The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E32 (March 29, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Placebo, the bitter end on XFM 104.9 I'm Ricky Gervais with me is both Stephen Merchant and Carl the Cayman Pilkington. So you've already got that, that's safe it's only four minutes past. You've got a placebo and you've got us three, so... You're definitely going home with that. Yeah, that's safe. That's not much way to the hospice exactly you banked that yeah yeah now do you want to gamble all that to go on and listen for another two hours well you could walk away now and you're up you're already up right that's really you have not wasted any time do you want to gamble it to go it's it might to go it might to the the the they it the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go to go to go to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the they they they. they. they. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to the to to to to to to the they do? Listen for the other two hours? Yeah. See we shouldn't have done that? We shouldn't have asked Kyle because a lot of them now are already taking what they've got. And what they've got is great Rick, what they've got is lucky. They're loving that they're going

to enjoy that. We have got monkey news. We've got cheap as chimpos simian features. Rick, can I point out of their know a lot of people are making that mistake. A lot of people are thinking that Monkey News is exactly the same as Cheapest Chimps. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not the same ballpark, but it's not the same. They're involved. They're involved. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and Mystique are dropping in.

Let's hope the Mystique ladies are coming in. I want to kick off with a song that is, you know you've got half of those imposing songs that when you're sort of like between 14 and 18 they were the ones you put on to get ready to go or just pose around or be that pop star or think you're on stage or whatever or in the video and embarrassingly I remember that I used to post this like like, to, when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when the the the their.... the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the mst. I was the mst the mistic the mistic the mistic the mistic the mistic the mistic the mistic the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. the m. I was the m. I was the m. I was the m. I was the m. I was the m. I was the m. I was the m. I was the. I was thii. I was thii. I was to thiia'ia'ia'i. I was toea'i. I was toe. I was their. I was their their their their their the stage or whatever or in the video and embarrassingly I dug this out and I remember I used to post this like a mother when I was about 14 right it's his street life by Roxy Music you used to do mine was oops upside your head yeah yeah it was just me on the floor in a bedroom one day I thought one day I felt the other people in this imaginary

post yeah yeah elbowed going everywhere knocking over vases but then I remember that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I was th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. th. I was th. th. th. th. I was was was was was th. I was was th. I was was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was thi. I was thi. I was the. the. the. I was the. the. I was the. I was the. I was the. I was the. I was the. I, knocking over vases. But then I remember later it was Black Lacey's Superman, which is something similar. Do you remember that? That was brilliant. Spray, ski. If you were out there in the radio line got any funny jokes, then call in on it. He made them in because we need some. Oh. Oh. Street life. Roxy music off the stranded album that's why I used to jump around to. What would you have been wearing while you were listening to that? Well, probably Brutus Gold jeans. Classy. Um, or green flash pumps.

Sure. Any socks? Oh, I would have probably been wearing the shirt my mum got me from Tesco's, which was again a Brutus shirt and it had women in bikinas eananas on a sheds long. Lots of small ones or just one bit of little small ones yeah so you know. So, you know, uh, so that was that. A tropy? I did my toy. Did you have a toy with a tropi?

I remember when I was, when I went, I went on a holiday about that time and I said can I buy a jacket and I put his jacket on and I was frozen on the beets thinking they are all looking at me because I look so good and I also had a straw Stetson and I really thought yeah I'm turning into quite a man. Yes I'm quite a cat yeah just thinking they're looking at going who's that dude is he he is he just come from some sort of rodent? Wait a minute, I'm in a bikini and I like bananas. I could be the woman for him. Oh dear.

What was that? Didn't you have a t-shirt or jacket, you wore to university that was pretty classy? Didn't it like some foul language on it or something? What was the... uh... yeah I had uh... when I was uh... this one I was 18, right? The Christmas, or the birthday before I went to uh, university got two sweatshirts, one black, one red, I had bullshit on them. Just done the little about. And the red one, all my clothes, the first wash, everything was pink shirt, all my white shirts and socks of course because I just put it in a the white the white the white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white my white socks of course because I just put it in I didn't know. Yeah. So I was a man at university with all pink clothes except for a rather nice red sweatshirt

with bullshit on it. Oh so again turning into quite a man. Was that pre or post the time you washed your clothes by getting in the bath and that was pre? That was the second year when I was in tied to go and digs out of a halls residence so I had a bath bath the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to pay to wash to wash to wash to wash to wash to wash to wash their to wash the their to wash. to wash. Was. Was. Was. Was. Was to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their their their their their their their their their their.... their. their. their. their. their. their. I was. I was. I was. I was a their. I was a their. I was a their. I was a their. I was a their. I was. I was a the. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was a that was the second year when I was in, ty had to go and dig out of a hall's residence so I had a bath and you had to sort of like pay for a bath you know so I thought two birds of one stone I got in the bath with all my white shirts because I was going through sort of you know wearing a white shirt and tie that sort of David Sylvia and I was sort of David Sylvey and I just rigged around in it.. and I the the the the same. the the same. the the same. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. I was just th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. I was just th. to to to to to to told. to to told. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was just to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told. So. So. So. So. So. I was just told told told told told told th. I was just the. I was just the. I was just the. I was just the. I was just the. I was just thee. I was thee. I was told. I was told. I was just washed myself. It's quite a good exfoliate. So yeah, I didn't do it again because it was sort of not good for the skin, Dan. Quite sore is it around the sort of good noise and street life. Carl? Thoughts?

I just was working out time really. Just, we've got, well last week we had a lot of stuff that we didn't manage to cram in. Which was good. So I'm just looking at, we have got Cheapest Chimp's Chimps or Chimps Chimps or Songs of Phrase. So we have got a new feature, Cheeky Freak of the Week. Songs of the Week. Oh, we haven't Freak of the Week. Incidentally, I should just point out now that someone as Ashley Phillips has emailed in because obviously with songs of phrase, what Carl does for those who have not heard it, he takes a phrase that you might hear commonly on the show and then he uses very songs.

There's the very Chinese kid. Was the one we've seen an old bloke eating a Mars bar. And as I say, as I use he the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is a th is a thus is a thus is a thus is a thus is a th. thus. th. thus. the. th. th. th. that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's is is that's is that's is that's is that's is that's is th. th. th. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. the. A the. A. A. C. C. A. A. C. Ssoe. A. A. S. C. S. A. S. t. S. that phrase. And so he has made some suggestions here, Carl. Because he thinks that the more common, Carl, you're an idiot fool, etc. Perhaps a little overheard. He'd like to maybe hear, Carl, Paul's, I don't know where to start, which is a common one from Ricky. Carl, which bit of that do you actually think is true. And then there's the regular dialogue between the three of us. Carl, well you know it could happen, me, sure, Ricky, no no no Carl it could never happen. Now not ever you're an idiot player record. So maybe some of those you could use next time. Well we get it going then for today? This week we're, do you remember the story about my auntie, the their auntie, was it an anti Noraa, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the th, th, th, the th, the th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, thin, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, tho, that, th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. the th. the the the that, that, the that, that, that, that, that, that, they, that, they, they, they, they, they, they, that, do you remember the story about me auntie having win for five minutes?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, was it? Antinora? She was on a lot of medication and stuff. And I think that's a side effect. So, yeah, she had win for five minutes. I thought we'd dig that one out. The classic line, me auntie had win for five minutes. So I've got loads of songs here. And what is that? Me, auntie, had wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind wind for wind wind for wind for wind wind. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to, to? to? to? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? to. to. to. to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? to? Yeah? to? to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. to. to. And what is that? Me, Auntie, add, wind, four, five minutes, seven tracks. That's tricky. Why do you learn? Okay, so you need to identify if you can be bothered the artists. That's what we're up, isn't it? All right. Okay. Let's go. Come on, look.

Win. Okay. Let's tell you. Just remember as many as you can get because the winner was probably be, you know, it gets five or something. So don't worry if you, there's a couple you can't get because you could still probably win. Go on. Go again. Go again. My number as you can't get. Can I just, can I just, what's the email address?

If they go to X of M.C.C. They can just send them through there and that. They can send them through that way. Which of these is the prize bag? Yeah, don't we get them mixed up? That's the one is it, Carl? All right, so let's see what hot treats you could win. As I get them out, Carr. Do you want do do do do the th do th do th do th do th do th do th. Do you want th. Do you want th. Do you want th. Do you let's see what hot treats you could win. As I get them out, Carl, do you want to play it once more?

Yep. M-me-m. I recognize all them except one. Yeah? Right, let me see what we got here. Oh, once again, Carl, you excelled yourself with an arbitrary collection of DVD. Just hanging around. Again, I'm always interested to know which which th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. to to the to to the to the to the to to the to the the the to the the the to know which which which which which which which which which which which which their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their you, their. I, their. I, their. I, their. I, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. If. I the. I tie. I can. M. Man. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. M. I. M. M. M. I. M. M. I. Just hanging around were they? Just hanging around. Again, I'm always interested to know which of our XFM listeners has tastes as broad as this.

Go on. We've got the recent BBC adaptation of The Hound of the Baskerville. Okay, very nice. We've got, what's this? Is this the, something involving Air? The band, the band Air, I think it's a single at best. This is probably worth having, this is the current Flaming Lips album, so you've excelled yourself there actually, Carl, that's not bad. An X-FM mouse map. Oh, there is common as muck.

Hold on, that's a... You can and put on eBay for £4.50. And, uh, Man Alive. What is that? Oh, no! Carl! Don't give that. No one wants that unless it's ironic. Series 1 and 2 on DVD of popular Northern based sitcom Bread. Buy it, sell it, the game's getting hard because someone's dealing you a losing card. They all had to go, all the actors have a line on that song.

Oh, play the clips again. I really want to win it now. Here we go. I can't believe this hasn't been done before. It's extraordinary. Because most of our ideas have. Ha ha ha ha. Verve, Lucky Man on XFM 104.9, Ricky Javais, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. The emails, I should point out, aren't flooding in on the contention. Nobody always takes time when they go through the website.

Does it? Yeah. So they'll be arriving in a bit. Do you want to play it once more for those that just joined us? All right then. Winn, win for five minutes. Brilliant. My auntie had wind for five minutes. Brilliant. Genius. I sometimes get off at the tube at Tottenham Court Road if I want to look at the record shops before I come into it, XFN. And I always cut through Chinatang.

And every time I come from Chinatown, the same thought always strikes me. I always feel like I want to just gather all the little locals, all the little Chinese fellas, just go around and just go, guys, in what way is this a town? It's not a town. It's not a town. This is not a town. This is not a town. This is not a town.

It's not a little pagoda. Yeah, yeah. You can't just call it Chinatown and tell you it's a town. If I was them though and you do that, I go, I go, what are you talking about? It is a town, it is a town, it is our town. It is our town, it is. It is our town, it is. It's a town, it's a town. Oh no no no no got a little supermarket with snacks. What does it sell? Snacks. Specifically I would imagine crackers? Yeah, yeah. Do you want to buy a dragon?

Do you want to buy an ornamental dragon? If I want to buy a dragon? Do you want to buy a gold dragon? Is it made of gold? No, it's made of plastic, but it's sprayed gold? Do you want to London, I genuinely thought Chinatown was going to be this amazing, like, you know, like, what they've got there is, you'd hear a gong and do-zoo-zoo!

Yeah, exactly. And there'd be Rick Shawls and people walking on those little sort of wooden shoes. You know those ones? They're brilliant,. It just reminds me of, have you ever been to any of those sort of museums, you tend to have them up north where they've got like, you've got, you've sort of sit in a little cart and it sort of rides you through kind of, I don't know, it might be, um, Newcastle, the Victorian era. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then, yeah, can, can, can, can, can. Can, can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. the, the, can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. Can. the, have. the, have. the, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have. Have, have, have, have, have you. Have the. Have the, have the, have the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. Have. Have just be an exhibit. Yeah, yeah. Although their concession to be a hundred years ago is that there's some scales in the shop and there's a horse outside.

Yeah, that's it. That's it. Yeah. The traditional sounds and smells of old England. And the voice were going, of course there was no television. Yeah, welcome to Channotown. D-da-da-Dah-Dah-China Town. Ding-ning, Ming, Ming, Ming, Ming. So it's not, yeah, it's a good point. Is that a piece of traditional music?

Ding ding ding, ding, ding, ding? Is that some traditional Chinese music? Or is that some of that, that's the music is, But are you sure they didn't take that from some other sorts? It's that, it's that pentatonic sky, isn't it? What is it called? What's the, it's the black note on the piano? Right, that's the one I the way to work. A couple of things annoy me. First of all, I think it's bad business just because if you've got a Chinese restaurant, put it somewhere

where there isn't any others. It's a good point. Yeah, but it's also a community. They're not just a theme park for other people. I ended up, I remember going out one night with Suzanne, some friends and you got there and there's so much choice it's that dilemma of, oh forget it. Well really, you're specifically to fancy Chinese. Well no, but when you go to the one with the dead ducks hanging in the window, that's my favourite. It's like normally you put your good stuff in the window. If that's what's in the window.

Yeah. Yeah. And the other thing that annoys me, walking through it today, he's always lard on the floor. What, in the streets? It is honestly, I'm scared I'm going to slip over. It's because all the restaurants and that. But why is it? That's another point. Well it's not, it's not oozing out of the restaurants.

No, but why is it? that's why they that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's it? That's it? That's it? That's it? That's it? That's it? That's it? That's that's it? That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's not, the the the that's not, that's not, the that's not, that's not't know what they do. Careful. Listen, no, but why is it? That's why they used to wear those little wooden shoes. No, okay, let's sweep up. The thing is as well, they try and wash it with water, which doesn't work with lard. It's like oil. Famously, yes. You know what I mean? Even I know that? Yeah, you've sorted that out. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, that. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, they's. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So. So. So, they. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, th. So. So. So, they. So, they. So. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. they. they. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they they're. I. they they they're. I. So, they. So, they. So, they. So. Yeah, alright. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts on China thin, Kyle. Right, I'm going to play this thing again because it is a bit slow today at email. Ah, because it's too hard. It's not too hard. There's just clips of songs.

What are the artists? Email in. XFM.K.K. He's getting annoyed because he put the work in and that one's getting annoyed! Oh! Remember, I think Kevin Spacey and the signed KPax DVD is probably the only incentive to try and have a go with that one. To just think you could win by getting one of them? Exactly. They're coming in now, okay. This is electronic. Electronic. Electronic, getting away with it. Definitely.

Do you reckon we're getting away with it? He's worried now. He's worried. My apologies, if you're offended at my used to wear, don't they still wear them. We've only had one complaint, haven't we? We got that we got from the Sony's that one about talking about the swan's penis. But, you know. Things about complaints is, people complain all the time. It's whether it's upheld because it goes from authority and then they have to go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we've, we've, we've, we've that, we've thee, thee, thee, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, we're, we're, we're, we've that, we've that, we've that, we've that, we've that, we've that, we've that, we've that, we've that, we've that, we've that, we have to go, oh yeah, look that was in poor taste or pre-watched or...

Some of the things you've said on TV that you must have been stirring. Well, see, I've only had, again, I've only had one upheld, one serious slap on the wrist for some I said. What was he say? Can you repeat it? Well, I was talking about, and it was a true story. And it was a thory, I tho, I tho, and it was a tho, and it was a tho, and it was a tho, and it was a tho, and it was a tho, and it was a thin, and it was a thathue, and it was a tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thrown, that, thrown, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thr, thr, thrown, thr, that, thrown, that, that, that, that, that, thrown, that, that, thrown, thrown, thr, thr was talking about this little old man who his daughter was taking his home because he used to fry up bacon and rub it around his to get the dog to lick them. Right and you got a complaint? Yeah. And that was it that's why you got a complaint? Yeah. What's up with that? Well he said it on song to praise. They said it was in poor taste, I suppose. What other complaints? You know, the biggest complaint ever on TV, the most complaints ever for ending on TV, was the

showing of the last temptation of Christ? Yeah. Do you know the second? Yeah, the second was I think Anne Robinson, um, put in the Walsh into room 101? What? Because she didn't like him or that? Yeah, she just said they're going in that, you know. She said it slightly more eloquently than that. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I can answer the people or the place. I don't know. I think it was the place and therefore the people. Yeah. What do you mean yeah? No, you know my mom and dad have sort of moved from Manchester to the Rousside now in Wales. Oh yeah. And it is, uh... Look at his face, turning his nose up. No, but it is pretty depressing. Do you know what I mean? It's just one of them places that... It's like you go back in time and that when you go there. I mean maybe the major city is there, maybe Card if he's alright.

What even coming from Manchester it's like going back in time? It's just it's like one of them places it feels like every day you're Sunday. Do you know what I mean? It's just depressing and grey and slate everywhere. Lots of bickers walking around going on late. Well yeah it's a sort of attitude they have they they they their their their their their their their their their th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's their their their their their th. It's, it's, it's, it's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, th. It's like, th. It's like, their their their their their th. It's like, their their their their thoo' thea' thea' thethis is true because my mom and dad live there and that, right? And they love it, it's all right, it's an healthy place to go when you get older and that. But this is why they don't move on in Wales. Well, I've got to start to make another. Sorry to any Welsh people listening. We're not saying you don't, that, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thaphaphaph. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, their, thin, their, their, their their, their, their, their, their their, their, their their their, their their their their their their, their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, that, that, that, that, tho. And, tho. And, tho. And, thooooooo. And, thoooo. And, their, their, their, their, their, their about the little Chinese shoes. The thing is it's good that in a way that they do do that and they don't want to be like, you know, rushing about everywhere because the way London is isn't that great either is it? Because it's totally opposite here, right? So I'm not having to go. It is a bit dull. I think even people who live there will agree with me. Okay. But like one of the shops that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that my that that that that that that that that th is th is th is th is th. the is thus is thus is that is thus is thus is thus is thus is thus is not th. th. th. th is not th. their is their is their is isn't is their is their is isn't is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their their their their thus is that is that. that. that. that. the is that. the thus. thus. the thus. thus. the the is the the is the is their is th villagey type shop. They can't be bothered staying open for hours and hours, right, because there's not enough people use a shop.

So what you do is, they get used to what you buy and leave it out. And they put it in a phone box outside. They put it in a phone box? Yeah. So my dad's loving that. Once he found that out, it was like, brilliant. But how is that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoom, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, togu. And, too. And, too. And, together, tha. And, tha. And, thi. So, thi. So found that out, it was like, brilliant. But how is that about him? That's brilliant. Well it's not for other people, it is for my dad, because he's picking up all sorts of stuff. Oh no, he's not.

Oh, yeah. It's not nicking other people's shopping? Well, it's not like nicking, is it, because it's not theirs yet? Oh! And you've stitched him up on their their their th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin. thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thi. thi' thi' thi. thi' thi' thi' that's not, it's not, it's not, it's that's not that's not that's not that's not that's that's not that's that's not, it's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's not thi. It's not thi. thi. thi. thi. It's not thi. thi. It's not that's not thi. It's not thi. It is th they're going to think who's like, who is there in town with a mank accent? Who keeps making phone calls and is getting fatter? Yeah. That's I love that. I love that that your dad was excited when he found out. I can't believe that he's moved there. He's retired to this little village where it's based on trust and community and he is abusing it, he's using his scaly mankways. Bloody their lake has no blood again.

There's old women hungry. The cats aren't getting fed and your father is just, I can't, that's obscene. Oh, I think it's a die thief. That fellow from Manchester. I don't even think they've got Sky there yet, have they? They can't listen. They won't know what's. I think you've stitched him right up. I hope you have actually. I hope he goes down for it. I hope he's hounded out of the community like Frankensteinstein's monster. Yeah. Set fire fire fire in his the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th theat's the f' the f' th f' th f' th f' th f' th f' th f' th f f f fie f f fie f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f f fie fie th th th th th th th th th th thie thie thie thie thie thie fief-f-ffiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefiefief should get burning torches, go up to the mansion. Set fire to his cottage. Yeah. Exactly. He's out of the quiet. Yeah. Yeah. Is it come to the streets? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Forget about tomorrow. Forget about tomorrow.

Feder. Right. Listener, I'm talking to you now. Have you seen these posters around with me and Steve on it? It's embarrassing, right? We were mucking around at a photo session and XF wanted to do some posts. We couldn't be bothered to do them again, so we let them have this one. I really comes back to Horner and it looks like like I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, forget, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and XCFM wanted to do some posts. We couldn't be bothered to do them again so we let him have this one. Irony comes back to Horner and it looks like I think I'm Simon Temple or some of it. Steve's alright but we think that Carl should be in it.

Definitely. Carl doesn't want to be in it but it looks like everyone listened to this show for Carl's basically, you know, innocent stupidity and some great tracks. They don't listen for us anymore, Steve. So I think it should be a campaign to get Carl on the poster. Yeah. Well, I should point out that I think XFM are more than happy to have him on the poster. So it's just him? You don't want to be on there, do you?

There's no need for me to be on it. Of course there is. Why not? I've got so many emails here as I'm sat during the show reading them, so many emails saying what does Carl look like, what pictures of Carl? If they go to XFM.Cud at UK 4 slash Ricky, we've got those film bits on there, those video mock-ups where I'm part of it, you can sort of sit on that. That's not'll be too much on a poster. They can only take him so much. What do you mean? They're taking so much? Yeah, it's good with two people. It's enough. So what are what are groups do then? Well they haven't. It's like it's like Ringo Starr is being left off the cover of Sergeant Pepper. Yeah. Or Rutherford doesn't get in looking with Genesis. Exactly. You know, it could be outrageous. Yeah. I'll say, oh, oh, sorry, Tony Banks. You can't be in this one. Yeah. It's just mean, you will

be very, you see you look like the Collins. So you've got to be in there. I don't photograph that well either. You're joking. Is it because the shot? It's a little cuble. the little to say to me, th, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, like, like, the the th, their, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, sorry. Oh, to. Oh, sorry. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, oh, sorry. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to. Oh, you should dispel the myth. A lot of people think for some reason that you're fat. A lot of people say to me, is he fat? No, but that's because they haven't got much air so it looks like my heads big. No, they haven't even seen you. They just think from listening to the show that you're fat. Ask us you're northern. They think you just eat ciped and complain about the south. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the, the, thath. I thathea, that's thath. I that's that's that's that, that's that's that tho they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. they're they're they're, a lot of people judge people on the way they look. Oh, like you do. Hey. If only more people thought like that, Steve. But Carl, you judge people on the way they look.

Yeah, I know. That's what I mean. But I couldn't with me, could I try. to thii. you know, slag me off and that because I don't know what I look like and I quite like that. Do you know what I mean? I've lost. Absolutely lost. Just believe me right, I'm right on this one.

It's best if you leave it. Well we're not going to leave it, we're going to leave it. We're going to get you on the poster. Yeah. I mainly have the scenes footage and I've got a, you've seen it. I feel a bit of Carl on there isn't it? Yes, great, it's lovely. He can't believe it. He said, is it playing slow? Because he's so slow when I come into the office going, all right?

That's how you talk. I'm the with it. I just think that if we're willing to, to, if Ricky's willing to use his celebrity profile for the sake of the show, I'm willing to look like, you know, let's say a fairly handsome kind of cool customer, I think at least, the very least, Carly's that you appear on there as well. You could dress up. Are you worried that you'll look the worst out of all three of us? Who am I standing next to Steve? I'm fairly confident. Yeah. I don't the way. It's so predictable. You pull the string because you know what it is.

It's not... You pull the string? I know. Oh, what we're talking about for? Oh, so, yeah. You know the most complaints ever, the last uptation of asen of Christ? I haven't seen it. Um, what is it, it scores Aze in it? It's my own Scorsesey and I, I've bought the film actually recently because I was intrigued to see it, but I've not actually watched it, but from what I understand, the reason that it was so outrageous is that it would be the cross but lived his life as a human being, part of which is him having sex. And so I think that was chiefly what the outrage was, that was what the the outrage was that was

what the outrage was that was showing this godly man to be, you know, as human as well. You know, as he was, you know, as he was a human, because he was supposed to be human I haven't seen the film. You see him? Do you see him having sex I think yes. Although it is an actor Carl. It's not the real Robert Powell. It's not the real Robert Powell. You see, sex on films and all that, right? When I was growing up and I'd be watching, no, just saying an example of this really, right? When I was growing up as a kid and I'd be, you know, watching films with my dad, right? 'd really be enjoying a film, right? And then a sex scene would happen. Right. And he'd go... On film? Or just behind you. In the film, a sex scene would happen. Your brother had to his old tricks again. And he'd get up and go make a cup of tea. Right. Typhoon? That he'd stolen from some sort of telephone box? And like even recently he'll, he thinks it ruins a film. Do you know what I mean? Because there's no need for it to happen, is they? Really? Yes. Why? Sometimes it's what it's

warranted? If the film is it isn't though. Some films it isn't. I think the I and his dad watched together on Channel 5? Yeah. Probably not. the, if. the, if, if, the, the, the, the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And films it isn't. Of course some films it's horrible. I think the films that him and his dad watched together on Channel 5. Yeah, probably not. Is it only on Channel 5 in your house? Yeah, if you're watching, you know, a late night, Friday night, you know. From 1983. Yeah, illegal briefs. A beautiful lawyer has to defend a man who may be a killer, she falls in love with him, but does she, know the real man? Oh dear. You know what I mean though? Lest you forget of course that I... Love Heat? With the bloke that is now in, go on.

You know of course that I, according to the internet movie database, I once appeared in one of those films in the film Killer Image, a Canadian film I believe according to that computer, it's all wrong. It's all wrong. It's all wrong. Of course it is, yeah. Apparently I was in that and I played the role of Kirk. Was it a porn thing? No, no, no, I think it's just an erotic thriller. Oh right. You only had a very small part, didn't you? Indeed. But no, do you know what? Sometimes you don't need to go that far, say like in th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. the. the. the. the. the. that that the. tha' tha' tha' tha' tha' that. that that. that. tha' tha' tha' tha' tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that. that that that that the the the the thra' throooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' tha. And tha. And last temptation is cool. You know what, what's his name? Is it Ralph in the Simpsons? Yes. I draw the kitty cat. It's like talking to that.

Yeah. No, but right, this temptation thing, right? Do you know, often we don't get that many complaints on the show. We don't get very many complaints. And I think that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's they. they. tho. that's tho. tho. tho. tho. thinks thinks thinks their their tho. their their their their their their thinks. thoomom. their their their. their. their their. their. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I's. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. It's they. It's thin. It's tho. It's tho. It's they. It's they. It's they. I'm. they. I'm. they. I'm. they. I'm. I'm. I'm. Ithat terrible to me. Or they let him off because it's like, you know, you can plead insanity, you can go mental and kill for people where they go, oh, he's bit back. No, but was it because they're saying that he was having it away? Or is it because you saw it? What got the complaints? The complaint was the very suggestion that Christ would be a blasphemous thing, not the fact that you saw an act as knob. So what about if they just cut it down a bit and you like saw the little stable door closing? It wasn't the baby Jesus having sex. It was the grown man.

The stable door shut him! Oh, it was the nativity scene? Ah, that is brilliant. The wise men saying, I can't believe we brought mirror, we should have brought condoms. Yeah, yeah, it's the the the the the the the the the the the the their, it's sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, it's, it's, it's, it's sort, the the the the the their, you, you, you, you, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the little, the the the little, the the the the th. It's that, the that, the that the that that that that that that that that that that that that that thate. It's, th is brilliant. The boys men saying I can't believe we brought Mirro. We should have brought condoms. No, yeah. Yeah, there's two for one offering boots. I don't know what we're thinking. This trying consent.

It's just that it's always awesome, right? Should we apologize now to the Christian church as well? So we did the little Chinese fellas, uh, little Wauwishers. anything wrong. No, no. It's like, you see when I was growing up... Staple door, I love the idea that in Carl's world, he was born in a stable, just thought, well I love this place, yeah, I'm just going to stay the rest of my days. This is good here. Oh, brilliant. But when I was watching tele, my mom and dad, I mean it still happens now, right? My dad if some sex scene happens. But what are we talking about sex scene? Are we talking about a kissing or are we talking about penetration and looking at the camera going, you're enjoying this, Pilkington's? What are we talking about? What is it? What is it? What is it? Meet, meet, meet Joe Black? What are we today? Meat, Meet Joe Black? the meat, the tea thrown? Yeah, yeah. the, the, the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, the the the the the the th. the the th. that, the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.... We. We. What th. What th. We're, th. We're, th. We're th. We're th. What the. We're te. te. te. te. te. teat teat teat teat teat teat. teat. te. te.. Yeah, yeah there was good film and then you know it's gonna happen because like the music comes in Brad Pitt's keeping quiet a woman's I'm in him up sure so

my man's my man's worked it out already and she's going to anything on the other side love she knows she knows it's you know something's something's uh so and so you can be enjoying a film and you can be an hour and ten in and then some spidey senses of one of them can go to turn out over and the other one goes yeah right are you sure it's not them protecting you from scenes of sex so that they're what they're thinking is what if Carl gets the idea to have sex yeah that could to procreation we don't want any more like him yeah the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the to to the the the to to the to to to to the the the to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the. the. the. the. the. the. te. tee. te. tea. they. they. thee. they. they. they. they. the could lead to procreation we don't want any more like him. We've got to end the line here. You're sure it's not the doctor? Keep calling out and going, you are keeping away from women, aren't you? He must never find out. Are you sure they're

embarrassed because they're watching sex in with their son? It happens every time, right? There's two things that my ma'am does, right? It's that if if if if if if if their, if their, if their, if their, if their, if their, if their, if their, if their, their, their, their, their, you, you, you're, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you are, you, you, you are, you, you, you are, you, you, you are, you are, you are, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're, you're their. You're their. You're their. You're their. their. t. t. tape. tape, tape, tape, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. You're their. You're their. love and the other thing she always says if ever there's anything on the tele with Elvis in it yeah she goes all like him right and we all know we sat there we know what she's gonna say next yeah so you don't even bother saying why right and she goes he liked fat ugly people he what he liked fat ugly people he didn't always go for like the good looking fans in the crowd what Elvis did yeah yeah right that was that was always the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I I I I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I was thi thi the. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. I th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I I th. I I I I I I the th. I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. the. the. the. I the. in the crowd. What Elvis did? Yeah, right. That was always the thing. I'm sorry, now hold on, I don't know what we're doing now with our live Steve. Right, wait, wait, wait, so your mom says two things, right? She either says, is there anything else on the other side? Or I like Elvis. There's a pause because you know what she's she's saying next. She says he liked fat, thuuuuuuuil the the the the thuil. thuil. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thus, tho. tho. tho. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho, tho, tho, tho. I don't tho's thoooooo's thooooe. I don't thoo. She says he liked fat ugly people. How often does this occur?

Well because they've got like, you know, Sky. There's a lot of those channels on. They like the music channels. So Elvis always comes on. There's either an Elvis film. There's like, you know, a classic hit by him on? And he's got loads of scarfs around his neck. Towels. Yeah? And like he always hands them down to the fat, the fat, you know, he's got a sweaty face. You know what I mean? You know what? You know what? I don't know what world are you watching? What sort of world are you going? And what do you you the you the fat the the fat they they they they they th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th? th th th th th? th? that? He's that? th th th th th th the? He's that? He's that? He's that? He's that. He's that. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, watching it's safe? And what do you mean fat ugly ones? You mean they're in the front,

they're sweating a lot because they're a bit troubled. Yeah, so she thinks, you know, it's giving them a towel because it's like right. But it's really going, wipe your face, you're putting the fat cow. there. Stop th. Stop. Stop. th. Stop. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, that. And, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. And, th We haven't slagged off Harry Chinese kids. We slagged off Chinese. We didn't slag anyone off. We just said they really haven't got a town as such and they wear shoes. What do we say? What do we say? What do we say? What do you say? Did you see that fat girls and feeders program? What do we say? What's on? Oh brilliant. It's great song, Breakdown. I don't know where the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I don't th. I don't know. I don't know. I don't th. We've th. We're th. We've th. We're th. We're th. We're wee. We're wee. We're wee. We didn't wee. We didn't they're they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they. We're they. We're they. We're they. We're they. We're they. We're they. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We slag. We slag. We slag. We slag. We slag. We slag. We slag. We slag. We slag. We didn't slag. We didn't slag. We didn't slag. We didn't. Hey? Well, son Patty first. Oh, brilliant. It's a great song, Breakdown, Tom Pettie. How many other radio shows have talked about Last Temptation of Christ, Chinatown,

Fat, Ugly Women? Yeah. Yeah. In 60 Minutes. Exactly. Incredible. Turing breaks, pain killer on XFM 104. Ricky Joveys, with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington.

I should point out now Rick that the general consensus from the listeners is that Carl should definitely be on the poster. Obviously, obviously. There's an interesting email here. Of course they should. It just says, I'dto see Carl on the, uh, on the poster, especially as I'm watching him on the webcam today and wearing that shirt, doesn't he look like Charlie Brain? He looks just like Charlie Brain from the Denex cartoon. Oh my God. That's it, from now on if anyone ever asked me what, it does look like Charlie Brown. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, th. th. th, I, I, I, th, to, to, I to, to, to, I, to, to, I, especially, especially, especially, to, especially, th, especially, especially, th, especially, th, especially, th, especially, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. th. th. I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm th. the. the. the the the the the the to. to the to, I that, I'm that, I'm that, especially, especially, I Brown. Oh, I just, it's great because Charlie Brown has got that thing. You've got less features than Morph.

It's just a round head and there's human aspects. It's just the bare minimum. When I draw a cartoon of him, it's so easy. Yeah. Ah. The thing is right, if I go on the poster, this is what I'm worried about. Where do you go from there? What do the the the difficult in it. Do you know like before you were talking about the complaint that a TV channel got about some fella putting bacon? Yeah? Yeah? That was me? Yeah. Yeah you were talking about a

faulat but yeah I was talking about it here and they got a complaint yeah. Right. Now he had to do that to get a kick yeah? Yeah where do you go from there? thi. to th. Where. Where. Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where? Where the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their th. the. the. the. the. the. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. te. the. the. the. the. the the the the from there? And it's the same for me on a poster. Once they've seen me. Yeah. And we get sued by the estate of Charles M. Schultz. For you using without copyright, it is the most popular creation. Oh, it's just that if people don't know. It keeps them interested. They don't need to know. They're not chilling every week on the off chance that we'll... They're wondering what you look like. It. It. It the their. It their. It their. It's. It's. It's their. It's their. It's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. they're they're they're they're th. they're they're they're th. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're. they're. they're they're they're. they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. theat. the. the. theat. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're on the off chants that we'll... They're wondering what you look like. Yeah, but the ones who are, it just keeps them. They won't let them down there when they see your picture. It won't let them down. It won't be a let's be a let down.

It's exactly as it should be. Yeah, the chop him up and that and there's a phrase that's cropped up on the show a few times This week we were going back to the classic me auntie had win for five minutes Let's let's have a listen. We're gonna. Yeah, so what you had there is you had the knack with my my my my sherona uh, anti was some manse and some manninson trac? Uh, uh. Antie was some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to go to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the classic. the the the classic the the classic. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the you had the knack with my my my my sherona'er, uh, ante was some manson track. What, you don't even know what it was? Um, ante everything I think it's called, some album track, right?

Then you had Bill Medley, Jennifer Warns, I have had the time of my life. You had, Bob Dylan. Wind. you had Bob Dylan, wind, idiot wind, blowing in the wind was it. What was after that? Four was four, four was a four, four, six, eight motorway, two, four, six, eight motorway, Tom Robinson, yeah, that was a four, then you had the five from Manfid Man, five, four, three, two one, we've wrapped it up with a five star for a minute, something about... Can't wait another minute. So the the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, what, what, th, th, what th, what th, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what, th, what, th, what, th, th, th, what, th, what, th, th, what, th, what, th, th, what, what, th, what was, th, what was, th, th, th, what was, what was, what was, th, th, what was th. th. th. that, what was that, that, the that, that, what was that, that, what was that, what was that, that, what was that, what was, what was,. Yeah, I can't wait another minute. So, they're the answers.

We're looking for someone who, I don't think we got anyone who had them all right, but... Nobody got all seven, although in your little answer list then, you only listed six, because you got, your numbers went out of sync in your own brain. Well, then, once again. I tell you what, Carl, why do, you, you, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th an than, the, I the answer, than, I than, I don't than, I th an th an the, I the, I the, I the, I the answer. I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't than, I don't thananananana. Wea. Wea. thanananananananananan, I don't than, I don't than, I don't than, I, Carl, why don't you next week, at least write down the answers for yourself? Don't need to. Well, you clearly do because you can embarrass yourself. Don't need to. You've proved that you do.

All right, anyway. Well done, I'm going to give it to Paul Tear, P.J.T. to their because he got five of the seven. that signed Kevin Spacey. Yeah you can just email us your address as well and get them off to you today. All right. Brilliant. That's what you're dealing with. So you've done that, you've done that competition, that's been put to bed. Let's have a great tune, Rick and then what else we got? We've got some monkey news? We've got some monkey news. We've got the film thing. Right. What film is the film? th? that? that? that? Silence? Silence? Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. What. Silence. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What. What? What? What. What? What? That. What. What. What. What. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. What. What. What. What? That. What? That. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What. What? What? What? What? What? What. What? What. What? What. What. What? What. What? What. What? What. that? What. that? What. that? That. that? That. that? That. that? That. That. that. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. that. that. it about 499? Is it? Thereabouts. 20th century boy, come on Mark. Some people want a 21st century boy these days.

Mark, Mark, Mark Bollin there. A little bit out of date on XFM1 at 4.9. Look at you today, Steve Merchant, Carl little bit out of date on XFM1-04.9. We do they, Steve Merch and Carl Pilkington. Right, it's that time again, isn't it? Munky News? Monkey News. So, monkey-monkey news. Right, if you're a new listener, this is where we do a bit of a monkey news news. Oh imagine him giving his chance on a news bogo. Like news night review or news at 10 over to Carl Pilkington. Yeah, all right. Monkeys gone mad again. Go on. Right, we've done quite a lot of good stuff. The one that sort of kicked up most of the fuss was probably

Olly the monkey. I love the fact that they're all monkeys, he's a chimpanzee! It's an ape! Well today, right, we're looking at one that's called Coco. Oh yeah, the one, the sign language one. Well what I've read about him is he speaks, right? Oh God. Highly educated. Yeah. Yeah. Photographer. speaks, highly educated, photographer. I love the fact that when he can get to a gifted ape, he has to look up to him. He realizes that he is superior. I love that. I love the fact that when he gets a gifted ape, he has to look up to him.

Yeah, he realizes that he is superior. I love that. Oh. And uh, it also likes going on computer chat rooms. I can't take this any more on teeth. I'm going to be sick. Oh God. Which? Right? That's pretty amazing. You know if an infinite number of monkeys or in an infinite number of chat rooms, they'll eventually type which is your favorite episode of Buffy the vampire slayer. Exactly, Exactly, yeah. Garf Wilkinson, you're an idiot. But the thing is, right, you're saying about the infinite thing again, about monkeys if you put them in a room with a typewriter, they'll come up with Shakespeare. I'd sort of agree with that, right, with monkeys who can't do the other stuff, but this one I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I thin, I thin, I thin, I thi, I thi, I reckon, I reckon, I reckon, I reckon, I reckon, I reckon, I reckon, I reckon, I reckon, I reckon, I reckon is thin' thin' thin' thin' their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thin' thin' thin' thin, thin, thin, thin thinn' thinn' thin thinn' thinn' thin thin thin their their that are boring. Is there a boring monkey? Is there, would you ever have a chimp and you'd go, Suzanne would go, I've got your birthday

present and you haven't have it, it's a chimp, it's a chimp, he's about, you know, about a sort of like a middle-aged chimp? No, I'd love it. I'm talking about, I'd tell you. I'd tell you'd the I'd love the the the the the to to to to have to to have the to have to have the to have to have to have to have to have to have to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a to have a their to have a chimp, I'd have a chimp. I'd to have a chimp. I'd a chimp. I'd a chimp. I'd a chimp. I'd a chimp. I'd a chimp their a chimp. I'd a chimp. I'm a chimp. I'm a chimp. I'm a their a their a their their their their their, I'm a their, I'm a their, I'm a their, I'm a their, I'm a tipe, I'm a tipe, I'ma. tipe, tip, tip, tip, tipe, tip, tip, tip, t No, no, but I bet the monkey would get bored, I mean. Do you know what I mean? The monkey would be bored. I'd be loving it. I'd love to have a little monkey, right? But what I'm saying is... You really would, wouldn't you?

You buy them a camera, it'd be happy again, wouldn't get in time. It's like if you can do other stuff you don't want to do the boring stuff. Forget the typing, forget the monkeys typing, talk about this monkey that's a photographer. No, but we are in a way. I'm just saying that that would be happier. Monkeys that have got nothing else to do if they can't set pictures and they can't go on chat rooms. They're happy to sit in a room they they they they they they they they're happy they they they they're happy they they're happy they're happy they they're happy they're happy they're happy they're happy they're happy they're happy they're happy they're happy they're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy they're happy they're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy they're happy they're happy. They're happy. They're happy they're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're they're happy they're happy. They're they're happy. They're they're they're they're happy. They're they're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're they're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy But he's got maybe a little exhibition to put on. Do you think... Do you know most do you know that most chimps and apes and monkeys still actually just live in trees? These are in laboratories and zoos and things. You know that that's not the norm these these monkeys walking around sort of chatting and riding bikes. Yeah. That's not the norm these these monkeys walking around chatting and riding bikes. Yeah, that's not natural. Exactly. No I know but if you left a bike in the jungle and then came about a few years like there wouldn't be monkeys riding

around on it and a book if you left a bike with a book in the basket right and you went away for 10 years and you came back there wouldn't be a whole new transport system and schools. No. They'd eat it. They'd throw it round and eat it. All right then, so what you're saying is you can't, you see what I think is, right, and don't take this the wrong way in that, right?

Stephen Orkin, right? Now he had a bad illness. Now, I wonder he'd be, I wonder if he'd be as bright as he is if he didn't have that. Right. Because he's had time to sit down and he's like, well what can I do? They've gone and give him a book. And he read it, I like that. Give us another one. Yes. He's got a lot of time on his hands. Now what I'm saying is monkeys, they, they, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, he he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's they. He's they tho, the. He's the. He's the. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he. He's they, that this one here, Coco which I think was a gorilla, right, right? Right, right? That wouldn't have been happy on a little keyboard, just doing that all day because it'd be going well I could be out taking pictures. Sure. Play a record! Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You're an idiot? There it was. There it was. There's the catchphrase. Once more. He is, he's

an idiot! Sure, sure. El Salvador on XFM 104.9 I'm Ricky Javais with me the amazing Steve Merchant and the incredible Carl Pilkington. All right? Right we've done that, Monkey News. Right, let's hit them dead. Let's go straight with Cheapest Chimps, Carl. Well, this will probably finish today to be honest. All right. What if we looked at at Cheapest Chimps? We found out that They ate one banana next, go on do this one, yeah, yeah that's it, brilliant. It was a long running feature, go on. Sorry, can I just ask again, what are the rules with Cheapest Chimps? It's just, you know, if you wanted a chimp, how much would it sort of cost you? Brilliant. All right. Cheapest Chimps, I th. It was. It was. It was. I th. It was. I th. It was. I th. It was. I th. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was a their was a the th. It was a th. It was a th. It was a their was a their was a their was a their was a their was a their was a their was a their was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was a th. It was a the the th. It was a the th. It was a tied. It was a tot. It was a lot. It was a tot. It was a lot. It was a the the the the the the the the the the way to do it. Right? Cheapest chimps, I thought I'll go online and see if I could buy one. How much do you reckon? Six thousand pounds. To buy a chimp? Yeah. Oh no, a ridiculous amount. Where can you buy them from?

What sources? You shouldn't be having to buy them? eBay. What could you mean, Buy a chimp from who? There was this website that was selling stuff. What you could actually have it. What are you talking about? Right, here we go then, right? I looked at it. Here's some of the other animals that were on there. No, no, what, wait a minute. Are these poachers? Are thah. Are thah. Are thah. Are thah? Are thah? Are thah? Are thah? Are thah? Are thah? Are thah? Are thah that? Are that? Are that? Are that? Are that? Are that? Are that? That? Are that? Are that? That? That? Are th. That? Are th. That? That? That? That? That? That? That, that, that, that, that? That, that? That? That? That? That? That? Are that? Are that? Are that? Are that? Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. Are th. that? That? Are that? That? Are that? Are that? Are that? Are that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? th. th. zoos that got bored with them? Where can you buy a chimp? I don't want to give it a plug. Right, go on the website, right? So what are the other animals available?

Right, well, I'll give you some prices with the other animals, then you can try and work out if it's cheap as chimps, right? So, right, a camel. A camel. What do you reckon? Uh, 25,000 pounds. Right, $8,000 for a camel. All right. Sloth. Forty quid. $3,000. Right. Last one. Bangal Tiger. Oh, that's got to be pricey.

$12,000. $1,800. What? Yeah. Carl, this is an awful website. That can't be true mate. That's awful. A chimp. Well, a chimp. Five thousand dollars. I'm going to go with um, $1,000. 55,000. What? Yeah. That doesn't make sense. It's mad, in it? Yeah. But I don't know what the I don't to say what to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm. I'm thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi., yeah. But I don't know what to say because this is rubbish anyway. What's website? Can you buy? Okay, get me a tiger. Get me a tiger. Well, I don't know.

You're an idiot. Postage and packages and... Sorry, so where does the cheapest chips element come in? Well, that's why you're supposed to say it's cheapest chips at the cheapest chips element come in? Well, that's all around the end. Well it isn't, that's why I want to finish the feature. I don't know what, what is the cheapest chimps? Oh, we're not, oh, this is amazing. This is amazing broadcasting.

We're up for a Sony Award, aren't we? I hope they're listening, because it's ours. I mean, it might not. With the features, the features, the features, the features, the features, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's, th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. It's th. It's th. th. th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's threat. It's threat. It's threat. It's threat. It's threat. It's threat. It's threat. It's threat. It's threat. It's th. It's it must, with features like cheapest chips, it's ending because they're not. It's in the bag. And do you remember, do you remember, here's our fleet? Can't stop the spirits when I need you. This life is more than just to read through. Can't stop the red hot chili peppers. I've got news for you boys I don't want to stop you. I love your funk their the warning, no nudity, repeat no nudity at this gig.

I do it like you, I think you should host the whole show like that. It's lovely that. Have you ever done any like DJ, like proper DJ in like in a pub or a club? Because I know Carl Ali's own disco when I was a kid. Yeah, not proper. I had a gig once when I had to, it was two nights a week in the local pub. It's just, it, it was, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I th. I th. I th. I th. Do, I th. Do, I th. do, I th. Do, I th. Do, I th. Do, I th was in a suit case, you know, they're sort of like all in one thing, and they just wanted the same records. They wanted, uh, Rod Stewart, baby Jane. They wanted about a quarter to 11 when they were all drunk. They wanted Don McLean's American pie, which they all sang along to. Of course, yeah. Uptown girl they liked, they their. they they they they they they they they they they they their. they they they they they they they they they they their. they they they their. they they wanted, their, their, their, they wanted, they wanted, their, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they wanted, they their, they their, they their, they their, they their. They were. They were. They were. They were, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're, they they're, they they're all, they're all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all liked, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. They're all all all all all all all all all all all all all, their, th't use to do the talking at all. No, I couldn't. I just don't understand it. I just love those wedding sort of DJs that they have to give you extra information. They can't just play a song. They have to say things like, ooh, all the way back there and the Commodore's easy.

It's all like, they have to play the next record? It's a wedding, yeah. It's like a kind of, there's like a controller of a local radio station listening. He just happens to be at the wedding, thinking, hang on. Hold on, he's played a record, but it's got extra information. Well, I should do useful things at a wedding. Yeah, yeah. Uh, will the overweight aunt in empty, will any eight-year-old boys wearing those tiny tuxedo please slide across the dance floor on their knees? Until they are taken home and put to bed early.

I went to one once and the bloke who'd hired it was to go into the DJ and this DJ that had come with this sort of party, he went to 70s disco and he looked like Woody Allen right and I was sure he used to be a gentleman's outfitters like and he said I want to I want to the 70s disco and he went well I've got bicycle race by Queen lined up I got ELO and I've got Cliff we don really want to blow all my earth, wind and fire before 10 It's like, oh, plans are the rule. There are rules. Will the 17 year old girl who's dressed like Avril Levine Please tucked loudly because I still haven't played anything by linking park Will the 45 girl woman recently divorced please cry now? Please cry now, please cry now because it's clear you're never going to find another man.

Because you used to be a DJ, didn't you, because there is a sort of rule. I remember there was like, you know, what I learned was that there are certain tunes you just do not play early on. Oh what a night for instance? Do, do you never play that before like 11. You want that last hour hour the hour girl home to be non-stop dancing. When would you pop on dancing queen? Interesting, thanks for that. Is there a buffet being served? Yes. Yeah, well definitely post buffet. I remember there was great days. I was reminded, I was was great days. I was reminded this recently by I remember there was great days. I was was a great day as a bit of a bit of a thirty, the tho, thi, thi, I, I, I, or a thi, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, is, is, is, yeah, yeah, thi, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is definitely, is definitely, is definitely, is definitely, yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. Yeah, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, I'm th. Yeah, definitely. Yeah barnstormer. Sure. But sadly no longer than the true. What about, I mean because the danger is you go back to the 70s, maybe you've got dancing

queen, but how many do you play before you come into the 80s with perhaps Billy Jean? Or soft salvely. Soft sounds always a classic, yeah. Yeah. And because there's always now dance ironically to Bombastic? In the vain hope that someone will actually find them attractive. No, no, never liked. I never, I never, I never, I never, I never, I just never liked any records or the hint of novelty about them. They are popular they, they're they're full fillers.

I hate them. I just... I'm not doing these. I haven't you. You've just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th have th have th have th. I've just th. I've just th. I've just th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've tha' tha' tha' tha' th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've them. You haven't done DJ in there, have you? Exactly. You've been singing on the other side of you? Yeah. Have you? Have you? Yeah. And you don't play Dex's Middurners?

Probably. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I didn't plan it out. stole from his parents' bedroom beforehand. Why are you giving away stuff at a disco anyway? Why aren't you just playing records? Because people liked it, didn't he? If it wasn't? It hasn't changed. We're doing this. We talk rubbish, we play records and we give away crap that we found. It hasn't changed, does it? And, uh, see I had some good times. I mean, for people people who haven't been listening all the time, it was called Pilkys' their. their, their, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, th, th, thin, thin, thin, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin' th, th, thin' thin' th. He, th. He, th. He, th. He, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thin, thin, thin, thin, tho, tho, thoooooooo' their, thooooooooooo' thoo' thooo' thooo' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho good times, I mean for people who haven't been listening all the time, it was called Pilke's Making Music. For calling Making. It was like Pilkington and my mate was called something Making and the music is what we played.

Right? And he had some cards made, had some nice blue, glossy cards made, but they were quite expensive. So I used to hand them out and then they said, say no write it down, write the number down I want that back. That's brilliant. Because they were quite pricey. Yeah, yeah, classy, classy businessman there. I think which of Branson used to do that. I think so, yeah. Save the bit of money because my dad made some lights for me.

He just like, he like a box and like my mate making he used to just flick them on and off like the thing and then they'd be in time with the music and that. Perfect. Why have you got to sit there and flip the liber the like, I love it. We got a sound to light system. What's his name? Yeah. Brilliant. Right. So, that's the name. that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the. the the the the thi. the the the the the thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. the. Right, so... Did you ever rent him out? Well, we never had any disasters right, but we mate did one, right? I don't know if it's that funny really, but it... I don't know that to tell you anyway, right? He was doing this gig and it was probably one of the biggest gigs, like, that he ever had. Must have been a couple of hundred people there.

And, um, in like a big, sort of warehouse thing. Anyway for some reason there was some problem with a big speaker that fell, right? So the police turn up and stuff. And they try to control the night and they're going, can everyone sit down? Can we try to control it, can you sit down? So anyway, you get a few like little groups of people sitting down on the floor and people are sitting down and people are more people are sort of sitting down. It's going on for about 20-odd minutes, right? Will you please sit down and it gets this point when there's just one lad stood up in the middle? And he's going, look, you're ruining it for everyone. Will you sit down and it goes, the lad he goes, ah, the lad standing up has got calipers on his legs. Can we have a round of applause for the kid?

Who said that? It was this lad who was doing the DJ. He was DJ. So like they kept the police and everything were saying, well you sit down and you're ruining it for everyone else. Dear, you know the quick way to say that would have been playing such as a house. Yeah, who's going to sit down? Yeah. But most of mine were, I had good nights, always got re-bucked and stuff and... I had a bunch of venture scouts and mental ones, had a food fight.

What was it? Why have planned to venture scouts for? Well, we got booked by everyone, Rick. We started with weddings and local, you know, thinks, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their good nights. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their. Good night night night night to their. Good. Good. to their. their their their the-a. their their their thou-night their theats. theats. thou-a. theats. Good night to-a good nights. point we played a massive gig in a big tent in the middle of nowhere for some scouts and they absolutely loved us raised against the machine oh they couldn't believe their luck do you know when they say weddings and bar mitzvah do they get a lot of discos playing bar mitzvah is a big I don't know what? What happens at a bar mitzvah? Well I've they they they they they they they mitzvah. Could someone phone in if you've had a little bar minisfer? Tell me what it was like? What did, what sort of, what do you play at bar mitzvah? I don't, I don't know what the occasion is really, it's becoming a man in do have DJs at Bar Mitzfers. Alright.

Oh wait, how interested are you in there? Well, you know, I don't want to embarrass myself one day. Sure. I don't see how you've got to learn, haven't you? Tell you what, have we got time for the film thing as well? Yeah, play the film thing now! No, no, no, no, no, no, let let let let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let,'t believe it, well that. That cure? Yeah. Yeah. Someone. Forest, the cure, on XFN, 104. Wow. Brilliant.

Someone called in, she's been to a bar mitzvah and they do have a, apparently a crap disco. And apparently, what happens? Well, Carl asked, what happens? You just sit around and see the kid who's getting bar mitzvah or the man now, um, given loads of money. Right. And I said there's a female equivalent, and apparently there is a female equivalent of a bar mitzvah. What's that? A bartizzer? Right, I'm just going to add to the list of people we've offended. Sorry to Jewish people. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi. to to thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi, th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the thi. Who's the the the the thi a thi a thi a thi a thia who's thia who's thi thi thi, thi to add to the list of people we've offended. Sorry to Jewish people as well. Yeah, we've got to say, sorry to Jewish people, sorry to Chinese people, sorry to Welsh

people. Oh, fat women. Well, I don't put the Welsh in twice. Sorry to Elvis fans. Animal lovers. Brilliant. Well, lovers. Brilliant. Lovers of Great Radio. That was music lovers. Good, well sorry about that. Apologies to all of you.

Thank you, yeah. And we haven't even had time for, we haven't got time for the film thing this week. Oh, why not? It's running, running tight really. You sure? We haven't done Cheaky Freak of the week. That's a new feature of the week. Let's, we, we, we, let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let's, let's, let's, let's, let's th, let's the th. Let's the th. Let's th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, love, the, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, the, the, the the the sure? We haven't done Cheaky Freak of the Week. That's a new feature, right? That's a new feature of the Week. Let's do Cheeky Freak of the Week. What is the Cheekiest Freak of the Week? So I'm just going to apologize now.

I'll just add to Freaks. Okay. Right. Are you called a draft excluder? Just making up that would you recognise? Yeah. People without arms and eyes? But at least you see the pillow man, what do you picture? Because I was saying to Ricky in the week, right? I'm a great fan of the elephant man. That's his, you know why he said, do you the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. th. th. the th. the th. the the th. the th. the th. the the the, the, you the, you the, you th. the, you called, you called, you called, you called, you called, you called, you called, you called, you called, you called, you called, you called, you called, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you the, you th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I the, you called, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the the the, the, the, the, the, the the, thr. He. I the throu, the, the, the the, you called, you called, you called, you called, you called, fan of the elephant man. That's his, you know that's his favourite freak of all the proofs. Do you know why he said, do you know why he said he said, he said, he said, because you get what you pay for. When someone says the elephant man, you get what it says on the tin, you know you're going to get it. Do you imagine Steve, if you had a mate and you said where you're going to see mate and you're the the hehehehe he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he the the the he he th. He th. He's where where where where where where where where where where where where he's where he's the the the thian he's thian he's thian he's thian he's thin, he said he's he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he's he's he's he's he's heat is heat is heat is heat is heat is heat is heat is he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th th th th th th th th thin, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said, he said and he said the elephant man? Yeah straight away you haven't even met him but you know what he's gonna look like? Yes. That's what I like about that. Erie Chinese kid. Yeah you know what you know what you got?

Pillow man? Yeah lots of good. What does that mean? It could be one of those big things on that show couldn't it? A big pillow like a...you know they're you know that big thing that that, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you like, you like, you, you, you like, you, you, you like, you, you like, you, you like, you like, you like, you like, you, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you're that, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, that, that, that, that, you know, that, you know, you know, that, you're that, you're that, you're that big thing about the fat people and feeders, they were getting up to like 60 stone and that big one. And there's a thing called Fat Admirers that just fancy fat women, right? And uh... You're writing that down? Yeah, sorry for the fat people. And they had blow-up versions. It looked like a bouncy castle. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Really? that. Oh, God- That's people being cruel as well, isn't th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there, the there, there, there, there, there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there. And there. And there. And there. And there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there, there, there, th. There, th. There, th. There's th. There's th. There's thi. There's a that, that, that, that, that-a that-a' that that that that that that that that that up. You just wouldn't want to go forget it. Oh God. That's people being cruel as well, isn't it? Because after watching the program on Channel 4 about the, you know, the fat people and fellas who like them and stuff, there was a story on one of the news websites about some fellow in Germany, right? It was a big fella, must have been about 50 stone and he fell over, right? And I think he heard his ankle or something.

And Timber... They sent firemen instead of like an ambulance. Yeah. So straight away they're having a bit of a laugh. Well they didn't know, they didn't have a winching gear. They had to use the host pipes to carry him out. I think it was Ananova, that news website, they had to use the host pipe, so they made like a bed using the hose pipes. Oh yeah. And had to carry him out on that. And they had to sort of get him into a special the the the thue, thue, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th same when they got to the hospital. I mean that's a bit...

That's bad isn't it? They shouldn't do that. Although, Carl, I'm loving that story, I'm just worried that we're not going to be able to fit in Cheaky Freak of the Week. All right, Cheeky Freak of the Week. Um, something I found on the net. Yeah. Feller who had 27 toes tow to to to still on him. And proper ones as well, not like little stumps and that. Proper, fully formed fingers. He was like... Was he a pianist? Close-up magician? I don't know what he did. He just said that, that is... Cat's cradle, professional. Did you ever work on finger bulbs? He was saying in the week. For the crowd scenes.

I'm now going to do Braveheart. He said about the elephant man. He said, I want to do a thing right with freaks, whether it's good and bad. He went, what did he said, the pro about him is? What about the fellow with loads of fingers or... No, the elephant man? Well he... He said the bad thing is, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the crowd. For the crowd. For me. For the the crowd. For the crowd. For the crowd. For the crowd. For the crowd. For the crowd. For the crowd. For the crowd, for the crowd, for the crowd. For the crowd. For, for, for, for. For, for, for. For, for. For, for. For, for, for, for, for. For. For. For. He's th. He's th. He's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the throude What about the fellow with loads of fingers or... No, the elephant man? Well, he... He said the bad thing is he stretches his jumpers. Ha ha ha ha ha. Well, he puts them on.

And what's the good thing? Sort of... He never gets up and goes, oh, my hair's a bit of a mess today. No. He's always having another bad face day. I'm not the complaint about this head and shoulders. You take him to piss. Oh dear. So that's freaky. Didn't you see an elephant woman in Manchester? Yeah, leave that. What do you mean leave it? No, because it is sad. Oh no it's sad, but I mean I don't know what my next sentence is. It's not a pink pillow it seems. That should be the end. Do they all? I don't need to say anymore people know what she looks like. It's a good name for her.

Did she like buns? Oh dear. It was when my dad was a taxi driver and I used to sit in the front and she used to get a lot of taxis. And he only charged you half price, isn't he? He was a good guy. Well the bad thing is as well with people like that. You don't want to offend them because they never forget. Oh, Carl Pilkington. I was in, I was sat in the front of the cab and my dad goes right we're going to go and pick the, you know, the, I'm not going to tell you the name,

he's just evil. What do you mean? No, no, no, no, Carl. Tell me what he said? No. You've already stitched him up, he's Steve in things that. To be fair, our opinion of him is already pretty low. Look, tell me what he said. No, it's not, I'm scared of what my dad gets, it's the person who's got listening, is she? Well, our headphones wouldn't fit on her. Tell me what he called her. Tell me what he called her. Tell me what he called her. No, I'll leave that. Honestly. Tell me what he called her!

Carl! Just... I want to know what he called him. Right, you're not going to stop this show. We're not doing the next show to me tell me what he called her. What did your father call the elephant head woman? Tell me. Spoded.

How old are you, how old are you? I don't know, about nine. Did you like? So did you expect to see a potato with a dress? He did sort of, again, it's a good name. Do you know what I mean? I had an idea of what it was going to be about. And he said, do you want to stay in the car, take you on because you can't. Through the next week. Come on, man. That's it by the way. Is that ill? Is that all the way? Brilliant. Well let's end with our local dream. Yeah. See you next week.

See you next week. See you. See you.