The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E48 (July 26, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Jane's addiction, just because on XFM 104.9 I'm Ricky Joveys, with me Steve Merchant and Carl Pilkington. We're all here then. Oh, I. About five past one. Got two hours to go. I imagine you've got all kinds of treats lined up really. Well, there's lots of things on the show, great music, you know, Nirvana Radio, Head the Darkness to name but three. Can I play something from Led Zeppelin later? Yeah, please do, and maybe some Neil Young. Now, coming up also on the show, we're continuing a thing we start. We've only got four weeks to go before, maybe we either give it all together or go away for a couple months.

Is it four weeks? Oh, I don't know. Ito end it forever but it's all up to Carl. So again he's in a grumpy movie. He's trying up his attitude and it's them, it's the listener that counts Carl, not us. We may be feeling bad, but you the listener, count. You come first. Yeah? Okay, up, up, up, yeah? Big, big them up. Big up, you the listener. Carl. Leave yourself at home. the the the the the the their. their. their. C. C. C. C. C. C. the th. C. C. C. the the. th. th. the th. to, th. to, th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to, the the th. to. to. the the their. their. It's, their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It's. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's, t. It's, t. It's, t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's t. It's the t. It's the the the t Carl, leave yourself at home for a little while, yeah? We're going to continue that thing we started last week. We're doing the list of the most hated people in Britain. It's not us, it's the listener. So keep coming with those suggestions. People you just, obviously, you don't hate them. We don't want a list of mass murderers, dictators and politicians and politicians can't have them but with mass murderers and politicians, what's the difference? Good point. Good point. Sati. Yeah. We're doing

some jokes like that as well, aren't we? We're trying to get on their. And uh... There's any kind of amusing show that perhaps takes a sideways look at the week's news? Yeah. If there any radio four who I've been knocking around for about 12 years with the same old hacks and they're desperately trying to get on tally they want to give us a call we're not interested. No no we've got bigger fish to fry. Yeah so if people that you hate minus celebrities people on TV. I'll tell you the sort of list of the top 10 and I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're try to to they're try to try to then we'll give you the sort of list of the top 10 and you can vote within that top 10 I'll tell the ones that I'll tell the ones I'm sorry could be wire up some kind of some kind of phone the phone we can't afford it but if when you email in Williams, Chris Tarrant, Davina McCall.

Interesting. I'm sort of surprised that, but I know that's probably just over three-lary. She's just been on TV too much lately. Yeah, that tea shirt annoys me. So there's the, I mean, but think of your own. There's a lot of people just coming up behind there though, Graham Norton. He's just approaching from behind. Oh, that's the sort of stuff. It's not, we've done satire, we've done in you end. I mean, he's the sort of things we're available, go on. If any... I'm loving this, this is going to be good.

I'm loving what's going next, what? If any of the producers of Carry On London are listening and they need some new talent to write some Smutty Inuendo, I think we're your men. Anyway, Carl, you better press the knob, spunk. Smok. Smok. Ricky, I know. You're a new young fan. I know you're a Neil Young fan. You probably won't have this album. It's basically not been available for years.

It's never been available on CD before. It was part of this kind of trilogy of albums he did that were very depressing and they've just been re-released. This is absolutely dynamite. It's on the beach, on the beach, yeah. And that's the opening track, Walk On the tr. Brilliant, on XFM, 104. That's the sort of stuff. You've had satire, I? Which is a bit cutting edge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you've had Neil Young earn Jane's addiction so... I can't think of anything else I'd rather... Down with the kids and everything, aren't we? Yeah, pretty hip, pretty weird. Oh, do you know what else?

Which is turning to me? Which is? Oh, doing? Yeah. Peter Mandelson or someone. No, no he's good in me because he's good because he's gay and he. I don't know. I don't know if he is. If he's not, I'm sorry, but if he is, then well done. Brilliant. Good to all gay people good. Yeah. Any underprivileged people, you're all brilliant. the people who are overprivileged all. Do you know what I like? Foreigners. Do you see on the news? It's just under th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's thi thi's thi's tho thi's tho tho tho thi. I's thi. I'm tho tho tho tho tho thiol- I's thi-I thi-I thi-I thozy. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I'm tho-I thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I'm thoo. I'm tho. I tho get up to you see on the news it's just not interesting isn't it yeah crazy it's it I'm watching I'm going what you doing that boy it's killing in that yeah so if you're listening in your

and good stuff and yeah you're a Disney that's good so anyway so so anyway that's the sort of satire and where we can kind of tear apart popular culture and just get to the very nub bit. Um, can't just leave with this? Mind, you know my favourite country? Africa. It is brilliant. It's huge.

It's huge. It's huge. Except the bad ones? Oh, evil ones. Oh, evil ones. Only when Radio 4 is listening. Yeah, we would like to get on some kind of satire show, cleansed. Richard Jovey, Steve, Merchant and Carl Pilking. Yeah, yeah.

The Holy Trinity. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Going well at the moment. Not bad, but you were just talking about foreigners. Love them. I'll tell you something. I've been meaning to ask you this for a while, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, going well at the moment. Not bad, but you were just talking about foreigners.

I'll tell you something, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while, because I know you're a very well informed man. Yeah, political and sort of liberal and that. Yeah, yeah. How does Chinese work? Well, the language? I can't figure it out. No one knows. No one knows. It's like it's like. It's like. It's like. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. I. I've. I've. I. It's not. I've thi. I've thi. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I've. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. I'm th. or written down. It's not written down. It's... Well when it's written down it basically looks like kind of little children's drawings of those little paper houses that Chinese people live in. Well that's quite the loads. And it's loads of them, it's hundreds of them. But I mean even French have a their right words. But I mean even French have the French and right right words. It they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their their they're their their their they're like kind kind like kind kind th. It's like kind like kind like kind like kind like kind like kind like, it's like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like their their their their their their their their their their their their they're like kind kind kind like kind like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like their they're they're they're they're their their their their their their. I they're their their their. I they're their. I they're their. I they're th. I th. I they're's sort of they're trying to do the words, but there's just some of it wrong, I think this is like a speech impediment I think.

Exactly, yeah, Germans are similar. Yeah, Germans are they going, ah, how are you? And they're trying to do the words, they're just, they're just, trying their their their their their their their their their their their words, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, their. They're like gobbledigook. That is a dialect. I think that's the main dialect. That, Mandarin and orangutan. But I mean, I can't, but seriously, I can't figure it out. I just, I've got no grasp of how, because it doesn't seem to relate to anything I've never heard. Wait, that's not real words, because they're sentences. Like, you know, we have we have we have we have we have we have we have that, we have that, we have that, we have that, we have that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that's that, I that, I that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, the that, the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their of fish. I've said often. Yeah, we use all the different words to each one of those words.

So we've got a word for each of them. They haven't. I think it's like a triangle with a line through it. Right. So which can get confusing because, you know. So the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. That's just, I think that's like a little, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, paper house with a feather on top. But if we got... Personally, this is what I would love to do. I want to use the fact that we're on the radio to answer these questions.

Yeah, to tell me about other cultures. I would love to speak to a Chinese person. A Chinaman woman. Yeah. A Chinaman woman. Yeah. a professor of Chinese. Or someone who works in a chip shop but someone who was actually born in Chinaland. Someone born in Chinaman. A Chinaman or a Chinaman woman just to talk us through exactly what they're going on about. Exactly. And it's not, it's just because I'm very informed. I've only really seen Chinese people

in Kung Fu movies. You know it's... Chinatown. Cine a town. As we've said before. Not really a town. More of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of of a novelty of a novelty of a novelty of a novelty of a novelty of a novelty of a novelty of a novelty of a the their of a their of a their of a their of a their of a their of a their of a their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their their. More of. More of. More of. More of. More of. More of. More of. More of. More of a their their their their their their their th. More of a th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. thi. thi. their their their their their their their their their. I. I the? China town, walking through China town. Hmm, as we've said before, not really a town. Not really a town. More of a novelty street. More of a snipery novelty street. Exactly, yeah. So, uh... Because I remember watching Kung Fu a lot. They always speak, they always speak very slowly, don't they?

They do. They're very kind of mysterious. Inscrutable they never really said they are they are unscrutable you cannot screw a Chinaman or a China they are unscrutable they are non-scrutable yeah if I used to go out in the street now and try and scruit a Chinaman you'd have no chance it was not because they are not you could not screwing a Chinaman for love and the money yeah yeah I could possibly screw to Chinese woman yeah I could. But anyway, if you are a Chinaman or a Chinaman woman who can just tell us basically how it works, how would you teach us the basics of Chinese if we were going to go to China and we wanted to interact, where would we start? What would be the first words we would say, how would we say them, how would we write them? Please. please? Please. Please. Please. Please, please, please, please, please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please, please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please, please? Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please, please? Please. Please, please? Please. Please, please? Please. Please. Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please. Please. Please. Please. Please? Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please? This. Please? This. Please. Please? This. Please? This. Please? This. Please? This. Please? This. This? This. This? This? This? This? This. This? This? This? This? This? This? This? This? This? This. This? This? This? This? This. This? This. This? This? This. This. This? This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is is. This is. This is is. This is. This is is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is. This is this is going to run and run. What's the number car? Oh, eight, seven hundred, eight hundred, one, two, three.

See, proper normal, normal talk in there from Carl Pilkington. There's got to be one thing, that's a minute. You need to coolay. Baby I'm not cool. there's a whole lot of love from Led Zeppelin Classic. On XFM 104.9 I'm Rookie Javais with me Steve Merchant, Carl Pilkot. We've not heard much from Carl there this week. We haven't had much from anyone who can speak Chinese for us either, so we're not that one on the edge.

I don't think we would be learning Chinese today, Steve. What annoys me is I'm going to go out into the world the world the world the world the world into the world into the world into the world into the world into the world still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still still I know, yeah. The only Chinese I learned was from Benny Hill. No, Benny Hill could speak fluent Chinese. Well, the only ones I know is, you silly idiot is Siri area. Yes. And bloody foreigners is a bloody foreigner. That's all, I mean, that's, that's a smart. Get you by in Peking, but I mean, you come in, you hit a dialect and you, you know, your worms meat. Sure. Um, Carl, yeah, we haven't, we've the the their their, I I I I their, I their, I their, I their, I the only, I the only, I the only, I the only, I the only, I the only, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, the only, the only, the only, the only, the only, the only, the only, the only, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, I, you, you, I, I, you, I, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're, you, you, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, uh, you come in you can hit a dialect and you know your worms meat sure um Carl yeah we haven't heard a lot about from you we've been going here we've done a few features already we've talked about different parts of

the world different parts of the world do you speak any languages no no not not really well still struggling with English yeah yeah yeah one a few words I mean literally I've had a lot words. I mean literally. About 4,000 I think he's got. I've heard a lot of emails actually people saying Kyle please don't leave you don't want to see the show ending blah blah blah blah. We've got a couple calls bringing back cheeky freakie of the week. And you know what Carl said? He said, oh bring back cheeky free the week. He went, I don't allow, I don't know. And he went oh go on. He went the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the th they th th th th th th thin, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I went, I tho thin, I tho, I tho, I th, I th, I've th, I've th, I've th, I've got, I've th, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, I've th. I've th. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. I've, thin, th. C. C. I've, too. C. I've, too. C. I've, too. I've, too. I've, too. C. I've, too. I've, too. C. he went, oh go on he went, well no I had a story today,

a fellow born with two dicks, but I can't do it. Now Carl, you cannot not do a feature about a fellow born with two dicks. Well, look if we need it, I mean how much more have you got on the Chinese? We're done, we've done that, we've now Chinese, we've done it. That's done, that's put to bed. Fellow with two dicks, please. No, we might get round to it later, but like I say, Cheaky Freak of the Week, sort of, sort of, we've put that on hold at the moment, sure, right? So, uh, what have we got? What have we got? What have we got? What have what have we got? What have we got? What have we got? What have we got? What have we got? What have we got? What have th? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What are? What? What?the name if you want we've got what? What's

the name? What's the name? Don't know? What's that? Yeah, what girl am I thinking of? Some's the phrase? We've got that coming up. Monkey News is safe, isn't it? I told a bit of monkey news. I did a photo shoot at the zoo this week and one of the people in charge. Yeah, yeah. They told me that they used to having a rangatang, right? But it escaped, it worked out, it lifted up a drain, got out the drains and got out into the zoo. It actually did a cold escape, right?

And Carl goes, what happened? I said, well, they sort of like surrounded it and sort of got it back anyway that's no good though I mean it's not monkey news unless it steals a car and goes to Spain exactly yeah or opens a small I mean that's real that actually happened yeah but it's not real unless it you know takes a gun gets it mistaken from a president and you know it runs a country for three years there there's some more news about London's here this week about it. They're all excited because we've got an ant eater in there. Right. This week. Is that good? Is that exciting? No, I think they've had an acarpy born. It's got a long nose. It's like a sort of tapia type thing. It's not interested. I've said to you before about if an animal is named after what

it is. named after what it eats, how interesting is it? Do you know what I mean? And Antieta is the only one, isn't it? Well, get rid of them. There's lots in there. What other ones are there? Well, it's flycatchers. There's lots of animals that are named after what they eat. What's the fly catcher?? That's bare, isn't it? Seems ill-informed. I can't think of many beyond Antito. You talking about, because you were talking about a zoo though,

and I watched, I was watching the news last night, and it had a feature about Madame Two Swords. And it's saying that they irony, cannot see the appeal of sort of having my photo taken next to a waxwork of Jailo. I know. I can't compute why that would be fun. I don't know. What is it? Do they move? Because they don't move? Do they? No, of course they're just down there. So genuinely, I mean it's so crowds of people queu and people keep up to take him with the rules. The cue would put me off immediately? Well yeah. I mean it's just down the road, isn't it? But it's so you go home to your friend, you go, there's me, there's me, oh, there's me with Kylie.

It's not Kylie, is it? Oh, no, no, no, no, let's not let's not diss them because they might melt down Ricky Tomlinson one day to do me. Sure, you never know, you know, or Rick Waller. Yeah, yeah, so I don't want to put them off. But seriously I mean I'm not being given, you know Roy Canier might be in there. What is the appeal? What is the appeal to walk around a number of like, but that's the same same same same same same same same same the same the same the same the same the same the same their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. that's the appeal. the appeal. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the appeal. I I the appeal. I the appeal. I the appeal. I the appeal. I the appeal. I the appeal. I the a the a the a the a the. I the. I the. I the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm toe. I'm to to as look-alikes. When I see it at the back of the stage and it's got like, I don't know, Susan Gooding is Caprice. Yeah. And you want to go, what do you do with it? Oh, 500 quid? She comes and stands at your party. And she looks like, she looks like Caprice. Yeah. It looks like, what's like caprice. No, but it's like, there was one. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. It was. It was, the the the the same. It's like, the same. It's like, the same. It's like, the same. Susan. It's like, Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. It's. It's. Susan. It's. It's. Susan. It's. It's like, the. It's like, the. It's like, the. It's like, the. It's like, the. It's like, th. Susan. It's. It's. It's like. Susan. It's. Susan. Susan. It's. Susan. Susan. It's like. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. Susan. It's's... It looks like... Yeah, it was one in the back of the stage which was so and so, is Jordan. And it was a woman who's a little Buxum girl wearing very little. Buxum!

Are you from the West Country? I thought to myself if you're willing to get your knocks out pretending to be Jordan, just get them out and a carpentry and your model. Stop tending to be John. and call yourself after another Middle Eastern country. Don't just, yeah, don't just... Very odd. Oh no! God. Very strange. But you've got a look now, haven't you? Yeah.

It's so odd. But it's a bloke, right? Um, sort of at his desk, right? In the picture? And it's David Brent. Yeah. It's got Ricky to sleep on XFM. 104.9. Don't go to sleep, the XFM. 104.9. Don't go to sleep, we've got some more fun and great tunes coming up. All right? Just to let you know that we've had a some more fun and great tunes coming up. All right.

Just to let you know that we've had a few new entrants on the listeners hate poll. I noticed Chris Evans is cropping up. Chris Evans has snuck in a couple of times. We've also had Jordan added to the list along with Mick Hucknall. I think that's because you reminded people. I know I mentioned her and yeah, consequently, come on, think. Mick Hucknall, and also, this is one I'm strongly behind, Daniel Beddingfield. If you've heard him interviewed, he's such a knob. Is he? He really is a bit of interest. Don't get involved. This is not, this is not, this is not, this is not, necessarily, reflects our opinions.

There are a couple of people that are cropping up that I'm right, is, I'm not going to give that away. So don't give your opinions, Steve, because then we're, then our hands are clean. Do you know what I think is a comedy genius? Chris Miles, but let's move on, let's not. So anyway, listen, we'll be giving the top ten of you the listeners votes, probably about two o'clock, and the list, probably, we remember if we remember if Carl doesn't lose the list yeah and from that list we'll probably try and drop the top three maybe yeah yeah yeah okay so quiz time I know everyone's been looking forward to this which quiz is it we're gonna play along because he's done songs of phrase where he cuts up bits and the

bits and pieces of the title or the artist and makes a well known phrase itha the phrase the phrase the phrase the phrase the phrase th th of th of th of th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. So thi. So thi. So th. So th. So th. So th. So thi. So. So thi. So to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. I. So. So. I. I. I. I. th. th. I. th. th. th. So. th. th. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. to. try. th. th. th. th. So, th. So. So, th. So, to guess the title or the artist and makes a well-known phrase i.e. a phrase that we've said a lot and the challenges that me and Steve have got to try and work out what it is as well before we tell we will tell you the phrase but let me just see if I can guess play it one tell me why don't they tell me right right I know what that is. I didn't hear it. Can you play it once for me? Right. I know what that is. Right. It's why don't they play the game of swingball? Because that's what he said when he turned on and saw people in wheelchairs playing tennis. And his point was. Tell me why, tell me why, tell me why. Don't thee. Play's a game of swing. That is so naughty. This show's been a bit naughty I think.

I think it's like sort of end of term sort of madness. But I think we've got to calm down here. We've been a bit naughty there. We've said, you know, bloke with two dicks. We said Chinese people don't talk properly, which is a little bit offensive. Yeah. Not me, Carl?

Well, they don't know. Right, okay, let's leave it now. Okay, stop there, Carl. Carl does not necessarily reflect the opinions of X-FM or any other human being. If you think that me and Steve have me being offensive, we are strongly behind the guise of irony, satire and ignorance. Carl only has ignorance and hate. No, no, no, but as long as you say something good about someone, you can also say something bad about it.

How does that work? Go ahead and give us an example. Well, Chinese. Yeah. Great people. Good. The women, really good looking, as younger people. No!

What are you doing? I'm just saying, as long as you... You know what I mean? There's good and bad and everything. For everyone's like? Yeah, they don't age well. Oh! What do you mean? The fellow in Karikig, the teacher was only about 36.

We started this. We started this. Oh. Fact. So, songs a phrase, emailing, Ricky Dodger of Asex and a nut cut at UK. Right? I mean, I have to say, Carl. It's very tricky this week. You've got some very obscure sounding songs there.

Yeah, just the artists. I think just the song car mate. I think that's hard. I think that's hard. I think that's hard. Yeah, so these are the prices this week. Let's play it again so they can hear it. Try and work out all the different artists. Yeah, why don't they play the game of swing ball? What? That's tricky? It is tricky. T the game. T the game. T the game. The the game. The th. The thi thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. The thi. T is thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's thi's thi's thi. T is is thi. T is is thi. T is is is th is th is th is th is th. th is th is th is th is th. th is th is th is th. th. th is th is th. th. th. th is th is th. th. th. th is th. thi. thi. T is thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi is thi. thi is the thi is the thi. thi is thi. thi is thi. thi is thi. thi. thi. th don't thee? That's a trik. That's tricky. That is tricky. That is good. But there are some great prizes, including Carl, I can't help but notice. Torn from the current, well I think today's issue of the Daily Mirror. What is giving away a giveaway.

It's a free CD from the mirror. You can get this anyway. But it's still in the piece of plastic that he cleaned. I love that. Anyway, there are some other treats. Oh, you'll be loving getting that through the door. So there's a, uh, the jingly sound of summer. Good vibes are a two CD set featuring music from credit. I'll tell you what, I've got to thought of another game. We can put Carl's into theory, right? I can tell him a sort of like a person or, you know, a people or a place, right? Or a profession and he's got to come up with a good and bad.

A good and bad thing. That's great. It is dicing with death. Are we're ready to do this? Well listen, if we're thii. thi, are th. th. th. th. th. thin, are to to to thi, are thi, are thi, are thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, a thi. thi. A, a thi. A, a thi. A, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a person, a thi. thi. th who cares? Okay Well hang on whoa let me just we're on the prizes here. All right okay so now 55 I know there's a lot of ex-fM listeners who are gonna be looking forward to the likes of SPUt8 and performances and stuff like that which is not bad. The best summer holiday album in the world ever, I think we've given that way in the past, all sorts of stuff on there. Plus the director's cut of true romance on DVD the Tarantino scripted, the toy. Oh, that's great. That's great.

Oh, so, that's all we're after. Yeah, right, yeah. Right, yeah. Tell you why, tell you why. Don't thee. Play in the game of swing. Very tricky. Brilliant.

That is brilliant. All right. Put the song on. What? the song on bit of Farrell, Farrell Williams. Yes, good and bad, good and bad, old people. Darkness, I believe in a thing called Love on XFM, 104. 9.9, Ricky Jaze, Steve Merchant, Carl Pilkington. Carl's, Carl Pilkington.

Carl set the ball rolling with songs of phrase. Why don't they play swing ball? Referring of course to people in wheelchairs who play tennis because he was disappointed they weren't getting around the court quickly enough so why didn't they play swing ball? Brilliant. Someone just emailed in saying because if they hit it to the top they wouldn't be able to reach it to unravel it. Which is a good point. Yeah. But I mean nonetheless, good and bad in people in wheelchairs? Do you want to do that? Good and bad? Good and bad things about people in wheelchairs? Um, good and bad. Good and bad that thu-in their th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th they're th they're they're the they're they're they're they're they're they won't they wouldn't they wouldn't they won't they won't they won't they they're they're they're they won't they're they won't they won't they they're they're they won they they won they they they they they're they they they wa they wa they they they wa they're they wa they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their to to to to to their their to their theirtook up less room in cinemas. We've got their own seat.

Um, good. That's good, is it? That's a good thing. Yeah, yeah, good. Yeah, well done. Well then. I don't have to think about it. Okay. But, uh, let's leave that, eh. You started it. The hate list, can I just return your minds to the hate list? I said on the hour that we would give you basically the top five. Now we have to stress, this is the top five most hated people that you, the XFM listeners are suggested to us. We have not massaged these. We have not made these up. These are coming from you. Last week we began it. This week you've continued to email. So this is the list. We do not endorse this list.

Some of them we may agree with, some of them maybe not, but it's the list that you have come up with. I tell you, it was coming through recently, Cameron, but he didn't make the top five. Robbie Williams surprisingly dropped out the top five. Yeah. So let me tell you know in no particular order this is the top five that you're both listening. Well I say XFM listeners, people listen to this show. I don't, I mean XFM listeners, I don't know what this poll, what is worth, what any polls, but I mean this one is probably worth very little. In a way it's worth less. Yeah, go ahead and who's the top five in the order? We want you the listeners to then just email in with the one name that you hate the most and then from this list, we can hear out the number one. Okay. But this is in no particular order.

Chris Tarrant, a surprising. Yeah. I don't think th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I don't th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the the th. the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th..............................................................'t think he's that surprising. I'm not going to editorialize. I'm not saying, I imagine XFM listeners pretty much despise someone like Chris Tarrant. Okay, well anyway, Chris Tarrant's on there. Dvina McCall. Patrick Kilty. Right. Right.

Graham Norton. And Chris Moyles. Now I'm not going to say anything. Those are the names that you have drawn up. There are lots of others that didn't make the top five. Richard Maidley was on there, Michael Flatley. Vorderman, Bizarre. Michael Flatley is a weird one. Very strange. So Jamie Oliver a lot of votes for him, but he's not made the top five. So those are the top five. Just emailing him with the number one that you hate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to. the. to. the number. to. to. the number. the number. the number. th. the number. to. to the number. to to to to to to to to the number. the number. the number. their. their. their. the their. the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. th. th. th. to. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. th. the. the. the. the. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. pointless in name poll. And this time we did it. Oh dear. Moyles, Norton, Kilty McCall, Tarrant, it's your choice.

Who would you have in your list, Carl? You're allowed to talk because people know your opinions don't matter. So what? I honestly don't really hate anyone. That's not much. I'm not that fuss. . We th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Who, thi. Who, thi. Who, thi. Who. Who, thi. Who. Who. Who. Who's, thi. Who's, th. Who's, th. Who's, th. Who's, th. Who's, th. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who. Who to. Who to. Who to. to. the to. the the the the the to. the the the the the, we're talking about someone that noise. You can't hate any of these people. All I've done was it was pop up on tele.

But I think it's people who, as one listener, she put it, she sort of, I think she had some of those and she said, you know, I don't hate them, you know. Sometimes it's not their fault, it's like Divina, right? I used to quite fancy her. And now, because she's always on the tele, it's like, I can't be dealing with her now. Sure. But she's still, she's still the same presenter. It's just that I'm bored with it. Sure. You know what I mean? I just said it so look to all go ahead. Okay I'm gonna do Carl's top thing. Rock Ricky dot Gervais at xfm dot co dot UK that's also the email address for your

answers to this week's songs of phrase play again can lift you go on tell me why tell me why don't they play the game of sweet play the artist is that right yeah that I do. I've got two that you don't like. Not that you hate them, but you'd sort of like, don't agree with them. Would Liverpudlians be in your list? Probably. What about gay fellas in toilets looking at you? Well I think they've sorted that out. One of the prizes this week in Carl's Goodie Bag features this song, play it the Monkeys, Pleasant Valley Sunday. Oh God.

Oh, heh! Ha-augh! This show is Monkey Heavy, isn't it? It is Monkey Heavy. Monkies. M-Presentalley. This show is Monkey Heavy, isn't it is monkey heavy carol they if you're a president would you sort of make compulsory to maybe have a little little monkey everyone

has a little monkey of their own little chimps out and old age pensioners it's not a bad little uh it's funny you know because it was a story the other day when I was looking for monkey news... There's a story about a couple who couldn't have any kids right, there's something wrong with them but they really wanted a kid and they got some dodgy email address where they could buy a baby online right it was someone who would have a kid and you could buy it for three grand or something right

so anyway they got one they got picked and like brilliant there's the money got the baby and everything they were loving it you know playing with it as it got older feeding it it they got area oh shut up oh car turned out it's been sold a chimp. You, you mania, you stupid mank twat. Don't talk shit. That is as if they...

What? Oh, don't talk! Are you mental? You stupid. Didn't make it into minking stupid. I know, yeah. They're a bit sad though, we don't like to bring, bring the feature down. Yeah. And how long was this into...

It got airier? They're born hairy! They're not born like humans then develop hair! Because they go, hold on, we better get the chimps stuff kicking in now because we're in the jungle! School photograph, do I like, hang on a minute? He looks a bit weird. Oh, you are just the rubbish. Mad, isn't it? Mad, isn't it?

Mad, isn't it? Imagine, oh God. Just imagine if he was in charge, we did put him in charge of the country. Wouldn't it be amazing? Let him run the country? Just for a week. Or the mayor, what would you do if you were the president or the Lord Mayor of London or the Prime Minister? I wouldn't do it like he's going to be off on it. It's a hypothetical question Carl. No but Suzanne was, all right, meet me Mrs. if you're a new keeper. Sure. You keep her. She was watching the news. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was watching. He was, he was, he was. He was watching. He was, he was, he was, he was, he. He. He. He. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He was, he. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, the. He was, the. He was, the. He was, the. He was, he was, he was, he was. He was. He was. He was, he. He was. He her. She was watching the news trying to follow some heavy stuff. And I'm like, oh, the weather? What? I just was like bored and I was reading about that mouse that had an ear on its back and

so to try and get her ear on its back and you don't even want to learn. So to try and get me interested in it. She was like saying what would you do if you're present and stuff. And I can't be doing with any of it. What did you come up with? What would you come up with? What would you come up with? Did you come up with anything? I had a little, um, the design of it, right? I said I'd have like red and blue, sort of, the the their...... I'd their. I'd their. I'd th. I'd th. I'd their. I'd their. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd th. I'd their their to their to to to their th. I can't their their their their their their their their I can't their I can't, I can't their, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm t. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm try try try try th. I'm th. I'm th. I do you know what I mean? Both sort of major sides into one. Yeah, well that's broken the back of it. That's that's a pretty good manifesto so far. Anything else? What's on the second page? I had like a KP looks after me? That would be the badges, yeah? That's good. I'm a KP nut. Yeah, brilliant. That's about as far as I went with it. What would you do, what about, you know, policies, transport, crime, you know, just law and order. Yeah, how would

you do with crime? What would your initial approach be? Would you introduce guns? Should police carry guns? Nah. No. No. Yeah. Um, would I have to worry about that? Okay. Okay. No. No? Nah. No, no. No, would I have to worry about that? Okay, no good point. Good point. No, what I'm saying is that I mean Tony Blair isn't sorting everything out, is he? No, but he has a say in most things. Does he? Does he? Well, go on? What are the problems at the moment? I don't need to sort in, the moment I need sorting out. Generally how would you, how would what's the best way to combat? Would you bolster up the prison system? Would you introduce more community service? Would you put more bodies on the beach? Would you go harsher for say, for say, I don't know, drugs,

would you go harsher or less harsh? There's pros and cons of the road, because of course you can't see to condone it but some people you know you don't want to go through the court system and cost taxpayers thousands of pounds of money for someone I don't know the difference between smoking a split and dealing crack. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Yeah I just think about it for a bit. Brilliant. I think thinn't. Yeah, probably asked Suzanne. That's what I mean? This is amazing. Get air up on it.

Yeah. Now what about the foreign situation? Would you have supported Bush in his war on against terrorism? Um, you're aware of this war that we had recently? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean if I was new, though, couldn't I just say, look, new slate. Do you know what I mean mean let's start again yeah of course you can I'm in charge now let's you know let's see if we can sort this out what would you do then then see what happens

brilliant suck it in see brilliant brilliant yeah this is this is not really your jurisdiction this is not really your area but I imagine you'd have some powerful friends you might have a saying it. Go on. Yeah. What would you do about single-sex marriages? Same-sex marriages? See, this got, Cameron, I thought Cameron had blown it on Big Brother because they said, you know, what do you think about a gay fellow, and he went, I know, in the Bible it says, you know, in the Bible, it says, the, the, the, is, is, is, the, is, is, is, is, the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, same, same, same, same, same, same, same, same, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is.......... the, is, is, is, is, is. the, is. the, is. the, is, is. the, is. the, is. the, is, is, is. the, is. the, is. the, is. the, is. the, is. the, is. the, is. the, is. the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. the, is, is. the Bible it says, you know, a man and a woman, and I thought, oh, he's put off a lot of, I don't many think many Christians tune into Big Brother, but we know the gays love

it. They love Big Brother, don't they, the guys? Yeah, so interesting, but what would your take me on that, same-sex marriages? Um, and then what, theymea-it-In't-I'm-so... just they start off with you know that's all right in it do you know I mean just let them get on with it it's not affecting anyone else sure yeah right but it starts getting tricky right when you get a kid okay go on why well it's just tricky in it do you know I mean well yeah you could be right I'm not giving any I mean you know we're not there's no right there's no right if you were in like if you lived in the jungle right the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the there there there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there there there there there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th thr thr thr thro thr thro thro thro they they there's there's there's there's there's there's the in the jungle, right, with no one else, right, and you just had these two fellas, right, looking after you, but because you've got no one else looking in on that saying, oh you're a bit weird, aren't you?

Do you know what I mean? But as soon as you come to... So do you think the gay people turn to a bloke because they couldn't get a woman? Um... If you live, if there's the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th.. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. thoooooooooo. th th th th th th th thi. th thi. th th th th woman? If you'd leave it, if there's two fellas go away and they're in the jungle they go we're definitely not going to find a woman here we might as well bum. That's not our homosexuality start. People don't... It makes you wonder. No no, no, no, it does make you wonder. brought up in like a little jungle right yeah how are you brought up someone just puts you there? I don't know what I don't know what this is not Steve I can't be bothered I'm bothered running the country like I'm too much trouble for you!

KP takes care of me. Right fair enough what I'm I'm saying is, right, if you're brought up in a jungle, right? Right. What do you mean brought up? Just let him fit. What do you mean? Like tisan? You've got to tell me what you mean. told me what you mean.

told me what you mean. told me what you're I'm saying to you. Right, right? What I'm saying is, is a fella, right? He's brought up in the jungle. Shut up, just let him finish. Let him finish. There's no women about, he doesn't know about women, he doesn't understand what women are. Right? But another fellow walks in the scene, and he gets palli with him. What does he talk about? about then they've both got needs. This scenario is ridiculous. How has he lived?

I'll do you know what his reference points? I can't be bothered with this. Honestly Saturday should be you know day off and that not worrying me about together. Oh god! K.P. takes care of me. Oh dear. Elbow, Fallen Angel on XFM, 104. So there we go. Carl is President. It's still, it's still confused, aren't you, Carl? Just a little bit, just a little bit sort of amazed by the body. Yeah, you're in awe of it, aren't you?

Just the way... I'm amazed how two people can buy a baby on the internet for £3,000 and not realise it's a chimp till it goes to school. No, no, no, but seriously, what we're talking about their jarring elbow and fallen angel? We're talking welling welling welling, we're we're we're we're we're we're th talking we're th talking th, we're th, we're th, we're thing about thing about thing about thing about thing about thing about thing about their jawing elbow and fallen angel. We're talking about that I think if you're locked up, well not locked up in a room, you've got a normal life except there's no women in it, right? But how would that happen? What would this point in reference? How can I just have to think? Go on. How can infinite monkeys and a typewriter? Right, again, I've told the before, right? That is not, you don't that, th. What w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w w th. What would would would would would would would would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would thi? What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What would th. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What, the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the, the. the. the. the. th. th. Right, again I've told it before right, that is not, you don't actually have to test that model, it's basically a model that explains the nature of infinity, okay? I've told you before, it works because of the definition of infinity. There's no, there's nowhere in the world you'll ever be able to get an infant amount of monkeys and tight wires to come but anyway all I'm saying is I

think if if you don't know about women would you crave for a woman even though you don't know it when you hit sort of puberty your hormones were kicking and then you'd you start getting urges but for what if you don't know about it you don't have to know about it. You don't, when, if you grew up and you started feeling a hunger, you wouldn't go wonder what that is. You'd go, get me a sandwich, I'm starving. It's different though, it's different. But we're not saying it's all hardwired or people are, you can't change their natural state. We do it all the time, we fight nature all the th time with with th time with th time with th time with th time with th time with th time with th th th th th th th thi thi thi 't change their their natural state we do it

all the time we fight nature all the time with conditioning. What is weird and it? Yeah well that's that one I tick that it's weird isn't it? No the body is there was something yeah did you read that thing the other week about um... there were two Boss and the funny thing is he won the case and the judge said well don't send him back to jungle let himself on his own bodgit whibble and podge you'd make the best judge in the world no there's a fellow he's a banana there was a fella who um it's in a coma for 20 years. Just, they kept like taking him through like the normal day, they took him to Alton Towers and stuff. He doesn't

know anything about it, just kept going through the motions. I don't know if they kept charging him. Um, kept putting him through all that. He eventually came out of it. 20 years. And went stop making me out of it 20 years and went stop taking me to and that was it shit! I just thought imagine how much post how much post oh god did you read about that guy in the paper Carl he um sorry on the internet he he in about I think it was about 1984 85 he had a terrible car accident but this must be it this must be what he's talking about what they didn't take him to all the course they didn't but you've got to try and decipher the truth from the conjecture from the thing that

I mean don't forget Carl says that he realizes that he good wasn't it last night we were in the plane she goes no that's a dream he goes oh yeah where's my car for that you got I mean I can now decipher what he's actually seen what he's read well I'm assuming it's the same guy it was a guy in some small American town and he'd had a car crash and he'd got into a coma... marriage wasn't working. He just wasn't paying enough attention. He actually had, she was pregnant at the time and so now his daughter is basically the same age as he was when he went into the coma and he's just started coming around he's just started making jokes he says they said to howdy feel he said horny which I thought was quite witty

for a man who'd been in a coma for many years but anyway yeah so he's slowly trying to rebuild what life he can he can that though because the thing is that he's missed imagine what he's missed car imagine the music that he's missed live-aid miss miss miss miss he missed he missed he missed Collins playing in two continents in one day which frankly I'd be devastated I'd miss miss miss. Yeah, so he doesn't, so he put on ripped jeans and they go pass, eh? They just have to send him a series of those I love, 1986 programs with Kate Thornton filling him in what he was. Exactly.

Peter Kay reminded him of space operas. Yeah, he remembers those. Yeah. So extraordinary though, isn't it Carl to think? No obviously. So how do he age much because he hadn't had any problems or anything? No worries. Well it probably wouldn't have, physiologically, he probably wouldn't have the wear and tear of a 43 year old man because he wouldn't have had son't he had nicotine, beer. And to say we're just feeding that too? Yeah anyway still, yeah. Yeah. So you might feel a bit groggy, yeah. Yeah. It's they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're just they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're just they're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just th. We're just the. We're just So you feel groggy though, won't you? Yeah, you might feel a bit groggy, yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's not, it's not fully back to normal. I mean, there's some kind of residual brain damage. Yeah. But nevertheless, he can form sentences, he's got very, he's got no real memory, so you can't remember a lot of things. So are we giving the answers out for what's in now? Oh, later the lair playtune. I'm bored. That's a Snoop Dogg. Ah, play it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Snoop Dogg Your Dog from 1993 and what's my name? One time ago. It was indeed. Ten years ago.

XFN won in 4.9 Rickage of H Stephen Richard and Carl. Songs of Phrase. We've had very, very few entries. I really think people aren't interested. They really have just given up. I mean, seriously. That's the one thing you contributed to this show, Carl. And it's the weak link link, think, think, that's that's think, that's that's think, that's think, that's tho, th, th, tho, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th you contributed to this show Carl and it's the week link I think in the chain the missing link. Do you reckon there is one Carl? Do you think they'll ever find the missing link? Wandering around Manchester. Wait a minute Carl?

The stats then let's have the answers if we can. Right it was uh... Special. Let's play it once more. All right. Tell me why, tell me why. Species. Yeah, Janay Jackson. Right, it was play the game of love. I think that was Wayne Fontana and the mind benders. Right, you think me, you're not sure. Louis Armstrong was the don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing. Yeah. And Queen. Don't stop me now. We we we we we we we we we we we we the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the answer. the the th. the th. the tell. I the the tell. I will. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I the the answer. I. I. I. I the answer. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. the the the the the, don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing, and Queen, don't stop me now, we're having a good time and that. We're having a ball. Yeah. Well, I mean considering you yourself were entirely clear, I think it's only fair to give it to Paul

Brown who got some of the answers right. P.B. You are getting those prizes. They are on their way to you now. Okay the stats are in for the X the X the X the X the X the X the X the X the X the X the X the X the X. the X. the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. Don't. Don't. I. I. Don't. Don't. Don't. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. Don't. I. I. Don't. t. I. t. ta. ta. tog. t. tog. t. t. tog. t. t. t. t. t. t. toda. t way to you now. Okay the stats are in for the XFM listener hate list some interesting results. Go on then. Reverse order. Okay in fifth place. Fifth place. Interesting, Doveen McCall? Yeah I think that's just, I think that's a reflection of a being on telly all the time and running out of stuff and being a bit over the top and yeah. Fourth position. Yeah. Christopher Tarrant. Okay.

Well, I mean that's, yeah, I wouldn't have thought he's the favorite role model of... Go on. Go on. Go on. Graham Norton is alongside in second place. Patrick Kilty, which means Chris Moyles is the winner with an overwhelming vote. And I swear to God I have not that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's that's that's that's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm thin. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thoo. I'm thoo. I wouldn't th. I wouldn't thooooo. I wouldn't that's that's that's that's with an overwhelming vote and I swear to God I have not done anything to those stats that is exactly as they've come in off the email we do not give our opinions on this that was the XFM

listeners but well done thumbs up you all win a prize we're gonna play you some nice records because of that aren't we I reckon I can I prefer some ads I that's fine. Get! Fix it then. Fix it then. Feeder.

Forget about tomorrow. Feeder. Forget about tomorrow. On XFM, 104. When I was at university, my best mate was a bloke called Walla. And he was doing psychology, and I was doing philosophy. And, um, we both got into this the the the the the the the th, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is the, is th, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is he was doing psychology and I was doing philosophy and we both got into this theory called determinism which is about the state of the mind and it's a materialistic view that everything is part of the causal web and everything has a reaction for some of that happened before it and by the way

Carl, do not confuse this with fatalism. Determinism is not predictive, it's just that if a brain state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state state, it's this, it's this, it's this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, it's this, it's this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their theory, their their their their their their their their the way, Carl, do not confuse this with fatalism. Determinism is not predictive. It's just if a brain state happens again, anyway. The famous one is, yeah, the famous one is if a butterfly hadn't shaken its wings, Queen Victoria wouldn't have sneezed. Everything's indistributably linked. We're thinking that, right? What if you changed one word in like classic songs or one note in Bightover Symphony? Yeah, yeah. It's just how it just wouldn't work.

Well I've always thought that come on baby light my fire. Yeah it's good that sounds brilliant, enigmatic interesting not so good more pedestrian if it was come on baby light a fire yeah yeah just one thing wrong yeah that'd be That would be great. Paul McCartney comes to John and he goes, all right, John, written a song. Because she was just 17, well you know what I mean? The way she looked was way beyond compare. I wouldn't dance with another. I'll stop you there. What's it matter? Something not quite right with that. It's great. Just once for us. Well, listen, don't be too harsh. I'll stop you there. What's the matter? Something not quite right with that. It's great just once for us. Well, listen, don't be too harsh, I mean because we write our own songs.

We can still put both our names to it. I think you're a great talent. Well, listen, you're a hippie, right? Well, not yet. Well, not yet. that the tha. Now listen, right? I wouldn't dance with another. Is it that bit? Is it that bit? Is it the... Is it the... Is it the... Is it that the try? Is it the... Is it the... Is there a different pitch you could go?

Well, okay. I love the idea, just changing one the lyric. So, Ben, you don't like the noise. I'm just not sure the idea, just changing one lyric. Radiohead. What, that was their classic song? Creep. You can't really change that, here. Burke. I'm a Burke. I'm a twa'erke. I'm a nog. But don't worry about determinism, Carl. Just because it says we don't have a freewood as such, you know, it's more an illusion. It's not whether we choose our choices, whether we can choose, you know, to choose our choices. He knows all this. But don't, but don't, as I say, do not confuse it with fatalism.

It is non-predictive and does not change anything. I mean the moral upshots are frightening because are at harm. Carl is off and said bet. All right, Carl? Am I still a president? Yeah, go on. Yeah. No, no, I'm just asking. I'm not going to. Yeah, what would you do?

What would you do about determinism? Change it? I'd have a day off. If you were president of America, would you ban guns? It's in the Constitution, everyone's late to have them. I don't know, I don't know. I'd have to think about it. Sure. I just love that. Imagine all your different aides and the Secretary of State and General's coming to you. And they come out and they go, what did he say? He said he's going to think about it. Again, did he say that again? Yeah. What was he doing? He was on aligning over looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking looking? He was looking? He was looking? He was on? He was looking. He was looking. He. He. He. He. He. He. He was on? He was on? He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He? He? He? He? He? He? He. He? He? He was? He. He? He was? He. He. He? He was? He was on? He. He was on? He was on? He was on? He was on? He was on? He was on? He was on? He was on. He was on? He was on? He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on. He was on th. He was on th. He was on th. He was on th., did he? Yeah. What was he doing? He was on that over looking at Monkey News. Apparently, uh, a chimps stole a car and drove to France. Ah, no, monkey news. You're talking. I'll tell you what, do we have a great song,

then Monkey News? It'll be an absolute tree. What about a little bit of David Bowery, Didn't write this one, but I mean he sings it bloody well. David Bowie, Sorrow on XFM 104.9. Nearly there, but you know we're working on well to the grand finale. The bit where Carl spouts absolute nonsense from a dodgy source on the grand finale, the bit where Carl spelt's absolute nonsense from a dodgy source on the internet about a monkey who did something impossible. Let's cue up the jingle. All right, perfect. Oh, chimpanzee that monkey news!

Yuff! Let's have a look. This one's from a woman, right? And she was taking part in the London's and Brighton bike ride. Lovely day, weather's good and everything. What year? She's just a couple of months ago. She's done all the training, right? their training and stuff. the brand new bike for it, got a little puncher outfit and stuff, all set for training, right, done all the training and stuff. Got a brand new bike for it, got a little puncher outfit and stuff, all set for the day, right? It's a nice day, she sets off, they all start pedaling and that on the way to Brighton. So she knows the route and that.

Got a little headphones on, cycling along. Suddenly... Right, okay. I'm sorry now. If a cyclist overtakes her and is going really fast and it's sort of hunched over but it's got like lots of cycling gear on a helmet and goggles and they can't tell what it is but they just know it's a little hairy fella who hasn't bothered shaving his legs which is weird, because cyclists usually shaved their legs and this boy had really hairy legs but and it won they gave it the medal it won three years running they gave it the key to the city at its own game show and then someone said hold on though this fella's all hunched over and he's only three foot five and his arms are longer than his body it's a chimp if it goes

anywhere near that we're never doing it again more monkey use next week she's cycling along right and uh this tricycle I couldn't predict that. There's always one element you can never anticipate. Yeah, yeah. Got a kid with a little kid on it, little hairy kid with a helmet. Okay, just go on then.

The tricycle comes with a whizzing parts. Yeah, strong legs, there, Jim. So she's thinking that, but didn't get a chance to see the things oh yeah couldn't quite see the cyclist! You oh god you bold mank get go on yeah research scientist Carl Pilkington so anyway she gets to the end line right and they got talk that, so it was a nice day, nice race and all that. He said, did you say a little, little thing on a tricycle? Thing? Well, what, well, per seaul.

Well, per seaicule? No, did you see that bloke on? So anyway, turns out, they're suspicious. I mean, what did you say, did you see that fellow on a... Ticycle? Anyway, so it turns out... Go on. It was a chimp. You're joking! Well, Christ all mighty, there you go. Unbelievable. And it was the chin pool all along. So anyway, right, so the woman's like... We're never doing this again. to check out the news, right? There's nothing on it. She checks out XFM monkey use. Right, I can't stop me there again. Right? If it turns out, she doesn't lose, right? And the circus goes, we're looking for our chimp, it used to ride this tricycle and it escaped with police chasing it. So she listened

to XFM, see if I picked up on the story. Yeah, sure. I didn't have it and stuff. So she got in touch with the organisers of the London to Brighton bike ride to look, throw a little airy fella. Why does she care? She wanted to know, she thought it was a today. To the word that was a chimp, they weren't happy about it, because now the owner of the chimp wants to enter it into the Tour de France. Ha ha! No! I'm going to die! Oh God! In 2005.

Now, a couple of questions. I trust you'll be able to answer these. Oh God! Steve, help me out. How did it get hold of the tricycule? I don't know. Okay. Okay, no, that's fine.

That's not important. What's it? What did it know to... Well, firstly how did it know which way to cycle, but more importantly, how did it know there was a major bike ride? Following, just following the crowd, Steve, what's the matter with you? The owner of it had trained it and stuff. I know it, Adam!

It had already done the runtoday France in 2005. No it doesn't. But there's something about animal rights if if they don't let it enter you can kick up a bit of a full. No! The animal rights is that it's cruel to make a cheap ride of bicycle! Not that it's prejudice that it go is because I is hairy? You idiot! Right? So... Wow that the worst, that is the worst one yet. Absolute twoddle. Absolute rubbish, Carl. Have you got a tricycle? Unbelievable.