The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E44 (June 28, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Well, there's the best band in Britain, in my opinion. Big words. The Darkness, growing on me on XFM 104.9, a record of values with me, Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. Have you got the album? And already, they've had an argument. Yes. Well, I mean, I don't know whether we need to cheapen the producer and he failed to get it for me. He's failed to get it for me. He's failed to bring it up from the record library. Completely failed

in his mission. He needed to get two records and he failed to get one of them. A 50% error rate there. Yeah, but like I said, I looked in the system. He told me what album it's on, I brought that album up. I'm busy. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. toed. toed. to to th. toed. told. told. told. told. told. told. to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. toge. toda. toda. toda. toda. toda. tole. total. toda. tole. total. toda. toda. total. then that's no problem. You know, once again, that's a great excuse car, brilliant. The show has been ruined, it's been partially ruined, but you've got a bit of an excuse. All right, I didn't make a big deal out of it when you said, oh and whilst you're down there, get us a new 50 cent single. I asked you if it had been here I wouldn't have worried. So I get it, yeah, I did that for you. Right. And then I come up you say, has it got swearing in it? Well, I don't know, it's five to one, so I'm not part of him. I've been with you around. I don't know.

The producer, it's the brand new single. I don't have been lying in the today. loading all I'm on, but I haven't got the time. Busy, busy. Yeah. Fine. No, no, that's a perfect excuse car. Well done, mate. I just hope that I never have to depend on you in a really emergency. I had a bit of bad luck as well. I wanted to play R.E.M. And maybe the listener can help me here. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. That. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. I. I. I. I Ricky.Jovays at XFM.co.co. UK, if you knew what song I'm thinking of, it's an R-EM song, I think it's on the album, I think it's on the album, I the last one I've gone before, and he says, Mulholl and Drive and I'm Steve McQueen, that's all I know, I'm sorry, I can't the the title Drive the System because what you're talking about? So I need the actual title of the song to look up to find it down in the library. Oh well I was going to go down to the library and get that. I wouldn't send Kyle because Ricky Dr Vase at XFM. I told you about that record that I wanted it yesterday, didn't I? So you've had 24 hours notice. So that's not really an excuse, is it? But I did find one of my favorite songs of all time, which is Bones off the Ben's album

and his Radiohead on XFM, 1.4.9. And here it is, because you gave me lots of time to find it. Sure, sure. Yeah. I could have brought it in himself in. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. No. No. No. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes thoes. thoes. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the tho the the tho tho the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the Bones. Radiohead, the Benz on XFM, 1004.9 and thanks to Paul Ousey, Nodin. I've got lots of people, you've got TV, Steve, Ashley. It's Electrolite, you know, it all comes flooding back now. We've got that. I've got it out of the library. We're going to play that. That's done. It's interactive. I've used the listener. I've shown the listener, right. I've the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. I've the the the. I've the the. I've the the the the the the the TV. I've got got got got got got got got got got got got got got. I've got got. I've got got got got the TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got TV. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've got. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've the. I've the. I've the. I've got. It. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the.v. the. the.v. the. the. the. it out of the library, we're going to play that, that's done. It's interactive, I've used the listener, right, I've helped them to help themselves. I've said if you want to hear it, tell me what it is, they're going to hear it. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Save's going to down the library and well, we don't know, we've to have the was the right one you see. It's just a little bit of... Well it's a good rule that generally if you pick something up a CD, you know, you want

to play on a radio show. You normally check it at the back. Oh yeah, that's right, yeah, if you want a job done, do it yourself, you're absolutely right, Carl. Yeah, so... Yeah, anyway. that's because it was my birthday in the week and not only as he brought me a little vibrating thing to put on the chair, because I got a bad bat, so that vibrates. That. Actually, we can hear it.

Yeah, I'm going to do it between me because, I'm the tree. Yeah, I'm going to do it between records. Right. What's that? I've got a relax and air. If I'm relaxed, the listeners relax, we're all happy. He's also got me this, little electronic bongoes and I thought we could do like, Oh, chimpanzee that, monkey news. So it's like a jungle sort of thing. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Brilliant. Well, that's one of the great jingles, but even has the vibrating. Oh, chimpanzee that!

Monkey News! Dr. Fox, if you're listening, I think you'll know that's a clear improvement in this show. So thank you for those. It's all right. We'll see. What did you get in? I couldn't get anything. I was too busy by myself an iPod.

You're joking. Well, it's a little bit gay, isn't it, giving gifts to bloke? Yeah, it is, but for someone who's like, major. Yeah. Play record! Someone who's major? What do you mean? What because he's a major celebrity? No, made you? Oh, made you. I made you! Yeah! That's why that's it. Crazy beat, blur, all right? On XFM 104.9. Brilliant.

Yeah, so I also got, Jane got me a few nice presents, including my favourite of all of them, a real bow and arrow. A real bow and arrow? Yeah. Right. And what, you know, you're going to rob from the rich I even give the poor. Yeah. I just got to make the little outfit. You and you marry men. She's got me like two yards of green felt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to th. to to to to th. to the to th. the th. th. th. to th. the th. the th. th. th. th. Yeah. the th. the the th. th. th. th. their. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. I. I. I. poor. I just got to make the little outfit. You and you marry men. She's got me like two yards of green felt. Sure. Yeah, yeah. I've just got a tree. And a tree house. Someone who can make me a lovely little nutty outfit. Yeah. Why is she bought your brother up? Hey, you live in central London. So where are you going to be using? We've got a garden. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it yesterday. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it yesterday. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. t. t. I'm. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. I'm. I'm. I'm. I've. I. I. I. I. I. to protect it so, it's just, oh, it's so fast, isn't it? Sorry, I didn't understand that sentence. I'm here in the studio, I saw you point to your finger, so I'm guessing from that and maybe you injured your finger, but for the listener again, what exactly?

What was it today? No, because when you put back to puke? And do you have a tar tree, it goes, oh it's brilliant. I'm getting a bit excited about it. Because when I make that outfit I'm going to run in round. Yeah. Yeah. And do you have a picture like a face maybe on the target like Osama Bin Laden? Yeah. Yeah. Sure. No it's just says this way up, fragile. Right. I forget what came in it. But you know it's good fun, in it, Carl. Bona.'t it? Yeah? Would you like a little bone arrow? Yeah, it's all right. Yeah. I'm forced out a rifle as a kid. Did you? A real one? Yeah, just shooting cans and stuff. It's all right. So, well, a wonderful anecdote. Well, we went out with drink with Carl in the weekthe week and we went to a restaurant, didn't we, Carl? And we sat there and next to me, when Carl came next to me, was, what's his name, Ross Kemp?

And he was sitting there and I saw Carl and I tapped him on the shoulder, and I pointed a car on him and I said it's nice to see you two back together again. And Carl was horrified, but Carl didn't know that I'd already spoken to him before Carl so I thought I could break the ice because I'd met him before. So he just thought I was insulting him. And in the week we were talking about now? I think he'd had enough of everyone talking about it. He looked good though, he had it, especially little deer, he had it sort of, you know, cropped a little bit more.

I like it when he's just freshly had it done. Do you like, do you like... Has that ever happened to you? So if you're somewhere, say that it's sort of, you, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th.... It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's,? I love these two. But to be fair, to be fair, to be fair, he seems to be having to go with me an awful lot more than I do at him now. I mean he just starts it, you know, he just starts it out of nowhere. Yeah, I think, I think his is sort of a get-back for the way you treat him as a producer, you know but he's not a producer if he produced the show I wouldn't have a reason to criticize I think this is it Oh god

but seriously I mean it really wise about there because you know it started as a joke but now it's just it's abuse yeah he got annoyed at heat because it said car producer well not so much a producer as just a bald mank and he went can they say that yeah see that see that's a magazine, an independent publication has identified what exactly is you do. Yeah. There we go, then, go on, bring it on, because here we go, he's looking at me. I know he's thinking, I can hear the cons, I can't think anything. It's vicious. That is true. No, that I listen to, I heard this on VH1 in the week, and I have not been able to get

out of my head and I really kind of want to, oh, I want to get in everyone else's mind now so they understand the pain I've been going through, miss you by the Rolling Stone to do it. I hope that's now embedded in the brain and you can ruin a week by having to sing that constantly irritating people in shops and everywhere you go miss you by the Rolling Stones. Good track. Carl, Jonathan Ross came out of this last week and we were talking about stuff and Carl was mesmerized when Jonathan told a story that he was bored

once in a hotel room and shaved his ass. He shaved his ass? Yeah, and Carl, you didn't stop questioning him did you for about... I just wondered at what the time? At what the time do you sort of say, oh this is getting on my nerves. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I mean it is boring in hotel rooms because I told you before about when

I was in Edinburgh and had nothing to do, there's nothing on the tell and you sort of, you've eaten the short red biscuits. Yes. And so that's when I read the phone book? Well it's to see how many Macs were in Scotland, Macintosh, and it was like, you know, 42 pages. Yeah, Jonathan, I don't know if he'd already done that. Yeah, he said he shaved his hars. Now when we say he shaved his cheeks, he's... Oh, all of it? Yeah, all of it. Can you say that? Well, I think, I... Other than the cheeks, but then we got the the the the the the the the the the the the their. th. their. When their. When their. When their. When their. When their. their. their. their. their. their. He's, their. He's, th. He was, th. He was, th. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he's, he's, he's, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He's. He's. He's, th. He's, th. He's. He's, th. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's, th. He's. He's. He's. He's. He's. think that's other than the cheats, there's not much left. But then we got to the fact that me and Jonathan, if we pulled our wealth,

we could have shaved Carl's thousand pounds. Right? And he said, yeah, for a thousand pounds you could shave my ass. Can I say this bit? friend said what Carl? She was annoyed she says well I'm not allowed to go there why is anyone else and course the whole table stopped and lent in and said what? He doesn't like me touching him there I mean what do you mean? Ha ha this is too much information it was too much information it was too much I like the fact that you've had this conversation with her I like the I like that she touched your ass that he th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thed thed thed thus thus thus thus thus thus that's thus that that that to that that that that that that thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus th th the th the the the th th the th is the the th is th is the th is th is the the th is th is thed thed thus thus thus thus thus he he he he he he he he told he he told he to to to told to to to to told to told to told told that that that the that th keep your hands away from the ass. Do you know why he said he's talking about the most intimate part of the ass, the middle ass he's talking about, that she, and he said, I said why? He went, it's a bit gay, isn't it? I said how can a girl touching it be a bit gay?

If it's not behind it conversations we were having, right? And it just, it's that thing that the waitress heard something every time she came over. She heard the word like, car go off. I'm trying to go off saying I shave my eyes. Yeah, yeah. And oh dear. But it was, uh, yeah it was a good night wasn't it? So it's a thousand pounds now, isn't it? Um, but presumably you give Suzanne half anyway, so everyone will be happy. You've used the ass to best effect. She's got, she's got half out of it, so she's, she's made as much out of your ass as you have in a sense. With me and Jonathan are happy. Yeah, but to be the thin thin thin thin to be to be thin to be thi to be thi to be thi thi to be thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thousand, thi, thus, thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand you're thousand you're thousand you're, thous and thous, thous, thous, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thin, thin, thin, thou, thin, thou. Yeah, thin, the. Yeah, thou' the thou' the thou' thou' thou' the thou' thou' th thou' th be fair it's his ass on the line. So I know but I mean you know she's not like she's getting a bum deal

well she's getting 500 you know yeah good no I know you know but um do you reckon. Just thinking some more I just asked before you play a record um if we would just shave your ass let's say we did it for charity or something, got sponsorship, how would we do it? Would we use one of those big kind of old-fashioned raises? No, no, I'd use a big safety. I just, straight away. And would you use a gel or a phone? No, no, no, I'd just, first of all, yeah, I think I'd just, I'd just, um, lather it up. So you'd lather up his eyes, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd, I, I'd, I, I, I, I, their, their, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, th, thee, tho, tho, tho, tho, thase, thase, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, use, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, tha, the, tha. thease, the, the, use, use, use, use, use, strokes, clean, right? Then I'd have to go in the crevices and I'd need an assistant,

I'd pop it apart and just very gently go in there. I might even use electronic equipment just so there was no sort of like Knicks. Okay. So, how do you... Or, I might wax the internal middle ass? How did Jonathan do it? his own didn't he? I see his mirrors why they're I'll ask him we're calling later but uh I don't know. Well perhaps you perhaps you listening and once shaved your eyes maybe during an exam or something you're pretty boring. Well I think what I think this is conjecture but I think he was probably

there he'd had a shower he shaved his face right I thought well I'm he was naked looks down he goes oh what hairy ass Well, I don't know, I got the razor in this hand, I've got the mirror there, you know, I'm not on stage for a good 10 minutes. There's one thing I don't like going on stage with is a hairy ass. Bang, drink, wallop. Done. On stage, thanks. See you later. See you next week. What are you thinking Carl? It's just if that, how air he was it.

You know what I mean? How air he was it? Because they imagine, I mean you're saying mirrors and stuff. But is it, I mean how old is he's 42? And they say your, your testicles drop quite a bit once you're not getting old, don't they? So that, he's got to make sure they're out the way. Yeah, but I don't, I I I I I I I I I I I I I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I th. I th. I don't, I don't, I th. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I th. th. th. that, I that, that, that, how, that, that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tha, tha, how, how, how, how that, how that's, how that's, how that's, how that's, how that's, how that's, how that's, how tha. How thea. How tha. tha. don't. Yeah. So that is got to make sure they're out the way. Yeah but I don't think I mean I can speak for myself you know as a similar race to Jonathan that I mean you know if there's millimetres in it it's not like we took him in our socks in the morning they're still in the same place you really wouldn't know the difference.

If we filmed it in, you know, time-lapse camera, they wouldn't, it wouldn't be like a bungee jump. Do you know what I mean? They wouldn't be moving a lot. Yeah. All right? Do you think he's, I told him is a good-looking fella, Steve, would you, do you agree with that? I told Jonathan that he said. You'd let him give you money for ass touchery. Yeah, where's your girlfriend's got? No chance, and you're saying he's a good-looking man. Do I play a record and think about what you've done? Interesting.

Energetic people they all sparkle as they're walking down the street. 50 cents. 21 questions, new single from here. Well, me and Carl got a joint favourite lyric now. I love you like a fat kid, loves cake. Yeah. That's great, isn't it? I mean, I like it because it's funny and humorous and cheeky. You like it because it's, it means something, don't you?

Actually, you think that's the absolute truth. If someone was to say that to you, that would be the most romantic thing they could say in it because it's... I know what it means. It's like the elephant man. The elephant man, that's what he's called. Again you know what you're going to get. The fat kid loves cake. You've said it all, man is one of the best films ever made. Yeah. Endorsed by a celebrity. I know. Well by a film buff, really. It is good though, isn't it? It is a very good film, yeah. We have got Cheaky Freak of the Week. Oh right. It's a lot of stuff going on this week. Yeah, is it really? Yeah, there's loads. Yeah, there's loads. I mean stuff that we can, the one's th's th's stuff. th's th's the the one's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th hasn't made it, so we judge it on that, go on. There's a woman, right. Do you know how, um, I mean in a way I thought elephant man it was a bit tight because you know, we sort of took him on a freak show, did a bit of a road show with him andthree legs and like seven toes stuff and

she was saying people pay quite a lot of money. Not Squiddy Patel. It's not that much money like compared to her but over there it's like loads of money sure and all you do is you go around to her house and you pay this lot of money and people just go on. Look at that. Extra red. Right. They're quite a lot of money.

So she hasn't even got out on the road anymore like in the old days. No, that's what annoyed me. It's like, well, you could get to them faster. You go and see them if they pay the money. Oh sure. What she could do is go in and buy a pair of shoes, right? And then Nick went on the way out because they only put one out, don't they? Good idea. So she could get, you know, two, three for the price of two. Just one of the many perks I've had three legs.

The other one is, I mean, keepy-upy, th, keep keep she? She just stays at home and puts the feet up. But anyway, that's not even cheeky freaky the week. That's coming up later. Oh, brilliant. Now, rockbusters, it's dead in the water, isn't it? We've killed that off, have we officially? We killed off, oh, we killed off, monkey news and thrown. Didn't I tell you that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not. that's not that's not that's not. that's not that's not that's not that's not. that's not. that's not that's not. that's not that's not. That's not. That's not that's not. That's not that's not. that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. that's not. th. that's not. they. that's not. they. that's not. that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not petition for Monkey News? Was there? What was the story? Oh, loads of loads of emails and that.

You mean you've done Monkey News? You mean you want to do Monkey News? No, but the, seriously it was uproar. And people were like, you can't get rid of Monkey News. Yeah. Don't be doing that. What, it was a loads of people. Was it monkeys? Trying to write the complete waste of Shakespeare? Did Tony Blair get a whiff of it and he's coming down on a tun of bricks? And rockbusters, Steve, if you've got a better competition then we'll do yours, that's fine. Do you know what I mean? If that's what you want to do, we'll do, what, what did you want to do? No, I was just wondering whether we should perhaps perhaps perhaps perhaps perhaps perhaps perhaps perhaps perhaps perhaps not thra perhaps not tha perhaps not to not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to perhaps not to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to have silence during that part of the show than have rockbusters.

I don't know if we should discuss it off here. If I give you the clues and that and if you think they sound rubbish We're not doing it. Well, I know that I guarantee they're gonna say rubbish All right. Let's make it the last rockbusters then. All right. Let's make it the last rockbusters then this is the the throw. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. Well. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. they. they're I I'll they'll give. they'll give I'll give I'll give. If I'll I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I'll give I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I give. If I give. If I give. If I give. If I give. If I give. If I give. If I give. If I'll give. It they. their their their their they. G I'll give I'll give I'll give it the the th the the th the th th their their their their do what Westers then I'm doing it now should play a record and do it after that do it after I'll tell you the prizes and then we'll come back with the the clues I've dug up the R&M track excellent so it's an interactive show okay we got the best summer holiday album ever what we got on there it's Ketchup is all the stuff that the XFM listener is craving, a tribute to the Ramones album, we've got Redock Chili Peppers on there, Metallica, Street Legal from Bob Dylan, that's nice. Brilliant. Did you just buy that in the four for twenty pounds from HMV deal? Fair enough. That's a good album.

That's a good album. of Wang Jiang, a Doctor Who classic, and there's something for the X-FM this near 8 Mile on DVD. I thought that was nice that film. That was, the last bit was funny. It was, because it's a good film. There's a good wrap-offs in that as well. So let's play a tune and then we'll come back with the rockbuster's clues. R.A.M. Go onome, Electronite on XFM 104. Rickardie James, Steve Merchant, Carl Pilkington. I walk down Oxford Street every day to go to the office. And it is like running the gauntlet in Gladly. It's, not only is it just like, you know, you have to dodge people and they're dawdling or rushing or you know keeping into the road to get passing people

but avoiding taxes but it's like hands everywhere like leaflets I don't know there must be a million leaflets given out. It's all mobile phones teach yourself English. Teach other people. And those charity people, something for Alzheimer's and I've been caught about six times where I couldn't say no. I've got about eight standing orders now because I just couldn't say no when they confront you. Yeah, which is you know.

It's amazing how often I'm on the way to a meeting. And then I always feel guilty if I walk past them again two minutes later with a HMV bag. Yeah, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's. It's. It's. It's is is. It's is. It's. It's they's they's they's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I'm. I'm. I'm th. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I've t. I've t. I've ta. I've ta. I've ta. I'm ta. I'm ta. I'm with bargains. I know, yeah. No, it's absolutely, they're like zombies. It's like you're fighting them off. You need a flaming torch to be possible. Or if it's not them, it's tourists. Just constantly, you know, excuse me, can you take my photo outside HMV or outside Topp. That doesn't happen to me. Oh, okay. All we shouldn't seem, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the. Oh, like, like, like, like, like, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. Oh, the. the. the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Oh, the. Oh, looking up at the buildings. I walk so fast, I put a head down and I just try and walk so fast everywhere now, because it's, yeah. But Ulster Street is just, it's unbelievable now. And I think it's AIDS, like I've started, notice, even if the windows open, I hear just like cars and they're on the mobile phone, it's the loudest place in the world. The universe? It is mental. I think if we carpeted it and put some curtains up, it was just dead and it's like pubs with those polished

floors and metal tables and everyone's having to talk like that to be heard. The dupe box is quite loud and I want to go to turn everything down. Just put some carpet down just like this. To put the music down a little bit, we'll have a good, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, the, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, the. And, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, put. the music down a little bit, we'll have a good time. I've never quite understood that impulse. I don't again if it's age, where you go in a club or a pub as you say, and the music is just slightly too loud. So it just makes everything slightly tricky, it's slightly tricky to have a conversation. I know what it's for the amusement, their barman or barmaid. They're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, they're, where, where, they're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, their. the music up, their music up, right, techno blaring, right? They've got a telly on watching a soap opera, and I want to go, choose one or the other. I mean, what are you watching? I got a minicab last night, I imagine you don't traveling minicabs, but the guy driving, one of one of those guys, I know he's driving a and he saw you go I went oh crouching yeah yeah yeah well I said he was chatting on his mobile phone the whole time his voice was so bad he had the radio on as well

and he wasn't concentrated on the road I was in I just thought I'm paying you ten pound to take me somewhere please please please please just stop chatting yeah yeah get me to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their to their to to to to to to their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their so so so so so so some so some some so some so some some so so so their so so their so their so their so their so their so their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the some is is some is some is some is some is some is some is some is some is to go go go go go to to to to to to their some some some favourite one is I'm going to so-and-so terrace please. Where's that? I want to go right, you're not you're not taking me then. I mean I don't know, I don't know, I don't drive that I'm paying you, find out. That's why I'm doing you, that's got to be part of the service. But I mean I know people have been in many cabs and didn't and didn't and didn't and didn't and didn't and didn't and didn't and I was and didn't and I was and I was and I was and I didn't the they's I didn't they's I didn't they didn't they didn't they didn't they didn't they didn't they didn't to to to to to to to to to to to to the to to go I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to they they they're not I'm not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not they're not to you you you to to to their th. I'm not the. I'm not the. I'm not thea' to me that to to to to to to to to to to they're not they're not they him I'm going to go to North London he went where specifically I went a Swiss cottage he went sure sure I said you know the way he went yeah yeah yeah set off along the way he went do you know the way I said I said have you not got any said he went no he was always guys who he was all he had all he had all he had all he had all he had a car no no two the two two other things I'd the the two I two I the two I the the the the two I the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they I I they I they I they I they I they I they so so so so so I they they they they the the the the the two other things I bring with me and he said to us we're going along he went he went I could probably get used to Camden I was like okay he went to start I mean that is the start exactly he went do you know the way to Camden I

thought pull over it's not worth it I'd rather hitchhike I'd rather walk ludicrous those people who just go out yeah yeah they're just gonna take a car out of her yeah yeah yeah that? No I, well I, you know I'm sick of living here and you say no that people astling you. Do when you say you mean the world don't you? No just just in London he's doing me adding now. The other week actually walking on from here and like you say there's always someone asking you saying you want a bar this do you want one of these? I went down Carnaby Street, right? There's your first mistake. He said, uh, you into meditation.

So I was like, oh, I had a bit of time to kill, so I thought I'll have a chat, right? Have you got to, oh, we've never got time. Yeah, I thought you were too busy, but for me. What, what do you do? And he said, well I'm 30. I think I've done all right and he sort of said I'll forget it. I'll forget it. I'm 30. In self-reduce they do like Evian or whatever that water company there and they've got like little glasses of water and you walk past and they go have you ever tried this? It's water? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're going, well try it, you go, Jesus Christ, is that what water is? What have I been drinking then?

You've been drinking pissing mud? Have I? I'll have a bottle. Anyway, listen, rock busters. Oh, come on then. Really? Yeah. Right, so cryptic clues and initials you work it out, it's abandoned stuff. Yeah, right, first one. Bob Ones. The first clue, the doctor said part of the foot

and the leg was no good so he took him off and he threw him away. That's the clue. The initials T.B. T. B. Right. The doctor said part of the foot and the leg was no good, so he took them off and threw them away. Second one. The Scottish Monster has got a bit of a tan. Right? The Scottish Monster has got a bit of a tan. Okay. That's T.D. Right. And the last one. Well, the 60s singer had a heart attack whilst he was having it away. We won't be seen him again. Right? And that's FNM. FNM. Well the 60 singers had a heart attack, he was having it away, we won't be seen him again. Email in, Ricky Dockyvese, and X-Henem. Remember this is to save rockbusters. If people don't get this, right, it's no more. So you better better better, if you better, if you you better, if you the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the 60. the 60. the 60. the 60. the 60. the 60. the 60. the 60. the 60. th. thi, the 60s, th. the 60s, the 60s, the 60s, the 60, the 60, we're the 60, we're the 60. We're th. We're, we're th. We're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. threat. the. the. thea. thea. thea' thea' s-s, thea' s-s, thin, tha'''' thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty, thirty to save rockbusters. If people don't get this, right, it's no more.

So you better, if you want this feature to stay, you better get the clues. All right? Good work, Carl. We'll give those clues again after the next tune. What we play? I've loved it. Yeah. You love it. Good. It's a good stomping pop number one rock. XFM. How can you see? Jane's addiction just because. I think things are rocking up. They are indeed. Rocking up in the land this year, Steve. Yes, that's good news I think.

Evanescence, them, the darkness. Rock Tustic, XFM 104. 9, Ricketson, Ricketts Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkerton of a Saturday. Can I just say that the shaving your ass feature from earlier, if you missed that, that was half past one, that was a discussion on shaving your ass. Yeah, it was great stuff. That seems to have to have. to have, to have, to have, to have, the, to have, to be, to be, the, to be, to be, the, the, to be, to be, the, to be, to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, to, to, to, to. to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S.............................................. your ass. So if you need that information, I can probably forward it to you. Well I think this will be the year of rock and ass. Exactly. But it's extraordinary how, you know, just a simple discussion like that, that you would think perhaps was crea crass, mind you, our listeners do like Carl talking about monkeys,

do you know, thii. it's something to be proud of. It's not like we changed the nation or freed a people or found a cure for something. We hit them in their, you know, at their level with monkeys and arses. It's what our listeners love. Yeah. Monkeys and their together. We should put that on a poster. And they go together because I joined the zoo last I thought you had to sit in her and the cage through it. And that thing happened. I went straight for the chimps, right? And there was three sort of big sort of adult ones there. And as people were their kids, and I can see the people just pulling their kids away as one went up and started putting his face up the other ones. And it was sort of like, I just can't be well to explain this to my their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I. I. I th. th. th. I was, th. th. I was, I was, I was, I was, I was just, I was, I was, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I th. And, I th. And, I th. And, I th. And, I th. And th. And, I th. And, I was, I thin, I was, I was thin. And, I was thin. And, I'm thin, I'm thin, I'm tho. We tho. We've thooome. We've thoan. We've thin, I went, thin, I went, thoooome. We've thin, I was just, I was just was sort of like, I just can't be well to explain this to my children. And it's that. So I just moved and went, oh come on then. There's the lions. We're going to have a look at the lions. Yeah. What are they doing? They're just sniffing each other's.

Yeah. Yes. I remember when I used to go to the snakes, we were interested in. Birds, I don't remember being interested in birds. Big cats, although it's a bit depressing. Great apes, great apes, reptiles, yeah, birds. Unless it's a big one that you think can rip a dog apart. You go, brilliant. Yeah, owls are brilliant. Yeah, owls are great. I was working a little owl on the desk. I'd like be doing work and they'll be a little owl, a the owl. Oh, oh, owl. Oh, owl. Ow. Owlip. Owlip. Owlip, owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, owl, yeah, owl, owl, owl, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, owl, yeah, owl, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, owl, oh, yeah, owl, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Oh, t. Yeah, t. Yeah, t. Yeah, t. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Oh, th. A, th. Yeah, th. Great, th. Great, th. Great, th. Great, thi. Great, the the the the the the. I'd like be doing work and there be a little owl there and I go, can you give that pencil? And it just sort of goes over and gets me a pencil, it goes, cheers, and it just watches me and it thinks I'm brilliant. Do you know what I mean? Not really? No, I've never had any kind of animal sat on my desk. No, Carl, you'd like a littleed didn't he? What was his name? Maggie. Sure. Brilliant. And you took it to school and it didn't come back once. Didn't come back, didn't it?

Didn't come back, didn't you? Oh dear. Did it ever peck your head? Because she used to have hair, didn't you? Yeah. No, it did. It started getting a bit of a bit of the age? unless it's probably sexual frustration and sort, you know, because I think magpies go for shiny objects, don't they? And you're probably sort of, probably losing it a little bit then in the front, and so when the sun was out... There's a bit of a sheen on the front. It's all glare and thought I love that. What is that? That's brilliant. Yeah. Or as it sort of pecking away, it was stuck it for a tree. to their their th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. Yeah. th. their. their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah............................................................. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It the noise. Yeah, the hollow sound. I squeezed his head um yesterday. We should just point out if you're a new listener to, uh, I mean we're not realized that one of Ricky's many sexual peccadillos, I've assuming it's a sexual thing, I can't justify it any other way, is to just squeeze Carl. Yeah, I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's sexual or, you know like when th you the sexual, like th you th th th th th th th th th th th th th to th th to their to th to to th th th th thin, thin, th thin, thin, th. I th. I thee's thin, thin, thin' thee's th. I'm th. I'm their, their, their, their, th you's th you's th. You's thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th the the the the th th the the the th the the the th th the th th th th th th th th the thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thi the the the theat theat thin, thea' theat the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi you want to squeeze this little face do you know I mean do you know me about that Carl yeah yeah I said that with you yeah yeah

exactly and I feel that with you because it's sort of like it gives so much look at Carl's face he gives so much like he it is like you can understand what we're saying yeah and that's what the connection is I I think between me and and Carl and they theyre's like I to the to the to to to to the the the to to the to to to the the the the the the they. the the the the the the the the to the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to squeeze I to to to to to to to to to to to squeeze I to squeeze I to squeeze I to squeeze I to squeeze I to to to to to to to to to squeeze I'm to squeeze I'm to to to squeeze I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I thou the. I'm thou. I'm th. I'm just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm th. I'm th. I'll there. But I squeezed it yesterday and Carr went, I definitely had some of a crack. Yeah, because I'm trying to see how hard I can squeeze it. I think that was you just thinking, Carl. To be fair, I think the cogs just started to... No, I mean, I think there is a danger because I think there is a danger that you could squeeze it too much. Yeah, I know. He did did did did did did did did did did did did did did did did did that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he that he did. day didn't you? What was it? Yeah. What were you up to? You were just you were talking about like you know being assled in the street and stuff and I get hassled a lot

by the homeless. Don't we all? Don't we all? Um. You got him to sleep? Yeah. I'm here mate. I do treat him a lot. You treat him. You've had a good day. Yeah. there that. the same. thee. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. You were. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. You. the. You. You. th. You. You. You. You. th. You. You. You're. th. the. t. t. t. t. t. tod. tod. tod. You're tod. You're tod. You're toda. You're the toda. You're the. the. the. the. the. the. love that. You had a good day, yeah, you've been good, yeah, there you go. It's 50B. Sweet Dan does the Save the Children thing. You were talking about, you know, Charity is Aslin' you all the time, she does that. And I sort of say, well, you do that. I'll look after the homeless. I'll take care of 50P I might give them. Or I might, you know, they'll sort of say, I've got any money, I say what for and they'll

go and they'll go, hang on a minute and I nip in and get them a little diet coke. A diet coke. They want to watch their way. Yeah, yeah. They'd rather treat them than, because a lot of people spend money on, you know, problems abroad and stuff. I just think, you know, I'm just saying. Oh God. Like what do you mean, like famine relief? Well, you do get sick of it, don't you? I mean, it's not... You get sick of, wait, wait, wait. I'm just... I know, just let, let whatever you do now, Steve, don't interrupt. Because I'm I you you you you you you you th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho tho tho tho th. I th. I th, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the, I'm just just theeat, I'm just theat, I'm just theat, I'm just theat, I'm just the. I'm just the. I'm th wait no I'm just I know just let let whatever you do now Steve don't interrupt because I'm scared but I just think it's it's worth it is there's so much there's freedom of speech there's we're not responsible

there's he'll get away with it because he's a buffoon yes and it is entertaining so so go what's what I'm saying you know do it who do it give me money to is it you know little you know sick kids or whatever or is it th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're to to to to to give me money to? Is it, you know, little, you know, sick kids or whatever? Or is it old people or whatever? HMV? I take this money. They get a lot, but yeah. And for me, I just get sick of, you know, problems abroad. It's like, what do you do with farming and that. What you're thi they they they to to to they. It's meant, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, to, takes, takes, takes, takes, takes, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. I. It, you. It, you. It, you. It, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, too, might. Man, too, too, too, too, might, too, too, too, too, too, too, might, too, too, too, too keeps going, we keep giving them money, they keep spending it. And there's no, you're not getting any return for your cash.

Well, it's just how many times, you know, they've got to learn. Do you mean they've got to learn? What are you going to teach them a lesson? What do you mean? What do you mean? Whatthat Bob Galdov sort of writes him a check? He goes over and he's in the helicopter and there's there's millions of them and they go is Galdoff from boom town rats. Brilliant. I got a guy, oh I hope there's one man that can help us. Yeah I hope he doesn't sing he's not going to sing he's got some money he he he he he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got some he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got he he's got he's got he he's got he he's got he's got he he's got he he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's got he's got he's got got got to to he's got got got got got to he's got got got he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he's got he to to want to check or do you take switch? They go we don't take switch. He goes there's a check. They get things like...

It's like again though isn't it as well? I mean, you know, he used to work here Bob, he's a lovely fellow and that. Yeah, it's lovely man. But how many times can you save the world? You know, he's not saying that. You know what I mean? I'm not daft. But that's what you're thinking. And Carl, you are daft.

Yeah, exactly. I just don't know what the answer is. Do you know what I mean? So you're just saying, leave their to their saying it's nature, it's tough luck, just don't interfere. Like a wildlife program. Is that what you're saying? Don't interfere. Are you basically saying it's not my concern? This has got a bit heavy. Can we do Cheaky Freak of the Week? Let's play a record.

Oh, God! My my hey hey out of the blue from the album Russ Never Sleeps by Neil Young. Such a brilliant song. He's a great great musician. He's amazing. He's incredible. I think we're playing Neil Young true true. He's incredible. I think we're playing Neil Young track a week from now until Christmas. Brilliant. Ok. All right. that thanks. to an XFM 104. 9. I'm looking at Steve Merchant and C Cushin and C-T. It heatch. It th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's hard. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's hard. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's track a week. Okay. From now until Christmas. Brilliant. All right. On XFM 104. I'm looking to raise with Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. We were talking about the homeless. I saw homeless guy in the week because I was walking down Finchley Road and he was peering in the window of one of the, uh, Dixon's or something like that, just checking out the details on one of those th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. I. I. I. th. I. I. I'. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm t t t ttttogether. I'm together. I'm together. I'm together. I'm together............................. thought one step at a time. I mean if you, firstly, I don't know, start eating your dinner off a plate. Yeah. And then work your way up to, you know, house a home, a widescreen TV, digital television. But it's all. Well, that might answer

one of the question. Because I keep getting recognized by homeless people and I never know what to say. I don't know what to say. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, start, start, start, start, start, start, start, start, start, start, start, start, start, start, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their, their, their, their, I'm, I'm, I'm, their, I don't, I don't, their, I don't, their, start, start, start, start, start, I don't, I don're not really homeless and they've, you know, they, I don't know, they've got sort of digs or something and they watch television, or the scariest one is that they've become homeless in the last few months since the office and I think, oh God, that's really scary. Or they are watching it in Dixon's. Or are they are watching it in Dixon. They're going to. the office. They're going the office. They're going the office. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. They're. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I'm going, the offices on tonight. What are you doing? I'm going on to Dixon. Or they think you're one of them. Or the, well, I am, because I mean the way you drive. Some that are probably not quite, yeah, got their faculty, so maybe a bit worse for where. Think they recognize me and they're, they, they, whole scenarios. When we were chatting, I was going, yeah, how are the Oh yeah. And it's just they recognise someone. Right, yeah. But that's a bit weird. But I mean, I think that's the worst thing, homeless. I'm on a serious note, it is outside health.

We're talking about charity and I don't know, I sort of got this stand-all as well as I've been sort of caught in the street. But the ones that I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd I'd I'd choose I'd I'd I'd choose I'd I'd choose I'd I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose I'd choose your bit so cancer obviously because my mom so I give to cancer and I think outside health the next one it must be being homeless because there's nothing you can do it's got everything it's you're scared people it's cold it's just everything even if you're healthy and homeless eventually you're not going to be. Well I just I do feel bad because you know I I always feel that I want to give to to to the to to to to the to to the to to to to the to to to the to to the to to to to to the the to the the to to the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the necouc I I I I nec I'm nec I'm nec I'm nea. nea. nec I'm nec I'm nec I'm nec I'm the next I feel that I want to give to the health charities. Like cancer for instance, because there's that fear that I might get it.

Well, yeah, it's not just that, it's just like, yeah, yeah, if you're not health, that's the first thing isn't it? If your life's being threatened, there. Yeah. Well not really, because it's the same for everyone, isn't it? But, you know... But, you know... I saw a homeless guy as well looking through the bins, but he wasn't pulling out food and scraps, he was pulling out newspapers. Just having a read. Yeah.

I was always found that odd. I see that a lot, homeless, I don't know if they're just checking out the TV listings. When he finally gets his cable... Yeah, the office, they've moved it, they've moved it to choice and UK gold. I don't, I mean I don't blame him because I mean there is some cracking stuff on cable TV. That's great stuff, but I was flipping through the other day. And on digital TV you can see what other shows are on while you're watching something. Now, when are you ever in the mood to watch a TV show called I Survived a 200-pound tumor? When was that on?

Because it seems to me that if you've got a 200-pound tumor, you probably want to watch something else that'll take your mind off it, Big Brother, whatever. I'm not 200 pounds. Well, I can't imagine what this is. A 200- tumour. That's like, isn't that like kind of having Mr. T. That is another person? That is another person. Maybe, oh my God, maybe it was it was a, all his life they told him it was a Siamese twin. But had just painted a little face on it when he was at school just one little face on it exactly yeah and they go it's not your twin brother isn't it there's no it's a tumor we better take it off it's 200 pounds 200 pounds that can't be

right you sure it wasn't 20 pound tumum I'm assuming that's what it probably would have been but it? They're trying to make it more interesting. It's for someone at Carl's there, it's 20 pound tumour? Let's make it 200, at least they're what? That's fairly. That's what I'd be like that. I wouldn't want to go to the doctors. You know what I'm like? You There's a pressure in it. We look like anything being touched, do you? I think when he said he doesn't check his balls, he doesn't like the feel. That's, live with me, he doesn't like the feel. I think, do you mean that you don't like what it feels like in your balls when you're fiddling with them? meant you don't like the feel, in your fingertips, you don't like the feel of your balls. It's the thing of you start thinking about what you're actually touching and there's

something in there and you might break them and all that. I don't like... They are delicate. I am scared with the little nobly bits, yeah. What nobly bits? What, nobly bits? But I say what, it's that thought of the, at the, at the, at the, at the doctors, it's that thing of, it's not taking your clothes off in front of him, like, it's the way you've got to take your clothes off, but he asks you to go behind that curtain to do it first, so there's more pressure because then you can walk in out with nothing on. Yeah, why have you asked me to have to have their their their their their their I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've to to to to go to go to the the the the the the their their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their, at their their their their their th. their the doctor, at the doctor, at the doctor, at the doctor, at the doctor, at the doctor, at the doctor, at the doctor, at the doctor, at their there's more pressure because then you can walk in out with nothing on. So he's like why have he asked him to go behind there? Rather than if they just sat there having a chat and he's going so, how have you been? It's like, alright, and just checking the pants up and then it's the pressure. Don't take your clothes off. And you came out and he put a candle and the thi. And there was some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some some so so so so so so. The there was was so. The there was so. The there was so. The there was so. The there was so. The there was so. The the the their. There. There. And their their their their their their there was so. And their their their their their to their. And he's their. And he's their. And he's their. And he's their. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. And he's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah relaxed I'll take my clothes on. Yeah, exactly yeah.

But I'll do it in the form of a striptease. Now, Carl, I'm going to ask you the question, knowing the answer, what do you think of maybe a gay doctor just checking his testicles out? He's a professional, he just happens to be gay. That would never happen, would it? What are you toilets? Yeah. It looks like it's coming into action. No it doesn't. Right. No, it was mentioned again. Where? On your head? No, I think. Do you think that people in positions of power are listening to this show getting ideas from you? Tony Blair. Makes you wonder, don't it? No, it really does. And the funny thing is, why are they they they they the the the they the the the the the the the the the the the th the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. Do th. Do thi, do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do th. Do th. Do th. Do th. Do thi. Do thi. Do thi. Do the the the the the the the the thi. Do the the the thi. Do thi. Do thi. Do thi. Do th from you. Tony Vash. Makes you wonder, don't it? No, it really does.

And the funny thing is, why are they getting upset? Why gay people getting upset that they not have to have their own toilets? Carl, you don't know what you're talking about anymore. You don't know what you're talking about? Okay, can we have cheeky freak after this after this after this this this this this this this this this. If you want. Psebo. This picture, on XFN-4. Psebo. This picture on XFM to 4.4. Steve, you're thinking of taking over as producer, aren't you?

Well, I just think it's a shambles. I've asked for a cheeky freak of the week and it appears that Carl's not ready. No, I can sort of remember it. It's just that I like to have all the information. But you just had about, just a whole bunch of adverts and placebo. We're chatting, we're having a chat on that. Right, do you want to sort yourself out in the future? Yeah, someone emailed in about, they watched the 200 pound tumour thing and when it was removed, it was carried away in a wheelbar. Carl said, what, even when she had it removed, she still carried it round in a

wheelbar. And he went, I thought it's sort of like she'd become attached to it. I mean, you are, you definitely are my favorite thing in the world. It's great. Look at the ways looking bad. But I think they're all the same. I mean, I have had more emails about people saying I watched the 200 pounds humortumor documentary than anything else. When we ask questions about science, Shakespeare, we talk, yeah, yeah, nothing, science. High concept, you talk about political issues. One person email and then they said, I tuned into the 200 pound tumor documentary, it looked disgusting I couldn't watch for long. What were you expecting? Yeah. That it might sing and dance? Do you might sing and dance? They're a show for you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the their. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they. they. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. We are really your listeners, Carl, now I think we've a... You know what I mean?

You sort of, you find your niche, you attract your... I think me and Steve are pretty much just here. I think the people that we had in the early days, Rick, they've long since abandoned us. They've jumped their jobs. They've got jobs. They've got jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out. They're out. They're out. They're they're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're they're they're they're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're they're they're they're they're. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They're out jobs. They've they're out jobs. They've they're out jobs. They're outir life back together. Come on and Carl. So what situation with Chicky Freak? I've got like a couple of bits. Like I said, I haven't got the in-depth stuff that annoy is. Oh no, because usually it's pretty scientific.

Exactly, yeah. Yeah, do the jingle. We've got to move with the new one, haven't we've got to the new one, have the, of bits, I don't know which one to use as the main feature for this week. That good, is it? Well, there's been another one, born. Little kid. New one?

Four eyes. Four eyes. Four eyes. Uh, four eyes. two mouths. Insult. Four eyes, two noses, two mouths. This bloke, did they also have two two two two two two two two to two to to to two to to to to to to use?? to use??? to use to use to use to use to use to use to use. to use. to use. to use. to use. to use. to use. to use. to use. to use. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to use. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It's. It. It. It's. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. to use. to use. to use. to use. to use. to use. to use. tooes. tooes. the the the the the the the the the the the the tooes. tooes. tooes. tooes. toe. tooes. toe. toe. toe. toe. eyes, two noses, two mouths. That's weird.

This bloke, did he also have two heads, two bodies sort of born, sort of slightly separately? He wasn't stood next to a mirror? No, well, it's weird, isn't it? That's all you've got is. I love that. That's weird. Well, uh, Mrs. Parks. Um, kids got four eyes and two noses two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two two th. th. th. th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. That's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. That's. That's. That's. That's. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. thi. thoes. thooes. thooooes. theeeats. thooooes. thoooes. thoes. thoes. thoes. th. th. Parks, um, kids got four eyes and two noses weird, any clues? Any clues? So well that's it. That's it. That's all the information. That's no, but like I say, what's the idea of this feature? What do I say all the time?

I don't know? I always say, think about it, think about what that would be like? Okay. What? Giving birth to him? I always say think about it, think about what that would be like. Okay, what? Giving birth to him? No, no, no, being, I think it's a girl. Being like her. Two mouths, four eyes. What would that be like? Mad, isn't it?

I don't know, I don't know what this feature is. I don't know why. Is there another one? Is that, you said, I mean I hope everyone took the opportunity that during that silence to just think about what it would be like. I know I was. Could she talk with a mouth? I know I was. What? Is that allowed? Because she's got two mouths? Yeah, could she talk eating one mouth and eat with the other. Listen the main one, right? You've thought about that, that's good. The main cheeky freak of the week, I haven't got all the details. Smallest person ever, right? What, how big would you say that is? Um, car is now sort of like holding his hands up like a fisherman, long ways. That's about one foot. Right? The smallest, smallest smallest thkhihihihihihihihihihihihihi smallest smallest smallest small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small small the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was. I was. th. th. th. th. I was. It's. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. It's. It's. It's. It's. It man in the world. I printed the thing off and I can't find it.

There was a little picture of him, right? The odd thing was. But why have you asked me how, did it say or was it a picture of him? I didn't really read it. Oh, of course you didn't. Jesus. I just saw it and thought. Oh, that's it.

What the the the the the the the that big. But what do you mean it was that big? Little fella like that. But why are you doing that? What, what? It was a page with a little fella. How do you know that was natural size? No it was because it said it's world's smallest man. And the funny thing is, I've read the first line, I always read the first line it said, well don't know if that's got anything to do with this shaking phoos.

Oh God. That big. His name is Mr. Watts. And the annoying thing is, what got me is, if you're that big, right, don't have your picture taken next to a fruit bowl? Why was he having this photo taken next to a fruit ball? I don't know. Whoever the photographer was, obviously having having having having having having having having having having having having having having having having having tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha taking an extra fruit ball? I don't know. Whoever the photographer was obviously having a bit of a laugh at his expense. Because you would just stand in the middle of no way, you'd look normal and that. He was stood there, just leaning on

an apple. Leaning on an apple. Leaning on an apple? Leaning on an apple? What is this? Is it is this? Is it sure it wasn't that some sort of sci-fi show the the the world the world the world the world? Do the the world? Do the world? Do the world? Do the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th-s th-s th-s th-a-a-s th-a-a-a-s th-s thi-s thi-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s th th th th th th th-s th-s th-s th-s th-s th- th- th- top of thumb? What is this? Is it sure it wasn't that some sort of sci-fi show they're advertising? No, no, it was, it was a... Lending on it. Can you, uh, can you just lean on the apple? Just lean on the apple? Do you me a favorite? You're not taking the piss higher? No. No, not at all. told you. to thin, the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the the th. th. the the the the the the the the their, their. It was, their s. It's, their their their their their they're they're they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they're they they're they they they're they're they're they're they're they're their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, so, th. So, so sort sort sort sort sort sort sort, th. So, th. So, their sort sort sort sort. So, th. So, th. So, th mind leaning on this matchbox? Yeah. Leaning on an apple? And that's what, so he just said, is the world's smallest man, leaning on an apple? Smallest man, said about his head being like a light bulb, but I don't know what that meant. And I just thought, right, that'll do. That's that sort of chic-free of the week. I think that was on like Monday, right? I've found that I've found, I've found, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that's that's that's that's that's that, I've that's that's that's that, so, so, so, so. that, so, so, so, so, so, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their, their, their, their. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. their. S. S. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. S. S it. Play record. That you got to... You know, it's just... Steve. No, can I just say no point? Please. If I say let's have cheeky freak of the week and you haven't done your research, you haven't got the information, just tell us

you can't do it. But don't lead us on. Don't say this radio. Hold your hand up. Hoard. to to the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the the the th. the the the the th. the th. the the th. the the th. the the the the tho. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. the point. th. the point. th. th. th. th. Please. th. th. th. th. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta.'s nothing. I think it was that big because he was leaning on an apple. It's not enough information. Imagine Trevor McDiolard coming on going to some news, some stuff. How big's that? How big do you think that is? Because there was a fella. Yeah. Coming up after Chris, more Chris Tarrant. It's a play record. I just, I'm angry. I'm angry. I'm just, I'm angry. If monkey News is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is the that is the that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that's that that. I that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. I'm that's big. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I'm that. I that. I that. I that. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. I- I- I- I- I- I'm thi-I-I-I-I-I-I'm big. thi-I-I-I'm big. I'm big. I'm big. I'm big. I'm big. I'm actually angry, and if monkey news is in any way similar. You've really pulled your finger up with that, have you? Good, let'sthe Rockbusters. It's the Rockbusers results really because this is an very important result is whether they stay in the premiership or are relegated. This is the playoffs for Carl. Okay? You need three points. You need three points to stay up Carl go

on right the there a lot of right answers and that that's that's that's in your favor you know okay the first clue was a doctor said part of the foot and the leg was no good so he took them off you threw him away yeah yeah the initials T B yeah right go go on go go go go the go the the go go go go go go go the go go the the go the go the go the the the the the the the th th th go th go the th go the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tok tho tho tho tho tho the the the tho the tho the foot and the leg was no good so he took them off he threw him away. Yeah. The initials T B. Yeah. All right? Tony Bennett. All right that's Tony Bennett. Tony Binnett. Yeah. Okay that's a warning. That's a yellow card. That is a yellow card but you could still get the points. All right Uh, because his name's not Bennett. Tony, brilliant. Tony, perfect.

A pun. Toe, knee, his name's Tony, perfect. Binet, no, his name's Bennett. See? Well, is it, is in London this week as well well so I don't know if it's sold out. I wouldn't mind. Are you on drugs or have you... did I actually crack your head? Did I actually give you some brain damage? Because you're worse than usual now? It's like... Go on.

Right, the second one. Uh... That's Scottish fella. We've got to speed this show up. Hang on a minute. I've just got to make sure it's right. We don't to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho too too too too too tho too too tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho We've got to speed this show up. Hang on a minute, I've just got to make sure it's right, we don't want to look stupid. That Scottish monster has got a bit of a tan. I don't think we can look stupid with material like this. T-D, that Scottish monster has got a bit of a tan, the answer to the answer to the answer, the answer to the last one. Goal. The 60s singer he had an art attack the other way whilst having it away. You won't be seeing him again. The initials FNM. That's Faith No more. Adam Faith no more. All right? Adam Faith no more. So, sorry, what is the clue Adam Faith, or is is it Faith no more?

Just Faith, I suppose. Just Faith no more. He's a sexy singer. So we got that, that's that. Safe for next week. What is the winner? What do you make of it? You've got the deciding vote, Rick? Well, come on. I mean, you know my friend. I mean, it works Faith. It works faith, the thi. thi. But, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the their. their. their, their, their, their, their, their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. It's, their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. Sa. Sa. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. Sthat because it start because the fella I mean Adam Faith did actually die having it away didn't he? Yeah so it's all about him it's all right the whole facts are right anyway okay I think he's got a reprieve I think I'll give it to him I think I've got to give it to him I think I have he actually pulled that out the bad that one there's no there there's no there's there's no there there there there there there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there there's no there's no Jamain there's no Jamain there's no there's no Jamain there's no Jamaican there there there's no Jamaican there there there there there there there there there there's no there's no there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there there there Houston the closely came to is Bennett, Binet and I've got to give him, let him off that I've got to be a fair ref here.

Well, fair, fair enough and well done to, you know I'm always a fan of names that for some reason just strike me or tickle me and this week the lucky winner is Dave Suckling. I'm not so much amusing about that. Oh dear. So well, Dave Suckling wins it. Suckling takes the prize. And well done to him. I guess there's more of that next week. And we're fast approaching the end of the show, Rick.

I know you are excited about that as I'm working. But the best to come, because we've still got Bruce Springsteen coming up now, followed by monkey news.. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. th. th. th. th. there. th. th. Oh. there. Oh. Oh, there. Oh, there. Oh, there. Oh, there. Oh, there's there's there. Oh, there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, to. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, the Rick I know you are excited about that as I'm well I know but the best to come because we've still got Bruce Springsteen coming up now followed by Monkey News. It's amazing what an amazing show this is. Show there. Oh, chimpanzee that monkey news! Excellent, so monkey news time on XFM, Carl Pilkington, the man in the hot seat. Carl, what have you got for us? Okay, uh, monkey news this week.

Um, we've covered a lot of stuff. We have indeed. Uh, now do you know how like... We've covered a lot of stuff. We have indeed. Now do you know like there's places where you can go for like weekend rests and stuff and you can, you're relaxed, you sit in a little spa, you might have a swim and stuff? Well they've got a place done for monkeys. Of course they have. They can go there, they can relax, forget about all the stuff they've got going on in their head. They can have a manicure. Right.

It's got nice meals. It's not called a manicure though, it's called a chimpacure. Beauty treatments. Yeah. Right? It's looked good and feel good, yeah. Well The bit I don't tell you about is is actually run by a couple of chins Oh Oh, God! Oh, God! You're a maniac! Oh, oh my gosh!

Let's just... Oh God! Oh God! You're a maniac! Oh, oh my Christ! Let's just... Let's just... That's not! No, no, no, it is, because Let's just... Actually, that's that couple of chimps. Of course it's not. No, no, it is, because think about it, right? No, not think about it. What do you mean? Yes, it is.

Of course it's not run by a couple of chimps. What they do? Get alone? Right. If a chimp. Yeah. the point is this. How they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they want. they they want. they want. they want. they want. they want. they want. they want want want want want. they want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want to to to to to to to to to to to to they want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want want. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. they. they. they. they. they. they. they want. they. to. they want. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. to. to. to to that's run by humans that don't, what, don't they don't know what chimps needs are? No! My point is this, how did they get it together? How did two, what, two chimps, what Mr and Mrs. Chimp went for a loan, and I don't know what we need, a spa? I think it started off quite simple, right? Just, you know, just, you know, just, just, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is, is, the, is, is th. How's, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, their. their. How, their. How, their. How, their. How, their. How, is their. How, their. How, their. How, their. their. their. How, their. their. their. their so popular. It's gone mental down there. Go!

I don't know. Now the thing is, the problem is this, right? That isn't even the top and bottom of it, right? The problem is, it's been going on and on and on, right? It's been earning a lot of money and stuff. The monkeys that go there are loving it, they're telling friends and stuff they're all coming to it. Now the problem is it's this little little monkey, little man monkey and a little woman monkey, right? Yeah.

They were sort of girlfriend and boyfriend. Sort of. It's an open relationship they can play her own if they want. Well the problem is, they're not married. Now, the lad monkey, fellow monkey, um, he's getting quite he old, he's getting, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's getting, he's getting, he's getting, he's getting, he's getting, he's getting, he's getting, he's getting, he's getting, he's a the the the the, he's a the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th-a, th-a, th-he-a, th-he-a, thou, th-a, th-he-a, th-he-a, th-he. their, the problem is because it's his name that's down on all the all the call I'm letting finish I'm getting scared now let him finish it's his name on the business and the problem is is his missus is kind of like what's gonna happen sure what are you getting this from what what are you getting this from? Internet.

Oh I don't know where to start. This is the, this is the, this is the, can we just hear the end? This is ridiculous. So the problem is the female monkey is worried that the male monkey is going to die and what's going to happen? Right. Now what do you mean the business? The the health spa? There is the joke. You're not the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho I don't tho I don't th tho I don't tho- Oh I don't tho I don't tho I don't tho I don't tho I don't tho I don't tho I don't tho I don't th th th th th th th th th th th th th I I I I I I I I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't th th th th th th th th tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't tho. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't tho. I don't tho? Right, now... What do you mean the business? The... the... there is my business, it's a joke. Rick, you're not listening, his name's on the form. The male maker's name, it's in his name. Now the problem is, the woman monkey has got some kids, but because they're not blood relatives, it's not going to be handed down to them. And the corpse... They're kids from a previous monkey marriage. Yeah.

Right. So they're not going to get it. Let me just check this out. Yeah, otherwise you don't want to check the facts, otherwise you could look like a twit-spouting shit on the radio. Please check the facts for scientific security. I mean, they're just a bit worried because they're saying that the people in Ohio, which is where they've got the little health thing going on. So it makes it more believable

that it's Ohio? I thought you meant it was Barksha in which case it would be rubbish. It looks like the local people are trying to get in there, they've seen the success of it. And they're trying to go in and take it over and stuff and take and take and their and th over and th over and th over and th over and th and th and thi over and thi over and thi over and thi over and thi over and thi over and thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their their thi. So thi. So thi. So thi's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi thi thi. thi. So thate thi. So thateeeateatea. things things things things things things things things things things things things the, thi give me the piece of paper. Throw it away. Play a record. That's the worst, that's the worst one I've ever heard. And you are, there's something wrong with you. You're educationally sub-normal. Final tune from us. Tim Buckley. Lovely song called Wings. Back next week. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See you go. Although you've spoken many times before.