The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E39 (May 17, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Blur, and out of time. They're joking, there's two hours to go. On XFM, 104.9, I'm Ricky DeVay's with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. A new leaf, a bit of a blow at the sonars. Not like that. I mean, we were taking a back. Speak for yourself. Yeah. And you know, we're taking a back. Speak for yourself. Yeah. And we've got guests, Jonathan Ross won and he has guests, so we're going to have guessing. One of which is sort of a tie-in. He's going to explain himself. It's Dr. Fox. Dr.

Neil Fox popped in for a chat. It's a pre-record. We've got that. Although live in the second hour, we're going to have a chat to the girls from Tattoo are upstairs at the moment in Capitol and they're going to pop down and have a little chat with us. So we're really trying to make this more of an interactive show. We don't know yet whether we're going to give up or not. It depends how this show goes. Yeah, look forward to that. But we've got some great, we weren't, we, we, we, we, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're to, we're to, we're to, we're to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th... And, th. And, th.a.a. We, too.a. And, too, too, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, forward to that but we've got some great, we went down to the big library so we don't have to rely on four non-blons and the two jam tracks that are up here. We went down to the big library and we've got some great track Steve haven't we? We've got some classics.

Should we play one now? Well before that I just remember that some of the criticism we received I think was that we're perhaps not taking into consideration the listeners. A lot of shows, a lot of radio shows, they cater very much to the community, to the area which they're broadcasting, they interact with the listeners. Where's the fun in that? Tell me what for me, really? I'd just like to justify why we don't tend to correspond or interact with the listeners. Here's a typical email from Vicky, theyk. th. I I I I I I I th. th. th. th. th. thiiiiii????. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. their? thi. their? their? their? their? their? they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they're, they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're they're their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. they're they're asks do you ski? Rick that's her question. Do you ski yes or no? I don't. No you don't. Right there you want. Thanks Vic. Brilliant. Keep those coming in. See he's now he's turned him against us Carl. What do you think Carl? What do you that coming later?

Black Grape, cut it, Black Grape, Cutts Heros and X-F1 and 4.9. I'm Ricky J-Aves with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington, okay? Proper, proper radio. As you know, we're a bit gutted that we won... Heroes and XFM 104.9, I'm Ricky DeVay's with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington, okay? Proper, proper radio. As you know, we're a bit gutted that we won nothing at the Sony Awards. We found out that on the panel was Dr. Fox, probably one of the greatest DJs in the world. One of the great living broadcasters. I certainly think that he's up there. With Tarant, John O'Colman. And C. And so C. And so C. And so C. And so C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. R. R. I. I. R. I. I. I. I. I. I the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We're th. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We're th. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. W. R. R. H. R. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. C. H. H. C. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I................................................ with with Tarrant, John O'Colman. And so

Chris Morse. We asked him to, he's also on the pop idol panel so he can make and break people so we asked him basically to explain himself, why did we win nothing, why were we so bad, this is what he had to say. The award guys was called the Entertainment Award. Right, now in itself I think that should probably tell you something about what should be on the tape. There should be some entertainment. And it just wasn't very entertaining. And actually.

I don't mean that sounds quite horrible. It's quite horrible. It just wasn't very entertaining. But it's just, it's just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, that, that's just, it, that's just, that's just, that's just, that's just, it, that's just, that, that, that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I, I that, I that, I, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that's just probably, I that's just probably, I that's just probably that's just probably that's just probably thi, thi, that's just probably thi, thi. thi's just probably that's just probably that's just probably that's just probably that's just probably that's just probably that, that's find entertaining? Uh, the fact that it didn't see an entertainment at all, it's part of it. I mean, it's a bit of like hell's a piece of string, isn't it? What is entertaining? We have talked about string on the show before though. Uh, then there were loads of people I've never heard of in my life.

And some of those were perhaps, the in the Midlands. I think Trent FM, they were actually pretty funny. Funny than ours. Yeah, they were actually, yeah they were funny. Yeah, they were actually funny. Yeah, they were funny. Yeah, they were actually they were funny. Yeah. I must watch that. I'm going to absolutely die laughing here. And, oh, God, it was painful. They're the today. Oh God, of humour, a bit of humour, essential, I would think to an entertainment show. A bit of prep, you know, a bit, so get in there and actually think about what it's going to do perhaps. Well, right, okay. Well, thank you, Dr. Fox, for your honesty we've got to the bottom. While you're here, can I just show you this, That lump. Do you still do prescriptions? Well, Dr. Fox there. He was, you know, he's honest, he was blunt. He was blunt. He was blunt. He was blunt. I'd like the second opinion, I only do, but he's not actually a doctor. In fact, what he used to be called Dr. Fox and now he just calls himself Neil Fox. No, he's the Neil Foxx MD. Right. He's just, I wondered, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he, he, he's, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he was just, he was just, he was just, he was, he was just, he was just, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's th. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was there was some well practice that something happened. I mean we can't... Someone was under and he sort of... Ah, I just leave it there. Because Froggy will not take that lightly. Who? Frog?

Frog? He's Dr. Frog now. He's changed. He hated Fox. But are we going to heed his criticism? Because it was about there was no preparation. We weren't funny, fair enough. Yeah. There was just really no content. We didn't the the the the the the to care to care. the to care. to care. the to care. to the to the to to to the the to the to the to the to the the their the their th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. Someone. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. I. th. th. th. the th. the th. the th. th. th. the the thro. th. th. the thro. So, th. So, enough. Yeah, there's just really no content. We didn't care about our demographic we were meant to be aiming at. Um, um, just sounds like a lot of work, all that. Uh, well, I think what we can do is we can take it all on board and immediately forget it and carry on because it's easier. What about that? Brilliant. I'll tell you what we could do though, play some bloody great tunes. Thanks very much. I'm Ricky Javais with me Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington, and it. A-Ri-Kilkintin, and it. All right? You got the style on XFM 104.9. I'm Ricky Javais with me Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkinton.

All right? Well, you know, the funny thing was, the day of the Sonies, the Rajar figures came out, that's the body that tells exactly how many listeners you've got, etc. And, um, XFM went down a little bit, across the board, except one show, Steve, that went up 34%? Keep talking. Well, I'm trying to think. Would it be Zoe Bourne? No. No. It was this little mother of a show. Really? Up 34%? Everything else went down. We went up 34%? Yeah. So maybe Dr Fox should be listening to those figures. Indeed. Yeah, we get a pay rise? Will we get a 34% pay rise, Carl? Ooh. That's a way it that's a way it works? Oh. That's a way it's a that's that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's th. thi. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's. I. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a th. It's a th. I. I. Ithe last like two years there's been nothing there and you've still been

getting the set of money, haven't you? That's the way it works. There's been what there? You're not paid per listener, aren't you? It's just, you know what? It seems like it? I think they've been to, I came in from the presenters meetings this stuff. I've never been come before. I didn't know they existed. And I just came into a noy car, it was about five to six, so I was going to get him as he knocked off. We're going to have to- Sorry, and the presenters

meeting is what, that's where they were there and quite interesting wasn't it? Kyle, you know why the figures went down a little bit? Come on, the war. Is that what they said? The war, yeah. At one point I said to Carl, just how many listeners died in this war then? Because I thought he was saying that they were at the front, or all ex-em listeners went, well I'm going to relax. Well, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, their, their, their, their, to, to, to, to, their, their, their, their, their, to, their, their, their, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, to, to, they's, they're, they're, they're, they're, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's, they's. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they're, their, they're, tho, the front. All the X and them listeners went, well I'm going, I'm going to relax. Well the reason our listener... Tell Zoe to tape it for me. The reason our listener

show it went up is that that just told you who's listening to us? Cowards, yellow bellies, children, women, people with fallen arches, terrorists. Oh dear. Yeah I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, it was quite a good, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. th. th. th. th. th. to, well, to, to, to, well, to, to. to. to. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, tell, tell, tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, to. Tell, was quite a good meeting now I'd talk to... So what exactly, is there anything I missed out on? Is it important information? You know, it went down a little bit except our show which went up 34%? Up 34% with no awards for that. And then you went out out afterwards didn't you? Yeah, yeah, we went to, uh, into a bar so to a couple of drinks and that. And then a few of them went on to Stringfellers. No they didn't. No, some of them did. Zoe did. Who?

Zoe and a few of the office people and that. I went on. Yeah. To what? To watch lap dancing? To beat? Yeah. Yeah, that's what goes on there, isn't it? I know, it's mad, isn't it? I've never been to spring photos, I don't know what happened to say.

But, no, why would they... I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I was talking to people about it the day after. And they said, oh, you missed out? I said, well What is it? It's basically someone dancing naked rubbing their ass in your face. Yeah. That's basically the gist of it is it? But you can't, the rules is you can't touch. Do they do a home service?

I just think it's just, it's nearly, I'm gotta be careful I say here, but it's sort of, you know, I'm not dissing string fellows or anything, but is that not sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, but it's sort of, you know, I'm disin Springfellows or anything, but is that not sort of like one step down from prostitution? That's such an antiquity. What, you know what, I mean, from the 19th century? No, but I mean, what, it's like, it's, what, I don't quite understand it. I, I, I, have you, I don't get it. I said, I th, I th, I th, I don't, I th, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, don't, I don't, I don't, I don't get it. Because the thing is, I said how does it work? They said, you pay 20 quid. You get some clean money sort of like little vouchers that you stick in the knickers or whatever.

Oh God, clean money? Yeah. Disinfected money? Okay. I just like vouchers. Can you put loose change in there? Because I got a lot of it. But, um, yeah, 20 quid it is. Right. And, I just don lot of it. But, um... I owe you. Yeah, yeah, go on. 20 quid it is. Right. And, um, I just don't get it because, I mean, I'm not tight with money or anything, but you pay you 20 quid, they dance in front of you, but you're not allowed to touch, which to me is like, going to a restaurant, ordering a nice big-born dinner, how they put it in front of you and it's like well you can't eat it and you're saying what it's going cold? I remember the idea of some bloke sitting in Stringfellow's businessman right

it's basically £20 there's an ass waving his face and he's going can I'm not just they go don't try to go it's going it's going cold it's going cold! Look at it! Look at it's going cold! Oh that is brilliant!'s going cold. I mean, see, Carl in the week was saying that he doesn't like sayings and phrases and metaphor and analogy and I was going, you know, and he thinks it's sort of like, you know, one set away from poetry, but he comes out with the most evocative phrases. That, that is a straightforward analogy. Lap dancing is like being given a meal that you can't eat. See that's that's great. That's how you saw it and that's so much better than saying it's

it's mad you can't touch or it's a waste or you see what I mean? I was trying to, we were trying to inflame his enthusiasm in the week and I said about different phrases and that he goes well why not just say the actual words I was going well it's more poetic and I told him the Isaac Newton one if I have seen further than any other man it's because I've stood on the shoulder of the giants and I said well that's because you know I'm getting lauded for being a great scientist and all these discoveries and being a genius but I'm saying, you know, if it wasn't for those scholars before me that had come up with, you know, I wouldn't have got this far.

Carl went, what did you say? I just said, well, I prefer him to give me a name check. Do you know what I mean though? Do you know what I mean though, if you stood there are mention. If you were one of the other scholars? Yeah. Yeah, I think there were probably people that died sort of years before him. I think he's saying more that he's thanking the body of work these scientists and these great men had handed down, you know, through either books, material teachings. He's not giving a big shout out to the collective science posse. Yeah. Yeah, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thuan, thuan, than, than's than's than, than, than, than, than, than, than, thi, thi, he's, thi, he's, thi, thi, thu an thu an thu an thu an thu an thu an thu an thu an thu an thu an thu an thu an thu and, thu and, thuan, thuan, thuan, thuan, thu andue, than, than, than, thanananan, thananananan, thananan, thanananan, thananananananan, thanananan, than, yeah. You know, thank you. Actually I copied Nigels.

It's not saying that. I was like, ear-wigging. I heard what Nigel said about it, about the third law. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean I look into saying some stuff more and see if they were. Well one that happened a couple of weeks ago, right? You were talking about the, you can't, you can't have the cake, you can't, you can't, you can't, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, their, th, their, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thin, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I... I, I, I, I, I, I, I......... I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm their, I'm their, I'm th. I'm th. I'm not, th. I'm not, th. I'm not, th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. th. Yeah, I'm eat it. Yeah well I never understood that because I thought well what's the point of having your cake and I eaten it rather like your lap dancing analogy but it actually means you can't have eaten your cake and still have it there obviously well the time that I saw that same work right I was in as there with Suzanne and do you know those big binders you get with nice cakes in them yeah for birthdays and that you can get one with like David Beckham on the front of it yeah can have one

with you know thumbus tank engine if you want wickage of eight yeah yeah you can have one of them and I saw one of those comedy ones where it is like a big pair of breasts yeah that that tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th the the th the th the th that that the that that th that the the th th th the the that the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thin. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th is the the the the the the the the the the th is the th is th is th is the the is the is the is the is the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean. theeeee. thee. the.. And that is when, you know, you can have your cake and eat tit. Play record. No, but you see what I'm saying? Play record. Don't go, I want to talk to you about puns. Just... Classibo! This picture with the androgynous vocal talents at the helm of Brian Maloco on XFM 104.9. Informed Broadcaster. Excellent. Did you see, I think, I'm sure, I don't know if

Carl saw it, I know you watched it, Rick. The, it was extraordinary, it was a Sky One TV there the night. It was something like reality TV. I got what it was called. Yeah, and it was it was about basically what the fortune. I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I It was something like reality TV. I got what it was called. Yeah. And it was about basically what the fortunes of various. I cannot get enough of it. The fortunes of various reality TV stars since they've come out of the show. Christine Hamilton out coming out of the jungle. And obviously once again always a pleasure to find out what Fats Waller is up to Rick Waller. I mean, extraordinary. He's got his own band. He was playing his the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their f. He's got their f. I was t. I was t. I was the f. I the fortunes of the fortunes of f. I the fortunes of f. I the fortunes of f. I the fortunes of f. I the fortunes. I the fortunes. I the fortunes. I the fortunes. I the fortunes. I the fortune. I the fortune. I's got. I's got. I's got. I's got the fortune. I's got the fortunes of f. I was got the fortunes of f. I was t. I was tune. I was tune. t. tune. t. t. te. te. te. te. I was fortunes of fortunes of fortunes of fortunes of fortunes of fortunes of f. He was playing in some club in Rochester. There was about 20 people in the audience. That sort of soul gospel rock thing like somebody's here in the commitments to summer. And when it cut to the audience, it was like it was in butlins and it was just

a big dance floor and there's just people like watching differently and he went, the people that were here loved it. I mean it's a bit sad. And I'd have to say the size of to say to say to say to say to say the the to say the the size. the size. the size. the the size. that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that's that. that. that. that. that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their th. th. their th. th. th. th. The size of the man, his leather jacket, Carl, was extraordinary. I don't know how many animals had to die to make it. It was like, you know, it was unbelievable. If he had fallen off, it would have been like the Hindenburg. Yeah. Because, uh, all the humanity. It was people's. I still think, when I see wearing a coat like that, it looks like, he's like a kid like it looks like, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th. It was like, it was like, to thi, it was like, it was like, to thi, it was like, thi, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, to, to, to, to, like, to. It was like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, to. It was like, to. It was like, to to to to th. It was like, thi. It was like, th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. two other people. And it's just a joke. It's like a circus act or something. Yeah. Because his head doesn't make, it doesn't make sense. It looks like it's one of those things that you steam yourself in.

You put your head out of that. Is that a machine you're in? No, it's a coat. Or one of the first series of I'm a celebrity getting me out of here, but it showed once again the moment with Darren Day, a lovely guy, but that moment where he went off and sat on a rock and came back and he'd written a song, I know. It was just, and I can't, it was also, it was also, it was sort of things'd write when you were 14. It was unbelievable, when they showed it again, it's just stunning. I love songs you write when you're 14. It's like your first sort of like song you could, you know,

three chords and it's always, it's always stuff like, there's a man, he's a lonely man, take a look at him, he looks a bit like me. Yeah. It that sort of thing like we want to play it with someone and you want them to go, my God you're deep. My God you're brilliant, aren't you? And that's about you is that. Oh yeah, it is, yeah. I have to say this is such a total confession. When I was doing a school play once, when I was about at age 15, right? There was a girl who was in the cast and there was a girl, the girl, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, thin, there, there, there, thin, thin, thin, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, my tho, my tho, my, my tho, my tho, my tho, my tho, my tho, my, my tho, my, my, my, my, my, my th, my, my th, my, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th, my th.. My th. My tho, my tho, my tho, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, my god, she sort of, you know, she was giving me the eye. I was thinking, yeah, well, I kind of thought she was, right? And there was class. But there was another guy, there was another guy there as well. I was sort of competing for her affections. Oh no. And he was quite witty guy. His name was Scott the the long blonde hair. Exactly. And I thought, well, way to impress her, because I was 15, because I was, because I was, because I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was 15. I was a. I was a. I was a. I was a. There, there, there, there, there, there, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There, there. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There, there. There, there. There was a way, there. There was a way, there was a way, there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a there was a way, there. There was a way, there. I sat in one of the adjoining dressing rooms reading a copy of the philosophical

book Zen in the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which I didn't understand but we're sat there reading it in the hope that she would walk in and think, my God, you're reading Zen in the art of motorcycle maintenance. You don't go with the crowd, you don't want to come next door where we're talking about nonsense and people are fl. We're talking about the bangles and pretty really. You're in here saying look just if you want to come and talk to me you're welcome but I'm a think I'm a think. I thought you're like Jesus Christ I know I've never met anyone like him. That is genius. I remember what the one time she she accidentally walked in she went oh oh sorry wrong wrong. Oh the one the one the one wrong. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I. I. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the the one. the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I'm. the. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the the the the again. And that was it. Sorry at 15 so this is about the time you took to wearing a bowtie to impress people. I'm slightly younger wearing a bowtie. I love that. No I used to watch a lot of Harold Lloyd films and he always

seemed to do you very well. I love it. I love the idea of 15 you going well well. Well it's the time I went to wooing the bow w wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo a the the the to to to the to to to to to to the to the to the the to the to the the to to the to to to to to to to to wear to wear to wear to to to to to the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the tie. I tie. I tie. I tie. I tie. I tie. I tie. I the tie. I the the tie. I tie. I the tie. I the wooing. Right. On with a bow tie, where's the zen? Where's the pipe and my boat turn? It's a time I got me a bow. I love that. But songs are great as well. The other thing you do, sort of when you're up 15 and 16, is start writing songs about, like the world's trying to try and they try to drag me down it's like you want to be cool Han Loo yeah they put me in this emotional prison the man's on my back who yeah yeah they they try and

take a piece of me who who you do wow you're fourteen parents and that you're really comprehensive the teachers yeah I I absolutely love it I still remember a poem I like to say his name. We're about 1415 and we had to write a poem and obviously everyone was pretty rubbish but we mercilessly took the piss out of this bloke because I still remember the poem. And how he did it is he went through a dictionary and found things with that and I, this is a poem right, okay, remember? I've remembered this for 25 years right the reason why the reason why the reason why I had to die did I bleed the blood of greed what was my destiny and we're with this we were laughing I mean for a year we would go well

what was my destiny it was just great it was just great the reason why the reason why the reason, the reason why I had to die, did I bleed the blood of greed, what was my destiny? Oh, that's almost as catchy as monkey news. Oh God! Oh, I've got some monkey news for you. Let's play a record and come back, and I've got some great monkey news for you, Carl. That's from the REM album that people tend to forget about now because it was so kind of poppy and such a massive hit out of time, but there are some good tunes on it. And there's one of them, near Wild Heaven.

Excellent, on AxeFM 104. Carl. Go on. Watching a program yesterday, and it was about these Japanese snow monkeys. And it was all about how animals learn things that aren't instinctive, particularly primates because they see other people doing it, and they start a culture. And they can pinpoint when these monkeys, when one monkey first went down and got in the hot water springs and stayed there because it was hot and the others copied them and now it's

part of almost a culture you know that won't be handed on because it's not instinct but has to be learned each time and you know and they they're they groomed other monkeys right but they're really intelligent and obviously the reason they groom other monkeys is because they're really intelligent and obviously the reason they groom other people other other monkeys is because they eat the mites but also the monkeys have learned they like being groomed okay so they showed this one monkey it went to a deer okay and it was grooming this deer to get its

mite off it right but then it didn't eat it it held in its hand it it went over to a monkey put off it right? But then it didn't eat it, it held in its hand, it went over to a monkey, put the mite on itself to show the monkey it had a mite and got a free grooming. That's extraordinary. That's extraordinary. That is because it gave up the food knowing that if you put one there, this monkey would look for mites on it and it would get a free grooming and it was like having a little massage. What do you think that? It's not bad I've got some better stuff coming up later. On monkey news, on the official. Yeah do you see that just see what do you want? Mine though, mine's true. I mean that's an interesting and extraordinary. It actually happened. It's social behavior amongst pro-a-nosed.

It actually happened. It's social behavior, I it, I I I I I I I that's that's that's that's that's didn't rob a bank and it didn't open a hairdressers oh my oh so that's what you're letting you that's where I am it's not quite good enough is it my monkey news I got some see the difference where I named the species explained it slightly told you in fact as opposed to there's this monkey right and uh look at him looking at you. Yeah, it's not interested with it. Can I tell you now, can I try and describe for people the face that Carl has? I'll tell you what it's like, it's like if you draw some eyes and nose and a mouth on a balloon and then inflate it to about half full. That's what Carl's head looks like. He looks like a face you've drawn on a balloon. Very small, the rest of the head huge.

It's just like today, I'm a bit tired, right? That's one thing. Why are you a bit tired? I just haven't been sleeping, right? Why not? I don't know. I've got a lot going on in the head. Oh, if this would be like a lot of Simpsons. If we wee we th we thia we thia we thia we thian thian thian thian thian thian thian, thian, thian, thian, thian, th, th, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, I th, I th, I thi, I thir, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm like, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm that, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I th. I th. I that, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a tho, I'm a tho, I'm a toda, I'm a today, I'm a today, I'm a that's that's that's today, I'm a that's that's talking about like stuff that I can't relate to and that. So I'm writing poetry. Like what? Reading books. What? What did you do? That school they didn't bother. They tried to get us to write more, right? By giving you a pen? They used to give us the school diaries, little red book. And it was a way that they kept an eye on what you were doing out of school hours. Right, so some kids would write down, you know. Stole a bike, burn a house down, yeah. But when I was at

school, around that sort of 12 age, I didn't get up too much, you have no money, you know what you can do. So every night it was the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. You're the same. You're the same. the same. You're the same. the same. the same. I the same. I the same. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. I was they's. I was they's. I was they's. I was they's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I. I. I's. I's. I's. I's their. I's their. I's their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm to t. I'm te. I'm te. I'm te. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm you have no money, there's no what you can do. So every night it was the same thing I'd get home and I'd have to go to the shop, right, and get some potatoes and some bread every night. And I kept taking this into school. So what was it, Dublin in the 17th century? What do you mean every day you went to the shops and got potatoes and bread? That's what that's what the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that that that that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd th. I'd th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that, I that, I that, I'd that, I'd that's that that that that that that that that that to that to that that to to to to that that that that that that what I had to get all the time. Why? What did you have? Chip sandwiches? Yeah. So you went to the... Yeah, you went there. We kept putting that in a diary, you know, every night saying, went to U-Phase. Yeah, that was the name of the shop. What is it called? You-U-Fase. What is it, you or you? Like H-U-H-U-H-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I, I, I, I that that that I? I, I that that that that that in that in that in that in that in that in that in that in that in th. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-h. W-I-I-h. W-I-I-I-I-I-h? th? th? th. What is it? U or U? Like H U G H. H.

H, yeah. Oh, that was his name. U phase. I used to go there, get the potatoes and bread and that. I have to that someone who's named a shop after themselves. I'm not going to say what we say. It's named after me or nothing. and red, white sliced loaves, king Edwards. And the teacher used to always say, just write something different in there, make something up.

Because like, you know, Monday Tuesday, all the way through to Friday every night, it was just, went to you, phaise. So you sort of, you, are you sure it wasn't an advert? Sure it wasn't paying you to say, was my birthday and I had to buy a cake. Potatoes and a cake? And she said, oh that's good. That was my 13th birthday. My mom said, I got on from school. She said, oh you're 13 today, you're 13 today,

go and get a cake. Teenage, a big, thii!. that's. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi! thi! tho. tho. thate. that. that. tho. tho. tho. tho. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And tha. And tha. And tha. And to. And toea. And toea. And toea. And toea. And toea. And toea. And toe. And toe. And t Oh by the way, you're 13th today, go and get a cake. Brilliant, big surprise? Was it a big surprise? Yeah, yeah that is brilliant. I love it. That's the only sort of writing. What are they never asked you to write essays or stories? Did you never write a story or a poem? The stories I did earlier on were you know you made them upthem up, but it was that thing that I'd always end them with, and an alarm went off and it was all a dream. I mean, it was a bit of a... I mean, it was a bit of a... I was the treatment that I would have been a treatment. That I went to shout some potatoes and bread of bread.

But did you ever do anything, you know adventure when you're a spaceman or you were you were a cowboy or no? All the teachers had scams going on so like in English right you'd go in there and the teacher would say right what we're doing today is got a load of brochures from Thompson but they say like 1983 on the front so I've got a load of stickers here that's in 1984. Let's see how many you can do in half an hour. You tod. You tod. You tod. You're. You're. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're thi. You're tho' tho' tho tho tho you're you're you. You're you. You're you. You're you. You're you. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. You're the the the their. their. their the. the. theateateateate. theateateate. theate. theateatea. thea' were their the. You're the. 1983 on the front so I've got a load of stickers here that say in 1984 let's see how many you can do in half an hour you are joking did you go to school with Oliver Twist sorry you are joking I'm not that's what they did so the teacher must have been getting like a freebie or something for helping them out you you as this honest honestly yeah that is that is fantastic they were all all they're all other than Mr. Fagin, you had...

Yeah. And then when they saw a karate kid, they had every kid washing their car go, wax on, wax off, hurry up. I'm teaching you some but wax on, wax off, paint the fence. So I'm just saying, you know, that's why I'm a bit quiet because you're talking about stuff I can't relate to. And why didn't you sleep sleep sleep thak thak thua sleep to thua sleep to to to to to to to to to to to to to thua sleep to to to to thi. thi. to to relate to? And why didn't you sleep last night? I'm just, I haven't slept well since I was about 12. Do you sleep well? Wait, wait, wait, you can't let go. I haven't slept well since I was 12. What do you mean? Do you know, like a proper...

I used to love going to bed as like a kid. Yeah. Whereas now it's like, oh, am I going to sleep tonight tod. And I, I, tha tha tha, tha, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, since th, since thi, since thi, since th th th th th th, since th, since th, since I th, since I was about, since th, since th, since th th th th th th th th thi, since th thi, since thi, since thi, since thi, since thi, since thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. th Whereas now it's like, oh am I going to sleep tonight? I sort of wake up about four times. Whereas when you're a kid, I remember really loving, like going out of bed. There was one time where I actually laughed myself to sleep, because I couldn't believe me luck. Is that so wrong with him? What do you think you laugh? Have you ever had it when you're really tired and you get in bed in the pillars for you? Yeah, it's all cold.

And it's like, I can't believe this. And it happened twice, once when I just went to bed and I was really looking forward to it and also when I helped my dad out once, like through the night he worked at this paper company right and I upped him out and I got in at about four in the morning with him, got in bed and I just was like I was laughing my head off I had to put the pillar over my head because I couldn't believe me look at like I was like oh this is great this I'm going to sleep. I just have to say life up north is so extraordinary. But you must be the easiest kid in the world to please. No wonder she knew she could just go get a cake. It's sort of like, what was he expected we were to say?

You were expecting an extra hour in bed, but we got in the teak as well. I love that. I love that. A brilliant. Yeah, how long is it before you got to do you used to do you used to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do it before to do it before to do it before to do it before to do it before to do it before to do it before to do it before to do it before to do it before to do it to do it to do it to do it to do it to do it to do before to do it to do to do to do it to do it to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. No, it's just that thing of when you're really tired and... Did you ever do this with Suzanne then? Do you ever laugh yourself to sleep with her? No, that's what I mean. She can't do because you're chuckling away. I'm just, I don't know, what's up with me? I've got a lot going on? I'm today. I don't know. I was talking to the security bloc up before, I before, to to to to to the security before, th before, th before, th before, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th you, do th you, do th you, do thi. Do you thi thi, do thi, do you thi, do you tho, do you tho, do you to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th you th you the the th you the the the the th you the th you th you th you th you th you th you thi, do thi, do their thi. Do you their their their their their their their their their theeu-s theea'a' th by that I'm sure going up to Selma and going, have you got a lot going on your head? That is brilliant. It worries me, it's interesting that your lack of sleep coincides with the diaries and

the writing of the bread and potato story every day. I don't know if once you had that responsibility. Why don't you every night go to Hugh Faye's, get some bread and potatoes, you don't have to eat them, then go to bed and I think you'll be chuckling yourself to sleep in no time. I'm stunned at Carl's rudeness, okay? That's badly drawn boy by the way, all possible is. There's a lovely chap just calls in saying about, and Carl, because the records end, and he doesn't say, oh I've got to go to the records end, he went, yeah. And he, but, so... It's putting them off? Well, just check him he's still there. He doesn't want to be on radio. He said he didn't want to be on the radio the radio the radio should apologize. I'm still here, hello? Hello? I'm still here. I did ask not to be put live on radio because I get very embarrassed. Don't worry, all we want to say, I just wanted to apologize for Carl's curtness and his rudeness and his rudeness. Now, all I want to say is the station is good because you couldn't have a worse slot in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to play on on on on on on the the the the the to play on to play on the the to be to be to be to be to be on to be on to be to be on to be on to be on to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be on live live live live live live live live live. I the the the the the the the the their. I. I. I. I. I. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. th. I've. th. I are doing the punting, the racing, the football and whatever. The thing is

the state you play, if you want to get number one... Is his ex-fair not regular two? If you want to be the top, all you got to do is start playing Natalia and break and you know and have your audience with one puker hair between four legs okay thank you when Christian got a little bit sick about me and 13 then he got the goal whatever you're the soundest station in the area you cover I don't like all the stuff you play the station plays but you're actually doing what's there thank you very much you go in you keep going persevere and you'll it's well worth listening to anyway, okay?

Thank you, cheers. Otherwise, I would... Can you hear us? Thank you, bye. Yes, mate, be careful, yeah. I mean, I can see what you cut him off. No, stop it. Right.

We've had so many calls. the calls. they. . . . from Ned saying talk about Jimmy Saville, John in North London. I've just got John in North London. What does he want to talk about? Oh, forgotten. Becca from Liverpool wants to talk about Tracy Herman and Damienhurst. Are there, Paul Andrews, your

mum called, stop calling her, turn her to listen to XFM. Yes, you Paul Andrews is about 38 at home with your wife and kids. Your mum just called in. I think someone wanted amazing monkey facts. I can't even do this right, can I? To be honest with you, last week we were slagging off Carlos being the weak link in this show. I think it's clear what the weak link is. Oh God, who's the bloke who wants to, Haley, to go with him to X-Men. See I shouldn't make notes. What's wrong with you? If you didn't spend so much time squeezing his head and eating pies, we might get something done. Right, okay,

what should we talk about then? Tracy, um, Tracy Edmund, make your bed. David Ayers, stop cutting up sharks and things. Um, Picasso. All right? Right, rockbusters. What have you got for us, Carl? Right. There you go then. There's three clues.

Three cryptic clues, a couple of initials, email in, Ricky Do you want to go through your stuff? You get them? You're definitely improving yourself as weeks go on. We've got a three CD set of the best of in spiral carpets. How do they strangle it over three CDs I've no idea. Yeah, I know. Extraordinary. A number of other CDs, all of which are okay, plus a t-shirt and a copy of Marion Jeff's series one on DVD. Not bad at all. Well, he's noticed X-Men 2, that. thii. th-in. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they' th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they' th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th..... And............................................................ with what's his name? Shut up! Okay right go on Carl. Clues are clue one. That's

that's uh... Oh they're having problems then. Oh this is right brilliant Robbusters this is what we're telling you for. I tell you what I think Foxy was really soft on us I think oh go on this is what we tune in for okay so this this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is th th th. th. th. This is th. This is th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm thi the thi. I th. I thi. I thi. I's is thi. I's is thi. I's is what thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. This is what we're tuning for, okay so this one again. So go on. This is brilliant, come on. This is like who wants your millionaires? Clash. Come on, Carl. Don't worry about him. He doesn't understand radio, Carl. I heard his show before he had as he was doing it. It sounded just like Dr. Fox. Go on. Clue one. They're having problems. They're having problems. They're they're they're having problems they haven't got any rice. Say it again and say it like it's written down, right? Say it like it's like you're reading it as opposed to making it up as you go along. I know you are, but say it again, because all the ums and theirs, people think are integral. They're having problems. They're having problems, they haven't got any rice left. It's different! A crypticlu every word that's. They're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. Say their their their they's their their their. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say they're they're they're say. Say they're say they're say they're say they're say they're say they're say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. They's. They's. They's. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're say. Say they're they're't got any rice left. It's different!

A crypticlu every word! That's the matter! And what's the initial? C.C. C.C. and the clue again. They're having a few problems in that, because they haven't got any rice left. Different every time!

Ah! Go, that number one. The Jordie fella doesn't know what he's been charged for. Ah, okay, and what's the initials there? BW. The Jordy fella doesn't know what he's been charged for. Right. And the final one, if he had two bricks and he had to throw him at two women right? Right, you've got to go through this without going... Right?

Oh, just do it again. Just say again, think what you're going to say, then say it. I had two bricks. Oh, no, it was if I had before. Well, I've got a... Stop it, isn't it? Stop it, because I'm going to burst. Right, Carl, what are you going to say? Say?

Right. Okay, just calm down. Okay, right. I had two bricks to throw out two women and I didn't hit either of them. Right? Okay. The initials M.M. Right. So quickly again. I've got that. And it's brilliant. That is a brilliant one. Okay. Right. They've run out of rice. They've got problems on their hands. C.C.

Right? The second one, Jordy fella doesn't know what he's being charged for, right? BW. And I had two bricks to throw out two women, didn't it any of them, right? That's M. M in, Ricky dot Jovee, so XFM, Brilliant, play a record. Win some stuff. It's an email only, Ricky. JVN. to XFM. Oh. Oh. White Stripes, Seven Nation Army. On XFM, one of 4.9.

Carl, are you thinking of starting a family? Only if like an accident happened or something. Yeah, were you there Rick when we were talking about this the other day? Oh, yeah, no. What did you say, Carl? We're talking about his career and that, because he's on MTV and I was going, oh, you got to do this now, he's going, look if it happens, it happens, I said to say if it happens, it happens, she goes, well what are your plans? the same with a baby, she said, are we going to have kids or not, and go, look, if it happens it happens, it happens, I go, how would it happen? I go, well, how would it happen? I Yeah. You're an accident. I love that. The romantic nature of that is just an accident. But you know, it doesn't matter. That

makes a lot sense. Yeah, but it doesn't matter. Do many people sit down and say, right? Do you think we should? Yes. Well, I stay lay down. Yeah. I'm busy. I'm busy. You can't sit down and you haven't got time for that discussion. No, it doesn't mean the conception, I think it means bringing up a child until it's 18. But the thing is as well, it's one of them, isn't it? It's like if you think about having one, you go, well, the sort of negatives outweigh the positives, I think. Right? But if you have one, you go, oh, it's not that that's So what are the positives and what the negatives? Uh, like I say, the negatives outweigh it. I can't think of that many positives. They're getting away, don't they? Uh, cost you a lot. Costs a lot of money. Saying we marriage, like Susan saying, well we get married, so what's it for? Well marriage doesn't cost anything? Well, marriage doesn't it to the registry office, and th. Well, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Well, th. Well, thi thi' thi' thi' thi' their their their that's thi's, thi' their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I I I their, I their, I their, I their, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi thi thi thi, I thi, I' thi's thi, thi's thi's thi's thateea' thatea' thateatea' thateateateatea' thoooooooooo' their their the registry office and then buy a house. But then what's the point? Well tax breaks, you know, presents. I don't think you get them anymore.

Don't you? I looked into that. Don't you? I looked into that. You are romantic. You are romantic. What do you want to have a ring or a 3% saving? Yeah. Yeah. That is great. I love. I love I love it I love I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I love. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't think. I don't think. I don't think. I don't think. I don't think. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I don't see the point anywhere. I got down on one knee and presented with some inland revenue forms. Yeah, yeah. Just to show the benefits. That is great. I mean if you are planning it, I think you've got to involve me and Steve in the radio station because it'll be, I mean you take quite a lot on, don't you? So if you've got a kid and you're not and you're not sleeping, you have steps since you're 12, you've got th, you, you, you, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, you're th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's th. that, that's th. that, that's that, that's th. th. th. th. That, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that's that, to that, to that, that, that's that, that's that, that, that, that, that, that you've got MTV, you've got a kid, you know it might be one step too far because I wouldn't want, I wouldn't want to push you over the edge. Let's see, go on, sorry. No, I just was going to say I was talking to Susan last night about it and saying, you know, uh, about earning money and that and she said, well you happy staying at home and doing nothing maybe looking after a kid I said Ooh, so that's not happening

Right I said I could have a load of money now took to why I could have won want some money and I wouldn't tell you I still want So that sort of that check offer for every month because we get a check offer to sort of pay the bills. Yeah, I think you need to keep that? Yeah, I thr the the the the the their th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their the their their their their that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's that's that's that's to keep that in a relationship. Do you know what I mean? Work as a team. Yeah. Yeah, that's not working as a team. Of course it is. Well no, you share everything. Sharing everything is working as a team, whether you earn most or their moushions. But you're stashing some 35 grand back. It's not like you thinks that it'd be the worst thing that could happen if we got a load of money.

Because she'd want to go to Egypt, Taita I'm not going. Why would you want to go to Egypt? I don't, that's what I said. Why did she want to go to Egypt? So the incredible wonders of the pyramids and the sphinx and so on, that's not of any interest to you. I've seen it though on the telly and that. I don't, I don't want to go all that way just to see it. Exactly.

Exactly. That's probably, yeah. To experience other cultures, other lifestyles, the mind. Well, you don't seen yet. Yeah. Okay, well, so, so you don't want to make enough money, you don't want to make a lot of money because you're worried that Susanne might want to go to Egypt. And then that'll be...

And that's going to tell you. I don't want to tell her that. I can still to spend it? When you turn it up in a big converted limer goes, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da come on we're going to a bingo. Where'd you get the car from? Never they mind. Right? Won't you be suspicious? When you've got a pet chimp? You know what are you? I mean, what are you, I mean, yeah what would you spend it on? It's, I'm you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go go to go to go on, to go on to go go on to go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, to get to get to get to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the to, to, the the to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to go, to to to to to the to the the you want for? No, I've never... No, there's now at the moment, honestly, it's... I'm quite happy. Do you know what I mean? I don't ask for much. But you're not happy.

You're always winging and moning. Always winging. Clearly, there's something wrong. What, if someone gave you, Okay, right, let's be serious there we don't talk about billions right but if someone gave you a cash injection just a one-off cash payment of 250,000 pounds okay what would you do with it I mean that's too easy because that should obviously be a house that should be the best house you can find in probably want to go see a tornado right that's on your list

so it's so you know in many ways it's so sweet but you know I want to I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to to to the the the to to to the to the to try. I I try. I try. I toea. I one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one try. I toe. I thoea. I the the the the on your list. Okay. So it's so... You know, in many ways it's so sweet, but I want to shake him. Can I just point out to you, Carl? I don't know if you know this, but if you get caught in a tornado, you do not whisk off into the magical land of Oz. And land somewhere nice. Yeah, and crush your wish. Yeah. It doesn't happen. It's quite dangerous. But you go in to to to to fair enough. Number two? What brochure is that in? That one's Texas, isn't it? Okay. Oh. Number two? Uh, Texas? So he's got tornado number one? Number two? It's Texas, isn't it?

It's Kansas, I think, mainly. Well, can I just, I noticed someone's emailed here a link for can you believe you like car monkeys for sale now I don't endorse this in any way but here you are here's a monkey for sale here oh that's terrible two thousand five hundred dollars it says male very smart little guy loves to play and gives kisses whereas diapers and clothes has been around lots of people and loves them healthy and loves to eat. Sounds like Ricky. Well it wasn't Carl but it says loves to be around people.

Yeah, there's a Gibbon there, a Gibbon for... It's surprised you though. It's like that Donald McIntyre program we did, that Cheapest Chimps. He didn't do a program called Cheapest Chimps. He didn't do a program called play record a minute play record oh crack in tune now if you're down in Texas chasing your tornado this will be on your stereo surely surely if you're in Alabama it would be in equally doesn't even go to a lot of Texas that's what it's tornado is right you're

not listening to what he says? It's Kansas. It's Kansas. It's Kansas. to Kansas. I'm going to Skinner the course, Sweet Home Alabama. Always worth a play, I think maybe once a month. Yeah. Brilliant. Carl, we're talking about having kids and stuff. I've always been quite thankful that Ricky's never wanted to have kids because, I just think he would set the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst the worst to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to have kids because I just think he would set the worst example for a child that you possibly could do.

Just in conversation the other day, he just happened to mention that he's taken to eating in the bath. Well, let me explain some of it. Let me explain some of it. Right. I've got busy schedules. Yeah. I've got a busy schedule. I meet Steve at a certain time and I go I'll go at 3.30 today Steve I'm working out at 4 I work out 4 to 5 I have to have some of it to eat before I go out and offer

to meet Johnny for a beer at 6 or some or something or somewhere so I thought oh god if I go on and have a bath straight after then I have something to eat I got sometimes there's chicken legs right and they're greasy so one day I'll the bath the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to eat I'll to go I'll to eat I'll to eat I'll to eat I'll to eat I'll to eat I'll to eat I'll to eat I'll to eat I'll to have some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some c. I'm sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes. I'm sometimes. I'm sometimes. I'm sometimes. I'm sometimes. I'm sometimes. I'll sometimes. I'll sometimes. I'll sometimes. I'll sometimes. I'll sometimes. I hold on, I'll go to the bath with the chicken eggs, I'll eat them in the bath and it's brilliant so I'm sitting in the bath, I eat the chicken egg, it's really greasy, right? I just throw it in the bin, go under the water, come up, I'm clean. I've eaten, I'm clean, I'll get dressed, I'll get dressed, I'll eat it the thrown, I'm clean, I'm clean, I'm clean, I'm clean, I'm clean, I'm clean, I'm the and the good thing like that is that when I come home I threw beers and I'm eating the chicken I was only bread bread left I just wipe it around the bath I got a lovely bread and dripping sandwich that's not true that bit but I do I do I do eat in the bath I'd the second week of doing it I was just eating in the bath I think I was in chicken next chicken next to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the I got j jink I got jink I got jink I got jane I got I got I the bat I'm just just just I'm just I'm just I got I'm I got I'm I got I'm I got I'm I'm I got I'm I'm I'm I got I the the the the the the the the the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I the I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I thin I th I th I th I th I th I th I thin I th I th I th I thin I th I thin I th I th I thin I at me and she went, Christ, Caligula. What? Just to meet a fat Roman Emperor eating

eating. Caligula, to be honest, is just too cool and impressive. Not Caligula, old man steptoe. Have you seen the one reason the mouth eating the pickled onions? No. He's sat in the bath, he's just too, he's just too to the bath eating some pickled onions, some of them slip under the water, he fishes the mate put them back in the jar. I'd never do that. No, you'd eat them. You would never eat them. You would let food go bite like that. But it's so... But it's the fat, it's chicken, it's big, greasy slaps a chicken, you're throwing the bones for the wolves to stain them. I'm putting them. I'm putting the w put the w put the w put their their their their. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd their their, I'd their their their, I'd their, I'd their their their their their their their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their, I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their. I'd their, I'd their. I'd their. I'd their, I'd to eat. I'd to eat. I'd to eat. I'd to to to to eat to eat to to eat their- I'd to eat their- I'd their- I'd to eat. I'd their. I it's really rude. I don't know, I'm what... Yeah, you're criticizing him for biting his nails? Yeah, you don't know where they've been. You eat chicken in the bath and then go under the water and come up clean while sat in some water swimming with grease and fat and chicken bones. Yeah, why don't you like to bath, I looked at two or three times a day. But do you not see why that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that that their that that their that their that that that that their that that th. I thin thin thin to to to to to to to to to to to that is to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be their their their their their is their their their their their their their their th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. thin. thin. the. the. the. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I tha, I thought two or three times a day. But do you not see why that's not cool and impressive?

It's not like we're all going to go, why haven't we all thought of that? To be honest though, Steve, that is the only time I eat oranges. I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah, that is, that's, Ithey're tangeries, you can pee in one and put them in one. I do not, I don't have big jaffers, there's just not, it's not worth it. What is wrong with you? You, firstly, have you ever thought about cutting an orange into four quarters with a knife? Waste? What do you mean a waste? What do you mean? What do you the orange? What you think? the tapot is is is is th is wo? This is tho? This is tho? This is wo? tho. tho? It's is tho. tho. tho. tho. It's tho. It's tho. It's tho. It's not... Wo. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not. It's not. It's not the the the the the the the their their their their tho. It's tho. It's thi thi? It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's thi. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's wo. It's wo. It's not wo. It's not wo. It's not wo. It's not wo. It's not wo. It's not tho. It's not thooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. It's not the. It's not the. It's not orange. I've got to run about for it, I've got to run about for it, at least have a shower. So I'm going to be in there with another man.

Oh, dear. It's like, the two of you are just, you are like children. You're infant. Your mentality is ludicrous. And you're embarrassing in front of our special guests. Oh yeah. We've had a number of letters, Rick, I'm just reading them now. Last week, loved your interview with Chris Martin from Colpland, Genius, another one here, great insight into the man who wrote Yellow and Clocks. Yeah.

Fascinating, Steve Merchant's interview with Chris Martin was amazing. He showed his own TV show. Just some of the letters we've received, Rick. So this week, we're applause for them. Lovely to have them here. Tattoo, now then, of course, there's been much controversy that your kind of lesbian stick is just something to try and whip up some press attention. Yeah, yeah. We are proper lesbians.

We love funny more than cock. Okay, brilliant. And Tattoo, lovely toough you. Yeah. Yeah. Now then, you've got some live gigs, I understand, plan? Yeah, duh. Okay. I cannot notice that you sound, dare I say, it's Tatter. You don't sound so much Russian as German. No, we cannot do the accent properly. Okay. And Tattoo, it's joyed up you. Thanks for coming. And finally, your lesbians could, thirty, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thi, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've th. Yeah, you've, you've th. Yeah, you've th. Yeah, you've th. Yeah, you've th. Yeah, you've th. Yeah, you've th. Yeah, you've th. Yeah, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you. Yeah, you. Yeah, you, you, you, you. Yeah, you, you, you, you. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thi. Yeah, than. Yeah, than. Yeah, than. Yeah, tha' than. Yeah, tha' tha' tha' than. Yeah, tha' tha. Yeah, tha W you, thanks for coming now. And finally your lesbians could, would for instance either myself or Carl be able to convert you from the lesbian ways? We like the most so much that the knob is no

good for us. All right well thanks very much Tattoo. Yeah thanks thanks very much. Cheers. Next week, share. Brilliant so if you've got any guests, special guests you love us to interview then and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th and th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, th. Well, thtoo, thanks very much. Cheers. Next week, share. Brilliant, so if you've got any guests, special guests, you love us to interview, then let's know, Ricky. Look at God's face. And we'll try and get there on. Oh, dear, Michael Car. Rockbuster's answers next.

What's going to say? Well, do you want to say? About gays and that. What are you going to say? Oh, we'll look forward to that. Right, there. Martina Topley Bird. Need one on XFM, 104. Right, there goes the girls from tattoo. See you later. Well, well done. Cheers. Right. Carl. What were you saying before we cut you off? Yeah, it's just that you had the girls in and that. And it reminded me I was talking to Steve in a week.

Yeah. I think it's when people were talking about going out of string fellas and that. I was talking about seeing naked people. Yes, I asked him. I said when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when when their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the and that. I was talking about seeing naked people. Ah, no, yes, I asked him, I said when he used to watch, say, he accidentally flipped on the BBC 2 and some ballet was on, would I ever been drawn to maybe the gentleman's lower regions rather than the ladies? The gentleman's package? Yeah, would your eyes ever be accidentally drawn to that and you couldn't resist it? And you said, and you said yes. Yeah, because because, and you the the the the the the the the the they. And you they. And you they. And you they. And you they. And you they. And you they. And you they. And you they. And you said, you said, you said, and you're they, you're they, you said, you said, you're they, you're they, you're they, you, you, you, you, you were, you, you, you were, you were, you, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you were, you're, you're, the they. the the they. the they. the they. they. they. they. the they. they. they. they. the they. they. the the they. the the the the the the th. th because, right? Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh go on, I mean, fair enough.

I was looking at the beautiful ladies, but fair enough. Yeah. No, go on. But, right. Have you ever looked at Wayne Sleep's testicles? I went out. Have you ever looked at Wayne's, uh, penis and testicles? I went out on a night, right?

And it was some, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to,, it got to some point in the night where two women and two fellows got on stage, right? Right. Right. Right. It started stripping off. Yes. Just what, members of the audience? No, no, I think they were like part of the act.

Right. And, uh... What was his panto? The fellas were, I'd like their their, and the girls just had the knickers on. Yes. And, uh... Sounds pretty erotic at the moment. Go on. And at the same time, they all whipped the pants off.

Yes. Right. It's Spuck's Fizz, he said it's to be later. Yeah, yeah. I said well you have a quick glance at the fellas and then the annoying thing was you sort of, I thought right now I'll have a look at the women and it was too late they'd put the nickers on. How long were you looking at the fellas? Not that long but why are you looking at them first? That's human nature, isn't it? Why? I don't know, but I'm sure you would have done the same thing. You just, you just sort of think, well, how are they shaping up? Ha ha ha ha ha ha?

So it's a comparative test. So what was the, what was the, who had the biggest knob? Which one of the bloke said the biggest knob? No, it's like, you know, normal. But, I, that's that song. This is a whole new side of you. This is a whole other area. So you look at ballet dancers, you look at the gentlemen's package. No, I don't. I just was, when he said this, it reminded me of this night when I was walking on,

oh. Didn't get a look. Didn't get a look. Where was this? What event was this where people are stripping off? No, I tell you what, you are the most interesting man I've ever met. But are you comfortable being nude and that? We've done this. Well, I don't know what this is, we did this last week about, are you comfortable being nude? I think, I think... You're probably most comfortable being nude being nude is just probably not in public. Well Ricky's only really comfortable nude when he's eating.

Yeah, yeah, there's nothing to get, you know, you can just wipe yourself down. Yeah, you just sit in the bath, yeah. No, but I've talked about that and then when I went home I was talking to Susan about and she said, what's all the way you talk. Remember once right I don't know if they should talk about this really but... Well that means you should so go on. Go on. Oh yeah right we went to Tenaref right one year. I'm still living in Manchester. I'm scared now. Yeah I don't want to say that. I'm just I was still living in Manchester. I'm scared now.

I don't know why I said that. No, I'm just, I'm thinking about Suzanne but she's working. I don't want to know anything about Suzanne to be honest. But it involves me more. Go on. But I'm just explaining to you that I don't like being nude. So you're in Tenerife. right, didn't have much money, stayed in this apartment that wasn't that nice, right? I had the cockroaches in it and stuff, right? Didn't have much money to go out at night. So we're in this sort of death trap of an apartment, right? Anyway, it's when I was younger, right? I had a bit more energy, so...

Since he's 30. So, you know, start having it away a bit. It's a joy. Beautiful. So, yeah, yeah. I've been here to work. I love it. Right. So, you know, doing what I do, right? Someone starts banging on the door. So, see what's it. Everyone's at it. So, you mean, knocking on the door, right? Knocking on the door, right. So, Susan says, Everyone's at it. Right, so you mean knocking on the door, right? Knocking on the door, right? So Suis answered, you better get it, so I said, oh no, you better, I'll have to wait a bit.

Right. I can't, I can't go to the door. Go on. So the banging's getting louder. Yeah. the to know anymore. No, come on, finish the story. Open the door, it's a fireman, so I'll just stick my head round and he's going,

you'll have to get out the buildings on fire, right? So I'm like, in a minute. Sorry, you weren't still having sex at this point. No, no, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, the th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I th. I th. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm to. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, to. No. Don't, to. Don't, to. Don't, to. Don't, to. Don't, to. Don't, to. Don't, to. Don't, to. No. No. No. point. No, no, but you know, still sort of got a wait a minute or I can't get me pants on. Oh, Carl, I wish I'd... I'm so sorry. All right, go on. So, the, now, the place is burning down. So, it could be a serious big fire going on. I'm sort of waiting.

You can hear people sort of screaming in that, panicking. Is that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the their their their their their, their their their thi. thi. thi. their, their, their, their their their, their their, their their, their their, their their their, their. their their their their. their their. their. their their. their their. their. their, their. their their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. too. too. too. too. too.a. too. too. too. th. thi. thi. thi in that, panicking. Is that because the door is open and you're nude? The fireman's saying, will you get out, where you get out, I'm saying in a minute. Right. And Suzanne was saying, you know, think of something that's not sexy. Sure. So I was thinking of people, you know, thinking maybe down in a fire might sort of calm you down. Yeah. Then the fireman said we need a big pole. Yeah. Sure, go on. But what I'm saying is that to me I wouldn't have wanted to go out and be safe over, do you know what I mean, over being naked I don't like walking about we're now on. So what I'm saying is even if that fire. I love the idea of everyone

huddled in there with the fireman it just, the camera camera the camera the camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera camera.. the c. the c. the the the their their th go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go to to to to to to to go go go go go go their to to to go to go to go to go to go to go to go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go that fire. I love the idea of everyone huddled and there with other firemen, it just, the camera spans long and it's Carl. Yeah, a dinical news report. Naked. But would you have gone out, we're now on? But why do I have to go out with now on? Just grab a pair of jeans. All right, but you just, you know. What? There's a fire, Carl!

See, not everyone looks at men's packets. That's only you remember. Most of the other firemen wouldn't be going, oh, look at him. But what I'm interested is, he's pleased to see us. Carl, how long did it take, and did the thought of dying in a fire help? After a bit, but the fireman sort of had a go out to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to me, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to me, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be,the fireman sort of had a go out of me. What do you mean? Well he wasn't happy that I was dordling. Well let's just be fair. But what can you do? Answers on a postcard. To the usual address XFM care of Mr. Square. Well let's just get these right. Oh no let's play a record let's have

Rockbusters and Monkey News. We'll squeeze them in. Wow. Life! Ha ha ha ha! It's a god-awful small affair. Right, come on. We're running out of time. Blockbusters.

The result in... the result in... on Mars by David Bowie on XFN. Right, come on, we're running out of time. Blockbusters. Rockbusters. In, sorry, oh what a giveaway. Oh no, embarrassing. I've given it away. Yeah, rockbusters, what were the clues? Right, the clues were, the first one was, they're running out of rice, so they've got problems. That was CC. That was China Crisis. Right? Okay, yeah, if they ran out of rice in China it would be a crisis, fair enough.

Second one, the Jordy fella doesn't know what was being charged for, right? That was Bill Wyman. Brilliant. And the third one, I had two bricks to throw out two women and I didn't hit either of them that was Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. I let him up, those were all right though. That's extraordinary. The winner, Gina, I think Gina Ferry. Well done, Gina. And the reason I gave it to Gina is because she's included, and this is a wonderful segue, some monkey fact information of her own. She says apparently that the group Chumbo Wamba got their name from one of those monkeys in a room with a typewriter experiments. Someone did it as a joke and Chumbo Wamba was a word that was typed out and that's the group what they're name. And their lyrics. Absolutely, yeah. So let's have official monkey news, play the jingle. Oh chimpanzee that monkey news. Oh All right, we've got to be quick.

This is something that was sent in to me ages ago, and I don't know why I haven't done it yet, because it's brilliant. We were talking about monkeys typing, the Shakespeare theory, and all that. Well, this is about a little monkey called Marty, right? Basically, it's in some science lab, right, it's in there. It was wondering about out of its cage, right? The lab fella was busy on the phone or something, right? And, um... Typical. It's wondering about, it goes up to a PC, that's in the corner, a little

computer, types down my name is Marty right so the fella got off the phone saw this on the screen with the monkey sat there says to his mate have you done this right hold on Carl let him finish let him finish before your question always let him finish I don't know what to do times against us come on he said uh he said have you done this? He said, have you done what? He said this on the screen here saying, my name's Marty.

Right? He goes, what you're talking about? As he's having an argument with his mate saying you're lying, you did it, monkey's sat there, type in, the story? I'm not coming in next week. Er, I think we need a week off. I actually think we need a week off. It's doing a web chat or something. You can go online and have a chat with it. The monkey's doing a web chat?

I don't know. Right, Carl. Right. Do you believe it? Do you believe it? Do you believe that Carl? It's all there. No, but do you believe it? Do you believe that monkey could type that and then say this is not a practical joke when he's so arguing? Weird, isn't it? Ah! Do you reckon, Steve? Yeah, well it's obviously a wind-up. It's a joke, it's not even, you haven't even got some of the facts wrong, it's just a wind-up.

Have you noticed a date? Is it April the 1st? It is April the 1st? You are joking. You're an idiot, Carl. It was sent on April 1st, Carl. So you're saying the monkey knows it's April 1st, but you don't believe it'sthink the monkey has thought I'll do it on April the 1st so that people think that it's a wind-up and actual fact I am a monkey that can type and read. It's a shame you never went into investigative journalism.

You could have brought down, you know, the watergates getting on. Poor Carl. Well, I was thinking of a song that sums us up, yeah. What are we? What do you think, I would you summ th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th thu, thu, thu, thu, thu that, thu it, tho, that, that, that, that, that, tho, that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that, What are we? What do you think, how would you sum us up? Um, tricky. Well, young gifted and black. True enough. Apart from a couple of them. Yeah, well we're not gifted. No. We're not very young. No, I'm certainly not. Should we take a week off? Yeah. Should we maybe just knock it on the head all together? We'll take a week off and see what happens? Okay. See you you you you you the next the next the next the next the next the next th. th. th. th. th. th us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th us. Yeah. th. th us th us us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Y. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. Yeah. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. knock it on the head all together? We'll take a week off and see what happens. Okay. See you next... No, not... Let's not see you next. See in a couple weeks. Cheers then, Carl.