible. So she wasn't visible. She thought maybe someone could take your soul because you weren't christened. There's like there's cults and that isn't they and if they find out you're not

christened. Right. I don't think they care. I don't think a lot of cults care. But what can they do if you're not. Well what can't can't can't can't can't can't can't can't can't can't they they they they they they they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't. I they don't. I they don't. I don't. I don't. I don't they don't. I don't. I don't they they don't they don't they don't. they don't. I don't. they don't. they don't. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're. they're they're th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. tho. the. So. the. So, so so. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're if you're not Christmas? I don't know. I just said all right because then through that time, it must have been a time when that was a problem. But now they know. Yeah, but I'm older now, so I'm all right. She used to worry about me playing out on the street. Oh, she was worried about when you're naive and stupid and easily led. Yeah, no, no, no, no, good. Steve, tell you we have Christmas gift. This is Christmas gifts. I don't know if you'll receive them in time to actually pass them off as gifts. I wonder if I can tell that Ross Noble story that he told us. I don't know we'll have

to discuss that when the records play. Okay, okay so you heard a track from it just then it's the X FM Christmas album brought out about two years ago. But Christmas songs are a very time. It's not bad. It's got bands on there like the Dandy Warholes, the Web Brothers are on there, drugstore, Bell and Sebastian, flaming lips, all sorts. So we've got that to give away. We've also got this smashing pumpkins compilation which we seem, again, that seems to be knocking around for weeks. Another one of the 50 years years, 50, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, the, to, to, the, to, the, the, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their. Dand, their, their, their, than, their, dand, dand, dand, dand, dand, dand, dand, dand, dand, dand, dand, dand, dand, dand, their. And, their. And, their. And, their culture clubs on their queen obviously. I've just seen the cult film. Yeah, the cult film will come back to shortly. This I think is one of the most exciting gifts. If you have a video player and you want to get trim and then surely Big Brother 3 champion Kate Lawler and her cardio combat video in which I think she uses kind of, I don't know, military boxing training to get you trim and taught and looking as good as her then you can get that as well. We've also got a exclusive 7-inch single from the White Stripes, a kind of Christmas

single, is that from there? Yeah, yeah. That must be quite rare. That's probably the only thing. That's quite rare. That's worth. That's quite rare. That's walt. And the level of prices there has gone up. Not about selection but here is the big movie and actually I have to say this is not a bad one. No it's not again it's not terrible at all. It could be worse it's James Can in the original rollable not the disastrous remake that came out recently but the DVD version of rollable so that's there as well. So it's a fairly interesting. That's worth w winning right. Right come on then. Well well. Well. Well. Well. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. the. It's not. the t. the t. the the the t. the the the t. the the t. the the the the the t. the the the t. t. that. Yeah. So we're doing it next. Yeah. Carl Pilkington. The man of the moment with his rockbusters coming your way with all those great prizes. Yeah. Right. Are we doing it now? Just yeah. I noticed Heat Magazine sort of a bit of a spanner in the works.

Why? Because they were saying, oh maybe it'll be a Christmas edition of Rockbusters and I'd already sorted them out. I wouldn't worry Carl. Well what I've done, I've cleverly tweaked them to make him Christmasy. So the Christmas bit in it has got nothing to do with it whatsoever, but I just thought... So you mean the clues have a Christmas element but it's nothing to do with the answer. Yeah he's nothing to do with the answer right. So why don't you just ask the normal ones and I'll ring a bell I'll shake some bell of that but in sort of speech right so the first one there's a load of letters there asking for advice put them on Claire's desk, Owen, have a good Christmas. So there's a load of letters asking for advice.

Put them on Claire's desk. Oh and have a good Christmas. Right, so there's a load of letters asking for advice. Put them on Claire's desk. Owen, have a good Christmas. Bear in mind people that the Christmas element may not be relevant to this cliff. No, I've got nothing to do it. I don't want to them on Claire's desk. Owen, have a good Christmas. Right, bear in mind people that the Christmas element may not be relevant to the cliff. No, that's got nothing to do with it. I don't want to, you know. And the initial air is F, right? That's F. All right. The second one. Ask your ma'am if you should after you've ma'am if you should after you wrap the

presents. That's S. S. All right. And the last one, a couple of people were arguing in the supermarket at the fruit and veg counter, but it's busy in there because it's Christmas. That's probably what we're right on. That's B. B. B. Oh God. So they're the three. Well I just recap.

Yeah, I have no idea. I don't even know what to start thinking. All right, there's a load of letters there asking for advice, put them on Claire's desk. Have a good Christmas. Second one, ask you 'am if you should. After you write the present. S. And the last one, a couple of people were arguing in the supermarket at the fruit and

veg counter. But it's busy in there because it's Christmas. That's a B. So they're the three things. It's email only this one. Please remember that Ricky.J. Dr Vase at XFM.XFFXFXFFFFFFFXFM.C.C.C.C.C.C.XFM.C. C.C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. It it's. It's. It's. It's it's it's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's th. It's their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A.M.coatk. Ricky Dr. Vase at XFM. dot Kuk. Brilliant. Carl looks happy with them. Yeah, it's really happy with them. So they're cracking. They're good. They're good.

All right. Is there going to be more rock bushes in the new year? We're not sure. Um, I'm still thinking about, you know, I'm still thinking. Are we starting Ricky Diculous today? Have you done it? Couldn't be bothered. Look forward to Ricky Diculous. He's worried about it. He nearly said he just stopped. Because he's worried, because he's the producer. Yeah, well, I've got a set of standard.

Oh dear. Oh, you have, mate. You have. You have. So that enjoying that, right? Maybe Segway so we can have a nice little rest, I don't want to talk through it, it'd be rude. And then we're coming back, and as part of like Pilkington, Parkinson, and do we need them? Do we need them? Carl was interviewed an expert on jellyfish.

Brilliant, so we've got that plus of course we've got two part, a two part, educating Ricky. You've got educating Ricky still to come. With the Christmas theme or not? And we've still got things like the Pogues, John Lennon, Journey Mitchell, David Bowie are you suggesting there's going to be some great music and some fun chat. Lovely. Good, we've had our little biscuit, don't we? We're loving it, aren't we? I think I can just sum up the station, can't I, Steve, with that just like, like, I think you're probably right. I just went to the toilet there and, um, it's a disabled toilet because it's close to it. So, you know, you go there. I had a way. I the, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the, I the, I the, I the, I can't just the, I can't just thin, I can can't just the, I can't just, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can can't, I can can can can can can can can't just, I can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can can, I, I can can can can can, I, I, I can can, I, I, I, I, I, I can th. I can th. I th. I th. I the, I the, I the, I thin, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the. I the. I the, I thea, I the, I can't just the, I can'tthing doesn't work, didn't flush? I came back and said, oh, the toilet doesn't work, doesn't flush. And Kyle went, no, you just stick your hand down and pull that wire up at the,

think of that. Put your hand in the water. I mean, just when David Bowie interviewed Zoe and come on their. I mean, yeah, there's a torn. It's not flush. down the U-Bend and just wipe your hands on your pants. Thanks very much. I mean, sums up this station, doesn't it? Absolutely. Tinpot.

Have you ever done this? This is one of my most embarrassing moments. You know, because sometimes you'll see. You'll see. Well, you'll realize what I was going to say. What happened, Rick? It was almost leapt to to go back a few steps. I just don't have you ever cut and you stopped.

It was going to be coming. But you'll understand in a minute when I finished the story that it's not coming in the traditional sense. All right. Because it also, it's followed by coming out of. Oh sure. All right. So, now, awkward moment, and I should just, you know, if you're Christmas shopping, maybe you're in a big department store, and you see the disabled toilet and you think yourself I can nip in there, I can use that, you know, because it's close to hand because I got a wander

miles for the regular toilets. I went in there once, you know, if you're, the, the, the, th and, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if you're, if, if you're, if, if you're, if you're, if, if you're, if you're, if, if, if, if, if, if, if you're, if you're, if you're, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if, if, if you're, if you're, if, if you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, the, you're, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like it's like it's their sort of private domain. You know, it's like they're part of an exclusive club. They've not got many perks in life and that's one of them. And here I was, you know, kind of exploiting a limp and that's one of them. Well yeah, I suppose they can be annoyed. Did you do affected a limp many times. Like for instance, yeah, if I take the lift in a building when it's only one flight of stairs, right? And they know, and I get up on the first floor, I always affect a limp coming out, so that justifies why I haven't come up with the stairs.

Like, who is it that I'm scared is going to sort of say something? Yeah, but, oh dear, that's the same. It's the same. It's the same. It's the same. It's the same. It's the same. It's the same. It's the same. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's, I's thi. I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I've. I've. I'm. th. th. th. th. th. I's. th. th. th. I's. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. th. I'm. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. if someone asked me for directions I always pretend I'm foreign, I always go I don't. Why do you do that? I can't, because I just terrified of giving them the wrong directions and they're... Well just now I don't know I don't know. I don't like, because I'm sort of you know, I try to you know, you know, I feel bad because what I used to sort to sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, the to sort, the the the the the their, their, their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I th, I'm, I th, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thore. th. the. th. the. thore. I'm the. I'm th, yeah. Do you want to know where to go? I tend to have a go even if I don't know. Exactly. But I'm always the way they'll come back and find you and go, you led us astray. So now I just affected a foreign accent. I felt like there. There was a fellow the other day, about two weeks ago and I'm a little little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a, a, to, to, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm t. tea. I'm tea, I'm, I'm tea, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thou. I said, I do know it. So I think it's over there. And then I'm not very good with street names but I'm good that if you say, oh there's a boot's on it.

Do you know what I mean? If you're something near it, it's like the same with directions when they used to drive a lot. Yeah, or historical fact. I didn't, I don't know like old me, I don't know like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the thr- the the th th th that, I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm not that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm not very that, I'm not very that, I'm that, I'm not very that, I'm th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the thr-a thr-a thr-a thr-a thr-a thr-a thr-a thr-a' thr-a' thr-a' thr-a thr-a' that but my dad used to say right there's horse in the field turn right and stuff like that and it's the same with this fellow they sort of said you know where's where's when Paul Street and I said well what are you after and he said I'm after some blood and he said I'm after some blood and it was a lot yeah there's doctors around they so I was like, oh, so that didn't help me. What do you mean he was after some blood? He said, oh, I need some blood. He must have had an illness. Was he pleasing? No, he just must have needed some new blood or something.

He had some illness. And I was like, you know, I could, if you know, I could, if you'd get the pet pets and get some parrots? No, like, he didn't, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he'd th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He, he must, he must, he must, he must, he must, he must theeeeeean, he must theean, he must to to to theeeean, he must thean, he must thean. Can you go, oh, we want boots then? Yeah. He would have been alright. But I didn't know where to start with that. I need some blood. Yeah, I just noticed over there.

Sort of pointed him away. But so he was, he was losing consciousness. You said in the wrong way. He's dragging himself along the pavement. Is the blood? blood this way!" The gap she's growing ever deeper. Well we've got to do Pilkington, haven't we? Do you want to? Yeah. Okay, we should explain this, I think.

Well, it says, because Carl's a new idea for a TV show, he wants to do a TV show called Do we Need him, where he goes round. And he talks to experts like David Bellamy, maybe Lenny Henry doing David Bellamy. Right, if he can't get the real one. And he just picks on an animal that he doesn't really like, and that you need them. And an expert will tell him, if we do, if this is the first installment. Let me put a song on, right?

Now we've got him, and then I can set it do a classic, let's do a big stomp in one of the best Christmas songs all time, shall we? What are you thinking? Fairy Town in New York. Excellent. It's always a house featuring Christian McCall, on XFM, 104.9, the Christmas edition. Indeed. Next week, we've had loads of suggestions, Carl, for your best bits. It's basically all your best bits. Me and Steve are largely irrelevant in the voting. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. to, th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theateateateate. the. the. So yeah you can compile your best bits next week and they'll be loving it. We've had a quest for the little Chinese fellow in his pants, a horse in the house, cutting your hair on the railway station. If I mean if you haven't heard those stories, what does that mean? The little try to be tuning in next week to find out what that is. The only thing is the older horse in the house was in the best best best best best best best best best, the best, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you', you', you', you', you' best, you' best, their best, you' best, you' best, you' best, you' their best, you' their best, you' their best, you' their, you' their, you' their, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th little try and win in your pants, you've got to be tuning in next week to find out what that is. The only thing is the older horse in the house was in the last best of. Was it? Yeah. Well that I'm going to live forever. I was like we said before, who goes to the recording of one of those?

Because all people in the audience? Yeah. Aren't there? That would be great. Tickets are we around on the night. And they laugh, it is jokes, but I mean, I don't know what the jokes are. I think how many takes it, you know, I mean how long it takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes takes the takes the takes the takes the takes takes the the the takes the takes, I the takes, I the their, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, who, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, who goes, who goes, who goes, who goes, who goes, th hours so the recording must be about nine. Have you ever seen Kirsty's home videos on Sky One? I think so. It's a... Doc dogs falling down to the sides. It's like you've been framed but it's falling over in the wedding. It's got audience.

It's got audience. But I'm assuming it can't be a real audience. I'm assuming it must be like... No, they've just lifted it from from from, the fl. the fl. the fl. the fl. the fl. the fl. the fl. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's just thi. It's their thi. It's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thoes. It's thoooooooooooooooooooes. theea. thoooooooooes. It's theeeeee. It's thoes. th Flintstones. Well, I forget that the Flintstones had an audience. If you watch the Flintstones, there's laughter when Fred does something funny. The idea of people should be shipped in to watch a cartoon. I like the idea that some jokes weren't as funny as the director going, we'll put a laugh on that and he's not as funny. I think Dino should get a round get these like yeah he's like wise. Exactly yeah it's like really wise. Okay he'll go is that this is exciting feature

that will I think will be picked up by channel 5 it's gonna be Carl Pilkington do we need them where Carl goes around checking out animals with the top experts asking whether we need them in the world. Yeah so so yeah this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they the they they they they's they's the they's they. I the the the they. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. they's they. they. they's they. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. they's. I I I I is. I is. I I is. I is. I I is. I I is. I I is. I is. I's is. I's. I I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. th. I'm. I'm. the the the the the the asking whether we need them in the world. Yeah. So, yeah, this is the first one. We won't do it next week, but I'm already sorting out the contact. We will be looking at octopus because they're a bit weird. So that's what you got to look forward to in two, you know, in oh, full. If you have an animal that you feel is unnecessary in the world, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, thapapapapapapapape, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the their, their, they. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. Yeah, their. Yeah, their. Yeah, their. Yeah, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah and I'm sure Carl will investigate for you. Well the other thing as well whilst we're on to that I want to sort

of have a better research with me so when I speak to the like the bloke of the woman about the octopus right I want to like you want to be like amb the fact well sort of response from listeners so I can say well 70% of said we should get rid of them. Sure. Do you know what I mean? Like John Snow does on Channel 4 when he does all like politics stuff. So if you agree with me just send an email saying yes. So yes we should get rid of them. Yes, yeah. Yes get rid of them. Because you're always, the house believes always we should get rid of these animals. You're picking animals you want to get rid of them. So yes is get rid of them. No is don't get get rid. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. The. The. The. The. The. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The. The house. The. The. The. The. The house. The house. The. The. The. The. The. The. The house. The. The house. The. The. The. The house. The house. The. The house. The house. The. The. The. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. The house. the. the. the. the. the. the. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. the house. of. So yes is get rid of them. No is don't get rid of them. And not no, it's Noah, because they go on the ark. The ones we keep go on the arc. That element I've completely forgotten about, and I think that's a wise move, because I don't think that's working.

I don't think that're saved on the art. Right, okay, so here we go. So we, works in an aquarium in Anglesen, isn't it? Yes it is, yes. Right, brilliant. Today we want to find out if we really need jellyfish. I've got a bit of a problem with them anyway, because they've been stung by one. And I've done a little bit of research into them. So I'll tell you what I know about them. Okay. You know, you might learn some stuff from me.

Oh, you never know. And if I'm talking nonsense, just just tell me. Absolutely. Yeah. Right, so first of all, they don't have eyes, do they? No, they don't. No they don't. No lungs. They haven't got a heart. No hearts, heartless. And. And. And they're. And they're. And they're. And they're. And they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they're they they're they they're they they're they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they're. they they they they they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. the the the the thea the they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they No heart's heartless. And they're made up of like 97% water. Yes, they are. So they're pretty useless, really. Well, they have got a nervous system. They are actually about 650 million years old. So they've evolved and they've outlived the dinosaurs and they're even older than the sharks. And they can even out fox us. because NASA scientists have worked with them to the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to the the to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. their their the. the. they're they're they're they're they're their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they to they to they to to to to their their their their to thi thi thi. 97. 97. 97% thuuu. 97% thu. 97% thea thiiiiii' theuu. 97% they're they're they're they're they'rethe dinosaurs and they're even older than the sharks. And they can even out fox us because NASA scientists have worked with them to try and work out how they operate in weightlessness and they still don't know how they do that.

Took them into space actually to figure out how they did that. Seems like a bit of a waste of money, but... Do you know Port Madduk? I used to go there a lot for the holidays and there used to be a load of them washed up on the beach. People on motorbikes used to go over them and stuff. Yeah, well we get the moon jellyfish, that's the ones with they've got pink bits in the middle. That's their reproductive body. I think that was them. I they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their th think think think think think think think think thi thi thi think think think think think the. I thi. I've the. I've the. I've their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoe. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've theat. I've theateat. I've thea. thea. thea' thea' thea' theateateat. thea. thea. th that was them, I think they're the ones that went over on the bike, because you could see the little bits. What do they do? If the jellyfish went, would we have a problem on our hands? Okay.

You might have a bit of a knock on effect because some things like turtles eat jellyfish. Yeah, but do we need turtles? Well, don't forget that when you take out something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something something from the marine system something normally feeds on I mean they're not just there for the fun of it something either feeds on it or feeds on what they excrete what you're saying is they exist to sort of feed others and also to eat some stuff that's what yeah they control the population of other fish and species that might otherwise be a problem okay well let's let's kind of wrap this up right the question that I'm asking today is do we need them say if say if Noah yeah I'd his ark right

you know you've swam got on the boat you're all right you're safe is going to to keep you to sort of populate the world as well right so it's you and him it's not a bad looking fella so so you're happy you you you you you you you you you're to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to the the to the the the the the th the th th th the th th th th th th the thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th the the to to to to the to to the to the theea thea'' thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' the. the the the the to keep you to sort of populate the world as well. Right? So it's you and him. It's not a bad-looking fella, so you're happy. Yeah. He says to you, Vicky, do we need them? Absolutely. I don't even know why she even gave you that interview. When you start off with, right, try and find out if I need you, but what did you tell her to get her to talk to you? Just said I'm doing some research on stuff. Does he think you were a schoolboy or something?

No, she just said, oh, all right. She said, you know, how long will it go on us for not long? Just like five minutes, have a quick chat. And she was, she was, loved it, didn't she? She sounded happy to take part on that. So the fact that you've got an expert and you suggest that she's going to be having sex with Noah. He's a good infellier So, he, he, he, he, he's, I don't know why you stopped there, I didn't go into positions or something. I can't believe... The problem is really, I didn't get to the bottom of what I wanted to say because... Oh, no, you did. That's it. That's done now. That's a pretty good turtles you know won't have anything to eat but when she said that I mean I couldn't say it because it would have took her off and confused her but well say like when when Suzanne is working right I'm not a very good cook so I always get like an

Indian in what? What did you do the cooking for you? I don't know I'm an Indian right now say if I'm the Indian right now say if for some reason it closed to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to the to to the to to the the to the to the to the to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to the their to to to to to to to say I'd to say it to to say it to to to say it to say it to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the their their the their the the the too. I too. I to say to to to to to to to to the to to the to say. to their their their their to say that. So, alright, I'll have an Indian. Right, now say if, for some reason it closed, I'd get a Chinese. So why wind up the turtle, just, there's loads of stuff in her, but I didn't want to get too heavy on her, but... That is pretty deep. Oh, that is genius. But we'll look at... So the fact that she said she s she s she s she s she s she s she s she s she s she s she s she s she s she s she s she said that she said that she said that she said that she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said that she said that she said, that she said, that she said, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that. I that. I th. I that. I that is genius. But we'll look at... But so the fact that she said, yes, you need jellyfish.

Does that mean that you've changed your... I mean, what I'm saying is, does her answer go? Does that stand? It does, yeah. Whatever that I get the expert to say, I try and get them in a corner. Right, you try and argue it into a corner but that time she wasn't having any of it so we've got to carry on having them. So in the new year we're looking at octopus. Okay. Yeah? Yeah great. This is a place the feeder Christmas. I think this is a car with his Victoria Plum. I want to see a Victoria plum. I want to know what it is. Does it look like a little gnome? It's a woman gnome. A female gnome? A little gnome? And did your mom collect noams? She likes any knoams, she likes fairies, she likes Indians. She collects all that stuff. And

it doesn't matter what it is. What do you mean? You know, like a proper Indian with all the Adgear on. She likes anything with Emon, like you know it can be a fridge magnet, it can be just... A lot of Native American wisdom is around the fridge magnet because they think it has special powers of adhesion. Yeah, yeah, you read some of their writings, the Great Works. Now it reminds me, talking of gnomes, he said to me in the week, he went, oh did you see that program on tele last night about dwarves and fellows without legs nicking cars? And I went, no, he went, oh it's amazing, like, because they haven't got legs and that, they scooted along and they can nip into a car like the juks have had it. Explain what, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they's, their, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they's, they's, they's, they's, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they're, they're, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. Did, thi. Did thi. Did thi. Did thee. Did their, did, did, did, did, they're they're their, their, their, their, the jokes of hands it. Explain more, Kyle. No, you see I didn't see it, someone else told me about it.

Oh! That's what I said to you, I said, did you see it? Because I missed it, and it's about these little fellas who were specialising car knicking. And the thing I wanted to know is, because this lad who sort of watched it, only watched half of it. Is he like you? Well, I said, understand how it's easy to get in, but then how do you get away? Because you can't reach the pedals. Yeah. Can there be two of them? But presumably you open to us the car for us.

What do you mean? What? So he's steering and he's like, right, press the top half. I don't understand how this helps them though. Why are they, why does this make it easier for them to stop cars? Because they can just get through the window really quickly like in the jukes of azzard. Why? Because their legs don't get in the way. Right. Do they just run and just... But what do you mean the window? I mean what? So someone's driving a lot of? I'm, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, the It seems the window open. I didn't, I didn't see it. Are they leap in when there's someone still driving the car? I don't know. Well, there's too many things left and answered here. I can't go over Christmas and not know. But that sort of... This panicked to you anyway I imagine. I bet you've got it. I bet you've got it. You've interested in stuff like that. I'm interesting in stuff like thing stuff. I th. I th. I th. I' stuff. I' stuff. I' stuff. I' stuff. I'm interesting and stuff. I'm interesting and stuff. I'm interesting and stuff. I'm interesting and stuff. I'm interesting stuff. I'm interesting stuff. I'm interesting stuff. I'm interesting stuff. I'm interesting stuff. I'm th. I'm interesting. I'm interesting stuff. I'm interesting stuff. I'm interesting stuff. I'm interesting. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm interesting. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I' th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm the. I'm there's there's there's there's thi. I'm there's there's there's there's thi. I'm there's excellent slick. We've had a good year of stuff, teachers stuff. Yeah, I've learned a lot. Can you remember any of the highlights? There was a deaf girl and she hit her head and she could hear. There was also some people who wet tomatoes

thought they were poisonous on lead. There was also a fellow who a doctor gave a blood transfusion with some parrots from the pet store. Because the doctor in America, and it it it was it was their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. their, can't, can't, can't, can, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can, can. Can, can can can. Can, can can can can can can can can can can can can. Can, can. Can. Can, can. Can, can. Can. Can, can. Can, can. Can, can. Can, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their.c. their. their. their. their. their. their.c. the pet store. Because the doctor in America, and it was the olden days, when the lines were bad, said give him his parents blood and the doctor this side thought he said give him some parrots blood. So that was true and that educated me. What have you got for us? Well we've only got two because I've taught you about jellyfish today that we need them so we've only got two two things to go out and the I give them a little headline so you remember them to make them snappy the two headlines you've got oh what a catastrophe okay and the second one is well you'd think it beat bughead wouldn't you what? Well you'd think it beat bug the thee? you'd think it beat th? th th th? th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they'd their their they'd they they they-in they-in they-I they-I'd they-I'd they-y-y-I'd thea'''-y-I'd they-I'd they-I'd they-I'd they-I'd the it be bugged wouldn't you? You'd think it beat... No, you'd think it be, you'd think it be bugged, wouldn't you? Buged? Bughead. This can't be, if this is anything with a bugling without a head, I'm not interested. Because we've done it. All you've done is fun. Well let's just do what a cat. So it is that. Which one? Which one are we do? the bug. the bug. th. th. the bug. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. cat. So it is that. Do I do that one first. Which one are we doing?

No, do the bug-ed one. Right, well the bug, the bug- the bug-head one. We've talked a lot about animals now, aren't we without heads? Surprisingly we have. I think a disproportionate amount on it, It was right. We've covered worms the way if you cut their head off it grows back if you don't cut too high above its neck. We've covered the fellow who blinked. Yeah, I can't go into it again. Right. I've stopped going to it again.

We've had the chicken we know Ed that lived for months. And we've had the cockroach she's living for a week without an egg. Right, well it's a bit more on the cockroach front really. They've found, right, that if you get a cockroach and you cut its head off. Yeah. Right. And then you find a cockroach that's still got its head, but it hasn't got any legs. Right? It's not over for both of them,

right? Because what you can do, you get the one that's got the legs, with no head, sort of running around, get the one with the head, sit it on top of it, get a little tube, get a little tube so that the fluid... So is this, is this, aren't this auntie's got out of the room? This is like Blue Peter? You can get this for Christmas. Right? You got a little tube. You sit that on top so the bodily fluids are still running between the two. Right. The head of the one on the top will control the feet of the one on the bottom. Okay. What about that? Good. And will it continue to live? Yeah. Yeah, you don't know that for sure, do you? That was just a question out that really wasn't expected? Well, what do you think of that? Good, yeah, it's great. Yeah, just a

primitive nervous system that can, yeah. Yeah. Did you expect us to be more impressed and excited by that? Did you fall off your chair when you read that? Did you literally top off going, whoa? Did you think you're going to be the Frankenstein of the insect world? No, I just was thinking if they can do that, you know, with them? Can they do with humans? Because I also did a better research on the sort of conclusion, apart from the moral aspect of it that that that that that th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, apart from the moral aspect of it, that the

human was probably more complicated than... Yeah, but... Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Modern science, Rick? You know, I had been at home as a kid. Now they've got PlayStation 2 and the difference in 10 years. They have found that if you lose your head, a cockroach can live normally on your body but not the other way around your head on his cannot control its legs because it's too complicated

for your brain so yeah so then then other research because I thought if you don't learn from that I'll give you something else for free right that they can clone people uh the only reason they don't do it right say if like Ricky needed a lung, right, they could clone you and make you the same, but the only reason they don't want to do it is because it'd be a bit horrible, wouldn't it? And it would take sort of 18 years for me to get an adult lung. And there's all kinds of moral implications. Yeah. What do you mean, yeah? You hadn't thought that. So, sorry, so, because, lest we forget, Rick, he ended with the only reason they don't

do it is because it's a bit horrible than that. Which scientist said that? Well, let's say that. That's not it. That's not the other one. That's it. No, no, no, that was, that was, you know... We've got another one to come. Oh, I can't wait.

Did this get the headline again? What was the headline? The headline, Oh, What a Catastrophe. Looking forward to him. A bit more to this total. This is from his cover-up. He's so happy that the XM listeners understand this stupid clues and he knows it annoys me. We've got some right answers for all right answers. Just in case someone sort of missed one of them, I'll just quickly do them, yeah? Yeah, go on.

First one, there's a load of letters there asking for advice, put them on Claire's desk. Oh, Merry Christmas. Ask you ma'am if you should. Oh, and Merry Christmas. A couple of people were arguing in the supermarket. It was Christmas, that's why. And that's B. Okay we'll give those answers out shortly. Yeah. I just have to show you something Rick before we move on. I know we've got another educating Ricky but someone just sent this in. They've been looking on eBay for Victoria Plum. You're joking? Come here and see the photograph. Oh God that's it. Oh my god. I've they the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th. th th. th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. tho' the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. theee. the. the. the the thee. the. the. the. the. the. the. th photograph. Oh God that's fantastic. Oh look, that's it.

Oh my God, he's got that for his mind. It's the worst piece of tat I've ever seen. Oh Carl! Imagine how... Oh, God. Imagine how, look, look, think of him now, right? There it is. That's the worst thing I've ever seen. I tell you, it looks like a Diddyman gone wrong. It looks

like a Diddy Man prostitute. That is... Is that the one car? It was a different colour, I had a yellow app, mine. No, but look, how do they get, tell them they go, go into eBay, okay, so you need to uh, to log on to eBay.co, I'm sure you've used it before it's to log. It's to log. It's to log. It's to log. It's to log. It's to log. It's to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log. to log on. to log on to log on. to log on. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thee.e.e.e. the the the they.e.e. It's. It's that. it's the online marketplace, E-B-A-Y. Dotco. And if you type in Victoria Plum, I'm assuming that you can... That's amazing. It's the worst piece of rubbish I've ever seen. Just think how cute he was as a kid though doing that. Just think of him, just going...

Just going to see that and just seeing that worst thing I've ever seen! I mean to be fair, I mean I don't know what her prize collection of Nomes looks like, but I can't imagine they're much better than that. I mean, Nomes are fairly grotesque thing. But certainly your mom's tasks and discretion is... Did you have those houses on your estate? You'd go in there and it was just loads of those dolls still in the three-piece th... th. th. th. th. those homes that keeps the sort of packaging on the three-piece suite. Why don't you buy another one for Christmas? Yeah. It's 399 it looks like, that's £2.49 because that was $3.99.

That's it then. Well. Oh, buy it, Carl. I've sorted out our passport this year anyway. I'll get out of that next year. So listen, right. I've sorted out her passport this year anyway. I'll get her that next year. Right, so listen, right. So, last educating Ricky of the year. Oh, Christ. What a cat toast is it? Yeah, let's do that then. Right.

Right. This woman, she's reading Guinness Book of Records and she's flicking through. And she notices that there's a world record for a cat with 27 toes. So she reads it and she thinks well that's not right because her cat's got 28. What do you mean her cat's got 28? Her cat's got 28 toes. So she was like, well hang on a minute, mine should be in there. So there was like... I missed the very beginning of this?

She was... She was... She was... She was... She was... she was... she was the record. A woman. A woman was looking to the givet. The woman was the cat was 27 she said, hold on. Hold on a minute, Ross, McWherter. My cat's got one more than that cat, so go on. Anyway, so she said, you know, the person doing the interview with her said, you know, is it happy? And she said, yeah, yeah, you know, it's great and it's really good in the snow. Right. It gets through a lot of nail vilish. Well, yeah, that's what it said, right? It's really good in the snow. So, I just was thinking, I mean, that's it really. That's not it. That's the end of that story. But what I'm thinking is, it was two cats welded

together. No, she said, you know, it's happy. So is the other sort of disabilities where in a way it's not all bad. Oh Christ. No, do you know like that book Steve brought in for me and there was a fella there, wouldn't he had three legs who was a juggler? And I was like what's the point of that? What's the point of that? What's the point of what? He's not taking advantage of having three legs, is he being a footballer? He said he should be a footballer. He. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's the the the other. He's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's the other, he's th. He's thi. He's thi, he's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's thi. He's they. He's they, he, in a way, he's used it, hasn't he? He's probably not even that good at juggling. But because he's got three legs, people have gone way or given a chance. Let's go and see him anyway, see if he's any good. Right? So what I'm thinking is, is he anything else?

We've mentioned the midgets today who are good at rubbing cars because they can get through the windows like Jeeks of eyes. Sorry, so listen, listen, I'm look, I'd just like to say this is the radio authority of listening we are in no way suggesting that one midget's foretane life is robbing cars or that if you're a midget sitting at home feeling so I think you should go up robbing cars. I just like this is Carl Pilking. Today. I. I. I. I the views. I the views. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm just like I'm just like I'm just like I'm just like th. I'm just like th. I'm just like th. I'm just like theree. I'm just like just like just like I'm just like I'm just like I'm just like I'm just like I'm just like I'm just like I'm just like th. I'm just like th. I'm just like th. I'm just like th. I'm just like th. I'm just like th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm just like th. I'm just like th. I'm just like th. I'm just like th. I'm just like thi. I'm just like thi. I'm just like thi. I'm just like thi. I'm just like just like thi. I'm just like just like thi. I'm just like idea. Not necessarily. Those of XFA and morons. Yeah. But it's a TV program. So it's not me, I'm just saying what I've seen on tell. But you didn't see? That somebody told me about. Yeah. So you could be wrong. Just like lot of your spurious facts you just see on the internet. Yeah. I'm just saying. Yeah. So is he anything anything else? We've seen the a disability that is actually an advantage? Yeah.

Right, okay. Steve mentioned about the disabled Lou. They're always really roomy and got multi-gyms facilities in them. Multi-gym facilities! What do you mean, Carl? There's always bars everywhere and that, isn't that? That's not parallel bars. Yeah, we don't do gymnastics.

What do you know what I'm just saying though? Do you know what I mean? So in a way they've got that? So always what I'm saying is when you look on the brighter side, that elephant man would have never got up and gone oh look at my hair today. Nor do you? Nor do you? Nor do you? No, but do you know what? No, but? they? No, do. the what, do what, do, do what, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do what, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do what, do what, do, do what, do what, do what, do, do, do what, do what, do, do what, do, do what, do, do what, do what, do what? the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? they? th. th. th. th. th. that, tho? tho. tho? tho. tho? they, they, they, they, they, so, they, they? So, that problem. You're a mania. Forget it. I thought it would get a serious discussion going on here. Well, okay then. So this is a serious discussion, is it? Yeah? Okay, let's treat it sensitively. And if you really want a serious discussion and talk about whether there are some disabilities are an advantage, let's think of some then, shall we? Well, I've said three already. Yeah, you can't say if you're deaf, Bobby Davy will annoy you. That doesn't count as an advantage. Do you understand? Do you what I mean?

Do you know? Carl's looking at you thinking that? Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll leave it then. I'll come up with a better feature for next year. Oh, we'll bin that, that, we'll be in that, like that was going to be a a a a a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to be a the the to be in that. So if you've got any disabilities. We've been that like that was going to be a feature? What you were hoping that that would be a spin-off feature? Disabilities are actually invented?

Well it's another form of do we need them. It's like that joke. As his wakes up in last what he says good news and bad news. Badness is we've had to write both legs. What's the good news? The fellow in the next bed was was was was was was was was was was was was was bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed bed was. they went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went went. was to to to to to to to to they they'd was to to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're th. th. the. that. the. the. the. We're the. We're the. We're the. We're thin. We're they're the next bed wants to buy your slippers. See that's not an advantage. It's a joke. That doesn't really happen. People don't go, oh that is good news. Yeah, I'd probably get a quid from him. Do you know what I mean? But the fellow with three feet, what would he do? Would he buy a pair and then just nick thrown. Yeah? the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow the fellow tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But th. But tho. But tho. But tho. But tho. He's. He's tho. He's tho. He's tho. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's the. He's thoothey put out one shoe don't they? Are those, yeah if you've got one leg you can nick shoes. Good point, Carl. Now I'm getting you thinking. Yeah. Right, so we'll do rockbusters answers next then. Could be Christmas, Christmas, everybody. I hope we haven't offended you by some of Carl's rantings. Brilliant, brilliant tune. Well, I've had a great time. I've had a great time. I've had a great you by some of Carl's rantings.

Just think of what he's gone through in his life. No, Victoria Plan incident. Carl, I've got a little gift for you here before we go. Oh, you've got a little bit. You've got you got your girlfriend anything. I always made it. It's not, it's not exciting, but it's worth taking. Why don't you just re-gift that that? It's all cheers for that. It don't even looked at it. Yeah champagne champagne champagne. That's

not the champagne we got free from the BBC is it? It's not actually no Rick because that is far too good for the likes of Carl. Oh right. And I wasn't going to go to you wouldn't appreciate it that's just sparkling oh really I love that I'll really I love I I I I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I I love I I love I I I I I I I love I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I that I that I that I that I that I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love that I'm that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that I'm that I'm that I'll that he's around Christmas Day in London so I'll get a little girlfriend. Alright. That'd be good wouldn't it? It'd be a nice little. Okay, answers we must give the answer. You would have to go to bed at 6 though so we can play. Right, here's the last clues of the year.

You had a load of letters there asking for advice, for reiner. I don't really mean. Claire Rainer, she took advice, she gave people advice, so that's a foreigner. That is shit. I'm sorry, that may be Christmas, that is absolute dark. A lot of people got the right answer. I know, well that annoys me even more. Number two. The second one, Ashiman if you should. That was S. That was Shalama. Shalama. Shalama. Right? No, bizarrely, what was the clue there? Ask your ma'am if you should. Now we've got a lot of people saying smashing pumpkins. There's the answer for that. I don't know who's saying that today, mom. Smashing pumpkins. Smashing pumpkins. Nice. That's great. That's great. That's great. Merry Christmas mum. Thank you very much. Nice bollards.

Oh that's great. That's great. That's great. Smashing pumpkins. Your dad born for me for Christmas. Yeah. Ah. And the last one. Lovely plums.

What might be victorious? Oh god. We've got to wrap it up. Come on then. A couple of people were arguing in the supermarket, at the fruit and veg cut. That was B, that was banana drama. That was banana drama. What do you mean banana drama?

What group is banana drama? What group is banana drama? You're a fool! You're a quatt. When you say that, you accuse her, you accuse Carl of, you're accused, you're accused, you're accused, you're accused, you're accused Carl of that, you're also accusing lots of the listeners, including the winner, Nicola Rogers of London, and she wins those great prizes and she got them bang on, so... Banana drum. So, can we finish there now?

So can we finish there now? Yeah. What do you mean? . What do you mean? . C-I'm going to Christmas? I've ever seen it all down. Goodness with Carl! Look at you! Merry Christmas, Carl. Can't we have a Christmas? Enjoy the Christmas.

Let's give a little kiss. A little kiss. A little kiss. With tumbs, it's Christmas.