The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E30 (March 15, 2003)

Starting point is 00:00:00 Clunks from the cold play. Next FM 104.9 I'm Ricky Jubez with me Steve Merchant and back Carl Pilkington. He's raring to go, it's nice when you have a bit of time off in it. Yeah, how long have you off there then? About three weeks, about three weeks. We can't do that because we're sort of self-employing we'd be letting people down. But it's different when you get paid anyway whether you turn up or not but good to have I'm I'm never off ill that's the first time I feel like it ex- I mean just just you're off two weeks and then you're off no I just wish I was a kind of person who could the audience I know really yeah like I say well well now we spoke you to you they they weren you you the the the the the the the the the they they the they they they the they the they the they they they the they they the the they they that the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they I I the first I the the first I the first I the first I we got then? We've got some great songs I've brought in the Smiths,

Starting point is 00:00:46 I bought in Buzz Carks, I've bought in Neil Young, I know Steve's got some hip-hop. Some great hip-hopper. I've got some great. Carl, come on, concede, it's going to be great. Can I stop got to be a headache and I'm a little bit annoyed. Can I have some time off but still get paid? Yes, of course you can. Steve, right? He called me up, winding me up about this. And, right, I'm nearly I'm 30, right? I'm 30 now. I can only remember being off two time off. And both of them were when I was at school.

Starting point is 00:01:25 One when it was windy. Why did you have time off because it was windy? But to be honest Carve that lasted for seven years? Your time off at school. Why did you have time off because it was windy? Were you windy or was it windy outside? Your auntie the the wind was the winds were bad in the 70s and my mom said oh wow whoa whoa whoa! the wa was was was was was was th. were were were were th. were the th. were th. were the th. were th. Were th. Were th. Were th. Were th. Were th. Were th. Were th. Were the the th. Were the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. One th. One th. One th. One one, one one one one one one one, one one one, one one, one one, one one, one thi thi thi one one thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thie wasn't out the window was she? When the winds were bad in the 70s and my mom said, Oh, whoa, woo, woo, woo, woo. What? I remember space operas and flares. I don't remember the winds being bad in the 70s. Well, my mom just said, you might get blown into the road a human being. Is that why she got fired from the pie shop?

Starting point is 00:02:05 I'm not coming in today, I might get blown into the road. Oh God. The funny thing it was, right, Steve, they had this thing going out of school because a lot of people used to wag it back then. Used to what? Wag it, sort of not go in. Right. And they sort of, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, and, they, and, they, and, they, and, and, th. And, they, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. Funny. And, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And, oh, oh. And, oh. And, oh, oh, oh. And, oh, oh, oh, oh. And, oh, oh. And, oh. And, oh, oh, oh. And, oh, oh, oh. And, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh. And, th. Oh. And, th. And, th. And, th. Funny. Funny, they. Funny, they. Funny, they, they, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, Reward for the rest of your life with achievement. That sort of carrot. And also like let you go on that 3 o'clock on a Friday. Right if you'd done a full week and that. So it was a lovely weather all week. Then it just sort of changed on a Friday and I'm said. And it was all windy. It was all windy on Friday on 7th isn't it? Don't, don't, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th, you, you th, you th, you th, you th, you know, you th, you know, you know, if th, if don't go in because you might get blown into the road and that. So I said, all right, then I'll stay off. And, so why did you told you a hold on to a fence or walk you there? What's this, don't go out if you don't get blown?

Starting point is 00:02:56 I love this getting blown into the road. Is that based on your cats that kept getting blown into the road? Well, so I got to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their th. I the thi the the. I said, the. I said, tho thi, thi, thi. I said, tho thi. So I said, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. So, I thi, I was thi, I was thi, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, thin, thea. So, theananananananan't, soooooooooooooooooooome. So, soo. So, so I said, so I said, so I got to got to school on the Monday right and the teacher said right today to punish you you're the only one who wrecked the whole week right everyone else came in you didn't so everyone else is going on at three o'clock today but you're not brilliant serves you right and I wasn't bothered though it was great to theyre. It was great that was great that all the tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha th. th. th. thuuuuuuu th. thu thi that is that is that is that is that is thate tho. tho-I tho-I tho-I was that thate. tho-I tho-I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod tod today thi tho that that tho tho tho tho tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' thoo' today. today today. today to you'll have to stay with me, won't you? It was great. So all I did for half an hour was doodle and stuff. It was great that the afternoon. And that was ages ago, that was like when it was about eight. And that's one of the signs I was off ill.

Starting point is 00:03:36 Yeah. But that wasn't even ill. Yeah, it's a bit different when you're... To be honest with you, Carl, you can't just not turn up because you've got a bit of a cold or you're a bit fed up. I mean, we had an appointment 4 o'clock Thursday, wasn't it? And he had to call it, he said, I'll cancel it. I went on, meeting went on a bit late. Time management. Get things done, if it was important, you'd get it done, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play it, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play it, play it, play, play, play, play, play, play,ello, Allison. What a great track that is. Beautiful. Well, Carl, we better tell

Starting point is 00:04:17 them all the new great features we've come up with in the time you're off. All right, well we'll, we've got the film thing still going. Yeah. That's where you take a lead role or a major role in a Hollywood blockbuster which we then give away on VHS worth 699. And something new we're trying out because Rockbusters... He's dead, thankfully, yes. It's gone for a bit.

Starting point is 00:04:44 It's over. Crosswords.'s dead thankfully yes. He's gone for a bit. It's over. Um, crosswords. Oh, this sounds intriguing. Where'd you get the idea from? What's the basic format of this? Right, what I've done is I've, um, take like a popular saying from the show. A popular what? A popular saying, something that crops up quite a lot in the show. In our show? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. What th. What th. What that that that that that that that that that that that that th. What I that th. What I that that that that that th. What I th. What I's th. What I's th. What I's th. What I's th. What I's. What I's. What I's. What I's. What I th. What I I I I I I th. What I I I I. What I. What. What. What. What. What? th. What. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's t. It's try. It's too. It's try. It's try. It's t. It's t. It's the show. In our show. Yeah. Yeah. First thing that sprang to mine was, there's this airy Chinese kid. Oh, classic. But more commonly it would be something like Carl, you're an idiot. Yeah, Carl you're a fool. Oh, what did you mean? You let us down again? Yeah. Car what have you been here? Yeah. Oh, lie down! Typical phrases like that, sure.

Starting point is 00:05:25 Carl, you're a loser. Oh yeah. Right. And what I've done, I've got a load of different songs and took words from the different songs and then join them together to make, there's this hairy Chinese kid, and then people have to email in and say what the five songs were. It sounds like the most most th. th. th. th Have you heard any of this Rick? Because I've not heard this at all, I'm not familiar with this? Well all it is, it'd go like, Oh, Chinese kid! And that's from sort of four different songs. And you've got to identify the songs?

Starting point is 00:05:56 Right. Wow. How many songs in this car? Five. There's the price is? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. the th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. th. the. th. th. the. the. the. Chinese kid. Okay. All right. So, what are the prizes for that? Are these the prizes? Yeah. All right, well let me tell you what they are. Not too bad, actually. We've got Live Forever, which I assume is a CD that ties in with this new film.

Starting point is 00:06:14 Think of that! A well-known phrase from the world? There is no other radio show in the world. Like this is... Go on. If you've just tuned in, I mean what do you think? If you've just tuned in, going one known phrase from Shur, Erie Chinese King. Oh yeah, classic. They'll be playing that in Chiragin' this Christmas. So yeah, this is a CD that ties in with this new film live forever which is all about Britopopop their their their their th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It is all about th. It is all about th. It is all about th. It is all about th. It is all about th. It is all about th. It is all about th. It is all about th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's is th. It's is th. It's is th. It's is th. It's is th. It's is th. It's is th. It is th. It is all is all. It is all. It is all. It is all. It is all. It is all. It is all. It is all. It is all. It is all. It is all. It is all. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's all. It's th. It's all. Itthere from Oasis, Blair, Pulp etc. We've also got another Red Dwarf DVD, Marion and Jeff, the first series of that excellent, that's on VHS sadly but never mind and also the very best of Led Zeppelin, a two CD set there with all the classics on so that's not bad prizes actually. We've done you've done yourself proud. We've up to it, we've up the bigger league, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th.. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's on, that's on, that's on, thre, that's, thre, that's, that's, that's, that's, we want heat magazine not to, you know, lose touch with us just because rockbusters is gone. I think they're still behind us.

Starting point is 00:07:08 So we've got film, you appear in a film, we've got cross words. How is that to do with the crossword? Because I've got words and sort of cross them. Okay. Right. So words, we're playing a game called Words. Word Song. Hello and welcome to Word Song. And obviously I imagine there'll be some more great music. But we've got a new feature, haven't we?

Starting point is 00:07:33 Which one's this? Are we doing within the Monkey News, the new feature? Oh, Steve. I'm excited. You know Monkey News is my favorite feature, so what have you added added to? Explain it. Right, well, there's been loads of stuff going on in the past few weeks, right? But for the times when I struggle, when sort of monkeys have had a quiet week, and there isn't that much news going on, right? Come up with this thing. I sort of speak to an expert, I've spoke to him already. You spoke to an expert, a monkey expert. Yeah, uh-huh. And I ask him a question. Wow.

Starting point is 00:08:08 Right? The feature, it's got a good name, you know, that's the way I work. Yeah. Cheap as chimps. Right. And what I do, I asked them a question about, you know, how much does it cost to, you know, keep one, how much does it cost to, you know, feed one for a week, all this sort of stuff. So I give out like a

Starting point is 00:08:32 monkey story and if that isn't enough for people, they'll also learn something else at the end of it. Right. So like... It sounds fascinating, can I say right now? Yeah. That's just some of the things that we've come up with. Play a record, that, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, just some of the things that we've come up with. Play a record, Carl. Please still continue to listen there. Yeah. Bib, come on, come on, da. Richard Ashcroft, buying in bottles, an XFM 104. Ricky Murchaseen, Carl Pilkington. Carl, I need the phone number of your girlfriend.

Starting point is 00:09:07 Let me explain why. I was lucky enough, once again, to be on your quiz team this week. Ricky... Still to beat me. He's still to beat me with his team. We... Second I came. We, we, uh, we, we, the gang here and some friends, we sometimes get into a pub quiz in the local area and I was very nicely, I was invited by Carl to be on his team. Twice now I've been on that team, Ricky's always on another team.

Starting point is 00:09:32 And I, what can I say, Carl? Do you mind me saying this now? Because I've analyzed the team and it's very much your team and you've put the team together, you've recruited some excellent personnel, your girlfriend's very, very good on the team, as is one of her work colleagues and you normally bring in, you know, someone like myself. I like to think I'm providing something with the entertainment section. I seem to remember last time I answered at least six or seven questions that other people had, so I felt like the today's, to provide, I've, I've, I've, to, to, to provide, to provide, to provide, to provide, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, throwne, throwne, throwne, throwne, throwne, throwne, throwne, throwne, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thrown, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, thr, the, thr, the, thr, the, the, thr, thr, thr, thr, and, and, thr, and, and, and, thr, and, and, thrown, and, and, and, thrown, and, thrown, and, and, thrown, thrown, throwne, bleshoot companies. I see why you are not winning ever and it's a rather pricey contest isn't it? It costs a tenor to enter a person and unless you get in the top three you're not you're not going to get to see your money back so I think you're going to maybe need to step down from the team because I'm not sure manager, but frankly I'm not sure you're providing enough. Right. See this is funny because as bad as I imagine you are, I don't think Steve would make it into my team so he's getting a bit cockier. I want to know what your opinion of him because

Starting point is 00:10:32 he's told me he's great on it. Well you're bang out of order first of all. Okay. Do you have a good night when you're with us. I tell you what I wish I'd to you. I'd to to you. I'd to have the to have the to have the to have. I'd the the the to have. I'd to have. I'd the the to have. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do to have to have to have to have to have a to have a good. Do the the to have a good. Do. Do. Do their. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. I. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the. I th. I th. I the. I th. I th. I th? I tell you what, I wish I had lost a tenor every time I've come down. That would have improved it. You point out there about the football analogy. Alex Ferguson, when did he score a goal? Right. He doesn't, he tells the others how to do it. Right? That's my role in it. He doesn't take up one of the 11. No exactly. It's not like you can only field 10 again. I want to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be the to be the the other to be to be to be the other to be the other the other to be the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other to be to be to be th. I th. I tho. I thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o' the. I the. I the. I the. I the other the other take up one of the 11 though does he? No exactly. It's not like you can only field 10 because we only got 10 again, I want to be in the 11. Exactly, he stopped running around in midfield, falling over. Yeah, shouting, oh what have I told you? Yeah. No. Right. I'll admit, right? And there's a limit of five players, we should explain that. Yeah, that's the point. Yeah, there's only five. There's only five. It was only five. It's only five. It's only five. It's only five. It's only five. It's only five. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the limit. the limit. the the limit. the the the the the the to. to. to. to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. Yeah. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's only. It's only. It's only. It's only. It's only. It's only. It's. It's. It's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. Yeah. It's only. It's only. It's only. the the the the the the the the the the the the team. Yeah but it was pretty tricky on Tuesday though when it was one of the tougher... Tell everyone the one question you got right. It was something about... Well tell us the answer, the two words you had to say to get the answer. Danny Minogue. That was what you provided, Danny Minogue.

Starting point is 00:11:38 Is this valuable as Donsi Setsky or 1. Because there was at least two of us who also knew the answer. Oh well he did. We gave it. We gave it. He didn't provide any. No, exactly. We gave it to Carl. We'd massage his ego. But I just feel, I just feel, I'm a little, I feel a bit bad now because I just sort of either had a crushed face then. Can I just tell you right? He just can't believe. the right. He the right. He's just can't believe. He's can't believe. He's the right. the right. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. to be. to to be. to to to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to. to me. to me. It's. It's. He's. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's just. He's that precious fifth position that is not being filled at the moment I think consistently enough by a decent player right you've got a solid team I'm thinking if you want to remain on the team you are gonna have to pull your finger out and find a fifth member that is going to provide and I'll tell you where the weaknesses are I can't tell you right're going to have to step down because I don't think I can be on a team where he potentially loses ten

Starting point is 00:12:33 pounds. There are visible deficiencies in your team. That's you know the team. That's 10 pounds. That's 10 pounds. That's 10 pounds. That's that's that's that's that's that's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. I. I. I. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not th. I'm not thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I I I I'm th. I I I'm th. I I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm either thi. I'm either theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I'm either the. I'm either thi. I've seen him depressed for two hours when he lost 20 pounds at a casino after five hours back. Don't bring that back. Don't bring up that story. He doesn't like wasting money Carl. You know that. What do you think? What do you think? What's the solution? We've got to be, we've got chat before and we have a bit of fun. But there was other things on my mind. I can't do that here. I don't know why. I don't know why. What were you thinking during the quiz then, when the questions were coming out, what were you thinking? the the the the the the the the the the their, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.... We. We. We. We. We. We. th. th. th. th. th. together. together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, thooo. th threats, the, the, th the toilet right because the rule is right people who don't go to it

Starting point is 00:13:25 Once it starts phones off no more toilet they take it dead serious don't you right? Yeah yeah so I went to the toilet now I'm not being out of order it just got me thinking right I went to the toilet. The gay fellow in there, right there was a gay fellow in the toilet now how could you tell how did you the just??? I the the the the the the th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the the the the the the the the the the to to to to the toe toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat the the the the the gay fellow in there. Gay fellow in the toilet. Now, how could you tell? How did you know? Just typical, you know, everything about it, right? Right? Oh, large hand of my moustache. Leather cap. But, but not reflect the views of the management of XFM or me and Steve. Or most of the people in this country. Go on, go on, Carl. What's your problem? Yeah, but this is what I'm worried about really, but this is why I only got Danny Monogre, right?

Starting point is 00:14:12 Because this was floating around my mind. She's a big gal toe. Go into the toilet. like men's cubicle and they have women's cubicle. Now without standing out of order, is it wrong for me to think gay men should have their own little cubicle. Come in! They should have their own, well not cubicle, you mean an actual toilet I suppose. When I was at the urinal, normally you know there's a fellow there and you go all right. And there's no pressure. But I couldn't go, I couldn't go I was thinking should I wait if I go into the toilet it'll look obvious yeah I had loads of pressure and this was going on I'm sorry what were you concerned about I'm so sorry right

Starting point is 00:14:53 listen when I was a kid when I was a kid right and it's all right for you to go into women's toilets when you're kid it's like oh it's a bit cute as as long as you'd not like over 15 their th I th I th I their I their I their I their I th I their I their I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th I'm th th th th th th th is th is th is th is th is th is th th thus the the. th to to to to to to to to to to th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th th th th th th th th th th th is th th is th th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is the the the the the the the the to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to when they use their little cubicles, they don't shut the door. Some of them just sit down on the toilet, right? And you see everything. And... No, seriously, that's probably one of the first times I saw like a woman. Yeah. That, right. I mean, Auntonora when she was staying over. What happened with your Aunt Inora? She was, um, she's into wearing caftans. You know, caftans. Oh, yeah. What are caftans? Big, bellowy sort of dresses. Right, right. And, uh, yeah. I used to sit on the floor at home in front of the tele. Sure. She was on the chair behind. She did a bit a bit of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of a sort of of of of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a sort of a the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. What th. th. th. th. th. th. th. What th. th. What th. th. What th. What th. What th front of the tele. Sure. She was on the chair behind.

Starting point is 00:15:46 She did a bit of a sort of a Sharon Stone scene. Oh God. Yeah. Did you see it? There was no underwear? No. What age were you? What was it like? What age were you?

Starting point is 00:15:59 He's like a ripped tennis? What? Right, we're off air. We're off air. Either that will put something for the sonnets. Yeah, that's how I'm living. That's how I'm living. Yeah, what's called hip-hoop. Yeah, what's called hip?

Starting point is 00:16:21 Good point, yeah. Go make me a cup of coffee or something. Well, before you do that, can I just qualify something? I'm a little bit concerned about your toilet discussion. What exactly is your point again? I'm just a bit bemused. You see, it's a tricky one. All I'm saying is right, there was, that's a pub quiz.

Starting point is 00:16:40 I go to not thinking about anything. I try to go, right? He's a little gay fellow next to me. I love this little gay fella. Now, the weird thing is, there's nothing stopping him having a little glance, right, because he's allowed in the fellow's toilet. Yeah. Now I'm not allowed to go into the woman's toilet and have a little, have a little look round. Right. So all I'm saying is should they have another toilet area? What for gay people? Yeah. And so this would be gay men and lesbians? Is that going to complicate things? I mean I can only assume, I mean to ask you a question right? If you're intimidated that's, I mean that that's a shame but you know most gay men aren't

Starting point is 00:17:28 looking at your knob you know that what do you mean I can only say that 99.9% of gay men who use a urinal standing next to what they assume as a heterosexual man aren't looking at his knob. And what they're doing then? They're actually in their bladder. No, but the thing is you...I can't talk politics for a girl. You're saying like, you know, about would you have one toilet for lesbian, women, and gay fellas, right? Well does that be weird? Would it be mixed? Would it be, would it have a man and a woman?

Starting point is 00:18:07 Would it have a man and one, that's petatrection men, one little picture of a woman and the other and then what would be? And then what would happen is, you'd get people who were going, oh, a man and a to this a bit. What pretend to be gay? And yeah, you know, sort of grow a moustache and shave their head. And pretend to be a lesbian. Right. Right.

Starting point is 00:18:35 Right. Yeah, so, I see. So, you know, people pretending. So, this is fine. Four cubicles. How many toilets do we need at the moment? Every pubs now got four toilets? Oh, because they're interested in everything, aren't they? Because a little bisexual fellow would be looking at your knob. Right, with them, what you do, you just have a door, you open it and there's one urinal there, so you can't get a cue. They have to sort of wait.

Starting point is 00:19:19 They have to sort of wait. Well, why they just be a thing a thing between the urinals? So anyone, no one can look at anyone else's not. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Just to go back to Rick's point, what stops, even if we've got the toilet for gay men, what stops the gay men who want to have a look at your willie, going in the regular toilet and pretending that they're straight? Most thi. Who their head. They don't have a tattoo. There's no branding yet in the British house where they have to declare. So we're going to have to expand this so we've all got to carry identity codes. Do you know you can see a guy can you come in a mile off? Can't know?

Starting point is 00:19:52 No, I'll just hold it in next time? No, no, no. Can you tell gay men? Do you know a gay man? probably if you did like a if you lined some people up yeah and said point them out I reckon I'd get but hold on we're not talking about people dressed in leather with the ass cut out and an handle by a mustache yeah we're talking about you know that every day non-seen yeah but I mean suppose I put you in a room and there was 10 naked men, right? No. And there's five gay men and five heads up. Could you walk along that line looking at those gay... Am I naked?

Starting point is 00:20:32 No, you don't have to be naked. Why would you have to be naked? To catch him out. Play a record! How would you catch the note? No, don't go into it. Don't go into it. Don't go into it. Play to play to play it. Play to play it. Play the the play. Play the play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Play. Don't go into it. Don't go into it. Play a record.

Starting point is 00:20:46 The thrills, one horse town on XFM 104. Rickage base, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Now, Carl Pilkington is getting ready. It's the start of a new... on XFM 104.9, Ricky Jovey, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Now Carl Pilkington is getting ready. It's the start of a new strand in the show, a new quiz, a new competition to replace rockbusters. Now that's quite a tall order, but what have you done? Right. Like like I said, right, if you've only just tuned in, what it is, I've took, and I'll be taking, a well-known saying every week from the show, something that crops up a lot.

Starting point is 00:21:30 First one that sprang to mind was... There's a little gay fella standing next to me in the urnal? That's next week. Okay. This week, there's this airy Chinese kid, right? That's cro crops up quite a lot. Sweeping the nation. Right? So what I've done, I've got five songs and I've edited them together to make that saying. You've got words from songs where any part of that sentence occurs to recreate it. Now what do they need to do? Do they need to say what the song is? Just the five songs? I mean I was going to say song and artist but if you want just the song. th. th. th. th. th. th. So th. th. So th. So the th. So th. So the the th. So the th. So th the th. So th th th. So th. So th. So th. So th. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their the. So. So. So. So. So. So, the. So, the. So, theate. So. So, the. So, the. So. So, the. So, the. So. So, they're they're they're the five songs? I mean I was going to say song and artist but if you want just the song. So five there's five things there and if someone doesn't get all five it's still worth emailing in because we might give it to the

Starting point is 00:22:12 one who's got the most and then. Can I suggest we go for artist rather than song only because sometimes it's quite tricky to get a song tile or sometimes it's it's more it's very th it's not quite what you think it is so maybe artist is an easier one. Are you happy with that car which is your competition? I mean Steve always does this whenever I come up with an idea. Oh yeah I just trying to make sure it's just the best it can be Carl yeah yeah no he came up with a few games show and Steve is no good and Carl's said fact that you said to me, Steve, I've come up with the best game show ever, it's called Cheapest Chimps. What's the idea, I don't know, I just like the name, it's something to do with Chimps. I thought, well, I'm not sure that that's the best, the best game show ever. And what is the other people people will people people people people people people people people people people that that's, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I that, I that, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that, I thre, I the, I the, I, I, I, I, I, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the idea, I the idea, I the idea, I the idea, I the idea, I the idea, I the the the the the, Javais. He flits, doesn't he, from one side to the next Carl, though one thing,

Starting point is 00:23:08 we may argue, mate, but at least we're consistent. Ricky Javais, flipping from one side to the other, one day's on Carl's side. When was the last time Steve a good thing? Well, did you see us? Yeah, I saw you struggling in the in Carl's office earlier. He was punching my legs to release me were on the floor and I was squeezing him with my mighty legs, wasn't I, Carl? It was like, I imagine that's what a crab feels like when an octopus has got it. We were playing that, we were playing that, weren't we? So, there it is that, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th thin thi thi thin, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, th th the. th the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. to the. the. the. the. th to th So I'll play this clip now it's 10 seconds long we'll play it a couple of times because you'll need to take it in. So here it is then what we're saying we're saying artists let's go with artists so email in Ricky dot Javace at xfm dot UK name the fate five artists it has taken to make up the saying give that email address again give that email address again. Give that email address again. Ricky dotchivace at xfm.co.uk.

Starting point is 00:24:06 There's the terry Chinese kid. Here we go. I think. I think you better play it once more. I've got it. I've got the ball. Yeah, nice, nice work. There you go. There you go. There you go.

Starting point is 00:24:41 There you go. I'll just remind you now that the prizes include a Red Dwarf DVD, Marion Jeff, the first series of that on VHS, Live Forever, Britpop CD and also the very best of Leib Zeppelin. Let's play one of those actually while we're here. Brilliant Rock and roll. One of the prizes on Coral's competition this week is the very best lead Zeppelin that's obviously rock and roll. We also got Live Forever Britpop CD, Marion Jeff and Red Dwarf. And should we play it again? So people have got this hairy Chinese kid.

Starting point is 00:25:20 Who are the artists? Here we go. This is all the job true. It's tricky. It's not very easy. Once more? One more. Well, there you go. Ricky, dotchivates at XFM.co.uk, those prices can be yours. I, uh, at the quiz also discovered of course, and I don't know, I'm just intrigued to know,

Starting point is 00:25:57 Carl, I'm just intrigued to know. Um, it was your girlfriend's birthday, wasn't it? Earlier in the week? Or last week? I'm on the year. I mean, obviously it was a triumph, the stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff, the stuff stuff stuff stuff, the stuff stuff, the stuff, the stuff stuff, the stuff in the week? Or last week? I mean obviously it was a triumph, the stuff you got for Christmas. The box of condoms? Box set of condoms? Well yeah. Not just the singles, the whole set. Yeah, a complete collection. So what did you go for this time? What did you get her? Yeah, but? No, no, no, no, no, yeah, but it's her birthday. How long have you been together? About nine years. Okay, so, oh, God, it must cost you so much.

Starting point is 00:26:30 I mean, it's gottrickere, don't it, because I spoiled her a lot in the first few years. Yeah, so then you start... It's a packet of rubber bands, enjoy it. Oh, it's what she wanted. to thrown. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. Oh, tho. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, tho. Oh, tho. Oh, tho. Oh, tho. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, tha. Oh, as if. No, everyone wants paper clips. Come on, what did you get her? Got her a new pair of gloves. Right. All right, well. And? What, nice, nice leather ones from Southridge's or Harrods or something? Uh, they were good ones, they were the little woolen ones that she had. Yeah. I thought I was a joke when she said he got me these, because I laughed. No, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one the one their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. th. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they. they. they're. they're. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. said he got me these because I laughed. No that's, but I know that's the one she did have. When they said it was his birthday, it was her birthday Monday and me and Steve were together, and she went, he got me these because she had those little woolen gloves on, I laughed,

Starting point is 00:27:18 because I thought she was joking, Carl. That's what she wanted. I've told you before about buying presents. Does those gloves have your namesown in them? And a piece of string that ran over the back of your duffel coat? You know I've never been into getting presents and that I had the problem at that Christmas one, that time with the Victoria Plum. Yeah, we'd hate to bring that back. We've done that. Because you talked about the book, because it's kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, does, does tho, does tho, does tho, does those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those, does th, those, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th those, th those, th those, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooos-a, thooosa, thoosa, thoos-'d hate to bring that back. We've done that. Because you talked about the, because it's kind of to do with your dad, isn't it? He's a very bad gift buyer, is that the problem? Well yeah, my dad's, I mean my dad just wouldn't bother.

Starting point is 00:27:52 It was my mom who sort of made an effort and she sort of worked at half of what I wanted, then she left to get it off someone to get off to get off to get off someone to get off someone to get off someone to get off someone to get off someone someone someone someone someone someone someone someone heavily or violent abuse, right? But here's what he's been left with and scarred for parents is bad gift buying. Yeah, and the Victoria Plum incident. In the great scheme of things in the world, that's not a bad thing to have, is it? There was this, this is what it's like about getting presents and stuff right? With with my mom and dad go on the mate Colin right yeah no Colin Bailey oh yeah he had a little Sinclair Spectrum right computer which was like the thing to have at that time you saw he's go around to his house the deal was not one you got to play through the window because you won't know that's another lad. This is a different lad and the deal was he came to our house

Starting point is 00:28:46 and my ma'am gave him a pie and then I'd go around to his and I'd stay there for a few hours playing you know, hungry orris and stuff like that on it. Right? Now, my mom and dad knew that I really wanted one of these computers, right? So I waited about a year. Came around to Christmas Day I thought, they bought me the the the their me their me their me their me their me their me their me th me th me th me th me that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's, I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's. I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd the. I'd the. theat. theateat. theate. I'd thea' theate. I'd the. I'd the. I'm the' the' the. I'm the, came around to Christmas Day, I thought I reckon might have one. Turned out, they bought me the wrong one, they bought me a ZX81 instead of a spectrum, right? And Christmas Day, I'm there trying to load the games up, it's not working, I'm thinking, what's wrong? And the thing with me when I was a kid I used to get quite agitated quite easy. This is the moment. Right?

Starting point is 00:29:27 I found out that he needed a rampac to make it work, right? Looking in the thing and it's saying, and make sure you put your rampack in the back. And I was like, oh, where's the rampack? I mean, Dad's going, I don't know, I've got you the main bit, that's it. So, was that wound up, I just was sick, right? Just sick, oh I didn't feel sick or anything, I just was like, oh God, went to the sink, just sick, because it was that on edge about it. I said, come on, we've got to get one, and my dad's like, Tandy's shut, we're not going to get anything today tod. tod, we're tod, we're tod, we're tod, we're tod, we're tod, we're today, we're th. thin, we're thin, we're today, we're just, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm just like, I'm just just just just just just just, that's that's just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just, just, just, just, just just, just, I'm just, just just, I's just, I's just, I's just, I's just, I's just, I's just, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, t, t, t, t. I. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t t tt t tttttttoday, just, just That was after the year when my train set got blown up by our kid Following year no rampac And now you asked me why don't I get good presents? He's scarred He's just just throw I'm gonna die honestly I'm gonna die. Yeah, it's just green pack. Yeah, no rampag. What did you get to the bottom? What was not? Oh? Oh, the the the the th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the train, the train, the the train, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the train, train, train, train, train, train, train, train, train, train set train set, train set, train set, train set, train set, train set, train, train, train, train, train, train, the get to the bottom of it? Why wasn't there a ram-pack?

Starting point is 00:30:26 You have to buy him separate. Oh, okay. What do you mean I can't play frogger? Oh, no. So, um, there wasn't there another incident when you threw up? Spontaneously threw up. Through sheer anxiety. Oh, I do get it. I've relaxed a bit, but as a kid I used to be quite on edge all the time with certain things.

Starting point is 00:30:45 Do you think that's what happened to your cat? The wind kept being sick, that it didn't get the food it wanted and it just threw up. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah. God, so they shaved it. Yeah, but again, youing about the cat. Your mother once told you not to go to school because it was windy, Carl. It was not a normal upbringing. The cat was being sick so she shaved it, so it was easier to clean.

Starting point is 00:31:12 Well, my mom and dad went on holiday, right? And I stayed at the Rosses in the house, I had a lot of energy as a kid. What the Rosses did, they had this cat that was dead violent, the most violent sort of angry cat I have ever witnessed. A tiger? It was, honestly Steve, if it was bigger it would have been because it was just always having to go at you. If you went to part on the head, it went to bite you and stuff and what they used to do with it to stop me running around I'd sort of be running around and then I'd get a bit tired and

Starting point is 00:31:47 they'd say I have a lie down on the city so I'd lie down on the city and I'd nod off and what they used to do I'd wake up and I've put the cat on me right so I'd be scared to move because it's like it's gonna get me the they to to to to to to the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they to they they to to to to to to to to to to to to they I'd to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'd they I I'd they I'd they I'd they I'd they I'd they I'd they I'd try try I'd try try I'd try try try I'd try try I'd try try to to to to to to to to to. But it would keep you there? It kept me there and it used to sort of slavour on me and they'd sort of you know go out or whatever and I'll be lying there. That's not normal is it? Carl, sorry were you created by the brother's grin from one of their fairy tales? What kind of life is that? What kind of life is that? A cat paperweight to keep car in place? A their their their their to to to to keep a to to keep a their their to to their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. to to keep to keep to keep th. th. th. to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And. And in place. He keeps blowing around. It's windy. We'll have to weigh him down. Be careful. Your mom probably told him that it's a windy day. You've got to kept some of heavy on him. Otherwise he just gets blown into the road. God.

Starting point is 00:32:36 Bless him. Carl, let's just hear your thing once more. Give you people a final chance. All right, here we go. H. This is all this I need this chippin'a Rikhi dot javays at XFM.co. thou-k Can't stop the spirits when I need you. This life is more than just a read through.

Starting point is 00:33:04 Ooh, those chili peppers are quite hot. Can't stop XFM 104. I'm Ricky Joveys. With me Steve Matchin and Carl Pilkerton. Carl, you know what the time is? Bong. Monkey News. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:21 Uh, right. Imagine if Trevor McDonald started like this. Yeah. There's been a lot of stuff going on on that with monkeys. Oh yeah. I've also, I was mentioning earlier, we sort of making the groacher, the feature grow a bit, right? So I'm thinking, I haven't told you Steve either. I've actually been asked to write a thing about monkeys. A poem? No, no for a magazine called Something Apes. Right. They want me to do like a column, 500 words. About monkeys? Anything. What are you going to write?

Starting point is 00:33:59 Don't I? You know, think about it. Well give the type of wire. I can't when it's changed me eventually. Yeah. You could write about that? Well, you don't? No, no? No, no? No, no? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No. No, no. No. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, th. th th th th th th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. No, th. No, th. No, th. know, think about it. Well, give them a typewriter, I can't put up with Shakespeare eventually. Yeah. You could write about that? Why don't you write about that? You don't, the fact that you don't believe it? You don't believe that an infinite number of monkeys could type because you want Shakespeare?

Starting point is 00:34:14 Because you reckon most of their spelling, exactly. It wouldn't happen. You're the, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You can't, you, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, you, you, you, you, you, right, you, you, you, you, right. Well. Well. Well. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You, you, you, you, you. You. You. You. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. Right, th. Right, th. Right, th. Right, right, th. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Right, right. You's been a few things but one that springs to mind is the found a load of monkeys somewhere. This is brilliant. I mean imagine this if this was news. Go on. Where? Somewhere? I think it was in... 17th century? Uh, it doesn't matter that bit, right? Okay. Find a load of monkeys that are having a good chat. Go on. They're having a good chat, all right. But if our monkeys that can talk, about, they've worked out, they've got about 534 different words that they're using.

Starting point is 00:35:03 To like have a chat about stuff. More than you? Yeah, what are they chat about then? Just, you know, things that that that that monkeys that that monkeys that that that monkeys that that that monkeys that that that that that that that are that monkeys that are that are that monkeys that are that monkeys that are that monkeys that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that monkeys that are that are that monkeys that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that are that they're using to like have a chat about. More than you? Yeah, what do they chat about then? Just you know, things that monkeys are worrying about. You know, where do you get that from? You know? You know? You're going out with her again, oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:19 Have you seen that? Sorry, you can't just intued to know what else? Is there any? I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... I... Well, I... We... We... We... We... We... We... We... We... We... We're... We're... We're... We're... We're... that... that... that... th. that... th. th... th... that... that... th... th... th... that... What. that... th... What... What... What... What... What... What... What... th... th... th... th... th.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................a....a....a?...a....a.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that...a. Yeah. to...a. Yeah. Yeah.. that...a.. Yeah.. that...a. What. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. i just intrigued to know what else is there any were they were they discussing the Humanzi did you see that program on channel 5 yeah yeah he can walk up right yeah but did you see how well do they taught them they taught them they taught they taught them themselves this language yeah where Not sign language. It's in some jungle somewhere. They found these monkeys. He heard some, you know, some explorers over there cutting through the woods and that. And he heard his name and he saw, that's what, he went, what do you want, it wasn't me, I didn't say, I didn't say, I didn't say, I didn't say, I didn't say, well, you know, I'm the thinn't, where th....... Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well... Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well, well. Well. Well, well. Well, well. Well, well, well. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, he. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, well, well, well, well, well, well, it? No, it's not weird, it's not true.

Starting point is 00:36:05 Right, come on, what's next? Well, what I'm thinking, I mean, that did happen. So, well. Um, and to sort of add to that feature. That's not true. We're doing cheapest chimps. Right. Can I just say now to the audience, if you thought that rock buster, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I mean, I mean, I mean, I, that, that, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I did, I, I did, I, I, I, I, I did, I, I did, I did, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, did did did did did didthought that that piece of rubbish earlier about the Chinese hairy kid was... I'm suspecting this is going to be really not very good at all. I don't, I'm not, I'm just pointing the finger. What do you think of his negativity car?

Starting point is 00:36:30 It just keeps doing it. I just don't think you should start with the name of the quiz first. This is my, this is my only concern. You come up with cheapest chimps, and now, and now, and now, and now, and now you're trying to construct a game around that and I'm not sure it's a proper... Well okay let's what is the game let's hear it right it's about a chimp right? Surprising? I spoke to an expert about them and who was the expert? Someone at London Zoo okay. How many bananas do you think the little chimp what they've got at London Zoo eat a day? Right.

Starting point is 00:37:06 How many bananas is a little timp at London Zoo? Can they call in for this? No, I'd leave it. I'm just testing it out on Steve because we've already got an email thing going on here. So how many bananas do they eat a thii, they'll eat a day? So how many bananas? How many bananas does it eat a little eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eatthe telly, they peel one, they'll just eat a bit of it and they'll throw it away. We're talking a whole banana? How many bananas does it eat a day? Getting angry?

Starting point is 00:37:29 Getting angry? Getting angry? Come on. Well, I'll try and have little monkey per day, over the course of a day I reckon he probably eats 15 bananas. All right, Ricky what are you going for? Little chimp at London Zoo. But hold on, but presumably they don't only feed it bananas.

Starting point is 00:38:00 So it's, so the question is, how many bananas does it eat? How many does it get given? It would eat 15 if it was given, but it might be given, so it's, so the question is... It's how many bananas does it eat? Come on Rick! How many does it get given? It would eat 15 if it was given 15, but it might be given a one slice of banana, 15 oranges, 200 potatoes and some lettuce. How many bananas does it eat? Come on? Five? Five? Five? Yeah. Right. It's only one. Yeah, because it only gets given one. Cheap as chimps.

Starting point is 00:38:26 What? So it's pretty cheap to have a chimp. Right. I'm on your side now, Steve. I don't understand what happened then? Wait, so at the end of it, you always shout, cheepers chimps? What, what, that's the that it? Is that it? Was that the first installment of Cheapers Chimps? We'll have to see what the press say about this. And, and, um, and why does

Starting point is 00:38:50 it only eat one banana? Because it only gets given one banana? Because it only gets given one banana? Because it only gets given one banana carrots. It would get given a balanced diet. Cigars. Yeah. So it's just how many do they give it at London Zoo? I look forward to playing this again. I'm a man we pay. Who is he? Who is he? What is he?

Starting point is 00:39:22 What is he to you? We have not had any successful answers on your quiz, Carl. We have not had any successful answers on your quiz, Carl. We've had people who've got a maximum of four. That's what you get when you put a duck in a microwave. Yeah, Bill with us. All right. Cheers. And so I'm not talking about, I'm not talking about cheapest chimps.

Starting point is 00:39:43 That's safe. That's going that's safe, that's going to run and run. That's really got legs. I'm going to check the press Monday, I can only assume it's a triumph. Exactly, another Pilkington triumph. Yeah. I'm going to give the prize, if you don't mind, Carl, to Karen and Jeff Gillian, because they're the the only the only they.... they. they. they. to to to to thap. to thap. thap. thin, I, I, I, I, I, I'. thin, I'. thin, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'. I'm really thi. I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'. That's, I'. That's, I'. That's, I'. That's, I'. That's, I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I, I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'. I'm really really really really really really really really really, I'm really, I'm really the. the. the. I'm really the. I'm really the. I'm really that's really the. I'm really that's really that's really that's really that's really that's really they were the only couple that got the second answer which was very very good. But they got four today. But they only got four right. The four is the top answer so should we give the answers now? So

Starting point is 00:40:08 play it Carl and then tell us didn't know the second one. There's this very Chinese kid. So the truth was the Lars. Last? That's George Harrison. No. That's Philip Banish. And that's Deacon Blue. Right. So it was it was the last. Yeah. What's the second one? Strokes? That was very tricky. That is hard. George Harrison for Airy. That's all I could get. It was Ari. Ari, Christney, yeah. No. Chinese, Phil Bailey. Chinese war is. Yeah. And Deacon Blue, the real gone kid. There's this hairy Chinese kid. Very, very hard. I love the fact that the normal bit of that, like the normal bit is like the well-known phrase there's this hairy Chinese kid. Yeah exactly. Like like. I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that is. I I that is. I that is. I that is. I that is. I that that that that that that that that that's. I that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I that. I that. I. I that. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that th. th. that that th. th. that th. th. the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. that's that th. that th. th phrase there's this hairy Chinese kid. Like nothing happened there, that's normal. There's this hairy Chinese kid. As a phrase that offers... In fact, you're right, we must have said that phrase 20 times today.

Starting point is 00:41:13 What, when was the last time that was said 20 times? Never, I don't think it's ever been said any there. I don't think it's at worst. Definitely not said in China. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. The prizes they've won. The prizes they won. Red Dwarf DVD. Live Forever the best of Britpop. Marion and Jeff on VHS and the best of Led Zeppelin. Well done to Karen and Jeff Gillian.

Starting point is 00:41:34 I've also seen no proof of this airy Chine thi. Alpine stars burning up on XFM 104. toll-9, Mickage Vos, Steve, Merchant, Carl Pilkington. Steve, you're out of the room there. Carl took a phone call from someone. He's found a cellmate. Right. Not a soul mate. I think one day they will be cellmates.

Starting point is 00:42:01 Because he's just like, he loves everything Carl loves, and he was telling Carl stuff and Carl's face was lighting up. He's told him of two Russian kids in the circus they're covered in air and their mum towels them off because they're covered in fleas. Carl said see that annoys me again isn't it? They just they do something else and the bloke went yeah they should just make money out of being hering and Carl went exactly and he said have you heard the one the three-legged juggler and the bloke went no what's that he went that annoys me as well because he thinks they shouldn't have done juggling they should have done football do you know I mean though Steve what do you mean a three-legged juggler oh he's a m But the other day I was looking in, I don't know, bizarre magazine or something, right?

Starting point is 00:42:46 And it was this fella who, uh, he had no arms. Uh, so you saw a picture of him, his job was fixing watches, did it with his feet. Go on. Well, it's just why pick the most hardest job to do, when you don't got any hands? Crushed grapes. Just why pick the most hardest job to do when you don't got any hands? Crush grapes. Or, do you know what I mean? That annoys me.

Starting point is 00:43:13 Oh, crush grapes! Imagine him being told that he comes into the career's advisory where he goes, now, what do you want to do, heart grieves? Uh, make watches? Right, take a look at your arms. Crush grapes mate. Sorry, you're a grape crusher. Next. Brilliant. Brilliant. I would love you to be a career advisory in some sort of clinic. It'd be brilliant. I like the fact that it annoys you. Here's a man, he's got no arms. He's learned to fix watches with his feet. And incredible talent, incredible skill. He's he he he he th. He's th. He's. He's. He's. th. th. th. to. th. to. to. to. to. th. th. to. to. arms, he has learned to fix watches with his feet, an incredible talent, incredible skill he's utilizing that brilliantly, that's annoying to you, you're angered

Starting point is 00:43:48 by it. I'm only being honest, now you be honest, right? Your watch is broke, who would you go to? You're in a rush, you need it fixing in a rush. Now you need some fresh wine? Be honest. What's this thing that you've been talking about this video? Freaks, right. It was a thing that was banned for like 50 years. I think it's been taken off again, but I don't know why if it's just been deleted, right? It's a quest. If anyone out there has got a copy of Freaks on DVD or VHS. Can Carl borrow it please? I just, I

Starting point is 00:44:27 mean I almost want to set up a camera to see him watching it. It's absolutely real. They use people in the circus of the time. I think it's the 20s or 30s of the depression. And there's people, there's cone heads, there's a bearded lady, all genuine. There's a bloke they call the human slug who's got no arms and no legs, Carl, and is just there and he rolls a cigarette and lights it with his mouth. I think I've seen his brother who isn't called the human slug is called the pillow. How did you make a living? Does anyone want a meat car for money? The annoying thing was right, there was a picture of him was going to put on our... I think I've seen his brother.

Starting point is 00:45:20 On our website we've put things up like this, right? If you go to Ricky.Docchivace at X7.k.k.k.k.k.k.k..k. I was going to thk. I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I think. I th. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. th. th. th. I've. th. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. we've put things up like this right if you go to Ricky.govase at X-Fend.cold UK forward slash what you put things like that on my website it's not to do with me I want people to know that that website is not kept or looked at by me so I don't what have you put on there there's a fellow on there who's known as the pillow and he's you see I get a bit worried with things like this because we're not sort of having a go or anything, it's just things that fascinate you. And, yeah, it's a guy, it might, it might be the same sort of thing. What's your one called? I bet you used to stare at people with goiters, didn't you, when you were little, in Tesco's.

Starting point is 00:45:58 Or just go, go to XFM. UK forward slash Ricky it is. What's the worst thing you've ever seen on like a human face? You know you know what it is and I don't want to talk about it I can't remember. Have you told me? Yeah. What is it? But go not the elephant lady? Go to the elephant lady you talk about that I don't want to talk about it again. Go to the website and see the human pillow. Why is he a human pillow? That's what annoyed me. I thought it was more of a draft excluder. God. That race all kinds of rules. Buzzcock's Harmony in the Head. Now things are flying here at XFM. People have called in, there is a video of freaks on the way, Carl's going to see that within the week. That's

Starting point is 00:46:51 exciting. That's exciting for me, do you know what I mean? About our education of Carl. We started off trying to teach him about science and history and now we just find he likes pictures of airy Chinese kids and who doesn't who doesn't know true you've got a theory about pictures of freaks haven't you? uh... as you say you always bring things up that I don't want to talk about because I'm really worried that people if you've just tuned in for the first time it's the first time you hear it and we're talking about every Chinese kids yeah talking about the human... Carl, listen, people don't think that you're taking the piss out of those people. They lump you in with them.

Starting point is 00:47:29 Do you know what I mean? They think that you're a freak of nature. So you can say anything you want. Do you know what I mean? Because it's honest, it's from the heart, it's genuine. So don't worry night that I've just I've got a heart of stone or whatever it is. Why? Because I wasn't crying at comic relief. I know I'll allow us this to say to her, get out elephant man. Let me watch that for 30 minutes. I'll be crying my art out. Why? Why? Why do you care about that but not? Because it's that? That is more real, that is more real? That is more real that is more real that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that is more real, that, that is more real, that is more that, that is more that is more that, that, that, that is more that is more that is more that is more is more that is more is more, that is more, that is more, that is more, that is more, that is more, that is more that is more that is more that is more that is more that is more that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real, that is more real in it right? Think of John Merrick. Sorry, sorry, what the film starring John Hurt

Starting point is 00:48:06 is more real than footage of starving people in Africa? No, but what I'm saying is, think about, see this is why I didn't want to bring it up because people are going to just say... We're allowed to cry at what you like, people can't have you for not crying someone and cry at them. Imagine, imagine that, like, if you've seen the film, you know, his heads all, you know, messed up on that. Yeah. It's getting picked on all the time. Yeah. It's just really, really sad.

Starting point is 00:48:36 Whereas, you know, we're trying to help people. But you give him a ban and he forgets it. Do you know what I mean though? He never forgets Rick. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh God. We're giving away stuff again. Yeah. Um, time for...

Starting point is 00:48:56 Tell you a theory about their picture taken. No, I'd leave it. No, I'd leave it. Can I tell you what this is? Go on quickly. What is it? Right. When he sees a little picture, like in his books he's got, he carries round those things, right? And there's like a fellow with a little ed with some like, everybody people. He goes, the only reason, he must know the only reason they've got to take that picture,

Starting point is 00:49:17 right? their tho's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. That's what that's his theory. Yeah, so every picture of a freak they're being... Steve, let me describe the picture to you. This little fellow with a little head, right? Play not on the piano. I've seen it. All his family stood around and mates and that. When have you ever seen a picture of someone playing the piano and everybody wants to be in on it? Doesn't happen? Maybe it was one the the picture the picture the picture the picture the picture the picture the the picture the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th me me th me th me th me th me th me th me th me th me th me th me th me th me to to to to to to to to to to to to me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. Let me. Let me. Let me to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to in on it. Doesn't happen. Maybe it was one of those kind of Christmas cards. It wasn't, it wasn't. You could see one of them was like in a rush to go away, he was probably a plan to go out and he was like, but they were taking a picture. It's oh I'll be in it then before I go out and it was all, he's out of order. Yeah. Do you know the one I mean? Do you know what about the one? Do you know the one? Do you the one? Do you the one? Do you the one? Do you the one? I? Do you the one. Do you the one. Do you the one? Do you the one? Do you the one? Do you the one? Do you the one? Do you the one? Do you the one? Do you the one? the one? I? Do you the one? Do you? the one? the one? the one? the one. I? It. I? It was. I? It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It? It? It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It? It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. the one. the one. the the the one. the the one. the one. the the one. the one. the one.to Cornwall in that little pub. What do you want to get on, do you?

Starting point is 00:50:06 Yeah, right. We've got a giveaway, another prize? Yes, you lucky, lucky people, for those of you that haven't seen it, and do not have the requisite £4.99 to buy it yourselves, you can win on VHS cassette, Panned and Scanned. Billy Elliott,. Billy Elliot the special edition includes bonus documentary, the Billy Elliot boy. I'd like to see what are they really sort of got made that film. Exactly, well it's the hit film Billy Elliot and you can win that on VHS because Carl I assume you have included yourself in an excerpt from the movie. Taking a scene from the film. Who do you play Billy? I'm playing the part of Billy.

Starting point is 00:50:42 Brilliant. And we'll have a question at the end of it. Brilliant. Two. Three part of all way and go. All right, just spin down the ballet. So you're the half where you, what are you looking like that for? What's wrong with Bali? What's wrong with Bali? Yeah, what's wrong with it? It keeps you fit and that. What do you think, I'm inora? You think about me doing Bali? I used to go to Bali.

Starting point is 00:51:14 There you go. She used to say I could have been a professional dancer if I'd had a trainer. I'd be pretty good, weren't you, the tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tho, tho, tho, tho, th the time you, uh, wasn't the time you had win for five minutes, was it? But you've well glided across... Well, you shut up! Well, what's wrong with Bally, anyway? For girls? Not for lads, not for lads, football or... Well, I've done that, yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:42 Boxing or... Did that for a couple of weeks, so... Wrestling? Yeah, wrestling. Yeah, wrestling. Oh, reggain. Bally. Well, don't worry about it, anyway.

Starting point is 00:51:55 Just... Wain, sleep. Is it all right if we make Wayne stays over tonight, he just wants to sleep over? It's just coming over to... Wayne, sleep? Yeah, he just stays over. I'm not gay or anything, he's just... I don't... Yes, you bloody will do.

Starting point is 00:52:19 What? Just because I want me to make Wayne to sleep over and I've started doing ballet, that turns me into a gay man, does it? You haven't seen my village people album lying around. You're asking for a hide-em-up tip. Just joking, just having a laugh. I didn't mean... I've thought there's nothing here, I'm going out. No, I'm now on you, stay here, you look after your nanna. Go on tack! Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:50 All right. Well, there is. What's the question? Powerful. I'd like to know, what was the name of the actor that Carl was taking the role of? Does that make sense? That's not grammatically quite right, but anyway, yeah, who is the young lad that Carl was taking the place off there? Name the actor, not the character. And just the email in, Ricky Dr. Vase, at XFM. You can win yourself. You've got to be the sticker on which has actually got the price on. Brilliant. I'll leave that on so you know just what you've got in you. FOOF Fighters. No it's not.

Starting point is 00:53:28 It's FEDA. Feeder. I don't know what I'm doing now. I don't know what I'm doing now. Why have we got to stop, sorry we'll show an argument then, why have we got to stop at 5-2? It's just the football's on isn't it? So what can we do? We go do a link here and then we can talk here? We'll play a song, do a little... What about the competition? We've got to announce the competition? Well I can tell you right now that that the their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the football's, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, is. is, is, their their's is, is, their's their's their their their their their their their their their their their their their sooomooma''a'a'a'a'a'eruoombou'a'eruoombou'er, that are interested in a VHS copy of Billy Elliot. That's how mediocre that gift and that prize is, Carl. I don't know if you want to learn from that. But I'm going to give this one to M.J. McKay, who has correctly identified that you were taking the part of Jamie Bell in Billy Elliott, so well.

Starting point is 00:54:18 Well done. What film we're doing next week? I've that I I I I've th, I've th, I've their their their their their there, their there, their, their, there, there, there, their, their, th, th, there, th, th, th, there, there, tho, tho, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, thi. That, thi. There, thi, thi, theree. That, there, there, there, there's, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooo. That's, the. That's, tho. That's get the video. What film are you doing next week? I don't know I've got a but been out and bought a couple got silenced the lambs that can do something with right. Right. Bought fight club but it's a bit difficult. You know always always open to suggestions and that so you got any favourite films? What about the 1930s film freaks? Oh? I can't wait I cannot wait for your... Brilliant that be good. Exciting like that? I? that. that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got that? Got the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their? I got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, got, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I've their, I've their, I've their, I've their, got, I've their, got, got, got, their, the 1930s film Freaks? I can't wait, I cannot wait for your... That'd be good. Exciting about that. Why don't you do a film review of that next week as well? Yeah, well it depends if the fellow, you know, if anyone's got it, just send it in.

Starting point is 00:54:53 I'll send it you back once I've watched it. So that'd be good. Next week we'll do, uh, next week, to the told, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, th, th, that, that, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, why, why, why, th. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, why, why, why, why, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, We'll see what the press say, we'll see what the press say about that. Looking forward to that. Do you know like you're always having to go out my ideas? Yeah. Little, you know, cheapest chimps you've put down. Mm-hmm. Again, I normally come up with these because you don't come up with a competition sure. Sure, sure. Yeah, he's doing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their. You're their their their their their their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You're their. You're their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. the they. they. their. their. Rockbuster is one of the most successful competitions ever. Uh-huh. And he means in the world, not just on XFM. You put that down? Yep. Right. What you're thinking about this, right? I was watching Comic Relief last night. Came up with an idea. Right? You get John O'Connell, yeah. Okay. Jono Coleman, yeah. Say Vanessa Feltz, you know, maybe, you know, dawn French because she'd be around for that. And then get them all in a room for comic relief. And what you do, put a cake in front of them. Yeah. Right? And like, you don't feed them and they're going, oh, I'd

Starting point is 00:56:00 love a bit of that cake. Right. It's called Famine Academy. Right? Right? Whilst they lose pounds, they get pounds. Right. What do you think? Play a record, Carl. Well, I love it, again. I love it, Carl. I love it. I love it. Yeah, again. I love it. I love it.

The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E30 (March 15, 2003)

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