The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E36 (April 26, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Blur, out of time, on XFM, 104.9, Ricky Javais, with me Steve Merchant. Carl Pilkington. Steve's a bit quiet, he's got a bit of a sore throat. Oh, a bit of a sore throat, murder, all week. It's been murder, Rick. We couldn't work all this week, because Steve's been in... Because Steve's been in Brist. Carl, you's dead new. Right, what if the sore throat was so painful, it was like you've got broken glass and razor blades in your throat?

You can hear now that I'm not even speaking from down in the throat, I'm speaking from the very top of it like that, so weird. But you're right. What? Your hands are all, aren't they? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. th. th. that. that? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th thr. to? to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. thr. thr. painful, even when I was just lying there, motionless, it was hurting. I just was surprised because he got back off holiday and called Ricky and said, all right, and he said, oh he's had to go back home or something and he stayed there because he's got a sore throat. I didn't understand why you can't, like, just go home. I mean, how old are? I don't understand why you got to make your mom and dad's when you feel a bit of my mom and dad's, now I'm talking like you, when this sore throat really kicked him.

So I thought I may as well stay and get a bit of the creature comforts of home. Do you know what I pictured there when he told me. See my parents aren't like yours Carl. Your father would have popped down to the phone box and maybe looked to see if there were any kind of throat rolls. Yeah. Whereas my mom phones at the doctor for the first thing she can, I'm straight down there with my dad. They're snapping into action. They're trying to sort me out. Hmm. It's like absolutely right. He's just like that. It's just because I've gone on holiday with your parents. Well not me, not me, not me, no Suzanne's and it won't be happening again. So, well we'll have more about that a little bit later.

Luckily we've, we've, we've been here since about half leavened, yeah. Do you've been squeezing his head or... No, that's strictly between the hours of one and three. We established that. And I've kept the rules, haven't I? I did practice the grip in the week, didn't I? Yeah, just to say what method he was going to use today? Yeah. I came in, I did my back on pain killers and I was in agony and I got an emergency caropractor out and sawed it out and I couldn't I was on pain killers and I couldn't walk the next

day but I still came in and did a voiceover that was booked at 430 didn't I got Johnny to walk me in because I couldn't take a cab but I could be upright and I had to walk me in because I was scared someone was going to bump into me and I did the voiceover that's that's did that's did that's the voice that's that's the voice that's that's that's the voice over that's that's the voice over the voice over that's that's the voice over that's the voice over the the the the the the the the the the the the they so so some some I was the voice I'm they. I was their I was their I was the voice over I was the voice I was the voice I was the voice I was the voice I'm the voice I'm the voice I was the voice I was the voice I was the voice I was the voice I was the voice I was the voice I was the voice I was the voice I was the voice I was the voice I was the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th was th was th was th was th was thi thi thi thi thi to thi to to th thi to thi thi thi thi the the the the the thi the the isn't it? Yeah but right I got back off holiday on the on the Tuesday right? First day back was going to be on the Wednesday right so I thought well I'll take it easy because you do that don't you when you've been on a holiday the first day you just want to sort of... I don't know straight back into it well. Well yeah but but but it's nice too to you know what I'm to their to you the the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. to to to to to to to to to to to to they. they. their to their to they. they. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. toy. try. try. try. First day's th try. their their their their the go through all them, work out what people need and so. Dots are right? Yeah, sure. Um, so I thought I'll take it easy.

As soon as I got in, I was told that Ricky had been bucked in to do a voiceover. I thought, oh, I can't handle that. Do you know what I mean? On the first day, him coming in, then you just turned up didn't you he said oh I managed to get in a cab yeah yeah he did he did the stuff which I haven't got it here at the moment but I'll find it on the system and I'll play you what he did that he's been paid to do as well. It's all right. Well it's not all right. I had to pretend it was all right when I played it to all my bosses.

Well look let's play that little bit later but now as we're back together Steve would you say the boys are back in town? Yeah. Lizzy boys are back in town on XFM 104. Right we are back in town. Me, Steve's thi's been living thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing thing the thing thing thing thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, the their, the the the tho. the thou. the. the the. the. the the thooooo. to to to to to to to to to to to, Steve and Carl. Carl's on holiday. Steve's been living with his mother because he had a sore throat. I've been hobbling around still trying to keep things going. Do you know why I think I was ill? I genuinely think it was stress. I think, I'm beginning, no, I'm analyzing it.

What do you think about it though, we got, like we live in London, we got the war, the threat of terrorist activity. That's where I live, I'm all right, next one. We got SARS. One. Yeah, but you can walk to work, I've got to travel on the tube. I came in this morning I saw a Chinn this. I was terrified. they're going to be alright I'm not sure Tina is I'm not sure she's got the talent so there's just so many elements that... I don't know you're worried about hearsay. Kim Marsh is doing alright. I'm doing fine but she got out early yeah yeah but you know I'm not sure the rest of them will be you know I'm

just quite emotional I've got to worry about the show I got to be worry about it's you know it's I've the I I I the I the I the I they's th they's they's th th th the they's th th the th th th th they's th the the th they's just th th th th th th th they's they's they's they's they's they're the the their they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they they their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th thin thin th thin th th thin th thin th thin th th thin th th they're thin they're they're thin they're they're they're they're they're they're the family's ill or anything I've just got just because that's the way I am do you know I mean if I'm ill I don't expect people to run about no I've never been off for being ill I mean you were I did a couple of years yeah but that's that's that I've not missed I've not missed I'm the show to the today but I'm still here you took a you to the doctors you know you took I'm you the I you the I you the I I I I you the I you the I I you to the I you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me you to to to the to me you to me you you to me you to me me you you to me you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you the I the I the I the I the the the the the the to the the to to to to to to to to the to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to to to to to took I took I to took I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the the the the the the the the couldn't even walk to work though, that's what I mean. Did you go to the doctors? No, I was too ill to get there. Right. That's how bad I was. Did he call the doctor right? No. Interesting. But it's just that thing, I mean, we were talking about it last night back and wow. Fine. And she said, what's up with him?

I'm a lingering geek. And so though, he's got a sore throat or something. She went sore throat. So, she said, well, you don't know how serious it is. Don't be, you know, don't be a fan with him tom Yeah. And she said anyway, you're no good when people are ill. I said hang on what you're talking about. So apparently when we first sort of started going out the first time she was ill she kind of thought she saw the real me because she was ill in bed and I said oh get up. Of course you can drink the, you can drink alcohol with these.

And I just was like, you know, you make yourself feel worse if you're lying dead. I said, come on, we need to go shopping. And she said, you go shopping, and I said, no, I'm no, because I'm rubbish shopping for food. Do you know what I mean? I'm all right at getting that night food, but once it starts, like, you're dropping the bananas. Sure, yeah, yeah, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're the, you're they. You're to, you're they, you're, you're to, you're to, you're to, you're to, you're to, you're to, you're to, you're th. You're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're the, you're they. You're th. You're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. You make, you make, you're the, you're Because she said way over the floor. She was like feeling hot on that. So I've got a temperature so we'll come to a supermarket and that hang about in the chicken. Frozen chicken section, cut yourself down. Yeah, sure.

And it made her worse. So now she was like, do you remember that? Who's that hot woman sitting in the chicken fillets? That's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the that's sitting in the chicken fillets? That's Carl's girlfriend. She's obviously here again. Even when I was younger, do you know when I told you that I was picked at school to give old people biscuits? Right, yes. Because you had nice hands wasn't it? They had nice nails, right? And then, because I went down a storm. I went down a storm. I said, I said, Bravo! Getting back with the girl. the thii. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, that, that, that, that, do that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that I was that, I was that, I was that, I was that, I was that, I was that, I was that. I was that, I was that, that, I was that. I was that. I was that, I was that. the store? Because I'm into biscuits, so... You know you're stuck. I was talking to my batter. I'm into biscuits. Right? So, um, then, because I was good at that. Right, so, um, did you make sure that they're finished the first layer? Before you're dipped into a second? no rules. What do you want? What do you want? I? I? I? I? th? th? th? th? th? th? I? th? th? th? I. I? I. I. th? I? I. I. I. I. I. I th? I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I th. I was to to to th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I was. I th. I was. I was th. I was th. I was to to to th. I was to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tha. I was tha. I was they're a bit ill rather than just being old they were like ill. I said no, not doing that. Because they're old people.

They didn't want biscuits. Well yeah that's the most. They're too sweet. So yeah. Do you have to dunk him in tea before you fed them to? No it was just like, you know. Did you have to chew their food? Did you have have their have their have their their their their their their th. Did you have their th. Did you have th. Did you have th. Did you have th. Did you have th. Did you have th. Did you have th. Did you have th. Did th. Did to have to have to to have their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. your face. Like a little bird. Yeah. Little trolley, right? A lad who I didn't really get on with, he had good nails as well, so he was serving the tea. And I just had a chat and said, oh, do you want a biscuit with that? Yeah. What about this one? Do you like bourbon? Oh, right. So you weren't just, them because the thing is there's only so many so you've got to handle the situation well. Sure. You don't want too many what in one type so it's like well you've had a bourbon. What a great life they leave. They probably only pay about 900 could a week to stay in that particular home.

And they get a free boob on by a kid with clean nails. So anyway I got found these things, do you know? Yeah, so what's it? Explain this again. Right, so I got back off holiday, the first job I find out I've got to do is work with Ricky for a voiceover. I do a regular thing, I do X-ray magazine, but I'm allowed to make the script, and they said I could, so I did.

So I think things. You want to do a good job? So he rolls up, he says, let's do it then, he said, what's in the magazine? I said, well there's a selection of stuff, this is what you've got to sell. He said, leave it with me. He goes into the little booth, and the first one he comes up with, is this little advert for it, right? Ex-W-Magno, it, right, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, is. It. It. It. It. It's, is. It's, is. It's, is. It's, is. It's, the. It's, to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's, he. He's, he's, he's, he's, lea. He's, lea. He's, lea. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, Dandelier Hall's Picture and there's a free CD with all the placebo and the Donners and Smog and Nightmares on Wax and Alpine All-Stars. Only £3.50, it's out now by it, isn't it? He got a sore throat there? Well that's all right, and he was going, you can't say, we are doing that. That's it. that's it. So I persuaded I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. three. the. the. three. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. we are doing that. I've done one, that is it. That's it. So I persuaded him. He went, right. Okay, we can possibly put that on XFM, right? I'll have to see, right? I wouldn't do it again. And he went, but you need one for capital. Right, I'll do one more for capital, right? Because all the stations advertise the XFM magazine, right? So this is the one that you that you you you you you that you that you that you that you that you that you that thapapapapapapapapapapape, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that is that is that is that is that is that is that is th. that is all. I that that that that that. I've that's, I've that's, I'll that's, I'll that's, I'll that's, I'll that's, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I th. I th. I th. I can can can can can, I can can, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll that. that that. that that that that that that that that that. that that. that's that's that's that's thought would be all right for them. Oh, hello, you loonies in Radio Land, Dr. Frog here.

To tell you about the new edition of X-ray magazine. It's out now and it's only £3.50. You've not heard of it. It's a great music magazine. And you get a free CD featuring bands like Psebo, they wear makeup, but they're the Donners and all grey bands that you're, you'll love to... Froggy here, hello, bye! Rib it, Ribbett, Frog, he says buy it. Oh well. So then, he says that's it, you've had your money's worth.

He's gone there. He's slown crashing. I said that isn't going to go out, you're not going to be happy with that. I then have to get the bosses in. And because I've let him go, in a way it's my responsibility. So I've obviously thought I've got what I need. I had to play them to the MD. What did he say? And justify, well I was sort of thinking if I laugh, he might go, I don't get it, but he finds it funny.

Oh brilliant. Well done. So I was was was th th th th th th I was I was I was laughing. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. thi. thi. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. th. th. th. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. I. I. I. tha. I. I. I. I. tha. tha. I. tha. I. tha. I'm. I'm. I'm. tha. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm tha. I'm. I'm tha. but he finds it funny. Oh brilliant, well done. So I was laughing, he was sort of thinking, you know, Excellent. Is that it? Brilliant. When do they go out then? I think one of them's going out at the moment. Excellent. I think the first one's going out.

Brilliant. Well, let's play a great track then. Is it Doctor Frog? I'd like to see Dr Frog feature maybe on our show more often. Okay. Oh, I've got some new comedy characters. I can't believe well that. You know I love the work of comedy greats like Chris Miles and Noel Edmonds. I've got some really funny comic characters that will be popping and out of the studio. Save them. I'm coming slightly. Badger on the thoo' thrown boy. All possibilities on XFM 104.9 I'm Ricky Javais with me, Steve,

a few new characters Steve. I can't really look. I just said, you know, I mean I know you love Moyles and his sort of wacky stuff and Edmonds and just all the, well I'm going to go along the same sort of vein. I've come up with a couple of, can I do a little, so I'm excited. Okay,'m excited. Okay, it always starts with a sort of doorbell. So it goes there. Ding-Dong I go, oh no, hold on Steve, hold on Carl. Who's that at the door? Yeah. Hello. Oh look, it's Camp David the right queer gay? Oh, hello. Hello, you look all gay today. that's that that tho the the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the tho tho the tho tho the tho tho tho tho tho. tho tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho tho tho tho tho tho, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh tho, oh tho, oh tho, oh tho thi. Oh thi. Oh thi. Oh thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thinin, thoooooooooo thooooo the the thooooo the thoooo thooooooo thoooo tho. Is that because it's nice weather? Ooh, no, that's not what it means. Oh, have you got a girlfriend, Camp David, the right queer gay? No, but I've got a boyfriend. Oh, bye, right? Ding Dong. Oh, oh it's another one. Another comment. Hello. Oh, look., it's Holy Fock the little funny Chinese fella. Right, that's his name Carl. Hello Holy Fock, Herald, right? So Mr. Fuck, you can

call me Holy Fock, right? Mr. Fock, you can call me Holy Fock, right? You're right. Nothing wrong with this so far. I'm sorry. No, no. Have you got a girlfriend, Mr. Fuck? At you? Oh, you haven't got that SARS, have you? No, that's my girlfriend's name. See? Yeah? Oh, just before you go, Mr. Fuck, I've got, um, I've got two things here. I've got a nice Trilby hat that you could wear or I have a lampshade. Right? Right? Right. Right.

Right. I presume to you. Yes. I presume, I presume. I presume, I'm sure. I thought they were. See you later. I thought they were, I mean, I'll be honest.

I mean, you didn't, th, th, th, I thought they were I mean you didn't steal them off Christian No no no no no no no they're original they're sometimes Chris morals has done stuff as good as that I know yeah I know but no these these are all the the the therere the the right queer gay and how the fuck the phone you what all chino what other one? All right, Carl? Yeah? Is that your sort of humour? It might not be your sort of humour. You just should have run it past me before you did it. What one were you worried about in particular? The, uh, the, uh, not camp David.

What was his name? No. Say his name? I'm not speaking. I don't know what I mean. The Chinese fella. I forget who that was? What was his name? I can't remember. It can't be that good so we'll leave it we won't do it again. I'll tell you what I've got Steve. I'll tell you what I'm thinking. Go on. Right. Do you know like TV programs sort of get rested in the winter? Oh no. Who's this? Oh? the the their? their? their? their? their? their? their? their their their their their their rested in the winter. Ding Dong! Oh no! Hang on who's this? Go on.

Go on again. Not now Mr. Fuck, we're talking. Bye. Is that holy fuck again? Yeah. I can't go. I can't go out. They can't go.

Right. Okay, that's it now. the door anymore. thi. Okay, go on. Right, um, yes. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. He's trying to get in. Don't be in polite, Rick. Come on, Rick, he wants to come in. No, it's too late. It's too late.

It's too late. He's gone away now. Right, anyway, with what? With what? With that, with that Chinese fella for a sketch. You wouldn't have liked it. Let's do Rockbusters and see how it goes. I know you weren't a fan of it, but...

Hang on, I to be honest, Carl, he'd disced cheap as chimps. And we know that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that cheap as chimps and we know that's a brilliant idea. Hang on, sorry, we all agreed that Rockbusters was a piece of old toss. No, I didn't. I said it needed resting. I said it needed resting for a bit. I don't remember that conversation. What do you mean it needed resting? We abandoned it because it was a point. It started off as a nice idea, but you've just gone crazy. No, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th and th and th and th and th and th and th and we th and we th and we th and we th an th an th an th an th an than than, and we that, and we than, I than, than, and we than, and we than, and we that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, th. th. th. th. th. th. than, th an th an than, th an than, than't, than't, than't, than't than't than't than't than't than't than't than't than't than't than, than, thananananan't, thanan't, than't,, you, it started off as a nice idea, but you've just gone crazy. It, none of that made any sense.

Let's play record and come back to this, shall we? What do you want to play? Better sugar? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, brilliant. That cheer us all up. I don't know why you were thinking of bringing this back. I'm genuinely worried you that that didn't feature in my list of the best singles ever. That's lovely.

If I can't change your mind, great pop tune. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I think Carl's worried about one of the names of my characters. So I'm changing the gay fellow's name to David Gray the bent pianist. The scientist, Cole play on XFM, 104.9 with me. Steve Merchant, Carl Pilkington, I'm working javays, obviously. So, uh, Carl's just getting a little bit frustrated there with Steve. I've been nothing to offer after being off for a week.

Do you know what he calls you now behind your back? Oh God, here we go. No, it's quite, it's all right. He calls you the professor because of a picture of you in my media. Oh right. It's what you say, he said it... Did you approve it? I didn't actually know.

No, you know what it from an angle it sort of distorts one side and they're taking a picture from a bigger picture I think and so it's I mean like his looking in a kettle and he went what's going on they said he looks like one of those professors of BBC 2 schools programs. I'll take that as a compliment considering what I call you behind me you're back. Yeah haha I say no ain't the professor. Although Carl's looking pretty good at the moment, aren't you? I'm surprised that you, that you got chosen for having clean

nails at school to serve the biscuits. Because I always imagine, when I look at you, I see you as a grubby little child, I see you as a grubby little child, who's always out in the street. I get a good car that's quite hygienic. Because he's a the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't thi, I'm the, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's the, I's the, I's the, I's the, I's the, I's they, I's they, I'm they, I'm they. I'm they. I'm surprised, I'm surprised, I'm surprised, I'm surprised, I'm surprised, I'm surprised, I'm surprised, I'm surprised, I'm they. I'm surprised, can't they. I'm surprised, can't they, I'm surprised, I'm the street. I think Carl is quite hygienic because he's always got a nice little... Nowadays I do. Yeah, nice little top on. But not the boyhood Carl. I always imagine you being quite neglected. No, me clothes weren't always the best and they were a bit warm but were always clean. Yeah. I always imagine your house...I always imagine your house as having and actually to be fair so do you imagine your house has been very much the same always stinking of chip fat yeah also yeah my mom was always clean and so again it was always sort of like clean it was just it's not it's not a real working-class smoke maybe yes it's about of death toll pets yeah and cigarette smoke yeah and chip fat yeah yeah and such a working class smell and look and stench a real working class sort of smell and look

and stench. Yeah. You're talking about me now, yeah. Yeah. Right. The interesting thing is that Carl's cleaned up his act. I'm very, I've cleaned up. I'll have two baths. I don't. I love being clean. I was in waitroes earlier buying a sandwich. I got a bit of a sandwich. I like a bit of a sandwich. I like a bit a th. I. I th. I th. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. Yeah. I'm th. I'm th. Yeah. I'm th. Yeah. I'm. I'm. Yeah. I th. I th. I th. Yeah. Yeah. I th. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. I th. Yeah. Yeah. I th. Yeah. I th. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm t. t. t. t. t. tot. tot. ta. ta. tot. ta. ta. ta. tot. ta. ta. tot. you. you you ta out on a sandwich. I like £2.50. You ever seen any of it? Benjys. He does go to Benjys. I'll tell you what, we go for lunch, right? And if he looks in a restaurant and it's sort of like $6.50, he goes, Rick, I'm not made a ma'a'enda. It is. We have to go to Benjus. He's thus. He gets two sandwiches. He gets two sandwiches. two sandwiches. two sandwiches. to get to fill sandwiches. to fill sandwiches. the sandwiches. to to to the sandwiches. to to the sandwiches. to their sandandandandandand sands. to to their sands. to to their sands. I'a'a'a'a'a'-a'-I-I-I-I-I-I-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-iages. I's their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's go go go go go lunch. I. I's. We's. I's go lunch. I's. Banges. I's. I's goa-s. I'll-s. Bena-s. I'll-s. I'll-s. Bengua-sg. tha-sa-sa-na-sa-sa-na-sa-na-s. I'll-s, I genuinely need more food than most people. I'm like a bountasaurus. It is, he's just grazing all day. So I, you know, I can't afford to sort of splash out in pretamonger all the time with your fancy French sandwiches. I, you know, I like to get a lot of bread from a lot of bread.

So I was in wait a homeless for just too long. And he was really... And what's just right amount of time to be homeless? Well, I think it was personal. You want to get out of that game really, don't you? He's half the point of no return, I think He walked like the elephant man even though he wasn't deformed, it was probably like you were in the week. It was quite unpleasant. And he sort of came up to me and he went, oh and weirdly he spoke a bit like I'm speaking now because of my throat and I was, and I thought if I speaks from him back is he my hand and shook it but he had these cuts and bruises on his face.

The open sores. Yeah and I and he was shaking my hand and I was just terrifying I was just thinking get off my hand let go of my hand and thankfully I have a bow around his neck well he may as well I'm seriously I caught the eye on security I caught the security guy I didn't throw it out out out I the this I the the the the the th I the he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I'm I th I th I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I th I th I th I th I th I the I the I the I the I the I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the I the the the the the the theee are theeeeeeeeeeeeee are theeeeeee are thee are the are the are the are the the the funds to be shopping here. Please help him remove. This is part of the John Lewis partnership. And so they had him thrown out. And you know, seriously then, I was just freaked out. I was just, I couldn't imagine the kind of grind that was crawling across whether it's kind of homeless ways.

Are you still doing your social work? Whenever I can, Rick. Yeah, at least he used to give it the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind to give to give it to give it to give it to give it to give it to give it to give it to give it to give it to give it the kind the kind to give the kind the kind to to the kind to the kind to the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind the kind, I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I, I, I, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was. I'm, thin, thooome. I the. I thean. I thean. I was. I'm, that that that that that that th Whenever I can, Rick. Yeah. At least he used to give it to old people biscuits. You'd have gone, oh, I'm not going to them. Look at them gums. Wouldn't you have, wouldn't that have been grim? Would you have wanted that though, like, old, old, like, old, kind of homeless people? Oh, no, I'm not. I'm not. th. I'm not. I'm not. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha. tha. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. tho. tho. tha. tha. tha. tha. to be touched by some old people. See you later. Cheers. I was watching, the one thing I did watch all week was Columbo, which seems to be on constantly.

I was watching Cumber and I know you're a fan of Columbo Wic. One of my favourite programs of all time. But I was like, do you not think that... I'll tap it, all right. I just thought you're going to talk about in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the about four channels in rotation. But it doesn't matter if I tell you who did it, because you'll find out in the first five minutes anyway. I mean, let's be honest, if Robert Wulms the star is probably going to be him. Or Colt, or Colt, often Robert Colt. Yeah? Yeah, sometimes Patrick McGuillan.

But do you not think that Colom a, I think he gets up and washes but I think he's too often minded I think he's too busy thinking on solving crimes and stuff. What do you think did you think his wife makes him clean his plans down again? I think they're quite a bohemian couple I'm not sure she's really interested in that I think she's kind thir their their their th. she's kind thi she's kind thi she's kind thi she's kind thi she's kind thi she's kind thi she's kind thi she's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind of. I'm he's kind he's he's hee. I'm hee I'm hee I'm hee I'm hee I'm hee I'm hee I'm hee I'm hee I'm he I'm he I'm he I'm he I'm he I'm he he he he he he he he's kind I'm he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind of he's kind of he's kind of. thi's kind of. I'm not thin. thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's he's he's by it. That could be true and she's probably incontinent so while she's ironing his trousers she just just all over them and he goes oh my god she's shatted my pants again I got a way to help yeah yeah so that's that's oh ding dong oh hello it's it's it's David Gray the bent piano player oh oh oh oh oh! all all right It's David Gray, the bent piano player. Oh! All right?

I thought it was going to be Columbo. That would be enjoyed. Ding Dong. Uh, my wife loves you. Yeah. How old? Oh, I don't believe it? Look who's doing it?

Do you want to do rockbusters, Steve? Can we come here? Okay, listen. I don't want to be responsible for bringing it back. So I think we should put it to the vote. You should be email in, we'll give people five minutes to email in, I'll take a straw poll. Do you want to see the return of rockbusters or not? We're leaving it to you and the audience to decide.

Steve, I guarantee it's going them with a bloke in waitroes and Colombo's wife shit in herself so that's the sort of people that you know what I mean? Yeah it was actually it was weird because the waitress guy did ask for my autograph before he was hauled away. So maybe he'sbusters before. They're the ones who probably vote for it. Anyone else who's heard it before, surely they're not going to see the return of that. No one wants to see the number. No, let's email only. We don't want to speak to these creeks.

So you want to see the return of rockbusters, vote yes, if not no. Toad it down a bit, let's not do three. No, he's got to be three, otherwise it's too easy. Ricky that Joveys at XFM. tocko. Just choose the best one. The Seeker from the Who? Brilliant. Classic Rock. to the Sik-F-I I I I I I I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. Thea. Thea. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. th. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. th. to. to. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. Carl Pilkington. All right, well, unsurprisingly, the overwhelming consensus is that people would like to hear

the return of rockbusters. I should however point out to some of the, some of the no responses. Let me see what we've got here. Is Dickie Anderson calling it? Sadly nothing from Dickers. I think I might make him one of my hilarious sort of comedy characters. Yeah, what do you th th th th th th I sort of probably like that. I think. Ding Dong. Hello. Hey, it's Dickie Anderson. Your show's rubbish. Something like that? I mean, I think you should work on them perhaps. You're saying there's not a lot of substance these cuts. I'm just saying that you know once the novelty of the doorbell is it's worn off. I don't think you understand comedy on radio TV, to be honest. Listen to Noah Leibons, listen to Moyles, you'll see you don't need to riff with it, it's just, you just do the doorbell and just say they're here. That's what you need to do.

So that's the main thing. Well so we're going to rockbusters, he hasn't heard it but it sounds rubbish. Believe me, you couldn't be more right. Well, does the office sound good as a title? All right. This is someone else, don't bring back rockbusters. Please can we have more holy fook? the little funny folk. Holy fook the little funny folk. Holy fook the little funny Chinese fella. Holi fuck the little funny You're not pronouncing it right, Steve. I know, I was just a bit edgy there. Holy fuck, the little Chinese fella, the little funny, holy fuck the little funny Chinese fella. Now, okay, alright, well otherwise Carl, other than those few negative ones, most people want to see the return of rockbusters.

So, do I tell people, go on in? Let's go. Are these prizes? Yeah, they're the prizes. All right let me have a look. We've got the new album from Goldfrapp. What's this one here? Oh, I've no idea. The Yardbirds. A new album from the Yardbirds? Hmm. On VHS, Kugans Run, the show where different characters make an appearance each week including I think Pauline and Paul Kaff. Good stuff. Who the hell wants this? Meg Loss? A Tom Baker, Doctor Who edition. And the only decent thing really in the collection other than Kugin's run is the X list, the double CD featuring lots of current indie favorites. So not bad, not bad little selection there, Rob. Yeah, well if you are new, you haven't heard it before, I sort of give a cryptic and then some initials. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow it isn't cryptic. It's like what am I thinking that might or might not be the initials that I'm going to say. That's what you've got to think really, but go on. Do you want to remind them of any, spring to mind? Just to, it was a exploding pet was atomic tomato the kitten doesn't work. Um Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um, th. Um, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It thi. It thi. It th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It might th. It th. It might th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi. It's thi. It's like thi. It's like thi. It's like thi. It's like thi. It's like thi. It's like thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's th Texas. I got my legs wet. Nelt down in a puddle I got my legs wet.

Wet knee Houston doesn't work either. Wet knee Houston, Whitney Houston. Jamaican swinging a fish round. Dtrout spinners doesn't work in the slightest. It's the idea of how they work. So here we go then. Number one. The gingerbread man has only got one leg. The gingerbread man has only got one leg. The initials there. LB. LB. Right. Okay. Second one. These people from the East Midland swear a lot. All right.

These people from the East Midland swear a lot. All right. These people from the East Midland swear a lot. These people from the... East Midland swear a lot. The initials T-T-D. Right? And the third one, have a holiday in Italy. So you've done three then? TB is the initials on that one. So quickly again, the first one, Gingerbread Man's... Yeah, I've got that one as well. I've done three then? TB is the initials on that one. So quickly again, the first one, Gingerbread Mansal, LB, I've got that one, I've got that one, I've got two. These people from the East Midlands swear a lot, T-TD, and the third one, have our holiday in Italy, T-B, email in with not the songs, it's the artist, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, like he said that.

Yeah. Okay, fine. Email only please, Ricky. Joveys at XFM. tho-UK. We've got that going. Yeah, looking forward to contradict your lad, but it's not. We've got a full hour to go on the Ricky Jovey show on XFM 104.9. I am Ricky Javais, the informed Ricky Javais with me, Steve mentioned at Carl Pilkington. What are you doing?

Oh, who's that? Oh, who's that? Oh, it's a posh bloke who doesn't care about poor people. Hello posth bloc. Don't be a... about poor people. Hello Poshlake what are you doing? I'm in my Rolls Royce and I don't like the homeless. Oh posthloat don't be a... You want to do that? Satire? That is satire. Yeah. There's nothing like it. She's political as well. I'm getting in political things. I was showing that foreigners, some foreigners are funny. I got in the fact that if you notice that Chinese people wear different hats to us. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. their, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. That, th. th. You, th. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you th. You, you thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. to to to to to to to thoo. Oh, to tho. Oh, tho. Oh, tho. Oh, tho. Oh, don't wear different hats to us. So that's political in the sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only thing is Steve, right? That is like what I imagine Ricky's house being like when people are ringing the bell. Because they're all so different. It's got a little... He's obsessed with all my friends being slightly different to each other.

I've never understood he goes there's no thread to them. All my mates have got a thread the thring their thring their their thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thr-I thr-I thr-I thr-I's thr--I. thr-I's thr-I's th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. That's like, thi. That's like, thi. That's like, thi. That's, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thi. Yeah, thr-I. Yeah, thr-I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, thr-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm thin. Yeah, thin. Yeah, I's-I's-I'm thin. Yeah, I's-I-I-I-I no thread, there's no thread to them. All my mates have got a thread running through them. I was literally after they walk out of the home. But what do you mean my friends all different? Well that could be, it wouldn't surprise me if I was round there and the bell went and I said do you want me to get it and he said you only opened it and it's you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's at the the the the the the the the the the the their. He's their. He's their. He's their. He's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah, he's th. Yeah, he's th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He'sthen I say he's busy, close the door, bell would go again, then you've got the little gay fella. Gavid Grey. Yeah. And then, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Not really, no. He's met some of my friends and he looks at him in a weird way. I mean some of them are weird. But he's just... Oh the other night, right? He's got a thing about Robin, my mate, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, do he, do, do th, do th, do th, do the th, do th, do th, do th, do th, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do th. and th. And, do, do th, do th, do th, do th. And, do th. And, do the the the the the the the the the they. And, do you the the the the the the the the the th' thin, th. And, do th. And, do th's going, I can't be handling him, he talks too much. He talks, you know, Robin sort of goes, well, blah, blah, and he talks really fast and he's sort of riffing all the time and that, because it does me head in. Why is he? Why is he? And I said, uh, was he? there? theyrown there. And I said, uh, Robin, I said, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin, he, Robin, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's not, he's not, he's not, he's he's not, he's he's not, he's talked, he's talked, he's talks, he's talked, he's talked, he's talked, he's talked, he's talked, he's talk. He's talk. He's talk. He's talk. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's he. He's talks talks talks really really really really talks really talks really he's the talks really talks really talks really talks really talks really talks really talks really talks talks, he's talks, him up. I knew Robin was going to be there. Robin comes in, sits down and goes, hi, I go, all right, Carl goes, Carl goes out, I'm going.

And Robin sort of looks at him, I went, oh don't be stupid, he went, no, and this is in front of Robin who's confused, Carl goes, points at him, he goes, I said, I said was he gonna be here, you know, th..... thah. You know I don't like him. It was unbelievable, it was unbelievable. It was unbelievable, Steve. And Robin sort of looked like really genuinely sort of upset. He goes, well, shall I go? I went, no don't. And Johnny went, oh Carl, he's a lovely bloke, right?

And Carl went, well, no, you know, I'm less annoyed at Robin now. Who's done nothing than you? And I went, look, just have a chat. He goes, no, it's not worth it. And everyone was going, right, I go, Robin's day, he went, no. And I made them stay, and in the end, they were getting on, weren't you? Well, yeah, in the end, you was... I can't believe, what were you thinking, Carl? What kind of a despicable man are you, that, that, that, We all understand that it's a public place. You don't say to someone in front of them I don't like this person I'm shooting off. I don't think I said it like

I said it like. Yeah and he was like I was gonna be confused and he was sort of like sitting there thinking oh do I have one of those typical manks who are arrogant and they swagger around the place like I don't need anyone and I'll tell you this if Suzanne if you ever lose Suzanne you are gonna be one lonely man I'll tell you because you make you make no effort to maintain your friendships. You say these sort of things that he's saying to you about liver puddleyons and I'll tell you what I've I've I've I've I've I've I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've never I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the Oasis Brothers, you know, Larry, loud, rude. No, but I said no, Robbins alright, I had a chat with him. He was a bit quiet of the other night, he was fed up. I said if he's fed up all the time I'd be happy. I said, I said, he's fed up because you just insulted him.

And he said he was all right, he didn't. I said like mate. You are a... I just think you're... The more you're not a good mate with him. You would like taking the fun out of his little thumbs that he's got. Yeah, but that's my squeezing his head to you, isn't it? I've got different mates with different parts of the body. I like to squeeze your head, I like to look at his thumbs, I's, I, I, I, I, th, tham, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thum, thin, to, to, to, to, the the the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like the fun, like the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, the fun, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's that, thi's thii's thi'' thi' thi' thua' thi' thumb, like weird you know because right I was I was thinking of doing a bit of educating Ricky right? Always looking for stuff learning stuff as well as doing another job on that. And when we went out with Robin and... What does this mean to anyone? Yeah. I was telling a conversation about people they don't know. But it's enough in it his name's Robin he's got

really small things right. He looks a bit like a millhouse, don't he? That sums up, it's like elephant man, you know what you get in there, right? Robin, he's got little thumbs, right? So I came in, I wanted to do some research and I thought, I wonder if there's anything on small thumbs, right? I found something. Do you know the saying a rule of thumb? Oh is it an inch? Well, well it, do you know what the same means? Oh is it just hitting someone, hitting your wife with a stick? Yeah, apparently. Yeah, apparently. Well, rule of thumb, you know what that same means if someone says... Uh, kind of, yeah. Well, it just means, a rule

usually, yeah. Well where it actually came from is years ago husbands weren't allowed to sort of clout the wife with anything. What was it like in the past? I know yeah. You couldn't clout your missus. With anything wider than your thumb. That the stick had to be the same, no bigger than your thumb. So Robin could do no damage. Or do you thoo. that it's like it's truncated the the stick the stick the stick the stick the stick the stick that' thi. No big thi. No big thi. No big thi. No big thi. No big thi. No big thi. No big thi. No big thi. No big thi. No big thi. No big th. No big thi. No big thi. No to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thi. No big thi. No big thi. No big. No big. No big. No big. No big. No big. No big. No big thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi.'s wide, he's got a little thumb like a little knob and it's like it's truncated. Because it starts off normal. It looks like he's had his big toes put on his hands. Does he have to drink a pint with two hands? Yeah. And he's dropping stuff all the time.

Can I just go back to the're not going to have any idea, Carl, it's just going to be the past. Yeah. But I know the idea that... I think it's the same sort of day where, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, you got hung for being homosexual and you could shoot a Welshman. But I just have the people, there's people, the thoaks, thoaks, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's their, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I've just the same, I'm just the same, I'm just the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I's the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, I the same, I the same, I the same, I think, I'm the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same, some kind of rule here. I'm all for beating your wife, but let's have some kind of rule. Let's give them a sporting challenge, surely. He goes, what about you can hit with a width of your thumb? And the wife goes, make it the width of his knob. I go, no, no, no. He slaps her again. Yeah, width, fair enough. No petting. It's like you're not allowed to kiss.

Yeah. And I love the idea that it's probably some kind of lifeguard who sort of maybe saw his ex-girlfriend getting off with some bloke in the water and thought, oh, no petting. There? No petting, you can, you're not allowed to kiss. Her. All right, yeah, no one. You're not doing this just because you used to go... Nothing, there's not a problem. Okay. Not a problem, just leave and don't keep. You want to swim, swim, but don't kiss. Look, no, no, no, no, no. Look, no, no. No. No, no, no. No. No, look. Look. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no. No. No. It does annoy me though. I was saying to Rickard the other night when we're walking somewhere. People who take enough drink afterwards. People who kiss and that in the street. That annoys me. Yeah, people showing their affection for one another. No. They can hold their hand and that. Yeah. But it was just... I agree. I agree. I see two people eating each other. they're. No. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the their. Yeah. Yeah. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. People. People. People. People. People they. People they they they they they they're their. People. People they can can can. People who they they they they they they they they they're they they're. People they can. People they can. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. People. They. They. People. They. They. They. They. They. They. They. They see two people eating each other in like in a restaurant or something. Two people eating each other? You know, snog in the end, probably,

yeah. Sounds like that. Answers for rockbusters we're doing and now? Yeah, oh well, come on then. Well, I think, let's play a record. Apparently we've got a bit of cure? Yeah. Do we're gonna go wrong? Oh, it's a fat fellow, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thus thus thus thus thus. thus. thus. thus. thus. thus thus thus thus. their their their th. their their their their their their their the answer. Answer, the answer. Answer, the answer. Answer, the answer. Answer, the answer. Answer, the answer. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. answers. answers. Ans. answers. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. Ans. tap. tap tap tape. tape. tape. tos. tos. tos. tos. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tos. tos. tos. tos. tos. tos.-Dum. Oh, it's a fat fellow, a lipstick. Hello! Oh! Is he not that. A forest, the cure, X-FM 104.9. Good track, isn't it? Oh yeah, yeah.

Going all the way back there. Wow, rockbusters, the results. You've had a few real answers, I hear. So, either I'm wrong or people do think like you. I've got two of them. What are the clues again? All right. First one was the gingerbread man has only got one like. I got that. That was LB. Limp biscuit. Right.

Yeah. That works. The third one that I think you've worked out. the thi one I can't get. If this is, if there's a reason why I can't get this, we're not doing rockbust again. Can I give the answer to this one? Yeah, yeah. What's the clue? The clue? The clue. The clue? The clue. The people from the East Midlands swear a lot. Yeah. Trette's Trent Darby. Right. the answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. The answer. T. T. T. T. The answer. T. T. T. T. T. T. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. T. the answer. the answer. the answer. the the the the the the the the the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. the answer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. the answer. T. T. the answer. the answer. T. the answer. T. T. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the answer. the answer. the answer.? These people from the East Midlands swear a lot. Tourette's Trent Darby. Right, you're never doing Rockwats again. Tiret's Trent Darby. Right, you're not doing it. You've blown it.

You see, you sneak that one in, you... Yeah, but I always like to sort of give two that, you know, you're fairly easy and then, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, th, th, th, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, that, you know, a fairly easy and then you sort of work out the men from the boys then, don't you? Yeah, I mean, if I'd have done a character called Tourette's boy, friend of the little Trinamond and it went, ding-dong, oh look, it's Turet's boy, friend of the holly fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. You'd have been annoyed do you know I mean oh who's you mate do ex boy holy fuck you'd have been annoyed wouldn't you

is that a character from Lenny Henry show I can't remember I can't remember I was Chris Moore's with Lenny Henry yeah one of them anyway the winner the winner lucky old Richard Perks from Birmingham he's listening he's listening to they's got Richard Perks from Birmingham, he's listening presumably on Sky and so nice time I'm listening and that's Richard Perix, he's got those answers all of them right. In fact most people seem to get Terence Trent Darby or Tourette's Trent Darby. Well I think that's offensive. If you want to complain, what's the number?

What's the number? What do they write to and tell them I was a knobbed and shouldn't be on the radio. Last week when I was away. Did anyone do it? I think a few went through. Did you listen to the show? I listened back to the recording. I was, did you get any emails before you listened to the show?

Yeah, when I got in. It was weird because there was like a few of them in a row and I just thought what's happened here? Yeah. And they just... Yeah, because you went here. So, what did you say? I just said, phone in. We had a couple of genuine emails that liked the show didn't they? And I said, phone in, we had a couple of embe emmails the show was great. The show was brilliant without him. But they went a bit too far, did they? What do they say then?

I can't remember. I mean it doesn't bother me because I'm not bother what people say, I'm I? No. Do you don't care what you say, I mean? No, you don't care what you say to people? Poor little Robin. He looked crushed. Oh, whatever. Well, it doesn't matter because he's. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. He he. he. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th doesn't th. It doesn't. th doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't doesn't. It doesn't doesn't doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. He's doesn't. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's doesn't. He's doesn't. He's doesn't. He's doesn't. He's doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't. He didn't even leave him because they wouldn't stop because his thumbs didn't show up. He couldn't, he was waiting there for ages by the side of the road. Do you know the difficulty he has buying gloves? He's wearing it for him. He wears little oven gloves from like Wendy houses. He has to, he has to wear, he has to wear Barbie oven gloves. Oh. All right, yeah, so the winner, Richard Perks in Birmingham, if you could just email him with your address. There was another winner, wasn't there?

What was his name? Actually, there was one person who got all the right answers and there was almost a winner, but his name was Peter Kay. And I like Peter Kay just coming second. So we gave it to Richard Perks. Yeah. Peter K. There we're going to play a record. Radio Ed, they're there. XFM 104. 9.9. Rejoice, Stephen Mitch and Carl Pilkington. Right, Rockbusters. Well, you've shot yourself in the foot with that. So, uh,

Tourette's Trent Darby. Amazing. I mean, what did you think of first? His name and what words you could put in there? Uh, I normally sort of just go through a Guinness book of hit singles and go right who can I do? All right? You're giving away a lot of, I mean you know you're an enigma car I wouldn't give away your workings. I mean because then everyone would be able to do it and what you what you've got now is a gift that people can't really tap into. Do you know what I mean? See that's what that's what Lennynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynynyny that's that's that's that's that's that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's what that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what that's what they. that's what that's what let let let's what let's what let's what let's what let's why why why why why why why why why why that's why why why that's why why that's why why that's why why that's why that's why that's why that's what Lenny Henry and Chris Miles' mistake. See, I've sort of worked out, oh they do their comedy, and I'm doing it now. Sure. Just see what I mean?

Now that, you know, I'm doing it, I'm coming. I think the only way that people would start to be able to replicate a lot of what Carl does, is if maybe they had a severe blow to the head or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they, or they were, or they were, or, or they were, or, or, or they were diving, or, or, or they were, or they they they they they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they they they they they they they they they, and they, and they, and lost, David! Oh, let's have some avarits, quip. Excellent! Steely Dan, reeling in the years. Sorry about that. Look, he's going to put on his little duffel coat. Yeah, well, not very well.

You look like something that walks around forbidden planet. Don't say that. That's the other bit insults. You can say I look look look look like I look like I look like I look like that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that, that's the ultimate insult. You can say I look like something that you'd buy in Forbidden Planet, but not someone that goes shopping in there. Please. The professor. Oh, the professor. Oh, brilliant. Oh, talking about weird looking heads and stuff. Go on. We're doing that cartoon on the internet at the moment, that little cartoon I did a little cartoon I did a little cartoon on the paper. That little cartoon, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the bids up to... Sorry, that doesn't make any sense to people that don't know what you're talking about. Oh, I did a little cartoon of Carl and because he doesn't like his picture in the paper, when people request a picture of us, he started sending that off and it's in heat, and

it's gonna be in Jack and they put on the internet and they're bidding for it, aren't they? Yeah, it's a, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th, th, th, th, th, uh, th, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th, uh, th, to, to, uh, uh, uh, to, uh, to, uh, uh, the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, Heaton or something, you'll have to, the winning show that they win on, you'll have to do a copy of that, so you know what I mean? They get some up for their money, I think, I'm mildly embarrassed. So it's for good cause and everything. Didn't We can't do that. We don't know people. But what I thought was, what about the winner gets to come in and squeeze your head? So they're getting in for just two minutes. We present them with it. Yeah? I'm not, no. What do you mean? No. What do you mean? I'm not having strangers coming in squeezing the head. What's it for charity? It's for charity? Come on, what are you like? It's for charity? It's for? It's for? It's for. It's for. It's for. It's for? It's for. It's for. It's for. It's for. It's for. It's for. It's for. It's for? It's for. It's for. It's for? It's for? the charity? It's for? It's for? the charity? It's for? It's for? they. It's for their they're they're for? So, they're for. So, they're they're they're they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. So, they. they. they. they. they. they. they're they're they're they're they're their. their their their their their their they're their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're think even an ill person would say no, it's all right, I'm not that ill. What do you mean? You don't have to have your head squows? Squows? Squows? Squows? You don't have to have your head squads? All right, let's move on.

So how do they know they won? So yes, I'll just go to XFM. dot the UK. toxxixixixixixixix. their their their their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You. You. You. You. You. You don't. You don't. You don't. You don't. You don't have to have to have to have to have to have to have you don't have you don't have you don't have you don't have you. You don't have you. You don't have to have you. You don't have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You don't have. You don't have. You don't have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have think it's worth more than 200 and you've got some money, then you send an email in saying I'll give you, you know, 220 quid or something. Are you not going to let them squeeze your head? So we get someone here, the art department here, we're frame it up, I'll put a little note of like authenticity, yeah. A picture of us. Can they have a couple years time. This is as cheap as chip. You can sue him then because he ripped off your phrase a little bit, didn't he? You've been done here, mate. You have more money than cents. I'll tell you what, have we got monkey news today?

We might not get to it, mate. We are running out of time. No, we're doing it. we're doing it. What you mean? What do th you? What th you? What th you? What th you th you th you th you th. What th th. What th th. th th th th. th. th. th th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho tho tho. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th. th th th. the. the. You the. You the. You the. the. thea. th'd rather drop adverts. No we're doing monkey news. Do you like... My concern is that if you put monkey news on the on the subs bench it's gonna be like David Beckham. Yeah, you can have his eye wandering to other radio stations. Yeah and look what was, look what he's doing? Yeah, he's off to be remo news to radio to to the to me right. right. right. right. right. they. they. they. they. My they. My my my my my my my my my my my my they. My my they. My they. My they. My their. My their. My their. My their my their my their my their my their. My. My their my their my their my. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My. My the the the tip. My tip. My to. My to to to to to to to to to to to to my concern. My concern. My concern. My concern. My my. My my. My my. My the I imagine if they're listening now, they're probably going to call you. Go, Carl, were you serious about bringing Monkey News to Radio 2? Because the checks open. Do you want a bit now or what would it? Well, I wanted to tell Steve about your holiday? Because he told me in the weekend. Go on. I mean, bad idea. I had a feeling anyway about going away with like Suzanne's mom and dad. Because I've never been into sort of family holidays anyway, right?

Even when you see it, whenever I've been on holiday and you see like families on planes and that and they're all having a laugh and a joke, loving it. And then on the plane going back you can see that they've gone off into groups and like you know the dad isn't talking to the daughter, the da................ So, the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, their, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tooome.e.e.e.e.e.e.I. So, their, their, their, their, their know the dad isn't talking to the daughter and all that business I thought asking for trouble but you know I do everything once I mean boxing dancing going on a holiday with parents and that give it a go see how it goes right so um not your A-levels but fair enough it started off it started off bad didn't it because last week I told you that you know a dad you know a dad to today the to make a the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to told told to told their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to told told told told told told to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th their their their their to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to take some tea bags with us to Madeira. Yeah. What's the best way of packing them? Yeah. Right? So I knew there was going to be problems like that because the thing with Susan's family, right, they like having a routine. They know what they're doing every day.

They know what they're doing every day.'t do what they normally do. Sure. I love it. I love you treating it like an experiment. Just watching them all the time. So the first problem was they've never flown before so I was winding them up a bit. Of course it's murder. It's really horrible. You know playing goes all over the place and a ma'am I had had had had had had had had had had th th th th is th th th th th th th thin thin thin thus I I had thus thus thus thus thus thus thus. I thus. I've thus. I've thus. I've thate. I've the same the same the same that. I've th. I'm th. I'm their their their their their their their their their. I'm their. I'm the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I the same. I I I the same. I I I the same. I the same. I the same. I the place and a man had done some research saying well I've been reading about it and... What, she got a funny accent? More, more people, there's more chance for me being killed on a donkey than there is on a plane so I upset her, I said, right?

When we get there, let's see if there's any donkeys on the beach, right? And she didn't like that. So... Oh what? I hope she died? Yeah. Oh, what's up with her? Right? So we get there. And, you know, they see the villa and that, they're quite happy with all that business,

right? And all that stuff. And then, as time, as time, as time, as time, as time, as time, as time, as time, as time, as the, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the, I their, I their, I was, I was, I was, I was, their, their, their, their, I was, their, their, their, what's their, what, what, what, what, what, what's their, what's their, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's that, what's their. their. their. their. their, their, their. their. their. Right, their. Right, their. Right, their. Right, what's up. Right, what's up. Right, what's up. their. their. their. their. their.time when you go on a holiday with the family. You should say, right, you go off and do your thing, we'll do our thing and we'll meet up later and talk about what we've been doing and stuff. Anyway, so it gets to like the Thursday, we've been away since Monday, right? And I said, right, we're going out tonight. So a ma'am says, yeah, we'll come with you. They said, no, no, it's just us, we're having a bit of time on our own, right? Is it true you said to her, you told me thi to her, you started to annoy me, I want to say, I want to told me to the to'n't.

phet me. Well th. Well. me a lot. Sure. So I wasn't nasty to her, I just were saying people, not her. Do you know what I mean? I'm just saying you're going to get on my nerves. So, um... You hailed a donkey for her. Yeah. So, no, but seriously, right, with the flying, do you know those stockings that you can get because of deep veins from buses? Shed them on in the cab. So, um, so, she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she she. She s she she. She s she. She s she s she s she s she s she s she s Sh Sh Sh Shed. She s. She s Shed. She s. She s. She had. She had. She had. She had. She had. She s. She s. She s. She s. She s. She s. She s. She s. She s. She s. She s. She s. She s. She s, she. She s, she. She s, she. She s, she. She s, she. She s, she. She s, she. She s, she. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She. She, she. She, she. She, she. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She had, she had, you know, so that was annoying me. So anyway, it gets to this, you know, the Thursday night when I'm going out with Suzanne. And a ma'am's like sat on the sun lounger outside, so where are we going to night? So like I said, it's just us, we're going out having a bit of time to ourselves so I could see as the day was getting on she was realizing that she's got a night in with like her husband yeah right she started a face started to like look miserable sure I

thought I'm loving this so I said right I'm going in to go and get ready for us tonight it's gonna be great and winding them up just just they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to to to try try try try try try to try try to to try to try to they they they they they be great. And winding them up, just wind them up because they can't come, because he said they can't. Right, so I got upstairs, have a shower on that. I come down and a ma'am smiling. So I'm thinking, hang on a minute, what's going on here? So I went to Suzanne, I said, why is your mom smiling? She's not coming. She said no but my dad said he'll take her out now. So in a way she was happy because she'd got her own way. Which had annoyed me. That annoys you sure because you want her husband taking her out. Well it's just the fact she didn't want to go out. She was happy to stay in and have sausage egg and chips that they found from some shop that they'd found from some shop that that they'd they'd they'd they'd th. they'd they'd they'd th. they'd they'd th. they'd the they'd they'd their they'd they'd their they'd tho. they'd tho. they'd tho. they'd they'd tho. they'd they'd thoed they'd tho tho they'd that. that. that's that's that's that's that. that's that's got that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their th. their they'd got th. th. they'd got th. thoed they'd got they'd thoed tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' their tho' their their tho' their their their tho' their tho' tho' that's tho' that's that's tho' they're at home. sausage egg and chips. So she was happy with that if we were staying in and having that. Well because we were going out she was fed up right. So she's smiling. So she's going, yeah,

she's going yeah I'm going out now. So I said yeah, I'm going out of my home. So I said, I'm going to go and it's a wa'n't. to go. to go. And I to go. And I to go. And I to go. And I to go. And I to go. to say, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, if tho, if tho, if tho, if tho, tho, if tho, tho, if tho, tho, if tho, if tho, if tho, tho, if tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, if tha, if tha, if the same restaurant so yeah that's right I said I want a night out on my home Suzanne it's our holiday as well. I don't know I can talk to me this is not even his own parents this is someone else's parents this is the parents of the women he loves but but even Suzanne sort of agree with me there's only so much time you can spend with your parents that's why you leave that's why when you're ill you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't that that that you don't that you don't that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th th th thi that's that's that's that's that's th this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the th the th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi this is this is this is this me and you, Carl, is like, not everyone in the world annoys me. Well, not everyone does, just. I can see what, I felt a bit guilty that week when he said I was annoying him, but I realize it's not my fault now.

No, everyone noise him. So, uh, yeah, it was an alright, Ollady. It was good to get back. Brilliant. I won won I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thatting. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thia'a' thia'a'a'a'a'a'a' th. th an, that's, that's, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not. than. than. than. than. than. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Not, not, not, thi. Not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not. Not. Not, not get back. Brilliant. I won't be doing it again. No. And what now would you say is your relationship with Suzanne's parents? Is it a frosty one? Uh, no, I just think they know that. That I don't like to put up for a long time.

Yeah. I mean, when we were packing a man was upset because she really liked the place where we were staying right because it was quite a big villa because there was a few of us it was a brother as well with us right so uh I'm answered I love it here she said I'm definitely gonna book this place again I said it's a big you know a bit big for two of you in it just being sarcy like we're definitely just you're a monster just just just being sorry you're, I won't be coming again. You like, I don't know what you like, Carl, you're just, you're a monster. You're an absolutely monster. You're andustee what, I say, I say that, and jibbidwatt the wibble, and never the were

to slep. You're like a middle-aged man. You're like an old man, you're like an old man, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you're, and you're, and you're, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, ands and a flat cap going, oh that tree's got to come down. Yeah. Puncturing a kid's ball if he kicks it into your garden by mistake. Yeah. Refusion to give it back.

Yeah, gather round. Yeah, there were once Chinese kid as air as that gal, which is weird because there's not many Chinese people that are airy, but this one I tell them. It were back in 1990. Granddad, are you eating a twix? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Well that's you too, with all the other but we've got a little bit short because we're actually running out of time. It's so jammed the the news on the bench and Carl just remembered we've got cheeky freak of the week to fit in I don't know what to do what should cheeky freak the week quickly just throw that away right well it's just like you know

we look at we look at cheeky freaks is this show offensive anyway to some people do you think ding dong got any buns got any buns oh it's the elephant man on. Right well it's a bit of a problem for you this one Steve right I'm trucking it forward to you remember the cheeky freak of the week that we're talking about that illness where people age quicker. The five-year-old girl that was older than her mom and he said to you what if you ran off you wouldn't serve her fags and you went no he went why not and you went because it's a five year old right he went oh she's got enough problems give us some facts you remember

that yeah sure sure yeah right picture this you're running a restaurant right door goes right a few people most of them look normal you know it's the woman at the back crawling on all fours the top half is woman right this is real this isn't like a comic this is th the thi tho- th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the that the the the the the the the the the the the the- the the the the the- the-I the-I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their they the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. they're their they're their they're they're they the woman at the back, crawling on all fours. Top half is woman, right? This is real. This isn't like a comic or anything. This is on, it doesn't mean to that. I've seen it, they're called dog people and her legs

and her legs just come straight down. They're like little, there's been legs at the back, and so they walk on all easier for them to get around like that because they can't stand up because they can't stabilize and also it comes straight out of their hips. Right. So you're running a restaurant, it's busy night, you haven't really got time for any hassle. She comes in. Uh-huh.

Would you serve her? The premise being what he doesn't serve dogs? Because the restaurants don't allow animals in. Right! So it's a dilemma? It's not a dilemma. She's not a dog. She's a human being. Yeah, I put some, you know, a plate of meatballs on the floor and she tucs in. And a little glass of, you know, a little bowl of wine next to it. Ah, it turns around, there's the woman older than... Get away from that plant! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Is service included? Oh dear.

Okay, so monkey news, please. All right. Let's hear the jingle. Oh, chimpanzee that! Monkey News! Right? Now, before I went... Oh, chimpanzee that monkey news.

Brilliant. All right. Right. Before I went away, I told you about Alfred. He was the, he was the monkey where there was a robbery going on in a bank. And then he nicked the robbers loot and backed out with a gun. He sort of stall, he robbed the rubber didn't he? Yeah. Did he take his gun as well? He took all the weapons, he was like a couple of robbers.

He managed, because they were so amazed that a monkey was coming in. It was like... Don't talk, shite twice. Anyway... So anyway, got a follow-up to that. Okay, then what was that monkey's name? Alfred. That was Alfred. So anyway, because a lot of people wanted to know, you know, what did he do? Did he go off and have a holiday?

No, no. So, um, so the follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow-up is, what happened is the monkey had the guns had the cash which was $250,000. Sure, right? It went back to the zoo. Right, Carl, you're talking shut-up. I get angry with you when you won't let him finish his monkey use. Can't we just get that? Imagine if people were interrupting Trevor McDonald? It wouldn't happen. I don't want to make won't let him finish his monkey. Can't we just get that? Can't we just get that? Imagine if people were interrupting Trevor McDonald? It wouldn't happen. I don't want to make sure I don't get anything wrong.

No, of course not. Um, so check the internet. So the monkey goes back to the zoo, right? Where all the zoo keepers hands out a couple of guns to his mates. What? His monkey mates? So they've all got a couple of guns each. Oh Carl, Steve I can't make. I cannot stand it. Honestly, I want to scream. Please, I really get annoyed with you. They tried to do him a deal. They said how about it. I'm going. I'm going. Right. Step out from a... Okay. We'll just do it. Don't listen. Step out and I and I and I and I and I and I and I and I and I. And I. And I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'll the out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out. I'll the the the the the they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll the their I'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll. Step out from a moment. Okay, we'll just do it. Look, don't listen, step out and I'll paraphrase what I hear for you when you come back in.

Step out, now please, I'll need to hear it. I need to hear it. This is monkey news. This is important stuff. Right. Right. Right. So yeah, they've got the money and they say to the zookeepers, how about, we give you some cash.

Yes. And they go, oh, sorry, the zookeeper said that to the monkeys. Yeah. Right. No, no, no, the monkeys who have got the 250,000 pounds say to the zookeepers, they'll thea the zookeeperskeepers, we'll give you some money. You don't see any problem with that? Right, listen. Okay, it's nearly finished.

Right, I'm listening out there, this is ridiculous. Go! What do you mean the monkeys say to the zoo keeper? They were probably holding the money out, like kind of going, you know, we'll do your deal. Right, okay, come on. And what th. And what, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. think they were happy with that. I think they left and that was out. They wanted to get out of the zoo because they didn't like it in there. There's the thing. Right, I, I, uh, just have a look.

Right, Carl, think. Right, how did they get out in the first place? This one. Just let Steve have a... knew there was going to be a robbery that day did he? He might have been getting some money before they went to escape and then that happened and they had more money they might have him withdrawing some stuff out. What do you mean? No? If he was planning on leaving the zoo he's going to get his savings. What are you talking about? What if you read there Steve? I've got a feeling this is a review of one of the Planet of the Apes films. I think it's escaped from the Planet of the Apes. I'm not certain it could be beneath the Planet of the Apes.

Right, what, I mean, Carl, think, think, please think, right? So this monkey, right? He leaves the zoo, which he can do, presumably what? They leave him, they're chatting to him, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, they. they. they. they. their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, they. thi, thi, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I.... So. So. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I. So, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thi. thi. thi. thi. tha. tha'a'a'a'a'a. tha. tha. tha. thi. tha. tha. tha, which he can do, presumably what, they leave him the keys or what? They're chatting to him, they might as well. He goes to a bank, what's he thinking of doing? Sees a robbery, probably by chance, it probably wasn't tipped off, was he? Obviously he got one of those police scanners. I think he was going to the hands out the guns and they do a deal. It's honestly you've got the best you've got the best mind working on

radio today. It's incredible. The only person who makes less sense is Terry Wogan. It goes up and down I can't understand his sentences because I don't know it's like free form poetry. It's not really the end of a sentence in the It goes up and down, doesn't he? I can't understand his sentences because I don't know... It's like free-form poetry. Yeah, I don't know whether it's the end of a sentence in the middle. Should I'm a new one? Yeah. Yeah.

But it's... Let's have the jingle again, a record and then we'll all know the frequency was 104.9. That was, oh, chimpancy, I am not Kenneth, but I can tell you the frequency was 104.9. See you next week. I'm Ricky Jabez with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkinton. Do you think that when Marconi invented radio, this was what he had in mind for? We get two hours of absolute. See you later.