The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E37 (May 3, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Buy in Bottles, Richard Ashcroft on XFM 104.9 I'm looking at your values with me, Steve and Carl Pilken. Now listen up, right? It's the Sony Awards this Thursday. Now for those you don't know, the Sony Awards are like the Oscars for radio presenters and producers and everything like that. So, as you know, me and Steve we love to win. We want to win this one. It's the last time the panel will be listening. So I want a good, a good clean tight show. So no swearing, joking aside, no swearing, nothing controversial and nothing in bad taste. All right? Just good luck out there. Aren't we a little bit buggered then?

Well, yeah. So, all right, Carl? Yeah, that's all right. Just when you say things like, you know, make it a good one. Sometimes it sort of puts a bit of pressure on and things slip out that you shouldn't say and stuff like that. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever had that? What when you can't? It's like, I tell you one story, right? I tell you a couple actually. One's just come to mind right now, right? There was a fella who my dad was going to meet, I don't know if I told you this before, right, but I have told you, when it was a party and everyone was saying, Dave's coming, he looks like Ken Dodd, but don't say anything, have I told you?

Yeah, yeah, go on, what is it again? And everyone's like Dave, oh, and my dad's like, I've never met him, I wonder if he does look like Ken Dodd, and everyone's saying, yeah, but don't say anything. Because you'll accidentally, you know, say it and... You're unbunctur, so you might go, are you the young bunches to meet you? So the thing is, when this fellow turns up he did, thu, he thu, he thu, he thu, he thu, he thu, he thu, he's, he's, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, and thu, thu, thu, and thu, and thu, and thu, and thu, and tho, and everyone, and everyone, and tho, and everyone, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, and tho, tho, tho, tho, and tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thin, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho-s tho-s, thoan, thoan, thoan, thoan, tho-s, thoan Ken. His name's Dave. And that's the sort of thing, there was another one, right? At a station that I worked at in Manchester, right? There was this girl who worked in the newsroom, right? And she had a plastic arm, right? And this presenter, nice bloke, you know, he's not out to her anyone, went up to her, sat down, was chatting for a bit, toucest the arms of what lovely skin you've got.

What does he say? I don't think, I mean she's probably used to it, so she wasn't bothered. And then, right, this one, this is brilliant. This is a sort of gaffy made on air, right? Like I said, he's a nice bloke, so he meant nothing by it, right? But he does this competition on the air, gets a caller on, right? And he's talking to the woman saying, you know, thanks for calling in and to play, I don't know, what if I got an eye pocket or whatever they used to play on the show, right? And uh, talking, he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he, and he's he, and he's he, and he's he, he, he, he, he he he does th is th is th is th is tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi thi, but he does thi, but he does thi, but he does thi, but he tho, but he th is th is th is th is th is th, but he th is th, but he th, but he th, but he th, but he th, but he th is th is th is th is th is th is th is thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that that, that, that, that, that thee the theat that that the that that the the the the, the, thing to the woman, in the background there's this noise, right? Like, like that, right? So he's talking and he goes, have you got a pet parrot? She said, no, it's my Down syndrome kid. Oh dear. Oh dear.

Oh, uh... The thing is awards don't matter. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. So we're not out to offend or annoying. Appropriate words there, that's the Smiths and Panic. Don't worry about it, Carl. People know that you haven't got a malicious bone in your body.

So, uh, they know it's confusion. Don't worry. No, it did happen. So it's, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, that, that, that, that, do, do, do, do. Do, do. Do, do, do. Do, do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do, do. Do. Do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do. Do. Do, do. Do. Do, do. Do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, do. Do, that, that, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, that, th. Do, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the. Do, than. Do, than. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, than. Do they know it's confusion. Don't worry. No it did happen. So I know, I know, yeah. So what you've been doing this week, Steve? Well, I'll tell you what, the beginning of the week I was incredibly annoyed by Carl. Why? No, well, no, because you, I remember you had a little discussion with Carl a while back saying that you thought he was lazy at times and you know he had various criticisms of his work and I got a call from him he said oh yeah I should told you I had a phone call someone said that they were trying to get old of Steve Merchant to offer him some lucrative voiceover work now you know that is money for old rope that's about you're in there for about 20 minutes and it's thousands of pounds. If there are children listening who are still at school, they should definitely, when

the career guy says what do you want to do, try and get voice over, just become a voice over artist it, it's money for old rope. So I can't believe my luck because you know I love money for old roa and I said, well, well, what's the message come? He said last week so he took a week to tell me that he had deleted the message. Why just because it wasn't for you? I mean I don't know how selfish that is Carl. No what happened is right I got back off holiday. I was at home yeah so I called up my voicemail, right? Because I got to know what's going on at work. Called in, it was still my day off, I was going through the messages, heard one from some company saying we're after Steve Merchant, we're wanting to do some voiceover work, right?

I can't remember the name of it, but I thought right, I'll remember to tell Steve. A week later. It doesn't matter does it, you still got, the message, you, you, the message, the message, you, the message, the message, the message, the message, the message, the message, the message, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I'm, their, their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I. I. I. I, I. I, I, their, their, their, their, their, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm, th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thr, thr, thr, thr, thoo. I'm tha. thoooomoomorrow, tha. thr. thooomorrow, thr, thr, thr, thr and they they're gonna what message yeah the voice servers have to be done in the next cut of days I got all they got was there was a company I don't remember the name and they phoned you the what voice was how does that help me there are hundreds of thousands of media companies I didn't take down be annoyed. You must be annoyed. I mean talk about rubbing salt into the wound. No, well listen to you. Oh, God. I don't know what are you, I don't know how you think, I don't know what your mind works. Well I was thinking there must be a tractor sale on somewhere. I can't make what do I care? What's going on a minute? What's going on for him

Wait a minute, I don't care. I don't care if they want me to advertise, you know, the latest designs in pirate fashion wear. I will do a voice over because it is money for the rope. I don't care what you think of my voice. Someone was interested, they're offering me money. And you decided arbitrarily, oh they probably wouldn't want it, they probably made a mistake, they wouldn't like the way he talks anyway, I get paid to sit here on a Saturday, right? Play CDs and that, help out of the show, get your decent prizes, I think a do-me bit. Sure. Right? It isn't about running your voiceover work. So hang on, so, Carl, let me just get this right. If someone was ever to phone me, right, trying to get in tou to to offer you work, you'd want me to just ignore the message. That is what you're saying to me. You'd prefer that I deleted the message, I ignored it altogether. That's what you'd want me to do. What, someone's calling you for someone for someone for? Someone phone me? Someone's phone?

They said, oh, I can't, I don't know, I'm a friend of a friend, I've got your number, I'd love to use Carl Piltonight, to occur, do you want me to just ignore it? Is that what you prefer to do? Uh, well it's not like that though. I did tell you, I told you the message. You didn't, what? You told me a week later with none of the information I needed. Carl? That doctor called last week, that kidney is ready for that little girl that you were doing that sponsored walk for. I forgot to tell you. I hope it's still alright. They keep on ice don't they?

I think you do. Selfish, Carl. So selfish. And you've lost us to say. Beautiful bit of a snoop on XFN. Yeah? Kicking it with uh... Yeah. Yeah, sweet, sweet. Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkinton. What has happened to Carl? Because, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, they, I, they, they, they, I, th, I, th, I, I, th, I, th, I, I, th, th, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th. Oh, th. Uh, th. Uh, thi, thi, th. Uh, thi, thi, th. Uh, thi, thi, thi, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, th. S has happened to Carl? Because Carl I thought is you know, is this sort of sweet little buffoon almost childlike in his ways. You know what

I mean? Like Charlie Brown after some sort of head injury. And now he's coming back like that. Not caring about voiceover work. It's like, just he'd have have written about him a couple of weeks it's like he thinks he's better than you in some way I do care though you're out of order saying that right I sorted you out with tickets for stuff he doesn't turn up to Carl I received a phone call you deleted the message off from your voice over work you're as bad as my agent I don't I'm appalled by it I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm thing I'm thing I'm thing I'm thing I'm to thing I'm thing it. And I thought we were friends. Ah, at least his agent when he does it is losing himself money as well. Yeah, he could, you, exactly. You've got no comeback, you're still sweet.

And to have a go is, you've got a mank wine, right? Like a cartoon Gallagher brother on Coronation Street. I mean, Steve's, I mean, yes yes Steve does sound like a wharsal. But that doesn't, what about Jethro? Jethro does well? Jethro gets on Des O'Connor anytime he wants. Just as the phone does up. And he's on there. And he's on there. And he's whining like a whiersl as well. So you know to say that's a rubbish. A to say that's wound you up. But that's that's a good starting point because you haven't even apologized. It's a shock because that's the first time I've let you down and I didn't really let you down because I passed on the message. You didn't, well we've been through it, you didn't pass on the message. Saying I've deleted. Saying I deleted, saying I've deleted. I mean I just think what's happened is that you've got a little little little little the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the first, the first, the first, the first, the first, th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, thi's thi's thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, thi's, that's, that's, that's that's th Carl, the dinner because they've seen Ricky. Now it just seems to me that you are not keeping yourself grounded. You are just, you cannot deal with fame, you've not got the intelligence to cope

with the celebrity and you're just becoming this kind of ego driven monster. It's getting, now it's getting. It scares me there. It scares me, no, it scares me, Carl. You're not, I've the the the man, you. the the the the man, you. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's th. It's getting. It's getting. It's getting. It's, you, you, you, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you. It's, you. It's, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. You. You, you, you, you, you, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You, you. You. You. You. You. You're not, you. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, you, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's just, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th thi. th were you in the week? I said, I said, let's meet up, let's, you know, come up with some new features and that, where were you? Carl, you phoned me about an hour before you wanted to meet. That is not what I would call. I mean, that, that is arrogance right there. That's the arrogance. That's arrogance. That's right right right right right, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. thooooo. the. the. the. tho. the. the. tho. the him why. Steve was staying in to tidy up because his landlady was coming. This he couldn't get over. He could not get over that you couldn't make it because you had to stay with your landlady. He talked about it for about the hour when we were working. What are you? What are you talking? Last week I had a told you. Last week I had a bad the the the the the the the th, I had a bad, I had a bad, I had a bad, I had a bad, I had a bad, I had a bad, I had a bad, I had a bad, I had a bad, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, he th, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi when you had a bad throat. Where were you? Why couldn't we do any work then? Because you're at home with your mom and your dad. You were on holiday, wouldn't you? Why didn't you get your mom and your dad to clean the flat? Oh, he's done it again, mate. Play a record.

How has he done me? What's it? They live in Bristol. Yeah, the joke's on you. the joke's joke. He's. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke's. the joke's. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. th. the joke. the joke. the joke. the joke. to get. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're. You. You're. You're. You're. You're. They're the joke. They're the joke. They're the joke. They're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the joke. the joke. W. the joke. theto clean the flat. I don't know who's laughing at who then. All right listen. Can we just go back to laughing at Carl? Okay. Okay. Right. Do you want to, uh... That's the natural order of things? I know, yeah. The world's got talked to me. He's stepped out of the pegging order. Right. Someone who I don't let down, right? Other listeners of this show. Do you want to plead out advice for the posters? We'll get that one here. Are we not doing rockbusters again, are we? Yeah.

When it was a shambles last week, we canceled it's a we canceled it two weeks ago. What? It just, I mean, there you are right there, Rick. to be show and our faces. Exactly, and yeah. We have to be on tube stations, people laughing at us. Yeah, well they're not laughing at me, right? Wow, I don't know. What do you think people think of the poster, Carl? Seriously? Uh, uh. I don't want to know to know to know to know to know to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their to be to be their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their people their people people people their their their their th. to be th. th. to be to be tube. tube. tube. tube. to be tube. to be to be to be to be to be to be to be point is this Rick, we used to be able to decide what the content of this show was. Now it's him. It's just him. He wants to do rockbuses

as he gets to do it. I know. And it's awful Robert. Turrette Trent Darby. Not only is that offensive, it doesn't work as a clue. Saying that, have you come up with anything for this week? What's the prizes? Are we got the prizes? We've got a brand new XFM, a stylish XFM DJ bag. That is actually quite nice actually. We've got in there a 12 inch from the X-FM remix album. This has got the C-FM remix from them, we've got a little mouse from out there with the X-FM logo on and here's what everyone's the thii. The the th. The th. The th. Here's th. Here's th. That's th. That's th. That's tho-ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffix is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. That's is actually is actually is th is th is th is th. That's is th. That's is that is that is that is is that is that is that is that is actually is actually is that is th. That is th. That is th. That is th. We's is th. That is th. We's is thi. That's is thi. That's is thi. That's is thi. We's is thi. We's thi. We's thi. We's thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're that that that that that that that that that that that that thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're thi. We're the X list, this is the compilation that X of him have put out, it's actually very good. Smash hits the reunion, let me see what we got on there. Aha, obviously WAM, Duran, all your favorite 80s and 90s, classics. Another copy of DVD, Steve Kugan's run DVD. What else is this here? Low Fidelity All Stars, blah there, Carl. You've done well there. So go on and do the clues then, let's do rockbusters now. I'll bung a song on. I love the fact that he was taking the piss out of your voice, I'll bung a song on. Hey! If Ricky Javays He, tripe and car wheels tonight is not as griddling as gravy. To be honest, Carl, let's be honest, if Ricky Givet can get voiceover work, there's got

to be a place for me. Where do you think the place for him is? Well look, right? You were talking about your face on the poster. It's not all bad, because I read something last're talking about that. Flay record, Carl. the flair record, Carl. Warren's even ain't that pretty at all on it to her. Well, I'm only 4.9. I'm Ricky Javais with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilgton.

Right, Carl. Calm now. The Stone is, they're listening. We've got to win talking about? I know we're talking about that in a bit. What we're doing now then? We'll do rockbusters, get that up and running. Yes sir. Got the email busy. Thank you sir. Okay, go on in. Right, so you know it works, cryptic, initials. Wow. As I say I have a week, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not. they're not. they're not. they're not. they're they're not. they're they're not. We're not. We're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. We're. We're. We. We're. We. We. We. We're they're. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. they. they. they. they're. they. they. they. they're. they're. they're. they're. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th the the th the the the the the the the. We're the. We're the. We're th letters. Some craptic a word. Is that a word, craptic? Because...

Oh, anyway. Oh God. So last week one of them was these people from the East Midlands can't help swear in. Yeah, Tourette's Trent Darby. That's the sort of shite we're dealing with to try and get a Sony. Right. So here's the clues and that. The first one. And there? What we after here? The artist? Yeah. The band name was a solo artist? It's, I'll tell you, I'll tell you in a minute. Okay, go on. So the first one, the hitchhiker needs a lift but in something bigger than a car. What's the initials? The H. Right? The hitchhiker needs a lift but in a th the th th th th th th th th th th th but but in th the initials? The H, right? The itch like a needs a lift but in something bigger than a car. Right? Second one, don't be selfish, and some of it out to your mates. The initial there is C, right? Don't be selfish, and some of it out to your mates.

And the third one... That's not what is Carl, he's selfish. No? It begins with C. Right. And the third one, the Scottish the Scottish fellas, the third one... Sure that's not what is Carl, he's selfish. No. Begins with C. Right. And the third one, the Scottish fellas can't get into their emails. Right, okay. The Scottish fellas can't get into their emails. Right, the initials there, K-L. Right, so quickly again, the hitchhiker needs a lift

putting something bigger than a car, VH. Don't be selfish, and some of that outs he makes, let's see. This is your last chance, Carl. And the Scottish fellas can't get into their emails. If I get anything like Wetney Houston or Dtrout Spinners or Turettrott's Trenn D'Arby coming out of this, we're never doing it again, okay? Have you you you you you you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. that, th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe, toe, the. threat. threat. threat, the, threat, threat, threat, the, toe.e, toe. toe, toe, don't know if I want to do it this week so just just because breakfast do it and that and just just leave it maybe this week see what happens see if we need it see we'll see you I sometimes I don't know play record a minute Carl I'll talk to you off there play record what what What? What's the, what's the email address again?

Ricky.Juvace, at XFM.co.uk. Okay. That's where the email the answer is. So we've got to remind you who show it is, play record. All right. All right. Stop my head, Ivann Dando on XFM 104.9. I'm Ricky Jaze and with me arguing like nutters are Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Okay, all right, calm down, right.

Right, let's just chill. Okay. Yeah, right. What did you do last night, Rick? I watched I'm a celebrity get me out of here. I tried last week, I knew Taffna was going to come through. I knew he was. I went to put a bet on and it was that it was that it was that it was that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like that's like th. th. th. th. their like that's like th. their like their like their like their like their like their like their like their like their like their like their liked. their liked. their like their liked. their liked. that's liked. that's liked. that's like. that's like. that's like. that's like. that's like. that's like. that's like. that's that's th. that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. their their their their th. I tried last week I knew Taffna was going to come through I knew he was I went put a bet on and it was 11 to 4 and I thought oh that's not worth it I can put on 400 a quid and I reckon I'd have won 1100 because I reckon he's gonna win. Yeah that is annoying I suppose if you could go back in time you probably change things. You know what I do if I could go back in time, I'd go back in time, stop Hitler from being born. But then it might be worse because someone else might have come along and even better. It's like a novel. Yeah, you're right. Ben Outman would write a novel like that or something, wouldn't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that would be different. Well, that would be different. I've never been a cinema last night. I uh, I've the thirty-notah- I've th. I've thuuuuuuuuu. I've thu. I've thu. I've thu-I thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty thirty that-I've tho' tho' tho' that that that that that tho' tho' th' th' th' th' tho' th' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' tho' th. I've been th. I've been th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I've thirty-n't thirty-n't thirty-n't thirty-n't thirty-n't thirty-n't thirty-n't tho'-n't to-n't to-n't to-n't tho'er-n't tho'er-n't tho'er-n't tho'er-n't tho'-n't tho'-Men 2. I want to see that. I saw one. I don't like that sort of thing. I've never been a comic book. Never been a geek like yourself. Not yourself. I mean, you're

not a geek in that sense, a different. I mean... Like a traditional sense. No, no, no. I'm one of those sexier geeks. Yeah. Yeah. But I really enjoyed it. And two. Two's meant to be. I'm the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the the th. I the the th. You. You're not the the the th. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the was the fact that the actual cinema experience for the first time in a long time I actually enjoyed because I just have such a problem with the cinema. Well I can't go, I have to wait about three weeks that dies down and go in the afternoon. I can't be sat next to people. I don't know why people go to the cinema to eat. Have something before you go in there. crunching what why is this experience this this film has cost 50 million pounds it's meant to be an emotional artistic experience it's not meant to be something that's on why you're chowing down I don't know then but I believe their mobile on I want when someone answered you go I can't talk now I mean I want to go don't you smack him on their face with it yeah yeah

yeah well I went to the cinema a while back to see Crouch and Tiger Hidden Dragon. Oh yeah, that art house film. And a woman sat next to me, huge fat blubber of a woman. But it's up to her, she's earned enough money she can eat more than she needs. Sure, but don't squeeze into a seat next to me in the cinema. Right, with your flesh, you know, curving over the arms, right? of her husband she's got one of those huge kind of cock size barrels of popcorn. You don't reckon he was one of them feeders? It was very similar, it really was. She's, she's as you say, she's chowing down on the popcorn.

She's one of those women who, she's not come out to see a film, she's come out to eat and if a film happens to be showing, then hot dog and everything. She's sitting and now popcorn already annoys me because she goes to him. You can eat that? Well I was thinking I'm like, ooh, me to me to me, you're me to me? But I don't know why it was that popcorn became the thing you eat in there with popcorn. But why not serve soup or something? Or you're for it. The slurping would drive me mad. And the spoon touching the bottom of the thing would drive me mad. Don't serve anything. There's no reason you have to do the things.

Oh God, I need to eat. to eat plan it. Exactly, eat before we come out. Yeah. Have a sandwich. Have a comedy sandwich. You know what, right? What annoyed me is I found out in across America when they showed Chinders List, they banned popcorn, right, out of respect to the film. What, so they're saying all the other films, oh, soddick, doesn't matter. Yeah. But this one cost a million. Ah, it doesn't matter. You can eat popcorn through that. I mean, banned it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. the th. Yeah. Yeah. the their their they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their their th. th. tha. tha. tha. tha. tho. tha. tha. tha. tha' tha. tha. tha. they're they're they're they're they're was one of those ones she may as well have had a trough in front of her. I mean she was a state right and she's so not he's an idiot as well because the trailer comes from I remember at the time the trailer came on for AI that film AI and I don't if you've seen the trailer for it but it's something like I don't know exactly but but human. Yeah, he's a robot. Yeah. And she's watching, she just go, she's just watching that, right? Bear in mind, the point of the trailer, he's a robot, he's

a robot, he's a robot, he's a robot, that's what's important. She says, how old was he said that? I wanted to slap to to to to to to he he he he he he he he he he. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, he's th. And, he's th. And he's th. And, and he's th. And, and he's th. And, and he's th. And, and he's th. And, and he's th. And, and he's th. And, and he's th. And, and he's th. And, and he's th. And, and he's th. And, and he's th. And, he's th. And, he's th. And, he's th. Yeah, he's th. th. th. th. th. th. And, he's th. And, he's th. And, he's just just, he's just watch, he's just watch, he's just watch, he's just watch, he's just watch, he's just watch, he's just th. And, he's just th. And, he's just th. And, he's th. th. And, he's a robot, he's a robot, that's what's important. She, she's, she's, uh, a trainer comes on for a war film, she goes, I shan't be seeing that. She just announces it, I shan't be seeing that. And I'm bored with war films, bored with them next. Oh God. And then, so the, um, the title card comes up for a toge, the to tod, tod, the, tod, tod, tod, tod, the, tha, toy, the, the, tha, tha, the, the, the, train, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, train, the, train, the, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll, I'll, I'll, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I I I, I, I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm name for a film I was thinking but you paid to see it and then it says subtitles in brackets she goes oh it's not subtitled is it so it comes on and I think in the film I think they speak maybe Mandarin or Chinese or something I'm not sure but but let's say it's

Mandarin so come on they start and they start speaking in this in this Mandarin or Chinese and she just starts going I think tongue I think tongue. I think tongue in the cinema just saying that. No. She and her boyfriend are cracking up. They're all weeping with laughter right. And I'm trying to watch his girl. their ties.

to theirtwo teenage girls with the mobile phone. Oh, mobile phone goes off and like you say, instead of, I mean it should have been off anyway, but let's say instead of it being, instead of immediately I've got and switching it off hurriedly, they take the call in the cinema, I'm in the cinema, yeah, no I was thinking to myself I was thinking you're 16 unless that is your business partner in Hong Kong for you saying the deal is not going to go through which I suspect it's not I suspect it's probably Garth or Gavin or your boyfriend Tony saying do you want to do me behind the bike shed say yeah yeah I suspect that's who it is yeah switch off the phone or very least go of the cinema but I just I can't I mean I don't know where these people were brought up or raised. I don't know who it

was that told them this was this behavior that you could do. I really want to have cinema police. Yeah right you go in there and if the phone goes off you get your money back and you're asked to leave straight away straight away any whispering go if you're too stupid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the they they they they they're the they're they're their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they're their their their their they're the phone. Yeah. Yeah. they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their. I their. I their. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I the phone. I the phone. I the phone. I the phone. I the the the the the the the the the the the th. I'm th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I don't the th away, straight away. Any whispering you go if you whisper again, you know, if you're too stupid to be able to figure out the floor. Yeah, yeah, just they tell you what age you should be, right, to get that film, that's it. If you listen and you're not eating and you're not talking, then you should be able to get seat. Now when did it happen that I was no longer able to find my own seat at the cinema? Why is it that I'm going to daytime, I can find a friend for myself? But now it seems that on a finding there are so many stupid people out there, we can't find their decent seat. No, I think that is policing. I think that's that's to stop people thi and I thin I thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thi and I their thi and I their their thi thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm just thi. I'm just thi. I'm just thi. I'm just that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their their thi. I'm theateateat. I'm theateateateateateateat. I'm thiia. I'm thi another seat, I was going, well no, that's mine.

I want lots of policing in social occasions. I want to go into pub and go, that is too loud that music. Those people are too annoying, they're standing up. They're too annoying. I remember being in the cinema once and seeing a guy, he was a big fat guy again. He had a big fat guy again. He had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had he had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had popcorn. He had had popcorn. He had had had had had popcorn. He had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. He. He was th. He was th. He was the th. He was the th. He was to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th that. He was that. He was that. He was th. He was th. He was the hot dogs to coke right and he had it balanced on this little wall that was a sort of separating parts of the cinema and he was it you had it he was big fat and I was watching I think it was Beetlejuks I was watching right and some some some local hard nuts they were on the same run they started kicking the little wall to knock his food off and I thought brilliant oh no I think I think you want to bully fat people yeah to play the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they they their they th I th I th I th I tho tho tho. I thin they they tho. I tho. I'm they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their the the toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy they were they were they were they I'm in? 50 cent in the club on XFM, one of four point nine.

I'm Ricky Gawais with me Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkerton. Still arguing this time about having help from me and my dad. What do you think, Carl? No, I'm not, I don't want this to turn in some sort of wacky type thing where we're pretending we're arguing Yeah, well, we're not pretending we are you are I know I know what people will think we're messing about that I thought so we just need to we can talk about it later so out Hmm yeah, it's just that car's a little bit stressed. I'm not stressed and he doesn't really understand that you know You know me and Steve have got lots of different jobs in the week, he's just got one job. And we sort of rely on people getting messages to us, you know, as soon as they get them, you know,

not sort of deleting them from their phone selfishly. Just things like that, you know, people being on the ball. Not just thinking aboutthing about number one. What do you think, Carl? Whatever. Do you know what I mean, whatever? Don't get all moording again. Just having a little discussion. Yeah, this is the noyer. Guess what? Think of this, your little slap-ed twat. Apparently, that's so bizarre. That's so bizarre. Apparently, women can get bald treatment on the National Health Service but men can't. What does it that? Is that fair? Is that a fact?

It's a fact. We should point out that Carl is, would you say bolding? Yeah. Would that be fair? Either that or a wide parting? He looks like Charlie Brown. He's got the same sort of hair arrangement as Charlie Brown. Yeah, he's, he's, like Charlie was bolding though, was he was only about ten?

Well no, but he just had like a couple of things on the top and he's, and his hair-due, Kyle's had a hairdo that keeps it. It's not a hairdo. Is that? What is it then? What is it then? It just happened, I've the he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he was just? It he was just? It he was just? It just? It just? It just, it just, it just, he was just, he was just, was just, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, he. It, he. It, he. It, he. It, he. It, it? It, it? It, it? It th. It th. It th. It th. It th. It he he th. It just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just, it just? It just, it just? It just, it just? It just? It just, no, no was in, right, once. Noel who? Gallagher. Oh yeah. Oh, you're all first named terms. From the herd, didn't he? And, and, whoever was doing the interview said, oh, you know, will, will Lee and be able to keep up that sort of hard attitude, right? Say when he gets older and he goes bald, and, you know, could he could still carry off the sort of attitude that he's got, right, right, right, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thuuu' thu' thu' tho, tho, tho, tho, thu, thu, tho, tho off the sort of attitude that he's got and he was like no no he'd never have that style he couldn't you couldn't have that style that lads got in there and pointed at me yeah I said it's not style I said I didn't go to the barber's and say can you just like shave

the top bit leave the sides yeah can you that's the way it is yeah when you were just saying to me what would to to to the to the to the to the the to the to the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the to the the to to to that that's to that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they I the they I they I they I they I they I they I is. Yeah. And you were just saying to me, what would you do if you went back in time, I'd probably use a better shampoo? I wish we could tape the conversations we have off air. Because, I mean, they are ridiculous. What would you do if you go back in time? And the other stuff we were just talking about is, obviously, can't talk about. Can I just ask though, sorry, when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when, when, when, when, when, when, when that you you you, when that you, when that you, when that you, when, when that you, when, when, when, when, when, that you, that you, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the that's the way, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the way, that's that's the way, the way, the other stuff we were just talking about is obviously can't talk about. Can I just ask though, sorry, when did you start to notice it was disappearing? I mean what age should it kick in?

I worked a lot. You see you'll be safe, do you know, your hair will say that, but it's when I used to do a lot of hours, lot of hours working. Yeah, you're stressed and out. I'm beginning to understand what stress is like, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Sorry, th. Sorry, th. Sorry, th, th. Sorry, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Sorry, th. Sorry, th. Sorry, th. Sorry, th. Sorry, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Sorry, when, when, the th and things, stressed out and they just went I don't know what stress is like you know because I'm not getting messages and stuff like that but yeah yeah but uh probably about I don't know I don't know 2024 that's unlucky in it something like that and did you did you did you do you just quite not bothered not bothered he's not bothered he wouldn't he wouldn't be bothered but I don't think he wouldn't be bothered he's not th I wouldn't he he wouldn't about going bald or war or SARS or anything, you don't have to get stressed on a Saturday between one and three.

To be fair, you aren't worse on all those things. Sars has got nothing on you when you're in the right mood. But why is it all right for women to, you know, have a wig? I couldn't have one if I wanted one? No, there's not a wig they get bald treatment. They actually can get, they can get their hair replaced on the national health which might be anything I suppose which might be wigs which might be transplants. I mean the only the only cure for baldness is a transplant which they literally take their follicles. They's they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're their. they can't they can't they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they can't they can't they can't. they can't. they can't. they can't. they can't. they can't. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their their their their try. they can't they can't get they they can get they they they can get they they can get they can get they can get they can get they can get they can they can't they can't they're they get down to individual follicles now from the back of your neck and you know it takes a long time and you know but um...

Well people will know anyway won't they? I don't know when it starts though. I don't know when it starts like now. Now if you start wearing a wig because you were a wig because you were a wig because you were a bulged yesterday. Yeah. You can't start thinking right. I'm going to go ball ball't it? It is really, if you're that bothered, but I wasn't, I just thought, right, it's losing it a bit, shaved a lot off. Did you know you had that round head underneath it? Did you know it's going to be that funny though? You would have, well you've presumably worn a wig wouldn't it, if you'd have known? Because I've never seen. I throwne. I the ba. I the ba. I the bar. I the bar. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thrown. I thrown. I tho. I tho. I tho- thrown. I just thrown. I just th. I th. I th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. th. the. the. the. the. the. thee. theeeeeeeea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. the's a good head. Yeah, it looks like a tennis ball.

You look like a tennis ball when you haven't shaved. She said if you can pull it off, she said that's like a good thing to see if someone's good looking. If they can have a bald head. It's like Shinaidthe things, if you look good with a bald head, that means you're pretty good looking. And if you can wear a bicycle helmet and look good, that's another thing that like, you must be pretty good looking to pull that off. But who have you seen in the bicycle helmet?

Who have you seen in a bicycle helmet and thrown? Who have you seen in a bicycle helmet? would you say Brad Pitt would they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the? And the. the the. the. that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th.. And th. And th. And th. th. th. that's there there there the the the the the are the are the are the are the are the are the are the are the are the are the are the are that's that's that's that's what I'm saying. Who? No one looks good did he really? It's so the bicycle. So what would you say Brad Pitt would look good in the bicycle helmet? I don't know I have to see. But I'm just saying that's that's like one of the two things really that's... And what what bloke do if they're bald. George Clooney? I don't, no I don't think he does. I don't think you would do. Er, who else?

Well this could run and run. Alvecino. Uh, yeah, he could probably pull it off. Do you think it looks all with air then? Oh. Well done, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, th- th- th- th-I th-I th-I, th-I, th-I. th-I. th-I. th-I. th-I. th-I. th-I. tho. tho. th-I. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thi. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. th. th. th. I thi. thi. thi. I thi. I thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I thi. I thi. Well done Rick. Sony award-winning stuff. Play a record. And there's a car going, oh, he's stressed. He's stressed. Whirling Horses by the Rolling Stones on XFN 104.9. I'm looking to raise with me Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Little bald-heady Carl Pilkington. You quite like being bald, don't you? No fuss. Like I say, you know,

I probably won't age for a bit now. What do you mean you won't age for a bit? Because I already look quite old. I don't think so. Not with a hat on, you look really young. Yeah. Hmm. Well, I'm just saying, so I won't change that much. She's like that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. You' th. You' th. You' th. You' th. th. You' th. You. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi. the. to. to. to. to. toee. toea. toea. to. toe. the the thea. the. the. the. th look really young. Yeah. Well I'm just saying so I won't change that much. It's like that. I don't think it's any wrong with it. I actually don't think, as long you shave it, straight back, I can't have you on that, nothing wrong with it. But that kid who had the aging disease, just shave her head and she wouldn't age that fast anymore. Do you know what I mean? So this is the five the th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you th you thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thin thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I th I th I th I th I th I don't th i th i th i th i th i th i th is any th is any th is any thi thi thi thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin. I thin. I don't thin. I don't think think thin thee an thin. I don't think the an thin. I don't the. I don't the? So this is the five-year-old girl who had an awful disease where... We don't know much about it, to be fair. No, we just know that you fell in love with the title of the program, the girl that was older than their man, right? And you were annoyed that people wouldn't serve her fags and alcohol. If she's, you know, she's living like an eight-year-old have a fag doesn't that show the Carl's comment we don't know much about it

we're still willing to make comments about it to discuss it in length and possibly make crass jokes even though we're ill in for it does ever yeah well there's something for you right go on this is what this is what I wanted to tell you about right me yeah yeah face transplants. There's this, there's some kid somewhere, right? Who had a bit of a, an odd-looking face. A bit of a what?

Bizarre looking face. And there's a doctor somewhere who said I can sort that out for you, right? And basically what they do is they've got to get a face off a dead person. Right. Sorry, sorry, just in this documentary you saw, did this documentary feature say John Travolta and Nicholas Cage? Was it that documentary you saw? Go on. So, uh... I can't get a face of a dead person, yeah, go. Sorry, sorry to just miss the idea of face

transplants out of hand. Go on. So, um... I'll get a face of a dead person, yeah, go on. Sorry, sorry to dismiss the idea of face transplants out of hand, but go on. So, um, yeah, it's got to be a face of a dead body that isn't older than like four hours old, four hours dead, whatever. Um, they can take it off, um, fit it on, fit it on the new face. It makes it the muscle muscle, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, th, to to to to to to to to to th, but, but, but, but, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, go go go, that, that to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to But it's not just your face that you lose it. But it's the muscle tissue and bones isn't it when it's like disfigured. It could be through fire or whatever or disease or whatever. So I can't just literally plunk a face on they have to do something else, don't they? You're asking Carl like he's going to know.

Like he, I forgot then, he looked at it, was that in Russian? I wish we could get, I wish we could get him on tell just to show the look on his face when I said that. Yeah, it was brilliant wasn't it? It was, you know when you go to a cat? Who wants some food then? And it just looks at it, he goes, it What I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, it sort of would work, yeah. If you took, if you peeled your face off and put my face on it, that, oh my God, why don't you and Steve for an experiment swap faces?

And the great thing is I wouldn't age. Yeah, yeah. Would you do that if I could, if it was safe? Uh, I think I'm getting the rough thfe thufufufufufufufufufufuf th th th th th th th rough th rough tho tho tho tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi to to to to thi to to to to to to to to thi to to to to thi thi thi thi thi th safe? I don't think I'm getting the rough deal here though. To be honest. Yeah. Well then you get some money back it'd be part exchange. I mean it would you know it's like you'd make up the difference just to wear your brilliant face for a week. But the doctor was saying now it's not complicated he said the worst thing is something about the people who were related to the dead person it's a bit weird for them still seeing the face of someone they know walking about when the shed yeah yeah I love you Carl you are brilliant honestly you're never a dull moment it doesn't matter whether you're talking

or I'm squeezing your head. It's, I'm never bored. I never go, oh, that's enough Carl. Do you know what I mean? I never, I used, I got battling top so I got bored. It's like computer games, she think it's the best game in the world. And someone goes, how are you getting on my two? He's brilliant. I was squeezed there yesterday. I was squeaking in his face. I've got him down to the ground. He said this, he said that I'm never bored with you. Do you know what I mean? It's brilliant. I'd like to rent you out to people.

See me, I'm different. I would happily leave him now in the bottom of the cupboard. Until quiz night. Until the old pub quiz night. Until the old pub quiz night when there's no one else who will have you on the team sure and something you are your best mate? Done him again! Yeah yeah where's his mom and dad then Carl? Yeah yeah I can't believe it. I love the fact you can insult me but never insult my parents. Please. Feeder but Rogers XFN 104. 9 Ricky Jovey St. Richard Eury Merchant Car Carl, Carl just said to me, what face would you have to me? And I went, what do you mean? Who's face would you have? And I went, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, whose would you have? He went, Barry Sheen?

So, the skin would be regenerated. And I went, I'd be a bit weird. they said, oh no, I don't know, I went, who would you have? He went Barry Sheen? No, but what I meant was when I was talking to Suzanne about it, saying this is amazing, she said, well, whose face would you have? Now it's got to be fairly recent to have the skin fresh because it can't be too old. So I had a choice of, like, Barry Sheen, or what's the face or Falas the Summer Wine. Who? Who's the old woman who just passed away? Thorah Hood.

So that's what I meant if I could have any face because she said well you could have had Tom Cruise or something. I said well he's not dead. You'll give yourself restrictions in your fantasy. So when I went down the picture, I love the idea that someone getting a call. Mr. Wilkerton, hello it's Dr. Hanmerhan, Barry Sheen has just passed away and you go, oh dear, yeah, bad news and good news. Do you want his face? Does Susanne go out with you like for charitable reasons? I look like you could have a doctor for the fact that she encourages you.

She was saying about Tom Cruise and I was like oh you know she said he's not a bad looking fellow or whatever. What was she saying is Carl is there any chance you can go and get a different face maybe something like Tom Cruise would be good. Then I was saying right first of all he's got to be dead and he's not. But if he was and you had that done would you feel like people were looking at it on the tube well no like say if the people who made mission impossible said we want to do a third one would I then would I be in me right to say all I don't want to do it I don't know what he's doing I don't mean to be offensive Carl, but your girlfriend could

do a lot better than you. I don't know what you think. I love the idea this whole conversation about you with Tom Cruise's face and then get off for the film. But why does she have conversations like this with you? There's now on last night. There's now on the tele. I love it. What should we talk about? What about getting. That, I, I, that, that, I, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho-a, thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' tha, tha, What about getting a new face? Oh dear. Oh that cartoon? If you don't know what Carl looks like, there's a cartoon that was in last week's heat, isn't it that I drew is on the website. What's it going for now? I think it's about 225 quid?

And what did they have to do to bid for it? There's a today on to the website people. I know why HEAT put it in. It's because the editor Boyd Hill and looks a little bit like you, don't he? Sort of my ugly brother. He's probably listening and he says nice things about you. Yeah he can still say nice things but I bet he knows deep down. You know if you're good looking or not don't you? I can't believe Steve. I mean what do you think? It's going, this is going crazy, you know Colin, I don't know, you're just, the insults of flying left, right and certainly you've got no limits. You're just gone crazy, just gone wild. You're swallowing around just because you look like Tom Cruise. I think it's because he's been hanging out with Christian O'Connor and they're and they're both thinking yeah, with... A couple of media players. Yeah, a couple, yeah, yeah, a couple, a couple, yeah, a couple, a couple, yeah, yeah, a couple, a couple, yeah, a couple, yeah, a c. Yeah, a c. Yeah, a c. Yeah, a couple, a couple, a c. Yeah, a couple, a couple, a couple, a couple, a couple, a couple, a couple, yeah, a couple, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the, the, the, the, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. A, th. A, th. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. th. th. A. th. th. thi. th allowed to do monkey news. No, because Christian wants to do it. He's scared of him. I'm not saying that right?

Christian. I'm not allowed to do monkey news. Oh Christian wants to do some monkey news? I'm not allowed. Wants around the block. Badly drawn boy. I like him. It's funny as well. You know what, I think he looks like if me and you were put in a blender, Carl. Do you know what I mean? He's got my sort of shape. He's got your sort of accent and... I think... When you're putting a blender does that... What a voice... Sort of mix? The times I thought of putting the two of you in a blender.

Do you remember, I told you that thing about the sponges, didn't I? Yeah. That freaked him out. You know if you get two sponges and you die one red sponges and you die one red and you liquidize them, we pour them into a tank of water after a couple of hours there's a blue sponge and a red sponge because they're sows now and they reform. And do you know what he said? He went, I would you kill a sponge then? Yeah of course. Oh, what great thing to say? Oh, my back's killing me because I went, um, you know, I did my back in last week and I had to get a car a practical out and I couldn't walk. Well as soon as I walk, I mean I came in here on my day off and did her when you were in Bristol with your mom and dad looking after you. And then I went to South Wage's Sunday and...

Well you got a bit of money now, why not? Yeah, and I went to the sports department and there's a golf simulator there, 000 pounds and it's just like a shed and I was looking at it like a kid in a sweet shop and the two blocks that work there they recognized I went oh alright I was yeah good I'm just looking that that simulate it's brilliant and he went do you want to have a go and I went I'm a crap I can't hear it I went and I went you have a go and he went you have a go and he went you have go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go I I go go I go I go I go I go I go I go go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go I go go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I go I'm a to go I'm a to go I'm a to a to go I'm a to go I'm a to go I'm a to go and I'm a the the the the the the oh that's not bad and he went do I go on there and I put all that and I really tried my hardest and it took off and it was really good shot and he went good I went I got I'm not go and I was thinking I got hit this one as well I've got to hit this one too and I hit again I had three goes I hurt my back and I to the tho I'm I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the I th and I the th the the the the and I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th and I th and I th and I th and I th and I tried and I tried and I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I tried I says, cheers, thanks for much and I walked away and I went, I gotta get a cab, she went, I just have done my back, she went, well why did you show off? I went, I had to. Of course you did, that sounds you up. That just hits the mare

on the head. I was all the way back, I had to lay on the floor and put ice on my back again for about three hours. What was the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best the best thi. thi. thiol and I th. thiol and I was thirty thirty, why thirty, why thi. Why thirty, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why th. Why th. Why th. Why th. Why th. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, did, did you thi? Why, did, did, did, why, did, did, did, why, did, why, did, why, did, why, why, did, why, why, why, did, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, would just say, oh God that guy, that's Ricky Javis. Is there nothing he can't do? That's exactly what I want to do. I was, I'll see like, I go, cheers, yeah. As I got about a few yards away, I just slow down and I, and Jane, what are you waiting for? I go, listen. And it's just,'s go home. Yeah. That's just all... Have you ever been able to walk through a fairground past one of those machines, those test your strength machines, and not have a go in it?

I don't think I'd be very good at that. I bet you cannot walk past one of those rifle ranges and not have a go. I love, I love rifle. But you've got to be the best I imagine. Yeah, if someone had just won before me I go, it's not worth it, it's fixed. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh dear. Yeah, that's why my back's, it's ridiculous. Isn't it?

But also I hate not being able to do stuff. It's like I'm punishing the injury. Yeah. I used to, I used to, when I used to, when I used to hit my head on the banister or something, and I used to go and get a hammer and hit the banister. And then I started thinking, when I was about eight, I remember if I'd hurt myself, I'd go, ha ha ha, God didn't hurt. He's up there thinking, oh, bloody that. How mental is that? Carl, what you thinking, mate? And, th? And, th? th? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. I thi. I's thi. thi. I's thi. I was thi. thi. thi. I was thi. thi. I thi, I thi, I thi, I to to go, I to go, I to go, I to go, I to go, I to go, I to go, I to go, I to go, I th. And I th. And I th. And I I I I I th. And I th. And I I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. And I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thin. I thin. thi. thi. thi. thooooooo' theea. I to thea. And I to to to to to to to to to bloody hell. How mental is that? Carl, what are you thinking, mate? Rock Busters, that's what I'm thinking.

Straight to it. Straight to it, go on then, who's the winner? I've got to do the clues again. Right, the first one was the Hiker needs a lift, putting something bigger than a car. Yeah, snappy, tha'a' th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. That's th, th. Right, thu. Right, th, th, th, tha' tha' tha' that's that's that's that's that's that's tho' that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th, th, th, th, th. Right, th. Right, th. Right, th. Right, thu. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, thi. Right, thi. Right, right, right, right, tha'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a'a on. VH. Right, that was Van Halen. Van Halen, Van Halen, Halinger and Van. Because he wanted something bigger than a car, that's the first one. All the tenses are mixed up, everything. It's just... Go on. Second one, don't be selfish. And some of that out to your mates. That was C, that was Share. All right. And the third one, the Scottish, the Scottish, the Scottish, the Scottish, the Scottish, the Scottish, the Scottish, the Scottish, the Scottish, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, is, is something, is something, is something, is something, thi, is something, is something, thi, is something, thi, is something, thi, is something, th. th. th, is something, is something, th, is something, th, is something, th, th, is something, th, th, th, th, th, is something, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, is something, is something, is something, is something, is something, all right, it's all right, and the third one, the Scottish fellas can't get into their emails, the initials there, KL, they are Kenny Logins. Right.

That's the last time we do Blockbusters. That is the last time we do it. No, no. It is. That's the last time. Give it the prize someone. Kenny Logins. I'm gonna give that one. Helen Perritt, she has, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their the initial their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, thi thi thi thi thi thi thiiiiia. thea' thiolioliologe, the, the initials, the initials, their the initial, their, the prize someone. Kenny Logins. I'm going to give that one to the... Kenny Logins. Helen Perritt, she has emailed in and actually Helen I need you to email in your address if you would so we can tell you those goodies, DVDs in the bag and stuff. But who would get Kenny Loggins? If the clue was good, he would get Kenny Logon? What did you do? What did you do? Fooo Footthe? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? the famous? the famous? the famous? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Helen, I th. Helen, Helen, I th. Helen, I th. Helen, I th. Helen, I th. Helen, I th. Helen, I th. Helen, I th. Helen, I, I, I th. Helen, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. Helen, I? H. Helen, I? Helen, I? Helen, I'm, I'm, I th. Helen, I th. Helen, I th. Helen, I th. Helen, I thi. Helen, I the. Helen, I thi. Helen, I thi. Helen, I thi. Helen, I th.bulous dance. Yeah. That's an extraordinary film. I saw it once in America, like you say, Kevin Bacon in a town where dancing has been banned, I was watching it. It was like if aliens had been watching Earth but only monitoring us through our TV and films and then try to make a film about humans, that's the film they end up with? What do you think they think of Queen the Musical? Because they're of course rock and rock, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, th. They're, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, their, their, thin, thin, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi. thi. thi. thi. thiii. ta. thiiiiiiii. thii. thii. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Because they're of course rock and rolls band, isn't it? In the future. I'm not looking forward to the future, Rick, where feelings and emotions are going to be burned. I can't believe it. Where's our hoverboards? Yeah. Well, well then

to head and play, is that the last time we do rockbusters? No, do it again. After the break. Monkey news. Monkey News. After the break. Yeah, their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the their, the their, the the the the the the the the the the the the f. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the f. I, the the the feeling, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the feeling, the the the the th. We, th. We're, th. We're, th. We're, thre. We're feeling, th. We're feeling, thre. thee. thee. thee. thee. thee. thee. the feelings, the feeling, thee. th bank. X-FRA, Radiohead, they're there. Like everything they ever do, that's grown on me more and more. That's brilliant. XFM, 104. the 4.9, Ricky Jovey, Steve Merchant, Carl Pilkin. Wow, you know what it's time for, don't you? Oh, chimpanzee, that chime. Oh, thi! Chian. Chian. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, thi. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the. Oh, the their. Oh, their. Oh, their. Oh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. Oh, the the the the their. Oh, the the th. Oh, the the the their. the their. their. th. their. their. th. th. th. th. their,! It always gets me that jingle. It's a joy. Once in a while, well, Carl, do you reckon you could sort out? Do you the about people to have real jingles with their name on it and don't have to say who's in the room what's happening and do their own jingles? Well, Christian's got one for it, for Monkin' use that he does. this? Because he did it ages ago. So you ripped it off? I haven't ripped it off. I said to him and said there's enough monkey news to go around. Right? Hold on now I don't want cast-offs.

I thought this was your idea. Let's not do it. But what's new from I'm watching you? What? There's monkey news out there? I mean if he wants to have a meeting in the week and say, well, this is a news the news the news the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tooomknew is tooomknew is tooomuke. the tooomuke tooomuke tooomomuke tooomknew is tooomknew is tooomknew is tooomknew. tooomknew. tooomknew. tooomknew. to tooomknew. there's there's there's there's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tooomk. tooomk. tooometeenueue. tooometeen news tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo too say well this is a news I've got. The way I see it is he can do it in the week is doing like the you know the news that's hen type monkey news news. We're on on a Saturday we're like the you know Jeremy Paxman monkey news night we look at stuff in more in depth. Well you can very much you're behind the monkey news it's true you sort of interpret it you give it your own story you're the other man you're the man you're the other man you're the other man you're the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man the other man you're the other the other the other the other the other the the other the the the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other the other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other other man man man man man man man man man man man man the monkey behind the news I mean I know that so we are so but ours isn't called monkey news anyway it's sort of generic term like the news but ours is called chimpanzee that and it yeah but he's he's seen a bit of monkey news in it I'm I said that David Attenborough did monkey news before all of us well I I've got no I've got no I news before all of us. Do that mean?

But I mean I personally don't listen to Christian because I don't get up that early. So you know I'm missing out a lot of monkey news. I mean I'm not saying I don't wish to say I don't get up that early. I'm not saying it's a bad show. My point is this. There's a lot of people I imagine who don't listen to monkey news in they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to to to they they they to to to to they're to to to to to to to to to to to to to they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to they to to they to to to to to to to they to us monkey news at the weekend with Carl Pilkington. So that's what this is. So we're doing it then? Let's play the jingle.

Oh, chimpanzee, that monkey news night. Excellent. Good, so we'll sort of get some monkey experts on maybe next week to dissect it. All right. All right. All right. it. Right. You ready? Yeah. Right. Is this monkey? Oh yeah? It's called Jack. Right. I got Pally with this bloke who worked in a railway station. How? How? Pen pals? I don't know. I didn't say all that. I'm just telling it. I'm not sure. Chalkin's on the internet.

So anyway, he's helping him out all the time. It's this fellow's job, right, to sort of make sure it's safe for the trains to come in, that sort of thing, right? But he's always working on his own, so he's got his mate jacking with him, right, this little monkey. And you know, they're having a good time, they share lunch together and stuff like that. Anyway, it gets a point when the monkey starts getting more involved presumably this is a chimpanzee as opposed to a monkey you mean when you say monkey a generic term you mean you mean you mean you mean chimps usually don't you know so the train's so clocking the fellow doing his job he's thinking I can do this all right the monkey he's helping out he's pulling down

the levers and stuff yeah so the train's sort of coming on the right line. He's clocking it, he sticks his head out of the little window, see the trains coming and that. I hope British Round are listening. Yeah. Right? In the end, the fellow who's job it is, he lost a leg for some reason, couldn't work anymore, gave Jack the job. Yes, okay. The railway company, the railway, the railway, the railway, the railway, the railway, the railway, the railway, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thathea, he's, is is, is, is, is, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's their. He's, he's, he's, he's. He's. He's is. He's. He's. He's. He's. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's, he's. He's, he's train. He's train. train. train. train. train. train. train. train. He's, train. He's, train. He's, train. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, okay. The railway company, happy with that. I'm sure they interviewed a number of people, but he was the best monkey for the job. And that's good, isn't it? Well, it's not true. Right, once again.

Well, it's not true. Don't hand Steve a piece of paper that someone put on the internet who is probably a bigger mentalist than you. That's not proof. It's not true. At no point did a railway company give a chimpanzee the job of signalmen. It was ages ago. It was ages ago. It was ages. It was a lot of the news channels. It was before trains, well it's in the 1880s, according to this piece of paper, which is what you've based your one can use on. Now of course I think ITN and a lot of the news channels they tend to get lots of independent confirmation of their news before they give it out as fact. But you've got an email from someone so let's assume that's real. It says for this Jack was officially put on the railway payroll earning two cents

per day and have half get the beer. Oh dear, he's not allowed to drink, are you? Someone emailed in actually and said, Carl, some used to go, did you die and they took your face and transplanted it onto that other chimpanzee? It would make a lot of sense. I've never seen that. He always has some have to shave right up to your eyes. You're one of them, aren't you? And I can see the growth and it comes out the top there. Are you really hairy underneath? Are you really? What's up with that? You're a humanzee, that's why you're fascinated with them and why your IQ is sort of 80? I think you might be. I don't mean there, I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. Are thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi try try try try try try try try try try try try thi are thi are thi are their their You might, I don't mean there was any, I think it was a genetic sort of, sort of throwback.

You are pretty airy. Kiora arms. Just, look give me that banana and shut up, play a record. That's mine. Cheering breaks. Average man on XFM won a 4.9. Well, nearly another show over, Carl. You know I've got a squeaky chair there. Why don't you sort that out? I have it oiled. What do you do in the week? Do you know what I mean?

Can I just nominate a woman that annoyed me today? Go ahead. Can I just tell you're the gap, big sign say mind the gap, voice on the tunnel he says mind the gap, woman steps over the gap, goes, oh that's dangerous. I was just annoying, I wanted to slap her. There's always one in there every day. So as you walked down there, I just felt like I want to squat certain people out the way. Well, we went, we're sitting down there and it's busy outside and we're going to get the back she went that's no smoking I went yeah we're not a smoke

so we sit there right we get there and there's just another there there's two women there right I'm sitting there and they light up a fag and I go to Carl it made me no smoking he went yeah so i went worse the principal rules the rules they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the they the the the the they they they they they're they they they're they they're they're the the they they they they they they they they they they the principal. In rules are there. He goes, rules? You say twat, muff and shit on air. Don't mind rules. Well, they've annoyed me now, right? So the waitress comes over and he goes, oh God, he puts it down as well. I said, duh, I don't know why I said it like this. I went, um, I thought she was no smoking. Right. She went, there. I said, no, I don't they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're annoyed. Well, well. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're annoyed. They're they're annoyed. They're annoyed. They're annoyed. They're annoyed. They're they're annoyed. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're annoyed. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're smoking she went she went she went she went she went she want to smoke I said no I don't want to smoke I don't want to smoke I don't they're smoking over there right try not to and she went oh what I told you I said no I don't want to smoke they're smoking she went

oh right and I got a move didn't I see that look around a guy like Ricker Joey's off the telly? Yeah well I can't complain now. I say if I go in I get a bad service I can't complain because I think oh look at him he thinks he'd complain so I have to do it I have to do it I have to do it um yeah you know I mean. Oh there was a oh god right right right people right right to say people right right people people know I say thank you very much I say love a show whatever I say of course and that's great and they're polite and I was in the pub the other day and I was just with Johnny and people have been coming up they go to mind about no worries at all yeah absolutely fine and um and then this woman comes up to me right and she goes th and they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're th th th the the the tho tho the tho they're tho they're they're they're they're they're they're 20-somethings, right? And they're a bit pissed up. And this woman comes up to me, right? She stands there, she goes, ah, right, we like you in our house, right?

But you're not as good as Paul Carth. And I went, oh yeah, Steve Kugin, I said he's brilliant, isn't he? She went, yeah, yeah, you're not as good as him. I went, oh well, you know, it's not bad to come second to, is it? And then, because I did that, she went, oh no, you're, you know, you're, you're, you're, you're, you know, you're great. I've just done my dissertation, I went, oh, right, it's in nursing, she went, yeah, oh, right, theyrea, you know, I could, I can, can, can, can, can, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, and, I, I, and, I, I, and, I, I, I, I, I, and, I, and, I, and, I, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I, I, I, I, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th..... And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, you, you, th. And, you, th were so nice on the bafters, I'm being nice, I'd rather, you know, I don't know you, I was like, oh God, it was embarrassing, right? And then, um, so I took a picture, right? And then she was anyway, and they sort of dragged away, and then I was going, oh, uh, I was going, oh God, I've got to go, right. I said, oh, I'm there. I said, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I, I, I was, I, I, I was, I was, oh, I was, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It was, it, it, it, it, it, it, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, so, was, was, was, was, was, so, was, so, was, it was, th. It was, th. It was, it was, it. It was, it. Iting, she sat down and I went, I'm going, and I just, I had to go. And then I was with Johnny and Johnny went, oh God, I've left my bag there. So we had to go back and go back and she's going through the bag.

And she went to me, you bastard, I'll never effing watch you again. I thought, well, I thought, well, all right. I don't know what to say. I don't to say. I don't to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. I don't to say. I've to say. I've to say. I've to say. I've to say. I've to go. I've to go. I've to go. I've got to go. I've got to go. I've got to go. I've got to go. I've got to go. I've got to go. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've to go. I've to go. I've to go. I've to go. I've to go. I've got to go. I've got to go go go. I've got to go go go go. I've got to go go go. I've got to go go go go. I've got to go. I've got to go. I've to say really. Nice to read her about language. Yeah. Oh she knew. Family pub. I know she did. I just got no time for it. I just think it's out of order. You know I mean this whole sort of notion that that if you're a celebrity you're public property I don't I just think. You know what you hear people say.

Oh, it's are today and I think well yeah thanks for watching but but we made the show and everything we put it on the TV it's not like if you get a plumber ran he does his job and work for you don't go out his house and hassle or I don't I don't seek it I don't you know I mean I don't phone up the but you know I don't try and get on the tell you know I don't try don't try don't try don't try don't try don't try don't try don't try don't try don't try don't try don't try don't try don't try try try try try try try try and try and try and try and try and to to to to to try and try and try and try and try and try try try try try try try try try try try try try try try the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the try try try and try and try and try and to to to to try and to to to to try and try out there's fewer and fewer pubs and I just go to the quiet, it's not one old bloke and a dog and it's sort of like... But most people are really... I love it, honestly, people to come up and they're polite and I like the show, it's like alcohol, it's just, oh god, it's just, yeah, they don't understand, of course they don't, you know, they're not, but to me it's the same people who behave bad in the cinema. It's just this breed of person. It just, I mean, can I put them in room 101?

Let's do that next week, shall wee? Well, we're all having a moan. Yeah, go on. Tell you who's annoyed me this week. if we were making it a little feature. Go on. David Blunkett. What's Blunkett being up to? His, uh, his reading yesterday, his dog's not, his dog's not being around your house again. No. Cause in trouble, so.

He's put a stop to people having sex outdoors. What's it? What do you mean? What's up with that? If he had sight, would he have stopped it?