The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E43 (June 21, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Well, where's the darkness? They believe in a thing called Love, Carl, do you? This is XFM 104. That is my favourite band at the moment. I absolutely love them. I think they're funny. I think they're straight down the line with a little bit of tongue-in-cheek. Ah, brilliant. You see him on Jules Holland last night? I didn't know their brilliant. I absolutely to do. I thrown. th. th. th. th. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thatlue. thatlue. thatlue. thatlue. thatlue. thatlue. thatlue. th. th. th. th. thatlue. that that that that thi. I'm th. th. th. th. th. They're their their their their their their th. They's th. Do th. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. Do. the. the. the. the. they's they're the. they're thea. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're Jules didn't know what to do. Was he playing to boogie-woogie? They wouldn't let him play boogie-woogie over the song. That's why I mean that's why he stayed back. I can't imagine it was very good. He shook that. It was times you say they were good. It was no. I mean, I thought, I thought, hold on. This is missing something. Yeah. This is, this, this, this is, this is, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, they thin, was they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they were. they were they were they were they were they were they were th. I the. They wouldn't the. the. the. theing. theing. theing. they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they wouldn't they were they were they were they were they were. But they did well without him. Extraordinary? Yeah. Here we are. We're back. X of everyone at 4.9.

Carl's out to leave early last week, but um... Can you stay to the end this week, mate? Or... Yeah. You don't need another holiday? Oh, he's started already. I mean, you know. Steeves made you look like a bit of a twat-a't'a' to to to-a' to-a' to- you have to spend money. Oh man he's gone straight back! Well, I can't come back to that. Oh dear. It's just dynamite it's just absolute that was that was serious. Last holiday Steve had he sort of found a third world country so he could live like a king for a week it was Cuba wasn't it? Going to Cuba amazing amazing. You can rule us for all the place. If you went for Castro, I didn't even charge, kind of cash I was flashing around.

And they'll do anything for a dollar over there. It's extraordinary, literally. I mean, it's amazing. Yeah. Oh, definitely. I went to Kenya. So he thought to the prostitute. You were going to Cornwall.

So you're going to some odd people down there Steve. Well, don't look at me, I'm not from Cornwall. Well you're from that sort of area. Well not really but they're right. Do you must have slotted writing? Well, you must have slotted right in. What are they weird? What are they weird? Odd people, a lot of old people, but not just old, sort of messed up old. What do you mean messed up old? You can't just say that.

There's a woman with a funny neck. There's a woman with a funny neck. What did she have a funny neck? If you're writing an essay you wouldn't say there was this one with a funny neck. How would you describe it? She, uh, she sort of had her head, like down all the time. Don't do it, it's his radio? No, but just for you, I don't like that. I'll come out all right. Okay, right. It's so brilliant.

I don't know. I was saying to Susan, not what happened, you know, what do you think? Because Suzanne knows everything, that's the good thing about her being with you. You just ask her what happened to her, I haven't been here before. Suzanne, your girlfriend, or mummy as you call it. Oh, sparks are flying. I've got a little bit of chocolate. Can you just lick a tissue and wipe it off? Oh. She said it might have been like, because back in the olden days they carried stuff on the...

The olden days? What do you mean the olden days? This one was probably what? they-feek. was probably what? 50? No, she looked about 70. Yeah. But like I do on Cheaky Freak of the Week, right? I always turn it round and we get like something good out of it. Something positive, yeah. I said to Suzanne, I bet she finds a lot of money. Yeah. Always staring at the ground, yeah. Oh dear. So maybe she just had new shoes and she was admiring them. Yeah. Did you think of that before you point the finger and judge? Or a necklace was too heavy. Exactly.

So you're back refreshed. So what have we got for this week? If we sort of, because we didn't meet last night, which we usually meet? No, I called you and said it'd be good if we could, you know, I wasn't getting back into long and so to last seven, but, yeah. Yeah, but we all need to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the to be the to be the the the the the to be there yeah yeah yeah no you're right I mean you're absolutely right that I wasn't there yeah because I wasn't willing to just be a governed by your particular schedule you want to jet

back in from another of your holidays it wasn't a holiday wasn't a hoiday what so what do you mean what do you mean it wasn't a holiday what you mean what you mean it wasn't a treat walt the treat walt the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the to the to th to th th th the the the the th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th the toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy was was toy was the the the the the the treat on it from my mom and dad so it wasn't a holiday. What so you didn't enjoy the five days off you'd rather have been here moaning eight hours a day, seven hours a day. You see we said last week that you're always winging here you are winging now. I'm not saying it's not even a holiday. You're saying it's not even holiday? What was it then? Would like a nurse who take sick children to Florida would they say I'm having a their their their to have to have to have to have their to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to have to say I to say I'm in a great to say I'm in a great to say I'm in a great to say I'm in a great to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm to say I'm a great to say I'm to say I'm to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tod. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. thoen. their their the week that they had to fly in Carl Pilkington MD? What are you talking about? Well, alright, it was holiday.

Well then, good, now there's some honesties, they have some truth for us. So you came in, you came back from your holiday, you want you to start back to work straight away, Steve couldn't be bothered to. Right, that's coming up. We've got nothing. Uh, monkey news. Even though you were away, you were still working. Still doing stuff. Did you go to the monkey sanctuary?

I'll tell you about that, right? Play a record. Do you want? Smashing pumpkins? I've thrash. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Smashing Pumpkins, Cherub Rock. That of course Rick is available on their greatest hits. Brilliant. If you want.

I mean, that's how I rock. So I know they, I'm very much the shape of a cherub as well. Indeed. Indeed. Naked. Naked. And a trumpet. Do they have trumpets? I don't know. I've just an email here, monkey news. Yeah, from a listener. Monkey spotted holidaying in Cornwall. A chimp was spotted holidaying in Cornwall last week after

befriending a family of three. One onlooker said, it was incredible. He dressed and behaved and behaved exactly like a human being. He even settled the hotel bill at the end of their stay. The only tell-tale sign was his lack of table manners and the incoherent babble when he opened his mouth. There we are. Well, we do that, Carl. That's the listeners, Carl. That's Jo-Amian.

Amusing, articulate. . AccuSkier. Remember exactly who's there and everything, setting in the bill, it's all there. So I mean, even though people think that you're slightly Simeon, you know, slightly less than human on the evolutionary ladder, they do listen to you. Yeah. So, I don't know, I don't know, he's more stupid in the end, you are the listeners. Well, you may recall Rick, at the end of last week when he's issued, we issued, to issued, to issued, to issued, to issued, to, to, to, to, the request, to, to, to bombard Carl's email with just pointless emails that really weren't about anything, just to clog up his email for when he returned.

Rick, they sent them all to us. Brilliant. I mean, that's the kind of listeners that we've got. We've got reams here on our email of just junk. I mean, it's like a Marks Brothers plot, I mean, just listen to what we say. I got one about a shaved one point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point point. I'm a that. I'm a that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I'll that's. I'll that's. I'll that's. I'll that's. I'll that's. I'll that's. I'll that's. I'll that's. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. that. I'm. that. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm that. I say. I got one about a shaved cat. Well that's not pointless. I'll be reading that later. I'm happy. That'll keep you going for a couple of weeks. I'll be reading that later. Did you get to the monkey sanctuary? Because this was the big thing. You were going into Cornwall you were going to visit the monkey sanctuary. I've never seen someone more excited. You had two days put aside for the monkey sanctuary. How. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the the the the the the the the the the that I'll the that I'll that. I'll that. I'll that. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I. I. I. I'll the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'll. I. I'll. I'll. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll right? I found like a little, in the little cottage that we had, right?

It's like a little folder, you know, with little leaflets in saying if you're, you know, if you're into mountains, you want to go here? If you're into castles and that. Little monkey on the leaflet, right? So I thought, I'll be needing that. I'll be needing that, I'm that, the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the little, the little, the little, the little, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, their, like, their, their, their, their, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little to go my dad says where is it a look on the back it's in a place called lo or something like that right so we're on our way can't believe me look it's gonna be a great day and all that yeah and then start looking at the leaflet right and noticed didn't have any chimps there yeah it's not it's not monkey world it's not a monkey world. It wasn't a monkey world. Well how it was it called then? Something like... Monkey Town.

Yeah it would just sort of, it had like woolly monkeys in it. That's what? They had what? Wooly monkeys? What are woolly monkeys? Those things are Johnny Vegas off the advert? Right to them. They're dumped now since ITV digital went under so they just put them in in in in in a they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're like they're like they're like they're like their they're like they're like they're like they're like their they're like their. they're like they're like they're like the off the advert, read to them. They're dumped now since High TV Digital went under, so they just put them in a cage. I don't understand. They're like, they're sort of like little fluffy little baboon type things, Willie Monkeys. I mean not, it's not your cimp. It's not your classic chimpanzee. So did the car screech to a hole. It was like, it was like the mission the mission the mission the mission the mission. It was like the mission. It was like the mission. It was like the mission. It was like the mission. It was like the mission. It was like the mission. It's like the mission. It's like the the the the the the the the the car. It's the car. It's the car. It's like screacom. It's the car scoom. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. They's. It's. They's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It's like. It was like the mission in Armageddon. As you said, I bought. We're on the way back. So how far did you go?

Before you bothered to read the leaflet? Probably about five miles away from where we were. So what did you do with this? You must have been distraught. Well, they wrote down and then they heard banjo music. No, we went to a sort of an amusement place. I'd love to see you in that. What with putting those coins in so it has to roll down and they go flat and then an arm pushes of me.

Really? I spent years on that when I was little. Well there's a new one, I can't be bothered explaining it, but it's a con. We went to this place right. My mom and dad had been there before and he said you'll love it. It's brilliant, it's got like a war bit in it. A war bit, right? Yeah, because they know I'm into tanks and stuff. So you'll be loving that. Sorry, I didn't know you're into tanks. Well, they're all right. Well, they're all right. He's gone from one right. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're all. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th th th th th th th th th th th thi th th thi th thi th thi. thi. th thi or all right. I know, yeah. Go on. And, uh, but it was, it was awful. I mean, my mom and dad had been there before and he said, no, you'll love it, but it was

like a really miserable day. Sure. All the rides and that were broke and that were broke into the machine. Yeah. It just reminds you of you of Manchester. My dad just ended up, he was more interested, there was a really fat family there. Well, presumably he was breaking into the machines trying to scoop off the cash. I like the fact that those poor fat family were going, why are those people looking at us? Yeah. Oh, do you want to ride one? No, but they were... We're not, we're not a ride. They were massive and he just like, look at the state of that. A whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, a whole, the whole, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, I, I, I, look, look, look, look, look, look, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, he did it, because fat is no need for it, is he?

And he was really like, oh God. And then he wanted to follow them into the outer mirrors to see what they look like. Ha ha ha ha ha. But my mom got bored. She went off to buy a little snow white figure. She couldn't believe it. She enjoyed that. And then my my my my my my my my my my my the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th. She th. She th. She th. She th. She th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He was th. He was thoes. He was tho. He was thoes. He was thoes. He was thoes. He was tho. And he was tho. And he was tho. And he th. And he. And he th. And he. And he. He was th. He th. He th. He was th. He. He was. He was th. He was. He was. He. He th. He th. He was. He th. He was. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was th. He was tho. He was tho. He was thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. He was th. He was tho. He was tho.99. She thought it was going to be really expensive. She bought one of them. So she enjoyed that. And then my dad says come on, we go in, it's rubbish this. But the fat family wouldn't let him play with him. So he just said on the way

home he said, I can safely say that I never want to go there again before I die. So that was that. And then we went home. Why would would ever give you that information? In case it was like a secret birthday present? Oh God, what if they get me a trip to here? Or if he's in a coma and you go, I tell I tell you what, I can't bring her out of it. That fat couple. Yeah, yeah. By his bedside. Yeah. Yeah. But Suzanne said, she now realizes why I am the way. th. th. th. th. they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they the. thatheatheatheatheat. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. thatheatheathe. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. the. the. the. the. the. the. that the. toeeeee. toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat. theeat. theeat. them. Well they told her that they dropped you on your head as a kid or? No, just like you know the way they act and that. Right, yeah. Um, they were saying they were saying, Suzanne, so uh, why is the moon out at night

in the seven of the day? Oh God. Oh God, there him in a bin bag. Your father said that, about himself? That's a great idea. I'm glad you mentioned that, because that is great. That gives me an idea. So it's a small upon your face.

Coldplay. God put a smile upon your face on XFM 104.9, Ricky Javais, Steve Matchin, Karl Pilkington. Reading the paper yesterday, Rick they were talking about the fact that Blair has been, I think, he's been in Greece discussing EU matters. And they used the old Trojan Horse analogy to say, you know, here's a particular policy and it seems like they're trying to sneak in some kind of dubious idea. It's always struck me ever since I was first introduced to the Trojan horse theory I never understood how it had come about.

Do you know what I mean? So Carl has got a frown on him like a thing I haven't seen. Yeah. Tony Blair is the Prime Minister. You know the Trojan horse was? Go on. Have you come across this before? Did you hear it a bit before? Wasn't that Artacott or anything? Go on. Well the Trojan horse what happened was it's a famous kind of Greek story about the fact that the Greeks... In olden times olden times, olden times, you know, the seventies. Yeah. The Greeks laid siege to

Troy for six years. Basically things have got out of hand. I think the Trojans had done something with Helen and someone else was annoyed. Anyway it all got very complicated. It got out of hand and the... The Helen, with the mashed-up face because they used to use it to launch ships. Anyway, the Greeks laid siege to Troy for six years, right, and they weren't getting anywhere. They were outside the gates, they were let us in, they were, blah, so what they did was, they all, they all, they wanted to get in and kill everyone. Yeah, that's why they wouldn't be letting in. But their. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, their, their, their, they, their, their, their, they, they, their, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, their, their, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their, their their their, their their, their, their, their, laid, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, they did was they left as a gift for the Trojans, they left an enormous wooden horse, okay, as a gift and then they all bugged off. Like 40 foot high, 50 feet, like I mean a big, you know, an arc of a horse. And the Trojans wheeled it into the city. So that's nice.

What a lovely gift. And lo and behold, he was hiding inside, but an entire Greek army, they left out, they, their, they, their, they, they, their, their, they, th and, th and, th and, th and, th and, th and, th and, th and, their, thoom!! And, themed, themed, themed, themed, themed, thoomeree, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, 40. thea. thea. thea. thea. the Greek army they left out, cured everyone in their sleep. Alright and that's where the famous idea of a Trojan horse has come from, you know, sneaking something in, disguise or something else. Alright, alright? Okay? So if you ever... So if you ever... Yeah. He doesn't really understand, up with the idea. I mean, I don't, I can't think that was the best idea. Well, I know. There must be other ways. If they come

up with that, how long did it take them to go? When they said, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, can I have a word? I've got an idea. Build a big horse, right. Hide inside it and then then... Ah, I know what you're thinking they won't let us in even in the horse. Leave it as a gift. Brilliant. Right, who are you? That's the best idea. Are you the guy that came up with, why don't we get a giant bra and twing everyone over the wall? Let's get a, let's get a hundred a hundred foot ruler and you know like at school

used to like flick the teacher's ass with like right I could flick you over one at a time on this giant ruler. Thanks for your idea it's on the table. Yeah we've got a couple of suggestions on the way. What about a million elastic bands tied together yeah and you all hold it down and then I just let you go right and you all ping over and then you're all they they the they they're all they're all they're all they're they're the they're the they're the they're the the they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their ping over and then you kill him in their sleeve. You're the best tactician we've got are you? What the other thing is right these people open the for some reason open the door well I don't understand firstly there's suddenly the the army that's late season for six years has disappeared in their place an enormous gift of a giant wooden horse oh they're they probably don't their their they're they're they're they're their they're they're their they're they're their their they're their they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thoom. Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh they oh they oh they oh they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. their their they probably don't want to kill us now, but what they've done is they've built us a great gift. Assuming there was a giant kind of card or something, you know, something for you, you know, sorry

about the laying siege and everything, forgive you, it is an enormous troaun horse. We know it's what you've always wanted. We're not inside it. Why did they write that? That's suspicious. Well, we'll wheel it in a, well, well, well, well, the, the, their, their, their, they, their, they, they, their, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, sorry, sorry, the, sorry, the, sorry, sorry them a gift, well what should we do? We could bake an enormous kiche, be inside that we could have an enormous soap on a rope as a the, it's the fact that it's an enormous horse, well, it's the fact that it's an enormous wooden horse, well what are we going to do with it? Well we'll it anyway. Let wheel it in anyway. Just we'll wheel it in, let's go to sleep, let's worry about it tomorrow. Exactly. Yeah. But it's this idea of going, someone going, right? Is this definitely the best idea?

And they go, and they look the carpenter. Yeah, and he's going it it it it's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. It's going. the the the horse? It is just the worst horse I've ever seen. Why there's like a cow? Wow, the others where we hide. There's a horse that's got no tail. Yeah, well that's the rope that you climb up. But I don't know if it's one of those things where again, because we kind of learn these things at school that somewhere along the line the line the line the line the line the line, the line, the line, the line, the line, the line, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, thus, thors, thors, thors, thus, the thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, the others, the others, the others, the others, the others, the others, the others, the others, the others, the the the the the the the the th is is is, th is, th is where we are, th is where we are, thers, thers, thers, is where we are, is where we are the, is where we are the, is where we are the is where we're the is where we're theathers where we're theathers where we're thruth is where we're truth is where we're truth is where we're thruth is where we're thruth is where we're the thruth is where we're E. O hippus in Greek means a giant tank. So that will actually I was a Sherman and it burst through and it shot them all. But of course down the years they've tried... Look at Carl's face. Look at Carl. If everyone on

webcam, Carl just keep that face and look up to the camera, right? Just, right? Look at the face. Look at Carl. their thrown. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, actually that. I was actually tho, actually th. I was actually th. I was actually th. I was actually I was actually I was actually, actually, actually, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I that. I that. I was actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, I was that. I was actually, tho. I was just just tho. I was just thoeea. I was just thoea. So, actually thooea. I was actually thoea. I was just the. I was actually, actually, that. that now. Play a record, Carl. Educating, Carl, we should bring that back. We should bring that back. Yeah? What do you want to learn about next week? We've told you about the Trojan Horace. Uh, no anything about any freaks? I've got a picture of me. Plochant. Placibo.

This picture on XFM 104. to 4.9 on Rickets with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. So you've been educated there, haven't you? The Trojan horse. The Trojan horse. And that's of course where. What's that again? Beware Greeks, bearing gifts. Right.

What do you think that means? Uh, I don't know. I mean, what, is that used worldwide or what? Will he say that in Greece as well or... Because they imagine Christmas Day is rubbish. No, it doesn't actually mean we wear of Greeks wearing gifts. It's more to do with like, maybe it's too good to be true or, you know. It's the opposite to don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Justin from South Endi Moline, he just said, for the Trojans not to have spotted that

it was a trick, there must have been the biggest bunch of moronic, mm-hmm, ever to have walked the earth. Does Carl have any Trojan in him by any chance? Cheeky, isn't it, eh? What? You might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. I've never heard, I don't think I've heard that. I have heard it, but I don't think I've ever used it in common parlance. Well, it's like if you're going to do something, you know, it might as well go the whole hog depending on the outcome. Because it's based on reality, that's why I like it.

Because obviously the poor people're going to get caught, don't keep stealing a lamb, you know, at least feed your family for a few weeks. Right, sure. Kill a sheep. Yeah, actually hung, but getting a sheep. Your dad would you. Don't be in trouble, down in Wales, stealing stuff from that, uh, from that home box. Well, he has a couple him what they mean. Why would you? Ask Suzanne. One is,

don't try and sit your granny to suck eggs. Yeah. What does that mean? That means, it's patronising. Of course, of course I know that. You're talking to someone who knows more about this subject than you. But how did that happen then? How did that saying come about? Well, it's not. It's a totally made of th. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their, their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. try. try. try. try. try. try, try. try. to, try, try, to to to to to to to to to to to to then how did that saying come about? Well it's not it's a totally made of thing it's like your granny sucks eggs and she because she's she's old and you and it's probably a lost art or something. All right and the other one. Sucks eggs? Yeah, sucks eggs. Sucks eggs. Don't nudge your granny when she's shaving. Don't nudge your granny while she shaving? Don't nudge your granny while she's shaving. Don't nudge your... Sorry, say that's slower. I can't... Don't nudge your granny when she's having a shave.

Well what is that in context? Because I can't work out what the analogy is there because that might just be when you were little you used to run up to your granny while she was shaving or something. But why is your granny shaving? Well, what, what is their? the their? their? their? their? their? their? th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, don't, don't that's, don't that's, don't that's, don't that's, don't that's, don't that's, don't, don't that's, don't that's, don't that's, don't that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. thi? Don't thathe? thathe? thathe? thathea? that? that? that? that? that? that, that? that that that that that that's that's thathe? Don't what context is that said in tell me the last time your dad ever said that and I'll try and work out what it means? Uh, I can't remember. I can't, I don't know. Are you judging your granny? She was going, get lost Carl. She was shaving off her moustache. Or giving herself a Brazilian. Oh God. That's grotesque. Suck an egg, suck an egg, suck an egg. Try to get that instead. Oh, God.

That's made it worse. Carl's Granny's sucking eggs. Well, that's... That is my... Even itself a Brazilian. We've no idea. I don't know what that means. Don't nudge your granny while she's shaving. What, Parmesan? I don't know, maybe someone knows, you might be right, maybe.

Well, in that, tell us. Anyway, rockbusters, Carl. Should we get the ball rolling? Let me just find the gifts here, the little treats. We got the album from the Coral, you know what I think about that. We've got a carpet in sound feeder. Well,, we've got one of the guys from Red Dwarf and... Brilliant. No those, good stuff on there. Smash hits the Reunion, more great 80s tunes, Kajagagoo's on there, plus some stuff. Too shy? It is too shy. Yeah, I know it, the only one. I think we're alone there. Yeah, I think we're alone, yeah. Melling Kim? Respectable? Mm-hmm. Human League. That would be, oh wow, what would they have got, don't you want me?

Of course. Yeah. Yeah, uh-huh. Last take on me? Yeah, well done. Um, madness. Baggie trousers? Of course. their thinks all those treats if you yeah if you like a song from an 80s band it's probably on there. Yeah, okay Plus we've also got on VHS Graham Norton some kind of best of compilation from his TV show so there are the um Hold on is it is it the one way talks to sort of female gay icons and look to the internet? Because that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the. the the. Because that's my favourite one. Right, there you go, let's do rockbusters. Email only of course. Yeah, email in Ricky. Dotschivase at XFM. Code UK, if you know the answer. Right, first one. A bit of a cryptic clue, if you haven't heard it before. Wow, not cryptic, we're gone. What is Carl thinking? If you go into France by a boat, I'd get your fags on there because it's a lot cheaper. Ha ha ha ha! Let's do Bob Holness. Sorry, we're out of time.

Sorry, your minutes up, you won nothing. I was reading that question out. So I want to do it again, and I want it to be exactly the same word perfect. I bet you it will change all over the place. He's lost it! Go to France buy yourself a boat and the fags are cheaper. Okay, fingers on the buzzers. You've already got 10 seconds to win the gold run. Okay first up, here, I'll tell you what, no, seriously,

if you want to think you're going to go in to France, well don't, you know, because go on the ferry, get the fax, get f f to buy some fags, you're going over to France on the boat, get them on there because you'll save a few quid. BF. BF. BF. Okay. All right, the second one.

Um, this little foreign cafe is growing its own stake. Go on. This little foreign cafe. Go on. This little foreign cafe is growing its own stake. This little foreign cafe is growing its own steak. Go on. D. Alright. Right.

And the last one. Uh, oh. Oh, oh. Is that part of it? Hang on. He's the best. He's the best. The Jamaican fellow might have screamed this on the Titanic.

What? The Jamaican fellow might have screamed this on the the? The Jamaican fellow might have screamed this on the Titanic. What's it start with? It's CD, that one. The Jamaican fellow might have screamed this on the Titanic. Ricky dot Gaveys at XFM.co. Please don't phone in. If you can get those, we just don't want to talk to you. Is that Nelly? Yeah, yeah, it's a summer tune. It's a summer favourite. Nelly, ride with me. That's featuring City Spud. I don't know if you're aware of that.

But there we are. Good, nice summer tune. ride with me that's featuring city spud I don't know if you're aware of that but there we are good nice summer tune Carl tell Steve what you just told me when Steve was in the toilet then right you know I'd just been away with me mom and dad and that hmm one of the things I always like doing is having a good chat with my dad about stuff he got up to the kid and that yeah because he got up to lo lo lo to lo the the the the the the th th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th I th th th th th is th is th is th is th is th is tel tel tel the's the's the's the's the's the's the's the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the the the got up to when he was a kid and that, right? Because he got up to loads of stuff and every time I see him, it tells me something and I think it's like, why he's just telling me that now? It's brilliant. Right? So, uh... I mean, to me he's kind of like Ronnie Biggs or someone. He's just the most extraordinary kind of character. I can't remember, there was a delay, there there was a the the the the th he was a he was a he was a he was a he was a he was a he he he he was a he he he he was just he he he was just he was just he was just th. I was just th he was just he was just he was just he was just he he he he was just he was just he a he a he a he a he a he a he a he a he a he he he he he he he he he he, it he, it, it was just, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, I he th he he th th th thin, thi thi thi, thr- thr- tell tell, why he's just tell, why he's just tell th. th. He's just thi. He's like, why he's just he he thi, why he's just there was problems on the Paddington line and he was saying our trains aren't what they used to be sure he said you know they said I was it used to be horses didn't they well he was like he was looking in the booklet

and it was saying now you can have your bags collected if you want but it cost you a fiver yeah so that's outrageous so he said that's the problem with this country we've got good with computers and that when it th th th th th th th th the the th th th the th the th the the the th the the th the the th th the the the th the th th th thus th thus thus thus thus the the thus their their the's their their their their their their their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their their their their their their their their te te tea tea tea to to to tea to to to to to to to to te is to their they they're they they that, but when it comes to like getting service, it's gone out the window. Right? So he said, when I worked on the trains, you know, and he was going on like this, that, the other, so I said, oh, I didn't know he worked on the trains. He said, yeah, yeah, when it was 18, right, it was in Manchester which is now the GMEC Centre. Right. And that was like the main station. And he was in there. The fellow who should have

been sort of driving the train, right? He said, oh I'm just nipping to the pub. So you just stay here, keep the engine topped up and stuff. So he's like, yeah, all right. So the fella goes in the pub and my dad's in there, you know, putting the coal on, he did his bacon and eggs on a little little shovel. Yep, yep. And anyway, fella comes up, he says, right, can you move the train forward now? So he was like, oh, so he didn't want to say all the fellas in the pub because he'd say, what's he doing in the pub? We should be working, right? So he said yeah, yeah, no problem, I saw it out. All right, so he puts it into gear or whatever you do on them trains, right? Sure, was it in first, yeah? Starts going forward. Now, people who don't know about trains, something that I learned is if you're carrying a their their their their their their their their their their thrain, thi, thrain, thi, thra, thra, thra, thra, thra, thra, thra, thrain, thrain, thra, thra, thrain, thrain, thranni, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, th. th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, thin, thin, thin, thr-in, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, thr-s, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no problem, throoooooo, thr-s on the back of it, they don't have brakes on each carriage, right? It's only the engine that has brakes on it. So when you pull the brakes on the engine, the whole weight of what it's pulling is pushing you forward. Sure. Right?

So he doesn't realize this though, because he's just used to cooking bacon and eggs and chucking coal. Of course, sir. So you've got to slam the brakes on, the brakes, the brakes, the brakes, the brakes, th. the brakes, th. th. the brakes, th. the brakes, th. the brakes, the brakes, the brakes, th. the brakes, th. the brakes, the brakes, the brakes, the brakes, the brakes, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their, their. their, their, their. their, their. their. their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their. their. their, their. their, their, their. their, th. th. th. th. th. thra. th. th. th. their, their, their, their, their,. Yeah. Well, you have to anticipate it, I says, yeah, yeah. But he didn't know that. So he's pulling and he's thinking, right? I'll put the brakes on now, right? Puts the brakes on, the trains just keeps going, oh God, it's not stopping. Sure. It plows it plows right through the signal. the signal. th. th. th. th. done, apparently, if it was today's money, it'd be about three to four million pounds with a damage. It shut the station off for four weeks. But he didn't lose his job. The fellow lost his job, the one who was in the pub. He said the funny thing was, he said like four million pounds with a damage. He did his ankle, his wrist in, he had three weeks off sick and got paid. He said it was brilliant.

So... I love your family. It's extraordinary. The Pilkinson Gene. I'd like to see a documentary following you and your family. Now the sort of stuff my dad goes on about. They'd never put it on tell. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Blah. Out of time. On XFM 104.

We ought to give those rockbusters clues again. Yeah go on. Uh, the first one. I've had very few contributions so far, Carl. I think you've really started with. This might be it. I've told you, you're on thin ice. If this goes wrong, if it's rubbish, and if everyone doesn't get them all, that's the end of Rockwester's. Right, well the first one again, right?

If you go out of France, right, buy boat, you might as well get your fags whilst you're on that, because you'll save a few quid. Right? BF is the initials of the artist that that little cryptic clue makes up. The second one, little foreign cafe, it's growing its own stake. Right? That's D. Little Foreign Cafe, it's growing its own stake. D. And the last one, if there was a Jamaican fella on the Titanic when it went down, it'd probably scream this. C.D. Right? So email in, Ricky. Chivace at XFM dot code at UK. Yeah, they're not flooding in but yeah.

Well, obviously how we do. Carl, have we still got monkey news? We've got monkey news coming up. Now you want to be disappointed because you didn't make it to the monkey sanctuary but you still managed to scrape together monkey news on your holiday. That's so I've found some of that. How do you get so many breaks and holidays? Because you went away with Suzanne's parents, you've just been away with your parents, that's a couple of weeks, ten days, so that's probably about three weeks in all.

You had that, you went to Manchester, you had that day off because your trousers were wet. I mean, and you've, you know, I'm not supposed, because you've only got one job, and you know, I've got a lot more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more, that, that's, th.... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th..... You're, th............. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. th. th. th. th. th. that's, that's, that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a thea.a. jobs. But I mean, don't you ever count your blessings go, God, thank God I just, I can have time off, I don't work too hard, you know, I'm not stressed too much. It's just all to do with when you do work, do a lot. So I get a lot done. What do you mean? I'm always doing stuff. I mean even though, when it was in Corn a the tha, tha, tha, I, tha, tha, I'm, tha, tha, I'm, tha, I'm, tho, I'm, that, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, that, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, tho, I'm, I'm that, I'm tho, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi, I'm not, tho, tho, tho, tho. tho. tha. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thooo. tho. tho. tho. tho, I'm not though when I was in Cornwall right I'm sat there on the grass. Oh I'd love to just sit on the grass.

Oh yeah, you're too busy. I know yeah well you know. My dad and Susanna are playing crib right. I'd sort of fallen out with him out. Your dad and soo's playing with him out in the 1940s. Yeah, why'd you've fallen out? Have you've got to the to to to to live live live live to live to live to live to live to live to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to sit to sit to sit to sit in to sit in to sit in to sit in to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to sit to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the? You've got to be pretty good at maths. Sure. You've got to make your cards add up to 15 and all.

Yeah, I'm just going to correct you on you've got to be good at maths. Yeah, what? What? No, just adding up to 15? their today. You're good in Cornwall. But my dad's really good at maths and like he said how many have you got and he always counts his and it's like 15 two 154, 156, three for your ones and all that. Do you know what I mean? He adds it up really quick. Right so I was like right I'm gone a minute and he goes no that what do you mean dang

on? I don't know what have you got? Oh forget it. I said what he's if you're going to start getting all I'll see with me. Sure. Forget it! I love it. But he's only, I don't know him, but I'm sure he's just winding you up. Like his victory is you going, ah forget it, I'm not playing. Well anyway, right? So it doesn't matter. And I think I'll go off and do's magazines, right? Flicking through, because there's always interesting stuff in there. There was something about swingers.

And I was like, what's all that about? Yeah. And it had an interview with some people talking about, you know, how they sleep about it. And I thought, if my wife looked like that, I probably would. Because it was a few pictures of them and they were all pretty ugly. I thought, right? So I took that in, soaked that up, thought, there you go. Carried on reading. It was a bit in there about our women still have crushes, right?

Yes. And the woman was going on about how she's 38, right? But she still fancies Chris Martin from Coldplay and you know even though it'll never happen she's still got that little bit in her head yeah that thinks one day she'll leave Gwyneth right and end up with with with her right anyway so I'm flicking this is a bit boring but I'm flicking through it all and uh is this is a rock west is this clue no no right I read further on right the the thi tho th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the is this a rock west this clue no no right and i read further on read further on right and uh...

she said you know we like to go out with my mates and we come up with lists in pubs of people who like oh you know they'd be nice to go out with she also came up with a list of unlikely lost objects I think she called them yeah guess who was in that list? Rickard Jays? Think again?

Carl Pilkington. Right? Next one? Johnny Vegas. Said, Lanky co-writer. What do you mean lanky co-writer? Well do I need to say anymore? He said, Hang on, wait a minute, let's not talk about, I don't want you're laughing at my expense. I'm an unlikely lost object. Yeah, but yeah, what was it called? The list? The, the unlikely lost object? Yeah. you were in there

Who else was? Well you weren't in there Richard Maidley fine. Yeah, it's a good looking guy Alista Campbell Brilliant another handsome dude Hmm what you talk about how you what you think I'm ashamed or embarrassed about I'm proud of it. What you think I'm ashamed? I'm to buy a couple of copies. Yeah, it was it? Yeah, and did she leave her number? What?

So what magazine was it? Just out of interest. I think it's called Red. Yeah, sure, yeah. But now you've dissed those people that have put themselves in their swingers because you've said they're ugly. So now we know what magazine is. you think she's a hog. No but I think they even know. Was there a picture of the woman who drawn up the list of unlikely lust objects? What was she like? I wouldn't

waste me so. Thanks mate. I know you're on my side. The Thrials on XFM 104.9 I'm Ricky Javais with me. Steve Merchant, object of unlikely lust object, Steve Merchant. I'd like to have that now prefixing my name everywhere I'm written about. I know, yeah. Did he make the freak list? Which is a different magazine, isn't it? And I'm joking, of course.

Carl Pilkinton. A man of joking of course, Carl Pilkington, a man of sort of quiet, quite dignity and in a way he's got his own sort of inner beauty hasn't he, Carl? Not really. Don't you think? Don't you think? Well I'll tell you why I don't think it is, because the woman that wrote the piece saying that I was an unlikely lust object has just emailed in and Carl you've offended her quite considerably what he said I wouldn't waste my time is what you said she's repeated there I wouldn't waste my time the flaming cheek although it's a horrible picture I am of course in real life a vision of loveliness I'm not thirty eight I'm 25 I don't think Stevens that unlikely lusts object a sense of humor is important and he's. The sense of view is important. That's a down-there. Is she a swinger?

Stop it! Don't have a go at the woman. I'm messing about. She knows I'm messing about. Well, how are you messing about? I've told you this though. I've told you that anyone could be listening, haven't I? I've told you. That was a joke, that was Stephen's joke, what did she look like, i.e., him joking, like, oh, I'll call her up because I'm on a list. And then you have to say that. I mean, that's what I mean.

So chances are, if, you know, if she likes Stephen, she hasn't seen him, she listens to the radio. So the likelihood is that, you know, she was listening to this show. Yeah. So the the the the th th th th th th th th. So, th. So, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. the. they. they. the they. the the the. the the the theateate. that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. this show. Yeah. So, think. Will I drop the thing I was going to do about Lisa Riley? Well, don't... She's not listening. Some people do it? She's still at lunch. What from Tuesday? or you can eat place going out of business every day. Oh bloody hell, she'd back, you kill me, I got a de Bambino, please leave now!

Please leave! So, uh... No, but she knows it was only messing. This is uh... Everyone knows you're only messing. We're all only messing. I hope we don't offend anyone of, you know, any kind out there. We're only joking, aren't we Kyle.

Say something nice to thah thah thi to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to there. We're only joking aren't we Carl. Say something nice about her. What can you remember of the picture that you could that you could say was good? Maybe she was wearing some most of the things to be honest. I'll have another look. I think she had a nice shirt on us. That's a true. That's a true. A fourth coming single from British Sea Power that's called Carry On. I love it. It's great. It's fantastic. On XFM 104. 9. What do you make, Kyle, of these people, I was reading a paper today, they've been queuing up for 12 hours last night for the new Harry

Potter book. Oh God, it really annoys me. Everything, oh God it really annoys me. But who has to, I mean I know it's just a kind of willful sort of stubborn. I see adults reading it, you know. I, ah. Well I was up in Halveston last night and there's a water stone's branch of that and there were a couple of people outside. Keeling, waiting for it to open. What they look like the ones that come out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out out, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I, I, I, I'm, their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, the the the the the the the the the th.. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the'm thinking they're like the ones that come out of a forbidden planet on a Thursday. Yeah, I mean what do you expect? There was one guy, I mean I don't mean to disrespect him, but he was a big bloater, shorts, wearing shorts, I don't want to see his big

fleshy legs. He looked like John there from them in a minute. Yeah, I get any amount. I am the fat bloater with fleshy legs. Yeah, I recognize your description. I like to read these books whilst listening to XFM of a Saturday. Yeah. And I used to watch them from where I was, and I was, and I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, were, their, their, their, they. they. They were, they were, they were, they. They were, they were, they. They were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were there for about an hour and a half. They're obviously strangers. They all, their common interest was Harry Potter. They were reading, they were sort of chatting to each other for about an hour and a half. So as I'm leaving I wander past them, an hour and a half in to them having met each other. The conversation had not moved on.

All I heard was, uh, well, of their their thought they've not moved on the conversation had not moved on. Yeah they might have been talking about Dawn French you know her chocolate orange. Yeah yeah I know she cried when she finished the last one once. Yeah but um yeah I got no time from I pop into Walrus now. Yeah I'll tell you what get it's more everything you're gonna get over half one and start reading it. Exactly. Brilliant so you can put you can put it the the you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can't they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they can they they can they they they they they can't they can't they can't they can't, get some more of everything. You're not going to get home at half one and start reading it. Exactly. Brilliant. So you can put it on the internet. Oh God. Your opinions? Oh it annoys me. It is extraordinary. The whole kind of the whole kind of Harry Potter phenomenon is passed me by I know. I know. Good luck to her, you know. But you mean adults who are, you say what you're doing this? I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, I I I I I I I I I th. I was. to say, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I, I'm, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to put, to put, to put, to put to put, to put to put to put to put, to put, to put to put to put to put the the their their their their their their their their their their their, their their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their their their their -reading Harry Potter. What you couldn't follow it the first time?

Yeah, I mean, it's not her fault, you know, she made 300 million pounds by writing a few books for her kids. Well, well done, well done. But I'm sure they're very good. But I'm, I'm sure they're not. I don't know. Well don't know, I know. No, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. No, I'm th. No, I'm. No, th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No, I made. No, I made. No, I made. No, I'm th. No. No. No, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm. No. No. No. No. No, I'm. No, I'm th. No, I'm th. No, I'm th. No, I'm th. No, I'm th. No, I'm th. No, I'm th. No, I'm th. No, I'm th. No, I'm made. No, I'm made. No, I'm made. No, I'm made. No, I'm made. a little wizard. With glasses. Yeah, and make millions. You do it. If you think it's so easy, you do it.

You like him because you look a bit like him. Well, well. You know. I wonder if he's on a... That wish list, that woman who emailed in. Why was she making a list of unlikely... Can we leave this now? No, but I I I I I I I I I I I I It was like, here's my top ten weird-looking fellas that I'd do. What was it? No, no, but what was the... what was... she was talking about? What, she'd

started talking about, what, body waxing, and went, and by the way, while I'm here, here's ten bloke that I would if I had to, and they're a bit weird, you'll th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thee, thee, the their, their, the the thee, their, their, what was, what was, what was, she was, she was, she was, she was the the their, she was their, she was their, she their, she the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, she the, she the, she the, she the, she th.. th. What, she, what was th. What, what was th. What, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was today. to to today, what was to to to to thate. that, she was th. He's scared to say anything. Oh bless. I just was looking at a picture because I was attracted to it because she was good looking and that didn't read on. All right? All right. All right. That's got you out of that little mess. Yeah. But Harry Potter. Yeah, can't be honest with it. Have you read them? No, because the first time it came out, I was a bit confused, won't they? Because I thought it was about the rabbit. Of course you were. Yeah, of course what? This isn't what? It's a book? No, I got confused. I thought it was a little rabbit. I thought it was heard about it when it was...

Beatrix Potter. Yeah, I got mixed up with that so I sort of missed out on the first one anyway You're just ready to right confused So it's like It's sort of too late to get into it I think after yeah, yeah It's impossible So it's Shakespeare if you weren't around I know the day the day wrote the first ones. There's no point in going back But it's all the fuss that she's getting as well like um well. I think. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th's th's thi's thi's thi's thi's all. thi's all thi's all thi's all the thi's all thus. thus. It's all thus. It's all thus. It's all th. It's all th. It's th. It's too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too too. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thus. It's thi's thi's thi's too. It's too. It's too. It's too too too too too too too too too too too late. It's like. It's like. It's like too late. It's like too late. It's like? I mean, it must have made, what, billions? Well, it's the perfect success story. She writes a story for her children and it becomes a worldwide phenomenon, you know, it's not cynical, it's just a great story.

Didn't your dad ever pop anything down in writing? I'll tell you what, but she used to come up with stories for me as a kid that I'm sure if they came out they'd be a success yeah go on do you remember any of them it was one about a little red car I can't remember how that ended but the one that was really good was about a kid who gets a dog that But it's quite an old dog. This is going to be an episode of the World One, go on. Go on. And he's playing with a dog and that, but it starts getting a bit old, about 15 or whatever.

Yeah. And he goes, oh, it's rubbish this dog. Ha ha ha ha! I would love that one for kids. I would love that. Tommy went, oh, mommy, my dad's, I don't know, kill it then. Kill it then, shall I? Yeah, just throw it in the lake. I'll get you another one.

Do you want to Nintendo? Yeah? Kick the rabbit to death then. Or no food for you? Oh, brilliant. No, no, no, no. Sorry. Come on! I'm sorry, come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Jump! Van Halen!

On XFm. the today. Jump! Van Halen Oneahen! On XFM, 104. Right, come on on a car. We've got a lot to fit in now.

We've insulted a lot of people. Only about 25 minutes to go we've got monkey news we've got rockbusters have we got a cheeky figure the week this week could crumb it in so we do we want to do we want to hear the end of car story yeah what's the kid little Timmy and his is is is 15 year old dog lucky he got a bit bored with it right so she said oh mom you know this dog thoooo the thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th I I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th to to to to to tho tho to tho the the the tho to the the the the to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th the the the the the toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy toy to to the were you when your mom was telling you this story? Uh, I don't know, about four. Okay. It wasn't last week on holiday. No, right. So she goes, oh, all right then, we'll get you another one.

So he goes brilliant. What did you do with the old one? Just kept it but didn't sort of play with it or anything. He just ostracized it. So the last time it some it's hopefully well or curl up and die. Yeah go on. Yeah so what do you get him what sort of dog? I think it was a little little baby. Pappy? Yeah yeah good good choice good choice for a second dog. So yeah so I'm loving this story I'm actually living the story so where it didn't matter it was near a near a lake oh but most of they're getting rid of all the yeah so much we're getting that will make sense in a minute right. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the story. I the story. I the story. I the story. I the story. I their. I th. I th. I th. I their. What. What. What. What. What. What. What's th. What's th. What's th. What's th. What's th. What th. What's th. What's th. What's to to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get. What to get. What the sort the sort. What the sort. What the sort. What the sort. What the sort. What the sort. What the sort. What the sort. What the sort. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What their. What's their. What's their. What's they're they're they're they're they're their th. What's they're th. What's they're tho. What's they're the. What's to to they're 't matter, it was near a lake, old the commentary.

Those where they're getting, that will make sense in a minute, right? So, uh, so he's got the little dog, he's playing around with it, he's playing with his belly and stuff, he's thinking this is brilliant, best dog I've ever had, right? And the other dog sat in to his mom, right, I'm taking little puppy down the park. And she goes, we'll take the old one with you. And he goes, oh do we have to? It's a moral, I bet the old one saves him. So he goes, oh do you have to? She goes, yeah, it still needs a walk and that. Scrapping all over the house. So takes it down the park, right? And it's the they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, the old, the old, oh, oh, the old, the old, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the the they. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, tapapapapapapape, the t. Oh, the the the the the the old, the old, the old, the old, the old, the old, the old, the old, the old, the old, the old one. Oh, the old one. Oh, the old the park, right? And he's playing around and he's playing near the lake. Right?

Is the puppy near the lake, Carl? Because this is what's worrying me. Yeah. Popies near the lake, right? That jumps in. The kid goes, oh God. The kid goes, oh God, he goes, oh God. The kid goes, oh God, water's going everywhere, he's going to cat, oh God, and he wants the puppy to help him, but the puppy's just like drowning as well.

The old dog comes up, drags them both out, he goes, I can't believe it. You know, I said I was fed up with you, you've saved me life. He gets home and he says to his mom, kill the little puppy. So it's good little, what does he say when you get to him? So they don't need the puppy now. Brilliant! Brilliant! Genius! It's good, right?

Yeah, so the moral of that story is just follow your whims. They just... Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you get bored, get bored and you get another puppy. If you get bored with the old one again, I mean, just eventually, eventually you know get something that you like a little yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's brilliant that is a brilliant story though right so that's that rock busters yes I don't want to go too far yeah yeah we'll get rock busters out the way if we got a win yeah yeah come it so it worries me that there we've had a very entries. I think that even your mental fans aren't getting these which is really worrying they must be terrible clues this week. All right well. Has anyone got on right Steve? I think there's just one guy yeah who I suspect has one in the past. Well there's so what? Right the first one. if you go out of France by boat, you might as well buy your fags when you're on that because you'll get them a lot cheaper. Brilliant. Right? Yeah. B. F. B. F. B. Ferry. B. Ferry. B. Ferry. B. that. that. thethat a band? What is it? I don't know what it is.

Brian Ferry? Brian Ferry? What's that got to do with buying on a ferry though? Just because it's quite close to it. Bayon. Bion Ferry. What? Bayon Ferry? Bion Ferry? Sorry. What? What's your first language? The second one? That's rubbish. That doesn't count. Brian Bion Ferry. Bury. Bury. Bury. Bury. their. their. Bury. thery on Ferry. thory. thiry. thiry. Brian. thiry. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. thiry. thiry. Brian. Brian. thiry. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. thery. thiry. Brian. thiry. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. thiry. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian. Bury. Bury. Brian. Bury. Bury. Brian. Brian. B. Brian. B. B. Bury. Brian. Brian. Brian. B. Brian. B. B. th. thi. Brian. th. thi. the. th. thiry. thiry. th. thiry. Brian. one. That's rubbish that doesn't count. Brian Byron Ferry. Brian Ferry. By and Ferry. Um, there's this little foreign cafe. It's growing its own steak. Um, that's, that's Delametry. The third one. What? What? What is that? What is that? Delimetry? What? What? What is that? What is that? Delimetry? What? What is that? A meat tree? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? A? A? A? What? What? Is? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? Is? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A? A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A? A? A? A? A that? Delimitree? Delhi is a little foreign cafe. Yeah? A meat tree and that. A meat tree? A meat tree? What were the initials for that?

Just D for that? Just D for that? So not D.A? So they didn't even give them a chance to get the group? They got it? No, no, no, no, they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they they they they they they they they they they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. to. to. to. to. to. to te. to to to to te. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. Well, no, no, no, they didn't. Right, it's the end. Go on, right. Delhi meat tree. Delhi meat tree. One word, D, or any letter. M. M's in it. Go on. Okay, so Bayon, By and, I love Byan, I love Byan, I love Byan, I love their musicusic. Go on. Can I just point out Rick that David Bowie?

Delhi Meat Tree. Yeah. I don't see why necessarily Aidan who emailed in, why he doesn't get to win because he emailed in dire stakes. Seems to me just as valid as far as I can tell, but Delhi Metri is. And the last one, if there was a Jamaican fella on the Titanic... I'm looking forward to this with a little bit of fear. Jamaican fellow if he was on the Titanic he probably would have screamed this. Yeah. That's Christ Beberg. I don't know what to do. Stunning.

So who's the winner? I'm not going to give it to anyone. So what's the Jamaican bit got to do with it? It's the D. Just the D. Just Christ de Berg. Say it again? No, I think they've worked it out now. What, do you say it again?

Christ de Berg. And who's that? What? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? Who's that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? th? th? th? th? St? th? St? St? S? S? S? S? th? S? th? S? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th? th. th. thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? thi? to. St. St. Who. St. Who's? thi? thi? thi? St. St. th what do you say again? Christ de Berg? And who's that? What? Who's that? Who's what? Who's Christ de Berg? Chris de Berg? Who's the winner, Steve? Do you know what? I'm going to give it to Aden because he just treated you with nothing but contempt. Steve Martin emailed him again. He got the first two and then the last one he just emailed, I neither know nor care about this answer. I'm tend to give him. You know what you've done there, don't you? You've put the nail in the coffin of rockmusters? I've warned you, I warned you for three weeks and you sort of bucked your ideas up for a little while, but Christ did the worst delimetry. so and didn't just put D and then Bayon Ferry.

By and Bury. By and Bury. By and Ferry. So, is that not? Are we doing it anymore? Play a record. You're an idiot. Are we doing it anymore?

I'm just going to keep saying you're an idiot. Play the record. Have you learned nothing from Dr. Fox? Yeah. That's not a Sonyo at the window. Huh? What, you need to start working on it now because they're so good? You need to start working now for next Saturday?

Aren't we doing it anymore? Just, I don't know. Can't we do it? Cardigans, you're the storm on XFM 104. Well, nearly the end of the show, but we wouldn't, you know, we wouldn't let them down, would we? You know what it is now, don't you? Oh, chimpanzee that, monkey news! All right.

Now, whilst I was in Colmour, I wasn't online, I didn't have the internet, so it was like, oh, what am I going to do? And I didn't come back to yesterday, and I thought he did loads going on that I don't know all that in the monkey world and stuff. I was open to get some from the zoo that was meant to be going to. Of course that didn't happen. So, I said to my to my to my to my to my to my to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that, what the that, what, what, what the that, what th. tho, what tho, what tho, what tho, what tho, what to, what to, what to, what to, what to, what to, what to, what to, what tho, what tho, what tho, what th. What, what th. What th. What th. What th. What, what th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What th. What that. What that that that that that that that that that to, what am, what am that that to, what am that anything about monkeys or have you got any stories with monkeys? Brilliant. This is what Trevor McGovern does.

Turned out. It was quarter to ten, he goes, oh nothing. Dad, anything politics? Anything politics, dad? This isn't monkey news, I'm just giving you this free. Yeah, brilliant. Turned out one of his mates, he used to have a chimp. Right.

What do you mean one of his mates used to have a chimp? Well, two of his mates. Oh, sorry, yeah, I was thinking it sounds a bit far-fetched living in Manchester like, but if there was two of them... He had a chimp, um, I had to thump it in the head. I had to thump it in the head. For doing what, answering back? Oh God! Tried it on with his wife. I had to thump it in the end for trying it on with his wife.

I love it. I love it as a proper fist fight in a pub in Manchester. Oh. I'd call him up, but he's one of them he like swears all the time. Oh, I mean it'd be good to get him on and just... Let's interview him. Can we not interview him pre-record? We can't bleep out the swear and I'd love to hear the story. I did a lot of work that. Yeah, well, well, it's not, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, the, the, the, the, the, th, th. Well, th. th. Well, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, it, it, it, it's, it, it's, it, it, it, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It. It's. It's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It'd th. It'd th. It'd th. It'd th. It'd th. It'd th. It'd be th. It'd be th. It'd be th word, I saw it out. Yeah, try to see that and he's sort out. Well don't tell us the rest of the story then let's let him say in his own words. No, but it was another one as well. Some fellow. When you say you can get him on but he swears a lot, you I think he said he went my dad went round one day I don't know why right went around there knocked on the door

chimpanzeed I don't know what you're doing mate I don't know where this place you live next door there's a chimps in the front room there's chimps running around mad anyway anyway uh chimpancer is that is that the end there's a chimpanter in the door and that's that's that's that's th you you you you you you you th th th he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he the he he he he he the he he he he he he he he he hee is th is the the the the the the th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th the th the the th the th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is th is th is th is th is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theee the the the the the the the the the the th... Chimpanzer! Is that at the end of the story? There's a chimpanzee in the door and that's the end. You sure it wasn't the drag ice before he's shaved? No, it wasn't your grand? Because I like the really airy ones that decide they can be female impersonators.

Yeah, he's your grand. Anyway. Go ahead. Oh, ch ch ch chimimimimimim, this, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, is, th. th. that, is, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is th. that. that- the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. ta. tri-a. tri-a. tri-a. tri-a. tha. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi.. So you got that for free. What's this going to be like Steve? Well, let's have more jingles. Okay. Oh, chimpanzee that monkey news extra. Okay. Right. Another phrase, we've been talking about phrases today. Yeah, we have. Don't see your grannie when she's shaving. Yeah. Don't look horse in the mouth. Don't let the chimpanzee if you tuck in your cock in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't look horse in the mouth. Don't let the chimpanzee jaw if you're tucking your cock in. Um, familiar with the phrase monkey business? No, never heard that one before, Carl, that's brilliant. Right, well, it came about, this has been emailed in and I haven't really had a chance to look at it, so I'm just weighing it up now. Um, God. It's the big shout-out ball's on air, isn't it???? th? I, I? I, I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I? I, I? I? I? I? I, I? I'm? I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. Uh, I'm. Uh, uh? Uh, uh? Uh, uh? Uh, uh? Uh, uh? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh? Uh, uh, uh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I. Uh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I? I? I, I, I, I? I'm? I'm? I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th-h, th-h, th-h-h-h-h-a'-I'm familiar. th-I'm familiar. th-I chance to look at it so I'm just weighing it up now. Oh God, it's the biggest shout-tools on air, isn't it, really? I'm ashamed of it. I mean, what was Dr. Fox, Dr. Fox must have been really polite. He must have been thinking I don't know

how to put this. He must have wanted to scream and go, you shouldn't be in the radio authority. My parents listen online I can't th th th they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've really really really really really really really they've they've they've they've they've really really th th th really thirty thirty thirty thirty th. I'm not really th. I'm not really th. I'm not th. I've th. I've th. I've th. I have their their their their th. I I I I I I I I have th. I I I I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I have th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the an the an the an the an thatean. I'm not thateeeeeeeeean. I'm not. I'm not, I'm not thee an the an the an th online I can't look them in the eye. Right, I think I've weighed it up. Long time ago, right? Yeah, holding those, yeah? In the Amazon jungle, right? Little family of monkeys in there, right? Having a good life, right? Didn't have any predices in there, right? So they were loving it? Yeah. They had a load of food around and they had loads of banana trees, right? No, I don't think so. No, they did. Sorry, everything's going great. So they're happy in that. They go out of bed. Okay. Wake up in the morning, load of bananas gone. Oh, hang on. Oh, wait a minute. Either your dad's been around or...

Is it... This isn't the great Amazon banana robbery, is it? So anyway, turns out, it was another load of monkeys from another part of the island, from the rough bit. From the rough bit. From the rough bit! They weren't a little a middle class area. Oh, that is... They're the ones with the earrings and the leather jackets.

Oh, that is brilliant. Poor rough part of the island. So, the monkey's thought, well there's no point getting into a fight with them because they're harder than we are. Yeah, of course, and they carry chains. So basically they carry chains. So... I love all this conjecture. I can't flip knives and tattoos. Yeah, go on. So basically, they said, let's do some business with the bananas. Let's do some business with the bananas.

This is such a shit! This is such a... What are you talking about? Oh my God! What do you mean this? Forget it. No, don't forget it! Seriously, switch the record off, switch the record off, Carl?

What are you talking about? What do they do? Let's do business with the bananas? Yeah. So, they say, well, rather than them coming robbing them, we'll flog them. So, that's got to stop to it then. The monkeys came, they didn't have money. He said, give us some bananas, and it says, so what, they exchange bananas for bananas? For, for berries and nuts.

So that's where the phrase monkey business. No! No it's that. Little business is set up. Right, that's the end of that as well. So that's the end. That is a shame. That's the end of rockbusters and monkey news. Well done. You've done it in one show.