The Ricky Gervais Show / An Idiot Abroad - Xfm S2E49 (August 2, 2003)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

With the second series of ‘’The Office’’ complete, Gervais, Merchant, and Pilkington returned to XFM in August of 2002 to resume their 2-hour Saturday afternoon broadcasts. Though Pilkington’s name was still not being used in promotional materials, the format mainly centered on his contributions with Gervais and Merchant mostly reacting to the various things Karl said and did, a format that would endure through the remainder of the radio broadcasts and podcasts, concluding in 2012.This was the longest stretch of XFM shows, running 51 weeks until August 2003 when Gervais and Merchant again went on hiatus, this time to record the Christmas Special (finale) for ‘’The Office’’.During the year, Pilkington introduced many of the show’s most notable segments including “ Monkey News”, “Rockbusters”, “Songs of Phrase”, and “The Film Thing”, among others. Karl grew increasingly frustrated with Ricky’s antagonism toward him throughout the year, and over the final few shows, suggested he did not want to continue on. Gervais and Merchant repeatedly said on air they would not return if Pilkington didn’t agree to remain with the show.

Kings of Leon, Molly's Chambers on XFM 104. Thanks to Lauren Leverend there for the last few hours. Coming up we have got some great music Steve, we've got Kings of Lyoners, you've heard we've got the darks, we got coal played choral, rolling stones, we've got some Springsteen, the Smith, do you know what I mean you need any more? And with all that we've still got Pete Skinner with his wacky weather report. Actually, hello Pete, aye. Most of him back. Good day Steve, I've got some of it here brought in, it's just a normal soup, it's Rooster's Pride. What flavour of soup's that, Steve? Oh, I know if you brought that and it's all the genesis to genus to genuid article and it's a cock soup. Oh, place can I have a close look at that, close look that, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, close, and th, and th, oh, oh, close, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, close, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, humor I can draw from it. You want a closer look at my cock soup? Just a cock suit.

Let me just... It says you're delicious appetizing. Three to four servings. Oh, I just... You know what I'm thinking of what I'm thinking of the soup? I don't think of a new soup. I'm thinking about it. Peniots, let's disappoint you. What's our time to? Still think the normal knob? An appetizer, again, or a soup bake because that doesn't really work. No, whisper.

Let's disappoint you. We'll work on that though. The darkness, growing on me on XFM, 104.9. Going well, isn't it? I've enjoyed it so far. It's been a bit, oh, a bit naughty. Oh, oh. Nothing wrong with that. No, that. No, that. No, that. No, th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. th. to. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. th. tha. th. th. naughty. Yeah, a bit smart. Oh, oh. Nothing wrong with that.

No. Carl. All right. Not bad, not bad. Not bad. Yeah? What mood are you in this week? What's that?

What's it? What's it? What's all that? You' got a red head? thrown? What's that? Sunburn? No, no, I think I'm allergic to having my head rubbed. Right. Now, who would rub your head? That sounds a bizarre thing, your girlfriend?

Weird, don't I? Yeah. Who's rubbing your head? Well, yeah, but I was squeezing his head, fair enough, and he was screaming in agony, and then he went and made a cup of coffee, and as he came over, just, and I just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be on my legs I'm all trying shorts and he went just like that just it's like it's like a series of jackass out there this morning I mean my legs are burnt your heads a little bit red but apart from that having a good day not bad I was on the way in today right Steve walking in walking in I always walking in I get left early I'd get left early

and stuff I like to get in early, get some bits done that. Man can use songs of phase. That sort of thing. And living in London, right, a lot of, there's a lot of shops that open early and stuff, you know what I mean? People say that's a good thing about London. Yeah, it's almost like 24-hour city and stuff, right? And walking in and there's like, you know, you've got your news agents open, obviously, you know, selling newspapers and that, that's good, they've got to be open early. Then you've got your coffee shops, your Starbucks, your... You have a cup of coffee in the morning. Um, and you see like the odd restaurant and you think, well, maybe they sort of got the doors open but they're preparing for lunch so you think fair enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the the the their their th and th and th and th and th and they're thi thi thi thi that thi that that that that that that that their that that their their that that, that, tho' their their their their their their their their they're their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their their their their that, that, that, that that that that that that that to toooooooooooooooooooo' tape, tho' that, that that that that that, for lunch so you think fair enough. Yeah. I'll let that pass. Yeah. Carrying on walking down the road. Bondage shop. Open. Sure. About half past ten. Yeah. Busy was it? Yeah. Busy was it? There's a couple in. Really? That's some good offers. But half past ten. For a bondage shop. I'm assuming if you're into bondage though you stock up at anytimes day or night. I mean you don't. Yeah. Yeah. I assume it, I suppose you get out and you go, ooh, I've got nothing on, I need

to be a bit, ooh, I need some rote. I need some rake. These clothes are too baggy. I need more belts. Oh, God. Yeah, oh. Get some rubber on the things that I've noticed this week like that, that's probably a little bit smother.

You've brought your soup in. I just found it out there. I'm sorry, yeah, it is Rooster's Fried, Coch Soup, noodle soup mix, chicken thii, noodle soup, chicken tho' that is just going to be used, they, they, their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr-a', thr-a', thr-s, thr-s, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the thing, the thing, the thing, the thing, I............ So, I. So, I. So, I. thi. thi. thi. thi. thre. thre. thi. thi. thre. thi. thi. thre. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they not know that is obviously just going to be used on the Graham Norton show and Chris Tarrant when he's doing his show abroad? Yeah. I mean, do you know what I mean? How could they call it, cock soup in this day and age? I don't keep saying it? Well, no, it's fine because he doesn't the head cock as long as it means the male we've

done this. Oh, okay. Sorry. Yeah. But yeah, there's something else that's a bit sort of... A bit blue? A little bit glue, but then it's real as well. Do you know what I mean? Well, that's the problem. Go on. We couldn't have said the coxsoup if we'd made it up, but because it's real. Yeah, yeah. We also couldn't have said the coxsoop if we'd, a little chicken. Go on. Um, yeah, this program was on, um, it was Wednesday night, something. About this little lad. Um, who was a fellow and a woman at the same time? What was it like a cartoon?

We had a secret identity? By night? What do you mean? He had both sex? He had it all. Yeah, he had, so I went, so he had man and female genitalia. So what, what do you call someone that's born like that? Weird? Weird. Weird.

That was the term for it. Uh, go on. You know it. We've talked about it before. Afridity. Really? So close! Go on. You know it. We've talked about it before. Aphrodite. Really? So close! Hemaphrodite. Yeah. That's weird, don't it? Yeah.

And he had the... Yeah. And he had the... Well, what happened was he was born, right? Obviously. And the doctor said, there you go. And a lovely little boy and girl. So the mom was like what so he said no I don't think the doctor was sort of dissing them yeah there you go what do you mean doctor I'll have a look ah there you go what do you mean doctor I'm there's a mince all right see like ah what you call

hate but doctor what do you mean? Have a look. He wasn't sarcastic. He didn't get clues. Tell me what you mean give me his three answer. He probably went, oh shit, she's got a cock. He didn't go, he wasn't Sarki to the parents. Anyway, I'm just getting across, do you know, I always's a little kid lying there. Yeah. And the ma'am says, you know, what am I going to do then?

So the doctor, I mean, I'm condensing this, it was like a wholong. Sure. Yeah. So, he says, what will, you know, she said, what will they do? And the doctor said, well, he's not sort of well-ung, right? Oh, for f- So, he's not sort of well-ung. This doctor has been, I assume has been struck off since for saying these things. It was a real doctor, it wasn't Dr. Fox. Yeah, right, Colin.

So, the doctor said, so I recommend that we make it a woman. Right, right. So, they sort of do a little bit of work. I don't th th th th th th th th th th th th th th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, thi, that's, that's, that's, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, a little bit of jiggery pooping. Yeah, a little bit of work. I don't think that's true, Carl. No it is, it was on the program. But I think they can tell really what they were meant to be from their chromosomes. I can't know, they can tell with their X, Y, Y, yeah. No, I'll tell you what, because back then, because back, because back, because back, because back, because back, because back, because back, because back, because back, because back, because back, because back, because back, they, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it, it. their, it. their, it. their, it. their. their, it. their, it. their, it's. their, it's. their. their. their. their. their. their. their, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's not. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the because back then, when this was going on, I'm just thinking they might not have had it. The doctors then thought, if you had a kid, right, and you thought, it's a bit ugly, maybe I'll have a better life if it was a fella, if it was a girl and it's a bit ugly and you think it's going to get hard to. Right, don't talk shite. What?'s a pig, let's pop a cock on her.

Don't talk, shite. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is, say if you have a, like I say, a girl, I just think it's harder, if a girl's ugly, that she's growing up, because she's a harder time. Yeah. Don't you agree with that? Possiably, but you don't change the gender gender, thagent gegengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengen, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, than, tho, tho, tho, thia, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thin, I'm saying, I'm saying, togu. Soy. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. togu. tho, no, no, no, no, I they don't, no, yeah. You don't change their gender because they're just saying. What I'm saying is the elephant man would have had a harder time if it was elephant woman. This is what I'm saying. But listen to me, listen, listen, what the doctor was saying is, if you get a baby before it's two, back then they thought you could sort of say, a go card, give it dolls to play with. Right, back when? What are we talking about? The Middle Ages?

Well, we put a song on come back. Yeah, it's Bruce Springsteen, Atlantic City. Go on. Go. the chicken man in Philly last night. Now they grew up his house to. Down. Bruce Springsteen, Atlantic City, on XFM, 104.

Okay, look, have another go, Carl. What were you saying? As an Amaphrodite, yeah, it was born by sex. The doctor said he's not well-ung, let's lose that. Let's get rid of that. Let's make it into a girl. Okay. I'm with you so far. Go on then.

So, anyway, gets away with it a little bit in the early years. Right. Starts going to school, gets away with it a little bit. Sure. Right. But then, do you know when you get to that age and your head goes all funny? Like when you, when you're teenager and you, sort of you, I don't know, your school goes. Mine never did. What you're talking about? That's what the teenage years when you look a bit odd. You know what I mean? You go from being quite a good looking person and then your body starts growing. A different rate so you never know until 21 whether you're going to be a looker or not or whether it's just... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know go on. I to. Yeah, I'm to. to. to. their. their, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, you're their their, I'm their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're, you're, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, you're their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their their their too. That's too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. their their too. I'm still waiting. So... Your head grew outwards at exactly the same rate, didn't it? That's why it's... Your head grew faster than your hair? I mean, he's got a lovely head of air, but it's just below the skull.

He's got a little afro in there, but it just couldn't get through the follicles. It couldn't catch up the thing is, right, so you see these pictures of the lad stroke woman, who's trying to be a woman at the age of 14, 15. She's got one of them big heads, like a lad. Doesn't, you know, she starts having a hard time. She doesn't want to play with the mates with the dolls and all that, she's more into go cartinging and thinginging and thing, and thing, and thintingtinging, and thintinging, and thin, and thin, hard time. She doesn't want to play with the mates with the dolls and all that. She's more into go-karting and that sort of thing. Um, gets to an older age. Yeah.

Besides to go back, is now sort of with a woman and having a life of a fellow. But did he have it, do the doctor keep it for him in case he needed it? No, he's had his other, he's had, the other, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, to, is, is, to, is, to, is, is, to, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, to, is, to, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to,age shop. What do they do when they do that? Do they put on a... What do they do? Maybe someone could call in tell us? If you're a woman, do you want to speak to someone who's got that information? Yeah, I don't want to know. Do they construct one? Do they construct it? Or do they whack on a dead one? Do What? What? What? What's that? It's nice, what do you mean? No? When a woman, as a knob put on, to have a sex exchange, where did they get it from? Is it constructive? Do they find like, I don't know, a donut? From a donor? Oh, yeah. A donor? A donor? A donor? Yeah. Yeah, but presumably it's like a... Maybe there's someone who wants to be dead, I mean.

It's not giving someone a kidney and then sort of celebrating with him. Maybe if you're a guy and you want to become a woman, you've got one as bear. That's true. You've got a swap. Yeah, just do a little swap probably on the internet or something. Oh, Noel Lemons. We got a fella here who got a lovely nearly new unused piece. Yeah Keith Chequery that kind of bogner Regis. Once a couple of tits and a fanny for that, so call in.

Do you remember the Jane, the John Wayne Bobbitt story? Yeah. It was always seemed odd to me. I never really kind of got all the information. Do you remember that one car where the woman cut off her husband's penis because he was sleeping? And I think what she mean, she drove off, I think he drove off, I think he was quite quite clear. Yeah, yeah, that's so much better than the alarm and she threw it up, she threw it out of the car into the woods and he went and found it. Yeah. But imagine we got to the hospital and they'd gone, and they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd they'd that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and that, and that, and that, yeah, yeah, and that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd that, I'd that, yeah, he'd that, he'd that, he'd that's that's that's that, I'd that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I that, I that, I that, I that, she was that, she was that, she, she was that, she, she was that, she, she was that, she was that, yeah, she was that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she was that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's throw that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's quite quite quite quite remember. That's not mine. How many of you cut us? We've done Paul and Off. That's where, yeah. That was an extraordinary story.

And then, bizarre, he became a porn star. Yeah. Yeah. Very strange life that man's had. Well, it is a bit of a shock to the system, isn't it? I'm not cutting your novel. Did you remember that French bloke, the performance artist, like 1910? Do you remember him? No.

As a performance art, he cut his, he cut his knob off to a crowd of people. Now, what? Yeah. That's only a one night trick though, isn't it? Exactly. But what if there'd have been a bang up somewhere? He went, oh, he went, oh, they'd thi. Did you th. But, th. But, th. th. th. th. th. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu? thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu? thu. th. th. th. that. thu? He. that's. that's, that's, that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He had had had had had had, just cut that. Did you? Yeah. Think of that. Sacrable. I know. French are funny, aren't they? Growing your nub off for it for your art.

Weird, don't it? Ha! I thought, perhaps I should just mention it. Long view further on XFM 104.9. As we're having so much fun with penises, I thought perhaps I should just mention... That's a slogan. We should just mention this story, brieflets in the paper today. A Russian is selling what he claims is Hitler's mummified penis for 12,000 pounds. Yvann Zuduprov says his ex-Red Army soldier dad hacked it off as a souvenir after storming the tyrant's Berlin bunker after his suicide in 1945. Yeah, not...

Why did he wait till now? He's found out that, yeah, that might get a bit of... 12,000 pounds. It doesn't seem a great deal. It doesn't seem a great deal, really. Well, it's useless, isn't it? It's not going to be a donor. Imagine that, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if you, if you, if you, if you, it, it, it, it's a, it's a, the, the, their, isn't, isn't, isn't, it, it's a...a, it, it's a...a, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't. the, isn't. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. the the the, isn't the, isn't the, isn't useless, isn't it? True. You're not going to be able to use it. It's not going to be a donor. Imagine that if you walk around. Yeah, you'll never be making love to a girl.

You'll never believe who this is. Yeah, yeah, you never believe who's doing you love. This is going to freak you out. This is, yeah. Just relax. Okay. It was brilliant. It was brilliant, it was brilliant, yeah, so you enjoyed it. Right. Are you a fan of the Third Reich? Oh no, awful racist, oh, okay, okay, let's go a different tack. You did like the sex, I love the sex.

Okay, then. Yeah, it's not going to be Hitler's knob, is it? But I like the idea that, I mean, you're a, ex-red, you're in the Red army, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, the, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. th. th. thre. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th the, the, the, okay, you've just stormed Berlin, like 45, you crash into the bunker. You've gone through, you've gone through terrible, terrible, how you've lost 20 million comrades, it's been going on for years. You're in there, you see the man. Yeah, here he is, he's dead. He's dead. The figurehead and leader of one of the most despicable, you know. You turn to your your to your to your to to to to to their their their their thiiiah and thi and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, you're tho, you're tho, you're thi, you're to to to to to to to have to have to have to have to have to have, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're th. thi, you're thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, you're thin, you're to, you're to, you're to, to, toge.. to, to, to'. to'. to'er. Howe. to, you're to, you're. You turn to your friends, there's a tear in your eye. Yeah, and your immediate thought is I ought to chop off his toddjor. Yeah, yeah, well, no I said Baggie's Winkle. I said Baggie's Winkle. I said Bagsey's Winkle outside. Whoever it was. You know, didn't it was going to be Hitler? Brilliant. It's just, I can't, it doesn't make sense. It's a say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say say it. It's the that's that's that's that's it. It's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's a the to make it's a to make it's a to make. It's. It's a. It's a. It's a to make. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's.icous. It's ludicrous. And I don't know how, how is he expecting to prove this? Because I want some proof. Well, I think that's why he said that. He probably started

off with, oh, I've got I've got I've got I've got this face and they went brilliant. Oh, let's have a look at it. What, what do you mean? What do you have? What, what? It's check. his genitals. That's what I've got. Yeah. I've got his... It's got a little swastik on it. Is that, that's that pretty, was it? Yeah, a little touch. Well, no, the Albert Hall's got one, his mother's got the other, so I don't know. See, the Albert Hall, I would have thought, would probably be paying that child. They've apparently, they've already got their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th, th. It's, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thoes, their, tho, tho, tho, tho, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, has...... that's, that's, that's, that's that's... that's... that's... that's... that's... that's... that's... that's... that's... th. It, th. It, th. It's... th. It's... th. It's... th. It's... th. It's... tho, tho, tho, that's... that's... that's... that's... that's... that's...a, their. It's... that's...a, that's...a, that's... that's... that's... that's... that's... that's...'s one... If they could not track down the one his mother's they would have a complete set of Hitler's... I'm just hoping doesn't fall into the hands of some kind of crazed genetic scientist. What could clone it from himself? It could clone Hitler.

Back to... Oh, I don't even want to think about the future, if that's the sort of way car. Weird, isn't it? It is weird. I mean I don't want to go on for this too long. We've probably got about a minute left for the first half hour and I reckon should calm this sort of... What, 30 minutes of genitum talk? But just quickly, there's one in a museum, I think it's like that London museum. What, one what? Well, do you know like how people are buying weird stuff and that to put in th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, I th, I th, I thi, I thi, I thi, I this, I this, I this, I this, I this, I this, I this, I this, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, can can can can thin, can thin, can't thin, can't thin, can't thin, can't thin, can't thin, can't thi? thiiiiiii, can't thi, can't thi, can't museums. There's this device that, I mean, think about it years and years ago, they used to torture people, didn't they? Really badly. And the device that's got... There's no real good torture, but go on, I see your point. Yeah, but this device, right, think about it, you've done something really bad years you're thin' thii. th and you're thin, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, thi. And, thii. And, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they's, they's, they's, they's, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their, their, their, their. Yeah, their. Yeah, their, their, their their their their thea' their thea' thea'a, their their their their their their their their, their, the could be the end for me. The device they've got is this thing that you put on your bits as a fella, and it's sort of metal, so it means you can't sort of get excited. It puts a stop to you, sort of...

It wasn't a torture device. I think it was a Victorian thing to stop adolescent boys wanking. They used to have things like wrist things as well with spikes on them. It's not a torture device. Isn't that? Well, not really. I imagine that being captured by a right. You're not going to say it. Not really a torture device, is it? And it wasn't that many nice looking at the torture thi-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-sui-s. torturethey? Didn't get excited about stuff. What are you talking about?

What the filth is stunk and everything back then? All the filthy and stinky. Right, we've covered that. No more of that talk now, right? Let's move on. Filthies! Filthy and stinky? Yeah. Oh dear. Better rolling stones, Rolling Stones the old songs of

phrase. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Stones, Beast of Burden. We've not played it before. It's an absolute jam. The Rolling Stones, Beast of Burden. Can I just take this opportunity Rick to, to say to Sir Mick Jagger. Happy 60th birthday this opportunity, Rick, to say to Sir Mick Jagger, Happy 60th Birthday This Year, Mick. Happy 60th Birthday This Year? No, I'm just taking the opportunity, in case he happens to be listening this year? No, I'm just taking the opportunity in case he happens to be listening today to wish him a 60th. I'll be 60 or someone who knows him. What about Brian Ferry? What about Brian Ferry?

How's Brian? Well, I mean, he's got a birthday this year. I'm not going to wish Brian a birthday, Brian. Well. Ex-F-Sah-F-Sah-Sah-Sah-N-F-Sah-Ri. Silence is easy, Star Slater on XFM 104.9. Right, it's the quiz of the week. If you want to go out and do some shopping, this is probably a good time, and come back again about quarter past. But don't forget, what I will say is even though these clues, we can, we can do songs of phrase by the way, where Carl picks out a phrase

that he might have said once, tries to find words from songs to put it to put tries to find words from songs to put it together you've got to guess as many as you can song or artist I can't remember but even though you might look at a good that's mentor I don't know any of them you might win if you get two right I mean I think the winner last week got about three out of three or seven I have to be honest with you I mean rockbusters surprisingly I mean the throwns I the the thu I'm the the the the the thu I'm the the thu I'm the thu st st st st thu-I thu-I thu-I thu-I thu-I thu-I thu-I thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus that's is that's is that's that's that's that's th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thus thus thus thus the is the the the the the the the the the to to to the to to the to to to to to the to to to to to the the the to the the the that's the just happened to be put awful. Yeah. This one is pitiful. I mean it's truly atrocious. And it really doesn't even have a fan base. I mean there's no one championing this one, Carl. Last week, seriously, mate. I got a bank. Oh, seven or eight replies. That's that. Oh God, that's terrible. It's like Chris Evans face when they said they were cancelling girls and boys. I can come up with great TV games shows like

that? No you can't Chris, not anymore. Ah his little glasses slid down his nose. I'm the guy you don't forget a toothbrush. Yeah all that money you owe me? No you owe us? Believe it. All right. So when I just play it to you and you try to work out what the phrase is? Sorry, it's a phrase that might have once been uttered on this show. It was said last week. Oh, right. Okay, brilliant. All right. Here you go. I know you're just is. That's ridiculous. What is it? It's something like, right? Right, right? I know what that is. That's ridiculous.

What is it? What is, is it's something like, right? You're only 16, but you look 26, and the Chinese look hold as they are or something, because he said that? The Chinese don't age well, that is mental, that is mental-call. That is, that is mental, that, the, that, that, the, that, that, that, the that, the that, that, the that, the that, the that, thi, that, that, thi, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, th. Look, th-y, th-y, th-y, th-y, th-y, th-y, th-y, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is, that, that, that, that is, that is, thi, look, look, thi, look, thi, thi, thi, thi as they are or something because he said that the Chinese take the age out that is mental car it's the most convoluted ridiculous racist piece of material ever to be on radio where they go I know you're just 16 but looking all 21 That's the the the

the look older the that's Carl, you've got a mental! So there you go, the well-known phrase, you're 16, looking all of 21, that's because the Chinese look older. Well known phrase there, sweeping the nation. That's a little bit up there with Waz up, and shut that door.

If they do a poll right okay flat was well we're after the artists just yeah I know you're just 16 but looking all 21 that's all just Oh that's just

Oh no Oh no Unbelievable. Let me tell you what the prizes are. We've got, I assume this is the new album from Moer. Everyone's going crazy from Moer. I've not heard people stop talking about Moer. So there it is. We've got the new album from the Webb Brothers, which might be quite good. The best dance album in the world ever, which is ideal perhaps if you're having a barbecue and you've got lots of eight-year-old

children coming. The Polyphonic Spree, I look at them and I think, well, you're only pretty good band, but if that album sounds like a million, you're going to make that a 40 quid each. I know, it's a short of a thi. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the sort sort sort sort. I'm a sort. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the sort sort sort sort sort, I'm a sort, I're the sort. I're the sort. I're, I're, I're, I're, I're, I're, I're, I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort. I'm a sort of. I'm a sort of, I'm a sort of, I'm a sort of, I'm a sort of, I'm a sort of, I'm a sort of. I'm a sort. I'm a sort not going to make any money. The manager's getting 20% and also on DVD Red Dwarf series one so um it's absolutely barnstorming. And if you can identify what artist are using this well-known racist phrase that's because the Chinese look older. Play once more time. I know you're just 16, but looking off when you are R. That's... This is...

Jove, Jove, Sf.co. UK. This is... Reky. This is... R.k. This is...M.co. C.C. Playa Record, this is Radio. It's been it. Panic, the Smiths on XFM, 104.9. Well, we've got the, we've done the first half hour, which is mainly genital related.

Then we've kicked in with some racism. You have to guess what artists? It seems appropriate at this juncture, just to mention something that's in the paper today. Dominic Mohan, I know you're a big fan, and as I mind, he's just writing about the demise of Radio One, or as he perceives it, and talking about the Radio One breakfast show and apparently it's lost lots of listeners. And he says, talking of the BBC B. C.S.T.T, to,n or Ricky Javais to try and save Radio 1. He's right. Has he ever heard this show?

What is he talking about? All those other acts, they're dynamite. I can't genuinely, I... That's someone who said I quite like Rick and Javay show. I mean, can you imagine what we just played? Well, we can pre-record it thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, th, has, has, has, has, has, has thu, has, has to have, has th, has th. Has he's, has, has has th. Has, has has has has has has has has has th, has has, has, has, has, has has has, has, has, has has, has has, has, has has has, has, has has has, has has, has has has has, has, has th. Has, has has th. Has, has thu, has thu, has thu, has thu, has thu, has thu, has thu, has thu, has thu, has thu. Is that, has that, has that, has that, has that, has that, has he that, has that, has he that, has he that, has that, imagine the last 50 minutes on Radio 1, on the Breakfast Show? Well, we could pre-record it though, so I wouldn't have to get up early. Sure. That's not your point, is it? No, your point is the quality of what we're doing? Not well, oh, well, I'm sure.

Sure, get it, get it, get it. What would you provide, though, Ricky? What do? What, th? What, th? What, th? What, th? What, th? What, th? th? th? th. W, we? th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. We, we? We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we can, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can, th. We can, time at Ex-FEM is going to basically... I'd be the furry shreddy. Right. Yeah, so much so I'd get that. Would you have some wacky catch-raises? I think I would. Do you bring back Holy Fook? Holy Fook? Oh, ding-dong.

Oh, hello, hello. Oh, hello, tho. What's your name? My name is Holy Fock. Hello? Look at Car, he looks just for going old car. You didn't even do with the traini's accent, that's how. Well, that'd be racist. Okay, sure. I mean, your sister's name's Holy Fock and there's nothing. No, no, no, no. No, it's a that. the crazy comedy characters. You probably have some thirty quicisies. dirty old queer. Hello. Now I've not, he's a new character to me, I'm quite excited, he sounds very modern and contemporary, a new spin on an old idea. Just

tell us a little bit more. Oh wow, mmm, he's an actor, isn't he? And he likes to take it up. All right, well, that's just, if anyone from Radio One is listening, and if they've listened to Dominic Mohan in the paper, they thou-you, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, th, th, to, to, to, he's, he's, the, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, thi, the, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, their, their, their, their,, well, that's just, if anyone from Radio One is listening, and if they've listened to Dominic Mohan in the paper, they thought, yes, you're right, we need some new blood at Radio One. Ricky Jovey, he's got a myriad of comedy characters. Yeah, whaqaqa, oops. I can do sound effects. You can probably do funny voices, the words of this is my the, the, the, the, th., th., th., the, tho, tho, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, to to to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, the, the, tho, the, the, the, the, the, tho, they.o, they.o, they.o, tho.o. We's, tho. We're, tho. We're, th mean... Do you remember when Moyles rather hilariously changed the words of This Is My Moment of the Moment by Martin McCutcheon to This Is My Moto. We listened to it to, I think it was

was it, this is my motto, I don't know why we just wanted to, I think it was research, wasn't it for the office? And he was doing this, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was doing, I was doing, I was doing, was doing, was, was, was, was, was, was, was doing, I was, I, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, was, I.. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. th. th. to. to, I think it was research wasn't it for the office. And he was doing this, he had to phone in with... We were listening to idiots and... No, I'm not saying that. And he was doing this composition, you had to call in with some songs that are golf related and people were thrown up going to drive the cars, good. And I was on that phone, I must have a thrown, I'm thrown, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was tho, I was thin, I was tho, I was tho, and I was tho, and I was doing, and I was doing, and I was doing, I was doing, I was doing, I was doing, I was tho, I was th, I was th, I was not, I was not, I was not, I was not, I was not, I was not, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was not, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not thin, I'm not thin, I'm not not thin, and I'm not thin, and I'm not saying, and I'm not thin, and I'm not tho' and I'm not than, and I'm not, get through and go, hello Chris, it's not Milesie, Milesie, yeah, Derek here, Derek I got one, got one. Oh go on then, what is it? Something like Spandau Valley with golfie, golf cart and that? And I just wanted to do it, and I thought the joke's on us. I waited not phone bill just to say something stupid. Oh dear. Oh dear. This shows better than this. Yeah, oh, this show, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I's. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. Oh, I's. So, I's. So, so, so, so, so, so, I's. Something. Oh, s's. Something. Oh, s's. Oh, s's. Oh, this. Yeah, anyway, if you've got any hilarious golf-related song titles that you'd like to email in, what's the number?

Oh, I'd like to email in. Ricky. Jovey at X-S-Fen. What would a song title be if perhaps you were doing something about, I don't know, air travel. Yeah. Brilliant. I've th perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. th. th. th. th. thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. their. their. tho. tho. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. What. What. What. their. What. the number. the number. the number. What. What. What. the number. What. the the the the the the the the the the. What. What. What. What. the. What. the. What. What. the. the. What. the. What. What. th. What. th. What. What. What. th. What. th. th. What. I. I. I. I've. I've. th. I've. th. I've. th. the. the. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. What. What. What. What. What to hear them. Yeah brilliant I've got a thought of another golf one. You know Duran, Jaran, um, summit down on the fairway or something like that. All right? Girls on the putting green? Yeah, all right.

Oh, hello. I've got the introced you. My name's holy fuck. My name's really old queer. I could do all that. Ding don't. Whack, oops. Holy fuck, I'm doing the old queer, I could do all that, ding-dong, wha-oops. Stop it. Elbow, fall an angel. See they're the odd one out, you see, because of what they're like and who they are and are successful. I can imagine saying, will you please welcome to the stage? Indeed. But I wouldn't have, on paper, I'd have thought that was a... A terrible band name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're th. th. they're th. th. they're th. they're they're they're they're th. th. tho. their. th. th. their their. their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, I. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, I th. Oh, I th. Oh, I their. stage, Elbow. Indeed. But I wouldn't have, on paper, I'd have thought that was a terrible band name. Yeah.

No, I know what you mean, there are exceptions to the rule. Yeah. Ladies and everyone, please welcome to the stage the Boontown Ratz. Yeah. Yeah, see, I'd have thought that was a, I mean, I there's a band name. So call in if you've got email addresses and observations and life and shit. So it's going well. That's so halfway through. What was it? Yeah, it's been all right. Yeah. We've covered a lot of bases. We haven't taught, taught them anything. Not taught them anything.

Well, we've taught them to be tuned into a different station. Yeah. I think that's happening. Well, we told them to tune into a different station. Yeah, I think Heart 1 or 6.2 is probably picking up a few of our listeners as we speak. Who's on at the moment? I don't know. It doesn't matter on there, does it? They just sort of... Don't slag them off. No, I'm not slagging them off. I'm just saying I don't thinn't thin' you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you're you you're th you're th you're th you're th you're th you're th you're th you're th thin' th thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi thi thi thi th is the one that I love because I only ever listen to it in a cab. If I'm in a minicam... Good, that is a good station. But Magic is dynamite. But I know magic, the DJs, have got like five hour shifts. It's incredible. And they read their own news. I know. It's like they've it's like they've cut out any expenditure on that on that's on that's on that's on that's a that's a that's a that's that's that's their their that's that's their that's th. th. th. th. th. th. that's good that's good that's good good that's good good that's good good good good good. That's good. that's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's good. It's good. It's good good good good. It's good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good good. It's good. It's good. It's good good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's that's good. It's a that's good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's a good. It's like that's like that's a good. It's like that's like that's good. It's like that's good. It's like that's good. It's good. It's good. It's like that channel. It's just some old records and one guy has to go for five hours read his own news, his own travel, it's nothing else. I saw a bloke struggling once. He sort of wants to be a bit of a sort of comedian and he does one sort of one sort of 15-second link between each record because I goes that's Celine Dionne Deon. There's a story in the paper again that people were late for work on the underground because there was leaves on the track. Just wondering if leaves are ever late for work because

there's people on the track. It's simply rare. Oh, blessing. I'm saying that he's got to come up with them for like five hours. He's been sweating. For always going on, I'm going to kill us. I mean because of a... Thing in the story about um war on Iraq, I can't imagine if humans have become extinct. The dinosaurs were thear around. I don't know what I'm doing. I've got nothing. Looking in Kyle's face when I said that. The man moth. They've cloned a manmoth. No, but that's the sort of thing I think we need now, right? We've covered a lot of stuff.

What, education? Yeah. Well, okay, what, what do you want to know? Uh, don't know? Have you got some? Can you educate us on anything? I've been reading? reading bits of the box. So could we bring back just for one for one night only educating Ricky? Oh I'm excited. Yeah, do you think it warrants that? I don't I don't know enough about it. You know what I mean? About what? It sounds perfect. Play the jingle. Oh educating Ricky's getting

smarter. A couple of things happened in the week that I read about, okay, keeping up on what's going on on that short. Yeah. Uh, one was about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about about that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? that? I that? I that? I that? I that? I that? I that? I that? I that. I that that that that that that that that the the that. I that that that that that that that. I'm. I'm. I'm. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I that. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's going on and that. Sure. Yeah. One was about that Galileo fella. Okay. Was it about 1636? Was it? I think it might have been earlier. Go on. Did some stuff with light and that? Yeah, he did lots of physical experiments, yeah. Is that it it then, Carl, is it? He did some stuff with light and that? Well, what did he do we light? What was that? Well, he did? He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, was, th, was, was, th, was, was, th, was, th. that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that Is that it then Carl is it? He did some stuff with light in that? What did he do with light? What was that? Well, he did, well, I think he invented the first... Yeah, telescope. So I think it's a particular lens I left that. And he did experiments where it dropped two, famously, two different weighted balls from Pizza, Pisa, and they hit the ground at the same time, the th, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, well, well, well, uh, the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, well, uh, well, uh, well, well, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, th, the, the, the, the, pizza pizza and they hit the ground at the same time showing that it doesn't matter the weight doesn't

matter but air resistance does and stuff like that I think he probably explained it a bit better than that yeah but I'm talking to Carl did they need to know stuff like that back then what do you mean did they need to know stuff like that it's just it's just it's just it's just they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're tel they're tel they're they're tel they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to know stuff? He's just thinking about pizza. Yeah. Did they need to know stuff like that back then? What do you mean did they need to know stuff like that? It's just, it's just... They weren't people going around going, I've got to drop these two things off the Pulitzer Pizza. I just don't know. Yeah, I need with that. We need a telly or... Is what he thinks the flintstones is real?

That would be brilliant, that's what I do if I was a caveman. I'd make a telie out of rock. And a pelican, there's a cement mixer. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we need a car. Well, we haven't really got the internal combustion engine. Can you stick your feet through the bottom? Yeah? Just get me a car for Christ's sake. Anyway, so I learned that. And then, um... What? He learned his name. Yeah. Brilliant.

Brilliant. Oh, if a chimp could watch telee. Go on, Carl, go on. And he was also a fella in the week who said, uh, that women shouldn't the women shouldn't be wearing trousers. Why? Because they don't look good in them. Right, who is this man? And from what? French fella. Last week. Did he mean he's all brown naked?

He just said women should wear skirts rather than trousers because no women looks good in a pair of pants. Right. How old was he? How old is he? Uh, that? that? thirty-a. about that, 67, 68. Yeah, yeah. Uh, wasn't happy with that. What do you think? What do you think about that?

It's rubbish. Yeah. These are the only things that have caught in your eye over the last couple of weeks. This is the entire news. Galilayo did something with like, a French fellow said women shouldn't wear their trousers. See that, that that to me wouldn't, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, that, that, that, that, that, that, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr- thr- thr- thr- thr- thrush, thi, thr- thr- thr-a, thr-a, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thr-a, thr-a, thr-a, throoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo education. I don't know where you could ever use that. I don't know when that would ever be applicable to life. I just like reading stuff that sort of reminds me of. Do you know what I mean?

If I read it and it gets me thinking, I think that's a good little piece. But I mean, But surely me, can't you just sit near some that vibrates that, to keep your brain going or shake your head every now and again. I mean what does this do? You mean it makes you start using your brain. But what aspect of the Frenchman said women shouldn't wear traces got your mind working? What questions were you asking? Because I thought, that's a bit, that's a bit daft in it, right? Yeah? Okay. It ends there with me. It's nothing me. It's a bit. It ends down with me. It's their. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their. It's their their. It's their. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's said. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's threat. Yeah, go on. What do you think? Let's go through this. I wish we could download his thoughts. Just watch it. Yeah. Wouldn't be great, like a DVD? Good thing. Imagine that extra footage on the office DVD. Yeah. Carl's brain. That would be amazing. Oh, with a commentary. Go on. Women wearing trousers and that, right? Women wearing, wearing trousers and that, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right? On the estate that I grew up in, on, right? There's a woman, about four houses down, right? Rough.

She's the one here. She was or the estate? She was, right. She's the one whose kid took horse into her house. Yes. Right. Now, we won't go over that again. No. If you're a new listener, I think they covered. I think, I think, think, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I th, th, th, th, I th, th, th, I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, throw, tho, th. th. She was, tho, tho, tho, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, she was, she was, she was, she was, she was th. She. She, she was th. She, she was th. She, she was th. She, she was thin. She was thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, tho. She was tho. She was, tho. She was, tho. She was, tho. She was, tho. She was, tho. She was, the the the the the the tho. I think they get the idea to know. Now, she used to wear leggings. No, they're a bad idea. They are a terrible idea. I agree with you there, Carl. If you're a lady of the normal prescription.

Were they pink? No, they were sort of black, but with all bits on them. Oh right. You know what I mean? What toast? Yeah, go on. And th and the the th. And th. And they they they they they they they they they they they're they're th. they're they're th. th. they're th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. they're tho. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're. they're they're. they're they're th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thoooo. thooooo. thooo. the. thooooo. they're they yeah. And she used to, um, she's quite a big woman, sure. Pauline Quirk, I think, described her as. Look like a light bulb, which was bending around and leggings. Is there those kind of women that are attracted to leggings? Yeah, and they're drawn to them like a moth. Yeah, she used to work on one of those sex line things right right she used to do that but what was she an engineer the word the word thing where there was

she had big eyelids that that were too big big that that were too big big and this is this is what I was thinking what do you mean she had big eyelids how big eyelids how do I they to they they they they they they they was she was she was she was she was she was she was they they they they they they was they they was they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're to they to they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they were they're they're they're they're they're they're they're to to to to to to to to to to thy to to to to thy to to to the to the to the the to the the they're they're they're they're they're too big and this is what I was thinking. What do you mean she had big eyelids? How big do I have to be for you to go, they're big eyelids? Or she's shoplifting with them, but she come out of Dixon's with like radio stored in them? What do you mean big eyelids? It was another one of them popular things around their way? Do you know like... What do you mean popular things?that people suffered with just big eyelids they could hardly open their eyes. What do you mean? What do you mean? That's one of them popular things around

where I grew up. People had big eyelids they could hardly open their eyes. What does that mean? What sort of freak town were you born in? You had webbed feet people with big heads, you got women with big eyelids. What does big eyelids mean? Are you confusing her with the horse? Yeah, yeah. Did she have hooves? Look, what? Just too much skin. It was like the neck of the chicken. But on the eyes. What's your point? Anyway, so it was thisthis big eyelided woman with the lady and that's what I'm saying to you that's when I read that story with people with trousers yeah I went from that yeah to a woman you just drug big eyelids still I still at the point but then but then and also the other bloke who had the eyelid problem was a was a mate of mine right is his dad at it and same problem massive I don't that means I'm I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that that's that's that's that's that's that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. I I was they. I was that's that's I don't know all that means. I used to say to me, Mama, oh, I'm going around to, you know,

Bavis house. And, uh, or do you say, well, that's all right, but make sure his dad doesn't take you out in the car. Because he could hardly... He could hardly see. He had to tell his head back to give his eyes open. Then he have a couple of matches with him at all times. What a load of golly do. This big guy was educating Ricky. I know, he was thinking, people with eyelids. It's like you're supposed to make that leap as well.

If I mentioned the trousers, Ricky will probably be thinking about people with big eyelids. Play a record, Carl. Got nonsense? No! No, all right. Excellent. Mews, time is running out on XFM, 104. Just a couple of emails, just to update you on what's coming in here. Go on. Natasha has emailed us.

She says that she's of Chinese origin. And at 27, she often got mistaken for 24. So your notion that Chinese people don't age well is, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, all, no, all, no, thi, all, all, all, no, no, no, all, no, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all all all all, all all all all, all, all all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, she says that she's of Chinese origin and at 27 she often got mistaken for 24. So your notion that Chinese people don't age well is obviously factually incorrect. Well we didn't need, thank you for thin, but I mean honestly trust Natasha we didn't need you to tell us that. We know Carl is talking absolute nonsense. Wait so you get to 30. Oh good. This is quite a nice email for Paul. He says, let, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thus, thus, thus, thus, th, thus, thus, thus, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. t. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. a nice email from Paul. He says, let Carl know that I have a Chinese friend called Oy. Imagine the confusing and amusing situation for a dentist. We're out and about in busy Soho.

Oy! His surname, come here? A lightning wit. Wait till you're 30. Yeah, I know. Brilliant. But no, actually we've had a surprising response to songs of phrase this week, despite the fact everyone has agreed that it's a racialist. They've, but nevertheless had a go, so keep your answers coming in.

Because you may as well. You're a hit, Carl. What have we still got monkey news? Yeah, that's still coming up yeah we're not gonna cheeky freaky the week anymore no no no I don't want to upset people and that sure but there is a good freaky program on this week go on I think it's on channel 4 yeah yeah a woman a woman woman with a big head on it no I think it's people too to that's a to be a to a the the one when th I the the the the the the the the the the the the the th I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they was I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th is people people the th is people the the to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. All right. Well, unless there's too long because that will be a great week for you, wouldn't it? Brilliant. I won't be coming out. It's the one when you said, go on, say what you said when you saw it. Uh, the woman with the, with the head. Yeah.

Just said it looks like a cartoon. I just think they're so mean. No, I don't want to discuss that. It's that's that's mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean mean that's that's the the the the the that's the the the the the the the the the the the the that's the the the the the the the the the the the one. It's that's that's the one. It's the one. It's the one. It's the one. It's the one. It's the one. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's the the the the one. It's the one. I. I. It's the the the one. I. I. I's the one. I's the one. I's the one. I's the one. I. I's the one. I. I. I'm. I'm. I. It's the one.that. No, it's not mean. It is mean car. Again, Steve, if we were in a restaurant and I'm arranging to meet her and I said to the guy on the door, I'm meeting you know, Lisa or whatever the name is here. What does he look like? Well, it looks like a cartoon. I'll be over there. Do you know what I mean? I don't think he'll get mixed what you know I mean I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't the I don't the I don't the I don't the th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the guy the the the the the the guy I don't the guy I don't the guy I don't the guy I don't the guy I don't the guy I don't the guy I don't the guy I don't the guy I don't the guy I don't the guy I don't the the the the guy I don't the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th thin I don't thin I don't th. I don't th. I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't think I don't th. I don't thin I don't th. I don't th. I don't th. I What would you say about me and Steve again if you were meeting us? No, it just starts getting nusted, on it. I'm meeting Carl Pilkinton. We're very busy, yeah, what does he look like? He looks like Charlie Brown grew up, he's got a complete little round bald-haired and he's got a gormous look on his face. He's over there, mate. Yeah.

All right? They started the ball rolling for you, Carl. I love that it's okay to say what you like about people if you go yeah but if I was looking for her in a restaurant I know yeah and why have you arranged to go on a date with this woman? Be a good night out. For her or for you? Well I'd like to have a chat with her to just find out what worries her and you don't mean? Because some girls people like you know, like the are being a mess and that. Yeah. With her, it's like, we see your problems. Do you know what I mean? Fine, all right, well let's move on. We're not doing cheeky freak at the week anymore. Let's do something nice. Let's talk nice to you about things. What's happened nice in the world? What do you like in the world? When you go out, when you go, when you go, when, when, when, when, when, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, we see, we see, the, we see, we see, we see, the, the, the, we see, the, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, we see, the the the the the the the the, we see, the, we see, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the least see, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, do you do when you go, oh, that was brilliant? We had a game of snooker, you like snooker, don't you? I mean, you and Steve played snooker

last week. Yeah, but things are always ruined. Do you know what I mean? I might be having a nice time having a game of snooker. And then, you know, we're having a proper battle. And I'm trying to con-and to to to to to to to to to to to the their their their their their the battle their the battle the battle the battle the battle the battle the the their, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm that I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, I don't, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I mean, I, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I'm the the the the the the the try., I'm try., I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, you, I mean, I mean, you're too, you're too, you're too, don't little monkey hands and I'm going for the black. Do you know what I mean? Or maybe I'll say just just going to the toilet and then one of you will follow me and and peer over the door. Oh yeah! Tell him that one. That was when you're actually in a cubicle sitting down wasn't it? And Steve Mergin's head appeared and went, all right? And you went, what if that wasn't it? Oh, that was great. I'm doing a George Michael on me. That is one of the benefits of being very tall. You can look over at car. You can look over the stalls into my family. It looked like a giraffe house. You're sitting down there and you look up, right? And he's peering over the top.

Oh, the fun we have. Oh, it's great, isn't it? Quite anything intelligent. It's like the monkeys. We are like the monkeys. Oh, well, yes, sweet. I wanted to write a thing for the darkness. I want to write a new monkeys.

I want to write a new monk. Yeah, alright. Yeah, okay. Well if they're listening or their radio show, a record company listening or their manager, big fan of the dark, it's my favourite. thanks, my favourite band at the moment, let's do a pilot, them and the monkeys, running around, speed it up, they can have their songs and it, they can write songs and they can write songs, they can act, they just act them themselves running around. We're getting people, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, that, that, that, that, that, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't they''. Don't, don't'''''''n't'. No, don't'n't'. No, don't make, don't'. No, don't make, don't, don't to come in and sort of be the actors and you know all those posh actors that appear in Ali G and that. It seems like a lot of hard work. Yeah? Okay, for the night.

Yeah, let's play Radiohead. Radiohead. Yeah, let's think of some nice stuff then. Radiohead and let's think of some nice stuff then. Annoyed I was yesterday. Go on. I just got off the train and guy comes up to me and he says, excuse me, can you spare some change? I'm from Liverpool and I'm homeless. And I was so angry. I really, it was in a bad mood anywhere and I just wanted to say to him, well there's your mistake. Go back to Liverpool. That's why you're homeless, you're in London.

Well, he might be homeless in Liverpool and thought, why would you come down here? Well, where would you rather be homeless? Well, they homeless? Well, I'm homeless. Well, I'm homeless? Why is that supposed to be a persuading factor? Just annoyed me, I thought there's enough problems here already. He's going for a double sympathy vote, and I'm a Libera here. He could have just said, I'm from Liverpool, I'd have given him from James.

Guys who was from Manchester once, I gave him a Saturday in my sandwich. Yeah. There's a thing the th th th th, right, right, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I'm, I'm, I'm, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I's, I'm, I'm, I'm a.. It's. It's. It's a. It's. It's. It's a. It's. It's. It's a. It's. It's. It's a. It's. It's a double, I'm, and, and, out of London, you won't know about it, but it's about Oxford Street, right? And, um... About all the thieving? It's like thieving. You know, drug problems on the streets and that. You know, what gets on people's nerves, those people with the boards, you know, golf sale and all that. And, this bit, thii's a that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, the, the, their, about, about, about, about, about, about, about, about, about, about, about, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is a they.. And, is a thi. And, is a thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, theat, th. And, theat, theat, theat, theat, theat, theat, they. And, they. And, they. And on the homeless problem, right? And he said, you know, this fellow looks off the homeless, he goes up to him, says, how are you doing?

Are you hungry? You need food and that? You said, you know, a lot of people worry about the homeless, but we do try and look after them. And the Salvation Army were there, and they said, and this is where they can come if the shoes are worn out. And he said, oh, can we have a look at that? So they go in this little room where all the clothes are. And they go, and there's like a load of jumpers for them in the winter in the cold. And the camera sort of pans across. A load of ties. Right.

For the tie for the round the neck, like to look smart. No, they use them as belts. I see the lot. Or as a lead for their dog. Yeah. Yeah. What you're talking about ties? That's what they did. So there's the room with all the stuff in it. For the homeless, jumpers, jumpers, jumpers, a load of ties, nobody want to want. Some evening dress and they got a formal pubes. Now where's the comer buns? I'm thinking of being homeless outside the Royal Albert Hall tonight. That's where the real pickings are.

I'm breaking in the back door with a Savoy the season. Oh dear. Another charity thing that I was reading about their tra' thaa' tha' thaers? Because I've seen a lot of tramps with new trainers and I think there must be like a, like a crib of a soup kitchen where they get shoes because that's, it must be, yeah. Otherwise that's weird, isn't it? You get a nice new pair of Nike. Yeah, don't waste it on clothes. Get some, yeah, special brew, that's the best value. Go on. You want some smet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Go on.

If you got a lot of worries, you go on the street. A little start about two of five. Take your mind off it. Yeah. But that's weird you say that because, you know, I trained is the most important thing because like, you know all the problems in problems, a problems, a problems, a problems, a problems, a problems, a problems, a problems, a problems, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a problem, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a problem, a lot tho, a lot tho, a lot tho, a lot thro, a lot of problem, a lot of problem is thro, a lot of problem is thro, a lot of problems is day they're asking for people to send their spectacles. Would you be happy if you were over there and like you're hungry on that? And then they say there's to be for a reason. Just say they've got bad eyes on that? Yeah, I don't think they're going around. It's not like when you see those things on live aid and there's people dying where they're putting specs on them. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're not they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they're they're they're they're they're they see those things on live aid and there's people dying when they're

putting specs on them. No, I think that's where it is. No, it's not, Carl. They sought out food and medication before they put a little pair of specks on the lad. That isn't how it came across any ad the adve. I thinks they probably walk in hand in hand in hand in ha, their their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. They's, thi. They's, thi. They's, thi. They's. They's, thi. They're not. No. No. No. tho. tho. tho. thoooo. thooooooo. the. theats. They's, tho. They're, their, their, their, their. also you know walking alongside guys with the specs and they handing them out as well. What if they got to look at? They don't own anything. They'll realize how bad everything is. God, it's rubbish here, isn't it?

What? I tell you, I try and help out the world. I've joined a little charity thing, I pay me five pounds a month. Yeah. But sometimes you think, what can we do? You know what can we do? Okay, what can we do? We can't do anything. Okay. I think...

By the record. We were talking about the debt. I was reading up on the amount of debt that South Africa and that and it's just like, that's without any shops. Do you know what I mean? If they had shops to spend the money on, they'd be, they'd be murder. That's their world debt isn't because they bought too many smeg frid fridges from us. It's shopping. Look, he's been shopping. I have. Oh, well you've gone over the top, you're on a budget now. You get nothing but grain and blankets for the next year. Because you go mental. Who's, who's???? they they they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've they've the billion? I they've the billion? They've the billion? They've the billion? They've the billion? They've the billion? They've the billion? They've the big? They've the big? They're their their dead their dead their dead their dead their dead their dead their dead their dead their dead their dead their dead their dead their their their their their their their their their their their their their their they're they're they're they're they're they're they're just, they're just just just just just just just just just just just they're just just just they're just they're just their their their their th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're th. They're their their dead their dead their dead theirtop, you're on a budget now, you get nothing but grain and blankets for the next year. Because you go mental.

Who's just spending a billion quid in Dixon? Oh God. Withcoming single from The Thrills, that's called Santa Cruz. Rx FM1 and 4.9. We were just talking about people who do good work, you know, wandering up and then Oxford Street, giving stuff to the homeless and thing. And I was it a little, they have a little kind of music festival back in my hometown of Bristol, periodically in the summer. They can never really attract any decent acts, but you know, we were tricky. No, no, no, no. I think this year it was Robert Plant who sang lots of old blues covers, and people were

quite bored until he played a whole lot of love at the end and then we sort of went, really. You should have all the old Led Zeppelin, stop playing all this other nonsense were not interested in. So I always said to snuck off into the woods for you know a whaaz because I'm quite rock and roll like that and I was passing and these are a group of people and I've always thought they never get enough praise, enough credit and I genuinely, and I mean this would they entirely sincerely I really do. I don't mean to be, I'm not taking the nick at all. But the St. John's ambulance people they're look like nerds and they all look like kind of normally kind of fat women or kind of or kind of I think you're doing very well for their their new recruitment campaign well I was gonna say no I think you're selling it to people this is my point Rick is that they've not changed the uniforms in

like 40 years and it is normally normally the nerds from your school who went into it or whatever it's kind of old people I saw they they're the their their their their their their their they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they they're they're they're not they they're not they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're area. No one was, you know, they were just sat around, they were bored, they weren't really enjoying the music. And I thought, look at that, now not that fat could have, I thought, I want, I thought you know, I thought, I thought, like 30. And even then it gets to loosen clothes. And even then it's good because he's giving most time I'm still going to get anything. And I'll tell you this, all these trendy young girls walking around in their kind of cool summer gear in their trendy tie die and they're like, I'll tell you, when one of them, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th, th, th, th, th, he's, he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's, because he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's th. He's never thin, because he's never he's th. He's he's tho, because he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's with dreads, right? And then they're desperate for him and they zip in there, oh quick, quick my friends, you know, passing out, she's had something, she's on a funny turn, and he's straight there with his water and his medication. Oh yeah, they need him then, but he didn't get any action the rest of the time. the, the time, the try and the time of day you never really good praise about them and they're there sat there hot or cold tell me the truth now did you join the St John's ambulance last week to get some birds no action really I've been passing some dodgy easement

by the way your dreads are awful you can see they're fake they're made that newscoping they're awful you really do look good in yet but seriously I'm all joking aside I genuinely wanted to give to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their thon. the. the. the. the. the. thean. thean. thean. thean. the. the. the. the. the. the.'m all joking aside, I genuinely wanted to give some massive props. If I could give some big ups to the St. John's people, because I genuinely, without any joke, and I genuinely think they do a brilliant joke. Could I just say how good I think the Salvation Army are? Because you see those elderly ladies with surgical supports a lot of them, all look like the forehard. Well, that's that that thia thia thia, thia, thia, thia, thia, thia, thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuble, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu. thu. thu. thu. thu. I'm, thu, thu. I'm, thu, thu, thu, thu. thu, thu, thuuuptuptuptuptuuptuptuuuuu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thuuuu. I thuu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. I thu. If thu. If I'm thu. If I'm to to tooooooooooooooooooops, toooooooops, toooooops, toooops, thu. get into that drama. And they play that bloody tambourine rain or shine. And they are just, all they're trying to do is, you know, save you from burning in hell.

And they don't get any respect. Have the salvage, do they, like, would they have to get called off? Yeah, they'd be, if we'd be, if all the Gurkers first, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, the, all, all, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is.. the, the, the, the, is. the, is. the, the, is. they. they. they. they. they. they. they're, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all. they. they Gurkhas first, then all the regulars, then the TAs. I think then it's sort of like police, lifeguards, down to I think AA and then it's the Salvation Army. We said in the Salvation Army, obviously if you know really I've lost a lot of casualties, you know, and they're the last to go. But they are all highly tra on they all these old women they can kill him out yeah yeah yeah so good good to them good to the John's armaments good to the Salvation Army you know pick up but I think we should just you know if I might introduce a new feature every week let's just give some props let's just give some massive respect yeah who doesn't get enough respect yeah to who a blinding job? Mother Teresa, she's...

She's gone though, she's calling. She won't be listening anyway. Who's the best person that is? Who's the best person that I mean is. I'll tell you what, we're going to take it, but I'm going to call either Carol Vorderman or Esther Anson and say it was the best one you've ever met that you know did some of it. Yeah. All right? And we'll get heap praise upon them next week.

Yeah, great. What? I just don't like, you know. They know they're doing a good job. Right. If I did that job, I want to pat on the back. You wouldn't need a pet on the back. You know, it's like Carol Voderman, I like her, she's alright, she does a good job. But now that better homes, they only tend to turn up at people who have had problems. Do you know what I mean?

Right. Well, you can have a new kitchen. Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean? No, it used to start off and it's like... I haven't seen better news it doesn't mean you're not worth a new kitchen. Did you say... Did you say that I'm bald, I'm from Manchester.

What do you mean that what they say, someone says that a bad year is mum died, he lost his leg and all he's ever wanted is a che-sh-shshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshed, what what what what what what what they, what they's they's they's they's they's they's a they's a they's a they's a they's a lost his leg, and all he's ever wanted is a Chez Long and a hostess trolley. And the annoying thing is, right, they might not be the ones who write in, it might be a neighbour, but they also get something sorted out for them. So even though the neighbours had a better news, they go, cash in on this one, I'll send a letter into old Carol, tell her that you know, mom's passed away. I'll get a new conservatory sorted. Sure. And sometimes a neighbor gets a better deal than the person who's had a bit of bad news, gets

like a new little kitchen, whatever. Neighbor next door, let it go, Carl. New decking in the garden. You had a new kitchen in the bathroom these things. They had trouble with the grouting, conservative, cons cons cons cons cons cons cons cons cons cons cons cons cons, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, let, the the the the the their, let, let, let, let, let, let, let me, let me, let me, let me, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the the the th. And, the the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their their tho. And, that, their thoooomoomorrow, that, their their their that, their, their, their, that, that, that, No. Yeah, the kitchen sort of bathroom these things. They had trouble with the grouting, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, I don't want to go. Oh, no, we have got to, look, play a record, we've got to do the results. And then we've got to do monkey news. Could we quickly do the results? Well, you say we've got Eddie and the Hot Rods do anything you want to do, that's uplifting, isn't it? Oh, the drumming.

Brilliant. Takes me back all the way back to 1978 on XFN 104. What were you doing? What were you doing? What were you doing? I was actually probably dancing around miming the drums to that in my bedroom. In fact, I remember I think I had that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that one that was had that one that was had had drums to that in the bedroom. In fact, I remember, were you nude? Were you nude? I remember a thing, I had that one on a single, but I'd got it from an old jute box so it didn't

have a middle. Right, I think they're called Dinked, right? And so I had to line up really carefully and sometimes by the end it would just slightly no out where the record record was just the record the record the record the record was just the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record the record was just the record the record their their their their their their to to to their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their their their their their their their their there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What lovely inside you're right, ask me what I was doing 25 years ago. Carl, quick, the results then monkey news. I need some monkey news, but I need the results first. I play it again and give the answers. Here we go.

Songs are the songs. Songs are the phrase? Mainly artists. I know you're just 16. But you're the human crying. Ewan Cry. That's... What's that? Is that? Hang on. It's not awful. Well, that's Philip Bailey again.

That's too little. Right, it was... That was Rockset, the look. Yeah. Right, we had, uh, Ewan Cry started it off. Yeah. Uh, the 16.

That was D. Deen. That was Dean Martin because Jane, Jane, his addiction, yeah. Because Chacaz, yeah, Chinese, Philip Bailey. That's second out in his ad. Last one we used him for Chinese with those as Harry Chinese kid. He's never got so many royalties being used in a racist game shows. Brilliant. Then rock set and finishing with George Michael. Oh, I don't know.

Brilliant. Who's the winner? Well, the winner, actually, it looks to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it looks to me, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, he. to me, he. to me, he. the the the, it, it, it, the, it's, the, the, the the winner? Well, the winner, actually, it looks to me like he's got all of them here. From Bogner, Regis. It's Stuart Birch. Well done, Stuart, and you get that bag, bat. Bogna Regis? Oh, just need to address, tasks. Yeah, just email in your address, monkey related news from Carl Pilkington.

Right, er, do you know the monkey that went into space? Yeah. Yep. It happened in 1958, right? Now you know that? Yeah. What did he do next? What did he do next? One appearance on Celebrity Square and it was like forgotten. Right. Yeah, it's just like Rick Waller. I'll tell you what happened. He got back and all that.

He got about Heroes Welcome? NASA sort of said you know he did a good job. And that's where a lot of people think, you know it all ended. Sure. But NASA were like, well hang on a minute. He's trained him up and stuff. So he's like, you know, he's saying, you, you, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, you know, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's saying, he's he's saying, he's he. He's he, he's he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he. He. He. He, he's he. He's he. He's he. He's he's he's he's he's he's th. He's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he. He's he. He, he's he. He, were like well hang on a minute he's trained him up and stuff so he's like you know he's saying sure sure sure you know I've learned a lot I've still got it all I've kept it all I know what to do so they said right well you use you so he so he turn smoke fags? I'll have a go. So it was, they were getting in new monkeys, you know, the main man at NASA was saying, can you teach you is the same as going, of course I can. Do you know what I mean? I remember it all.

I know what's going on, I'll tell them what button to press, what to do in emergencies, that sort of the army. Right, can I just fit in here? I don't know the story, Carl. And I might embarrass myself here. You've got an army of people out there that would probably send me an equally deranged email from a different website. But I'm pretty sure, when they sent the monkey into space, it was to monitor his physiology. He didn't press any buttons or learn to dock or take off. It was just the effects of weightlessness and space on, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, to, um, the, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they. the, they. the, the, they. they. So, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, toe, toe, they.e, the, the, the, the, the to dock or take off. It was just the effects of weightlessness and space on basically a primate. I'm pretty sure he was tied in with electrodes to his head. So, well, yeah, I'm pretty sure. But even if that were the case, and he had learned to press one or two very basic buttons.

Definitely not. But even if it were the case, I'm pretty certain they wouldn't have brought him back to to to to to to to to to bring to bring to bring him to bring him to bring him to bring him to bring him to bring him to bring him the to bring him to bring him to him to him the to make to make the to make the the effect to make the effect the effect the effect of weight their the effect of weight to make to make to make the effect of the effect of the effect of the effect the effect the effect the effect the effect of the effect of the effect of the effect of the effect of the effect of the effect of the effect of the effect the effect their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their wa their wa to make their weight to make to bring to make their weight to make toeouceless to make weight to to their two very basic buttons. Definitely not. But even if it were the case, I'm pretty certain they wouldn't have brought him back to train up Neil Armstrong. Right, definitely. Go on. Him going, Neil, what are you going to say when you come out there? Yeah, yeah, I was thinking of just saying that. I know, I was thinking of a cheese how could I put that? I was just going to say, I'm on the moon, just great to be here. I wish you were here. A lot of things over them, man.

Yeah, go on. Anyway, basically he got back. They sorted him out with a nice pension. He was happy. Because of like the rank that he got a pension. I was at end he died in 1969 who was buried with his wife. He passed away. I'm sure it just goes on to a different website about something different.

You're talking about Buzz Aldrin? Yeah. His page is missing. Oh dear. So, well, that... Well, that, Carl, I'm, if someone could call in. Did they train Lika the dog to sort of like, you know, dock and re-entry. They didn't bother. They didn't even bother. They just sent him up there and they didn't have to bring him back and they just went, yeah, that's brilliant. Well I can do that. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. Wasn't it like that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. They that, th. They, th. They, th. They, th. They, th. They, that, th. They, th. They, th. They, th. th. th. th. th. tha, Carl, tho, tho, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. C. C. C. C. C. C. th. th. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. C. th. C. C. C. tha. C. C. tha. tha. C. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. C. Yeah. Amazing. Really? Yeah. Wasn't it that, Carl? Rubbish, isn't it? It's up right down a bit. But the little monkey, who made a kernel? Hero? Big hero?

What was he in? What was he in? What's, crath was he in? Uh, just hang on it? It was in, um, Jupiter, a tm? It was in, um, Jupiter. that piece of paper. Yeah, I can guarantee there there's there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there there's there there's there's there's there's there's there's there. It's there. It's there. It's there. It's that. It's that. It's. It's. It's that. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's? It's? It's that. It's that. It's, that. It's just, that. It's just, that's just, that's just, that's just, that's just, that's just, that's just, it. It's just, it. It's just. It's? me see that piece of paper. Yeah, I can guarantee there's nothing there about his training other than let's hope he's not sick on the control panel when we shoot him up for 400 G's. Oh dear. I love the fact that you think that this monkey was a high... Do you know what I mean? When you think of these things that are less in the monkey's face, do you th? th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi the. the. thate. thate. thateate. thatatatatatatatatatatatatatat, th. th. th. thatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatatat, that, that, that, that, that, that, th. th. Do that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tha, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. th of these things that are they in the monkey's face, do you think of the planet of the apes?

Like they're sort of talking, sort of chimps and gorillas and they're in tunics on the horseback with snub-nosed rifles. What do you think of? What's the things to do and get some with it. Look, he's pressed the button. What's him press the button? This takes me back. Do you remember 1965 I think it was? We're going to use him to train other tukes. That's it then.

Goodbye. Thanks. Cheers.