The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E45 (July 5, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Oh, proper rock band, best band since thin Lizzy, The Darkness. Growing on me, XFM, 104.9. A bit rash I think. Arge of A's S Merchant, K, Pilkington. With a little bit of, I know for a fact that Steve is getting a little bit sick of Carl's attitude. Oh, his attitude is a poor. I quite like it though because it's a straight away friction and he's sort of like, you know. To be fair, I genuinely don't think I'm the culprit in this.

I think I come in and I just ask him a simple request and immediately on my back. Winging, winging, moaning, whining. I mean, I don't if if there's any evidence. Well, it's funny to say that actually, because... Support any working-off. Yeah, it came up this week. It's quite extensive. Mancunians take more six days than anyone else.

Mancunians take more sick days than any other city in Britain and Ireland, according to Manchester-based employment firm. Survey by Peninsula found employees in Manchester take 11 six days per year, whereas closest rivals Edinburgh and Dublin take an average of nine, Liverpool, Newcastle, Birmingham and Cardiff, only eight. Is Redding mentioned there or business? It's not even in there. They don't take days off. London is only seven. So the point is, I don't think you can take anything from it, but if you're an employer and you had a Mancunian and a Liver Puddlyon and they were equal

on everything else, but you really couldn't afford them to be away. The Pudlian's going to probably be away for eight days. Sure. The Manx is going to be away for 11, phoning and sick. So what can you, what can, I, I, I, I, I, I if you've got any clothes or email us in if you got any, I don't know why they, I think maybe, I don't know, I don't know, many people from Manchester. Well I only know one, but I know he was off sick because he put on wet trousers and he got a- You got cold I think. Yeah, what he just once. But I don't know. I mean that's the server. I don't know. I mean it's evidence because it's statistic so there you go. It's guaranteed evidence that that's proof. Any thoughts on that? Ricky Doveyes at XFM.

Co.C.C. I mean you're from, Odlin if you're from Manchester, can't you? What are you what? Sorry? On what? On the survey? Oh. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, th. It's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It is. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, th. It's, th. I's the. It's that. I's that. I's that. It's the. It's that. It's that. I's. It's. I's. It's. It's. It's. It's thoughts on that? On what? Sorry? No, on the survey. Oh, wasn't really listening. Sure. Well, Mank unions take off more sick days, they're calling sick. I mean, presumably presumably spuriously. I mean, because they've got the same body, they're biologically their they're making up. Yeah, some of the days, maybe the three extra they're making up. Yeah, they're moaning. Not because. Some. Some. Some. Some. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. the the the the their. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. their. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. their. Maybe. the the their. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they're. they're. they're. they're they're they're they're more. they're they're more. they're they're they'retired so you're sick so you need time off. Probably. Probably. I mean the scousers to be honest yeah take them on let them work in your office but you know how many computers are going to go missing. Right that.

That's so offensive. Right. This is a survey that you're just proved. You just made that is just, that's not true, that is not true. Well it's not. There's been no survey that you're more likely to thieve if you're from Liverpool than if you're a Manchester. So that hasn't been proven yet. So all I've got is the evidence from a survey of I think 3,5,000 people.

It's proof that people, Mank unions take off more sick days. That is XFM 104.9. This is April Come She Will by Simon and Garf Uncle. A the the'l. Simon and Garf Uncle, April Come She Will. A lovely love song there. The ex-list was all about, sort of like, sexy songs because of death of Barry White of course course and Carl and Steve have a little argument Steve say with us are such a thing as sexy songs of course Carl says I can't understand it I understand it how can you warm with a song. Steve went well you don't warm with it you just put it in the background. Carl said stick the telly on. I love that. You don't believe there's any such thing as a sexy song, is that right? I don't think it can get you in the mood, you know what I mean? Right. You're either in with

a chance or you're not? I don me and that's what I'm saying. What's what I'm saying? No, no, you know, like, I don't know the titles of them, I don't look at the titles, but... What does the show with Chris Moyles? Do you mean the kind of erotic thriller? Yeah, yeah, put one of them on that. That gets what their the woman go go, oh that's an idea? Hey, that's an idea. They're normally called something like illegal briefs. They're normally about some kind of female solicitor who's defending a guy who may or may not be a killer.

But maybe in a form of life they were lovers. It's always some nonsense like that. And presumably there's normally some gruesome murders. So how is that getting you in the mood? It's plot development. Yeah. it's the narrative. I love narrative. Yeah. I'll tell you what, that's a lovely twist. I've got the on. Yeah. Brilliant. So if you're from Manchester, sorry about that. I mean, we're making that up. We weren't doing a stupid stereotype like Kyle did with living public. It's just a survey that when Munkin is just a survey their that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a lovely. that's a lovely. that's a that's a that's a lovely. that's a lovely. that's a lovely. that's a lovely. that's a lovely. that's a lovely. I'll that's a lovely. I'll that's a lovely. I's a lovely. I that's a lovely. I that's a lovely. I that's a lovely. I that's a lovely. I that's a lovely. I I that's a lovely. I I that's a lovely. I I that's a lovely. I that's a lovely. I that's a lovely. I's a lovely. I's a that's a that's a that's a lovely. I'm just a today. I'm just a today. I'm just just a try. I'm just just a try. I'm just a today. I'm just just a today. I'm just a that's a lovely. I'm just a that's ain is taken off more sick days. But there might be genuine, there might be sort of an iller people or it might just be people who in Manchester go, oh can't be bothered to go to work, it's rubbish. Whereas if you're in London you go, I can't wait to go to work. What

lovely place this is. What lovely place this is is. What are the place don't you? great jobs don't know. Rick, I know you're always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always always. Rick. Rick. Rick, just. Rick, just, Rick, just, just, just, Rick, just, just, just, just, Rick, just, just, just, just, just, Rick, just, just, Rick, just, just, Rick, just, just, I. Rick, I, I. to, I, I, I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to go, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I to to to to to the to their, I'll their, I'll their, I'll their, I'm their, I'm th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. th. the the th. I can the th. I don't know if you've got any plans this evening, but you might want to pop along to the Hope and Anchor in Islington, where playing tonight, Restless Diesel. Please welcome to the stage. Restless Diesel. I mean we've talked about it before, band names where you just have to imagine, you're supporting you to, Wembley Stadium, it can never happen. Please welcome to the stage. And it can't th. Please, it, it, it, it, it, th, please, th, please, please, th, please, please, please, please, please, the, please, please, the, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, to, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Please. to, please, please. to, please. to, please, please, please. to,the stage. Restless Diesel. And that's the first song he goes, thanks because great band before us, Restless Diesel, you hear a lot more of them. Yeah, it won't happen will it? Sure they're a great band, I think you're changing. What's the tax on that? Fiverin is it? It's not, uh, it's not telling us actually, yeah, but yeah, to put it on Christian Show Monday, just send us a restless diesel word. We can make that a regular feature.

Now what's coming up on today's show? Well, listen, we've got all the usual favorites, we've got some the usual favorites, and some some new ones, we've got some monkey news, that's sorted, Carl's tole. People have guaranteed monkey news. He called in he said, he said, I've got, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to, th. th. th. to. to. Now, to. What, to. What's. What's. What's coming. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. What's. to. to. to. to. What's. to. to. to. to. to. What's. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. th. to. to. th. th. to th. to th. to to to the to th. to to tho. to to to to Webb, some thin Lizzy. Can I surprise you with something from Aerosmith and a little street from Evan Downbrook? We're quite rocky today, aren't we? There's a threat there won't be rockbusters. Good. That's no threat. That's no threat. But we can bring back educating Ricky. I mean, it's not like Ant and Dex takeaways on all through the year, they go away for a few weeks and we get something else like Ian Wright's, you know, friends like these or something, you

know what I mean? And so maybe rockbusters, maybe not. Robsters are on hiatus but educating Ricky Ricky. That's not that and I'll tell you what Jane's addiction just because they rocked, brilliant they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their they're like, to to to to to to to to that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I they and I they and I they and I they and I they and I thing, I that's the. I that's. Jane's addiction. Just because on XFM 104. toe'n'o 4.9. Broadcasting from London, where people prefer to only be off sick when they actually are ill. Sure. Yeah, I don't think I've ever taken a day off sick. Except when I had that terrible, terrible, terrible tonsillitis.

Is that when you went home, stay with your mom and dad? Yeah. Why is that a problem? Is there a family? No, I'm not saying it's the problem. Yeah, I've got three blokes in a pub. Is there people listening? I can't go. Are they? Yeah.

Um, Carl, what do you make of London? Because you often say you'd much rather be up north? Well he wouldn't or he'd go. Well this is what I, you know, he constantly says he's chosen to live here, you've lived it for years, you've got a flat here. No to come here because I was offered a job that was good money yeah I wouldn't have come here if there was no job so you prefer to be somewhere where there's a good job so you've chosen to live here I don't like being here though what no but you can to to what well exactly so you've chosen to stay so you've chosen to stay somewhere that's they'rown the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their that's that's that's that's that's their their their I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to there there there their there their their their their the the there the there the there there there there there there there there there there there there there the there there the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their they I I they. they. I they. I've thoo. I've to you've to to you've to to to to to to to to to to to to to there's there there there the the stay somewhere that's better for you! It's not better for me. It's making me ill. I'm not sleeping. Well you say you're real, I think you call in ill, but I don't think you are. But I mean... Are there only stats to prove that? Well yeah, because it's, you know, of the 11 days that he calls in sick, I reckon probably seven of them are genuine. I'd I'd love it if I dropped down dead to to to to drop. to th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, am? That's fine, you might have been ill, but you read that and you're suddenly ill.

I'm run down. Well, you should take holiday. Oh yeah, you've just had about eight in the last six months. Oh God! Why you run down? Why are you run down? Why have you done? Yeah, what have you done? You're sitting in a little air conditioned office. I've got time to tell you, let's move on, let's get on with stuff. What have we got anyway? Because we didn't have a chance to meet up this week. Me and Rick you could have done, but you said you were busy Steve, so that's probably why you don't get run down, but finishing work at about four o'clock. No. So, I could have we got, I could have had the meeting but we could have had the meeting. I've, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I the meeting the meeting the meeting th. I th. I th. I th. I thee thee thee thee thee the, I the, I the, I the, that, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th the th th the, the, the, the, the, the the the the the the the the thea thea' thatea' thatea' that, that, that that that thea' thea' thea' thea' thea' it. So what if we got then, what if we got, it's 20 past 1, what have we got, we're on until three? Well we've been talking, we've been doing well, we've been playing some great rock and roll, we've been playing some lovely songs. We've to, we've to explain, we've explained a survey just, just to be careful.

We've put that out because you see that's only an average so I imagine some Munkunians like you know Londoners you know a nice reliable people it's probably just a few bad eggs that throw the stats up a little bit you know people that would go I'm not coming in today I put on some wet trousers. All right stay in bed. You still them on the radiator and go bed put on the the bed I put on to put on to put on the bed I go go go go go. I put on their to their to their their to their to their their their their their their th. I put th. I'm th. I'm that's that's that's th. I'll that's that's that's that's on. I'm that's on. I'm that's on. I'm that's on that's on that's on that's on that's on that's on that's on that's on th. I's on th. I's on th. I's on th. I's on th. I's on. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's their. their. the their. I'm not the their their their their their their their their their the. I'm not the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. So, well drop them off, put them on the radiator and go to bed with a little duvet. That'd be the best thing to do. Yeah, yeah. So, alright Carl? What, what's your attitude is it because you're tired? But why are you tired though? You weren't saying that watching those channel 5 films again? I'll tell you what, we were, me and Steve were having a little meeting yesterday or lunch about planning stuff for the show. And Gary Kemp came up to me, started having a little chat about old times and I went, oh

yeah, as he went away, Steve said, right, think of this, he said, Rick, don't take this the wrong way. So there's a right way and a wrong way I could have taken this comment. He went nodded to sort of Gary Kemp and went he's aged better than you. I went well how could I take that the wrong way? Yeah it's not offensive. No. Well the point is this he does he didn't know me 20 years ago so he's actually saying Rick don't take it's the wrong way he do. Yeah that th. th. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho to to thin to to thin to to to thin that that to that that that to that that tho tho tho tho that that that tho tho. to to to to to to to to to tho. tho. tho. that. I that. I that. I that he's th. I th. I th. I th. I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi. I that he's thi. I thi. I thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi tho thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I the thooo. I th. Yeah, well he does. But why say that, Carl? What? Did you really say that? Yeah, although can I just backtrack him for a second? I love the fact you said you bumped into Gary Kemp and you reminisce about old times. What old times did you share with Kareem? When we came up and said, did we drop the pops what I meant yeah yeah and but if you have to make an objective analysis you know

wouldn't I think that's out of order sure sure I mean you're always slagging me off but apparently you can't do you can't make a value judgment or no I want to know because you know you know you're morally all over the place you know you know you know are you, would you say you're better looking now than you were? Or... Then I'm what? Would you say you're better looking now than you were? Then I was when?

Well, like, like, you know, have you aged well? Bit of a bit of dandone. Bit of Evan Dando, this would be lovely, yes. Look for sunshine. See, we're burning full time. Radiohead. Go to sleep. That's good, isn't it? On XFM, one and four point nine. Brilliant. Great DJing though. Well, I haven't heard it before. Good, isn't it? Yeah. No, it one of four point nine. Brilliant. Great DJ, you know? It's good, I haven't heard it before. Good, isn't it?

Yeah. No, it was very good. It was very good. I was just watching cable TV. I do a lot of that. And there's an advee I've noticed. It reminded me of the sort of average where it's clearly been made by people who are in their mid-forties. Oh, have never been cool. Who have never been cool?

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she takes every day as it comes she's not tied down to anything she doesn't smoke cigarettes yeah yeah if you think all this is cool, then you probably won't want to think cigarettes. If you want to be cool, then don't... Like Isabella or whatever. The thing with that is that people watching that, the youth watching that will go, well, Bill at my school, he smokes and he's cool. Exactly. This is the problem with it. Yeah. It's not that the impulse is that the impulse is that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the people people people people people people people people people people people the the the the the the the that people people people people that people that people that people that the people that people that the people that the people that the people, people that people people people. The message that the people, people, people, people, people, people, people, the message the message their people, their people, their people, their people, their people, their people people people, their people people, their people people people, their their their people people, their their their people, their their their people, their their, their, people, their, their, their, people, people, their, people, their their that people who their people who are that that that that that that that that that that that that their people who are who are who are their people who are their people who are their people who are their people no use it's like when you know what was it what what it will is that you'll get a lot of 13 and 14 year old sneaking out and getting a tattoo exactly so the parents be going I'd

rather she smoke she might give up oh yeah that's got she's got a spider's web on her face now for the rest of her life yeah yeah but it's like you remember that it's like you remember the to the the the th you the the the the the the the the the the th I I I I I I I I I I I I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thin thi th th th th th to to th to th th th th th th they they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they'll they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're thin to to thi to to to to they to they to thi they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're thing when they tried to get young people to vote. Do you remember that? Was it rock the vote? Was it people like Billy Bragg and people kind of... Yeah. I just, I don't know who that appeals to. I don't know, you know, some youth, he's kind of smashing up a bus shelter. Yeah. Throwing bricks at old people. What's the thing? What's that, Billy? What's like, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, Billy, like, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, like, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, like, like, Billy, Billy, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, Billy, I. I. I. I. I. I.'t, I don't believe it ever, I think it was Mick Hucknall was another one. What's that, Mick? Oh dear. I remember the ones where he just, if you're, if you're if you're gonna go off with a stranger, your cat went, well don't, ask mummy first. Yeah. And I remember, I was trying to jump in cars left right and center, but my cat when I was like five or six was go, wow, wow, and I go, good point. Yeah, you're right, he could be a nutter. But I seem to remember that the Charlie's, the Charlie says, it was Charlie says, it was a very,

the Charlie says, it was Charlie says, yeah, I always find them really unnervying. I always find them really unnered. He lived in that really, really, the world. Yeah, but it was really, it was, it was, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, it, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, it was, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, it was, Charlie, it was, it, it, Charlie, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, Charlie, it, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, it, Charlie, it, Charlie, it, Charlie, it, it, Charlie, it, Charlie, it, it. It. It was, it. It was, it. It was, it. It was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, Charlie, was, was, was, Charlie, was, was, was, Charlie, was, was, Charlie, was, it. It was, it. It was, itthat he was probably really quite lonely. But I like the fact is that he had a cat and he was so pleased, but by the time I came out they'd gone off and I missed the picnic, but some mummy was so pleased that I'd asked her, she gave me an apple. She gave me an apple. She gave me an apple. She gave me some their thate to get to fish. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I to to the to the to the to the the the fish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their tapi. their their their their their tapi. sa. their their to I always thought there was a con when your parents got you some clothes you needed for Christmas. I'm not falling for that. I'd go, look, I'm getting the clothes anyway. I want battling tops. But the Charlie says, I seem to remember when they asked him to go off for the picnic,

by the time he'd asked mom because she was stratted she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was she was on to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to One of the clients. I seem to remember that he said don't worry he was fine because mum took him and Charlie on a picnic. That's good. Who would rather go with your mates or with your mom on a picnic and your cat? Yeah. I mean, I think they were friends. I think they were friends. I think they were friends. I think they were friends with it. They were just local kids. I mean. I. I. I they're they're they're they're they're. I. I. I they're. I they're. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I said. I. I said. I. I. I said. I. I. I said. I. I they. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. They're. th. th. th. th. th. th. they th. they they they they're. they're. they're. they're. I said. I said. I said. Don't bring raw fish in the picnic basket. I think he's those they weren't friends with they were just local kids you go, let's go and ask that weirdo with the cat who wants to come down the fire. Let's go ask the weirdo who thinks the cat can talk and then run away when he goes to ask his mom. They're just go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ask your. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We're. We're. the. We're. We're. the. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We're. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. the. the. the. the weird. the. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We. We're. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the weird. the weird. the weird lad, the cool local lads, we smoke, we got tattoos. Do you want to come

and play with some puppies in the disused mine? Ask your man first. Quick run! He's talking to the cat. Look, he's talking to the cat. He was just around the corner spying on him. Yeah. Yeah. They were just laughing. There was no picnic, Carl. Did you ever go on a picnic, Carl. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. their, th. th. their, their, their, their, to. Do, th. Do, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to. Ask, they. Ask, their. Ask. Ask, they. Ask. Ask. Ask. Ask. Ask. Ask. Ask. Ask. Ask. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, th. Do, their. Do, their. Do, their, their, their, they. Do, they. Do, the they. Do, the they. Do, they. Do, they. Do, to. Do, they. Do, Was there places to go in Manchester or was it like quarry land mostly? The problem with those those adverts like when I was growing up it'd sort of give you ideas because remember the Charlie's one right and we were on Aury and I met these two lads who are knocking about with like mates and that and that and that advert came on and we thought it'd be a good idea to wind his mom up because this advert had just been on the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is th. th. the the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be a to be a to be a to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. the. the. the. be a good idea to wind his mom up because this advert had just been on saying you know kids are going missing in Wales right? Yeah, so we said oh that's a good laugh. We put the kid in the wardrobe, his mom came back from shopping, we said oh he's gone

missing, we haven't seen him for hours. That's terrifying. I know. How are you? How are you? About 13. And what was his much? She she? She she? She she? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? She? the the the kid? the kid? the kid? the kid? the kid? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We'd th? th. We'd th. We'd th? That's th. We'd th. That's th. That's would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would would? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That? That's? That? That's? That's? That's? That's? Oh? That's? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh? Oh. That's. That's. That's? Oh. That's? Oh. That's? That's? That's when we thought, oh God we've gone, will we say anything, will we pretend we don't know where he is? Open the wardrobe, he'd suffocated? Yeah. That's a horrible car. I know. It's just what you do. What do you mean? It's just what you do? Was he in the wardrobe? Was he listening to this? Why didn't She wouldn't cry, she was just panicking and like screaming a little bit and that. Screaming a little bit. Okay, we tell her when the screaming starts. Exactly. And then what's the other thing?

Like on the same, like, you know, all this was going on when I was growing up. And one time we're on holiday. I mean, mom says, right, if you're going on the beach it's a big beach but you know if you're going to go out and play there I need to know where you are so where this bell in see she gave me a balloon a balloon a balloon and it just you know sort of attached to me arm so wherever was playing in the sea and that you can see the balloon and that but then the problem was everyone else thought that's a good idea I was just like loads of kids with balloons and that that so so that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th that th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the that the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the theeeeeeeat theeeeat theeeeeat theeeeeeat the the but they they they're the they they're, everyone else thought that's a good idea. I was just like loads of kids with balloons and that. Oh, I ruined it. So that didn't work.

That's a bin that idea. Weren't you stay in a car park once? Oh no, it was New Year. And we were all gathering up, you know, like in Trafalgar Square at New Year, everyone gathers and they have a big kind of party and stuff. Well in Bristol they do something very similar on a smaller scale and I was there one new year I was with my friends and I was there for some reason I picked up a balloon during the evening you know I don't know where I got it from by I was holding this balloon and these girls came up to me and I thought yeah I'm. Nice you know maybe a little New Year kiss they said they said they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they their their their their th th th the the the the the the thou the the the the they their their their their they they they they they you know probably will they said it's

just that we've arranged to meet back at you at midnight I was so tall I was so tall I had a balloon I was towering up everyone else they said I said I said what I said we're gonna meet back at you at midnight this they said don't worry you can go about your business because we can see you wherever this is where Nelson's column is no no no no this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is th is th is th is thi is thi is the thi is the the is the the the is the is the is the is the is the is the is the's column is. No no no this is in Bristol. Oh right, okay, yeah. And so I'm sort of wandering around and then at midnight they, they, they, these two girls turned up again and some of their, these lads come and meet them and they're sort of laughing and joking, oh I'm thinking,, they had a wild night. But then I did have a balloon, so it was a great new year for me.

I did have a balloon! Oh! Do you have a little bit of a two pack? Uh, yeah, if you want, yeah, I've got a bit of that. There's a great lyric in this. It's, it's pitch me rolling, right? But at the end, he started saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He, he, he, he, he. He. He. He, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He, he, he, he, he. He. He. He. He. He, Rolls Royce and he goes, oh yeah, I forgot the DA. Can she see me from here? Can you see me ho? And I think that it's like District Attorney turn on the radio and Tupac.

But I'm going, could that ho see me and she's going, yeah, I can see you. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. Two-pack. I'll tell you what, we should get rolling. Rockbusters. All right? Well, he has done it. He just said that he was worried about it because we said it's the last one. What do you think, Carl? What do you think, Carl? Can I just say now, Carl? Seriously, I'm only responding to what we're getting on the email,

which is people do not want Rockbusters. They really, there's one guy here who is, he says, James Pooley, he says he's preempted Carl by giving my answers to this week's quiz. I don't know what the clue would be, but the answer is Kid Creusote. Yeah, that's good. That's a typical Bible. That is brilliant, that's a better game. And the last one is Harry Seekom. Yeah, that would be good. So I mean, maybe we should reverse it so. And we have to come up with the clue for them. And we have to the clue. And we win win win win win cl cl cl cl cl cl cl cl cl cl cl cl cl cl cl cl cl. And we the clue. the clue. the clue. the clue. the clue. the clue. the clue. the clue. the clue. the clue. the clue. the clue. the clue. that. that that that that that's a that. that. that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's. That's. That's a that's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that's that's a that's a that's a the the the th. th. the the that's a the that's a the that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a that's a got prizes ready as well? It's all there, but... Oh, I feel sorry for him now. Even what the prizes would have been.

I'd rather just give them away to the first person to email in. I'd have to go through the toy-in-the-world buses. Oh, God! Look at Carl's face! Oh, can't we get to take the Radio One Roadshow out. Oh man, that would be amazing. Come on, should we take it out? Should we take it out?

Hello, Bournemouth. Yeah, how many miles have we done? Don't care? No, should we do this? How many miles? keen to leave W1 are you? Well we wouldn't. Right so where exactly would we take the road show? We'd do it outside? Actually the building? Yeah. Right, okay. And what would you do? It's called a road show because it's in the road and I imagine and we'd give away t-away t-shirts and then we'd have a band we'd have band playing what was that band playing tonight? I forget? I forgets I forgets. that's what we that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that the that their their their that their that their that their their their their their th. th was was was was was was their their th. their their their th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the. them. the them. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the them. the th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, something diesel, we're playing the Bull and Gates now, whatever it is. Yeah. But I'll throw out some t-shirts and then Carl, Carl do a live rockbusters? Yeah?

I don't know, do you want it? I just think that ruins it slightly. It would just bring the whole afternoon down Rick I think. We'd get sponsored by someone. Yeah? No? I'm just trying to... No, I'm just trying to... Read the prizes what they would have done. There's a PlayStation game here. I guess it's maybe not been released yet. It's a little demo of that. What's this? The American Song Poem Anthology, You've certainly sold it to me Steve. The best air guitar album again. Brilliant. And an old edition of Only Fools and Horses. So you really haven't put the effort into the prizes, Carl. So if that's the whole point of the competition and they're the best prizes

you could conjure up. In God's name, how bad of the clues this week. That's why he doesn't want you to do it, Carl. All right we want, we won't bother bother, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we won't, we'll that's that's that's that's that's that's th. that's th. th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. that's th. that's that's th. that's that's th. that's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. Doesn't matter. Good. Excellent, well that's resolved. Brilliant. That's excellent. What we have got though is educating Ricky, haven't we? What, another one of my little things? Oh, it's brilliant then. So how long is this going to last before you want to get ditch this? Well, we'll see a couple of weeks. It's not like that, it's all one love, man. It's one one love tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's tooome. tooome. that's. that's. that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thoooooooooooooome. that's tha. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that're, it's one love man. We're on the same team. Yeah, we're just one voice man, one true voice. Like those, like those lads. Yeah. They could play.

All right, well, the educating record, they can play. They can play a record and come back. Why do we play a record and come back? The win, the toy. No, not Elyon, I'm Cat Stevens, I gave me to... I know, we're not playing that, yeah. Can we just play a record? Well, I told you to. See, what is... So why are you playing the record I told you to play? Because we've just had something chilled, right, from Tupac. Let's left it up a bit now with a little bit over there. Right? Come on, play it. I just have. Crazy beat for an XFM 104.

Right, we're going to do Educating Ricky instead of Rockbusters. Inc.Rocustors, we're just an email from Phil. He says, I could do with this week's rather shoddy array of prizes. their today's rather shoddy array of prizes, as I'm doing a car boot sale tomorrow and need a bit more tatt to fill the table. We might as well do it anyway. But educating Ricky, it was a feature. Well actually about a year ago I started a feature called Educating Carl because we found out he had one E at O level at history and I'd educate him on things like Rasputin, things I thought he'd be interested in, you know, Winston Churchill, some of the great, some scientific facts, and then I said it's your turn

and he started telling me about people born without legs. Some people have got a funny eye, there's a woman whose tongue is longer than her arm, and really, you know, turning the screw on education so I don't know what he's got for me today maybe a dog born a cat let's have a look. We've done that one we've done that one we've done that. Is there is some often we should put out there's sometimes a crossover between educating Ricky and cheeky freak the week just in terms of subject matter. Yeah so we've done cheeky freak what we're done with the freak.. There we there we there we there we there we the week. There we the week. There we the week. There we the week. There the week. There was. There was. There the week. There was. There was. There was. There was. There was. There was. There was. There was. There was. There was. There was. the the th. th. th. the th. th. th. I was. the the the the the the the th. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I. I was. I. I. I. I. I was. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I.. I............................................................... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the the the th...... the weeks, we've done on the freaks. What are we done with the freak a week? There's a, what was a dog? There was a woman that had the back legs of a dog. There was,

last week, there was, what was last week? It was the, it was the girl who was born, with four eyes, two males it, let's move on. Is there a jingle for Educating Ricky? Educating Ricky, oh, um, oh god. Oh, um, oh, you've told me Educating Ricky. Very similar to some of the other jingles I've done. Well, they're made by the same people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, well, uh, it's just, I mean, educating Ricky is stuff stuff that I learn in the week and I think that's interesting. I keep it up here and then I share it with you, right? And, uh, some interesting stuff. Uh, one of them, right? Uh, Mount Everest? Go on. I need more. Right, well there's a problem. Yeah. Because people are leaving rubbish up there and that. And like people who ever owns it is saying are...

Is saying, forget this. They're leaving a mess and all that. But do you know why it's called... Sorry, what was that? That's one is it? That's one? There's rubbish on Mount Everest? No. How many people go up there? There. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There. There. There. There's there. There's there. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There's there. There's people. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There's there. There all that. But do you know why it's called... Sorry, what was that? That's one, is it? That's one. There's rubbish on Mount Everest. No, how many people go up there? Are you talking about people dumping old tellers and washing machines in? Who's fed up? The Yette, what I mean, what are you talking about? No, I mean, that isn story, I'm just telling you. Just a bit of context for you. They're leaving loads of rubbish up there. Wait, they're not in loads of rubbish out there, are they? No, they are, they apparently.

Not crams and washing machines and seagulls flying everywhere. I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, do you know what it's a large mount and if you climb it by the time you get to the top you need to have a rest. And that is that isn't the educating bit I'm just telling you. It's not true. Well we'll leave that. Well no! Carl in the name of everything holy do you think that anyone named it because you have to have a rest when you climbed it? Well we'll see what people say on email.

Well it's definitely not. But anyway, that's one thing that I kind of thought, that's interesting. I'll remember that. I'll teach Ricky that so you've learned that. Right, now, are you familiar with this thing that they can do if you're dead, right? No, no, not if you're dead. It's like if you're ill and you know you're going to die, right? I don't know what this is going to anymore. You're extraordinary. Have a rest. I'm a liar's. What, what, what, what? Listen, this is an interesting fact. Come on. put in a fridge. Right. And if they work out, you know, what's wrong with you in 20 years' time, you go, right, that fellow is in the

fridge, he had that, we can sort it, let's get him out. And you sought you out, that's and uh, you sort you out. Yeah. This is the first time you've come across this idea. Yeah, I read it the other day I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I've that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. that, that, that's that's th. that's th. that's th. that's that's that's that's that's that's that, that, that, that, that didn't know about it. You've never heard of this before. It's quite hygienically preserved. It's good in it. They take you, they take this to make, they put you at sort of like sub-zero temperature so they stop all cellular activity. So does, do you stop aging at that point? Yeah. It's suspended animation. So, well what's the law on it, right? Because say if I add something, right? Yeah.

And I said, oh, put me in a fridge and when you've got the cure and that, wheel me out and sort me out, say if they did that, and it was like 40 years. Yeah. And in 40 years time, they'd get a cure for me. Yeah. And in 40 years time they get a cure for me. Yeah. Would I have to stay with Suzanne? Because she'd be 70? Do you mean what are the rules? Should you be allowed to date a younger woman? Well it's not fair is it? It's like good news, good news you sought you out but I don't think she's mine. I reckon she'd have the best 40 years of her life. Yeah. And

class they're never going to find a cure from what ails you. That is genius. That is brilliant. You come out, you cure and you go, oh no. I love the fact that's what he'd be lying there. If you can think, oh god. She's the the their that's their their their that's their their that's their their that's their that's their that's was in that state, we think, oh God. She's losing her looks. Oh dear. But everything else as well, like, my job wouldn't be here. No. Um, although the figures would have gone up a little bit. Yeah. Uh, flat's probably gone or knocked down or whatever, sure. Most of my family would be dead.

Yep. So what's the point? What do you know about it? Who's done it? Well famously Walt Disney apparently. I mean Walt Disney actually did die but had his body preserved so that should they one day be able to bring back people from the dead? They need they need Walt Disney. Hang on who do we have? But with them nothing is going to change because when he comes out Mickey Mouse will still look the same. Sure. I'm plugging all that. I don't know what you mind is. Play record. It's brilliant. You just say words. It's the club on XFM, 1.4.9. So, uh, Carl's a little bit fed up today, actually winging, I mean properly winging, fed up, reckons he's tired, reckoned he's overworked here. But, do you know what I mean, Carl? Everyone gets tired. Everyone gets tired. Everyone does the same

sort of hours. What do you do, sort of 9 till 6, 7, 7, about 9, about 7, 8? Well no, because I've sort of met you for a drink about 6. So, it's funny, isn't it? That's weird. Some of the times I've come back after it, just for another 40 minutes or something whilst no one's around, try and get stuff done without phones going without emails coming in. Yeah, we've got to do it. Can I tell you what I think is a disappointment? You're in the department? You've got to do it? You've got to do it. You've got to do it.

I just to do it. I just think it. We've got one job, we've got about six and we're still doing it, do you know what I mean? We still do it, we still come here. Well you're a professional, Nick, I mean that's why you've won multiple awards, is because you're willing to get up there, even if you're feeling a little bit under weather, even if you hurt yourself, you've got to the injury or some kind of the you're out there, you're doing it, you're thahahah so tha tho, so tho, so tho, so tho, so tho, yeah? I've done that, the adverts have gone out. You know what I mean? I've made your cups of tea. It's the negativity, which is a problem, it's the vibe.

You're bringing the room room, bringing this down. And therefore the listeners? Therefore the listeners. If you don't like London, you know what to do you try the their to their the best way. Buy a flat in Manchester live there. It doesn't matter. Can I rent it out and make a little bit of money? Why do you sell the flat in London and buy a street in Manchester? Tolkien Avenue. You can literally be the lord, the king of that street. People could come to you like Solomon with their problems.

Yeah. He's come up from London. He's got London ways. Now interestingly, have you heard you, do you remember the famous King Solomon story that there are two women, they both are arguing over whose baby it is and they present this to they say this is my baby, no this is my baby, better than no argument. He knows one of them's lying but he doesn't know which one. And so what does he do? How does King Solomon solve that? How does he figure out whose baby is his?

What would you do? They're both white fellas, yeah? Both what? White, white fellas? So one's the women. Right. It's two white men. To me probably, they probably weren't, you know, completely white. Yeah well whatever yeah they're of the same ethnicity. I'm just working out right right and so let's yeah alright and don't think about what King

Solomon would necessarily. Yeah it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't that easy no there's not that's not one tall skinny white one with big ears and so is the baby the other one's a little short Chinese bloke it's two women yeah two women for a two women to thin' the to to to to to to to to to to to to to which but he knows one of them's lying obviously. And is the one lying saying it's hers or saying it's not? Right, okay, this isn't worth it, Steve. I'm going to tell you what he said and you tell me if you think it was good or not. He says, then what we do is, what we do is, I'll take a sword, I'll of the women says no don't do that and one of them says yeah that's fair. Right. Do you see? I saw which one was it? Sorry? Who's? Well now my guess is the one that didn't want it done probably was the mother of the child. The one that didn't mind having the baby cut in half probably wasn't a mother of the child. Why don't you think you bored little mank twat play a record? Well I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just. I'm just. I'm just. th. I'm just. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. the th. the the the th. the th. the th. the th. the the the th. the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. theee. theeee. the. the. the. the the. the the the. the. the. the th child. Why don't you think, you bald, little mank, twat, play a record?

Well, I'm just, oh, alright. Although, it's not a very good solution. No, that doesn't have been a name-nighed. The woman who was lying could have come up with something better than, yeah, cut it in half. What you should have done is, yeah, give it to the other one as well. Yeah. Jaydeed from Aerosmith on XFM 104. Just trying to pet things up. You're up there. I mean we've got lots of work to do, we're filming too, we've got loads of things, admin, DVDs, everything like that. We come in here, this is Poxy, this is, this is, this is not a drop in the ocean the sort of work and money we earn. Right, really? If we wee we we' we we' we do we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' we' th, we've th, we've th, we've got th, we've got th th th th th th th th th thin, we've got th th th th th th th th th th th th' th' th' th' th'er, we've th'er, we've th'er, we've th. We' th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've th. We've got, we've got, we've got th, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got, we've got th, we've got th, we've got th thin, we've got thin, we've got to to to to to to to to thin, to thin, tho''''''''''''l'er'n'er'er'er'er'er, th in here, this is poxy, this is not a drop in the ocean the sort of work and money we earn, right, really? If we do this to keep charitable status,

because and yet you, you know, Carl, come on, what's the matter with you? Are we doing rockbusters? I'll tell you what, because it's your special day and I want you to have a great time today. If we, we, we, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because it, because it, because it, because, because, because it's, because it's, because, because, because, because, because it's, because, because, because, because, because, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, is we're going to do Rob, I should just cheer up. If you cheer up, miserable. It just got ratty then, going don't don't push it on me head, don't put it on me to. Right, what were you trying to put on me head? I was trying to put a pair on your head to knock it off with a ball like William didn't know it was a juicy pear. So I thought it'd be like a just to crush it a little bit and then he went mental because he had juice rubbing down his face. Why is it my fault? The pair is a faulty pair.

Exactly. Get proper fruit in here. It worked with the apple. And then he gets ratty with me. Okay let's not waste any time with rockbusters can we really just whip through it. Just do the clues quickly. Quick go, rockbusters, right go. Right, the first clue. Yeah, hurry up, faster. All the police cars are on fire. All the police cars are on fire. B.S. All the police cars are on fire. Good. What's the next one? The director of 28 days later he's shouting about sleeping outside outside. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. the th. th. the first. the first. the first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the? D-B. Right, okay. Okay, yeah. Right, go on then.

He wants to be a sailor, why is that? Yeah, what's the initials there? B. Brilliant, okay. Give them again quickly because I didn't quite catch the second one, so but go from the top. All the police cars okay. DB. Yeah. All right. He wants to be a sailor. Why is that? Yeah. B. B. Okay. B. Okay. B. then. Okay. then. the. to. the email only. Ricky. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. to. V. the. V. the. V. to. V. the. the. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. Roadshow, Smiley Miley's Mileage Game, if anyone remembers that, I mean, here's

a man who, whose job, Smiley was not a DJ, let me forget, Smiley was the guy that organised the vans that carried the equipment to and from the roadshows. Because he was such a crazy personality, because he smiled a little bit, he got recognition Carl, longevity, lots of money and lives where he wants to live, the town that he wants to live in why don't you just enjoy the town that you've chosen to live in because it's so good London what towns have you traveled at all I've been about right okay then what towns did you like Manchester with that's safe you like Manchester well I do the big to London London London New York Paris okay you don't like London even th th th th th th th th th th the th th th th the th th th th the the th th the the th th th the th th the th th the th the th the th the th I th I tho tho to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I th I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thou to to to to to to toooooooo. too. too. too. too. I too. toe. toe. tho. tho. the. the. the do the big three. London, New York, Paris. Okay, you don't like London, even though you live here, got flats here. Good, excellent, that makes sense. Have you been to

New York? Yeah. What do you think? It's amazing city, isn't it? It's just noisy, it's smelly. Right. It's the city that never sleeps. I'm not surprised with all the racket and that. Paris, the city of love, the most romantic city in the world. Not really. I remember seeing an old woman in McDonald's in there and it put me off. That's where that thing happened, where the old woman was. What did it say? Tell us. We talked about it before the old woman in McDonald. Yeah, what happened? She was sat in the corner there with the legs open no knickers on, alright? Oh God! Did that put you off your cheeseburger?

Next city, where next city? Have you been to, I don't know, oh the most beautiful city? Venice? Yeah, I've been there, yeah. It's good? Why? Because they sell it to you as if it is a romantic city. Where did you see it? Sold.

I saw it on the, when I was growing up right, remember 321 with Ted Rogers. It's quite easy to one of the star prizes on there. Right. And they'd say, let's show you the video, let's see what you're going to be loving it for a couple of weeks. And he'd show you this this this this this this this scene you this scene you the s s s the scene the scene the scene the scene the scene the scene the scene the scene the scene the scene the scene the scene the scene to to to show you the scene to show you to show you to show you the scene to show you to to to the scene. I'll to to to to to to to the s. I was the s. I was the s. I was to to to to the s. I I I the s. I I the s. I I I I I the s. I I I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was the. I was the. I was thean. I was thean. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was loving it and stuff yeah I went there bin bags everywhere play record it's an ass play a record that is wish you were here with Carl Pilkington all right this London flooded Black Rebel Motorcycle Club stop on XFM. Carl's back, he's cheering up a little bit.

Because I think he's vented his spleen a little bit on cities around the world that aren't as as the today on cities around the world that aren't as good as Manchester. So, is it only your family left in Manchester because they all moved away, didn't they? You came in, your dad's moved to Wales for Christ's sake, where your family are all around the, brother joined the army to get anywhere, just take me anywhere. His sister's moved away, so no one, island. Yeah, there you go, you see. So, that's just one family. That's just, that's one family who love Manchester. Exactly. All right?

Tell you what, Steve? Go on. Look what? I did find out in the week. World record, right? Uh, person with the longest trump. With the longest what? Wind, fart. Right. Two minutes with the longest what? Wind, fart, right? Right.

Right. Two minutes 42 is the world record. Okay. Right. Well I'm immediately thinking about a relative of yours who I'm sure did longer than that. Who still lives in Manchester? Auntie Nora. Now Antinora did it for five minutes wasn't it? Reportedly started five minutes but unfortunately she was the only person in the room where I think which ones alive Ross or Norris Macwer? I? Right? Right? Right? I? I? I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2. 2. 2, 2. 2. 2, 2. 2. 2. 2, 2. 2. 2. 2. 2, 2. 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2? 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, the the the the the the the the the th, 2, the the the the the the the the the the the think which one's live Ross or Norris McWher? I don't know actually. He has to be there. Yeah I think he actually actually has to be there. Would you want to be there? Well he'd have sort of equipment looking at his watch going finish he goes yeah he goes well that was four minutes

did she go from like a size 10 to a size 6? Did she show some old dresses? Like a hovercraft. Exactly. In a big dress, just slightly off. Yeah. So it has to be invigilated. But again, you know, how was the Guinness Book of World Records one invigilated? I mean, who was supervising that?

He said, he said, I can fart for two minutes. We went round. And he just probably probably, the, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th got to see this went round and he just probably let it rip it's probably circular breathing he's probably sort of sucking in there and swallowing it as he's going and it's a continuous one isn't it it's not like yeah yeah I said you know there's something not right here. And she said, oh, can you send your dad around, you know, my dad, saying to me ma'am. With a cork. And, uh, it's right.

Yeah. I think this would be the best one over. I want to show the kids something. He said, I'll be there in a bit the the th and a it was down to because I was talking to the man about it. Is she the one with the split tennis ball? Yeah. I was talking to the mom and dad about it saying, you know, why do you think it happened and that and it's because she, she never chucks food right and she'll sort all these ice cream tubs in the fridge that are just full.

Like old mashed up food. Really? And she prepares everything. Right? She doesn't work. She's retired now. She's got nothing to do all day but everything's got to be ready. Still causing sick. Do you know what I mean? Everything's got to be done? Even though, if you're going around to her six yeah you're like I need you like when you have to meet us at five or six do you know I mean that's what so so so you say she matches that food she's the remnants of a dinner could be sort of anything and just smashes it all to? anything and just smashes it all to the food and then she'd just the fridge it's in the fridge it in the fridge it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's like the the fridge it's like the fridge it's like the fridge it's like the fridge it's like the the the fridge it's like to to to to the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theyroooo the the the the the the the the the the the't, she reheats it into it. Oh then she puts in the house keeping it as a super near of each meal she'd have. No, put it in a pan, warm it up. Oh and that's what it is. It's just... A lot of vegetation is it? Yeah, a lot of vegetation.

A lot of vegetation is it. Why does it only happen once or did she's in? their that their that their tho. She's tho. She's is she's is she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's she's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's. She's... she's... she's to to to to to their she's their she's to me me. to thirty. thirty. thirty. to thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. thirty. that's just. that's just. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. thirty. thirty. thirty. th. th. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. thirty. thirty. thirty. that's. that's. that's. that's that's that's what. that's what. that's what's that's what. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's what. that's what., checking if she's in. It's like, we'll answer it and then they'll know you are in and they open around. Mental. They can't be sure then, can they? What do you mean? Well if there's no, I go, well maybe it's someone just, they are in but they're hiding, whereas if Aunt Na Na'er, she'll be a. We can sneak in when she does a loud one. We'll be aware of telling us. What's stopping it? It's got a valance round it. It's got caught on the cat. So have we got a recap on Rockbus?

No, just do the, has anyone got the right answers? Has anyone got the right answers? Let me just check here. Here's one from someone who just says, he's given an answer an an to number one, I, number two, don't, number three care. Right, okay, is he close? Has anyone got three answers?

I can't find one with three answers. So again, you've done something wrong, Kyle. No, da da, this isn't radio, play a record. There you go, someone's got it. Give it to them. Fine, okay, give us us us us us us us us us us the clues the clues the clues the clues the clues the clues, the clue the the the the answer, the answer the answer to to the answer, to to the answer, to to to to to to to to to to to to answer, to answer, to answer to answer to answer to to to to answer, to to to to to to to to to answer, to answer, to answer, answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer to answer, to answer, to answer, to answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, the answer, to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the answer, the answer, this isn't radio, this isn't radio, play a record. There you go, someone's got it. Give it to them. Fine, okay give us the clues again, we'll give the answer straight away. No friend in a rain. Right, right.

Number one, all the police cars are on fire. B.S. Yeah, what was that? I can think of something. Go on. The director of 28 days later is shouting about sleeping outside. Yeah. That's Dan yell bed in field, right? Dan yell, bed in field. Right, we never let him do this again.

I told you I washed my hands of it. I know, but I just thought, because he was grumpy. But this is what happens, look what's happened. Dan yell bed in field. That's what's, that's what happened. The director of, so Danny Boy, so Dan, right? All that for Dan, but shouting about being... Dan yell, bed in the field, right? What's the last one?

He wants to be a sailor, why is that? Yeah? What does that mean? Bioncy. Who wants to be on the sea? Play record. You're never doing it again. You just signed your death wine. You're never doing rockbusters again. And if Monkey News is about that, we ban that as well. And we're serious this time. So Joe in Catford? Stuff off to you. Oh, God. The game did he do in the shout out.

What have we done Rick? What have we done? Many years ago, hey, look down through. There's a little sailor fella, he wants to, you know, join the Navy. Why? Bioncy? Noles. Is his surname? Yeah. Midshipman Knowles. Now, Carl, we're going to do another edition I think of Wish You Were Here, because that really cheered you up, didn't it? Where have you been? Have you been around Europe, haven't you? You've been to any hot country?

You've been to Greece? Greece? Turkey? Um, Turkey? Yeah. Little Medgerets working in the canteen in the hotel I was in. Okay. Have you been to Scotland? Once for the for the Edinburgh Festival. Go on. That's where I looked out in my hotel room, saw a traffic ward and putting a ticket on some bin bags.

Brilliant. Because they've gone into the road. So that's Turkey, Scotland. What about places here? Has he been to? Are you been to the West Country? Where we live? You've been to my neck of the woods?

Uh, what else? What else? I've been, well they don't need to go again because it's sort of old and they don't change anything. Okay. That'll be the Roman spa he's talking about, I think. What about Brighton? Uh, not gay people. Right, okay, thank you. Next week I wish you were here. We'll go to some other places where they're gay people. Fascinating. Brilliant. And another extraordinary insight the the the the the the the the the the. C. C. C. the. the, the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. tho, tho the. the, tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. What, what the, what the, what the, what the, what the the the the the thea. theananan. thean. theaa thea theanan. thean. thea thea the the the other places where they're gay people. Fascinating. Brilliant. Another extraordinary insight there.

Carl, can we have some monkey news? Well, just before we're doing monkey news, right, can I do a little psychological test on you? On me? Yeah. Okay. It's brilliant, this. Someone emailed it in. Brilliant. Right. Little story with the question at the end. Okay. Right. This is going to be so annoying. No, no, no, it's not honestly. Well, it is, because you're going to think it's sirens and it's going to be trite.

All right. Go on. Right. Little, little story first, right? This funeral, right? And this girl who she didn't know, right? But she thought this fellow who she met was amazing. She didn't know him, right? But she thought it was brilliant, right? Like a dream fella.

And she fell in love with him, right? But never asked for his number, his phone number, right? And she couldn't find him now a few days later the girl killed her own sister right yes question is why did she do that okay well it's one of those stupid things then isn't it so it's not logic it's it's it's what am I thinking no no it's not seriously it's a proper mental test it's a proper mental test a mental test a mental test a mental test a mental test it does it is a a mental so so you you understand it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's so the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the girl the girl the girl the girl the girl the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the girl the the the the the the the the the the the the the girl the the the the the the the the the girl the the the the the the the girl the the th th th the girl thi the thi thi the the girl thi the the the thi the the the the the the girl the girl the the girl the a proper mental test. It's a proper mental test. A mental test? It does, it is a bit mental. So, so you understand the story, yeah? Kind of, let me just get it right. So there's a funeral, a girl goes to the funeral of her mother.

Yeah. She, she meets the guy? She meets the guy, he looks all right. I fancy a bit of that. Right. As a chat. the th. thia thia thia th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. the th. thi. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it. It's, it. It's, it. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It's, th. It's, th. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a thi. It's a ta. It's a ta. ta. ta. It's a that. Right. As a chat with him. Yeah. But doesn't get his name, doesn't get a phone number or anything. So, so, cut a long story short, the things are in us, right? So, so the reason she kills her own sister, is this something to do with finding out something about the man she met? Well, just answer it. the thing. Why do you just answer it? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why, why? Why, why? Why, why? Why, why? Why, why? Why, why? Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thing? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? So? the. the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. th. So? th th thing? thing? thing? things. th things, so, th th th th thi. So, so, th the, the, so, the, the, answer it then. She went mental. She was a spy called Derek. What do you mean just to answer it? Anyway, I'm testing Steve. Right, well she killed her own sister because her sister had stolen some money from her. And was sleeping with her husband. Is that it? Well, I don't know, I don't know.

What's the answer on that it? Well, I don't know. It's an answer. It's an answer. What's the answer on the paper? So, come on, what is it? Come on? Well, the answer is, no, an answer is. That she was open that the guy would appear at the funeral again. He'd go to the funeral. Right, that's not a proper psychological test. It's one the man that shitty things. It's like a man goes into a field and dies. Why? His parachute didn't open, that's what I'm thinking. I'm surprised you'd learn anything. Oh, I've done

that. Oh, Juliet's a fish. It said, test by a famous fellow right who used it on killers and most of the killers got the anterrite. Did you also think that? Was that the actual UK when you first read it? No, I didn't know. But I wondered what what you would have got? That's the point, but that's the point, but it's a psychological test for looking at something very very specific. What's it with that? Watt's that he that he that he that he that he that he the that he that he the that he the that he that he that he the that he that he that he th. th. th. th. th. th. thi? thi? thi? thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi. And most thi. And most th. And most th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, toooooooooooo'a. And, thi. And, thi's, thi. And thi. And thi. And thi. And something very very specific. What's up with that? Well what was the best that can happen? That he got it right so he is a psychopath? What annoys me is you're not happy with that that test? But before you wasted three minutes trying to balance a pair on my head? What were you getting out of that? Let's play a song and answer

math. Joe Jackson is she really going out with him on XFM right it's the time that most people have I imagine been waiting for monkey news play the jingle the jingle. Oh, chimpan, is she really going out with him on XFM? Right, it's the time that most people I imagine have been waiting for. Play the jingle. Okay. Oh,panzee that monkey news. All right. Come on. Come on. It should be ready, Kyle. That's amazing, isn't it? Nicholas Wichel. Oh, the bomb. No, what's not the first. Come on! No, it's always difficult in it to sort of find something that's good each week. Right. Last week we did the chimps. It is for us, yeah. Come on! No, it's always difficult in it to sort of find something that's good each week, right?

Last week we did the chimps. It is for us, yeah. We had the chimps who were running a health spa. Right. We've covered the one who nicked the car to go on to Spain. Wow. Wow. All shite. The hairdresser. I think he's, you know, we've done that one, the little monkey address. So this week we're looking at monkeys that they're using... Do you know like monkeys? They know, they know how like... I've lost the world to live, Steve. Well, I don't want to do it. Like, well, come on.

Well, come on. What a monkey's good at? Yeah,, running small businesses. They're driving cars. Yeah, they love Spain. Oh and foiling bank robberies. Yeah, they're great. Well, something else they're good at, right? It's like weighing up the situation. Ah ha ha!

Ah! Ah! Oh, God! If you stick him in like a field with loads of obstacles on it, right? They go that sort of yeah I can get over that and I climb over that, I'll swing from there to there, that sort of thing, right? Okay. So the people in charge of somewhere, I've thought we can use that, we can use that skill, right? And what they've done is they've got a load of little monkeys, right? They've given an IQ test. And the ones they've they've they've they've they've they're they're they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. I. I their their their. I I I, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. I. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've the. I've thea. I've thea. I've theat. I've the. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've thi the ones that score above 80 right? Get to produce this show next week.

Join the army. Join the army. Right. How do they join the army and what do they do? They just, what they do is they set little obstacle courses up for them, they do that, they do a cross-country run, they do the... Across-country run? Yeah, okay. And then once they've done all that, they make them a little uniform, made to measure little uniform. Long and slightly longer arms than usual, yeah, and basicallythat sort of thing. Yeah of course they are. You're talking rubbish again. This came through literally you know pretty late on so. So you've not had a chance to incorporate all the facts as usual. Just have a lot. Right it's the interest the bit I'm looking for is

why are they doing it. Why do we need monkeys in the army and secondly why are we giving them guns? I'll just check to see many of that. I. I. I. I. I. I. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I to to to to to the to the to their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to have just to have just to to to to have just to have just to have just to have just to have just to have just to have just to have just to have just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I to to the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to to to see. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to their their their if any of that... I don't know if that we only let gays in recently. But yeah. Talk amongst yourselves. Yeah. I can't read it. I just too much pressure. But it's rubbish. They don't get it. Again it's the way that there are things that you there are, there are, there are animal cause, right? There are horses, there are dolphins, sea lions, you know, there are lots and lots of animals in the army but they don't have to pass an obstacle test as such and they're not taught to fire guns. You've strata assumed that they're going to be, there's going to be loads of squads and men and then just one little monkey in the middle. Like you know he came second on the test. He's in, he's in boys. What do you think Steve you've read it? Well as ever Carl this is an arbitrary email sent by one of our listeners, you know what Ricky and I think of them. And so we're not really basing this on hard evidence, we're basing it on the ramblings of one of our listeners.

Rubbish, once again, lazy, rubbish, uncorroborated, nonsense, the stupid test that you got wrong. Rick, that sounds like monkey news to me.