The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E3 (September 7, 2002)

Episode Date: September 2, 2022

Series two of the podcast began on 28 February 2006. It consisted of 6 episodes with the final one released on 4 April 2006. The series saw the return of Karl's Diary and Rockbusters. A new (though short-lived; it was only presented in the first episode) feature was also introduced in order to replace Pilkington's "Monkey News", called "Real Monkey News", where Gervais attempts to present facts about chimpanzees which are factual and scientific.With the start of series two, the formerly free Ricky Gervais Show shifted to a pay model – and as a result the show is now classified as an audiobook. It is available through Audible and the iTunes Store with individual episodes. The reason for this addition, according to Ricky on the podcast, is because The Guardian agreed to pay for the bandwidth for 12 episodes, and any more extra episodes would have to be paid for out of their personal finances.

Yeah, oh yeah. Coldplay and in my place on XFM 104.9 I'm Ricky Joveys with me Steve Merchant. Oh, there. Oh, lovely to be here. Yeah. Great to be you. Yeah. How long can you maintain it? I'm bored already? Bored already. Every week you started it the same way. Yeah. That was not bad though. You actually grammatically made sense, which is that impressive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How. How. Yeah. How. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to. to. to-. to-a. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th started it the same way. Yeah. That was not bad though.

You actually grammatically made sense. Really? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks very much. A rare treat indeed from the Gavea. Some of the listeners have already worked out. Got nothing to say at all.

Sure. but instead me and Carl were playing, you had to flick the football into the bin, you had five goes each, all the world was going to end. Okay. And that took up a good 25 minutes. I liked it when we came back and then we started just trying to beat each other in the corridor and I beat him, he was gutted because he thought he fancied himself at football and I beat him and I was knackered and sweating. And as I walked back to you about five minutes ago, you were looking to the records, you went and this was lovely, you went, well, we've done the preparation then?

Like a sarcastic teacher. Yeah, like a teenager, like an annoyed teenager whose parents have embarrassed him once again. You beat Carl, did you? Yeah. I'm not particularly nimto football man. You're not. You're not. You're not. Dougley, Spardo. I'm more nimble. I'm all right. I'm all right. But Carl's sort of, I think it's got more skills than me, but he hasn't got the aggression in the way. Yeah, so I just pushed him aside? Yeah, I'm not here next week. What are you going to do, Carl? Are you going to do the best of or something next week, aren't you? Yeah, that's what we got to saw out. Well, I can't

saw that out. I've literally, I've got to go to the airport after. Well, no, straight after the show you've got to do some links. No, I'm not doing any links. I said, I'd do? Just put the shows that we've done in this year? Sorry guys, I hate to interrupt. This is the sort of stuff we should have been discussing when you were playing football. I know, play a rec, what are you going to play? Let's have a bit of Foo Fighters. Let's just discuss it off there, learning to fly. Steve, I hope the pilot that I get today flying the plane that I'm going on holiday in has already learned to fly. Oh well done, that is the textbook. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's genius. Yeah, very good. Where are you going? What's the story? Where are you off to? Where is that? Sort of South Italy? Italy? Yeah. What are you like on holiday? Are you? th? th. I I I I? the the the th. I I? the the the the th. I I? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane? the plane, th. I the plane? the plane, th. th. I that. I that. I that that that that that that, I that, I th. I th. I th. I the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, th. I th. I the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, the plane, flying, the plane? Flying. the plane? Flying. the plane? Flying. the plane? Flying. the plane? the plane? thi. the plane? Flying. the today? thi. thi. thi. the the the thi. the plane, flying. the plane, flying. the plane, flying. Where's that? Sort of South Italy. Italy? Yeah. What are you like on

holiday? Are you a nightmare? Are you the like... No. Why is it? Because you're quite... I mean obviously, you know, I've often said on the radio before that I... I mean, I'm spending any length of time with you is one of the most unbearable things it's like, it's like how, it's like a living hell. It's like having a teenager. It's like having a sort of teenage kid who can't be entertained by anything. Just chill out, do you just chill out, do you just match relax? Yeah, Max relax. Yeah, sure. And so if you're in somewhere like Italy like somewhere like that, because obviously very beautiful city and very culture and stuff, yeah, is that's, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, that, that, that, the, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, it, it's like, it, it, it's like, it's like, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's like, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, it's like, like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, you enjoy, you enjoy the culture of that, the beautiful architecture let's say? A hotel's the same anywhere. As long as there's room service and a nice swimming pool and it's nice weather, if it's not, I'm annoyed and I need to blame someone.

And is it true that you go, because you go to Italy most don I went to France once and you can't explain to them to cook it properly, just cook it properly. I don't want any to cook it. There's blood in the middle of that. Yeah, sure. Hungary there was just, oh, I went there for a while and I went there for a while and I didn't know, I couldn't identify the animals they were killing me. So and I know quite a lot, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I know, I know, I know, I, I know, I know, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I could, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, just, I, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, I, I, just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, could, could, could, could, could, could, could, could, could, could, could, could, could, could, could, t....... C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C so I don't, came on the video after a couple days. No I just got annoyed and I went to McDonald's. Yeah, well that's the great thing about with the Dundonau is they are in major cities. No but I can't you can't go wrong with pasta and you

on holiday and I you know and we were hanging out or whatever and I took you to say maybe a beautiful cathedral is that's something you'd quite imagine I can't quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite quite you quite you can can can can can can can can can can't you can can can can't you can't the that that the that that that thethere more than the couple minutes I love to look around places. So you would you look at the cathedral yeah but's taken you know that's that takes people breath you you know people tryvall from around the world to see that you would and how long would you stay around the world to see it I think they go go somewhere and they go well we might as they're might might might might might might might might might go we might go we might go we might go we might go we might go go go go I they're look look look look look look look look look look look it as it as I they're not go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go a they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're. Would you spend any time looking at that? Would you just sort of soak in the atmosphere for a moment? Or would you... I'd look at it and I'd go, that's brilliant. And then if there was any sort of soaking in, I can do that later when there's nothing to look at. Right. It's less to do. You're memory of it later when you're in the bar? Yeah. Yeah, sure. And would you, I mean, so can't, so, can't, can, can, so, so, so, and I, and I, and I go, I've seen bigger, if it's the biggest one I've seen, I go, that is huge. Let's go.

Let's go. It lets you off. Yeah. Sure, because you are a sort of man who gets bored, and this is true, Carl, you may not be the flueness. Ricky Trace is a man, it's a mann, is a man, is a man, the man, the man, th. Dr, th. Dr, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi, thre. It's thre. It's thi, thi, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I I's thi. I's a big. I's thi. I's thrue. I's the biggest, the biggest, thrue. I's thrue. I's thi. It's that's that's that's that's that's. It's absolute bore. The only thing, Jane's got me onto fizzy water, which at least got something there, but I only drink that when I'm sort of dehydrated in the middle of the night. I never, there's no, I never drink a drink of water. It is boring. Yeah, yeah. But that's why you've always got headaches. And you're always, apparently, yeah. Apparently, yeah. One of the reasons why that, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, I I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I I I I, I I, I I I I, I, I, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I'm that, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, I only only only that, I that, I that, I hate you. Is it? But when I say hate you, I don't mean I hate you, I didn't mean to blurt out that strongly. What I mean is I'm spending a lot of time with you. One's right, he said, well we're in the BBC canteen and I was sort of like, and he's just put his knife and I said, I'm never eating with you, I said, you annoy me. I hate eating, like a child food it's just you eat chips and sausage and rubbish you don't eat look at you don't touch your vegetables you don't drink water he said you are he really got nice because you you you've got this like this hatred of anything that's good for you you you won't eat any form a salad

you just why'd way it's salad because it's good for you and let's lettuce is absolutely boring um uh cucumber a cucumber but yeah but the thing is you see I admit I the lettuce I the lettuce I the lettuce I the lettuce I the lettuce the lettuce the lettuce the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is th is th is th is is th is is th is is they they they they they they're they they they're is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is a they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a th is a the. the. the. the. the. thea. thea. the. the. the. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they thing is you see I admit the lettuce and cucumber have not got much flavor but that's why people will add to say a look in Italy they'll have a lovely dressing maybe some olive oil maybe some bison well you've been by yourself because the good thing about a nice mature lump of cheddar cheese is you don't have to have any dressing although you add to any dressing up the they. Although you Ritzcracker, you don't need it, it's just extra. Sure, well good luck. I noticed you're wearing the, is your travelling here? You got the sweatpants and the t-shirt, the free t-shirt?

Yeah. Looking to get an upgrade, aren't you? Are you going to taking in any of the culture in Italy? Is that something you do? The opera? I don't know about the opera. I've never been to the opera. I do like, you know, a bit of opera. Not, I wouldn't sit through a whole one, but I mean I like, I like the songs they take for it for that World Cup and those two fattspurs that they sung in Shawshank Redemption was good. Yes, but I think, you know, I haven't gone into it extensively, I haven't studied the art. The art of opera. Also it's in foreign, so you don't really know what's happening. It's in foreign. Yeah, so you don't really... That's annoying for you. Yeah. What about, are you a fan of any of the great English operas like the Pirates of the Pirates of Penzance? Yeah, Gilbert and Sullivan were like the probably their day equivalent of like Richard Stilgo getting together with Tony Slattery.

And then a hundred years later ago it's brilliant. It is like they might as well, I don't know, make any, any episode of whose line is it anyway into an opera and 200 years time they're going, that's genius. Listen this one, look, this is party quirks. Yeah, Am-Dram Society's thinking, we're a step. Because I was, well I was in the Pirates of Penzance once in an amateur production. You used to like, whose lines it anyway? I did, that was the epitome of the Pyrs and so I did. I did watch it when it first came on Channel 4, about, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we were, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we, we, we, we, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, the Bristol Operatic Society, Light Operator Society, I don't know why I was involved because I can't sing. My audition, I feel this is how desperate they were for

blokes, I swear to God right I can't sing you know I... For you. Yeah, all right calm then. And I went to the the the the the the and I went to the I went and I went I went I went in I went in I went in I went in I went in I went in I went in the the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the back, I swear to call, I went to the back of the room and I just sang, Thumbelina, Thumbelina, Thumbelina, tie little thing, Thumbelina dance, thumblinina what's the difference if you're very small, because when your heart is full of love, you're six feet tall. They just did that and they just looked to me like I was the weirdest freak they ever had immediately put me in the chorus because they that was how desperately were from blokes. We staged, we rehearsed it. I couldn't remember the lyrics. Thank God you were doing thumbliner. Yeah, yeah. Oh dear. I couldn't I couldn't remember the lyrics. It was it Gillwit it was a pirates of Penzance. There there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there they were they were they were they were they were they were they were were were were were were were not. I were not. I were not. I was. I was a the their were not. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was a the the the the the the the the the the the th. It was. It was. the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. What was it for? It was it Gilmorens? It was the Pirates of Penzance. There weren't enough bloke so that we had to double up, so some of the pirates had to double up as the policemen who were chasing the pirates. A little bit problematic, in the scene when

the policemen and the pirates have a fight. That was a little bit tricky. And the worst things, there's a sequence where like the daughters, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the police, like, like, like, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the police, the Major General all kind of a beautiful, something like you know, oh beautiful little girls are we, la la la la la and the women they had they must have all been over 40. I mean real kind of toothless crones creeping around in their nighties. Is it the sort of women that buy one of those sort of porcelain dolls? Exactly, look I've had a baby it's not a real baby you I'm gonna stab you? Yeah one of those exactly it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's the sort it's th is th is thian thians thing thus. It's thus. It's thus. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their thus. It's a thus. It's a thus. Oh the sort sort sort sort sort thus. Oh thus. Oh thus. Oh the sort sort sort sort thus. Oh they're they're you yeah one of those exactly it's the sort of women that you'd see maybe on TV's bargain hunt you know the kind of contestants you get on there those were women who sort of very nambdram and they think they've clung on to their looks but they've never made it in in their theyreys the thigh high boots the Public King. He must have been four years a day. He also directed the show though. So we got the prants around in these thigh high boots, ludicrous. It was so embarrassing.

It was shameful, really. I'd love to go to Amdram. Amdram is the whole other world. It's such an incredible place. Because there's so much backbiting and envy and... Really? Oh, it's it's incredible. It's worse than worse than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than than the world the world th th th th th th th the w worse th. It's worse th. It's worse th. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse. It's worse. It's that it's it's it's it's it. It's it's it's that it's that it's that it's that it's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's so th. It's so th. It's so th. It's so the thia. It's so thia. It's so thia. It's so thia. It's so thia. It's so thi. It's because the same all people get to do it every year because they can hold a note. Can we go along? You would absolutely adore it, Javise. It is true. Absolutely boiling. Have you ever done the inner play, Pilk? We know this. Carl, you've performed to me.

I just did the talent show, didn't I? Yeah. Oh, the trick. Oh that's a, is it an egg? The egg one. Yeah. What was the egg one again? When I, actually I've ruined it now, saying the egg one, but I went on stage with like an anky. Yeah. And I said, at this point I was dressed up as a caretaker in it my hand. I said, right, you're going to love this one. I said, I'm going to make a bird appear in front of your, front of your eyes, right? And I'm like, oh God, what's it going to do?

So I'm stood there. Yeah, I'm sure I did. Pulled the Anky off. It was an egg. It was that, apart from your paper round, was that the high point of your life so far? Is that the, but what's the, no I do, I'd like to see you take that on the road. Or maybe at least up to the Edinburgh Festival next year. Go play a song now, right? One of my great track, watch that man off one of my favorite album was a love insane by David Bowie. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, that, is that, I, I that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is th. is th. Is, I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I the thi, I the thi, I thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the that, I thi. that, I that, I that, I that, I that of a couple things for me? What's the best thing that's ever happened to

you? Can you can you think about that for three minutes? Me and Steve will leave you alone? Just the best thing that's ever happened to you remembering thinking that is amazing. Yeah can you do that? Play Bowie? Steve's caught on a way there, just wandering around, not quite ready, were you? Well, no, I'm just relaxing, you know, just getting back, just hanging. Yeah. Yeah. Best things ever happen to you. Best event, best day in your life. I mean, there's loads of things that happen. Like, uh, yeah. No, but, do you know, I mean, you can go for obvious stuff like, you know,. the their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to the. to to to to to to to the. to. the. the. tha. the. the. th. th. th of things that happen. No but you know I mean you can go for obvious stuff like you know meeting Suzanne speaking with her and I know that take that as red yeah yeah you've got that on your design that's all you've done

well uh and the day you know you got your qualifications through yeah the history yeah probably I mean when you asked me then the first thing that came into my mind right, that was a real surprise, right? Because it's like you get surprises on your birthday and that, don't you? But they're not really surprises because you're hassling your mom and dad for stuff. And then they, you know, they might bite you. So it's not really a real surprise is it? Do you know what I mean? So I'd say something that was really like, oh yeah a nice one, I've got something here, is the time when my dad said empty the bin

will you, right? I said oh do we have to have to have to the tele and I was like why don't you or something like that on the tele? Is this what started your tea? the banallon skine collection? Right? So it it it was this this this this this th is is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is their is the th is th is the th is th is the the th is the th is the the th is the th is the th. Is the thi is the the the the the the time the time the time the time the the the time the the time the time the time the time is the time is the time is the time is the time is the time is the time is the time is the time is the time is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi is thi is that. is that. is that. Is that. Is that. Is that is the the that is the the that is what is what is the summer holidays where you'd have dead good telly in the morning you had like the monkeys, yeah, yeah, banana splits and all that, right? And I was like loving that, I was watching that. I mean I said, I'd said, oh, the monkeys are on in a minute. He said, just empty the bin the the bin. So I'm like, theyrifice. I said, I said, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the banana, I was, I was, I was, I was, banana, banana, I was, banana, I'll the banana, yeah, yeah, yeah, banana, banana, I was, I was the banana, I was the banana. I was the banana. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was the the the the the the the the the the the banana, I was the banana, I was the banana, I'm the the banana, I was the banana, I was the banana, I was the banana, I was the banana, I was the banana, I was the banana, I was the banana, I was the banana, I was the banana, it near the bins in the garden. I was like, I'll put it there later. He said, no, do it now. Right? So I was like, if I missed the beginning of this, I'll be livid. Right? So I picked it up quick, ran out down to the bottom of the garden, slung it in the corner

and sort of went to turn back to go back in and had to look again because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because wasn't brand new, but he'd got it from somewhere, a little AA go-cart, do you know one of them like little things? I mean I was young, right? And it was like, what kind of, no the plastic ones, yeah, when you're about, I don't know, I must have been like five or six something. So I don't quite follow, that, he sent you out there? My dad sent me out with a bin bag so I could see like what he got me. And it wasn't my birthday or anything, he just got it from somewhere. You sure you hadn't just nicked it and dumped her out the bag? Possibly.

Sure. But that was like a genuine like, oh yeah, yeah. So I went back in, watched the tellain go-cart? Yeah, about your dad giving it away. Yeah. What's the story? I've told to someone. Have you gone? What? What? I've told it on air? I can't remember, I just told you. When I was about eight or nine, I had a go-cart and I loved it. It was when they said, you pressed back and forth. And I used to come in every day, used to just get changed and run out and it was behind the shed and I used to go up and down the garden. And one day I came running in and I ran out and I couldn't see it.

And I went to the back door and my mom was washing up and I went, where's my go-cart? She went your dad swapped it? Your dad swapped it? Yeah, it swapped it. Your dad swapped it? Yeah, it was swapped it's swapped it's swapped it, the the the the the the the the the the their swap. Yeah, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the garden.a the garden.a the garden.a the garden.a the garden. their the garden. their their their the went, it's just, I said, oh, yeah, swapped it for a wheelbarrow. So I went and looked back and there was this wheelbar, right, that was obviously just came off a building tight, covered in concrete, I couldn't, it was steel, like, I could hardly move it. And I went really, she went, yeah, it's your wheelbarr, huh. See, Ithat my dad lost the wheelbarrow that day. Yeah and I used to push that up and down it wasn't the same. You used to push the wheelbarrow after then. Anything in there or?

No I was just like to try to sort of keep myself amuse. But anyway, that summer I went on holiday and I went to Bognito and I went to balkner and I went their their their their th and I went their thia thia thia thia thia thia that I went I went I went I went I went I went thia thia thia thia thia thia thia that I went I went I went I went I went I went I went I went I went that I went that I went that I went that I went that I went that I was that I was that I was that I was that I went I went I went I went I went I went I went I went I went that I went that I went that I went that I went that I went that I went that I went that I went thia I went thia I went to to to to to thia. I went to to to thia. I was I was I was thia. I went thin and I went thin and I went to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thou th thin and I went thou thin and I went of out of my caravan and I made friends with this kid and he'd hired a go-cart from the caravan, is that right? And I remember who was going around it and I was great. And I said, and I said, I've got a go-cart and the caravan window opened and my mom said, don't lie. You've got a wheelbarrow. I went I had a go cart. Yeah. Oh that's so tragic. Yeah. Did you ever really forgive him for that? I'd never forgive him my dad if he'd swapped a go cart for a wheelbarer.

I just thought that's part of the course. Yeah. They're in charge. Sure. Did you you used to rush home change and... Into that sort of gardener's gear. Straight into your hard hat and dungarees. I go, Mom, any bricks need moving. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh dear. Oh, that's so tragic.

Yeah. Still, that was your happiest day. Yeah, beautiful cars. That's the one that sprung to mind. Yeah, and my own happiest-I-I-I-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-m! that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the thrikes-a. the the-a. that's the-a-a-moomorrow that's that's that's that's that's that's that'skarts can be good or bad? Does that make you think, Carl, that the go-kart is, you know, is good and evil? Play a record. I'm upset. Huh? So, what ad's it? What ads have you got? I've got these. Electric Soft Parade. Same way every day on XFM 104.9 I'm Ricky Javayes. Within Steve Merritt. Rick, I only had one thing I had to do all week.

What was that? I only had, I was all week, I was so excited about getting up, Friday morning, phoning, getting Bruce Springsteen tickets. The boss is playing in October. And basically it got up too late. Well, sold out already you just sold out it sold out but I've started calling about 1230 it sold out. I trawled the net I trawed yeah some of those buys are bulk buys for selling on aren't they they're not all individual. This is the problem I don't know how many people they can fit in Wembley arena but sold out by 1230 and that's popular. Wembley arena yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it it it's about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about. the the the the the the. I. I. I was. I was. I was. th. th. th. th. th. I was the th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the. the. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. th. th. th. the. the. the. I'm.'s about 12,000. I was so gutted, it was all I had to do. I was so looking forward to it.

I phoned up one of those like quite dodgy ticket agencies. Do you know how much he was offering to, you know, they're like 45 to to their starting price is 225. I mean, that that to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me that to me that that to me that to me th. I's th. I's tho. I's tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm thoen, I'm thoom. I was tho. I was like, I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I'm thoom. I was thoom. I was thoom. I was thoen, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've tho. I've tho. I've tho. I've tho. I've tho. I've thooo. I've thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I've tho. I've th. I was so angry. They could, they'd have to say they're booking fee with £150. Exactly. But now I'm just, I'm like desperate. I don't know what to do. I'm just wondering if I can abuse our position on the radio and just try and scrounge them from anyone who's listening. I mean anyone who's listening who's got the going to try and dress it up yeah it's just begging I'm just tickets out after you as well exactly thising him Ricky dot Gervais at x f f f f f f too-k to the tip at x f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f too itf i'm willing to pay for it up to the price of five quid yeah wow the second second second second second second yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah wow wow wow wow wow the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second the second is is is is is is is is is is is so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so the second second second second second second second second second second. the second. the second. the second. the second. the second. the second. the second. the second. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I's. Yeah. Yeah. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. want to throw your money around. I'll give 25 quid, come don't you know who I am. But, um, but that, I mean, do you know what I mean? Because I'm

just, like I asked Carl if he could sort of out, he's done nothing. He's achieved nothing. I know, he's just desperate. I'm in a desperate situation and I don't quite know what to do. I'll tell you this tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, don't, don't, don't, thi, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do tho, do tho, do tho, do tho, do th. Don't, do th. Don't, do th. Don't, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do th th th th th thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. Don't you thi. Don't you thi. Don't you tho, to tho, tho. Don't you tho, thi, tho. Don't tho, th right, does me not have to give you something back? And I go, well now he goes, good. I got your cure tickets and you did nothing about it. It was rubbish that gig. There you go. It was rubbish. I went along to that gig. It was a balmy summer's night. The cure, as far as I'm concerned, owe me a balmy, summer.

I've not interested. Play the hits, boys don't cry, love cats blah blah blah blah instead I got nothing. I was so angry I was just, oh man I was I was probably angry at Carl weren't you? I was angry at Carl for wasting my time getting me the tickets for him. If I paid for it I'd be absolutely living. You're getting to see what sort of a bloke Steve Merchant is? No it's not the point do you not agree though if you're you you're you you you you you you that that that that th. that th. th. th. You're th. You're th. You're th. th. You're th. th. th. that that that that that the tho. tho. their the their their tho. tho. tho. I was just their their their their their their their their their their their their so so so so so so so so so their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I I th. I th. I was just just just just just just just th. I was just th. I was just that that that that that tho. I was just thoooooooooooo. I was thooooo. I was just. I was just thoo. I was just tho. I was just tho see a bell at the Cure on a summer's night High Park you do not want to hear some obscure B-sides and album tracks. But that's what that was a great thing about when I saw Bowie at the BBC he played he you know about that I don't know about this. Yeah you do what when did you see Bowieck at the Jonathan Ross recording? Oh what you're show be his friend Jonathan Roth? Yeah. What was this? Was that that TV thing he did? You went to that?

You haven't told me about this? Yes I have. No you haven't. But you were a while I think. No I wasn't. Because I watched it on TV. It was amazing. Well, don't on to the radio teacher.

So you were hanging out with Bowie? Yeah. Yeah. Go on. Who else was there? Well the weird thing was. So I go through my favorite artists and you just name them and see if they were there just let me know. No, but it was amazing right. Because he started he played, he played, um, he played, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he thing and he did be my wife which was great. Then he started doing fame, right, and they've been talking about Ziggy in the interview, he was going, oh, he was just stop it, right? It was sort of like, got to a point where he was going, oh, it was really funny in but Jonathan's like a favorite phase with that, and then he started playing Fame. And it was really good and he just went stop this stop this this isn't

no this uh let's do Ziggy and I spot my spine tingled I was well done and he's diggy started and I'll tell you what it sounded like the album version and it's got an amazing bad and it was and I love it when they do that they know I hate it when they've just because they've been going for 25 years they start changing it. Sorry, I can't believe that you went to this, that you knew you were going to this and you never asked me. You never asked Jonathan if you could get me in. I mean, seriously, I mean, you know how much that would have met. Yeah, but it was very tie. Apparently, I know, but it was very, very, it was me, me and Jane went, David Bediel and Frank Skinner. Oh what, some new show biz friends are yours? No, I mean, I'm rubbing it in Steve.

I know, I'm just. But you might like, I've liked it, you might complain like, Carl got you the cure and you turned it back on it. That was rubbish. Well you might not like what David did, you know. I'd say this, seriously, if I find out that you've gone to some secret gig or something in the future and I find that you've been, seriously, that's it. There's no more office, there's no more, no I'm not joking, no, no I'm not joking, no I'm not joking, because that to me, because Yeah. I wouldn't have been away, if I was away I wouldn't have been away if you told me that what's happening. You were asleep. You were asleep. I'm, I'm, seriously, we can joke about it, but I'm really angry about this. What do you think, what do you think, what do you think? There's a secret, apparently, there's a secret Bruce. I'm going to, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, are, seriously? I, seriously? I, seriously. I, seriously. I, seriously. I, seriously. I, seriously. I, seriously. I, seriously. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, oh dear. To play a record so I can shout expletives that we could give up. I'll tell you what, lovely bit of electronic.

Oh, just a cool, calm and soothment. I'm just, seriously, I'm not joking, that really winds me up. That really winds me up. The cure was good. Electronic, getting away with it. Nice to hear that again Rick. Yeah, lovely, level that, level that. Someone's just...

You've made a bit of result, aren't you? Wow, no, there's a guy who's a friend who said he might be able to sort me out, he might be able to sort me out. to sort me out, he's the ticket, so deeply excited about that. But, you know, people don't be able to be able able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to sort it out you know he's going to make some calls but if he can't then you know keep calling or emailing Ricky Dott Javais you'll be taking me when you because after that rant about me not taking you well you're welcome to go I mean if well if you told me that before I probably could have black some using your name if you know if you know we're I don't want to pay the nose for him you know I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to the to to to to to to to the the to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tra. tra. tra. tra. tra. tra. true. true. true. that that the the the the, it is quite serious and as I don't want to pay through the nose for him, you know, I'm willing to go up to sort of 47 pounds. They cost 45 facebackers. Like that, Steve try and impress a girl in a queue offered the bounce-a-quid for himself if hethought he was really, he thought he was in total of it, he was like the bouncer of the Met Club, the Metbar

or something. Ten of him. He was choosing, no he wasn't, he was picking people off, right? That was it, he was picking off and he was, you can't, I thought, I'm a tuned, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, he..... He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He was, he. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he walking past I cornered him I went, wee how much did he go in he said a fiver I went I'll give you seven I'll give you seven. I thought because the problem my head was I didn't want to go straight to like a tenor because if he accepted seven I didn't want to be that no no I don't want to be that Steve I thought we could at least he. It's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. I th. I th. I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I to I that I that I that I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. I th. I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought I thought term, is that frugal, what is the term for that, thrifty? I know, um... No, but I'm resenting this because you are trying to create this kind of this lies, this myth that I'm somehow, you know, like, that I'm somehow chewed my money or that I'm not a great lover. You know what I mean? And that's this Steve. Go on.

He told me. Is it a bargain? No. Do you know I told you about those, those lads at school with big heads? Sure, yeah the big ed lad, yeah. And the webbed hands. Yeah, webbed hands was it? They weren't there was only one one sat on a

sofa not one of the lads but one of the big-headed lad I'm really called it is he like Frank sidebottom I mean is it like what it this is why you know it's nice to you think it's maybe a medical Well it'd be nice to if there's a doctor listening, should I? Yeah, yeah, a doctor listening to X-and I'm thinking I must phone up and fuel Carl's obsession with the deformed. Yeah. No but it's not really deformed. How big is the head? Probably, you see it's weird out, it's always kids are a see with it so I'm wondering whether they're into the head. Right. And then the, when they get older, it works out all right. Like jumpers, my ma'am used to get me, but jump is a size too big, so it'd last a year. So I'm just wondering if it's the same time. So how old are they're not older? Are they not like adults? They're like kids? Well, when I was at school there, I was tipping them over or sort of staying up right? I mean, it's, well I'm just worried that the heads can be too heavy for their body or something and they're...

No, it's, I mean, it's not that big. It's, uh, it's just not right, you kind of go, you sort of, you sort of, you know, like, the fringe isn't sort of, you know, like, the, th.... something that repulses you slightly? Do you get that? No, no, no, no, no, that would be cruel. No, sure. But, you know, it's not called a disgust on the radio. Well, it happens, do you know what I mean? So, and I'd just like to know what it is, if it's like a, like a water on the head tank. Like water on the knee, but on the head. But, uh, yeah, if anyone knows what it is.

Yeah, people with big heads. Yeah, the, uh... And it's, yeah, okay. It'd be good. Good information. So what time are we doing? You're sure it was suspected? You're sure he wasn't sort of, um, sort of leaning forward, So the top of his, the head looked quite big but then it went to a little body but really his body was a lot further away.

No big head. Just a big head, the rest of his body, fine, face okay, everything's normal. If you were looking at him in a kettle? If you wore a hat, it'd be alright. What do you mean if he wore a hat he'd be alright? You'd probably just think, oh it's a big hat, he, he, he, he? So you don't know like a 10 gallon hat? Yeah, with, that would go down onto his shoulders with two eyes cutting it. Yeah, like something like the ant hill mob. Yeah, Michael Benteen's potty time.

How would a hat help him? Yeah. Are you sure this wasn't a ditty man? You say, ah? I'm not being mean, I just want to know, to know, to know, to know, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to the to the the to the the to be, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.oom.oom.oom.oom.oomea.oomeaunt.oom.oomber.oomber.oomber.oomber. tooloomorrow. tie. tie. th th th th th th th th I just want to know what it is. No. Okay. Well if you are a doctor listening and you, you know, you want to use your kind of free Saturday. Not the doctor who phoned the bloke in America and said where do I get blood from? Sure. Not that doctor. Because I assume he's been struck off now. Give us a call and give out the whole big head conundrum. What's a number? Uh, oh, eight, seven, eight, eight, one, eight, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, not. the doctor, not. the doctor, not. the doctor, not. the doctor, not. the doctor, not. the doctor, not. the doctor, not. the doctor, not. the doctor, not. the doctor, not. the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the th. th. the th. th. the the. the the th. the the the. the the. tho. th 47 pence. Don't do it, go yourself, don't give him to Steve a cost price, make a little profit. I mean don't say to Mickey. You know what I feel you've already ruined anything. Don't ruin some money. But I'll tell you what, if you do get Steve a ticket, he'll be so grateful that you will spend a bit of money on you. I imagine. You'll buy their you'll buy their you'll buy. You'll buy. You'll buy. You'll buy. You'll buy. You'll buy. You'll buy. You'll buy. You'll buy. You'll buy. You'll buy. You'll buy their their their their their their to give. You'll buy to give to give to get to get to get the tickets. You'll buy to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to give. You know. You know, you. You know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you'll to get, you know, you know, you'll to get, you know, you'll to get to get, you know, you know, you'll their yeah so let me discuss that with them I mean let's not make any promises

yeah you're in the middle of a phone call there aren't you is that still is that poor bloke still on the line probably not no he's gone oh was he yeah yeah in the middle of summer white stripes yeah yeah dead leaves and the dirty ground Steve what you're doing sorry I'm just to preoccupied with other stuff I've got the old Springsteen thing I'm worried about, I've got that playing on my mind. I've never seen Steve so worried. Like, usually he just sits there with his head, Rick. I've made promises to people that I can't keep.

I promise about three different people I'm getting them tickets. Well, seriously. I cannot believe it. Are we doing the game in this hour? Oh we could do. Should we do that? Your game? What was that thing you told me the other day as well? I'm talking about it. People have been phoning up about this. I don't think we should talk about conditions of the mind and brain. Well that woman's what you're right. Yeah, showing us it's a hydrocephal it could be and it could thi, it's they, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other the other the other the other the other, the other the other, the other the other, the other the other, the other the other the other, the other the other the other, the other the other, the other the other the other, the other, the other the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other, the other thoes, thoeat, the other thooats, the other that, the other the other the other the other thoats, the other the other the other the a baby born with water on the brain and it comes out must hurt a bit in childbirth and then they just drain it off it's just full of water. I tell you what? What? Just reminded me, what? Weird stuff.

But it was a baby, maybe, maybe it was a baby. Maybe it was, oh maybe it was a baby with a big edge, so as I'm concerned, well, baby. But we know what he's got, everything's sorted. But other things, right, that are weird in the world, you know how you're always like, you're going on about there's no ghosts and stuff? Right? How do you answer this one? Yeah.

Someone here, who I work with, right? I'm not going to say they are they are the a they are the a the a the a, the a, the a, the a, the a, the a, their, their, their, the art because it doesn't matter. But they were eating space cake, right? What do you mean by that Carl? Explain? What's the space cake? For people who... It's some sort of druggy cake, isn't it? Yeah. Right? A dope, brownie or whatever. Right? So it's somewhat with cannabis in it, is that what you're saying? I think it's something stronger than that, isn't it? I don't know. But anyway, but anyway, but anyway, but anyway, but anyway, but anyway, but anyway, but anyway, but anyway, but anyway, but anyway, the the the they? they? they? It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's they? It's some, it's some, it's some, it's some, it's some, it's some, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they. they. the, they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they. their, they. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, saying? I think it's something stronger than that, isn't it? I don't know. But anyway, he was having this space cake. And... You better give me the name now, Carl, because I've got a report him. No, listen. No, no, no, no, no, it is. It really doesn't bother. to

the star sailor album right right and he sat there and he's had some of his cake right and He's listened to the album and his mate sat across the way talking to someone else. Right, that's weird. The album's on and he thinks to himself, this track's going on a bit. And his mate across the way, he was talking to someone else. He heard him say it and he goes, yeah, it goes, yeah, isn't it? So he goes, oh, right. And he goes, See, usually at this point, I say, this bloke taken drugs, but you started the story with this bloke, no, no, no, had done some drugs.

But since, no, if he was here now, right, he would say, yeah, I know I think it sounds, I know it sounds mental, but it happened. And it wasn't just the one question, it wasn't just like, oh this trucicicke's a the truc, truc, truc, the truc, truc, truc, the truc, the truc, truc, their, thruc, thrc, thin, thin, tho' tho' tho, tho, tho' thi, thin' thin' thin' thin' tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, tho'n, tho'n, tho'n, tho'n, tho'n, tho'n, tho'n, tho'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'a'a'a'a'a'n'a'a'a'a'a'n'a'n'n't, no, no, no,truck's a bit long in it, yeah it is. He had a whole conversation. A whole conversation with the guy. But sorry, I just want to clarify, you mean he had the whole conversation telepathically? Yeah, right. He didn't just shout across the room. And they've recently met up and right, they've sat there and tried to like work out. to like work out of the their their their their their their their stay up like their own homes? Do they have to have that cake before they start having a conversation? Hold on, wait a minute, lad, why are we using our lips?

This is using way too many, oh take them, there you go. My only question with that is, being skeptics like Ricky and I, whenever we hear a story like that about the paranormal, the first thing we always look for is maybe some, maybe some other other th. th. th. th.................. th. th. th. the to the their their, they. Do, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're they' they' they're, they're they're they'. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, they's, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, their, they're, they're story like that about the paranormal, the first thing we always look for is maybe some other explanation. Maybe one vague... Lying? Could be lying. Uh, Chinese whisper. As I think you pointed out, there are drugs. I think you point out there are drugs.

It's often an issue is madness, fear, fear, delusion, sleep. You know, there are so many things you go through before your dead grandmother pops into the equation for me. I'm going to go with the acid. Right, tell the other story that you totally, you totally believe this as a true story don't you? The fellow with the, the, um, being killed. Right. Do you know how the other week we were talking about some fellow who had his head cut cut off off off when my head goes into the basket I'm gonna blink a lot see how many times

I can blink. But if you remember when Carl first told me that it was I think it was Simon or Nick that I pointed out he goes no that's not quite right Carl Carl Carl told me it that he had his head cut off and when his head was in a basket it looked up and said he he the he when he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he he was he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he was he believed that as well yeah so he was happy he was happy with that sure do you know so yeah you got a couple of weeks ago there was a guy he had his head cut off and before he had it half he'd said I'm gonna blink to show that there's life after I mean he did 32 blinks right so you two two to point down the other week so I looked again I the internet at some other website yeah the website so the website the website the website the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th I th I the th I th I th is th is the th is th is the th is th is the to to to to to to to that the the to to to to to to to to that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th is the the the the the th is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the is the is there's a... Sorry it's the website just to clarify the website is the place where you bought that property on the moon didn't you because it was a bargain right so this guy... Bingers umped well we'll see who's been

thinn't when this world ends I've got somewhere to go all right and I know you'll be calling me up saying oh can I come with you have like two square foot no I've got a thousand there I there I there I there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there you'll there you'll there you'll there there there's the the they I there there there they they they the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th is th is the the the tho is thoo's thooooooo's the thooooooooo's the the the the th've got acres. You're going to have to stand on the moon in your two square foot. I've got about 20 acres. There's no place to see who's out. It'll just be you. It's all those people with big edge and where fit they've been buying it all these years. Go on anyway. Play a record tell us a story. Play a record tell us. Play a record the record the record the record the record the record the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tell us tell us tell us their tell us tell us tell us tell us their tell us tell us tell us their their tell us their their their their their their they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they they'll they'll they'll they they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll their their their their tell us tell us tell us. tell. tell. tell. tell you. tell us. tell us. tell. tell us. tell us. tell us. tell us. tell us. they're they're they're tune we'll come back with this. What's this? It's another goat story? Let's play one of my favourite songs of all time. I'm going on high there and getting into a lovely serene move. Serene Serrento is probably from that. It's Neil Young after the gold rush. Beautiful. Still to come that competition as well, I look forward to that, Carl. Yeah. Well I dream. What's the story? Well I dream I thrown. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. th. the th. the the th. Well. th. Well. the the the th. Well. Well. Well. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. I'm. th. th. th. th. t t to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to the the the gold rush. So go on Carl, sorry, go on, Carl. So let's take us back a few steps, Carl. What's the story? Right, so I did some research.

Right? Let's just recap again. The guy, there was a guy you read about who had his head chopped off, he was guillotined. He had said to the people around him, I'm going to blink. I'm going to blink. to blink. the brain. to to blink. to blink. to blink. to, so so so so so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's. the their. their. their. their. their. the, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let. their. the, let, let. the, let. the, let, let, let. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the work out. Yeah, yeah, we queried that. So you weren't having any of it? Well no, possibly for a few seconds till the oxygen stops being fed to the sounds because the blood has drained away. But you know, nothing spectacular. So go on. Along the similar sort of lines, right? This is quite a few years ago. This fellow sort of upset the royal family doing something, right? So they said that this isn't this this this this this this this this is this is this this this this this this this the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoome? thoome? their their their their their, their, their, their, their. It. It. It. It's is, possibly, their. It is, the the their. It. It is, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. Yeah, the. We, the. We're, thooooooo. Yeah, too. Yeah, too. Yeah, too. Yeah, too. Yeah, too. Yeah, too. Yeah, too. Yeah, the the th. Yeah, the of upset the royal family doing something right so they said that this isn't good wasn't it wasn't their jubilee thing was it I can't remember what it was and they said right that was terrible we're gonna we're gonna cut your head off you know you got you got to show people like you can't be doing what you've been doing what was this the 1970s when you said a the first one very good ages ago so so um so i the so the so they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the is th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the Was it the olden days when the first one very good? Ages ago. Yeah, ages ago. So, yeah, fair enough. Yeah, so... Very philosophical. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, imagine that. We were always nearer. This was literally ages again. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And even before that, which is young. Before when it was all mental and different. Sorry Carl. go on. So he's having his head cough and he's but he's resigned to it. It's a day before he's kind of got it into his head now that I'm not gonna have me head much longer. So he said let's let's make use of this. He said I wonder. He said I wonder how long like the body can stay alive without me the head on it right so they were like, I don't. So they were like, oh I don't know. So, whoever. So, the jailers? Whoever he was asking. These jailers with one eye. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he said, uh, he said, uh, surely it's my last right. You know, I'm going to be, I'm going to be dead. Jailer. Well, fair enough. What is it? So, uh, he said, uh, what I want to do. to. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. Yeah. he. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. the. the. Yeah. the. the. the. Yeah. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. he. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. he. the. the going to be dead tomorrow. So, let's do it the test.

He did draw it out this long, did he? Yeah, he said, let's, let's test this out, you know, he said, do as a favour. He said, you know, it's me last day. What I want you to do is, you're going to count do you know I mean if it's just if he loses his head and he's running around all over the place you can't really count that's not impressive enough so so they said let's make a white line sure yeah who said he did he did all I did I think they started to join in them and say well let's make this a sure sure you get you got in you go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go. you go. you go. they. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. You. You. You. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. You're they got Norris McWherner. The Gideon people. Oh, yeah. So they said, let's get this white line.

And uh, dedication's all he needs. We'll do this tomorrow. He said, alright, then, I'll see you in the morning. See you in the morning. Night, night, sleep tight. Bye-bye. I love the fact that Carnot knows exactly what was said. Yeah, I know that's beautiful. He doesn't know the story or what order is it or when he knows exactly what he knows.

All right then, see you in the morning. Bye, kiss you, kiss he. Oh, I'm not like that. Oh, you joke. Don't let the bed bugs, what? Yeah, anyway. So he gets up. Do you want to paper to the paper, the paper, the paper, the paper, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, he's, he knows, he knows, he, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, but he, but he, but he, but he, he, but he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he knows, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he knows, he, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, but, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, but, he knows, he knows, but, he knows, and they say right, you know, today's the day and that and he said, well, you know, I've got used to the idea. So here's a white line for you. Got used to the idea. So they go right, you're ready then. And he said, I go on. And he cut his head off and the body walked 32 steps. And th. th. that's that's th. that's that's th. that's th. that's th. that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the idea. So the idea. So the the the the the idea. So the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I got got the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the Wow. 32 steps. And that's the lesson really. Did it get as far as the walk, it walked along the white line, did it? Yeah, it stayed along the white line, did 32 steps and then started to stumble a bit and it just fell over. But you know it was a test that your body can still keep alive for a little

bit when you've lost your head. Absolute twoddle. What do you reckon you can do then? that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the th-a. th-up. that's that's that's that's twaddle. Absolute twaddle. What do you reckon you can do then without an head? How many? Nothing. There'd be muscular spasm, right? It would twitch a bit. Yeah. You could not distinctly take 32 steps.

The body could... Yeah. It's a doctor to sit on the line. The fellow that bought six parrots. And, you know, you could have got 32 steps. Right, so you don't believe that. Right, you don't believe that, but something that you do believe that a cockroach can live a week without an head. It can. Slightly different, a kettle of fish there.

Why? Well, insect to human human is what I'm thinking. That difference. There's not that much difference in some insects. Do you know that snake has a heart and lungs and kidneys and stuff? Go on? No, well I'm just saying. So you're making out as if like there are totally different like... Species? I am making out, I mean, call me old-fashions. Do you know what you're talking about that? I don't want you embarrassing yourself Rick. Yeah, I am suggesting they're totally different beings, yeah, that is, yeah. Now Carl, the cock-croach is a very different thing. The interesting there is that it lives, it lives right his head, because a lot of it's on, uh, that's some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, and, and, some, and, and, and, and, and, th. Some, and, th. Some, th. Some, and, th. Some, th. Some, th, th, and, th, th, th, th, and, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, they, th, the, th, th, the, they, th. And, and, they, they, they's, they's, they's, they're, they're, they're, and, they're, and, and, and, they're, and, and, and, they're, and, they're, they're, and, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, otropic, some of them just did literally have irritation and muscle memory. I mean they do have a central nervous system but it's very different. So if you lose the head it bypasses a lot of that anyway. All this is just run around. The reason it dies

is because it can't take on water. But it's very different to a man, right, having consciousness and then losing that and the body still going, I remember I think I remember what I was going to do it. Yeah so I'm going to carefully walk a little 32 steps along this white line. I'm just looking down going on missed a bit. Maybe the head was in the corner going left. Left. Left. Left. Left. Yeah. Left. Oh he's now. Well let's just put it out I mean if if anyone listening has maybe had a relative the head. Maybe they went their the the their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to their. their. to to their. their. their. to their. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. to to to to to to to to to to their. 30. 30. 30. to their. 30. 30. 30. to their. 30. 30. their. 30. their. 30. 30. 30. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. 30. 30. th. 30. 30. 30. 30. 30. 30. to. 30. 30. 30. to. 30. to. to. 30. to. the. 30. the. horrendous car accident. But they got up, maybe they went for a walk, you know, they had a little chat. Oh dear Carl. Get in touch, you know, you, you are my favorite being. You are my favorite species.

Now you, Carl, may not be particularly different genetically from a cockroach. You are generous. Why can't you ever made them, went? Let's play a record. Do you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. You, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they, th. they're, they're, they, they, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've they've, they've they've they've they've aches do that? Why whoever made them? Let's play a record. Do you know what I told him this fact, I send him little facts on text me just to inflame his, you know, interest. I just sent him a cockroach, can live nine days with his head. He texted back, what's the point of that? What's the point of that? They're not doing experiments? These are boring. they. they. they. they. they. They're they. They're not. they. They're not. they. they. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. their. They're their. They're their. They. They. They're their. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're not. They're. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. They're not. I. I. I. I. I're not. I'm not. I're not. I'm not. I'm not not. I're not not not doing. I'm not doing. I're not doing. the the the the the the the the went, and I'm talking all that, you're thirsty. So it's the worst week of your life, isn't it? That week without your head. Play a record, Carl. Competition time next.

Oh! It's a cool look at his little face. He's not moved on. Oh, he could do with that an edge. Oh, he could do there weren't you Carl? Put your little wards phones on, cleaning out my closet. What are you doing? I've got to stuff with the toilet paper.

Do the competition? Do you know when we were writing the TV show, um, I was filming it just for our own amusement, just sort of, I suppose more it was a document really, so that if there was ever a court of law that needed evidence of Ricky Gervais's, I don't know what it is really, sickness, annoyance. He did this for about two hours, you see what he's doing now? He's stuffing his face with toilet roll. Yeah. And pushing the lips out, so I can just show them the teeth. I know that actually makes me want to be sick. I know. Actually, gag a little bit.

It's horrible. Good. While Ricky does that, Carl, it's time for your quiz. See, this is like, this is on tele. Right. An example. You have to be quiet. Or you've got to be quiet. didn't hear the launch of it last week. It's a song title, I tell a little story and that

song and that little story is a song in it. Right? So say for example... What did we do last week? What did we do last week? Oh yeah, a woman who really wants to have a bath because she stinks. But she can't because if you had a bath or a shower or a wash or whatever she'd end up killing herself. Yes. No, he didn't say that. Well anyway, as an example, that would be one of the stories. She's electric.

She's electric. She couldn't have a shower because she would have ended up killing herself. All right. So this week's then, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, thi, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, tha, th week's then, and don't say if you know it, because the idea is that people can... Right. Right. Is this bloke and he buys a new house, right? And he's well happy with it. This girlfriend moves in with him and stuff and she says, right, you know, let's clean it up a bit. Yeah. And you know, straight away it'll be worth more money. So he says right you do the kitchen and I'll do upstairs and that she's stripping the kitchen down and he goes upstairs and he's in the bedroom and notices little little hole to the attic. Oh right, brilliant.

So he goes oh I wonder how much rooms up there you know I've never weighed it up so he goes up there it's all like dusty in a mess and he goes this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the would would would would would would would would would would the would th would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd'd this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. this. up there, you know, I've never weighed it up. So he goes up there, it's all like dusting a mess. And he goes, this could make a good bedroom this. So he starts cleaning it all out, cuts all the rubbish, like, bins the rubbish straight away and there's little boxes with bits in that don't belong to him. I wonder what's in here, right? So he opens one of the box the box the boxes the box the box the box the box the box the box the box the box this the box this the box, this, this, this, th. this, this, th. this, th. this, this, this, this, this, this is, this is this is this is this is this is thi, this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this would make, this would this would this, this, this, this, this, this, this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the thi the thi thi thi the thi thi thi thi thi, thi, he's like a little lamp. Alright. He goes, this might be worth a few quid, right? And he rubs it. Magic lamp. And all like, all the room goes, all sparkly and stuff. He goes, oh, what's going on?

And then this feller appears, right? In a nice sort of, in a nice sort of pair of ones. Right. And he says, what do you want? I know already. So all the first bit is irrelevant. Yeah, but it's about building the story, isn't it? So don't say anything. If you think you know it, Steve do you know it? I don't. So I just quickly recap the end there. I almost missed the end. So there you go. He's in the attic, right? And this fella appears out of all this smoke, and he's wearing a nice pair of 501s, and he's wearing a shirt, and there you go.

What's the song? What song are you thinking of? The lines are going mental. Because it's so easy. Let's play record, Carl, and we'll find out if anyone's got that right. That's a great one, really. Did you just that with that, literally in the last 10 years? Genius. This is genius. Definitely.

I mean, if those calls aren't from major TV companies, I don't know. It's, I mean, dynamite stuff. A lot of them are, what's his name, lawyer? Yeah, some of the mayor. Yeah, some of the mayor. That's my favourite thing I've done for years. Yeah not bad, not bad. That's great, back to form there. So yeah, okay, the lines are going mental just because it's easy, go on and the first one

to get it, but... Well it's not that, Rick, I mean, Carl has just decided to revise the actual rules of the competition. So that we've decided is very easy, so that's now a qualiff I th, the first, answer one live. Exactly so whoever gets that one right can play for a big one as well because some people will lose the will to live just cut to the chase and the because they've got a qualify now we're throwing an office DVD that I'm ready yeah yeah yeah they'll say that that increases value 42 pence We'll just go live, yeah? Hello XFM. Yeah, hi, how's it going? I'm not too bad. Not too bad. Listen, a very, very quick recap, Carl, if you will, please, for the people listening. Very quick. Right. A man ends up in a loft. After moving into this house and

that, he's in the loft and he's tidying up, his mrs is downstairs doing the kitchen because that needed doing, he's up there, he's cleaning, he's cleaning, he's cleaning, he's cleaning, he's cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is cleaning, is, is, is cleaning, their, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, their, that needed doing ease up there is cleaning up empty in the boxes he finds a little light a little... It comes out wearing five-o-ones what's the song? What's the song right? What's the song right? Are you talking to me? Yeah, sorry, yeah. Look, look, I'm sitting in this fire right, I'm not ringing, relating, relating, relating, relating, relating, relating, relating, relating, relating, relating, relating, out, relating to anything that's going on right now. I'm after one of these arm bands to go and meet Bowie on Monday.

Can you help me out? What? What? Piss off? You can't say that to our public? Yes, I can't. What I can't beg? Is people begging, Rick on the radio?

Is that the Australian bloc? It's got the British Springsteet tickets. Hello. Hello. Are you putting up for an hour on band? No, Gene Jeannie, of course it is. Well done. Well done. Well, what's your name? Everyone else can ring off now because this is...

What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? Christina? Right, you want to take on the challenge? Yeah. Yeah? Oh, well. So this is for, she's already won a couple of CDs. This is for the office DVD. Okay.

Signed by Rookie Javine. Right. So it's the same game again, but we're doing it live. Right? So this is a song title. Right. insect. I'm lovely already. Right? Yeah. And it's in its little like nest. And all the other insects, all its mates and that, I really like working, they're grafting hard, they're tidying up. Some of them are going out, getting the food. Some of them are like, you know,

rushing around. But there's this one insect who's just sat there with its feet up. And it's like, you know, just doing nothing. And it's the other the other the other the other the other the other the other. It's the other. It's their their. It's their. It's their, it's their, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's their, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,this one insect who's just sat there with its feet up and it's like, you know, just doing nothing and it's annoying all the other ones but it's sat there. The rickage of age bug. And it's sat there doing nothing having a little fag in that. What's the song? I don't know. I don't know. Oh, I don't know this either. So, obviously it's a type of insect, tha, tha, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, they. they. they, they, the, the, the, they, they, they, they. they. they. they. It's, they. It, they. It, they. It, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. It's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. It's thi. It's thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the the they's they's they's they's they. It's they. It's type of insect that's why you've avoided saying what it is so it's something like lazy aunt, lazy bee. Well, maybe we should throw it back up and to the public.

And I don't know how this poor woman has pulled in and now got a stupid one. But Christina, she's lost it now. She's lost it now she's blown it Rick. Oh sorry you got to be cool she's not bothered. Okay, right. Cheers Christine. Bye. See you later. So we can try that back out then, can we? Well, I don't know what. Is there anyone on the phone?

Yeah, go on. Take the next person. So, what was it? There's some bugs. There's a bug and one wasn't the thanks. So XFM. God. Hello. Hello? I'm glad to say it's in Carl Pupinson's mind. I like him. I like him. Hello.

Hello. Oh yeah, is it animal nitride? I swear. No it's not. Good answer. Is it a good answer that? That does it? Oh no, like Carl does.

that. That doesn't make any sense, does it? It does, I know, like Carl does. Hello, XFM. Hello? Is it Itchiku Park? No, no. It's itchy, no. Yeah, sure, I think they're stubborn in the dark. They're starting to think like, which I like.

Go on, next one. Hello, XFM. I didn't. Scratch Prover. She's come out of nowhere there. It's good. It's so much to do with Lazy Bug or Lazy Ann. Hello, it's a family. Hello. Hello. Hello. Is it Beetle Bum? Excellent. Beetled bum? Of course. Beetal bum? thu. to be blur. Sat around doing nothing. It's right, bum. Okay. So don't win anything. She doesn't. She doesn't. She doesn't th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to win th th th to win th tho tho to win to to to to to to win to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to th. to th. th. th. to th. th. th. th. th. th. tho tho tho tho tho tho thin. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thee the thee the thea. thea. to to the. to to DVD. Take the name and address. I know by Ricky Jovey's. She doesn't because she didn't do the qualifier. She knew it was Gene Jeannie. Oh, Carl, let someone win some it. It's pain doing enough listening to you for 10 minutes.

Lads, can we just come down from a moment. Lads, we just come down from a moment. Once again, God. Well, I just draw you to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th. th the. the. the. the. the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the the. the. th this. We could have been figuring out the rules. What's the name? Is that? We could have had maybe some music, some jingles. Who's that? What's your name again? Can we do this off phone? Let's play record? Yeah, no, it's not going to give her an address, we're the wrong. I've got things to do. Simon Mayo used to come in early. That's why he's written with this.

He didn't have to sleep and eat breakfast. Ha ha'a'ucoe there. Come back around by feeder. I'm Ricky Juvais with me, Steve Merchant and our producer, I say producer, Kyle Pilkington, all right? Yeah, we've got to, we've got to, we've got to come in early and do the work. Let's get in at 10 to 1 next week, are we? We're not in it next week, are we? Ah, no, I mean we would be, if we're going to be, if it weren't

holiday already, you've done, tha, tha, rest. Well wasn't on holiday last time I was working sure. So what are you just going to do a best of I, yeah? Yeah just dig out some bits. And what are you going to do just lump them together? Just like pick some some favorite bits. Yeah, right. That'll fill up ten minutes. Well I'll do the then, do the links then. So... Why don't we do some sort of stock links now then?

Okay then. Do you remember that Steve? Oh, that was a great moment. Yeah, I'll tell you what though, I love the bit, well, just play it. Just play it. Right, so you do a proper intro. Well let's, well no, let's... Let's work out for next week then, well let's say... Well, let's give them a few options. Okay, give me a couple of options. That was a great talk by Oasis. Oh, yeah. Oh, leave me alone, stop phoning ladies. This is like the best of, the best of last year and we're going to kick off with it with a classic clip. Who can forget this? All right?

Brilliant, so just yeah. Just weave that in. Yeah, and then come out of that, come into a record. So I come out of another record? Just one more just in case I need. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. the th. the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the tho' their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the best. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. theeeeeeeeeeea. I's tooe. I's theeeea. theeeeee. th oh I don't know. Um, that was Bob the Builder there. Shouldn't, shouldn't really be playing that on XFM. But... Stupid cast. I don't know what you're thinking about. You buffoon. Yeah, you're Limba's it. Oh, okay, I don't know. Great track. I love that. thrown. the true. tre. tre. Oh. tre. tre. Oh. Oh. Oh. tre. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I try. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I the the the the th. Oh, I that. Yeah, beautiful. Wow, uh... Yeah, well, let's get these right. He needs to use these next week. Okay. Another great track. We just do this later. We've got to go. We've got to run away. Yeah. But this isn't going to work. It's a mess. their mess, it's a mess. It's a mess. Well, just it. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Well, I'll that I'll be that I'll be that I'll be that I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll the the the that I'll the that I'll the the the fight. I'll the fight. I'll the fight. I'll the fight. the fight. the fight. the fight. this. the fight. I'll the fight. the fight. the fight. this. this. the fight. the fight. the fight. We'll the fight. We'll the fight. We'll the fight. We'll the fight. We'll the fight. I'll the fight. I'll the fight. I'll the fight. I'll the fight. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. We'll. I'll. We'll. the the the. We'll. the the the this. We'll. We'll. We'll. the the the the the the the the the the the the talking of a mess mate, your competition. It was a shambles today. I mean last week we gave it the benefit of the doubt because it was the first time we've done it but you've got to think it through, mate.

You can't be making it up on the spot like that and changing the rules. I'm sorry, mate, I mean, I know you was terrible. It was interminable. I think you've got to compress those stories you've got to try and them right now. He gets paid to me with like 30 quid extra for this as well. So I mean he's getting good money. Yeah for it. Listen right, you say that you've got to compress it, right? The way I look at that competition it's like Colombo, right? The murder bit at the end. out for an hour so you sort of make it exciting and like oh I wonder where he's going with this. And it worked, you know, Dee Hudson, she's walking away with the DVD, she's like it. But Dee's fine, she's the only one who's gained. Everyone else has had a miserable time. Yeah, yeah, of course she's happy, she's won something. But what about the listeners? Yeah, I mean, they're loving it now because me and Steve Ryan and this is is is thah's. Yeah this is amazing stuff talking about we're not going to be here next week and doing next

week's links because I can't be bothered to come in early. Okay that uh wow excellent well that's a quarter to two Steve on XFM. I've enjoyed this wonderful collection of our greatest moments. Yeah there there's still more to come. You'll be back next week okay I'll do the last one well I hope you enjoyed some of the best off moments there with the I'm not gonna use these why not they're a mess forget it forget it forget it well forget it we'll do them in a bit I'm not tell me I cannot do it when you're playing it doesn't matter when the plane is I can do it in a bit I'm definitely I'm not wasting my time going to the they I I I I'm not I I'm not I'm not I I'm not I'm not I I'm not I I'm not I I I I'm not I the the the the's the time. My favourite Swade song there, stay together. By Swade, stay together. Yeah. That's what you're being paid for.

Well no, because it could have been a Swade song sung by Atomic Kitten. Sure. And like I said, that's my favorite song, by Atomic Kitten. Yeah, so, you know. Do you think this is the worst show we've ever done? No, I mean we've done some god-awful shows in the past. Really? Okay. I mean some real grim ones in the past. Okay. Do you think people see through it even before we tell them that we're not really cutting the mustard, putting their thing. We've got, we had nothing to say last week. No, I'm, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th. th, th. th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, than, the the the the the the the thoan, the thoan, thoan, tho, think some people are tolerating us because they quite like your TV work, but I mean other than that I think they know the shows. And they haven't played good music. Well, if I was listening to this, we don't skip on the tunes.

But if I was listening to this, I'd be livid I'd be angry really yeah I mean if this was a BBC show I'd I'd go mental why why would I be paying a license fee and everything so okay it would feel like it was my money being squandered but we don't have to get this is advertisers money being squandered yeah yeah you know this is big corporations screw them yeah yeah and people I haven't paid they probably paid for the batteries in their radio maybe they maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably they're probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably probably they've probably probably probably they've they've they've they've Maybe if they're just thinking. We're so sorry about that. Yeah. Well I forget you just for wasting their time Rick. But next week's gonna be a clip show. Again. Yeah it's gonna be a clip show. We're decided that Carl's gonna just do the links next week by himself. Well maybe a guest guest hosting maybe you know like what was that good? Dennis Norden type. You know when in the Sony awards you hand in one? You're. You're. You're. You're. You're. the show. the show. the show. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the song. the so. the so. the so. the so. the so. to to to to to the so. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. So. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the t. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the? Because it was broadcast in this year, just that it's a clip show from years ago. You know, because you could hand in I Love 1975, couldn't you, in the Bafters or something? Yeah, you could. Yeah. So should be, are you, are you, you're even bored with this show as well? This is terrible attitude. I'm just, I'm just, I'm allowed to be bored. to. to. to. to. to. to be bored. their, their, to be bored. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their th. th. thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their, their, their, their their their, their their their their their their their th. their thi. t. t. tap to, tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, the, th. th. We're the talent. I thought you're going to give us like 10 minutes after the show to do them.

I can't! I've got to go! Right. Do I wrap up Steve because Ricky's taxi might be waiting now. So this attitude, Ricky, you're going to put up with that? I don't know. I just don't believe it. They should be chomping at their luck. Do you know what I mean? Sure. And do I get treated at these different? No. Worse? Yeah. Answers on a postcard if you can figure out what that sentence meant. And there be a DVD on its way to you. Listen, we had an email from Glenn and Sharon and Sharon was

rushed into hospital last week and they want us to play something for, I know she's back now and she's okay but anyway they always listen to show the big the big the big the big the big the big the big their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I their their their their. their their. I's their their their. I's their. I's their. their. their. I's their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. I's their. I's. I's their. I's their. I's their. I'll their. I'm te. I'm te. I'm. I'm. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. their. their. I'll. te. I'll. I'm. t want us to play something for, I know she's back now and she's okay, but but anyway they always listen to the show the big fans, they ask for some Nick Drake, I'll play some Nick Drake next time, but instead I thought we could play a classic Dylan track, I'm a big fan of Dylan, just like a woman, it's just beautiful and that's my song for the ladies. We won't see you next week.